CODE M Magazine 2023 January Issue

GETTING HER TO RESPOND TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

THE

POWER

THE D.E.I. DEAD END

OF

PRAYER Pastor Otis Moss III discusses his new book Dancing in the Darkness, and the spiritual awakening that needs to happen to everyone in 2023.

BRING IT TO THE TABLE

+ MARRIAGE UNDERDOGS JANUARY 2023 ISSUE

[ CLE ]

22 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

[ NEWS ]

INSIDE

47 THE DISRESPECTFUL SOCIETY There is a new level of low as Americans show no respect for each other or themselves. If this trend continues, society will continue to crumble.

ON THE COVER

34

THE POWER OF PRAYER Pastor Otis Moss III discusses his new book Dancing in the Darkness, and the spiritual awakening

that needs to happen for everyone in 2023.

10 MOVERS AND SHAKERS Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

12 MAN CODES

20 THE D.E.I. DEAD END

Mental Health.

The murder of George Floyd birthed the increase of corporate social responsibility by governing diversity, equity, and inclusion executives. The power of the position depends on who they report to.

14 FUNDING THE FUTURE Ruben Lindo has succeeded in whatever he has attempted. The former NFL player currently is a rising star in the luxury craft cannabis industry, but if he gets his way, he will fund the futures of people who look just like him.

16 CREATING ECOSYSTEMS FOR SUCCESS Farad Ali is building a better system for young people to thrive in by dominating his field of business. With this kind of success, nothing seems Impossible.

24 HOME WORKOUT WITHOUT WEIGHTS: PART II Join CODE M’s four-part series on getting into mental and physical shape.

It’s 2023! Black men need to be on their A-game if they are going to dominate life next year.

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 5

[ INSIDE ] 28 BRING IT TO THE TABLE This is the story of one of Cleveland’s most beloved, coaches, Ted Ginn, Sr. Every chapter has a beginning, and this is his.

42 GETTING HER TO RESPOND

57 SUICIDE IS GROWING AMONG BLACKS Suicide for Blacks used to never be an option. But over the last 10 years, Blacks committing suicide has increased dramatically. Mental health, stress, and lack of access to opportunity are making suicide a choice, and something has to be done about it.

4 JANUARY 2021 / CODE M

Dating in 2023 requires men to understand what attracts women. Try using these methods to find and get the woman of your dreams.

52 MARRIAGE UNDERDOGS Learn the risks that could threaten your marriage and take our quiz to see if your marriage is an underdog.

58 FRENCH MONTANA IMPRESSES WITH MONTEGA Montega is a collaborative studio album by MoroccanAmerican hip hop recording artist French Montana and American record producer Harry Fraud, released on June 24, 2022 by Coke Boys Records. It features guest appearances by Babyface Ray, Benny the Butcher, Chinx, EST Gee, Fleurie, Jadakiss, Quavo, and Rick Ross.

60 CARS AND CLOTHES Fashion with a hint of octane always looks good.

TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

ENGINEER RADIO/PODCAST Kai Becker

PUBLISHER Bilal S. Akram

SOCIAL MEDIA Rachel Woods

PRESIDENT Brad J. Bowling SENIOR ADVISOR Alexandria Johnson Boone MANAGING EDITOR David Christel PAGE EDITORS Anthony Kirby-Lifestyles Laron Harlem-Fashion Paris Lampkins-Movers & Shakers GRAPHIC DESIGN Stiff Arm Media MEDIA COORDINATOR Carole Anthony EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

To the PUBLISHER Ladonna “Lala” Dicks

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES David Williams Kevin Jones IT CONSULTANT Anthony Jones Digital Jetstream, LLC CONTRIBUTING WRITERS David Christel Elisa Cuervo Clark Brad J. Bowling Garrett Wallers Bilal S. Akram Laron Harlem Dr. Tameka Ellington Chris Matthews nce Burnley CODE MEDIA GROUP LLC STAFF

DIRECTOR OF RADIO/PODCAST

Sharif Akram

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CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.

Code M Magazine is published

by CODE MEDIA GROUP, LLC © 2022 All Rights Reserved

[ TRAVEL ]

CODE M / JANUARY 2021 9

MOVERS &

SHAKERS

Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

ROSELYN MUNIZ Roselyn Muñiz is a producer of a community engagement show called We the People at WKYC Studios. The broadcast is hosted by Leon Bibb and Kierra Cotton. As the producer of We the People, Roselyn introduces viewers to local volunteer opportunities. The show airs every Sunday morning from 7:30 to 8 a.m.

Hispanic Journalists, and in April 2022 the organization was recognized by NAHJ as the emerging chapter of the year. In August 2022, Muñiz was awarded with the second place Society of Professional Journalists award for her help in producing a documentary that covered the first graduating class at the I Promise School.

In June 2022, Muñiz was awarded three NATAS Central Great Lakes Chapter Emmy Awards for producing a Hispanic Heritage month promo. In April 2021, she co-founded the Greater Cleveland Chapter of

Muñiz is a graduate of Columbia Journalism School. She is a native of Cleveland, Ohio.

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[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ]

TIARRA BRADDOCK Tiarra Braddock is a TV reporter at Cleveland 19 News. She came to the land in January of 2020. Before coming to Cleveland, Braddock was a reporter at WJET 24 News in Erie, PA. Braddock was the court beat reporter and she covered high-profile murder trials and cases that happened in Erie County.

Braddock also covered the devastating Erie daycare fire that killed five young children in 2019. Multiple laws regarding smoke detectors and daycares were created after news coverage of that fire. Before making her way to Erie, Braddock spent time in Flint and Saginaw as a reporter covering the Flint Water Crisis and other news in mid-Michigan.

Braddock hails from the Ann Arbor, Michigan area and is a proud graduate of Ithaca College.

SAMIRA MALONE Samira Malone is a proud, born, and raised Cleveland’s Eastside resident and a Cleveland Metropolitan School District graduate. She received her Bachelor's in urban and regional planning and a Master's in Urban Planning and Development with a certification in GIS from Cleveland State University, Levin College of Urban Affairs.

Her passion as a practitioner for Urban Planning is informed by the desire to work alongside communities to create thriving, healthy, and connected communities through a racial equity lens. In her current role, Samira serves as the Inaugural Director of the Cleveland Tree Coalition, a collaborative group of public, private, and community stakeholders partnered with the City of Cleveland to rebuild our urban forest.

CHARRON LEEPER Charron Leeper is a multi-disciplinary creative consultant and entrepreneur. She holds a BS in Graphic Design from Radford University where she studied on a full athletic scholarship for basketball. She owns and operates Perfect Pineapple® a head wrap and hair accessory brand founded in 2018 with her products being currently sold online and in three local retail locations in the greater Cleveland area.

As a Creative Consultant, Leeper works with non-profit organizations, entrepreneurs, and public personalities, bringing her passion for art to their branding, marketing, wardrobe styling or creative direction needs via her second business, Agency 33, an emerging full-service Branding and Marketing Firm.

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 11

START

Bob Marley

MAN CODES:

MENTAL HEALTH

“Mental illness in Black families is often ignored and placed in a box for God to take care of but we know that mental illness is a real issue that needs space and room to be addressed and treated. Having a mental illness is not a character flaw.”

- Mental Health America “There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.” - Matt Haig

“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: It is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken.’” - C. S. Lewis “Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.” - Bill Clinton “Change what you can, manage what you can’t.”

- Raymond McCauley

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Compiled by Bilal S. Akram

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” ― Leonard Cohen “Mental health affects every aspect of your life. It’s not just this neat little issue you can put into a box.”

- Shannon Purser “A lot of Black people don't think of therapy as a realistic or viable option for help and mental health isn't seen as something to focus on, improve, or get professional help for.”

- Dr. Racine Henry “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.” - Bob Marley John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be fearful.”

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 13

[ START ]

FUNDING THE FUTURE Ruben Lindo has succeeded in whatever he has attempted. The former professional athlete is a current rising star in the luxury craft cannabis industry, but if he gets his way, he will fund the futures of people who look just like him.

Written by ANTHONY KIRBY Anthony T. Kirby is the Lifestyle Editor for CODE M Magazine and has spent over 30 years in the menswear industry. He lives in Philadelphia, PA where he is the Creative Director for FINICKEY, an online men's haberdashery brand. (https://finickey.us)

F

or many business executives, doing what they are good at, and doing what they love are two different things. However, being successful in what you do can allow you the space to do what you love.

Ruben Lindo, owner of Black-Mar Farms, a craft cannabis industry farm owner, is looking to fund his passion in 2023. Lindo has had several professional lives.

The retired professional football player is currently considered one of the best at his craft. Lindo’s company is expected to triple in revenue in 2023 and grow to providing craft cannabis servers in two more states. The company is currently in three states.

Lindo, along with his associates, is in the final stages of

16 JANUARY2022 2021//CODE CODEMM 14 JANUARY

building a fund that would allow him to help fund and partner with those that look just like him.

“As Black men, it is so hard sometimes to get the funding you need for a great idea or business,” Lindo said.

“We would like to be able to fund other Blacks for their own cannabis farms or whatever they want to do in business.”

Lindo has a personal goal to create the kind of funding resources that equals the playing field for minorities who have been left out of achieving the American dream.

“It’s about restoration, not reparations,” Lindo explained.

“We as Blacks need to move beyond looking for reparations. We need to begin to create opportunities for restoration.”

[ START ] Lindo believes that there is an opportunity for Blacks to help themselves by coming together to fund the ideas and businesses that could impact the entire race. Blacks have always had amazing ideas. History tells us that Blacks are responsible for some of the world’s best inventions. But skin color and a lack of access robbed many of those who invented or developed great business ideas meant that they didn’t get the riches that came with these great ideas.

Lindo wants to change that in 2023.

“I am done waiting for the government to come to save our communities,” Lindo added. “We all understand how the war on drugs killed the Black community in the ‘80s and ‘90s. The government is not coming to save us. We are going to have to do it ourselves.”

Lindo is on to something. American communities where Democrats have ruled still suffer from the same waves of crime and poverty today, like it was 1965. The communities still suffer from no access to jobs, capital, and opportunity.

“I am about diversity. Not just about working with all kinds of people. But I believe in having diversity in business. I want to build businesses across all kinds of landscapes,” Lindo said.

Lindo rarely mentions his success in college athletics and professionally. He feels it’s important for Black kids to know that they can be more than athletes. He wants them to know that they can own a hotel, they can own a manufacturing business, and they can venture into areas where Blacks rarely go.

Lindo is putting his money where his mouth is.

“I’m starting this fund with my own money,” he said. “I am looking for other Black funders to add to what I’m doing so we can help Blacks start great businesses.”

Lindo is starting the fund by putting up 1 million dollars of his own money. The momentum is building for Blacks to thrive over the next 24 months and business professionals like Ruben Lindo are building the foundation for other Blacks to stand on. ●

As the Chairman of Empire State Commerce, a Black Chamber based out of Albany New York, Lindo hopes to drive the conversation of Blacks providing the funding to help other Black businesses find and obtain the capital that is needed to birth and grow Black businesses.

Lindo has always been a champion for seeing others do well and win.

NYC STRONG

Ruben Lindo owns a luxury craft cannabis brand with hopes of his platform to find and fund Black businesses.

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 15

BUSINESS

Powered by the

CREATING

ECOSTYSTEMS

FOR SUCCESS

Farad Ali is building a better system for young people to thrive in by dominating his field of business. With this kind of success nothing seems Impossible.

Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.

“W

hen I get revenue from you, I’m going into the community and build the schools for the next generation of leaders so that they are futureready so that they can be employable, and entrepreneurial.”

Such is the focus of Farad Ali, President and Chief Executive Officer of Asociar, LLC, a company specializing in delivering IT solutions, services, and equipment, as

16 JANUARY 2021 / CODE M

well as providing end-to-end payment solutions for business and developing supply chain solutions. The company’s byline is “Providing Solutions, Empowering Communities.” It is a mission taken on wholeheartedly.

Farad has been tremendously successful in business and he consistently “pays if forward” in his work and personal life. He knows for certain that the only way our collective future will be positively shaped is by investing in our youth. He believes that “… we can feed this pipeline of diverse leaders in business, in government, and in nonprofits. And we know in our world that we need all three of those to work well together to get to the outcomes that are desired, which is people operating at their highest and best.”

Though capitalism seems primarily focused on beating out the competition, Farad feels that what is more rewarding for everyone is a competitive spirit in business wherein everyone benefits through mutual goals and support. It’s a mindset that

LIFE

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 17

[ BUSINESS ] encourages everyone to aspire to do their best and help others grow and be successful in the process. It’s an approach that actualizes equality and equity simultaneously.

talk and verbal commitments. He’s an action-oriented guy, so what he wants from corporations and people is the execution of commitments.

“I want to hire more people who are ethnically, socially, and culturally diverse. All people from our community, and we want to have a positive impact to elevate everyone’s opportunity to achieve their highest and best for their families and communities,” Farad says.

Farad says, “I really want to pay it forward and open up pathways. That’s what I’m trying to do with my voice, to show that we can do good and do well. But we need to make sure we have the commitment for execution for helping make sure businesses like mine not just survive but thrive.”

One area that Farad puts his energy toward is mentoring programs for young people through his program called Planet Mogul. “We’re investing in the schools in a way that teachers get energized to see that the community cares. And when I get entrepreneurs to come in to be tutors or teachers in the community, they get re-inspired about their own life’s mission.”

Farad tells young people that he doesn’t want them to be just mentally intelligent, but emotionally intelligent and culturally intelligent.

In his many endeavors, Farad has found that mentoring and sponsoring relationships are what feed growth and development. “I try to demonstrate that in the way I live, work, and give. You can talk to the grassroots and the grass tops and no one will know the difference. I try to keep it real and transparent. I think it’s critical that the foundation needs to be fed as much as those at the top.”

“You want young people to build their lives on a stable foundation of principles, to get their creativity mindset activated early on so they can begin creating ecosystems for success. That way,” Farad explained, “you can do all the things you want to do. You don’t want your 50-year-old self to be mad at your 26year-old self,” by which he means that you don’t want to be emotionally 26 when you’re physically 50 years old. That’s a recipe for great disappointment, as well as it isn’t going to work well out in the world.

One thing Farad has been outspoken about is that not only with businesses but with individuals, we need more than just

This speaks to the idea of actualizing equality and equity simultaneously. That’s done through inclusiveness. As Farad says, “I look at inclusion and diversity not as a program but as a purpose leading to an outcome.” The fact is that we’re already diverse, but we’re not fully inclusive and we don’t have economic parity. That’s where equity comes into play.

“Inclusion just means that we’re going to be inclusive, but equity is an outcome. Through that, we can create an equitable, humane society,” Farad stated. “I’m a proponent that if I can be a catalyst, to be able to have a good business and grow a business to become a bigger business, then I can also be more philanthropic in my community, which would give everyone more opportunity and access. And I just happen to

Farad Ali receiving an award for his excellent commitment to his community and leadership.

18 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ] be focusing on kids and helping them to be entrepreneurial so that they can have the tools to be future-ready.”

Farad puts great emphasis on helping not just young people, but people of any age understand that they can be part of an ecosystem that builds their community and their families — all by beginning with themselves. “We need each other, and we need to get to a place where we collaborate.

We have to build the strand of humanity in a way that allows for us to want equity for everyone.”

Farad aims to inspire, transform, develop, and build people to be at their highest, to selfactualize, and optimize their time here on Earth.

“If we are not intentionally inclusive, we will be unintentionally exclusive. I’d like to be a catalyst or conduit for helping people be their best.” ●

Farad Ali has always excelled at anything he has attempted.

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 19

[ BUSINESS ]

THE D.E.I. DEAD END The murder of George Floyd birthed the increase of corporate social responsibility by governing diversity, equity, and inclusion executives. The power of the position depends on who they report to.

by Brad Bowling

T

he murder of George Floyd was horrific. The entire world saw a man murdered on camera. Our country finally started to understand the gross inequities of being a minority in America. Corporate America started to take huge steps to reverse hundreds of years of oppression and turmoil by introducing corporate departments to police fairness in corporate policy.

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Diversity and inclusion were always one of the boxes corporate America tried to teach its employees. But after the Floyd death, that wasn’t enough. Companies added equity.

That created the position of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (D.E.I.) executive/director.

Diversity, equity, and inclusion is a term used to describe policies and programs that promote the representation and

[ BUSINESS ]

participation of different groups of individuals, including people of different ages, races and ethnicities, abilities and disabilities, genders, religions, cultures, and sexual orientations.

Companies all over the country began to seek and hire people to fill these roles. If they were smart, they hired minorities. If they are smart, they hired female minorities to administrate their companies’ policies. This addition of the position has, so far, been a welcomed and needed change for minorities all over.

though the company has a DEI person in place.”

Understanding that time is needed to see the full effect of adding DEI executives to corporate teams, the results seem to be impacted by their ability to make decisions. And the problem is not just with personnel.

Over $30 billion were earmarked for minority grants, businesses, and outreach in 2020. Only $3 billion has been given or used for advancing Black causes. Most of those dollars were given as loans, so the financial impact is still revenuedriven for those who gave out funding.

“What we are starting to see is either the money was never actually allocated or given to minority business opportunities, or the pledged funding was pulled back due to a lack of commitment from the company that originally offered help in the first place,” an executive explained.

So, what is happening to stop or reduce any real change for some of the companies that have hired DEI executives?

The election of Donald Trump was seen as a setback in civil rights for Blacks in America, and the addition of D.E.I. executives felt like a pull back in the right direction. But after two years of policy change, after two years of these companies adding the position, it is sometimes hard to feel the effect of this new direction.

Quite often, the results of having a D.E.I. executive is a direct correlation to who they report to. If they report to the CEO or owner, then they have the power to effect change. If they report to anyone else, they seem to be hobbled and powerless to bring about any real change.

For some, admitting there is a problem in the first place is very hard to do. Companies that seriously tackle the problem of a lack of diversity and inclusion in their workforce must go through the process of destroying the rituals that got them there. If racism or racist activities are baked into the fabric of a corporate environment, there are probably still some employees who share in those beliefs.

Ridding the company of years and years of anti-equity decisions can take a long time to rectify. “If a company had infrastructural problems with racism, it’s going to take a sea change to happen before any real results are seen,” said one

“A lot of companies talk about doing the right thing, but then hire DEI executives and have them report to a department or someone who handcuffs their power,” one executive said. “I have seen, firsthand, literally nothing happen even

Many Blacks are working in DEI positions and making a difference.

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 21

[ BUSINESS ] executive.

There is also a cost to creating change. It isn’t cheap to eliminate racist behavior, policies, and systems from long-standing traditions of excluding a group or people. The expense to seek, find, and destroy any of those takes a huge financial commitment for that to occur.

From the plant floor to the boardroom, there is a need for clarity around the terms and implications for each area of emphasis. As

classes that Black students could take, they wouldn’t commit to those changes. So, I had to decline the position.”

The current opportunity to move the needle on DEI must be based on establishing clear definitions in a real-world context for the terms that are used when defining what DEI does and implementing policies. It’s true that more and more companies are working to hire and promote minorities in their labor force, but internal issues hamper those efforts.

“A lot of companies talk about doing the right thing, but then hire DEI executives and have them report to a department or someone who handcuffs their power,” one executive said. with many previous efforts to address these underlying issues, many organizations have been unable to establish and communicate the business reason for spending the requisite time, energy, and funding.

“I interviewed for a position with a college in Wisconsin. They wanted me to come in and change the culture on campus because they wanted to increase Black enrollment by 25 percent, said an executive. “But when I asked about my ability to hire Black officers, add Black professors, and increase the options for

The commitment from corporate America to enact any real change is going to take time, money, and real dialogue about the problem. The Black community understands the opportunity it’s being presented by having the door open for Black and other minorities. The goal is to hold corporate entities accountable to the changes they promised, help in driving the conversation to form ideas and discussions toward actionable events that are meaningful, and finally to produce a talented workforce that can take advantage of these opportunities once they present themselves.

Time typically answers all questions, and hopefully DEI and sustainable funding will increase and continue to drive change in corporate America. ●

Advancement in diversity can be hard if the company is not committed to addressing its past issues with racism.

22 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

[ LIFE ]

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 23

HEALTH

HOME WORKOUT WITHOUT WEIGHTS: PART II

A

Join CODE M’s four-part series on getting into mental and physical shape. It’s 2023! Black men need to be on their A-game if they are going to dominate life next year.

Written by GARRETT WALLER Garrett is the founder and owner of Garrett Waller, LLC, "A Fitness, Health, & Lifestyle Company." Garrett has his BS in Psychology and is a nationally certified personal trainer. He helps people find more freedom in their lives through a commitment to fitness and an active lifestyle. https://garrettwaller.com

Photos taken by Sheldon Botler.

The Code: Understand The Assignment Challenge new year means a blank canvas for you to paint a picture of a future that you’re motivated to work towards.

Caterpillar + Sprinters Step 2

As you launch into the new year, remain present because this is the season you reclaim your power, focus, and energy day by day.

Establish a fresh mindset and believe that this year and this month will be a turning point in your physical and mental wellness. With this challenge, the needle will move with each stride you make toward your success. The major value of reaching the goal is not to have the goal, but the person you have become to acquire it.

Caterpillar + Sprinters Step 3

Consider these four pillars in order to truly understand the assignment: Understand your purpose: The purpose of committing to this program is to regain and refine a higher level of physical and mental power, focus, and energy.

Caterpillar + Sprinters Step 1 Caterpillar + Sprinters Step 4

24 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

Push up + Hip Tap 1

Understand how to answer the call: Commit to taking daily action towards completing either 12, 16, or 20 workouts in the next 31 days. This can be achieved by doing either 3, 4, or 5 workouts per week for 4 weeks. Your goal allows you 2-4 days of grace per week while pushing you as you hold yourself accountable daily.

Push up + Hip Tap 2

Push up + Hip Tap 3

Implications of the assignment: Your actions must match your core values. If accountability, honesty, freedom, etc. are important to you, tie this challenge to those values so it will have more meaning. You owe it to yourself to align your values with who you are.

Push up + T twist 1

Expectations of the assignment: It will be tough and you will set up your year for success by sticking with this. You will be stronger, eat healthier, and sleep better. You will be able to manage your schedule more efficiently, and experience a new level of mental clarity and reduced stress. Choose yourself first and live your best life because—and let’s be real— you deserve this!

Push up + T Twist 2

Push up + T Twist 3

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 25

[ LIFE ]

26 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

Hip Thruster 3 Hip Thruster 1

Hip Thruster 2

Determine your monthly goal: Set a goal of 12, 16, or 20 workouts this month. Crush the Strength or Cardio workout 3, 4, or 5 times each week depending on your goal for the month. Plan each workout ahead in your calendar.

Warmup Reverse Lunge + T 2

Do the Warmup for 1 minute then begin the Strength or Cardio workout.

Caterpillar + Sprinter's Step

Reverse Lunge + T 1

Workout Do each move in the circuit for 45 seconds.

Complete 3 rounds then take a 60-second rest before starting the next round. Do this for up to 5 rounds.

Jack Knife 2

Up and Out Squat 1

Strength Day Pushup + Hip Tap

Up & Out Squat Hip thruster Cardio Day Pushup + T twist Jack Knife 1

Jackknife Rev Lunge + T

Up and Out Squat 2

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 27

SPORTS

BRING IT TO THE TABLE This is the story of one of Cleveland’s most beloved coaches, Ted Ginn, Sr. Every chapter has a beginning, and this is his.

by David Christel

O

ne of life’s great, universal pleasures is sitting around the kitchen table and talking with family and friends. It’s a hub for not just eating but for great conversations, games, doing homework, sharing stories, and — as Coach Ginn of Cleveland has used it for over forty years — a place to find solace, sometimes humor, and definitely down-toearth insight and wisdom.

Born in 1956, he initially grew up in Cleveland, and then at age six, his grandfather came and picked him up and the two took a train to Louisiana. Coach Ginn then spent the next seven years growing up on his grandparent’s farm in the backwoods of Louisiana. Coach Ginn — full name Theodore Ginn, Sr. — grew up in a period where rampant segregation and racism were a constant yoke weighing down the lives of African Americans.

His little hometown of Franklinton, population 3,141 in 1960, struggled to hold onto what little they could call their own.

28 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

Burning crosses were planted in the churchyard, which sat on Coach Ginn’s family’s land. Coach Ginn, in his mind, thought the neighbor next door was a member of the KKK. At age five, Coach Ginn was sent to live with his grandparents in Franklinton, a move that would change the course of his life. Though racism and segregation were in full evidence, Coach Ginn watched and observed. Hate and anger didn’t become crutches for him. Though as a young person he didn’t pay full attention to his grandmother’s admonitions, her core values seeped into his psyche, waiting to be capitalized on.

Despite that, Coach Ginn’s life was filled with time spent running barefoot in the woods exploring and playing, swimming in creeks, rivers, and ponds, and being brought up in the church. But even the church couldn’t stop him from being “bad.” Well, not exactly bad, but definitely mischievous to the point that his grandmother found him to be a handful.

Cover

32 JANUARY 2022 / CODE M

[ COVER ]

CODE M / JANUARY 2022 33

[ SPORTS ] Coach Ginn was always interested in sports. As kids, not being able to afford a football, he and his friends fashioned a makeshift football: a milk carton filled with rocks. They’d toss the ball around, emulating the guys on the football team. “When there’s a will, there’s a way.” Be willing to learn and change would become one of the core values instilled in Coach Ginn by his grandmother, a strong Christian woman who would figure largely in his life.

At age 11, Coach Ginn then returned to live with his mother in Cleveland, another move that would strongly impact his life. Following graduation from Glenville High School, Coach Ginn was hit with the tragedy of his mother’s passing. Now alone, his high school football coach contacted him and told him to come down to the playing field. In those days, you did as your elders told you, so Coach Ginn headed over to the field. Arriving there, the coach told him to teach a football player how to snap the ball.

Now, Coach Ginn had no intention of becoming a coach. “It’s not something I ever wanted to do.” But his coach, Coach Hubbard, kept having come back day after day. Unbeknownst to Coach Ginn, Coach Hubbard was looking after him so that he didn’t go astray. So, he began teaching Coach Ginn all about football coaching, telling Coach Ginn that “You’re gonna coach!”

dents, to be the best they could be in all their endeavors. It was a truly holistic approach to mentorship and coaching.

Then, just as Coach Ginn was becoming highly successful at coaching football, he was asked to coach track, something he knew nothing about. He started out coaching girl’s track and then transitioned to coaching boy’s track. True to form, he dove into coaching track and six state titles and two national championships later, he’s still coaching. And he still advocates “Bring it to the table,” the most down-home, family place to listen, share, grow, and learn the core values so important to life. It’s the information center of the home.

“Nobody’s sitting at the table. That’s what’s wrong with the world. We need to get back to the basics,” Coach Ginn says.

“Growing up on the farm, we were so much more integrated as a family.” And that’s the gist of Coach Ginn’s straightforward approach to coaching, what he calls his own

Well, that was the beginning of Coach Ginn’s long career. He spent his first ten years as a volunteer coach followed by another ten years as an assistant coach. Over that time period, Coach Ginn realized that just learning how to play football wasn’t enough. What he tells young people today is, “You can move in your life based on how you are as a kid.” He was a living example of having been mentored wherein he learned about discipline and perseverance first from his grandmother and then from his coach.

Coach Ginn has developed an educational system to help him really understand the whole process of positively influencing those young people and athletes. He drew upon his own inquisitiveness and need to be creative to instill the same drive in stu-

Coach Ted Ginn, Sr. with his players celebrating an excellent season.

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SPORTS]] [[ SPORTS mental health agency — bring it to the table, you’re part of the family.

“Even before I became the head football coach, I was the link between the kids, the school, and home.” Coach Ginn believes that you mentor kids every day, you walk with them, talk with them, and check in with them. You find a way. Why? “Because it’s our responsibility, to be of service. If I couldn’t serve, I don’t know what I’d do, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

Coach Ginn explains it very succinctly, “So much of the work I’ve done in my life has really been about people learning about themselves. Then learning about other people so that they can connect with others. It takes all of us working together to uplift humanity, whether it’s just one individual or group or whatever. What you do as an individual is so important.

Don’t ever think that you don’t have worth in this world. I want people to know who they are because they’re going to take that and hopefully instill it in their own lives and then pay it forward.” ●

Coach Ginn and his wife, Jeanette Ginn, at an awards ceremony.

Cover and inside photos taken by Franklin Solomon.

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[ LIFE ]

Photo by Cody York

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COVER

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[ COVER ]

THE POWER OF

PRAYER Pastor Otis Moss III discusses his new book Dancing in the Darkness, and the spiritual awakening that needs to happen for everyone in 2023.

Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.

Cover and inside photos taken by Terence Crayton.

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[ COVER ]

A

Anyone who is religious sees the signs of the end of days. The world is in trouble. America is in real trouble. It is no secret that society and morals are falling to an all-time low. Social media, which once was hailed as a breakthrough in communication, now sits among the top reasons for society’s problems.

People are more isolated than ever, as they watch algorithm after algorithm of judgment-altering content designed to send them deeper into the rabbit hole of their own anxiety and emotions. As people digest the trappings of social media, they have begun to feel inadequate because they cannot afford the life they see online. They cannot acquire the things the “online influencers” have. This is leaving millions of people empty with no connection to anyone anymore.

Pastor Otis Moss III, the senior pastor of Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, Illinois, understands the struggles of the modern person and offers some incredible solutions from his new book. Dancing in the Darkness: Spiritual Lessons for Thriving in Turbulent Times helps you find a way

to fill your spirit and soul with nurturing guidance.

“We live in interesting times right now. People feel empty inside and literally do not know what to do,” Moss said. “People are trying to fill their souls but are not getting the results they want.”

People were already moving away from God and the church.

The pandemic exacerbated the problem when society shut down. Those who used to go to church had to find new ways to continue to have a relationship with God. People have tried all kinds of things to fill the empty hole in their spirits. Maybe getting a new car will work. No. Maybe getting as many likes as possible will fix it. No. Maybe acquiring as many things as possible will work. That didn’t work either.

Maybe working 100 hours a week might help. Nothing. How about conquering as many women as possible? Not even close.

So, what can people do to fill their spirit? How about the power of prayer?

Prayer is what led Moss to realize that he needed to deal with his own demons one night as he let his negative thoughts drive his actions. Moss thought there was an intruder in his house when it was really his daughter dancing in her room. In that moment, Moss saw that the real intruder was within him.

Caught in a cycle of worry and anger, he had allowed the darkness inside. But seeing his daughter evoked Psalm 30: “You have turned my mourning into dancing.” He set out to write the sermon that became an inspiring and transformative book.

Dancing in the Darkness is a life-affirming guide to the practical, political, and spiritual challenges of the day. Drawing on the teachings of Dr. King, Howard Thurman, sacred scripture, southern wisdom, global spiritual traditions, Black culture and his own personal experiences, Dr. Moss instructs his readers on how to practice spiritual resistance by combining justice and love. This collection helps people tap into the spiritual reserves they all possess but too often overlook, so they can slay their personal demons, confront their civic challenges, and reach their highest goals.

“It’s the spirit that has led me to produce this book at this time,” Moss said. “There is a spiritual yearning for something that everyone seems to be missing right now.

Dr. Moss based his book on the teachings of Martin Luther King

Pastor Otis Moss III and his wife Monica Moss.

Ron

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[ COVER ]

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[ COVER ] Jr. and Howard Thurman, an African American author, philosopher, theologian, mystic, educator, and civil rights leader.

sion and the idea of seeking love and flourishing, it does something to your spirit. People are in survival mode.”

Moss wants the book to serve as a blueprint on how to bring one’s soul back to GOD. Dancing in the Darkness helps the reader rediscover a love for GOD.

Moss feels like an entire generation of people is being lost in a world where people don’t care for each other.

“We are joining political parties looking for someone to scratch our spiritual itch and we find out it doesn’t satisfy. We are scrolling looking for a lover to scratch that spiritual itch, and we find out it doesn’t satisfy,” Moss explained. “What people don’t realize is that they are really yearning to go back to this idea of love, compassion, peace, and civility. These aspects that make us fully human, that are spiritual aspects, are what Jesus was engaging with when he communicated with people.”

Dr. Moss has a point. Suicide among Blacks has risen to alarming rates in the past ten years. After the pandemic, the number rose again. The feeling of loneliness and not belonging are the primary reasons people are depressed today.

Moss will tour the country and speak about his ideas for a more compassionate country and how the book can serve as a guide to get there.

As Dancing in the Darkness reaches more and more people, one can only hope that a new wave of love and kindness shapes people. Many feels America is at a tipping point and Moss might just have the spiritual answers everyone is seeking. Prayer can be a powerful tool to connect the mind and spirit when used correctly. The power in prayer comes with what people decide to do with their lives. Moss hopes his book, coupled with an active relationship with God is the answer to fill everyone’s spirit. ●

The catchphrase of the Black community right now is “mental health.” It might be fair to say that the bigger catchphrase should be “spiritual health.” Both mental health and spiritual health need to become the solution when dealing with troubled souls.

The decay of society and the lack of respect for one another has poisoned Black youth to the point that kids no longer seek mentorship from their elders. Young Black adults don’t know their immediate family’s rich history of overcoming racism and oppression to become the people that exist today.

“America has done a poor job of nurturing, caring, and covering people who have deep mental health challenges,” Moss said.

Dr. Moss wants to increase awareness of the need to have mental and spiritual health be discussed like cancer and other diseases. Moss recommends that religious leaders all over the country begin to have conversations about the need to bring spirituality back into the hearts of people.

“There is an anemic spiritual nature of our nation where we do a poor job of uplifting people,” Moss said. “When you don’t have the care of your neighbor, when you don’t have compas-

Dancing in the Darkness is the new book by Pastor Otis Moss III.

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[ COVER ]

A LETTER TO MY FATHER A touching accounting of Dr. Otis Moss Jr., written by Pastor Otis Moss III

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lack men are the tall trees that remain standing in a forest after a fire... For their roots are thrusts deep in the heart of the earth."

These lines, from Anita Scott Coleman, invoke the image in my heart of the man I call father, and to many across the nation is the quiet elder statesman and sage called Dr. Otis Moss Jr.

I've been asked on numerous occasions throughout my life, "What is it like to have such a father of consequence in your household?" My initial response is the same; "It is a blessing!" A blessing to have grown up in the presence of a man who never made being a pastor and father and oxymoron. A blessing to be raised in a household where love of God, love of family, and love of self was a priority.

My father, Dr. Otis Moss Jr. was born in Troup County, Georgia in 1935.

He was raised by two loving parents, though poor, were rich in imagination and spiritual gifts. Magnolia Moss, his mother, caregiver, and educator, emphasized the importance of education for black children caught in the grip of Jim Crowism.

Otis Moss Sr., a sharecropper, World War I veteran, and a person who hoped to be an entrepreneur, instilled a sense of dignity and commitment to black people upon his five children. In an unfortunate incident due to medical apartheid in the South, Magnolia Moss passed away because the state of Georgia believed Black people, and particularly Black women, did not deserve quality healthcare.

Otis Moss Sr. was left to raise five children alone. He refused to get remarried for he believed no woman could love his children like Magnolia, and he could not love another woman in the manner that he loved his beloved wife. To understand my father, you must know these simple ideas birthed into him by his parents. Love, commitment, compassion, and a sense of justice are not optional virtues, but a requirement to live a full life.

This spiritual sensibility has haunted my father's ministry since he accepted the call to preach as a teenager. He went on to Morehouse College where Benjamin Elijah Mays became his mentor, and he later became the leader and architect for the student sit-in movement, formally known as the Movement for Human Rights.

His work in 1956 led to the desegregation of Atlanta and the expansion of the black electorate in the city of Atlanta. This work laid the foundation of what today is known as the Georgia Voter Project led by Stacey Abrams that eventually produced the election of Georgia's first black senator by the name of Dr. Raphael Warnock.

My father's civil and human rights work continued under the Southern Christian Leadership Conference and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He served as a board member of the SCLC and was a field lieutenant under the leadership of Dr. King.

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Pastor Otis Moss III and his father Dr. Otis Moss Jr.

It should be noted that he was the only board member of SCLC, according to Coretta Scott King, to support Dr. King's movement to oppose the war in Vietnam and American imperialism. His work led him to assist in the development of what was known as Operation Bread Basket later named became Operation PUSH under the leadership of Reverend Jesse Jackson in Chicago.

His ministry has always honored the belief all human beings are created by God with a unique gift and song to offer the world. It is because of this unshakable belief, presidents from Jimmy Carter to Barack Obama have sought his council and his voice has echoed across the globe from Jamaica, South Africa and India as part of the liberation movement for communities of color marginalized by colonialism.

His life can be wrapped up in this phrase. "I am called in my time to do good work. You are called in your time and place to do good work." And if we do our work in our time and place, then we may witness a new moment where a new world will break free where love, compassion, and justice are the norm and not anomalies. Dr. Otis Moss Jr., he is our tall tree who remains standing in the forest after a fire. ●

All photo are of Garrett Waller.

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LIFE

GETTING HER TO RESPOND Dating in 2023 requires men to understand what attracts women. Try using these methods to find and get the woman of your dreams.

By Bolling Smith

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t’s no secret that dating today absolutely sucks.

Finding love has become a part-time job for those who want to date with purpose. First are the dating apps that are starting to prove to be less and less effective. Then there are the reduced opportunities to meet people if you’re not an outgoing person.

Lastly, the blind date is becoming a thing of the past because no one wants to be responsible for your next failed relationship.

However, if you are still motivated to get out there and date, there are some tips that men can use to attract and find love. Women today are more independent than ever.

They outnumber men almost 2 to 1 for active singles but get hit on constantly and mostly by married men. So, they have, rightfully so, some issues with the process of dating.

Remember, women have seen it all, heard it all, and can spot a player a mile away. If you are trying to date with the true intention of creating a meaningful relationship, there are things you can do to stand out from the crowd and make her want you, if you so desire.

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[ LIFE ]

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[ HEALTH ]

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[ LIFE ] THE PERFECT COMPLIMENT Women have heard a ton of one-liners and comments from men. So, they are almost too prepared to deny men a chance to communicate beyond a “hello.” The perfect complement today is not to compliment them at all.

When you meet a woman you might be interested in, walk up to her, and start a conversation about anything other than her beauty or body. Because she has heard that she is beautiful from everyone, try to stay away from that compliment. Find something else you can bond with her over. She will appreciate the fact that you didn’t comment on her physical attributes and will become interested in you.

This will allow you to begin to frame the relationship on something other than her if you only want sex. There are other ways to compliment her, e.g., communication, education, choices in food, and how she interacts with people around her — but stay away from commenting on her looks or body. You will get farther than you think.

NEVER DOUBLE TEXT Once there is an exchange of numbers, there is a proper way to communicate through texting. Women expected to be pursued. They are often texted by multiple men if they are single.

If you are going to leave a lasting impression, you must never double-text. Double texting is when you send a message, don’t get a response for a certain period, and then send a second text following the first one. In fact, men who allow periods of time between texting develop a higher level of interest in the women they text.

Texting is now a large part of the dating process. Some women prefer talking and some prefer texting. If you would like the relationship to advance, don’t overcommunicate with her.

That way, she’ll crave your voice, and eventually you.

need men who can lead and protect. They might say that they don’t, but when they meet a man who exhibits the proper characteristics of a strong dominant man, they will begin to soften and allow him to lead.

AN UNEXPECTED GIFT AT AN UNEXPECTED TIME There is nothing like making a good first impression. For men who want to date amazing women, keeping their interest will be paramount. To build and maintain a positive impression, make sure to listen when she is talking. Women will tell you to want they want, and need, through conversation. Strong women will not ask for anything.

Strong women will communicate their desires while hanging out, window shopping, and enjoying spending time with you. If you can capture those moments by remembering her Starbucks order, picking up her favorite lunch or going to her choice of restaurants, you’ll win favorability with her and then win her heart.

An unexpected gift at an unexpected time means that you are attuned to her on a deeper level. It means that you are paying attention to her like no man ever has, which will create a bond wherein she’ll begin to desire you.

Her desire for you is the goal. You want to find a woman who chooses you, instead of you choosing her. But it all starts with you. If you can work in some of these suggestions, it might increase your chances of dating the woman you want.

Dating today requires introspection, self-assessment, and work. It requires an understanding of who you are and a deeper understanding of who you want to attract. But success can be yours if you practice the right approaches to get her attention and keep it. Happy hunting. ●

DRIVING FROM THE DRIVER’S SEAT The feminist movement has created an entire culture of women who are proud, independent, and career-driven. So, when they meet a man, they are checking to see if he can lead them. Leading them in life, decision-making, and protection.

If you’re looking to attract a mentally strong woman, you can never surrender your position as a man. This means mentally or physically. Don’t let her drive you when traveling anywhere. Don’t drive her in her car until after you have driven her in your car. If you relinquish this position, it is only a matter of time before you are devalued in her mind.

Strong independent women, whether they admit it or not, do CODE M / JANUARY 2022 45

[ POLITICS ]

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[ LIFE ]

THE DISRESPECTFUL SOCIETY There is a new level of low as Americans show no respect for each other or themselves. If this trend continues, society will continue to crumble.

by David Christel

T

he incomparable Aretha Franklin, the “Queen of Soul,” sent this song skyrocketing to #1 on the Billboard charts in 1967 and it became a universal call to action for the civil rights and feminist movements. Its intrinsic message that everyone deserves to be heard and respected struck a deep chord for many. Sadly, its intent seems to be falling on deaf ears these days.

The word “respect” generally means to have high regard for another person: who they are, their ability to survive and thrive, their actions and accomplishments — their character.

People often want to emulate them, and follow in their footsteps. It’s a double-edged sword.

What Americans have witnessed over many decades is millions of people blindly following others, even if what they’re doing displays the rock-bottom dregs of human behavior. They’re willing to “overlook” people’s shortcomings and how they treat others, while conversely showering them with adulation

for being allegedly “groundbreaking” or showing a complete disregard for social conventions, niceties, manners, legalities, honor, integrity, and … well … respect.

It’s safe to say that the definition of respect has been transmuted into an anything-goes attitude that shows a complete disregard for the feelings of others. No longer are people concerned about or even aware of the recuperations of their actions on others. All that seems to matter is satisfying their personal agendas, whether that’s celebrity, wealth accumulation, gaining an advantage, and/or power and control.

The pushback to this ill-mannered approach to living with other humans is that what some people are trying to do is analogous to attempting to enforce parental controls on unruly children.

The more stringent measures of book banning, white-washing history, returning to marginalizing certain people and groups through the denial of civil rights, and legislating supremacist ideals show just how fearful and anxious so many have become.

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[ LIFE ] Unfortunately, that punitive and retaliatory response doesn’t address the deeper emotional landscape underlying the “behavior of mediocrity and insensitivity” a large part of the population seems to be devolving toward these days. Plainly, things are spiraling out of control. It seems today that so many people have no respect for anyone, not at home, in schools, communities, churches, businesses, or within government.

Deborah Norville, in her book The Power of Respect, reports that Americans:

•

79 percent say lack of respect is a serious problem.

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60 percent say rude and selfish behavior is increasing.

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88 percent sometimes encounter rude people.

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62 percent are bothered by rude behavior.

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77 percent see clerks ignoring customers.

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58 percent encounter aggressive drivers.

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56 percent are bothered by foul language.

USA Today reported in an article that the statement “students

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respect teachers” dropped from 70 percent to 31 percent.

With the statement “parents respect teachers,” the percentage dropped from 91 percent to 49 percent.

Marybeth Harrison, a public-school speech therapist in Hunterdon County, NJ, says, “We have gone from a time when parents believed what the teacher said in regards to their child’s behavior and reacted accordingly to the present, where parents stare in disbelief and think of a million excuses as to why their child misbehaves.” She also stated that teachers are the first to be blamed. “It’s time for parents to start ‘parenting’ and teach manners, respect, etc. at home.

Let teachers teach.”

Obviously, something needs to be done before America reaches a tipping point of no return. Respect, though, is relative, something that’s based on one’s personality, how they were raised, beliefs and values, religious upbringing, politics, education, culture and community, and life experiences. Taking these into account, friction develops because what’s considered acceptable to one person or group is viewed differently by others.

[ BUSINESS ]

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[ LIFE ] The Council on Quality and Leadership states: “It may be easy to recognize the absence of respect. When understanding how other people see and interpret the world around them, dialogue is our most effective tool. The active exchange of ideas and opinions provides insight into the most important variables that define individual expectations for respect.” They also say that the process of establishing respect requires non-judgment of others in all regards. This is true not only in one’s personal life but in their work life.

get and should be addressed at least twice annually. It should be asked in employee surveys, both individually and looking at the culture as a whole. The data should be collected, as new patterns often emerge, and solutions evolve.”

Respect is a fundamental component for any relationship to thrive and endure wherein all parties feel seen, heard, understood, and valued. Inherent within each person is the desire and drive to excel admirably, to thrive excellently, to give

“Obviously, something needs to be done before America reaches a tipping point of no return.”

Forbes magazine reported that the top five things employees look for in their job are: stability, compensation, respect, health benefits, and work/life balance. Many people today are demanding respect, but not giving it in return except conditionally. Ken Makovsky, writing for Forbes, stated, “… as HR Directors check in on employees informally, they should discuss if the employee feels respected, and if not, why not. The respect factor is a moving tar-

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selflessly with grace, inspiration, dignity, consideration — and respect. It applies to every aspect of one’s life.

It’s the beginning of 2023, the year in which humanity can choose to put every individual back on track to re-enlivening all of life for everyone! As Kay Rala Xanana Gusmao said, “Freedom goes hand-in-hand with mutual respect.” ●

[ MUSIC ]

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[ LIFE ]

MARRIAGE UNDERDOGS Learn the risks that could threaten your marriage and take our quiz to see if your marriage is an underdog.

Written by CHRIS A. MATTHEWS Chris A. Matthews is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and approved supervisor for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Visit chrisAmatthews.com to learn more about his work with couples and families.

M

erriam-Webster dictionary defines an underdog as a “predicted loser in a struggle or contest” therefore, based on the statistic that 70 percent of divorces are filed by wives, husbands are the underdog within the context of marriage. When diving deeper into the data, we find Black Americans divorce at the highest rate compared to any other ethnicity in the US, at a rate of 31 divorces per 1,000 people based on the most recent US Census data. This number is double the rate of White (Caucasian) Americans who divorce at a rate of 15 divorces per 1,000 people. These numbers are even more concerning when considering that Black adults also make up the largest share of the never-married group.

Why are Black men at a higher risk for divorce?

Based on research, there are ten different risk factors that make the struggle or contest of marriage a predictable failure for those who attempt to defeat divorce. Couples who exhibit these risk factors are “Marriage Underdogs.”

The goal of this article is to highlight the top ten risk factors that increase Black men’s chances for divorce. When groups, especially men of color, have a better understanding of the threats that are against them, they can better equip themselves with the tools needed to protect themselves from falling victim to certain fates.

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Simply put, “When we know better, we then have a greater chance to do better.”

Marriage Underdog Risk #1: Marrying Before the Age of 25 A 2016 study conducted by Psychology Today, states that couples who get married at age 20 are 50 percent more likely to divorce than couples who wait until they’re 25.

This is because our ability to make better decisions happens later in life after our prefrontal cortex is fully developed. Our frontal lobe is responsible for decision-making, reasoning, personality expression, and other complex cognitive behaviors.

Marriage Underdog Risk #2: Having Parents that Got Divorced or Never Married In his book Understanding the Divorce Cycle written by Nicholas H. Wolfinger, researcher, and professor at the University of Utah, the risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home and 200 percent higher when both partners have parents who divorced or never married.

Marriage Underdog Risk #3: Prior Marriages that Ended in Divorce From data compiled by the US Census Bureau and the

[ LIFE ]

National Center for Health Statistics, the marriage breakup rate in America for first marriages is 50 percent; the divorce rate for second marriages is 67 percent, and the divorce rate in America for third marriages is 74 percent. Based on these numbers, it’s worth it to try and make one’s current marriage work because the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Marriage Underdog Risk #4: Living with Your Partner Prior to Marriage or Engagement The Pew Research Center reported that 60 percent of cohabiting couples will eventually get married, however, they also found that living together prior to marriage can increase your chances of getting divorced by as much as 40 percent. This is because most cohabitating partners have loose boundaries, which leads to trust issues that bleed over into marriage.

Marriage Underdog Risk #5: Conceiving Two Children Less than 18 Months Apart In a published research article titled, “Shorter Birth Intervals Between Siblings are Associated with Increased Risk of Parental Divorce,”

spouses with two children born no more than eighteen months apart, had a 49 percent higher risk for divorce compared to individuals with two children born more than four years apart. Having children reduces marital satisfaction because of the additional strain kids put on a marriage. Practicing family planning by giving a marriage at least 2-4 years between the births of each kid cuts the risk of divorce in half.

Marriage Underdog Risk #6: Being a Different Race than Your Partner Interracial couples have a 41 percent chance of separation or divorce within their first ten years of marriage, according to a study based on data collected from the National Survey of Family Growth. These statistics are helpful when considering how marrying someone within your racial group can be a factor in reducing the chances of divorce.

Marriage Underdog Risk #7: Cheating and Infidelity The Institute for Family Studies found CODE M / JANUARY 2022 49

[ BUSINESS ]

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[ LIFE ]

that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses, 40 percent are currently divorced or separated. By comparison, only 17 percent of adults who were faithful to their spouse are no longer married. Cheating is a death sentence for marriage and the couples who stay together after infidelity are able to make it because they grieve their old marriage and rebirth a new marriage that is stronger than the first.

This process usually happens under the supervision of a marriage counselor who has the training to successfully walk a couple through the steps of treating marital infidelity.

Marriage Underdog Risk #8: Threatening a Divorce or Breakup Dr. Ehinger, a marriage and family therapist specializing in highconflict relationships, says that if you are not prepared to make good on the divorce threat, then stop making it as “divorce will get you divorced, threats will get you ignored.” Whenever partners declare a desire to divorce or break up during an argument and don’t really mean it, they are removing safety, security, and trust from the relationship, which are basic human needs both partners require to keep the relationship alive. Couples need to make sure to refrain from using the D-word (Divorce) even during arguments.

Marriage Underdog Risk #9: Frequent Arguments About Money and Finances San Diego family law attorneys of Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, LLP reported when one partner feels like their spouse spent money foolishly, the couple increases their likelihood of divorce by 45 percent. Couples who argue about finances at least once a week are 30 percent more likely to get divorced. Money is tied to our sense of security and when it’s threatened, we lack trust in our partner. Couples need to get help from a marriage counselor sooner rather than later when they find that most of their arguments center around money.

participate in different faith-based practices than their spouse have a 20 percent higher risk for divorce. For several people, their faith-based practices are a major source of strength and align with their life values, principles, and morals. When couples don’t share the same beliefs or at least respect each other’s different beliefs, they can become distant within their marriage. These differences in faith add more pressure on the marriage during hard times like the loss of a loved one or shared traumatic events.

Challenged with two or more of the signs or symptoms on this list classifies a relationship partner as a marriage underdog.

Being a marriage underdog doesn’t guarantee a current or future marriage will end in divorce but instead highlights that close attention should be given to processing and protecting the relationship.

The easiest way to assess a marriage or relationship is with the help of a trained marriage counselor. If one is not sure if their marriage or relationship needs counseling, they can visit www.RelationshipCounselingQuiz.com and take the free, fivequestion assessment. In the same way early prevention can mitigate the risk of physical illnesses such as heart attacks and strokes, relationship counseling can prevent breakups and divorces.

The thought of attending counseling for many Black men is still stigmatized but consider the Malcolm Gladwell quote, “When you’re an underdog, you’re forced to try things you would never otherwise have attempted.” It’s time to challenge the beliefs preventing Black men from doing everything they can to save their marriage, even if that looks like getting help from a counselor. ●

Marriage Underdog Risk #10: Spouses Who Practice Different Religions or Faiths Relationship partners who

Marriage therapy can help couples learn how to deal with difficult moments.

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[ LIFE ]

SUICIDE IS GROWING AMONG BLACKS Suicide for Blacks used to never be an option. But over the last 10 years, Blacks committing suicide has increased dramatically. Mental health, stress and lack of access to opportunity, are making suicide a choice, and something has to be done about it.

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By Leslie Logan hen Stephen (tWitch) Boss committed suicide at the age of forty, it increased the conversation among Blacks as to what is going on in the Black community.

Black suicide is increasing at an alarming rate and creating concern with health professionals. Before the pandemic, Black suicide rates were slightly increasing. But living with the stress of the pandemic has increased the numbers of Blacks who are choosing to end their lives.

The problem is impacting African Americans ages 24-35 at the highest rate, but all age groups seem to have increased over the

last four years. The problem is getting so bad that national attention is starting to increase to the point where campaigns are being launched to encourage checking in on your loved ones.

The stress of being Black was already high. Throw in the complications of living in today’s world and people are choosing to end their own lives instead of dealing with their difficulties.

“Anything that is perceived as mental health-related is taboo in the Black community. To further complicate things, ‘getting help’ is seen as a weakness so folks press on even when they are struggling. Doing so is part of a cultural legacy of survival in the face of brutal circumstances,” said, Rheeda Walker, professor of psychology and director of the University of Houston’s Culture, Risk, and Resilience Lab. Checking on the ones you love takes one minute, but it could make a difference for the rest of their lives. ● If you know someone in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741). Both services are free and available 24-hours-a-day, seven days a week.

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MUSIC

FRENCH MONTANA IMPRESSES WITH MONTEGA

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Montega is a collaborative studio album by Moroccan-American hip hop recording artist French Montana and American record producer Harry Fraud, released on June 24, 2022 by Coke Boys Records. It features guest appearances by Babyface Ray, Benny the Butcher, Chinx, EST Gee, Fleurie, Jadakiss, Quavo, and Rick Ross.

Written by JOHN O. HORTON JR. John O. Horton Jr, aka DJ Johnny O, is the President of the NerveDJs DJ Coalition, a coalition of over 9000+ DJs, Artists, Musicians, Producers and Label & Radio reps. Johnny O has been in the entertainment business for 46 years

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Meanwhile, his sophomore effort, Jungle Rules, went certified platinum and dominated the charts, and his 2019 album Montana was immediately certified gold upon release. He closed 2020 with the release of the long-anticipated CB5 (Coke Boys 5) mixtape, continuing a legacy he started over a decade ago. In 2021, he took it to the next level with his latest studio effort They Got Amnesia.

In June 2022, Montana released his fifth studio and first independent album Montega, executive produced by longtime friend and legendary hip-hop producer Harry Fraud, bringing back Montana’s roots and original wave sound they’ve created. At the same time, he has left an indelible mark on communities around the globe.

In addition to becoming the very first rap ambassador of Global Citizen, he staunchly supported humanitarian efforts, spanning DACA, the viral Mama Hope #UNFORGETTABLE Dance Challenge, which raised over $500,000-plus, and his Pan-African health and education movement into Morocco with Care Morocco.

ome artists blur genres, but GRAMMY-nominated producer and recording artist French Montana blurs borders. His inimitable fusion of classic East Coast rhymes, wavy pop swagger, and international ambition elevated him to the forefront of the game on a global scale.

French Montana became a US citizen in 2018 after emigrating to the South Bronx from Morocco at just 13 years of age. This year, he launched a new joint-venture, NAQI Healthcare, an in-home and private accommodation detoxification services for clients in Florida, New York, Texas, and California in partnership with Guardian Recovery Network.

Karim Kharbouch was born November 9, 1984, better known by his stage name French Montana, is a Moroccan -American rapper. Born and raised in Morocco, Montana emigrated to the United States with his family when he was thirteen. He is the founder of Coke Boys Records and its predecessor Cocaine City Records. After years of independent material, he signed a joint-venture record deal with Puff Daddy's Bad Boy Records and Rick Ross's Maybach Music Group in 2012.

If anyone can not only change music, but the world at large, it’s French Montana. ●

In 2013, he released his freshman platinum-certified album Excuse My French. He ascended to superstar status in 2017 with the blockbuster smash Unforgettable [feat. Swae Lee], which cemented him in the Billion Club for streaming and earned a Diamond certification from the RIAA, as the first African-born and first male artist from the South Bronx at the mecca of hiphop to achieve this status.

French Montana’s latest release, Montega, has been a hit with his listeners.

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FASHION

CARS AND CLOTHES Fashion with a hint of octane always looks good.

Written by LARON HARLEM

A wardrobe shopper, stylist, and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto: styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/

Lance Arbucle, Emory Gore WARDROBE BY HOUSE OF LARUE Photography by D LYFE PHOTO JEARLEAN TAYLOR: Model

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STYLISHLY VINTAGE: Designer

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AnJeanne James

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Roxanne Grimsley Wardrobe by ANDREA ROWE DESIGNS

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