THAT’S GROSS, UNLESS YOU’RE UP FOR IT Looking for

THAT’S GROSS (UNLESS YOU’RE UP FOR IT)

People have always engaged in non-vanilla sex, and now there are more widely accepted avenues for them to explore what makes them feel good.

IT’S A CLEAR, BUT EXTREMELY COLD, Friday night in Vancouver, but the line-up to get into the Vancouver Convention Centre is full of people in barely-there leather and lace ensembles. They are waiting to enter the Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex Show and the negative temperature hasn’t discouraged them from wearing what makes them feel sexy.

story by RACHEL LOUISE MOORE

Between those in latex and dog collars are business men in suits, and women in yoga pants, who have wandered down to check out the excitement. The Taboo show is for everyone, not just those into kink. The atmosphere in the large convention room closely resembles that of an EDM show. Packed with people, it is warm, illuminated with multicolored lights, and a remix of “I Put a Spell on You” plays over the sound system.

Product booths selling everything from rubber fists to riding crops fill the convention room in rows. The booths cater to those looking to explore the various kinks and fetishes that are slowly becoming more prominent and visible within society. The Vancouver Convention Centre, known for hosting other events such as the Healthy Family Expo and the Gluten Free Expo, has received a temporary, yet very spicy makeover. A large green booth is set up directly across from the entrance doors, where eight topless webcam models fondle themselves in front of their computer monitors. To the right, a booth demonstrates how to safely restrain your partner(s) with rope or cuffs. Beyond are displays of fetish costumes: life-sized silicone sex dolls, nipple nibblers, pocket rockets, and panties of the crotch-less and gummy variety. A show featuring two submissive performers being spun into a web of ropes on a hotel luggage-trolley type of apparatus is taking place. Dominants kiss their feet and stroke their hair while suspending and tangling them even further.

A middle-aged male wearing a suit hosts an orgasm competition amongst the crowd. Loud grunts, whimpers and an occasional “fuck me, don’t stop, harder!” pierces the sound of others shopping. Inquisitive guests attend lectures throughout the day. Topics responsibly introduce BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) in the bedroom, or wherever else someone prefers to bump uglies. This convention is not just a place where one can purchase phallic-shaped candles or 12 different flavours of lubricant — more importantly, it provides people of different sexualities and genders with a sense of inclusivity as they explore what fulfills them sexually.

The Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex Show has been around for 18 years, but has more recently been pushed to the forefront of must-attend events in Vancouver thanks to Robin Beatch, a sex and relationship coach, sex educator, writer and a speaker at the Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex Show, says, “I would confidently estimate that sex is becoming safer and more satisfying – both physically and emotionally.”

the mainstreaming of kinks, fetishes, and all things sex. Kink is an unconventional way to engage in a sexual practice while enhancing pleasure; it includes cross-dressing, wearing animal costumes or cuckolding. The term fetish is used when one feels a sexual desire for and fixation on an object or specific body part, like the classic foot fetish. The increase in public acceptance of different sexual practices is a recent shift, but people were most certainly getting freaky years ago. Who knows? Abraham Lincoln may have very well enjoyed a good toe suck.

“There’s definitely been more mainstream marketing of kink lately,” says Jenn Matsui De Roo, registered clinical counsellor and owner of Genderoo Counselling and Consulting. “Witness the 50 Shades of Grey books and movies, but there’s been plenty of that before this snapshot in time too, such as the films Belle Du Jour, Night Porter, and Secretary.” Media sources have mainstreamed kink to the point where reading a book like 50 Shades of Grey on the bus is completely acceptable, even though it is essentially porn. Thoughtfully flipping through a pornographic magazine on the bus, decades ago, would most likely result in some unfavourable name-calling or a ride in the back of a cop car. The creation of hook-up apps like Tinder have made it much easier for people to find others with similar kinks and fetishes. For example, in the past you may have awkwardly waited six platonic dates before admitting that you are sexually aroused when urinated on, only to chase your potential lover away. Now, modern hook-up apps let you lay it all out before you even meet the person, so you can stop wasting time, and start getting peed on, because you deserve it!

Robin Beatch, a sex and relationship coach, sex educator, writer, and a speaker at the Taboo Naughty but Nice Sex Show, says, “I would confidently estimate that sex is becoming safer and more satisfying — both physically and emotionally.” Beatch believes that this could very well be connected to the popularity of hook-up apps. “[Some apps] ask questions that want to know whether or not I think it’s okay to have sex on the first date, whether the number of sexual partners my date has had would affect my opinion of them, or whether I’d be open to a threesome,” says Beatch. With the misrepresentation of kink in the mainstream media, and sex in pornography, consent culture and clear communication is more important than ever. “People are getting better at asking things like, ‘How does this feel?’ and ‘Is this okay?’” Beatch observes, which then leads to greater awareness, ultimately making a rendezvous more enjoyable for everyone.

Years ago, repercussions of going public with your different sexual interests could very well result in termination from your place of work, or alienation from the community. Now, people feel more free to express and embrace their kinks and fetishes on social media, hook-up apps, and by attending themed events or parties. What might the future look like if society keeps shifting in a sex-positive, kink-embracing way? The new sexual confidence, empowerment and prowess felt by today’s society could eventually lead to the development of a virtual reality system which makes you forget you’re just using your right hand. Perhaps people will start having more sex in moving cars since vehicles will be able to drive themselves, or we’ll see the normalization of people taking their scantily clad sex dolls out to dine at Cactus Club, with zero shame. It is clear that each generation desires to be revolutionaries when it comes to shagging but the truth is people have been getting freaky forever. The increasingly open society we live in has made it a little easier. Your grandma probably had anal sex, but it certainly wasn’t with a My Little Pony butt-plug that she purchased at the Taboo sex show after a day at the office. ■

GUIDE TO COMMON KINK SUBSETS (A GLOSSARY OF TERMS FOR NEWBIES)

ROLE PLAY: people who desire to dress up and act as characters. A sub-category of this includes FURRIES, people who wear animal costumes while engaging in sexual activites.

DOMINATRIX & SUBMIS-

SIVE: The dominant partners derive sexual pleasure from taking control of submissive partner as part of the consensual power exchange.

FOOT FETISH: when an individual is turned on by kissing, sucking, and stroking someone else’s feet. This can also be referred to as “foot worship.” IMPACT PLAY: refers to the use of hands, paddles, whips, or whatever you have around the house to hit fleshy areas of the body such as the thighs and booty. Highly associated with bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM).

LATEX & LEATHER: when people are attracted to clothes that show off curves, that are shiny, and that are slick to rub against.

BDSM

CROSSDRESSING:

when people wear items of clothing associated with the opposite sex.

CUCKOLDING:

when a heterosexual couple agrees to explore the turn-on of the female sleeping with other men and then humiliating her male partner about the fact that she’s sleeping with someone else.

Kinks

STORM SEX: Feeling frisky outdoors? People into this kink become aroused and excited by naturally occuring weather phenomena such as thunder and rainstorms.