Bar•Bat Mitzvah Fall/Winter 2023

Periodical Supplement to Cleveland Jewish News, November 3, 2023

Mitzvah Bar•Bat

BARBATMAGAZINE.COM

FALL / WINTER 2023

Mazel Tov on your big day!

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Mitzvah 8 Bar•Bat

FALL / WINTER 2023

CONTENTS

12

10 22 6

Editor’s Note Amanda Koehn discusses the importance of celebrating Jewish heritage at b’nai mitzvahs

8

Special Selections Craft a celebration by capitalizing on local caterers, venues

Spotlight

26

Kaylee and Joshua Friedlander

18

Quick Question...

Pros answer the big questions regarding b’nai mitzvah celebrations and ceremonies

Looking Back Northeast Ohioans remember their b’nai mitzvahs

12

16

28

22

Documenting the Day Photographers give advice for ensuring each simcha is remembered for generations

Spotlight Maya Karas

28

A Bash to Remember Entertainment pros share ideas for party fun for all ages

32

Fun With Favors Incorporating custom items into your day

34

Hora Lincoln Goldstein

4

Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

I N T E RC O N T I N E N TA L CLEVELAND KNOWS HOW TO C E L E B R AT E Our team is passionate about creating truly personalized bar/bat mitzvahs.

From cultural menus and breathtaking spaces to attentive service and unexpected elements that speak directly to family and friends, InterContinental Cleveland listens and delivers unforgettable celebrations.

Live the InterContinental Life.

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© New Image Photography

SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE

T

hese are challenging times for Jews, especially in Israel but with ripple effects around the world – including here in Cleveland.

As I write this in mid-October, I’m reminded of how it’s so incredibly important to come together as a community in ways that give us a chance to be proud of our heritage and religion.

Lifecycle events like b’nai mitzvahs provide opportunities for togetherness, celebrating the next generation entering a new phase in their Jewish lives. For that reason, I’m glad to be able to share our 2023 fall/winter issue of Bar•Bat Mitzvah magazine.

Within these pages, you’ll find many ideas for planning a b’nai mitzvah – from photography to catering to entertainment to party favors and beyond. We also share stories of local b’nai mitzvahs, both past and present. The spotlights in this issue feature b’nai mitzvahs from the past year through photography and details of the celebrations.

And, as always, our Looking Back feature asks prominent Northeast Ohioans to remember their big days – often decades ago – and how the rituals impacted their lives as Jewish adults.

For this issue in Looking Back, we profile leaders of local Jewish community centers.

Also in this issue, we check in with a rabbi and a party planning professional for advice on some of the toughest questions for attending b’nai mitzvah ceremonies and celebrations with 2023 etiquette rules in mind.

Periodical Supplement to Cleveland Jewish News, November 3, 2023

Mitzvah Bar•Bat

BARBATMAGAZINE.COM

And, if you want even more b’nai mitzvah content, I recommend watching “You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah” on Netflix, if you haven’t already. I excitedly watched this movie right when it was released. Coming-of-age films are probably my favorite genre, and this definitely fits the bill – not to mention how much I enjoyed all the Jewish references.

The movie stars Adam Sandler, his two daughters and Idina Menzel. The bat mitzvah parties shown were definitely a bit over the top, but one thing I appreciated was that it cast kids who were actually near b’nai mitzvah age. And, at the center of it was a friendship between two teenage girls.

It also starred Sarah Sherman from Saturday Night Live, who played the instantly-classic Rabbi Rebecca. She was so iconic in her style, the website Hey Alma published a story titled, “How to Dress Like Rabbi Rebecca,” with actual outfit suggestions based on what she wore in the movie. More importantly, the way she related to the young b’nai mitzvah students seemed realistic, if a bit unconventional. And, the way she drew them to participate in modern Jewish life was heartening to watch.

If you are planning a b’nai mitzvah in your family – or if you simply enjoy movies with Jewish or coming-of-age themes, or all of the above – check it out.

I hope everyone looking forward to a b’nai mitzvah in the upcoming seasons is able to experience a happy, peaceful and fun day, and that it helps them feel connected to the long history of the Jewish people. And importantly, I hope these coming-of-age ceremonies and parties provide a great reason for our community to come together for something worth celebrating. We certainly need it at this time.

FALL / WINTER 2023

Mitzvah Bar•Bat

Publisher & CEO Kevin S. Adelstein Vice President of Sales Adam Mandell Editor Amanda Koehn akoehn@cjn.org Design Manager Stephen Valentine CJPC Editor Bob Jacob CFO Tracy Singer Digital Marketing Manager Cheryl Sadler Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Courtney Byrnes, Alexandra Golden, Lydia Kacala, Abigail Preiszig Interim Columbus Bureau Chief Becky Raspe Custom Publishing Manager Paul Bram Sales & Marketing Manager Andy Isaacs Advertising Marilyn Evans, Adam Jacob, Nell V. Kirman, Sherry Tilson, Danielle Zwick Senior Designer Jessica Simon Designers Bella Bendo, Ricki Urban Digital Content Producers DeAnna MacKeigan, Megan Roth Business & Circulation Shannon Johnson Amanda LaLonde Julie Palkovitz Abby Royer Contributing Writers Ed Carroll, Amy Richards Alyssa Schmitt Subscriber Services 216-342-5185/circulation@cjn.org

Amanda Koehn Editor

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VOL. 147 NO. 50

On the cover: Emily Karfeld celebrates her bat mitzvah on May 27, 2023 at The TempleTifereth Israel in Beachwood. Cover photo by Elizabeth Glorioso Photography.

6

Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-0009-8825) is published weekly with additional supplement issues in February, March, April, June, August, September, October, and twice in December,

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MAZEL TOV!

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LOOKING BACK

Northeast Ohioans remember their bar or bat mitzvah

RABBI CARNIE ROSE

By Abigail Preiszig

W

earing a bright green cast on his left arm, a three-piece jean suit and suede platform shoes, Rabbi Carnie Rose became bar mitzvah in May 1979 in the “Jerusalem of Midwestern Canada.”

Born in New York, Rose and his family moved to Winnipeg, Canada in 1967, so his father, Rabbi Neal Rose, a professor of near eastern and Judaic studies, could teach at the University of Manitoba.

“It’s a very, very cold place, but it was a wonderful place to grow up and it had a fantastic small, 25,000 (person) Jewish community,” says Rose, who became the president and CEO of the Mandel Jewish Community Center in Beachwood in January 2023.

The son of a communal rabbi and teacher, even beyond the synagogue Rose had a built-in community, leading to a large bar mitzvah with “at least 500 people,” spanning over two synagogues and a long weekend, he recalls.

On Shabbat, he celebrated his bar mitzvah at Talmud Torah Beth Jacob Synagogue, an Orthodox shul in Winnipeg, Canada. And on that Monday – which was Victoria Day in Canada – he had the second part at Shaare Zedek Congregation, a large Conservative synagogue in Montreal.

“No school that day, it was a civic holiday, and that way people could come and wouldn’t have to travel on the Saturday, on the Shabbat,” Rose says.

“Everybody came and had the day off, and we could sing and dance and celebrate and (have) food, and I remember it was

8

really a very joyous occasion.”

His bar mitzvah was presided over by his father and the family rabbi, Rabbi Meshullam Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, who was considered the spiritual father of the Jewish Renewal movement and visited from Philadelphia.

Rose prepared for his bar mitzvah since the time he was 4 years old, he says. His parents had him and his four siblings constantly “studying, preparing and participating.”

But, a year before the ceremony, he worked on his studies with his father and his singing with a community shaliach, an Iraqi emissary from Israel, Rose says.

“I learned to read the Torah not only in the standard Ashkenazi Northern and Eastern European way, but also according to the musical notations of the Iraqi Jews,” he says. “I got the opportunity to study in this very eclectic kind of way, and it made my bar mitzvah even more interesting by bringing in traditions from all over the world.”

At the time, Rose focused on mastering the technical skills of the ceremony like reading and chanting sections of the Torah in Hebrew.

“I felt like I wanted to accomplish as much acquisition of skill as I could,” Rose says.

On Shabbat, Rose read his Haftarah from the book of Bamidbar, the first of the Book of Numbers.

“The whole portion deals

Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

with accounting of the children of Israel and in the numbers, it goes tribe by tribe, so what struck me then and what strikes me now is that it’s about that every person counts,” Rose says.

He says the Haftarah impacted his life as a longtime active-duty congregational rabbi and now in his role at the Mandel JCC. “I really feel strongly that you have to make sure that every person is seen and honored and respected, appreciated, that they really count and that they’re needed and wanted,” Rose says.

“That’s one of the things that I try to bring to our Mandel JCC here

in town – that everybody has a place, everybody’s welcome.”

Rose says his bar mitzvah gave him confidence to be a leader in all parts of the service and the maturity to deliver a message.

“There’s also the whole issue of continuity, to continue what was in my family, following the footsteps of my dad and being a rabbi and a teacher,” Rose says. “That was really quite special that I can continue in that, and I think it impacted me and impacted all my siblings in the same kind of way – that there’s something beautiful in our tradition that we want to be able to perpetuate.” BM

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LOOKING BACK STEPHANIE YORK

By Alexandra Golden

S

tephanie York may not remember much from her bat mitzvah 40 years ago, but she does remember at the rehearsal the Thursday before, she could hardly remember any parts of her service.

“My mom was horrified, like steam was coming out of her ears,” York recalls. “I supposedly had been studying and practicing for nine months before this and was supposed to know it all and I was a train wreck.”

She “jammed in” nine months of learning in two days, and it went perfectly on the following Saturday, she says.

York celebrated her bat mitzvah at 13 years old on Oct. 1, 1983, at Congregation Beth Am in Cleveland Heights, officiated by Rabbi Michael Hecht. Beth Am merged with B’nai Jeshurun Congregation, now in Pepper Pike, in 1999.

Hecht became rabbi emeritus of B’nai Jeshurun and passed away Jan. 4, 2017.

“I don’t remember a whole lot of the ceremony because everybody’s looking at you and the pressure is on and it’s just kind of on autopilot at that point and going through the motions,” says York, who today is executive director at the Shaw Jewish Community Center of Akron. “Then when it’s over, it’s just such a relief.”

Her theme was purple, and to fit it she wore a dusty lilac color skirt suit that her mother promised was not “garish” or “tacky,” she says. Looking back, York says it probably had a little of those qualities, but it was the 1980s, after all.

“It was almost like a brushed corduroy,” she says. “… I had this blouse under that had a little bow at the neck. … And I had that bowl haircut.”

Although she does not remember much of the ceremony, she remembers the celebration after.

“You always remember the party,” she says.

However, her party was not like the extravagant parties of today, which she says can be like “mini weddings.” Hers was at her South Euclid house after the ceremony, with a tent in the backyard, a bar in the garage and catering. She describes it as a “big cocktail party.”

She was on a diving team at the time and says she and her teammates hung out in the basement, while the adults were upstairs.

Connecting her experience back to today, York’s party was different from those of her three children, Sam, Audrey and Ellie, but the service was the same for the most part, she adds.

She had a cassette tape she listened to and practiced with, which the rabbi recorded for her. Her children were able to practice using their smartphones. And, it was “much easier to study” for them, she notes. However, Ellie’s simcha was delayed a year due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and she later celebrated it with a friend.

And when it came to York’s parties for her children, they were not celebrated in a basement.

“Nowadays … you have a DJ, you have catered food, you’re at an event hall of some sort,” she says. “It’s a big production.”

Looking back, having a bat mitzvah made her feel like part of the Jewish community, she says.

“The congregation celebrates with you,” she

10 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

says. “The whole community celebrates with you, so I think that sense of belonging and doing these ritualistic ceremonies are very important.”

York says that while growing up, she did not realize how important being a

part of these traditions was to her. But now, as she sees how her children are connected to their Jewish community, she realizes how much becoming bat mitzvah shaped her and her feelings about her community. BM

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SPECIAL SELECTIONS Craft a celebration by capitalizing on local caterers, venues

By Alyssa Schmitt

A

s the spotlight turns toward the momentous occasion of a b’nai mitzvah, the canvas is set for a celebration that seamlessly blends tradition, trends and personal flair.

The coming-of-age simcha is a monumental time for a young person and their family to combine rituals with a healthy dose of fun, which can be done by working with local caterers and venues in Northeast Ohio.

Paci Elbaum, partner at Preferred Kosher Catering and Milky Way in South Euclid; Lauren Berkowitz Dicesare, catering and sales manager at Cleveland Marriott East in Warrensville Heights; and Kenny Dull, general manager of Adrenaline Monkey Cleveland, also in Warrensville Heights, share tips for selecting catering and locations.

PUT TRUST IN YOUR CATERER Whether you’re craving pizza or ribeye for the main dish, Elbaum says PKC and Milky Way can provide a menu catering to all taste palates.

“One of the really nice things about us is that (we’re) one size fits all,” he says. “We have meat, dairy and a parve bakery with a pastry chef. We can pretty much provide anything.”

He says PKC has catered for venues all around the area, and in doing so has created a reputation for being clean, friendly and flexible, all of which makes it easy if he’s asked to cater at a new venue. PKC is under kosher supervision of Cleveland Kosher, as is Milky Way, the restaurant.

When looking for a caterer, Elbaum suggests choosing one you can trust. That way, you can tell them what you like and let them take care of the rest.

12 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

“Many times, people hire a caterer which is supposed to take stress off, but then they are so involved that they don’t have the opportunity to enjoy their simchas,” he says. “If you trust (the caterer), let them put on the show so you can come and enjoy your moment.”

As many age groups enjoy a b’nai mitzvah celebration together, it can be tricky to find something that works for both children and adults. One way Elbaum has seen this navigated through the menu is by offering food stations, where everyone can bounce between options.

“I find that thinking outside of the box a little bit and doing buffet stations tend to reach a wider audience,” he says. “Meats can be kid-friendly with poppers and chicken fingers, but also adult with chicken skewers and salads. The same can go for dairy with mac and cheese, or fish and pasta. Both can be enjoyed by all.”

FIND A ONE-STOP SHOP For those looking for a place where out-of-town guests can stay and a venue all in one for the big day, Cleveland Marriott East can offer everything a host needs in one convenient location.

Berkowitz Dicesare says the hotel can be a one-stop shop for your party planning. In addition to providing accommodations, it has been able to offer Shabbat dinners the night before or host a brunch leading up to the service.

“We can do everything here,” she says.

That same sentiment can also apply to planning the celebration. Berkowitz Dicesare says clients can pick the vendors and details they want, like centerpieces or linens, and she takes care of the rest.

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Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 13

Photo / Adrenaline Monkey

“I work with a lot of the same vendors, so that makes it easy as well and I’m able to coordinate that for my clients,” she says. “I work with (vendors) directly to let them know about set up, tear down and things like that.”

The venue also serves as a full-service catering hotel, and offers kid and adult packages so guests of all ages can find something to enjoy. The hotel’s kitchen can accommodate dietary restrictions, and for those looking for a kosher option, the hotel offers options for outside catering.

The hotel also offers a complimentary food tasting so those looking to use the hotel’s menu know what to expect leading up to the b’nai mitzvah.

Booking the venue at the hotel can also help keep guests entertained at times when there isn’t something related to the celebration planned, Berkowitz Dicesare explains. They can relax in their rooms, have a meal at the hotel restaurant or take a short trip down the road to Pinecrest in Orange to pass the time.

“Because we’re a one-stop shop, they can have all of their events here under the same roof,” she says. “We also have a full-service restaurant so if (guests) want to get breakfast, lunch or dinner when hosts are not providing anything for them, they can utilize that as well.”

ADVENTURES FOR ALL AGES Adrenaline Monkey Cleveland offers adventures for all ages, says Dull. At 24,000 square feet, the building houses “ninja warrior”

14 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

Photo / Milky Way

obstacle courses, rock climbing, an arcade, basketball courts and a mezzanine area, all of which are customizable to put the guest of honor in the spotlight.

While it’s easy to see how a bunch of rambunctious young people would enjoy the offerings at Adrenaline Monkey, Dull says adults shouldn’t shy away from the entertainment. The staff can set up relays or open courses guests of any age can enjoy.

“The obstacles are approachable and they can try it – you don’t have to be an athlete or a ninja,” he says. “... The adults sometimes have the most fun.”

The venue can offer outside catering, space for food trucks and party add-ons like DJs, balloons or music and lights so celebrants can pick and choose what they want their party to look and feel like.

The basketball court and mezzanine area can also be converted into dance floors.

Dull recommends booking the venue as soon as you know you’re interested, or about six months out. If in a pinch, he says he can make it work two to three months out, but the flexibility of picking a day is limited at that point.

To avoid any missteps, Dull also recommends taking a tour of the venue first and being open with what you’re looking for. He said his team is up for the challenge of implementing unique ideas but they won’t know what those are if they’re not told.

“Ask any and all questions upfront because we have a versatile building,” he says. “Lean on us and let our staff help.” BM

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Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 15

SPOTLIGHT

Mariana Edelman Photography & Design

KAYLEE & JOSHUA FRIEDLANDER B’nai mitzvah: Sept. 30, 2023 Synagogue/celebration: The Temple-Tifereth Israel in Beachwood Officiants: Rabbi Yael Dadoun and Cantor Kathryn Wolfe Sebo Ages: Kaylee, 12, Joshua, 14 Hometown: Solon School: Solon Middle School 16 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

What was the best part of the day?

Joshua: My favorite part was the photo booth and playing with my friends.

Kaylee: Getting to dance with my friends and family, and hearing everyone cheer after I sang and played “Shut Up and Dance” on guitar.

Sam Friedlander, father: The best part of “JK Mitzvah” was seeing our friends and family supporting Joshua and Kaylee. The kids’ hard work paid off by leading the service, chanting Torah, and playing guitar and trumpet during the party!

What advice do you have for other young adults preparing for their b’nai mitzvah services?

Kaylee: Remember to practice, but if you make a mistake, it’s OK! What advice do you have for other young adults for enjoying the party aspect of the day?

Joshua: Hang out with all your friends and try to experience every aspect of the party like the dancing, food, photo booth, and the airbrush tattoos at my party.

Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 17

Party411

UICK UESTION...

Pros answer the big questions about b’nai mitzvah celebrations and ceremonies

By Courtney Byrnes

B

ecoming a b’nai mitzvah is a pivotal step in a child’s religious journey that they take surrounded by friends and family who care and want to celebrate with them.

As such, whether you are a parent planning your child’s ceremony and party, a celebrant preparing for the big day, or a guest invited to attend, there may be questions that arise.

From who to invite, what gifts to give, to preparing for a meaningful experience, Bar•Bat Mitzvah is here to help navigate proper etiquette. We sought questions from our readers and friends, and took some of them to local professionals for their advice.

Amy Bilsky, event specialist at Party411 Events in Warrensville Heights, and Associate Rabbi Elle Muhlbaum of Anshe Chesed Fairmount Temple in Beachwood shared from their expertise their own approaches to a range of questions. Their responses have been edited for brevity and clarity.

What is the etiquette for inviting coworkers to your child’s b’nai mitzvah?

And if you are invited to a coworker’s child’s b’nai mitzvah somewhat casually (like via a work email or mention, not a formal invitation), then should you attend or give a gift?

Bilsky: If you’re invited, the polite thing to do would be to send a gift. I don’t think someone is going to invite you unless they want you there, so it probably means a lot for them for you to be there. And a gift is a

18 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

nice way to show your appreciation. That being said, I don’t think you need to go crazy with a gift, it can be a small gift.

As far as inviting coworkers, it’s different for each person and it depends on your relationship with those people. My feeling is if you want them there, invite them. That being said, if you work with 12 people, you shouldn’t invite only 10 of them. At that point, you invite everybody. If you work with a large group and you want to invite a handful of people, that’s fine.

The key is to include the people that are important to you, but it also helps to keep people’s feelings in mind and your future relationship with them.

My child is terrified of public speaking. How can I calm their nerves about their b’nai mitzvah service?

Muhlbaum: We like to work with each of our b’nai mitzvah candidates individually to make sure the piece they’re presenting is authentic to who they are. So, for some of our students, a formal d’var Torah may not be the suitable form of reflection that helps us to publicly affirm their knowledge and their journey in this process. We really try to think creatively with families.

If somebody’s just nervous the day of, feeling anxious about the ceremony or being up in front of people or public speaking, first, I always like to tell the kids and their families that that shows me you

Bilsky

Muhlbaum

really care about what you’re about to do.

And so, while I want everyone to feel really comfortable, it’s normal to have some butterflies in your stomach.

We like to meet with the immediate family and the b’nai mitzvah candidate right before the service begins for a special ceremony.

We do a little ritual, a certificate signing and then the family members place the tallit on the child’s shoulders all together. It’s a chance for us to reflect on what we’re about to do together. I find it’s a great opportunity for the whole family to catch their breath, because often what we find is it’s not just the child that’s feeling anxious. It’s often the whole family that’s got a lot of energy, which is great.

But that moment, the pre-ceremony ritual, helps us get centered. It reminds the student that we’re all on their team. We’ve got their back, they don’t have to do anything alone, and they get to feel the tallit on their shoulders and to know they are held by their family and

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safe. I find that usually helps calm everybody down a little bit.

How do I decide who of my daughter’s classmates to invite to her bat mitzvah?

Of course her good friends are on the list, but how do I stop it from turning into a popularity contest or status thing regarding school acquaintances?

Bilsky: The first step is to consider the school. Some schools, like some of the private schools, have actual rules about it and you may have to invite everybody. At the public schools that have 100-plus kids in each grade, there are certainly no rules.

I would encourage my child to invite the people that they have relationships with, people that they consider friends. Same with coworkers, I would consider feelings when it comes to groups and leaving someone out.

I often tell my clients, if they don’t know who to include, sit down with the yearbook and go through it and make a yes, no, maybe list.

Each parent is different, every party is different. Some are more casual, some are more formal. And costs – there’s a wide range.

For some events, it might be cost prohibitive or you might not have space, and those are certainly things to consider with the guest list. There’s a fine balance between including the people you want, not hurting feelings and potentially not making things awkward with friends or friends in the future.

My son is very excited about his bar mitzvah party, but is slacking a bit when it comes to the religious preparation.

How can I help him better appreciate the importance of the service, and also be proud of his learning and not just how fun the party is?

Muhlbaum: When we work with families, we make sure we’ve got touch points throughout the process with the kids and their parents to just check in and see how things are going. I think about these kids and where they are developmentally, it’s hard to know you’re going through a journey sometimes while you’re on that journey. We remind parents that just because the child may not be projecting a great sense of enthusiasm or curiosity around what they’re learning, it is making an impact.

We’re queuing to our children how important it is to mark Jewish joy and Jewish identity in these public communal settings. That’s a really important signal for our kids, and that’s really lasting.

The celebration is also important – it’s the thing that really feels connective to the child.

They celebrate with their peers, with their family. For us, the ritual piece is the marker of a transition. But, I think we’re bringing these students along with us that don’t always realize how vitally important it is to go through this rite of passage in a public setting. So, I

20 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

Mariana Edelman Photography & Design

Dylan Oakley, who became a bat mitzvah at Anshe Chesed Fairmount Temple, practices her Torah portion with Hebrew tutor Susan Ringel. always try to help parents and grandparents navigate that each one of us has our own experience in the child’s bar mitzvah.

Kids have tons of demands. They have lots of things that they’re interested in, they’re engaged in so many extracurriculars, and they’re trying to figure out what it means to be a person in the world. And so, I think encouraging them to find ways to connect with their Torah portion is really important.

That’s what our rabbis and cantors are always trying to do is help folks see (their) own story in the stories of Torah. It helps to be able to engage in conversations around what the text is that they’re studying and why it’s important and how it connects to their life today. They may be slacking in the religious part of this, but they’re along for the ride and they are becoming who they’ll be in the world. And so, our job is to help support them and help make it meaningful.

What is an appropriate gift for a b’nai mitzvah? Does it vary based on how well we know the celebrant, the number of my immediate family members attending the party and travel necessary?

Bilsky: I think it’s reasonable to decide the gift based on your relationship with the person. It’s also reasonable to think about the gift based on who’s invited. If it’s just your child invited by a friend from school and it’s not a super close friend, you don’t need to send an over-the-top gift. If it’s their best friend or the entire family is included, you might want to get them a little something nicer.

Family usually tends to give a higherend gift, but I don’t know that they consider the cost of travel in their gift.

There’s really no right or wrong answer on what you should give, and really mostly (what) people want is to be with you on

their special day and they’ll appreciate anything you give them.

My family is interfaith and my child also has a couple very close non-Jewish friends who would like to attend their b’nai mitzvah ceremony. How can we prepare them for the service so they can follow it and feel like part of my kid’s event?

Muhlbaum: At least in our congregation, we make sure that our services are really accessible, and we tend to explain what we’re doing while we’re doing it. We know even for the families that are Jewish or have participated in b’nai mitzvah ceremonies, they may not actually know why we’re doing everything. We also specifically use a prayer book that has the Hebrew text, the Hebrew transliterated into English and the English translation. That way, folks of all different comfort levels of Hebrew are able to follow along, which helps orient them a little bit to what’s going on.

And if you’ve got loved ones in your family that aren’t Jewish but want to feel like they’re able to fully participate, the best thing they can do is be present in the moment. If they want to learn about the Torah service or they want to learn about the meaning of the ceremony itself, our clergy are always delighted to speak with family and friends. I’ve helped relatives that haven’t been called to the Torah before prepare for that moment. So, turn to your clergy. Let us help you and your family feel really well equipped to celebrate knowledgeably and to feel connected and have a sense of understanding. At least in our congregation, we’re working really hard to make sure that folks of all different backgrounds feel not only comfortable in our space, but like they know what’s going on during the service as well. BM

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Photo / Elizabeth Glorioso Photography

Lincoln Goldstein celebrates his bar mitzvah with his family at The Temple-Tifereth Israel in Beachwood on March 11, 2023.

DOCUMENTING THE DAY Photographers give advice for ensuring each unique simcha is remembered for generations to come

By Amy Richards

L

’dor v’dor, from generation to generation, is an important concept in Judaism. For that reason, documenting your child’s b’nai mitzvah with photos or videos takes on even more importance than merely reliving the day in the here and now. Future generations will look at these recorded moments as part of your family’s traditional heritage.

As such, choosing the right photographer, making sure your family’s vision comes across in the photos, capturing all of the important moments and emotions, and assuring your child that they will be comfortable in front of the camera on the big day are extremely important.

WHAT TO CAPTURE It is important to capture the uniqueness of each child’s big day, says David Tavens of Natural Light Studio, a photographer serving Northeast Ohio.

“Although bar/bat mitzvah events share many things in common, it’s the things that each family does to make their event unique and specific to their child that deserve special attention,” he says. “Not only do generations in families pass on rituals and traditions, many use new events to create new traditions.”

Elizabeth Glorioso of Elizabeth Glorioso Photography, another photographer based in Northeast Ohio, notes that besides capturing the traditional moments, such as photos of the teen at the bimah, holding and reading from the Torah, and receiving the tallit, “capturing the in-between moments are important, too.”

“Laughing with siblings, high-fives with the rabbi, smiles from grandparents – those are the irreplaceable moments that you will want to cherish,” she says.

22 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

Photo / David Tavens / Natural Light Studio

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR VISION COMES THROUGH Glorioso says the most important thing to make sure your family’s vision comes across in the photos and video is to have a photo consultation where everything is discussed ahead of the big day – including wardrobe, the teen’s personality, party themes and details, and relaying to the photographer what is most important to your family.

Tavens agrees, saying meeting with and getting to know a family before their event “is the best way to ensure you exceed their expectations.”

He adds, “My experience has taught me that families put a lot of thought into the details of their events, and being sure to know those details – no matter how subtle – is the best way to understand fully what a family hopes to see in their photos.”

WHAT TO KEEP IN MIND WITH TEENS, CHILDREN Teens and older children can be tricky to work with in that they have their own opinions and desires, but also still need direction, Tavens points out.

“There is no denying how challenging it is to be a teenager – being the focus of attention certainly adds to the challenge,” he says. “Making time to meet with the bar/bat mitzvah child before the day of their event is a good time to hear from them and learn from them; their views should not be dismissed. Ask to see the photos of themselves that they feel best about. Make sure they know you’re working for them as well as their parents, and let them know they can come to you at any time on the day of their event with requests and suggestions. If they’ve been a guest at other such events, they’ll likely offer plenty of feedback on what they liked and didn’t … and what they hope to experience.”

For working with teens and kids, Glorioso adds, “It is definitely a balance of setting expectations and going with the flow.”

She suggests letting the celebrant know things like when the portraits will be taken, how long that will take and if posed photos will be taken at the party.

“The flip side is going with the flow,” she says. “For example, (if ) family members are running behind and you need to get one more group portrait – (and) your teen has been taking portraits for a while – taking a quick break or circling back later gives them a moment to breathe.”

HOW TO AVOID MISSTEPS Glorioso stresses the importance of following your photographer’s guidance regarding the timing of various photos so they can “capture the most important aspects of your day,” without missing something important to you.

Tavens emphasizes that one of the biggest missteps happens when families are not able to enjoy their event fully. To avoid this, discuss your expectations thoroughly with the photographer before the event.

“It’s important that family members enjoy their event and not be pulled away from the festivities for photos,” he says. “Hosts sometimes forget that they should be enjoying the event as much as their families and friends. If a family is comfortable with the decisions they’ve made, they should be able to wake up the day of their child’s bar/bat mitzvah and just immerse themselves in all the goodness it offers.”

ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS BEFORE Families should ask about a photographer’s experience and familiarity with religious rituals and customs ahead of the b’nai mitzvah, Tavens says.

“Families should also ask how photographers might handle special circumstances unique to their event and family,” he says.

Photo / David Tavens / Natural Light Studio

Left and above: Hannah Banchek celebrates her bat mitzvah Feb. 18, 2023. Her service was at Solon Chabad and her party was at The Winking Lizard in Bedford Heights.

Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 23

He also discusses the importance of asking to see a photographer’s work because “there is no better way to evaluate a photographer’s skill.” In addition, he says you should ask questions to get to know the photographer on a personal level.

“The photographer you choose will be spending an entire day with your family and your close friends,” Tavens says. “Who you choose to interact with them makes a difference, and can be reflected in the photos.”

Glorioso agrees, saying that asking the right questions is vital to achieving the results you desire.

“Before booking your photographer, ask if they are experienced in photographing bar/bat mitzvahs,” she notes. “A photographer not familiar with mitzvahs might not notice the small details or importance of certain traditions.”

In addition, you should ask the photographer if they are familiar with your synagogue’s rules regarding photography, she says.

Photo / Elizabeth Glorioso Photography

SHOULD YOU ALWAYS HIRE A PROFESSIONAL? “I recommend that you always hire a pro,” Glorioso says. “There are no do-overs when capturing family milestones.”

If hiring a professional is not possible, however, Tavens suggests “trying to find someone who understands that there are a lot of moving parts to bar/bat mitzvah events and is comfortable being ready at all times to capture things that will only happen once.”

Both photographers underscore the importance of spending time planning to make sure you get photos you will cherish. Asking the right questions, avoiding serious missteps and finding the right photographer will help to preserve this milestone not only for you and your child, but also for future generations. BM

Above and below: Sadie Schonfeld celebrates her bat mitzvah on Aug. 26, 2023 at B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike.

Photo / Elizabeth Glorioso Photography 24 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

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SPOTLIGHT

MAYA KARAS

Bat mitzvah: June 17, 2023 Synagogue: Temple Israel Ner Tamid in Mayfield Heights Celebration: The Venue Banquets in Tallmadge Officiant: Rabbi Matt Eisenberg Age: Now 13 Hometown: Beachwood School: Beachwood Middle School 26 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

Stephanie Penick Photography

What was the best part of the day?

Maya: The best part of the day was being able to celebrate with my friends and family. Three years ago, when my brother had his bar mitzvah, it was during COVID and he wasn’t able to have a traditional bar mitzvah. This made me really appreciate being able to have all of my loved ones with me.

Kori Karas, mother: The best part of the day was watching our daughter chant from the Torah in front of her family and friends, and with her dad by her side as the gabbai. Her father, Jonathan, was her tutor, as he was for our son, Michael. This made the day even more special. Having all of our loved ones there celebrating with us was also very special. We were so grateful for those who helped us celebrate.

What advice do you have for other young adults preparing for their b’nai mitzvahs?

Maya: The advice I have for other young adults preparing for their b’nai mitzvahs is if you mess up, keep going. Reading from the Torah is difficult, but with practice and patience, you will be able to do it. A b’nai mitzvah isn’t just about the party, it’s about becoming a Jewish adult and being responsible for my own actions and Jewish identity.

Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 27

A BASH TO REMEMBER Entertainment pros share ideas for party fun for all ages

By Ed Carroll

A

t a b’nai mitzvah, the star of the show is the night’s honoree. And while everyone at the party likely looks forward to spending the big night with them, every party is better with some entertainment and fun activities.

Rather than rinse and repeat entertainment from yesteryear, families understandably are looking for activities that are fresh, family-friendly and most importantly, fun. Bar•Bat Mitzvah caught up with entertainment professionals Shawn Smutak, lead entertainer, and Jeff Kutz, partner and vice president of social sales, at Rock The House Entertainment Group in Oakwood; Chris Hatala, event director and final boss at Games Done Legit in Cleveland; and professional emcee and DJ Jaime Kravitz, who provides entertainment and uplighting for b’nai mitzvahs and events throughout Cleveland as The Energy Producer. They share their ideas for what makes a party jumping and how to ensure guests of all ages have a blast.

ROLE OF AN EMCEE Photo / Games Done Legit / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design 28 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

Kravitz says while you may know a great party DJ, most DJs aren’t necessarily captivating with their microphone skills.

Photo / Rock The House / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design

Photo / Rock The House / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design

Photo / Rock The House / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design

Photo / The Energy Producer / Orville McEachron Photography

“A bar/bat mitzvah, we have kids there, grandparents, people of all ages, and it’s really important to have someone that can not only run that room, but bring up that energy,” Kravitz says.

“Larger than life moments (like a b’nai mitzvah) matter. It’s a life celebration, and that’s a really big deal.”

She says every b’nai mitzvah party should have some sort of an emcee, even if the family plans to hire a band for entertainment.

“Bar none, you need a professional emcee,” she says. “When the band is performing, they’re not performing the full six hours of the party. I firmly believe you need an emcee to start off.”

Kravitz says in addition to providing uplighting, she loves partnering with other businesses to help bring families personalized touches to each party. She also brings along a minimum of two trained dancers to help her keep the fun going.

“They’re bold – they’re there to bring out the energy in the kids,” she says. “... One adult is not enough to manage a room of 30 kids.”

And, professional emcees like Kravitz and her team are attuned to the dynamics of the party and can help make sure everyone has fun, she adds. “… When I was younger, I was the kid that wasn’t popular, so we

“Maybe it’s a game or a contest for the guest of honor, but I want to hear them say, ‘I want to do that at my party.’”

Jeff Kutz

Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 29

keep an eye out and get those kids involved and having fun,” Kravitz says.

For Kravitz, representation matters – particularly for young women at a bat mitzvah. She says when she had a bat mitzvah, she never imagined she’d be hosting these kinds of celebrations herself.

“I had no idea that this career was an option for me,” she says. “It was all men ... men, men, men. Especially for a young lady who is becoming a woman, what better than to have your mitzvah hosted by another woman that knows this experience herself?”

GAMES GALORE

Photo / Games Done Legit

Hatala says Games Done Legit specializes in bringing virtual reality, interactive entertainment, and classic and modern video games to events. While hosts can customize entertainment packages to fit the party’s theme or the honoree’s preferences, he says he always includes a few staples that generally appeal to everyone, such as the popular Nintendo games Mario Kart 8 and Super Smash Bros., and classic games adults are often nostalgic for, such as Duck Hunt or a rare twoplayer arcade Pac-Man unit. He also frequently suggests games that are easy for anyone to pick up and play, such as Wii Sports.

“We’re always recommending the most social games and experiences,” Hatala says. “We ask the honoree about the games they like to play. (Even with the classic games), generally there’s often some multiplayer version we can find. We want people to be laughing and into the experience.”

While Games Done Legit offers full event entertainment packages, Hatala says they’re also happy if a celebrant just wants to add an interactive touch to their evening with a game.

“The goal is to make everyone an active participant,” he says. “Most of our clients want to be involved and have the kids and adults enjoying the fun.”

ROCKING THE HOUSE

Photo / The Energy Producer / Orville McEachron Photography

Photo / The Energy Producer / Orville McEachron Photography 30 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

Kutz says Rock The House can customize the entertainment to the host or honoree’s preferences, but they also take a big picture view of the evening.

“Our entertainment is an experience, more so than parts,” he says, adding that the social side of the company is broken down into categories, such as DJ entertainment, which includes a DJ, an emcee and party motivators. “We’re the complete recipe for a successful party.”

He says Rock The House sits down with the families during party planning and one question he always asks the honoree is what they liked at other b’nai mitzvahs and parties they have attended.

“Maybe it’s a game or a contest for the guest of honor,” Kutz says, “but I want to hear them say, ‘I want to do that at my party.’”

Both Kutz and Smutak also say that since Rock The House will see many of the same kids as they work the mitzvah circuit throughout the year, they’ll often notice that things popular for fall parties may not be as trendy for spring or summer events.

In addition to DJs, music, lighting and emcees, Rock The House can bring in interactive games like Pop-A-Shot basketball or arcade games, outdoor activities like large Jenga pieces or a giant Connect Four, photo booths and even airbrush temporary tattoo artists.

Smutak says the number of options – and potential customizations – are among Rock The House’s biggest benefits. He says they can even adjust plans on the fly during the course of the night.

“The flexibility of Rock The House is that we’re more than just music,” Smutak says. “Everyone is going to be entertained and the night will go smooth.” BM

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Fall / Winter 2023 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 31

Hoodies created by KMK Promotions, with design

by Melissa Miller and Pink Gorilla Balloons and Events.

Fun with Favors

By Amanda Koehn

T

he excitement of a b’nai mitzvah party can long be remembered through custom favors, such as T-shirts, hoodies or other items that display the theme of your party and personal style.

Barry Jacobson, owner and president of KMK Promotions in Solon, and Orysia D’Aurelio, owner of Big Frog of Solon, both create these types of custom creations for b’nai mitzvah celebrants. They share some of their favorite designs, and tips for those looking to purchase custom shirts and other favors.

“Most designs are based on the themes that the kids come up with, whether they are sports related, music related,” Jacobson says.

“And the designs are born out of their themes. I think a fun theme leads to a fun design.”

In addition to T-shirts, KMK creates hoodies, pants, bags and all sorts of promotional products – not just apparel, many of which could make for good giveaway gifts for party guests, too.

And at Big Frog, while some customers request colorful shirts that show off their personality and theme, others opt for something more simple with the intent that their guests will continue to wear it long after the big day. With design options like screen printing, embroidery, glitter or some combination, Big Frog designers create the artwork. They find out what the customer is looking for, determine the most cost-effective way to create it and price it accordingly, D’Aurelio says.

After the customer approves the design, Big Frog can do a quick turnaround if needed, D’Aurelio says. She remembers one client who came to her in a pinch after another retailer missed the deadline and the child’s bar mitzvah was a day away.

“We ended up doing it for her and we made the deadline for her,” D’Aurelio recalls, pointing to the benefits of working with an in-person, local business for custom b’nai mitzvah apparel and other items.

“Sometimes people get it online, and people online don’t always come through,” she adds. “We are local, and you can feel and touch (our products). Our commitment is … we provide a service, and we do it on time.” BM

32 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

B’nai mitzvah cat-inspired artwork on a T-shirt designed by Big Frog of Solon’s graphic designer.

Hoodie design by Big Frog of Solon for a joint b’nai mitzvah celebration.

Hoodie design by Big Frog of Solon.

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! a r

o H Lincoln Goldstein of Shaker Heights stands up on his chair for the hora during his bar mitzvah at The Temple-Tifereth Israel in Beachwood on March 11, 2023.

He follows in the footsteps of his father, who stood on the chair during the hora at his wedding, and two sisters who completed the same feat during their bat mitzvahs. Lincoln, 13, attends Shaker Heights Middle School.

Elizabeth Glorioso Photography 34 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2023

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