Hannah's book

For Hannah

23 OCTOBER 2019

Once upon a time, there was a couple named Chris and Audrey. They lived in a grey house with a white door with Carley the dog.

They had a simple but happy life, but Chris and Audrey knew that something was still missing in their home.

They waited and hoped and prayed. Until one day, Audrey showed Chris a slip of paper. And they were so happy because they knew that God had sent them a little baby.

BU M P AH EA D

WE'RE P REGGERS !

There were so many things to plan for, from how to tell their family and friends, to making appointments with the doctor, and what kind of baby clothes and toys to prepare.

!lrig a s'tI

And when they found out that their baby was a girl, they had fun thinking about what names they would like for her.

ie? JOY? Soph Ja mie ?

Zoe?

Then, one morning, they received a call from their doctor with some bad news.

Tests showed that their baby was very ill with a rare disease called Trisomy 18. She was not likely to survive pregnancy or birth. Even if she was born, she would struggle and was not expected to live for very long.

The room was very quiet when the doctor asked if Chris and Audrey would consider stopping their pregnancy.

They went home and asked Jesus what they should do, and He answered through the setting sun:

If I take so much care to paint the sky each day and night, what more will I do for your baby.

Chris and Audrey knew that no matter what, God had a plan for their baby’s life. So they told the doctor that they would carry the baby for as long as God allowed.

We will carry you

Audrey’s parents often told her that her grandpa had chosen the name Hannah for her, but that they had then thought the name to be too old fashioned.

But now, it was the perfect name for baby Hannah Li Ern Thiruchelvam – named for her grandparents and her great grandpa.

Many people around the world began praying for baby Hannah, asking Jesus for a miracle.

Every night, Chris and Audrey read Psalm 91 to Hannah, and sang songs and talked to her. Baby Hannah would dance up and down as she listened to the songs.

Eight months went by

One morning, Audrey woke up and felt that something was not right.

Chris quickly drove her to the hospital.

The doctor did a careful examination before turning to them sadly. She told them that baby Hannah’s heart had stopped beating.

Hannah had gone home to Jesus.

Chris and Audrey went back home and cried for their baby. They couldn’t pray or do anything else.

After a while, they fell asleep.

When they woke up, they read Psalm 91 to Hannah one last time, and Audrey made a wish for her grandpa to be able to receive baby Hannah when she arrived in heaven.

They went back to the hospital so that Hannah could be born.

In the wee hours of 23 October 2019, a little baby girl with dark curly hair, soft brown skin, rosy lips and crooked toes was born.

Chris and Audrey held their baby for a few precious moments and loved every bit of her.

Close family and friends came to say goodbye to baby Hannah.

Her Ah Kong insisted on making a flower garden for her to sleep in, and her Tata held her in his arms while singing songs to her all the way from the hospital.

Jesus loves me this I know

Suddenly, Hannah’s Ah Ma received a text message from Auntie Barbara in Germany.

Auntie Barbara was part of the worldwide family who had been praying for baby Hannah.

The message said this:

Praying for Audrey and her family. I saw baby Hannah (toddler age) sitting

on the lap of Un Ghee’s father, laughing happily and reaching out her arms to a

person I could not see. I never saw a photo of Un Ghee’s father, I just knew it was him. . . .

God is amazing! It is rare that I have impressions like that. When praying,

I was hesitant to share it. God knew what Audrey needed. He will continue to comfort her and all of you through the time of grieving.

By the way, it was not a dream. I was wide awake, praying for Audrey and crying.

It was then that baby Hannah’s family knew that God had heard all of their prayers, and that she was safe in His arms, free from Trisomy 18, or any other sickness and pain.

Even though they were apart for a while, they would see each other again one day, and then, they would live happily ever after.

Trisomy 18 is also known as Edwards’ Syndrome. It is a rare chromosomal disorder in which a third copy of the 18th chromosome randomly presents in a person’s genetic makeup. In Malaysia, it occurs in about 1 in 5000 pregnancies. Babies with Trisomy 18 commonly present with a series of structural abnormalities, including cleft lip, clenched fingers, respiratory difficulties, and heart defects. Those who survive birth usually live for very limited periods and require intensive medical support. There is currently no known cause or cure.

When our anger and heartbreak subsided, God was still there. And we needed Him, because no matter how strong we were, we would never be strong enough for Hannah or for each other.

When the doctor first detected abnormalities in Hannah’s ultrasounds, we were told it was likely that she had Down’s Syndrome, which is more common and for which babies have a higher survival rate. It was painful news, but we decided not to undergo further invasive testing and that we would give our best care to Hannah if she was born with special needs. However, further ultrasounds showed that there were more severe concerns. Doctors found that Hannah had cysts in her brain, and a condition called congenital diaphragmatic hernia. This meant that her diaphragm and lungs had not formed properly and so, her breathing capacity would be severely impacted once she was born. It was then that we decided to undergo an amniocentesis – a procedure in which a sample of amniotic fluid is extracted from the womb for clinical testing.

God didn’t give us a direct answer, but He showed us through nature that He cared about Hannah, and had designed her with purpose. We are so grateful to our family and friends who stood by us, and told us that they would support us no matter what we chose. With that, we made our choice to treasure whatever days we had with Hannah and to trust God for the rest.

The amniocentesis returned a positive result for Trisomy 18. We were shattered because it was impossible to reconcile this to the promise that God makes us fearfully and wonderfully, when the medical facts presented the exact opposite.

We also could not reconcile to the idea of having our baby be born only to have to suffer just to breathe. How could God allow our baby, whom we wanted so badly, to be formed like this?

In that moment, we remembered a wise statement shared by an older auntie in church – a long obedience in the right direction sets your heart’s course in the worst of times.

It was terrible having to decide whether to continue with the pregnancy or otherwise. We wanted to protect our baby so how could we let her be born just to suffer? But at the same time, how could we choose to dishonour the life evidenced in every little heartbeat?

Hannah’s heart stopped beating on a Friday morning. By the time she was born, she had been in the womb for some time, so on top of the usual differences Trisomy 18 babies present with, we were prepared to see deterioration in her body.

However, when we finally met Hannah, she was complete and beautiful. There were no physical marks of Trisomy 18 on her except for her clenched left fist. It was then that we had our first glimpse of God’s promise that she was fearfully and wonderfully made.

It has been one year and our hearts still ache for our baby. We will never get over the heartbreak, but we have learned that peace and pain can co-exist. This story is for all of our family and friends who stood by, and continue to stand with us. You were with us in the darkest of times and we are so grateful for your love. One day, we will all have a Malaysian-style makan together with Baby Hannah and celebrate each other, and God’s goodness in eternity.

Chris & Audrey 23 October 2020