Processing Grief: It takes as long as it takes

There’s an empty space in our hearts, Where you once held a place. A hollow ache that brings us to tears, Of the sadness we must face.

We will miss everything about you, Your smile, your laugh, your caring heart. We don’t know how to carry on without you, Maybe celebrating you today, we can find a start.

We will take comfort in your memory, As we reminisce of you, so special, so kind. We love you so much and will do our best, But you will never drift too far from our mind.

We can rest in the assurance of seeing you again, One day we will embrace you again in love. Until then, we know God will keep you, Peaceful and loved in his arms above.

This year the third of March marked the first anniversary when I sat by my mother’s bedside and watched her leave this world. She fought cancer for 17 months. Her fight ended that day. There is a different kind of grief when you lose a parent. For those of you who have experienced this loss, I am sure you will agree that when a loving parent has passed, there is an all-encompassing quiet sorrow.

That sorrow becomes intensified by the hollow truth that one person you’ve always trusted and who was always there for you is now gone. You will never hear the voice of the first person who guided your steps, encouraged you, and you confided in ever again in this life. Even if you were not close to your passing parent, the sense of loss is still hard to describe. An honest glimpse into your own mortality as the torch passes on to the next generation.

The thing about processing grief is no one answer works for everyone. There is no one way to make the sorrow lesson quicker. I now know one thing about grief...it takes as long as it takes. No steps to complete, no magical words or prayers can rush the process. It just takes time. It will get better with the support and prayers from friends and family. But truthfully, losing a parent is hard. I must say that milestones are the toughest, and holidays are not easy either. Still, there is something about those dates that leave a permanent reminder that someone you love has died. Dates that stand out as a day uniquely theirs, like Mother’s Day, the day they were born, and sadly the day they died.

Remembering and honoring my mother is so important to me. I keep in weekly contact with my father, as his loss is much different than mine. He lost the love of his life. Every day is a journey of sorrow for him, missing her presence in his world. I can’t imagine his loss, just like I can’t imagine the loss of a child, which he and my mother also experienced. I came to the astounding realization that wherever you are in your grief. Own it! Take your time to deal with your loss and take the time to reminisce, hurt, cry, and even scream if it helps. Be decisive even when you don’t feel like it, and never give up; your loved one wouldn’t want that for you. Be careful of anyone, although well-meaning, telling you it’s time for you to move on or to get past it. It takes as long as it takes, and you need to take just as long as you need. Don’t allow insensitive family and friends to dictate how you process your grief. I know my grief for my mother will get better with time.

My advice, find solace in whatever your belief system may be. If you need a friend, find one; if you need therapy, call one; and if you need a grief group, there are plenty around. Just remember to take care of yourself. Remember the beautiful memories you created with that person. Whoever they are to you, your mother, father, spouse, child, sibling, dear family member, or friend. Mourn them, remember them, honor them, and cherish their memory by loving yourself.

Finally, be gentle with yourself; grief takes as long as it takes.

Be kind to yourself and others.

The 2022 California Preliminary Crush Report for winegrapes was 3,620,595 tons, down 6.7 percent from the 2021 crop. Cabernet Sauvignon surpassed Chardonnay as the largest variety with the percentage of the total tons crushed at 15.4 percent. Chardonnay was second with a percentage of 14.4 percent. The 2022 average price per ton was up 5.7 percent from 2021. It was a crazy year with some really long and hot periods of weather taking a toll on the production. As stated before, this year is starting off great with the ground saturated and flushed of toxins like salt which built up from irrigations, fertilization, and herbicides during the drought giving the roots a clean palette to expand. Growers will be able to carefully monitor what they put back into the soil to build up fertility. Let’s hope for a perfect growing season for once.

The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) just released a report on February 6, 2023, which you can look up for more detailed information about the “Changes in Alcohol Consumption and the Risk of Dementia in a Nationwide Cohort in South Korea.” The question was: “Is a change in alcohol consumption associated with the

When Her Ark Landed After 22 Days

incidence of dementia?” The findings were great, at least for this 80-year-old drinker of two glasses of red wine (Old Vine Zin from Lodi or Paso Robles or interesting red blends for the most part).” Adults aged 40 years and older underwent two health examinations in 2009 and 2011. The cohort was assessed until December 31, 2018, and statistical analysis was performed in December 2021. In the cohort of a dozen South Korean doctors did an intensive study of 3,933,382 individuals in South Korea, maintaining mild to moderate alcohol consumption was associated with a decreased risk of dementia compared with sustained nondrinking, whereas sustained heavy drinking was associated with an increased risk of dementia. Reduction of drinking from a heavy to a moderate level and initiation of mild drinking were associated with a decreased risk of dementia compared with a sustained level of drinking. The number of standard drinks was converted to measurements of pure alcohol in grams depending on types of alcohol. These findings suggest that the threshold of alcohol consumption for dementia risk is low.”

It was interesting that those who quit drinking at all stages of alcohol consumption at the 2011 screening and sustained quitting were at a higher risk of all-cause dementia, vascular dementia (VaD), and Alzheimer’s (AD). I guess going “Cold Turkey” doesn’t cut it. More than 57 million people live with dementia worldwide, and this number is expected to increase to more than 152 million, three times more in only the next three decades. Alcohol consumption is generally considered a potentially modifiable risk factor for dementia, including the initiation of mild alcohol consumption. Again, look up the Jama article for a more detailed look at the findings.

A little energy news: A study by the Anderson Economic Group states fuel costs of electric vehicles overtook gas-powered cars for the first time in eighteen months. “In Q4 2022, the typical mid-priced ICE (Internal Combustion Engine) car drivers paid about $11.29 to fuel their vehicles for 100 miles of driving. That cost was around $0.31 cheaper than the amount paid by mid-priced EV drivers charging mostly at home, and over $3 less than the cost borne by comparable EV drivers charging commercially.” The fuel cost is based on real-world driving conditions, including the cost of the underlying energy, state taxes charged for road maintenance, the cost of operating a pump or charger, and the cost to drive to the fueling station. That is not counting time spent waiting for the charge versus a quick stop at a gas fueling station. Wasn’t that interesting the other day in the news, that it took 6,000 gallons of water to put out a Tesla battery on fire? Imagine that time bomb going off in your garage.

Allysia Finley in the WSJ reports “The Climate Crusaders Are Coming for Electric Cars Too,” a new report from U.C. Davis and a “network of academics and policy experts” — doesn’t that sound scary? The report makes it clear that the ultimate goal is: tiny, uncomfortable apartments and smaller houses and yards, fewer cars, bicycles for all, and a much smaller standard of living.

Problem 1: Their reasonable position is, EV vehicle batteries require a lot of rare earth minerals that must come from the ground just like fossil fuels. These are found mostly in undeveloped countries causing environmental and social damage and many times irreversibly damaging landscapes without the will of the local inhabitants, plus the use of child and slave labor. Something I have been reporting on, ad nauseam, since last summer.

Problem 2. Also, they are reasonably concerned that mining requires lots of energy (fossil fuels for the most part) and water, plus the process of refining these elements needs even more energy which accounts for 4 to 7 percent of global greenhouse-gas emissions. Bigger SUVs and pickups, EVs of choice, mean bigger batteries and more rare earth minerals that add to the destruction of tropical forests that help suck up CO2 out of the air and store the carbon in the ground. Also, Ditto.

Problem 3. “Producing EVs and building and maintaining roads, highways, and parking lots are energy and emissions-intensive processes with high levels of embodied carbon.” The report concludes with EVs are likely incompatible with climate activists’ goals to keep the planet from warming more than 1.5 Celsius compared with preindustrial times. Here is where they lost me. The report recommends government policies that promote walking, cycling, and mass transit. Also, reduce financial subsidies for private vehicles, less funding for on-the-street and other free parking, impose charges on pickup trucks and SUVs including electric ones, and build more bicycle lanes such as downtown San Luis Obispo has done by reducing three lanes on Higuera and Marsh to two lanes, which are often one-lane when service trucks need to block a lane to unload. It would nice, I suppose if someone would use the bicycle lanes. I did see a Cal Poly student (wearing a CP shirt) on Marsh the other day going “hell-bent for leather” southbound on northbound one-way Marsh, but he was on the sidewalk.

Of course, The Natural Resources Defense Council is on board saying the government needs to “reduce long-term dependency on single-passenger vehicles” — how does that work in rural California, “flyover country,” and the wide open spaces of Texas and similar states, and for God Sakes us farmers and our farm workers just to getting to work? The Inflation Reduction Act included billions of dollars to promote bicycling and so-called livable neighborhoods meaning living in shoebox apartments in cities, preferably close to mass transit facilities, and making suburbs denser and less appealing like infilling private home properties with buildings as pushed here in this county. If all you can buy soon are EVs, even with subsidies and with the cost of the scarcity of battery parts going up, you will not be able to afford an electric vehicle, so get used to mass transit and pull out of storage that old 10-speed bike.

MARCH Calendar of Events

MAR 5: SUN WINTER WELLNESS SERIES | PILATES/ KAYAK TO THE LIGHTHOUSE

PT. SAN LUIS

10am-1:30pm

Paddle a kayak out to the amazing Point San Luis Lighthouse for a one of a kind Pilates session led by Vanessa Dominguez of Tabula Rasa Pilates!More Info my805tix.com/e/pilates-kayak/tickets

MAR 19: SUN

WINTER WELLNESS SERIES | PILATES/ KAYAK TO THE LIGHTHOUSE

PT. SAN LUIS

10am-1:30pm

Paddle a kayak out to the amazing Point San Luis Lighthouse for a one of a kind Pilates session led by Vanessa Dominguez of Tabula Rasa Pilates!

More Info my805tix.com/e/pilates-kayak/tickets

MAR 17: FRI ST. PATRICK’S DAY

MAR 27-31

SPRING BREAK SEA EXPLORER CAMP CENTRAL COAST AQUARIUM 9am-3pm

Join the Central Coast Aquarium for a fun filled week of hands-on marine science experiments, dissections, crafts, and games! Each day campers will learn about the marine life and ecosystems that make up the world’s oceans. Ages: 6 – 10 To register or for more information contact Jaclyn Mann at jaclyn@centralcoastaquarium.org or (805) 457-5357