Out of Isolation, Into Community

SIDE BY SIDE

Susan Zimmerman

If, as the old cliché goes, motherhood is right up there with apple pie, then being a mom must be as sweet as America’s iconic dessert.

Motherhood can be a wonderful and deeply satisfying experience, especially for the believer who desires to shape young lives to love and follow Jesus. But, being a mom, especially of babies and young children, can also be enormously challenging and isolating.

Here’s how a few College Church moms, both experienced and younger, describe how motherhood felt initially:

“Being a mom to young kids was a very hard season for me.”

“I felt very isolated the first few months and had no mom friends.”

“I have found this time of life to be quite isolating.”

A VISION FOR MOM COMMUNITY IN THE CHURCH

While these comments don’t reflect the overall experience of all mothers, every mom needs connection and community. The desire to meet such needs by bringing moms into community within the embrace of the local church was part of what led one mom to launch Mom to Mom (M2M) at College Church in the fall of 2014. Janet Click (former College Church member who has since moved to the Madison, WI area) had long felt God planting “the seeds of a mom’s ministry in my heart.”

Janet saw a vision for a ministry that would be more than simply a place for young moms to meet and share their common experience. Because, as one young mom explains, play dates and outings at the park, helpful as those can be, frequently turn into “so many potty-training conversations!”

Moms want more. Jesus wants more for them.

Janet adopted Hebrews 10:23–25 when she proposed the ministry to College Church: “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Looking back on how M2M came to be, Janet says, “Through too many miracles to name, M2M was born at College Church, a ministry with a mission to reach young moms for Christ and equip them in their God-given roles for ministry.”

MENTORS ARE KEY

M2M started with a simple structure, one that has been largely retained since 2014 (though has been adapted to evening meetings during the pandemic): once-monthly Monday morning meetings at church where moms bring their little ones, oncemonthly open gym times in the Commons gym and occasional “Mom’s Night Out” gatherings for presentations, panel discussions, group table times and fellowship.

During 2014, M2M averaged about 20 moms each with one or more children, and by the beginning of 2018, the meetings were averaging 35-40 moms and 55-65 kids. Significantly, according to Janet, the attendance shifted from core College Church moms to some College Church moms plus some moms new to the church, some moms from other churches and some moms who did not go to church at all.

“It became a good landing spot,” says Janet.

Why? From the start, M2M incorporated a key component missing from many other young mom communities: experienced moms who commit to being mentors and to walking alongside the younger women in the shared journey of motherhood from a biblical perspective.

College Church director of women’s ministries Mindy Rynbrandt describes the mentoring role this way: “As directed in Titus 2:3-4 [“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior. . . .and so train the young women to love their husbands and children”], it is a joy to see more seasoned Christian moms caring for and investing in young moms who are earlier on their motherhood journey.”

Mindy continues, “Using the shared experience of motherhood, and agreeing on the common desire to be faithful followers of Jesus in their motherhood, I see mentors and moms mutually blessed in relationship. In our society when families tend to be more geographically spread out, it is beautiful to see the family of God functioning as a true family.”

WHY MENTORS VOLUNTEER

Shelly Wildman was inspired to be a mentor (and a co-leader with Janet and now a lay leader of the ministry) because when she was a young mom, “I desperately wanted a mentor. I had noticed a woman at church who I really would have liked to meet with, but I never had the courage to ask her. Then, one day, she moved away. I had lost my chance. It would have been so nice to have someone to bounce off my questions . . . to have someone to encourage me in my walk with Jesus.”

Now, Shelly sees M2M as “a perfect fit for me. I want to help provide a place for young moms to come together, to connect with one another and to bounce ideas/questions/concerns off an older, seasoned mom.”

For Shelly, “M2M has been such a special place for me to be able to give back to the moms of our church. I’ve been so encouraged to see women pursuing Christ in their families and reaching out for friendship and mentorship with other women.”

Allison Bonga volunteered to be a mentor “primarily because I love people! I love that this ministry gives young moms a space to build community, a place for them to receive encouragement, make connections with older women and a place for their kids to play and socialize (in a normal year).”

Allison sees M2M “encouraging community, godly marriages and parenting, and [the young moms’] walk with Jesus.” She has seen her relationships develop naturally through time. “Two in particular just started from being in a small group together at a M2M, them asking to hang out sometime, and from there, other times together, checking in, meeting at a park, etc.”

Holly Setran became a mentor because she remembers “how much I valued the advice and wisdom of older moms when I was a young mom. I love how this ministry ministers to moms right where their needs are―young moms are often desperate for community, often feeling isolated at home caring for their children, and also how it is a great place for the church to engage with moms who aren’t believers.”

Holly shares honestly with young moms from her own experience. “It is very fulfilling to be able to share with young moms who are struggling that they are not alone, as I can remember and identify with their struggles and share how I saw God work through those struggles.”

Currently Holly is mentoring a young mom as they together read a book on prayer. “I am learning so much myself as I read through the book with her, and we discuss it. We pray for one another and talk about how we see God at work in our lives. Getting to know her sweet children is a fun added bonus.”

WHY YOUNG MOMS ATTEND

Elizabeth Larsen started attending M2M shortly after moving to Wheaton from Chicago. “I didn’t know anyone in the area, so initially it was just a way to meet others in the community. Now, as a member of College Church, I see M2M as an opportunity for regular fellowship with peers. I also value the opportunity to connect with and learn from moms in later stages.

“There’ve been times when I’ve felt like I am alone in terms of a particular challenge I’m facing, but M2M has helped me realize that many of my struggles are common to motherhood.”

During the pandemic, M2M has been meeting one evening a month for moms and mentors to together discuss Courtney Reissig’s book, Glory in the Ordinary. Despite the shorter and socially distanced format, Elizabeth has thoroughly enjoyed the book study. “It’s given me a new perspective on my work in the home and helped me see how I can image and glorify God in the mundane happenings of the home.”

Gisela Gottlieb has especially appreciated the resources she has received from panel discussions with mentor moms. “I don’t have time to research so I have been so blessed by quality books/podcasts/articles that have been presented. The variety of subjects covered has been great!”

One of Gisela’s favorite past sessions was a presentation by former children’s ministry director Diane Jordan on disciplining and discipling children. “It is so easy to despair that our children’s hearts will never change, but it is essential that we understand we can’t “hammer” it in. We are to persevere, pray and be good custodians of these lives, but it is God who softens the heart.”

Gisela comments that other moms in the community outside College Church can feel welcome at M2M. “I could bring a new Christian mom to the group, and she would be able to follow what is going on and feel comfortable joining in.”

A young mom who started attending M2M when it first began in 2014 went initially to build friendships with other young moms. She found friendship but discovered far more. “I have been to many moms’ groups, but these moms [at M2M] are by far the most transparent, and the messages are always grounded in biblical truths that transcend the how-to-raise-mybaby books.”

This mom especially appreciates the mentor moms, their “hearts of service.” She has experienced this personally with one mentor who has been “very good at reaching out, generous with her time and resources,” and has become “a grandma figure to my kids, talking with them about how much Jesus loves them.”

M2M, says this young mother, “is a place where they don’t tiptoe around the gospel. At M2M I was challenged to not let go of my quiet time just because I am so busy with my kids. It’s refreshing to be challenged in this way.”

READY TO JUMP IN?

Even with a warm welcome, some might hesitate. “The two most common barriers to involvement that I see are time and insecurity,” says Mindy. “Women at all stages of life are busy, often caring for the needs of others. As for insecurity, young moms often feel intimidated by more experienced moms who seem to have already figured things out. More experienced moms [potential mentors] say, ‘I’m not sure I have anything of value to offer, and besides, I don’t think they’d want to hear what I have to say.”

Mindy counters with reassurance for both young moms and mentors. “I wish that young moms could be reassured that every mom has fumbled her way through life with little ones. And I try to remind experienced moms that the empathy, perspective and even wisdom they can offer can be a gift during a challenging season.”

Current participants echo Mindy’s reassurances. “I can feel inadequate,” says mentor Allison Bonga. “But I have learned that these moms are just eager to talk about their lives.” “M2M is a great way to connect with moms in varying stages and be encouraged in your motherhood journey,” says young mom Elizabeth Larsen.

Adds Allison, “We’d love to have you join us!”

COMING UP AT M2M

Mom’s Night Out!

Join us for our book discussion on Glory in the Ordinary by Courtney Reissig. No problem if you don’t have the book, you can still join in. All meetings from 7-8 pm in the Fireside Room.

Monday, March 1: Chapter 6, “Miles to Go before I Sleep,” finding rest in the midst of motherhood.

Monday, April 5: Chapter 7, “Am I Getting Fired?” moving from guilt to freedom in the never-ending work of the home.

Monday, May 3: Chapter 8, “Our Work Is Taking Us Somewhere,” discovering how our work is for the good of the world now and in the world to come.

DISCOVERIES MADE AT M2M

I’ve been reminded that our kids are not products but are themselves individuals and image bearers. It is so easy to get caught up in the false idea that I need to do ‘everything right’ to ensure my child will turn out to be an intelligent, Bible-believing adult. I think my love of control is always highlighted in one way or another through being a mom.

―Gisela Gottlieb, M2M participant

When I first became a mom, I thought that it was all about me molding and shaping this child, with God’s help, into a healthy, functioning adult that loves God and lives for him. While that is true, God also taught me that parenting is just as much about Him refining me and growing me in Christlikeness. Parenting has shone a spotlight on the idols of my heart.

―Holly Setran, M2M mentor