Surviving the Political Divide

The Political Divide and Our Well-Being

For Us and Our CountryGabrielle Duebendorfer, ND

Medical - Dental - Pediatrics

Behavioral Health - VA 267-1718 265-6252 265-2242 448-2321 263-0450 Around here, we take care of our own, help out our neighbors, work hard, and pitch in where we ’ re needed. That’ s small town living. But small town living does not have to mean sacrificing access to quality healthcare. At Kaniksu Health Services, our qualified care teams provide excellent healthcare for the residents of north Idaho. Together we ' re building a healthier community.

Walking through our forest, freshly covered with snow, with my puppy delighting in the fluff and me relishing the quiet, I feel a deep sense of Well-Being. Everything is ok, peaceful, safe, and inspiring. This article was basically written in my head during this walk. My walks haven’t always been that peaceful with my puppy. There were a few weeks where she definitely exhibited 2-year old behavior and I had a very hard time controlling my own reactivity – almost like a 2-year old in myself because she didn’t behave like I wanted her to! It was two weeks of a very stressful time, promptly leading to a cold – luckily not Covid. Once I figured out that her personality did not jive with my disciplinary approach, understood that opposition just caused more of the same, and that she just needed something in her mouth, our walks have been quite delightful again – opening to Well-Being between and beyond the two of us. I see this potential for an opening to Well-Being in our current divisive political environment, which has really come to a hot point with this election. I hold this opening as important, because I see it causing stress all the way down to my neighbors with no end in sight. It is important from a medical perspective, because chronic stress elevates stress hormones such as cortisol long-term, causing subtle but eventually considerable damage to all body systems. If you are interested in how adrenal dysfunction causes disease, read “When the Body Says No” by Dr. Gabor Mate. He gives a very intriguing and in-depth description of how chronic stress due to – often unconscious - internal divisiveness leads to different diseases. This current political divisiveness not only contributes to illness on the individual level where it gets internalized, but it also causes disharmony in our personal relationships and how our country is being run. We have the perfect opposites here with half the country being pitted against the other – might there be a similarity to my situation with my puppy? A basic misunderstanding and rejection of our “personalities” or maybe better our values, which influence our behavior and actions? How can half of the country be “right” and the other “wrong” with the swing of an election? There are many people in Sandpoint and all over the country who currently are engaged in building bridges, fostering respectful relationships, and encouraging seeing humanity of people across the divide. Skills that are needed to do this are also skills that can be applied to our internal divisiveness - so no effort wasted. A group of people in Sandpoint, who are concerned about the local divisiveness in our community that has evolved within the last few decades, has organized civil discourse trainings based on the Braver Angels (www. braverangels.org) approach. The Braver Angles mission statement describes themselves as a “citizens’ organization uniting red and blue Americans in a working alliance to depolarize America.” They focus on understanding others’ point of view rather than convincing them of theirs, looking for common ground and ways to work together, and practicing skills that bring us together. On the day after the election they facilitated a presentation (https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0xFsqL3xiE) that, besides two excellent speakers and Q&A, involved three red and blue pairs, who either voted for Trump or Biden. It was so delightful to see them engaging in dialogue in a respectful and hopeful way. It gave me hope that perhaps the next four years can honor the whole country’s Bonners Ferry needs instead of those of just one party. That transformation does Ponderay have to start at home – right here! Sandpoint Pediatrics Our Civil Discourse group has Priest River had one basic skill training recently, where we learned how to VA really listen and speak in a way kaniksuhealthservices.org that doesn’t antagonize the other and yet express one’s differing viewpoint on touchy topics. A brief 45 minute version and skills sheet can be found here: https:// braverangels.org/online/online-skills-training/. It is quite difficult, but feeling heard by somebody of an opposing perspective induces a relaxation response that counters the high cortisol response by stressful interactions. I was very intrigued with the speaking skill of using “and” instead of “but”. As a clinician I am very familiar with listening skills, but not so much with expressing my differing personal opinions as that is not appropriate with patients. I was delighted to experience the difference of following a reflection of what I heard with “and” instead of “but” as I found it left much more of an opening for further conversation. In practicing with a red friend, I, a blue leaning liberal, was feeling safe enough to pro-actively express how a voiced charged political generalization made me feel. It actually made me and the whole room more relaxed. This brings me back to my dog and me. Layla is a very sweet puppy if I can read her right. It’s like a dance between listening and then responding in the most effective way. I can dance that dance when I am reminding myself that she really just wants to please me and be loved; that her puppyhood behavior and her personality is not out to get me or make me mad, but to be respected by me while I maintain my own boundaries. It can be like that in our relationships with people of differing opinion as well as in the political arena. If we start building bridges based on constructive respectful listening while skillfully expressing our emotions and views, we all feel heard and can enjoy a common sense of Well-Being. That might just pave the road for constructive cooperation on the local and national level. If you are interested in participating in our upcoming (December 12th) one-onone workshop, where red and blue pairs dialogue with each other with the intention of creating bridges rather than wedges, please feel free to contact me at 208-290-5991.