Bar●Bat Mitzvah Fall/Winter 2024

Periodical Supplement to Cleveland Jewish News, October 11, 2024

Mitzvah Bar•Bat

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Mitzvah 12 8 Bar•Bat

FALL / WINTER 2024

CONTENTS

10 24 6

Editor’s Note

18 22

Let kids’ personalities shine

8

Looking Back

Jillian Kugelman

24

Northeast Ohioans remember their b’nai mitzvahs

12

Talking Themes Spotlight

28

Food For Thought Tips for incorporating interesting, kid-friendly foods

4

Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

Spotlight Hannah Duber

30

Reuben Corona

18

Photos In Focus Photographers share how to capture the big day

How to choose a theme that reflects your child’s interests

16

Spotlight

Creating Confidence Consistent preparation helps calm nerves for the service

31

Hora Disco ball dance

MAZEL TOV!

NHHAAN NCCEE YYO OUURR LLEETT UUSS EEN

GD DA AY Y!!

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LET KIDS’ PERSONALITIES SHINE AT THEIR B’NAI MITZVAHS A s we put together this fall/winter 2024 issue of Bar•Bat Mitzvah magazine, we noticed a trend of celebration themes that reflect a child’s personality and interests.

After all, the b’nai mitzvah age is a special time when kids are figuring out their likes and dislikes, and beginning to understand the responsibility of becoming a Jewish adult. As such, a b’nai mitzvah is a great opportunity to let those personal passions come through while celebrating the hard work that goes into the day.

In this issue, we spotlight three recent b’nai mitzvah celebrants – all selected from community nominations. As seen through photos, each of their parties was unique and reflective of their identities and interests.

I encourage you to read about them throughout this magazine, starting on Page 16.

And this personalization concept is not just about the party. As you’ll see in the Spotlights and beyond, kids can also express themselves by choosing mitzvah projects that speak to the changes they want to see in the world and their community. They can also reflect on how their religious service might relate to their past, present and future.

Engaging in this Jewish tradition in a way that’s personally meaningful can impact kids now and throughout their lives, Rabbi Matt Cohen told me when I interviewed him for a Periodical Supplement to Cleveland Jewish News, October 11, 2024

Mitzvah Bar•Bat

BARBATMAGAZINE.COM

FALL / WINTER 2024

Looking Back story about his own bar mitzvah.

Back then, he says he was ready to be done with Jewish learning – he didn’t have that personal connection, at the time. Instead, he found a deeper connection to his religion in college. Now working with b’nai mitzvah students as rabbi of Temple Emanu El in Orange, he continues to create meaning from his own experience. He emphasizes spending one-on-one time with students to help find ways to make the ceremony reflective of each of their strengths, interests and values.

Also in our Looking Back feature, Pepper Pike resident Susan Hurwitz reflects on having a bat mitzvah at a time when girls rarely had the opportunity. The experience was personal to her as she advocated for herself to become bat mitzvah, demonstrating true feminist chutzpah. It stays with her today at age 79, as throughout her life she’s continued to create opportunities in the local Jewish community for herself and others.

And if you need help choosing that special theme and food to match, you’ll find advice within these pages, along with tips for photography and the service.

I hope this issue is helpful for planning and it inspires the b’nai mitzvah celebrant in your family to not hold back in letting their interests and identity shine through. I also hope you spend time together reflecting on the meaning of the ceremony and ways to make it personally special and important, connecting the child to their Jewish community, culture and religion now and into the future.

And, if you have a unique way that’s been done in your family, we would love to hear about it. Send us an email at editor@ jstylemagazine.com to tell us how your b’nai mitzvah child’s personality, interests and values were shared on their big day, and you may see them in an upcoming issue.

Mitzvah Bar•Bat

Publisher & CEO Kevin S. Adelstein Vice President of Sales Adam Mandell Editor Amanda Koehn akoehn@cjn.org Design Manager Stephen Valentine CJPC Editor Bob Jacob CFO Tracy Singer Events Manager Gina Lloyd Editorial Kirsten Beard, Kaitlyn Finchler, Lydia Kacala, Abigail Preiszig Columbus Bureau Chief Becky Raspe Custom Publishing Manager Paul Bram Sales & Marketing Manager Andy Isaacs Advertising Marilyn Evans, Adam Jacob, Nell V. Kirman, Sherry Tilson, Danielle Zwick Senior Designer Jessica Simon Designers Ricki Urban, Dusten Welch Digital Content Producers Courtney Byrnes, Daniel Newman Business & Circulation Amanda LaLonde, Abby Royer, Ellye Wetherwax Contributing Writers Ed Carroll, Noell Wolfgram Evans, Lisa Matkowsky, Amy Richards Subscriber Services 216-342-5185/circulation@cjn.org Display Advertising 216-342-5191/adsales@cjn.org

VOL. 148 NO. 46

Amanda Koehn Editor

On the cover: Hannah Duber, center, celebrates at her equestrianthemed bat mitzvah party on Feb. 3, 2024 at StoneWater Golf Club in Highland Heights. Spotlight on Page 28. Cover photo by Mariana Edelman Photography & Design.

6

Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

CLEVELAND JEWISH NEWS (ISSN-0009-8825) is published weekly with additional supplement issues in February, March, April, June, August, September, October, and twice in December,

by The Cleveland Jewish Publication Company at 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, OH 44122-5380. Single copy $1.25. Periodicals Postage paid at Cleveland, OH and at additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: send address changes to the Cleveland Jewish News, 23880 Commerce Park, Suite 1, Cleveland, OH 44122-5380.

Mazel Tov on your big day!

Photos by MARIANA EDELMAN PHOTOGRAPHY & DESIGN

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LOOKING BACK

Northeast Ohioans remember their bar or bat mitzvah

RABBI MATT COHEN

By Amanda Koehn

M

att Cohen was ready to be done. As his bar mitzvah approached, even his rabbi could tell he was finished with Hebrew school and Jewish learning for the time being.

He celebrated his bar mitzvah at Congregation Bethaynu, the Conservative Pepper Pike synagogue that closed in 2011, on his 13th birthday on Sept. 16, 1989. It was officiated by Rabbi Milton B. Rube, the founding rabbi of the congregation who died on Aug. 14 at age 99, with Cantor Kathryn Wolfe Sebo, now of Congregation Mishkan Or in Beachwood.

“I remember thinking and I remember the rabbi even telling my parents, ‘He’s done,’” Cohen recalls. “‘We don’t need to force this thing anymore.’”

While he took the service “seriously” and knew the day was special for his family, he admits not having the best attitude toward it. Other than living in Beachwood and attending the then-Solomon Schechter Day School, now Gross Schechter Day School in Pepper Pike, which naturally would keep him connected to the Jewish community, he didn’t think he’d do anything major

Matt Cohen and friends play a mummy wrap game at his bar mitzvah party in the basement of his Beachwood home.

8

Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

religion-wise afterward.

His service went well after a lot of practice, he says, and his party was held at his home with about 30 kids attending. A DJ played music in the basement for the kids, while the adults had fancy food in the backyard.

Cohen’s main memories from the party include his friend running down the stairs to falsely tell everyone Cohen’s mother was in labor. She wasn’t, but police were in the street because cars were double parked. His mother gave birth to Cohen’s sister four days later.

He also asked the DJ to play a song for him, “Welcome to the Machine” by Pink Floyd, which he first heard from a counselor at Camp Ramah, the Jewish summer camp he attended.

“It was a total buzzkill. … The energy just dropped because it wasn’t really that engaging of a song,” Cohen says.

After his bar mitzvah, Cohen remained connected to Jewish life via his local community and familial roots – one of his grandfathers was a Holocaust survivor, and the other fought in the 1948 War of Independence for Israel. He wasn’t connected to the religious piece though, he says.

However, Judaism became more important to him in college at The Ohio State University in Columbus, where he played music at Hillel and discovered the Reform movement. He also worked at the Goldman Union Camp Institute, the Union for Reform Judaism regional camp in Indiana.

“Engaging in Judaism in a more personal way, in a more independent, thoughtful way, for me was what got me thinking about what I want to do in my career,” he says.

At 30, he started rabbinical school and became ordained at Hebrew Union College – Jewish Institute of Religion in Cincinnati in 2012. Since 2022, he’s been rabbi of Temple Emanu El in Orange.

Reflecting on his own bar mitzvah

Matt Cohen at his bar mitzvah with his grandfather, Alfred Rosenfeld. Photos courtesy of Rabbi Matt Cohen. experience and now working with b’nai mitzvah students at the temple, he talks with them one-on-one to find ways to make the Jewish experience personalized – something he didn’t experience for himself until college.

He helps students find something that’s meaningful to them and work their own strengths and interests into the process, he says.

“Sometimes, I even tell kids that you may not even know what it means to you right now, but maybe down the road, you’ll discover that it meant something – you’ll have a spark,” he says. “And for me, working with b’nai mitzvah students is the way that I’m able to make meaning out of my bar mitzvah.”

Despite the perfunctory nature of the bar mitzvah experience for him at the time, Cohen recalls being proud of the accomplishment. He has a sense of pride seeing the photos with his grandparents and remembering how proud they were to see Judaism continue into the next generation, even if it was in the form of a rather rebellious kid.

“I imagine there was a deep pride in that, and perhaps even in them, a sense of success that against many odds, they fought for me to be Jewish and fought for that Torah to be passed down into my hands,” he says. “... I think the bottom line is that ... sometimes in the moment, it’s very hard to find the meaning of what you’re doing,” he says. “Sometimes, it just has to simmer.

Sometimes you have to experience life, and once you experience life, you start to look back and see what it was all about. And for me, even as someone who was pretty rebellious and resistant, it was still an important thing for me to do.” BM

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LOOKING BACK SUSAN HURWITZ

By Amanda Koehn

W

hen Susan Hurwitz (nee Nickman) started to see the boys in her small religious school having their bar mitzvahs, she had questions.

“I said to the rabbi, ‘Why do boys get bar mitzvah and not girls? I’ve been studying with you and I know the same things,’” she says. “And he said, ‘Good question, let’s see what we can do about it.’”

Hurwitz’s questions led to her becoming among the earliest Conservative bat mitzvahs in the Cleveland area on June 21, 1958, she recalls.

At 13, her ceremony was with another bat mitzvah, Susan Shore, just after Shore’s 13th birthday. Their b’not mitzvah was held at the Bellefaire chapel in Shaker Heights, where her family’s congregation, Temple Beth Sholem, held Friday night services. The small Conservative shul was created by former congregants of the Young People’s Congregation of The Temple on the Heights. Their rabbi, Rabbi Pincus Goodblat, served at YPC but went into the military during the Korean War as a chaplain. His rabbi position

wasn’t still available when he returned, Hurwitz says.

“There was a group of families that were very devoted to him, who wanted to wait for him to come back,” she says.

Thus, some congregants left with Goodblat, and Hurwitz’s parents, Eileen and Myron Nickman, were among the founders of Beth Sholem. It didn’t have its own building, so the congregation met elsewhere for services.

About six kids were in her religious school class. Studying for her bat mitzvah, she had an Orthodox tutor who made her a recording of her parsha.

“I would listen, but I also knew how to read the Hebrew so I actually did read from Torah,” she says.

Her Friday night bat mitzvah service with Shore went well, she recalls.

“I was very excited,” Hurwitz says. “I had asked about it, it was something I wanted to do.”

Susan Hurwitz (nee Nickman), seated left, at age 13 with her peers at Monticello Middle School in Cleveland Heights. Photo courtesy of Susan Hurwitz.

10 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

Susan Hurwitz returns to Bellefaire chapel, where she celebrated her bat mitzvah in 1958, with The Holy Scriptures book from which she studied.

Bar•Bat Mitzvah Photo / Amanda Koehn In a reflection she later wrote, she recalls of her bat mitzvah, “Susan (Shore) and I felt like pioneers, the young Israeli women we admired.”

Her party was held in her Cleveland Heights backyard.

Although her parents rented their home, the owners allowed her father to put down linoleum on the floor of the garage for the party. Her father strung little lights in the yard, they had a record player going and her mother made sloppy Joes for the kids. They drank Coca-Cola from glass bottles, danced and had a big cake.

“We had a great time,” she remembers.

Hurwitz, now 79, and a Pepper Pike resident, went on to become a licensed professional counselor. Now retired, she’s also held many volunteer roles in the Cleveland Jewish community throughout her life. She is currently the Older Adult Task Force chair at the Jewish Federation of Cleveland, aiming to address gaps in senior care in the area, and co-chair of the grants committee at Mt. Sinai Health Foundation. Hurwitz was honored as a member of the 2020 class of Cleveland Jewish News 18 Difference Makers.

She says becoming bat mitzvah before many girls had such an opportunity – which

she vouched for herself to do – set “a standard” in terms of creating her Jewish life.

“My parents set a beautiful example, but the idea of being part of the Jewish people and taking my place as an adult in the Jewish community I took quite seriously,” she says. “It’s guided me.”

She also had the opportunity to see her two children and several grandchildren become b’nai mitzvah. Her daughter’s children celebrated theirs at Jewish Family Experience in University Heights – also “a small congregation that was really creative,” which reminded her of her experience, she says. And, Hurwitz is now a congregant at Congregation Mishkan Or in Beachwood, created from the recent merger of Anshe Chesed Fairmount Temple and The Temple-Tifereth Israel, “another developing congregation” in its own way, she adds.

“That’s just the reality of being blessed with a long life – things change,” she says. BM

To read more about Susan Hurwitz, visit cjn.org/18dm

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Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 11

TALKING THEMES How to choose a theme and activities that reflect your child’s interests

By Ed Carroll

W

hile the child celebrating their b’nai mitzvah has always been the star of the show, the parties have come a long way from dimly lit dining halls and

dancing.

Simply put, if you’re throwing a party in 2024 – and beyond – you may want to consider a special theme.

Bar•Bat Mitzvah checked in with some local party professionals in Northeast Ohio and asked them how best to come up with a winning theme. Amy Bilsky, event specialist at Party411 Events in Warrensville Heights; Ryan Harmon, director of sales at Lasting Impressions Event Rentals in Brooklyn Heights; and Chris Hatala, event director and final boss at Games Done Legit in Cleveland shared ideas that will give celebrants, families and friends an experience they’ll remember.

When it comes to planning a b’nai mitzvah, the professionals said while it can be helpful to do research and look into what other successful parties did, the most important thing is to discuss the event with the child celebrating and find out what interests them.

“I don’t think there is such a thing as a boring theme,” Bilsky says. “I think we can take anything that interests a child and make it interesting. It’s really what you make of it.”

Ultimately though, the best way to settle on a theme is to consider what the child likes – and make sure to ask them about it in-depth in advance.

12 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

Above: A beach-themed party planned by Party411 Events. Below: A party with a winter theme planned by Party411 Events. Photos courtesy of Party411 Events.

She says many kids have things they’re passionate about, giving an example about one child who loved hockey so they did a hockey-themed party. But if a child doesn’t have any one interest that defines them or if they have a lot of interests, Bilsky says they can work with that at Party411 Events, too.

“We often take a look at the theme to see if it’s something we can use and incorporate into the food and activities,” she says.

“Maybe if the child is interested in traveling, if we’re doing a travel theme, maybe the food is an ‘around-the-world’ theme and we have

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Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 13

Above and right: A party with a theme focused on The Beatles planned by Party411 Events, showing a record poster and table decor evoking the “Abbey Road” album cover. food from different countries. If the kid chooses a sports theme, maybe we choose a venue that offers batting cages or we bring in a Pop-A-Shot, something like that.”

Harmon says good themes have some commonalities: the idea is well thought out, well executed and parents work with party planners who are connected with talented vendors doing quality work.

“I also think making sure that the theme resonates with the guest of honor (is important), making sure that you incorporate those favorite colors or characters or hobbies, elements of that regard,” Harmon says. “It goes back to that personalization, really always making it about the guest of honor.”

Children attending the celebration are usually around the same age and likely going to many of the same parties, which is why Lasting Impressions believes having interactive experiences is key, he says.

“There’s more than one (party) they’re going to for that year,” he says. “So, make sure there’s ways to not be so boring or stale or the same, and really letting it have those interactive, immersive experiences. I also think (it’s important that parents are) sticking with one theme. I think people get caught up on trying to add games to different themes or something, and it becomes too convoluted, as opposed to one theme with 86 layers underneath it and (is) intentional. That’s a big thing, knowing why you’re doing a certain element of a theme of the party, making sure everything is well thought out and not an afterthought.”

Games Done Legit is sometimes brought in after a theme has been decided to provide some extra fun with video games, virtual reality and other interactive entertainment, Hatala says. But he says they also work with clients who bring them in during the early planning stages and can tailor their offerings to the child’s interests, themes and even the guests, especially since the company has expanded its offering of retro video games.

“I distill things down into about a dozen activities that we can offer a large or a small version that we found work best for almost every event we do,” he says. “I have a section now for AV (audio visual) and that covers like if a kid is really into esports. There’s a whole generation now that has grown up watching famous people on YouTube play Minecraft and stuff like that.”

He says as the company has grown, it has branched out from not only video games and VR, but also more on the AV side, providing screens and audio services. It will customize what specific video games are at the party if there’s a gaming section. And even if parents aren’t sure about it, the games have been a hit at parties, he adds.

14 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

“Most of the activities we have just seem to work for most events,” he says. “You basically talk to the family and get a feel for not just how many kids, but what are the kids into, what do they really like to do. I don’t really like that cookie-cutter approach that (parties) always start with or you have to start with a dance party. I think it’s just best to be like, ‘Hey, here are some ideas, what kind of direction do you guys feel?’ And then present something you can really tailor to the family.”

Ultimately though, the best way to settle on a theme is to consider what the child likes – and make sure to ask them about it in-depth in advance.

“We can take anything that interests a child and make it interesting,” Bilsky says. “It’s really what you make of it. To me, it’s really about choosing something that you and (the) child love that will make the day special for you or your guests. There’s really no right or wrong theme. I tell people, whatever they love, that’s what we should work with.” BM

A beach-themed table setup created by Party411 Events at an outdoor venue.

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SPOTLIGHT

REUBEN CORONA

Bar mitzvah: Aug. 17, 2024 Synagogue: Temple B’nai Abraham in Elyria Celebration: Catawba Island Club in Port Clinton Officiants: Cantor Laurel Robuck Barr with Rabbi Lauren Werber Age: 13 Hometown: Port Clinton School: Danbury Local Schools

Pam Johnston (party) and Jason Frieman (synagogue) 16 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

What was the best part of the day?

Reuben: There were two “best” parts on the day of my bar mitzvah. The first was the actual ceremony and being able to finally put all my hard work and practice into play. The second was the party – it was a blast, and I loved having all my friends and family there to celebrate with me.

I also think my tikkun olam/tzedakah project was pretty cool. I collected 283 pairs of shoes for Soles4Souls, an organization that donates new and gently used shoes to people in need. Soles4Souls creates sustainable jobs and provides relief through the distribution of shoes and clothing around the world.

Shari Corona, mother: There were so many incredible parts to the day. The first “best” part was watching our son lead an entire service in Hebrew and English and read from the Torah in front of 200 people. He was absolutely amazing, so poised and collected. He was very calm and engaging.

The second “best” part was the party. It absolutely rocked and everything turned out perfectly! It was a blast and everyone had a great time. We felt blessed to have all our family and friends there with us that day to witness this lifecycle event and to celebrate Reuben. And we are also very proud of Reuben for his tzedakah project.

We also could not have been happier or more proud of our shul, Temple B’nai Abraham, with how everyone worked together and made the ceremony and day so special. The entire TBA community along with Cantor Laurel Robuck Barr and Rabbi Lauren Werber made the service so incredibly meaningful and welcoming to not only our family, but to all of our guests. It was an incredibly joyous experience and the TBA team was amazing.

What advice do you have for other young adults preparing for their b’nai mitzvahs?

Reuben: Don’t procrastinate and get your practice in so you only have to review the last couple of weeks before the big day.

Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 17

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Caterers offer tips for incorporating interesting yet kid-friendly foods

By Amy Richards

T

o have an amazing party, you need amazing food. B’nai mitzvah parties are no different, but they can be a bit trickier than planning a typical party because the guests will be both kids and adults – and oftentimes lots of them.

To help consider important factors such as how to choose foods that will make all your guests happy, how to kick it up a notch from the typical party food and how to deal with picky eaters, Bar•Bat Mitzvah magazine sought advice from three popular area caterers: Haley Betts, special events manager at House of Blues in downtown Cleveland; Carla Randau, director of events at Savour Hospitality Group (which includes, among other venues, Marble Room Steaks & Raw Bar in downtown Cleveland, LockKeepers in Valley View and Il Venetian in downtown Cleveland); and Carl Santagata, owner of Lavera Party Center in Willoughby Hills. Here’s what they had to say.

What makes for good catering options that will please both kids and adults?

Betts: Finding the perfect blend of catered meals can be a balancing act. We make it easy by offering an expansive special events menu that includes a wide array of selections and fully customized options. At House of Blues Cleveland, our music hall is the perfect space for b’nai mitzvahs as it allows us to easily cater to the younger crowd on our main level, while the adults can enjoy a more intimate cocktail reception up on our mezzanine. We can create two separate buffet areas that capture the crowd and occasion perfectly.

Randau: Understanding your audience is key. The first question I ask when throwing a kids’ party that adults will enjoy is whether your adult friend group would prefer a seated, plated dinner, or have more fun with stations and displays. Food stations with abundant variety and ornamental presentation can be appealing to both adults and children. On the other hand, you may opt to serve

18 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

adults a seated/plated meal with a separate kids’ buffet. Children like to play and graze, so while you may not be able to keep them in their seats for a proper mealtime, you can keep a kids’ buffet out throughout the event so they can eat when they are hungry. You may find, as the party continues and drinks are flowing, the adults will partake in the kid munchies as well.

Santagata: A good mix of finger foods as well as some filling dinner options are always great choices.

What are some interesting, unique options to incorporate for those wanting to take it up a notch from basic party food?

Betts: We’ve seen everything from handcrafted, thematic desserts to waffle bars to customized favorites, all pivoting around creative themes adding to the evening’s excitement and celebration.

You can also elevate your event with personalized menus, create a signature mocktail, or feature an appearance by top-tier chefs and mixologists. This past year, we rolled out our Iconic Chef Experience where your guests can enjoy legendary cuisine from award-winning chefs and mixologists in a one-on-one private dining experience.

Randau: Something as simple as mac and cheese can be elevated using a polished presentation and more refined ingredients. Our mac and cheese bites are made with house-made Il Venetian pasta and Gruyere cheese. Our taco bar features Faroe Island salmon fish tacos and braised beef short rib barbacoa. Our ice cream bar includes house-made Il Venetian gelato and fresh baked cake crumble toppings. So, many ideas for kid-friendly cuisine with heightened ingredients that adults can’t resist.

Santagata: Grazing boards, whether sweet, savory, dinner or breakfast, are very popular. Any kind of slider, with a unique sauce, always kicks up an event.

Above: Key lime pie shooters and more sweet treats. Photo courtesy of House of Blues / New Image Photography.

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How can you include options that make both picky kids and picky adults happy?

Betts: We have an amazing culinary team that can cater to all palates. Our executive chef will happily curate a menu ranging from a decadent buffet to a carefully crafted plated meal, including incredible action stations that offer an array of differing cuisines that will hit home with all of your guests.

Randau: Kids’ palates are changing. Let’s face it, not every kid goes straight for the pizza anymore. More and more children have extended their tastes to sushi and mochi over tenders and fries.

And a sushi station doesn’t have to be all raw fish. Our Marble Room sushi bar features plenty of cooked items like a smoked salmon roll and chicken teriyaki roll. Incorporating unique ingredients that can please even the pickiest of eaters, with the right amount of assortment, is key.

Santagata: The build-your-own platters/bowls are popular.

Providing guests with several options to create their own unique dish is always a winner.

Are there any foods that families should avoid, or on the flip side, be sure to include?

Betts: Make sure your menu fits perfectly with your group and theme to create that customized experience that everyone enjoys.

Randau: The most important thing is to celebrate your child’s favorites on their big day and then creatively expand upon this with variety and diversity so that everyone has something to enjoy. Don’t overthink it.

Santagata: The host is always going to know their guests better than we do. So, it’s important in the planning stages to communicate known allergies or dietary restrictions so we can work to customize menu options to suit all your guests. BM

A savory and sweet grazing board. Photo courtesy of Lavera Party Center.

Left: An assortment of miniature desserts. Above: Hanger steak with French fries and ketchup. Photos courtesy of Savour Hospitality Group.

20 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

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SPOTLIGHT

JILLIAN KUGELMAN

Bat mitzvah: May 11, 2024 Synagogue: B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike Celebration: Lavera Party Center in Willoughby Hills Officiants: Rabbi Hal Rudin-Luria and Rabbi Joshua Jacobs DJ: Darell Newsom, DJ Rell E Rell Age: 13 Hometown: Twinsburg School: R. B. Chamberlin Middle School 22 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

Andrea Hallgren Photography

What was the best part of the day?

Jillian: The best part was seeing how proud my family and friends were of me and how proud I was of myself afterwards because I put a lot of work, effort and time into preparing. Also, all of my friends, Jewish and non-Jewish, coming together to celebrate my achievement was a wonderful feeling.

Rachel and Matthew Kugelman, parents: Jillian studied for over a year for her bat mitzvah and doubted her ability to do a good job. The best part of the day was seeing Jillian confidently lead Shacharit, read from the Torah, chant her Haftorah, and deliver a thoughtful and meaningful D’var Torah.

We were so incredibly proud of her. Watching her get to finally relax and have fun with her friends that night was wonderful as well.

What advice do you have for other young adults preparing for their b’nai mitzvahs?

Jillian: Don’t stress yourself out because it is all worth it in the end. Go into preparation for the day, and the day itself, with a positive attitude. Live in the moment and enjoy it.

From time to time, Bar•Bat Mitzvah magazine features spotlights on local b’nai mitzvahs.

Submit yours at cjn.org/barbatmitzvah.

Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 23

Photographers share how to capture the big day successfully

By Noell Wolfgram Evans “Smile.”

For a long time, that was the key to capturing memories on a child’s b’nai mitzvah day. The photographer would command, everyone would comply and the celebration would continue.

While a good smile is still important, today a lot more goes into capturing the ceremony and party. For that reason, local photographers share tips for how to make sure the big day is photographed in a way that will keep those happy memories in a family’s mind for years to come.

COMMUNICATION = SUCCESS Mariana Edelman of Mariana Edelman Photography & Design, who photographs b’nai mitzvahs, weddings and other events around Northeast Ohio, says the key to a successful experience with a photographer is, unsurprisingly, communication.

“I have a standard short list I work off of,”

24 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

she explains. “I always go over this with the family to see if there is anything additional they want to add.”

Andrea Hallgren of Andrea Hallgren Photography, which also serves Northeast Ohio and beyond, has developed a questionnaire she uses to tease out the details from the family not just about the event, but about the child as well.

“This gives me some insight that I can build on to make the kids feel comfortable,” she says.

“It helps to have some topics to talk to (the kids) about that I know they are interested in. That way, I can bring out a little of their personality.”

Just as important as having a list of “wants” is having a list of warnings. Edelman and Hallgren share stories of uncomfortable situations trying to get photos of (unknowingly) unfriendly family members together. Those types of moments can put an unnecessary strain on the day, but they can

Edelman

Hallgren

be easily avoided with a few words during the preparation process.

MORE THAN JUST PHOTOS Edelman says she believes part of her pre-ceremony role is as an educator.

“I do have many people who call me up because they need a photographer, but when they come in, they don’t really know what to expect,” she says. As a Jewish mother, she says she has a particular appreciation and insight into the “effort and

Above and below: Haley Zimmerman at her bat mitzvah on Jan. 13, 2024 at Park Synagogue in Pepper Pike. Photos / Andrea Hallgren Photography. Opposite page: Saige Mirman at her bat mitzvah on April 13, 2024. Her service and party were at Congregation Mishkan Or (then The Temple-Tifereth Israel) in Beachwood. Photo / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design expectation” that goes into the ceremony and party, and can help in those, “Have you thought about ...” moments.

Also, the photographer will want to be prepared to capture a moment before it happens. For that reason, Edelman suggests the family makes sure that the day of the event, the photographer, entertainment company, DJ, caterer and everyone else providing any service are connected.

THE POWER OF THE PROFESSIONAL With most of the attendees carrying cellphones with high-end cameras, it is understandable that professional photographers are feeling a pinch.

Edelman counters the “Why hire a professional” argument with the lasting power of a well-composed photo.

“I understand that people have a budget, but 20 to 30 years from now, you won’t remember that the salmon was cold or that there was an issue with the DJ, you’ll just remember what you see in your photos,” she says.

Hallgren points out that while everyone may have a photographer’s camera, they don’t

all have a photographer’s eye. “You’re hiring me for my artistic vision,” she says.

There’s also the matter of having the right equipment.

“If you want a family member to take

photos, they probably don’t have lighting or may not know how to perform colorcorrection and editing after the ceremony,” Hallgren says.

Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 25

Above: Chase Zelwin celebrates his bar mitzvah on Oct. 21, 2023 at B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike. Photo / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design Below: Josh Markowitz reads from the Torah at his bar mitzvah on Sept. 2, 2023 at Chabad Jewish Center of Solon. Photo / Mariana Edelman Photography & Design SELECTING THE RIGHT PHOTOGRAPHER When interviewing a potential photographer, you’ll often be shown a selection of their work. Hallgren cautions, “It’s really important to see a complete day, not just their selects. Ask to see a sample of a gallery that a previous client might have been given. This will give you a sense of the overall quality and consistency of the work.”

Edelman suggests not just making a selection by looking at some photos online.

“You have to meet with the photographer to get a real sense of who they are, what they can do and that you can trust them with your big day,” she says.

Additionally, you’ll want to ask what the final package includes and what the turnaround time is, Hallgren says.

“Some photographers offer prints, others just hand over digital copies,” she says.

“I create heirloom albums to be a lasting reminder of the day.”

As for turnaround time, Hallgren has an average of about six weeks. That can differ for every photographer, however, based on the amount of editing and corrections they do.

26 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

It is also good to know about a photographer’s experience with b’nai mitzvahs specifically to help make your hiring decision.

“It can be helpful to work with someone who knows the flow of the day,” Hallgren says. “Understanding the expectations and how a day will unfold can help in capturing the little details.”

With so much to capture, the coordination and all of the planning, it can be easy to lose sight of the purpose of the day, which is why Edelman offers a gentle reminder.

“It’s important for everyone to remember that the day is really about the kids,” she says. BM

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SPOTLIGHT

HANNAH DUBER

Bat mitzvah: Feb. 3, 2024 Synagogue: Park Synagogue in Pepper Pike Celebration: StoneWater Golf Club in Highland Heights Officiant: Rabbi Joshua Skoff Planner: Betsy Karetnick, event planner, designer and owner of The Portable Garden Age: 13 Hometown: Orange School: Brady Middle School 28 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

Mariana Edelman Photography & Design

What was the best part of the day?

Hannah: It’s impossible to pick the best part. I loved my service and reading my Torah portion in front of my family and friends. The Venue at StoneWater where I had my party could not have been more perfect for my equestrian-themed night.

From really pretty centerpieces to amazing food and fun desserts, it was all so perfect.

The DJ had everyone dancing all night, and I still think about that day all the time, wishing I could do it all over again.

Craig and Rachel Duber, parents: We loved celebrating our daughter, surrounded by her friends and family in an environment that was so reflective of her. Her day was so symbolic of how beautiful and passionate our daughter is, and we are so proud of her commitment to her Judaism and to helping others. From her emotional speech at the service, to dancing all night long, she was in her element and we would not have changed a thing.

What advice do you have for other young adults preparing for their b’nai mitzvahs?

Hannah: Enjoy every moment of it, from the ceremony to the party. It goes by so fast.

Celebrate your hard work and achievements, and find a meaningful mitzvah project to dedicate your time. I chose Fieldstone Farm Therapeutic Riding Center to help people of all ages with emotional, physical and cognitive challenges.

Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 29

CREATING CONFIDENCE Long-term, consistent preparation helps calm nerves for the religious service

By Lisa Matkowsky

J

ust as preteens are gaining a greater desire for independence, they begin the sometimes overwhelming task of preparing for their b’nai mitzvahs, including the study of Torah portions and prayers, familiarization with the various elements of the service and composition of a D’var Torah, a traditional speech focused on the weekly Torah portion.

Some parents and family members become anxious about pushing too hard, and at the same time, apprehensive about how to ensure appropriate preparation occurs. For that reason, Rabbi Matt Eisenberg from Temple Israel Ner Tamid in Mayfield Heights, Gadi Galili, ritual director at Park Synagogue in Pepper Pike, and Cantor Alyssa Rosenbaum from B’nai Jeshurun Congregation in Pepper Pike give tips to help parents help their kids get ready so they feel confident and shine during their service.

FAMILIARITY OVER TIME IS KEY Although synagogues and religious schools vary greatly in their b’nai mitzvah expectations, most require students to lead certain prayers, read or chant some text (Torah and Haftarah), and deliver a D’var Torah. Eisenberg says his biggest advice is simply regularly attending Shabbat services ahead of their own ceremony.

“It sounds pretty basic, but I call them up to help me lead the services, so if the kid has done this eight, nine or ten times, they get very comfortable,” he says. “They become a real part of the congregation, so the ceremony does not feel like a show they have to put on. By the time their mitzvah comes, they know how to lead a worship service.”

Kids can also become anxious about the intense at-home studying required for reading the Torah. Rosenbaum stresses regularity in practice.

“Encourage kids to practice every day, even for as short a time as five minutes, to hard-wire the information and make it rote,” she says. “Study is less overwhelming in small bites, for everyone. All kids are different in terms of nerve levels. Practicing every day with encouragement and support from family is crucial.”

She adds that practicing is less about the amount of time and more about the consistency of studying. Also, it’s important for parents and other teachers to be reasonable with their expectations.

“Parents or helpers should be mindful of demanding perfection,” Rosenbaum says, adding that she stands next to the child as they read to provide additional support. “Everyone can shine at their own level and can read whatever part of the portion they have mastered.”

30 Bar•Bat Mitzvah | Fall / Winter 2024

Eisenberg

Galili

Rosenbaum

PUTTING PREPARATION INTO ACTION When students work hard, consistently and diligently, the information learned goes into their long-term memory, Eisenberg says.

“I tell them, it might come slowly at first, but it will come,” he says.

“You will not have tremendous nerves when you come to services because you’ve been on the bimah a lot.”

Kids also need to know that feeling nervous is normal when they’re doing something significant, he says, but their preparation will help them take control of the moment and do it despite any fears.

“I’m nervous before each sermon, but I’m not petrified because I’m prepared – and they are prepared,” Eisenberg says. “It’s OK to feel nervous.”

For every part of the preparation, Galili says that months ahead of the ceremony, the best thing to do is practice three to five times a week for 10 minutes. Then, closer to the ceremony, increase the time – “maybe a little bit more, but do not over-practice,” he says.

“Students should relax before the big day and make sure to enjoy the time leading up to it,” Galili says. “Celebrants should remember to read slowly, take a breath, enjoy the moment, look at their friends and family, keep eye contact with their family and friends, and smile.”

And on the day of the ceremony and celebration, Galili recommends families help the celebrants take care of themselves and assist in calming their nerves by reminding them how ready they are for it.

“In most cases, if the students are practicing ahead of time and know the material, then of course they will be more comfortable and more relaxed,” he says. “On the day of, they should remember to eat and drink before the service, take deep breaths, enjoy the experience with their family and friends, and sit close to the people who are experienced with this type of event.” BM

HORA

Hora!

Reuben Corona is lifted up toward the disco ball for the hora at his Aug. 17, 2024 bar mitzvah at Catawba Island Club in Port Clinton.

His ceremony was at Temple B’nai Abraham in Elyria. Mazel tov!

• Spotlight on Page 16 Photo / Pam Johnston

Fall / Winter 2024 | Bar•Bat Mitzvah 31

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