Flash Fiction

Up, and Down

Nothing was your own except the few cubic centimetres inside your skull, that was what Mother had told me, her eyes wide with desperation to make my young mind understand.

“Protect it, child, and don’t let anyone or anything take what’s yours away from you.” As I lie here, her words come flooding back to me, a torrent roaring in my ears that joins the other conflicting currents that relentlessly batter my thoughts. I dwell on the words, riding the tempestuous waves. Up, and down. Up, and down. The rhythm unexpectedly soothing, the serene lull seemingly primordial, this state of being, limitless and homogenous. Up, and down. Up, and down.

A low rustle from a dark corner of my mind cuts through the chaos and drags me harshly back to consciousness, with such force that a strangled breath tumbles out of me. It pools above my face in the cool air, hypnotic and restless, a single writhing cloud that brings movement to a still landscape of vast and ungovernable mud, edged with foaming crystalline frost like that of a wave before it breaks.

Restless, unforgiving tides give way to a single thing. Small claws lacerate my consciousness, beady eyes scour my thoughts. Slight, twitching hands sort through my mind leaving no hope, dream, fear or memory untainted. Its garbled mutterings reverberate through my skull and each shuffled footstep causes me to convulse, the impact like a kick to the gut.

I had failed to protect the little I had been given and now it was over. There was nothing for me here or anywhere in this world; I would become one of the many names engraved in stone because after this day not a single thing could be mine ever again. I fall back and let dark and impossibly placid waves flow, consuming my conscious mind and leaving but a broken shell behind. The immense, remorseless swell rises gradually behind my eyes to an unbroken, all powerful rhythm. Up, and down it goes. Up, and down.

Judge’s Feedback

I was totally immersed in this piece, and I think that’s down to the beautiful rhythm and sentence structure, which work so effectively with the subject matter. The repetition is very atmospheric too - Up and down. Up and down - particularly at the end, it lulls you into a false sense of security, leaving you on a knife’s edge. It was very claustrophobic, which was perfect for the story it was telling. Brilliant.

Amy Beashel

Author of The Sky is Mine and We Are All Constellations.

The experience of singing, whether in morning services or during the House Song competition, has drawn us together as a school and has done wonders to lighten our mood at various points through the year.

The pupils have led the majority of our weekday morning services, working together as a House or with academic departments. They have prepared a diverse range of talks, covering subjects such as climate change, how to be inclusive, the Christmas story, why we remember war, celebrating diversity, the beauty of foreign languages, chemistry experiments, remembering the Holocaust, and many other topics that have educated and challenged us. Our major services at Remembrance Sunday, Christmas and Commem have enabled us to reflect on the lessons of the past and look forward to the future with hope, acknowledging the responsibility that we each have to make a positive difference throughout our lives. It was a privilege to host a confirmation service for the Diocese of Bristol in May, at which eight of our pupils were confirmed into the Church of England. The centenary of the opening of Memorial Arch was also marked by a special chapel service on 30th June, at which we heard from the grandson of Field Marshal the Earl Douglas Haig OC, who unveiled the names inscribed and opened the gates of Memorial Arch 100 years earlier, as the President of the College at the time.

This year has allowed me to say goodbye to the first cohort of pupils who have gone right the way through the Upper School whilst I have been Chaplain.

It has been fascinating to see the ways in which these young people have changed, individually and collectively, over the past five years as they have grown in confidence, knowledge and experience.

As I end my own time as College Chaplain in order to establish a counselling practice, I am grateful to the generations of chaplains who served the school before me and the foundation that they laid. This foundation allows both those with and without a religious faith to meet together to sing, learn, celebrate, mourn and pray for the events that occur in our world and in our individual lives. As a Christian, I believe that God sees all that we do and cares for every aspect of our lives, the easy and the difficult. I reminded the pupils again this year that they will inevitably face challenging decisions that put them under pressure, both ethically and morally. My prayer is that, through their experiences in chapel and the wider school environment, each member of our community will be able to discern when they are facing decisions with a right and wrong course of action and they will find the moral courage to choose the right path. I wish you all peace and courage for the future.

Spiritus Intus Alit

Rev Simon Chapman College Chaplain