25 minute read
Confronting Privilege and Crossing Norms Grant Chinn
Valeria, born in Tijuana. She is currently an art student in UABC (Universidad Autónoma de Baja California) and has just over a year to complete her degree in fine arts. She was part of PPAC´s (Programa de Producción de Arte Contemporáneo; it's a program for anyone who is interested to learn how to create art) second generation by Relaciones Inesperadas (a small institution based in Tijuana for creative people and artists).
Grant Chinn: You mentioned that you identify more closely with the queer community than the community of your own country. So how do the norms of your country make you feel that you can’t express yourself fully?
more myself being in the U.S. than in Mexico because most of the time if I do it in the U.S., people don’t care, they’re just like ok, but in mexico they look at you and I’m not saying it’s not in the U.S., but it’s less than in Mexico. I think I know more about how the queer community is in the U.S. than in Mexico because there aren’t as many documents or information about it in Mexico than here and not even about the laws. I just think that the queer community is just a general community around the world than just in a singular place, so I feel more free in the queer community and expressing myself and being queer in the queer community. You know in Mexico I’m a little scared to be outside. If I have armpit hair and leg hair, and it’s hot outside, I need to prepare myself for that. But if I’m in a more inclusive space like the Pride Festival, then I don’t care.
G: So in San Diego, you feel that people care less about the physical appearance of a person ?
gender nonconforming folks, what if they don't fit in the sports boxes.
G: What is the privilege that allows someone to stay on one side of the gender binary?
Valeria Ortega: I don’t think it’s exactly like in my country, but I feel more free as in I can be
V: Well you’re privileged if you’re a man. But like if you’re a woman by birth and you don’t really identify with any of it, it is hard to give up that little part of privilege that you could have by being woman and being part of the binary instead of being part of a third gender that nobody recognizes or validates, because people don’t believe it could be possible. It’s because they don’t know someone in this situation or they aren’t close to the idea that there could be someone who could be both male and female. But in general males are the privileged. It’s cultural, this is what we’ve been taught. I’m from Mexico and I know that this situation is global, but in my country which is male centralized, males can do whatever they want and most of the time they won't be questioned for it just because “that's how boys are”, “let boys be boys” this is all bullshit. Almost everything is especially created for the male gaze, that makes them privileged. And a fun fact is that because of my appearance I can enjoy a little of this privilege sometimes.
V: Yeah, I think mostly in California, not the entire United States, that people are more G: So how do you deal with how society gives privilege to others?
accepting. There is something about the State of California, I don't know exactly what it is, it could be the history within like San Francisco and Harvey Milk or the cultural diversity. I’m V: I recently told my girlfriend that I’m just coming out and like this is my second coming out not sure. I’m just aware that there is this strong presence of the Queer community in California, of my life and many people don’t know, so most people I know see me as a woman. So I take stronger in San Francisco and Los Angeles. privilege, advantage of that. And out in the world and nobody knows me, I can pretend I’m a
49 G: How do you see concepts of masculinity and gender within the context of a hyper-masculine setting like sports? V: Masculinity is more accepted in general. Like if a man dresses or acts more feminine, then they are discriminated or made fun of. Or if a woman displays herself in a masculine way, people might be disrespectful, but it is more permitted than a man wearing dresses. Like we wear pants, and I bought man’s clothes because I feel comfortable in them, but people see me as a woman and it’s ok you know? I think that because most of society is in a state of patriarchy, it’s expected for men to be masculine and it depends on the level of perception that you have on these issues in society. If you are a woman and if you are masculine there is this thing called female masculinity and it depends, like when queer people don’t present themselves as women but their body is masculine, it’s just another way that masculinity is perceived. Like most people think that women who dress masculine want to be men, but it’s not the case. Now everything is around this man and masculinity idea in general, like we are all immersed in this. Like ok femininity and masculinity and all these roles that evolved with these concepts and if you break the rules in a sense, then it’s not accepted. And if it’s because it’s not even by choice, and it’s just the way you are just the way you look, like a dis androgynous look, people are still going to be confused. G: So what do you think it’ll take for people to acknowledge and accept this kind of ambiguity of identity? V: Ohh I ask too much. I have hope that somehow we all can. I recently read some results of a survey that an organization made to see how many people in the U.S. of different ages thought about themselves as queer, and most of the people between ages 18-32 thought of themselves guy and most people see me as a guy, like they believe they know that I’m a guy and I get into the men’s room or the girl’s room as I please, like to be able to do that I perceive it as privilege in a way, it depends on the day and how I perceive each day, like some days are harder. Because I realize that this is the way I’m moving and living and people don’t know and they wouldn’t recognize it, so when people see me and don’t know what pronoun to use, it makes me so uncomfortable, extremely uncomfortable and if maybe it shouldn’t be like that. People wouldn’t be confused like I don’t know it just depends on how my mood is each day. I used to get mad when people would call me a “he,” but now I don’t care. I prefer female pronouns, but now I don’t really care if people call me he, she, they, or whatever. Like it’s hard sometimes to see all these cisgender people walking around, living their lives in the easiest way possible. Like I’m not saying their lives are easier, but their life is easier because they are not struggling with gender or sexuality. Like if you are cisgender – this means that you gender identity fits with your sex and plus– if you are also straight, then you are living comfortably, even if you have other problems or struggles. Well I’m the whole package, I’m queer, not cisgender and Mexican and sometimes people see me as a woman, so I’m extremely unprivileged but I also feel extremely privileged for being like this, being a little more different than usual, it has its advantages, one of them is being part of such beautiful and supportive communities. At this part of my life I’m extremely proud of being queer, Mexican and non-binary and I find privilege on being commonly unprivileged. G: What was it like accepting that people would call you he or she? V: Well it just happened. Like when I was in high school, I would wear skirts for school because we had uniforms, and people would still be like why is this guy wearing a skirt? So I got really sad about it and really bothered, and my girlfriend at the time would call them out about it and be like: “She’s a girl!” Right now, like in Mexico when people are selling you
out of the binary and represented themselves in an ambiguous way. It’s never been like that things at street lights are like, “hey young guy or hey lady” it depends on how they see me. and it’s something new. Like 10 years ago, this kind of expression and identity wasn’t possible. When I’m wearing earrings and then they call me a she, and if not then they are confused and And if it keeps going this way and with this new representation on TV like this series, Billions, they call me a he, but it’s just earrings you know? When I had my hair a little longer, people on the Showtime Network, they added a non-binary character for the first time ever, then it’s used to see me as a guy when I was really little. Then when I shaved it, more people saw me as about getting involved in the media and in pop culture where everybody absorbs everything. a girl and I was really confused. Like it just happens, so I just accepted that I couldn’t change So if this individualization and the representation of this identity that exists and has been people’s perceptions, like how they look at me they are going to see me the way they want to. existing for years and for always, then people are going to see it as normal. So I hope that it will And sometimes it’s funny when they call me a he and they hear my voice, they are like, “ohh work like that. I’m sorry,” because they really apologize and are really sorry, but it’s fine I don’t care, sometimes it’s worse to apologize a lot than to just change the pronoun. And yeah I get hit on
G: Why do you think that how we conceptualize gender is so black and white? by straight guys and girls, by everyone, they find me attractive. It’s really funny when gay guys
hit on me at pride or at the club. V: Because people think that sex and gender is the same, but they aren't. Sex is around
biological facts like genitalia, chromosomes or hormones and gender is a construct, mostly G: So how do you know when people are ready to acknowledge your identity and talk about it social, it depends on how you perceive yourself within your own context, where are you from openly?
and your culture. Mostly if you have a penis, or you have a vagina, then people are like “oh they are a girl or a boy.” this left out intersex individuals because they’re born with ambiguous V: I do it all the time. I don’t let people feel prepared unless I’m really close to them, I just sexual characteristics and most of the time they are immersed in surgical or hormonal process speak up. And it’s easier if you start slowly and slowly, like I do it with my classmates and that they didn’t choose, because we are strongly categorizing gender in the binary - just woman family, each time I can bring up gender and sexuality I speak out and am intentional about and man, there is no in between, that’s just how we grow up. If you are nonconforming with talking about these issues, I won’t shut up. I feel like right now in the small group in my gender like me, and you are discovering yourself, you realize that it’s not the case and you feel college classes that I’m in , they know a little more, they know enough to not be discriminatory. left out and it’s really amazing to find another one that feels the way that you do. I guess just Sometimes I don’t even do it on my own, they bring it up and it’s easier that way, they are when people ask you if you are a girl or a boy, they are asking you if you have a penis or if you learning and they are interested, they want to know more. It’s important to speak up, to learn have a vagina. When that has nothing to do with it. about it and educate yourself in the matter so you can teach others about it, it normalizes things and it is something that has to be done.
G: What’s interesting is that in sports, there’s this sort of prototypical athlete with a certain body type or a certain height, so I’d imagine there are pressures around gender and sexuality in the G: How did you begin to accept who you were? sports world. Could you elaborate on that?
V: When I realized I wasn’t straight, I was in denial for two years, even though my sister was V: I’m not too familiarized with the sports situation, but I remember there is a guy named Chris gay, and my parents knew and were accepting, I saw the bad things too, I didn’t want to tell and he qualified to be an Olympian for the U.S. and he’s trans. There was a lot of publicity in them and I didn’t want to accept myself, so how could they? I think it's because I was in the this, it’s like really sad that it’s until now that it’s happening that a lot of athletes who change closet for so long, that I didn’t want to accept it. Then when I was in high school I started their gender, but don’t really classify as woman or man. There is an ex Olympic swimmer reading about transitions for transgender people and I made an investigation about it and I got named Casey Legler. And she had this dis androgynous look and people said things about her really interested and in some point in my life I was like oh my god what if I am trans, like this so she quit. Like if it’s already hard for people who are homosexual to be in sports when there is how I feel and I started questioning and I got really scared like first I’m not straight, now is like these physical characteristics because of ambiguity of gender or like expression or just this? I started reading things and looking on the internet, that is why I’m open on social media. anatomy. It´s a problem that should be fixed, soon because this is depressing, if it’s for men and Meeting this guy on an app for women it’s called her. And meeting this guy completely I read your interview and you said there is a problem with your height, like there are men that changed my perspective, like he’s trans but I’m not. I never specify how I feel because I am still are shorter and there are women who are taller, like I don’t know, these are ideas we’ve been scared about how I will be accepted, even in the community. So I’m waiting for a moment to be carrying for years and years, but like for people who are taller or who are shorter, if they are like fuck it. Even in the queer community, seuxality is completely accepted, but gender is not. competing, then there should be no reason they are left out and neglected from training that Like if there is a trans couple that just looks like a woman and a man, they will be like what they could have. It's a fact that there are physical differences between sexes, and many are you doing here, you aren’t queer. There is still a conflict in the community that I can see and
categories in sports are based in this but that could be a problem for trans individuals or I am aware of. There is still a lot of discrimination against bisexual people. ●
visit: www.collectivemagpie.org/book for the remainder of this interview and another conducted by Grant Chinn and to download the full collection of 82 interviews
The wall has become an extremely politicized symbol of the region, of SD/TJ. Twenty minutes away from our home in San Diego 50,000 northbound vehicles and 25,000 northbound pedestrians cross the US/MX border at the San Ysidro Port of Entry daily. You can stand at the closest beach to that port at the International Friendship Park and be a part of the surreal i image of three different layers of border divisions. La Mojonera, or Western Land Boundary Monument No. 258 is a 9-foot high obelisk which sits completely out of place at the beach like a tomb marker from a historic cemetery. It marks the start of the 1,952 mile line separating Mexico and the United States. In 1851, representatives of the Boundary Commissions from each nation placed the marker together in a collaborative effort that seems difficult to imagine today. A foot away from the territory marker is a sight impossible to fully ii understand. There is a 10 foot steel fence that divides the concrete, then the sand along the beach and continues on into the ocean for several hundred feet as if to attempt to divide that as well. This is a security border wall to prevent the passing of people from Mexico into the United States as a result of the 1994 Operation Gatekeeper. The wall is made of steel military iii landing mat and has small gaps between slats. Separated families have used those spaces to see each other, talk and hold hands between the bars for years. The latest wall is a double v iv reinforcement, first built after 9/11 when more federal legislation allowed for increased security at the border. This secondary wall built in parallel, several feet away from the first, also vi put an end to the possibility of physical contact through the fence. It created a further strange division of a policed no entry zone between the two fences that is occasionally opened for cultural events and often increases the pain of this division. If you go there today, you will see the barren US beach of Border Feld State Park under watch of a border patrol officer. On the MX side, you can see the lively festivities of the Playas beach front, food vendors, live musicians, seafood restaurants and children playing. What we see here is a landscape that separates families, creates tension between nations and instills fear of each other. The wall is a constant reminder of war, failed humanity and the incessant power play for the 1%. President Trump’s scheduled 21 billion dollar border wall will only reinforce and reassure us of all of many years of tension.
The interviews transcribed in this publication share a Mexican-American border patrol officer reflecting on illegal immigrants, a criminal sketch artist profiling the accused inside the court, first hand observations of how the legend of Tijuana, the dangerous city, continues to haunt families over 3 generations, a self described racial identity fading away from racial tension, the resolution of an internal struggle caused by external violence, a pathway from religious crisis to the questioning of freedom and much more. These stories are tragically frustrating, violently unforgivable, some cringe worthy, or confusing at times, are all warmly exchanged, immensely complex and most surprisingly, they are strikingly honest and personal. They ignite the border from the inside rather than from the outside reminding us that the border does not start at the line between US and MX but it is here, embedded in our lives, in every one of us.
These are the stories that are here and remain here as a memory and history. These are the stories of the border residents. These are the stories of our border—the border that matters.
PREFACE & THANK YOU We are humbled and grateful to have had the honor and privilege to cross back and forth 1 b 7 o c r d e r o n v e r F O s a t U R i o n s between San Diego and Tijuana, listening to the experiences of people living in these borderlands, over these last several years. Those who have shared their personal stories, for others to read, have inspired this rich publication. We thank you all for extending your w i t h T i j u a r n e a s i - S d a e n n t s D i e o f g o sincerity, labor and trust in each other and to us—two complete strangers—during our Globos Workshops*. The generosity extended by each participant opened a space to consciously engage together, reflecting on the complex close(d) relationship of living within Transnationals the region of the most frequently crossed border in the world—And all the mess, beauty and 50 Surfacing the Self- or at Least Trying to | Self-Interview Transitions without Resolutions Borders are places of mediated transition. They don’t have to be physical, but they alert us to changes: in country, in mind set, in culture. When a border manifests, the way that it is mediated becomes incorporated into the border. Joel Goldsmith is a UC San Diego student, living in La Jolla, CA. He is 25 years old, and studies communication. He was born in Oakland CA, and after dropping out of his first college, spent years working in the Bay Area as a lifeguard, a swim coach and instructor, and suicide prevention counselor. He moved to the border-region in September of 2015. Joel Goldsmith challenges that are a part of it. The resulting 82 conversations on the subject of border were produced via four seminars from an experimental Art & Ethnography course series: HOT AIR BALLOONS and INTERVIEWS from 2015-2017. The seminars were held in conjunction with the Culture, Art & Technology Program, University of California San Diego; the Transdisciplinary Program, Woodbury University at the School of Architecture; and the concluding seminar, Transnational Edition was held in partnership with the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego, in addition to multiple sites in both border cities. MCASD hosted the seminar extending access and content to the their permanent collection and enabling the seminar to exist between multiple colleges, allowing joint participants from Southwestern College, University of California San Diego and Universidad Autónoma de Baja California. This interview collection and artwork consists of a series of transcribed interviews conducted and edited by millennials working collaboratively with each other and with us. * Globos Workshops were developed to produce a fleet of 25ft unmanned hot air balloons to be launched over the US/MX border at Friendship Park, TJ/SD. Balloon construction workshops were held at both sides of the border within many different communities and cultural centers.
This publication is a four part series of conversations about the border. Preface & Introduction by Tae Hwang & MR Barnadas of Collective Magpie. Design by Adrian Orozco & Abigail Peña. Copyright. 2015-2018 All authors. . Printed at Diego & Sons, SD. Complete free download of 82 interviews can be accessed at www.collectivemagpie.org/book
READ ALL 82 CONVERSATIONS
Q: You define borders as a mediated transition. As a term, transition feels vague. Can you offer more details?
A: I don’t think that vagueness is a fault, at least not in this context. Borders are vague. When I read other definitions of border, I often hear words like, “Separation.” I specifically chose “Transition” as an alternative because it allows borders to be about growing and becoming. I used to work at a crisis hotline, San Francisco Suicide Prevention. Many of the people who called embodied being within a border part of their lives. Some of the volunteers too. Many of us had our own personal relationship with suicide. It’s a common thread that brought people to the job (not for me though).
Q: You volunteered at a suicide hotline? What was that like?
A: *ring*...*ring*...*ring* This is San Francisco Suicide Prevention, my name is Joel. What’s your name? ---- Hi _____, Are you feeling suicidal today? ---- Thank you for being so forthcoming, is this a feeling that snuck up on you- like an impulse, or have you made a plan to end your life? ---- I really appreciate your honesty. Can you tell me what that plan is? ---- What kind of pills are they? ---- Do you have a those pills with you now? ---- Thank you for being so cooperative, and I am so grateful we have this opportunity to talk. Can I ask you to put those pills somewhere out of sight while we talk? I want to make sure that you’re safe during our conversation. ---- Thank you again so much. Are you planning on taking those today? ---- Ok. Well I am glad we get to talk. Can you tell me a little more about what’s going on?
Q: Can you help me situate the scenario you just played out?
