City Weekly May 14, 2015

C I T Y W E E K LY . N E T

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The

Herd Bull Southern Utah lawmaker Mike Noel has a reputation for hating wilderness, but he sure does love open spaces.

By Colby Frazier

of The house

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY The Herd Bull of the House

Southern Utah lawmaker Mike Noel has a reputation for hating wilderness, but he sure does love open spaces.

Cover photo by Colby Frazier

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Colby Frazier

Cover Story, p. 14 Born in Spanish Fork, Colby Frazier grew up draggin’ Main, jumping off the Salem Pond Bridge and eating cheeseburgers and Oreo shakes at Glade’s Drive Inn. Among other professions, he has worked as a beer brewer, a grease monkey in a big-rig truck shop and a pizza-delivery boy. Follow him on Twitter: @colbyfrazierlp

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Letters Natural Splendor and Fourplexes

I applaud Salt Lake City for proposing to expand mandatory recycling to apartments, multi-unit condominiums, and businesses. It is long overdue. I was disappointed, however, to find out upon e-mailing the city that fourplexes would be exempt from the proposed rule. I currently reside in a fourplex and have observed needless amounts of trash being thrown out that could have easily been recycled.

As a society, we have a moral obligation to conserve our natural resources and leave this world a better place for future generations. Recycling is a crucial part of that.

I think President Lyndon B. Johnson said it best when he intoned that, “We must restore what has been destroyed and salvage the beauty and charm of our cities.” He also said, “Once our natural splendor is destroyed, it can never be recaptured. And once man can no longer walk with beauty or wonder at nature, his spirit will wither and his sustenance be wasted.”

Ryan Curtis Salt Lake City

Anarchy Is the Solution to Police Violence

In his call for the nationalization of police forces, Al Sharpton perfectly encapsulates the mainstream left— frequently dead on target in the diagnosis, yet prescrib-

WRITE US: Salt Lake City Weekly, 248 S. Main, Salt Lake City, UT 84101. E-mail: comments@cityweekly.net. Fax: 801-575-6106.

We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity. Preference will be given to letters that are 300 words or less and sent uniquely to City Weekly. Full name, address and phone number must be included, even on e-mailed submissions, for verification purposes. ing a remedy that would only exacerbate the infection.

The problems Sharpton identifies—persistent police abuse, unaccountability and distance between the police and the policed—are the results of a forced monopoly system, one in which arbitrary power is concentrated in the hands of a small group of law enforcement and court officials.

Nationalization would compound these problems by even further centralizing power, increasing the distance (both literally and figuratively) between policing decision-makers and policed communities, and eliminating the checks and balances generated by allowing people to “vote with their feet.” Instead of municipal monopolies providing defense services, which have proven themselves dangerous enough, Sharpton would subject Americans to a single federal police force, echoing Barack Obama’s ominous call for a “civilian national security” force back in 2008.

Sharpton’s proposed remedy shows the mainstream left’s true colors, rooted in the nationalistic, essentially fascist politics of the Progressive Era. The invocation of “fascism,” in this context, should not be taken as mere name-calling. Rather, the ideas of the Progressive Era were self-consciously, even proudly fascist, a deliberate reaction against classical liberalism, calling for increased state management of the economy through bureaucratic expert oversight and collusion between political and economic power that blurred the suppos-

edly hard-and-fast lines between the public and private sectors.

Market anarchists advocate a peaceful, decentralized society in which real competition is given free rein, no one possessing a legal monopoly to use force, no special group of armed men with badges given a monopoly. The state is the embodiment of legalized and legitimated crime, holding itself above the basic rules that the rest of us have to follow. A less violent society in which individuals are held accountable requires vigilance against government overreach and the active devolution of existing government powers to individuals and networks of voluntary cooperators.

The authoritarian reflex and its quick fixes are powerful, but they’re neither genuinely progressive nor liberal.

David S. D’Amato Chicago

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PRIVATE EY

Ahhh. Love.

I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m pretty sure the most touching thing I’ve ever read in a local newspaper occurred yesterday.

With but six short words, The Salt Lake Tribune brought me to tears. They were attributed (as in purely sourced, true as best they can ascribe, and certainly not anonymous because the Tribune doesn’t do that. Ha!) to Salt Lake City Councilman Kyle LaMalfa.

“I want to be with Erin,” read the Tribune headline, followed by the secondary and less-engaging news that “Salt Lake City Councilman LaMalfa giving up seat to be with Councilwoman Mendenhall.” I didn’t know whether to pee or to cry, so I cried. With laughter.

You might recall that on Nov. 13, 2014, our online news section revealed that Kyle and Erin (yeah, let’s go first name here; screwing the public trust is an informal matter, you know) were involved in a notso-secret tryst over at City Hall. Tongues were wagging enough for some to begin a slightly noisy whisper campaign about the propriety of two elected officials sitting on the same council having a dalliance that may have interfered with their judgment on citywide matters. One day, we got information that all but challenged us to look into the matter.

So our reporter, Colby Frazier, began asking questions. Nothing happened. A month went by, then nearly another, when whoosh, what can safely be called a cascade of new information was presented to Colby. Apparently, City Hall became embroiled in a sudden bit of a panic, and plenty of people wanted the media to know about it.

Call him crazy, but Colby is just one of those guys who thinks taxpayers should be apprised of conflict-of-interest matters, no matter whose bull is gored. As it turned out, it was our bull that was gored after the story ran. People who failed at catching wedding bouquets and garter

belts from all over the state chided City Weekly online and on social media for having the temerity to probe (no pun) into matters they believed should have remained private. Let’s put it simply: If Kyle or Erin had been sleeping with anyone outside of public office, we would agree that no violation of public trust had taken place. We just would have laughed and whispered, and called it a day.

We might even have turned our heads if their horizontal cha-cha partner in question were a religious figure, a convicted criminal or a feral animal, since, you know, lots of that happens in Utah already.

Their partners were each other, though, winking and nodding. Brazen enough even to take a trip together to study some non-important issue in some distant location on the city’s dime. Did anything improper occur on that trip? Dunno. Only two people know. But it sure stinks to high heaven. Why? Because until yesterday, when one said he would not seek reelection so that both of his hands could be in the cookie jar, they were each public servants.

That means they have our trust, and it cannot be blended with their own lack of it.

Fortunately, a goodly number of people think that matters. Soon after our goring in the spiderweb of social-media public opinion, a different and very vocal set of persons began commenting. They, too, agreed that if you are elected to public office you are held to a higher standard— even if the standard is the low bar set by the Salt Lake City Council. City Weekly was taking the hit on something that was really quite obvious—the story was true.

The two parties knew it, and everyone around them knew it. For their supporters who remained in the dark, learning that the white-picket-fence existence of their council officials was a mirage became almost too much to bear.

STAFF BOX

B Y J O H N S A LTA S

Readers can comment at cityweekly.net

@johnsaltas

Soon enough, an apology or confession of sorts came via an article in The Salt Lake Tribune and on social media (where Kyle revealed his teenage propensity for shallow thinking about women, followed by an insipid Facebook post about his affection for Erin).

That was the first time the Tribune took a potshot at City Weekly for running with a story citing anonymous sources. They’ve whacked us enough on that one—it’s like they’re trying to give us greyscale. Barely able to withhold their joy at getting the scoop on Kyle’s “wanting to be with Erin” moment, the Trib noted yet again in its May 11 story that our anony mously sourced story precipitated all this. Damn! If we had just kept quiet, Kyle and Erin could be farting rose petals and living happily ever after. The Tribune did not seem to regard Kyle’s departure from the City Council as a fall from grace at all, but as a love story, a veritable fairy tale (one comment-board writer compared Kyle to King Edward VIII, who abdicated the throne of England in 1936 in favor of his amour. Yech!).

No. It was a calculated statement falling just one day after Mother’s Day. Ya gotta love politicians, eh? Saving Glendale Golf Course can wait.

Kyle was previously regarded as a man of the west side, a person who worked hard for his district, come hell or high water. Some saw him as an aspirant to higher political office. But high water came, revealing him as a putz like the rest of us. And here’s something: Erin is regarded as a very attractive catch. If she were not, Kyle would be getting spanked.

But, in our beauty-crazed world, Kyle is canonized for his ability to make such a catch. No one faults Erin, not even for her crappy taste in west-siders. And most certainly, not the Tribune. CW

I didn’t know whether to pee or to cry, so I cried.

With laughter.

Send comments to john@cityweekly.net.

Are sex scandals that involve politicians newsworthy?

Andrea Moore: I think a person’s sex life (political or otherwise) should be kept to themselves and the person/people it directly impacts. For whom a person chooses to take off their pants doesn’t interest me in the least. As long as you have two consenting adults, have at it.

Jeremiah Smith: I think that public officials should be able to sleep with whoever they want. It certainly isn’t any worse then being courted by lobbyists, or other close concerns—and that happens all the time. Plus, we would have far less foot-tapping in airport bathrooms, which is annoying, and concentration is very important in bathrooms.

Mason Rodrickc: Why else would I care about House of Cards?

Alissa Dimick: I would like to be the type of person who doesn’t care and thinks it’s personal, but I know I am the ass who wants to know. I do think it is plenty newsworthy, dammit!

Scott Renshaw: As with most political “scandals,” they matter to the extent that they reveal hypocrisy in the politician’s public posture/positions. An extramarital affair or closeted gay romance should matter more if the individual is lecturing and/or legislating on a specific moral platform. Also, it’s way more hilarious.

Pete Saltas: It’s definitely newsworthy as it pertains to the day-to-day life of their constituents. We should all know what’s going on with those we appoint to Capitol Hill. However, if Bill Clinton can get dome from his side piece and still be the best president in a generation, then it shouldn’t really matter.

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HITS&MISSES

by Katharine Biele

FIVE SPOT

random questions, surprising answers

@kathybiele

Do you want to mess with golfers? Salt Lake City has taken a swing at it after looking at $800,000 in golf-course operating deficits. Despite public meetings that drew multitudes of angry golf enthusiasts, the city has already closed the Jordan River Par-3 Golf Course, transferred the Wingpointe course to the airport and is “repurposing” the Glendale course. You’re talking the west side. Watch out for eastsider angst over Bonneville Golf Course and the now-real specter of redesignating 42 acres as “natural habitat”—aka weeds—in the name of water conservation. A new irrigation system in the works leaves a wide swatch of unwatered grass around the course, abutting certain neighbors. They include lawyers and dentists threatening lawsuits and claiming work proceeded without sufficient public input.

The city’s getting plenty of input now.

The Cycle Continues County Republicans were right about bikes—but for the wrong reasons. Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams proposed giving a $25 incentive to employees who commute via bicycle. The idea was to promote healthy living and clean air. For that to make a difference, you’d probably need all employees of Kennecott and the valley petroleum plants to ride their bikes to work, turn around and immediately return home. GOP councilmen were worried about the budget and “subsidizing” commuters. Wait for the budget to come up in a few months—when the weather gets bad, they suggested. But the real concern should not be just with bikes, but with any way to promote good health and clean air. A gym, perhaps? Carpooling?

The bicycle idea, unfortunately, excludes some older or disabled employees. The idea, though, is worth pursuing.

List Opportunities The thing about lists is there are so many of them. One day you read about Utahns spending 50 minutes to commute each day, and Price being the No. 1 best commuter city in the state. Then you hear that many Utahns list air quality as a major concern, but that 44 percent of the U.S. population live somewhere with unhealthy air. Another list places Salt Lake City at No. 14 for telecommuting.

Now The New York Times and a Harvard study tell us poor children can make more money in a lifetime if they live in Morgan or Summit counties rather than Salt Lake. That’s because of crime rates, family structure, diversity and educational opportunities. Apparently, location matters. But if you’re a poor kid, you may just be moving from shelter to shelter, and there aren’t many in Morgan County.

AUSTEN DIAMOND

Par for the Course

Salt Lake City has joined a global network of co-working communities called Impact Hub. Start-ups and social enterprises —as well as freelancers, lawyers, and anyone who wants a space to work and network—pay for a membership that gives them access to the building (located at 150 S. State). Inside, a large, open space is filled with tables and chairs, private offices, conference rooms and lounge areas. Construction has started on a cafe as well, which will be open to the public. The hub’s mission is threefold: Providing a flexible space for co-working, developing a networking ecosystem and teaching new entrepreneur. Dustin Haggett (pictured right) joined Impact Hub in San Francisco, and when he moved back to Salt Lake City, met Søren Simonsen (pictured left), the two spent the next two-and-a-half years opening the downtown Impact Hub (SaltLake.ImpactHub.net).

What is behind Impact Hub’s unique design?

Søren Simonsen: We want it to be our own space and personalize it, but we had a great building to work with that’s very authentic, and we wanted to keep what we could and keep it visible: A lot of exposed brick, exposed joist, the decorative cast-iron columns, the hardwood floors (as with leather, its blemishes become character-defining).

We involved the community in the design of the space. We had a number of workshops with our early members, and we talked about how we want this to look, how we want it to feel, what are some of the features.

What have you changed?

SS: It has been modernized. It’s a very energy-efficient building. All of our lighting is LED. We have very energy-efficient heating and cooling in the building, a lot of automation built into it, from energy to water to electricity. We kept this building from being demolished and going into the landfill, which is unfortunately pretty common for buildings like this. We have given it another 50 years of life.

Who is Impact Hub’s ideal tenant?

SS: We ask people to talk about what they’re doing, how they can contribute to the hub community, and what they want to get out of the community. This is part of building a community of entrepreneurs and people who are making a difference in their community. It’s kind of self-selected; we want people to be here mostly because they want to be here. We tell people what we’re about, and then they determine whether or not that matches the vision of where they want to be.

Why the move from the former Exchange Place space?

SS: This is where we have always intended to be. Exchange Place was always a temporary location, while we were building this space out.

Dustin Haggett: We secured this space two years ago in June, and then from November to December, we had a crowdfunding campaign to fund the hub. We presold $52,000 in memberships and started to design the space.

Is Impact Hub meant to provide businesses with a permanent location?

SS: There are people who are small, professional-service oriented that might be here for a long time, but many of the companies that come to the hub, as they start to scale, and as they build and stabilize, move on. That’s the nature of startups. Many are growing, and won’t need to be here forever, and that’s OK. There will be others that will follow in behind them. There’s a fair amount of turnover, and that’s expected in a co-working space like this. That doesn’t mean they have to leave the Hub community. That’s an important part of our networking—those that are successful, we invite them back to share their positive experiences.

Tiffany Frandsen comments@cityweekly.net

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STRAIGHT DOPE

BY CECIL ADAMS

Grave Concern How old do human remains, graves, etc., have to be before digging them up is OK? If I go to a cemetery and dig somebody’s remains up, it will undoubtedly make front-page news, especially if I put what I find on display on my mantel.

However, museums are filled with really old dead people and their artifacts. Is it just that these people’s relatives are no longer around?

—John E. Riley, Berkeley Heights, N.J.

WalkToEndBrainTumors.org

I’m tempted to ask what prompted this inquiry, but I’ll leave you and your god to resolve that between yourselves. One must concede, though: at this point in human existence, with more than 100 billion dead people in the ground (or lying around at varying levels of decomposition somewhere, anyway), the odds of Spot digging a hole in the backyard and turning up one of them aren’t insignificant. As it’s important to be prepared for these sorts of situations, what follows here are your basic guidelines for grave-robbing.

It’s not a total free-for-all. The Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation (and Desperate Attempt to Make Up for Previous Shitty Policies Regarding Native Americans) Act of 1990 requires any remains or artifacts be returned to the appropriate descendants.

Perhaps the most famous related case so far was the 1996 discovery in Washington State of Kennewick Man, a near-complete human skeleton roughly 10,000 years old— the sort of find that gets archaeologists fogging up their microscope lenses. Despite uncertainty about KM’s ethnic origins, a group of Native American tribes claimed him as their own and wanted him reburied under the 1990 law, while scientists, seeing him as a priceless research subject, tried to stop the Army Corps of Engineers (who had jurisdiction) from turning the bones over. After the legal dust settled, no one was all that happy: a 2004 ruling held that the remains weren’t provably Native American, so no reburial, and the Corps has allowed only limited scientific testing in the years since.

But that’s as far as federal law goes.

(Well, plus prohibitions against disturbing a crime scene, always a consideration in cases of unattended death.) Everything else gets delegated to the states, where things get a little hazier. There’s a common-law principle in play under which it’s not OK to disturb a dead body without proper authorization, although really that mainly applies to bodies interred in modern cemeteries with all paperwork accounted for. Seventeen states explicitly prohibit abuse of a corpse, which generally encompasses things that would offend hypothetical loved ones.

True, the possession and sale of human remains by private individuals is legal in all but three states—eBay, unsurprisingly, hosts a lively trade in such things, which can fetch hundreds or sometimes thousands depending on the body part. This, however, doesn’t mean it would be wise for just anyone to take some femur they found (even on their own property) and slap a Buy It Now price on it.

SLUG SIGNORINO

If you’re a part of a museum or other organization that’s official enough to claim the aforementioned proper authorization, though, the random dead bodies out there not covered by the repatriation act are more or less up for grabs. According to the Ohio Archaeological Council, the general idea when discovering human remains is to determine whether they belong to anybody still alive. This could be a relative or heir, or possibly a contemporary group with a cultural affinity. There must be an attempt to contact the relevant parties, which isn’t always simple even when Native Americans aren’t involved; countless controversies have ensued over millennia-old bones of unclear provenance. (The selfproclaimed chief of modern-day British druids, King Arthur Pendragon—formerly known as John Rothwell—has threatened to chain himself to Stonehenge if the bones found there are displayed). Finally, the general idea is to avoid activities seeming “exploitative or insensitive.” But that’s about it. Antigone (you remember—she was determined to get her traitorous but dead brother properly interred) would be appalled.

As for rules about how long you’re required to leave bodies undisturbed: there aren’t any. Excavations are already going on at certain World War I battlegrounds where the slain were just a couple of generations older than many now in the prime of life, e.g. me.

The more modern the site, of course, the more controversial the remains. Last year, for instance, 7,930 unidentified human fragments, most the size of “a Tic Tac,” as one medical examiner memorably put it, were transferred to the National September 11 Memorial and Museum, to be placed at bedrock level of what organizers had called “the sacred ground of the site.”

As respectful as that might sound to some, to many of the families of the deceased it meant their loved ones’ remains were being stored away in a museum basement.

Some victims’ families had earlier protested against World Trade Center dust and debris being moved to a Staten Island landfill, arguing that it certainly contained human remains as well. I predict many more lawsuits before we finally lay this issue to rest. And if the police find anything weird in your house? Blame the dog.

Send questions to Cecil via StraightDope. com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

NEWS Watered

liquor

“Most of them only earn $13 an hour, and they’re taking the brunt of the managing responsibility for a large-scale retail operation.”

—Retired DABC human-resources manager Kerri Adams

Down

Photo Illustration

A DABC policy stretching management resources upsets liquor-store rank & file employees.

By Eric S. Peterson epeterson@cityweekly.net @ericspeterson

I

Many state liquor-store employees are reluctant to speak out publicly against new management policies for fear of reprisal.

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may 14, 2015 | 11

the past,” the DABC’s Ashby says.

Adams says that it’s true that the agency has to be responsive to the recommendations of auditors, but it doesn’t need to go beyond the audit’s recommendations. “Yes, the auditors did bring up a few problems, but the response has been so out-of-proportion that it’s creating more problems,” Adams says.

The DABC regrets that employees may feel ignored, but Ashby points out that, in the past year, new hires have been explicitly informed that, if they feel complaints are not well received by management, they have other options— such as speaking with the agency’s internal auditor who reports directly to the Alcoholic Beverage Control Commission.

Still, Adams says most employees deal with immediate agency management and should be able to communicate freely with their direct superiors. Unfortunately, she says, the overblown response to audit recommendations has been made worse by the mediocre leadership tasked with implementing these reforms, who— instead of communicating the changes effectively to employees—have enacted them without input from employees or adequate notice. When employees complain, she says, they are bullied and berated openly in front of other employees and store customers. One employee she knows felt so victimized, he needed to go on medical leave and begin taking antidepressant medication.

The bullying of employees “has created a culture which is making employees physically and mentally ill,” Adams says. CW

employees goofing off, or customers upset by a lack of inventory—as the assistant manager, X must shoulder much of the blame.

“They consider you an enemy,” X says. “More or less, anything that happens, I’m held accountable, but they don’t hold managers accountable.”

Adams says this policy is only exacerbating the troubles the agency is having in employee turnover and in hiring new workers. She says assistant managers are not only acting as de facto operations managers, but they’re also trying to keep up with the added paperwork that comes with newly enacted reforms, while at the same time trying to train new employees.

The new employees, she says, cycle in and out, as a result of high turnover at the agency due to poor pay and a stressful work environment.

“It’s kind of like a double whammy,” Adams says.

The DABC acknowledges that it’s a tough transition, but that it was necessary in order for stores to comply with auditors.

“It has been a challenge for some store, warehouse and administrative personnel to adapt to the changes and policies resulting from audit recommendations,” spokeswoman Ashby says. However, she says, “audit recommendations are meant to protect state assets. Compliance with audits is required by law.”

The DABC also says its early analysis shows that the new management change has been successful so far.

“Store checklists indicate that performance of stores supervised by managers who accepted the challenge of running two stores are as well-run as they were in

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is split half-and-half at each store,” Adams says. “That takes out over 1,000 man-hours at each store. It then puts this horrible burden on the assistant manager, that they have to do the dayto-day managing. Most of them only earn $13 an hour, and they’re taking the brunt of the managing responsibility for a large-scale retail operation.”

In a written response from DABC spokeswoman Vickie Ashby, the agency says those hours are made up for in new positions subordinate to the manager and assistant manager. As part of the policy, managers received a $5-perhour pay bump for the added responsibility, and assistant managers received a $1.50-per-hour raise.

Still, Adams says, assistant store managers feel they’ve gotten the short end of the stick. Many employees, however, are fearful of making waves expressing complaints and have already felt victimized for voicing their complaints internally.

Assistant manager “X” agreed upon condition of anonymity to speak with City Weekly about problems with the new policies. X has been a DABC employee for years. However, given a perceived climate of bullying and retaliation within the DABC against employees who speak out against its policies, City Weekly agreed to protect X’s identity.

According to X, the division of labor is not neat nor efficient. X works under a manager who is hardly ever there, so X must remain in constant telephone contact to keep the manager apprised of store operations. Whenever a problem arises at the store—whether it’s

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n recent years, the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control (DABC)has become synonymous in the media with mismanagement and fraud. But under new leadership, the agency has now rankled employees with policies meant to appease auditors. First, came an effort to prevent the overstocking of inventory via a new electronic-ordering system. The centralized system pits human managers against machines when it comes to deciding what to stock, and when, so that customers at the state’s 44 wine and liquor stores won’t come up empty-handed when looking for the bottle of wine, booze or high-point beer of their choice.

While the system has helped prevent overstocked inventory there have been increasing instances of shortages.

When employees complained of shortages to agency leadership, their concerns fell on deaf ears.

In September 2014, a new policy was enacted that has added another piledriver to the crushed morale of DABC employees. In a cost-saving measure, the agency began assigning store managers to two stores instead of one. Critics say a small pay raise for assistant managers doesn’t reflect the magnitude of addional work these employees are tasked with— oftentimes, they end up acting as de facto managers. Store employees complain that attempts to talk candidly about the issue result in bullying and possible retaliation by agency leaders, whom they see as aloof and uncaring about their plight.

Kerri Adams, a retired DABC humanresources manager, has been contacted by numerous current employees about what they describe as a toxic work culture in the wake of the agency’s newly enacted reforms. She says that concerns over the policy have only recently come to a boil—even though it was enacted seven months ago—because the agency waited for managers to retire before redistributing their store oversight. And in recent months, with managers leaving in protest over conditions at the agency, the problem has become more acute among the already beleaguered staff.

“So that means management’s time

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12 | may 14, 2015

’ IF YOU CAN T READ, IT ALSO HAS LOTS OF PICTURES

UTAH’S LONGEST-RUNNING ENTERTAINMENT BLOG NOT WRITTEN BY A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, ONLY ON CITYWEEKLY.NET CITYWEEKLY.NET/UNDERGROUND

NEWS

Curses, Foiled Again A funeral procession thwarted a man’s attempt to rob a 79-yearold woman in San Antonio, Texas.

“We were going really, really slow, so as we passed this bus stop, there was this elderly lady, (and) a gentleman was knocking her around and was pulling on her purse,” witness Robert Garcia said. “Before I turned around, about eight of the mourners were all around him, getting him down, and then we flagged the police officer that was guiding the procession.” Joe Carpenter, 41, was charged with aggravated robbery. (San Antonio’s KSAT-TV)

QUIRKS

n Tony Jerome Torbert Jr., 20, attracted the attention of authorities in Brevard County, Fla., after he posted an ad on Craigslist offering “Legit Counterfeit $$.” Sheriff’s deputies executed a search warrant and seized a printer, a computer and counterfeit currency. (Florida Today)

When Guns Are Outlawed Authorities accused Carl Grace, 48, of breaking into a house in Hill, N.H., and attacking his ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend with a fire extinguisher, striking the woman in the head and on her arm and leg. (Manchester’s WMUR-TV) n German police were summoned at 9:40 a.m. after a woman reported that an intoxicated 37-year-old man attacked her and other passersby at a Munich market. Police confiscated the mouse but returned two hours later after a complaint that the same man was throwing a different white mouse at pedestrians.

(Germany’s The Local)

Pain of Progress A 29-year-old California man was diagnosed with a torn tendon in his thumb caused by playing “Candy Crush Saga” on his smartphone “all day for 6 to 8 weeks” with his left hand, according to a study reported in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine. One of the authors, San Diego orthopedic surgeon Dr. Dori Cage, cautioned that the rise in the number of people with smartphones who spend lots of time texting or tapping on their cellphones or tablets has the potential to lead to a “texting thumb,” a repetitive stress injury that affects the thumb and wrist. She said that people experiencing pain from texting might instead use voice control, such as Siri on an iPhone, or “actually pick up the phone and call somebody” to communicate. (U-T San Diego) High on the Dial Radio station KREL-AM in Colorado Springs, Colo., abandoned its unprofitable sports-talk format to become the nation’s first radio station dedicated to marijuana programming. Its new call letters are KHIG. KHIG-AM airs three local shows: “Wake and Bake” from 7 to 9 a.m., “High Noon” from noon to 1 p.m. and “High Drive” from 5 to 7 p.m. It also broadcasts three hour-long newscasts from Los Angeles-based National Marijuana News Service and programming from Chicago-based RadioMD. Six local medical marijuana dispensaries signed up as advertisers.

“I just saw a business opportunity,” general manager Mike Knar

B Y ROL A N D S W E E T said, noting that public response has been “amazing.” (Colorado Springs’s The Gazette)

Second-Amendment Follies Larry McElroy, 54, fired his 9 mm pistol at an armadillo outside his home but wound up shooting his mother-in-law. Sheriff’s investigators in Lee County, Ga., determined the bullet ricocheted off the animal, hit a fence, went through the back door of his mother-in-law’s mobile home, through a recliner she was sitting in and into her back. The 74-year-old victim wasn’t seriously hurt. Authorities do recommend shooting armadillos as an effective way of getting rid of them but suggest using a shotgun, which, investigator Bill Smith said, has “a spread pattern with a lot less range.” (Albany’s WALB-TV)

Numbers Racket As mobile devices hog telephone numbers, new area codes created to meet mathematical demand are causing old ones to become status symbols, for which some people are willing to pay. And others are selling. Ed Mance, who operates PhoneNumberGuy.com, buys numbers in bulk from companies that no longer need them.

He sells them for between $299 and $799, although his biggest sale was a “nine-of-a-kind” number for $95,000. Mance notes that the area code most in demand is Los Angeles’s 310, whose numbers are the hardest to secure. Many of Mance’s customers are less interested in the area code than the numbers around them, including ones that spell out words. “HURT and PAIN are the two most in-demand numbers,” Mance said, because they’re coveted by personal-injury lawyers. (The Washington Post)

Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time Just months after the Sandy Hook massacre, the school district in Halfway, Ore., decided to stage a surprise “active shooter drill” at its elementary school on a day when only teachers were there. Linda McLean, 56, said a man dressed in a black hoodie and goggles burst into her classroom, aimed a pistol at her face and fired. “You’re dead,” he said and left. Panic ensued as the gunman went from room to room, firing what turned out to be blanks. One teacher wet her pants. Teachers later learned the gunman was the district’s safety officer and that officials had alerted law enforcement so they wouldn’t respond to emergency calls from distressed teachers. Insisting that the incident caused her to suffer post traumatic stress disorder, McLean in April filed suit against Pine Eagle School District, the safety officer et al. (Portland’s The Oregonian) All Hands on Deck Hoping to relieve traffic congestion in Washington’s Puget Sound area, state Rep. Jesse Young proposed using decommissioned Navy aircraft carriers to form a 3,700-foot-long bridge linking Bremerton and Port Orchard. “I know that people from around the world would come to drive across the deck of an aircraft carrier bridge, number one,” Young explained. “Number two, it’s the right thing to do from my standpoint because this is giving testimony and a legacy memorial to our greatest generation.” (Britain’s Daily Mail) Compiled by Roland Sweet. Authentication on demand.

the

OCHO

the list of EIGHT

by bill frost

@bill_frost

CITIZEN REVOLT In a week, you can Change the world

Activism

March of Dimes—March for Babies Sugar House Park, 1300 E. 2100 South, Salt Lake City, 801-327-9464, Saturday, May 16, 8 a.m.-1 p.m.

Throttle Up Motorcycle-ride benefit for Special Olympics Utah, sponsored by American Fork Police Department, Rotary Park, 400 S. 200 East, American Fork, 801363-1111, Saturday, May 16, 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m., registration fee: $25/rider, $10/passenger.

Utah Lyme Disease Alliance Family Day Picnic Millrace Park, 1150 W. 5400 South, Saturday, May 16, 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

Social

Hit the Trail for Mental Health Hike sponsored by NAMI to raise awareness of mentalhealth issues. Meet at 9 a.m. at the Park & Ride lot at Big Cottonwood Canyon Road & Wasatch Boulevard, then hike to Donut Falls or up Desolation Lake Trail. 801-323-9900, Saturday, May 16, 9 a.m.-6 p.m

Workshops

8. NBC’s The Voice is now TV’s No. 1 ticket to overnight obscurity.

So You Want to Join the Witness Protection Program?

6. The state-fair and

cruise-line circuits are dangerously overbooked.

5. Local media can only do

so many stories on “hometown American Idol vocal coaches.”

3.

The final season’s judges will be former X Factor and Utopia contestants.

Nature & Environment

Annual Birdhouse Competition and Exhibit Ogden Nature Center, 966 W. 12th Street, Ogden, 801-621-7595, through June 30.

Great Salt Lake Birds & Bites: Your garden, the birds, our health Tracy Aviary, 589 E. 1300 South, Salt Lake City, 385-313-0608, Tusday., May 19, 7-8:30 p.m.

Saturday Nature Walk Swaner EcoCenter, 1258 Center Drive, Park City, 435-649-1767, Saturdays, 10-11:30 a.m.

Speed Date an Extreme Animal Expert Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, Salt Lake City, Wed., May 20, 7 p.m.

Star Party University of Utah South Physics Observatory, 125 S. 1400 East, Salt Lake City, 801-587-7223, Wednesdays, 7-10 p.m.

Wild Wednesdays Ogden Nature Center, 966 W. 12th Street, Ogden, 801-621-7595, Wednesdays, 3:45 p.m.

1. Ryan Seacrest is contractually

obligated to return to Hell in 2017.

Got a volunteer, activism or community event to submit?

Visit CityWeekly.net/addevent

may 14, 2015 | 13

2.

Viewers finally realized, “Hey … this is just karaoke!”

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destroy the American music industry is complete. His next project: Blowing up the moon.

Utah Prison Relocation Open House Utah State Fairpark, 155 N. 1000 West, Salt Lake City, 801-538-8400, Wednesday, May 20, 4-9 p.m.

4. Simon Cowell’s mission to

Politics

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7. Followed closely by The CW’s

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Eight reasons American Idol has finally been cancelled by Fox:

Bridgestone Teens Drive Smart Driving Experience Maverik Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 800-745-3000, May 16-17, 8:30 a.m.-noon & 1-4:30 p.m.

Preservation: It’s About What’s Next Utah State Archives, 346 S. Rio Grande, Salt Lake City, 801-245-7263, Wednesday, May 20, 12-1 p.m.

Speakers’ Corner: The Environment Jitter Bug Coffee Hop, 1855 S. 700 East, Salt Lake City, 801-487-8100, Saturday, May 16, 4-9 p.m.

The

of The house

14 | may 14, 2015

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Southern Utah lawmaker Mike Noel has a reputation for hating wilderness, but he sure does love open spaces.

Story & Photos by Colby Frazier cfrazier@cityweekly.net @colbyfrazierLP

I

n his faded bluejeans, with specks of hay on his shirt and cow dung on his battered brown boots, Mike Noel swings a leg over his ATV and rattles off facts about the cattle market, his hay-growing operation and the drought.

A few low clouds are strung out in the fat, blue sky in Johnson Canyon on the outskirts of Kanab, where Noel, a 13-year Republican state representative, rules the roost on his 700-acre ranch. Here, Noel seems about as close to heaven as any Earth-bound creature.

But there is a static to Noel’s joy, and all it takes is a glance to the east for him to view the cause: the 1.7 millionacre Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument, a vast chunk of sandstone and desert that Noel believes is being mismanaged by federal land managers.

Noel can rattle off dozens of rules and regulations imposed by federal bureaucrats that he finds ridiculous.

And on this Tuesday morning in April, an hour after

parsing out a 1,500-pound bale of hay to his 150-head cattle herd, Noel can think of two rules in particular he doesn’t like—and they have to do with fire and poop.

“On this ground out here, when you build a fire, you’re supposed to take a tin pan and you’re supposed to build your fire in this tin pan,” he says. “That doesn’t even make sense to have to pack a tin pan.”

And when venturing into Paria Canyon, where hikers must now obtain permits from the Bureau of Land Management before stepping onto the sand, Noel moves between laughter and disgust as he explains that hikers have to pack out their waste.

“If you hike down the Paria Canyon, you got to pack your own poop out. I mean, who wants to hike and go pack your own poop out in a bag?” he asks. “That turns the whole thing off for me that you gotta’ go down there and pack your poo out. That’s ridiculous.”

Noel asks me what I think. I tell him that, with so many people and so little room to bury poop at a campsite, I see the logic in the practice.

Noel says he understands. He even sees the sense in it.

Then, he says, “It’s just not something I’m willing to do.”

Mike Noel, the politician, has developed a reputation for his blustery style during the Legislature’s annual 45-day session. There’s too little time on the hill, he says, not to talk straight—not to tell people how he feels. His directness is often characterized as bluntness. And his bluntness is often interpreted as bullying.

Noel, though, doesn’t consider himself a bully. But when cornered or attacked, Noel admits that he has a tendency to fight back. For many of his constituents in Kane, Garfield, San Juan, Beaver, Paiute, Sevier and Wayne counties—a sprawling area as big as some Eastern states, and home to a broad swath of Utah’s red-rock country—Noel is the perfect representative. He is an uncompromising cheerleader for his country, Noel’s country.

Attempts by preservationists to set aside land as wilderness, which could threaten grazing, mining and logging industries—all of which presently provide (or formerly provided) good-paying jobs for his constituents—are dismissed, often with noticeable disdain, by Noel. And his colleagues on the House Natural Resources, Agriculture & Environment Committee often follow his lead.

But Noel, the rancher, the lover of wide-open spaces, solitude, sparsely populated places and his ranch tucked between red-rock mesas, hugging the western border of the Grand Staircase, has more in common with the average desert-rat tree-hugger than some might think.

From the white chair in his living room, into which he slouches down while munching beef jerky made from his own cows and sipping on lemonade, Noel can see, through the tall plate windows, the edge of the Grand Staircase, the object of his love and hate, and the crown jewel of his political career.

A few miles from his home, after checking on his cattle grazing on a patch of land owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Noel tells me to shift the yellow ATV he let me borrow into low gear and activate the four-wheel drive. I follow him up a steep, sandy pitch, over sandstone boulders peeking out of the Earth. “It’ll flip over on you if you’re not careful,” he warns.

We motor through a juniper-and-sagebrush forest and stop on a ledge. To the east, hundreds of feet below, is Noel’s ranch. Behind it is the Grand Staircase, its white sandstone cliffs rising above an inky red mesa. Spreading out to the south is the Kaibab Plateau, rising up and up into pine forests before dropping off into the unseen depths of the Grand Canyon. And, to the north appears a staggering uplift of varying colors and open land, terminating in a set of shining red cliffs—a distant edge of Bryce Canyon.

“That’s why they call it the Grand Staircase,” Noel says, noting how the different sandstone formations gradually change and step up. “It’s just an amazing place.”

A Bull, Not a Bully

“Can you see why I don’t want to go up to Salt Lake?”

—Rep. Mike Noel

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“Sometimes, I feel like he’s throwing gasoline on the flames of dispute.” —Business owner Susan Hand

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“Mining is not coming back as a way of life.”

—Cafe owner Victor Cooper

may 14, 2015 | 15

Noel marvels at the landscape around his ranch, saying he doesn’t like going to Salt Lake City. For one, there are a lot of people there, and for another, the air is a lot filthier in the city during the winter than it is in Kanab.

Near a pond at Noel’s ranch, Canada geese glide inches above the water. He straddles his ATV, rattling off the species of various waterfowl while recalling the decade that he ran the area bird count for the National Audubon Society.

“What do you think about all this?” Noel asks.

“Can you see why I don’t want to go up to Salt Lake? I come back here and it’s all smogged in, there in Salt Lake.”

A couple of years ago, Noel says, he sat at this very site during a break from the session. He saw wild turkeys by the water, a bald eagle perched in a tree and a herd of deer on the hillside. “I said, ‘What the heck am I doing up in Salt Lake City, man? I could be back down here.’”

But it would be disingenuous to say that Noel doesn’t like being a legislator. Now in his 13th year representing Utah’s District 73, Noel seems to revel in being the “herd bull of the House,” a nickname that he says was handed down by his legislative colleagues.

Over the years, Noel has been a tireless champion for his district—or, at least, for the vision he has for his district. In step with his rural priorities that hinge on creating good jobs in mining, drilling, logging and ranching, he has become a capable foe of environmental groups looking to preserve swathes of the state as wilderness—hemming in natural resources that could be sucked from the ground.

Like many of his fellow lawmakers, Noel could sit silently behind the dais of the House Natural Resources, Agriculture & Environment Committee, hear out the concerns from environmental groups and citizens over the Wasatch Front’s polluted air or opposition over oil and gas drilling in beloved, wild areas, but Noel speaks his mind.

And, on a fairly routine basis, Noel’s words offend. His legislative touch is about as gentle as a jackhammer, a personality quirk that he says his children and wife would agree with.

In 2013, while testifying in support of an airquality bill, Joro Walker, an attorney and director of Western Resource Advocates’ Utah office, caught the ire of Noel, who at the time was chairman of the committee.

Noel asked Walker if she’d ever sued the state—specifically, if she were involved in lawsuits aimed at the Alton Coal project in Kane County. Walker said she wasn’t involved with that lawsuit—a comment that, to this day, Noel maintains was dishonest. Walker denies this, saying she was forthcoming with Noel’s questions and told the truth.

At one point in the hearing, someone asked if Noel’s questions are pertinent to the bill being discussed. He says that it’s pertinent to him because, “I just want to know why she hates my grandkids and kids down there so they can’t get any jobs down there.”

David Garbett, staff attorney at the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, says there’s no reason to mince words when it comes to Mike Noel. He’s a “bully,” Garbett says.

“He’s flamboyant, he’s extreme in his positions,” Garbett says. “I think he makes this debate very personal, unfortunately, rather than having our decisions be about what’s the best policy decision. For him, it’s like, ‘Why are you trying to harm my children, what are you trying to do to my grandchildren? My grandchildren need to be able to drive wherever they want on an ATV,’ apparently. And I just think that’s unfortunate that that’s the sort of dialogue, or the place, that he always wants to take these discussions.”

Noel doesn’t like to hear that he’s a bully. “I don’t think I’m a bully,” he says. Then he recounts all of the instances over the years where his words might have been construed as being bully-like.

He remembers an episode years ago when he told a young woman working for the Utah Rivers Council that her bill wouldn’t get his vote. Why? “Because you guys have been suing the state of Utah,” Noel recalls telling the woman. “If you want to really get along with people, you don’t sue the state and do this and that.”

“Anyway, she started crying,” Noel says. “I say, ‘Man, don’t take it so seriously.’ I wasn’t trying to be mean. I just told her, ‘your bill’s not going through.’ She’d worked the whole session to get that bill passed, and I killed the bill. So anyway, I guess that’s mean. I can be kind of a jerk sometimes, there’s no question about it. Ask my wife—I can be a little bit obnoxious.”

Noel said these things on a Monday, and by Tuesday afternoon, the thought of himself as a bully was still on his mind, and he wasn’t near so apologetic for his blunt nature. He explained that there’s a finite amount of time to debate issues on the hill, and that he doesn’t like beating around the bush when bills arise that impact his district.

And if that means he’s a bully, so be it. “Well, you know what, I guess when I’m getting bullied, then I actually push back a little bit. It’s like I said, ‘You spur me, I’ll spur you back.’”

It would be easy to say, and perhaps many Utahns assume, that Noel is just some career politician who has made a pet project of the state’s effort to wrangle millions of acres of public lands from the federal government. But Noel doesn’t fit easily into this box.

In between his heated moments on the hill, Noel is one of the go-to sources for lawmakers on the public-lands issue. Not only does he preside over a district dominated by massive patches of wide-open land and ranches, he is a rancher himself.

“He’s been one of the leaders on the publiclands issues, as far as I’m concerned,” says Rep. Lee Perry, R-Perry, who, prior to the 2014 session, took the reins from Noel as chairman of the natural resources committee. “When it comes to natural-resources and public lands, he’s probably got as much knowledge on those issues as anybody out there.”

Noel has the education and experience to back this up. He received a bachelor’s degree in zoology from the University of California, Berkeley, which was signed by Ronald Reagan (a detail Noel enjoys pointing out); a master’s degree in biology from South Dakota University; and completed some Ph.D. work at Utah State University.

And, perhaps more important than classroom experience, Noel cut his public-land chops on the ground as a 22-year employee of the federal

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16 | may 14, 2015

government’s Bureau of Land Management (BLM), an agency that, over the years, has become Noel’s, and many other legislators’, favorite punching bag.

A Political Birth When President Bill Clinton drew a fat circle around much of Kane and Garfield counties in 1996, designating the Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument, the move created many ripple effects, one of which prompted a stalwart BLM official named Mike Noel to resign from his government job.

At the time, Noel and Clinton both had their sights trained on the same thing: The Andalex coal mine, which Clinton cited as a threat to the area’s labyrinthine canyons and sandstone desert, making the area a prime candidate for protection. At the same time, Noel was the top BLM official in charge of hammering out an environmental-impact study on the mine.

According to the Utah Geological Survey, Andalex, a Dutch mining company, was sitting on 62.3 billion tons of coal when Clinton designated the monument.

“Shortly after that, I resigned because I didn’t really like the way the management was going,” Noel says.

But at one time, Noel loved his BLM job. And, importantly, Noel says he saw sense in the BLM’s mission, as defined in the Federal Land Policy Management Act (FLPMA) of 1976, which stipulates that the BLM manage land for “multiple use, sustained yield and environmental protection.”

Noel’s first job was to conduct range studies, a task for which he was given a BLM pick-up truck. So tickled was Noel that he wrote his parents a letter saying he “got the best dang job.”

As his career with the BLM moved along, and Noel’s job titles shuffled, he says he grew frustrated with how land was managed and how the environmental-review process for projects on federal lands dragged out.

And each time Noel watched a person lose a job, saw a shuttered business on Main Street or heard about a person who was forced to leave town for work, he took it personally.

After leaving the BLM, Noel was offered a full-time job as the general manager of the Kane County Water Conservancy District—a job he holds to this day.

In 1995, Kaibab Industries shuttered its sawmill in nearby Fredonia, Ariz. A year later, it shut down its operations in Panguitch. At the time of the closures, the mills employed 275 people. Had the Andalex mine come to fruition, newspaper stories from 1996 say it would have provided 1,000 jobs.

“When [the Grand Staircase] went down and we lost that project, which we thought was going to be good for us, and it

was done over that monument, that really got me fired up,” Noel says. “I got pretty vocal.”

Noel’s political life didn’t begin in earnest until the BLM moved to close what he says are “thousands of miles” of roads, known as RS 2477 roads, which create a spiderweb across the Grand Staircase. To oppose the road closures, Noel formed a group, People for the USA, to battle the BLM. When county leaders declined to step up and challenge the BLM, Noel says he filed a lawsuit. And, soon enough, the county leaders that had contemplated giving in to the BLM, were ousted and Noel was swept into the Legislature.

“It just turned out that there was enough people that wanted to fight for those roads,” Noel says.

These roads, many of which snake through riverbeds, washes and trails, are the subject of ongoing litigation. Noel says he’s confident the suit will be settled in the counties’ favor. And if it does, these so-called roads will land squarely in the hands of counties to do with as they will, making it more difficult for land to be protected as wilderness.

“Every one of those roads, in general, all those roads go somewhere and do something,” Noel says. “They allow you to get around. They don’t create any problems. It’s a vast wilderness out there, really.”

Environmental groups, including the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, maintain that many of the roughly 36,000 miles of roads across the state that are being challenged are little more than renegade ATV trails. And the effort to seize them goes hand-in-hand with another bid, Senate Bill 143, or the Transfer of Public Lands Act, which was passed by the Legislature in 2012.

Although the bill’s chief sponsor was Rep. Ken Ivory, R-West Jordan, Noel says the first draft of the bill would have allowed Utah, once it wrests around 30 million acres of federal land, to sell off large swaths. “I go, ‘Well Ken, that’s never been my idea and if that’s the direction you’re going, I won’t be working with you on this,’” Noel says.

And herein lies the conflicting image of the Noel who says he loves wild land and the bona-fide political pro Noel, known to fan the flames of anti-federal government sentiment when it comes to public-lands management. And in the eyes of many, if the state of Utah manages to seize these federal lands, it’s game-over for conservation.

But Noel just doesn’t see it this way.

To Ivory, Noel recalls saying, “I’m not for selling these public lands. No. 1, all it’s going to do is the highest bidder will be some wealthy guy that’ll lock them all up, and no one will get to use them. … I said I like the idea of what FLPMA tried to do, where it was multiple use and sustained yield. Where you took it, and you didn’t destroy everything.”

Mike Noel with his horse, Palomino

Noel says he plans to introduce legislation, the Public Lands Management Act, that would make it difficult for Utah, when and if the state is successful at taking over management, to sell off large swaths of public land. “There’ll be pieces in it like FLPMA,” he says.

Importantly, Noel says the state also shouldn’t manage land the way it does school trust lands, which are treated like little more than a piggy bank.

“It is quite a bit different than SITLA [School and Institutional Trust Lands Administration],” Noel says. As he says this, Noel scans one of his alfalfa fields and the red-rock cliffs that hem in his ranch and embody the land that he says he loves so much.

“You’re not going to sell these lands off,” Noel says, training his eyes on his fields. “You’d have to cut my throat to sell off this ranch.”

The Water Buffalo

If Noel is considered an effective legislator by his constituency (he’s run unopposed in three of the seven elections he’s faced—and, in the other four, he pounded his opponents, never receiving less than 70 percent of the vote), he’s been even more effective at finding water.

Since he took the reins of the water district, Noel has overseen the installation of a series of water tanks that store 5 million gallons, 100 miles of pipelines and a number of new wells, bored into aquifers entombed within Navajo sandstone.

These projects, Noel maintains, have brought water-quality standards in Kane County’s rural areas into federal compliance, while increasing reliability and providing an avenue for the area’s businesses and population to grow. Near Alton, an area north of Kanab, the water district now serves 10,000 lots, Noel says.

All told, the district’s assets hover around $166 million.

As severe drought grips the West, Noel has placed Kane County, his water district and Kanab on a trajectory of growth.

While much of Noel’s water work is hidden underground, his most recent, and perhaps most ambitious project, Jackson Flat Reservoir, shimmers on the horizon south of Kanab.

Noel is proud of the reservoir. As it began to fill with water diverted from Kanab Creek in 2012, Noel had trout planted in its waters. In late April, the local paper, Southern Utah News, published a photo of a fat, healthy rainbow trout caught there.

At capacity, the reservoir, which Noel says cost roughly $12 million and was paid for through a combination of loans and grants from the state and federal governments and waterrate increases, can hold just over 4,228 acre-feet of water, or

Mike’s Way

—Mike Noel

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What Noel, Cooper, Hand, SUWA, hikers, ATV enthusiasts and hunters all have in common is a love for the land.

In his zone in Johnson Canyon, this love seems to saturate Noel’s life. And what brings him back to Salt Lake City year after year, he says—the issue that makes him tick—is a steadfast belief that the federal

“You’d have to cut my throat to sell off this ranch.”

Burning Up

government is not managing his beloved lands as it should.

“It’s not any personal aggrandizement for me,” Noel says. “It’s to make sure that people follow what I think was the intent of the law. I’ve changed my ideology in terms of who should control and manage it, because I’ve seen that the feds can’t manage it. There’s too much going on.”

Reconciling his seemingly contradictory love for wide-open spaces with his propensity to advocate for mines, roads and more families and houses in Kanab is a difficult riddle.

I asked Noel what Utah will do to accomodate the onslaught of humans that politicians say will double the state’s population by 2060. What then? How do you plan for the next doubling?

Noel, a former LDS bishop, says he believes people should be able to have as many children as they like, so long as they can care for them. But he admits it’s a tough question. It’s true, he says, that paving roads increases use on those roads. He’s seen this in his own canyon. And it’s true, he says, that the population is booming—a trend that will shrink the few spacious places that remain.

As Noel leans against the dilapidated ruins of the Johnson Canyon movie set—a patch of land where the television series Gunsmoke was shot, now owned by his children—he mulls it over. A truck loaded with fertilizer tanks—Noel’s fertilizer tanks—rumbles past. A tourist from Nevada walks up to the ruins, and Noel gives him the quick historical details. He loves this place—his place—and there appear to be plenty of people in and around Kanab who feel a lot like he does.

Noel refers to them as his constituents.

He likes to point out that they’re a lot different than constituents in Salt Lake City. And, another thing about Noel is clear: Whether it’s a bill on Capitol Hill, a water pipeline or a reservoir, Noel is good at getting what he wants.

And, even when he doesn’t get what he wants, Noel and his people have a way of getting the last laugh.

When the Grand Staircase was first designated, Noel says he was at the Paria town site, near Paria Canyon, with a woman from the East Coast. Decades before, the Clint Eastwood film The Outlaw Josey Wales was filmed there. Noel says the woman told him that the movie set needed to be ripped down, because it wasn’t natural. Noel told her more people came to see the movie set than anything else.

“I’ll go to heck if they didn’t tear that whole thing down,” Noel says. “They built a plastic-fantastic Disneyland set and somebody came in—I don’t know who it was, I honestly don’t—and burned that sucker down to the ground, because they didn’t want it there. They wanted the old movie set there. So it’s just stupid stuff like that that doesn’t make any sense. Doesn’t make any sense at all.” C W

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As Noel and Kane County officials have fought the Grand Staircase over the years, a seemingly inevitable force has begun to take hold that even Noel can’t deny: Tourism is increasing.

On a tour of Kanab in Noel’s Honda, which he bought new when he was first elected in 2002 and has accumulated 318,414 miles while traveling on legislative business, Noel points out the plywood skeletons of a new hotel and a pharmacy. A second hotel, he says, will soon break ground.

Noel says tourism is fine and good, but he shrugs off service-industry jobs, which he says are seasonal and don’t pay well enough to support families.

Noel’s battle cry for state ownership of lands, a mine in the Grand Staircase and more logging has grown stale with some locals, who say Noel could do himself and the area some good if he’d embrace his district’s changing identity.

On a Monday night that feels sleepy across the few blocks of downtown Kanab, The Rocking V Cafe on Center Street has a waiting list. Customers sip craft beer and speak to each other in an array of languages.

The cafe’s owner, Victor Cooper, dashes around, delivering food and calling out to departing customers, “Thanks, y’all, for coming. Have a great evening!”

Cooper moved to town 16 years ago, and like many residents, he says that he, too, wishes Kanab still had only one stoplight.

Two stoplights now glow on the main drag.

But Cooper’s nostalgic sensibilities run only so deep. And he says Noel, the city of Kanab, and the county should have done

more to adapt to a changing economy as it became clear that mines and mills were being changed out for hiking boots and campers.

Noel’s fiery rhetoric over the years, Cooper says, has only fanned the flames of constituents who want to hear that someday mining and logging jobs will return, and that the culprit responsible for their woes is the federal government. Politically, Cooper says he understands why Noel does what he does. But for practical purposes, he says Noel could serve his constituents better by moving on.

“Is this really in the best interest when you’re giving people false hope about, ‘Yeah, well, one day the mill will come back’? It’s not coming back. Mining is not coming back as a way of life. It’s not. That’s just a fact,” Cooper says. “Politicians, if they spent more time trying to truly lead and do what’s good for everybody rather than just to make themselves seem larger, I think we’d be better off, and that’s for every party—Democrats, Republicans, everybody.”

Susan Hand is co-owner of the Willow Canyon Outdoor store in Kanab, which sells camping gear, coffee and books. Hand says she opposes the Lake Powell pipeline, and calls Noel’s reservoir a “huge evaporative pond.”

“I don’t think it was something that we really needed,” she says.

As the reservoir was being built, an American Indian burial ground was discovered on the site, as were several ancient structures. Noel says $2.5 million has been spent so far on archaeological work, and the tribes were appeased with a nearby conservation easement, where the remains were reburied.

Hand says she took a tour of the site before it was inundated with water, and she feels the handling of the archeological site was “disrespectful.”

On her tour of the site, an unsavory experience further soured her opinion of the reservoir. As she looked at the ruins, a backhoe “tore a pit house in half,” Hand says. “That left a bad feeling with me for the whole project.”

Like Cooper, Hand says she believes that Noel is good at being a politician. And because Mike Noel is so effective at getting work done, she wishes his talents could be used to unite rather than divide.

“What’s so disappointing is I think that he is capable of doing so much, and a lot of what he does is create strife and division,” Hand says. “Sometimes, I feel like he’s throwing gasoline on the flames of dispute.”

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roughly 1.38 billion gallons. Noel says the water will be used for agriculture and other outdoor uses.

In addition to this new bounty of water, Noel has aggressively lobbied for the Lake Powell Pipeline, which would transport Utah’s allotment of Colorado River water 140 miles uphill to St. George. If this multibillion dollar water project is built (Noel says the state has already dropped $25 million on environmental review), the Kane County Water Conservancy District will receive 4,000 acre-feet of additional water.

This is the point at which Noel’s work in the Legislature edges dangerously close to his work as a water manager, which also slams right up against his role as a rancher and a successful hay grower in what is, despite the seeming abundance of water, an arid desert.

But Noel says he’s never been asked if his work on Capitol Hill clawing for the Lake Powell pipeline constitutes a conflict of interest. “It’s a people’s Legislature and everyone up there has something they’ll do that will affect them personally,” Noel says, explaining that, because he’s technically a 1099 contract employee for the water district, he’s not subject to the Hatch Act, which prohibits municipal employees from holding partisan political offices, such as state legislator.

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ESSENTIALS

the

FRIDAY 5.15

FRIDAY 5.15

Ballet West’s annual season-closing production, Innovations, is a showcase of some of the world’s best modern ballet choreography.

Some pieces come from seasoned choreographers commissioned by companies around the world; other works come from Ballet West’s own company members.

This year, for the eighth annual Innovations production, three original pieces come from Ballet West dancers: “Homage” by Emily Adams; “Pulse” by Adrian Fry; and “The Hunt” by Katlyn Addison. These pieces, from less-experienced choreographers pay off in the long run by developing home-grown choreographic talent. Newly named as principal dancer, Adams has proven her strength as a dancer and, over the years, as a choreographer. With three short Innovations works already under her belt, Adams reaches a new milestone this year with “Homage,” her fourth Innovations piece and her first full-act commission.

Two more works from established choreographers round out the evening’s performance.

“Presto,” by Nicolo Fonte, was created for Ballet West shortly after his appointment as the company’s resident choreographer in 2012. The dance, a quartet with two principal dancers and two soloists, premiered in Chicago in 2013, where dance critic Catherine Tully called the piece “simply brilliant” and “devilishly complex.”

The world premiere of “Façades,” by Utahnative Garrett Smith, closes the evening. A young choreographer in great demand, Smith is earning attention (and commissions) across Europe and the United States. Known for his unique use of costuming, lighting and props, and praised for his ambitiously athletic movement, Smith’s closing number will delight while pushing ballet’s boundaries. (Katherine Pioli) Ballet West: Innovations @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, May 15-16 & 20-23, 7:30 p.m.; matinee May 23, 2 p.m., $50. ArtTix.org

With modern technology shrinking global distances via high-speed communication and travel, the world seems to grow both smaller and more homogenous—the same strip malls packed with the same wares worldwide. That gives us even more reason to celebrate cultural differences, to help keep the unique alive.

The Living Traditions Festival, held in downtown Salt Lake City, is such a celebration. Now in its 30th year, the annual affair prides itself on not only being the opening festival of the season but also the perfect way to bring various cultures into one shared community space—from Navajo basket-weavers and Chinese dance artists to Basque chefs and bocce players. It’s the perfect, welcoming atmosphere to dabble in folk arts, sample a wide variety of ethnic cuisines and pick up any number of arts and crafts created by the disparate cultures that call Utah home.

Not only a celebration of local manifestations of those cultures, the Living Traditions Festival also invites visiting performing artists to join in the fun. One of the two musical headliners at this year’s festival is Bombino, a native of Niger belonging to the nomadic Tuareg people who traditionally roam the vast desert expanses of the Sahara. A master blues guitarist in the vein of Muddy Waters and Robert Johnson, Bombino sings his politically and culturally charged songs in his native Tamasheck language. A Tribe Called Red, a producer/DJ crew, headlines Saturday evening’s musical performances, returning from Canada to liven up the festivities. (Jacob Stringer) Living Traditions Festival @ Salt Lake City & County Building, 450 S. 200 East, May 15, 5-10 p.m.; May 16, 12-10 p.m.; May 17, 12-7 p.m., free. LivingTraditionsFestival.com

Ballet West: Innovations

Living Traditions Festival

Entertainment Picks MAY 14-20

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FRIDAY 5.15

FRIDAY 5.15

You can’t discuss modernism in local art without mentioning the contributions of Robert Bliss and Anna Campbell Bliss. The couple moved here in 1963, when he was transitioning from an architecture practice in Minnesota to head the University of Utah architecture department and, later, became dean of the Graduate School of Architecture. His concerns for education, urban planning and the environment are ongoing, and he has been active on committees devoted to historic preservation on both the local and national levels.

This exhibit will showcase his furniture pieces, which represent a functional take on minimalism.

Anna studied math, art history and architecture at Wellesley College and Harvard University, and these seemingly divergent disciplines have influenced her multimedia works, paintings and prints. Her work combines a clean, Bauhausinfluenced aesthetic with mathematical precision and an architectural sense of space and light. She was one of the first artists to use computer-rendering in her artistic process. Anna also has work in the con/TEXT exhibit at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts at the U of U, which is showing through the end of July.

Now in their 80s, Robert and Anna Campbell Bliss have made an indelible impact on the national art and design communities. In the work of these artists—both independently and viewedtogether in the same setting—we can see that forms don’t exist and function merely in their own right but also in myriad ways in which they interact with each other. (Brian Staker) Relational Forms: Robert Bliss & Anna Campbell Bliss @ CUAC Contemporary Art, 175 E. 200 South, 385-215-6768, May 15-July 10, Tuesday-Friday, 11 a.m.-6 p.m; Saturday, 12-4 p.m. CUArtCenter.org

There are times when a creative work can seem like a dare—a challenge to the audience to find something with which to engage beyond the most obvious, comfortable levels. It’s the “blank canvas with a single red dot” phenomenon, where viewers can be left with feelings best described as, “Do they think I’m stupid?” crossed with “Hell, I could do that.”

The Hive Theatre Co.’s production of Bupkis: A Play About Nothing has just such a button-pushing conceit: It’s a series of stand-alone segments designed, as we’re informed by our “narrator” Yancy (Eric Leckman), to have “no themes, no messages.” And so we’re left with snippets of situations: two conspicuously named characters (Jeffrey Owen and Zachan Michael Reynolds) discussing what may be plans for a key historical event; a kindly old man (Owen again) who has kidnapped a young woman (Andrea Peterson); a security guard (Spencer Belnap) encountering a man (Reynolds) who thinks he’s receiving messages from aliens.

The segments themselves, at times, seem frustrating in their lack of specific direction and in their reliance on broad, outrageous scenarios. But when the audience knows the work isn’t meant to be “about” anything, it gives them the chance to focus on other elements of stagecraft—the sets and costumes designed with an almost camouflage effect of chalky white geometric figures on a black background, or Peterson’s performance effectively conveying the terror of a hostage. If Bupkis is about nothing, that doesn’t mean it can’t be about nothing in interesting ways. (Scott Renshaw) The Hive Theatre Co.: Bupkis: A Play About Nothing @ The Sugar Space, 616 Wilmington Ave., May 15-16, 8 p.m.; matinee May 16, 2 p.m., $15. HiveTheatre.com

Relational Forms: Robert Bliss & Anna Campbell Bliss

The Hive Theatre Co.: Bupkis: A Play About Nothing

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Purge the Spurge All extra hands are valuable in ridding Utah of invasive plants.

By Katherine Pioli comments@cityweekly.net

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S

ince finishing the Canyonlands half-marathon in March, I’ve been sadly neglecting my training regimen for June’s endurance race. So, with the trails just drying out after a recent dash of rain, I thought it was time to get back in the saddle—and, while I was at it, check on the state of the foothills this spring.

Specifically, I wanted to know where the weeds were spreading. Invasive plants— anything non-native with high potential for displacing local vegetation—have made a nice home for themselves in Utah’s mountains and canyons. There are currently 441 invasive forbs, grasses, trees, aquatics, shrubs and vines found in Utah, but it’s the 27 listed noxious weeds, according to the Utah Noxious Weed Act, that are “especially injurious to public health, crops, livestock, land or other property.”

After I stepped out the door of my truck at the Bonneville Shoreline Trailhead near Hogle Zoo, I took only four steps before my feet hit non-native vegetation. The entire field was covered with weeds—not the kind you pull from your garden: dandelions and volunteer sunflowers and such.

These were the kind that are found on the botanical equivalent of a wanted poster, the outlaws of the weed world, noxious invaders from other continents: dyer’s woad, perennial pepperweed, Canada thistle and Johnsongrass.

But the weed I’d come to find was conspicuously absent. I was on the lookout for spurge.

A growing scourge in Salt Lake City’s foothills, across the state and even throughout the West, leafy and myrtle spurge started out as a benign Eurasian plant before finding its way into American flowerbeds.

Often planted by the most well-intentioned gardeners, this highly drought-tolerant plant is widely used in water-wise and xeriscape landscaping. But over the decades, its hardiness and ability to spread has made it one of Utah’s most reviled noxious weeds. It is now illegal for nurseries in Salt Lake County to sell spurge, and many other nurseries are voluntarily pulling it from their shelves. Still, the plant continues to spread far outside of the city limits.

My first spurge sighting of the day came when I crested the first big hill. There, in the dry gray shale slope, were the telltale shin-high stalks, their rosettes of sagegreen leaves unmistakable even without the

Spread of the leafy spurge

mature caps of little yellow cupped flowers.

Each year, the Unites States faces annual economic losses, totaling around $20 billion, due to weed-caused crop damage, soil erosion, watershed damage and impacted wildlands totaling around $20 billion. Spurge is particularly dangerous to livestock and humans because of its toxic milky-white sap, which can kill cattle and cause serious skin irritation and even blindness in people.

The Utah Weed Control Association calls the state’s growing noxious weed problem “a raging biological wildfire—out of control, spreading rapidly,” but there are efforts underway to educate the public—efforts that one day will hopefully turn the tide on this biological threat.

For the past nine years, Salt Lake County Weed Control, along with other local groups, have hosted a spring Purge Your Spurge event inviting community members to pull the noxious foes from their gardens and turn them in for disposal. In April, Purge Your Spurge volunteers met to dig weeds from the Grandeur Peak trail.

The Weber Office of the Uinta-WasatchCache National Forest also organized weed-pull days on May 7-9 in three Weber County locations.

If you missed those events, there are still opportunities to volunteer on weedpulling crews. Red Butte Garden, along with Salt Lake County Weed Control, will host noxious weed-pull events in Red Butte Canyon May 19, May 28 and June 6 (contact Neal Dombrowski, 801-587-9951). The Cottonwood Canyon Foundation, a local nonprofit, runs a volunteer program,Weed Warriors, in Millcreek and Big and Little Cottonwood canyons all summer long (contact Cottonwood Canyons Foundation by calling 801-466-6411).

My training run took me to the top of a knoll looking up into Emigration Canyon where, as I caught my breath, I spied two more small clusters of spurge spearing up from the ground. I felt defeated—by the hill and the spurge—until two days later, when on a walk by my neighbor’s garden, I noticed his spurge plants were gone. “A friend told me to pull it,” he said. “It’s nasty stuff.” CW

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moreESSENTIALS

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

THURSDAY 5.14 Ron Carlson: Return to Oakpine

In his 2009 novel The Signal, Utah native Ron Carlson explored the reunion between two characters—an ex-convict and his ex-wife—set in the mountains of Wyoming. In his latest novel, Return to Oakpine, Carlson again deals with characters brought together in Wyoming after a long separation, but demonstrates his versatility by shifting from the framework of a thriller to a different kind of drama.

The four protagonists played in a band together 30 years ago in a small Wyoming town, before they went their separate ways. Craig and Frank remained in Oakpine for their whole lives, but Jimmy moved to New York City to become a writer, and Mason to Denver to become a lawyer. Now, the terminally ill Jimmy has returned home for what he expects to be his final days, and Mason is also visiting on family business—and getting the band back together forces all four men to look at where their lives went. Join the author as he reads from and signs this bittersweet, nostalgic tale. (Scott Renshaw) Ron Carlson: Return to Oakpine @ The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801484-9100, Thursday, May 14, 7 p.m., free. KingsEnglish.com

Performance Theater Always…Patsy Cline SLCC Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 801-957-3322, Thursday, May 14-15, 7 p.m.; Saturday, May 16, 2 p.m.

Annie Get Your Gun Terrace Plaza Playhouse, 99 E. 4700 South, Ogden, 801-393-0070, through May 30.

Big Fish Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 N. 400 West, Orem, 801-226-8600, through June 20.

BUPKIS: A Play About Nothing The Hive Theatre Co., Sugar Space, 616 E. Wilmington Ave. (2190 South), 801-558-2556, May 15-16, 8 p.m.; matinee May 16, 2 p.m. (see p. 19) Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Empress Theatre, 9104 W. 2700 South, Magna, 801-347-7373, May 15, 7:30 p.m. and May 16, 7:30 p.m.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels CenterPoint Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, 7:30 p.m. through May 16.

Into the Hoods Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-266-2600, through June 6.

Les Misérables The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 855-944-2787, Mondays, Fridays, Saturdays, 7:30 p.m. through May 16.

The Little Dog Laughed Wasatch Theatre Co. & Silver Summit Theatre Co., Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, May 14-16, 8 p.m.

Lucky Stiff, The Echo Theatre, 15 N. 100 East, Provo, 801-375-2181, Mondays, ThursdaysSaturdays, 7:30 p.m. through May 30.

The Music Man Pioneer Memorial Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6356, Fridays, Saturdays, 8 p.m., Saturdays, 2 p.m., Mondays-Thursdays, 7:30 p.m., through May 16.

Over the River and Through the Woods Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-984-9000, through May 23.

Rabbit Hole Midvale Main Street Theatre, 7711 S. Main, Midvale, 801-566-0596, May 15-16, 7:30 p.m., May 17, 3 p.m.

The Rake’s Progress Utah Opera, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, May 15, 7:30 p.m.; May 17, 2 p.m.

The Revengers Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, through June 16.

Dance

Ashley Anderson Dances: Spring Mudson Masonic Temple, 650 E. South Temple, Monday, May 18, 7:30 p.m.

Innovations 2015 Ballet West, Rose Wagner

moreESSENTIALS Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, May 15-16, 20, 7:30 p.m. (see p. 19) A Midsummer Night’s Dream Mountain West Ballet, Sandy Amphitheater, 9400 S. 1300 East, Sandy, 801-568-2787, May 15-16, 18, 8 p.m., matinee May 16, 2 p.m.

Classical & Symphony Mendelssohn & Dvorak All-Star Utah Symphony, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 801-355-2787, May 19, 7 p.m.

Comedy & Improv

Cameron Esposito Wiseguys West Valley City, 2194 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 801-463-2909, Sunday, May 17, 7:30 p.m.

Chris Thayer, Anna Seregina, Jason Harvey Mo’s American Diner, 1280 S. 300 West, 801-359-0586, Monday, May 18, 7:30 p.m.

Jessimae Peluso Wiseguys West Valley City, 2194 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 801-463-2909, May 15-16, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m.

Marcus Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, May 15-16, 8 p.m.

Paul Sheffield Wiseguys West Valley City, 2194 W. 3500 South, West Valley City, 801-463-2909, Thursday, May 14, 7:30 p.m.

Film

LITERATURE author appearances

Alyson Peterson: Ian Quicksilver: Warrior’s Return Barnes & Noble Gateway, 6 N. Rio Grande St., 801-456-0100, Saturday, May 16, 5 p.m.

Elle Luna: The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Tuesday, May 19, 3 p.m.

Kate Davis: American Kestral: Pint-sized Predator Publik Coffee Roasters, 975 S. West Temple, 801-484-6808, Thursday, May 14, 6-9 p.m.

Krista Van Dolzer: The Sound of Life and Everything The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Saturday, May 16, 4 p.m.

Lindsay Eyre: The Best Friend Battle The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801484-9100, Saturday, May 16, 2 p.m.

Ron Carlson: Return to Oakpine The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Thursday, May 14, 7 p.m. (see p. 22)

Visual Art Galleries & Museums

15th Street Gallery Opening 15th Street Gallery, 1515 E. 1519 South, 801-468-1515, Friday, May 15, 6-9 p.m.

300 Plates Fundraiser & Exhibition Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, 801-328-0703, Thursday, May 14, 7 p.m.

Adam Thomas: Looking Up Finch Lane &

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Dark Side of the Full Moon Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, Thursday, May 14, 7 p.m.

Friday Night Flicks United Studios of Self Defense, 78 W. Center Street, Provo, 801-373-4844, 7 p.m.

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net

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moreESSENTIALS Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net Park Galleries, 1340 E 100 S, 801-596-5000, Mondays-Fridays, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., through June 5.

Adjunct Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 25.

Ancient Nights: Photography by Mark Toso Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-524-8200, Through June 19.

Anne Munoz: “... with trees in mind” Finch Lane & Park Galleries, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, Mondays-Fridays, through June 5.

Auction for Nepal Gallery MAR, 436 Main, Park City, 435-649-3001, through May 20.

Brian Charles Patterson: Missileblower (and the Selected Good) Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through June 20.

The Colorful World of Henri Matisse Discovery Gateway, 444 W. 100 South, 801-456-5437, through May 31.

Cost of Anything Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801-245-7272, Mondays-Fridays, 8 a.m.-5 p.m. through July 10.

Fluid Art Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, Thursday, May 14, 7-10 p.m.

Geek-Themed Group Show Mod a-go-go Furniture Gallery, 242 S. Temple, 801-355-3334, Mondays-Saturdays, through June 12.

Jeff Juhlin: Strata “A” Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, 801-583-4800, Mondays-Saturdays, through June 12.

Land and Sky: Views from the Avenues and Beyond Sweet Library, 455 F Street, 801-594-8651, through June 20.

Late Night @ the Museum Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, Friday, May 15, 6:30-8:30 p.m.

Levi Jackson: Bushwacker Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 21.

Life Diverse: Explorations of Emotion, Life and Light Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through June 26.

Life in Sudan: Drawings by Gatluak Deng Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801524-8200, through June 20.

No Fixed Address The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, 801-531-9800, Mondays-Sundays, through May 15.

Number 04: Actual Source Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 16.

Our America Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, University of Utah, 801-581-7332, through June 28.

Out Loud Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through June 27.

Panopticon: Visibility, Data & the Monitoring Gaze Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 25.

Rebecca Pyle: In the Open Air Anderson Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801-594-8611, through May 29. salt 11: Duane Linklater Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, University of Utah, 801-581-7332, through Aug. 2.

Scott Peterson: Etched Finch Lane & Park Galleries, 1340 E 100 S, 801-596-5000, Mondays-Fridays. through June 5.

Sean Moyer: Persistence/Focus/Matter Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, through June 13.

AVENUES BISTRO ON THIRD

Nurturing Neighbors

DINE

ER’S H T FA IFTS E N I F DAY G G & ININ

RTA NTE LS E R TIA ME SUM ESSEN

Avenues Bistro on Third soothes the soul.

By Ted Scheffler comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

Who doesn’t love a vast selection of cheese, meats and fine chocolates?

JOHN TAYLOR

O

No trout about it: Griddled trout at Avenues Bistro on Third.

Caputo’s On 15th 1516 South 1500 East 801.486.6615 Caputo’s Holladay 4670 S. 2300 E. 801.272.0821 Caputo’s U of U 215 S. Central Campus Drive 801.583.8801

caputosdeli.com

may 14, 2015 | 25

564 E. Third Ave. 801-831-5409 AvenuesBistroOnThird.com

Caputo’s Downtown 314 West 300 South 801.531.8669

| CITY WEEKLY |

Avenues Bistro on Third

Be sure to check out our growing bitters and cocktail mixers collection. Just in time for summer.

with rice and lentils, garnished with herb tomato compote, fresh arugula and pickled red onions, and served on a house-baked bun with salad or steak fries.

My wife and I both loved the excellent griddled trout entree ($18). It’s a generous serving of two trout fillets with a swizzle of butternut-squash purée, radish chunks, warm ginger-spinach-arugula-fennel salad, sprinkled with sunflower seeds. The trout was wonderful with glasses of Copain “Tous Ensemble” Chardonnay, and you’ll appreciate that Avenues Bistro offers most of their wines as 3- or 5-ounce pours, or as a 750 millileter bottle. It’s a small but appealing wine list featuring terrific “artisan” producers like Soter, Bucklin, Carol Shelton and Selby. There’s also a provocative cocktail list (Persephone’s Cider, for example) and a range of liquors, beer and spirits.

My favorite Avenues Bistro dish was outstanding—the spicy chicken tortilla ($20)— and yet, it could have been even better. The name is somewhat of a misnomer, since the tortilla serves only as a crust. But, oh my, what a crust! It’s an airline chicken portion, encrusted and fried with crisp tortilla morsels and served with a fiery, rich, scrumptious black-bean, rice and corn soup. But, the dish would be even better if the crispy chicken weren’t sitting in the soup, which makes it soggy. I’d prefer the soup on the side.

Once the home of a small pharmacy in the Avenues, Kathie Chadbourne’s Avenues Bistro on Third soothes and comforts far beyond the ability of the most powerful pharmaceuticals. CW

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And I will, next time.

But first, I recommend sharing a starter or two (or enjoying just one, if eating alone). By the way, Avenues Bistro is a great place to dine solo. There are plenty of seats at the counter overlooking the kitchen, whereas the ones along the opposite wall lend themselves to a more monastic meal experience. An appetizer like the Manila clams ($14) is hefty enough to serve as an entree if you’re dining by yourself. It was a dozen-and-a-half clams in peppery broth made with sautéed garlic and shallots with white wine. Alongside were four slices of grilled toast, and we used every last slice to clean up the delicious broth remaining in the bowl. The clams were moist and tender, and there wasn’t an unopened or broken one in the bunch—a superb starter.

There’s a chalkboard on a wall near the entrance area listing local and artisan purveyors that Chadbourne favors, and it isn’t just a list of cheesemakers, charcuterie producers, farmers, breweries and such. She also lists businesses that support Avenues Bistro on Third, such as Byrd’s Fire Protection, the Mahoney Group, Zion’s Bank, Scott Plumbing—even the Utah State Tax Commission. It’s not tongue-in-cheek; these are all neighbors who have, in one way or another, contributed to the success of Chadbourne’s bistro. I wouldn’t be surprised if, somewhere in the restaurant, there isn’t a list of every person who signed the petition and helped make possible the reopening of Avenues Bistro’s outdoor patio—which, as I’m sure you know, was closed down for more than a year thanks to a few complaining neighbors. Chadbourne and her allies fought the good fight and, I’m happy to report, the patio is open and thriving again.

If you’re bored with the dry, cardboardtextured garden burger on most menus, sink your teeth into the Bistro’s lentil-rice burger ($14). It’s a vegan “burger” made

| cityweekly.net |

ne is tempted to compare the cozy, friendly eatery that is Avenues Bistro on Third with a type found in places like Boulder, Colo.; Portland, Ore.; Ann Arbor, Mich.; and Santa Fe, N.M. You know the type: mismatched plates and utensils, lots of artisan ingredients, funky and eclectic decor, a sunny patio or porch, wholesome and creative cuisine—that sort of thing.

And all of these apply to Avenues Bistro on Third. I’m inclined, however, not to compare it to restaurants in those groovy towns, because increasingly, Salt Lake City and its surrounding restaurants are styling a groove of their own. It’s time we stood up, loud and proud, and took ownership of our own ever-improving dining scene. It’s no longer nascent.

So, I won’t say that Avenues Bistro on Third reminds me of a neighborhood restaurant in Portland or Boulder. But it does. And much of the credit for growing such a neighborly space goes to owner Kathie Chadbourne.

I first met Chadbourne when she opened Avenues Bakery, which eventually closed and became Wild Grape New West Bistro (also recently closed). I miss them both.

Chadbourne was also involved in the early days of 9th South Delicatessen, another place I like a lot.

But Avenues Bistro on Third, to me at least, is the clearest expression of Chadbourne’s vibrant spirit: It’s funky, quirky, a little nutty (I say that with love), nurturing, neighborly, denim-clad and a family affair. Her daughter and pastry chef, Kelly Sue, runs Back Alley Pastries in the rear of the restaurant, while a second daughter, Aimee, manages the front of the house and serves customers with a professional friendliness that would be hard to duplicate. The entire staff is treated like family—as are Avenues Bistro customers.

It’s rare that you don’t see diners at Avenues Bistro table-hopping and mingling.

There hasn’t been a time I’ve eaten there when I didn’t run into someone I know. The close quarters facilitate friendly conversation and on-the-spot food reviews. After commenting to Aimee recently that the fettuccine with homemade beef Bolognese, whipped ricotta and armesan seemed to be flying out of the kitchen, a woman seated at the counter across from us turned around and said, “It’s incredible! You have to try it.”

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26 | may 14, 2015

FOOD MATTERS

by TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

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New specialty rolls include Tuna Tataki, Funky Charley, Pink Power, Green Eggs & Ham and Deadly Spider. Personally, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m hoping that Peggi will revive the popular annual â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sushi Burn Offâ&#x20AC;? she hosted in Park City, where contestants tested the limits of their ability to eat incendiary sushi. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve barely recovered from the last one. Welcome back, Peggi.

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Thursdays are special for lovers of beef and wine at Powder restaurant in Park Cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Waldorf Astoria (2100 Frostwood Drive, 435-647-5566, ParkCit yWaldorf Astoria.com). Each Thursday, starting at 5 p.m., Powder hosts â&#x20AC;&#x153;Wagyu & Wine,â&#x20AC;? featuring Snake River Farms Wagyu beef and a glass of wine for $19.50. In addition, Powder is launching a new spring/summer menu featuring dishes such as wild mushroom pasta with black truffles, Wagyu bavette steak, crisp porkbelly with honey-coriander glaze; ocean trout with lemon-caper butter and eggs Calabrese and chilaquiles for breakfast.

Keeping Current

In the May 7 City Weekly â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dineâ&#x20AC;? column I reviewed the dinner menu at Current Fish & Oyster (279 E. 300 South, 801-326-3474, CurrentFishAndOyster. com). Well, to stay current, you should know that Current is now open for lunch Monday through Friday, and for brunch on Saturdays and Sundays. Chowder, crab cakes and an albacore BLT highlight the lunch menu, while brunch items include farm-fresh egg dishes, crab Benedict, fried chicken and waffles, spring vegetable hash, cornmeal biscuits and gravy, shrimp and white cheddar grits and the â&#x20AC;&#x153;3rd & 3rd omelet.â&#x20AC;?

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may 14, 2015 | 27

3176 East 6200 South Cottonwood Heights, UTAH banditsbbq.com | 801.944.0505

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28 | may 14, 2015

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

At Your Service What to expect from restaurant wine service.

By Ted Scheffler comments@cityweekly.net @critic1

I

n the May 7, 2015, Drink column, I previewed the 2015 Park City Food & Wine Classic. It’s an event packed to the brim with knowledgeable wine lovers.

Unfortunately, many Utah restaurants are still playing catch-up when it comes to professional wine-service—although I must say, things have improved by leaps and bounds in the past few years. It’s an uphill battle in the midst of a culture where, for religious reasons, many servers may not drink wine themselves. At any rate, here are some thoughts on customer rights and responsibilities, in terms of professional wine service in restaurants and bars.

Periodically, I’m asked for advice with regard to wine-service training in

restaurants. The first and most important suggestion I can make to wine servers, especially rookies, is: Don’t fake it. Don’t try to bluff your way through a wine discussion or offer expertise on wine selection and food pairings if you don’t have any.

I would much prefer a server say to me, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out,” with regard to a wine question than to make something up. I certainly don’t expect every server to be a sommelier, so just be honest -and do your best.

H o w e v e r, in high-priced r est au r a nts, a customer’s ex pec t at ion s in regard to wine lists and wine service ought to increase in accordance with food and wine prices. It’s not that I presume each server will

DRINK be a wine expert, although that would be ideal. But I do expect someone on the staff to be the “go-to” person when it comes to wine. Any restaurant with a wine list worth its salt needs someone on staff who possesses a professional, working familiarity with those wines and how they pair with dishes from the menu, and is able to answer questions about wine from both customers and servers. These are the folks— often sommeliers or managers—who can make the difference between an acceptable and an exceptional dining experience. Pay and tip them well.

With too many restaurants, wine is a numbers game.

The bigger the wine list, the better the restaurant, right?

Well, not necessarily. Sure, size matters. But why have a leather-bound, 40-page

wine list full of first-growth Bordeaux and premium Burgundies if your specialty is Spanish tapas? Isn’t it wiser to have a few well-selected, interesting wines from Spain and some good cervezas? I’d much rather see a small wine list where someone has put a lot of thought into selecting wines that complement a chef’s cooking than to wade through an encyclopedic list so extensive that no one on the restaurant staff could have tasted them all.

We, the customers, play a role in improving restaurant wine service, too. Wine is where most high-end restaurants can turn a profit, but it’s an expensive proposition to train staff and to keep a large wine inventory up-to-date. So, I encourage you to support wine-friendly restaurants simply by buying their wine. Unless you’ve got a bottle of something really special you’ve been saving for a grand occasion, resist the temptation to save a few bucks by brown-bagging your own wine. Wine selection and service in Utah restaurants will improve only if we help pay for it. And, if you do BYOB, be sure not to insult the restaurant staff and owners by, 1. bringing in garbage, and 2. showing up with a bottle of something already on the wine list. Again, bring only very special wines to restaurants—when you do, leave a little in the bottle for your server or sommelier to sip at the end of the evening. CW

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REVIEW BITES

A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom & pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves!

Current Fish & Oyster

beeR week

May 11th-17th

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The list of collaborators behind Current reads like a Who’s Who of the Utah dining scene, and the space that was previously home to not-so-modern Salt Lake Antiques now looks like a million bucks. But how do the food and drink stack up to the heavy-hitters at the helm and the eye-popping décor? Pretty damned well, actually. It’s a no-brainer to begin with fresh, delicious oysters, which come with a choice of cucumber mignonette, spicy ponzu or cocktail sauce. On the “cold plate” side of the menu, try the Alaskan King crab lettuce wraps ($18) with cocktail sauce and citrus-basil aioli; I’d make a light meal of those wraps and Current’s stupendous french fries, which are the best fries I’ve eaten in a Utah restaurant. One of my favorite dishes was a whole branzino fish, cooked to a beautifully crisp exterior and flaky, tender interior in sea salt and extra-virgin olive oil; equally delicious is the ovenroasted chicken. For dessert, I recommend the homemade sorbets and gelatos. Somehow, Current has managed to hit the sweet spot: It’s au courant without being especially hip or trendy. Reviewed May 7. 279 E. 300 South, 801326-3474, CurrentFishAndOyster.com

American Craft

Lucky Slice

n

3390 South State Street | www.chinatownsupermarkets.com

se s e t a Delic rant n a Germ Restau &

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3390 South State Street | www.Hotdynasty.com Party Room available for Reservation: 801-809-3229

may 14, 2015 | 29

Open Mon-Wed: 9am-6pm Thu-Sat: 9am-9pm

Located across the street from the new Holladay Village complex, Slices Pizza has the potential to join a very short list of my favorite pizza joints. It’s not much to look at: a few tables and a messy-looking interior. But über-friendly service and outstanding pizza will keep you coming back—at the very least, for takeout. Slices run from $2.75 to $3.25, and a one-topping pizza is $15.50 for a 16-inch pie, $17.50 for the 19-inch. The crust at Slices is excellent; at its thinnest point a mere 1/32-inch thick or so, with a delightful snap, while the rest of the thin crust is slightly chewy. I love the housemade meatball topping, although I do wish Slices would go the extra mile and pony up for top-notch Grande mozzarella cheese for their pies. Reviewed April 23. 4655 S. 2300 East, 801-613-9901, SlicesPizzaUtah.com

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Slices Pizza

Catering Catering Available available

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Das ist gut

This is very good New York-style pizza, close to the type bought by the slice at any of a thousand pizzerias in the Big Apple. A slice at Lucky Slice sells for $3-$3.50, and it’s a generous wedge taken from a 20-inch pizza. Whole pies run from $10 for a basic 14-inch cheese pizza, to $23 for a 20-inch pie with five or more toppings. The options for toppings and sauces at Lucky Slice are mind-boggling: Thai peanut, ranch, herbal, barbecue, creamy pesto and more.

Then, there are specialty pies, like the unusual potato pesto or tapenade (chef/co-owner Will Shafer is a graduate of Le Cordon Bleu). Still, the best way to experience Lucky Slice pizza is the simplest: hand-tossed crust, with cheese and fresh tomato sauce. The pizzas are stone-fired and the crust is light, with exactly the right amount of sauce and cheese. Transplanted New Yorkers will approve (although the super-friendly service might take some getting used to). Reviewed April 23. 200 E. 25th St., Ogden, 801-627-2229; 1245 S. Legend Hills Drive, Clearfield, 801-820-6992, TheLuckySlice.com

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| CITY WEEKLY |

30 | may 14, 2015

REVIEW BITES

WHERE THE “LOCALS” HANG OUT!

A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews Layla Mediterranean Grill & Mezze

Breakfast & $5 Lunch Specials Served All-Day .50¢ Wing Wednesdays

677 S. 200 W. Salt Lake City 801.355.3598

D GRANNING OPE

whylegends.com

IN THE HEART OF SUGARHOUSE

BANH MI SANDWICHES STARTING @ $4.98 INTRODUCING VIETNAMESE TACOS & BURRITOS 2021 S. WINDSOR ST. (NEXT TO TAPROOM) •LITTLESAIGONUTAH.COM - 801.906.8630

The location that used to be Confetti’s—where you’d find Italian staples and rib-eye steak next to hummus and baba ghanoush—has undergone quite an overhaul.

With Layla, owners Leila and Raouf Tadros went back to their roots to embrace Middle Eastern cuisine. A good option for sampling mezze (appetizer-size dishes) is the combination platters, which allow guests to sample slightly smaller-than-normal hot or cold mezze. I particularly liked the kibbeh: ground sirloin shaped into croquettes and mixed with pine nuts, onions and Middle Eastern spices, deep-fried and served with cucumbermint yogurt. One of my favorite dishes turned out to be musakhen, a Palestinian dish of toasted, thin flatbread served wrap-style, stuffed with roasted chicken, caramelized onions, pine nuts, sumac and spices. I love the complexity of the musakhen flavors, which are simultaneously savory and slightly sweet. The fireroasted red-pepper hummus is equally delicious, especially if you love garlic. There’s a warm, family-style approach to table service at Layla; every server seems to be watching every table, so you won’t be neglected. Reviewed April 16. 4751 S. Holladay Blvd., 801-272-9111, LaylaGrill.com

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Chabaar Beyond Thai

Like Tea Rose Diner—also the creation of Anny Sooksri—Chabaar goes way beyond Thai. American breakfast items like omelets, pancakes, waffles, eggs and hash browns mingle in the spirit of multicultural detente with Thai breakfast soups like kow tom kai and a Thai vegan omelet. It’s a Midvale melting pot, right down to the lunchtime Reuben and tuna sandwiches.

But as good as the American staples are, I come for the flavors of Thailand, like an appetizer of fresh spring rolls. I’d heard others sing the praises of the drunken noodles (pad kee mao) at Chabaar, and I can see why. The pad thai is excellent as well: a hefty serving of thin rice noodles tossed with a tangy, citrusy and slightly sweet pad-thai sauce; scrambled egg; green onion; and a halfdozen medium-size shrimp, all topped with shredded

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Serving American DRIVE-INS AND DIVES” Comfort Food Since 1930

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carrot, bean sprouts and crushed peanuts, plus lime wedges on the side. It’s nearly as good heated up as leftovers for lunch as it is fresh from the kitchen. For those who prefer their Thai food on the mild, lighter side, I recommend Chabaar’s Jungle Curry with tofu.

Reviewed March 26. 87 W. 7200 South, Midvale, 801-566-5100, AnnysTakeOnThai.com

Thai Curry Kitchen

In Ogden, restaurateur Steve Ballard (of Sonora Grill) is providing a low-cost introduction to Thai flavors with a cool concept: a Chipotle-style walk up & order eatery with a small but tantalizing menu that tops out at $8.95. There are three Thai salads and six curry-bowl options—three of which are vegetarian—and each includes a choice of brown or white rice. I loved the flavors of the coconut-milk-based red panang beef curry, but unfortunately, the meat was of poor quality. A much better option is the green chicken curry with carrots, mushrooms, chicken, bean sprouts and fresh basil.

Kale lovers will enjoy the Papuan yellow curry, while the more adventurous might try the tangy, slightly bitter sour-orange curry with cashews, long beans, tamarind and jackfruit.

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1615 SOUTH FOOTHILL DR. 801 583 8331

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32 | may 14, 2015

REVIEW BITES

Deli Done Right 2014

A sampler of Ted Schefflerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reviews

Impressively, everything at Thai Curry Kitchen is made from scratch, right down to the deep-fried crispy shallots that are just one of many garnishes available. It might not be the most authentic Thai food in town, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good and inexpensive place to start. Reviewed March 26. 582 E. 25th St., Ogden, 385-333-7100, ThaiCurryKitchen.com

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mAY YANKEE CLIPPERS 16th mAY BRAD ARMSTRONG 23rd IRISH/ BRITISH AMERICAN SHANTIES & BALLADS

ACOUSTIC CLASSICS

Not only is Riverhorse on Main relevant again under chef/ owner Seth Adams, but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s offering up some of the best fare in Park City. The Ahi Tuna Duo appetizer offers a generous plate with sliced sashimi-grade tuna raw on one side and minced poke-style tuna tartare on the other, served with shredded green papaya, yuzu and crispy fried wonton wedges, and sprinkled with sesame seeds. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t often get excited by salad, but the poached pear & burrata salad at Riverhorse on Main is outstanding. For as long as I can recall, The Riverhorseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s signature dish has been macadamia-nut-crusted Alaskan halibut ($38.50), and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not surprising that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great. However, the Utah red trout is also as tasty as it is colorful, and the veal chops are grilled perfectly. Reviewed March 19. 540 Main, Park City, 435-649-3536, RiverhorseParkCity.com

Taco Taco 2005 E. 2700 SOUTH, SLC FELDMANSDELI.COM FE LDMANSDE LI OPEN TUES - SAT TO GO ORDERS: (801) 906-0369 @

Check out our daily lunch specials .

2335 E. MURRAY HOLLADAY RD 801.278.8682 | ricebasil.com

Adjacent to Cannellaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Italian Restaurant, this new eatery is a joint venture by Cannellaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and its longtime chef, Alberto Higuera Calderon. The menu isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t extensiveâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;about the range of items youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d expect from a taco cartâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but it packs a punch.

Tuesday is a particularly good day to drop in; thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when all tacos are $2 each. But Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d enjoy the tacos here any day, especially the chicken mole negro taco, and the excellent zucchiniblossom tacos are a good choice for vegetarians. However, my favorite item is the carne asada burrito. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a large flour tortilla stuffedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and I mean stuffedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;with heaping amounts of tender, flavorful, slightly salty morsels of grilled beef along with white rice, corn and black beans. I love the simplicity of the tacos and burritos, all of which can be adorned with a variety of garnishes and sauces from the salsa bar. It is Salt Lake Cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best burrito. Reviewed March 5. 208 E. 500 South, 801428-2704, TacoTacoSLC.com

Copper Kitchen

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FILLET MIGNON WITH ASIAGO CHEESE TRI TIP GOUDA CHEESE SMOKED BARBEQUE CHICKEN W/ PROVOLONE CHEESE

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With its large, airy, open space and high, copper-colored ceilings, the latest venture by Ryan and Colleen Lowder is sort of an American brasserie, with a bustling vibe. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d expected Copper Onion 2.0, but the Copper Kitchen menu is far from a photocopy of its predecessorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. A duo of duck croquettes is simple but exceptionalâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;finger food at its finest. Even better is the grilled porkbelly, pressed, grilled and served on a bed of frisee with carrot-ginger vinaigrette and apple-cider reduction. Copper Kitchen now offers lunch serviceâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;with menu items like tuna Niçoise, Philly cheesesteak, fried-egg sandwich and pasta dishesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;plus, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an outstanding weekend brunch including a delicious chicken hash. Reviewed Feb. 26. 4640 S. 2300 East, 385-237-3159, CopperKitchenSLC.com

Avenues Proper Restaurant & Publick House

Despite its contemporary dĂŠcor, Avenues Proper somehow manages to feel comfy and cozyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;an inviting neighborhood space. The amazing â&#x20AC;&#x153;Prop-cornâ&#x20AC;? appetizer features popcorn tossed in seasoned duck fat with sea salt and fennel

pollen, while the â&#x20AC;&#x153;smallâ&#x20AC;? side of the menu includes appetizers like a cheese plate and roasted beet salad. Avenues Properâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s poutine offers deeply flavored braised short-rib beef and dark roasted-chicken gravy smothering homemade pommes frites, garnished with truffled cheddar and minced scallionsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and the fries at Avenues Proper are so good that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost tragic to see them soaked in gravy.

Of course, there are the craft beers, adding to a terrific spot thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perfect for proper food, proper drinks and proper service. Reviewed Feb. 19. 376 Eighth Ave., 385-227-8628, AvenuesProper.com

Provisions

Occupying the old Lugano space, the brainchild of chef/owner Tyler Stokes makes a bold design statement with its emphasis on the color orange. The cuisine is just as bold: comfort food with an edge. Steak tartare incorporates soy sauce and mint, not to mention Meyer lemon and sunflower seedsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; and it was a revelation. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a small section of the menu devoted to â&#x20AC;&#x153;rawâ&#x20AC;? fare like the aforementioned steak tartare, plus a dozen small-plates options, a half-dozen or so large plates, and a dessert quartet. Our favorite small-plate choice, by far, was the pigâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s head torchons: Niman Ranch pork formed into hockey-puck-like torchons, deep-fried and served crispy with a cherry-ginger compote, pickled mustard seeds and butter-leaf lettuce for assembling pigâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s head wraps. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I like about Provisions: The food is complex, but not contrived or convoluted. Reviewed Jan. 29. 3364 S. 2300 East, 801-410-4046, SLCProvisions.com

Tamales Tita

You might know Tamales Tita from various farmers markets, and now theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve finally opened their first restaurant, which features not-so-typical Mexican fare. There are no burritos, for example, and the tacos arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t standard, but rolled tacos dorados. As the name suggests, tamales are the big drawâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;housemade from scratch, and in a wide assortment of flavors, including chicken, pork, jalapeĂąo & cheese, chicken with mole, bean & cheese and vegan.

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a selection of sweet tamales, plus a breakfast tamale with bacon, sausage, egg and cheese. Reviewed March 5. 7760 S. 3200 West, West Jordan, 801-282-0722, TamalesTita.com

The Goldener Hirsch Inn Restaurant

Classic European staples like fondue and Wiener schnitzel are on the menus, and probably always will be, but Executive Chef Ryan Burnham also offers up more delicate and creative dishes like his â&#x20AC;&#x153;mushroom tastingâ&#x20AC;?â&#x20AC;&#x201D;a mĂŠlange of fresh, wild mushrooms with sunchokes, cranberries, crispy prosciutto and sweet Pedro Ximenez balsamic vinegarâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and a roasted-beet salad that looks as beautiful as it tastes. But the entree section of the menu is where things really get interesting. Potato gnocchi, made with organic spuds, is paired with duck confit, caramelized pear, arugula, lemon and a big dollop of housemade burrata. Reviewed Jan. 15. 7570 Royal St. East, Park City, 435-649-7770, GoldenerHirschInn.com

The Mariposa

At Deer Valley Resortâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s main fine-dining venue, settle in beside a toasty fireplace for delicious appetizers like Kumamoto oysters on the half-shell with housemade seafood sauce and mignonette, or delightful sashimi-style diver scallop drizzled with lime & aji-chile-pepper vinaigrette and

REVIEW BITES

A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

cilantro emulsion. I appreciate that The Mariposa menu is mostly small-plate-oriented, so it’s easy to try a lot of tasty dishes rather than just one or two big ones. More divine dishes came and went: pan-roasted boneless quail saltimbocca and miso-braised kale and mushrooms in a Cabernet reduction; Niman Ranch beef short rib with Pontack sauce and salsify-parsnip purée; and my favorite dish, housemade lemon-thyme gnocchi with beurre blanc, Rockhill Creamery aged Edam cheese and slow-poached wild Gulf shrimp. Table and wine service were, as always, up to Deer Valley’s ultrahigh standards, where guest-pampering is taken to extreme levels. Reviewed Jan. 15. 7600 Royal St., Park City, 435-645-6715, DeerValley.com/dining

The Goldener Hirsch Inn Restaurant

Karma Indian Cuisine

Bruges Waffles & Frites Sugar House

The Bruges Sugar House location is a couple of years old and features its biggest menu and selection. You’ll find well-known items like Belgian-style fries with a multitude of saucing options, heavenly Liège waffles and the popular Machine Gun sandwich, as featured on the Travel Channel’s Man v. Food. But there is so much more, like waffle sandwiches made with toasted waffles where you’d normally expect to find bread. Even more interesting, in my opinion, are the unique omelets. The Averell omelet, for instance, is eggs with Brie, ham, roasted bell peppers, caramelized onions, portobellos and a choice of either one “freakandel” or two merquez sausages. The “freakandel” is a play on frikandel, a Belgian and Dutch deep-fried, skinless, chicken-pork-beef sausage. My ultimate wish is that someday owner Pierre Vandamme will open a full-blown Belgian restaurant serving dishes like waterzooi, tarte au riz, filet Américain, lapin à la gueuze and moules-frites. But for now, Bruges Waffles & Frites serves my Belgian cravings admirably. Reviewed Dec. 11, 2014. 2314 S. Highland Drive, 801486-9999, BrugesWaffles.com

Award Winning BBQ

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1405 E 2100 S SUGARHOUSE ❖ 801.906.0908 ❖ PATIO SEATING AVAILABLE LUNCH BUFFET: TUE-SUN 11-3PM ❖ DINNER: M-TH 5-9:30PM / F-S 5-10PM / SUN 5-9PM

South Jordan 10500 S. 1086 W. Ste. 111• 801.302.0777

Provo -Est. 200798 W. Center Street • 801.373.7200

Kimi’s Chop & Oyster House

2015 Wine & Beer Available • Gift certificates available

www.IndiaPalaceUtah.com

F RESH . F A S T . F AB U L OUS

+'&( HDJI= =><=A6C9 9G>K: q -%&#+(*#-&.%

may 14, 2015 | 33

Kimi’s is certainly a fine-dining restaurant, one with warm hospitality and friendly charm. It’s also a feast for the eyes, featuring a modern bar with an LED “fireplace” that pulls the eye to the center of the restaurant. The bar would be a terrific place to enjoy a signature cocktail and nosh on fresh oysters on the half-shell, baked mussels with herb butter, or a plate of toast smogen, a Swedish crostini-type affair with shrimp, crab, dill, horseradish creme, fresh lemon and caviar. The cashew-crusted sea bass is a delicious dish, and the sliced bavette steak, served with a rich port reduction, asparagus, roasted garlic and (by request) pommes frites was tender and tasty, if predictable. Not so predictable were the frites, which were big, thick wedges of the sort I normally loathe.

However, Chef Matt Anderson cooked these spud slices to perfection, somehow managing to make them crisp on the outside, but not mealy or undercooked inside. It’s the first wedge fry I’ve ever loved. Reviewed Dec. 11 2014. 2155 S. Highland Drive, 801-946-2079, KimisHouse.com

| CITY WEEKLY |

I really do like the pizza at Mellow Mushroom, an Atlanta-based pizza chain with a hippie vibe (which perhaps explains why my pizza took 25 minutes to make).

The red sauce tastes of bright, ripe tomatoes—not the bitter tomato paste that mars so many commercial pizzas. And the toppings are plentiful and of good quality.

The crust is of medium thickness, slightly crisp on the bottom with a nice crunchy and lightly blistered outer crust. And there’s wine, cocktails and a formidable beer selection, to boot, with two-dozen local craft beers on tap and more than 70 bottled brews, including ones from Deschutes, Big Sky and Rogue. They’ll help you remain mellow while awaiting your pie. Reviewed Dec. 25, 2014. 1080 E. 2100 South, 801-8441444, MellowMushroom.com

The Annex got a revamp recently, and it knocked my socks off. A newly acquired club license allows patrons to drink alcohol without ordering food. And a new chef, Craig Gerome, is firing on all cylinders in the kitchen. A killer appetizer is a half-dozen Bouchot mussels steamed in Berliner Weiss beer with garlic confit and crisp, crunchy shoestring potatoes. Some of the starters—the pasta, for example—could suffice as small entrees, like the housemade tagliatelle pasta with beef-cheek ragout and the generously portioned housemade ricotta. The pasta was some of the best I’ve ever eaten, and perfectly cooked al dente. Exceptional entrees of steelhead trout with Beluga lentils and herb-fried chicken with fried green tomatoes and heavenly buttermilk risotto firmed up my notion that The Annex is one of the best dining options in Sugar House. Reviewed Dec. 25, 2014. 1048 E. 2100 South, 801-742-5490, TheAnnexByEpicBrewing.com

Mellow Mushroom

The Annex by Epic Brewing

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Walking through this Indian eatery’s front doors brings you into a fashionable and beautiful space. However, as appealing as Karma is to the eye, it’s the cuisine that will keep you coming back. The korma—we ordered korma paneer—is divine. The paneer, a housemade South Asian-style cheese curd with a tofu-like consistency and texture, is bathed in a stupendously delicious and silky korma sauce made with coconut milk, curry spices, ground cashews and golden raisins. I can never resist vindaloo, the traditional curry dish of Goa, when I see it on a menu. Like the korma, the vindaloo at Karma was superb. The tanginess in vindaloo comes from vinegar, which is blended with curry spices and made into a fiery (I ordered mine hot) sauce ladled over tender boneless chicken pieces and potato. Reviewed Jan. 8. 863 E. 9400 South, Sandy, 801-5661134, EatGoodKarma.com

From 11-2pm Tuesday- Friday

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Classic European staples like fondue and Wiener schnitzel are on the menus, and probably always will be, but Executive Chef Ryan Burnham also offers up more delicate and creative dishes like his “mushroom tasting”—a mélange of fresh, wild mushrooms with sunchokes, cranberries, crispy prosciutto and sweet Pedro Ximenez balsamic vinegar—and a roasted-beet salad that looks as beautiful as it tastes. But the entree section of the menu is where things really get interesting. Potato gnocchi, made with organic spuds, is paired with duck confit, caramelized pear, arugula, lemon and a big dollop of housemade burrata. Reviewed Jan. 15. 7570 Royal St. East, Park City, 435-649-7770, GoldenerHirschInn.com

$5 lunch Special

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34 | may 14, 2015

far from the madding crowd

Modern Woman

CINEMA

SIDESHOW

Far From the Madding Crowd tells an old story with contemporary resonance

Stark Racing Mad

By MaryAnn Johanson comments@cityweekly.net @maryannjohanson

By Eric D. Snider comments@cityweekly.net @ericdsnider

XXX

N

T

he novel it’s based on may be a century-and-a-half old, and it opens with a mad-sheepdog accident, of all the crazy, rural old-fashioned things, but this new cinematic adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s Far From the Madding Crowd is more modern, more progressive, and just plain more grown-up than half the movies thrown at us in our stodgy, convention-bound multiplex movie landscape.

And it doesn’t always convey modernity in positive ways. The challenges faced by its female protagonist as she navigates a man’s professional realm—and the assholery she encounters as she navigates a woman’s romantic options—are barely distinguishable from what women are still putting up with today.

I haven’t read Hardy’s book since high school, and I remember so little of it that the plot twists here came as surprises, so it’s possible that screenwriter David Nicholls (the 2012 adaptation of Great Expectations) and director Thomas Vinterberg (The Hunt) have fudged some of the details a little to make their film more relevant to contemporary audiences. If so, that’s OK. It’s great, in fact. The bones of the story remain the same, and this was the same Bathsheba Everdene who was smart, brave, and independent enough to inspire Suzanne Collins to name her Hunger Games protagonist after her.

Here, Bathsheba is a marvelously free spirit embodied with verve and passion and steely courage by Carey Mulligan.

She races her horse across the moors of Wessex—Hardy’s fictionalization of the rural English county of Dorset—riding astraddle in a most unladylike, yet most practical, manner. She wears a cool leather jacket and “intend[s] to astonish” the

workers at her uncle’s farming estate, which she has just inherited and will run as if she were a man, even though it is the female-unfriendly Victorian 1870s. She is positively dripping in handsome suitors: Gabriel Oak (Matthias Schoenaerts), a shepherd on her farm; William Boldwood (Michael Sheen), the wealthy landowner next door; and Sergeant Francis Troy (Tom Sturridge), whose rakish mustache, red uniform and swordplay skills would make Lydia Bennet swoon.

Although Bathsheba says things like, “I’m too independent” when turning down proposals of marriage, and that she wants a husband who will “tame” her, it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t really want any husband at all. At least, she certainly doesn’t want one under the Victorian understanding of what a woman could expect from a marriage: to be subjugated to her husband, to be required to defer to him in all things.

She wants an equal partner in her life and her business. She cannot be wooed by offering her presents—you cannot buy or bribe a woman who has her own money and resources—and perhaps she can afford to be silly in her choice, and choose the man she wants, rather than the one who would make the most advantageous match. She can make her decision out of desire, and not out of pragmatic need.

Bathsheba isn’t perfect, which is what makes her so intriguing. She makes some stupid mistakes—some out of stubborn

Matthias Schoenaerts and Carey Mulligan in Far From the Madding Crowd pride, some of out of boneheaded thoughtlessness. But everything she does (or doesn’t do) is a consequence of the work that she loves—running the estate—being her life; any romantic entanglements will necessarily impact that work, and have to become part of it. Which is awesome. Women’s lives are complicated! This is more than most movies today are interested in dealing with, or even acknowledging.

But this truly isn’t a message film. It’s a ridiculously romantic one, in all the best ways—from the gorgeous landscapes, to the sweeping emotions, to the soap-opera-ish melodrama. It’s fun, and it’s sexy in a way that most movies nowadays can’t be bothered with. The primary physical intimacy here is a super-sexy kiss at the end, when Bathsheba finally ends up with the Right Guy, and it proves to be hotter than anything I’ve seen onscreen in ages. Sexy here isn’t naked bodies, but bared hearts. CW

FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD

HHH.5 Carey Mulligan Matthias Schoenaerts Michael Sheen Rated PG-13

TRY THESE Far from the Madding Crowd (1967) Julie Christie Peter Finch Rated PG

An Education (2009) Carey Mulligan Peter Sarsgaard Rated PG-13

Great Expectations (2012) Toby Irvine Ralph Fiennes Rated PG-13

The Hunt (2012) Mads Mikkelsen Thomas Bo Larsen Rated R

oted Australian madman George Miller may have distracted himself (and amused us) with films like Babe: Pig in the City and the two Happy Feet toons, but now it’s time to quit goofing around and get back to the dusty, post-apocalyptic wasteland that launched his career. Mad Max: Fury Road reboots Miller’s cult-favorite franchise with all the intense, explosive energy you’d expect from a passion project that’s been some 20 years in the making. Which is to say, it is straight-up, wall-to-wall bonkers.

Not the story, mind you; that’s actually pretty simple. In our ruined future, the Wasteland is run by a grotesque, misshapen tyrant called King Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne), who has a harem of wives to beget his posterity, and keeps a tight rein on his subjects by controlling the meager water supply. A loner named Max (Tom Hardy) runs afoul of Joe and finds common ground with one of Joe’s own officers, a 1.5-armed badass called Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron).

What follows is essentially a featurelength car chase, with Joe’s ferocious albino kamikaze soldiers pursuing Max, Furiosa and their small band of survivors, both sides attacking each other without bothering to pull over first. Most of the battle takes place in, on and under the speeding vehicles, which are fortified with armor and essentials like flamethrowers and spiked tires. Amazingly, Miller paces the almost nonstop action so that it’s neither tiresome nor hard to follow. No shakycam here; we see the spectacular stunts and choreographed fights in full clarity.

The details of Miller’s near-future world are a delightful hodgepodge of influences and traditions, hinting at a treasure trove of back story. That compensates for the present characters being merely serviceable rather than memorable—not that such things matter when you’re staring goggle-eyed at high-velocity mayhem.

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

HHH.5 Tom Hardy Charlize Theron Nicholas Hoult Rated R

CINEMA CLIPS NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

Far from the Madding Crowd HHH.5 See review p. 34. Opens May 15 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

Mad Max: Fury Road HHH.5 See review p. 34. Opens May 15 at theaters valleywide. (R)

some of the centerpiece battle sequences here pack more than just a CGI wallop: Sometimes, comic-book mythology is a way of giving us a glimpse of how we flawed, occasionally monstrous humans can sometimes prove ourselves worthy.

(PG-13)—SR The D Train HH.5 The crippling need to be liked gets half of a great treatment in this not-quite-dark-enough comedy about Dan Landsman (Jack Black), a married-with-kids schlub trying to drum up interest for a 20th high school reunion by convincing classmate Oliver Lawless (James Marsden)—who left town for an acting career—to attend. Writer/directors Jarrad Paul and Andrew Mogel choose a perfect milieu for exploring midlife desperation, with Black effectively capturing the post-traumatic psychology of high school loser-dom. Yet even as the re-connection between Dan and Oliver takes a surprisingly outrageous turn, the story seems unwilling to commit to Dan’s self-loathing, or to Oliver’s equal footing as a guy undeserving of his revered status. There are big laughs in some of the farcical situations, but the soundtrack’s nostalgic vibe spills into a throwback sensibility that seems warmer and cuddlier than the material demands. (R)—SR Hot Pursuit HH Given the right material, I’d pay to watch a buddy comedy pairing Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara—just not this one.

Witherspoon plays Cooper, a by-the-book San Antonio police officer whose planned escort of a witness—Daniella (Vergara), the wife of a testifying drug-cartel lieutenant—to protective custody goes awry. The odd-couple road-trip premise is a reliable one for co-stars with chemistry, and both stars show

Maggie HH Did we ever imagine a day when an Arnold Schwarzenegger zombie-apocalypse movie would open in art houses?

That setup gets a somber vibe in the story of Wade Vogel (Schwarzenegger) caring for his daughter Maggie (Abigail Breslin), who only has a few weeks of humanity remaining after being bitten by a “necro-ambulist.” For a while, the story sets up a potent metaphor for parents coming to terms with a child’s terminal illness, and Schwarzenegger gets some surprisingly solid emotional moments. But the filmmakers won’t commit to that one point of view, throwing in token suspense moments and shifting the focus to Maggie’s interactions with her friends. Maggie dabbles in too many ideas without packing enough punch behind any one of them, leaving something that feels just as confusing as … well, as an Arnold Schwarzenegger zombie-apocalypse movie in art houses. (PG-13)—SR The Salt of the Earth HHH There’s a voice problem here—which is a shame, because there’s certainly no visual problem in this profile of Sebastião Salgado, the celebrated photographer whose work has captured the impacts of war, dislocation and hard labor on cultures

CITY WEEKLY SPECIAL EVENT

MOViE STARTS AT 8PM

SPECIAL SCREENINGS

The Breach At Main Library, May 19, 7 p.m. (NR)

Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter At Park City Film Series, May 15-16 @ 8 p.m. & May 17 @ 6 p.m.

(Not Rated)

may 14, 2015 | 35

677 S. 200 W. 21 AND OLDER (801)355-5500 BREWVIES.COM

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CURRENT RELEASES

Return of the Jedi At Brewvies, May 18, 10 p.m. (PG)

MiSS CiTY WEEKLY MOViE NiGHT

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FRiDAY, MAY 29 7-10PM

Pitch Perfect 2 [not yet reviewed] Beca (Anna Kendrick), Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) and the rest of the a cappella Bellas are back, performing in an international competition. Opens May 15 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13)

Avengers: Age of Ultron HHH.5 Joss Whedon’s latest pivot point in the Marvel Cinematic Universe may be an action blockbuster, but it’s fundamentally about what makes humanity worthy—a challenge the super-hero team faces when Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) creates a robot (James Spader) intended to protect the earth, but which sees humans as the gravest threat. Whedon is choreographing a metric ton of moving parts here, introducing new characters while dealing with subplots, fan service and set-ups for future movies. But there’s also potent subtext rolling around about fear bringing out the worst in us, while genuine crisis finds us at our self-sacrificing best. That’s why

off energetic comic chops. But their appeal is undercut by a screenplay that provides few creative opportunities to showcase what they can do, with a rote set-up and not a single decent supporting character for them to play off of. Once you get past punch lines that, yes, Witherspoon is tiny, and yes, Vergara has an hourglass figure and an accent, Hot Pursuit runs out of ideas for how they can be funny. (PG-13)—SR

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Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem HHH If the goal of Ronit and Shlomi Elkabetz was to convey the sheer grueling ordeal faced by their protagonist, they succeeded in a way that’s powerful and yet challenging to maintain dramatically. They follow the multi-year court proceedings of Israeli Viviane Amsalem (Ronit Elkabetz) as she attempts to secure a gett—a legal divorce under Jewish law—from her husband Elisha (Simon Akbarian). But that law requires that a husband must consent to any divorce—and Elisha steadfastly refuses to do so. The story plows through dozens of individual hearings and procedural hurdles demanded by the rabbis serving as judges, as the entire film plays out strictly within the claustrophobic confines of the courthouse. That approach results in a numbing, frustrating sameness to many of the scenes, but also many powerful confrontations in which the characters’ motivations are teased out patiently. What could have been little more than a wag of the finger at Israel’s male-centered legal process instead becomes a more complex look at both the pain of women living as second-class citizens, and the possessive entitlement of those who assume that’s the way things should be. Opens May 15 at Broadway Centre Cinemas.

(NR)—Scott Remshaw

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36 | may 14, 2015

CINEMA

CLIPS

Movie times and locations at cityweekly.net

around the world. When Salgado himself gets to hold the microphone, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a fascinating commentary track to a stunning visual-arts exhibition. But co-directors Wim Wenders and Juliano Ribeiro Salgado (the subjectâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s oldest son) also make their voices heard, whether explaining the elder Salgadoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s current work, or providing a lot of their biographical backstory.

And as impressive as it is to learn about Salgadoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s efforts at re-foresting his familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s land, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s often hard to get a sense of what this movie is ultimately supposed to be about. Everything else seems distracting when itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not primarily a magnificently footnoted coffee-table book. (PG-13)â&#x20AC;&#x201D;SR

!

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Welcome to Me HH.5 The uncomfortable reality of a genuinely mentally ill protagonist bumps up against wonderful weirdness in director Shira Piven and screenwriter Eliot Laurenceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s story of Alice Klieg (Kristen Wiig), a woman on disability with borderline personality disorder when she wins an $86 million lottery jackpot, then buys her way into hosting a talk show all about herself. At times, Aliceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s self-help obsession plays out with a whisper of social satire, as her show becomes a kind of â&#x20AC;&#x153;outsider art.â&#x20AC;? But while Wiigâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s performance reins in any sense of exploitation while portraying a woman with few social filters, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not much payoff beyond the train-wreck emotional exhibitionism of Aliceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s show (which mixes low-carb recipes with re-enactments of childhood traumas). If this story doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exactly invite us to laugh at Alice, it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know what to say about her, either. (R)â&#x20AC;&#x201D;SR

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Wayward Pines is good ‘n’ weird, Maron stays the course and Mad Men is outta here.

Wayward Pines Thursday, May 14 (Fox)

Season Premiere: Last season, “Marc Maron” (Marc Maron) further proved himself to be lousy at romantic relationships, familial bonding, social interaction and pretty much anything else that happens outside of his garage podcasting studio. Likewise, Maron established itself as more than a Louie knockoff, a worthy semi-autobiographical comedy with its own scratchy voice that’s as comfortable as it is occasionally dark. Season 3 doesn’t look to break the format: Marc’s still looking for love, falling into sitcom-adjacent wackiness (like being asked to be a sperm donor for a lesbian couple) and figuring out what

Is Your Dog a Genius?

Friday, May 15 (Nat Geo Wild) Series Debut: I have a sneaking suspicion that this new series was actually conceptualized, pitched and created by a dog. There’s no such “person” as Dr. Brian “Hare,” “dog scientist,” right? Nice try, Nat Geo Wild.

The 2015 Billboard Music Awards Sunday, May 17 (ABC) Special: If The Grammy Awards, The Latin Grammys, The iHeartRadio Music Awards, American Music Awards, The MTV Video Music Awards, The mtvU Woodie Awards, The Country Music Television Awards, The Country Music Association Awards, The Academy of Country Music Awards, The American Country Countdown Awards, The BET Awards, The BET Hip Hop Awards, The Soul Train Awards and The Radio Disney Music Awards haven’t already satisfied your insatiable awards-show appetite, you are almost definitely Taylor Swift. (Thanks for reading, Taylor.)

Wayward Pines (FOX) Mad Men Sunday, May 17 (AMC) Series Finale: Someone knows how Mad Men ultimately ends—not you or I, but someone. The theories are likely far more fantastical than what show boss Matthew Weiner will actually end up closing with, while the more mundane— “Don falls from the building à la the opening credits,” “Peggy opens her own agency and finally transforms into Don” and “Fed-up Joan becomes a chauvinist-killing vigilante supervillianess terrorizing New York City by night—” don’t quite cut it. The almost year-long break in Season 7 sucked what little buzz was left out of Mad Men, but that’s probably for the best: Unlike Breaking Bad, this is a series that needs to end quietly and on its own stately terms. But that doesn’t mean I’m not holding out hope for a spin-off series—might I suggest Trudy!, starring Alison Brie? CW Listen to Bill on Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell; weekly on the TV Tan podcast via iTunes and Stitcher.

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Maron Thursday, May 14 (IFC)

the hell’s wrong with himself (spoiler: everything). Don’t ever change, Marc—look at the all grief it caused Louis C.K. last year.

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Series Debut: Of all the creepy TV mysteries set in idyllic little mountain towns, M. Night Shyamalan’s Wayward Pines is, well, the latest—and, if Fox sticks to its “10-episode limited series” promise (thanks for tainting our trust, Under the Dome), potentially one of the greatest. Matt Dillon stars as Ethan Burke, a Secret Service agent searching for a pair of MIA colleagues in Idaho, who, after a car crash, winds up in Wayward Pines, a postcard-perfect hamlet with no roads or communication out (the phones are all … landlines!). Disorienting weirdness and escalating clues that Way ward Pines maybe be some kind of pseudo-governmental Truman Show ensue, with supporting characters (including Juliette Lewis, Carla Gugino and the suddenly-Empirehot Terrence Howard) offering Burke varying degrees of insight and/or misdirection. Wayward Pines doles out the answers slowly, but closure is guaranteed. Again, please don’t Dome this, Fox.

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may 14, 2015 | 37

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38 | may 14, 2015

THE LADELLS

Hammer Drop

MUSIC

Forget the hammer: The Ladells are hitting listeners’ ears with Vamp.

By Kolbie Stonehocker comments@cityweekly.net @vonstonehocker

EMILY DAVIS

W

hen your band’s frontman is known for a level of onstage chaos that can involve what some might label “antics”—perhaps most famously, running into startled audiences while swinging a hammer—your reputation can precede you.

But lead vocalist and musical force-of-nature Andy Andersen (aka Max Punck) of Provo-based rock & rollers The Ladells has news for folks who may have come to think of them as “that hammer band”: “I don’t think you’re gonna see the hammer come out ever again onstage.”

It’s a phenomenon Andersen is all too familiar with: encountering people who, when they talk about The Ladells, say something like, they’re the band with “the crazy guy that does that stuff,” he says. “And that’s great, I’m glad we made an impression people won’t forget. But I almost feel like, ‘Well, did you listen to the music as well?’”

But now, with the release of The Ladells’ new album, Vamp, they’re proving that their actual music is equally if not more powerful than their in-your-face stage presence. “We’ve built this reputation of our stage shows, but people need to, and deserve to, hear how good we sound, and how great the rest of the band sounds, and how important they are to everything that’s going on around here in the local music scene,” Andersen says. “I just hope people are ready to listen—and if they’re not, we’ll have to see what we can do to make them listen anyway.”

Made up of brothers Andy, guitarist Olin (aka Olin A.), drummer Karl Andersen (aka Karl Ladell) and bassist Jenna Andersen (who’s also Andy’s wife, and goes by Saliva Plath in the band), The Ladells’ current lineup has been together for about a year. Named after the Andersens’ grandfather, Ladell, the band started out by doing covers of Velvet Underground, which, along with Iggy Pop & the Stooges and David Bowie, was a band that had a lasting impact on Andy’s energy and style onstage.

“When I started out, I was really influenced by early-’70s artrock style of performance and making yourself part of the art,” he says. “Combining rock & roll with performance art and challenging the audience.”

At some of the band’s notable recent shows—including The Ladells’ winning performance at Muse Music Cafe’s Battle of the Bands in October 2014, and their wild appearance at Best of Utah Music in February—Andy could be relied on to pull out all the stops, by showcasing onstage karate chops, crashing into Olin’s drums and, of course, making some people nervous with that very real hammer. Because, for Andy, “I do what I do because I’m trying to keep up with the other three members of the band,” he says.

“They’re so ferocious, and Olin’s guitar is so ferocious, Jenna’s bass is so powerful … and Karl’s drumming is so manic and amazing that I’m just kind of like, ‘Well, I just have my voice and my body, so I need to do my part, too.’”

But still, the eye can’t help but be drawn to Andy, even though concertgoers “should be listening to the rest of the band as much as they’re watching me,” he says. “That’s why I’m really excited about our new album. … Because we’ve got something to say onstage, but we’ve got something to say musically as well. It’s just as important to us.”

With Vamp, Andy wanted to find another “strong-sounding one-

The Ladells drop the hammer—and a new album

syllable word,” similar to the title of their 2014 album, Crime. Even though Crime was technically the first album The Ladells released, Andy says they consider Vamp to be their official debut, since their lineup has changed so much since Crime came out.

And what an electric, attention-grabbing debut it is. A rock/ punk powerhouse with a major kick, Vamp encapsulates The Ladells’ single-minded work ethic and dedication to their music.

“We’re really about rock & roll as a serious art form and taking what we do seriously,” Andy says.

Although it wasn’t intentional, when he put the songs on Vamp together, Andy realized “the album, as a whole, is about the internal battle with the self,” he says. “It’s hard to be a human being and to live with yourself. A lot of the images in the songs are about ghosts of your own inner struggles,” a theme that’s especially obvious on “Doppelgänger.” But above all, Vamp—on songs ranging from “Velvet Wasteland” (which is the first song Andy and Olin wrote together) to new tracks like “Thin Like a Man”—simply speaks to the soul like only pure, unadulterated, cathartic rock can.

In other words, The Ladells aren’t relying on any gimmicks, which is what Andy’s hammer might have turned into eventually.

Because as a band that’s driven to “shake people up,” he says, sometimes they have to shake themselves up, too.

“As something becomes a potential for a crutch, I feel like you have to get rid of it,” Andy says. “We need to create obstacles for ourselves. Every time we’re onstage, we’re completely naked, and the whole thing is a total risk. That’s … the only way you keep finding truth in what you’re doing and finding truth with the audience. Ultimately, that’s what we’re all about, is the continual, eternal search for truth. And we do that through rock & roll.” CW

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THURSDAY 5.14

Tyrone Wells Tyrone Wells has the soothing voice and gentle soul that make for music that could be played live at a wedding luncheon or reception (before the drunken bridesmaids turn on the “Cha Cha Slide.”) Originally from Spokane, Wash., and raised on gospel music, Wells honed his signature emotional soul-pop sound, which is heard throughout his newest release, Roll With It—but the pop side of the equation has gotten stronger, peppier and more enthusiastic. For the most part, Wells has stepped up the pace of his music since the last time he played in Salt Lake City in 2013, after he released This Love. Occasional jazz flair is heard on a few of the tracks, such as “Every Night.”

In addition to the gentle island-swing single “Sea Breeze”—which, seven years after its release, could easily be his most-requested song—Wells tours a cover of “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers, and a mash-up medley of ’80s hits: C&C Music Factory’s “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now),” Paula Abdul’s “Straight Up” and Michael Jackson’s “Beat It.” And the yodeling must be mentioned—Wells learned how to yodel from his dad, and shows it off at each of his live shows. Southern California singer Dominic Balli is touring with Wells, in support of his newest urban-pop record, Not for Sale. Georgian singer/songwriter Emily Hearn opens the concert with songs from her new record, Hourglass. Velour, 135 N. University Ave., Provo, 7:30 p.m., $12, VelourLive.com

Chris Staples

JENNY JIMINEZ

40 | may 14, 2015

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Chris Staples American Soft, the newest album by singer/ songwriter and vagabond Chris Staples was conceived, written from and inspired by opposite sides of the continent: Washington and Florida.

He started writing the songs while working as a carpenter in Washington (on the home of Josh Rosenfeld, cofounder of Barsuk Records, who eventually produced the album), and was finished in Florida, when Staples was squatting in his abandoned— and nearly barren—childhood home in Pensacola, with only a cot and a piano. The album embraces atmospheres from both locations—from woodsy and grizzly, to sunny and simplistic. The melodies and lyrics are basic and repetitive, which makes it easy—even for those who haven’t heard every song—to sing along with the choruses. The diversity in the messages and paces of the two sides of the album are reflected in Staples’ low-key live performances. Staples’ minimalism is reflected in his ’60s Apollo-launch-set music video (cut with news broadcasts) for “Dark Side of the Moon.”

The lineup features Mimicking Birds, a Portland rock band; and Alyeska, an indie rock band from L.A. (originally Montana). Kilby Court, 741 S. Kilby Court, 8 p.m., $10, KilbyCourt.com

DAVID STUDARUS

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THIS WEEK’S MUSIC PICKS

Tyrone Wells

SATURDAY 5.16

The National Parks Appropriately named “The National Parks,” the Provo indie/folk band partners with the National Parks Conservation Association to promote and protect parks—and that mission can be heard through their self-titled debut album and their newest singles, “BA BA RA” and “As We Ran,” (a sneak peek into their upcoming full-length release), and seen on their music videos and their mountainthemed album covers. The outdoorsy influence is occasionally subtle, with the moving bass lines serving as good road-trip music; and sometimes blatant, in tracks like, “The Meadow” and “As We Ran”—the latter featuring the lyric: “Then we will climb/ Because we belong here with the Great Tetons.” The single was even chosen to be the theme of the documentary Love in the Tetons. Live performances from the trio feature a harmonica and violin along with the guitars and vocals. A portion of ticket sales will be used for wildlife conservation, through the Utah nonprofit Friends of Alta. Additional sets will come from Provo band Festive People and Ogden group Ties for Tolliver. Kilby Court, 741 S. Kilby Court, 8 p.m., $8, » KilbyCourt.com

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may 14, 2015 | 41

RENATA RAKSHA

LIVE

Timmy the Teeth Built from other strong Provo acts, Timmy the Teeth is a collaborative project from Timothy George, Evan Coulombe, Isaac Russell and Joshua James. All four have worked together in the past, generally led by James (who produced the first Timmy the Teeth album). Their newest release, Just Another Day, is a folk-rock album, like modern-day outlaw or cowboy rock, with a hint of old-school country. Russell is also opening the concert, as his solo incarnation, RuRu, with Crook & the Bluff and Gypsy Cab joining the lineup. Gypsy Cab is celebrating the Salt Lake City release of their newest record, Impending Doom, which premiered May 9 in Provo.

Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 9 p.m., $5, UrbanLoungeSLC.com

MONDAY 5.18

Purity Ring Electro-synth, gloss-pop duo Purity Ring is touring their experimental, artsy record, Another Eternity.

Their sophomore album has less of an airy feel

Purity Ring

Join us at Rye Diner and Drinks for dinner and craft cocktails before, during and after the show. Late night bites 6pm-midnight Monday through Saturday and brunch everyday of the week. Rye is for early birds and late owls and caters to all ages www.ryeslc.com

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than their debut, Shrines, with hip-hop beats that are possibly the influence of rapper Danny Brown, who collaborated on the album. The visual aspect is as dreamy as the album (and the album cover, which depicts an ominous, pink-phosphorescent orb): The stage is strewn with glowing threads of light, and the glow from the stage lights constantly and slowly changes hues. The duo is joined by Braids, an experimental art-rock band from Canada (originally from Alberta, but currently from Quebec).

Braids is touring their third full-length album, a chilly, shoegaze compilation titled Deep in the Iris.

Canadian experimental-pop artist Born Gold (alias of Cecil Frena) opens the concert with a handful of theatrical and interactive performance of his most recent singles, which he had been releasing once a month through fall and winter. The tour is reuniting Purity Ring and Born Gold; the three used to be part of Gobble Gobble, an electro-pop band that broke up when Born Gold went solo, consequently leading to the creation of Purity Ring. The Depot, 400 W. South Temple, 8 p.m., $20 in advance, $22 day of show. DepotSLC.com

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CONCERTS & CLUBS

City Weekly’s Hot List for the Week

Complete listings online @ cityweekly.net Minneapolis rock duo Local H—made up of Joe Daniels on drums and Scott Lucas on vocals and guitar—this year celebrated the 25th anniversary of their first show at the University of Wisconsin for an Earth Day concert. Two-and-a-half decades and seven full-length concept albums (as well as a smattering of EPs) later, they have released their eighth studio album, Hey Killer, a blasting album full of raw vocals, heavy guitar riffs and raucous drumming. Even with only two of them onstage, their shows are known for being as energetic as they are grungy. All Eyes West opens. (Tiffany Frandsen) Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, May 18, 9 p.m., $13 in advance, $15 day of show, UrbanLoungeSLC.com

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46 | may 14, 2015

Anaal Nathrakh, Incite, Secrets of the Sky, Burn Your World, Hooga (Club X) Aspen Winds (Gallivan Center) Cartel, Team, Driver Friendly (Murray Theater) Corey Christiansen (The Garage) The Deadly Nightshade (The Hog Wallow Pub) Melo, Sink the Seas, Nora Dates (Kilby Court) New Orleans Jazz Septet With Doc Miller (Dopo) Sounds Like Teen Spirit (Liquid Joe’s) Tony Holiday & The Velvetones, Candy’s River House, Sam Smith Band, Neal Middleton (The Urban Lounge) Tyrone Wells, Dominic Balli, Emily Hearn (Velour) (see p. 40) Weekly Live Reggae Show (The Woodshed)

CONCERTS & CLUBS

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Antidote: Hot Noise (The Red Door) DJ Infinite Horizon (5 Monkeys) Thirsty Thursday With DJ Battleship (The Century Club)

friday 5.15 Live Music

Bag Lady Sue, Remus Tuck Band (Sandy Station) Big & Rich (UCCU Center) Big Sean, Casey Veggies (The Complex) Chris Staples, Mimicking Birds, Alyeska (Kilby Court) (see p. 40) Cool Jazz Piano Trio With Fred McCray (Dopo) Gene Loves Jezebel (Liquid Joe’s) Ivan & Alyosha, Kris Orlowski (The State Room) The Ladells (Diabolical Records) (see p.38) Mayday (Area 51) Morgan Page (Park City Live) Red Yeti, Steel Born Buffalo, Matt Skaggs (Velour) Royal Bliss, Wayland, American Hitmen, Acidic (The Royal) Six Feet in the Pine, Porch to Porch, Kaleb Hanly (The Urban Lounge) Tony Holiday & The Velvetones (Brewskis) Wild Country (Outlaw Saloon)

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48 | may 14, 2015

City Weekly has an immediate opening for a part-time, freelance Music Editor.

Is your love of live music getting in the way of your day job? Are you able to write critically (and succinctly) about the city's entertainment options? Could you produce an incandescent music section that readers would love to read? And, most importantly, can you do it on deadline?

If you can answer yes to the above, and have the clips to prove it, you may be in line to be City Weekly's next music editor/critic. We need someone passionate and knowledgeable about the local nightlife scene with a strong writing voice and deft line-editing skills. This person must have an interest in touring bands, local musicians, club bands, DJs and music festivals -- in a variety of music genres, showcased across the Wasatch Front. Stories may also include music-adjacent performances such as burlesque and Vaudeville-style performances, open mics and karaoke.

The position demands the requisite people skills to assign and edit freelancer stories and to cultivate relationships with publicists and concert/club venues.

The City Weekly Music Editor also will generate two or more music blogs each week and maintain a strong social-media presence.

If you love working your own hours (about 25 per week) and from a laptop at your favorite coffee shop, this job may have your name on it.

Interested candidates should send a cover letter, résumé, and clips to editor@cityweekly.net by May 5.

I choose

Ed Sheeran British troubadour Ed Sheeran is on tour to promote his 2014 release, X (pronounced “multiply”). The album is largely a folk/pop-rock record, but features elements of hip-hop. Although there are complex layers to the tracks, Sheeran tours solo, recording the melodies, harmonies and beats and looping them. The live performance is still, at its core, a folk-rock performance, but with raps and even beat-boxing from Sheeran himself. Graphics, scenes from music videos and a complex light show further enhance the show. (Tiffany Frandsen) EnergySolutions Arena, 301 W. South Temple, May 19, 7:30 p.m., $53.50-$63.50, EnergySolutionsArena.com DJ Choice (The Red Door) DJ Scotty B (Habits) Miss DJ Lux (The Moose Lounge)

saturday 5.16 Live Music

Alan Jackson (Usana Amphitheatre) Cool Jazz Piano Trio With Stan Seale (Dopo) E-40 (Club at 50 West) Foreign Figures (The Wall) L.A. Story, Dirt Cheap, The Pedestrians (The Royal) The National Parks, Festive People, Ties for Tolliver (Kilby Court) Pete Escovedo Latin Jazz Band (Capitol Theatre) The Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Timmy the Teeth, Gypsy Cab, RuRu, Crook & The Bluff (The Urban Lounge) Wild Country (Outlaw Saloon)

DJ

Chaseone2 (Gracie’s) DJ E-Flexx (Sandy Station) DJ Marshall Aaron (Sky) DJ Scotty B (Habits)

sunday 5.17

In their own words...

“

Live Music

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Babs DeLay Owner/Broker Urban Utah Homes & Estates

B-Side Junkeez (The Royal) Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, We Are Hex (The Urban Lounge) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) The Steel Belts (Donkey Tails)

Karaoke

Entourage Karaoke (Piper Down) Karaoke Church With DJ Ducky, Mandrew (Jam) Karaoke Sundays With KJ Sparetire (The Century Club) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed) Sunday Funday Karaoke (Three Alarm Saloon)

DJ

Funk & Soul Night With DJ Street Jesus (Bourbon House) Red Cup Party: DJ Matty Mo (Downstairs)

monday 5.18 Live Music

Cool Jazz Piano With Doc Miller (Dopo)

BEN WATTS

MUSIC EDITOR WANTED

Local H, All Eyes West (The Urban Lounge) (see p. 44) Monday Night Jazz Session: David Halliday & the Jazz Vespers (Gracie’s) Purity Ring, Braids, Born Gold (The Depot) Smallpools, Grizfolk, Hunter Hunted (In the Venue/Club Sound)

Karaoke

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub)

tuesday 5.19 Live Music

Brazilian Jazz With Alan Sandomir & Ricardo Romero (Dopo) Ed Sheeran (EnergySolutions Arena) Hangyng Brayn, Arcane, Panther Milk (Kilby Court) Hell Jam (Devil’s Daughter) The Wild War, Red Bennies, Electric Cathedral, Grand Banks (The Urban Lounge) Ximena Sarinana, Alex Ferreira (The Complex)

Karaoke

Karaoke (Keys on Main) Karaoke (Brewskis) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (The Woodshed) Karaoke With KJ Sauce (Club 90) Krazy Karaoke (5 Monkeys) Taboo Tuesday Karaoke (Three Alarm Saloon)

Open Mic & Jam

Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Royal) Open Mic (The Wall) Open Mic (Velour)

wednesday 5.20 Live Music

Cool Jazz Piano With Doc Miller (Dopo) Dry Erase Tracks, Echo Mind, Likelihood, Date Night (Velour) Fruition, Dave Brogan, Hill Dogs (The State Room) Max Pain & The Groovies, LA Witch, Has A Shadow, Quiet Oaks (Kilby Court) Motherkilljoy, Sugarpants, Odet, Mananero (The Urban Lounge) Streetlight Manifesto, Dan Potthast, Sycamore Smith (Murray Theater)

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may 14, 2015 | 49

@

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ESCORTS

Š 2015

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

Across

1. War on Poverty prez 2. Lucy who plays Watson on TV's "Elementary" 3. Has way too much, briefly 4. Emancipate 5. Like native llamas 6. Hooch container 7. "____ a stinker?" (Bugs Bunny line) 8. Prefix with realism 9. Staple of sci-fi filmmaking

45. Sell in stores 47. Fix, as a skirt 48. Super Bowl highlights, to some 52. Texter's "You've overshared" 53. Bomb's opposite 54. Barely make, with "out" 55. Indian tourist haven 56. Final: Abbr.

57. Suffix with lion

Last weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Down

10. Thus far 11. Brewer Coors 12. Prop in a western 13. Comics character known to write "It was a dark and stormy night" on his typewriter 18. Orange exterior 21. Talk show times: Abbr.

22. Sans spice 23. Samsung product 24. Rim 25. Gets closer to 26. Lady ____ 27. Opera conductor Daniel 31. Schoolyard rejoinder 32. "Just kidding!"

34. Florence's river 35. First name in exploration 36. Meh 37. Worldwide: Abbr.

38. Sch. attended by David Byrne and Gus Van Sant 39. Swamps 40. Some are urban 41. Full of gusto 42. Vertigo symptom 43. One- to ten-yr. investments 44. Fan sound

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. 2010 Nobelist Mario Vargas ____ 6. 2014 #1 Iggy Azalea hit 11. H.S. courses for coll. credit 14. Politico who named his dog Senator before he became a U.S. senator 15. Feudal lord 16. Ruckus 17. Plumber's advice for a clogged up sink?

19. "Special Agent ____" (animated TV show about a teddy bear) 20. "1234" singer 21. Kind of sax 22. Billboard's Hot 100?

28. The 1 or 2 in 1 + 2 = 3 29. Terrestrial 30. Homeowner's debt: Abbr.

31. Since way back when 33. 12/31, e.g.

34. Nonwinner ... or a two-word tip to solving 17-, 22-, 46- and 52-Across 36. Officer's title 39. Favre of the NFL and Hull of the NHL 40. Actress Anderson 41. Tattooed name Melanie Griffith removed from her arm in 2014 44. Seizes (from) 46. Sequel to a 2011 Johnny Depp film in which the title character is a prospector?

49. Pairs 50. Modern party summons 51. Contractor's fig.

52. What a person about to be scolded can expect?

58. Born: Fr. 59. Ready for an on-air interview 60. Autograph seekers' targets 61. Univ. figures 62. Bullet points 63. Exams with analytical reasoning parts: Abbr.

SUDOKU

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50 | may 14, 2015

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INSIDE /

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ooking for a new workout regime?

Check out Orangetheory Fitness.

The high-tech fitness studio, whose new Trolley Square location opened in February offers 60-minute classes, split into cardio and strength training. Clients wear heart-rate monitors so they, and the coaches, can scientifically measure the intensity of their effort and they can push themselves harder (or slow down) accordingly. After each class, clients are e-mailed workout summaries with data indicating how many minutes they spent in the “orange zone” and how many calories they burned.

Vanessa Cook, the studio man- The Orangetheory ager of Orangetheory Fitness Salt Fitness Trolley Square Screens in the studio display heart rates.

Lake City, says that it’s the sci- location ence-based, results-driven workcombine all three! It’s always going to be out that makes the difference to members. mixed up, which keeps each class exciting “We are accessible to all fitness levels,” she and fresh.” says. Members can make the workout as Fitness member consultant Kassandra simple or as difficult as they want, and fitPaull agrees: “The variety helps you get over ness coaches offer alternatives for difficult those plateaus that before, seemed imposmoves for members who are not yet up to the sible to overcome.” Paull was inspired to get challenge or are injured. involved in the fitness industry because she Cook has been with the Trolley Square was 150 pounds overweight during her teen location since its inception. Before starting years. She had lost almost 100 pounds, and at Orangetheory, she taught indoor cycling was getting close to her goal, when she found classes and trained athletes for triathlons.

Orangetheory while living in Arizona. “My She originally applied with Orangetheory goal was to go three times a week, and after as a fitness coach, but eventually, she set my first week, I started seeing results,” Paull her sights on the studio-manager role so says. “After about a month and a half, I had she could be more involved in creating the lost 20 pounds and 6 inches everywhere.” studio’s fitness community. She is extremely In addition to fitness classes, pleased with the results so far. “The workout Orangetheory offers nutrition seminars, speaks for itself,” she says, “but the people weight-loss challenges and giveaways. Try make Orangetheory the place to be. Every out an Orangetheory class for free—just call day, I get to be in the presence of people who the studio and schedule an introductory sesare realizing that they are stronger than they sion. Membership plans are month-to-month think they are. How cool is that?” with no contract.  In addition to the heart-rate monitors and adjusted workouts, Orangetheory also offers Orangetheory a huge amount of variety—clients alternate between running, rowing, lifting weights, Trolley Square using TRX suspension bands—and more, all 602 E. 500 South under the supervision of a fitness trainer.

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cityweekly.net/confess

Bohem I Am T

he definition of “bohemian” is one who practices an unconventional lifestyle involving music, artistic or literary pursuits, often with like-minded people who have few permanent ties.

Bohemians may be wanderers, adventurers or vagabonds.

Adam and Chelsea James, owners of Bohem (623 S. State, 385-202-7517, Instagram: @bohemstore) have gifted Salt Lake City with a store that exemplifies this definition to the core. Bohem, a homegoods and accessories boutique, has had a presence in downtown Salt Lake City for less than a year, but the roots of Bohem started more than 10 years ago, when the young couple met and traveled the world.

After spending months on end traveling to exotic locales, the Jameses eventually packed up and moved to India—even while Chelsea was pregnant with twin boys. Long before Adam and Chelsea called Salt Lake City home, they were the subjects of an article written about their nomadic travels in the lifestyle magazine Kinfolk.

This is a ridiculously talented couple: With Chelsea’s fine-arts degree and James’ design skills, they were able to source products for their store from locations such as India, Morocco and Turkey. What they weren’t able to procure, they designed for themselves: items like dining chairs, bar stools, scarves, bedding, table linens, throws, leather purses and wooden plates and utensils.

When I walked in, I wondered if I was

Nomadik leather goods: from $28 Designed by the Jameses.

Clean styling with no frills or embellishments.

Smart, simple, modern and timeless.

Christa Zaro comments@cityweekly.net

in Brooklyn, India or a bazaar in Turkey.

The store sells bath products and candles by brands I never imagined seeing in Utah, like Amber+Moss, Wary Meyers Candles, Earth Tu Face and Fat & the Moon. There are so many throws and blankets, decorative pillows, quilts and bedding sets that I was overcome with a desire to redo my bedrooms and thus infuse my life with gypset style.

All of the bedding is 100-percent cotton and designed by Bohem. Each is block-printed by hand, creating a unique effect so that no two are alike. There are unique patterns to choose from and you will never find this type of quality or design at Home Goods. The bedding is so fabulous that Urban Outfitters even carries it.

There are napkins, table clothes, tea towels and beautiful wooden platters mixed in with antique quilts, Turkish towels and children’s clothing. I’m still dreaming about the eclectic display of stone necklaces, bracelets and rings from Turkey. You’ll love their rugs, antiques the couple pick up on their travels, and their own new designs.

I’m now embarrassed by my lack of talent, but I’m happy they brought Bohem to me (well, to us).  Follow Christa: @phillytoslc

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52 | MAY 15, 2015

| COMMUNITY |

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to RealAstrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) The danger of resisting a temptation too strenuously is that the temptation might depart. I suggest that you prevent that from happening. Without throwing yourself at the mercy of the temptation, see if you can coax it to stick around for a while longer. Why? In my view, it’s playing a useful role in your life.

It’s motivating you to change some things that really do need to be changed. On the other hand, I’m not yet sure that it should become anything more than a temptation. It might serve you best that way, not as an object of your satisfied desire.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) My astrological colleagues discourage me from talking to you Bulls about financial matters. “Most Tauruses know ten times more about the mystery of money than you will ever know,” said one.

“Their excellent instincts trump any tips you could offer.” Another astrologer concurred, noting, “The financial advice you give Tauruses will at best be redundant and at worst simplistic.” A third colleague summed it up: “Offering Tauruses guidance about money is like counseling Scorpios about sex.” So although I’m shy about providing recommendations, I will say this: The next five weeks will be a favorable time to set in motion the plans to get richer quicker!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) The cosmos has authorized you to be hungrier than usual. You may also feel free to respond to your enhanced hunger with an extra aggressive quest to be fed. Therefore: Be voracious! Risk being avid, ardent, and even agog. Fill yourself up with pudding, pleasure, praise, peace, perks, and privileges. Anything else you’d like to engorge? If some unenlightened person questions your right to claim the biggest piece and the sweetest taste and the best fuel, inform them that your astrologer says you have ultimate permission.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Is there an interesting ally whose path rarely crosses yours? Do you draw inspiration from a like-minded dynamo who is not fully available? Has fate kept you and a friend from getting as close as you would wish? According to my reading of the astrological omens, relationships like these could become more substantial in the coming weeks. The dream of a more robust connection could ripen into an opportunity to actually collaborate. So be alert for the openings, and be prepared to do what’s necessary to go deeper.

MAY 15, 2015 | 53

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) You may not be strong enough to take a shot at a daunting challenge that’s five levels beyond your previous best. But I think you are at least ready to try a tricky challenge that’s one level higher than where you have been operating. And that, in my opinion, is a more practical use of your courage. I think it would be a waste of your energy to get wrapped up in grandiose fantasies about impossible perfections. As long as you don’t overreach, you can accomplish small miracles.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Long before Lou Reed recorded the song “Walk on the Wild Side,” Nelson Algren wrote a novel titled A Walk on the Wild Side. It depicts the luxuriant depravity of New Orleans’ French Quarter in the 1930s. One of Algren’s most enduring bits of spiritual advice goes as follows: “Never, ever, no matter what else you do in your whole life, never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.” What do you think of that, Capricorn?

Even if you don’t regard it as a universal rule that you should unfailingly obey, I suggest you observe it in the coming weeks. For the sake of your mental hygiene, be extra discerning about what influences you absorb—not just in bed, but everywhere.

| COMMUNITY |

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) British Field Marshal Arthur Wellesley was a brilliant military commander. Renowned for his ability to beat larger armies, he also had great skill at minimizing loss of life among his own troops. His most famous triumph took place in 1815, when he led the forces that defeated Napoleon Bonaparte at Waterloo. In the aftermath, the French tyrant lost his power and went into exile.

What was the secret of Wellesley’s success? “Bonaparte’s plans were made in wire,” he said. “Mine were made in string.” In other words, Wellesley’s strategy was more flexible and adaptable. As circumstances changed, it could be rearranged with greater ease.

That’s the approach I recommend for you in the coming days.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Sagittarian Matt Stutzman competes in the sport of archery.

He’s the world’s record holder for longest accurate shot, having hit a target 230 yards away. What makes his accomplishment so extraordinary is the fact that he was born without any arms. He holds each arrow in his mouth and grasps the bow with his right foot and the help of a chest harness. In the spirit of this armless archer, and in accordance with your current astrological omens, I invite you to initiate an attempt to triumph over one of your socalled disadvantages.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) In mythic terms, you should be headed for the winner’s circle, which is inside the pleasure dome. The parade in your honor should follow the award ceremony, and let’s hope you will be on the lead float wearing a gold crown and holding a real magic wand while being sung to by a choir of people you love and who love you. If for any reason you are not experiencing some version of these metaphors, I urge you to find out why. Or better yet, get busy on planning a homecoming or graduation party or award ceremony for yourself. From an astrological perspective, you have a mandate to be recognized and appreciated for the gifts you offer the world.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Many modern astronomers are allergic to astrology, but from my perspective there is no inherent conflict between the two fields. Four of history’s greatest astronomers were practicing astrologers, after all: Johannes Kepler, Galileo Galilei, Tycho Brahe, and Pierre Gassendi. One of my friends in college, a Scorpio woman named Martha Maiden, is a first-rate astrologer who got a degree in astronomy and became a top scientist at NASA. In the spirit of finding reconciliation between apparent opposites, I’m happy to say that you are now a virtual virtuoso in your ability to reconcile both apparent opposites and actual opposites. I invite you to use this aptitude with flair and daring.

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20) “Endings to be useful must be inconclusive,” wrote science fiction novelist Samuel R. Delany. I endorse that theory for your use in the coming weeks. Interweave it with this advice from playwright Sam Shepard: “The temptation towards resolution, towards wrapping up the package, seems to me a terrible trap.

Why not be more honest with the moment? The most authentic endings are the ones which are already revolving towards another beginning.” In other words, Gemini, don’t be attached to neat finales and splashy climaxes. Consider the possibility that you can simply slip free of the complicated past and head toward the future without much fanfare.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) I suspect you are about to experience some prime contenders for The Most Unusual Adventures of 2015. Are you thoroughly prepared?

Of course not. There’s no way you can be totally ready to adapt to unpredictable wrinkles and change your mind at a moment’s notice.

But that’s exactly what will make these experiments so fun. That’s why they will be effective in building up your resilience and willpower.

For best results, apply your nighttime thinking to daytime activities, and vice versa. Spend minimal time on responsibilities that don’t teach you noble truths about your fellow madmen and madwomen.

Now here’s my big question: How can you tap into the extra power you will need during your rite of passage?

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Little Squirrel I saw a little squirrel today with it’s bushy tail, hands all camouflaged in gray conceivably slower due to a pea size brain As we some fight to break the mold As the hidebound citizens fold Do as they’re told Impracticable to heed the mother squirrel vicariously crossing a lonesome mid-spring street juggling, struggling to keep her family fed Left for dead!

A Buddhist cries out could this be all but a dream? for when the squirrel dies only the acorns are happy

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S

alt Lake has a few pretty great museums. There’s the Natural History Museum at the University of Utah, the Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, the Utah Museum of Fine Arts and the LDS Church History Museum (closed for updating). Or, the Pioneer Hair Museum. I’m the only person that calls the Pioneer Memorial Museum (300 N. Main) by that name. I came up with it when I lived near it and took friends and family over to visit regularly. It’s free and it’s funky.

In 1901, a group of 46 women were invited to the house of Annie Taylor Hyde (daughter of LDS Church President John Taylor).

You can imagine the gathering of ladies who probably looked much like the cast of Downton Abbey, with long skirts that brushed the floor (often with trains), shirtwaists and high collars. They met and formed a new group called the Daughters of Utah Pioneers (“DUP”). All of them were descendants of Utah pioneers and their goal was “to perpetuate the names and achievements of the men, women and children who were the pioneers in founding this commonwealth by preserving old landmarks, marking historical places, collecting artifacts and histories, [establishing] a library of historical matter and securing manuscripts, photographs, maps and all such data as shall aid in perfecting a record of the Utah pioneers.” They collected so much stuff they built a museum in 1950, next door to the Capitol Building.

Back to the hair. The museum is free and open Monday-Saturday 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and on Wednesday nights until 8 p.m. When you walk into the building, your nostrils take in that dusty smell you may get when you have to go to your grandmother’s house to help fetch her something out of her two-year’s supply.

Those with a more developed nose will detect another layer of scent that is unidentifiable until you’re reading one of the display cards next to a lovely dried-flower arrangement under glass. Those flowers are made of good ol’ pioneer hair. You see, in the old days, a woman couldn’t run to Smith’s and pick up a bouquet to brighten her home. There weren’t flower shops until electricity and refrigeration were more common. Women who were handy with needlework learned to weave their own hair, the hair of their husbands, kids and the departed into flowers. It was an ancient tradition to keep mementos and the hair of the dead. The designs are intricate and smell like, well, old hair.

Check it out next time you’re walking around the capitol lawns. They’ve got an original ZCMI chandelier, fantastic old Valentine’s Day cards and love letters, and newspapers made, not from paper, but from rags when the Deseret News ran out of paper and had to use old shirts, pants and dresses to print the news until supplies arrived.

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Send your poem (max 15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101 or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

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