Almost Twins

ALMOST TWINS Michael Erickson

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It was just a old wore-out grey Fedora that Uncle Jon lost in that storm. He come out of the barn and, as he turned to slide the door shut, the wind kicked up and stole his hat.

It was late in the month of June. That' s when the summer storms start up around here. And the year probably would have been around nineteen and seventy-three or so. Uncle Jon liked that hat. He loved that hat. He felt that it fit him quite well. It was a comfortable and sturdy hat. Indeed, that hat had served him well for quite a few years. As far back as I can recall, it was firmly affixed upon his head.

That old hat was a bit more than broke in. It was just about wore out. When it was new, it was almost white. But over the years it took on a few different shades. The sweat stains had colored a goodly part of the brim and band a mix of grey and brown. The underside of the brim was well colored, and scented by the smoke from the ever-present Drum or Bugler cigarette that hung from his lip. The crown was cracked in several places, and the whole thing was decorated with a multitude of odd stains and tears. It was an old wore-out grey fedora.

His brother Jerome had come out from Oklahoma to visit him a few years before this tale takes place and, when he saw the sorry state of Jon ' s hat, he set about to buying him a new one. Jon thanked Jerome for the hat, and later that evening he stashed it away on the back of the top shelf of his closet. He took it out a few times. He wore it to Sophie ’ s wedding and Jim Bob' s funeral. Eventually, he started wearing it to church.

Now us cousins, we had us a running bet to see which one of us could “ accidentally ” knock off his hat. We had convinced ourselves that, despite his full beard and bushy eyebrows, he very likely was bald, and he wore the hat to hide the truth.

We need to get back to the story. Don 't we?

In its own mysterious way, the wind, oh so carefully, plucked up that hat from his head that Uncle Jon barely noticed it. Until it was too late. That wind carried it better than eight miles and, oh so gently, set it down on the front porch of Pearl’ s house.

Pearl had been planning to enter her favorite buck, Bubba, in the annual Palominas People and Pets Fourth of July Extravaganza and Parade.

She had raised Bubba on the bottle, and he just was as gentle as could be. She used to dress him up in baby clothes and push him around the yard in the stroller that she found in the barn. By the age of seven, Bubba sported a long white beard, and Pearl had it in her mind to dress him up as an old farmer.

Always being one to plan ahead, Pearl had saved an old pair of her baby brother, Brian ’ s, bibbies. Working late into the night and every spare moment that she could find in her day, she modified them to fit Bubba. The costume was just about perfect, but she felt that it was lacking a " certain something. ” She just couldn ’t put her finger on it. J ust about then, she heard her mother calling from the kitchen: “Pearlie, you best quit yer daydreaming, girl. It’ s time to get on morning chores. ”

As the screen door slammed shut behind her, and she skipped across the porch, I can just imagine the look on Pearl’ s face when, much to her surprise and delight, she spied that old grey hat just setting there on the stoop. That was just what she needed for Bubba. It was perfect. She grabbed it up and headed out to the barn to feed the stock, all the while plotting on how to get that hat to stay on Bubba ’ s head.

After the breakfast dishes were done and put up, she ran back to the barn. She grabbed some twine and pulled out her two-blade Barlow. As she scooped a handful of grain from the bin and climbed over the fence, she called out to Bubba. A few minutes later, she stepped back and admired her handiwork. She cut holes in the crown so that the buck’ s horns stuck out, and she slit the brim to let his ears wiggle free. She tied the hat around his neck with the twine. It was a wonderful fit. She took it off of Bubba and hid it in the tack room, along with the rest of the rig.

Two days later, Pearl proudly led Bubba right down the middle of the road. It was a wonderful parade. As always, it was well

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Pearl and her buddy were the absolute hit of the parade. There was Bubba in his finery, and Pearl was wearing her best bibbies and a fine straw hat that she waved at the crowd. What a pair they were. All along the route, people were pointing at them and laughing and applauding her and Bubba.

Everyone, except Uncle Jon, that is. He looked just fine and handsome in his new fedora and Carhartts, but it seems that he recognized his favorite hat and failed to find the humor in the costume. It was bad enough that his hat ended up on the buck’ s head, but what really galled him was when folks come up to him and remarked on how much alike he and Bubba looked.

“Almost twins. ”

P.S.

Of course, Pearl and Bubba took first prize that year. And fortythree years later, that blue ribbon still hangs on the wall in her sewing room.

P.P.S

And the hat? Well Bubba shook it off and after stomping it few times, tried to eat it.