Faithful Friendship: The Key to Relational Evangelism

Rosaria Butterfield was a tenured Syracuse University professor specializing in feminist studies and alternate lifestyle theories. She was an outspoken critic of Christianity, viewing Christians as oppressive and outdated. While researching the religious right for a book project, she wrote an op-ed article critical of Promise Keepers, a Christian men’s movement.

A local pastor, Ken Smith, read her article and contacted Rosaria via mail. His letter, rather than condemning, was thoughtful and kind. He even invited her to his home for dinner. When she came, Rosaria found that Ken and his wife, Floy, were genuinely compassionate and wanted to hear her thoughts. Rather than confront her lifestyle, they openly dialogued about their differences. Through it all, they maintained a gracious and hospitable spirit, significantly impacting her.

Over the next two years, she continued to meet with Pastor Ken and Floy, engaging in deep discussions about faith, the Bible, and life. She eventually surrendered her heart to Jesus, leaving her previous lifestyle choice. Today, she is a pastor’s wife, conference speaker, and author, advocating for biblical hospitality and relational evangelism.1

Mission and Method

Tim Chester, in A Meal with Jesus, points out a phrase used twice in the book of Luke concerning Jesus: “The Son of Man came. ” One of these, found in Luke 19:10, describes Jesus’ mission statement: “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost” (NIV). This explains what Jesus came to do—his mission. The second, Luke 7:34, describes his strategy to accomplish his mission: “The Son of Man came eating and drinking. . . .” This was how he did it—his method.2

Peter, who frequently heard Jesus’ mission statement and witnessed how he carried it out, must have understood the driving force behind his mission and his strategy. He wrote, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15). It is easy to miss two key points in Peter’s instruction. First, when he encourages us to “be prepared to give an answer,” it is assumed that someone will ask the reason for our hope! It is doubtful any of us have ever walked into a store, sat in a restaurant, or stood in a line, and had a stranger walk up and ask, “I notice there is something different about you. Can you tell me why you have hope?” Peter implies we should develop an intimate relationship with people so that they will notice our hope in Christ.

Second, he says we must do this “with gentleness and respect.” While there is certainly a time and a place for prophetic confrontation, we should respect the dignity of each individual and treat them in a manner that reflects that dignity.

Developing Relationships With Non-Believers

The apostle Paul provided an excellent template for relational evangelism when he was in Athens. In Acts 17:16, Luke wrote, “While Paul was waiting for them in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols.” Athens was steeped in intellectualism and philosophy, embraced religious pluralism, and had extremely liberal views of sexuality. It would have been easy to criticize and condemn.

Instead, Paul employed a fourfold relational strategy. First, he treated the Athenians respectfully: “Then Paul stood in the midst of Mars’ hill, and said, Ye men of Athens. . . .” (v. 22 KJV, emphasis added). He did not challenge them as ungodly or ignorant, but fellow humans.

Next, he took the time to study their lifestyles. “For as I passed by, and beheld ” (v. 23). Paul was interested in who they were and observed their culture.

Third, he found common ground with them. Verse 23 continues, “For as I passed by, and beheld  your devotions ” Rather than assault their false gods, Paul affirmed that they seemed to have a heart for spirituality.

Finally, he studied and understood their beliefs. In verse 28, he quoted two Greek poets, Epimendes and Aratus, “For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring’” (NIV). Don’t miss the implication! He could quote their philosophers because he had taken the time to get to know them.

Who Is My Neighbor?

To follow Paul’s model, Peter’s encouragement, and Jesus’ example of relational evangelism, we need only look at the question Jesus was asked in Luke 10:29— “Who is my neighbor?” He responded with the story of the Good Samaritan. We often interpret that story by explaining that our neighbor is anyone with a need.

But what if Jesus meant . . . our actual neighbor? Jesus’ strategy to fulfill his mission by eating and drinking with the lost, Peter’s encouragement to be prepared to answer why we have hope, and Paul’s components of evangelism with the Athenians provide the template for how we “love our neighbor as ourselves” (Luke 10:27).

Developing relational evangelism does not require a lot of creativity, but it does require intentionality. Let me make a few suggestions to stimulate your inspiration:

1. Invite a neighbor for a meal once a month. As we have seen, Jesus was a master at table evangelism.

2. If you live in a college or university town, partner with a Christian student group to host a latenight coffee study session during finals week in your church building.

3. Frequent the same business—e.g., barber, beauty salon, dry cleaner, restaurant, coffee shop, etc.—and intentionally develop a relationship with the workers.

4. Partner with other church members and volunteer with the local Booster Club to run the concession stand at a few high school ball games. This is a golden opportunity for small churches. It costs nothing but your time, and it allows the parents of athletes to watch their children play in the games.

Being a faithful friend does not require a lot of money or tremendous creativity. It just takes putting yourself in a position where someone asks, “What is the reason for your hope?”

BISHOP DUKE STONE

NORTH CAROLINA STATE BISHOP

1 Rosaria Butterfield, The Gospel Comes with a House Key: Practicing Radically Ordinary Hospitality in Our Post-Christian World (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2018).

2 John Mark Comer, Practicing the Way: Be with Jesus, Become like Him, Do as He Did, (Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook, 2024).