2019 College Parent Magazine

CHOOSING THE RIGHT MAJOR • FINANCIAL REBOOT

CAREER PREP

FINISH THE YEAR STRONG

OFF-CAMPUS LIVING

DOES YOUR STUDENT HAVE A GROWTH MINDSET?

SPRING CLEANING FOR ACADEMIC SUCCESS SPRING 2019

Happy Spring from College Parent Magazine As the parent of a high school junior and college freshman, it’s a season of transition and intense focus on college in our home. Just as our oldest daughter settled into college life, our youngest started wringing her hands over SAT testing and the pressure to start identifying colleges she wants to visit.

It’s exciting and emotional for me as my thoughts run the gamut from “how will we finance possibly two private college educations?” to “what will my life be like as an empty nester?” I love my job and that I get to spend time discussing these topics and many more with my colleagues and parents like you!

On that note, we’ve expanded this issue to include special insights for parents of high school students. We know this is the season for college visits and hope you find our Insider Tips helpful and supportive.

CollegiateParent has published this regional edition of College Parent Magazine for parents of students.

This publication was made possible by the businesses and professionals contained within it. The publisher does not endorse the products or services offered by the advertisers. Cover photo: © GLINTstudios, courtesy VisitLEX

We also know that spring fever is right around the corner but your college student still has a lot to do! This is the time to encourage them to a strong finish to the academic year and to begin making move-out and travel plans. And your household will change when they return this summer — are you prepared for reentry?

This spring issue is here to support and celebrate you and your student as you navigate your family’s college journey and parent your young adult. There’s lots more on CollegiateParent.com and in our weekly newsletter, the Loop — be sure to sign up so you don’t miss a single post! You can connect with us on Facebook, too.

From college applications to college graduation, there’s always something new to talk about.

Happy Spring!

PUBLISHER Rebecca Maytubby rmaytubby@collegiateparent.com EDITOR Diane Schwemm dschwemm@collegiateparent.com ART DIRECTOR Mark Hager mhager@collegiateparent.com DIRECTOR OF SALES AND CLIENT RELATIONS Doug Hay dhay@collegiateparent.com PUBLICATION MANAGER Sande Johnson sjohnson@collegiateparent.com TO ADVERTISE: sales@collegiateparent.com (303) 625-1710

Rebecca Maytubby, Publisher

COLLEGE PARENT MAGAZINE (a CollegiateParent publication) 3180 Sterling Circle, Ste 200 Boulder, CO 80301 Main: (866) 721-1357 CollegeParentMagazines.com

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©2019 CollegiateParent. All rights reserved.

Table of Contents WELCOME HOME 14

Bracing for reentry

16

When your student doesn’t come home

FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD 4

Support your student’s strong finish

6

Spring planning for a fall head start

8

Move-out checklist for students and families

10

Travel tips for students

12

Does your student have a growth mindset?

SUMMER EMPLOYMENT AND CAREER PREP 24

Meaningful summer experiences for college students

26

When your student needs a break from college

28

Choosing a major: 6 tips for guiding your student

30

Is study abroad right for your student?

BOOST YOUR FAMILY’S FINANCIAL LITERACY A SMOOTH TRANSITION TO OFF-CAMPUS LIFE

32

Planning for next year’s college expenses

34

Summer money lessons

36

Borrowing for college

18

Time for some adulting lessons?

20

Healthy eating

21

Tips for being a good tenant and neighbor

22

Staying connected to the campus community

38

Where we’re going next

23

Safety checklist

39

Meet our writers

EPILOGUE

FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD On the next few pages, find shareable checklists, reminders and tips to help your student stay organized during what’s left of the school year. We also share the latest insights on “growth mindsets” to spark future conversations.

Support your student’s

STRONG FINISH

By Connie Lissner

As the end of the school year approaches, college students go into full-on panic mode: cramming into libraries, pulling all-nighters and imbibing way too much caffeine. Warm spring days can make it even harder to stay on task.

With planning and mindfulness, your student can make it through finals with health and good spirits intact. Here are our Top 7 Finals Survival and Success Strategies to share with your student.

4

FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD Whatever steps students are taking to stay on top of their work, this can still be a stressful season.

Remind them that they have a support network — at school and at home.

The master plan

1

Get organized NOW.

2

Triage your preparation.

Support and self-care

Don’t wait until the week before finals to figure out what you need to do. Organize your notes for each class and write down all your deadlines, study sessions and exam dates so you can see exactly what you have to do and when. Just 30 minutes of planning can save hours of wasted time.

6

Take care of yourself.

Don’t skimp on sleep, make sure to eat well, drink more water (and less coffee), and find a way to relax. Relaxing may seem impossible when you are only three pages into a 15-page paper but figure out what calms you and do it. Go to the gym, meditate, go out with friends, play a game, pet an on-campus therapy dog if you have that option. Burnout is real, so take a break before it breaks you.

Create a calendar.

On that subject…

Now make a schedule of what you’d like to get done each day and set a realistic time frame for each activity. A colorcoded Excel spreadsheet isn’t required — a simple list will do —but, if you need the tech support, of course there’s an app (or 20) for this (www.lifewire.com/great-iphone-to-do-apps-1999348).

4

It’s never too late to ask for help.

If there’s an assignment you don’t understand or a concept that’s giving you trouble, reach out to your instructor, track down the TA, and ask your classmates for help. It’s better not to wait until the 11th hour, but if you did, don’t be embarrassed. Everyone needs help at some point or other! And check out the university’s academic resource center — they’ll offer group study sessions, peer tutoring and maybe even stress management workshops.

Evaluate every assignment on the list to determine what is “MUST DO NOW!” versus “I have two weeks to get it done.”

Consider what classes you’re doing well in and where you need to spend more time. This may be where you decide to spend less time on a 5-point assignment (that won’t change your grade in the class) and more time studying for a test that will make an impact in another class. That said, don’t assume that just because you think you know the material in a class you can stop studying altogether.

3

5

7

Take regular breaks (but don’t procrastinate).

The sun is finally shining. Who could blame you for wanting to play Frisbee on the quad instead of sitting in the library?

Focus on academics.

Who says you can’t do both? Go ahead and play for 15 minutes, then head back to the library. Taking breaks will actually help you focus.

A study from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign* found that taking a brief mental break improves performance on prolonged tasks like studying for exams.

Try not to worry about what comes after this semester.

Again, triage. Figure out what non-schoolwork can be pushed back and what can’t.

One thing that can’t wait until after finals is your plan to move out of your residence hall or apartment. Dedicate a few minutes during your organizing session to confirm your move-out date, make transportation arrangements and figure out how to store your stuff if you aren’t lugging it back home. (This is something your family can help with, BTW.)

Brief is the operative word. Fifteen to 20 minutes seems to be the sweet spot, so if you know you can’t spend just 15 minutes playing a video game, or if Snapchat is like a black hole, find a less distracting activity and save the others for later. Use your break to get out of your chair, get a glass of water, take a walk outside — anything that creates a physical distance from your workspace. *Atsunori Ariga, Alejandro Lleras. Brief and rare mental ‘breaks’ keep you focused: Deactivation and reactivation of task goals preempt vigilance decrements. Cognition, 2011.

5

Spring planning for a fall head start

By Vicki Nelson

As the end of the term approaches, all thoughts turn to summer. College students can’t wait to be done and get home. Before they pack up and move out, though, there are a few things your student can do to be ready for a running start when they return in the fall.

Here are 8 great conversation starters for this final month.

1

Is your fall course schedule confirmed?

2

Make sure your fall housing arrangements are in place, whether on or off campus.

6

Get a jump on textbooks.

7

Prepare for fall leadership positions.

If there’s a chance you won’t be able to finish something, and you’ve made arrangements for an Incomplete, meet with the instructor to make a plan to submit unfinished work over the summer.

8

Address any anticipated changes for the fall.

4

Investigate a fall on-campus job.

Will you bring a car for the first time? Are you changing majors? Will you have a new advisor? Take care of some of the details now, or at least get the information that you need. (If there are things that must wait until fall, make a to-do list while it’s all fresh in your mind.)

5

Settle plans for a fall internship before you leave.

Check to see that you have the appropriate number of credits, courses that will help you progress to your degree, and prerequisites for courses you want to take in future terms. If you’re not sure what you need, talk to your advisor.

Do you know anyone currently taking the courses you’ll take next fall? Ask if they’ll sell their textbooks directly. Everyone wins — you’ll get them for less than you’d pay for used in the bookstore and you can offer more than they might get selling back to the bookstore.

Do you know anyone who will be taking a course in the fall that you’re taking now? Are they interested in your books?

See p. 12 for move-out and storage tips!

3

Finish strong in all of your classes!

Even if you can’t pin down the position now, you can get ahead of the September rush by visiting the office or person who will be hiring to make an initial connection.

Is necessary paperwork done? Could you meet with a site supervisor now to have a head start in the fall?

6

Can you meet with the club or organization’s advisor or outgoing officer before you leave to lay some groundwork?

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One of Maria’s early sessions included an ability assessment. She scored in the 90th percentile for quantitative reasoning! Maria didn’t realize she was good at math — now she believed she could go into the medical field. “I also found how her two interests could intersect,” Jennifer said. Medical illustrators design art in medical textbooks. “I can’t wait to gohome and tell my parents!” Maria told Jennifer.

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7

checklist

Move-out for students and families The last weeks of spring semester are hectic. There may not be much time between your student’s last exam and when they need to move out of the residence hall. Organization is key! Here’s how you can help.

Button up the school year

Prepare for move-out

Pop cash or a gift card in the mail with a note of encouragement and tactfully remind your student to:

Next year’s housing may have a storage area, but space will be limited, and often large items like bikes and mini-fridges are not accepted. Some tips:

Confirm travel arrangements (plane/train/bus reservations, driving itinerary, etc.).

Encourage your student to start thinking early about what to keep and what to get rid of. They can approach belongings one category at a time over the course of a week or two: books and papers, clothing and gear, room furnishings, cleaning supplies/toiletries, etc.

Back up their computers so they don’t lose any work during finals.

Read and respond to emails from the university about year-end requirements (returning library materials, paying outstanding fees, etc.).

They should pile up the things they want over the summer to see if it will fit in their suitcases (if they’re flying) or in the family car. Do they need to ship boxes?

Begin the process of selling, donating, recycling and tossing unwanted items early. There should be opportunities on campus — students are pros at “freecycling” — or nearby donation centers and receptacles as well as thrift stores.

If they have questions about move-out timing and expectations, they can ask their RA. Rooms should be left clean with furniture returned to its original location.

8

FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD Self-storage tips

Residence hall to off-campus transition

Local companies may specialize in storage for college students and offer door-to-door pick-up and fall delivery. Another option is self-storage. If a storage facility is the answer, you can offer to help research options online.

Depending on the lease, students moving from residence halls to off-campus apartments may need to arrange temporary storage of their items.

Students with ample summer storage space can use the last weeks of school as an opportunity to inherit furniture or appliances from graduating seniors.

Can your student save money by sharing a unit with a friend?

Book early to get the size unit you need.

Will you help at move-out?

Double check that your homeowners’ insurance policy will cover stored property.

Wear comfy clothes and shoes and be prepared for dirt and disorganization. Trash bags (black heavy-duty and smaller 13-gallon white ones) come in handy for more than just trash — soft, light things can be transported in big bags, and clothes on hangers can be bundled into smaller bags. Boxes, a Sharpie marker and packing tape will be needed, as will snacks, water and patience.

Your student should hunt up free boxes or buy plastic storage bins.

Everything going into storage should be clean and dry (bedding, etc.), including all appliances (fridge, microwave, coffee maker).

Finally, if you’ve been using your student’s bedroom for your own storage, shuffle things back to the basement or hold that yard sale before they arrive!

Never store food.

Label boxes/containers and keep a master list.

Buy a lock in advance.

9

Travel tips for students

A spring break trip may be right around the corner for your student. Perhaps they have big plans for summer, or maybe they just need to travel to and from home.

Either way, they may not have lots of experience traveling on their own without family so it’s a good idea to go over planning and safety tips.

General Tips

1

The #1 tip should really be a rule: ask your student to share their travel itinerary. Know what flight/bus/train they’re taking, how they plan to get to/from airports, what route they’ll take if driving, and where they are staying. They should also share names and contact information of their traveling companions and they can give your contact information to their friends’ parents in case something comes up to snarl travel plans (bad weather, etc.).

2

Agree on what kind of communication you expect while they’re traveling.

Do you just want a text to know they arrived safely, or would you like to hear from them regularly?

3

They should only pack what they can easily manage on their own — at most one backpack-style item and a rolling suitcase.

The FBI publishes a printable flyer called “Safety and Security for U.S. Students Traveling Abroad” — download it at fbi.gov/file-repository/ student-travel-brochure-pdf.pdf/view.

10

4

Remind them to be super careful with their wallet, cell phone and passport (don’t stow them in pants or exterior jacket pockets, and be mindful when taking them out to use). Pickpockets target tourists in busy places, including transit hubs.

Consider a wallet and/or passport holder with technology that protects against RFID-skimming.

5

Basic travel/vacation safety rules are the same as they are on campus: be aware of your surroundings, avoid traveling alone particularly after dark, keep close tabs on your valuables, drink legally and responsibly. Consider a smartphone personal safety app or alarm.

FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD

International Travel

Domestic Travel By car They should get the oil changed, top off the wiper fluid, and check the tire pressure. It’s a good idea to belong to AAA or another roadside assistance program and to keep basic emergency equipment in the car: ··

Jumper cables or lithium jump starter

··

Flares or reflective triangles

··

Bottle of windshield wiper fluid

··

Tool kit

··

Tire pressure gauge and can of tire inflator and sealant (such as Fix-a-Flat)

Drive a manageable amount each day.

Don’t try to drive all night! Line up hotels/ motels or campgrounds ahead of time for multi-day trips.

Train/bus/plane ··

Book your ticket in advance and confirm a day or two before.

··

Put the airline (or Amtrak or Greyhound) app on your phone.

··

Know how long it takes to get from campus to the airport or station and plan to arrive early.

1

Register with the State Department.

This way the embassy can contact your student in case of an emergency back home.

Students can also receive security updates via social media — choose a method at travel.state.gov/stayingconnected.

The State Department website also lists the location of U.S. embassies. The embassy is an American “home base” where your student can get help in an emergency; you should both put the number in your phones.

2

Speak the language and know the country’s laws.

Learn a few basic phrases in advance.

This will make it easier to get around and also foster good will — people appreciate attempts to communicate in their own language. Respect cultural norms and show deference to officials. The inside of a foreign police station is not a place your student wants to visit.

3

Make copies of your documents.

Make copies of your passport, driver’s license, credit cards and airplane ticket. Keep one set in a separate place from the originals and leave another at home with family. The FBI recommends keeping your passport with you at all times — theft of American passports is on the rise.

11

4

Be smart about public transportation.

Research official/legit buses and taxis (names, price) before traveling. With any kind of ride/limo service, agree on a fare before entering the vehicle. Both Uber and Lyft operate internationally — check to see if these will be options.

5

Prepare for health emergencies.

Check your health insurance plan. Is your student covered for illness and injury abroad including medical evacuation?

Consider purchasing supplementary travel insurance. In addition: 1.

The CDC’s Travel’s Health Website provides information about potential health risks and recommended vaccinations.

2.

Take a sufficient supply of prescribed medications and essential supplements (like Lactaid for lactose intolerance).

3.

Pack a small first aid kit with Bandaids and over-the-counter medicines.

6

Steer clear of demonstrations and protests.

Free speech and the right to assemble aren’t universal. If your student gets arrested at an event, they may be found guilty merely by association. And crowds can be unpredictable — it’s easy to get separated from friends.

Does your student have a growth mindset?

Spring cleaning for academic success

By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.

Spring is a perfect time for cleaning out closets and throwing out items that no longer serve us. It’s also a good time to check in on what no longer serves our students as they get through another semester.

Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford who has spent decades studying what makes some people more successful than others, calls the belief that everyone can improve a skill with hard work and focus “growth mindset.” You may be familiar with growth mindset and its counterpart “fixed mindset,” which is the belief that talent or intelligence is inborn and there’s nothing one can do to improve it.

One of the areas for college students that often needs a little “spring cleaning” is what researchers call “mindset,” or the way someone views learning and the struggles that can accompany studying something difficult.

As a college professor and parent, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t hear a student (or my own kid!) express concern about the challenges they face. It’s their response to the challenges, or their mindset, that can help them overcome and learn from the challenges they will face throughout life. For some, they may need a little help clearing out the cobwebs of doubt about their abilities.

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FINISH STRONG, PLAN AHEAD

Consider the following statements: “I’m not good at .” (fill in the blank with the academic subject that’s giving them trouble) “I’ll never get better at

.” (fill in the blank with whatever they’re struggling with)

“This is hard, and I don’t like the course anyway.”

Students who say they are “bad at math,” for example, have a fixed mindset about learning math, which could have a negative impact on their grades. If your student expresses attitudes or beliefs about their abilities similar to the statements above, then you have an opportunity to help them throw out those statements and replace them with better ones.

“With practice, I can learn how to become better at math.”

“By practicing problem sets and learning from my mistakes, I can learn how to answer questions correctly.”

“What I’m learning in this course will help me in other courses and in my life.”

Cleaning out the fixed mindset statements and replacing them with growth mindset mantras takes time and support.

Here are some ways that you can foster a growth mindset in your student: ··

INSIDER TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL PARENTS Help your student prepare for college success

Listen for statements that reflect a fixed, unchangeable state of mind that accepts mediocrity or failure as inevitable. Examples are, “I can’t learn.

I will never get better.”

33 College is more than Grade 13. Discuss your academic expectations.

What are some study habits your student currently exercises that might impede or foster success?

··

Coach them to rephrase those statements in the process of learning.

Suggest that they instead say, “I can learn with more practice. With each practice session, I get better.”

33 If your student hasn’t already, suggest they start doing more things on their own (handle all to-do items for the college they’ll attend next year, make appointments, do laundry). They can use a calendar or planner to stay organized and track their activities.

··

Praise the effort and learning, not the outcome. Say, “I can tell you worked really hard this semester and learned a lot.”

33 Do your best to resist the temptation to be the fixer. Let your student take the lead in figuring out how to solve their problems. Discuss the role of failure in learning life’s lessons.

··

Expect them to need reminders to reframe their thinking. Remind them of past successes. “Remember how hard you worked to learn physics? You can use the same strategies in this new situation.”

33 Looking ahead to summer, talk about how some of the family’s rules and routines — from chores to curfews — may adjust as you allow them more freedom in exchange for taking on more responsibilities in the household.

The results are clear: Getting rid of negative self-talk and replacing it with growth mindset statements will set the stage for college success.

13

WELCOME HOME Summer break means all sorts of good things but can bring challenges, too, and a need for flexibility as your family readjusts to your student’s return.

Get ready, get set!

Bracing for reentry

By Connie Lissner

By Connie Lissner

I remember when my oldest was coming home for the summer after freshman year in college.

I was positively giddy. I could not wait to have the whole family under one roof again. We could talk for more than 10 minutes on Sundays! We could eat together as a family!

Things could finally go back to normal.

14

WELCOME HOME

4

After he was home for a couple of days, it was clear that “normal” had a new definition.

Sure it’s your house, your rules, but remember that your student has been managing life without you (no matter how many times a day they text). You want to encourage that independence. Now is the time to let go — just a little.

Following months of being on his own and doing things “his way” (a phrase I heard at least 20 times a day), my newly returned college student bucked against our family life. Sleep was on his time (i.e., not when the rest of us tended to sleep), meals were often eaten out with friends, and hanging out with his family was not a priority.

I’m not embarrassed to say that I seriously considered sending him away after the first two weeks. I didn’t think we’d ever figure out a way to co-exist. Thankfully, we were able to negotiate a happy truce for the remainder of that summer.

Set ground rules early.

7

Don’t wait until you explode to share your expectations with your returning student. Take curfew, for instance. I can guarantee that they will balk at having a curfew. Their argument will go something like this: “You didn’t stay up all night worrying about where I was when I was at school” (little do they know, right?). But maybe you want them home at a reasonable hour so you can sleep without being woken at 3 a.m. by someone making a grilled cheese. Whatever you expect of your student — chores, family commitments, attitudes — address this early and often.

Enjoy the spontaneous moments.

I had a bucket list of things we were going to do that first summer, and I think I checked off one item. I spent so much time trying to plan activities that I missed many of the little moments I could have shared with my son. Once I realized it was a lost cause, I chucked my list and started enjoying the found time between us.

Which brings me to a key point...

8

Recognize that reentry will always require some adjustment.

Don’t put your own life on hold.

While you’re making lists of things to do together, don’t forget to pen in time to do your own thing. I know I’m not the only parent who waits around on the off chance that my kid might want to grab lunch or run a few errands with me. I have a friend who passed up a girls’ trip because she wanted to be around for her daughter’s last day home over spring break — just in case. Turns out her daughter didn’t even come home that break. She went away with her friends instead! So don’t blow off that yoga class, Sunday morning bike ride, or dinner with friends. And don’t feel guilty about it either.

Things will be different every time your student comes home. Even after three years of summer breaks, winter breaks and occasional weekends, the first couple days are always awkward at our house. Everyone is navigating the new setup and trying really hard not to start a fight (well, almost everyone).

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6

Be prepared to see less of your student than you would like.

Toss aside dreams of regular family dinners, game nights and late night talks around the kitchen counter (yes, those were my dreams). Schedule an occasional mandatory family dinner and squeeze in a game or movie whenever an opportunity presents itself (it may be a quick hand of Gin Rummy on a rainy Saturday afternoon). Seize any chance to chat in the kitchen even if that means that you’re awake and willing to make that post-midnight grilled cheese sandwich.

I learned a lot from that experience (although, I admit, I still expect a seamless transition every time my son returns home, and am always shocked when it doesn’t happen). Still, after three years, I’ve developed a “survival plan” that seems to work. So far I haven’t shipped him off, and I haven’t fled my house either. We must be doing something right.

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5

Negotiate what you are willing to do for them.

Will you do their laundry? Cook every meal? Yes, my son knows how to do laundry, but I personally prefer to have all the laundry done at once, and I don’t want my laundry washed like a college student washes their laundry. I also enjoy cooking, so making dinner for everyone isn’t a problem for me. Three meals a day, on the other hand, is not an option (no matter how much my son tries to sweet talk me into making him lunch).

Of course, he wasn’t the only one who needed to readjust. When he first left for college, I thought I’d never get used to his empty bedroom or setting the table for three instead of four. Shockingly, however, I did. I also adjusted to less laundry, smaller grocery bills and a significant reduction in noise in our house.

1

Be flexible.

Respect the evolving sibling dynamic.

9

Maybe your middle child is reveling in the new role of older sibling, or your solo younger child is enjoying their space.

With the return of your college student, family dynamics will shift, and new conflicts are bound to pop up. For instance, my youngest, who used to follow his older brother everywhere, now found him in the way. Their bickering was non-stop, and I was forced to play referee over things as ridiculous as who got the middle kitchen counter stool.

Eventually they settled into their new roles.

Most importantly, marvel at the new person your young adult has become.

Whatever expectations I have of who is coming through my door at the end of the school year, I am always a little surprised by who actually shows up. Maybe it’s because of a class he’s taken, a new friend he’s met or a new experience he’s had, but every time my son comes home he is a little different, a little more his own person. And that really is something to look forward to.

15

When your student doesn’t come home

As students take advantage of an ever expanding range of opportunities, many families find that summers don’t feel that different from the school year. If your student has lined up a cool job or internship and won’t live at home this summer, there might be grief mixed in with your pride and excitement. These reflections from fellow college parents may help you feel less alone.

Beth’s Story When our oldest son Nolan told us he was going to spend the summer after freshman year working in New Hampshire at an AMC (Appalachian Mountain Club) hut, we were a bit sad for ourselves but not surprised.

He spent a gap year in Australia so we were used to his adventures. Since we’d moved to California from Massachusetts the previous summer, we were eager to visit family and friends in New England. It was easy to include a visit to him as part of a longer vacation, and fun to see what life was like at the hut and to watch him work cooking and serving meals to hungry hikers.

We were less enthusiastic when our younger son Andrew also decided to spend the summer after his freshman year in New England. I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised about this either. Andrew chose to return to a summer camp he’d loved as a child to work as a counselor. Fortunately, he had three weeks at home first, and we visited him mid-summer and were able to see him in action as an arts teacher. Seeing him happy and making a difference in the lives of his campers assured us he’d made the right decision.

In the end, both of our sons were away from home all three of their college summers.

Although it would have been wonderful 16

to have them home, we felt proud of their independence. They were following their passions, having growth experiences and creating wonderful memories with new friends. We managed to see them a bit each summer and made the most of our limited time together.

We’ve come to appreciate that we need to value quality over quantity when it comes to time with our college students. They’re doing what is best for them and we don’t want to hold them back. Having them leave us is hard and we miss them every day, but we’re grateful they are healthy, happy and pursuing their own dreams.

WELCOME HOME

Laura’s son Jason had internships every summer during college:

We want our children to grow up and be independent, but let’s not pretend that it isn’t really hard for parents.

I don’t know what I would have done differently had I realized that, when we dropped him off for his freshman year, that was it. Home would just be a place to visit for two weeks here and there. I probably would have cried more! But I wouldn’t have wanted to stand in his way.

Ways to help them get set up for a summer away from home: ··

Help them figure out housing if it’s not provided.

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Connect them with a family friend or relative nearby.

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Support their transportation needs. Do they need to take a bike, or borrow a family car? Look at maps and public transportation options together.

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Help them shop for a suitable work wardrobe. If they’re not sure what kind of attire is required at their position, they should ask!

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Help them with the move. You can do a dry run of their commute ahead of time, figuring out the train or bus, parking, etc. This will help quell first-day jitters.

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Be ready to serve as a sounding board. Not all summer experiences live up to our students’ dreams — just like in college, they may call home with complaints and struggles. Help them brainstorm while resisting the urge to “fix things.”

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Plan a visit for later in the summer when they’ve had time to settle in.

A summer bucket list for college families Reintroduce your student to family and friends Keep it casual — a backyard BBQ is perfect. Your student has changed a lot this year and relatives, neighbors and friends will all be delighted to catch up and reconnect.

S u m me r ‘19

Pick a project Set out a jigsaw puzzle on a table. Invite your student to plan a refresh of their childhood bedroom, and then help them shop, sew, prep and paint.

Plant an herb, vegetable or flower garden — even just a couple of patio pots can be lots of fun.

Count steps Your student may not have had time for fitness this past year. Sign the two of you up for a summer gym membership and try some different classes or splurge on a session with a personal trainer. Prefer the outdoors? Choose a day each week to run, bike or hike together.

Road trip!

College students are busy, so you may only be able to carve out a few days, but that’s enough to bond. National parks, regional landmarks or cousins two states over make good destinations. Don’t forget to snap a family photo for the holiday card!

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A SMOOTH TRANSITION TO OFF-CAMPUS LIFE Many students choose to live on campus again their second year, but many others move off campus — a major life transition. Read on for the best ways to support your student’s growing independence.

Time for some

ADULTING LESSONS?

Independent life skills your student should know

By Kimberly Yavorski

You’ve probably noticed that the word “adult” is now a verb, as in “I don’t want to adult today” or “adulting is hard.” Perhaps you’ve heard these exact words tumbling from your college student’s lips.

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A SMOOTH TRANSITION We can debate the cause, but the fact is many young adults today somehow missed learning things that previous generations absorbed without “lessons.” And like it or not, the adult world awaits. They need to be ready for it.

Adulting (as we parents know) includes glamourous everyday activities like grocery shopping, cooking, money management — even just making your own appointments.

If your student hasn’t absorbed what they need to know just by watching you, summer break (or any vacation home from school) is a good time to play catch-up. When you invite them to help you with something, or just look on, they don’t even have to know you’re trying to teach a lesson!

Cook together Pick a day to bond while cooking dinner or brunch together. Dig out a favorite family recipe or experiment with a new cuisine. If time permits, you could try homemade pasta or pizza dough, or start early in the day to prep a slow cooker recipe.

First they should help you write out an ingredient list. What’s on hand and what do you need from the store? Where do the spices and cooking oils live, anyway? Have your student handle initial steps like preheating the oven and filling a pot with water to boil. Try not to laugh when you realize they don’t know how to set the timer on the stove.

It may feel like teaching a toddler, because it is. Talk through what you’re doing, and break down the steps.

Fun idea: Create your own cooking challenge by planning a menu around what you have in the fridge and pantry. And with any meal, remind them it’s okay if it doesn’t turn out perfectly. Sometimes even Bobby Flay is a flop.

Thread the needle

Insurance

Clothes are less expensive than they used to be, so many of us are in the habit of tossing garments aside as soon as they get the tiniest rip. But it’s not hard to master basic stuff like replacing a button or fixing a loose seam or hem. YouTube has video tutorials if your own skills are rusty. In a pinch, duct tape works to secure a hem and will last through several wash cycles.

Is it time for your student to get their own auto and/or renters insurance? Step back and let them do the research. Suggest they contact multiple companies to compare coverage and rates (make sure the rates they’re comparing offer the same coverage).

They can gather information from online reviews and Consumer Reports. Then sit down together and have them go over the details with you before they make a decision.

Dial up the doctor Older teens and young adults resist using their phones for actual conversations, but it’s still often the only or best way to make an appointment. You probably taught your child to answer the phone when they were young and hovered nearby to coach them on what to say. You can do the same thing now with a call to the doctor, dentist or auto mechanic.

If needed, suggest your student listen to you make a call first. There’s nothing wrong with preparing a “script” ahead of time, either.

Nuts and bolts Renters don’t have to worry about most maintenance but your student should know how to handle simple repairs. A basic toolkit (hammer, flathead and Phillips head screwdrivers, pliers, wrench, nails and a tape measure) makes it possible to hang pictures and tighten door knobs and hinges, as well as fix wobbly furniture, a leaky faucet or a loose toilet seat. (A toilet plunger and instructions on how to use it are also useful!)

Employees at the local hardware store or Home Depot can help with how-to or, again, there’s always YouTube.

In the event they have to file a claim, they should understand how deductibles work and what is and isn’t covered by their policy.

It’s also a good idea to talk through what they should do if they’re ever in an accident (pull over, call 9-1-1, contact the insurance company, etc.).

Look under the hood While today few people handle their own car repairs or routine maintenance, at the very least, your student should know how to open and secure the hood to refill washer fluid and check the oil. They should also know how frequently the oil should be changed, how to check tire tread and air pressure, and what to do if the pressure is low. Look through the owner’s manual with them so they know what the different warning lights mean and their relative levels of urgency.

If you don’t have AAA or a similar roadside assistance membership, show them how to jump start a car and change a flat tire.

Have fun!

Your student might be surprised. Being an adult really isn’t so bad. We’re all in this together!

If your student isn’t confident in their ability to handle basic life skills, you may be blaming yourself.

Money management is its own separate category.

Find tips for boosting your family’s financial literacy on pp. 36–41.

It’s the old parental refrain: “Where did I go wrong?!” And it’s true that, unlike our own parents and grandparents, today many of us outsource routine tasks. There are things we don’t teach our kids because we don’t know how to do them ourselves. And that’s okay! Why not sign up for a cooking or home repair class alongside your student?

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Healthy Eating If you don’t want your student to be the one in the checkout line with a cart full of frozen pizza and ramen noodles, it may be time for a grocery store field trip. Here are tips for helping your student eat well on a budget.

Scout out the best places to shop.

Understand value.

Location is important. Is there a supermarket on a convenient bus line? If roommates have a car, they can coordinate shopping together, or maybe there is a car sharing service on or near the campus. At discount warehouse stores like Costco, housemates can buy bulk quantities, splitting the cost.

Cheaper isn’t always better. Take bread. Your student might grab a loaf for $1.99; the one you suggest costs twice that. “Why would I pay $4 for a loaf of bread?” they ask.

Discuss the difference between “enriched wheat flour” and “whole wheat flour,” and why the latter should be the first ingredient on the list. Look at additives — preservatives and dough conditioners, but also sugar and the names under which it masquerades. While more processed foods are often cheaper, they aren’t a better choice. The healthier loaf costs twice as much but it’s heavier, denser and more nutritious — full of seeds and grains instead of just air.

Get a store discount card.

Major chains offer lower prices to customers who sign up for a loyalty card. There’s generally no need to carry the card itself — you punch your phone number in at the cash register.

Buy store brands.

Balance cost with convenience.

Your student may not know the difference between a “name brand” and a “store brand.” Point them out as you go through the aisles, and note the typical price difference.

The last thing many students want to spend time on is cooking. For others, it’s a fun and communal activity. Some amount of home cooking will be necessary to make food dollars stretch. Oatmeal can be a teaching example. A box of eight instant packets costs about $3.00. A whole container of quick-cook Quaker Oats costs about the same and would last for weeks. Less than five minutes’ preparation time, probably 10 times the cost savings. Sometimes you gotta turn on the stove. That said, convenient choices like bagged salads can up your student’s intake of leafy greens, which they might otherwise skip.

Do the math.

Looking for grated cheese to melt on tortillas? Read the shelf tags with your student. Is 3-for-$5 a better deal than $2.50 each? How much is in each package?

Larger quantities usually cost less. But if you buy a quart of yogurt instead of individual cups and half of it ends up moldy, you’re better off paying more for smaller sizes.

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A SMOOTH TRANSITION

Tips for being a good tenant and neighbor Pay your rent on time every month.

Alert your landlord as soon as something breaks so they can fix it before a small problem becomes a big one.

Do not have more people living in the unit than is permitted in your lease.

Treat the property with care, as if it were your own home. Keep it clean and take the garbage out regularly!

Be responsible when you host parties and control the number of guests.

Adhere to city ordinances about noise (there may be “quiet hour” rules if you live in an apartment complex).

Introduce yourself to your neighbors. They’ll appreciate this, and that way, if they have a concern about noise or anything else, they’ll feel comfortable speaking with you (rather than calling the police).

If you live in a house, take care of the landscaping if this is your responsibility. Keep trash and recycling in the proper bins/carts and out of sight.

Do not illegally sublease your room/unit.

When you move out, leave time to sell/donate unwanted furniture, dispose of all your garbage, and clean the apartment or house. Leave it like you found it so you can get your full security deposit back!

INSIDER TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL PARENTS Help your student prepare for independent living 33 Discuss measures your student can take to stay safe and protect their possessions. The college will share information about this during orientation and at move-in. A smartphone personal safety app is a great idea.

33 Does your student have healthy eating and sleeping habits? What do they do to minimize stress? Encourage them to develop good habits in these critical areas before going away to college.

33 Most colleges require first-year students to live on campus. Check in with your student about the timeline for applying for housing, requesting a roommate, etc.

33 Residence hall rooms have limited space — suggest your student start making a list of essential things to take to school (and what it’s okay to leave at home).

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Staying connected to the campus community

When your student moves off campus, the center of their daily life shifts. They may find themselves drifting away from activities and social events they used to enjoy just because it’s more work to get there. If (when) they oversleep, it can be tempting to skip class.

Before they know it, they feel a little cut off — maybe even lonely.

They’re 100% committed to getting their degree so it’s worth making the effort to stay invested in the full college experience. Share these tips about how to make that happen.

Go to campus every day — and stick around. ··

Carpool, walk or bike with a buddy to help each other stay motivated.

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Make an inclement weather plan so rain and snow don’t catch you off guard.

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Study on campus.

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Work out at the campus rec center.

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Keep a partial meal plan. (Unless your place is super close, going home for lunch may make it too easy to blow off an afternoon class.)

Maintain social connections. ··

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Continue your involvement with student clubs and teams. Take on a leadership role so you really feel committed.

Keep your eyes on the academic prize. ··

Attend campus sports events, theatre and musical productions, improv nights and guest lectures.

Keep using a planner. Factor in time spent commuting and on chores related to off-campus life (yardwork, cleaning, food shopping).

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Go to every class. No excuses!

When you bump into an old freshman year hallmate, invite them to grab a meal or coffee. Keep those friendships going!

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Meet regularly with your advisor to stay on track for an on-time graduation.

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Attend office hours and look into working with one of your professors as a teaching or research assistant.

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A SMOOTH TRANSITION

Safety checklist

Never disable smoke detectors! Have a fire evacuation plan with roommates.

Don’t use candles or space heaters when you’re not in the room.

Don’t let a stranger into your apartment or house. When in doubt, don’t answer the door. Ask repair or service techs and delivery people to show official identification.

Don’t hide keys under mats or flower pots (the first places a burglar will look!). Instead, give a spare key to a trusted friend or neighbor.

If you’ll be away, don’t advertise this on social media or by leaving a note on the door.

If all the roommates will be out of town (for example, over break), lock up the apartment/house and ask a neighbor to pick up any mail, flyers or newspapers that might be left at the door or in the driveway. You can have your mail held by the USPS.

Keep doors and windows locked both when you’re at home and when you go out.

Keep windows covered with shades and curtains at night and when no one’s home.

Don’t use laundry rooms, lounges or common areas in your apartment complex when alone.

When you’re out of town, put a few lights on a timer so it looks like someone’s home.

If you come home and it appears that your apartment or house has been broken into, get to a safe place and call 9-1-1 — do not enter.

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SUMMER EMPLOYMENT & CAREER PREP Is your student still looking for a summer job? Are they thinking about changing their major — or maybe even taking some time off from school? From career prep to study abroad, here is food for thought (and conversation).

Meaningful

summer experiences

for college students

By Tami Campbell

The end of the academic year is coming up fast! After all their hard work, your student has earned a little R&R, but it’s also important that they put together a plan for the next few months. Prospective employers look closely at how students choose to spend their summers.

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SUMMER EMPLOYMENT & CAREER PREP

4

Here are tips and ideas to share:

1

Does your student have the travel bug? Travel looks good on a resumé, but it’s most impressive when students can talk (for example, in a job interview) about what they’ve gained as a result.

Websites like www.volunteerhq.com, www.studyabroad.com, www.gooverseas.com and www.volunteerforever.com are clearinghouses for programs where students can study, teach or volunteer overseas, for a week or two or an entire summer. On these sites your student (and you) can read reviews of programs, some of which are low-cost or even free, and also find travel and safety tips.

Get a job that strengthens their resumé The key is to find one that will develop critical soft (nontechnical) skills.

Topping the list of these sought-after skills: ··

Communication (verbal and written)

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Leadership

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Teamwork

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Problem-solving

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Other ways to spend a productive summer:

Add to accomplishments as a volunteer or unpaid intern

Summer school Summer is an ideal time to get a course requirement or two out of the way without the demands and distractions of a regular term.

Your student can register through their own university or at a local community college. Especially if they’ve transferred, changed majors or otherwise slowed progress on a four-year degree, summer school is a way to catch up.

This meaningful way of spending a summer also adds value to a student resumé, especially when they have limited work experience. ··

They should look for something related to their field of study and/or a potential career. If they need to build up their bank account, they can combine a part-time unpaid internship or volunteer position with a paid summer job such as restaurant work, lifeguarding or babysitting.

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Graduate school preparation Upperclassmen considering graduate school should be researching programs and doing test prep this summer. Since test scores keep for five years, even younger students can study for and take the GMAT, LSAT or GRE (tests required for admission to graduate programs in business, law, the sciences and humanities; students heading to medical school will take the MCAT). It’s smart to take the test while they still have a student mindset plus have time to study.

Help them define some goals. Do they want to learn more about a particular subject? Are there skills they hope to develop? The best volunteer experience will allow them to make a contribution and meet their goals.

3

Travel – with purpose

Start a business

Entrepreneurial students typically have qualities employers value in a new hire: initiative and motivation as well as problem-solving, decision-making and organizational skills. Has your student been thinking about developing an app or starting a nonprofit? Spend some time brainstorming together. Help them find the resources they need, but let them take the lead and do the work.

Making the most of a summer position Not every summer job or internship will be wildly exciting or lead to a post-college job offer, but there are ways to get the most out of almost any opportunity. Hints for your student: Never eat alone If you spend your lunch break staring at your phone, you miss a chance to get to know a coworker (or two or three) and find out more about the organization you’re part of for the summer. With half an hour at the office picnic table, you can connect, discuss, analyze and joke. You can also ask questions in this informal space, and the camaraderie will help you feel at ease more quickly.

Study the boss Your supervisor must have done something right to reach that position so don’t be afraid to ask them for advice. And be observant. What does the boss do well? What do you admire about your supervisor that might be worth emulating? Do they have shortcomings? What are they and what seems to be the source (not enough staff, time constraints, etc.)? What would you do differently in that role?

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When your student needs a break from college

by Kimberly Yavorski

You may have thought getting into college was the tough part (for your student and you), and in four years your family would be celebrating a graduation. However, for many students — possibly including your own — a detour is necessary.

It’s common for students to take time off from school, and equally natural for parents to worry when this happens. What if your student never goes back?

student may say he didn’t go to class. Why? Because I was playing video games. Why? Because my grandpa died.”

More reasons students need or want to step away from college: ··

Changing majors or life goals. Nearly one third of undergraduates change their major at least once.** Some discover new interests; others merely decide what they don’t want to study. They may worry about incurring debt while trying to make up their mind.

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Family changes, including finances.

A death, illness or other major event can mean a move back home to care for others. Money may also be a factor.

Your family may have underestimated the cost of higher education, or your financial situation has changed.

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The college is a poor fit, or college itself doesn’t feel right. A bachelor’s degree isn’t the answer for everyone — some students discover their goals can be met at a community college, a trade school or through an apprenticeship.

Poor grades can stem from: Jaimis Ulrich, Assistant Director of Admissions at Whittier College, says that when students use their time off wisely, they’re often more motivated when they return. The key is to formulate a plan to complete their studies. Parents can help — here’s how.

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Lack of time management skills.

Students have left the structure of high school and home behind and the college work load is much heavier.

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Mental health challenges, which can emerge or be exacerbated by the pressures of college life. One in three freshmen is affected by anxiety, depression, or another mental health issue.*

Step 1 Find out what’s going on.

Some students don’t have a choice. If they’re not making “satisfactory academic progress,” they receive a warning and, if grades don’t improve, face dismissal. While poor grades are the number one reason students leave college, Matthew Bambalough, an academic advisor at Indiana University, says there’s usually an underlying reason. For example, “a

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Learning disabilities. Today more students come to college with diagnosed learning disabilities, but the stigma hasn’t been fully erased, so they struggle. Some students “have had IEPs all their life and now don’t want to talk about it,” says Ulrich. Others are hampered by an undiagnosed learning disability.

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SUMMER EMPLOYMENT & CAREER PREP Step 2

··

Follow procedures.

No matter why the break was needed, make sure your student stays in touch with college staff. Even if they are granted a leave of absence, there will be paperwork and deadlines. Ulrich stresses that, when students return from short breaks, they must talk to professors and ask for what they need, such as an extension on an assignment deadline or extra help.

In case of academic dismissal, your student should communicate with their academic advisor about their options. You can help them examine what went wrong and make a plan to ensure it won’t happen again.

Consider tutors or counseling. Together, research the college’s requirements for reinstatement. “If students leave…with a game plan,” Ulrich says, “they are more likely to return.”

··

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Step 3 Help your student make meaningful use of the time away. ··

A job, internship or volunteer position can help guide them to a career or confirm that a change of major is warranted. They may want to combine this with travel if they feel they need the additional challenge and/or a change of scenery.

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They can take (or re-take) classes, perhaps at a local community college.

Not all colleges will accept classwork done at a CC, so make sure a course will qualify before investing time and money. Taking a reduced course load at community college is also a way to practice better study habits — there may even be a study skills class offered.

Address mental health concerns.

Though your student might “seem better” at home with stressors removed, they’ll benefit from working with a mental health professional to learn coping mechanisms for when they return to campus.

If a learning disability is the issue, be transparent with the college and encourage your student to use available accommodations. If they’re reluctant to engage with services, ask them to give the school permission to discuss academic information with you so you can be in touch with the office of accessibility/disability services yourself.

The most important step: Deepening parent-student communication.

Help your student become comfortable talking to you about their challenges. Share your own struggles and life detours — we all have them. Learn about campus resources together so you can encourage your student to self-advocate and make full use of all the support that’s available when they return, whether it’s classes in time management, academic advising services, or mental health/counseling services. *Auerbach, Randy P. et al. (2018). WHO World Mental Health Surveys International College Student Project: Prevalence and Distribution of Mental Disorders. American Psychological Assocation. Retrieved from: www.apa.org. **Leu, Katherine. (2017). Beginning College Students Who Change Their Majors Within 3 Years of Enrollment.

National Center for Education Statistics.

Retrieved from: nces.ed.gov.

If finances are the obstacle, talk to the school to see if they can help with additional aid or direct you to other resources. Work with your student to create and stick to a budget.

INSIDER TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL PARENTS Help your student prepare to make the most of new opportunities 33 Has your student thought about summer jobs or volunteer work that will help them settle on a major? They may want to combine a part-time internship/volunteer commitment with something more “summery.” (Tie this in to making a budget — see p. 38.)

33 Encourage your student to research clubs and student organizations at the college. A sense of belonging is a key ingredient to student success!

33 Will your student work while attending college? How many hours a week? They can look on the school website to see what kinds of on-campus positions are available.

33 Help them memorize their social security number (they need to know this to apply for jobs).

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Choosing a Major 6 Tips for Guiding Your Student

By Amy Baldwin, Ed.D.

Every parent wants their student to find their “calling” and click with a major that will help pave the way to a career. Students want that, too! But the process of declaring a major can be scary as well as exhilarating. “Am I making the right choice?” they wonder anxiously. “Will I be able to find a job after graduation?” And then there is the classic question from well-meaning family and friends. “What are you going to do with that?”

For students whose majors are clear pathways to careers (think nursing, or accounting), the last question can be answered easily. However, for undecided students worried not only about choosing the “right” major but also about how their degree will prepare them for employment someday, the question can increase their self-doubt. And with self-doubt comes even more anxiety.

Luckily, there are stress-reducing ways to support and guide students who are at this juncture.

1

Relax. (Yes, relax.)

No need to make this experience more traumatic than it already is.

Remember that it’s normal for the journey from major to career to twist and turn. Make an effort to keep things in perspective and you’ll be able to share this attitude with your student.

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2

Have them reflect on their past to figure out their future.

One of the best strategies to use with college students is to encourage them to reflect on what they liked when they were younger, what they did in their spare time for fun, and what activities they participated in and why.

Their past holds clues about the kinds of majors that might interest them. For example, someone who counseled their friends through difficult times may find themselves interested in psychology or social work.

An athlete might gravitate to sports management…or sports medicine.

SUMMER EMPLOYMENT & CAREER PREP

3

Encourage them to focus on what they want to learn, not what sounds good.

The best way to erase self-doubt is to find a subject they like and that will help them build transferable skills. Ask what kinds of classes interest them the most and which classes challenge them to think and grow. Their answers should give them an idea of what they want to spend several years studying.

A student who says they want to major in business “so my parents will leave me alone” is not a student who will be happy for long with their choice.

4

Suggest they compare degree plans and course descriptions.

Reading through the college’s course catalog is another way to narrow their choices. (The course catalog and degree requirements can be found on the school’s website.) If your student is choosing between economics and education, for example, suggest they read through the degree requirements (is there an internship requirement? a foreign language requirement?) to see which plan appeals to them more. Have them browse the course descriptions as well. They will spend a lot of time in their major courses and should be intrigued by the topics that await them in that department.

5

Remind them to speak regularly with an academic advisor and also a career counselor.

The academic advisor will help them navigate the process of completing a degree, and the career counselor can help them develop a plan to translate what they’re learning to workplace needs. Meeting with both throughout college can keep your student on track and help them make any needed adjustments along the way.

6

Suggest they interview recent college graduates.

Some of the best advice about college majors comes from recent graduates. New graduates are likely to tell your student that in general the skills they acquired in college (e.g., critical thinking, written communication, appreciation for diversity) are more important than the content knowledge they gained from their major. At the very least, their advice may lower the pressure to make a “right choice.”

What if my student wants to change their major?

Students change majors for a variety of reasons and it is perfectly normal. In some surveys as many as 80% of students have switched majors at least once.* But it can still be worrisome to parents, who wonder if their student will be able to graduate on time. In addition to discussing what led them to this new direction (was it a single fabulous course or professor? a new career goal?), here are a few questions you can ask to help your student make the best decision: ·· How many additional courses do you need to take? The earlier the change is made, the less likely your student will need to take lots of additional courses.

A double major or adding a minor may increase the time it takes to graduate, so if your student wants to delve deep in a second discipline, encourage them to work with their advisor on a degree plan.

·· Will you need to take more credit hours per term or take summer classes to stay on track? In some cases, an additional course per term or a couple of classes during the summer may be all that’s needed to graduate in four years. ·· What other requirements does the new degree plan include? Some degree plans require internships or practicums that must be taken into consideration. As always when working toward a degree, your student should consult with an academic advisor to ensure they are completing required courses in the right sequence. *www.insidehighered.com/news/2016/08/24/study-findsstudents-benefit-waiting-declare-major

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Is study abroad right for your student?

By Marlene Kern Fischer and Scott Sager

Study abroad can be easier and more affordable than many parents think, but there are also good reasons your student might choose to stay on campus all four years.

Scott on the benefits of study abroad: Taking my daughter to college, one semester was different from all the others.

Instead of lugging suitcases into a dorm room, I dropped her off at the airport to fly across the ocean.

Leaving her there, even with other students going on the same program, was nervewracking. How would she find her way around a foreign country? Could she make friends with students whose language she hadn’t mastered? Would we ever hear from her?

My fears were unfounded. Study abroad is a common part of the college experience today. The Institute of International Education reports that about 10 percent of undergrads study abroad and almost every school provides access to programs, planning advice and financial assistance.*

My friend Debbie encouraged her son, a student at the University of Maine, to study abroad and said, “I’d encourage any kid to...

You’ll do things you can’t do any other way, and it can be a life-changing experience.”

How do these programs work and what do they cost? Schools continue to eliminate barriers for students. Many run their own foreign programs — credits automatically show up on transcripts and tuition and fees, including financial aid, remain the same while the student is overseas. Other exchange programs let students enroll in a foreign university but pay tuition and fees (and continue receiving financial aid) at their home institution.

Academic preparations are necessary. Some programs have language requirements or other prerequisites. Students need to look at their major requirements and the impact being away from campus will have on their transcript. Sometimes a school will accept

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foreign classes for credit towards graduation, but departments may not accept those same classes for fulfilling major requirements.

Wondering how you’ll stay in touch? Luckily texting, Skype, email and other apps make continuous worldwide communication simple. The time difference will be the biggest obstacle!

A sense of distance, though, is an essential part of the study abroad experience.

Reflecting on her son, Debbie observed that he “figured out the business side of life” and came home with more independence and confidence. My daughter, too, returned from her program with a deeper trust in her own ability to manage new situations and places, be they airports, classrooms or offices. *The IIE publishes a helpful “Parent Guide to Study Abroad” which can be downloaded for free at iie.org.

SUMMER EMPLOYMENT & CAREER PREP Marlene on a semester spent NOT abroad: When my oldest son was in college, he was elected to the Greek Counsel for his junior year. It’s not that he wasn’t interested in going abroad, but he was very involved in Greek life and did not want to pass up the chance to take a leadership role. He ended up loving the position, which came with a tremendous amount of responsibility. I saw him grow and mature that year in so many ways and felt that he had made an excellent decision.

My middle son considered overseas study but could not find a program that fit his specific interests. His housing situation also played a role in his decision to stay — he didn’t want to give up his on-campus apartment in a new building with his friends.

Other students with 12-month leases might not have the funds to leave their apartments unoccupied; subtenants can be difficult to find (or prohibited by the landlord).

The round-trip airfare alone can be prohibitive, and Europe (a popular destination) is expensive, even when the exchange rate is favorable. In addition, not everyone’s family can afford to visit them if they go abroad, which can mean many months without seeing parents and siblings.

Some students may feel unsure about going so far from home, possibly to a country where they do not speak the language or know anyone. Not every 20-year-old is adventurous, and this is normal.

For students who want a new academic experience or change of scenery without leaving the country, there are programs at U.S. colleges that might be a better fit. My son’s friend Pierre, a Florida native attending college near Boston, chose to pursue coursework in cinema and media studies at the University of Southern California in lieu of studying abroad. In addition to classes, he interned at an entertainment agency.

Connections he made in Los Angeles helped him land a job after graduation.

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Many colleges and universities participate in domestic exchange programs. The National Student Exchange (www.nse.org) is another resource for opportunities.

If your student decides to stay put, encourage them to embrace all that’s positive about spending the semester NOT abroad. The extra time at school may open up new friendships and unexpected experiences. The road is long and the world will still be waiting when the time is right.

BOOST YOUR FAMILY’S FINANCIAL LITERACY It may not be possible to make financial planning fun…but you can take some of the pain out of it by scheduling a few practical working sessions with your student. Turn the pages for our best money topic tips.

Planning college expenses for next year’s

By Suzanne Shaffer

Last summer, your family had a rough idea of what a year of higher education would cost. You knew the price of tuition, room and board but other expenses weren’t quite as defined. Now you and your student can sit down and crunch the numbers. How much were textbooks? Did your student spend more on food and entertainment than planned? What about travel to and from campus?

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FINANCIAL LITERACY If there was a shortfall this year, and/or if you’re looking at a tuition increase next year, you can work together to find ways your student can economize or boost their income. Strategies to consider: 1. Get the most financial aid.

As you’ve learned, students who receive financial aid (or would like to be considered for financial aid) must reapply each year.

Most likely you’ve already done this since priority deadlines at many schools fall between January and March; if not, hop to it!

If there’s been a change in your family’s financial situation that isn’t captured by the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid), your student should meet with staff in the college’s financial aid office to communicate this and if necessary petition for an adjustment to their aid award.

attached to the financial aid award such as taking a certain number of credit hours or making satisfactory academic progress.

If a poor or failing grade this term might jeopardize your student’s eligibility for institutional grants or scholarships, they should meet ASAP with their academic advisor to discuss options such as retaking a class.

2. Apply for scholarships. (see box on p. xx).

3. Maximize earnings over the summer and consider schoolyear employment. (see p. xx).

6. Don’t forget to keep track of any loans.

You and your student may use federal or private student loans to help pay for college.

If the amount received was more than tuition, there might be “extra” money available.

Since repayment is usually deferred until graduation, it can be tempting to spend this money and then take out more loans for next year. Be sure your student understands how much money has been borrowed and who will be responsible for repaying it. This is not “free” money; it’s borrowed money.

4. Re-evaluate the meal plan.

Don’t pay for meals your student doesn’t eat.

5. Tweak travel expenditures.

If outlays on travel added up to more than was ideal, negotiate how many times your student will come home next school year. By deciding this now, they are forewarned and can come up with other ways to spend some of those breaks. Many schools plan activities, including service trips, for students who stick around while classes aren’t in session.

While you’re on this subject, be sure your student understands the connection between financial aid and academic performance. There are usually conditions

Study abroad changes the picture, so you will need to adjust your budget accordingly.

The college study abroad office can help your student estimate what a semester or year away will cost compared to staying on campus. If your student gets to choose their type of housing, a homestay will typically be less expensive than an apartment. You can use online cost-of-living calculators to research the city or country your student will study in. Good news: your student’s financial aid award from the college can be applied to study abroad expenses. Additionally, you may be able to use 529 college savings account funds; consult with your plan manager about whether the foreign institution is eligible.

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Summer money lessons

Bank accounts and budgets

If you haven’t already, help them set goals for earning and saving over the coming summer break. They may also appreciate your help making a budget for next school year, especially if they’re moving off campus and taking on new financial responsibilities. Budgeting apps like Mint are terrific, and printable worksheets provide a good visual that you can easily share. Download ours at bit.ly/cp-budget.

Okay, time to check in with your student about their current bank balance. One advantage of the cashless economy is that there’s a record of every last cup of coffee.

Comb through it all. Revisit the categories of expenses and discuss who will be responsible for what next year.

Where can they economize? ··

Textbooks, electronics, school supplies (did they rent textbooks or purchase them used?)

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Personal items (clothing, toiletries, laundry)

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Food/drink outside the meal plan, entertainment

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Share of the family phone bill

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Local travel (bus pass, gas, Uber)

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Travel home (plane, train), recreational travel (weekends, spring break)

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Sorority/fraternity or club/team dues

Make it a goal for your student to maintain a certain level of savings.

It’s important for them to have an emergency fund.

The perks of campus employment College students who work part-time (15-20 hours a week max) during the school year get better grades than those who don’t.* They tend to be more focused, organized and conscientious about budgeting time for study. Many parents also feel that students who contribute financially to their education are more invested and less likely to take the opportunity for granted.

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FINANCIAL LITERACY *The 2009 NASPA study, “First-Year Students’ Employment, Engagement, and Academic Achievement: Untangling the Relationships Between Work and Grades” by G.R. Pike, G.D. Kuh and R.C. Massa-McKinley, is often cited and its findings have held up over time.

So a job is a win-win, and a campus job is a win-win-win. Student employees meet more of their fellow students as well as more faculty members, administrators and staff — a great network for career mentorship, professional references and all-around support.

If federal work study is part of your student’s financial aid package, they can research and apply for available work-study positions, but there are plenty of part-time jobs on campus for non work-study students, too. The career services and student employment offices host job fairs and maintain online listings. Students can also check the flyers posted on bulletin boards in academic departments, residence halls and other campus buildings.

Students who contribute financially to their education are more invested and less likely to take the opportunity for granted.

A few on-campus departments that often hire students: ··

Admissions office

··

Recreation center

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Library

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Dining facilities

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Bookstore

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Museums, art galleries, performance spaces

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Alumni office

Another plus if your student will live off campus next year: an oncampus job helps them stay connected to their college community.

The more time they spend on campus, the more likely they are to take advantage of study groups, professors’ office hours, campus social events and other opportunities that contribute to engagement and happiness.

Something to keep in mind: Your student’s academic schedule will get more intense each year, and they may need to work fewer hours at their paying job as a result.

There are scholarships for upperclassmen!

There’s a common misconception that scholarships are only available for high school seniors but nothing could be further from the truth.

Scholarships for current college students may be career or major specific and sometimes come in the form of grants and fellowships. To begin the search, your student should contact the financial aid office and career center on their campus. Professors may have information about scholarship opportunities as well.

Your student can also use popular scholarship search engines like Scholarships.com, MyScholly, Scholarships360 and Cappex specifying “current college student” or do a Google search with the same terms.

Scholarships are a straightforward way to reduce any family’s higher education costs. Whatever your financial situation, encourage your student to keep applying for scholarships throughout college.

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Borrowing for college Advice about loans for students and parents

By Suzanne Shaffer

If you’re the parent of a current college student, or of a high school student heading in that direction, statistics on student loan debt are worrisome. Forty-four million borrowers in the U.S. collectively owe $1.5 trillion. “Student loan debt is now the second highest consumer debt category — behind only mortgage debt — and higher than both credit cards and auto loans.” * No one wants their student to graduate with mounds of debt and start their adult life struggling to survive on their entry-level salary.

The good news: every parent can and should educate their student on student loan borrowing to avoid unmanageable debt after graduation.

Federal student loans are offered as subsidized and unsubsidized.

With the Federal Direct Subsidized Loan, the government pays the interest while the student is in college. With the Federal Direct Unsubsidized Loan, the government collects interest while the student attends college. With both loans, the student must complete the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) to qualify.

To do this, it helps to understand some key factors: the types of student loans available, borrowing guidelines, repayment calculations and loan interest information.

Parents may also qualify for a Parent PLUS Loan to pay for college.

Payments begin when the loan is disbursed. To be eligible, the student and family must complete the FAFSA and a parent can’t have an adverse credit history. Visit nerdwallet.com for comparisons of private lenders.

Student loan options There are two basic types of student loans: federal loans, which include student borrowers and parent borrowers, and private loans, which usually involve a parent co-signer. Federal loans are preferred over private loans — interest rates are lower and repayment terms more flexible.

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FINANCIAL LITERACY Guidelines to follow when borrowing You don’t have to accept all or any of the student loans offered in your student’s financial aid package. Many students sign on the dotted line at the financial aid office each year without paying enough attention to the total amount they’re borrowing and therefore what they’ll be required to repay each month after graduation.

INSIDER TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL PARENTS

Jodi Okun of College Financial Aid Advisors recommends that students not borrow more than they expect to earn their first year out of college. “For example, if a student expects to make $45,000 their first year working out of college, a good rule of thumb for the student is not to borrow more than $45,000 for their entire college education.” (Read “Managing Student Loans — Advice from an Expert” on collegiateparent.com.)

Help your student learn to manage their own finances 33 Have your student create a budget. Discuss what expenses you will cover and what you expect them to pay for. They should think through how much money they need to save for all the items that fall in their column (the amount may be their goal for earnings from a summer job).

Repayment calculators — an essential reality check Repayment calculators are invaluable loan planning tools and easy to use. Your student simply enters the amount they’re considering borrowing and the interest rate to determine the amount of repayment. Using the Federal Repayment Calculator (finaid.org), you can see that borrowing $100,000 for college will require a $1,150 payment each month after graduation for 10 years. Find more loan repayment calculators on studentloanhero.com.

33 Have they researched and applied for outside scholarships to supplement any financial aid from the college?

33 Help them open a checking account if they don’t have one. (Even if they won’t be writing actual checks, they need a checking account to have an ATM card.) Consider one where you have joint access so you can easily transfer funds and have visibility to their spending.

Student loan interest rates The Federal Reserve raised interest rates on student loans in 2018 for the second year in a row. The good news is that, once you lock in the loan, your loan rate won’t change for the duration of the loan; increased rates will only apply to new loans. Undergraduate student loan interest rates are currently 5.05 percent and Parent PLUS loans are 7.60 percent. For more information on student loan rates, read “Borrowing for College Just Got More Expensive” (consumerreports.org).

33 Does your student know the details of the family mobile phone/data plan and associated costs of all their devices?

When should parents borrow to help finance their student’s higher education?

With college costs rising, it can be tempting to take out a loan yourself or dip into your retirement funds. The wiser approach would be to guide your student toward an affordable college choice — one that doesn’t require either of you taking out loans but rather is financed by funds you can afford, scholarships and financial aid (need-based or merit aid). If you do borrow to pay your student’s college bills, be careful not to compromise your own financial future. *Friedman, Zack. (2018). Student Loan Debt Statistics in 2018: A $1.5 Trillion Crisis. Forbes. Retrieved from forbes.com.

Students who take out loans should have a goal of making small payments while in college, even if it’s only the interest that’s accruing.

These small payments will make a helpful dent in the total loan amount after graduation.

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Where we’re going next

By Cheryl Gottlieb Boxer

I recently viewed an incredible video. Produced by the BBC and part of a nature series entitled “Life Story,” the short film follows the harrowing descent of a barnacle gosling from its nest high up in the cliffs of eastern Greenland.

Barnacle geese build their nests hundreds of feet up to avoid predators such as Arctic foxes. But as the geese eat only grass, and since geese parents don’t feed their young, the only way for the goslings to survive is to cliff dive 400 feet to the grassy feeding grounds below.

Urged by its mother’s distinctive call to make this alarming leap of faith, the film shows a three-day-old gosling reluctantly leaving its nest to drop, roll and tumble down the cliff wall. Battered and stunned, but alive, the courageous gosling is reunited with its parents on the isolated slope below.

While the narrator of the film extolled the chick’s bravery, I found myself unable to take my eyes off the mother goose. Watching anxiously from far below as her baby takes this terrifying tumble, uncertain of the outcome yet accepting the necessity of the leap, all she can do is wait. And trust.

I feel a bit like that mother goose. With a son in college and a daughter nearing the end of her high school career, I am watching my own children take a similarly bold dive into the real world, into meaningful adult lives separate from me.

The fact that I’ve been preparing my children for this independence their entire lives leaves me no less blindsided by the difficult reality of their leaving. From the moment we teach them to zip their jackets and tie their shoes before the harried rush to the bus stop, to white-knuckled driving lessons and emotional college move-ins, our children have been leaving us in a series of sometimes almost imperceptible little goodbyes.

My son was recently home for a short visit from college. On the night before his scheduled departure, he came into the den where I was watching a movie. He sat down next to me, rested his head on my shoulder, and started telling me about the film he was making for his media studies class. He mentioned his interest in studying abroad during his junior year, and shared stories about new friends in his residence hall. I tried to focus on his words as my body soaked in the delicious warmth and weight of him, my first-born son. And while my head counseled me to memorize this feeling because these moments of intimacy were surely numbered, my heart assured me that everything was exactly as it should be.

Each goodbye is a reminder of all that my husband and I have given our children. Their lives have been made up of a multitude of dress rehearsals preparing them for this

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moment. And preparing me as well.

Motherhood has changed me in profound ways. My children’s necessary and inevitable leap of faith is also my exuberant leap of faith. Of course I’ll miss having them under my roof at night, safe in their beds. I’ll miss Friday night footballs games, choral concerts, archery competitions and spirited conversations around the dinner table. My son and daughter have brought noise and light and life into our home.

But there are things I still want and need to do. There are poems and essays to write, important causes to devote my time to, faraway places to visit, and new people to meet.

That’s not to say letting go will be easy.

Certainly there is nothing easy about a death-defying drop down sheer rock.

But I believe that, like those indomitable barnacle goslings, we are all more resilient than we know.

And like that mother goose, I am choosing to trust that we’re ready for a breathtaking leap into this next stage of life.

Meet our writers AMY BALDWIN, ED.D. is the Director of Student Transitions at the University of Central Arkansas and co-author, with Brian Tietje, of A High School Parent’s Guide to College Success: 12 Essentials.

She is also the co-author of The College Experience, The Community College Experience and The College Experience Compact, all published by Pearson Education. Amy and her husband are parents of a college sophomore and a high school junior.

CHERYL GOTTLIEB BOXER lives in New Jersey, where she micromanages a husband, her teenage children and a confounding cockapoo. Her writing has appeared in The Mighty, Grown & Flown, Her View From Home, Kveller, Parent & Co. and Sammiches & Psych Meds.

You can follow Cheryl at Facebook.com/ nosickdaysformom.

TAMI CAMPBELL owns Level Up Career Services, a firm specializing in working with college students and recent graduates on their job search. She lives in Michigan.

MARLENE KERN FISCHER

SCOTT SAGER is a freelance writer

is a wife, mother, blogger (Thoughts From Aisle Four) and essay coach. Founding contributor at CollegiateParent, her work has been featured on many other sites including Huffington Post, Grown & Flown, Parent & Co., the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, MockMom and Beyond Your Blog.

living in Brooklyn, New York who recently retired his long-running column, “The Dad.” Scott and his wife have two young adult daughters.

CONNIE LISSNER is a writer, lawyer, wife and more importantly, the mother of two sons — one in college and the other a recent graduate. Connie’s parenting escapades have been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, Grown & Flown, Scary Mommy, LifeAfter50, Club Mid, BlogHer and in the book Not Your Mother’s Book…on Parenting.

VICKI NELSON has more than 35 years’ experience in higher education as a professor, academic advisor and administrator. Her website, College Parent Central, is a source of bountiful information and support for the families of college students.

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SUZANNE SHAFFER counsels students and families through her blog, Parenting for College. The Parent College Coach for Smart College Visit, her advice has been featured on Huffington Post, Yahoo Finance, U.S. News College, TeenLife online magazine, College Focus and Noodle Education as well as CollegiateParent.

KIMBERLY YAVORSKI is a mom of four who writes frequently on the topics of parenting, education, social issues, travel and the outdoors. Her work has been published in Your Teen, Grown & Flown, Her View From Home, Reader’s Digest and more.