Lexington, KY College Parent Magazine

INDEPENDENT LIFE SKILLS • MONEY LESSONS • CHOOSING A MAJOR

Finish the Year Together MAKE THE MOST OF SUMMER OPPORTUNITIES

PREPARING FOR COLLEGE TIPS FOR INCOMING FRESHMEN

SPRING 2020 | LEXINGTON

Welcome to College Parent Magazine As the magazine goes to press, colleges and universities around the country are canceling in-person classes for the rest of spring term because of coronavirus.

During this challenging time, we hope CollegiateParent can be an extra source of information and support for you.

My own home was a bit chaotic already, with one daughter nearly halfway through her college years and the younger one a high school senior in the midst of making the big decision about which college to attend. Big changes for our family seem to be around every corner.

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Words of Encouragement During Finals

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We hope you find lots to interest you in the spring issue of the magazine even though as it turns out the end of the academic year will unfold quite differently than any of us could have predicted. Find more resources on CollegiateParent.com, including information specifically about the impact of COVID-19 on higher education and our personal lives. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter, the Loop, and connect with us on Facebook, too.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

Happy spring, and stay well!

26 Rebecca Maytubby, Publisher

CollegiateParent.com

Facebook.com/CollegiateParent

Twitter.com/ParentInsiders

Summer Money Lessons

4

Insider Tips for Parents of High School Seniors

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FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD How to Help Your Student Through the End of the Term

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Words of Encouragement During Finals

8

Spring Planning for a Fall Head Start

9

Surviving and Thriving Over the First Summer Break

10

An Unexpected Summer Gift

12

Help Your Student Make the Most of a Summer Job or Internship

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ARE THEIR ACADEMICS ON TRACK? The Importance of a Four-Year Plan

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Cultivating a Growth Mindset

18

Choosing a Major — 6 Tips for Guiding Your Student

20

When Your Student Needs a Break from College

22

FINANCIAL FITNESS Planning for Next Year’s College Expenses

25

Summer Money Lessons

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Borrowing for College — Advice About Loans for Students and Parents

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MOVING OFF CAMPUS Independent Life Skills Your Student Needs Now

31

Tips for Being a Good Tenant and Neighbor

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Safety Checklist for Students Living Off Campus

32

Staying Connected to the Campus Community

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EPILOGUE This Is Where the Time Went

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CONTENTS

Meet Our Writers

Meet Our

Writers AMY BALDWIN is the Director of

Student Transitions at the University of Central Arkansas and co-author of The College Experience and A High School Parent’s Guide to College Success: 12 Essentials. Amy and her husband are parents of a college junior and a high school senior.

CAMBRIA PILGER is a junior at

ELIZABETH SPENCER and her

a wife, mother of three mostly grown sons, blogger (Thoughts from Aisle Four) and essay coach. A founding contributor at CollegiateParent, her work has also been featured on Huffington Post, Grown & Flown, Parent & Co., the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, MockMom and Beyond Your Blog.

Whitworth University, majoring in journalism and minoring in Spanish and business. She is a resident assistant and freelance writer.

Cambria is passionate about singing, acting, exploring new places and learning new skills.

To her, the guidelines to living a good life are optimism, authenticity and flexibility. She never wants to stop learning or getting to know people!

VICKI NELSON has nearly four

SUZANNE SHAFFER counsels

husband have two daughters (one teen and one young adult) who regularly dispense love, affection and brutally honest fashion advice. Elizabeth writes about faith, food and family (with some occasional funny thrown in) at Guilty Chocoholic Mama and on Facebook and Twitter. She is grateful to contribute to several other sites, including Your Teen For Parents, Grown & Flown and Her View From Home.

decades’ experience in higher education as a professor, academic advisor and administrator. Her website, College Parent Central, is a source of bountiful information and support for the families of college students. Her grown daughters live nearby so she gets to spend lots of time with her grandchildren.

students and families through her blog, Parenting for College. Her advice has been highlighted on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance and U.S. News College, and she’s written for Smart College Visit, College Focus, Noodle Education, Road2College and TeenLife. But her favorite occupation is being a grandmother!

MARLENE KERN FISCHER is

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KIMBERLY YAVORSKI is a mom of four who writes frequently on the topics of parenting, education, social issues, travel and the outdoors. Her work has been published in Your Teen, Grown & Flown, Her View From Home, Reader’s Digest and more.

Insider Tips for Parents of High School Seniors

Most of this magazine speaks to the experiences of college families, but we don’t want to forget high school students and their parents preparing for the excitement of graduation and then the move to college in the fall! These checklists will help you support a fun but productive summer and successful transition to the first year of college.

Help Your Student Prepare for College Success College is more than Grade 13. Discuss your academic expectations. What are some study habits your student currently exercises that might impede or foster success?

Do your best to resist the temptation to be the fixer. Let your student take the lead in figuring out how to solve their problems. Discuss the role of failure in learning life’s lessons.

Looking ahead to summer, talk about how some of the family’s rules and routines — from chores to curfews — may adjust as you allow them more freedom in exchange for taking on more responsibilities in the household.

Most colleges require first-year students to live on campus.

Check in with your student about the timeline for applying for housing, requesting a roommate, etc.

Help Your Student Prepare for Independent Living If your student hasn’t already, suggest they start doing more things on their own (handle all to-do items for the college they’ll attend next year, make their own appointments, do laundry, etc.). They can use a calendar or planner to stay organized and track their activities.

Discuss measures your student can take to stay safe and protect their possessions. The college will share information about this during orientation and at move-in. A smartphone personal safety app is a great idea.

Does your student have healthy eating and sleeping habits?

What do they do to minimize stress? Encourage them to develop good habits in these critical areas before going away to college.

Help Your Student Prepare to Make the Most of New Opportunities Has your student thought about summer jobs or volunteer work that will help them settle on a major? They may want to combine a part-time internship/volunteer commitment with something more “summery.”

Encourage your student to research clubs and student organizations at the college. A sense of belonging is a key ingredient to student success!

Will your student work while attending college? How many hours a week? They can look on the school website to see what kinds of on-campus positions are available.

Help them memorize their social security number (they need to know this to apply for jobs).

Help Your Student Learn to Manage Their Own Money Has your student researched and applied for outside scholarships to supplement any financial aid from the college?

They need to create a budget for the upcoming school year.

Discuss what expenses you’ll cover and what you expect them to pay for. They should think through how much money they need to save for all the items that fall in their column (this amount may be their goal for earnings from a summer job).

Help them open a checking account if they don’t have one.

(Even if they won’t be writing actual checks, they need a checking account to have an ATM card.) Consider one where you have joint access so you can easily transfer funds and have visibility to their spending.

Does your student know the details of the family mobile phone/ data plan and associated costs of all their devices?

Residence hall rooms have limited space — suggest your student start making a list of essential things to take to school (and what it’s okay to leave at home).

www.CollegiateParent.com | 5

FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD

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How to Help Your Student Through the End of the Term

Advice from a Current Student

After midterms (which were tough enough) it can feel as if the intensity of assignments and final exams only gets worse. I find it really easy to become overwhelmed as group projects and long essays pile up. I look back at my syllabi and just want to cry — something I imagine your student can relate to.

The key to finishing the term strong is facing the classes and assignments in small increments, planning well and focusing on the future. Here are my top tips and tricks for helping your student power through the rest of the school year.

1

Consider assignments one by one.

Your student may have 15 things to complete by the end of the term! Facing the list of tasks all at once is a surefire recipe for stress. They don’t have to finish everything RIGHT NOW; they have time. Encourage them to make a list of the assignments but accomplish them one at a time. They can create milestones for big projects and due dates for smaller assignments.

2

Big assignments deserve a reward.

What motivates me the most to get work done is rewarding myself after each task. If the task is small, the satisfaction of crossing it off my to-do list will suffice.

For bigger assignments like a paper or studying for a final, I have a plan in my head before I start for what I’ll do when I finish.

When the weather’s nice, I like to go on a ride on my longboard. Otherwise, I might arrange to go out for coffee or lunch with a friend.

Rewarding myself at the end of a task energizes me to keep working. Plus, the break is good for my mental and physical health. (More on that below!)

3

Help them find the perfect place.

Your student will be most efficient and successful with their class prep and studying when they’re in a comfortable space where it’s easy to focus. For some, an isolated, quiet location (the library, their dorm room or a study room) is where they’ll be most productive. For others, a public place where other people are working or music is playing is the best.

Timing is also important. Everyone has a personal rhythm and certain times during the day when they’re most productive. You can help your student understand whether that’s in the morning, midday or at night, and encourage them to do the majority of their work at that time — even if it means rescheduling other things that are important to them, like socializing or eating with friends.

4

Study breaks are essential.

Depending on my mood and the time of day, I might go to one place for multiple hours or change locations every few assignments (or when I feel like I need a stretch). A change of location is really helpful. Not only does it allow me to take a break from my work, but it gets my blood flowing and wakes me up.

If your student prefers to stay in one spot for a long time, encourage them to take a stretch break every half hour or each time they finish something on their checklist. Regular, short study breaks, even during the crush of finals, will boost their energy and make them more productive.

By Cambria Pilger

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Go to tutoring, office hours and study sessions.

Whether your student feels totally confident in a class or is drowning in confusion, each of these opportunities are put in place to help them. Professors and TAs often schedule review sessions the night or a few nights before an exam. During these, the instructor will give practice problems and review the kind of information that will be on the exam.

These sessions are very beneficial because they give your student a better idea of what to expect and provide review of the material.

Study sessions actually save time, because your student won’t need to study as much on their own and they’ll be more efficient about choosing what to study.

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Remind your student about the big picture.

When I’m overwhelmed, it’s easy to lose sight of what the work is all about.

Sometimes I need to step back and remind myself why I’m writing a chapter review that feels identical to the 20 I’ve written already this semester. I do it to learn, to keep my brain active and to develop skills for my future.

That’s why I’m at college after all.

Encourage your student to do the same as they head towards final exams. They may be deciding which classes to take next term. If so, ask them which ones will be most beneficial and enjoyable. Make sure they know that not every assignment will be exciting — they may have to trudge through dozens of scholarly journals or confusing concepts — but every assignment has something valuable to impart.

The end-of-term workload isn’t an impossible mountain to climb, even though it can feel that way. The most important role you can play is supporting and encouraging your student to keep putting their best foot forward and power through. Remind them to take care of their physical and mental health, and to give themselves small rewards along the way. In just a few more weeks they’ll get the big reward — summer break!

www.CollegiateParent.com | 7

Words of

Encouragement During Finals As students prepare for exams, they may be too busy to talk much. If you do manage to get them on the phone, what can you say beyond “good luck”? Spend a minute or two thinking about how proud you are of them, and how you treasure them not for their accomplishments but for who they are as people.*

In these last weeks and days of the academic year, take every opportunity — during phone calls, in a text, or in one last letter or card — to remind your student that they are: ·

Authentic, thoughtful, caring

·

Grounded, gracious, funny

·

Kind-hearted, curious, generous

·

Appreciative, approachable, bright

·

Diligent, patient, positive

·

Courageous, compassionate, strong

“My parents instilled in me to never give up and to strive to be the best I can be at whatever I tackle. They would say I was the most determined individual they knew and that they were so proud of me. If I ever failed or was disappointed in myself, they expressed confidence that I’d figure out a way to succeed the second time around.”

– Kelsey

“My mom used to tell me a couple of things that would relax me before a big exam. She would say if I tried my best, I should be proud no matter the outcome. She would also remind me that the most important thing was that I learned something, even if the test didn’t go super well.”

– Ben *Inspired by “Personal Qualities Not Measured by Tests or Grades” (www.teachthought.com/learning/can-a-test-measure-this).

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Spring Planning for a Fall Head Start 5

Settle plans for a fall internship before you leave.

By Vicki Nelson

As the end of the term approaches, all thoughts turn to summer. College students can’t wait to be done and get home. Before they pack up and move out, though, there are a few things your student can do to be ready for a running start when they return in the fall.

Here are 8 great conversation starters for this final month.

1

Is your fall course schedule confirmed?

Check to see that you have the appropriate number of credits, courses that will help you progress to your degree, and prerequisites for courses you want to take in future terms.

If you’re not sure what you need, talk to your advisor.

2

Make sure your fall housing arrangements are in place, whether on or off campus.

Find tips for a smooth transition to off-campus life on p. 34.

3

Finish strong in all of your classes!

If there’s a chance you won’t be able to finish something, and you’ve made arrangements for an Incomplete, meet with the instructor to make a plan to submit unfinished work over the summer.

4

Investigate a fall on-campus job.

Even if you can’t pin down the position now, you can get ahead of the September rush by visiting the office or person who will be hiring to make an initial connection.

Is necessary paperwork done? Could you meet with a site supervisor now to have a head start in the fall?

6

Get a jump on textbooks.

Do you know anyone currently taking the courses you’ll take next fall? Ask if they’ll sell their textbooks directly. Everyone wins — you’ll get them for less than you’d pay for used in the bookstore and you can offer more than they might get selling back to the bookstore. Do you know anyone who will be taking a course in the fall that you’re taking now? Are they interested in your books?

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Prepare for fall leadership positions.

Can you meet with the club or organization’s advisor or outgoing officer before you leave to lay some groundwork?

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Address any anticipated changes for the fall.

Will you bring a car for the first time? Are you changing majors? Will you have a new advisor? Take care of some of the details now, or at least get the information that you need. (If there are things that must wait until fall, make a to-do list while it’s all fresh in your mind.)

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Check to see that you have the appropriate number of credits, courses that will help you progress to your degree, and prerequisites for courses you want to take in future terms. www.CollegiateParent.com | 9

Surviving and Thriving Over the First Summer Break

By Kimberly Yavorski

Summer break is here!

Our college students have gotten used to making their own decisions and keeping their own schedule. From September through May, we had no idea where they were at any given moment (and some of us were perfectly happy about that).

This means that, while we may have idyllic images of summer vacations and lazy weekends enjoying family time, we’d be wise to check our expectations. Remember winter break? We’re all adults now, but not yet equals (and it will likely be a few more years before our students acknowledge that we moms and dads just might know what we’re talking about).

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This may be the trickiest stage of parenting.

Our students are legally adults but far from fully grown up. On the one hand, it may feel funny to restrict or discipline them, but on the other, when we are still providing, well, everything, we should have a say in some things.

The best way to approach this is to sit down together (as soon as they’ve unpacked and caught up on sleep) and discuss expectations like adults. Though they may not be thrilled, it’s okay to set a few ground rules.

1

It’s okay to insist they be home at a reasonable hour.

I’ve never established an official curfew with my teens. Instead I ask, “What time do you expect to be home?” If the time sounds reasonable I say, “Great. Have fun. Be safe.” If it’s later than I’d like, I’ll suggest another time and perhaps negotiate.

If frequent late nights become an issue, point out that some people still need to get up at dawn to go to work and that the noise made when they come in (or the fact that you can’t sleep until you know they’re home) disrupts rest.

You can also let them know that, if their plans change and they don’t call or text to update, you worry. My daughter finally grasped this concept after the time her college roommate stayed out all night without giving her a head’s up. She always called me after that.

2

It’s okay to ask where they’re going and when they’ll return.

Keep a family calendar and ask your student to put their work and social schedule on it.

In our house, this is vital to keep track of who needs a car when (like many families, we have more drivers than cars). If you prepare family meals, it’s reasonable to want to know how many will be sitting down to eat them.

In case of an unexpected event or emergency, knowing where they are can help you make snap decisions (for example, who is in closest proximity to the sibling needing a ride when a car breaks down) or alleviate concerns for their safety.

Try to be aware of what they’re doing. It’s possible they made a habit of drinking at parties at school. No matter your personal stance on underage drinking, continuing

this habit over break can pose more danger because they’re more likely to be driving home afterwards. Don’t beat around the bush — talk openly with your student and make sure they understand the danger and where you stand on this issue. Studies show that teen drinking spikes in June and December.*

3

It’s okay to insist they do something productive with their time.

This may be an internship, summer job or volunteer position, or projects around the house. While there should be some time for relaxing, summer shouldn’t be a long Netflix binge.

They may need guidance in job seeking if they come home without plans — where to look, how to fill out an application and prepare for an interview, and how to be ready to take a position that’s not super exciting in order to keep busy and bring in some cash. If they have too much free time, you can make suggestions (the garden needs weeding, the dog wants a walk, a younger sibling needs a ride) and there are always loads of places that need volunteer help. A friend of mine has a house rule: everyone who lives under her roof should end the day with an interesting story to share at the dinner table.

4

It’s okay to expect them to do chores.

Yes, you managed fine without them, but an extra person in the house results in more messes. Even though they’re no longer full-time residents, they’re not houseguests either. Since other family members have chores, they should as well. At the minimum, they should clean and pick up after themselves.

Maybe they “own” a category: yard work, pet care, vaccuuming. They can learn to tune up the family bikes and fix flat tires, or shop for, prep and cook one or two dinners a week.

5

It’s okay to expect them to pay for things.

In college, they managed money just fine; there’s no reason they can’t do the same at home. The rule in our house from the time my kids were in high school is that, on days you’re going to be out, whenever possible pack a lunch. If they choose to buy lunch instead, they pay for it. When going out together, to the movies or for a quick bite, we sometimes let them pay for themselves or even on occasion pick up the tab.

6

It’s okay for them to skip some family events.

Understand that they may not be able (or want) to attend every family get-together.

Pick your battles. Talk to them about which events are important — maybe even nonnegotiable in your eyes. Choose to let the rest go.

After your children have left the nest, their return can be a bit tough — for all of you.

You’re establishing a new relationship: not quite equals, not quite friends, but very different from the parent-child dynamic that still existed when you dropped them off on campus last fall. The space you share feels different somehow. They have changed, and so have you.

Don’t worry; you will find a new rhythm. And with patience, consideration and a whole lot of communication, this new relationship may be the best one of all. *Juergens, Jeffrey. (2016, June 21). The Spike in Teen Alcohol Use During Summer.

Retrieved from www.addictioncenter.com.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 11

An Unexpected Summer Gift

By Marlene Kern Fischer

Spring term is wrapping up, which means your college students will be returning home.

Although of course you’ll be overjoyed to see them, you may be also be feeling a bit apprehensive. I get it. I’ve been where you are.

We conversed as two adults, although paradoxically I felt that I had gotten one more chance to have my boy back before he flew the nest for good.

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A few years ago I had two returning home and, as much as I love my sons, I felt a sense of impending doom when I imagined the return to a full house after the relative tranquility of having only my quiet youngest son around.

I knew my oldest son, who had recently graduated law school, would arrive with the entire contents of his DC apartment, not just a dorm room’s worth like my middle son who'd just finished his sophomore year of college.

I steeled myself for the onslaught. It came just as I’d pictured it. Then a funny thing happened, something I hadn’t anticipated.

I started enjoying their company.

Don’t get me wrong — I still had plenty of complaints. For months, my dining room resembled a self-storage unit. The family grocery bills were astronomical — apparently the boys were spending enough time at the gym to warrant eating four dozen eggs a week, protein shakes by the gallon, oceans of fish, etc.

I literally could not keep up with the quantity of food consumed or laundry generated.

There were middle-of-the-night feedings for my oldest son, beds that were rarely made, dirty dishes in the sink and me constantly tripping over their large shoes (which they left in every room of the house).

But here’s the part that surprised me. After seven years total of college and graduate school, my oldest son was a grown-up.

Perhaps because he had fewer local friends

around or maybe because he had so much studying to do with the impending bar exam, or (and this is my favorite theory) possibly because he was happy to be with me, we spent a lot of quality time together.

Almost every day (after his five eggs for breakfast) he said, “Mom, do you want to get some lunch?” And almost every day I answered “yes.” We sat in town together and chatted and caught up on things, sort of like friends.

We hadn't spent that much time together since he was in nursery school. In the past when he was home, he'd dash in and out to meet friends or go to work and we'd argue about the things mothers and teens tend to argue about. But with his schooling done and a job lined up, there was really nothing left to fight about. We conversed as two adults, although paradoxically I felt that I had gotten one more chance to have my boy back before he flew the nest for good.

have his stuff out of the house; however, I truly missed him. The time we had together that summer, which admittedly I hadn't looked forward to, turned out to be a special gift — one I'll always cherish.

My middle son had a few years more with long stretches at home but it was the end of an era with all of us living under one roof. That wonderful feeling you have when you are all together isn't something I get to experience much these days.

So, if you have mixed feelings about your student(s) returning for summer, know that although there are certain to be difficult moments, there will also be wonderful ones.

And those wonderful moments will be the ones you always remember.

My middle son also surprised me that summer. He had grown up a lot during the school year and was less contentious than he'd been the previous summer. He was a good big brother to my youngest as well as considerate and supportive of my oldest, especially the weekend before the bar exam.

He seemed to understand that the house could only handle so much stress at one time and allowed his older brother to be the one with all the angst for those several days.

All summers come to an end. When August arrived and my oldest moved into his new apartment in Manhattan, I was happy to

www.CollegiateParent.com | 13

Help Your Student

Make the Most of a Summer Job or Internship

By Vicki Nelson

Ah, the lazy hazy days of summer! After studying hard all year, college students are looking forward to beach time, sleeping late, afternoon siestas and long evenings spent with friends.

Summer should certainly include all these things. But for most students today, summer also means finding a job to earn money for college, a volunteer position to satisfy community service goals, or an internship to gain experience. So the “lazy” part? Not so much.

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If your student will work this summer, start the conversation now about how they can be proactive to make every experience a learning opportunity. Whether they’ll intern at a TV studio, law firm or local hospital, or bag groceries, wait tables or scoop ice cream, their approach to their summer job can make all of the difference.

Here are four strategies to consider.

·

Practice professionalism ·

·

·

Set goals. Be clear about what you want from this experience beyond a paycheck. Talk to your supervisor or someone who can help you accomplish your goals.

Practice excellence. Double check every piece of work, proofread and edit every piece of paper. Take time, take care, sweat the details. Nothing is trivial.

Be remembered for always going above and beyond whatever is asked.

Do just a little more than you need to do no matter how large or small the task.

·

Take initiative. Make it a habit to ask “what’s next?” Look for ways to make yourself useful. Recognize opportunities to make things better.

·

Transition from being a student to being a professional. Observe how people dress, interact with others, conduct meetings, communicate through email or on the phone, when they arrive for work or leave at the end of the day.

·

·

·

Learn new skills. If there’s something that you don’t know how to do, learn how to do it. Ask for help if necessary, or learn on your own time so you’ll be ready next time it comes up.

Look for transferable skills. Practice problem solving, being proactive, advocating for what’s needed, functioning independently, collaborating with co-workers. You can use these skills no matter where you are or what you do.

Say yes, within reason. Take advantage of all of the opportunities that may come up.

Cultivate curiosity ·

Develop your curious mind. Don’t understand something? Do some research. Mystified by why something is done in a certain way? Ask about it.

·

Practice asking good questions.

Ask questions that demonstrate that you care, show you’ve done your homework but want to know more, and show you’ve reflected on what you were told earlier.

·

Ask people to share their stories. Get beyond the obvious or superficial.

Talk to your manager, supervisor and colleagues about what they do, why they do it, why they love (or hate) their job, how they got here. Show genuine interest and practice good listening skills.

·

Observe and evaluate your experiences regularly. Consider keeping a “five minute journal.” Add something after each shift or day at work, even if it’s just a sentence or two. What did you see or hear that was interesting? Does anything relate to your major or field of study? Did anything surprise you or spark new ideas or interests? You can use these details if you need to summarize a job or internship in future cover letters, during interviews, or in scholarship or admission essays.

Ask for feedback. Ask what you’re doing well and how you could improve. Thank people for their feedback. And then use the feedback that you receive.

Prepare for the future ·

Make connections and use opportunities to network. Reach out to people. Learn their names. Ask what they do. Ask for their business cards.

You never know who may be the person who can later help you find a job or provide a reference.

·

Build real relationships. Don’t just collect those business cards — find some people you can really get to know, beyond name and title. Enjoy these interpersonal connections. Take part in the workplace community.

·

Build your LinkedIn profile. Connect to people you’re working with this summer, and add the new skills you’re mastering.

·

Look around to get the bigger picture. How do you fit into the overall structure of the company or organization? What do you observe about the workplace culture and business model? How do they handle finances, public relations, marketing, personnel decisions, day-to-day operations? What other opportunities are there?

Take time to reflect ·

Send thank-you notes. If anyone goes out of their way to help you, thank them. At the end of the summer, thank your supervisor, boss or mentor.

Practice gratitude.

·

Ask for a letter of reference at the end of the summer. Asking while you are fresh in someone’s mind will make it easier and more meaningful than contacting them six months or a year later.

·

Think about next steps. What did you learn that can inform how you continue to prepare for a career some day? What should your next summer experience be?

Many students already know and practice some of these skills. But whether your student is spending the summer painting houses or volunteering for a non-profit, practicing professionalism, reflecting on the experience, asking meaningful questions and looking toward the future will make the experience more useful — and more rewarding, too.

If your student will work this summer, start the conversation now about how they can be proactive to make every experience a learning opportunity.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 15

ARE THEIR ACADEMICS ON TRACK? 16 |

The Importance of a Four-Year Plan

By Cambria Pilger

Crafting a four-year plan is an essential part of your student’s first year of college. It will not only set the stage for their academic journey through university but help them visualize it in a more tangible way. It’s important for students to create this kind of plan early on because they’ll have a better understanding when it comes time to register for classes.

What exactly is a four-year plan?

A four-year plan is a schedule that outlines every course required to graduate in each semester (or quarter, trimester, etc.) of one’s four years of college. If your student plans to be in school for more or less than four years, the plan can be changed to accommodate that.

A four-year plan is flexible, customizable and understandable. The main goal is for your student to visualize the years to come and understand what courses or other requirements they need in order to get to graduation.

How do you make one?

When your student decides what majors/ minors they want to pursue, they’ll receive a list of the required courses for their degree.

With that in hand, they can choose a format for their plan. I made a couple different variations of a four-year plan, some digital and some written, until I decided the digital version was most usable. Some universities have their own four-year plan outlines, so suggest that your student check if that exists before they start from scratch.

You can find examples by Googling “college four-year plan template.” A template can be a starting point for your student, but they should change it as needed.

Some schools schedule two or three years in advance which courses will be offered in a given semester. This is ideal for making a plan! However, when I made my first fouryear plan, I didn’t have a course calendar, and it worked just as well. Instead of putting my courses in the exact semester they would be offered, I organized them by difficulty. My first two semesters were full of mostly 100and 200-level courses, and later semesters had more 300- and 400-level ones. I planned interesting classes with less interesting ones so that there would be a balance.

Remember, the point is that your student creates a schedule that reflects their class requirements in an understandable way. It can be as complex, simple, colorful or plain as works for them. Whenever your student reconsiders their major or adds a new class, their four-year plan should reflect it.

With a four-year plan, your student can also easily see where and when they can slot in some fun elective courses in areas outside their major(s).

What if my student is undeclared?

Being undeclared is pretty common during freshman year and into sophomore year, too, so your student is not alone. When I first started at university, I intended to double major in Spanish and business so I made my original four-year plan for the Spanish, business and general education requirements.

That completely changed halfway through the first semester! The beauty of four-year plans is that they can be adjusted as needed.

As I changed my Spanish and business majors to minors, I only needed to delete the classes necessary for majors. I could keep the other courses exactly where they were. Then, it was really easy to add in and organize my new journalism major courses with the others. I compiled the options into one “final draft,” but it is ever changing and growing.

I also created multiple four-year plans to visualize different possible majors. This was helpful because I could see how some courses overlapped and how others just wouldn’t work together. Consider this option if your student is deciding or changing what they want to study.

Is there anyone who can help?

There are tons of online resources for making four-year plans, but the most valuable guidance will come from your student’s academic advisor.

Not only will the advisor help your student organize their plan, but they can also provide information about when courses will be offered, what the workload of certain courses is and share other resources. If your student is considering a new major, they should talk to a professor or advisor in that department to visualize what switching to that degree would look like.

Four-year plans take away a lot of the stress of starting college and registering for classes.

If your student hasn’t made a four-year plan yet, I recommend you set some time aside to help them draft one. It doesn’t hurt to check in each semester to see how the plan is going, too!

www.CollegiateParent.com | 17

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.

Spring is a perfect time for cleaning out closets and throwing out items that no longer serve us. It’s also a good time to check in on what no longer serves our students as they get through another semester.

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One of the areas for college students that often needs a little “spring cleaning” is what researchers call “mindset,” or the way someone views learning and the struggles that can accompany studying something difficult.

As a college professor and parent, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t hear a student (or my own kid!) express concern about the challenges they face. It’s their response to the challenges, or their mindset, that can help them overcome and learn from the challenges they will face throughout life. Some students may need a little help clearing out the cobwebs of doubt about their abilities.

Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford who has spent decades studying what makes some people more successful than others, calls the belief that everyone can improve a skill with hard work and focus “growth mindset.” You may be familiar with growth mindset and its counterpart “fixed mindset,” which is the belief that talent or intelligence is inborn and there’s nothing one can do to improve it.

Consider the following statements: “I’m not good at .” (fill in the blank with the academic subject that’s giving them trouble) “I’ll never get better at

.” (fill in the blank with whatever they’re struggling with)

“This is hard, and I don’t like the course anyway.”

Students who say they are “bad at math,” for example, have a fixed mindset about learning math, which could have a negative impact on their grades.

If your student expresses attitudes or beliefs about their abilities similar to the statements above, then you have an opportunity to help them throw out those statements and replace them with better ones.

“With practice, I can learn how to become better at math.”

“By practicing problem sets and learning from my mistakes, I can learn how to answer questions correctly.”

“What I’m learning in this course will help me in other courses and in my life.”

Cleaning out the fixed mindset statements and replacing them with growth mindset mantras takes time and support.

Here are ways to foster a growth mindset in your student: ·

Listen for statements that reflect a fixed, unchangeable state of mind that accepts mediocrity or failure as inevitable. Examples are, “I can’t learn. I will never get better.”

·

Coach them to rephrase those statements in the process of learning. Suggest that they instead say, “I can learn with more practice. With each practice session, I get better.”

·

Praise the effort and learning, not the outcome. Say, “I can tell you worked really hard this semester and learned a lot.”

·

Expect them to need reminders to reframe their thinking. Remind them of past successes. “Remember how hard you worked to learn physics? You can use the same strategies in this new situation.”

The results are clear: Getting rid of negative self-talk and replacing it with growth mindset statements will set the stage for college success.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 19

Choosing a Major

6 Tips for Guiding Your Student

By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.

Every parent wants their student to find their “calling” and click with a major that will help pave the way to a career. Students want that, too! But the process of declaring a major can be scary as well as exhilarating. “Am I making the right choice?” they wonder anxiously. “Will I be able to find a job after graduation?” And then there is the classic question from well-meaning family and friends. “What are you going to do with that?”

For students whose majors are clear pathways to careers (think nursing, or accounting), the last question can be answered easily. However, for undecided students worried not only about choosing the “right” major but also about how their degree will prepare them for employment someday, the question can increase their self-doubt. And with self-doubt comes even more anxiety.

Luckily, there are stress-reducing ways to support and guide students who are at this juncture.

1

Relax. (Yes, relax.)

No need to make this experience more traumatic than it already is. Remember that it’s normal for the journey from major to career to twist and turn. Make an effort to keep things in perspective and you’ll be able to share this attitude with your student.

2

Have them reflect on their past to figure out their future.

One of the best strategies to use with college students is to encourage them to reflect on what they liked when they were younger, what they did in their spare time for fun, and what activities they participated in and why. Their past holds clues about the kinds of majors that might interest them. For example, someone who counseled their friends through difficult times may find themselves interested in psychology or social work. An athlete might gravitate to sports management…or sports medicine.

3

Encourage them to focus on what they want to learn, not what sounds good.

The best way to erase self-doubt is to find a subject they like and that will help them build transferable skills. Ask what kinds of classes interest them the most and which classes challenge them to think and grow. Their answers should give them an idea of what they want to spend several years studying. A student who says they want to major in business “so my parents will leave me alone” is not a student who will be happy for long with their choice.

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4

Suggest they compare degree plans and course descriptions.

Reading through the college’s course catalog is another way to narrow their choices. (The course catalog and degree requirements can be found on the school’s website.) If your student is choosing between economics and education, for example, suggest they read through the degree requirements (is there an internship requirement? a foreign language requirement?) to see which plan appeals to them more. Have them browse the course descriptions as well. They will spend a lot of time in their major courses and should be intrigued by the topics that await them in that department.

5

Remind them to speak regularly with an academic advisor and also a career counselor.

The academic advisor will help them navigate the process of completing a degree, and the career counselor can help them develop a plan to translate what they’re learning to workplace needs.

Meeting with both throughout college can keep your student on track and help them make any needed adjustments along the way.

6

Suggest they interview recent college graduates.

Some of the best advice about college majors comes from recent graduates. New graduates are likely to tell your student that in general the skills they acquired in college (e.g., critical thinking, written communication, appreciation for diversity) are more important than the content knowledge they gained from their major. At the very least, their advice may lower the pressure to make a “right choice.”

What if my student wants to change their major?

Students change majors for a variety of reasons and it is perfectly normal. In some surveys as many as 80% of students have switched majors at least once.* But it can still be worrisome to parents, who wonder if their student will be able to graduate on time. In addition to discussing what led them to this new direction (was it a single fabulous course or professor? a new career goal?), here are a few questions you can ask to help your student make the best decision:

·

“How many additional courses do you need to take?” The earlier the change is made, the less likely your student will need to take lots of additional courses.

·

“Will you need to take more credit hours per term or take summer classes to stay on track?” In some cases, an additional course per term or a couple of classes during the summer may be all that’s needed to graduate in four years.

·

“What other requirements does the new degree plan include?” Some degree plans require internships or practicums that must be taken into consideration. As always when working toward a degree, your student should consult with an academic advisor to ensure they are completing required courses in the right sequence.

*www.insidehighered.com/news/2016/08/24/study-finds-students-benefit-waiting-declare-major

A double major or adding a minor may increase the time it takes to graduate, so if your student wants to delve deep in a second discipline, encourage them to work with their advisor on a degree plan.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 21

When Your Student Needs a

Break from College

by Kimberly Yavorski

You may have thought getting into college was the tough part (for your student and you), and in four years your family would be celebrating a graduation. However, for many students — possibly including your own — a detour is necessary.

It’s common for students to take time off from school, and equally natural for parents to worry when this happens. What if your student never goes back?

STEP 1

Jaimis Ulrich, Assistant Director of Admissions at Whittier College, says that when students use their time off wisely, they’re often more motivated when they return. The key is to formulate a plan to complete their studies. Parents can help — here’s how.

Some students don’t have a choice. If they’re not making “satisfactory academic progress,” they receive a warning and, if grades don’t improve, face dismissal. While poor grades are the number one reason students leave college, Matthew Bambalough, an academic advisor at Indiana University, says there’s usually an underlying reason. For example, “a student may say he didn’t go to class. Why? Because I was playing video games. Why? Because my grandpa died.”

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Find out what’s going on.

Poor grades can stem from: ·

Lack of time management skills. Students have left the structure of high school and home behind and the college work load is much heavier.

·

Mental health challenges, which can emerge or be exacerbated by the pressures of college life. One in three freshmen is affected by anxiety, depression or another mental health issue.*

·

Learning disabilities. Today more students come to college with diagnosed learning disabilities, but the stigma hasn’t been fully erased, so they struggle. Some students “have had IEPs all their life and now don’t want to talk about it,” says Ulrich.

Others are hampered by an undiagnosed learning disability.

More reasons students need or want to step away from college: ·

·

·

Changing majors or life goals. Nearly one third of undergraduates change their major at least once.**Some discover new interests; others merely decide what they don’t want to study. They may worry about incurring debt while trying to make up their mind.

Family changes, including finances. A death, illness or other major event can mean a move back home to care for others. Money may also be a factor. Your family may have underestimated the cost of higher education, or your financial situation has changed.

The college is a poor fit, or college itself doesn’t feel right.

A bachelor’s degree isn’t the answer for everyone — some students discover their goals can be met at a community college, a trade school or through an apprenticeship.

STEP 2 Follow procedures.

No matter why the break was needed, make sure your student stays in touch with college staff. Even if they are granted a leave of absence, there will be paperwork and deadlines. Ulrich stresses that, when students return from short breaks, they must talk to professors and ask for what they need, such as an extension on an assignment deadline or extra help.

In case of academic dismissal, your student should communicate with their academic advisor about their options. You can help them examine what went wrong and make a plan to ensure it won’t happen again. Consider tutors or counseling. Together, research the college’s requirements for reinstatement. “If students leave…with a game plan,” Ulrich says, “they are more likely to return.”

STEP 3 Help your student make meaningful use of the time away. ·

A job, internship or volunteer position can help guide them to a career or confirm that a change of major is warranted. They may want to combine this with travel if they feel they need the additional challenge and/or a change of scenery.

·

They can take (or re-take) classes, perhaps at a local community college. Not all colleges will accept classwork done at a CC, so make sure a course will qualify before investing time and money. Taking a reduced course load at community college is also a way to practice better study habits — there may even be a study skills class offered.

·

Address mental health concerns. Though your student might “seem better” at home with stressors removed, they’ll benefit from working with a mental health professional to learn coping mechanisms for when they return to campus.

·

If a learning disability is the issue, be transparent with the college and encourage your student to use available accommodations. If they’re reluctant to engage with services, ask them to give the school permission to discuss academic information with you so you can be in touch with the office of accessibility/disability services yourself.

·

If finances are the obstacle, talk to the school to see if they can help with additional aid or direct you to other resources. Work with your student to create and stick to a budget.

The most important step: Deepening parent-student communication.

Help your student become comfortable talking to you about their challenges. Share your own struggles and life detours — we all have them. Learn about campus resources together so you can encourage your student to self-advocate and make full use of all the support that’s available when they return, whether it’s classes in time management, academic advising services, or mental health/ counseling services. *Auerbach, Randy P. et al. (2018). WHO World Mental Health Surveys International College Student Project: Prevalence and Distribution of Mental Disorders. American Psychological Assocation. Retrieved from: www.apa.org. **Leu, Katherine. (2017). Beginning College Students Who Change Their Majors Within 3 Years of Enrollment. National Center for Education Statistics. Retrieved from: nces.ed.gov.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 23

FINANCIAL FITNESS

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If there was a shortfall this year, and/or if you’re looking at a tuition increase next year, you can work together to find ways your student can economize or boost their income. Strategies to consider:

1

Get the most financial aid.

As you’ve learned, students who receive financial aid (or would like to be considered for financial aid) must reapply each year.

Most likely you’ve already done this since priority deadlines at many schools fall between January and March; if not, hop to it!

Planning for Next Year’s College Expenses

by Suzanne Shaffer

Last summer, your family had a rough idea of what a year of higher education would cost. You knew the price of tuition, room and board but other expenses weren’t quite as defined.

Now you and your student can sit down and crunch the numbers. How much were textbooks? Did your student spend more on food and entertainment than planned? What about travel to and from campus?

If there’s been a change in your family’s financial situation that isn’t captured by the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid), your student should meet with staff in the college’s financial aid office to communicate this and if necessary petition for an adjustment to their aid award.

While you’re on this subject, be sure your student understands the connection between financial aid and academic performance. There are usually conditions attached to the financial aid award such as taking a certain number of credit hours or making satisfactory academic progress.

If a poor or failing grade this term might jeopardize your student’s eligibility for institutional grants or scholarships, they should meet ASAP with their academic advisor to discuss options such as retaking a class.

2

Apply for scholarships.

Learn more on p. 29.

3

Maximize earnings over the summer and consider school-year employment.

Turn the page to learn about the benefits of working part-time in college plus which campus departments hire students.

4

Re-evaluate the meal plan.

Don’t pay for meals your student doesn’t eat.

5

Tweak travel expenditures.

If outlays on travel added up to more than was ideal, negotiate how many times your student will come home next school year. By deciding this now, they are forewarned and can come up with other ways to spend some of those breaks. Many schools plan activities, including service trips, for students who stick around while classes aren’t in session.

6

Keep track of any loans.

You and your student may use federal or private student loans to help pay for college. If the amount received was more than tuition, there might be “extra” money available. Since repayment is usually deferred until graduation, it can be tempting to spend this money and then take out more loans for next year. Be sure your student understands how much money has been borrowed and who will be responsible for repaying it. This is not “free” money; it’s borrowed money.

Study abroad changes the picture, so you will need to adjust your budget accordingly.

The college study abroad office can help your student estimate what a semester or year away will cost compared to staying on campus.

If your student gets to choose their type of housing, a homestay will typically be less expensive than an apartment. You can use online cost-of-living calculators to research the city or country your student will study in. Good news: your student’s financial aid award from the college can be applied to study abroad expenses. Additionally, you may be able to use 529 college savings account funds; consult with your plan manager about whether the foreign institution is eligible.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 25

Summer Money Lessons Bank accounts and budgets Okay, time to check in with your student about their current bank balance. One advantage of the cashless economy is that there’s a record of every last cup of coffee.

Comb through it all. Revisit the categories of expenses and discuss who will be responsible for what next year. Where can they economize? ·

Textbooks, electronics, school supplies (did they rent textbooks or purchase them used?)

·

Personal items (clothing, toiletries, laundry)

·

Food/drink outside the meal plan, entertainment

·

Share of the family phone bill

·

Local travel (bus pass, gas, Uber)

·

Travel home (plane, train), recreational travel (weekends, spring break)

·

Sorority/fraternity or club/team dues

If you haven’t already, help them set goals for earning and saving over the coming summer break. They may also appreciate your help making a budget for next school year, especially if they’re moving off campus and taking on new financial responsibilities.

Budgeting apps like Mint are terrific, and printable worksheets provide a good visual that you can easily share. Download ours at bit.ly/cp-budget.

Make it a goal for your student to maintain a certain level of savings. It’s important for them to have an emergency fund.

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Students who contribute financially to their education are more invested and less likely to take the opportunity for granted.

The perks of campus employment College students who work part-time (15–20 hours a week max) during the school year get better grades than those who don’t.* They tend to be more focused, organized and conscientious about budgeting time for study. Many parents also feel that students who contribute financially to their education are more invested and less likely to take the opportunity for granted.

So a job is a win-win, and a campus job is a win-win-win. Student employees meet more of their fellow students as well as more

faculty members, administrators and staff — a great network for career mentorship, professional references and all-around support.

If federal work study is part of your student’s financial aid package, they can research and apply for available work-study positions, but there are plenty of part-time jobs on campus for non work-study students, too. The career services and student employment offices host job fairs and maintain online listings.

Students can also check the flyers posted on bulletin boards in academic departments, residence halls and other campus buildings.

A few on-campus departments that often hire students: ·

Admissions office

·

Recreation center

·

Library

·

Dining facilities

·

Bookstore

·

Museums, art galleries, performance spaces

·

Alumni office

There are scholarships for upperclassmen!

There’s a common misconception that scholarships are only available for high school seniors but nothing could be further from the truth.

Another plus if your student will live off campus next year: an oncampus job helps them stay connected to their college community.

The more time they spend on campus, the more likely they are to take advantage of study groups, professors’ office hours, campus social events and other opportunities that contribute to engagement and happiness.

Scholarships for current college students may be career or major specific and sometimes come in the form of grants and fellowships. To begin the search, your student should contact the financial aid office and career center on their campus. Professors may have information about scholarship opportunities as well.

Something to keep in mind: Your student’s academic schedule will get more intense each year, and they may need to work fewer hours at their paying job as a result.

Your student can also use popular scholarship search engines like Scholarships.com, Scholly, Scholarships360 and Cappex specifying “current college student” or do a Google search with the same terms.

*The 2009 NASPA study, “First-Year Students’ Employment, Engagement, and Academic Achievement: Untangling the Relationships Between Work and Grades” by G.R. Pike, G.D. Kuh and R.C. Massa-McKinley, is often cited and its findings have held up over time.

Scholarships are a straightforward way to reduce any family’s higher education costs. Whatever your financial situation, encourage your student to keep applying for scholarships throughout college.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 27

Borrowing for College

Advice about Loans for Students and Parents

By Suzanne Shaffer

If you’re the parent of a current college student, or of a high school student heading in that direction, statistics on student loan debt are worrisome. Forty-four million borrowers in the U.S. collectively owe $1.5 trillion. “Student loan debt is now the second highest consumer debt category — behind only mortgage debt — and higher than both credit cards and auto loans.”*

No one wants their student to graduate with mounds of debt and start their adult life struggling to survive on their entry-level salary.

The good news: every parent can and should educate their student on student loan borrowing to avoid unmanageable debt after graduation.

To do this, it helps to understand some key factors: the types of student loans available, borrowing guidelines, repayment calculations and loan interest information.

Student loan options There are two basic types of student loans: federal loans, which include student borrowers and parent borrowers, and private loans, which usually involve a parent co-signer. Federal loans are preferred over private loans — interest rates are lower and repayment terms more flexible.

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Federal student loans are offered as subsidized and unsubsidized.

With the Federal Direct Subsidized Loan, the government pays the interest while the student is in college. With the Federal Direct Unsubsidized Loan, the government collects interest while the student attends college. With both loans, the student must complete the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) to qualify.

Parents may also qualify for a Parent PLUS Loan to pay for college.

Payments begin when the loan is disbursed. To be eligible, the student and family must complete the FAFSA and a parent can’t have an adverse credit history. Visit nerdwallet.com for comparisons of private lenders.

Guidelines to follow when borrowing

Student loan interest rates

You don’t have to accept all or any of the student loans offered in your student’s financial aid package. Many students sign on the dotted line at the financial aid office each year without paying enough attention to the total amount they’re borrowing and therefore what they’ll be required to repay each month after graduation.

In July 2019, federal student loan interest rates dropped for the first time in three years. Once you lock in a loan, your loan rate won’t change for the duration of the loan; any potential increased rates would only apply to new loans.

Jodi Okun of College Financial Aid Advisors recommends that students not borrow more than they expect to earn their first year out of college. “For example, if a student expects to make $45,000 their first year working out of college, a good rule of thumb for the student is not to borrow more than $45,000 for their entire college education.” (Read “Managing Student Loans — Advice from an Expert” on collegiateparent.com.)

Repayment calculators — an essential reality check Repayment calculators are invaluable loan planning tools and easy to use. Your student simply enters the amount they’re considering borrowing and the interest rate to determine the amount of repayment. Using the Federal Repayment Calculator (finaid.org), you can see that borrowing $100,000 for college will require a $1,162 payment each month after graduation for 10 years. Find more loan repayment calculators on studentloanhero.com.

Currently, the federal interest rate for undergraduate student loans is 4.53 percent, 6.08 percent for unsubsidized graduate loans, and 7.08 percent for Parent PLUS Loans. For more information on student loan rates, read “Borrowing for College Just Got a Little Less Expensive” (consumerreports.org).

When should parents borrow to help finance their student’s higher education?

With college costs rising, it can be tempting to take out a loan yourself or dip into your retirement funds. The wiser approach would be to guide your student toward an affordable college choice — one that doesn’t require either of you taking out loans but rather is financed by funds you can afford, scholarships and financial aid (need-based or merit aid). If you do borrow to pay your student’s college bills, be careful not to compromise your own financial future. *Friedman, Zack. (2019). Student Loan Debt Statistics in 2019: A $1.5 Trillion Crisis. Forbes. Retrieved from forbes.com.

Students who take out loans should have a goal of making small payments while in college, even if it’s only the interest that’s accruing. These small payments will make a helpful dent in the total loan amount after graduation. www.CollegiateParent.com | 29

MOVING OFF CAMPUS

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Insurance

Independent Life Skills Your Student Needs Now

by Kimberly Yavorski

We can debate the cause, but the fact is many young adults today somehow missed learning things that previous generations absorbed without “lessons.” And like it or not, the adult world awaits. They need to be ready for it.

Is it time for your student to get their own auto and/or renters insurance? Step back and let them do the research. Suggest they contact multiple companies to compare coverage and rates (make sure the rates they’re comparing offer the same coverage).

They can gather information from online reviews and Consumer Reports. Then sit down together and have them go over the details with you before they make a decision.

In the event they have to file a claim, they should understand how deductibles work and what is and isn’t covered by their policy.

It’s also a good idea to talk through what they should do if they’re ever in an accident (pull over, call 9-1-1, contact the insurance company, etc.).

Look under the hood While today few people handle their own car repairs or routine maintenance, at the very least, your student should know how to open and secure the hood to refill windshield wiper fluid and check the oil. They should also know how frequently the oil should be changed, how to check tire tread and air pressure, and what to do if the pressure is low. Look through the owner’s manual with them so they know what the different warning lights mean and their relative levels of urgency.

Adulting (as we parents know) includes glamourous everyday activities like grocery shopping, cooking, money management — even just making your own appointments.

If your student hasn’t absorbed what they need to know just by watching you, summer break (or any vacation home from school) is a good time to play catch-up. When you invite them to help you with something, or just look on, they don’t even have to know you’re trying to teach a lesson!

Thread the needle

Cook together

Dial up the doctor

Have fun!

Pick a day to bond while cooking dinner or brunch together. Dig out a favorite family recipe or experiment with a new cuisine. If time permits, you could try homemade pasta or pizza dough, or start early in the day to prep a slow cooker recipe.

Older teens and young adults resist using their phones for actual conversations, but it’s still often the only or best way to make an appointment. You probably taught your child to answer the phone when they were young and hovered nearby to coach them on what to say. You can do the same thing now with a call to the doctor, dentist or auto mechanic.

If needed, suggest your student listen to you make a call first. There’s nothing wrong with preparing a “script” ahead of time, either.

Your student might be surprised. Being an adult really isn’t so bad. We’re all in this together!

First they should help you write out an ingredient list. What’s on hand and what do you need from the store? Where do the spices and cooking oils live, anyway? Have your student handle initial steps like preheating the oven and filling a pot with water to boil. Try not to laugh when you realize they don’t know how to set the timer on the stove.

It may feel like teaching a toddler, because it is. Talk through what you’re doing, and break down the steps.

Fun idea: Create your own cooking challenge by planning a menu around what you have in the fridge and pantry. And with any meal, remind them it’s okay if it doesn’t turn out perfectly. Sometimes even Bobby Flay is a flop.

Clothes are less expensive than they used to be, so many of us are in the habit of tossing garments aside as soon as they get the tiniest rip. But it’s not hard to master basic stuff like replacing a button or fixing a loose seam or hem. YouTube has video tutorials if your own skills are rusty. In a pinch, duct tape works to secure a hem and will last through several wash cycles.

Nuts and bolts Renters don’t have to worry about most maintenance but your student should know how to handle simple repairs. A basic toolkit (hammer, flathead and Phillips head screwdrivers, pliers, wrench, nails and a tape measure) makes it possible to hang pictures and tighten door knobs and hinges, as well as fix wobbly furniture, a leaky faucet or a loose toilet seat. (A toilet plunger and instructions on how to use it are also useful!)

Employees at the local hardware store or Home Depot can help with how-to or, again, there’s always YouTube.

If you don’t have AAA or a similar roadside assistance membership, show them how to jump start a car and change a flat tire.

There are things we don’t teach our kids because we don’t know how to do them ourselves, and that’s okay! Sign up for a cooking or home repair class alongside your student. www.CollegiateParent.com | 31

Tips for Being a Good Tenant and Neighbor

Pay your rent on time every month.

Alert your landlord as soon as something breaks so they can fix it before a small problem becomes a big one.

Do not have more people living in the unit than is permitted in your lease.

Treat the property with care, as if it were your own home. Keep it clean and take the garbage out regularly!

Be responsible when you host parties and control the number of guests.

Adhere to city ordinances about noise (there may be “quiet hour” rules if you live in an apartment complex).

Introduce yourself to your neighbors.

They’ll appreciate this, and that way, if they have a concern about noise or anything else, they’ll feel comfortable speaking with you (rather than calling the police).

If you live in a house, take care of the landscaping if this is your responsibility. Keep trash and recycling in the proper bins/carts and out of sight.

Do not illegally sublease your room/unit.

When you move out, leave time to sell/ donate unwanted furniture, dispose of all your garbage, and clean the apartment or house. Leave it like you found it so you can get your full security deposit back!

Safety Checklist for Students Living Off Campus

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Never disable smoke detectors! Have a fire evacuation plan with roommates.

Don’t use candles or space heaters when you’re not in the room.

Don’t let a stranger into your apartment or house. When in doubt, don’t answer the door. Ask repair or service techs and delivery people to show official identification.

Keep doors and windows locked both when you’re at home and when you go out.

Keep windows covered with shades and curtains at night and when no one’s home.

Don’t use laundry rooms, lounges or common areas in your apartment complex when alone.

Don’t hide keys under mats or flower pots (the first places a burglar will look!). Instead, give a spare key to a trusted friend or neighbor.

If you’ll be away, don’t advertise this on social media or by leaving a note on the door.

If all the roommates will be out of town (for example, over break), lock up the apartment/house and ask a neighbor to pick up any mail, flyers or newspapers that might be left at the door or in the driveway. You can have your mail held by the USPS.

When you’re out of town, put a few lights on a timer so it looks like someone’s home.

If you come home and it appears that your apartment or house has been broken into, get to a safe place and call 9-1-1 — do not enter.

Staying Connected to the Campus Community When your student moves off campus, the center of their daily life shifts. They may find themselves drifting away from activities and social events they used to enjoy just because it’s more work to get there. If (when) they oversleep, it can be tempting to skip class.

Before they know it, they feel a little cut off — maybe even lonely.

They’re 100% committed to getting their degree so it’s worth making the effort to stay invested in the full college experience. Share these tips about how to make that happen.

Go to campus every day — and stick around. ·

Carpool, walk or bike with a buddy to help each other stay motivated.

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Make an inclement weather plan so rain and snow don’t catch you off guard.

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Study on campus.

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Maintain social connections. ·

Continue your involvement with student clubs and teams.

Take on a leadership role so you really feel committed.

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Attend campus sports events, theatre and musical productions, improv nights and guest lectures.

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When you bump into an old freshman year hallmate, invite them to grab a meal or coffee. Keep those friendships going!

Keep your eyes on the academic prize. ·

Keep using a planner. Factor in time spent commuting and on chores related to off-campus life (yardwork, cleaning, food shopping).

Work out at the campus rec center.

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Go to every class. No excuses!

Keep a partial meal plan. (Unless your place is super close, going home for lunch may make it too easy to blow off an afternoon class.)

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Meet regularly with your advisor to stay on track for an on-time graduation.

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Attend office hours and look into working with one of your professors as a teaching or research assistant.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 33

This is Where the Time Went

By Elizabeth Spencer

When your baby turns 18 or 21 or 40, or any age that seats them squarely at the adult table, you look at them and — for a moment — think you don’t know where the time went.

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But then you give it a little more thought and realize you do have some idea where it went. ·

It went to the moment you first saw your baby, and a piece of your heart you didn't know was missing fell into place.

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It went to the moment when you were discharged from the hospital or sent on your way from the social worker’s office and thought, "That’s it? You’re letting me go? I’m in charge now?”

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It went to the moment when you clumsily buckled your impossibly small package into the car seat and drove home at 35 miles an hour and stopped far short of any light that seemed close to turning yellow.

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It went to the moment you walked into your house with a human being who had not previously dwelled there and wondered, “Now what am I supposed to do?”

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It went to the moment when your tiny student walked into a kindergarten classroom with a backpack bigger than they were.

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It went to the moment when you first got to say “my daughter” or “my son.”

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It went to the moment when you looked into the eyes of your child and saw your past and their future there.

It went to the moments (many) when you and your child were both sad and/or mad and/or crying and/or frustrated, but you still loved each other anyway.

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It went to the moments when you learned how to do something new together.

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It went to the moments when you waited for the right time to say something.

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It went to the moments when you understood it was a good time not to say anything.

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It went to the moments when something they’d been struggling with finally clicked and your pride piled on top of relief.

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It went to the moments when you had to step back and let them make mistakes you hoped to heaven would teach them something worthwhile.

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It went to the moments when someone broke their heart and you didn’t know what to say and so you just held them and trusted in the healing power of presence.

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It went to the moments when you got to watch them do something they loved and it lit them up.

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It went to the moment when something they worked so hard for didn't go the way they wanted it to.

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It went to the moment when something they worked so hard for went exactly the way they wanted it to.

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It went to the moments when they did something for you that you’d always done for them.

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It went to the moments (many, many) when you waited: to pick them up, to hear how the test or try-out or presentation or performance went, to see their car turn into the driveway.

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It went to the moment when you watched your graduate walk across a stage in a cap and gown and you thought how wonderfully wrong you'd been to think you couldn't love them more than you did when they were born because, in that moment and in so many others, you absolutely do.

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It went to the moment you bolted awake because your baby had slept for an hour or some previously unheard-of stretch of night, and you had to check their breathing.

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It went to the moment when you put one candle on a birthday cake and thought that a year had never gone so slowly and so quickly at the same time.

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It went to the moments when your infant or preschooler or tween or teen did something on their own for the first time... rolling over or crawling or walking or getting themselves dressed or driving a car or scheduling their own doctor's appointment.

When your baby turns 18 or 21 or 40 or any age, really, you think about all this and realize that, while you might not be able to get your head around where the time went, your heart knows exactly where.

It went to love.

And given the chance, that’s where it will keep going, forever.

www.CollegiateParent.com | 35