TIPS Magazine Issue 07

COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE

T.I.Ps

Trauma Informed Parents ISSUE No.7 January 2024

IN THIS ISSUE:

Seasonal Selfishness or a lack of Empathy?

Art Therapy:

What do they do in there?

Wellbeing Navigating the winter months

WHAT'S ON?

WHATS ON! Events & Connections

Let's Play!

Ways to Embrace Play Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

Its cold outside... why won't my child wear their coat!

In this issue CoECT News

Page 1

Editor's Note

Page 2

Meet the Team!

Page 3

Let's Play! Ways to Embrace Play - Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Page 4

Seasonal Selfishness or lack of empathy?

Page 7

Art Therapy: What do they do in there?

Page 8

What's on Where? – Events and Connections

Page 10

Ask the Experts

Page 15

Its cold outside... and my child won't wear their coat!

Page 16

Wellbeing: Navigating the winter months

Page 18

A ground-breaking qualification to support new and existing foster parents: Therapeutic Fostering Qualification

Page 19

Trauma-Informed Qualifications

Page 20

NATP Volunteer Viewpoint

Page 21

www.coect.co.uk

To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk ISSUE 7

T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

COECT NEWS Happy 1st Birthday to TIPS!

Photo: ©Coect via Canva

We are now on Issue 7 and celebrating a year of the TIPs magazine. Over the last year the magazine has grown tremendously. We appreciate your support and kind feedback on how the magazine has helped families and supporting professionals. We are looking forward to the coming year!

To subscribe to our free digital version of the magazine email tips@coect.co.uk

2024 Conference News.

We are delighted to announce that our Annual Conference for 2024 will be held on Thursday 20 June. The theme of this year's conference is going back to the basics of Therapeutic Parenting and is called “The Essential Tools of Therapeutic Parenting".

As it will be a virtual conference this year, you can join us from the comfort of your own sofa. So, grab a warm drink and join us for an exciting and informative event.

Tickets will be available at the end of January from the Inspire Training Group website. https://www.inspiretraininggroup.com/upcomingevents

NATP January Sale!

Get a 15 % discount off all annual plan subscriptions for NATP membership, use the code JanuarySave15 at the checkout.

Discount ends 31st January 2024 www.naotp.com

Therapeutic Parenting Awareness Day, Wednesday 6th March 2024 We are excited to announce the launch of a new event this year - the Therapeutic Parenting Awareness Day! This event aims to raise awareness about the importance of therapeutic parenting and its positive impacts on children's mental health and well-being and will consist of promotion across our social media platforms as well as in person listening circles run nationally.

The event is scheduled to take place on Wednesday 6 March, and will be a great opportunity for parents, caregivers, educators, and anyone interested in parenting to learn more about the benefits of therapeutic parenting and how it can improve the lives of children.

We hope that this event will help to promote understanding and support for parents who are adopting or fostering children who may have experienced trauma or other challenges in their lives. So mark your calendars and stay tuned for more updates about this exciting new event!

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Editor’s Note Welcome to January at 2024, Wishing our readers a happy new year, we hope that the transition to the year 2024 has been a smooth experience for you and your loved ones.

In this issue, Sarah discusses the "post-season blues" after Christmas, exploring relatable feelings that parents may experience.

We are thrilled to present Laura Haver, an experienced play specialist, accomplished author, and coach. In her insightful article, she delves into the importance of play in our lives and shares valuable tips on how to incorporate it into our routine, even during times when we don't feel motivated.

As the chilly winter season approaches, it's not uncommon for parents to face the dilemma of convincing their child to wear a coat. It can be a tricky scenario that requires careful consideration and understanding of the possible reasons behind your child's reluctance. In this article, we delve into the underlying causes of this behaviour and offer useful advice for parents on supporting their children through this challenge.

We are delighted to have Lydia Pask on board for this issue, who will be sharing her expertise on art therapy. Lydia will be delving into the intricacies of art therapy and how it can provide a safe and supportive outlet for children who struggle to articulate their emotions in words. Through her insights, we hope to offer a deeper understanding of art therapy’s role in promoting emotional wellbeing and healing.

In this edition, we have a comprehensive list of events happening in CoECT, including NATP listening circles and Inspire Training webinars. These events are free with combined membership to NATP and Trauma Revolution. Also, keep an eye out for discounts in the January sale across CoECT. Note that these discounts will end on 31st January.

If you would like to contribute to our next issue in any way, please contact us via tips@coect.co.uk.

Best wishes

Sair, Sarah and the team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma ISSUE 7

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Meet the Team!

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is made up of a team of experts who have essential real-life experience. We are Adopters, Foster Parents and Bio parents of neuro diverse children, and also work as professionals in the field.

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Executive Editor - Sarah Naish Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, former Foster Parent, retired Social Worker, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.

Executive Editor - Sair Penna Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Trainer, and Therapeutic Parenting Coach.

Director of NATP, The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre and Inspire Training Group and works across CoECT supporting families.

Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot Kathryn works across CoECT, specialising in communications and public relations.

Contributor - Emma Edwards Emma is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Director of NATP and The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre.

Contributor - Sarah Dillon Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Attachment Therapist, Keynote speaker, former child in care, Author (Therapeutic Parenting) Head of Therapeutic Services (Fostering).

Contributor - Jane Mitchell Jane is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter and Keynote Speaker, Author and Head of Family Stability in two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies .

Contributor - Laura Haver Laura Haver is an expert in play, communication and happiness.

She is on a mission to inspire people of all ages around the world to live more playful, vibrant and fulfilling lives. She joyfully shares her expertise as an author, speaker, life coach and mum. Laura has been featured on the Today Show, Fox, CBS, Parents, Shape and more.

Contributor - Jessica Spenceley Lydia is a qualified Art Therapist and Certified Havening Techniques® Practitioner who has worked both in the UK and in New Zealand with Children and Young People who have experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences. (ACEs) Lydia is also skilled in using Therapeutic Parenting strategies throughout her therapy, T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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Let's Play!

Ways to Embrace Play - Even When You Don’t Feel Like It Written by Laura Haver

W

ant to play?” It sounds like an innocent enough question. And though you feel like you SHOULD say yes, you really don’t want to play any of the

Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

things you think your child would want to play with you. In fact, come to think of it, you might not really feel like doing much of anything, including making dinner, putting away laundry, paying bills, you know, all that life stuff.

But what if play was exactly what you needed?

What if play was the missing ingredient for more energy, connection, laughter and light in your life? What if play was just the thing to help bring you closer to your child, to your friends, to your students, to your students/clients, even to yourself?

boosts your creativity and innovation ignites (or re-ignites) your spark for life enhances your ability to learn helps you solve problems builds a healthier body and mind

1: Choose to play something you enjoy (or used to enjoy) with your family or friends.

Think back to your life before becoming a parent, caregiver, teacher, therapist, etc. What did you like to do for fun? What brought you joy? What did you do for no other reason than you liked to do it? Did you like to listen to music? Write or sketch in your journal? Hang out with friends? Build things? Dig in the dirt?

Make jewellery? The options are endless- the key here is to jog your memory and create a mental (or actual) list of things you enjoyed.

1-Choose to play something you enjoy (or used to enjoy) with your family or friends 2-Start small 3-Make time to play for yourself too

Then, look for things on that list that you might enjoy doing now with your family or friends! For example, when I was a kid, I loved writing stories; so now my boys and I like to

Though you might find it hard to believe, play is crucial in living a healthy life at all ages. I’ve personally seen its transformative effect again and again for myself, my family, my clients and my readers. And for Wow, play does all that? That does those of you who are scientifically minded, sound pretty good… But what if you I’ve also seen it in the research. That’s why I don’t feel like playing? What do you am so passionate about sharing the value do then? How can you play, when of play for people of all ages. So let’s dig in, playing is the last thing you feel like doing?! Here are three ways to open starting with the benefits of play. yourself up to play: Play… decreases stress and anxiety strengthens your relationships with others increases your ability to communicate and cooperate ISSUE 7

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sit around the kitchen table writing.

Sometimes they write, and other times they draw comics or tell stories through art (or even building mini worlds with blocks, figures, etc.) I also loved playing tennis, so I’ve been taking my boys to play tennis since they were so little the tennis racquets were practically bigger than they were!

It doesn’t matter WHAT you choose. All that matters is you choose something of interest to YOU! (One key factor of play is that it is self-led. In other words, you do it because you want to, not because you have to/need to/should do it. Although you can find play in things you have to do, but that’s another article.)

And, if you’d like more options for fun, easy and fast ways to play together at home, check out my book, Play Together: Games & Activities for the Whole Family to Boost Creativity, Connection & Mindfulness. It features over 60 games in five categories (movement, kindness, connection, creativity and mindfulness) that you can play at home with materials you already have! https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/boo ks/720799/play-together-by-laurahaver/9781578269747/

2: Start small.

Even though you may now have an idea of what you could play, if you haven’t done much playing lately, it could feel a bit odd or even uncomfortable. You might even think it’s a waste of time, especially with all that’s on your plate.

But bear with me (and re-read the benefits above if you need to!)

If that’s the case for you, no worries! I’ve got you and that’s why my second tip is that you start small! Play for five minutes! Perhaps a quick card game, walk around the block, dance to one song, have a smiling contest, or even just lay on the grass and look at the clouds floating across the sky together.

In fact, the more senses you engage in your play the better, as they’ll help you get more present, out of your head and back into your body.

Then, and this is important, once you finish your short play break (one hand or cards, etc.), congratulate yourself. I’m not joking! Pat yourself on the back, give

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Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

yourself a mental or physical high five, whatever it takes. The point is to acknowledge the fact that you paused to play, that you carved out time to connect with your child, student or friend! When you reward your behaviour, you are more likely to do it again! That’s part of why starting small is so useful, as it helps build your momentum in creating new and lasting healthy behaviours.

Of course, if you find yourself having fun and want to go beyond the five minutes, great! But if that’s all you have for now, that’s great too! Think of play like a muscle. Each time you play you have the opportunity to grow in your ability to have fun and ultimately live a healthier and more vibrant life!

Finally, notice how you feel and what impact play is having in your life, health and relationships.

3: Make time to play for yourself!

Now that you have some ideas and are starting small, it’s time to make time to play for yourself! As I mentioned, play is a crucial part of our lives as noted above. Renowned expert Dr. Stuart Brown says, “When we lack that feeling of lightness in

what we do it should be taken as a warning sign. It should be as alarming as chest pain or shortness of breath when we climb the stairs, a high blood sugar reading or anemia.”1 So, in addition to playing with others, I also always highly recommend that you make time to play for yourself as well!

Whereas you might play certain things with your family and friends, there may be other areas you are also drawn to. These are what make you, you, and help you ignite your own unique spark for life!

Certain things may come to mind right away for you, like maybe you used to love tap dancing or collecting baseball cards… If you’re not sure where to start, though, go back to your list from Step 1. What did you like to do? And if you’re still feeling stuck or would like to go deeper, you can download my free signature Playlist Planner. I designed it to help people create their own unique “playlist” of fun activities and then plan them in so they actually make them happen T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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(aka, the planner part). You can access it here. https://laurahaver.com/playlist/ If you’re unsure, you can also start with movement (like the example I included above of walking around the block.) Getting your body moving (again, even if just for five minutes) can help you feel better and build more energy to play and connect.

I also want to add that no matter what’s going on in your world, I know you’ve got a big heart and that you’re doing the best you can. Even the fact that you are taking time to read this article about play shows that you are ready to start enjoying your own life again and connecting with the people in your life.

Photo: ©LauraHaver.com

Plan time to play in your calendar where you can do whatever YOU’D like during that time. (Sounds good, right?) Even simply daydreaming about what you might like to do in the future counts!

And again, even if you’re crunched for time, remember Step 2 and start with just five minutes.

To wrap up, I invite you to PLAY: to choose something you enjoy (or used to enjoy) to do with your family or friends, to start small and to take time to play for yourself!

You’ve got this! Play on.

Citation Brown, Stuart, and Christopher Vaughan. Essay. In Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, 150. New York, NY: Avery, 2010.

Now available to listen to on spotify. http://tinyurl.com/38rwtnfe

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Seasonal Selfishness or a lack of Empathy?

Written by Sarah Naish

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s we have navigated through the Christmas season, and (happily) reach the end, it's important to acknowledge the challenges that come with raising children who struggle with empathy. This is highlighted during the Christmas season and can leave us Therapeutic Parents with ‘post season blues’.

It can be disheartening to see the apparent increase in selfishness and lack of gratitude, especially after putting in so much effort to find the perfect gifts. I have experienced the disappointment of unappreciated presents and the lack of thought behind the gifts (if any) I received, although of course, when the children were young, nothing was ever expected!

Of course we hope that as our children grow older, they will develop a deeper sense of empathy and appreciation.

However, the reality is that this doesn't always happen as quickly or easily as we'd like. The overwhelming focus on material possessions only serves to satisfy our children temporarily before they move on to the next thing they feel they really must have. We must remind ourselves that our children are not intentionally being selfish, and that empathy will come with time. We know that children who have suffered trauma are very focused on their own survival, and at Christmas when everything changes, of course they become more focused on survival.

This might mean they are making sure they get a bigger share of the food and looking like they’re being very greedy.

All of those things can be very triggering for us.

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Photo: ©Coect via canva

You may have put hours into buying the special present for your child, only now to see that that is discarded and without purpose.

Remember that although this feels like the child has a lack of empathy for you and for all the care you put into buying this gift for them, actually it comes down to their need to self sabotage. Their internal working model simply doesn’t feel they are worthy. In other words, there is not even empathy there for themselves at present!

While we patiently wait for our children to develop a greater sense of empathy and self esteem, it's important to remember to take care of ourselves as well.

Giving ourselves a break and treating ourselves to something

special can help to alleviate the frustration and disappointment we might feel. It's not selfish to prioritise our own well-being, especially during a time when we are constantly giving to others, or just following this busy time which can leave us feeling drained.

So, as we look back at ‘the season to be jolly’, let's be patient with our children and with ourselves.

Happier Christmases may well be on the horizon, and with time, empathy and self esteem will blossom in our children.

In the meantime, let's remember to give ourselves a little extra love and care. After all, we deserve it too.

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Art Therapy: What do they do in there?

Written by Lydia Pask

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hen I am asked ‘what is Art Therapy’, the formal definition I could give goes something like this:

It is a form of psychotherapy which uses art making as the primary form of communication: In that the client is offered the use of a variety of art materials with which to make art and the process and the resulting product are considered as communication in terms of thoughts, feelings and life experiences. Verbal communication helps to bring these interpretations together but is not essential; and the client might chose to talk through the art they have made as if it is talking for them.

But what does that mean? It is really hard to say exactly what art therapy is, because it depends on what the child and their supporting adults need it to be. I believe any form of therapeutic intervention is client dependent, in that the focus is on what they want to bring to the room, and the therapist meeting them at their emotional, physical and social understanding (as far as is feasible for the therapist).

The therapy relationship is not just with the child or young person I have been asked to see for 50 minute sessions once a week; it is also important for me to build a relationship with the significant people around the child such as parents, caregivers, grandparents, foster carers, teachers, support workers, social workers, family workers, Senco’s and other professionals who are involved in supporting the client – both in and out of the therapy space itself. I believe that in order for progress on the referral aims to happen there must be interactions between other ISSUE 7

Photo: ©Journeysarttherapy

adults involved with the child, so that any processing that is happening in the session can be supported throughout the rest of the week, as much as possible. This might be in the form of something that I have observed is beneficial for the child, such as a quiet space in or out of the classroom; or an activity outside of school that the child might benefit from; or a recommendation for an alternative provision for the child such as a psychological assessment.

Building the relationship between the client and the therapist within the session is important. It builds trust and a security for the client. It is a confusing concept to be faced with initially as the therapist’s role is different to any other relationship a child might have had with an adult.

I am not a teacher, not a parent, not a friend. I am an adult with different boundaries. An adult who is focused on following their

lead in playing and art making and hearing their story. I am led by the child and their interests, wishes and emotions. Boundaries of time, place and confidentiality are set out at the start. But there is only direction based on what is manageable and required by the individual child’s needs.

I provide various art materials for the client to choose from, and direction can be offered if they feel unsure of what to do initially. Mess making is common when the client is working through unsettled emotions which are deep rooted and painful. As the intervention continues; sometimes this will take years, the mess becomes more controlled and manageable, to coincide with the child’s ability to gain greater self-control of these feelings.

There are also times when the client is avoidant of art making or T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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of exploring meaning in what they make.

Through regular and consistent sessions, the client builds confidence in the therapist as a safe and trustworthy adult who will keep the parts of them that they choose to share in the room safe each week and to come back the next week. I encourage them to allow me to keep the art work they make with me in their folder or box until the next week; but for some this is too difficult and they need to keep it with them or to throw it away.

Photo: ©Journeysarttherapy

The therapy time becomes a special, protected place for the child or young person. Although I have said to them that they are free to share the content of the session with whoever they wish, I have found that they often choose not to share this with anyone outside of the session. For the most part, this isn’t because they are saying or doing anything worrying; (if this is the case

then I will have let them know that I have to share what they have said with the relevant adult) It is usually because they are seeking some form of control in their otherwise confusing and unpredictable world.

Photo: ©Journeysarttherapy

relationship you build with the therapist provides an experience of sharing the good and the bad and a safety in the knowledge of being able to trust that person with these parts of yourself.”

And so, when asked “What is Art Therapy?” I could also say: “It is a place to say without words, the things you want to say or didn’t know that you needed to say, but where you can express, explore and experience without judgement. The process is as important as the product because the steps to getting to where you need to go are often about trying and failing and learning from your mistakes. The

You can find more information on Lydia’s Art Therapy via The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre www.thehavencentre.co.uk

CoECT Podcasts

Are you a parent, special guardian, or kinship carer who is deeply concerned about the well-being of the children in your care?

Maybe you are a professional who supports traumatised children and struggling families and are looking for ways to help them.

We believe that our podcast could be a lifeline for you if you are feeling lost and have no idea where to turn. www.coect.co.uk/podcasts ISSUE 7

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS January 2024 - March 2024 PEER SUPPORT SGO/KINSHIP VIRTUAL LISTENING CIRCLE Tuesday 23rd January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/y43abp8w Tuesday 5th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/ms6vswn2

MEN’S VIRTUAL LISTENING CIRCLE Tuesday 6th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/5n8ntu8d Tuesday 5th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/6fwfd3uz

INFORMATION SESSIONS FOR NEW VOLUNTEERS IN-PERSON LISTENING CIRCLES

Tuesday 23rd January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/mrew3ebh

Norwich Listening Circle Thursday 25th January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/9szna77f

Thursday 22nd February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/bdhrw5p2

Rutland Listening Circle Tuesday 20th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/af4sbbfe Northampton Listening Circle Thursday 29th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2p8tnm3e Rutland Listening Circle Tuesday 19th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/4dxd4ke3 Northampton Listening Circle Thursday 21st March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/5mzn8cwm

FAMILY CIRCLE Berkshire Family Circle Saturday 3rd February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/235n5xc3 ISSUE 7

Monday 18th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/bdfhj5zj

CORPORATE INFORMATION SESSIONS Wednesday 24th January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/mrew3ebh Wednesday 7th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/bdhrw5p2 Wednesday 28th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/3a2ejcjf Wednesday 6h March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/5f9cw4nb Wednesday 27th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/dykpwjpj

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS January 2024 - March 2024 PEER SUPPORT - VIRTUAL LISTENING CIRCLES

Virtual Listening Circles Tuesday 23rd January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 25th January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Monday 29th January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2tjv6bdm Tuesday 30th January 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 1st February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Tuesday 6th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 8th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Tuesday 13th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 15th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Tuesday 20th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 22nd February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9

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VIRTUAL LISTENING CIRCLES CONTINUED...

Monday 26th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/5bashbv4 Tuesday 27th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 29th February 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Tuesday 5th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 7th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Tuesday 12th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 14th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Wednesday 20th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 21st March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9 Tuesday 26th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/2ufnum68 Thursday 28th March 2024 http://tinyurl.com/42d4d9k9

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS January 2024 - March 2024 ONLINE TRAINING Upcoming 2024 – The A-Z of Survival Strategies Webinars If The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions is your roadmap of strategies through to successful adulthood for your children, then The A-Z of Survival Strategies will be your hot flask of tea or coffee, and a cosy blanket which will keep you warm, safe and well on your journey!

Join us in January 2024 for our interactive LIVE webinars based on this book, here you will find strategies for essential maintenance as so often we all overlook caring for ourselves!

To book go to https://www.traumarevolution.co.uk/events Alcohol/Cake and Coffee – 23rd January 10am In the Webinar dedicated to "Cake/Alcohol and Coffee" from The A-Z of Survival Strategies for Therapeutic Parents, we will discover a valuable resource for understanding and implementing effective strategies in their parenting journey. This insightful section delves into the significance of "Cake/Alcohol and Coffee" as a metaphor for self-care and nurturing yourself as a therapeutic parent.

Allegations and Betrayal – 1st February 10am This weeks webinar is based on Allegations. readers are provided with invaluable insights and practical guidance on navigating the complex and sensitive issue of false allegations. This section of the book serves as a vital resource for therapeutic parents, empowering them to navigate the legal and emotional complexities of false allegations and maintain a safe and nurturing environment for their children.

Anger & Resilience – 7th February 10am In the enlightening webinar dedicated to Anger and Resilience, you will find a wealth of knowledge and practical advice on managing anger and building resilience as a Therapeutic Parent. We will delve into the emotions that can arise when parenting children with trauma backgrounds, offering valuable insights into the underlying causes of anger and effective strategies for self-regulation. This will help therapeutic parents, empowering them to navigate their own emotions while providing a stable and nurturing environment for their children's healing and growth.

Anti Socialism – 15th February 10am In the insightful session dedicated to Anti-Socialism, we will look through the challenges and impact of isolation on therapeutic parenting. We will look into the feelings of loneliness and disconnection that can arise when raising children with complex needs, offering practical strategies to combat isolation and build a supportive network. This section of the book serves as a lifeline for therapeutic parents, empowering them to overcome the isolating effects of their unique parenting journey and find strength in connection and community.

Anxiety and Bad Days – 20th February 10am This weeks webinar is based on Anxiety and Bad Days, you will be provided with a comprehensive understanding of anxiety and its impact on both parents and children in therapeutic parenting settings.

This session serves as an invaluable resource for therapeutic parents, empowering them to navigate the challenges of anxiety and create a nurturing environment that promotes emotional well-being for their children.

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS January 2024 - March 2024 ONLINE TRAINING Trauma Revolution Webinars Sexualised Behaviour - 28 July, 12:00 – 13:00 BST Asking for Help – 28th February 10 am It can be very frightening, even horrifying, to come across a very young child who is, or, appears to be, sexually In this week we will be looking at the struggles for asking for help. We will look at the importance of knowledgeable and active; but if we can put aside our own horror and revulsion and see what the behaviour is seeking support and assistance in their journey as therapeutic parents. We will address the really telling us, we can at least start off with the right mindset. challenges and pressures that can arise when caring for children with complex needs, emphasizing the significance of self-care andBST reaching out for help when needed.

Shame – 1 August, 10:00 – 11:00 Join Laura for a one-hour live webinar on Shame. Shame is a powerful and pervasive emotion for children. This webinar will explore the reasons behind shame, how it manifests in children, and strategies for supporting Attachment Style – this 6thdebilitating March 10 am children to overcome emotion. The webinar will also feature a Q&A session, where we will Inanswer this insightful webinar into your questions and Laura providedelves insights intothe howcrucial to help concept your child.of attachment style, offering

practical guidance for therapeutic parents navigating the complexities of nurturing healthy Sibling Rivalry 10 August, 10:00This - 11:00 BST profoundly equips readers with the tools to attachments with-their children. section Obsessions often happen because our children struggle to be stillattachments, and 'comfortable in their own skin’ When understand, nurture, and strengthen crucial parent-child fostering healing and they are still, the trauma, anxiety and emptiness seem bigger and make them feel uncomfortable, driven to resilience within the family unit. action and to find a distraction. Join us for this live webinar with many useful strategies surrounding obsessions.

Birthdays - 13th March 10 am In this webinar dedicated to Birthdays you will be looking through the unique challenges and considerations that arise when celebrating birthdays in a therapeutic parenting context.

From managing expectations and triggers to fostering a sense of belonging and joy, we will provide valuable insights on how to navigate this important milestone in a therapeutic and supportive manner.

Blame – 21st March 10 am In the enlightening session dedicated to "Blame" in Sarah Naish's book, The A-Z of Survival Strategies for Therapeutic Parents, we will guide you through the complex emotions and challenges surrounding the tendency to assign blame in parenting situations. This section of the book serves as a powerful tool for parents, empowering them to break free from the cycle of blame and create a more compassionate and supportive environment for themselves and their children.

Boundaries – 26th March 10 am Join us for this weeks webinar, Boundaries, looking at the essential concept of establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in the context of therapeutic parenting. This session serves as a valuable resource for therapeutic parents seeking to navigate the complexities of parenting children with trauma and attachment issues. By understanding and implementing appropriate boundaries, readers will gain the tools necessary to promote emotional well-being, foster healthy relationships, and create a nurturing environment for their children to thrive.

Limited-Time Offer January Special!

The “Meeting the Needs of Neuro-Diverse Children in Education” 2023 conference is now available with 20% off!

Immerse yourself in expert insights and practical strategies.

Don’t miss out - grab your exclusive discount: http://tinyurl.com/3s2mkhhu ISSUE 7

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS January 2024 - March 2024 Trauma Revolution Webinars

Rest and Relaxation sessions

Sexualised Behaviour - 28 July, 12:00 – 13:00 BST Neil is back with his free 15 minute relaxation sessions, held on It can be very frightening, even horrifying, to come across a very young child who is, or, appears to be, sexually Mondays (please note there is no session on 22nd January) knowledgeable and active; but if we can put aside our own horror and revulsion and see what the behaviour is really telling us, we can at least start off with the right mindset.

Wind down in a fifteen minute live Zoom session, as you

Shame – 1 August, 10:00 – 11:00 BST experience the benefits of using calming breath techniques.

Join Laura for a one-hour live webinar on Shame.

Shameand is a powerful pervasive This Program sessionsand created andemotion guidedfor bychildren.

Neil Cunningham, webinar will explore the reasons behind shame, how it manifests in children, and strategies for supporting Carer and Breath Instructor. children to overcome this debilitating emotion. The webinar will also feature a Q&A session, where we will answer your questions and provide insights into how to help your child.

Open to all.

Sibling Rivalry - 10 August, 10:00 - 11:00 BST Obsessions often happen because our children struggle beifstill and 'comfortable their own skin’ Whenafter a fullPlease jointous you are looking toinfind the Off Switch they are still, the trauma, anxiety and emptiness on seem day. bigger and make them feel uncomfortable, driven to action and to find a distraction. Join us for this live webinar with many useful strategies surrounding You can book on from the events section of our website obsessions.

https://www.thehavencentre.co.uk/book-online

Day Retreat to interrupt and prevent compassion fatigue Come and join us for a day of relaxation, reflection, and rejuvenation on Friday 19th April, 10 am - 4 pm, where you will experience a morning of coaching, followed by a 2 course lunch and an afternoon in the Spa. The next Day Retreat is held in the relaxing surroundings of a hotel and spa in Gloucestershire.

To book go to our events section of the website. https://www.thehavencentre.co.uk/book-online To get 10 % discount use code: jan sale (discount ends 31st January)

January Sale!

January Sale

on our annual membership package

Take advantage of our January sale 15% discount on our annual membership package using the discount code.

Use code: january sale Discount code ends 31st January 2024 www.thehavencentre.co.uk

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ASK THE EXPERTS Let our team of experts with first-hand experience, guide you through some of those tricky TIP moments!

My 7 year old adopted son is always ‘on the go’. He can’t seem to settle to anything. I am under some pressure to get him assessed for ADHD but I feel there is something else going on.

Jon, Nottingham Sarah Naish replies A child may have high cortisol levels for a number of reasons, some are not associated with abuse. High levels of cortisol drives us to act. Normally we would experience a rush of cortisol or adrenaline in response to a stressful situation. It compels us to move or to reach for the biscuit tin! If those levels of cortisol have been high for a long time, (for example where a child has lived in a threatening or unstable environment), we see our children being restless, fidgety, unable to concentrate, and craving sugar. It looks like ADHD and is often misdiagnosed as such.

If the sugar craving or need for movement can't be satisfied then the child goes into fight, flight or defensive rage. It's not about them 'being in control' so much as that they are BEING controlled by sugar and cortisol. Taking high sugar foods is driven by high cortisol levels and outside of our children’s control. Sugar is much more addictive than cocaine, so it's useful to bear that in mind.

Unfortunately, once the threat has passed and child is in a safe environment, (IE in your home), they cannot ‘unlearn’ the hardwired physiological responses active in their brains. It is useful to imagine the child’s base brain (amygdala) as a faulty smoke detector. Always going off at inopportune moments, even when there is no smoke, let alone a fire! Therapeutic parenting, effectively ‘switches off’ the smoke detector and rewires it, so that it only goes off when there is an actual threat. I used to spend a lot of time anticipating possible perceived threats for my children and warning them.

Overall though, by far the best remedy is CPR! Consistency, Predictability, Reliability This lowers our children’s fear based behaviours and starts to help them to exit fight/flight. It does take a long time though so be prepared for that, and start by using nice big visual wall planners to reduce anxiety.

Do you have a question about a certain behaviour your child displays or a situation which seems tricky? Write in to us via the email tips@coect.co.uk to get your question answered in the Ask the Experts section.

TIPS MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION

If you have been enjoying our magazine and would like to receive each edition, please email tips@coect.co.uk to set up a subscription Paper subscription - £23.99/year Electronic subscription - free Subscriptions and past editions are also available through the NATP shop: www.naotp.com/shop ISSUE 7

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Its cold outside: Why some children won’t wear their coats!

Written By Sair Penna

I

magine the scene: It's a cold winter day and you are going outside with your child to the local park. As you approach

This might be a first, where they have decided that from today onwards their coat is too itchy/scratchy and uncomfortable to wear, or maybe your child is a seasoned non-coat wearer, wearing winter attire is not on the agenda and they are enjoying the moment of playing in the play area, in the freezing cold.

At this point, even if you have tried to encourage, persuade, and sometimes even bargain with your child to wear a coat, seems like they won't budge you may have taken your child's coat with you, hoping that they might change their mind and realise they're cold after all. However, the likelihood of that happening maybe slim, and you probably have a better chance of seeing pigs fly...

As a parent, you might wonder why your little one refuses to wear their coat, or if they are feeling as cold as you are. It is totally understandable to worry that ISSUE 7

Photo: ©coect via canva.

the park and play area, your child rushes over to greet their friends before heading inside. Looking around, you see other children running around in the playground, their warm breath visible in the cold air. You feel the chill biting at your nose and fingertips as you watch your child run around excitably. Most of the children seem to be wearing appropriate winter attire, including hats, gloves, and coats, except for your child, who has decided that they don't need to and will not be wearing their coat today. they might catch a chill and end up sick. This may be frustrating, especially when you see other children wrapped up in their coats during the colder months. However, you're not alone, and knowing the possible reasons behind not wanting to wear a coat or any outer clothing, hats, gloves, or scarves may help you to navigate ways to support your child through the winter months.

When children resist wearing their coats, it could be because of various reasons. Understanding your child's needs and preferences to address the issue and find a solution that works for both of you.

this sense can make selfregulation challenging for individuals. It's possible that your child may have difficulty understanding and interpreting information related to temperature. They may not realise when they are feeling hot or cold. Even if they don't feel the cold easily, it's important to make them aware of the tell-tale signs that their body may be reacting to the cold, such as cold hands and feet, and shivering. This will help them connect the dots and understand how the cold outdoors may have an impact on them.

Interoception Issues The problem could be related to interoception issues, which is the sense that helps us understand what's happening inside our bodies, like feeling hot or cold, hungry, thirsty, or tired. Not understanding

Sensory processing Some children may have sensory preferences that make them more sensitive to certain sensory inputs such as touch, taste, or smell. For these children, wearing certain types of clothing, like T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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Expression of identity It is possible that children and young people have a strong desire to exercise their own identity by choosing what they wear. This could be because they want to express their unique identity, especially when they feel the need to conform to certain social expectations or peer pressure. If wearing a coat isn't necessary for them to express themselves, they may choose not to wear one.

If you are trying to help a child who is struggling with sensory issues related to clothing, it is important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. It can be frustrating for the child to deal with uncomfortable clothing, but it is equally frustrating for you as a parent or guardian when the child refuses to wear certain clothing items, like a coat. It is essential to work together to find solutions that will make the child feel comfortable and confident. Rather than pushing them in to wear clothing that does not feel right, it is important to be patient and compassionate in finding alternatives that will work for the child.

Navigating the winter coat Reminders and encouragement If you want to make sure that your little ones wear their coat when it's chilly outside, here's a tip - try giving them a heads-up and some visual reminders. Maybe you could show ISSUE 7

Photo: ©coect via canva.

coats, can be a challenge as it may cause discomfort or irritation. They may find the fabrics too rough, the seams too scratchy, or the weight too heavy, making it difficult for them to feel comfortable.

Understandably, they may not want to wear coats that replicate such discomfort. Empathising and finding alternative clothing options that are more comfortable and less disruptive to their sensory processing can help them feel at ease and confident in their outdoor clothing choices.

them a picture of a coat or leave it near the door as a friendly cue. With these tricks, your child might be more inclined to remember to grab their coat, even when they're super busy or distracted.

Choosing a winter coat When it comes to wearing coats, it's important to let your child or young person pick out a coat that they love and feel comfortable in, if your child has chosen it, then you have a good chance they will want to wear it. One effective solution to this challenge is to allow these individuals to try on the coats before making a purchase.

This way, they can ensure that the coat fits well, feels comfortable, and does not trigger any sensory sensitivities.

Alternative to coats If your child isn't a fan of wearing a coat, layering clothes can be a great alternative. Just find the perfect combination of clothing that your child is happy to wear; this may be a thermal vest, t-shirt, hoody and thicker jumper of hoody and a lightweight waterproof jacket. This is trial and error, but if it is child-led and the clothes they wear keep them

warm and dry without causing distress, then it is worth a try.

Remember, every child is unique, and they need our support and understanding to overcome these challenges. Asking them to put on a coat could be uncomfortable for them, so it's important to be mindful of this and find other ways to keep them warm and comfortable as well as keeping them safe and healthy. In a worse-case scenario situation, if it is a winter blizzard outside and too cold for them to go out when you know that they are unlikely to wear a coat, an alternative activity indoors would be more beneficial if wearing a coat or layers is not going to happen.

It can be helpful to have some strategies prepared for dealing with situations like this. These strategies can assist you in feeling less frustrated, at least until the weather becomes warmer.

However, how to handle your child's reluctance to take off their longsleeved jumpers in the height of summer is one to navigate through another day.

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Wellbeing Navigating the winter months Written by Emma Edwards

A

s the winter season is in full swing, with the decrease in daylight hours and the sharp drop in temperature, it's important to take care of yourself during

Photo: ©Coect via Canva

the coming months. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but you can take some little steps to prioritise your physical and mental health by staying active, eating well, getting enough rest, and practicing self-care activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Here are 5 tips for taking care of yourself through the winter months.

Get moving Exercise is a great way to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression while giving you a boost of energy and a better overall mood. The key is to find an activity that you enjoy and can stick with for the long haul. By making regular exercise a part of your daily routine.. So go on, get moving and have some fun!

Choosing healthy foods Healthy eating habits are crucial for a healthy and active lifestyle. A balanced diet comprising nutrient-rich foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can provide essential vitamins and minerals.

These foods can help keep energy levels stable and boost the immune system.

Adding more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to your diet can promote overall health and well-being, making you feel more refreshed.

Spend time outdoors Spending a few minutes outside daily can benefit your well-being. Natural light ISSUE 7

regulates your internal clock and helps with sleep. Being in nature reduces stress and anxiety levels and leads to a better mood. So, make it a point to step outside and enjoy the natural world around you, even if it's just for a short while!

Stay warm To stay safe and warm when you go outside in cold weather, it's important to dress in layers. Layering allows you to adjust your clothing to your body's needs as you move between different temperatures and levels of activity.

When you're at home, blankets and warm, thick socks can help you stay cosy and comfortable. You can also create a warm and inviting atmosphere in your home by embracing elements of the Danish lifestyle Hygge, such as lighting candles, drinking warm beverages, and spending time with loved ones.

These simple things can make a big difference in how you feel and can help

you relax and unwind after a long day.

Practice self-care Take the time to do things that make you feel good. This doesn't need to be an exhaustive list; it could be as simple as savouring a warm drink in your favourite mug.

Consider implementing a bedtime routine that you can stick to, which includes taking care of yourself and preparing for sleep.

We hope these tips may help you to motivate yourself to take care of your well-being in the following weeks, particularly in the winter months when the weather can be harsh. Remember to keep yourself warm and comfortable and indulge in self-care activities that make you happy, as this will help maintain consistency.

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A ground-breaking qualification to support new and existing foster parents: Therapeutic Fostering Qualification (TFQ)

T

he Therapeutic Fostering qualification is designed for foster parents and the professionals who support them within the agency.

The aim is to help them provide therapeutic care to children who have suffered early life trauma due to pre or postnatal stress, neglect, domestic violence, and/or abuse.

This qualification is used together with the Therapeutic Fostering Assessment (TFA) and is also the perfect route to enable existing foster parents who have not gone through the TFA process to study for continuing professional development which incorporates the Training, Support and Development workbook.

The comprehensive program comprises 8 units that delve into key aspects of parenting and child development. These units are designed to equip participants with the necessary knowledge and skills to provide optimal care to children.

The units cover the following topics: Understanding Developmental Trauma: This unit helps foster parents gain a deeper understanding of the impact of developmental trauma on children and how it affects their development.

Building a Foundation for a Trusting Relationship: This unit focuses on establishing a strong foundation for a trusting relationship between the foster parent and the child. It explores ways to build trust and create a safe and supportive environment for the child.

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Meeting the Needs of Growing and Developing Children: This unit covers the various needs of growing and developing children and how caregivers can meet these needs effectively.

Creating a Safe Parenting Environment: In this unit, participants learn how to create a safe and nurturing environment for children.

Understanding Safe Parenting Practices for Ourselves: This unit emphasises the importance of selfcare for caregivers. It explores ways to prioritise self-care and manage stress effectively to ensure the wellbeing of both the foster parent and the child.

Exploring the Role of a Professional Therapeutic Foster Parent: This unit delves into the role of a professional therapeutic foster parent. It covers topics such as the fostering organisations’ policies, procedures, collaboration with professionals, and effective communication with family.

Our program is designed to equip parents with the necessary knowledge and skills to establish a healthy and positive relationship with their child using Therapeutic Parenting techniques. These strategies are specifically tailored to address the unique needs and challenges faced by foster families.

Upon successful completion of the program, parents will receive a certification for our Level 2 Award in Therapeutic Fostering, which is accredited by CACHE. This healthy and positive relationship with their child using Therapeutic Parenting

techniques. These strategies are specifically tailored to address the unique needs and challenges faced by foster families. Upon successful completion of the program, parents will receive a certification for our Level 2 Award in Therapeutic Fostering, which is accredited by CACHE. This qualification will demonstrate their expertise and commitment to providing the best possible care for their foster child.

The qualification is thoughtfully designed to cater to the Training Support and Development (TSD) requirements in England and the All Wales Induction Framework (AWIF) requirements in Wales.

These requirements are thoroughly integrated into the course modules and workbooks provided to learners. The qualification also covers quality assurance to help learners complete their induction workbooks (AWIF or TSD) as part of the qualification.

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TRAUMA INFORMED QUALIFICATIONS Through Inspire Training we have a suite of qualifications to support parents and supporting professionals who work with children who have experienced adverse childhood experiences and neurodivergent children.

For more information on our suite of trauma informed qualifications go to https://tinyurl.com/yc73vp9z

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NATP VIEWPOINT Becoming a Volunteer

What do you need to become a volunteer?

To be able to provide effective support to parents who are experiencing caring for children with developmental trauma and display neurodiverse characteristics. It is essential to have lived experience in this area, this experience will enable you to fully empathise with their situation and offer them the kind of support they need to overcome the challenges they face.

Additionally, it is important to commit at least 2 hours per month to this role to ensure that you have the time to coordinate the support that these parents require, whether that be at our listening circles which are held all over the UK, or through writing a blog or providing empathic listening calls.

Benefits By signing up, you'll be entitled to a complimentary membership to NATP tier 4. This membership will grant you ISSUE 7

Photo: ©Coect via Canva

N

ational Association of Therapeutic Parents, operates with a dedicated group of office staff and compassionate volunteers who are committed to supporting families with children who have experienced adverse childhood experiences or who have neurodiverse characteristics.

Our volunteers are highly skilled and come from diverse backgrounds, including empathic listeners who offer a non-judgmental ear to those in who need someone to listen to them, blog writers who share valuable insights and experiences, and listening circle coordinators who bring parents and carers together to share their stories and support each other through listening circles, which are held both online and in person. Whether you're seeking guidance, a safe space to share your thoughts, or simply someone to listen to, NATP is here to help.

exclusive access to a range of benefits, including peer support, the Haven well-being portal, and a Trauma Revolution Training Pass.

With peer support, you can connect with like-minded individuals and receive guidance and advice on a range of topics. The Haven wellbeing portal is a comprehensive online resource that provides information and tools to help you maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle and prevent compassion fatigue and burnout. The Trauma Revolutions Training Pass gives you access to innovative member areas that will equip you with the skills and knowledge on trauma-informed parenting/therapeutic parenting.

our mission, as well as the various ways in which you can get involved. These meetups are a great opportunity to meet other volunteers, exchange ideas and experiences, and gain a better understanding of the work we do.

How do I become a volunteer?

The next information session is on Tuesday 23rd January 9:30am – 10:30 am

We would like to extend an invitation for you to attend one of our online volunteer information sessions.

During these sessions, you can learn more about our organisation and

After the meetup, we kindly ask that you complete an application form to formalise your interest in volunteering with us.

We appreciate your willingness to support our cause and look forward to seeing you at one of our upcoming meetups.

Click here to book your free place http://tinyurl.com/2eejw8kt

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COECT INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE 2024

Sarah Naish

Sarah Dillon

Jane Mitchell

THE ESSENTIAL TOOLS OF THERAPEUTIC PARENTING Strategies from the leading industry experts Date: Thursday 20th June 2024 Time: 10:00 am - 3:00 pm (GMT) Location: Virtual/Online Price: £10 plus VAT For more information and to express an interest, go to www.inspiretraininggroup.com/upcomingevents

In the Next Issue...

7 Aspects of Developmental Trauma Sensory processing - Parents can be overwhelmed by sensory stimuli too Wellbeing - Embracing Springtime Ask the Experts Issue 8 out 20th March 2024