CODE M Magazine 2023 February Issue

DJ KHALED: TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

NO BABY MAMAS

AND

ANOTHER

ONE

SILENT SUFFERING

+ CRYPTO IS NOT

SO

GIVING HER YOUR BEST SELF

CURRENT

FEBRUARY 2023 ISSUE

[ CLE ]

22 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

[ CLE ]

22 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

[ NEWS ]

INSIDE

28 DEALING WITH VICARIOUS TRAUMA If you watched the video of the murder of Tyre Nichols, chances are you could suffer from Vicarious Trauma. Vicarious Trauma is the anxiety that what happened to Tyre could happen to you.

ON THE COVER

36

AND ANOTHER ONE DJ Khaled discusses his new music, his plans for 2023, and how to stay relevant in an ever-changing world

16 TRU TO THE GAME Tru Pettigrew took his passion for ensuring that diversity is real across the country and turned it into a movement.

That movement is helping the Minnesota Timberwolves’ franchises lead the NBA in changing the world and game, one person at a time.

12 MOVERS AND SHAKERS

18 CRYPTO IS NOT SO CURRENT

Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

The idea of getting rich is always an attractive proposition. But for working class Blacks, the risks may not be worth losing hard-earned money.

14 MAN CODES 24 LISTENING TO YOUR HEART Black History.

When Necole Parker was passed over, for yet another promotion, she had a

decision to make. Stay or leave and start her own business. Parker listened to her heart and created a thriving business that is celebrating 15 years of success.

32 A NATION IN DISTRESS It’s no secret that the US is going through a difficult period. Every day, the news reports on events highlighting one glaring fact: America is in tremendous emotional distress.

48 NO BABY MAMAS Women across several generations are deciding in increasing numbers not to have children. And the reasons why they are choosing not to have kids might surprise you.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 7

[ INSIDE ] 53 GIVING HER YOUR BEST SELF If men are to dominate life in 2023, they’ve got to flip the script and dominate the ever-formidable February.

58 SILENT SUFFERING

44 THE POWER OF MATE SELECTION The 2020 census data revealed that only 33 percent of Black men are currently married, which poses the question, “What should you be looking for when selecting a mate?”

4 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

Men all over are suffering in silence. They are suffering from broken relationships, societal pressures, and the stress of not telling anyone how they feel, leading to depression.

62 THE LAND AND BIG INDO Cleveland born artist Big Indo is ready to take the stage with her new EP Indopendent.

64 COUPLES IN FASHION February gives loving couples the opportunity to coordinate and show off. Show off their love for clothes and each other.

ADVERTISE WITH CODE M Blacks influence the latest trends of popular culture, fashion, and music more than any demographic. Reach this audience when you advertise with CODE M Magazine.

TRANSFORMING THE LIVES OF MEN

ENGINEER RADIO/PODCAST Imari Hill

PUBLISHER Bilal S. Akram

SOCIAL MEDIA Rachel Woods

PRESIDENT Brad J. Bowling SENIOR ADVISOR Alexandria Johnson Boone MANAGING EDITOR David Christel PAGE EDITORS Anthony Kirby-Lifestyles Laron Harlem-Fashion Paris Lampkins-Movers & Shakers GRAPHIC DESIGN Stiff Arm Media MEDIA COORDINATOR Carole Anthony EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

To the PUBLISHER Ladonna “Lala” Dicks

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES David Williams Kevin Jones IT CONSULTANT Anthony Jones Digital Jetstream, LLC CONTRIBUTING WRITERS David Christel Leslie Logan Brad J. Bowling Garrett Wallers Bilal S. Akram Laron Harlem Bolling Smith Chris Matthews Anthony Kirby nce Burnley CODE MEDIA GROUP LLC STAFF

DIRECTOR OF RADIO/PODCAST

Sharif Akram

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CODE M Magazine was created to be a guiding force in creating a dialogue for black men everywhere. Code M focuses on the conversations of advancement, mental health, career choices, the political landscape and relationships that define and shape the lives of black men everywhere.

Code M Magazine is published

by CODE MEDIA GROUP, LLC © 2023 All Rights Reserved

[ TRAVEL ]

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 9

MOVERS &

SHAKERS

Get to know people who are making a difference in their careers and changing the world!

ELIJAH FRAZIER Elijah Frazier was born in the city of Cleveland, OH in 1987 but grew up primarily in the city of Maple Heights, Ohio. Growing up without a father in the home, Frazier spent the first nine years of his life bouncing from city to city and state to state with his mother until she remarried in 1997.

Frazier began his Doctorate program in 2015, followed by his first book,"ONE8Y" -A turn to face in the opposite direction; a complete reversal in attitude or opinion.- Which was a daily motivational and

12 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

inspirational book curated to help people turn their lives around, written and published in 2016.

In 2023 Frazier will graduate with his Ph.D. in Counseling and relocate from Cleveland, OH to Tampa, FL as he continues his work in Purposebased living and mental and emotional health.

[ MOVERS & SHAKERS ]

KHALILAH A. LAWSON J.D. Khalilah Lawson is an attorney, business owner, wife, and mother. She balances career, family, and social engagements, while continuing to prioritize her personal goals. Lawson currently works as a Magistrate for the Cleveland Municipal Court and also serves her community as a volunteer Magistrate for the East Cleveland Juvenile Diversion Program. Lawson’s legal background also encompasses Estate Planning.

While she was a Magistrate for the Cuyahoga County Probate Court, she presided over complex estate and guardianship cases, as well as other civil matters. Lawson is a native of Cleveland, OH. She graduated from Collinwood High School, a Cleveland Municipal School.

KWAME BOTCHWAY Kwame Botchway is an Impact Strategist working within the community and economic development ecosystems in Northeast Ohio. He has worked on projects and research focused on inclusive and equitable community development and sustainability practices in North American and African cities.

Botchway works as the Director of Community Impact and Innovation at Village Capital Corporation, the lending subsidiary of Cleveland Neighborhood Progress. He is also the founding director of Citadel Impact Consulting; a collaborative supporting mission-oriented organizations to deepen and scale their impact.

CRYSTAL REED Crystal Reed, Associate Director HSP. As a healthcare professional, with over 10 years of Healthcare Administration and Project Management experience, Reed exceeds in aiding businesses with the development of equitable opportunities in traditionally exclusionary sectors.

Reed serves as the Associate Director for the Workforce Connect Healthcare Sector Partnership, where she brings her business acumen and acuity in operations and quality improvement to the Intermediary team. In this role, she is able to integrate her love for her community with her passion for helping people become the best versions of themselves.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 13

START

Harry Belafonte

MAN CODES:

BLACK HISTORY

”I don’t want a Black History Month. Black history is American history.“ - Morgan Freeman “You are where you are today because you stand on somebody’s shoulders. And wherever you are heading, you cannot get there by yourself. If you stand on the shoulders of others, you have a reciprocal responsibility to live your life so that others may stand on your shoulders. It’s the quid pro quo of life.

We exist temporarily through what we take, but we live forever through what we give.” -Vernon Jordan “The African race is a rubber ball. The harder you dash it to the ground, the higher it will rise.” — African Proverb “Anybody, no matter who they were, could come right off the boat and get more rights and respect than American-born Blacks.” - Assata Shakur

14 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

Compiled by Bilal S. Akram

“When I was born, I was colored. I soon became a Negro. Not long after that, I was Black. Most recently, I was African American. It seems we’re on a roll here. But I am still first and foremost in search of freedom.” -Harry Belafonte “...and I think about living in a place that’s chock full of History and devoid of memory. I think about how it’s impossible for a nation to have a conscience if it doesn’t have a memory.” - Rayshauna Gray

Deuteronomy 32:7 “Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past.

Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you.”

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 13

[ START ]

TRU TO THE GAME Tru Pettigrew took his passion for ensuring that diversity is real across the country and turned it into a movement. That movement is helping the Minnesota Timberwolves' franchises lead the NBA in changing the world and game, one person at a time.

Written by ANTHONY KIRBY Anthony T. Kirby is the Lifestyle Editor for CODE M Magazine and has spent over 30 years in the menswear industry. He lives in Philadelphia, PA where he is the Creative Director for FINICKEY, an online men's haberdashery brand. (https://finickey.us)

T

hey say if you work your passion as a job, you will never work a day in your life. Tru Pettigrew must be on a lifetime of PTO (Paid Time Off) because he is living his passion while he serves as the NBA’s Minnesota Timberwolves Chief Diversity and Inclusion Officer.

The position extends to all four franchises of the team, which includes The Minnesota Lynx’s WNBA basketball team. When Pettigrew was brought on board, the focus was to enhance workforce diversity, fanbase diversity, and supplier diversity.

he wanted to see his young son grow up, he needed to have a conversation with the police department.

“I started Tru Access out of a need to build bridges across generations,” Pettigrew said. “In 2014, when Mike Brown was shot and killed by the police, I was asked to speak to law enforcement to help them to understand how to build bridges in the communities that they serve.”

That means that he’s responsible for making sure that more Blacks come to games and, more importantly, that more Blacks become vendors for the Timberwolves, which will move the financial needle for Black businesses.

Pettigrew, himself, lived through biased policing on the streets of Baltimore where he grew up. He experienced having a police officer place a gun to the back of his head during a traffic stop. So, he knew that something had to be done to change the way police perceive Blacks, and ultimately how they interacted with Blacks.

But the journey that Pettigrew is on didn’t start there. It started back in his hometown, Cary, North Carolina when he realized that if

Pettigrew started doing work with police departments on how to connect with the Black community in a more equi-

16 FEBRUARY2023 2023//CODE CODEMM 16 FEBRUARY

[ START ] table way.

The police chief in Cary was so impacted by Pettigrew’s work, he started to tell other police departments about how the Cary department was transformed. That led to Pettigrew doing work across the country.

to help the community deal with the stress of being pulled over.

“We go into barbershops around the country to help Blacks understand that they are not alone when it comes to dealing with bad police departments,” Pettigrew said.

Today, police departments around the country are starting to get the training they need to have more empathy when it comes to dealing with the Black community. But what about the citizens who are stopped on a daily basis? Anxiety is running high for Blacks when they’re stopped by the police.

Pettigrew feels like Blacks need to put themselves in a position so they can have good conversations about how to deal with their feelings of police brutality and how they should respond to it.

“There is a clinical term for that, and it’s called ‘vicarious trauma,’” Pettigrew said.

Pettigrew’s passion for his field of work can be heard in his voice and felt by his motivation to effect change. That kind of passion cannot be taught, and Tru Pettigrew is living in his passion. ●

The majority of Blacks, especially Black men, experience some level of elevated stress when being pulled over by the police.

Pettigrew, understanding that, started Barbershop Rap Sessions

MSP STRONG

Tru Pettigrew with his wife Tameka and son Austin.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 17

BUSINESS

CRYPTO IS NOT

SO

CURRENT

18 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

Powered by the

[ BUSINESS ]

The idea of getting rich is always an attractive proposition. But for working class Blacks, the risks may not be worth losing hard-earned money.

By Bolling Smith

I

n the world of the Internet and DMs (Direct Messages), at some point you’re going to get someone to reach out to you to offer you a get rich quick scheme. It might appear in your email from a cute person stuck in Africa, who just so happens to have tons of money that needs to be transferred. You might get a message from Aunt Helen on Facebook asking you if you heard of the new stimulus that the government is doing. And finally, it might be someone texting you on Instagram that if you invest $3,000 with them in bitcoin, that it will turn into $45,000 in ninety days.

The question for anyone who works a real job, with real bills, is: Can you afford to invest in an unproven endeavor without having done your homework?

The answer for some might be yes, and the answer for others might be no. Depending on what you make, how you save, and how you earn will help answer the question. But Blacks must make good decisions with their money if they’re going to continue to create generational wealth for their families.

“The short answer is there is no such thing as a get rich quick scheme,” John Graves said. “As a financial investor, I have seen tons of people lose good money going after bad ideas.”

The latest trend is investing in cryptocurrencies. It started before the pandemic and picked up steam as people learned that they could invest, get their friends to invest, and win healthy returns quickly. However, the industry of crypto is largely unregulated, and very little is known about the process to protect your investment.

Two years ago, crypto had a huge tail win of success. Its value skyrocketed to about $45,000 per share. Everyone seemed bullish on it. Companies began to accept crypto as payment and it made young people wealthy very quickly.

But not everyone sang its praises. Forty-two countries, including Algeria, Bahrain, Bangladesh and Bolivia, have implicitly banned digital currencies by putting restrictions on the ability for banks to deal with crypto, or prohibiting cryptocurrency exchanges, according to a 2023 summary report by the Law Library of Congress published in November.

In America the ability to deal in crypto is a personal choice.

Crypto is a high-risk investment. The value of crypto is quite volatile, often fluctuating by huge amounts within a short period. More than with any other investment, you must be prepared to lose what you invest in. The $45,000 value in 2023 is CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 19

[ BUSINESS ]

18 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ]

In the world of the Internet and DMs (Direct Messages), at some point you’re going to get someone to reach out to you to offer you a get rich quick scheme. It might appear in your email from a cute person stuck in Africa, who just so happens to have tons of money that needs to be transferred. You might get a message from Aunt Helen on Facebook asking you if you heard of the new stimulus that the government is doing. And finally, it might be someone texting you on Instagram that if you invest $3,000 with them in bitcoin, that it will turn into $45,000 in ninety days.

The question for anyone who works a real job, with real bills, is: Can you afford to invest in an unproven endeavor without having done your homework?

The answer for some might be yes, and the answer for others might be no. Depending on what you make, how you save, and how you earn will help answer the question. But Blacks must make good decisions with their money if they’re going to continue to create generational wealth for their families.

“The short answer is there is no such thing as a get rich quick scheme,” John Graves said. “As a financial investor, I have seen tons of people lose good money going after bad ideas.”

The latest trend is investing in cryptocurrencies. It started before the pandemic and picked up steam as people learned that they could invest, get their friends to invest, and win healthy returns quickly. However, the industry of crypto is largely unregulated, and very little is known about the process to protect your investment.

volatile, often fluctuating by huge amounts within a short period. More than with any other investment, you must be prepared to lose what you invest in. The $45,000 value in 2023 is now down to less than $16,000 and falling.

Financial experts typically advise against investing more money into cryptocurrency than you’re willing to potentially lose, since there’s no guarantee of earning a profit.

And that’s the problem: earning a profit. Because of high priced volatility, there could be issues related to who bears the risk if the value declines rapidly between when a payment is due, made, and ultimately received. Employees compensated in crypto would have to report it on their taxes, which would be more complicated than reporting traditional payments.

The tax implications of being involved with cryptocurrencies are still unknown and working to redeem active funds still committed is getting harder and harder. Those who tried to pull their money from their crypto exchange found it very difficult to get their money back further exposing them to more losses.

“After I heard about the guy from FTX, I decided to get my money back, but they would answer my calls, my emails, or

Two years ago, crypto had a huge tail win of success. Its value skyrocketed to about $45,000 per share. Everyone seemed bullish on it. Companies began to accept crypto as payment and it made young people wealthy very quickly.

But not everyone sang its praises. Forty-two countries, including Algeria, Bahrain, Bangladesh and Bolivia, have implicitly banned digital currencies by putting restrictions on the ability for banks to deal with crypto, or prohibiting cryptocurrency exchanges, according to a 2023 summary report by the Law Library of Congress published in November.

In America the ability to deal in crypto is a personal choice.

Crypto is a high-risk investment. The value of crypto is quite

Blacks must make sure they can survive if they lose their money in the bitcoin market.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 21

[ BUSINESS ]

crash has affected the entire market along with major currencies like BTC, a form of Bitcoin, which has fallen more than 70 percent.

The rising interest rates have been the biggest culprit behind last year’s crypto crash, as well as why BTC is going in the red lately. Since the pandemic, the US and other parts of the world have been witnessing record-high inflation resulting in price hikes.

This macro-factor, along with all the scams associated with dealing in crypto, have led to over 65 percent of Americans polled feeling some anxiety about getting involved in the industry.

anything. So, I continued to lose money as the price sank,” said Sharon. “If I had it to do over again, I would have never invested.”

While there are several factors influencing crypto prices, the recent one is certainly the FTX-Binance dispute. FTX, one of the major crypto exchanges, is facing collapse. The eminent FTX

Marriage therapy can help couples learn how to deal with difficult moments.

20 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

“I’m not going to take my money and just put it with some stranger who calls me out of the blue,” Frank said. “I am going to stick with some of the proven methods of investing. It might take me longer to grow my money, but at least I know it’ll be safe.”

As 2023 begins, who knows what the trends in investing will be. There is one thing for certain, no one has any money to lose. Invest wisely and always consult a licensed professional whenever possible. ●

[ BUSINESS ]

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 21

[ BUSINESS ]

LISTENING

TO YOUR HEART When Necole Parker was passed over, for yet another promotion, she had a decision to make.

Stay or leave and start her own business. Parker listened to her heart and created a thriving business that is celebrating 15 years of success.

By Leslie Logan

A

fter Necole Parker graduated from college, she did what all college graduates do, she found a job. Parker worked and developed a talent in the project management field and began to have some success. She enjoyed success at a very high level and believed that her value was evident to those she worked for. That was until she was passed over for a promotion — again.

24 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

Parker was a little confused by the decision not to give her the promotion she deserved. She brought in over 70 percent of the revenue. She was respected by her clients, colleagues, and coworkers who knew her.

Perplexed by the company’s decision not to reward her hard work, she went to her father’s house and reflected on what had just happened.

[ BUSINESS ] “I sat with my father, in tears, and went over the decision that was made and how I was going to address it,” Parker said.

Parker’s father gave her some great advice. “You know what you’re going to do?” he said. “You’re going to quit and start your own business.”

Parker did just that, she started The ELOCEN Group. She listened to her father, and her own heart, and formed her own company in her parents’ basement.

ELOCEN, which is her name spelled backward, would work in the construction management field, and attempt to fill her inner calling to become an entrepreneur.

Dubbed the million-dollar basement, where she also lived at the time, ELOCEN was officially incorporated in 2007. Within just five years, ELOCEN went from Parker being the company’s sole employee to employing several full-time workers and contractors.

With this rapid growth, The ELOCEN Group moved to its first commercial office space in Washington, DC in 2010. As the company continued to grow and expand its horizons beyond the capital region, the company rebranded to reflect the industry’s greater need for the services ELOCEN knew it could perfect.

This gave the firm the ability to provide streamlined client solutions and scope capacity, as well as an approach to client solutions, attention to detail, and focus emphasizing customer

care. In the years since, The ELOCEN Group has expanded its offices and reach into Virginia, Maryland, Georgia, and Florida as the company continues to engage, execute, and deliver to its customers.

Today, ELOCEN has generated combined revenues of over 200 million dollars, with over fifty employees and contractors across the country. Parker just celebrated being in business fifteen years and offers her success to her ability to stay true to who she is through it all.

“I tend to never look back,” Parker said. “There’s a reason why the rearview mirror is smaller than the window in front of you.”

If you meet Parker, you will understand why she’s so successful. Her amazing spirit and positive outlook are expressed throughout every inch of her. Parker, who works in a maledominated field, manages her business with the savvy of Oprah Winfrey, the charisma of Michelle Obama, and the fashion sense of Beyonce.

That combination is what makes her so special. Her smile is infectious and her leadership skills command respect. It’s no wonder why she’s beloved by those she works with and serves in her community.

“We all fall down a time or two,” Parker explained, “but we learn that we have to get back up and remain in the fight if we’re going to win – bend but never break.”

Necole Parker celebrating 15 years in business at ELOCEN.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 25

Caterpillar + Sprinters Step 4

24 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

[ BUSINESS ] Parker’s company was hit by the pandemic in 2020 and lost some contracts in different states. But she worked even harder to maintain her staff and managed to remain relevant when the conditions questioned everyone who owned a business.

“When we lost the contracts in Atlanta, it allowed me to focus on my home market, and we were able to pick up the contracts we lost and more,” Parker said.

The pandemic allowed Parker’s team to go back and reposition within the market to find even more opportunity for growth in her own office and across the industry.

Fifteen years is a long time to be in business. Necole Parker feels blessed beyond belief to be able to lead her team and her industry in an ever-changing world. She serves as a reminder to always follow your heart. ●

Necole Parker, SBA District Director Larry Webb, and Jack Spirakes touring ELOCEN history milestones.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 27

HEALTH

DEALING WITH VICARIOUS TRAUMA 28 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ]

If you watched the video of the murder of Tyre Nichols, chances are you could suffer from Vicarious Trauma. Vicarious Trauma is the anxiety that what happened to Tyre could happen to you.

T

he 40-pound backpack of racism that Black men wear on their backs has always been a part of living in America. Black men understand that daily they might experience no less than 7 or 10 instances of racist behavior towards them. Whether it’s loose change dropped into their hands, or the blank stare they get as they enter an elevator, Black men know racism is coming in one form or another.

But there are certain things that no human should see. There are certain things that are not meant for human consumption.

And while everyone has heard the stories of beatings and murder during slavery, to witness it today might create a feeling so dramatic that there’s a name for it: vicarious trauma. It’s the accrual effect of being exposed to someone else’s trauma — trauma that you haven’t personally experienced, but you’ve learned about from others.

Written by BRAD BOWLING Brad Bowling is the President of CODE Media Group, LLC. Bowling has his BA in mass media communication and an MBA in marketing. He contributes articles to the magazine continuing his love for writing.

Too much so that Nichols decided to run from the police after he was yanked out of his car with no details on why he was pulled over. He was thrown to the ground and peppersprayed, for a traffic violation.

The police eventually caught him three houses from his parent’s house and continued to assault and beat him until they broke his neck, tazed him, and left him, injured and bleeding for 20 minutes, before any paramedic touched him.

He eventually died from excessive bleeding.

“Nobody should have to die because of a traffic violation,” Rodney said. “I saw the video and it literally had me in tears.”

The police like to accuse Black men of being nervous when they are pulled over. And they might be right. Witnessing a murder on video can change the DNA of the person watching it. You may experience nightmares or flashbacks that take

Symptoms of vicarious traumatization include anxiety, anger, feeling isolated, depressed, unsafe, hopelessness, blankness, irritability, emotionally numb, losing control, not trusting others, powerlessness, fear, worried about a loved one’s safety, greater sensitivity to violence, pessimism, and cynicism, inattention, and being easily distracted.

If you watched the video of the murder of Tyre Nichols and you are a Black man, chances are, you might suffer from vicarious trauma at some point.

“As a 49-year-old Black man, I can’t help but wonder if I might be the next person to get beat up by the police,” Charles said.

“When I see a police car behind me, I get nervous.”

The fact that in 2023 Charles must worry about what might happen to him if he gets pulled over is a crime itself. Yet the problem of getting equal treatment is still a reality for Blacks in America. Nichols must have known something more was coming when he cried out that the treatment he was getting was too much.

Black men suffer higher levels of anxiety when they are pulled over by the police.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 29

SPORTS

28 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

[ HEALTH ] you back to the traumatic event. Furthermore, you may struggle with mood swings, as well as disorientation and confusion, which can make it challenging to perform daily tasks. Here are some of the signs of someone who might have vicarious trauma: •

unwelcome thoughts of client-induced imagery

•

nightmares

•

missing work

•

social withdrawal

•

avoiding traumatic disclosures from clients, leading to subpar clinical services

•

negative coping skills, both personally and professionally

•

hyperarousal to your safety and the safety of loved ones

•

avoiding physical intimacy

•

increasingly pessimistic worldview

•

loss of work-related motivation

•

distancing from spiritual beliefs

•

reduced longevity in the field.

•

stress-related medical conditions

out to a therapist can be a great starting point.

Finding ways to seek respite, such as maximizing vacation time, can also help. This can aid in coping with the stress of seeing something that bothers you. If you know you are the kind of person who responds poorly to watching videos of heinous crimes, avoid them at all costs.

Seeking social support can be helpful in many stressful situations and can act as a buffer for people who may experience trauma. Talk to friends and loved ones about what you witnessed or are experiencing. Talking can help shed some of the feelings you might be experiencing.

Consider trusted social outlets, shared hobbies, or group activities such as exercise classes. And if you’re unsure how to start connecting, you can begin by consulting with a colleague, supervisor, or mental health professional. This will allow you to begin the healing process and work to reduce the symptoms that come with vicarious trauma.

To expect society to change towards Black men is a notion long gone. But how Black men deal with the extra stress of living with racism can make all the difference for their health and well-being for themselves and their loved ones. ●

It’s hard to determine if you suffer from the PTSD-like symptoms of vicarious trauma, but it’s understandable if you exhibit any of the descriptions above. The problem that most Black men need to understand is that if you don’t know you have vicarious trauma, how do you heal from it?

There are definite negative health impacts from unresolved trauma. It puts people at increased risk for mental health diagnoses, which run the gamut of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. There are physical manifestations as well, such as cardiovascular problems like high blood pressure, stroke, or heart attack.

So, when men, who seemingly are in perfect health, struggle to maintain a healthy lifestyle, it might not be their diet that’s the problem, it could be the living conditions of wearing an extra 40 pounds of racism that’s killing them.

There are ways that one can deal with the experience of having vicarious trauma. If you are looking for support, reaching

Escalated stops are a part of life for most Black men when dealing with the police.

CODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 31

[ HEALTH ]

A

NATION

IN

DISTRESS It’s no secret that the US is going through a difficult period. Every day, the news reports on events highlighting one glaring fact: America is in tremendous emotional distress.

Written by DAVID CHRISTEL David has been ghostwriting books for well-known people since 1995. He is also the author of Married Men Coming Out: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming the Man You Were Born to Be.

H

as anyone taken America’s temperature lately? Anyone notice how many people are struggling psychologically from the non-stop onslaught of traumatizing, hateful, angry, manic, hurtful, over-stimulated, self-centered, entitled, myopic, selfish, paranoid, pretentious, arrogant, disrespectful, dishonest, self-serving, and narcissistic behavior that’s overtaken US society?

Of course, one could say that humanity has always been this way, but it seems that with the advent of technology, all of the above has been heightened to an extraordinary degree. Coupled with the recent pandemic, destructive violence both verbal and physical, and how so many

32 FEBRUARY 2023 / CODE M

“leaders” in all arenas have been behaving, it’s clear that the country has become overrun by psychologically aberrant people.

Stress and anxiety permeate American society, something that most people are unable to emotionally address effectively. Research statistics on stress are eyeopening with significant sources of stress for people being:

•

78% – coronavirus pandemic

•

68% – the political climate

•

66% – health issues

•

65% – uncertainty in our nation

•

63% – the economy

•

62% – mass shootings

[ HEALTH ]

•

59% – police violence toward minorities

•

55% – climate change/global warming

•

51% – suicide rates

•

47% – immigration

•

47% – widespread sexual harassment/assault

•

45% – opioid/heroin epidemic

Since the onset of the pandemic, 19 percent of adults report that their mental health is worse while 70 percent state that family responsibilities are a significant source of stress and 49 percent state that stress has had a negative impact on their behavior.

All of these stressors are pushing people to act and react in ways they normally would not. Anger and frustration are in high evidence as Americans struggle with nation-

wide issues that are ripping the country apart by the seams. Most notably is the rise in narcissistic behavior at every level of society.

Narcissists have always existed, but now they’re coming out of the woodwork. The US, arguably the most visible of countries in the world, has been demolishing the boundaries of decency and dignity with an “anything goes” attitude toward everything. People, especially younger generations, aspire to ever-lower levels of communication and behavior that do nothing to uplift and evolve humanity. Instead, “influencers” of all ages and at every level of society do everything possible and more to garner attention, money, fame, and power. All of this supports the narcissistic tendencies of Americans.

Narcissists are all about themselves and they have an extraordinary ability to read people, to size them up as either someone they can use for their purposes or not. They’ll butter up a person or group and hook them into believing they’re special, indispenCODE M / FEBRUARY 2023 33

SPORTS]] [[ SPORTS

Cover and inside photos taken by Franklin Solomon.

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[ HEALTH ] sable, brilliant, and even the love of their life. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A narcissist will use people in whatever way they can to do one thing: support the narcissist’s wants, agendas, and selfimportance. The narcissist wants total loyalty, adulation, and obeyance. If they don’t get it from a person, they’ll begin denying the individual affection and attention and criticize them incessantly. If that doesn’t work, then they’ll demean and gaslight the individual, fabricate lies and stories about them, throw them under the bus, stab them in the back, and disavow any connection with them. Sound familiar?

It should because the US has been grappling with the demands and egomaniacal behavior of narcissists in high-level positions in all fields for many years, most specifically in business and politics.

It’s been a non-stop circus of over-the-top personalities lying, denying, avoiding, spreading conspiracies, legislating, and making life a living hell for millions of people.

And American citizens have had to weather the aftermath of these narcissists’ behavior and actions. Narcissists lack compassion and really don’t care what happens to a person or group — and they won’t take the blame. Instead, they’ll point the finger at someone or something else. It’s never them.

Helping to increase the spread of narcissism is advancements in technology. People have now become obsessed with apps and the ability to proliferate texts, pics, and videos of themselves in order to gain attention from faceless followers and fans around the globe. Those people are only as real as their “likes” and matter only if they can advance a celebrity’s or influencer’s visibility and fame.

oneself if already in a relationship with a narcissist.

•

Stress: recognizing the signs of debilitating stress and learning healthy ways in which to moderate and relieve it.

With all the “wokeness” going on, Americans need to get woke to the fact of what’s really going on. What the country is going through needs to be approached in the same way a therapist would a patient enmeshed with these issues: call out what’s happening, help them own up to and face their distress, learn ways of effectively dealing with it, and finding positive and supportive ways to handle stress as it crops up.

Granted, there are those fanning the flames of this nationwide distress. Their fame and fortune depend on it. But it’s time to put a stop to their shenanigans, their self-serving agendas, and their self-aggrandizement. It’s time to stand up, say, “Enough is enough!” and get America back on a track of mutual appreciation, respect, support, trust, compassion, cooperation, dignity, and heart.

Americans need to take seriously the amount of stress they’re continually under, what’s called “permastress” and transform it into permapeace. That may sound silly, but what that means is putting more attention and intention on healthy physical and mental behaviors that promote joy and contentment — and that will lead to one thing Americans are despite tribulations: resilient! ●

Americans are caught in a tidal wave of competing narcissists — and the minions they’ve captured with their silky-tongued verbosity, their promises, their deceptive interest in people’s wants and needs. Consequently, stress levels have skyrocketed amongst Americans. Sadly, few have the skills needed to ameliorate this stress, to see through the narcissist’s plots and machinations, to remain steadfast in their own individuality and strength.

The only way out of this mess is to do some personal research into: •

Narcissism: becoming familiar with the types of narcissism, recognizing it in someone else, learning ways to avoid being pulled into a narcissist’s orbit, and learning how to extricate

The stress of living everyday life is beginning to take its toll on many Americans.

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COVER

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[ COVER ]

AND

ANOTHER

ONE

DJ Khaled discusses his new music, his plans for 2023, and how to stay relevant in an ever-changing world.

Written by JOHN O. HORTON JR. John O. Horton Jr, aka DJ Johnny O, is the President of the NerveDJs DJ Coalition, a coalition of over 9000+ DJs, Artists, Musicians, Producers and Label & Radio reps. Johnny O has been in the entertainment business for 46 years.

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G

[ COVER ] earing up to make another massive statement, global mega-star DJ Khaled unveiled one of the biggest hip-hop releases of 2023 with his anxiously awaited thirteenth full-length studio album, God Did, on via We the Best Music Group/Epic Records.

Setting the stage for the record in the biggest way possible, he shared the first single and music video Staying Alive feat. Drake & Lil Baby. Of course, it continues a legendary series of collaborations with Drake, including the triple-platinum Popstar, triple-platinum for Free, platinum Greece, and gold-certified bangers To the Max, I'm On One, feat. Drake, Rick Ross, & Lil Wayne.

Khalid was very busy throughout 2023. He made headlines with an appearance on stage at the Academy Awards, where he opened the show. He also received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2023. Khalid ignited the NBA All-Star halftime show with a star-studded performance that had the crowd chanting every word. Plus, he served as a presenter, twice, at

Squadian" (used during his time with the hip hop group Terror Squad), Beat Novacane (a moniker under which he produces beats), The Don Dada, Mr. Miami etc. Khaled has stated that he used the moniker "Arab Attack" for music as in saying "attack with music", but it was soon discontinued by him after the September 11 attacks since he felt that using it would seem disrespectful and offensive towards those who suffered due to the attacks.

For over two decades, the very mention of DJ Khaled implied an elevated level of musical greatness, entrepreneurial excellence, and cultural impact. He has achieved dozens of multiplatinum and gold certifications, including the 9x multiplatinum Billboard Hot 100 #1 I'm The One feat. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, & Lil Wayne, 6x multi-platinum Wild Thoughts feat. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller, and double platinum No Brainer feat. Justin Bieber, Chance the Rapper, & Quavo.

The latter propelled his 2019 album, Father of Asahd, to the

As a committed philanthropist, he founded his 501(c)3 organization The We the Best Foundation. It uplifts individuals throughout underserved communities across the United States and supports various non-profits. the Billboard Music Awards.

THE BEGINNING Khaled was born on November 26, 1975, in New Orleans, Louisiana, to Palestinian parents who immigrated to the United States. His brother Alec Ledd (Alaa Khaled) is an actor.

His musician parents played Arabic music, and Khaled started to develop an interest in rap and soul music at a young age, and his parents supported his interest. He worked in a local record store which helped to lay the foundation for his music career.

During his early career, Khaled became acquainted with several young artists and helped them before their breakthrough; these include Birdman, Lil Wayne, and Mavado. One of his first jobs was at the New Orleans record store Odyssey where he met both Birdman and Lil Wayne in 1993.

After leaving Odyssey, he began DJing in reggae sound clashes, mixing dancehall and hip-hop. His first radio gig was at a pirate station. In 1998, he moved to Miami and co-hosted The Luke Show on WEDR "99 Jamz" with 2 Live Crew's Luther Campbell.

In 2003, he started hosting a weeknight radio show on 99 Jamz called the Takeover. During his career, Khaled has used many monikers including "Arab Attack", "Big Dog Pitbull", "Terror Ron Busby worked with President Barak Obama on increasing funding for Black businesses.

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top of the charts. Not only did it garner a platinum certification, but it also became his third consecutive Top 2 debut on the Billboard Top 200 and emerged as the #1 Most-Streamed Record upon release. To date, he has moved over 20 million singles and 6 million albums in addition to gathering 4 billionplus streams.

He launched We the Best Music Group, a record label, management, publishing, and production company and music studio.

As a committed philanthropist, he founded his 501(c)3 organization The We the Best Foundation. It uplifts individuals throughout underserved communities across the United States and supports various non-profits.

He has supported the fight against COVID-19., U2 front man Bono recruited him as the first social media ambassador for Project Red, and he serves as the national spokesperson for Get Schooled. Now, the power of this legacy defines his thirteenth full-length album—which bears the name—God Did [We the Best Music Group/Epic Records], preceded by the forthcoming banger alongside frequent collaborators Drake and Lil Baby, "Staying Alive."

His eleventh album, Father of Asahd, was released in 2019; it

[ COVER ]

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[ BUSINESS ]

[ COVER ] peaked at number two, and the song "Higher" won Best Rap/ Sung Performance at the 62nd Annual Grammy Awards, Khaled's first Grammy award win. His eponymous twelfth album was released in 2023.

Outside of music, Khaled has gained success as a writer, with his book The Keys featuring on The New York Times Best Seller list. He has also featured as an actor, appearing in Spies in Disguise (2019) and Bad Boys for Life (2020).

In July 2020, Khaled released two singles simultaneously, titled "Popstar" and "Greece", both featuring Canadian rapper Drake. Two days prior, on July 15, Khaled announced his twelfth studio album would be titled Khaled Khaled, after his legal name. The announcement was accompanied by a video trailer documenting his life and career, including the birth of his sons Asahd and Aalam, who both will executively produce the album, and winning his first Grammy Award.

In March 2023, Khaled collaborated with Dolce & Gabbana on a collection of ready-to-wear and beachwear pieces. In April 2023, Khaled released his 12th studio album Khaled Khaled including 14-tracks song featuring R&B artist Jeremih, Cardi B

etc. In July 2023, he announced the title of his upcoming 13th studio album God Did and released the album in August 2023.

PLANS FOR 2023 The fourth Days of Summer Cruise Fest., hosted by Khaled, will take place in summer 2023. Lil' Baby and Future will headline the cruise, on Norwegian Sky. The producer and multihyphenate personality will host these sailings; the 2023 cruise will be the first one back since the COVID-19 pandemic.

The four-night full-charter Days of Summer Hip-Hop Cruise and Music Festival has been scheduled for July 2-5, 2023. The cruise will take place on the 2,004-passenger ship, Norwegian Sky, leaving from Miami. Ports include Nassau and Norwegian's private island, Great Stirrup Cay. The 2023 lineup has Lil' Baby and Future, as well as a host of events and parties that will keep the ship rocking all day and night.

THE FAMILY Khaled and his wife Nicole Tuck have a son, Asahd Tuck Khaled, born on October 23, 2016. Khaled garnered national

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[ COVER ] attention after streaming the birth live on his Snapchat account. On January 20, 2020, Tuck gave birth to their second son, Aalam Tuck Khaled.

In January 2017, Khaled purchased Robbie Williams's former house in Mulholland Estates, a gated community in Los Angeles, California. In 2018, Khaled purchased a waterfront home in Miami for $25.9 million. ●

DJ Khaled has been a top producer in the music industry for over 20 years.

Dancing in the Darkness is the new book by Pastor Otis Moss III.

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LIFE

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[ LIFE ]

THE POWER OF MATE SELECTION The 2020 census data revealed that only 33 percent of Black men are currently married, which poses the question, “What should you be looking for when selecting a mate?”

W

No Safety, No Ring

Written by CHRIS A. MATTHEWS Chris A. Matthews is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and approved supervisor for the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Visit chrisAmatthews.com to learn more about his work with couples and families.

Trauma Leads to Drama

hen Abraham Maslow developed his “hierarchy of needs,” he listed safety as a basic human necessity that follows only behind physiological needs for survival such as water, food, and shelter. Maslow understood that safety impacts all human behaviors and that people make decisions in accordance with how secure they feel.

When two people choose to establish an intimate relationship, they’re choosing to grow with their partner’s past, current, and future experiences. Several relationships fail before they even start because the dating partner may bring past or current traumas into the relationship. If trauma hasn’t been processed or managed properly, usually in therapy, then it can result in one or both partners not feeling safe in the relationship.

This same theory applies to why men will or will not get married. Men make relationship choices based on their level of security within themselves, with their selected partner, and their financial status. The decision to engage in sexual intimacy, share financial resources, cohabitate, and start a family are some of the most important relationship choices impacted by our feelings of safety and security.

Trauma is defined by the American Psychological Association as “an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster.” Trauma is a person’s subjective reaction to an experience, so we can’t assume just because our partner had or witnessed a horrific experience that they are going to respond with traumabased symptoms or in the same way someone else might.

The desire for one partner to marry or transition the relationship to a higher level is a common concern that motivates couples to seek counseling. In most cases, it’s the female partner who begins to ask questions about why their boyfriend has not asked to marry them, and the reason always stems from the male partner’s lack of security in either himself, his partner, or the relationship.

When becoming involved in a relationship, there are two important aspects to take into account, both of which can lead to either a successful or failed relationship: past trauma and power.

All photo are of Garrett Waller.

Also, the onset of trauma symptoms can be delayed or manifest later if induced by physical or psychological triggers. The intensity level of the traumatic experiences can vary based on factors such as age at the time of the experience, direct life impact, and resiliency and coping skills.

Intimate relationships can feature single-trauma couples (where one partner is a trauma survivor) or dual-trauma couples (in which both partners have a history of trauma). In single-trauma couples, the partner dealing with trauma symptoms may shut down, exhibit mood swings, or withdraw from their partner creating the potential for a confusing, emotionally volatile, and unsafe relationship.

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[ LIFE ] In dual-trauma couples, both partners may initially be attracted to one another by their shared ability to understand each other’s pain, but they may also experience more intense or volatile exchanges.

to get what they want. An example of the use of reward power is when one partner requests that the other take them out dancing in exchange for sex or physical intimacy at the end of the night.

It’s important to identify if the person one is dating has unresolved trauma. Here’s a list of signs to be on the lookout for:

This power is rooted in exclusivity, because the partner exchanging sex for something in a monogamous relationship is the only person who can render this form of reward. Reward power is another form of compromise that allows partners to get their individual needs met in a tit for tat fashion, e.g., “You do this for me, and I will do that for you.” The use of reward power during the dating phase is a great indicator that the relationship has potential to manifest into something special because both partners are able to demonstrate joint decision making during the courtship phase.

•

Unexplainable anger

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Irritability

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Anxiety or panic attacks

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Withdrawal from the relationship

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Mood swings

•

Isolation

It’s no surprise that power differentials are a major determinate if a partner is going to be a good fit for a long-term relationship or marriage.

Who Has the Power?

It’s no surprise that power differentials are a major determinate if a partner is going to be a good fit for a long-term relationship or marriage. There are three types of relationship power dynamics that need to be assessed when selecting the mate that one desires to build and grow with.

Coercive Power is unsafe in intimate relationships because it doesn’t provide both partners with a mutual benefit or gain. Coercive power requires that one partner be punished if they don’t obey the commands or meet the wishes of the other partner. The commands are usually something that one partner would not have willfully consented to without the threat of harm or danger implicit in the requesting partner’s demands. An example of this power might be if one partner threatened to contact the Immigration and Customs Enforcement office if their illegal alien partner decided to end or dissolve the intimate relationship.

Coercive power is also commonly known as extortion and blackmail. Couples who employ coercive power tactics strip away trust because they are putting each other in positions of oppression.

Although it is usually one partner in the relationship who will use money, influence, children, or status as a way to establish coercive power, couples who share equal positions can use this form of power on each other.

Reward Power is used when a positive stimulus is exchanged for the fulfillment of a need or want by a partner. Couples use reward power when one partner offers to provide something in exchange for something else — that only they can provide — as an incentive

Referent Power is special because it is enforced by the respect intimate partners have for one another. Referent power is activated when couples are influenced to make decisions based on the admiration they have for each other’s personality, beliefs, and values. When this type of power is present, it can mean there is a strong probability the relationship consists of partners who are a great match. An example of referent power at play might be a male partner choosing to incorporate more vegetables and fruits into his diet because he admires his girlfriend’s commitment to a healthy lifestyle.

Intimate partners use their referent power to lead each other by the examples they provide. When a loved one is influenced to follow their partner’s lead because of the respect and admiration they have for them, referent power is demonstrated. However, it’s important to be mindful that referent power is hard to gain but easily lost. If the girlfriend in this example stops healthful eating, she risks diminishing her referent power. Her boyfriend may view her lack of discipline as a weakness, causing a distortion in how he once saw his girlfriend as someone whom he admired for her selfcontrol and focus.

Overall, like it or not, the use of power is an ever-changing dynamic that needs to be strongly considered when selecting a mate for courtship or marriage. Power is rooted in respect and how both partners desire to treat and be treated by one another. ●

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[ LIFE ]

NO BABY MAMAS Women across several generations are deciding in increasing numbers not to have children. And the reasons why they are choosing not to have kids might surprise you.

T

by Brad Bowling The feminist movement of the 1960s and ‘70s birthed the beginning of women fighting for equal pay, equal treatment, and equal opportunity. But by getting more control of their business destiny, they also made decisions about what happened to their body, including if they would have kids.

The trend of not having kids has increased with each generation. Today, millennial women choosing to not have kids has reached uncomfortable levels causing some alarm for those who track birth rates in the country.

The decline in US fertility has been driven primarily by a trend

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among young adults to postpone having children. Forty years ago, birth rates among women in their twenties were significantly higher than those of women in their thirties.

Some are blaming the feminist movement for the reduction in women wanting kids. Women in the workplace also meant fewer women at home, birthing children, and raising kids. And the ever-changing landscape of marriage has also limited the number of kids being born.

Marriage statistics indicate that less than 50 percent of relationships last. That, along with couples waiting longer to have kids, means that only one or two kids are born per couple.

The days of families having four or more kids is a rare occurrence, if at all.

For younger people, the idea of having children has vanished, as well as owning a home, finding a career after college, or anything else.

For about 61 percent of millennials, one of the main reasons they cite for not having kids is that they simply can’t afford to.

That’s the top reason among 44 percent of the overall US population, by comparison.

[ LIFE ]

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[ LIFE ] The skyrocketing cost to live in the US is forcing women to make difficult decisions about how and when to have kids.

safety of my child going to school, walking the streets, or simply just doing everyday things.”

“My husband and I want to have kids, but we don’t want to bring a child into the world if we’re going to struggle to feed and clothe it,” Crystal said. “We’re going to wait until we can be sure we can provide the kind of lifestyle our child deserves.”

Cindy isn’t alone. A growing number of women simply don’t want to bring a child into a world where so many bad things are happening. But the choice to not have kids has serious consequences for society.

Crystal didn’t mention the additional costs that come with having a child. People who were polled also included the increase in health care, childcare, and food as a reason to either not have kids or delay having them until they can afford them.

For the first month of 2023, the US has seen at least 10 mass shootings with the number increasing to almost 1 per day. People are watching — in real-time — crime increase across the country. With no end in site, the choice to reproduce becomes a factor.

In the last several years, the reasons for not having kids have changed.

Finally, there are those who simply enjoy the lifestyle of a single person. The longer a female waits to have a child, the less and less she desires the need to become a parent.

Some are concerned about having children because of the instability caused by climate change, political division, and the COVID-19 pandemic.

The independent women of today enjoy their financial freedom, their time, and their ability to move without delay. They are not willing to give that freedom up simply to have children.

It’s no secret that the country is in turmoil. Concerns about crime, sex trafficking, random violence, and the cost of living are giving people pause when it comes to having kids.

The two most important reasons women gave for choosing not to have children were that it would infringe on their freedom and that raising children takes too much time and energy; many women who gave the second reason also gave the first.

“I’m personally beyond my child-bearing years, but if I weren’t, there is no way I would bring a child into this world,” Cindy said. “Our society is so bad that I would fear for the

But hold on! There is a flip side to this coin. The American Sociological Association recently conducted a study on this very topic

Women are not willing to give up their lifestyle for a child.

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[ LIFE ] and found that parents are more likely to be depressed than their childfree counterparts. In fact, people without kids were happier than any other group, including empty nesters.

Couples without kids can travel more, have more toys, and enjoy a lifestyle free of diapers and drama. Absent children, however, there is also less need to stay together. Couples without children divorce more often than couples who have at least one child, according to researchers, despite numerous studies that marital happiness nosedives in the first year or two after the birth of a child and sometimes never quite recoups.

According to a new study, 66 percent of divorced couples are childless, while about 40 percent have children together. But while researchers are sure that childless couples are more likely to divorce, they disagree on the reasons why.

So, the jury is out on whether having kids makes a woman’s life better or worse. Women today have more choices than ever.

What they do with choices is entirely up to them, and that’s what the feminist movement was all about. ●

Many believe the feminist movement created the childless mother.

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[ POLITICS ]

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[ LIFE ]

GIVING HER YOUR BEST SELF If men are to dominate life in 2023, they’ve got to flip the script and dominate the ever -formidable February.

(HOME WORKOUT WITHOUT WEIGHTS PART: III VALENTINES DAY EDITION)

Written by GARRETT WALLER Garrett is the founder and owner of Garrett Waller, LLC, "A Fitness, Health, & Lifestyle Company." Garrett has his BS in Psychology and is a nationally certified personal trainer. He helps people find more freedom in their lives through a commitment to fitness and an active lifestyle. https://garrettwaller.com

Photos taken by Sheldon Botler.

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[ LIFE ]

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[ LIFE ]

T

raditionally, this period of celebrating love can be a high-stress month for most men for many reasons.

Collectively, men are mourning the end of football season, winter has hit its peak, and amidst all of this, all the stores have turned red and pink. Some men get caught in this stupor as the days dwindle toward February 14th. Some men quietly weather a storm of emotions concerning how they feel about their significant other, as well as the pressure of preparing to package and present their feelings on Valentine’s Day. Men commonly procrastinate planning for this mid-month holiday due to low creativity or funds and they stand to fold under the pressure to wow their significant other. Truthfully, men can do much more this month, and it will cost nothing more than discipline, time, and effort.

It’s time for growth because February is bigger than V-Day. It’s also Black History Month, and men will create history this year by making a concerted shift in their mindset. By putting themselves first on a daily basis, men will be in the best position to take better care of their significant other during this romantic season.

Let this month not be solely about teddy bears, roses, chocolates, or diamonds — or how to ensure your love has the biggest flex on the gram post of her friends. Also focus on making it through this month in the best mental space and in better physical shape.

It’s time to take back a tiny percentage of February and invest it in physical health and wellness. It’s about more than just developing a better body — the mission is to transition to a better mind and deepen the characteristics that are the foundation of healthy relationships, such as accountability, trust, and respect.

care of those he loves and who love him. He is now poised to give the best version of himself to his special someone.

By following a simple, no equipment, no excuses fitness plan, a man can refresh his previous contracts with himself including diet, recreation, expanding his horizons, deepening his relationships, following through on his resolutions, and reinvigorating his work. Success in this new endeavor has the power to overcome any previous shortcomings and obstacles.

A man’s fitness commitment can be powerful and transformative because it’s current, fresh, and new. It also helps him break out of old patterns and establish new, more expansive and meaningful patterns. A regular exercise program helps a man …

•

transform his internal environment through better mental and physical fortitude,

•

increase his self-confidence,

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sleep and eat better,

•

decrease his stress levels, and

•

improve his physical stamina.

Plus, his significant other’s world will be suffused with the man’s peaceful presence and inner strength. The greatest gift a man can give is the best version of himself, which begins with him developing and committing to working out daily to improve himself.

Seal Jack 1

A man’s loved one will notice his dedication to personal growth and appreciate this gift before the 14th. This acknowledgment could ease some pressure and allow for more clarity and creativity when preparing for that date and selecting that special gift.

The self-invested man’s motivations to improve his fitness must originate internally. In other words, he must first want to do this for himself. And by promising to care for himself, a man fosters integrity and honesty through his fitness journey and process.

The most important relationship a man has is his relationship with himself. It’s the root of the tree from which all other relationships sprout. If he takes better care of himself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, he is poised to take better

Seal Jack 2

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[ LIFE ] A man’s presence and his unique talents are his two most significant assets and gifts to share with others. The more complete, secure, and at peace a man has become, the more value he brings to his relationship. Plus, it only takes twenty minutes of daily exercise to get sex-enhancing benefits like increased arousal, blood circulation, stamina, strength, and flexibility.

Now is a perfect time to begin the following fitness plan, and here’s why: Anyone who goes from zero to working out for thirteen days in a row can make a strong case that they’re a completely changed man. A man can run with that and his significant other will love it!

“Seven Minutes of Heaven!”

Alternate completing the Strength and Cardio workouts each day with one or two days of rest per week. Start each workout with the Warmup move for 1 minute. Follow the movements in the numbered order as pictured.

Reverse Crunch 1

To make pushups easier, do them with your hands on an elevated surface such as a couch or countertop, or against a wall.

To help you balance on the split squat or reverse lunge, you can stand between a doorway or next to a sofa or wall in order.

Warmup

Reverse Crunch 2

Do the Warmup for 1 minute, then begin the Strength or Cardio workout.

Y-Good Morning Workout Perform each move in the circuit for 60 seconds. Complete two rounds totaling 6 minutes. Then take a 60-second rest before starting the next round. Complete up to 3 rounds.

Strength 1.

Split Squat

2.

Pushup + Shoulder Tap

3.

Reverse Crunch

Star Crunch 1

Cardio 1.

Reverse Lunge

2.

Star Crunch

3.

Seal Jacks

Follow Garrett Waller on Instagram @GarrettWaller_LLC, as he will post helpful video demonstrations and modifications with instructions to help you on your journey. ●

Star Crunch 2

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[ MUSIC ]

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[ LIFE ]

SILENT SUFFERING Men all over are suffering in silence. They are suffering from broken relationships, societal pressures, and the stress of not telling anyone how they feel, leading to depression.

T

By Bolling Smith There is no doubt that men are tough. From childhood, men are taught to develop a stiff upper lip and not show any emotion if they’re having a hard time. But men are struggling — struggling to remain relevant in a world that respects them less than ever before.

By now, everyone has heard about the 7 million men who have exited the workforce. The reasons behind it remain unclear, but the theories are concerning.

The idea of what a male defined has changed. It’s also

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changed for women and for society. What used to be seen as a sign of strength has become the very reason that women claim to not be attracted to men.

Social media influencer, Andrew Tate, discusses the fate of men, all the time. Masculinity is under attack and men are starting to feel its effects of it. The average man: those who work a 9 to 5 and make less than $80,000 a year, are now considered to be undesirable by over 80 percent of women.

Statistics show a high percentage of women swipe right on only 10 percent of the available men when viewing online dating apps.

This is leaving a gaping hole for men who are not being seen as viable candidates to date. Consequently, they’re not dating or having sex.

This new trend is causing men to fall into depression and because they’re unwilling to talk about it, they’re starting to suffer in silence.

[ LIFE ]

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[ LIFE ] Statistics show that over 6 million men in the US suffer from depression, yet male depression often goes undiagnosed.

With suicide rates on the rise across the US, it’s important to address the dangers of untreated depression, as well as the stigma surrounding mental illness.

Statistically, men are less likely to get treatment for depression and it could be related to the toxic stigma surrounding depression. Men might feel like less of a man or even embarrassed to get help. Reports show men are more likely to report fatigue and loss of interest in hobbies rather than feelings of sadness or worthlessness.

Reporting anything to anyone might be seen as a sign of weakness. Therefore, men don’t reach out to discuss their issues when they experience them. This leads to a form of depression that, if not treated, could lead to suicide or acting out in inappropriate ways.

Unlike a broken ankle, people suffering from mental illnesses like depression can appear perfectly happy on the outside.

There’s no obvious cast or crutches. From major depression to bipolar depression, there are many types of depression that can even be associated with other mental illnesses. The

good news is that relief is possible through safe and effective first and second-line treatments.

Stephen “tWitch” Boss is the latest example of someone who seemingly had it all but committed suicide. There were no signs that he was struggling with mental illness, but he was, what is known as “high-functioning depression.” And while there might have been a small circle of people who knew he was struggling, none foresaw him committing suicide.

RESPONDING TO A THREAT Having this kind of conversation can be tough. If you decide to check in on a friend or loved one who might be depressed or suffering, and they mention that they are going to or might consider suicide, their admission must be taken seriously.

“I had a friend from college call me and say that she was going to kill herself,” William said. “I didn’t know what to do so I called her brother to let him know that she said this.”

The right thing to do when told that someone might commit suicide is to call and act on the threat. You do not want to be responsible for someone committing suicide. Find a loved one or someone who can act on the threat.

How Men Typically Display

You can call the authorities and with three signatures from people who love and care about the struggling person, you can have the individual evaluated so they won’t harm themselves. This might be a short-term solution that could be of immediate help to a person who is suffering. Do some research to learn about more ways to appropriately support someone who is suffering in silence.

There are so many ways to deal with depression. If you’re suffering in silence, you’re encouraged to tell someone how you feel. You don’t have to go through life alone while hoping things will improve. Take care of yourself and let’s take care of each other — lives depend on it! ●

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MUSIC

THE LAND AND BIG INDO

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Cleveland born artist Big Indo is ready to take the stage with her new EP Indopendent.

B

ig Indo is a hip hop artist born and raised in Cleveland Ohio. After years of writing songs since the age of 9, she was ready for the talent show scene. One of her memorable moments was a Black History Month show in front of the whole middle school.

She was a young girl, but fearless and made every person in the building remember her name. Big Indo took to the big stage at the age of 18. Went from rapping at lunch tables and the school bus, to opening up for major acts such as DaBaby, Gunna, Lil Baby, Kali, and Baby Face Ray. She has also worked with her local radio station Z107.9, performing at many of their events to bring awareness to her name and music.

Written by JOHN O. HORTON JR. John O. Horton Jr, aka DJ Johnny O, is the President of the NerveDJs DJ Coalition, a coalition of over 9000+ DJs, Artists, Musicians, Producers and Label & Radio reps. Johnny O has been in the entertainment business for 46 years

about her life and how it all started.

You'll learn a lot about Indo through her music. Cleveland continues to be one of the best places to launch a music career. With Big Indo becoming a national artist, other local acts are beginning to follow the same path to stardom.

Big Indo was recently in a beef with another artist about stolen sounds, but the temp seemed a bit different and the two have continued to make and release music.

There is one thing for certain, Big Indo is charging foreword with Indopendent and her unique brand of rap.

This is only the beginning of her legacy and she's off to a great start. Watch her work and make history. ●

She is now leaving crowds of over 10,000 in attendance on their feet with a show they can't resist. Indo is not just a studio artist, she gives you a full show with dancers and even sometimes a saxophonist! She was influenced by her dad, who is a national recording artist formerly of Cleveland’s own R&B group The Rude Boys.

With that being said, Its safe to say it's in her blood. Her new EP Indopendent is out now! Get it at her official website or on all digital platforms! It’s a masterpiece

Big Indo’s latest release, Indopendent, is available.

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FASHION

COUPLES IN FASHION February gives loving couples the opportunity to coordinate and show off. Show off their love for clothes and each other.

Written by LARON HARLEM

A wardrobe shopper, stylist, and accessories designer who specializes in dapper looks that truly appeal to the most discerning eye. mailto: styledbydecar-lo@gmail.com, https://www.styledbydecarlo.com/

SYLVESTER AND ASHLEY HARRIS

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JAMES AND KASPER THOMPSON PHOTO: MAJORMIN DZ MEDIA

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JAMES AND KASPER THOMPSON

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AZELL AND BRENDA TURNER Location, THE SOBER SOCIAL

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