City Weekly June 11, 2020

C I T Y W E E K LY . N E T

JUNE 11, 2020 | VOL. 37

Mitt Romney’s political journey keeps one reporter hanging on.

N0. 3

The l e u q Se

By Chris Vanocur

CONTENTS COVER STORY

MITT & ME: THE SEQUEL Mitt Romney’s political journey keeps one reporter hanging on.

By Chris Vanocur

15

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2 | JUNE 11, 2020

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SOAP BOX

Private Eye column “My Tipping Point”

by John Saltas I try to vote for the person—not the party.

ALVIN ASHE via Facebook I did end up switching [registering as a

@SLCWEEKLY

Republican for the primary] and will be voting for Huntsman. ... [When Huntsman was governor] we saw a huge change in the laws that governed our local liquor industry come out of that.

I do hope that I’ll be able to quickly switch back, though. @BRIANNEHADLEY via Instagram This Republican friend admires your principles—something that is sorely lacking in today’s political climate.

MIKE BEHUNIN via Facebook

@CITYWEEKLY

Thank you, John Saltas!

Thanks for your context, reasoning and words. They’ve helped me through this tangle of thorny vines as the primary election nears.

ROBERT NELSON via Facebook We [registered Republican]. To have any influence in Utah politics, it is necessary.

MICHAEL FELDMAN via Facebook I am nauseated by this concept, but I just registered as a Republican.

I can’t wait to dump that designation. I feel

@SLCWEEKLY

dirty already, my soul feels dirty.

KEN HOLLEN via Facebook

Land preservation was a value?

FRANCIS FECTEAU via Facebook

Every one of the GOP gubernatorial candidates is pro-Trump. Every damned one.

I’m right with you, John. I can’t do it. I’m a lifelong Carbon County Democrat who can’t join with people who put party above principle, even temporarily.

JIM BUNNELL via Facebook

Been a registered independent all my life.

Two weeks ago, I registered as a Republican to help keep Hughes out of office.

Soon as I vote in the primary, I will switch back and shower at the car wash to get the stench off.

JONATHAN KRAUSERT via Facebook

Remember when Utah voted for legit Democrats like Frank Moss and Scott Matheson?

THE BOX

If you had a politician or a celebrity over for dinner, who would it be and what do you want to chat about?

Kelly Boyce

Bill Nye. Secret science plans to better the world.

Eric Granato

Hunter S. Thompson, current events.

Terri Anderson

Tim Allen. What shaped his political views? What was his childhood like?

Mikey Saltas

Rihanna and the benefits of dating an average joe 10 years her junior.

Peter Pecora

Robert Redford. I’d ask about his view on nuclear power as a nonpolluting energy source.

Patty Sefakis

Tom Hanks. What is it like to be married to a Greek woman?

Sydney Phillips

I would invite John Oliver, host of Last Week Tonight With John Oliver on HBO. His influence and intelligent commentary on culture, legislation and policymaking are unparalleled. He somehow makes important issues accessible to a wide variety of viewers and gives actionable items with the information he is sharing. I’d love to spend time with him and see how he keeps his great attitude amid the terrible things happening in the world. Even more than that, how he keeps focused on educating others and doing so in a way that doesn’t feel out-of-touch or inauthentic. John, are you OK with gluten? Because I’m making pasta.

Joel Smith

Trump. The benefit of meds.

Paula Saltas

Larry David. Do you ever pretend you are Bernie Sanders in your everyday life when you are not on Saturday Night Live? You are pretty pretty good. And also Bill Maher—he could do an opening monologue before we eat, like an opening prayer.

Debbie Pino

Amal Clooney. What was her childhood like and who inspired her.

Georgiann Petrogeorge

I want to have the lawmakers who could make the act of discriminating against kidney donors for life insurance illegal over for dinner! It is ridiculous that this occurs. As a kidney donor, I will never be able to qualify for life insurance again. Good thing I bought some right out of college. Donors are typically healthier than the majority of the population, yet they are denied coverage. It’s BS!

Chris Anderson

Jamie Dimon, chairman of JP Morgan Chase. What are your thoughts on the future economy?

Tom Metos

Gal Gadot. Will you marry me?

James Saltsider

Sarah Vowell. She’s an author and historian, so I would be interested in getting her perspective on current events. Plus, I love her voice so I’d just let her do the talking.

PRIVATE EY Cut Bait GOP

S

@johnsaltas

rily lets Trump do what Trump does—stir the pot and let the chips fall where they may, being clever enough to avoid the slop falling on him. The only time he expressed a modicum of outrage was when the Utah National Guard was told it was no longer welcome in the Washington, D.C., hotel where they were lodged (the 200-member deployment was a gift to President Trump from Utah Gov. Gary Herbert).

At that point, Lee gathered all his fingers and presumably all of his manhood in order to craft a call-to-arms tweet that went: “These brave men and women have risked their lives protecting DC for three days. Rioting, looting, arson and vandalism have all disappeared because these soldiers served. And now they are being kicked to the curb by an ungrateful mayor.”

Uhh, what’s missing here? Besides context, that is. Neither in that tweet nor in the two others that he sent out since George Floyd died, did he mention Floyd by name. His tweet tacitly implies that the supporters who gathered in support of Black Lives Matter were the culprits behind said looting, rioting and arson. He did that while President Trump was overtly blaming protesters or Antifa as being cause and party to the destruction of America. Lee’s silence was speaking once again. Yesterday, however, Lee, delivered a speech in the empty Senate chamber in which he went way out on a limb to recite, “George Floyd’s loss is our loss.”

I’m not certain if I’ve ever come across a more compassionate six words of the English language. It was a throwaway line at best.

The speech was an opportunity for Lee to immortalize Ogden police officer Nate Lyday, and Lee should have kept it that way. Lyday was killed on May 28, 2020, while on duty trying to resolve a domestic-abuse issue. Lyday deserved every good word and then some. My respect for what law enforcement does every night and every day is profound.

Before he died just over a year ago, my brother-in-law was a chief of police for a city in Salt Lake Valley. Two of my cousins retired as cops. But I believe Lee did justice to neither Lyday nor Floyd. I believe if Lee were going to do any good at all in his speech, he could have done so by comparing the good deeds of Lyday to the terrible deeds of the Minneapolis policeman who put his knee to the neck of George Floyd.

But that’s not who Lee is. Lee is a company man, a toad.

Today, our president sent yet another unbelievable tweet suggesting that the 75-year-old man who was shoved to the sidewalk in Buffalo, New York—then left bleeding—is an Antifa provocateur. Have we heard from Mike Lee? No. Do we expect to? No. It’s not in the script, and Lee is doing his part as an extra on Trump TV. It pays well, you know. Here’s his reward: Tweeted from the president himself directly to all of us Utahns just a couple of hours ago: “Relief is on the way to Utah! I’m proud to send $187.18M in CARES Act funding to @RideUTA. This money will keep people moving and support a swift and smooth economic recovery for the GREAT people of Utah.”

We should all recall that just a couple months ago, President Trump was using hospital ventilators and PPE as bargaining chips as leverage over states in order to get his way. Do you think for even a second that Utah getting anything now is because Trump gives a rat about Utah? Nope.

He gives a rat that Lee—and by extension all of the rest of the Utah GOP who support him—stay in his tent pissing out, and not pissing in. Next time you ride UTA, thank Mike Lee, but for all the wrong reasons.

Trump is going to lose in November. Anyone sticking with Trump politically needs to be voted out of office next time—or never voted in. Time to cut bait, Utah GOP. CW Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

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enator Mike Lee is a creep of the highest order. For more than three years now, he has cogently enabled Donald Trump’s every whim and behavior. He has ignored Trump’s misogyny and boorish behaviors. He has heard Trump’s racist dog whistles. He has supported Trump’s ignorance of global affairs. He’s done nothing to stop Trump’s constant battering ram upon the most basic American institutions like the free press, the military and our justice system. He calls himself a tireless advocate for our founding constitutional principles. Phooey!

He silently allowed Trump’s self-serving messages about COVID-19 to cripple our nation’s effective response to the growing threat of coronavirus, gambling that by the November election, it would be a distant memory. With over 110,000 deaths nationwide and on the heels of Utah’s coronavirus rates rising weekly, it would behoove all of us to never forgive or forget what Lee really did these past three months: Licked boots.

He should know that silent fealty doesn’t work. At least, you’d think he knows that. For as I write this column today, George Floyd is being laid to rest in Houston. For the past 15 days, Lee has done not one bit of good for the citizens of Utah or the nation as it relates to the death of George Floyd, nor any of the larger issues of racism that surround what some lazily accept as “just the way it is.”

He was silent when President Trump was rage-tweeting from what is now known on Twitter as his “White House Baby Bunker.” He was silent when protesters were teargassed and beaten. To be fair, he was also silent when persons protesting the protesters were also beaten. He mer-

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HITS&MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

Clean the Slate

At least Sen. Daniel Thatcher, RWest Valley City, is working on something. In the wake of demonstrations over police killings, he is looking at things like banning chokeholds and making information public, part of a wish list from the NA ACP, according to the Deseret News. But that’s not good enough, is it? A Georgetown Law School professor told the Washington Post “reform is not enough. Making sure that police follow the rule of law is not enough. Even changing the laws is not enough.” She calls for defunding the police. If it sounds like “Abolish ICE,” it’s not. It just means starting over and recognizing that we need a new culture of police. A lone Marine recently protested at the Utah Capitol, and Sen. Mitt Romney marched with Black Lives Matter in Washington, D.C. Meanwhile, The Salt Lake Tribune notes a lack of civilian oversight, but that’s only part of it. Good optics, well-meaning people are too little, too late. We need a clean slate.

Loosen the Regs

Salt Lake City’s mayor has lifted the curfew and protests continue peacefully. While civility is the Utah way, protests will continue until legislators wake up to the fact that reform is needed. Black Lives Matter Utah—Protesting for Police Reform is holding a rally to push for police accountability and transparency from lawmakers who have long ignored the problem of racially charged police killings. In the wake of the killing of George Floyd, BLM has a message to those who think the radical left is leading demonstrations: “We do not destroy property or incite violence. We believe in self defense only. All activists must wear a mask and stay 6 feet apart. We will have designated areas.” Salt Lake City and County Building, 451 S. State, Salt Lake City, Wednesday, June 10, 6 a.m. to 11:50 a.m., free. https://bit.ly/2zUEB7z

Tribal Town Hall

Despite their proud history, Utah’s Native Americans have to overcome obstacles that most Utahns don’t face. They have a disproportionally higher incidence of COVID-19, have greater economic challenges, must overcome voting obstacles and now—the census! The Utah Tribal Town Hall is bringing in tribal representatives from the U.S. Census Bureau and Navajo Nation Census 2020 to talk about why the census is important, how to take part and who can help. This is a virtual presentation with an opportunity to ask questions after. Thursday, June 18, 7-8 p.m., free. The Facebook page has ways to join by phone/tablet: https://bit.ly/3gZ5ZBO Or join by url: https://us02web. zoom.us/s/86781564857

Domestic Violence Protest

JUNE 11, 2020 | 7

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

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During the pandemic, calls about domestic violence appear to have dropped, but it’s thought that violence continues behind locked doors. Even if an abuser is taken to court, the chances are that he or she will be given preferential treatment.

Families Against Domestic Violence will hold a Protest Against Family Court and Criminal Court to bring these issues to light. “The Family Court can go by hearsay and not solid evidence to take custody of children from healthy families,” they say. And in criminal court, “male and female domestic violence aggressors are being smacked on the hand for serious crimes and skating away from their crimes.” Practice social distancing and wear a mask at the Scott Matheson Courthouse, 450 S. State, Salt Lake City, Monday, June 15, 1-4 p.m., free. https://bit.ly/30dK1Fk

Everyone’s talking diversity: Utah Superintendent of Public Instruction Sydnee Dickson and Ute football coach Kyle Whittingham, for example. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Yet the effort backfires if an important step is skipped, as Salt Lake County just learned. And that’s inclusion. Mayor Jenny Wilson wants everyone to know she’s on top of this diversity thing and wants “the community” to help, but just wait to learn her plan. In April, Wilson moved Emma Houston, director of the Council on Diversity Affairs, to Human Resources, which was seen as a smack-down. Community leaders were so upset by the lack of communication that they sent a letter to the Deseret News.

Ostensibly, Wilson’s shuffle had to do with the county’s COVID-19 response, which showed the county’s 7,000 employees need more training on how to assist diverse communities.That seems to be a top-down administrative issue of coordination—something Salt Lake City has grappled with, too. Still, it’s not a good time for the county to be without a diversity leader.

Protest for Reform

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Diversity Shuffle

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Watch out! Here comes another executive order, propagating like the president’s Twitter feed and mostly designed to eviscerate those pesky public protections. The headline from Outside magazine says it all: “The Trump Presidency Is the Worst Ever for Public Lands.” A Center for American Progress analysis finds that the administration has removed protections from public lands the size of Florida. We’re lucky we don’t live in Alaska. They’ve lost millions more acres than Utah with our measly Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments. Trump is also tossing protections for wild birds. Now, The Salt Lake Tribune reports an executive order seeking to “lower regulatory hurdles for major infrastructure and energy projects,” defying the National Environmental Policy Act along with the Endangered Species Act. Not that the president even cares about Utah’s economy, but this is a spoiler in the fight against what is euphemistically called the “polluting” Inland Port, not to mention a big save for the caustic coal industry. What’s not to love about all this live free and die economy?

CITIZEN REV LT

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, JUNE 11-17, 2020

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

If you have a story buried inside that wants to live onstage, learn how to write a script for it. Develop your playwriting skills in upcoming online workshops at The Box performing arts space at The Gateway. Playwriting With RJ and Elise runs three weeks (June 15 to 29, 6:30-7:30 p.m.), at which you will actually create a new, short piece that will be performed as a stage reading in a virtual public event.

Registration is $20.

Teens age 14-18 can register for Teen Playwriting Virtual Camp held daily for a week, June 22-26, from 10 a.m.-noon., where they will learn playwriting basics, compose a new piece and showcase it at a virtual recital June 29 at 7 p.m. Registration is

$100 for the week, and the camp will be led by RJ Walker. Scholarships may be available for those in need.

Instructors include RJ Walker, a Salt Lake performance poet and voice actor who hosts The Greenhouse Effect Open Mic, Salt Lake’s longest running open mic event, and Elise C. Barnett-Curran, a Salt Lake writer, director, producer and actor, who serves on the board of New World Shakespeare Company and is head of Kallisti Theatre Company.

The Box at the Gateway provides space for new and experimental works and is home to Wasatch Theatre Company, Laughing Stock Improv, New World Shakespeare and the Great Salt Lake Fringe Festival. For more information and to register for these virtual events, visit theboxgateway.org/tickets.html (Jerre Wroble)

Red Butte Garden Virtual Instruction

Utah Podcast Summit

While many Utah venues began to re-open in May, Red Butte Garden has opted to remain closed for the time being, including the cancellation of the popular summer concert series. While it’s disappointing not to be able to enjoy the beautiful delights of the gardens, there are still plenty of ways to remain connected to their programming through online means.

During the month of June, Kristin Vance of Fluid Heart Yoga leads “Virtual Yoga in the Garden” classes. Experience the sights and sounds of Red Butte while Vance leads vinyasa, restorative and Yoga Nitra sessions on Tuesdays (7:30 a.m.-8:30 a.m.), Thursdays (12:15 p.m.–1:15 p.m.) and Saturdays (9 a.m.-10 a.m.). Registration is required—$20 for Garden members, $25 for nonmembers—for unlimited access to these sessions throughout the month.

If you’ve always wondered how to make your home’s landscaping more appropriate to the climate, check out Red Butte’s series of “Localscapes” classes. Learn everything you need to know from Jordan Valley Water Conservation District’s Cynthia Bee on how to convert a parking strip or even a

Podcasts are one of many ways to tell a story and create a conversation. Because of podcasts’ easy availability, their wide variety and the relationship that listeners build with podcasters, the popularity of podcasts is on the rise—they seem poised to stay.

Locally, for the third year in a row, Utah Podcast Summit will bring podcasters together, virtually. Where previously the event was tailored for Utah locals, in light of the current pandemic, they’ve opened it up beyond Utah as the “Not-Only-Utah Podcast Summit,” via utahpodcastsummit.com on the dates June 12-13, for a $47 registration fee.

During this two-day conference, podcast veterans and newcomers will hear from experts in the field and have the opportunity to vote in a “Voice of the West” competition, with the winner to be revealed during the summit. Newbies may be interested in the “Hall of Experts” available to offer advice regarding marketing, editing and more. Networking opportunities abound with the “Net Working Hours,” where you’ll be connected to people with similar interests.

larger area into water-wise plantings, including tips on best plants to use, irrigation methods and maintenance. Classes run throughout the summer, and costs vary for Garden members and nonmembers; visit redbuttegarden.org/ localscapes/ for more details.

Finally, expand your cooking skills with lessons in Indian cuisine by chef and cookbook author Purnima Gandhi. The interactive online classes will include all of the ingredients for recipes sent to your home beforehand, allowing you to follow along as you learn about spices, techniques and other tips. Learn more at redbuttegarden.org/indian-cuisine/. (SR)

Facebook Live (facebook.com/BDAC1/) if you want to participate in Q&A, or watch recorded sessions later via YouTube (youtube.com/channel/UCZAwp44PBJRdLqV9_9KhZoA).

If, after Summerfest, you’re still looking for a BDAC experience, you can take in the annual Plein Air Art Show, now through July 17. The sixth annual competition—which took “Adam and Eden” as its theme—celebrates art created in the great outdoors, specifically depicting Utah locations. And heaven knows we should celebrate anything that reminds us of the world outside our front door. (Scott Renshaw)

COURTESY PHOTO

Storytellers Wanted: Playwriting Classes

For more than 30 years, Bountiful Davis Art Center has celebrated cultural diversity by presenting its annual Summerfest, offering speakers, performances and food representing the experiences of people from around the world. While BDAC is unable to present the usual liveand-in-person version of that event in 2020, the goal remains the same.

And moving it online just means the opportunity for even more folks potentially to experience what Summerfest is all about.

The 2020 virtual Summerfest takes place every Monday in June with a focus on a specific country for each session, with Germany already represented on June 1 and India on June 8. Programming continues June 15 with a focus on Serbia, followed by South Sudan on June 22 and Hungary on June 29. While specific presenters and performers are not confirmed for every date at press time, expect a combination of music, dance and spoken presentations, along with delicious authentic recipes that you can try at home; check bdac.org/summerfest for regular updates. Live sessions take place 6 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. each Monday via

COURTESY BOUNTIFUL DAVIS ART CENTER

Bountiful Davis Art Center Summerfest: Conversations in Culture

COURTESY RED BUTTE GARDEN

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ESSENTIALS

the

On the opening “Friday Festival,” popular podcasters will live-stream their shows and tell tales of social distancing and the podcast world. “Saturday Summit” gives the opportunity to podcasters everywhere to learn and grow through different presentations. Keynote speakers include John Lee Dumas (pictured, Entrepreneurs on Fire), Tracy Hazzard (Podetize) and Dave Jackson (The School of Podcasting).

Whether you’re wanting to start a podcast, continue to grow one or if you’re just a fan, the Utah Podcast Summit will be a podcasters paradise. (KR)

Utah Symphony’s pandemicera world-premiere works offer composers opportunities and challenges.

L

Initial notes for Augusta Read Thomas’ Fanfare of Hope and Solidarity finished sheet music for the piece.

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Thomas was also quite clear about what she didn’t want this new composition to be—and that was something specifically about the pandemic. “I said [to Fischer], ‘In no way do I want this to be thought of as the “COVID” piece,’” she says. “I feel I’m reaching for much broader themes, something that could be played for years to come. I was adamant that I wouldn’t go in that direction, of something opportunistic. Just by the fact of my writing this, and an entire orchestra doing this, quickly, speaks for itself. One doesn’t have to call it The COVID Fanfare.”

Thomas takes care to compliment the work of Utah Symphony’s audio engineers and videographers in pulling together the artists’ performances to make her work sing, and she expresses her gratitude for the ongoing relationship with Utah Symphony that allowed her to present this work (which, like Fujikura’s composition, was not a paid commission but was donated to the symphony). She also notes the contribution of her engraver for creating the sheet music for each musician’s parts under such stringent time constraints, “working around the clock.”

Yet beyond the details of the work, she emphasizes a spiritual component of continuing to create art in a difficult time, even as things like travel are disrupted. And that perhaps there’s a particular beauty for writing something that unites musicians in performance from their individual homes.

“I don’t mean to sound too Zen or far out, but for me, composing music is such a deeply spiritual, all-encompassing, profoundly humbling life adventure,” Thomas says. “I see things more cosmically—and humanity, and the power of music, the gorgeousness of 80 players together? It’s such a beautiful metaphor.” CW

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ike virtually every other category in the performing arts, symphonies have been impacted by the coronavirus pandemic, with live performances canceled and a need to think creatively about how to remain connected to audiences. For many symphonies around the country, the simplest answer has been to find ways of playing previously recorded-performances, or perhaps pull together musicians from their homes for smaller-scale livestream performances. Maestro Thierry Fischer and the Utah Symphony took one of the more counterintuitive approaches possible: What about soliciting and performing brand-new works for full orchestra?

On May 22, Utah Symphony released such a new work with a socially distanced performance of American composer Augusta Read Thomas’ Fanfare of Hope and Solidarity via the Symphony’s YouTube channel (youtube.com/ channel/UCPF0M4UntuIk-CQOSbStBzg ) and Facebook page (facebook.com/utahsymphony). This was followed on May 30 with the release of London-based composer Dai Fujikura’s Longing From Afar.

“The world has momentarily stopped. Our desire for creativity is multiplied,” said Fischer, in a press release accompanying

the release of Fanfare of Hope and Solidarity. “New music is a call to look, listen and guess what is rarely said.”

Thomas—who previously provided new work for Utah Symphony with Terpsichore’s Dream in 2001 and Eos in 2015—spoke by phone from her home in Chicago, recalling that her workaholic tendencies might have been one of the reasons she was the right fit for Fischer’s interest in getting new work out into the world. “I’m an obsessive composer. I love to write, and write long days,” Thomas says. “[Fischer] was like, ‘Gusty, can you compose a piece quickly?’ ‘How quickly?’ ‘Two weeks!’”

Fischer and Thomas agreed that the piece should be a work for full orchestra— not merely a work for a quartet, quintet or other smaller group. And they addressed the idea that a 2-1/2 to 4-minute fanfare might be the ideal format, along with some basic structural dynamics of the progression of the piece.

Beyond that, it was left to Thomas to consider the thematic ideas she wanted to convey, along with the particular limitations of writing a piece that would be performed remotely. While she says that she didn’t write the music specifically considering that most people would hear it for the first time through a computer speaker—believing that it will work just as well in a concert hall—she did acknowledge considering how performing alone might present different challenges for the musicians than performing in the same room.

“I was a trumpet major in college, not a composing major, so I come from their side of the stage,” Thomas says. “What does this feel like to play alone at home, without hearing the full orchestra? What sounds good if you’re a cellist or violinist by yourself that can work, be engaging to play while you’re not hearing the rest of the ensemble? For example, you can’t do really fast rhythms, because you really need to be in the room for someone playing the thing back to you. I took that very much into account.”

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10 | JUNE 11, 2020

Lucky Charm

Lucky’s Iron Door Roadhouse is the cool uncle you need right now

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

T

here comes a point in life when you become a more mature version of the party animal that you used to be. The tattoos and piercings are still in place, you can still hold your liquor and, if you needed to, you could headbutt your way out of a barfight. At the same time, life, family and the knell of responsibility have softened your edges just a bit. It’s right about the time when you start enjoying a bottle of whiskey and listening to Nirvana’s In Utero from the comfort of your armchair more than the idea of getting into the mix at Urban Lounge.

If I could pick a restaurant equivalent of this transitional phase, it would be Lucky’s Iron Door Roadhouse (3754 W. Center View Way, West Jordan, 801-8789439, luckysirondoor.com).

Those who have visited the Iron Door’s cool older sibling, Lucky 13 Bar and Grill (135 W. 1300 South), will recognize the same effortlessly hip attitude, bounteous roster of craft beers and legendary lineup of burgers. The main difference

between the two is that Iron Door has divided its space between a gastropub and a family-friendly restaurant where you can introduce your kids to the magic of Lucky 13’s burgers and rosemary garlic fries.

I wouldn’t change a thing about Lucky 13, but I have to give some props to the decision to create a place where nondrinkers who love a good burger can get some locally made satisfaction.

Since I’ve visited Lucky 13

a few times in the past, the biggest question on my mind was whether Lucky’s Iron Door would throw down the same burgers I’ve grown to love. Just in case you weren’t aware, the Lucky 13 burger menu is replete with house-smoked bacon and fresh buns baked onsite; they’re not messing around. I’ve always felt that a restaurant’s atmosphere and overall vibe had a small but crucial part to play in the way food tastes, and watching a sloppy, rare-cooked burger hit the bar at Lucky 13 is a singular pleasure. I’m happy to report that Lucky’s Iron Door preserves this experience—even when you place a takeout order.

For my most recent visit, I called up Lucky’s Iron Door and ordered a few of the burgers I had yet to try. I started with the Nut Butter Burger ($10.50), because a bacon cheeseburger with a thick layer of creamy peanut butter seems like the perfect complement to the pure chaos of 2020. While I respect the hell out of this burger and the decision to feature it on a menu, it didn’t quite work for me. Admittedly, I had no idea what to expect when I took my first bite, but something about the peanut butter and the bacon clashed on my palate. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wake up in the middle of the night months from now with an irrational craving for this burger.

It’s like that fucked-up relationship

that you can’t turn your back on because deep down, you know something that special will never be part of your life again.

I also tried the Smoked Pastrami and Swiss ($11.50), because you can’t visit a local burger joint in Utah and not try their pastrami. Lucky’s treats this local classic with the appropriate amount of reverence. It’s piled high with some top-shelf hickorysmoked pastrami and a healthy dose of melted Swiss cheese, all of which goes perfectly with the burger itself.

This burger perhaps reigns supreme for me—I’m a total sucker for a pastrami burger, but the amount of love they’ve shown these luscious stacks of thinly sliced, smoked-to-perfection pastrami is a beautiful thing.

Another classic I had to check out was the Bacon Stinky Cheeseburger ($11.50), which adds tangy blue cheese to the bacon cheeseburger template. There is a right and a wrong way to do a blue cheeseburger, and Lucky’s does things right.

They use softer, creamier cheese crumbles that melt quickly, thus dispersing their pleasantly pungent flavor across the surface of the burger.

It’s not light on the blue cheese by any stretch, so venture forth only if you can handle the stank.

I can’t talk about Lucky’s Iron Door or Lucky 13 without extolling the infernal excellence of the Ring of Fire ($11.50), one of the few spicy

entrees in the state that has knocked me flat on my ass. Where some extremely spicy dishes just wallop you with pure heat, the Ring of Fire is a masterpiece because it tastes so damned good that self-preservation becomes an afterthought. The flavor of roasted jalapeño and habanero peppers together is spectacular on a cheddar cheese-bedecked burger, but it comes at the high premium of setting your mouth on fire. Anyone looking for a bit of danger in their burger should definitely enter the Ring of Fire.

As someone who has found himself looking back at his wilder days— such as they were—in the rearview mirror, I love that Lucky’s Iron Door Roadhouse exists. It’s a welcoming place wherever you are in your life’s timeline, but there’s something comforting about embracing the person you’ve become after the wild oats have been adequately sown.

Just because you grow up a little doesn’t mean a ridiculously sized burger and a beer or a Coke stop giving you life. CW

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BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Cheese Market 2020

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The organizers of the Salt Lake Cheese Festival, which debuted last year, have decided to turn this year’s festival into a cheese market. The festival made a strong showing during its first year by selling out the event venue and showcasing several local cheese vendors. The organizers made the decision to change from a full-on festival to a more low-key market to make it easier for attendees and vendors to practice social distancing. Cheese Utah, Butcher’s Bunches and Grandma Sardoni’s Italian Sauces are just a few of the vendors participating this year. The cheese market takes place on June 13 from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. at Mountain West Cider’s Garten venue (417 N. 400 West). Admission is free, and you can find more info at slcheesefest.com.

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Dine to Donate

As The Gateway (18 N. Rio Grande Street, shopthegateway.com) has started to reopen its doors, the outdoor shopping center has recently launched the Dine to Donate program to support its roster of eateries. To start participating, you can pick up a punch card from one of The Gateway’s participating restaurants or print one up online (atthegateway. com/dinetodonate). Once you have a punch card, you can visit four restaurants for lunch and four for dinner through July 4. For every full punch card that gets turned in, The Gateway will donate $5 to Tip Your Server (downtownslc.org/tipyourserver) and net the proud diner a souvenir tote bag.

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Raising Cane’s Comes to Utah

Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers, a Louisiana-based restaurant specializing in chicken fingers, is opening its first location in Utah. It’s currently slated to occupy a spot in West Valley’s Mountain View Business Plaza at 3300 S. 5600 West, though we haven’t gotten an official opening date as of yet. As Raising Cane’s is more of a fixture in the Southeastern part of the country, it’s likely that many Utahns have yet to try this rapidly expanding restaurant. Their menu touts chicken fingers, chicken finger sandwiches, thick slices of Texas toast and little else—which is the secret of their success. We’ll keep an eye out for any more info about this interesting fast food development.

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Two beers that stimulate all of the senses

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

I

lights and a very large and robust tan head.

The hops hit me immediately with a citrusy and floral aroma, along with a bit of pine resin.

The dark malty backbone lingered beneath the hops in the flavor, but not as dominantly as in the nose. The taste was a fullon bitter hop assault, with those citrus and piney hop notes that faded into a malty and burnt roasty porter, ending with a burnt and piney bitterness on my palate. The beer was full and creamy, which matched well to its appearance and left a pleasantly bitter coating on my tongue between quaffs. A really outstanding Black IPA. Quarantine Desirability Rating: This one rates high to bitch’n as well. After fin-

ishing this can, I decided to hook it up to my old Edison Cylinder player. Music-wise, the can delivers tour de force jazzy pounding block chords. It’s a more abstract compilation of ideas than the more structured beer inside, with elements of Leo Sayer and William Shatner’s “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.” I’m already making plans to fly out to Broadway, to watch and support the upcoming show.

Epic’s bottle makes it very clear that this beer is not for the masses. It’s for you, the beer nerd who likes experimentation and rarity. You’ll only find it at the brewery in SLC until it runs out. You’ll find slightly more copies … err, cans of the Black Album at Level Crossing. As always, cheers! CW

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t’s nice to see some full-bodied beers popping up as the temperatures begin to climb. Right now, I’m all about the lighter beers—until I get a whiff of something dark, malty and chewy. At that point, my loyalties are out the window. This week, I found two full-bodied beers that are both super-dark, yet couldn’t be more opposite in flavor. Regardless of where you fall on the flavor-preference spectrum, one of these dark beers will call out to you.

Epic Bourbon Barrel Chocolate Raspberry Stout: On the sweeter side, we have what are becoming known as “pastry stouts.” These are dark ales that tend to take on flavors of dessert or cake. This experimental ale from Epic pours an opaque chocolate-brown color with a moderate

amount of bubbles. A big three fingers of off-white head settles into a thinner creamy layer. The nose is sweet for sure; there’s a complex aroma of whiskey, raspberry and chocolate. Additional notes of coffee, toffee and raisin also creep in.

Just like in the aroma, flavors of cocoa, jammy raspberry and bourbon light up tongue, with the raspberry probably the most dominant flavor of the three. Through these big flavors, some slight espresso notes and chewy toffee try to balance the fruit. There is a bit of heat toward the finish as the 10.5 percent alcohol creates a warming effect. The body is full, with a medium amount of carbonation.

Quarantine Desirability Rating: Bourbon Barrel Chocolate Raspberry rates a solid high to bitch’n, with a cloistering factor that is adventurous. After getting my ass kicked by a bunch of hooligans, I decided to bring a bottle of this as a peace offering—but after refusing my offer of détente, they started pushing those Samoas and Thin Mints on me again. Those lil’ drones don’t know what they’re missing.

Level Crossing The Black Album: On the drier side, we have an Imperial Black Rye IPA. If you think that style description is huge, you should check out what’s in the can. Heavy on the hops with a solid darkand-roasty background, this was a truly overwhelming drinking experience. The beer poured a deep brown with ruby high-

TDK

Sensory Assault

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e h Mitt Romney’s political journey T l keeps one reporter hanging on. e u q Se

By Chris Vanocur

| CITY WEEKLY |

JUNE 11, 2020 | 15

ney to Utah. In February 1999, Romney took over as head of Salt Lake’s troubled Olympic effort. Romney was quickly able to attract much needed sponsors, boost morale and eventually right the ship. In the end, the 2002 Winter Games were a huge success, propelling Romney into the governorship of Massachusetts.

In following years, Romney and I continued to cross paths.

In 2003, I covered a Fourth of July celebration in Boston where the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performed. Gov. Romney was there in proud attendance.

I also covered both of Romney’s presidential campaigns.

I was there in snowy Detroit in 2007 when he first announced

into the American mainstream.

In that City Weekly piece, I also quoted a man I’d met at a party. It’s possible he had consumed a few adult beverages before we talked. Somewhat snarkily, he said, “So, I suppose we have you to thank if Mitt Romney becomes president?”

He went on to explain how my breaking the Olympic story had brought Romney to Utah, which set Romney on his path to the White House. This was something I’d heard from others, too, including someone in the Romney presidential campaign.

And while Romney wasn’t elected president, the article got some attention nationally and won an award from the local Society of Professional Journalists. But all that now feels like it happened back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. And speaking of dinosaurs, I am now retired. Romney, however, has a much better work ethic than I do. In 2018, Utahns elected him to the U.S. Senate. All of which brings us to this new article.

a member of the International Olympic Committee (IOC).

This was a no-no because IOC members voted on which cities got to host the Olympic Games.

All in all, about a million dollars was reportedly paid out by SLOC to improperly influence IOC voters. Well, long story short, the report ricocheted around the world, a huge scandal ensued and several Olympic executives lost their jobs.

I was also fortunate enough to win the nation’s top broadcast awards for my work. This made my late father, Sander Vanocur—a former network correspondent—very proud.

But most importantly, as far as this article is concerned, the scandal brought Mitt Rom-

he was running for the nation’s highest office. I then traveled to sunny California for a Republican presidential debate. There, Romney impressed viewers, voters and reporters with his crisp answers and presidential bearing. I also attended both the 2008 and 2012 Republican national conventions, the latter of which was when he became the GOP presidential nominee.

That same year, I even ran into him at campaign event in Nevada. He recognized me when he was shaking hands in the crowd and gave me an enthusiastic greeting.

The year 2012 was also when I also wrote about our symbiotic relationship in a City Weekly cover story titled, “Mitt, the Mormons & Me.” This story also chronicled the evolution of my dealings with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In so doing, I discussed how Mormons were once viewed as outsiders in this country and how Romney’s presidential bid helped push the religion more

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I just can’t quit Mitt.

Whenever I think I’ve finally escaped the gravitational pull of his orbit, somehow, Mitt Romney pulls me back in.

It all began on Nov. 24, 1998. I was reporting for a Salt Lake TV news station and held up a single piece of paper in front of the camera. This document alleged questionable financial dealings involving Utah’s 2002 Olympics. Specifically, that Salt Lake’s Organizing Committee (SLOC) had paid the college tuition of the daughter of

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16 | JUNE 11, 2020

CHRIS VANOCUR

A“Thank you, Mitt” gathering on the state Capitol steps in February 2020

“Faith is at the heart of who I am” In early February, Mitt Romney was the only Republican senator who voted to convict the president during Donald Trump’s impeachment trial (on one count of abuse of power). But he voted no on the question of obstruction of justice. Romney immediately came under fire for his pro-impeachment vote.

Republicans in Utah and around the country called for his censure and/or resignation. Poll numbers actually showed Romney with a higher approval rating among Democrats than Republicans. Romney was suddenly an outsider yet again.

With Mitt back in the news and fortuitously headed back to Utah, City Weekly asked if I wanted to come out of retirement and write a sequel to my 2012 piece. After mulling it over for a spell, I decided it was a “calling” of sorts and agreed to the assignment.

So, on Feb. 28, 2020, I walked the two blocks from my house to the Utah Capitol. It was a Friday and several Romney events were scheduled to take place that day. In a tweet, I referred to it as “Mitt Mania.”

When I arrived, a “Thank You, Mitt” rally was just getting underway on the front steps of the Capitol. Dozens of Utahns gathered to express their gratitude to Romney for having the courage and character to vote for an impeachment conviction. They held handmade signs proclaiming things like, “Brave + Honest = Mitt.”

At the rally, these supporters toasted Romney with chocolate milk, which is what the senator famously drank during the impeachment trial. One of the rally’s organizers said the chocolate milk was symbolic for dissolving the vicious partisanship in Washington.

I specifically sought out an interview with a member of Mormon Women for Ethical Government, also in attendance, because of something that had been on my mind ever since Romney voted yes on abuse of power.

When Romney gave his emotional eight-minute speech on Feb. 5, 2020, from the Senate floor, explaining why he was voting yes on the one impeachment count, he said, “As a senator-juror, I swore an oath before God to exercise impartial justice. I am profoundly religious. My faith is at the heart of who I am.”

At this point, Romney paused. He seemed to be on the verge of choking up.

But after a dozen seconds of silence, he regained his composure and said, “I take an oath before God as enormously consequential.” He also declared, “The president’s purpose was personal and political. Accordingly, the president is guilty of an appalling abuse of public trust.”

Two things struck me as I watched this historic speech. First, this seemed like the Mitt Romney I had come to know and respect when he was leading Salt Lake’s Olympics. Letting his guard down in this senate speech, he came

CHRIS VANOCUR

A chocolate milk toast to Romney on Capitol Hill

across as honest, anguished and human. It stood in stark contrast to the many other political speeches I had heard him give in later years when he blathered on like any other run-of-the mill politician.

The other thing that caught my attention about the speech was its decidedly spiritual tone. For me, as a non-Mormon, as he spoke about his faith, a single yet crucial question immediately popped up in my “gentile” brain: “Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?” This, as I understand it, is one of the standard questions asked when a church member is being interviewed for a Latter-day Saints temple recommend.

But in October 2019, I’m told that the church slightly changed the question to, “Do you strive to be honest in all that you do?” Regardless of how it is asked, the question’s intent and meaning seem crystal clear: Are you being honest and telling the truth? It seems to me that Romney (who has a Harvard law degree) knew Trump had been involved in some hinky and possibly illegal stuff. This presented the senator with a delicate and difficult decision: He could either be loyal to his faith or to his political party—but not both. One of my most reliable sources told me Romney deliberated and prayed for several weeks before deciding which way to vote.

But I wanted to test my religious reasoning with those whose understanding of it is greater than mine. At the “Thank You, Mitt” rally at the Capitol, I asked A’Lissa Olson, a member of Mormon Women for Ethical Government, if she thought the temple recommend question might somehow be connected to Romney’s vote.

She thought it was, adding, “I am so grateful that he was prayerful and thoughtful in his decision. I think that breaking from the party is not a sign of disloyalty—it’s a sign of having character and being able to honestly assess the information that was presented in front of him.”

Silent censure

But, apparently, not all LDS members saw Romney’s actions and words in the same divine light. Another of my longtime political sources told me Romney’s religious rhetoric bothered some of the LDS faithful, both in Utah County and around the state. According to my source, Romney’s remarks implied that if other Mormons didn’t share the senator’s view of Trump’s guilt, then maybe they weren’t being sufficiently righteous or moral.

This line of thinking also made me wonder about the other Republican LDS members of Utah’s Washington, D.C., delegation. Since they voted to acquit the president on the impeachment counts, did this mean they weren’t being truly honest in their dealings with their fellowmen?

After the “Thank You, Mitt” rally, I made my way inside the Capitol. My first

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glimpse of the senator came when he met with the Utah Senate Minority Caucus. I hadn’t seen Romney in person since his 2012 presidential campaign.

Eight years later, he didn’t initially appear to have changed all that much.

But upon closer inspection, I thought I detected a bit of an older and slightly slower gait.

Utah’s Democratic state senators thanked Romney for standing up for his impeachment beliefs. This was not unexpected. But Senate Minority Leader Karen Mayne did surprise me with her remarks. The Senate Minority Leader from West Valley thanked Romney for rescuing Salt Lake’s 2002 Olympics, saying, “I think you should be commended over and over and over again because you saved them.”

Sitting behind Romney as I was, a small smile crossed my face. There was that whole Olympic scandal thing again. Mitt and me once more. I must admit Sen. Mayne’s kind words to him hit me right in the feels.

Next came Romney’s meeting with the Republicans of the Utah House Majority Caucus. This was where things were supposed to get interesting. After all, it was a Republican state representative who introduced a resolution for Romney to be censured because of his impeachment vote.

Far from being greeted with scorn, however, Romney instead got a resounding ovation. In fact, when addressing the group, the subject of impeachment wasn’t even discussed. Romney certainly didn’t bring it up and not a single legislator dared mention it.

This silence puzzled me. So, later, I asked a Capitol Hill source why Romney hadn’t been confronted at the caucus about his anti-Trump actions. This source said legislators were simply being passive-aggressive. While some may be angry at Romney, I was told, they weren’t going to confront him about it in public. So, instead of censuring Romney, Utah’s legislative leadership decided to show support for the president by sending Trump a letter of citation commending him for his work on a national level as well as those affecting Utah specifically.

Like father, like son As “Mitt Mania” day concluded at the Capitol, Sen. Romney spoke with Utah reporters. Romney himself seemed to be in a passive-aggressive mode. He talked both about the impeachment vote and his good relationship with Trump, saying “I’ve known the president a long time. We get along personally, have been collegial for many, many years. I support the president probably more than most senators do on policy matters.”

This press gathering gave me my first chance to engage Romney directly. I started by asking him if, in light of the harsh criticism he received, whether

COURTESY OF CHRIS VANOCUR

Fathers conversing: George Romney, center, speaking with network correspondent Sander Vanocur, right, in the 1960s

COURTESY CHRIS VANOCUR

George Romney, second from left, marching for civil rights in the 1960s

he had any regrets about his impeachment vote. He said no, adding, “I’ve lived long enough to know that you’ve got to be able to sleep with your conscience.

You can’t have your conscience be indicted by mistakes that you’ve made when you don’t vote your conscience.”

For a moment, I was briefly transported back in time. Twenty years ago, when Romney was running the 2002 Olympics, I would sometimes engage him in this kind of give and take. I would ask him tough but fair questions, and he usually deflected them easily. I enjoyed this back and forth and sensed he did, too. However, this 2020 exchange with Mitt at the Capitol also reminded me of another on-going part of our history.

In my 2012 City Weekly article, I didn’t just write about Mitt and me. The LDS church was also a big part of that story. With him being a devout member and with me being a longtime Utah reporter, it always seemed that religion—like a river—ran through our relationship.

As I reported in that 2012 article, a key source told me that the late church President Gordon B. Hinckley had not been pleased with my initial reporting about the Olympic scandal. According to this source, Hinckley had wondered why I hadn’t just kept the original incriminating Olympic document to myself.

Being second-guessed by the church’s prophet did give me pause.

But after the 2002 Games ended successfully, President Hinckley publicly proclaimed they had been a very positive experience both for Utah and the church. This praise cleansed me of any sin, making me feel as if I had been absolved.

Fast forward again to 2020 and Mitt Romney’s visit to the Capitol. Given that he had brought it up in his impeachment speech, I thought it was appropriate to ask Romney about his faith—specifically, in regard to a comment made by Trump shortly after the president’s acquittal. Speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast, the president said, in apparent reference to Romney, “I don’t like people who use their faith as justification for doing what they know is wrong.”

I asked Romney if he any had reaction to this. The senator responded, “I really don’t pay a lot of attention to the tweets and the comments that are associated with politics these days.” I’d expected Romney to speak out more forcefully in defense of his religious beliefs, but he took the high road instead.

Perhaps he simply felt his religious remarks on the Senate floor spoke strongly enough for themselves.

Shortly afterward, the news conference ended, and Romney was poised to leave. But before he headed off to the airport, Mitt and I had a bit of unfinished business to take care of.

I approached him before he left and quietly told him I had a present for him.

I then handed him a blue folder with an old photograph inside. This photo showed a distinguished looking politician talking to a 35-year-old dark-

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As I left the Capitol and walked back home, I thought about Mitt and me. When he took over the troubled 2002 Olympics, most Utahns (including me) were impressed with him, his leadership and how triumphant the Winter Games ultimately were.

But in the blink of an eye, he left us to become the governor of Massachusetts.

Romney would return to Utah a decade or so later, though, as a defeated presidential candidate. Then, like a political phoenix, he rose once more to become a U.S. senator.

To me, the Utah-based reincarnation of Romney has been a decidedly mixed bag.

I respected him for speaking out against Donald Trump in early 2016. But then there was that horrifying photograph of Romney and Trump having dinner after the election. Romney was supposedly being considered for secretary of state. However, I’ve always believed Trump never intended to give Romney that cabinet job.

I think the president-elect just wanted to publicly humiliate Romney by dangling the job in front of him—but not giving it to him. The absolutely pained expression on Romney’s face at that dinner remains anguishing to see even years later.

And when Romney spoke to legislators at the Capitol during Mitt Mania, there were also some irksome moments. When he hinted to Utah lawmakers that there might be entitlement cuts coming, I was disappointed by this conservative trope but decided to give him a pass on that and other minor political transgressions because of his impeachment heroics.

Regardless of exactly why Mitt Romney voted to convict the president—either because of his LDS faith or as an extension of his dad’s courageous history or some combination thereof—his senatorial moment of clarity should never be forgotten.

This was a singular act of heroism. For his valiant impeachment vote, I, too, toast Mitt, but likely with something stronger than chocolate milk.

And because he voted not to acquit, I still cannot quit him. CW

—Chris Vanocur

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“For his valiant impeachment vote, I, too, toast Mitt, but likely with something stronger than chocolate milk.”

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haired reporter. The politician was Michigan Gov. George Romney, Mitt’s father.

The NBC News reporter he was talking to was my dad, Sander Vanocur.

After Dad passed away last fall, I was going through his political memorabilia.

There was no shortage of photographs: My father with President John F. Kennedy in the White House, with Senator Robert F. Kennedy shortly before RFK was assassinated, and also Dad with likes of senators Hubert H. Humphrey and John Glenn.

But among these photos, I was also pleased to discover this old image of Romney Sr. talking to my dad. I decided it would be a nice gesture to give this keepsake to Mitt. For me, it was a subtle way of acknowledging our 20-year relationship and, to be honest, my way of thanking him for his brave impeachment vote.

But there was something on the back of the photo that also caught my attention.

In very small and faded red ink was the date the picture was taken. In some ways, this was a clue which revealed something new about Mitt Romney—another hidden link between us.

The photo was taken in the 1960s, a time when Governor Romney emerged as a vocal supporter of civil rights. He proclaimed racial discrimination to be one of his state’s most urgent problems and even joined with black leaders and activists in a protest march in a Detroit suburb. For his outspokenness on this issue, Romney was criticized by other Republicans and even among Latter-day Saints. But he remained unfazed and continued to be an advocate for racial equality.

Until I saw this picture and began studying George Romney in more detail, I didn’t know about his courageous civil-rights stance. But it immediately fascinated me and did so for two noteworthy reasons: First, it was hard for me not to connect the bravery George Romney showed on this issue with his son’s mettle in the impeachment proceedings. It made me wonder whether the two Romneys shared an admirable gene for righteousness and bravery. I couldn’t help but think that Mitt Romney has lately made his dad proud, not only with his impeachment vote, but by marching in a recent Black Lives Matter protest, for which he was criticized just like his father was, and by President Trump himself.

Secondly, on a more personal note, I was curious about what Romney Sr. and my father were talking about in that picture. My dad’s favorite all-time story was covering the civil rights movement and his favorite interview was the one he did with Martin Luther King Jr. The thought that Mitt’s father and mine might have been talking about civil rights and politics struck a familiar chord. Like fathers, like sons.

When I gave Mitt this picture after his news conference, he immediately spied his father, “Oh, look at that. I know that guy.” He seemed genuinely pleased at the gift.

He also said it was nice to see me again. But in politics (and in life), these moments can be fleeting. After thanking me for the picture, Romney suddenly vanished. It’s quite possible this will be the last time I talk to him or see him in person.

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Blooming Through the Cracks The National Parks get creative promoting the hopeful musical message of Wildflower.

BY ERIN MOORE music@cityweekly.net @errands_

O

ne of music’s greatest attributes is its ability to envelop expansiveness—something that can be experienced in the indie folk of Utah’s own The National Parks. Over the course of their seven-years-long career and three full-length albums, the four-piece band has gotten closer to a sound they say is true to who they are.

Wildflower, their fourth album (due in June 19), has been forced to grow, as wildflowers do, through some cracks. Like everyone during these pandemic days, The National Parks are finding new ways to put themselves out there and stay true to who they are.

Wildflower is not only a rumination on what it means to be free, but it’s also an exercise in restraint, demonstrating the band’s hard-earned self-understanding. “I feel like we wrote more songs for this album than we ever have in the past,” frontman Brady Parks says, alluding to the 40 songs they weeded through to find the 18 that they ended up bringing into the studio—a process starkly different from their habit of crafting 11-song albums. After narrowing it to 15 tracks, they’ve also released the single “Waiting for Lightning,” a song about marking time in advance of a brilliant flash of opportunity.

“With this one, we wanted to take our time, do this right and make this the album we’ve always wanted to make,” Parks adds.

“There was a lot of experimenting and a lot of trying new things, and I think because of that, we were able to evolve our sound and keep who we are as a band and make it the most ‘National Parks’ album.”

Megan Parks, the band’s violinist, expands on her bandmate/husband’s thoughts, saying, “We have old elements and also electronic elements, so it’s like this weird world where there’s like a whole lot of different things going on, but somehow, we make it work.”

The band feels that Wildflower is a celebration of sorts, one for which they wanted an equally celebratory release party. “A dream

The National Parks of ours was always to put on our own festival, and doing it at a place that means so much to us—like Zion National Park—just felt so right,” Brady says, describing the huge album-release event they’d had planned for April, called Superbloom Music Festival.

The band recruited many of their favorite local acts to participate, including Joshua James, The Strike, Tow’rs, The Federal Empire, Ellee Duke and Brother. But, as the pandemic washed over their plans, they were forced to cancel the fest for 2020, with hopes to reschedule in 2021.

“I think it’s a bummer because all plans have changed,” Megan says. “We had touring, and we had Superbloom all planned out, you know, and … no one can do that right now. But I think that we’ve really tried hard to find ways that we can still tour the new music and get our music to new fans.”

One of these ways is their newly planned and rapidly sold-out Campfire Tour—a series of small, intimate shows of 40 people max, held in a series of friends’ and fans’ big backyards in cities all over the state. Megan emphasizes how right the set-up feels for the band, who—as you could guess by their name and the subject matter of much of their music—love the outdoors as much as they love being outdoors. “We’ll bring the campfire and the sound system, and it will be really, really stripped down, acoustic, intimate,” Brady says. And while intimate, each yard will contain enough space for social distancing.

Response to the idea has been tremendous, with dates selling out almost immediately, even as the band added more dates. Now, they’re prepping to make their way into cities beyond Utah’s borders as soon as it’s safe to do so. “We really are so excited to get out and do all these shows and connect with people. I feel like people are just ready to connect with humans again,” Brady says. “It’s weird, I feel like it’s gonna come out at a good time. It’s really about having hope and knowing that better days are ahead and knowing that we are all going through challenges and difficulties—that the good days are yet to come.”

Even during their own quarantine—which has been filled with frequent live-stream events and collaborations with Parks Project and Ultimate Ears—they’ve found time to reflect. “That’s something I’ve learned a lot through all of this, being quarantined, is that we need each other,” Megan says. “All of us just need each other to help get through things, to be able to connect to people.

That’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”

Whether you have a ticket to one of their rare concerts or not, be sure to follow them on Instagram @thenationalparksband and on Facebook.com/TheNationalParksBand for live-stream sets.

And of course, don’t miss out on their uplifting new work when Wildflower comes out on streaming platforms June 19. CW

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SLAM Re-Opening

Near the beginning of the pandemic, City Weekly wrote about how Salt Lake Academy of Music was continuing to operate despite the challenges posed by new social-distancing norms. They shifted for a while to free online courses, supporting themselves with tuition from parents of students who could still afford to pay, donations and a grant from SPower, a renewable-energy developer headquartered in SLC. This funding not only provided free online classes but also paid the musician-employees who serve as SLAM instructors—a huge boon since working musicians lost many gigs due to the virus. In addition to offering online classes, they’ve continued to operate their instrument exchange program, with executive director Steve Auerbach saying that on each Saturday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., “We accept the donations, sterilize them and then check them for functionality before inventorying them. We then send a letter of donation confirmation as a receipt.” Now, due to parent requests and the state relaxing restrictions on gatherings, SLAM is once more opening its brick-andmortar classrooms, albeit with tight restrictions on how the spaces are used and kept clean and safe. Youth musicians from all over Northern Utah can now return to taking classes in SLAM’s new social-distancingfriendly spaces and participating in summer camps. Those who want to support their efforts are encouraged to continue donating at slamslc.org/donate.

Local Venues and Stores Shout-out Protests

Many local businesses and business-owners, musicians, venues and shops have abandoned their normal social-media output in lieu of posting informational content about the nationwide wave of protests that recently also swept over SLC, sparked by the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police, along with racial injustice and police brutality in general. If you feel strongly about these issues, it’s hopefully heartening to see a suspension of business as usual, as real people come out from behind their brands to engage with the community meaningfully and earnestly. The Depot, which is partnered with booking giant Live Nation, posted their support at the beginning of June, saying, “We are at a time right now where so many people who make up [the culture of music] are suffering … we need to stop the racists that are literally killing culture,” alongside a pledge to donate to the Equal Justice Initiative and to continue standing with the black community.

In addition, local venue-owners and bookers S&S Presents posted their own message of solidarity, after canceling one of their Concert Cruise events as protests swept the city over the weekend when it was scheduled to take place. Diabolical Records, meanwhile, pledged for their part to contribute 25% of their drop bag sales (their very cool system for delivering mystery bags of records and other goodies, contact-free) to the Minnesota Freedom Fund, which helps bail out Minnesota-based protestors. Consider patronizing these businesses with ticket purchases and donations: Buy tickets for future events from The Depot, donate to S&S (at paypal.me/sartainandsaundres) and/or keep up with Diabolical drop bag updates at @ diabolicalslc on Instagram.

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While a number of Salt Lake bars and restaurants have begun to reopen, Ogden, too, has seen some of its popular hot spots for music, drafts and cocktails reopening. With lower coronavirus case counts in their area compared to, say, SLC, the northerly city is eager to start opening back up. Now, businesses like The Lighthouse Lounge in historic downtown Ogden are lighting up their Pabst Blue Ribbon stage once again. While they’re hosting nighttime entertainment as usual, their next daytime event is a brunch-and-music affair, Sunday FUNday, where local musicians are slated to perform on June 14 at noon. Another local Ogden nightlife hub, The Yes Hell, has also begun to slowly welcome artists back into their bar for entertainment, starting with local DJ Bryson Dearden and his vinyl collection. So far, their next event after that isn’t listed until August, which will—if all stays safe—feature soloist Paddy Teglia and Bryan Vyborny. Keep an eye out for more dates at both bars on facebook. com/lighthousesportsbar and facebook.com/ theyeshell.

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While many local artists have gone quiet about music as protests have swept the nation—which isn’t necessarily a bad thing— one local hip hop collective is still doing their thing on their weekly live Facebook feed. Hip Hop Organics Virtual Chillin’ describes itself as “a united ecosystem of artists and businesses who curate experiences through the expressions of hip hop,” and has for some time been a champion of local hip hop, hosting events with local rappers, singers and DJs like Secret of Mana (aka Mana Eini, one of the main organizers of HHO), Malev Da Shinobi, Cherry Thomas, DJ Coyotl (another organizer, along with Joshua Howard) and many more. Their events, which usually feature local vendors as well, have previously included workshops, freestyle sessions, producer showcases and fundraisers, most recently for Rose Park’s grassroots organization the Brown Berets. With the advent of the pandemic, they shifted these community-oriented events online, starting the Virtual Chillin’ in April, with every Friday into 2021 scheduled out for more chilling (hey, no one knows how long this is going to last). Visit their Facebook page to get the names of the dozens of local artists they’ve collaborated with, and tune into their Virtual Chillin’ sessions on facebook.com/hiphoporganics every Friday at 8 p.m. for freestyle raps, conversations with local guests and all things hip hop.

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That local rock bar mainstay of Murray, The Royal, has opened its doors once again, joining a cadre of other local bars slowly and carefully going about the same process.

While the new shows scheduled throughout the month of June aren’t much like normal shows—social distancing is enforce,d with tickets for seated, well-spaced tables requiring advance ticket purchase—the 50 to 60 capacity events are still a step closer to what many folks really miss, which is the warmth of being around friendly music-lovers like themselves, and the feeling of live music coming at you from a stage. Royal Bliss, the owners and namesake of the bar, hits the stage June 12, and patrons can also enjoy food and beers just like on any normal night at The Royal. They’ll be followed by Outside Infinity, The 1-2 Manys and Anthem for a New Tomorrow on June 13, while their Thursday reggae nights on the patio are starting up again as well. If it’s open-air fun, classic bar fare and good tunes you’ve missed most of all during the stay-at-home order, The Royal is offering those things once again for those ready to go back out.

Keep up with show updates and details about buying tickets at facebook.com/theroyalslc or at theroyalslc.com.

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King of Staten Island can’t decide how to combine comedy with its troubled central character

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

FOCUS FEATURES

I

n the opening scene of King of Staten Island, Scott Carlin (Pete Davidson) is driving along a New York expressway, when he abruptly shuts his eyes tightly— and keeps on driving. He barely avoids being in the middle of the accident he causes, leaving wreckage behind him as he drives away whispering an apology. Later, he backs away from the prospect of a relationship with Kelsey (Bel Powley), the childhood friend he’s been hooking up with, by warning about the lack of impulse control that could put her in danger. This guy, it’s quite clear, needs help.

If it doesn’t sound yet like we’re talking about a comedy, that’s part of the problem with King of Staten Island. A thinly fictionalized version of Davidson’s own life story cowritten by Davidson, former Saturday Night Live writer Dave Sirus and director Judd Apatow, it introduces Scott as a 24-yearold high-school dropout/aspiring tattoo artist still living with his mother Margie (Marisa Tomei) in their Staten Island home, and still deeply affected by the on-the-job death of his firefighter dad 17 years earlier. As Scott’s younger sister (Maude Apatow) heads off to college, Margie begins a relationship with divorced firefighter Ray (Bill Burr)—her first relationship since the death of Scott’s father. And Scott isn’t dealing with the situation particularly well.

What Scott does deal with particularly well is hanging out with his buddies (Moises Arias, Ricky Velez and Lou Wilson) getting high—which is also the kind of sce-

nario Judd Apatow deals with particularly well. As was generally true of Apatow joints like The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up, King of Staten Island is most engaging when it’s a hangout movie, with the characters riffing and offering up tart punch lines. In the Apatow tradition, the film runs over two hours, and it’s largely because the director is more interested in leaving in a good joke than figuring out whether that joke serves some larger story—and there are quite a few good jokes, particularly when you can take advantage of cast members like Pamela Adlon as Ray’s embittered ex-wife.

The problem with the larger story is that Apatow is trying to shape it into one of his favored tales of arrested male adolescence, which doesn’t entirely square with a central character who clearly has genuine mental health issues. Consequently, Davidson struggles with how to portray this character who is essentially himself—as an affable stoner who needs to figure out what the hell to do with his life and could learn important life lessons by shepherding Ray’s two

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Marisa Tomei and Pete Davidson in King of Staten Island

because it’s hard for him to know how to incorporate material about someone getting shot during a robbery attempt or suicidal ideation into gags about Scott designing a tattoo of a cat on his buddy’s stomach so the belly button is the cat’s butthole. In terms of how to pitch the comedy, it matters whether Scott Carlin is the kind of guy who has the capability to pull himself up by his bootstraps, or the kind of guy who has a lot of professional work ahead of him to keep him from driving through traffic with his eyes closed. CW

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kids to school, or somebody for whom “get a job” shows a cruel disregard for his mental illness. That problem folds over into the relationship between Scott and Ray, which brings up all of Scott’s unresolved issues with is father’s death and ultimately allows Scott a chance to think about his father as a human being rather than as a saintly hero.

It feels like oversimplifying a messy life to suggest that a young man on medication really just needs a bit of emotional catharsis.

It’s not that King of Staten Island is “cheating” in some way by offering Scott a shot at a happy ending—even if the climactic set-up for that happy ending feels like it’s built around a completely unnecessary plot point. But Apatow’s sprawling, goofy comedies are most satisfying when it’s possible to tune out the plot as needed to appreciate his funny set pieces; nobody understood Steve Carell’s character better from 40 Year Old Virgin’s body-hair-waxing scene, but plenty of us laughed loudly at it.

This premise simply feels like a completely wrong fit for Apatow’s genial sensibility,

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) I was hiking under a blue sky in a favorite natural location: the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, just north of San Francisco, where sublime vistas provide views of ocean and mountain. Although I was in a good mood, at one point I spied empty Budweiser cans amidst the wild jewelflowers. “What kind of nature-hater was so careless as to despoil this wonderland”? I fumed. For a few moments, I was consumed with rage and forgot where I was. By the time I recovered my bearings, the bobcat and red-tailed hawk I’d previously been observing had disappeared. That made me sad. My anger was justified but wasteful, irrelevant and distracting. It caused me to lose touch with some glorious beauty. Don’t be like me in the coming TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Author and theologian Frederick Buechner writes, “There is days, Libra. Keep your eyes on the prize. treasure buried in the field of every one of our days, even the bleakest or dullest, and it is our business to keep our eyes SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) peeled for it.” In alignment with current astrological potentials, “I have more memories than if I were a thousand years old,” wrote Taurus, I’ll name that as your key theme. More than usual, poet Charles Baudelaire. Was he bragging or complaining? Did breakthroughs and revelations and catalysts are likely to be the weight of his past feel like a burden or did it exhilarate him available to you in the midst of the daily slog—even when you’re and dynamize his creative powers? I’m hoping that in the coming feeling bored. Make it your business to be on high alert for them. weeks, your explorations of your past will feel far more like the latter—a gift and blessing that helps you understand aspects of your history that have always been mysterious or murky.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) According to novelist Octavia E. Butler, “Positive obsession is about not being able to stop just because you’re afraid and full SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) of doubts.” That’s what I wish for you in the coming weeks, According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you’re primed Gemini: positive obsession. It’s also what I expect! My analysis to navigate your way through a sweetly gritty, tenderly transforof the astrological omens suggests that you will have the pluck mative, epically meaningful turning point in the history of your and craftiness necessary to veer away from murky, disturbing relationship with your favorite collaborator or collaborators. If versions of obsession. Instead, you’ll embrace the exhilarating that sounds too intense, you could at least accomplish an interestkind of obsession that buoys your spirit in moments of uncer- ing, stimulating, educational shift in the way you fit together with tainty. I foresee you making progress on your most important your best ally or allies. It’s up to you, Sagittarius. How much love and intimacy and synergy can you handle? I won’t judge you harshlabor of love. ly if you’d prefer to seek the milder version of deepening right now.

Besides, you’ll probably get a chance to go further later this year.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) William Thomson, also known as Lord Kelvin (1824–1907), was a Cancerian physicist and mathematician who contributed CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) to the understanding of thermodynamics and other areas of Actor Emma Thompson tells us, “I wish I wouldn’t have to say this, scientific and engineering knowledge. Despite his considerable but I really like human beings who have suffered. They’re kinder.” intelligence, however, he was myopic about the possibility that Adding to what she observes, I’ll say that for many people, their humans might one day fly through the air while seated inside suffering has also made them smarter and more soulful and more of machines. In a 1902 interview—a year before the Wright compassionate. Not always, but often, it’s the pain they’ve sufBrothers’ breakthrough experiment—he declared, “No aero- fered that has helped turn them into thoughtful companions who plane will ever be successful.” I suspect you could be on the verge know how to nourish others. I urge you to make a special point to of passing through a Lord Kelvin phase, Cancerian. You may at converse with people like this in the near future. In my estimation, times be highly insightful and at other times curiously mistaken. you will benefit from intense doses of empathetic nurturing.

So, I urge you to be humbly confident and confidently humble!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Lake Elsinore is a city in southwestern California. Last spring, LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Author Marianne Williamson tells us, “Spiritual growth torrential rains there caused a “superbloom” of poppies. Millions involves giving up the stories of your past so the universe can of the golden-orange wildflowers covered many acres of Walker write a new one.” And what exactly does it mean to “give Canyon. They attracted another outbreak of beauty: thousands up the stories of your past”? Here’s what I think: 1. Don’t of painted lady butterflies, which came to visit. The magnificent assume that experiences you’ve had before will be repeated in explosion was so vast, it was visible from a satellite high above the the future. 2. Don’t assume that your ideas about the nature of earth. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re experiencing a metaphoriyour destiny will always be true. 3. Even good things that have cal superbloom of your own right now, Aquarius. I hope you will happened before may be small and limited compared to the find constructive ways to channel that gorgeous fertility. good things that could happen for you in the years to come. 4.

Fully embrace the truth that the inherent nature of existence is PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) endless transformation—which is why it’s right and natural for Lucumi is an Afro-American religion with Yoruban roots. Its you to ceaselessly outgrow the old plotlines of your life story and practitioners worship their ancestors, and they seek regular contact and communion with them. According to Lucumi priestembrace new ones. ess Luisah Teish, “Sometimes, the ancestors deem certain information so important that they send it to the subconscious VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Philosopher and astrologer Marsilio Ficino wrote, “Mortals ask mind without being consciously asked.” It’s my belief that all of God for good things every day, but they never pray that they may us, whether or not we’re members of the Lucumi religion, can make good use of them.” I hope that in the coming weeks, you be in touch with the spirits of our ancestors if we would like to Virgos will disprove that cynical view of human beings. As I see be—and receive useful guidance and insight from them. The it, you will be more likely than usual to actually receive the bless- coming weeks will be a time when you Pisceans are especially ings you ask for. And I hope—in fact, I predict—that when you likely to enjoy this breakthrough. It’s more likely to happen if receive the blessings, you will then aggressively seek the help of you have an intention to instigate it, but it may come to pass God or Life or your deepest wisdom to make good use of them. even if you don’t seek it.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) During her 90 years on the planet, actor and singer Marlene Dietrich reinvented herself numerous times. She had superb insight into the nature of shifting rhythms, and a knack for gauging the right moment to adapt and transform. Good timing, she said, came naturally to people like her, as well as for “aerialists, jugglers, diplomats, publicists, generals, prizefighters, revolutionists, financiers and lovers.” I would add one further category to her list: the Aries tribe. Make maximum use of your talent in the coming weeks.

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ACROSS

1.Birch of "Ghost World" 2.Tangle around a surge protector 3.Nash who wrote "Parsley / Is gharsley" 4.Embolden oneself 5.French 101 verb 6.Big retailer in outdoor gear 7.What male lions have that lionesses lack 8.____ and Span (cleaner brand) 9."I've had enough of your big talk" 10.What gibberish makes 11.Stockpile

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Symbol of Hate W

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ho knew peaceful little Utah would have its own riots sparked by the murder of an African American man held by police officers in Minnesota? Protesters overturned and burned cars, looters broke windows and crowds lobbed water bottles and rocks at police. There were reports of a protester with a bat and another, a hammer. Meanwhile, one white guy pointed a hunting bow and arrow at protesters.

Welcome to Utah 2020. The struggle for equality and human rights is real, not only here but across this country and around the world.

This could be another summer when cities are burning from coast to coast, just like in 1968 when Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered.

Amid the marches, graffiti and hovering helicopters, there’s another gut-wrenching symMediaBids_190103_24.indd 1 12/28/2018 5:15:20 bol of violence, aggression and murder that’s being removed from a small, almost forgotten graveyard at the University of Utah near the old Fort Douglas Post on Chipeta Way (just south Red Butte Garden).

To many, swastikas dredge up memories of hatred, fear, racial intolerance and genocide going back to when our country had joined with the world in a fight against Nazis during World War II. German nationalists who believed they were descended from a master race embraced the swastika, and the symbol came to be displayed on the Nazi red flags that were marched all over Europe.

Yet, here in an East Bench cemetery, you can THIS WEEK’S FEATURED find gravestones with swastikas etched into PARTLOW RENTALS: the granite in memory of German soldiers’ service for their führer.

This cemetery, which was first opened in 1862, is the final resting place for a number of historic figures: the man who bayoneted Crazy Horse, solders who came to guard the trade routes to California, a governor and multiple FOOTHILL LIBERTY PARK HOLLADAY prisoners of war, including 21 German sailors captured in World War I, Italian soldiers who Hot Spot Split-level 2 bdrm. 1.5 Perfect 1 bdrm! Dishwasher, wall served under Mussolini and a Japanese solder bath duplex! Dishwasher, covered mounted A/C, counter bar dining, captured in World War II. parking, central air! $1245 on-site laundry, cat ok! $875 Nine who are buried here were German prisoners of war held at a camp in Salina, Utah.

They were gunned down in 1945 by an American soldier who, while guarding the POWs, went berserk one night and went on a shooting spree, injuring 19 others. Others died of accidents or illnesses in different areas of the state SUGARHOUSE MARMALADE under the watch of U.S. troops.

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The headstones in question have German military awards/decorations carved into them, including an Iron Cross featuring a swastika within the cross. The VA initially wasn’t going to do anything about these markers, but COTTONWOOD VA Secretary Robert Wilkie has since decided HEIGHTS they’ve got to go. They will be replaced at a later Hot Spot!

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12.The Blue Jays, on scoreboards 13.____ snail's pace 14."Told ya!"

21.Be appealing on screen 23."So-o-o cute!"

25.Preparing mischief 26.Type of network 27.Be taken for 29.One doing cat scans?

31.Misses in Marseille: Abbr.

33.Figure of speech 34.Joan of Arc quality 35.Good buddies on the road 39.Susceptible to sunburn 40.Julia of Hollywood 42.Unsatisfactory 43.Ed with the 2017 #1 hit "Shape of You" 48.Loosen, as neckwear 49.Rivera of the original "Chicago" 50.Phone 52.Wear after an accident 54.Sword for an

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36.Crossword feature 37.1960s radical org.

38.Morocco's capital 39.Lobster's feeler 40.Takes badly?

41.Cassini of fashion 42.Docile 43.American ____ 44.Target of a skin care strip 45.Flamenco cries 46.Lewis and Long 47.Med. drama locales 48.Person logging on 49.Boston athlete, briefly 50.MSNBC rival 51.Tooth trouble 53.Little chuckle 56.Layer 60.Scuba mouthpiece attachment 62.Oceanographer's focus 63.Woodworker, at times 64.1960s radical movement 65.Brightly colored bird

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Government in Action In 2013, Chad Dearth of Overland Park, Kansas, purchased his dream car, a 1964 Chevy Impala, and got an “antique” license plate for it. Since then, he has sold the car and moved to a new neighborhood, but earlier this year, he received word that seven to 10 collection letters a day were arriving at his old address from state turnpike authorities up and down the East Coast.

That’s when Dearth learned that Kansas is one of a few states that assign identical numbers to different categories of specialty license plates, and his old antique plate number matched the number on a commercial semitruck—the one photographed by one of the authorities demanding payment for toll violations. Lee Ann Phelps, vehicle services manager for the Kansas Department of Revenue, told Fox4 she doesn’t know why the state uses identical numbers, but there are about 625,000 plates in the state that share a number. Kansas has issued a new license for the truck, but in the meantime, the bills continue.

Dearth most recently got a letter from the Delaware Turnpike Authority seeking $479.

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n City Parks and Recreation employee Zach Morris was cleaning up storm damage in Wynne, Arkansas, at the city’s sports complex on May 24 when he noticed that someone had broken into the concession stand. “The whole place was just looted,” Morris told WREG. The stand had been fully stocked for games scheduled before COVID-19 lockdowns began, and thieves helped themselves to drinks and candy, even taking the time to prepare nachos and popcorn before they left. Police are hoping the culprits will confess. “The right thing to do is take responsibility for the mistakes you made,” Morris said.

Latest Sightings UFO hunter Scott Waring discovered what he believes to be the “entrance to an alien base” on Earth on May 13 by studying Google Earth. According to the Mirror, Waring said the base doesn’t fit in with its surroundings on a “small and uninhabited island in Indonesia” and “aliens would love to have a hidden base” in such a secluded location. Using a Google Earth tool, he measured the opening, which is about 66 feet across—big enough, he said, to “get a lot of alien ships in there.” One commenter on Waring’s YouTube channel praised his finding: “My gut tells me this is 100% legit. Good job man!”

Florida Police in Miramar, Florida, are still trying to identify a man who was caught on surveillance video ransacking Miramar High School on May 25. The suspect spent nearly 24 hours destroying computers, painting graffiti on the walls and flooding areas of the school, the Miami Herald reported—all while stark naked, except for headphones. School officials put the cost of the damages at about $100,000.

It’s a Mystery Folks in downtown Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, have been hearing odd, loud banging noises at all hours over the past few weeks. “We’re all hearing it, and it’s interrupting our sleep,” Heather Donily told the CBC. “There’s a sense of panic when you first hear it.” Most people believe the noises are “bear bangers” —noisy flares used to scare bears away in the wilderness—and police are investigating, but Councilman Pete Fry has concerns: “Bear bangers actually do have the potential to cause harm. ... If they’re being indiscriminately used throughout the city ... somebody might actually get hurt.”

Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal. com.

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Bird Brain Security agencies in India thought they may have captured a Pakistani spy after villagers in Manyari, a border town in the disputed region of Kashmir, delivered the courier to police, but the mole wasn’t a mole at all; it was a pigeon. According to Sky News, Kathua Police Superintendent Shailendra Mishra said the bird flew into a home on May 24 and a “ring was seen attached to one of its legs with some numbers on it ... Some called it a coded message.” Authorities are trying to decipher the message, as

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Another Job Threatened Massachusetts-based Boston Dynamics has partnered with the New Zealand robotics company Rocos to develop a robotic dog, Spot, to herd sheep. “The age of autonomous robots is upon us,” Rocos chief executive David Inggs told United Press International. The dog can be controlled remotely as it guides sheep through mountainous and difficult terrain, according to the company. “It just needs to walk with intent toward the sheep and they seem to respond,” said Richard Stinear, Rocos chief technology officer. In other words, they act like sheep.

The Allure of Junk Food n San Diego police responding to a burglar alarm at a Wells Fargo bank in Chollas View, California, around 3:30 a.m. on May 27, found a broken window by the bank’s drive-thru. Alarm company personnel told officers surveillance cameras showed a man inside the bank’s break room, using the microwave. Police gained entry to the bank and arrested the unnamed man, who told KGTV he had gone into the bank only to warm up his Hot Pockets. Asked if the Hot Pockets were worth the arrest, the man said, “Hell, yeah, it was worth it.”

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Green Eggs, No Ham A.K. Shihabudheen of Malappuram, India, and his wife cracked an egg from one of their chickens about nine months ago and were surprised to see a dark green yolk, rather than the standard yellow. “All the eggs which the hen laid ... were this kind,” Shihabudheen told The News Minute, “and so we started to incubate the eggs. Out of the six chicks which hatched from these eggs, a few have started to lay eggs and those yolks are also green in color.” The eggs taste like other eggs and cause no health problems, the family said. Experts from Kerala Veterinary and Animal Sciences University suspect the feed given to the birds may be behind the phenomenon, according to Dr. S. Sankaralingam, but Shihabudheen says he gives all his birds the same feed.

Monkey Business Egyptian talk show host Lobna Asal abruptly fled the studio midinterview on May 27 after being attacked by the monkey brought to the set by her interview subject, actor Ibrahim El-Samman, United Press International reported. Appearing on Egyptian channel Al Hayat, the monkey co-starred with El-Samman on his latest project, and at first settled in Asal’s lap for several minutes, calmly listening to the conversation, but then jumped down and attacked her legs. As she ran off, another person arrived to wrangle the primate.

pigeons have been used for espionage in the disputed region in the past. Meanwhile, the BBC reports that a Pakistani man named Habibullah is claiming the pigeon is his, and the number on the ring is his mobile phone number. Habibullah, who lives just a few miles from the India/Pakistan border, has asked for the pigeon’s return and told local media India should “refrain from victimizing innocent birds.”

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