Fear of the Unknown Audrey Borger

A: For the most part, the reactions that have come from our family and friends have not been positive. While walking down our street my brother called it “the ghetto”, my grandmother told us to “get a security system right away” and our friend asked if we hear gunshots at night. Countless other small, derogatory comments have been made, not out of intention, but out of ignorance. I know the hearts of these people and I know that they do not intend to be hurtful or prejudiced, but that’s what they are being. I think that these pre-conceived notions are built out of fear of the unknown. ●

Overcoming Fear | Participant/Author to Participant/Author

JP Falstad, born in California, raised in Las Vegas, NV, currently residing in San Diego, CA. JP is 28. This conversation took place at Moto Cafe, on September 27th, 2016 over coffee.

Audrey Borger: I want to know about your parents. How do they in their work, household roles, and attitudes follow or challenge traditional gender roles as they are perceived in the United States?

JP Falstad: My family situation is really complicated, but basically I grew up with my biological mother until I was fifteen-years-old and then my best-friend’s family adopted me. I do think that my experiences with my biological mother especially influenced my ideas of gender. My mom was all about appearances and aesthetics so for her there were things that women should do in order to get a husband and create a family. She really heavily relied on appearance to entice people. As a young child I was tall and well-developed and attractive so she put this idea in my head that I should be a model and make her a lot of money. Those ideas of aesthetics and how I could profit from them and how she thought that my feminine qualities, which I had inherited from her, were going to be profitable.

A: Did she have a background in modeling or was she projecting an unfulfilled dream onto you?

J: I think she was projecting her dream onto me, for sure. She had done a couple of small photo shoots for friends. That was her idea of how you gain the system; you’re using this thing that you have to your advantage. For her, specifically, it was all about the male/female dynamic. However, I totally rebelled when she put me into fancy dresses and lace. I rebelled from all of that.

A: Did your adopted family have a different approach? What was their dynamic?

J: For sure a different dynamic. I felt more cared about with my adopted family because it wasn’t about what I could bring to the family, but rather about support and about doing whatever I wanted to do. There was our mom, Donna and she had a husband, but it wasn’t super traditional in terms of provision. Our mom did the bulk of the work for the family. He was the shopper and the aesthetics person. In a way, it was the inverse of the stereotypical dynamic.

A: How do you think your parents’ actions have shaped your ideas regarding gender roles?

J: With my adopted family there was less expectation on me to perform in a certain way. When I was young and with my biological mom I was literally performing a role because it was expected of me. While with my mom, Donna, it was more “just do what you want and don’t worry about other peoples’ expectations”. It was less about gender roles and more about being who you want to be and stop worrying about what other people and think about what you need to be.

A: Do you think there are any bases for the societal expectations between the genders?

J: I don’t think so, in fact, those differences are a part of the social construct. I spent a month in India after I graduated from high school and the relationship dynamics there are very different than they are here. It is very common for the females to slap the guys on their shoulders and their backs of the head to get on them. While when there is conflict between the guys they yell at each other and chest bump. Not to say that that’s the case for everybody, but that was my experience and how it was explained to me by the locals. I don’t think there is any real world logic to our expectations, but I don’t know where those particular ideas came from. Did these things happen and then we documented them and applied them to ourselves or were they portrayed in the media and it influenced the way people react? I read recently about a research project where they wanted to know how movies affect people’s actions. They found that, in terms of grieving, people emulated in real life the type of grieving that was portrayed in the movie.

A: Can you think of any positive examples in the media?

J: I think the music industry can expose people to a variety of ideas. There is popular culture, which reaches a broad audience and is full of stereotypes, but there are people who try to tell different stories and who have more truth to them. For example, Teagan and Sara are twin sisters from Canada and are both gay and by sharing their stories with the world through their music they have helped people who can relate to them. There are moments where honesty happens in the media, but it’s not prevalent. The communities that we create on the Internet and through social media allow us to reach our audience and for our audience to find us.

A: Do you know what the male to female ratio is at Woodbury University?

JP: I never really thought about it in terms of a ratio, but I certainly noticed an absence of females. There have been quite a few female professors who teach lecture series, but they are not a part of the design studios. I have never had a female professor lead a design studio. Having Catherine as the director of the program is nice because she is a leadership position, but she is a rare example.

A: In the studio setting, do the females band together or is it mixed?

J: They do tend to segregate themselves a little bit. I don’t know if it’s because they think there is more common interest there. I’m usually wherever I am, but it does seem like the girls section themselves off from the guys. I noticed that with our current studio class because there are two different professors and we can choose which side to go to. The overwhelming

25 majority of girls went to Mickey’s studio while the rest of the students went to Casey’s. I don’t know why that is – I can speculate – but I don’t know why that happened. It may have to do more with the fact that Mickey is more involved with the arts and interiors while Casey is more about, for instance, window assembly. A: Do you have any role models that are working to challenge traditional assumptions about gender? J: I’ve had a lot of role models but they didn’t necessarily challenge gender roles or sexuality. There are a couple of YouTube channels, unfortunately I can’t remember their names right now, but they will define things for people. Just putting information out there is really good, but those people don’t necessarily identify as not homosexual, or not heterosexual, or not female or not male. They are just making that information available and for me that is almost more desirable, that you would have people who identify with traditional gender/sexuality roles but they’re trying to educate themselves and other people. Before that, I had to take a gender and sexuality class in community college and it ended up being the best class ever and was really eye-opening and fantastic. It’s a little sad that I had to wait until I was at the college level of my education to be presented with these ideas. I thought “Why wasn’t this stuff available to me when I was five-years old?”. You wouldn’t even have to teach a course specifically for it, just make the information available. A: Have you made any changes in your own life that challenge traditional ideas about gender? J: Yeah, definitely. My haircut was something I had wanted to do for a long time and after a long trip to Sweden when I came back I decided to cut it. In a way, I was justifying the decision to myself by saying it was a practical thing when really I just wanted to have short hair and I

don’t care if people have an opinion about it. I don’t want to have a conversation with people about the why and just want them to accept it the way it is. I also decided to stop wearing bras. At one point in my life, I liked the idea of wearing a bra because it meant that I was growing up, but then I wore one and hated it. I’ve sort of experimented at various times with not wearing a bra, but people will zero-in on that instantly. They are staring at my chest and I’m like “yes, I’m not wearing a bra, but let’s not point it out or talk about it”. For me it’s about comfort. Bras restrict blood flow and cause cramps in my side and people have told me that I need a proper fitting, but I don’t buy it. I think they’re designed to strangle the hell out of you. Bras are a relatively recent invention and there are still cultures that don’t wear them. It’s another social construct. When I was in Sweden I just walked out of the house one day without a bra on and I kept curling forward thinking that someone might notice, but I realized that nobody noticed. I started doing it all the time because I was so comfortable; I started to bring my shoulders back more and felt more confident in my body. When I came back to San Diego I was ready to defend my decision of going bra-less. There have been looks out of the corner of people’s eyes and I know that my mom is disappointed, but I’m not giving up on it because it’s really important to me. I don’t like to draw attention to myself and this draws attention, but I have to weigh the pros and cons and I have to be comfortable with my body and I can’t have this thing strangling me constantly. I’m tired of being told that it’s unacceptable to not wear them. I can’t have someone push his or her view on me anymore. ●

NOTES

visit: www.collectivemagpie.org/book for this remainder and another conducted by Audrey Borger and to download the full collection of 82 interviews

The wall has become an extremely politicized symbol of the region, of SD/TJ. Twenty minutes away from our home in San Diego 50,000 northbound vehicles and 25,000 northbound pedestrians cross the US/MX border at the San Ysidro Port of Entry daily. You can stand at the closest beach to that port at the International Friendship Park and be a part of the surreal i image of three different layers of border divisions. La Mojonera, or Western Land Boundary Monument No. 258 is a 9-foot high obelisk which sits completely out of place at the beach like a tomb marker from a historic cemetery. It marks the start of the 1,952 mile line separating Mexico and the United States. In 1851, representatives of the Boundary Commissions from each nation placed the marker together in a collaborative effort that seems difficult to imagine today. A foot away from the territory marker is a sight impossible to fully ii understand. There is a 10 foot steel fence that divides the concrete, then the sand along the beach and continues on into the ocean for several hundred feet as if to attempt to divide that as well. This is a security border wall to prevent the passing of people from Mexico into the United States as a result of the 1994 Operation Gatekeeper. The wall is made of steel military iii landing mat and has small gaps between slats. Separated families have used those spaces to see each other, talk and hold hands between the bars for years. The latest wall is a double v iv reinforcement, first built after 9/11 when more federal legislation allowed for increased security at the border. This secondary wall built in parallel, several feet away from the first, also vi put an end to the possibility of physical contact through the fence. It created a further strange division of a policed no entry zone between the two fences that is occasionally opened for cultural events and often increases the pain of this division. If you go there today, you will see the barren US beach of Border Feld State Park under watch of a border patrol officer. On the MX side, you can see the lively festivities of the Playas beach front, food vendors, live musicians, seafood restaurants and children playing. What we see here is a landscape that separates families, creates tension between nations and instills fear of each other. The wall is a constant reminder of war, failed humanity and the incessant power play for the 1%. President Trump’s scheduled 21 billion dollar border wall will only reinforce and reassure us of all of many years of tension.

The interviews transcribed in this publication share a Mexican-American border patrol officer reflecting on illegal immigrants, a criminal sketch artist profiling the accused inside the court, first hand observations of how the legend of Tijuana, the dangerous city, continues to haunt families over 3 generations, a self described racial identity fading away from racial tension, the resolution of an internal struggle caused by external violence, a pathway from religious crisis to the questioning of freedom and much more. These stories are tragically frustrating, violently unforgivable, some cringe worthy, or confusing at times, are all warmly exchanged, immensely complex and most surprisingly, they are strikingly honest and personal. They ignite the border from the inside rather than from the outside reminding us that the border does not start at the line between US and MX but it is here, embedded in our lives, in every one of us.

These are the stories that are here and remain here as a memory and history. These are the stories of the border residents. These are the stories of our border—the border that matters.

26 The Other Side | Self-Interview Luis Espinoza was born and raised in Northern Mexico, moved to the United Stated when he was 16 years old to attend High School. He has been a resident of San Diego city since 2008 and is currently working in obtaining his bachelor’s Degree in Architecture. w i t h r e s i d e n t s o f T i j u a n a - S a n D i e g o Border and Borderlands Luis Espinoza Border is something that prevents people from achieving their goals or their happiness. Luis A. Espinoza born in Santiago Papasquiaro Dgo. Mexico. At age 15 he moved to San Marcos Ca. to attend high school and learn English. In 2010 He graduated from Mission Hills High School from 2010 to 2014. He studies in Palomar College and graduated with an Associated Degree in Architecture and an Associates in Science in Architectural Drafting. He is currently working on obtaining his BArch Degree at Woodbury University in San Diego Ca. His expected graduation year is 2017. READ ALL 82 CONVERSATIONS b o r d e r t h r e e 3 6 c o n v e r s a t i o n s PREFACE & THANK YOU We are humbled and grateful to have had the honor and privilege to cross back and forth between San Diego and Tijuana, listening to the experiences of people living in these borderlands, over these last several years. Those who have shared their personal stories, for others to read, have inspired this rich publication. We thank you all for extending your sincerity, labor and trust in each other and to us—two complete strangers—during our Globos Workshops*. The generosity extended by each participant opened a space to consciously engage together, reflecting on the complex close(d) relationship of living within the region of the most frequently crossed border in the world—And all the mess, beauty and challenges that are a part of it. The resulting 82 conversations on the subject of border were produced via four seminars from an experimental Art & Ethnography course series: HOT AIR BALLOONS and INTERVIEWS from 2015-2017. The seminars were held in conjunction with the Culture, Art & Technology Program, University of California San Diego; the Transdisciplinary Program, Woodbury University at the School of Architecture; and the concluding seminar, Transnational Edition was held in partnership with the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego, in addition to multiple sites in both border cities. MCASD hosted the seminar extending access and content to the their permanent collection and enabling the seminar to exist between multiple colleges, allowing joint participants from Southwestern College, University of California San Diego and Universidad Autónoma de Baja California. This interview collection and artwork consists of a series of transcribed interviews conducted and edited by millennials working collaboratively with each other and with us. * Globos Workshops were developed to produce a fleet of 25ft unmanned hot air balloons to be launched over the US/MX border at Friendship Park, TJ/SD. Balloon construction workshops were held at both sides of the border within many different communities and cultural centers. This publication is a four part series of conversations about the border. Preface & Introduction by Tae Hwang & MR Barnadas of Collective Magpie. Design by Adrian Orozco & Abigail Peña. Copyright. 2015-2018 All authors. . Printed at Diego & Sons, SD. Complete free download of 82 interviews can be accessed at www.collectivemagpie.org/book

Q: How would you define the word “border”?

A: A border can be defined as both a beginning and an end. At least that is the way I see borders. Borders are human constructions used to demark where a country ends and the other begins. It is a place where families separate and culture is different in either side of the border, each side has influences from both countries but it is identifiable with none of them. My definition of border is hugely influenced by the location of the city in which I live which is the border between Mexico and the U.S.

Q: What do you think is the purpose of borders?

A: The purpose of borders is to control the flow of human migration and products between one country to the other. In other words, their goal is to quantify and identify everything that leave or enter the country. Is like a selective filter when they get to choose what do they want in the country.

Q: You have a very specific definition of borders, been said that, how was your first experience in the border of San Diego-Tijuana?

A: I was born in the northern state of Durango in Mexico. I spent my childhood and part of my teen years there. At the age of fifteen I moved to San Diego. When I first visited this border region I was amazed of the speed of life of the region. People’s lives change in an eye blink and city is always changing but population is used to the speed of life in this region and they hardly notice it. Another interesting fact about Tijuana specifically is the number of deportees that it receives; eventually most them become homeless causing a huge problem to the city, that is something that amazed me because even though this is not a merely Tijuana problem, it is evident that that problem is very big in Tijuana.

Q: Since you have experienced living in both countries, how does each side of the border refers to the other?

A: People from both sides of the border have stereotyped each other with wrong ideas about culture, economics and practices. As I learned in a past Border studies class, this border is considered a laboratory because it suffers the immediate impact of what happens from decisions made far away either in Washington DC or Mexico City increasing the speed of things. Most of the times these decisions do not have anything to do with this region but immediately affect the more than two million people living in Tijuana plus many others thousands in this side of the border. When I lived in Mexico I remember watching the news and listening to politics give their speeches but their policies never actually had an effect in anybody lifestyles, it was as if they were just speaking about another country.

Q: Do you consider that cities close to border have a different culture than the rest of Mexico and/or the U.S.?

A: Yes, I believe that being right at the border changes completely the culture of people because those cities are like heterotopias which are not identifiable with either country because they receive direct influence from both. Heterotopias are places such as airports that do not belong to a city specifically but is where people go to travel just like the reflex ion of a mirror, it is real but does not occupy a physical place on earth, is almost an unreal space that in a way it does not have to make sense but exists.

to the borderlands?

A: When I first visited the border my perspective of borders changed completely. Borderlands (cities or places close to the international border) resident’s lives can change in an eye blink. Every day is a different story for them. They are always paying attention to the current prices of the dollar and most them have a huge flexibility of adaptation to change. While goods and capital are encouraged to travel across national borders, people and politics are encouraged to remain on respective sides. Due to globalization, Tijuana must keep up with the necessities of other countries in order to maintain production and earn a salary, Tijuana was for several years the biggest plasma television producer city in the world. most of this TV’s are exported to other countries and most of the times people that make TV’s cannot afford to buy one for themselves.

Q: Do you believe that sharing a border with another country brings social problems to either city? what are those problems?

A: Tijuana as the busiest border in Mexico receives many of the deportees from the U.S., many of them are not even Mexican citizens but still are left just across the border. This practice of the United States Custom Immigration Agency is creating a very deep problem in Tijuana. It is easier and cheaper perhaps to deport criminals that are illegally in the country that convict them and make the United States government pay for it. What for United States is a cheap solution for the border city of Tijuana is an expensive problem. The great majority of these deportees arrive to Tijuana in a homeless situation, without any form of ID or money. They have to ask for money on the streets. Many of them are criminals and return to commit crimes around the city and the use of drugs become a habit among them. I have seen personally this problem around the border where deportees gather to ask for money to people waiting to cross back to the U.S. It is very sad to see this people in a homeless situation. I have spoken with a couple of them and they agree that it is very hard for them to overcome their homeless situation because the government of Tijuana does not have programs to help them find a stable job.

Q: What are the most common stereotypes that people associate with crossing the border?

A: People among both sides of the border have stereotyped border residents as dangerous which is a complete false idea. It is true that Tijuana has a big population of homeless but it also has very nice and kind people just as any other city. People from San Diego often believe that Tijuanenses are criminals or drug dealers or bad people just because they believe what the news on the TV say. News in America often state that Mexico is a super violent country and that there are many kills every day. Although news are true they often do not realize that those murders number are gathered from the entire country with over 120 million people and not just the city of Tijuana. This is where stereotypes begin and Tijuanenses because of their proximity to the border and frequency of crossing to the U.S. are often associated with being bad persons, drug dealers or violent. Personally I disagree with all the stereotypes associated with people from the other side of the border; in my personal experience, I have meet wonderful people in both sides of the border and I can say that we should not believe everything that the news say because that is how we stereotype people what we don’t even know.

Q: How often do you visit the other side of the border and what is the most frustrating thing about it?