TIPS Magazine Issue 06

COECT EXCLUSIVE MAGAZINE

T.I.Ps

Trauma Informed Parents ISSUE No.6 November 2023

IN THIS ISSUE:

Perfect Parents Do they exist?!

Annual Conference 2023 highlights

WHAT'S ON? Wellbeing Helping parents to understand the science behind exercise and stress relief

The Therapeutic Fostering Qualification - A foster parent’s perspective

Transitions & Routines: Navigating Seasonal Transitions and Events Feeling triggered?

Strategies to manage behaviour-based triggers

Empowered Parenting: An Introduction to Trust-Based Relational Intervention® Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

In this issue CoECT News

Page 1

Editor's Note

Page 2

Meet the Team!

Page 3

Annual Conference 2023 highlights

Page 4

Perfect Parents - Do they Exist?!

Page 6

The Therapeutic Fostering Qualification - A foster parent’s perspective Navigating Seasonal Transitions and Events

Page 8 Page 9

Wellbeing -Helping parents to understand the science behind exercise and stress relief

Page 11

What's on Where? – Events and Connections

Page 13

Feeling triggered? Strategies to manage behaviour-based triggers

Page 15

Trauma-Informed Qualifications

Page 17

Empowered Parenting: An Introduction to Trust-Based Relational Intervention®

Page 18 Page 20

NATP Volunteer Viewpoint

Page 21

Ask The Experts - Seasonal Special

www.coect.co.uk To advertise with us contact: tips@coect.co.uk ISSUE 6

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COECT NEWS The agency is currently interviewing for a Social Work Assistant in the South Wales area. This innovative post has attracted aspiring Social Workers and those who want to within the field do not want to pursue a professional qualification. Supporting existing social workers, the role will involve engagement of foster parents and children, deputising at meetings and direct work with children. This is an exciting development and shortlisted candidates have a wealth of experience including working directly with looked after children in the community and in residential homes.

Safer has found an exciting new venue for its monthly Photo: ©Coect coffee mornings. Previously held at the office, these will now be held at Dyffryn Gardens, a National Trust property where we are able to take advantage of the innovative ‘Wellbeing Pass’ a scheme, available to charities and not-for profit organisations. The venue has extensive grounds which families can explore, is dog friendly and has an on site café. There will also be an opportunity to hold children’s events there at key times of the year.

Having grown to establish a lovely group of new foster parents in East Anglia, the region has established its own regional Professional Therapeutic Development Group which will meet monthly led by our Attachment Therapist Sarah Dillon.

TRUE is also currently interviewing for a Child Support Worker for the area as part of our commitment to support our new fostering hub.

The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre has been a driving force in collaborating with organisations to prevent work-related stress and interrupt compassion fatigue. With online sessions that are both accessible and transformative, they empower individuals to take charge of their mental wellbeing and thrive in their personal and professional lives.

The Therapeutic Parenting Badge has been ordered for National Therapeutic Parenting Day launching in March next year. NATP are going to be organising the annual event which is set for 6 March (NATPs birthday) More information will be shared in due course!

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New Trauma Informed Panel Training It’s essential that Fostering panels understand what therapeutic parenting and trauma informed practice looks like. With this in mind we have developed a programme to support Fostering Panels. This video based interesting course will get panel members on the same page. The programme has been written by Sarah Naish and Sair Penna, bestselling authors with lived in experience of social work, fostering and fostering panel members/Chair -Ofsted ‘Outstanding’. More information about this can be found at https://www.inspiretraininggroup.com/fosteri ng-professionals Conference Recording available Danielle, our Training Manager, has been busy uploading the Annual CoECT Conference 2023 to our learning platform, and it is now available to purchase if you missed it first time around. https://tinyurl.com/2sx4up47.

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Editor’s Note Welcome to Issue 6!

Time seems to fly so fast, and it's hard to believe that we're already putting together Issue 6 after just releasing Issue 5 last September. We've been incredibly busy, and we're thrilled to share some of the highlights with you.

Our National Conference in Coventry was a massive success, and we're grateful for the parents, teachers, social workers, and alternative education providers who came together to support neuro-diverse children in education. The atmosphere was electric, and we felt positive about the changes we could make. We have included some of the conference's highlights in a CoECT News Special on page 6.

Additionally, we focus on a topic that most of us can relate to - the quest for being the perfect parent. With the rise of social media, the pressure to showcase a flawless family life can be overwhelming. But let's face it, how often is everything genuinely perfect? Join us as we explore the reality behind the picture-perfect moments on social media and delve deeper into the question of whether a perfect parent even exists.

As the holiday season approaches, we may need to navigate through transitions.

Christmas can be challenging for both children and adults, especially from a sensory processing perspective, with the flashing or twinkling lights and social events with relatives, which can be overwhelming. In this issue, we will explore how to manage seasonal transitions.

Jessica, a therapeutic social worker and TBRI practitioner provides an introduction to Trust-Based Relational Intervention® and explains the process involved. Additionally, our wellbeing article delves into the topic of compassion fatigue and provides practical tips for preventing burnout. Mark, a parent, seasoned life coach and personal trainer, shares his insights on how exercise can serve as an effective stress reliever.

We wish you a restful build-up to winter festivities and the impending school break, which is just around the corner. If you would like to contribute to our next issue in any way, please contact us via tips@coect.co.uk.

Best wishes

Sair, Sarah and the team at The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma ISSUE 6

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Meet the Team!

The Centre of Excellence in Child Trauma is made up of a team of experts who have essential real-life experience. We are Adopters, Foster Parents and Bio parents of neuro diverse children, and also work as professionals in the field.

Executive Editor - Sarah Naish Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Adopter of five siblings, former Foster Parent, retired Social Worker, Best selling international Author, Keynote Speaker and founder of three Independent Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.

Executive Editor - Sair Penna Sair (Sarah) is a Therapeutic Parent, Trainer, and Therapeutic Parenting Coach.

Director of NATP, Wickselm House Learning Centre CIC and Independent Panel Chair for two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies.

Managing Editor - Kathryn Talbot Kathryn works across CoECT, specialising in communications and public relations.

Contributor - Emma Edwards Emma is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter, Director of NATP and The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre.

Contributor - Sarah Dillon Sarah is a Therapeutic Parent, an Attachment Therapist, Keynote speaker, former child in care, Author (Therapeutic Parenting) Head of Therapeutic Services (Fostering).

Contributor - Jane Mitchell Jane is a Therapeutic Parent, Adopter and Keynote Speaker, Author and Head of Family Stability in two Therapeutic Fostering Agencies .

Contributor - Mark Long Mark is a parent, and experienced fitness and lifestyle coach who specialises in working with parents and caregivers. He offers strategies to integrate exercise into a balanced lifestyle, making physical activity a sustainable and enjoyable part of their lives.

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Contributor - Jessica Spenceley Jessica is a therapeutic social worker with over 20 years of experience helping adoptive parents navigate their parenting journeys using the attachmentbased, trauma-informed parenting approach of TBRI®.

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COECT News Update

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he night before the conference was marked by wet and windy weather. However, the staff team from all six companies of COECT still managed to gather for a preconference team meal. It's not often that we get together, but when we do, there's a palpable buzz of enthusiasm in the air.

On the day of the conference, we warmly welcomed our delegates who had braved the stormy weather to attend. The focus of this year's conference was the new COECT Schools Team’s book, "The A-Z of Trauma-Informed Teaching, Solutions, and Strategies," which was launched in August and has already become a bestseller. It was a pleasure to meet many like-minded individuals, including teachers,

Photo: ©Coect

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©John Foxx from Photo Images via www.canva.com

Annual CoECT Conference 2023 - the highlights!

Photo: ©Coect

SENDCos, teaching assistants, headteachers, social workers, and parents, who were embracing the much-needed change in the education system. They were creating small ripples in the education system to support our children in an ever-changing learning environment.

The COECT Schools team, consisting of Sarah Naish, Daniel, Anne, Hannah, and Sair, were joined by best-selling author, psychotherapist and attachment therapist, Sarah Dillon.

At the conference, Sarah and Sair began the day by sharing their experiences as parents navigating the education system. They spoke about the challenges they had faced, and how this led to the creation of

their book and also Wickselm House Learning Centre. This part of the conference highlighted the impact that the education system can have on neurodiverse children or those who have experienced adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).

Sarah and Sarah Dillon then entertained us by role playing scenarios around school related issues, whilst explaining the importance of understanding the root cause of the child’s behaviour, depending on the circumstances which present themselves. They were joined by Sair and Daniel as supporting cast members through this part.

Daniel and Anne provided insight into therapeutic teaching using a traumainformed approach, and their journey which The Wensum Trust has taken to

Photo: ©Coect

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get there. Their thought-provoking talk shared teaching strategies from the child’s perspective and how if they were used with the audience how they would make us feel. They also shared their strategies and solutions which have made their schools take a traumainformed approach, from supporting staff to implementing strategies in the classroom.

After lunch, Hannah explained the setup and workings of Wickselm House, an alternative education provision for children who cannot attend school. She also shared the success of the program in bridging the gap for children, helping them develop social and emotional resilience, and preparing them for a smooth transition into school. The event concluded with a Q&A session with the panel of speakers, followed by an opportunity to have one-on-one conversations with the COECT staff while enjoying some light refreshments.

We would like to express our gratitude to Kathryn Talbot and Danielle WhatlingGleadall for their thorough planning skills, which made the day a great

Photo: ©Coect

success. Additionally, we would like to thank the COECT staff team for their assistance in ensuring that everything ran seamlessly both in preparation and on the day.

The conference was also recorded so if you did miss it, or would like to watch it again, then you can purchase it at https://tinyurl.com/2sx4up47.

The event was a huge success, not only as a day to share knowledge but also as an opportunity to meet new people and make connections with other like-minded organisations.

We are currently planning the Annual Conference for 2024 and will release additional details early next year. Keep an eye out for updates!

Photo: ©Coect

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Perfect Parents Do they exist?!

Written by Sair Penna

W

Parenting is a tricky job and many parents feel the pressure to be perfect in their role.

It's a common concern that many parents share. The influence of other parents can sometimes make us feel like we're not doing enough or that we're not good enough at parenting. But let's remember, we all start off at the same point, and we're all just trying to get to the finish line.

Along the way, there will be hurdles and bumps, and some of us will have a tougher journey than others. But we'll all get there in the end, and how we cope with challenges along the way will shape our journey. It's important to remember that parenting is an ongoing journey that requires continuous learning and growth.

It's full of ups and downs, and sometimes unexpected surprises, but we'll get through it.

What's normal?!

Every parent's experience of 'normal' varies greatly and is heavily influenced by the specific parenting challenges they face. What one parent might consider a typical day, another might consider a difficult one. Ultimately, the needs, abilities, and personality of each child play a significant role in shaping a parent's ISSUE 6

Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

hen it comes to mythological creatures, some popular examples that come to mind include unicorns, mermaids, and dragons. However, if you you have a child who has a keen interest in this subject, there may be a few more creatures that they are familiar with.

Additionally, we often hear stories about the myth of perfect parents, who seem to have everything under control every day, always arriving early, with a child who excels at reading, and who never has a public outburst.

However, putting too much pressure on yourself and your child to excel in everything can lead to unrealistic You get to gauge what is your normal, expectations and unnecessary and sometimes that isn’t the same as stress. other people’s expectations, and its Not all children will read and write at great that you have inside knowledge the same time or learn to ride a bike. of your children and get to see things Parenting is a multifaceted and from a different perspective than the complex task that can be influenced onlookers when situations unravel. Like by various factors, including the when you catch yourself channelling child's characteristics and needs, your inner Star Wars/Darth Vadar parental resources and support, the monologue “The force is strong with quality of the relationship among this one” whilst your child is doing a parents, and the social and very good job of demonstrating a sit economic context of the family.

-in on the school playground Some of these factors can make equipment long after everyone has parenting easier or more challenging issued “judgement stares” and had gone home. Although having a spirited for different individuals. Some may face more challenges due to high child can have its challenges, levels of stress or isolation, while especially when you are parenting others may have a more satisfying them, there is a good possibility that experience with supportive partners they may develop and hone their or extended family. It very much determination into strong leadership depends on your circumstances, and qualities. the needs of yourself, your child and the family’s needs.

Parent Peer Pressure It's totally understandable for parents Children who are neurodiverse have to want the best for their children. unique strengths and challenges perception of what is normal for their parenting and family life in general.

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that can significantly impact their development, education, socialisation, and mental wellbeing. Neurodiverse children are those who have different brain functions, processes, behaviours, and learning styles from what is considered typical. They may require additional support or accommodations to thrive in their environment.

Being a parent of a neurodiverse child can raise many questions and concerns about how to provide the best support for your child's needs and overall well-being. However, acceptance is the key to empowering parents of neurodiverse children to find their own way of parenting that works best for them. Once you find the strategies that work with your child, you will feel much more confident, and you won't care about what other people think or how other children are progressing. Parenting is a journey of learning, growing, and adapting to new roles and responsibilities, and there is no one "right" way to do it. The most important thing is to listen and respond to your child's needs.

Parenting is a challenging and complex task that requires patience, empathy, and understanding. Despite this, many people believe in the myth of the perfect parent - the ideal mother and father who can raise happy, well-adjusted, problem-free children. However, it's important to acknowledge that making mistakes along the way is a natural part of the learning and growing process.

And for those parents who seem like they have everything under control…

The parent who arrives early… because their child has been awake since 5am and they need to get out of the house, The parent whose child is an excellent reader… but refuses to eat anything but yoghurt, or the parent whose child copes well in public …but struggles to emotionally regulate at home after the event.

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The truth is that parenting is not easy, and there is no manual to guide us through it. It's a steep learning curve for most parents, and it's a massive transition.

One day, you're carefree and independent, and the next, you're a parent to children who for them you are their world. It's a significant responsibility that is unique to everyone, whether you're a parent, foster parent, grandparent, kinship, or connected person carer. Although we might have similarities in our parenting journey, nobody knows a child better than their significant carer.

Being a parent involves being present for your child, providing them love, support, and guidance, and helping them develop into independent and responsible adults. So, let's embrace our individual journeys of parenting with acceptance and kindness.

Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

And the perfect parent?

Well, the name is better suited to belong in a book of myths and mythological creatures.

Looking for a new book to read?

'But he looks so NORMAL!' A phrase guaranteed to catapult you into bad-tempered parenting. If you are a foster parent, adopter, kinship carer or other Therapeutic Parent looking after a child with additional needs, you may be tired of putting up with Patronising Professionals, dealing with Arguing Children whilst worrying that you have become a very badtempered parent. This irreverent look at untherapeutic moments, also combines strategies for efficiently dispatching 'BakingMother-with-Clipboard' and reward charts.

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The Therapeutic Fostering Qualification - A foster parent’s perspective Written by Lisa Slaney, Therapeutic Foster Parent So, lets talk about training and coursework, in particular the Level 2 Award in Therapeutic Fostering.

Training is one of those things that’s a bit like Marmite, you either loathe it or love it. You walk away feeling like that’s a day of your life you’re never going to get back, or you feel inspired (excuse the pun). Well, I assure you, the Level 2 Award in Therapeutic Fostering will leave you feeling like the latter.

The award consists of six units.

Understanding developmental trauma, Building the foundations of a trusting relationship, understanding the importance of meeting the needs of the growing and developing child, understanding how to create a safe parenting environment, understand the role of the professional therapeutic foster parent, and finally taking care of ourselves. Yes, one whole unit about us, you and me, and self-care. That has to be a first and a very welcome one. You’ll find each unit is meaningful and purposeful, and relative to the children we care for.

You’ll be allocated an assessor who will introduce themselves to you via email or telephone call. They are there to support you on your training journey, assess your work and feedback to you.

They too are therapeutic practitioners.

You’ll be encouraged to work through each unit at your own pace, it’s designed to fit around the busy lives of foster parents not become an additional pressure, then submit your work for assessing. Each unit uses a variety of learning styles, and you will be assessed in numerous ways too.

There are videos for you to watch, activities for you to complete, multiple

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Photo: ©arturmarciniecphotos via canva.com

choice questions to answer, time to reflect on practice at home and use examples of your therapeutic parenting, and finally you will complete a short workbook. You will receive feedback on each piece of work you submit before moving onto the next section of your unit.

We found that really helpful, particularly when completing the first unit as you are assured that you’re including the correct information and content amount.

Like anything new, as you progress through the units it's natural that you become more confident.

Nothing scary so far!

Many of you may already be Therapeutic Parents as we were, some of you relatively new or familiar with therapeutic parenting and tentatively taking small steps forwards, and others, totally new to the principles.

Regardless of where you are on your therapeutic journey there is always learning to be gained and the opportunity in everyday life to implement that learning. What works well today may not work at all tomorrow, we can all recognise and empathise with that.

One of things we both acknowledged from completing the Level 2 award was that learning can and should be fun, it should be tailored to your own needs and experiences, and those of your children. And it certainly was all of that and more. Give it a go, I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

You can find more information on the Therapeutic Fostering qualification and Therapeutic Fostering Assessment at https://issuu.com/coect/docs/inspires _qualification_brochure.

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Navigating Seasonal Transitions and Events Photo: ©marinesea via www.canva.com

Written By Emma Edwards

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ransitions and seasonal events can be particularly challenging for children with neurodiversity.

Christmas, in particular, can trigger unexpected behaviours.

Society has set a high standard for this season; these expectations are often unrealistic and can lead to disappointment when our personal experiences don't match up with those portrayed in movies.

The holiday season is full of excitement and festivities, but it can also be overwhelming. From Christmas nativities and school plays to bright lights, decorations, and changes in daily routines, it's easy for us to feel sensory overload. And that's not all - family gatherings, Santa's grottos, pantomimes, parties, and gift-giving can add to the stress. It is important to remember that our children may also experience feelings of anxiety during this time often more so than us and can become triggered and overwhelmed.

Here are some ideas to make your holiday season more enjoyable with less anxiety: Develop a schedule that everyone can use to minimise holiday stress. If your child finds it difficult to plan too far in advance, create a visual schedule that is updated daily.

Determine when you will put up and decorate the Christmas tree. While some families put up their tree on December 1st, others find this too overwhelming. If that's the case, try putting up the tree closer to Christmas.

Schedule your grocery shopping in advance and consider doing it online to avoid in-store meltdowns.

Plan some relaxation time to help you escape from the holiday chaos.

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Consider activities like a movie night, a walk in the fresh air, exercise, or crafting.

If you're invited out or have guests coming over, try to schedule it at a convenient time for you and your family. If a meal out is too much, meet during the afternoon for tea and cake. If visiting someone's home or having visitors to your house is too overwhelming, suggest meeting at a local park or another neutral location.

Santa Claus can be a big worry for children. If your child is scared of a stranger coming into the house, it's perfectly acceptable to adjust the tradition. For example, you could arrange for the presents to be left in a safe space outside or in the shed, or you could say that you will meet Santa at the door to collect them.

If your child is still worried, consider creating a new tradition, like looking for Santa's sleigh in the sky on Christmas Eve so they believe that Santa has already passed by.

Gift-giving can be difficult, especially when children feel overwhelmed or undeserving of

presents. Don’t be afraid to do things differently to accommodate your family's needs. If wrapping presents is too much, consider using a big gift bag or laying out the gifts in a ready-to-play fashion. You could even spread out the gift-giving process throughout the day or save some for Boxing Day. It's also okay to deviate from traditional Christmas foods if your child is a picky eater.

Preparing something they will eat, like fish fingers and chips or beans on toast, can save you time and stress in the kitchen.

Don't worry if sitting at the dinner table is too much for your child – allowing them to sit under the table or have a picnic on the floor can make them feel more comfortable. If questioned by visiting relatives, simply explain that you are accommodating your child's needs.

Stick to your regular routine as much as possible, including mealtimes and bedtimes, even if your child may not like it at first. It can truly make a difference.

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Remember, it's important to do what's best for you and your family.

It's only a few days out of the year, so it's okay to deviate from tradition to ensure everyone is happy and able to enjoy the holiday to the fullest.

The key is preparing in advance and managing expectations. Instead of striving for unrealistic goals, focus on what works best for your family and embrace it. Remember, it's okay to do things differently from others.

This approach won't guarantee a hiccup-free holiday, but it can help make the holiday season more enjoyable and less overwhelming for you and your family.

Are you a Kinship Carer, Connected Person or Special Guardian?

Kinship Care Survey 2023 We want your views on your experience on what it is like.

Click on the link below to complete our survey. https://forms.gle/fUnE71AKfNmBRzb87

CoECT Conference 2023 "Meeting the needs of neuro-diverse children in education"

Recorded version is now available to purchase from the link below https://tinyurl.com/2sx4up47 ISSUE 6

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WELLBEING -

Photo: ©TheCoachHouse.

HELPING PARENTS TO UNDERSTAND THE SCIENCE BEHIND EXERCISE AND STRESS RELIEF Written by Mark Long

I

am a parent, and a fitness and lifestyle coach specialising in tailored fitness programmes to suit individuals' specific needs, ensuring they get the most

out of every workout. Lifestyle coaching goes a step beyond encompassing not just physical wellness but emotional and psychological well-being too, and this is something I am passionate about.

You may be familiar with the term Compassion Fatigue, and for those of you who are not, it is a form of secondary traumatic stress and can manifest as physical, emotional, or psychological distress. Individuals, particularly parents and professionals working in caring roles, who regularly provide physical care and emotional support are at a heightened risk.

The science bit Stress, in all its forms, takes a toll on our bodies. When we're stressed, our body releases higher levels of the hormone cortisol. While cortisol is essential for some of our body's regulatory functions, chronic high levels can lead to various health issues, including a weakened immune system, high blood pressure, and increased risk of heart disease. It can also exacerbate feelings of burnout and compassion fatigue.

Engaging in regular physical activity has been shown to decrease cortisol levels.

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When we exercise, our body releases endorphins – neurotransmitters that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. These endorphins counteract the effects of stress, reducing cortisol levels and, in turn, the physical and emotional impact of compassion fatigue.

So, how can you prevent yourself slipping into compassion fatigue?

One way might be simpler than you think: EXERCISE It is important to know the scientific connection between exercise and stress reduction, but for some people - particularly busy parents it may be challenging to establish a consistent fitness routine. In such cases, personal training and lifestyle coaching can be helpful tools for parents to achieve their fitness goals.

For parents, who often juggle home life and being a therapeutic parent with other responsibilities, carving out time to exercise can seem like the unachievable or a luxury.

However, individuals who have experienced the detrimental

impact of compassion fatigue on their overall well-being and productivity know it becomes a necessary investment.

Regular exercise can lead to improved mental clarity, better decision-making abilities, and an enhanced capacity to provide compassionate care without becoming burnout.

Exercise can be a great way for parents to stay physically active, socially connected, and mentally sharp. As we get older, it becomes even more important to maintain good physical health to prevent agerelated ailments. Joining group exercise classes or a fitness community can also provide opportunities for social engagement, which is especially beneficial for parents of children with complex needs who may experience feelings of isolation.

When parents experience deep compassion fatigue, they can easily become burnt out. However, the solution may be as simple as putting on some trainers and breaking a sweat. By understanding the science behind how exercise relieves stress, and taking advantage of personal training and lifestyle coaching,

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Photo: ©TheCoachHouse.

parents and also professionals working in frontline social care and education can effectively interrupt compassion fatigue.

This will help them lead healthier, more fulfilling lives and prevent future burnout.

How to find the motivation to exercise when you are experiencing compassion fatigue I specialise in tailored fitness programs to suit parent’s specific needs, ensuring they get the most out of every workout. I also provide motivation and accountability that might be missing when trying to exercise independently or in commercial gyms, especially if you are on the verge of compassion fatigue. Parents and carers experience time constraints, especially when caring for children with high needs, so having a structured and effective workout can be a game-changer in managing and interrupting compassion fatigue.

Professional support to guide you to your goals Lifestyle coaching goes a step beyond by encompassing not just physical wellness but emotional and psychological well-being too, this is something This is something I am passionate about, and I offer strategies to the parents I support to integrate exercise into a balanced lifestyle, ensuring that physical activity becomes a sustainable and enjoyable part of their daily routine.

Mark is based in Stonehouse, Gloucestershire, and is an Associate ofThe Haven Parenting Wellbeing Centre. He works with parents, offering strategies to integrate exercise into a balanced lifestyle, ensuring that physical activity becomes a sustainable and enjoyable part of their routine.

Photo: ©TheCoachHouse.

Photo: ©TheCoachHouse.

To find out more about how he can help individuals who are experiencing compassion fatigue you can find him on Instagram (instagram @_the_coach_house_) or contact him via www.thehavencentre.co.uk

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS November 2023 - January 2024 PEER SUPPORT - IN-PERSON LISTENING CIRCLES

PEER SUPPORT - VIRTUAL LISTENING CIRCLES

Northampton Listening Circle 23/11/23 https://tinyurl.com/7ajf2mh2

Virtual Listening Circle hosted by Sarah Wright 23/11/23. https://tinyurl.com/2ppx7aku

Surrey (Farnham) Listening Circle 27/11/23 https://tinyurl.com/4t6k64pk Gloucestershire Listening Circle 28/11/23 https://tinyurl.com/3cv92yjt

SGO/Kinship Carer Virtual Listening Circle 6/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/2vwxphtw SGO/Kinship Carer Virtual Listening Circle 12/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/23cw2fpj

Somerset Listening Circle 1/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/5ccv2wbc Surrey (Farnham) Listening Circle 4/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/ezfrrd3c Rugby Listening Circle 5/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/mubdpvyp Bristol Listening Circle 6/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/56ujdwa6 Cambridgeshire Listening Circle 12/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/38y2mnba Gloucestershire Listening Circle 12/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/mwvswmru

Information Sessions for Volunteers: NATP Volunteer Information Session 12/12/23 https://tinyurl.com/2p9n5jya

Check out our new combined membership plans www.naotp.com

Listening Circles are added on a daily basis. Go to www.naotp.com to see the full list of listening circles & other events

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WHAT'S ON? COECT EVENTS November 2023 - January 2024 ONLINE TRAINING Trauma Revolution Webinars

Defiance - 22nd November Defiance is a complex behaviour sometimes exhibit. It can take many forms, such as Sexualised Behaviour - 28 July, that 12:00children – 13:00 BST refusing to comply with rules, having tantrums, or engaging other disruptive behaviours. our It can be very frightening, even horrifying, to come across a very in young child who is, or, appears toInbe, sexually knowledgeable and active; but if we can put aside our own horror and revulsion and see what the behaviour discussion, we will delve into the topic of Defiance and explore its causes and effects on children. We is really telling us, we can to at least startand off with the right mindset. will also discuss ways support guide children through moments of defiance, helping them to develop self-regulation skills and positive behaviours. Join us to gain a deeper understanding of Shameand – 1 August, 10:00 – 11:00 BST children.

Defiance how to navigate it with

Join Laura for a one-hour live webinar on Shame. Shame is a powerful and pervasive emotion for children. This webinar will explore the reasons behind shame, how it manifests in children, and strategies for supporting Wobbly Christmas - Monday 4th December 10 am - 10:30 am (GMT) children to overcome this debilitating emotion. The webinar will also feature a Q&A session, where we will Discover effective strategies for managing the holiday season with Sarah answer your questions and provide insights into how to help your child.

obsessions.

Problem-Solving Bedtime and Sleep - 13th December 10 am - 11 am (GMT) Join us for an informative and engaging conversation with renowned experts Sarah Naish and Sarah Dillon, as we delve into the topic of bedtime routines and sleep. As a parent, you know how challenging it can be to establish a consistent bedtime routine for your child, and to ensure they get the restful sleep they need.

In this discussion, we will explore practical tips and strategies to help make bedtime a smoother and more enjoyable experience for both you and your child.

Photo: ©The Wobbly Christmas Sarah Naish

Naish, acclaimed author of the book A Wobbly Christmas. In this talk, Sarah willSibling share valuable insights and practical tips for navigating the stresses and Rivalry - 10 August, 10:00 - 11:00 BST challenges often that can arise during our thischildren time of year.

Whether you're parent, Obsessions happen because struggle to be still and a 'comfortable in their own skin’ When caregiver, orthe simply looking to make the mostseem of thebigger festive season, they are still, trauma, anxiety and emptiness and make this themtalk feel uncomfortable, driven to action and find a distraction. Join us for this live webinar with many useful strategies surrounding is not to betomissed.

Upcoming 2024 – The A-Z of Survival Strategies If you see The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions as your guide to help your children reach successful adulthood, then The A-Z of Survival Strategies will be like a warm cup of tea or coffee and a cosy blanket - it will keep you feeling safe, warm, and well-equipped for your journey! Join us in January 2024 for our interactive LIVE webinars based on this book; here, you will find strategies for essential maintenance as so often we all overlook caring for ourselves!

Photo: From the A-z of Survival Strategies for Therapeutic Parenting. ©Sarah Naish & JKP Publishers

·Acceptance – 9th January 10 am ·Adult Children/Birth Family – 16th January 10am ·Alcohol/Cake/Coffee – 23rd January 10am ·Allegations/Betrayal – 1st February 10am

More details will be available on the Trauma Revolution website very soon!

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FEELING TRIGGERED? Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

Strategies to manage behaviour-based triggers

Written By Sair Penna

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hat do we mean by behaviour-based triggers?

This is the behaviour that your child, young person or significant others display which triggers you.

These behaviours push your buttons for an emotional response and may evoke feelings of frustration, agitation or, in some cases, anger or sadness.

Imagine the scene Your child comes home from school, you can sense that they are feeling a bit wobbly from their day. This may be amplified if they mask at school. They start stamping and banging around; their voice gets louder. The atmosphere has changed, and if you haven't experienced it before now, there may be an overwhelming sense of dread as to what happens next. Will the behaviour escalate into aggression or violence? How long will it last? Will there be a time when this doesn't happen every day?

These questions may be going through your mind, but in the moment, you may only be able to access your base brain, which means you are driven by an emotional response and cannot access your higher brain, which is responsible for your reasoning and thinking capabilities. However, when you are out of that moment, and the atmosphere has calmed it is worth reflecting on a few things. a) where does your child or young person's behaviour come from? b) why are you triggered by the behaviour-based child?

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As a parent, understanding the behaviours of your child is crucial for their overall development. However, it can be challenging to establish the reasons behind your child's sudden mood swings, especially if they have a temperament that changes rapidly.

To uncover the root cause of their behaviour, it's essential to observe them carefully and reflect on their actions. This process requires patience and time, but it's a vital step towards understanding your child's behaviour. By observing and reflecting with your child when they are calm and composed, you can identify the triggers that cause their behaviours. This will help you develop strategies to support them and manage their behaviour in a positive way.

Why do they occur?

Once you have found out what the triggers are then it is worth exploring this to find the root cause. For instance, a child who cannot sit still and hasn’t had the opportunity to expel their high cortisol levels can then lead to their emotional dysregulation out of frustration and agitation due to not knowing how to handle their bodies. Once you have connected the root cause to the behaviour, you can support the child

to co-regulate, in this instance, it may be getting outside to run off the excess energy, or using a gorilla gym indoors where there are swinging or rocking actions involved.

Again, this is trial and error, but once you have a few co-regulation tools which work, this can reduce the behaviours.

It's possible that the reason for the behaviour is due to elevated cortisol levels, issues with sensory processing, or experiences from early life. Working on life story and receiving therapeutic support from trained professionals can assist in connecting the behaviour to its root cause.

Why am I triggered?

Did you know that understanding the root cause of your child or young person's behaviour is similar to finding out why their behaviour triggers you emotionally? By identifying the underlying cause of your emotional response, you can respond logically instead of emotionally. It's like finding the solution to a puzzle! The trigger could be something on the surface, such as repetitive behaviour that wears you down, or it could be linked to a past experience that you have had.

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What can you do to make you feel less triggered?

As a parent, it can be challenging to deal with the intense behaviour displayed by your child or young person. However, you can take a few steps to make yourself feel less triggered by their actions. Some of these are quick fixes that can help you at the moment, while others are long-term solutions.

Mindfulness - One of the most effective techniques to stay calm and focused is to practice mindfulness. Focus on the present and regulate your breath to help reduce stress levels and calm your mind.

You can also activate your senses through the 54321 Grounding tool, which is for when you have time to pause. Focus on 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. You can involve your child or young person if it's appropriate, but sometimes, it might be best to use this technique for yourself whilst maintaining your presence with them or from a safe distance if they display aggressive or violent behaviour.

Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

Inner child work - One way to better understand your triggers is to connect with your inner child and reflect on how you were parented.

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Photo: ©Coect via canva.com

This can be a nurturing and useful tool to use in resolving your own triggers. However, if there is early childhood trauma involved, you may want to explore therapy options to resolve the trauma you have experienced.

emotions. It's not always easy, but it can be very effective.

Havening Techniques - You can also try Havening Techniques, a psychosensory technique that can be used in the moment to reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. It can also be used to remove triggers linked to past events.

Taking a break - Finally, taking a break, even for just five or ten minutes, can help you regulate your

Parenting can be a challenging task, and it's common to have good and bad days. Sometimes, you may have moments of breakthrough, but they may not be easy to identify every day. However, acknowledging these small moments and identifying them can help you develop a realistic optimistic mindset. We do not mean to say that overcoming one behaviour will guarantee that another won't arise, as it probably will Nevertheless, with the regulation tools that you have acquired along the way, you can support your child by acknowledging and accepting their behaviours and giving them the tools to regulate their emotions. Being aware of your own triggers and using tools to resolve them will also help the process so that you can approach your child's behaviour from a logical, solution-focused response and be present to support them in the emotional regulation process.

For more information about support in this area, please contact The Haven Parenting and Wellbeing Centre. Those with NATP Tier 2 and 4 can receive discounts on Havening sessions and select services. www.thehavencentre.co.uk T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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TRAUMA INFORMED QUALIFICATIONS Through Inspire Training we have a suite of qualifications to support parents and supporting professionals who work with children who have experienced adverse childhood experiences and neurodivergent children.

Level 2 SAfE Parenting: A Therapeutic Parenting Approach Through Inspire Training we have a suite of qualifications to support parents and supporting professionals who work with children who have experienced adverse childhood experiences and neurodivergent children.

Level 3 Therapeutic Parenting Programme This is a Level 3 online Inspire Training Group qualification for those learners looking for a detailed introduction to therapeutic parenting.

This has a progression route to the Diploma in Therapeutic Parenting accredited with NCFE CACHE.

Level 3 Diploma in Therapeutic Parenting This is a Level 3 online customised qualification accredited by the nationally recognised awarding body CACHE NCFE under their NCFE accreditation. It covers basic and advanced strategies of therapeutic parenting and takes a year to complete.

This has a progression route to the Award in Therapeutic Parent Coaching accredited with NCFE CACHE.

Level 3 Award/Diploma in Therapeutic Parent Coaching Two new additions to our qualifications is the Level 3 online customised qualification accredited by nationally recognised awarding body CACHE NCFE under their CACHE accreditation. This enables the learner to gain the knowledge and coaching techniques in order to become a therapeutic parenting coach.

Please note: A pre-requisite for the Award is the Level 3 Therapeutic Parenting Programme.

For more information on our qualifications go to https://tinyurl.com/yc73vp9z ISSUE 6

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Empowered Parenting: An Introduction to Trust-Based Relational Intervention® Written by Jessica Spenceley Photo: ©Kieferpix from Getty Images via canva.com

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arenting a child who has experienced a difficult early start is a journey. When things are going well, and you’re having regular moments of

fun, love, and joy, it’s easy to feel positive and optimistic. But when the impact of your child’s past shows itself through their challenging behaviours, emotional struggles, and relationship difficulties, it can be hard to see that things can be any other way. That’s where therapeutic parenting comes in.

Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI®) offers you a framework to approach parenting in a way that helps your child to heal from their early adversity and trauma. TBRI® is an attachment-based, traumainformed approach that is designed to meet the complex needs of vulnerable children. TBRI® uses Empowering Principles to address physical needs, Connecting Principles for attachment needs, and Correcting Principles to disarm fearbased behaviours.

TBRI® is adaptable, and you can tailor the approach to meet the unique needs and culture of your family.

Wherever you are, TBRI® can meet you there. And the best part is that it doesn’t have to be overwhelming.

You can start small and still see meaningful shifts through using the strategies and tools within each TBRI® principle.

Connecting Principles Through building a safe, nurturing base for your child, you give them ISSUE 6

the message that they matter, that they have a voice, and that they belong.

These are powerful messages for all children, especially children whose ability to trust in the world was deeply damaged.

A primary way to build connection with your child is through play. Not only will play help you to build family bonds in a fun way, but play helps the brain to make new connections much more easily. Plus, play helps to reduce your child’s fear-based behaviours. This is just one of the many connecting techniques we teach in TBRI®.

Consider: Holding in mind your child’s age and level of development, how might you increase your moments of connection through play?

Empowering Principles An additional way that TBRI® helps children to feel safe is through supporting them to manage their inside and outside worlds – in other words, to regulate. Trauma impacts children in profound ways, including how their

brains and nervous systems develop. TBRI® teaches you strategies to help your child feel less overwhelmed and more in balance.

A great way to help your child make sense of what they are experiencing is through using emotion cards. Pick out a handful of basic emotions, like sad, happy, angry, excited, and silly, and put the cards on your fridge.

Then have check-ins with your child about how they’re feeling and share how you’re feeling too. These can be lovely moments of connection, while helping your child better understand their experiences. This awareness is a big part of supporting your child’s ability to regulate.

Consider: How are you helping your child to develop greater understanding and awareness of their experiences?

Correcting Principles In TBRI®, correction isn’t about punishment, isolation, or T.I.P'S MAGAZINE

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Photo: ©studioroman via canva.com

disconnection. Even when things get tough, your child’s need for connection is always a priority. Of course, that’s much easier when things are calm and you’re in a good place!

However, TBRI® provides you with techniques that help you to feel empowered, even in difficult moments. About catching behaviour when it’s just a spark, before it escalates and turns into a wildfire.

When behaviour is on the lower end of escalation, your child’s ability to think is still online. These are perfect opportunities to offer your child a redo where they can try it again and have a better result. TBRI® helps you to shift your child’s behaviour and set them up for success, all the while maintaining your connection.

Through implementing the principles and strategies within TBRI®, you can support your child on the path of deep healing. Parents who have benefitted from TBRI® have said that their children are less anxious, less depressed, less irritable, and less aggressive. Children are able to sleep better, concentrate more, and engage in healthier relationships. TBRI® is a parenting approach that has transformed countless families’ lives, and it can help yours too.

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If you would like to find out more about TBRI®, a great place to start is by reading The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis, David Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine.

If you would like to experience how TBRI® can help you move forward in your parenting, I would

love to welcome you to one of my upcoming courses. Find out how TBRI® could bring additional hope and healing to your family today.

Jessica is associate with The Haven Parenting & Wellbeing Centre, and can be contacted via www.thehavencentre.co.uk or https://nurturedbelonging.com/

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NATP VOLUNTEER VIEWPOINT You are not alone!

Written by Amanda Mauger - Jones

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s a parent, I have found that it can be lonely and isolating.

Maybe it’s because the image of parenthood isn’t exactly how I imagined it. Maybe there is an easier way of me doing this, but I just don’t know it. Am I on my own having these feelings?

For those of you who don’t know me, I have been fostering for 10 years now. As having our own children didn’t happen, we chose to enter the world of fostering.

It was a huge change to our lifestyle but a decision I am so glad we made, on the whole. But. I had no idea how hard it would be. My first young person was a whirlwind, to say the least, and because of this, our ‘friends’ walked away (or ran at high speed), either not speaking to us again or telling us they found it too hard to be around her. So, what was the biggest change for me was the people who had even suggested we foster in the first place, were now no longer there for me. My social circle was down to me, my husband, and a 10-year-old who we couldn’t take anywhere as she would steal, have a violent meltdown or run off. The thing that got me through these first years was the support of those who knew, those who had no expectations of me, those who just kind of got it.

Why am I sharing this with you now?

Well, let me explain. Within my fostering agency, there were some people who did get it, and there were those who just didn’t. The same as with my previous friendships, really. But those who did get it allowed me to offload to them when I needed to.They understood that, even though they may not have experienced everything I was going through, they understood that it was hard and that I wasn’t just going to give up. They saw how hard I was working to make a better life for my whirlwind, even when she was unable to see any of what I was doing. They were there just for me. We all need to have someone like this.

Someone who will listen to us without judging. Someone who will not try to ‘fix’ us as we work so tirelessly for our young ones. Someone who will sit with us

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the uncomfortable times and agree that it’s rubbish or celebrate the small wins with us as they understand how much they mean to us.

When I was granted the SGO for my youngest, I didn’t have any of that same support network. I had no other parent’s I knew of who were in the same situation as me. I wasn’t told of any support groups who would help me or other local parents in the same situation I could meet with. I was in this on my own.

Someone I worked with through the fostering mentioned the NATP to me and so I investigated further.

After visiting their website and thoroughly going through all the available information, I decided to sign up. In my opinion, knowledge is power, and the more I can learn, the better I can support all the young people under my care, whether they are fostered or under a Special Guardianship Order (SGO).I had lost a lot of my social confidence due to focusing so hard on my children – the barmaid of my twenties was a long distant memory – so making new connections with others was really scary.

I booked onto a listening circle. It was virtual (thank you Covid!) so I wouldn’t have to then worry about travelling to a new place and meeting new people. I just logged on and joined online. As I sat there listening to others, I realised that I was not on my own again. I knew how these other parents felt with some of things they were going through. I could even give examples of how I have managed similar situations with good outcomes. This was amazing. By

just regaining my voice, I felt better. By being able to support others, I felt more worthwhile. By listening to how others had overcome challenges inspired me to keep going. I felt accepted and welcomed and my batteries were recharged.

Some of you may never had been involved in listening circles before.

Maybe you think that you don’t have any issues or that your worries aren’t that big. Maybe you think that no one else will understand or you feel you can’t open up to just anyone. That’s ok.How you feel is ok. I just want to let you know that you don’t have to have a huge issue, you don’t have to open up and tell everyone everything about you.You don’t even have to share anything to start with. What I can tell you is that you will feel supported, you will be able to support others and your experiences will help others.

I now run a listening circle. It is online and happens every 4-6 weeks.

Anyone who is a member can join and you can book your place through the website. Virtual is really helpful for many people due to it’s flexibility but you may find it really hard to connect with others over a screen. Other people run face to face listening circles where you can meet up for a coffee or even a dog walk. That would mean that you get to meet people in your local area, meaning you can make connections which could turn into friendships. Everyone will have a different style to their listening circle, so if you haven’t tried one (or you have and it didn’t work for you), try something different. Find something that works for you.

I hope that this has given you a good option to meet other parents like us. I hope that this gives you the confidence to join one. I look forward to seeing some of you soon.

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ASK THE EXPERTS The 12 Do's and Don'ts of Christmas...

Written By Jane Mitchell

Do - take time to remember that this is a highly stimulating, overexciting, unpredictable time with sensory overload. (And that’s just us!)

Don’t have unrealistic expectations of your child(ren)’s ability to cope.

Christmas makes stuff harder for them, not easier!

Do -plan your Christmas – make a visual timetable to increase predictability and stick to it. Keep to usual meal structures as far as possible.

Don’t plan surprises and spontaneity unless you know your child(ren) can cope with this.

It is much harder to “let off steam” in the winter. Have winter walks, visits to soft play, Trampoline parks –whatever your child can manage to help them get rid of excess energy.

Don’t get too busy around the children or they will ramp up as well. Make sure they are occupied when you are busy or be prepared to interrupt your activity if you need to help them calm down.

Do - build in “downtime!” give the children (and you) a chance to process and calm down between activities. If you have a busy day, arrange a clear day afterwards.

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We have so many parents write to us about how to navigate winter festivities and the build up to Christmas. That we have decided to do an Ask the Experts special on managing the festive season.

should “be good” etc. They are the same children as every other day.

Let’s not make it more difficult than it needs to be.

Do - space out the “fun” events over the coming weeks. Make it manageable. I.e., visit to Santa one week, decorate the tree the following week, and visit relatives the week after.

Don’t worry if they hate a traditional dinner. It’s fine to have chicken noodles instead. If you are eating Dinner away from home, plan ahead and ignore the tutting!

Do -timetable your jobs. Reduce your stress! Prioritise – what can you let slide over the Christmas period?

Don’t sweat the small stuff! (Try) and let all those annoying little things float over your head.

Do - ask for a supporter or partner to help out with a child(ren) if you have an unavoidably busy day.

Don’t worry if they hunt out all their gifts ahead of time. Surprises can be hard to manage, as an uncertainty about whether they will get the gift they have set their heart on.

Do -have the Christmas you want – not the one you feel you should have (or the one presented by M & S et al…).

Don’t put presents under the tree until the last minute (when they are in bed, Xmas eve). Or be prepared to have them all opened to check the contents…

Do - remember if this is your first Christmas with a child or children (just for this year) keep it as calm,

simple and fuss-free as possible.

Find out as much as you can about how previous Christmases were for them in case there are any specific triggers.

Don’t be surprised if there is a meltdown on Xmas day, even when you got everything they wanted.

Think now about how you might respond therapeutically and empathically in that situation. If in doubt, just let them know that you can see they are having a difficult time right now. Don’t worry, as you can help with some of their muddled feelings. Christmas can get a bit too big and exciting sometimes. Let’s just sit quietly away from everyone for a bit until you feel better.

Do - take time out for yourself. If necessary, book a day (or two) just to look after yourself and build up your reserves before Christmas while the little ones (or big ones!) are still at school. Use this time to do things that will nurture you.

Don’t worry if things go wrong. Those are the things that make up our memories later and give us things to laugh about. Also, any mistakes give us an opportunity to show our children how to learn and be resilient from our mistakes.

Do - use the opportunity to play silly games, laugh, connect, enjoy your family, watch daft TV, and stay in your PJs all over boxing day….

Don’t use Santa’s naughty and nice sheet as a threat. Or any other threat.

Christmas is a wonderful opportunity to have truly unconditional gestures of regard and affection.

And finally – remember to pause before you react, breathe, and Keep Calm – it’s only Christmas.

Don’t forget to have fun! Carve out an hour for you and your partner (if appropriate) at some time over the Festive season.

The 12 Do’s & Don’ts of Christmas by Jane Mitchell ©2017

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D ET A IL S!

S W WA RE N EM X SE A H IL IN M A A SP OR M - 15 IR E E@ DA 30 JA N C TE UA O S JA EC T N T. O F UA RY C O 20 O LL R .U O Y K W 20 23 FO !

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New for 2024!

Join Sarah Naish & Sarah Dillon and other trainers from CoECT

WHAT TO DO WHEN NOTHING WORKS Answers for Therapeutic Parents Workshops Register your interest now to attend via inspire@coect.co.uk www.inspiretraininggroup.com

In the Next Issue...

Ways to embrace play, even when you don’t feel like it Why won’t my child wear his coat?

Lack of empathy - recovering from the seasonal events Wellbeing - Making choices Issue 7 out 20th January 2024