The Head Gorilla
I've called the Head Gorilla
This is substandard fare, My meal should be a thriller It's cooked without much care.
Seen better in a pigsty I couldn't eat this muck, Turns out that it was made by A trainee first year duck.
I've called the Head Gorilla
I want a refund quick, My meal being no filler
A scrawny roasted chick.
I'll post on meal adviser My review of one star, I'm needing sanitizer Then stiff drink at the bar.
My Purrfect Mistress
Meet my Purrfect Mistress
Once a beauty Queen
Note her good teeth
Pert chin beneath
The best I've ever seen.
Meet my Purrfect Mistress
A feline lover true
From just a cub I needed grub
All options I review.
Meet my Purrfect Mistress
Luscious with good taste
It's heat or eat I need my meat I'll not put her to waste.
Sneaky Toucan
Living in the jungle
I stand at ten feet three Sustenance is needed A bush or leaf on tree.
Asked a passing Toucan "What leaves you think the best?" He took full advantage With him needing a rest.
Settled on my horns now While promising to show Was just a Toucan ploy Now can't get him to go.
Toucan play at his game
Toucan play at that I've superglued my head I've now Toucan for a hat.
The Elephant In My Room
So very nice to meet you I've noticed you quite often This lighting is relaxing Your features truly soften.
I've moved here from the jungle Owning a fine big house I'm looking for a partner Much greater than a mouse.
So very nice to meet you You smell of cool vanilla Is there a chance you'll fancy This muscle bound gorilla.
Take a chance my darling I'll be your perfect groom What I've always wanted is An Elephant in my room.
Noah Cadaver
My name is Noah Cadaver
I'm going to fill an Ark
With four and twenty blackbirds
A robin and a lark.
A mole, a rat, a gerbil
A family of mice
A common tasty rabbit
These guests are sounding nice.
Thinking of aquatics
A selection of fish
A carp, a chub, a barbel
All sound a tempting dish.
I have some competition
Scavengers in flocks
A hungry golden eagle
And someone kill that fox.
Rip the Destroyer
I am Rip the Destroyer
I'll beat your motley crew Full of fight and canine might Your bones I'll bite and chew.
I am Rip the Destroyer I'll savage and I'll tear Ending foe, making widow With rabid eyeball glare.
I am Rip the Destroyer Purveyor of all pain
Be large or small, I'll fight all In sunshine or in rain.
I am Rip the Destroyer
Postponing your doom
My master shout, we're off out To my weekly parlour groom.
Preemptive Strike
There she is sitting pretty Poise of innocence that kitty
I know her, she has no pity Mouser take a hike.
Always was a rabble rouser
Being bred by a mean Scouser
Weekly needing to delouse her A feline not to like.
Could inflict serious harm
In one fight she broke my arm
I'm sat here, rising alarm
She's vicious as a pike.
Squatting there taking the views
Must be silent, stifle mews
Boiling rage my anger spews
Now Preemptive Strike.
Pig Ignorant
Don't know my times tables
Never worked out fares
Don't do all that spelling I'm a pig, who cares.
Not sure of my gender
Don't know my true pa
Can't tell you my birthday
Have to ask my ma.
Time of day uncertain
Don't even know the year
Do I know my County?
No way and no fear.
Sticker says "TO BUTCHER "
No clue of my fate
All I know they tell me I'll be Pork aisle eight.
Greedy Tiger Tiger tiger in the night
Not the one that's burning bright
My tiger is fierce and coarse
Eating bird and dog and horse.
Tiger tiger in the dawn
Indigestion looks forlorn
Passers-by all laugh and mock
Creeps away to find the Doc.
Tiger tiger in a queue
Holding ticket thirty two
Sat amid the old and sick
Ginger tea might do the trick.
Tiger sat on doctors couch
Belly tender snarling Ouch!
Caring doctor has the knack
Tiger thinking lunchtime snack.
War of the rodents
It's day fifty nine
I'm doing so fine
Beating off grey squirrel attack, Commandering chief
Well I'll make this brief Will no longer be going back.
I've lost a few pals
Both guys and some gals
The greys, they rush in like flies,
Using all my wit
I club them and hit
But need new armament buys.
It's day sixty nine
The war's going fine
My bayonet is dripping with red, With grey squirrel done
It's time now for fun
I'll persecute field mice instead.
Whether the Camel
Grey skies do thunder
Heavenly wonder
Primeval pulsing beat,
Nature we plunder
A resource blunder
Rising destroying heat.
Grey skies forbidding
More rain----you're kidding Heavens please take a joke,
My garb ill fitting
No good at knitting
Wet and disheveled bloke.
Grey skies do thunder
I'm here stuck under Foul winds they howl and blast,
Crying my heart out
Within hear my shout
That ends the weather forecast.
Gigolo Rhino
His challenge was forbidding But knowing he was best His name was the Berserker The fiercest in the west.
And from the east the other A bully from the coast Amid cries of appeasement Our hero thought her toast.
Opponents name was Lucy All bone and teeth and hate Berserker, he was punctual Not ever once was late. Then Lucy gave her reason 'I'm wanting for a kid' Berserker checked his price list 'I'll do it for ten quid'.
Hallucinations of a Zebra
Roaring warring jawing snoring
That big ape's no friend of mine, Endless noisy shrieking howling
Drunken twisting serpentine.
Vivid colour like no other
See the spectrum glowing bright, Multi pigment swirling shining I just can't be black and white.
Roaring warring jawing snoring
Spoiling peace that Silverback, Loud gorilla in my nightmare
Silence does that primate lack.
Am I one or am I other
Vision blurry as a drunk, High as usual on my quota
Gonna have to leave off Skunk.
100,000 Calories Red meat white meat
Dead meat all meat
These are in my diet, Something soft then Something crunchy Blubber is most quiet.
Big fish small fish Served on my dish
Reptiles to my taste, I'm loving scale
Each every snail
Nothing goes to waste.
Tourist and guide
Some fat and wide
Genders her and him, I need my cal
Like best friend AL
That's how I stay so slim.
Mid Sussex League 2
Poor Don Deer
Standing in the dust
Booed by the people He thought he could trust.
Poor Don Deer Alone on the grass A fly in his eye Missed a vital pass.
Poor Don Deer
Plain he can't decide Opposition howling 'Offside ref offside'.
Poor Don Deer
Can't see from afar Hopeful next season For that V-A-R.
Rage This worthless flute
Scammed of my loot
A painful broken tooth, I've lost my hat
Bitten by cat
Fed up to tell the truth.
Girlfriend has gone
Said I'm all wrong
Lost both my job and motor, Pet mouse is dead I ate her head
For diet that's my quoter.
I want a gun
And then you'll run My anger glowing red, Feel bad today
Does this relay My rage---I think nuff said.
Rage 2
I'll stick my neck out and say Rage should be handled this way A really nice tune
To dispel the gloom He'll feel much better today. That viper needs some proof I'm good from head to hoof Music helps to calm There's no one I'll harm
I'm tranquil and quite aloof. My effort a waste you know A miscreant broke my bow
Now I'm feeling Rage I'm on the same page Much violence I will bestow.
The Rockstar Cosmic man, simply cosmic
Shooting star overhead
Bathe me in silver moondust
Comforting in my bed.
Crazy man, all is crazy
Vivid hues all I see
Orange dragon, purple fire
Brain is buzzing like a bee.
Wicked man, simply wicked
Magic mushrooms in my vein
Climbing walls, world is spinning
Wanting more and more cocaine.
See me man, I'm the Rockstar
Living life as I please
Decadence, degradation I first started sniffing cheese.
Constructing a verse by AI
Here's my brief and my belief AI can write in rhyme, Given free rein, devoid of blame This could end up sublime. Include a hog, no make that dog A good pet canine tale, Loving a walk, trying to talk So far this cannot fail. Within this mix AI will fix A story in good time, Must not include writing so rude With humorous punch line.
AI written verse
I walk alone on dog and bone
Talking for me ain't easy, I'm mans best friend but can't defend That dogging makes me queasy.
Trans Siberian Empress
Today I am a lion With thickly flowing mane, Before I was a tiger Big Cat but not the same.
Today I'm fully Russian Before, hailing from Chad, Transitioning my country This is I'm sure no fad.
Today I am a tea pot Later a rubber duck, Then bejeweled royal Empress Rich and quite dumbstruck.
I started off a woman I'm thinking male is final, I have to use the men's room Just---how to use urinal?
Sebastian the Killer
The red mist came I'll take no blame
My blood tends fast to boil, The cat next door
Mean to the core
My life it tried to spoil.
It fought with spite
Throughout the night
We broke the new birdbath, My killer blow
Deadly and low I'll face the aftermath.
The red mist came Always the same
Those viewing saw a thriller, I'll take no blame
Take note my name Sebastian the Killer.
To Kill A Shocking Bird
Squatting there deep in wonder
Watching all, a face of thunder
Glaring eyes do pry and plunder
Shades of lemon curd.
Sitting still without blinking
Pupils fixed never winking
Deep within is foul thinking
Utters not a word.
Wind or sunshine, rain or snow
Gentle zephyr, mighty blow
Staring out at friend or foe
Feathers never stirred.
I myself have had enough Wouldn't mind a dove or chough
Hands on neck my actions rough
To kill this Shocking Bird.
Olivia Robotica
I am not a robot
Can't you see a frog Tick obvious road sign Your memory to jog.
I'm sure I'm not a robot Spot cats upon a wall Authenticate you're human Use your best recall.
I'm clearly not a robot I leap and hop I think Was I once a tadpole? With froglets all in sync.
But maybe I'm a robot I view you via a screen My actions are by program My life no more a dream.
Rough cat and illegitimate son
Ain't I doing schooling daddy
My algebra and learning?
'Not today my pacifist son
I've fists that are a yearning'.
Ain't I helping shopping daddy
Mum's baskets to carry?
'Not today my pacifist son
We're going to beat up Barry'.
Ain't I off to church daddy
Pray on my knees and all?
'Not today my pacifist son
We're gonna bar room brawl'.
Ain't I got your surname daddy
They call me by another ?
'That's the thing my pacifist son
Never did marry your mother'.
Plagiarising Parrot
Today is gonna be the day I'm gonna plagiarise a song.
I know you heard it all before I'm maybe right I'm maybe wrong.
I think that jumbling the words... makes it easier to get them out. I know you heard them all before It's plagiarising without doubt.
And all the perches I do sit... are swinging.
And all the peanuts I do eat... you're bringing.
Many things I'm gonna say Coming from my own pen.
Just one way to end this rhyme... It's...
WHO'S A PRETTY BOY THEN?
SQUAWK !
