HOW TO MAKE YOUR GIRL JEALOUS
TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN
A FIT AND FOCUSED FAMILY WINS
+
STRONG BUT STRUGGLING
GREY DIVORCE
BEING IN THE RAIN IS SEXY
The kids are gone, the goals are different and personal happiness reigns over all. Fifty and 60-year-olds are divorcing at the highest rate in America, which has now been termed the grey divorce.
SUBSCRIBE HERE
OCTOBER 2026 ISSUE
[ LIFE ]
Gen Z is passionate about wars around the world.
30 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ HEALTH ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 27
28 OCTOBER2026 / CODE M
PUBLISHER’S NOTE BELIEVE IN WHAT’S STILL POSSIBLE October reminds us that seasons change—and so can our circumstances.
A
s the leaves turn and the year begins its final stretch, some of us may look back and realize life hasn’t gone exactly as planned. Goals were delayed. Doors closed. Relationships changed. Challenges tested us.
But hope reminds us that the story isn’t over. I’ve experienced moments when the future looked uncertain. What I learned is that sometimes the very setback you think is stopping you is actually redirecting you toward something greater. Hope isn’t pretending everything is perfect. Hope is believing something better is still possible—and having the courage to keep moving toward it. That is part of the mission of Code M Magazine: to share stories that remind Black and Brown men that regardless of where you are today, there is always an opportunity to grow, rebuild, and begin again. And we continue to want your voice in this publication. What inspires you? What conversations should we be having? Who has a story that deserves to be told? Send your feedback and story ideas to: info@codemediagroupllc.com As we move through this season, hold onto hope. Keep believing. Keep moving. Keep becoming. Your story is still being written.
— Bilal Akram
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 5
INSIDE
16 FALL-OFF-THE BONE GOOD Walter Johnson, affectionately known as "Mr. Tendernism" or "Unc," is a viral pitmaster and culinary personality famous for his fall-off-the-bone barbecue and catchphrase, "You don't need no teeth for the meat.”
ON THE COVER
30
GREY DIVORCE
18 ENABLING OURSELVES TO OUR The kids are gone, the DETRIMENT goals are different and Though enabling is found throughout personal happiness the dynamics of families and society, reigns over all. Fifty there are effective ways to grow
and 60-year-olds are divorcing at the highest rate in America, which has now been termed the grey divorce. 12 MOVERS AND SHAKERS Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world! 15 MAN CODES Timing.
6 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
beyond it and develop healthy relationships. 24 HOW TO MAKE YOUR GIRL JEALOUS Those who are active in the dating world believe that women need a reason to desire their men. So, manufacturing a little jealousy is good in order to keep them interested. 29 CODE M BEAUTY Amazing women are refining what it means to be sexy.
38 A FIT AND FOCUSED FAMILY WINS How family and friends help turn health information into long-term, healthier, and more enriching lives. 44 STRONG BUT STRUGGLING The silent burnout too many men ignore that can have a seriously negative effect on the quality of their lives. 49 BEING IN THE RAIN IS SEXY Weathering the storm builds character. But being able to stand there and still look good wet, now that’s sexy.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 9
[ INSIDE ]
51 A MESS WORTH MAKING Relationships: A Mess Worth Making will inspire you to embrace the challenges and joys of community, whether you’re navigating the ups and downs of marriage, friendships, or family dynamics.
4 OCTOBER2026 / CODE M
ADVERTISE WITH CODE M Blacks influence the latest trends of popular culture, fashion, and music more than any demographic. Reach them when you advertise with CODE M Magazine. With over 1.4 million viewers monthly, we have your audience. Call 440-796-5763 to request a rate kit.
TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN
ENGINEER RADIO/PODCAST Chris Westbrooks
PUBLISHER/CEO Bilal S. Akram
SOCIAL MEDIA Stiff Arm Media
PRESIDENT Brad J. Bowling CHIEF MARKETING AND BRAND STRATEGY OFFICER Kevin McFall EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS Adrianne M. Sims SENIOR ADVISOR Alexandria Johnson Boone MANAGING EDITOR David Christel CHIEF OF STAFF
IT CONSULTANT Anthony Jones Digital Jetstream, LLC CONTRIBUTING WRITERS David Christel Leslie Logan Brad J. Bowling Bilal S. Akram Laron Harlem Bolling Smith Monique Wingard Raland Hatchett Akil Marshall Dr. Tim Goler
Anita G. Butler PAGE EDITORS Laron Harlem-Fashion Editor
STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Sylven Lamar Franklin Solomon
Paris Lampkins-Movers & Shakers Editor Valerie Starks-Hutton-Beauty Editor CODE MEDIA GROUP LLC
GRAPHIC DESIGN Stiff Arm Media EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT To the PUBLISHER Ladonna “Lala” Dic
Subscribe FREE online: www.codemmagazine.com #CODEMAGINTL
To submit comments, feedback or to inquire about advertising please contact us at info@codemediagroupllc.com CEO AND CFO: BILAL AKRAM
bilal.akram@codemediagroupllc.com
216-695-0911
PRESIDENT: BRAD BOWLING
brad.bowling@codemediagroupllc.com
440-796-5763
CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.
Code M Magazine is published by CODE MEDIA GROUP, LLC © 2026 All Rights Reserved
[ TRAVEL ]
CODE M / OCTOBER2026 9
MOVERS &
SHAKERS
Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world! by Paris Lampkins
ASHLEY HARRIS Originally from Lake Charles, Louisiana, Ashley Harris has built a life defined by service, leadership, and the courage to create opportunity where she sees a need. Her journey led her to Atlanta, Georgia, where she married her husband, Sylvester, a native of Warrensville Heights, Ohio, and earned her bachelor's degree in Humanities and Social Sciences from Kennesaw State University. During her collegiate years, she was initiated into Illustrious Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated.
After a decade in dentistry, Ashley expanded her impact by opening an independent dental hygiene practice in Portland, Maine, serving older
12 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
adults through a long-term care partnership. Her commitment to service also carried into nonprofit leadership, where, as President and CEO of Ivy & Roses Community Fund, Incorporated, she helped steward the largest community impact in the organization's 23-year history. That same purpose ultimately drew Ashley to real estate. A licensed real estate professional for seven years, she recognized that homeownership is not simply a transaction—it is an opportunity for education, stability, and generational progress.
[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ]
RAENITA GLOVER Raenita Glover is a Detroit-based healthcare professional, community advocate, and creative entrepreneur who strives to transform opportunities for improving access to healthcare and creative imagination. As a Clinical Operations Partner in the cellular therapy transplant field for patients with blood cancers and blood disorders, Rae works alongside transplant centers to strengthen clinical collaboration, advance research operational excellence, and support access to life-saving therapies. Her work helps optimize donor search and selection, access to transplant, research engagement, and strategic program development. At the heart of her work is a talent for translating complex challenges into practical solutions, while championing the education, resources, and collaboration needed to support both providers and patients. She also owns a design studio, R&G Designs, specializing in custom wall art, refurbished furniture, and distinctive mannequin art. Through design, Rae transforms ideas into visual experiences that bring personality, artistry, and intention into any space. A longtime community leader and advocate for youth develop-
ment, mentorship, and education, Rae has created opportunities for young people to experience environments and possibilities that may otherwise have remained beyond their reach.
CORY THOMAS Cory Thomas is the founder of Iron Vector Intelligence LLC and a finance and technology professional with more than 15 years of experience spanning financial planning and analysis, capital markets, financial modeling, management, government contract management, and AI Agent development. His professional background includes experience with major regional banking institutions and service as a Program Analyst supporting NASA's Technology Transfer Program, where his work has included multi-milliondollar budget management, forecasting, variance analysis, labor planning, procurement and travel reporting, and executive-level financial insights. Cory combines disciplined financial analysis with practical AI implementation to help organizations make better decisions, improve operating efficiency, and modernize repetitive workflows. His approach is centered on translating business needs into measurable solutions that leadership teams can understand, adopt, and scale. Iron Vector Intelligence LLC is an FP&A and AI Agent consulting firm that helps organizations strengthen financial performance while identifying practical opportunities for intelligent automation. The firm's consulting model brings together finance, strategy, data analy-
sis, and AI to give executives clearer visibility into performance and more efficient ways to serve customers and operate their businesses.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 13
18 OCTOBER2026 / CODE M
START
Zig Ziglar
TIMING MAN CODES: “There is no wrong time to do the right thing.” - Charles M. Blow “Right time, right place, right people equals success. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong people equals most of the real human history.” - Idries Shah “It’s always about timing. If it’s too soon, no one understands. If it’s too late, everyone’s forgotten.” - Anna Wintour “Timing makes the difference between a milestone and a mere footnote.” - Preston Yates "If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission." - Anonymous "Do not wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect." - Zig Ziglar
Compiled by Bilal S. Akram
can happen, and it is always at exactly the right time.” - Wu Wei
“Those who have already arrived at their destination sometimes do not realize that their words are wounding those who are still walking — because every person's road is different: some have already reached it, some are still on the way.” - Tommy Wibowo "I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear." - Rosa Parks Galatians 6:9- Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. NIV
“Everything that happens, happens at the only possible time it CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 15
[ START ]
FALL-OFF -THEBONE GOOD Walter Johnson, affectionately known as "Mr. Tendernism" or "Unc," is a viral pitmaster and culinary personality famous for his fall-off-the-bone barbecue and catchphrase, "You don't need no teeth for the meat.”
T
Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.
here’s an old saying that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. But what if you can? Is it impossible to become a national sensation at 70 years old? Well, if you are Walter Johnson, you can. Johnson, also known as Mr. Tendernism, is the new face of fall-off-the-bone BBQ. The social media sensation rose to national fame after a social media influencer stopped by a restaurant he was working at to taste his food.
make something special.”
The influencer loved the food so much that he decided to tip Johson over four thousand dollars. When he could not find him, he posted the gesture on social media. The request to find “Unc,” Walter’s other play name, led to a search of disclose of who he was and how he cooked food so well it just falls off the bone.
Johnson’s specialty is his amazing response to seeing the meat fall right off the bone as he lifts the BBQ in the air. He gets up and dances around like a kid celebrating the enjoyment of watching his food be cooked to perfection.
“Everything I do takes time,” Walter said. “I cook with love, and love takes time, and 200 degrees of heat in order to
16 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
Johnson, who now has about 1.5 million followers, is his own brand. His authentic approach to cooking sprinkled with seasoning of his personality has captivated the country and now the world is hungry for more. “I have always loved cooking. My mother and family would get together and cook, and we could have fun around the kitchen. That’s where I learned and fell in love with food,” Johnson said.
The brisket and ribs he cooks are so tender and juicy that Johnson has also coined the phrase, "You don't need no teeth for the meat."
[ START ] By developing so much popularity, Johnson has moved on from the restaurant where he worked to taking his show on the road. He can be booked for private cooking events and has started a tour around the country to showcase his different types of cooking for those who are curious about his cooking style. He’s also planning going on a celebrity cruise to cook for several Hollywood celebrities. “I had a really good time cooking for Ronald Isley (of the R&B group The Isley Brothers),” Johnson said. “He and his wife are really good people and enjoyed my recipes and deserts.” Johson has also appeared on several television shows and has been interviewed all around the country about his approach to cooking. It’s evident that he loves what he’s doing because every time he makes a YouTube video about his food, thousands of people watch and track his every move. He loves it so much that he trademarked his own classification for his fall-off-the-bone creations.
Johnson said. The rest of 2026 will be busy for Johnson who will continue to do TV, radio, and guest appearances. Next year promises to be a breakout year for him as he mulls over the opportunity to launch his line of spices and products for his brand. Whatever he decides, the country is waiting and eager to taste it. Everyone seems to love a really good brisket where the meat falls off the bone and BBQ that doesn’t require teeth to eat. If Johnson has his way, everyone will follow his process to cook and enjoy meat that melts off the bone. Johnson just asks that if you’re going to try it, that you do the tendernism dance as you celebrate your cooking accomplishments. Good food by an incredibly likable man. ●
The term Tendernism, coined by Johnson, is now the signature title of his cooking excursions. In modern viral slang, "tendernism" (often pronounced or stylized as "tender-nism") primarily describes slowcooked barbecue or smoked meat that’s so juicy, soft, and perfectly cooked that it effortlessly melts off the bone.
Johnson termed himself as Mr. Tendernism and the name has stuck. So much so that if you google Mr. Tendernism, Johnson, his videos, and his bubbly personality will show up at the top of the page, meaning that his brand is number one in the search results — and his star continues to rise.
“I feel like I’ve been blessed throughout this whole process because I’m just doing what I love, and people seem to be responding to it,”
LAX
STRONG Johnson has trademarked his name as Mr. Tendernism.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 17
LIFE
18 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ LIFE ]
ENABLING OURSELVES TO OUR DETRIMENT Though enabling is found throughout the dynamics of families and society, there are effective ways to grow beyond it and develop healthy relationships.
Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 19
T
[ LIFE ]
he American Psychological Association (APA) defines enabling as “a process whereby someone (the enabler) contributes to continued maladaptive or pathological behavior (e.g., child abuse, substance abuse) in another person. The enabler is typically an intimate partner or good friend who passively permits or unwittingly encourages this behavior in the other person; often, the enabler is aware of the destructiveness of the person’s behavior but feels powerless to prevent it.” But enabling is more than just “passively permitting or unwittingly encouraging.” There are whole squadrons of people and groups purposely permitting and encouraging negative behavior simply to achieve their personal agendas. They are intentionally ignoring, dismissing, excusing, denying, deferring, avoiding, placating, downplaying, minimizing, compensating, endorsing, and defending damaging and poor to extreme behaviors no matter who is negatively impacted. Their goal is power, control, owner-
ship, dominance, celebrity, authority, status, and wealth accumulation. Then there are those who are enabling someone or something in order to protect themselves from someone or a group that could adversely impact or ruin their career and livelihood, status and position, sabotage their agenda and plans for the future, and ruin their reputation and legacy. This type of situation is often found in the criminal world where people, innocent or otherwise, are controlled through fear. Another scenario steeped in fear involves cults, both large and even nationwide, which is usually centered around an authority figure who is considered a prophet, saint, alien emissary, or even a god. Cult leaders dangle the offer of “freedom” from social conventions and constraints, from organized religions, and from societal pressures such as politics, the economy, crime, and governmental intrusions. Some of the other things cults promise are safety and protection, absolution, purity, true love, blessed joy, and ultimate salvation. But underlying the joy of all their promises is fear. Dare to question the authority of the cult leader or want to leave the cult, and a person will experience the full force of threats, including bodily harm and death to themselves and family members, whether the family members are in the cult or not. Absolute loyalty to the cult leader is required, as well as unquestioning obedience and adherence to the cult leader’s dictates, philosophy, beliefs, and agendas. Those who have drunk the cult’s Kool-Aid are unable to see how they’ve been manipulated. Their belief in the leader and what they stand for is so strong that they’ll employ all the tools of enabling, even to their personal detriment and injury to their friends and loved ones. Currently, there are between 5,000 to 10,000 active cults in the US with between 2.5 to 5 million members. We’re seeing cults of various types from religious and spiritual to political, ideological, self-help, personality, commercial, corporate, military, environmental, sports, tech, gaming, scientific, and doomsday. In all of them, enabling is not only encouraged, but mandatory in order to support the leader and “culture” of that particular cult.
Working with a therapist can reduce the impact of trauma and stress on the body.
20 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ LIFE ]
Many people today think our youth have been enabled to want less than their parents.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 25
[ LIFE ] The types of enabling — passive or intended, offensive or defensive — have very different purposes. They comprise the two sides of the same coin and involve manipulation: •
manipulation in order to avoid confrontation and conflict, and
•
manipulation in order to control the narrative and processes.
Neither has a positive outcome. Both engender another relationship quagmire: codependency. This scenario can be difficult to determine and manage because the enabler believes they’re being a supportive, nurturing, and responsible “caretaker.” In actuality, they’re consistently giving the troubled individual the opportunity to continue their self-destructive behavior. Caretaking in this situation only perpetuates the problem and forestalls recovery. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders doesn’t include codependency as a designated personality disorder. It seems, though, that the distinction for whether caretaking is
healthy or not is: •
whether the caretaker recognizes the “why” behind their caretaking of the troubled person and whether their own emotional and physical needs are being neglected or not, and whether the troubled individual is seriously working toward rehabilitating themselves or they’re simply manipulating the caretaker in order to avoid facing their issue(s) while enjoying being “cared” for.
The flip side of negative enabling is positive reinforcement and support: positive enabling. Common forms include: •
Personal enabling – mentorship, emotional encouragement, skill-building workshops, or guidance to help someone develop confidence and abilities.
•
Professional enabling – training, flexible work arrangements, performance feedback, or resources that help employees reach their potential.
•
Societal enabling – community programs, educational opportunities, or policies that remove barriers and foster self-sufficiency.
These three types of positive enabling have one thing in common: self-empowerment for individuals. Recovering one’s personal power is definitely an uphill climb, but is extraordinarily rewarding and freeing. There are many resources available to learn how to effectively overcome enabling behaviors, as well as the dynamics of codependency. Working with a certified therapist or clinician can be extremely helpful when it comes to dealing with addicts, adult children, coworkers, neighbors, and family members. Though choosing to end an enabling relationship may look and feel cruel and unloving, it is the most effective means for transforming this dysfunctional relationship dynamic into one that is empowering based on healthy boundaries, clear individuation, honesty, and respect. The term for this is “tough love” — and it works! ●
Reading about the world’s problems can cause stress
22 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ LIFE ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 25
OPINION
HOW TO MAKE YOUR GIRL JEALOUS 24 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ LIFE ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 25
[ OPINION ]
Those who are active in the dating world believe that women need a reason to desire their men. So, manufacturing a little jealousy is good in order to keep them interested.
A COLUMN WRITTEN BY CHATGPT
Written by CY BORG Cy Borg is an artificial intelligence writer. Using Open A.I., Cy responds to various prompts with fully-qualified answers using the internet and technology.
O
key here is to keep it light and humorous. Don’t go into specifics, and definitely don’t gloat. Just say things like, “Oh, it’s so awkward. You wouldn’t believe how many people complimented me on my new haircut today. I mean, it’s just a haircut!” This will plant a seed of doubt in her mind, and the little jealousy gremlin will begin to stir.
Step 1: Master the Art of “The Other Woman”
Now, the grand finale: introduce a harmless but clearly notso-harmless competing interest. Maybe it’s a new female friend or an old flame that “just popped back into your life.” Talk about them in a way that’s just friendly enough, but with a hint of “I wonder if she’s into me?” No need to go overboard — remember, subtlety is key. The trick is to make her feel like there’s competition, but not like you’re actively courting someone else. Keep things casual, like,
h yeah, jealousy. That emotion we all secretly enjoy when we see our partner’s eyebrow twitch just a little too much when we talk to the attractive barista, or when she “accidentally” leaves her phone unlocked for just a few minutes. But let’s be clear: making your girl jealous isn’t as easy as just waving your phone in front of her or complimenting other women in front of her. It takes subtlety, finesse, and just the right amount of harmless mischief. Here’s your guide to expertly navigating the treacherous waters of jealousy without sinking your relationship.
Start by getting really comfortable with the idea of the other woman. This doesn’t mean you have to be flirting with every woman in sight, but a subtle interaction with a female friend can send the right sig-
Step 4: Introduce a “Competing Interest”
One surefire way to make her wonder what you’re up to is to occasionally be “too busy.” nals. Start by texting a “close friend” that’s just a little too friendly. Nothing crazy, just the occasional “Hey, what’s up? What are you doing this weekend?” — a message that, when seen by her, will send alarm bells ringing, but not enough for you to be caught in a blatant lie. This is about testing the waters, not taking a swim. Step 2: Be Mysteriously Busy One surefire way to make her wonder what you’re up to is to occasionally be “too busy.” Don’t overdo it, though — if you start skipping dates for “work,” she’ll catch on. The key here is to leave a little room for imagination. If you’re normally the kind of guy who would text back within seconds, let her stew for a little longer. A mysterious delay in your responses sends her brain into overdrive. Is he with someone else? Is he planning a surprise? Or is he just enjoying his alone time? Make her wonder, just enough to stir that green-eyed monster. Step 3: Talk About Your “Admiring Fans” There’s nothing quite like casually mentioning how much attention you’ve been getting lately — whether it’s from random strangers or that one coworker who “just can’t seem to get enough of you.” The
26 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
“Oh, yeah, so I ran into Rachel the other day — she’s doing great, actually! We should all catch up sometime. You’d like her. She’s super funny. We used to be really close, you know?” Step 5: Watch Her Get Curious Now, you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Your girl will start to notice the changes. She might ask a few more questions, give you an extra-long hug when you leave, or even drop a few sarcastic comments about the “other women” in your life. But remember, don’t push too far. There’s a fine line between playful jealousy and an actual meltdown, and you definitely don’t want to cause that. In conclusion, making your girl jealous is all about mastering the delicate art of subtlety and misdirection. Keep it playful, keep it light, and most importantly, always make sure you know where the line is — because if you cross it, your relationship might not just be jealous; it might just be over. Happy manipulating! ●
[ LIFE ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2024 25
32 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
BEAUTY
CAT As an independent artist Moss has released 2 projects over the last 10 years. Fresh Air and Grey Area. She's been performing in the underground circuit at various venues across the city. With songwriting being her first creative love, she's written songs for a few Cleveland music artists as well.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 29
COVER
GREY DI The kids are gone, the goals are different, and personal happiness reigns over all. Fifty and 60-year-olds are divorcing at the highest rate in America, which has now been termed the grey divorce.
30 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ COVER ]
IVORCE Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 31
[ COVER ]
32 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
I
[ COVER ] t’s happening all over the country. Couples in their 50s and 60s are deciding to divorce. This age group is comprised of over 40 percent of all the divorces in the US. It’s now called Grey Divorce by those who have noticed the trend. But why is it happening? Couples who sacrificed and raised their kids to adulthood were supposed to celebrate that feat by going on as many vacations as possible. They were supposed to now be able to put the quality time they once enjoyed back into each other. However, the opposite is happening.
“When couples walk into my office, they often site that they no longer have anything in common,” Mary Sotera said. Sotera, a family Law attorney in Ohio, has seen a rise in cases in the grey divorce age group rise for a variety of reasons.
•
Financial Independence: Greater career and financial participation by women make leaving a long-term marriage more feasible than it used to be.
•
Empty Nest Syndrome: Once children leave home, couples sometimes realize they no longer share common interests or core connections outside of parenting.
•
Financial Strain: Splitting retirement accounts, pensions, and shared assets like homes can drastically reduce standard of living and delay retirement security.
•
Emotional and Social Toll: Older adults may face isolation, depression, or complex family dynamics with adult children. Studies note that men often face a
“Blended families are so hard on the nuclear family too.” Sotera continued, “For those families that are on their second marriage, trying to get the families, and the kids, and the in-laws all on the same page can be incredibly hard.” WHY IS GREY DIVORCE RISING •
•
Longer Life Expectancies: With people living into their 80s and 90s, individuals are less willing to spend an additional 20 to 30 years in an unhappy or "empty shell" marriage. Shifting Cultural Norms: Social stigma aroud divorce has decreased significantly compared to past decades.
Mediation is the best way to resolve divorce issues.
social penalty due to losing their spouse's social planning network. Another unfortunate aspect of the growing trend of grey divorce is sickness. “As people age, unfortunately the spouse of the sickly
Stress is at an all-time high for those that struggle with the ever-changing world.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2024 33
[ COVER ] might not want to take care of them,” Sotera said. And sickness can include mental illness as well. With age, so many illnesses can occur for this age group. And those who haven’t done a good job of taking care of their mental or physical health might become a burden to the spouse who has done a good job of taking care of their own health. While it’s not in keeping with the marriage vow of “in sickness or in health,” it’s a factor in the growing trend of why couples are divorcing. “Blended families are so hard on the nuclear family, too,” Sotera explained. “For those families on their second marriage, trying to get the families, and the kids, and the in-laws all on the same page can be incredibly difficult.” Approximately 60% to 67% of second marriages end in divorce. This failure rate is higher than first marriages, which typically see a divorce rate of 40% to 50%. Subsequent marriages face even steeper challenges, with third marriages ending in divorce at a rate of roughly 73%. Though the adult children of divorced parents may not be as impacted by a divorce of a younger couple, they still experience the trauma of a family divided. When a divorce of any kind happens, the goal is for everyone to keep the council they need to heal from it. Divorce is never an easy thing to navigate, and Sotera recommends mediation in the event it happens.
34 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
“It’s never a pleasant time when a couple comes in to speak with me. I try to make their experience as painless as possible, so everyone involved finds the peace they are seeking,” Sotera said. ON A SIDE NOTE In interviewing Sotera for this article, the topic arose of the parental rights of men who have a child with a woman but don’t marry them. In the state of Ohio, if a man has a child out of wedlock, they nave zero parental rights to that child. In order to gain any rights, they would have to file a petition with the court to have their co-custodial rights installed. “If the mother decides to leave the state and take the child, she can do so without having to consult the father or ask his permission,” Sotera said. She went on to say that if the father wants to fight to gain his rights, he will have to file in the state where the child now lives. For men who have children out of wedlock, this can be devastating news. “Parents can sit down and agree, out of court, on the terms of their parental agreement if they would like. However, for it to be recognized by the court, it would have to be filed and approved by a judge, so they still would eventually get
[ OPINION ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 31
[ COVER ] the court involved,” Sotera said.
Creating and maintaining a healthy relationship is one of the most important things a couple can do. Across the board, the failure to do that can have negative consequences for the family and the kids involved. These conversations are tough, however they must be done, and if communication is good then everyone can come out with the peace they need to move on successfully. Sotera knows this better than anyone and is ready to help anyone in need. ●
To reach Mary Sotera visit, https://www.daraylaw.com/
Earl "Butch" Graves Jr
36 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ COVER ]
Edmond has a forty year career at Black Enterprise.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 39
HEALTH
Jeremy and Holland
38 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ HEALTH ]
A FIT AND FOCUSED FAMILY WINS How family and friends help turn health information into long-term, healthier, and more enriching lives. Written by BRYAN AKIL MARSHALL Bryan Akil Marshall is widely recognized as the Godfather of Strength and Conditioning in the NBA and was the first Black man to host an exercise show on American television. He is the author of 22 books, including How Bryan Akil Marshall Became the GODFATHER of Strength and Conditioning in the NBA. Follow the Betterment ZIP Code Commitment on Instagram: @Akildad.
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 39
A
[ HEALTH ] t 21, Ernest Marshall was serving his country in the United States Army during the Korean War when his eyesight deteriorated. He was honorably discharged and lived the rest of his life with severely limited vision, eventually becoming legally blind.
movement, nutrition, support, and daily decisions can influence independence and quality of life. For African Americans, the stakes are especially high. Recent federal data found hypertension in 58 percent of Black adults, the highest percentage among the groups reported.
That disability didn’t end his sense of responsibility. By the 1960s, his vision prevented him from driving, so he relied on Cleveland public transit to travel to and from work. With his wife, Ida, he raised seven children. He also lived with hypertension, smoked cigarettes, and could be stubborn about changing established habits.
Yet information alone doesn’t create change. It may take someone else helping a person recognize the warning, find the doorway, or remember why walking through it matters.
Ida understood the importance of healthier living. She prepared balanced meals for her family, and when she learned about a hypertension program at Mount Sinai Hospital in Cleveland, she encouraged Ernest to participate. Following the hospital program's direction, Ernest reduced his sodium intake, changed what he ate, began exercising, and stopped smoking. He also continued taking his prescribed blood-pressure medication. His family recalls that his hypertension remained well controlled and that he didn’t experience known medical crises related to his blood pressure. They watched with amazement as a man firmly established in his ways opened himself to change.
The Betterment ZIP Code 50 to 85 program is not a geographical location. It describes a stage of life when medical information,
Gregory Beasley, 71, a Cleveland resident and US Marine Corps veteran, received a prediabetes warning during a yearly physical at the Veterans Affairs health system. The result alarmed him. He refused to accept it as the final word, but he didn’t refuse to confront it. Beasley researched prediabetes, changed his eating and returned to disciplined movement. His sisters, both healthcare professionals, helped him recognize the sodium found in many canned foods. He added fresh produce, reduced foods high in sodium and added sugar, and resumed a routine including treadmill work, cycling, weights, stretching, boxing movements, and modified tai chi he calls "Greg Chi."
His adopted sons supplied an even deeper reason. "I need to be around for them because they depend on me," he said. Beasley reports that follow-up testing one year later showed his A1C was no longer within the prediabetes range. He also began using more VA services, including preventive care and mental-health support. His sons have watched the transformation, and he’s begun seeing some of his healthier food choices reflected in theirs. "You don't have to accept that this is the final say on the issue," Beasley said. "But it’s a warning, and you do need to heed the warning."
For Jeremy Petway, 40, of Lakewood, supporting his 78year-old father, Holland, of Richmond Heights, required more than encouragement. Concerned about what he described as his dad’s declining mobility and muscle loss, Jeremy followed Dr. Gregory L. Hall's suggestion to seek guided strength and movement support. Then he removed a practical obstacle: he purchased an iPad specifically to keep at his father's home, and he handles the Zoom connection each time. "As with a lot of seniors, keeping up with technology can be challenging," Jeremy said. "I handle the iPad and logMarian Pelote
40 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ COVER ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 45
[ HEALTH ] ging into Zoom every session so that Dad isn't frustrated and can focus on getting stronger." Seven months ago, Holland struggled to raise his arms to shoulder height. Now, Jeremy reports, his father raises them above his head and keeps pace. His attitude and demeanor have improved, too. The unexpected turn was Jeremy's own response: breathing practice, flexibility, and greater body awareness benefited him as well. "I wasn’t expecting how much I would also be impacted," he said. What began as a son's intervention became shared self-care. Long-time friendship provides another kind of strength. Marian Pelote and Dianne Hampton, both 78, graduated from Pine Forge Academy in 1966 and have participated together in Monday evening online movement sessions since November 2025. Pelote, a retired nurse in Savannah, Georgia, lives with physical problems following a head-on collision. After the death of her youngest daughter, intense grief compounded her pain. "I was existing, not living," she said. Over time, consistent movement, breathing practice, nutrition changes, and physical therapy became part of her return to living. Pelote reports losing 35 pounds over four months, completing one mile on a therapy bicycle in nine minutes, and needing her prescribed as-needed albuterol inhaler for bronchitis less frequently. Hampton, of Orlando, Florida, entered the partnership after a shoulder impingement and four and a half months of physical
therapy. She reports increased mobility, strength, energy, and controlled breathing. A recent eye appointment became a real-life measure of progress. Running behind after her Uber ride, she hurried into the building and up two flights of stairs. Minutes later, a fire alarm sent everyone in the building downstairs and outside for thirty minutes. Once allowed back inside, Hampton climbed both flights again, breathing comfortably and feeling fully in control. The two classmates provide more than company. "We encourage, motivate and inspire each other," Pelote said. Hampton sees the same power from the other side: "Watching her show up each week keeps me absolutely motivated and encouraged." Dr. Hall, an internal medicine physician and author of Better Black Health, says, “People may minimize a warning because financial pressures and family needs feel more urgent. Historical mistreatment by medical institutions can deepen mistrust among African Americans, making transparency and a trusted physician essential.” Support should be gentle rather than controlling. "Sometimes you do this just by example," Hall added. "By showing that you're exercising and eating better, you can encourage your family members and friends to do better themselves." He also rejects the idea that faith and treatment must compete. "You cannot pray yourself into better health," Hall said. "You have to move, you have to act, you have to find a doctor you trust and take their advice. When medical science, movement, family advocacy, and personal participation work together, improvement is possible at any age, and working in unison can make that effort more productive and enjoyable.” Feel the power of these changed lives. Their accounts come directly from the people who lived them. Their recollections, results, and words are supported by a physician's perspective. Together, they show how family and friends can help turn health information into healthier lives. These people demonstrate what is possible throughout Betterment ZIP Code 50 to 85. Medical science can identify the need. Movement science can help strengthen the body. Family and friends can provide encouragement, access, purpose, and accountability. But each person must still decide to participate. Every day, we either get better or we get worse. There is no neutral. The choice is in our hands! ●
42 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ SCIENCE ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 43
[ HEATH ]
STRONG BUT STRUGGLIING The silent burnout too many men ignore that can have a seriously negative effect on the quality of their lives.
44 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
Written by Dr. Joy J. King Dr. Joy J. King, APRN, MSN, PMHNP-BC, AGPCNP-BC, Hon.D., is a dual board-certified Psychiatric Mental Health and Adult-Gerontology Primary Care Nurse Practitioner at Cleveland Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, and co-owner of MEWCO Mental Health Care. She is the author of Finding Your Best Self: A Guide to Understanding Mental Health.
[ HEALTH ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 45
Y
[ HEALTH ] ou wake up tired — even after what should have been a full night's sleep. Your to-do list is sitting there, but you can't bring yourself to start. The drive you used to have feels distant, almost like it belonged to someone else.
At first, you tell yourself it's just a rough patch. Maybe you're stressed. Maybe you're burned out. Maybe you just need to "lock in" and push harder. But what if it's simply a matter of discipline? What if your body is trying to tell you something? For many men, experiences like these can go unspoken for months or even years. In a culture that often values strength, independence, responsibility, and resilience, it can be difficult to acknowledge when something feels different. Sometimes, the people around you notice the change before you do. Imagine a man who has always been the dependable one. He works hard, takes care of his family, handles his responsibilities, and rarely complains. Over time, his wife notices that he seems more tired and withdrawn. He doesn't want to go out as much. He's less interested in things he used to enjoy. At work, he's having trouble concentrating.
But not every struggle is psychological — and not every struggle is a lack of willpower. Sometimes there may be an underlying physical or biological contributor. Conditions such as low testosterone, clinically known as hypogonadism, can affect how some men feel and function day-to-day. Other medical concerns, sleep disorders, chronic stress, medication effects, thyroid problems, anemia, depression, and other conditions can produce similar symptoms. That's why understanding what's happening matters. A man who has spent his life being told to "tough it out" may never stop to ask whether there is something medical or psychological contributing to the way he feels. The Symptoms No One Talks About Low testosterone doesn't always present itself in obvious ways. Many people associate testosterone primarily with sexual health, but testosterone can influence multiple aspects of physical health and well-being. Possible symptoms can include:
When she asks what's wrong, he says, "I'm just tired. I'll be fine." And he believes it.
•
Constant fatigue, even with adequate sleep
•
Decreased muscle mass and increased body fat
Until "fine" becomes his new normal.
•
Brain fog, poor concentration, or memory difficulties
When "Just Push Through It" Stops Working
•
Reduced motivation and drive
So when a man's energy drops, his focus slips, and his motivation disappears, he may assume the problem is his mindset.
•
Changes in mood or sense of well-being
Men are struggling with the overwhelming feeling of trying to survive in this economy.
46 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ HEALTH ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 51
[ HEALTH ] •
Irritability
•
Decreased sexual interest or function
•
Reduced energy and physical stamina
Maybe the morning starts with an energy drink. Maybe it's several cups of coffee before you feel like yourself. Maybe it's reaching for caffeine pills or pre-workout products because a jolt is needed to get moving.
Sleep can also play a major role. Sleep disruption and conditions such as sleep apnea can contribute to fatigue, concentration problems, mood changes, and reduced energy — and can make other health concerns more difficult to manage.
Caffeine can temporarily increase alertness, but if there’s a continual need for something external to help with daily function, perhaps it's worth asking what the reason is for this level of exhaustion in the first place.
Sleep apnea is a sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops or becomes reduced during sleep, most commonly due to airway blockage. It can cause loud snoring, poor sleep quality, daytime fatigue, headaches, and difficulty concentrating.
Rebuilding From the Ground Up
Sometimes the Explanation Seems Obvious Consider the man who works night shifts, rotating schedules, or long and irregular hours. His fatigue may seem easy to explain. He's tired because he works at night. His family may assume it. His co-workers may assume it. He may assume it himself. Shift work can absolutely affect sleep, energy, concentration, and mood. But not every symptom should automatically be attributed to the schedule.
The same can be true when relying heavily on caffeine or other stimulants simply to feel functional.
48 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
If this sounds familiar, the first step isn't necessarily to grind harder — it's to gain clarity. If something feels different and the change persists, consider talking to a healthcare professional. A proper evaluation may include medical history, mental health history, physical examination, review of medications, supplements, and lifestyle factors, and appropriate laboratory testing. If low testosterone is suspected, that can also be evaluated and diagnosed at that time. A man's health doesn't affect only him; it affects his marriage, his children, his friendships, his work, his ability to be present, and ultimately affects his legacy.
When a man takes his health seriously, he isn't simply doing something for himself. He's also making it possible to show up more fully for the people who depend on him. ●
[ LIFE ] [ MUSIC
ith so much going on in society today, there are very few places the mind can go to get complete calm. Today’s entertainment seems to use over-the-top themes in order to draw an audience. So, it’s almost impossible to find something that can be rewarding,
CODEM M//OCTOBER OCTOBER2026 202669 31 CODE
[ BOOK REVIEW ]
52 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
BOOK
REVIEW
A MESS WORTH MAKING Relationships: A Mess Worth Making will inspire you to embrace the challenges and joys of community, whether you’re navigating the ups and downs of marriage, friendships, or family dynamics.
E
BOOK REVIEW
very relationship has the potential to be difficult, but if you are willing to do the work, it’s often worth the effort. Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp dive deep into the complexities of human connections, offering a gospel-centered perspective on navigating the messiness of relationships.
and more meaningful connections with others. Perfect for individuals, couples, or small groups, it’s a mustread for anyone seeking to grow in grace and love. This is not just a book about fixing relationships—it’s about seeing them as a reflection of God’s redemptive work in our lives.
Through relatable stories, thought-provoking questions, and actionable advice, the authors guide readers to see relationships as opportunities for personal growth and spiritual transformation.
Through relatable stories, thought-provoking questions, and actionable advice, the authors guide readers to see relationships as opportunities for personal growth and spiritual transformation. Whether you’re dealing with conflict, forgiveness, or the challenges of communication, Relationships provides practical wisdom and biblical truths to help you build stronger, healthier,
•
Offers gospel-centered insights to navigate the challenges of relationships with grace and humility.
•
Includes actionable advice and real-life examples to create deeper connections with God and others.
•
Updated edition features practical, heart-focused discussion questions for each chapter. ● CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 51
FASHION
BEING IN THE RAIN IS SEXY Weathering the storm builds character. But being able to stand there and still look good wet, now that’s sexy. Written by LARON HARLEM A wardrobe shopper, stylist, and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto: styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https:// www.styledbydecarlo.com/
Sometimes, something as simple as a tie brings the entire outfit together, especially when you are dressed better than the rest of the room.
54 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ FASHION ]
CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 53
[ FASHION ]
The summer means weddings outside with the world watching happy couples profess their love for each other. Getting bit by the bug seems to happen for those in attendance.
70 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ FASHION ]
Living in the moment means accepting what you cannot expect. Getting caught in rain might be the best part of your day if you allow it to be. CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 55
[ FASHION ]
The family picnic is the perfect time to introduce a new love to the family for approval, to show off, and to enjoy each other at the same time.
72 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ FASHION ]
The goal of fitness will never be bothered by the adversity of bad weather. The run must go on no matter what the circumstances are because fitness is forever. CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 57
[ FASHION ]
When duty calls and its been raining all day, you might as well enjoy the experience of both of you getting soaked at the same time.
58 OCTOBER 2026 / CODE M
[ FASHION ]
After almost a decade without a major update, Nissan has introduced the redesigned Murano, the brand’s midsized two-row SUV. The new Murano features smoother styling similar to Nissan’s all-electric Ariya. Nissan’s dependable V6 engine and idiosyncratic CVT have been replaced with a turbocharged four-cylinder and 9-speed automatic transmission. steering wheel, panoramic roof glass, and multicolor LED ambient lighting inside. Price: $40,470-$49,600
DJ Johnie O is the owner of
For its second generation, the Hyundai Palisade goes big, increasing its size, fuel efficiency, premium features, and off-road Nerve DJ’s Mixtapes. capability. The base engine is a 287-hp, 3.5-liter V6 paired to an 8-speed automatic transmission. This will be offered in front- and all-wheel-drive configurations, with a 5,000-pound maximum towing capacity. XRT PRO trim builds on the previous XRT to create an adventure-ready version with heightened off-road capabilities. Price: $38,935–$58,280 CODE M / OCTOBER 2026 79