City Weekly August 1, 2019

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COVER STORY

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CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 10 NEWS 20 A&E 27 DINE 32 MUSIC 43 CINEMA 45 COMMUNITY

PETER HOLSLIN

Cover story Once our new staff writer is done settling in and decides to buy a car (he’s been eyeing a sturdy Subaru), if he were to have his way, he’d most likely settle for a vanity plate in honor of his favorite breakfast: LMBRJAKKED. But would it be approved or remain on the DMV cutting room floor?

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Pride Parade inches toward lofty zero-emissions goal. facebook.com/slcweekly

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SOAP BOX

COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET @SLCWEEKLY

@CITYWEEKLY

Cover story, July 18, “BYU’s E-Scarlet Letter”

The most Utah/BYU story ever.

People not from Utah are so confused by this.

ALISON ECKS Via Facebook Fabulously written, interesting and timely article about the BYUbred Instagram account. Well reported and researched, too. I appreciated the information on and examples of the panopticon gaze.

LINNEA CHARNHOLM, Draper Step outside of the U.S., and intimacy, love, sex, etc. are not perceived as weird and wrong. Only in the U.S. does this seem to be a thing.

BLAINE LAFRENIERE Via Facebook Vomit inducing. Literally. This makes me sick.

JEN MATTSON STEWART Via Facebook So typically BYU. MIKE SCHMAUCH Via Facebook Stupid …

MIMI MTJK Via Facebook

Opinion, July 18, “No Voice is Louder Than Silence”

My wife and I recently visited the beautiful state of Utah and stayed in Park City with neigh-

@SLCWEEKLY

bors who are also very close friends. They also happen to be staunch Republicans who refuse to accept any single one aspect of Trump’s (and his eunuch followers) many despicable personality traits which were very well-defined in the Michael S. Robinson Sr. piece in your local newspaper.

It was my wife—a past lifetime Republican but now registered Independent who absolutely cannot tolerate the fifth grader (I’m being very kind there) who currently occupies the White House—who passed Robinson’s article to me.

We knew we couldn’t ask our close friends to read it, because that would have triggered a complete and disastrous fallout which would have affected our remaining vacation together.

That is the sad part.

Close friends, who happen to be neighbors, have got to the point, as the direct result of Trump’s vile rhetoric, where sensible political comparisons or discussions cannot take place.

It’s articles similar to the one penned by Robinson, that should be directed to the Trump audience with the hope that at least some of his base would have the intelligence to have a bell ring and see through this lunatic’s childlike behavior, ignorance and personality.

Great article Michael, should have more opinions like yours published. Keep it up.

FRED GREETHAM, Polk County, Fla.

Hits & Misses, July 18, “Borderline Terrorism”

LOL! Borderline terrorism! As opposed to one who steps over the border to actual terrorism?

SHERYL HUSSEIN GINSBERG Via cityweekly.net

Dine, July 18, “World of Torta-Craft” Yo quiero una.

BRENDIUX QUIROZ Via Facebook

A&E, July 11, “Geekonomics”

It’s not expensive to be a geek.

It’s expensive to be a consumerist. FOMO? Really? I’m sure this was meant to be a light-hearted article, but it really comes across as entitled and #firstworldproblems. Geek “culture” is a new thing. Fifteen years ago, there was just “nerds” and it was all one umbrella; geek culture, in its entirety, was created by corporations to make money. If your hobby is buying stuff and subscribing to streaming services, you are a hobbyist consumer. That’s it. I get what the article is saying: there’s so much to be interested in. But most people don’t need to consume it all (as much as the corporations wish we would).

MARA ARCTICTIS BINTURONG Via Facebook That FOMO feeling is how the internet got so popular for filling in the gaps. @StarWarsExplain, Wookiepedia and @FullOfSith

give me so much depth into the expanded Star Wars universe. I’d be lost without them.

KIERAN GUNN Via Twitter

MIKE CORONELLA Via Facebook He’s absolutely right. It’s state imposed oligarchy.

SPENCER GORDON Via Facebook

Online news post, July 22, “Approved to Grow: State Dear Soapbox: awards eight out of 10 I’ve heard people complaining that is writing anything nice licenses for medical cannabis nobody about Cowardly Captain Heelsprogram, leaving one purs, so I thought I’d give it a try.

Ah well … um … I’m thinking! applicant complaining” Hey, the mean old media isn’t goIs this freedom? How many of their buddies got the licenses?

DAVE CALDWELL Via Facebook

The fix is in. And only eight to “avoid overproduction.” So much for the free market. In other words, the 8/10 is to maintain an artificially high price … and profit. Pure BS … but exactly what we should expect from the Utaliban.

ing to have Ronald the Donald to kick around much longer and the taxpayer doesn’t have to worry about funding a presidential memorial library; that idiot hasn’t read a book since Dick got Jane knocked up. There, you Trumpasites, how’s that?

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Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. We are an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, that also serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. Copies of Salt Lake City Weekly are available free of charge at more than 1,100 locations along the Wasatch Front. Limit one per reader. Additional copies of the paper can be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without express permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., can take more than one copy. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher. Third-class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery might take up to one full week. All rights reserved.

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OPINION

How Elephants are Dismantling our Democracy

Get real, Utah! As one of our nation’s most religious populations, it should logically follow, that our citizens are committed to the highest moral ground. Oh, yes, but that’s only a what-if assumption—like, “What if the creatures in sheep country didn’t have such a powerful flocking instinct?” Or, “What if we were to quit milling around and bleating out the chorus of ‘Have I Done Any Good in the World Today,’” choosing, instead, to amplify our true sentiments about President Donald Trump’s Washington cesspool and raising the volume loud enough to be heard beyond the pasture?

While Utah bears some of the blame for the unfortunate accident of Trump’s 2016 win, that doesn’t mean it needs to support what is essentially the Trump criminal organization’s highly visible disrespect for the Constitution and rule of law.

Somehow, our state and its leadership have turned a blind eye to Trump’s first two years. That’s inexcusable.

But, when the Orange Rabid Raccoon actually ordered his subordinates to defy constitutionally mandated Congressional subpoenas—something that violates his oath of office—it was, by definition, an impeachable offense. Our country functions on the rule of law, and our very least should demand that Trump submits to it.

Now, you’d think that Utahns would be fuming with righteous indignation, insisting their rogue president and his corrupt attorney general be dealt with swiftly and severely.

BY MICHAEL S. ROBINSON SR. After all, we do share the conviction that there is no one above the law, don’t we? Instead, the Beehive State’s bleatings and baa-ings simply continue.

But, indeed, it would appear that “salvation is nigh.” For, as in biblical times, “... there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.” It is the nature of sheep—helpless and vulnerable as they are—to look to the shepherd for guidance and protection. It’s a puzzling dilemma—at a time when effective, moral leadership is so needed: Where are the shepherds? We know who they are—the senators and representatives who are our elected leaders—but they’re nowhere to be seen.

Sadly, even the best of them have failed to uphold their sworn commitment to their constituents. Not one has actually stepped in as the choir director and raised the chorus of the impeachment anthem. Instead, they almost all cower under the covers, hoping that the Big Bad Wolf will disappear or die, all the while leaving the flock to fend for itself.

Utah’s shepherds are choosing a red-white-and-blue elephant over the welfare of their constituents, abdicating their responsibilities, and assuming an every-manfor-himself philosophy at a precipitous time. We elected them but they aren’t working for us. The predictable consequence will be what always follows the failure of individual, personal conscience. We’ve seen it time and time again, how the worst of history’s despots were able to prevail—only because the people allowed it to happen.

Even Sen. Mitt Romney, a man who was believed to have some moral backbone, has failed in his shepherding duties.

While he gives us an occasional glimpse of what appears to be character, his party loyalties have made him complicit in the virtually-criminal organization now running our country. Of course, you’re all recoiling at my use of the word “criminal,” but think about it; when the president and his men consciously choose to defy the law, isn’t that exactly what it’s called?

Rep. Ben McAdams, still confidently believing his mother’s words of “This, too, shall pass,” has taken a stronger position, though he prefers inaction, mostly over the concern that impeachment would be disruptive. But ask yourself, “What can do more damage than allowing POTUS to continue flaunting the law?” We cannot allow it, and yet, Sen. Mike Lee continues in a state of denial, shaking his head, and repeating to himself, “Trump must have some good in him.” His fellow Republicans, Reps. John Curtis, Rob Bishop and Chris Stewart, are only faces on fading campaign posters. They might, just as well, have been born mushrooms.

To name only a tiny sampling of Trump’s disregard—flagrante—for the law, here are the undeniable truths: The commandant in chief has defied the authority of congressional oversight, made verified attempts to disrupt and obstruct the Mueller investigation; enriched himself and the rest of the Trump clan in violation of the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause; enacted a tax law that, contrary to his promises, failed to help middle-income families while lavishing an astounding giveaway on the uber-rich; refused to uphold the Voting Rights Act in allowing voter suppression and marginalization of racial minorities; vetoed a bipartisan measure to stop $5.1 billion in arms sales to one of the worst human rights abusers in the world; and unabashedly lied to the American people more than 10,200 times—which wins him a wreath in the Guiness Book of Presidential Records.

Really, Utah, isn’t that enough? Elephants are trampling our democracy while we twiddle our thumbs and bleat. For Utahns and their elected senators and representatives, it’s high time—time to stand up and be counted, instead of hiding behind the fatal error of favoring partisan politics over a functioning democracy. CW

The author is a former Vietnam-era Army assistant public information officer. He resides in Riverton with his wife, Carol, and one mongrel dog. Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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What a surprise—not! The Trump administration denied the watered-down version of Medicaid expansion and now look where we are—back to the initiative that passed.

Of course, the Legislature in all its “wisdom” will likely try to undo that again, but for the moment, it’s a moment. Are they listening? “The 22 mostly red states that refused to accept expansion starting in 2014 caused 15,600 unnecessary deaths among their residents,” the Los Angeles Times reports. Some Utahns have been waiting expectantly to hear from our own Trump Health and Human Services appointee Brian Shiozawa, but the once-moderate former legislator has been silent. Medicaid expansion was among 155 ballot measures in 37 states in 2018, continuing to terrify the National Conference of State Legislatures, which wants initiatives and thus democracy severely limited. NCSL says it’s been coopted by special interests. Those interests in Utah are the interests of the people, and the Legislature has been ignoring them.

Not in South Salt Lake

South Salt Lake is showing just how petty and parochial a city can be. Let’s talk homelessness and how everyone wants someone to handle it, but that someone isn’t them. South Salt Lake doesn’t like that it’s slated to take a 300bed shelter, one of three to take the place of Salt Lake City’s Road Home, according to a Deseret News story. Sure, it would have been nice if the shelter had been smaller, but there are two others slated for Salt Lake City. The blowback was inevitable—not in my backyard. “Common arguments are that there will be increases in crime, litter, thefts, violence and that property taxes will decrease. The benefits for the residents of the development are often ignored,” a Homeless Hub report said of a similar case.

It’s all about fear of the evil specter of drugaddicted homeless people. Now, the state is ready to take over the project because of SoSL’s reluctance to move forward. Homelessness is not an easy issue to solve, but looking at solutions instead of problems would be a good start.

In Whom Do We Trust?

The story was about how South Dakota is mandating that every public school display these words prominently: “In God We Trust.” And the question is: Do we, really? The Salt Lake Tribune points out that Utah schools have posted that phrase for 17 years, even after a weak-kneed protest by the ACLU of Utah. Not to be pedantic, but there is an ongoing dispute over whether the country was actually founded around Christian principles. Let’s just say no, it wasn’t Christianity. God, however, does come into the conversation as it was inserted in the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954 and reaffirmed

by SCOTUS in 2004. It also happens to be in the Declaration of Independence, though kind of distantly. Funny thing, though, that the Smithsonian magazine noted: The man who wrote and intentionally left God out of the Pledge was an ordained Baptist minister.

We should wonder why.

KERRI FUKUI/CHC

Legislative Backfire

Pouring Good Karma

SLC’s booze slingers use their shakers to build community and connections.

BY DARBY DOYLE comments@cityweekly.net @abourbongal

“E

veryone asks, ‘What can I do?’ when we find out someone is undergoing a catastrophic life event,” local bartender Matt Pfohl says. “We founded One Small Miracle as an immediate way to make a difference.” The 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization helps with direct financial backing and community support for un- or under-insured service employees and their families facing daunting medical bills. “It’s important for people not to feel invisible or overlooked,” Pfohl says. “We’re here to say, ‘You’re not doing this alone.’”

It’s an issue that directly impacted Pfohl, who suffered a massive stroke at age 29 while bartending at Copper Common. “I was incredibly lucky,” he says of his treatment and miraculous recovery. However, staggering medical bills and loss of income while recovering, were a blow to the thenuninsured Pfohl. Now, as a small-business owner (he’s a partner at Water Witch), Pfohl recognizes the high cost of private health insurance: “It would break a small business to provide it,” he says. “I don’t know what I’d do without the Affordable Care Act.” After navigating the health care system, Pfohl saw an immediate need to provide a safety net for fellow industry professionals and their families in the event of a life-altering medical event. He started working on the idea of One Small Miracle in 2015 and officially launched the nonprofit in April of this year with a party and fundraiser at T.F. Brewing.

In addition to seeking individual and group donations, the organization regularly hosts fundraisers, such as an Aug. 11 bash benefiting beloved SLC bartender Alejandro Olivares (most recently bar manager at Under Current Bar), who is fighting can-

Matt Pfohl, a partner at Water Witch, hopes his nonprofit helps struggling service employees.

cer. Tickets are on sale now for the “One Big Miracle” event, a 21 and up block party behind Bar X (155 E. 200 South, 801-355-2287, beonesmallmiracle.org) with live music, great local nosh and, of course, plenty of drinks slung by bartenders from Alibi, Copper Common, Quarters, Bar X, Water Witch, the AC Hotel and others.

Local bartenders also donated their offthe-clock time to support fellow bar pros and community charities through direct volunteer support, such as the Utah chapter of the U.S. Bartenders’ Guild Campari Annual Day of Service held each June.

Every year, a couple dozen Utah bartenders and friends spend a day supporting a local cause. This year, they helped serve meals at St. Vincent de Paul Dining Hall.

Women Crush Wednesday is more than a babe-licious hashtag. For Salt Lake Citybased bartender Arianna Hone, it’s become a call for galvanizing support and recognition for SLC’s badass women bartenders in a largely male-dominated field.

Hone co-hosted the first Women Crush Wednesday event in May with Jess Sandberg at Tinwell, when both women were raising travel funds for the national Speed Rack cocktail competition. Hone and Sandberg dedicated the event to the Helen David Relief Fund for women servers diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, Hone has aimed for bi-monthly collaborations with other women bartenders at venues like Water Witch, Quarters and Post Office Place. “It’s a chance for women in our community to showcase their skills and show off their talents,” which Hone says has generated funds for women bartenders’ travel for educational training and advancement. The events also raise funds for local organizations that serve women, children and marginalized groups.

In addition to a portion of cocktail sales going to WCW, local spirits brands like Beehive Distilling, Kiitos Brewing, Dented Brick Distillery, Black Feather Whiskey, Waterpocket Distillery and Bitters Lab have kicked in their own contributions to the event’s causes. Hone says they’re anticipating future WCW events will support organizations like the Rape Recovery Center, Women of the World, the UT Domestic Violence Coalition and more. “The community has really rallied,” Hone says of the alwayspacked pop-ups. CW

NEWS

L E G I S L AT I O N

Clean It Up!

Grassroots group fights to get their carbon tax initiative on Utah’s 2020 ballot.

BY RAY HOWZE rhowze@cityweekly.net @rayhowze1

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

A

Armed with his signature sandwich board, Yoram Bauman attempts to gather signatures at Liberty Park, following this year’s Days of ’47 Parade.

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AUGUST 1, 2019 | 11

was soon amended by lawmakers, and her organization is still involved in a lawsuit against the state for making changes in key provisions. Since then, she says she’s had a few groups reach out for advice on the initiative process.

She tells people they need to not only focus on signatures, but be on Capitol Hill befriending legislators and encouraging people to vote for candidates who support their causes.

“The only way for us [the people] to get equal power is for the legislative body to relinquish some of theirs,” Stenquist says. “Why on earth would anybody in power relinquish their power? That’s not how this works. If we don’t have more balanced voices, the supermajority in this state will continue to control and it won’t matter what ballot initiative is presented.”

Bauman, who’s lived in Utah for two years, says he hasn’t forgotten about the 2018 debacle. Despite the Legislature’s meddling in medical cannabis and Medicaid expansion, some of it comes down to simple economics—“I think it’s obvious they’re better off now than if they hadn’t run a ballot initiative,” he says.

“We understand the Legislature is part of this,” Bauman concludes. “It’s possible they’ll tweak our policy if it wins on the ballot, but you know, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

People want to spend money on cleaning up the air. Rural economic development is important. Eliminating the state sales tax on grocery-store food, I mean how many politicians are going to stand up and be like, ‘Nope, there should be a tax on grocery store food.’ I don’t think that’s a winning message.” CW

“Putting a price on carbon is a quick and economic way of sending price signals to people who use fossil fuels that need to make a switch to renewable energy,” Briscoe says. “You can do a lot of things to clean the air, but not touch greenhouse gases ... The principal reason [for any clean-air legislation] is to fight climate change. The name of it, ‘Clean the Darn Air’—they’re selling a carbon tax by telling people, ‘Let’s clean up the air.’ Is that disingenuous or smart? I don’t know.”

Bauman, though, points out the Legislature approved $29 million this past session to go toward achieving clean air—a step in the right direction. While it was down from the $100 million Gov. Gary Herbert asked for, the move had support from both parties.

“The good news is that everybody breathes,” Bauman says. “Lots of folks on both sides of the aisle care about air quality.”

Briscoe, meanwhile, says he still plans to pursue carbon tax legislation in the session. “One of my goals is to simply get people to talk about it,” he adds.

Whether the carbon tax idea would generate enough momentum to get on the ballot could come down to just that—whether it’s been in the public discourse long enough. Briscoe says he thinks groups like Bauman’s need “two to three years lead time,” and anyone who followed 2018’s initiatives, knows the path to success isn’t easy.

Christine Stenquist, founder of Together for Responsible Use and Cannabis Education (TRUCE), knows the journey inside and out. For nearly this entire decade, Stenquist lobbied for medical cannabis. Proposition 2 passed, but

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to name a few, the Clean the Darn Air folks “don’t have a millionaire that’s supporting the campaign,” Bauman says. And their signature total through the end of July: more than 5,000.

“We’re just a bunch of folks who like these ideas and are excited to get them on the ballot,” Bauman says. “You can actually get on the ballot like that.”

The environmental economist might be right. In 2016, while living in Washington state, Bauman helped get a similar idea on the state ballot (there it required 350,000 signatures). The initiative, however, only earned about 40% of the vote, not enough to pass. A related initiative also made it on the state’s 2018 ballot. But it, too, failed. Bauman’s hope this time around is that if Utah’s version of the initiative makes it onto the 2020 ballot, it would have enough voter support to pass.

“People in Washington state, like people here, kind of say, ‘Well, you can never get on the ballot if you don’t have a million dollars,’ but it turns out there are a lot of people who care about air quality and a growing number of people who care about climate change,” Bauman says. “A lot of those folks are turning out to support the campaign.”

For the Utahn who keeps up with state politics, the carbon tax idea might sound familiar. Rep. Joel Briscoe, D-Salt Lake City, has proposed a carbon tax bill multiple times, including this year. The idea has failed to gain much momentum in the Utah Legislature. The initiative, coincidentally, is similar to Briscoe’s proposed legislation, although he’s not directly associated with the campaign. He tells City Weekly the group’s strategy isn’t one he’s “willing to embrace at this particular time.” But he “wishes them the best.”

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n economist, a stand-up comic and a clean-air advocate walk into a bar. No, that’s not a joke— it describes triple threat Yoram Bauman, one of the co-founders behind Utah’s carbon tax ballot initiative, aka the Clean the Darn Air Act. Recently, on one of Utah’s hottest days, Bauman could be seen wearing a bucket hat and a sandwich board proclaiming, “Utah voters, sign here to clean the darn air.” He’s standing next to the increasingly long line to get into the Red Butte Garden Amphitheater, but he’s not there to see a concert or perform one of his comedy routines—he’s collecting signatures from registered voters. The following day—Utah’s fabled Pioneer Day or Pie and Beer day, depending on who you ask—Bauman walks around Liberty Park doing the same. It’s all part of this self-proclaimed “world’s first and only stand-up economist’s” grassroots effort to collect roughly 115,000 signatures across the state to get the petition on the 2020 ballot.

Bauman isn’t alone. He and four others have established a “Clean the Darn Air” campaign that proposes a $12 tax on each metric ton of carbon dioxide emissions in the state. The petition calls for cutting the state sales tax on food and providing income tax credits for lower-earning residents to help offset some of those costs to the consumer, and use money generated from the tax for clean-air programs and rural economic development. Bauman says he hopes this rag-tag group and their idea strikes a certain chord with Utahns—particularly those along the Wasatch Front—all too familiar with the perils of dirty air.

“Our policy is, ‘Let’s get serious about this,’” Bauman says. “If you want to tackle air quality, if you want to clean the darn air, you’re going to have to make some public investments.”

Still early on in their campaign, however, the odds appear to be stacked against them. Organizers aren’t paying signature gatherers like previous initiatives have done, relying instead on volunteers. In contrast to initiatives from the 2018 election cycle that included well-financed backers like the Utah Jazz’ Gail Miller and former Gov. Mike Leavitt,

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R3JCT PL8S

Hoards of Utah motorists apply for vanity license plates every year.

Here are the ones deemed too offensive for the road.

T

wo years ago, a national survey by New Jersey-based nonprofit Kars 4 Kids rated Utahns as some of the most polite drivers in the country. The folks behind the survey might think differently now, after seeing all the racy, offensive and just plain weird slogans that Utah motorists have tried to put on their license plates.

From 2016 to 2018, employees at the Utah Division of Motor Vehicles turned down more than 1,100 applications for vanity registration plates. Sly vehicle owners across the state requested plates full of references to guns, drugs and sex. The tide of potentially offensive material was so great that even harmless requests ended up not making the cut after being subjected to extra scrutiny.

City Weekly obtained a list of the rejected plates in a public records request. Among our findings:

tribute to his family name. His license platestyle truck decal was just the latest volley in an ongoing war between motor-vehicle officials and vanity-plate pranksters, raising provocative issues about the lines between free speech and questionable taste.

“There’s always a few guys that just wanna see what they can get away with,” shrugs Jeff Minard, a historian with the Automobile License Plate Collectors Association (ALPCA)—a national organization founded in 1954 that follows developments in license plate evolution and design—during an interview with City Weekly.

Cracking the Code

AUGUST 1, 2019 | 13

In Utah, a handful of DMV employees stand as the gatekeepers for all those wishing to put customized slogans on their vehicle registration plates.

To apply for a vanity plate, motorists must fill out a form called TC-817. The petition then goes to the DMV, where members of the Miscellaneous Services Unit will refer to policy set down in the Utah Motor Vehicle Code and draw from the DMV’s own internal guidelines, seeking to weed out proposed plates that could be “offensive to good taste and decency.”

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a plate that says “WWG1WGA,” the call sign for followers of the pro-Trump, right-wing QAnon conspiracy theory.

These rejected plates are, of course, just a fraction of the applications that go through the Utah DMV every year. Currently, the number of drivers on the road sporting vanity plates is just north of 68,000 and counting— as 13,384 motorists have applied for personalized plates so far in the fiscal year.

But in all their vulgarity, what do these rejected plates say about Utahns? Could this represent the id lurking beneath this land of good-natured Intermountain West folk and white-bread Latter-day Saint values?

The fact is that Utah is hardly the only place in North America where drivers consistently try to sneak explicit content onto personalized license plates. Just this February, a man in Saskatchewan, Canada, made headlines when he plastered a gigantic decal onto the tailgate of his pickup truck. “ASSMAN,” the decal declared in capitalized green letters— designed to resemble the province’s vehicle registration plates.

The man’s name is Dave Assman (pronounced “OSS-men”). For years, he’d tried unsuccessfully to get Saskatchewan motor vehicle officials to cut him a vanity plate paying

• Two dozen applicants requested plates incorporating the number 69, making blatant reference to the mythical sex position. (Although one of the plates could have also been a nod to disgraced Brooklyn rapper 6ix9ine.)

• References to drugs and guns were popular requests. Suggested vanity plates included nods to a Soviet-made assault rifle (“AK47”), a German-designed submachine gun (“MP5K4U”), the leader of a Mexican drug cartel (“ELCHAP0”), a variety of alcoholic beverages (“REDWINE,” “BRUSKIS,” “WSKY,” “HIGHBAL”) and a panoply of controlled substances (“CRANK,” “SPEED,” “WEEEDS,” “XTCY”).

• Some of the plates incorporated slang terms and pop culture references, such as “DEZNUTS” and “SN00TCH”—the latter a catch-all term popularized by movie misfits Jay and Silent Bob, but also “street slang” meaning vagina, according to Urban Dictionary.

• The potential for offense caused by ambiguous or coded license plate messages pushed DMV employees to reject plates that seemingly meant no offense.

For example, employees rejected a plate that says “YAZIDI” (apparently referring to an ethnic group in Iraq that was infamously persecuted by the militant group ISIS). They also rejected “D0 DEW,” which seemingly quotes the advertising slogan of a popular caffeinated beverage. However, staffers did approve

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“We have a section that reviews these as they come in,” Monte Roberts, director of the DMV, tells City Weekly. He’s dialed in on speakerphone at the division’s Salt Lake City headquarters. The DMV is part of the Utah State Tax Commission, and as we speak he’s sitting beside Tax Commission spokesperson Charlie Roberts (no relation).

“There are some that slip through the cracks, unfortunately,” Monte Roberts adds. “If it’s really offensive, we’ll ask them to bring the plate back and do something else.”

When a TC-817 lands on their desk, the aforementioned DMV staffers (who were sadly not made available for comment for this article) will run an online search of the proposed plate motto and consult Urban Dictionary for any potential pitfalls. Sometimes applicants will attempt to trick them by using numbers in place of letters, or writing messages backwards. A plate that says “TIH2TA3,” as one applicant requested several years ago, looks innocuous—until you see it in your rear-view mirror.

On rare occasions, staffers will encounter a proposed plate that’s such a head-scratcher, it requires the attention of the highest official in the DMV hierarchy.

“We’ll write it on the board, we’ll look at it, and I’ll be like, ‘I see it right away,’ or, ‘I’m not seeing it.’ And then they explain it to me,” DMV director Roberts says. “It is a collaborative effort, but it’s ultimately the director’s decision as to whether it’s issued or not. If they have concerns or questions whether or not it should be issued, they can bring it to my attention.”

Pride of Plate Minard, the ALPCA historian, says license plates with customized messages were first introduced in New Hampshire in 1957. By the 1970s, every state in the union was giving motorists the option of applying for vanity plates—offering a way for car owners to show off while state governments could benefit from added revenue.

However, license plates were serving as status symbols long before that, Minard adds.

When New York state started issuing license plates in 1901, the first ones bore the initials of whoever owned the registered car. Officials soon moved to a numerical system to avoid issuing duplicates, but it wasn’t long before even seemingly random serial numbers would bear their own meanings.

In the 1920s, state agencies reserved the lowest numbered plates for political figures, philanthropists and other local VIPs. “In some states, the first 10 numbers or the first singledigit numbers would be saved aside. The number 100 in Colorado was always saved for the sheriff,” Minard says. To get one of these “prestige plates,” he explains, “You have to be somebody. You have to be a thing. You have to get permission from the governor, from your senator. Somebody makes a call and they’re going to take care of their friend— you know the way that works.”

Other notable personalized plate rejections (we see you, Kaden):

Later, in the run-up to World War II, Connecticut started awarding special plates to car owners with clean driving records. The plates were emblazoned with just one to three characters, letting everyone know that you were a cut above the rest.

“It was a proud thing. It showed that the state recognized that you’re a safe driver,” Minard says. “Cops recognized that. The DMV recognized it. Your neighbors recognized it.

It was a cool thing.”

Minard chuckles, thinking back to the good old days. “It was the way life oughta be, right?”

Oh, how times have changed.

Court has never ruled on the constitutional merits of a driver’s right to say what he wants on a vanity license plate.

Legal experts seem split on the question of whether the vanity plate’s message represents an individual’s form of free expression—since the license plate is issued for legal purposes by a state body, it also becomes a form of government speech.

“The way the laws read now—and every state agrees with this—is you can do First Amendment all you want with a bumper sticker. But this license plate is a product manufactured by a state government, and we, the state government, have final say,” Minard says.

Licensed to Offend

Fight the Power

Vanity plates today tend to not be imbued with the gravitas of honor or respectability. In the cases of those that get rejected, it’s quite the opposite. Hark, the motorists of Utah: “WET V.” “EATMEE.” “DGAF.” The last one was applied for twice. It was rejected on June 24, 2016, and June 23, 2017.

At the Utah DMV, staffers have occasionally been fooled into letting an offensive plate into the wild. According to Charlie Roberts, someone called in a few years ago to complain about a driver who had a license plate that said “IF U SEEK”—seemingly innocent, yet if you look at it the right way, you’ll make out the spelling of a certain four-letter word: F, U, “SEE,” K. “They were clever about it, so we missed it,” Roberts, who clearly isn’t familiar with Britney Spears’ discography, says.

“We called them and they said, ‘Yeah, you caught me,’ and they sent it in and that was that.”

Not all plates are rejected for obvious reasons. In 2005, the DMV approved an application from Park City gay rights activist Elizabeth Solomon to have a license plate that read “GAY WE GO.” Yet officials denied two other applications she’d submitted for plates bearing the messages “GAYS R OK” and “GAY RYTS.” Backed by the ACLU of Utah, she filed an appeal. The tax commission eventually voted to reverse the decision, opening the door for future LGBTQpositive personalized plates.

Scholars and legal experts have long pondered the question of whether vanity plates constitute a form of free speech.

In her 2000 article Licensed to Speak: The Case of Vanity Plates, the late law professor Marybeth Herald argues that state officials erode drivers’ First Amendment rights by restricting what can be put on license plates according to subjective standards of decency or appropriateness.

“We cannot expect the First Amendment to be an effective shield when we need it for protection, if we have allowed it to be battered, broken and abused when it protects speech we do not like,” Herald wrote. “So, if someone wants a plate that says ‘GOVTSUX,’ let her have it.”

In March, Pacific Standard reported that the Supreme

But what if that plate really means something to you? What if you can’t bear the thought of losing your right to drive around town with plates emblazoned with an eye-catching motto like “BUDWYZR” or “RIM J0B”?

Here in Utah, vehicle owners will occasionally challenge DMV decisions about their vanity plates. If the team of vulgarity-checkers at the Miscellaneous Services Unit turns down an applicant’s TC-817, the driver can file an appeal and appear before an administrative law judge at the Utah State Tax Commission building in Salt Lake City to argue their case. Members of the public can also prompt legal hearings over questionable plates if they submit a complaint to the DMV and agree to attend a hearing.

In one case, a vehicle owner sought approval for a license plate saying “RYDINHI,” spokesperson Roberts recalls.

DMV staff rejected it because it had a sexual connotation.

The applicant appealed the decision, claiming that it was referencing a piece of country-western culture. At the hearing, a judge ended up rejecting the application, too.

“The administrative law judge that heard the appeal said, ‘I see what you’re saying and I don’t disagree, but the law is very clear that we can’t accept this,’” Roberts says.

If you’re willing to take a stand on your vanity plate, this is the way to do it.

Still, DMV director Monte Roberts and spokesperson Charlie Roberts (again, they are not related) both emphasize that these hearings are not as dramatic as one might hope.

These aren’t life-changing legal battles, like those depicted in Hollywood courtroom dramas. Instead, they’re occasional occurrences, sandwiched in between weekly hearings over issues more commonly related to property and income tax.

Rather than going through the appeals process, director Roberts says the majority of applicants just send in a new application, with the license plate reworded so as to not cause offense. In the chaos of this vulgar world, it can sometimes be easy for a message to get misunderstood.

For applicants who mean well, this might be the best course of action.

“Ultimately, it’s a lot cheaper for them to do it that way,” Roberts says. CW

GETUS0M Date rejected: March 27, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

bitchita Date rejected: May 10, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

G0TBALS Date rejected: May 29, 2018 Reason: Public welfare

Date rejected: Sept. 6, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

FUGIE

3FINGRS

Date rejected: Sept. 28, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

Date rejected: Jan. 8, 2016 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

Date rejected: July 26, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

GRLNGRL

Date rejected: Sept. 7, 2018 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

Historian, Automobile License plate collectors association

Date rejected: June 6, 2016 Reason: Ehtnic heritage, race, religion

virgn Date rejected: May 16, 2018 Reason: Sexual reference

tny trds Date rejected: April 11, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

AUGUST 1, 2019 | 15

−Jeff minard

J1E3W

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“The way the laws read now—and every state agrees with this—is you can do First Amendment all you want with a bumper sticker. But this license plate is a product manufactured by a state government, and we, the state government, have final say.”

Date rejected: Oct. 6, 2017 Reason: Drug reference

Date rejected: Aug. 21, 2017 Reason: Sexual reference

CHINGON

MERLOT

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Date rejected: Aug. 25, 2017 Reason: Vulgar, derogatory, profane, obscene

MULVA

Date rejected: Oct. 19, 2018 Reason: Sexual reference

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Great Salt Lake Fringe Festival Now in its fifth year, the Great Salt Lake Fringe Festival again offers locals two remarkable weeks of new and experimental productions spanning the worlds of drama, dance, comedy, magic and more. In short, it’s an ideal opportunity to witness the kind of daring and distinctive debuts that continually impress eager, enthusiastic audiences.

This year’s festival features more than 150 performances of 32 different shows—mostly world-premiere works—in five Gateway storefront locations. To kick off this ambitious program, an opening night party on Thursday, Aug. 1, includes live music, food trucks and opportunity to preview several productions.

“The Fringe is a forge for independent theater where artists can show and grow their work,” the festivals’ new director Jay Perry writes in an email. “We have a wonderful group of mostlylocal artists performing this year, lots of firsttimers, along with some of Utah’s best and most respected talent. I’m excited that our incredibly talented and diverse theater community can come together for two weeks to share their work, and also be a part of the growth that’s happening at The Gateway.”

In addition, the Fringe allows participants to explore a wide range of possibilities, whether it’s a desire to launch a new company, initiate an artistic endeavor, interact with audiences and other artists, or simply move their careers forward. As for the rest of us, it’s an ideal opportunity to push the boundraries of our own artistic comfort zone. (Lee Zimmerman) Great Salt Lake Fringe Festival @ The Gateway, 400 W. 100 South, through Aug. 11, dates and times vary, $10-$70, (opening night party Aug. 1, Gateway Olympic Plaza, 10 N. Rio Grande St.), greatsaltlakefringe.org

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

THURSDAY 8/1

Inspired by Nature: An Evening of Music and Art In a rare performance outside of California, the Song of Angels (SOA) Flute Orchestra presents a concert complementing original paintings by world-renowned wildlife artist Carel Pieter Brest van Kempen (his “Hippopotamus & Nile Softshells” is pictured). Los Angeles-based SOA is the only flute ensemble in the world with a low flute section that includes a double contrabass flute, one of only four in existence. As the lowest pitched metal flute in the world, this instrument has the ability to bring a soft lilting, as well as more powerful tones.

Under the baton of Charles Fernandez, the concert features soloists Michelle Brest van Kempen on flute and tenor Egan C. Carroll. Along with audience favorites, the program features two world premieres: “Forest Stories” by Charles Fernandez and “Land of the Arctic Fire” by Jonathan Cohen.

Exploring the rich variety of nature, Brest van Kempen’s paintings offer visual storytelling. “I deeply appreciate the amazing detail of wildlife Carel exhibits in his work,” Merlin Tuttle, founder of Bat Conservation International, says. “I had to look twice at several of his works to be sure they were not photographs.”

A tranquil finale to a summer day, minus the sizzling heat, this special combo of music and art is a chance to get lost in the many moods of the flute while immersed in nature. “As the poet captures the beauty of life in his golden words which seem to stop time,” SOA founder Frederick Staff says, “Song of the Angels Flute Orchestra seeks to bring healing and beauty to a suffering world.”

(Colette A. Finney) Inspired by Nature: An Evening of Music and Art @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Aug. 1, 7 p.m., 801-355-2787, artsaltlake.org

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SATURDAY 8/3

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There is beauty to be found even in things that scare us. Turns out, that’s true of spiders, too—at least, potentially. On Aug. 3, Antelope Island State Park hosts its 2019 Spider Fest spotlighting spiders in a perhaps-they’re-not-so-terrifying light. Including guided walks, presentations from experts, education and activity booths, Spider Fest also includes spider poetry, a costume contest and a drum bus. Expect craft vendors and food, too.

Don’t forget the spiders themselves. Most of the arachnids currently taking over Antelope Island—and take it over they do—are Western Spotted Orb Weavers. They aren’t alone in crafting webs spanning much of the island, but they are the easiest to spot at the moment. Events take place in the visitors center and outdoor amphitheater; guided walks are scheduled on the hour and quarter hour from 10 a.m. to 3:15 p.m.

“The main purpose of Spider Fest is to help visitors understand more about the spiders in general, and to dispel some myths and misunderstandings about them,” Wendy Wilson, assistant park manager, says. “Anyone who is interested in spiders, afraid of spiders, has ever wondered about the types of spiders in their area or home, [would be interested in Spider Fest],” she adds.

“So that’s basically everyone, right?”

The only cost is the park access fee. Well, that, and perhaps a little bit of adrenaline as you fight those natural fears and get to know your eightlegged neighbors. (Casey Koldewyn) Antelope Island Spider Fest @ Antelope Island State Park Visitor Center, 4528 W. 1700 South, Syracuse, Aug. 3, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 801725-9263, $3-$10, stateparks.utah.gov

Los Angeles-based Everything Is Terrible!’s fame rose out of posting online bits unearthed from VHS tapes of the late 20th century. These videos are often focused on retro topics like microwave cooking or 1990s gamer culture. Duane, the group’s celebrated mascot, is a child who was unafraid to be a star in a 1980s dance TV program. Depending on whom you ask, this humor settles somewhere in the realm of surrealism or post-irony. Imagine Tim and Eric, but curated from old video footage, and it all comes through in the group’s wacky on-stage performance.

The initiative recently found inspiration from the creators and mavens of 21st-century meme culture. Two years ago, EIT! began amassing more than 27,000 VHS copies of Jerry Maguire.

The endeavor was launched after members recognized how this hit romantic comedy tended to appear in every thrift store’s defunct-media area. EIT! promised to build a pyramid of all these tapes somewhere in the Mojave desert.

What maintains the longevity of this project is preventing these absurdist videos from being displayed as full-frontal irony. Although its campy residue will always be present, the show runners strive to supplement their live events with costumes, puppets and a plunge into their unique understanding of the world.

Their work demonstrates a motive beyond simply sharing (and mocking) vintage videos. It’s to examine how most of us love mining nostalgia while holding no actual memory of it. It’s more comforting and spiritually luxurious to ponder decades-old visual nonsense than address our shared cultural alienation. In the end, we might forget, but the values from the VHS era remain evident in these artifacts. (Miacel Spotted Elk) Everything Is Terrible! @ Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, Aug. 7, 7 p.m., $12 advance, $14 day of show, metromusichall.com

Antelope Island Spider Fest

Everything Is Terrible!

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A&E

LGBTQ

For Us, By Us

Existimos creates a place for queer people of color to create and celebrate.

BY PARKER S. MORTENSEN comments@cityweekly.net @_coldbloom

PATRICIA CAMPOS

I

t can’t be said enough: Utah is white. If you’re a person of color, you probably think about it every day, but many white Utahns need reminding: The spaces that we cherish as welcoming, inclusive and diverse for arts, entertainment and social issues? They’re pretty damn white.

“Utah lacks representation for every marginalized group,” says Patricia Campos, co-founder (along with her sister Graciela) of Existimos, a collective dedicated to creating events and spaces focused on non-white, queer representation. Although Utah has diversified racially and ethnically, and probably will continue to do so, white people still make up more than 75% of the state population. And while there are certainly spaces that do occasionally focus on marginalized groups, Patricia Campos argues, “they are run by white people. We need spaces by us, for us.”

In fact, “For Us, By Us” was the title of Existimos’ June 22 Pride event hosted at the Utah Arts Alliance. A recent Chillonas Con Chingaderas podcast episode—hosted by two latinx queer women who go by the performing names of Alexandra and Yami— helped affirm Existimos’ mission. Featuring interviews from event attendees, the hosts found that queer and trans people of color are happy to have found a space for them.

“I’m still really hyped about it, even the day after,” Yami says. “I couldn’t get off that feeling of being in such a safe space.”

For the first time, the Campos sisters raised money for that event rather than self-fund. “We wanted to pay our talent and not profit off the queer/trans/people of color community, since Pride can be very

capitalistic,” Patricia Campos says. They worked closely with Stephanie Leaks, a local poet and visual artist, to make the event more inclusive. “This was our biggest event yet,” Patricia adds, “and it just felt so safe.

The first time you’re in a space like this— it’s so emotional. You want to dance. You want to cry. You want to hug everyone.”

Utah’s increased diversity in recent years hasn’t necessarily translated to equal distribution of power, nor guaranteed equal representation. According to a projection by the Kem C. Gardner Policy Institute at the University of Utah, by 2065, white Utahns will still make up an overwhelming 65% of the total population—in other words, although Utah will continue to become more diverse, it won’t feel like it, and 40 years from now, our state will likely still trail behind the rest of the country in this respect.

“Let’s be honest,” Graciela Campos says, “there are people of color in Utah doing work in the arts [and for] social justice, but it’s not talked about as much because they aren’t white.” Part of Existimos’ mission is to not just showcase marginalized artists and workers, but to create a new platform that exists outside of the Utah hegemony,

creating power through visibility and a matter-of-fact assertion that they exist.

“Listen, I don’t want a seat at their table,” she continues. “We aren’t here to get approval from white organizations. We are making our own table and lifting our people up. Salt Lake needs to open their eyes to a community that’s always been here— they just refuse to see them.”

Existimos started by observing a need in Utah’s minority communites. In August 2017, Patricia Campos realized she was seeing a trending lack of representation in local photography for Latinxs or other people of color. She created a zine focusing on these narratives through photography.

The sisters, who are Salvadoran, realized the show could be an opportunity to help children in El Salvador, where their tía lives, and held a donation drive for school supplies for their native country.

Since then, they’ve run three other events, including a film festival, a visual art show and June’s Pride event. With an open mic night coming up—Friday, Aug. 9, in Taylorsville at Snacks & More (a local Latinx business)—they show no signs of stopping. The night will be in collaboration with Utah Humanities, The Silenced

Existimos’ June Pride event American Podcast and Unidad Immigrante, each of which support the Existimos tenets of art, community and healing.

Although they’ve enjoyed collaborating with venues like Sugar Space Arts Warehouse and Utah Arts Alliance, the Campos sisters are looking for a space to turn their collective into a permanent nonprofit. “Existimos is here to stay, and is just going to keep getting bigger,” Graciela Campos says. “We want to be in schools—we want to inspire the youth. When [Patricia] and I were younger we didn’t have mentors who looked like us in the arts, or anywhere really. We want to bridge that gap and show children of color that there’s people from their demographic doing things in spaces that weren’t created for them.” CW

EXISTIMOS OPEN MIC

Snacks & More 1737 W. Carriage Square (4160 South), Taylorsville Friday, Aug. 9, 7 p.m. @existimos.co

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A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

PHOTOGRAPHERS WANTED

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August 17, 2019 8:00pm

Lose yourself in the magic and imagination of an Aerobatics Circus Show...Aerial Silks, Trapeze, Corde Lisse, and a variety of other mesmerizing acts!

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#CWCOMMUNITY Holladay Arts Council presents work by artist Chris Haggqvist, comprised of 4-inch-by-4-inch portraits of 100 of his friends and acquaintances, creating what he calls a “voluntary community” in Tiny Portraits, Big Connections at Holladay City Hall (4580 S. 2300 East, Holladay, holladayarts.org), through Aug. 30. Exhibit is open Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-5 p.m.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

Cinderella Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy through Sept. 7, showtimes vary, hct.org Freaky Friday Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy through Aug. 24, dates and times vary, hct.org Great Salt Lake Fringe Festival The Gateway, 400 W. 100 South, through Aug. 11, dates and times vary, greatsaltlakefringe.org (see p. 20) Hamleton: To Be or Not to Be The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, Aug. 2-Sep. 7, Friday, Saturday & Monday, 7:30 p.m., theobt.org Mamma Mia! Sandy Amphitheater, 9400 S. 1300 East, Sandy, Aug. 2-10, sandyamp.com The Marriage of Figaro Ellen Eccles Theatre, 43 S. Main, Logan, through Aug. 2, dates and times vary, artsaltlake.org Mr. Burns An Other Theater Co., 1200 Town Centre Blvd., Provo, through Aug. 3, FridaySaturday, 7:30 p.m., anothertheatercompany.com Saturday’s Voyeur Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, through Sept. 1, dates and times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org Utah Shakespeare Festival Southern Utah University, 195 W. Center St., Cedar City, through Oct. 12, times and prices vary, bard.org The Jungle Good Company Theatre, 260 25th St., Ogden, Aug. 2-11, times vary, goodcotheatre.com West Side Story Ellen Eccles Theatre, 43 S. Main, Logan, through Aug. 3, dates and times vary, ufomt.org

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

Intermezzo Chamber Music Series: Ravel and Debussy Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, Aug. 5, 7:30 p.m., intermezzoconcerts.org Inspired by Nature: An Evening of Music and Art Rose Wagner Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, Aug. 1, 7 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 20) National Flute Association Concerto Gala Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Aug. 3, 8 p.m., utahsymphony.org Schubert’s Symphony No. 3 St. Mary’s Church, 1505 White Pine Canyon Road, Park City,

Aug. 7, 8 p.m., utahsymphony.org Utah Symphony: Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture & Piano Concerto No. 1 Deer Valley, 2250 Deer Valley Drive South, Park City, Aug. 2, 7:30 p.m., utahsymphony.org

DANCE

Island Time II with Lavona’s Polynesia Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City, Aug. 5, 8 p.m., culturalcelebration.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

Alex Velluto Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, Aug. 2-3, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Christina P Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 W., Aug. 2-3, 7 & 9:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Dave Chappelle and Joe Rogan Usana Amphitheatre, 5150 S. 6055 West, West Valley City, Aug. 3, 7:30 p.m., smithstix.com Dry Bar Comedy Live Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, Aug. 3, 7 p.m., artsaltlake.org Everything Is Terrible! Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, Aug. 7, 7 p.m., metromusichall.com (see p. 20) Francisco Ramos Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, West Jordan, Aug. 2-3, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Gus Johnson Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 W., Aug. 1, 7:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Steve Soelberg Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, West Jordan, Aug. 2-3, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Stand-Up Comedy Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main Street, Park City, Aug. 2-3, 8 p.m., parkcityshows.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKETS

9th West Farmers Market Jordan Park, 1000 S. 900 West, Sundays through Oct. 13, 10 a.m.2 p.m., 9thwestfarmersmarket.org Downtown Farmers Market Pioneer Park, 350 W. 300 South, Saturdays through Oct. 19, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org Fleet Nights, Little City, 855 S. 400 West, every Saturday, 4 p.m., littlecityinc.com

moreESSENTIALS New Roots of Utah Neighborhood Farm Stand Valley Regional Park, 4013 S. 700 West, Saturdays through mid-October, 1-3 p.m., slco.org Ogden Farmers Market 25th Street, Ogden, Saturdays through Sept. 15, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., farmersmarketogden.com Sugar House Farmers Market Farimont Park, 1040 E. Sugarmont Drive, second Sundays through September, 8:30 a.m.-noon, sugarhousefarmersmarket.org Tuesday Farmers Market Pioneer Park, 350 W. 300 South, Tuesdays through Sept. 14, 4 p.m.dusk, slcfarmersmarket.org Wheeler Sunday Market Wheeler Farm, 6351 S. 900 East, Murray, Sundays through Oct. 27, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., slco.org/wheeler-farm

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

AUTHOR APPEARANCES

AUGUST 1, 2019 | 25

Karen Mosely: The Strength of the Hills University Crossings Plaza, Orem, 330 E. 1300 South, Aug. 3, 2 p.m., barnesandnoble.com Karl Marlante: Deep River The King’s English Bookshop, 1511. S 1500 East, Aug. 6, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Rod Decker: Utah Politics: The Elephant in the Room The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Aug. 5, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com

3SMITHS Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through Sept. 6, artandmuseums.utah.g Abstraction Is Just a Word, But I Use It 20 S. West Temple, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, through Jan. 4, utahmoca.org Abstract Flashbacks Downtown Artist Collective, 258 E. 100 South, through Aug. 10, downtownartistcollective.org Andrew Dadson: Roof Gap UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through Sept. 7, utahmoca.org Andrew Alba: Gas Station Honeydew Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, through Aug. 24, utahmoca.org Anne Fudyma: Structures of Solitude Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, through Aug. 9, accessart.org Deanna & Ed Templeton: Contemporary Suburbium UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through Sept. 7, utahmoca.org Destroy What Kills You, Grow What Heals You Urban Arts Gallery, 116 S. Rio Grande St., through Aug. 4, urbanartsgallery.org Donald Yatomi: True Beauty A Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, through Aug. 17, agalleryonline.com Following in the Footprints of Chinese Railroad Workers Marriott Library, 295 S. 1500 East, through Sept. 27, goldenspike150.org Form, Line and Color: Modernism and Abstraction David Dee Fine Art, 1709 E. 1300 South, Ste. 201, through Aug. 30, daviddeefinearts.com Global Villagers: Portraits from a World Community Sweet Library, 455 F St., through Aug. 26, 10 a.m., events.slcpl.org Lenka Konopasek: Mimicry Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, through Aug. 3, utahmoca.org Paper & Thread Modern West Fine Art, 412 S. 700 West, through Aug. 31, modernwestfineart.com Power Couples Utah Museum of Fine Art, 410 Campus Center Drive, through Dec. 8, umfa.utah.edu Ryan Lauderdale: Glazed Atrium Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, through Nov. 2, utahmoca.org Spencer Finch: Great Salt Lake and Vicinity Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 S. Campus Center Drive, through Nov. 28, umfa.utah.edu Structures of Solitude Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, through Aug. 9, accessart.org Time + Materials Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through Aug. 30, artsandmuseums.utah.gov Tiny Portraits, Big Connections Holladay City Hall, 4580 S. 2300 East, Holladay, through Aug. 30, holladayarts.org (see p. 24) Under the Bad Air of Heaven Marmalade Library, 280 W. 500 North, through Aug. 15, slcpl.org Western State of Mind Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, through Aug. 9, accessart.org Yellowstone: Invisible Boundries Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, through Sept. 15, nhmu.utah.edu

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LITERATURE

GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

1 to 5 Club: Game Night Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main, first Mondays, 7:30-9:30 p.m., utahpridecenter.org Beyond a Night of Music Encircle Salt Lake, 331 S. 600 East, every Thursday, 6:30-8 p.m., encircletogether.org Existimos Open Mic Snacks & More, 1737 W. 4160 South, Taylorsville, Aug. 9, 7 p.m. (see p. 23) Men’s Sack Lunch Group Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main, Wednesdays, noon-1:30 p.m., utahpridecenter.org Ogden Pride Festival, Ogden Amphitheater, 343 E. 25th St., Ogden, Aug. 3, noon, ogdenpride.org TransAction Weekly Meeting Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main, Sundays, 2-3:30 p.m., utahpridecenter.org

VISUAL ART

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LGBTQ

Stephen Trimble: The Capitol Reef Reader The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Aug. 7, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Scott Perry: Confessions of a Red-Headed Step Child King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, Aug. 1, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com

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Antelope Island Spider Fest Antelope Island State Park Visitor Center, 4528 W. 1700 South, Syracuse, Aug. 3, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., stateparks.utah.gov (see p. 20) Demolition Derby Summit County Fairgrounds, 202 E. Park Road, Coalville, Aug. 3, 7 p.m., summitcountyfair.org Living Traditions Presents: Mondays in the Park Chase Home Museum of Utah Folk Arts, 600 E. 1100 South, Mondays through Sept. 9, 7 p.m., livingtraditionsfestival.com Park City Kimball Arts Festival Kimball Art Center, 638 Park Ave., Aug. 2, 5-9 p.m.; Aug. 3, 10 a.m.-8 p.m.; Aug. 4, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., kimballartcenter.org Pacific Islander Art Festival Day-Riverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, Aug. 2, 6 p.m., events.slcpl.org ToshoCon Viridian Event Center, 8030 S. 1825 West, West Jordan, Aug. 2-3, 3 p.m., thecountylibrary.org Wasatch County Fair Southfield Park, 895 W. 100 South, Heber City, through Aug. 3, times vary, wasatchcountyfair.com

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Mark of the Beastro deceives your taste buds with plant-based comfort food.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

AT A GLANCE

Open: Tuesday-Sunday, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., 4-10 p.m.

Best bet: Garbage hash for breakfast, lunch and dinner Can’t miss: Chicken and waffles all the way

AUGUST 1, 2019 | 27

Beehive, a small concert venue that hosts a potpourri of events—most recently the Liar’s Séance featuring local vaudevillian weirdos Gonzo Rising. There’s a certain mid-

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Mark of the Beastro occupies the space that once was Bar Deluxe, and is one face of the Beehive Collective’s multi-headed dragon.

It shares ground with The

convincing vegan cheese and wraps it all up in a warm tortilla. The spicy seitan sausage ties everything together, and it’s an ideal delivery system for your daily dose of veggies.

Whether your culinary scripture consists of verses of veganism or comfort food parables, Mark of the Beastro is full of tantalizing tricks that taste like a Faustian bargain you’ll be willing to make. Salt Lake can always use more plant-based comfort food joints, and more power to them if they’re combined with an artistic collective that provides a venue for oddball local performers.

Unless, of course, it’s all a satanic ploy to lure me in with tasty vegan food only to condemn my soul to the fiery pits of Phlegethos. We’ll just have to wait and see, I suppose. CW

T

here’s a biblical verse about how Satan often quotes scripture for his own devious purposes, and it’s very much on my mind as I soak in the cavernous bar vibes at Salt Lake’s Mark of the Beastro (666 S. State, 385-202-7386, beehivecollective.com/markofthebeastro). The juxtaposition of the eatery’s demonic aesthetic and its exclusively plantbased menu feels like I’m being tempted by He who is called the Desolate One. While the jury is still out on whether the Beastro claims your eternal soul in exchange for plant-based chicken and waffles ($13.50), it’s a risk that fans of comfort food and vegan food alike will want to take.

it’s easy to see that this place takes joy in presenting comfort food staples like chicken and waffles and Buffalo wings ($2 each) made from plant-based ingredients. Looks aren’t all that is deceiving—flavorwise, I’d stack this plate of chicken and waffles up against its meatbased cousins any day. The chicken in question is made with seitan, one of the vegan world’s most popular meat substitutes, and it’s been breaded and deep fried to perfection before gracing the top of a golden brown waffle. A bit of maple syrup drives home the sweet-meets-salty combo that made this dish a classic in the first place, and the soft, chewy seitan complements the deep fried crunch of the outer layer.

At $13.50, it’s not the cheapest order of chicken and waffles you can get, but it’s one of the tastiest.

Food pile enthusiasts will enjoy the garbage hash ($11), a flavorful heap of tofu scramble, hash browns, peppers, onions, mushrooms and seitan sausage. But I prefer their breakfast burrito ($9), which takes all that goodness, adds some very

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JOHN TAYLOR

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Hail Seitan!

night-movie charm at play within the walls of 666 South as well. Even during their early dinner or lunch hours, the shadowy lighting helps you feel like the sun has long set and the witching hour isn’t far off. The nightspot vibe tends to butt heads with that of the bistro, and it’s hard to tell whether it wants to be a restaurant, a music venue, a library or a board-game repository. I happen to like this mishmash of ideas, but could also see how such inconsistency could freak out those seeking a traditional bistro vibe.

If you’re visiting for the first time, a few things that can help get you started: The place is open seating, but you’ll want to check out the chalkboard menu nailed to a column in the center of the restaurant.

It changes from time to time, but you can rest assured that everything is completely plant-based. Even though the Beastro doesn’t serve alcohol, something about the bar vibe continues to impact the service—it’s about as spotty and humorless as most bars with a dinner menu.

When the food arrives, however,

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BACK BURNER

BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Scoot on over for the Italian taste you love!

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Tacofest

It’s hard to think of anything that deserves to be celebrated more than tacos. They’re universally delicious, can be filled with anything, and have become synonymous with having a good time. Those who share my affection for tacos will want to check out the third annual Tacofest. It’s one of Utah’s greatest assemblies of taco vendors, all of whom serve up their best iterations of this classic dish. For the $7 price of admission, attendees can sample tacos from vendors like Santo Taco, Mi Ranchito, Los Molcajetes and the Cluck Truck.

In addition to offering a huge variety of tacos, the event raises money for the Boys and Girls Clubs of Greater Salt Lake. Tacofest takes place on Saturday, Aug. 3, at the Utah State Fairpark (155 S. 1000 West) from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

The Store Opens in Central Ninth

Although the Central Ninth neighborhood was saddened to see Jade Market close its doors, another local grocery outlet has set up shop in its place. The Store has opened a new location in the Central Ninth business park that also houses Laziz Kitchen, Water Witch and Meditrina. The Store’s emphasis is on selling local goods—customers can find pies from Heber’s June Pie and ice cream from Leatherby’s, along with other localbased products. The Central Ninth location opened in mid-July and is located at 161 W. 900 South. When you stop by, there’s a good chance that I’ll be there—any place I can find good ice cream to stave off this unholy heatwave sees more of me than they’d probably like.

Bambara Unveils Summer Menu

Starting this month, Bambara (202 S. Main, 801-3635454, bambara-slc.com) has updated its summer menu.

Typically, such revisions are replete with chilled soups and watermelon salads, but Chef Nathan Powers has taken a novel approach with his lineup for the next few months. The menu includes several interesting seafood and fish dishes like seared rare Hamachi, Maine scallops and Alaskan halibut, along with some heartier game dishes like elk carpaccio and seared elk loin. On the salad front, the beet salad and its honey-whipped ricotta sounds like a refreshing way to chase away the heat.

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Quote of the Week: “Tacos are like what the voices of a hundred angels singing Bob Dylan while sitting on rainbows and playing banjos would taste like if that sound were edible.”

—Isabel Quintero Back Burner tips: comments@cityweekly.net

ninth & ninth 254 south main

If 4% beers are soon to vanish, grab a couple of the best examples.

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

S

nice malt level that should lead to a smooth drink that isn’t overly sweet. While not a massive nose, it’s clean and promising.

The taste follows the nose completely, with lemongrass and pine melding together in moderate amounts with a touch of mango and just enough of the malt aspects to keep it from getting too sweet. The result is more pleasant than most session beers, which, in my opinion, tend to lack the balance between hops and malts. The feel on this beer is thinner than I expected, with a moderate amount of carbonation. Flavors in the mouth remain the same, with a bit more of the lemon grass. It swallows clean and easily with a low level of bitterness.

Overall: This is not a hugely complex beer

by any means, but it is a great example of the style. The balance is as good as you can get for a session, and I could surely pound two or three of these without it getting tiresome.

I’d have it again. As always, try it for yourself and come to your own conclusions.

Snap Down Nitro is a draft-only offering, and I managed to find it at the West Side Tavern in Salt Lake City. Breweries don’t do growlers or crowlers of nitro beers because of the foaming issues, so you’re just gonna have to sit your ass down and have one there. However, you can get Always Sunny in SLC in growlers and crowlers at Proper, which I suggest, because with this heat, you’re going to need all the help you can get. As always, cheers! CW

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

ince 4% beers are likely going the way of the Yugo (thanks to the Legislature’s bill that raised percentages), I thought it might be nice to highlight some of the better examples of what’s floating around out there. Here are a couple of lowpoints you should try.

Wasatch Brewery Snap Down Nitro IPL: This India Pale Lager opens with a light copper, goldenrod body. The typical streams of rising carbonation are replaced with a falling cascade of nitrogen bubbles. It builds a thick, frothy, cotton-white foam that lasts until the bottom of the glass. Sharp aromas of tangerine and pine stand tall above a tepid malt base; cracker, honey and biscuit domi-

nate the beer’s grain character, supporting citrusy, piney hops but without rivaling it.

It’s mostly grain, but partial malt sweetness carries the taste of toasted Grape Nuts cereal. Light granola-like honey-dipped sweetness gives a boost to the hop flavor that rises in the middle. The sharpness of tangerine and bitter orange peels offer a tangy acidity that develops toward a dry malt and resinous pine-like bitter finish.

Its dry mouthfeel is medium-light and racy from the start. The abundance of carbonation ushers in a quick finish with fleeting malt structure and a crisp, plaster-like closure. Light leafy astringency continues to haunt the beer late, even though its dry taste is highly celebrated.

Overall: The absence of CO2 drives down the bitterness in this version of Snap Down. This hoppy nitro lager is a welcome attempt to do what IPAs do best: promote hops while suppressing malts. This IPL is a rather effortless taste, even if the lack of prickly bubbles makes it somewhat hard to wrap your head around.

Proper Brewing Co. It’s Always Sunny in SLC: This beer pours a crystal clear shade of copper with an initial two fingers of slightly off-white head that eventually dies down to a finger of soapy froth. The clarity on this beer is one of the best I have seen from Proper. The nose is assertive, with big notes of pine and a nice dose of lemon grass, plus mango in small amounts. It has a

MIKE RIEDEL

High Noon for Low Point

BEER NERD

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Moochie’s

LUNCH - $11.99 DINNER - $19.99

3370 State Street #8 South Salt Lake, UT

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net

Featured on Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, Moochie’s is the place to go in downtown SLC for authentic-tasting Philly cheesesteaks. But the restaurant is about much more than that. Philadelphia-born owner Joanna Rendi also assembles some of the tastiest meatball sandwiches around. The chicken cacciatore and deep-dish lasagna are popular as well, and be sure to try Don’s (Joanna’s husband) delicious “zappy” potato salad and a Tastykake imported from Philly. Multiple locations, moochiesmeatballs.com

Red Butte Café

150 South 400 East, SLC | 801-322-3733 www.freewheelerpizza.com

House specialties here include pepita-crusted salmon, grilled sirloin with onion rings, falafel with saffron aioli and chili relleno with glazed yams and chayote squash succotash. There’s also a wide array of pastas, salads, tacos and sandwiches. If you have room after dinner, indulge in the tempting dessert menu, with offerings like the chocolate Aztec tart, three-layer orange-chocolate mousse cake and bourbon pecan pie. The restaurant also provides microbrews from Desert Edge Brewery. Don’t forget about brunch on Sundays. 1414 S. Foothill Drive, 801-581-9498, theredbuttecafe.com

Japanese Cuisine

BEST OF STATE

20162018

423 Broadway (By Homewood Suites) 801.363.0895 | samesushi.com

Nauvoo Café 4150 S, REDWOOD ROAD TAYLORSVILLE 801.878.7849

cHINESE & jAPANeSE CUISINE

20

entire % off order

1 COUPON PER TABLE | NOT VALID W/ ANY OTHER OFFERS OR DISCOUNTS | DINE- IN ONLY EXPIRES 8/29/19

This little downtown cafe features a delicious menu in the beautifully renovated historic Joseph Smith Memorial Building. The fresh-made turkey and sirloin potpies are the stuff of legend. Hot, carved sandwiches—roasted turkey, ham, roast beef and pork loin— are excellent, served on freshly baked bread from the Lion House Bakery. The cafe’s chili has a nice kick to it, and be sure to finish up with dessert—the brownies, pies and cookies are all terrific. You can also pop in for breakfast sandwiches or a fresh omelet. 15 E. South Temple, 801-539-3346, templesquare.com

Britton’s

At this Sandy restaurant, you’ll find old-fashioned burgers and shakes, along with breakfast items like pancakes, omelets, “garbage hash” and French toast served all day long. A must-try at this cozy eatery is the famous Hog burger, which is wrapped in two grilled-cheese sandwiches. It’s crazy and delicious. The house specialty, grilled pork chops, is another customer favorite. Add a housemade milkshake and you’re good to go. 694 E. Union Square, Sandy, 801-572-5148, brittonsrestaurant.com

Award Winning Donuts

The People’s Coffee

Caffeine junkies unite: You can get your daily fix of mochas, lattes and espressos at The People’s Coffee, burrowed in downtown Salt Lake City. Engaging photographs adorn the walls and interesting novels rest on the tables, yet it’s the staff that’s most refreshing, serving a smile along with a tasty cup of joe. Accompanying the personable crew, lively jazz music fills the café on select nights. The space is perfect for those late study sessions, as it stays open till 8 p.m. every day. 221 E. 300 South, 801-906-8761, facebook.com/thepeoplescoffee

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

REVIEW BITES

AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

A sample of our critic’s reviews

Serving American Comfort Food Since 1930 -CREEKSIDE PATIO-89 YEARS AND GOING STRONG-BREAKFAST SERVED DAILY UNTIL 4PM-DELICIOUS MIMOSAS & BLOODY MARY’S-LIVE MUSIC ON THE PATIO-SCHEDULE AT RUTHSDINER.COM“Like having dinner at Mom’s in the mountains”

“In a perfect world, every town would have a diner just like Ruth’s”

-Cincinnati Enquirer

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

-CityWeekly

Mali Thai

Bröst!

20 W. 200 S. SLC

(801) 355-3891 • siegfriedsdelicatessen.com

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As a lover of curry, I was expecting to enjoy Mali Thai simply on principle. As it turns out, they’ve got plenty of other interesting features to offer—and they’re not afraid to singe your mouth with a liberal use of Thai chiles. Mainstays like yellow curry or Thai basil chicken are typically available all week, but they also cycle in a few other dishes only on certain days. The ready-made menu makes Mali Thai’s fast-casual approach work; whether you’re after a long lunch or popping in for a quick takeout order, your food is ready before you cash out. In order to get the most out of your visit, the two item combo ($9.95), including a huge helping of rice and an egg roll, is the way to go. One of my selections has to be curry—their yellow and massaman varieties are both solid. The Thai basil chicken and red curry with bamboo shoots are fireballs that expertly capture the heat and flavor of their spicy Thai chiles. The fire of the spicy dishes complements any of the tamer options, jacking up the flavors of even mild-mannered yellow curry. Reviewed June 20. 238 S. Main, 801-364-0164

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AUSTEN DIAMOND

MUSIC

Why Do We Karaoke?

BY ERIN MOORE music@cityweekly.net @errrands_

W

hat is it about karaoke that always draws a crowd, even on a weeknight? I stopped into four very different SLC bars to see what I could find—which turned out to be a lot of questions about the solitude of the stage and the camaraderie of being part of the audience.

The Chakra Lounge

Upon entering The Chakra Lounge (364 S. State, chakralounge.net) on a recent Thursday, I hear the opening chords of “Space Oddity” by David Bowie. In the brightly-lit space of the dance floor, a man softly sings the countdown that builds the song up, and which blasts me off into my project of exploration. As I settle in with a cold Coors, the singer and the DJ (both have long hair and beards fitting for a metalhead) solemnly double-clap to the part that calls for it. This song is followed up by “Love Is a Battlefield,” sung by another serious-faced man in a cut-off tee. As that song ends, the DJ announces, “This song has no bearing on reality,” before launching into “The Heat Is On.” He’s joined by a supportive woman, who dances around him as he sings. I want to step into the self-serious yet fleeting apart-ness these singers inhabit, so I get up and sign up to sing The Cure’s “Just Like Heaven.” While I wait, songs I considered singing are sung by other people: The Smiths’ “There is a Light That Never Goes Out;” Dolly Parton’s “Jolene.” I’m struck by how we all seem to be on similar wavelengths. When it’s my turn, I try to sing it like I have a million times in my car, shyly glancing at the patrons, who aren’t even looking, thankfully. My voice takes on a nervous, twangy quality as it hits the mic, and before I know it, it’s over. Satisfied with myself, I leave as “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” begins to play.

Tinwell

My next stop of the night is Tinwell (837 S. Main, 801-953-1769, tinwellbar.com), where, pulling up, I can hear the heavy bass voice of someone singing Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt” from outside. When I get into the bar and out to the patio, it’s still going on, and someone is complaining that it’s depressing. Other than the complainer, the patio is pleasant, cool, and smells sweetly of a clove cigarette. I hear my name, and find my friend beckoning me to join her, her friends and her boss—the latter a local bar owner who, in this context, simply

Cheers to You calls himself the King of Karaoke. The King is up before they get to tell me much more, and as he begins a faltering but confident rendition of Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me,” I notice this crowd is way more involved with the performances, whooping supportively and laughing along to screw-ups. The King, my new pal, buys me a shot of Fernet Branca, which I sip on as the tall bartender comes out to cheers for a duet of “Margaritaville” with a patron. In the same classic vein, another patron does “Jolene,” like I wanted to, like someone at another bar did an hour before. I can’t help but wonder what it is about certain songs that hang so presently in our minds as not just catchy tunes, but ones perfect for singing alone in front of strangers.

Cheers to You

Cheers (315 S. Main, 801-575-6400) is my dive bar comfort-zone, and entering late on a lonely Sunday night, I find the same DJ from my Thursday visit to Chakra Lounge. The first singer—who greets me with a dramatic, lowered-voice version of “Zombie”—later teams up with a sultry-voiced fellow for “Tennessee Whiskey.”

The most interesting song I see performed is by an older man, who looks around with a curious remove as he sings Chicago’s “Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?” Folks in the crowd who seem to know him call out their enthusiasm, but he remains stoic, and it truly sounds like he’s asking, “Does anybody really care?”

On that note, I decide to decamp for Tavernacle, where people apparently really, really care.

Tavernacle

Tavernacle (201 E. 300 South, 801-519-8900, tavernacle.com) couldn’t be more different from the dark, shotgun-narrow Cheers, with its wall of windows, raised stage, gleaming piano and large lyric screen. The altogether-swankier setup seems to invite some grandeur. Upon walking in, a girl is up singing Lana Del Rey’s “Video Games,” while someone who seems to be a friend of the singer poses and preens at her feet on the stage. Sometime after her, a tall and graceful young man gets up on stage to deliver a growling, passion-streaked rendition of “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing,” which everyone sings along to. He’s followed by a girl in a little polka-dotted dress who sings a pitch-perfect “I Will Always Love You,” hitting the high-notes with a delicateness that makes the crowd applaud. This evening is certainly less scrappy than the other nights I’ve been to; it’s truly for the well-practiced performers who love to belt.

No one sings “Jolene” at Tav, but I’m sure they have, and they will again. What’s in a go-to track? I’m not sure, but karaoke’s got me thinking about the vulnerability of being in the spotlight, and what it means to be witnessed—casually or rapturously, depending on the crowd. I’ll mount the stage, or at least join the crowd again soon. CW

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Buffalo Teriyaki BBQ Garlic Parmesan Orange Chipotle 2106 W. North Temple. Salt Lake City, Utah 801-741-1188

10% off for military, firefighters and law enforcement

BY AMANDA TAYLOR, KEITH L. McDONALD, LEE ZIMMERMAN & NICK McGREGOR

Wynonna & The Big Noise

Over the course of her star-crossed career, Wynonna Judd’s life story has gone from fairy tale to soap opera with some frequency. Her singing success made her one of the reigning queens of country, beginning with the partnership with her mother Naomi in the duo known simply as The Judds.

This success was confirmed later when she became a solo artist, with record sales soon adding up to millions. Yet she’s also been very public about her personal struggles— with her body image, with romance and with the controversy she courted when it was revealed that she had a child out of wedlock.

Indeed, she’s dealt with enough drama to fuel the kind of country songs for which tears in one’s beer are a crucial component.

However, when she shared her story on Oprah, she attracted an even wider audience, one that related to her common humanity, her devotion to philanthropy and her innate ability to rebound from setbacks and take those struggles in stride. Numerous Grammy nominations, chart-topping recordings and continued critical kudos have marked her career for 35 years, providing further cause to foster a devoted fan following. Now at the helm of her band The Big Noise—which also features her husband, drummer and producer Cactus Moser—she’s reaping renewed credibility with the Americana crowd, with a huge creative boost to boot. An artist who’s never been afraid to bare her soul, Wynonna has amplified her efforts in a way that befits her new band’s name. (Lee Zimmerman) Dejoria Center, 970 N. State Road 32, Kamas, 8 p.m., $45–$125, all ages, dejoriacenter.com

Josh Hoyer & Soul Colossal

Authenticity isn’t easily attained; you either have it, or you don’t. While Josh Hoyer’s hometown of Lincoln, Neb., might not boast the reputation of, say, Memphis or Chicago

Josh Hoyer & Soul Colossal

CALEB CHANDLER

Mon. July 29th 25¢ Wings | 5pm - 10pm

FRIDAY 8/2

when it comes to birthing the blues, it is a haven for a blue-collar ethic, a place that’s experienced turbulent times and compelled those who dwell there to turn to music for soothing and sustenance. It’s not surprising, then, that Hoyer’s sound references other classic influences as well—the archival imprint of Stax, Motown, Muscle Shoals, New Orleans, Detroit and Mississippi in particular. Supported by the superior group of musicians that make up his band, Soul Colossal, he’s taken his music to locales near and far—“far” as in 25 states and 37 cities in six European countries in 2017 alone. Indeed, on average, the band plays 150 dates a year, and brings their superb reputation for celebratory showmanship. The group, which currently consists of Hoyer (keyboards/vocals), Blake DeForest (trumpet), Mike Keeling (bass), Benjamin Kushner (guitar) and Larell Ware (drums), also has four studio albums to their credit, including their latest, Do It Now, which was released in January. Hoyer himself made his way into the mainstream as a contestant on Season 12 of The Voice, singing a version of The Chi-Lites’ hit “Oh Girl” for his audition, and later, the R&B classic “In The Midnight Hour” during the final rounds.

Unfortunately, he was eliminated, but have no worries because Hoyer’s credibility is colossal indeed. (LZ) Gracie’s, 351 S. West Temple, 6 p.m., free, 21+, graciesslc.com

MONDAY 8/5

Stef Chura, French Vanilla

Something striking happens when a young artist brimming with potential finally finds her own sound. Moving from reticence to relentless intensity paid off big time for Detroit’s Stef Chura, whose new album Midnight, released in June on Saddle Creek Records, represents a propulsive dispatch from the badlands of youthful ennui and emotion. Where Chura’s 2017 debut, Messes, sounded ambiguous and austere, with her hesitant voice lost in the mix, on Midnight she comes across loud and clear.

“Dreaming of/ Being nice” she howls over jagged guitar shards on “Scream;” describing “My

Wynonna Judd girl” over and over on “3D Girl,” she sounds equally disembodied and distraught over the spiritual bondage of gender stereotypes. Album opener “All I Do Is Lie” represents a sneering update on Liz Phair’s brand of vehement indie rock, while its closing bookend, “Eyes Without a Face,” starts slow before exploding into a minor-key stomp. Throughout Midnight, bass lines and kick drums burst out of speakers, an auditory compliment to the production work of Car Seat Headrest’s Will Toledo. But Stef Chura deserves all the credit for stuffing Midnight with muscular post-punk moments like “Method Man” and vibe-drenched psychedelia like “Love Song,” both of which end up taking narrative journeys completely contraindicative of their straightforward titles. “I’m usually dealing with the context of what I can’t say or haven’t said,” Chura says in a news release for Midnight. “I used to only find peace in complete disorder, because order seemed completely not possible for me.” It’ll be fascinating to see how she and her band translate that controlled chaos to the Kilby Court stage; arrive early for a danceable shot of French Vanilla from the queer-aligned, no-wave-influenced dance-punk collective.

(Nick McGregor) Kilby Court, 741 S. Kilby Court, 7 p.m., $12 presale; $14 day of show, all ages, kilbycourt.com

Stef Chura

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JIMMY FONTAINE

DRINK ON THE PATIO!

LIVE

WEDNESDAY 8/7

Wiz Khalifa, French Montana, Moneybagg Yo, Chevy Woods, DJ Drama

SPIRITS . FOOD . LOCAL BEER 7.31 MYTHIC VALLEY

8.1 KAPIX

8.3 THE POUR

8.5 OPEN BLUES & MORE JAM

Relatable feel-good music is the perfect sonic backdrop for summer, and this month, Salt Lake City’s big jam is marked by heavyweights in the rap game: Wiz Khalifa and French Montana. Khalifa is famous for putting Pittsburgh on the map for hip-hop heads, with his smooth voice blessing buttery Cardo-made tracks on mixtape after mixtape of compelling stoner vibes. He managed to survive industry beefs and the pitfalls of the fast life to get involved in movies, business ventures and even Oreo cookie commercials. French Montana, meanwhile, burst onto the scene with Max B and transitioned from doing “Goon Music” to club hits like “Unforgettable” and “Pop That.” Montana had always known how to put himself in a good position in the game, as evidenced by his new single with the City Girls, “Wiggle It.” If that wasn’t enough, this lineup includes Moneybagg Yo, Chevy Woods and DJ Drama as well. Granted, Salt Lake City tends to get these blockbuster concerts mid-week, when the artists happen to be coming from or going to a more densely populated area. It isn’t ideal, because waking up early for work after a concert isn’t much fun. But when it all rounds out, you can’t deny that as summers go, we’ve got a very impressive lineup here—with more to come. (Keith L. McDonald) Usana Amphitheatre, 5150 Upper Ridge

Backstreet Boys

Wiz Khalifa Road, West Valley City, 7 p.m., $51-$475, all ages, saltlakeamphitheater.com

Backstreet Boys, Baylee Littrell

Backstreet’s back, indeed. On the Salt Lake stop of their DNA World Tour, the original five members of the popular boy band celebrate more than 25 years of stardom. Featuring hits from the past that’ll make you nostalgic, and new jams that will become fast favorites, the tour celebrates the success and staying power of Kevin, Howie, AJ, Nick and Brian.

Fresh off a residency in Las Vegas, the band has shared that they’re excited to engage with their fans once again—a reunion which will include several nights in Hawaii, a Backstreet Boys first. This world tour is their biggest in 18 years, showcasing their 10th studio album, DNA, which is their most original to date.

“We were able to bring all of our influences and styles into one coherent piece of work.

These songs are a great representation of who we are as individuals and who we are as a group. It’s our DNA. We’re really proud of that,” Kevin Richardson told E!. DNA debuted at No. 1, to favorable reviews from critics and fans alike. Anyone who has ever been a Backstreet Boys fan will not want to miss this exciting new chapter in the lives of the talented and determined musicians. Baylee Littrell joins as a special guest. (Amanda Taylor) Vivint Smart Home Arena, 301 W. South Temple, 8 p.m. $80-$200, all ages, vivintarena.com

8.9 -10 STONEFED

3200 E BIG COTTONWOOD ROAD 801.733.5567 | THEHOGWALLOW.COM

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SATURDAY 8/3

CONCERTS & CLUBS

KRISTA SCHLUETER

Kristen Chenoweth and the Utah Symphony

THURSDAY 8/1 LIVE MUSIC

Aiko (Park City Mountain) Asleep at the Wheel + Wyatt Lowe (The State Room) Elvis Cantu (Garage on Beck) Holy Grail + Striker + Bewitcher + ToxicDose (Metro Music Hall) Kapix (Hog Wallow Pub) Kimberly Knighton + Mel Soul + Charlie Jensen + Missy Lynn (Velour) Lean Canteen (Gracie’s) Lord Vox + City Ghost + Mortigi Tempo (Urban Lounge) John Sherrill + Triggers & Slips (Lake Effect) Pitch Control Thursday + Victor

Bring your picnic, blankets and chairs to hear one of the most revered voices of our generation at Deer Valley Snow Park Outdoor Amphitheater’s unique open-air setting. Kristen Chenoweth—best known for originating the role of Glinda in Broadway’s Wicked—joins the Utah Symphony for a night of show tunes, laughter and inspiration. Not only will she undoubtedly sing some Wicked hits, but songs from other roles she has played, from Phantom of the Opera to Promises, Promises. The Tony winner also has a storied film and television career, appearing on the Fox hit Glee, where she performed several numbers that might be included in the setlist in Park City. Younger audiences will recognize Chenoweth from her turn in the Disney Channel Descendants movies, in which she plays Maleficent. She has recorded a number of studio albums, featuring Broadway favorites and a Christmas collection, as well as original music. Her range knows no bounds, and her love for Broadway and vocal storytelling will be on display under the stars in this unique mix of beautiful music, voice and setting. (Amanda Taylor) Snow Park Outdoor Amphitheater, 2250 Deer Valley Drive South, Park City, 7:30 p.m., $60, all ages, deervalleymusicfestival.org

Menegaux (Downstairs) The Powell Brothers (Dejoria Center) Private Island + Magic Bronson + Brother (Kilby Court) The Proper Way (Rye) Reel Big Fish + Bowling For Soup + Mest (The Depot) Reggae at the Royal (The Royal) Slipknot + Volbeat + Gorjira + Behemoth (Usana Amphitheatre) Southbound (The Westerner) Spot & Waldo (Lighthouse Lounge) Young the Giant + The Aces + Sego (Gallivan Center)

Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Synthpop + Darkwave + Industrial + Goth w/ DJ Camille (Area 51)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Bell Witch (Metro Music Hall) Big Blue Ox (Food Truck Stage at Brew Pub) Bruce Music (Legends at Park City)

Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dusty Grooves All Vinyl DJ’s (Twist)

NEW HIMALAYAN PUB FUSION SMALL PLATES MENU

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ Todd Krause (Union Tavern) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck w/ Mikey Danger (Chakra Lounge) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

FRIDAY 8/2 LIVE MUSIC

Citizen Hypocrisy + Az-Iz (Ice Haüs) Crook & the Bluff (Hog Wallow Pub) Envenom + Threar (The Complex) Gary Stoddard + Slickrock Gypsy (Miner’s Park Stage) Idlewild Dio (Gallivan Center) The Itals (Liquid Joes) Jill Cohn (Harp and Hound) Josh Hoyer + Soul Colossal (Gracie’s) see p. 34 Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Matthew Bashaw + DJ Chaseone2 + Spock Block (Lake Effect) Memphis McCool (Miner’s Park Stage) Metal Dogs (The Spur) Michelle Moonshine (The Yes Hell) Red Shot Pony (Lighthouse Lounge) Rick Gerber & The Nightcaps (Hog Wallow Pub)

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PARKER S. MORTENSEN

BAR FLY

To be perfectly honest, when I arrived at The Republican, I was already a little blitzed. It was a Friday night, and I’d finished all my work for the week early in the day. Around 3 p.m., as I was drinking tea on my patio, inspiration struck: day drinking! I started garnishing my tea with a dump truck of bourbon, and over the course of the next six hours proceeded to feel good about the world, and like maybe this capitalist hellscape is worth salvaging. By the time my roommate and I arrived at The Republican, I was just at that familiar point of tipsy where you feel like you could and would rewrite the Constitution, but walking in I found myself disarmed. The Republican is an Irish bar whose main room feels like a dance hall, an impossibly long and dim corridor when you’re drunk at 9 p.m. For a Friday, the crowd seemed sparse, but surrounded by the familiar cocktail of pool, soccer and the typical Irish pub decor fixings, I smiled and ordered a shot of Jameson. When in Rome! At the end of the bar, a couple played darts. I watched them miss, fumble to hold the darts correctly, then score a bullseye out of nowhere. “Now there’s a reason to drink,” I thought, and ordered another Jameson. I stared down the length of the bar for a minute, imagining the place during the World Cup, brimming and rowdy like I knew from London. At the end of the day, it’s a bar on south State Street, but I didn’t mind one bit. (Parker S. Mortensen) 917 S. State, 801-595-1916, facebook.com/therepublican801

Sage Junction (Outlaw Saloon) Sego + S2Cool + The Rubies (Rooftop Concert Series) Southbound (The Westerner) Stacey Board (Snowbird) Timeless (Club 90) Trezz Hombrezz (Food Truck Stage at Brew Pub) Wynonna & The Big Noise (Dejoria Center) see p. 34 Vincent Draper (Garage on Beck)

DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Mi Cielo + DJ Steve C (Sky)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

SATURDAY 8/3

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Vision (Area 51) Dance Music (Chakra Lounge) DJ Che (Gracie’s) DJ Dolph (Downstairs)

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LIVE MUSIC

Adore Delano + Gia Bianca Stephens + Tony Berrow + Skype + Ellissdee + Rose + Poison Grace + Izzy Lovely (Metro Music Hall)

Blitzen Trapper (Canyons Village) Dan Weldon (Snowbird) Flash & Flare (Urban Lounge) Gleewood + DJ Jskee (The Spur) Grateful Shred (The Depot) The Gringos (Kimball Arts Center) Herban Empire (Dejoria Center) Herban Empire (Kimball Arts Center) Jill Cohn (HandleBar) Kirby Ai + DJ Mr. Ramirez + The Cool (Lake Effect) Le Voir (Food Truck Stage at Brew Pub) Live Band (Club 90) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Murphy and the Giant (Ice Haüs) NP and Kaitlin (Harp and Hound) The Pour (Hog Wallow Pub) Red Desert Ramblers (Miner’s Park Stage)

Samuel Smith Band + Spirit Machines (The Yes Hell) Sidney Gish + Great Grandpa + Adult Prom (Kilby Court) Sister Sparrow & The Dirty Birds + Sarah DeGraw & The Band (The State Room) Small House Strings (Miner’s Park Stage) Southern Avenue + Robby Reynolds (Snowbird) Strawberry Fields Band (Holladay City Hall Park) Streetcorner Boogie (Miner’s Park Stage) Swagger (Kimball Arts Center) Timeless (Club 90) Triggers & Slips (Kimball Arts Center) Truce In Blood + Loss of Existence + The Black Realm + Mister Fister and the Sexy Studs (The Complex)

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TICKETS INCLUDE 1 CIDER COCKTAIL, 6 FOOD AND BEER PAIRINGS, COMPLIMENTARY TOTE BAG WITH OFFICIAL MERCH, CERTIFICATES AND GIVEAWAYS, CHAIR MASSAGES, A PHOTO BOOTH, A SILENT AUCTION TO BENEFIT THE UTAH BREWERS GUILD AND MORE! FOR TICKETS AND MORE INFORMATION VISIT

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The Utah Symphony + Kristin Chenoweth (Snow Park Outdoor Amphitheater) see p. 38

Stef Chura + French Vanilla (Kilby Court) see p. 34 Talib Kweli + Zac Ivie + Scenic Byway (Metro Music Hall)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

KARAOKE

Dance Music (Chakra Lounge) DJ Chaseone2 (Gracie’s) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Scooter (Downstairs) Gothic + Industrial + Dark ’80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) Sky Saturdays w/ DJ Matty Mo (Sky) Top 40 + EDM + Alternative w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-Rad (Club 90)

SUNDAY 8/4 LIVE MUSIC

Big Blue Ox (Billy Blanco’s) Courtney Spaulding (Miner’s Park Stage) Ferenjis (Lake Effect) Fox Brothers (Food Truck Stage at Brew Pub) Harry Lee and the Back Alley Blues Band (Snowbird) Hectic Hobo (Food Truck Stage at Brew Pub) Kage Hughart Project (Food Truck Stage at Brew Pub) Like A Storm & Through Fire + Wilson + Stitched Up Heart (The Complex) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Marmalade Chill (Gracie’s) Mike Rogers (Deer Valley Grocery Cafe) Patrick Ryan (The Spur) Rick Gerber (Legends at Park City Mountain) Superbubble (Kimball Arts Center) Umphrey’s McGee + Pigeons Playing Ping Pong (Red Butte Garden Amphitheater)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke w Krazy Karaoke (The Union Tavern)

MONDAY 8/5 LIVE MUSIC

Allison Woodward (Gallivan Center) Amanda Johnson (The Spur) Charlie Hunter & Lucy Woodward (Urban Lounge) Harry Lee & the Back Alley Blues (Lake Effect) Island Time II + Lavon’s Polynesia (Utah Cultural Celebration Center) Jonny Lang + JJ Grey & Mofro (Red Butte Garden Amphitheater)

Karaoke (Poplar Street Pub) Karaoke Bingo (Tavernacle) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

TUESDAY 8/6 LIVE MUSIC

The Accidentals + Talia Keys (Urban Lounge) Beautiful Dreamer Trio (Gallivan Center) Cold Hart & Horse Head + Fish Narc + Yawns + Lil Zubin + Fantasy Camp (Kilby Court) Daniel Torriente (The Spur) Helion Prime + Novareign + Principium + Machines of Man (Metro Music Hall) In This Moment + The Devil Wears Prada + DED (The Complex) Nick Welch (Lake Effect) Spotlights + Vampyre (The Loading Dock) Timpanogos Big Band (Gallivan Center)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke Night w/ Krazy Karaoke (The Union Tavern) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ KJ Newman (Club 90)

WEDNESDAY 8/7 LIVE MUSIC

Backstreet Boys + Baylee Littrell (Vivint Smart Home Arena) see p. 36 Elliot & Gabriel (The Spur) Live Music (Chakra Lounge) JoJo’s Slim Wednesdays (The Cabin) Mandolin Orange + Anais Mitchell (Red Butte Garden Amphitheater) Music on the Patio (Park City Library) Skold + Echo Black + Komrads + RX64 + IMPXVIII (Urban Lounge) Summer Salt + Dante Elephante + Motel Radio (In the Venue) Sydnie Keddington + DJ Chaseone2 (Lake Effect) Opal Agafia & the Sweet Nothings (Deer Valley Resort) Will Baxter Music (Gracie’s) Wiz Khalifa + French Montana + Moneybagg Yo + Chevy Woods + DJ Drama (Usana Amphitheatre) see p. 36

KARAOKE

Karaoke w/ B-Rad (Club 90) Ultimate Karaoke (The Royal)

CINEMA Taking a Spin UNIVERSAL PICTURES

What makes some movie spinoffs of supporting characters soar, where others fall short?Wolverine

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

20th CENTURY FOX

AUGUST 1, 2019 | 43

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

| CITY WEEKLY |

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

The Fugitive! More of him!”—but apparently didn’t factor in that Wesley Snipes wasn’t quite the movie star that Harrison Ford was.

Even cinematic super-hero universes— which seem like can’t-miss prospects—have had spotty success at launching spinoffs.

Sure, Deadpool was a smash-hit spinoff from the X-Men universe, but Ryan Reynolds’ character originally appeared in another spinoff—X-Men Origins: Wolverine—so frequently derided that Deadpool 2 tried to clean up the timeline to pretend it never happened.

Speaking of “frequently-derided,” the Ben Affleck-starring Daredevil begat a starring vehicle for Jennifer Garner in Elektra, which hasn’t exactly stood the test of time.

Interestingly, one of the most consistently profitable examples of spinoffs has come in the consistently profitable genre of horror, where The Conjuring has launched an entire universe of titles—The Nun, Annabelle, The Curse of La Llorona—based on new supernatural threats. But there, it’s a concept rather than a character that draws audiences, which points to the significant advantage that TV has over movies in generating spinoffs: They can spend years and dozens of episodes building up affection for those characters that viewers are willing to carry into a new scenario. That’s why animated franchises can have a bit of an advantage, allowing multiple installments to do the work of generating interest. We’ll see what that precedent means for Fast and Furious’ Hobbs and Shaw, and whether it’s easier for action stars who had been part of a back-up band to make the crowd roar when they go solo. CW

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Get Him to the Greek

The Scorpion King

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Minions

characters rather than the ostensible heroes, so it makes sense that people, and in particular kids, would be eager to see more of them. Is a Despicable Me feature with zero Minions as popular as a Minions feature with no Groo? I suspect Illumination Entertainment isn’t eager to find out.

So if comic-relief supporting players are great fodder for animated comedies, why not live-action comedies? Russell Brand’s Aldous Snow, the loopy rock-star antagonist of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, got his own star vehicle in Get Him to the Greek, which landed about the same returns as the original. But This Is 40 couldn’t even hit half of the U.S. box office as the introduction of Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann’s bickering married couple in Knocked Up, and Evan Almighty couldn’t omnipotently create the same success for Steve Carell that Jim Carrey managed four years earlier in Bruce Almighty.

Action blockbusters have made much stranger choices with trying to turn supporting characters into leads, and not surprisingly, that has resulted in more inconsistent results with audiences. The late-’90s/ early-’00s incarnation of the Mummy franchise tried to give a showcase to The Mummy Returns’ villain in The Scorpion King, but before a guy named Dwayne Johnson was a movie star; the result made not even half as much at the U.S. box office as its predecessor. The Transformers series did a bit better by giving Bumblebee his own origin story, which was nearly as popular as the previous Michael Bay-directed full-on Transformers feature. Then there’s the strange case of U.S. Marshals, which began from an idea that might have seemed reasonable—“Tommy Lee Jones won a Supporting Actor Oscar for

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

W

elcome to 2019, Era of the Franchise Tentpole Movie. It’s so axiomatic now that it doesn’t even bear repeating: Theatrical releases are dominated by known quantities. Call them sequels, call them reboots, call them remakes, but it’s all about reducing risk by giving audiences what they already know.

A name brand is money in the bank (or at least it seemed to be until this summer, but that’s a story for another day), so it’s rarely a surprise to see plenty of Roman numerals and familiar names on theater marquees.

Spinoffs, however—like this week’s release of the Fast and Furious offshoot Hobbs & Shaw—are a weird corollary to that axiom.

It’s one thing to count on people coming out to see a star return to a much-loved character, or trot out a follow-up installment to a successful movie. It’s a little more unusual to see studios and filmmakers attempt to turn a supporting player in a hit movie into a headliner. As successful as that formula has been for television—with classic examples like Frasier launching from Cheers, The Jeffersons springboarding from All in the Family or Mork & Mindy taking off from Happy Days—success on the big screen for spinoff ventures has been fairly spotty.

Among the most common practitioners of this strategy are the creators of animated features, and it continues to make a lot of sense. Not only have many of those spinoffs been big financial successes—like Minions from Despicable Me, Puss in Boots from Shrek and The Lego Batman Movie from The Lego Movie—but they follow logically from the way animated features have always been constructed. The real “stars” of these hit originals have almost invariably been either the villains or the comic-relief supporting

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FAST & FURIOUS PRESENTS: HOBBS & SHAW [not yet reviewed] Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham team up for an action spinoff. Opens Aug. 2 at theaters valleywide. (PG-13) TONI MORRISON: THE PIECES I AM [not yet reviewed] Documentary profile of the Pulitzer Prize-winning writer. Opens Aug. 2 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (PG-13)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD At SCERA Shell, Orem, Aug. 7, dusk. (PG-13) GREASE At Snowbird Center Plaza Deck, Aug. 2, dusk. (PG)

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HE NAMED ME MALALA At Park City Library, Aug. 6, 6:30 p.m. (PG) HEAR AND NOW At Main Library, Aug. 6, 7 p.m. (NR) THE INCREDIBLES 2 At Gateway Legacy Plaza, Aug. 7, dusk. (PG)

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RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET At Ogden Amphitheater, Aug. 5, dusk. (PG) THE WATERMELON WOMAN At Tower Theater, Aug. 2-3, 11 p.m. & Aug. 4, noon. (R)

CURRENT RELEASES THE FAREWELL BBB Lulu Wang’s story might be more emotionally satisfying than insightful, but she certainly pours freely from the fountain of emotional satisfaction. Awkwafina plays Billi, a ChineseAmerican would-be writer caught up in a grand familial lie: Her grandmother Nai Nai (Zhao Shuzhen) has terminal cancer which the family keeps it secret from her, organizing a pseudo-fake

44 | AUGUST 1, 2019

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SLC

family wedding as an excuse to gather family. The star isn’t given too many notes to play, as Billi generally wrestles silently with a plan she disagrees with, yet she effectively conveys alienation from the country of her birth as part of Wang’s restrained study of cultural divides. Mostly, this is a portrait of people doing their best for those they love, seasoned liberally with engaging punch lines. No manufactured conflict is needed when the simple stuff of being in a family together is enough. (PG)—Scott Renshaw THE FIGHTING PREACHER BB.5 There’s a solid fact-based story at the core here, as ex-boxer Willard Bean (David Shawn McConnell) and his new wife, Rebecca (Cassidy Hubert), are called by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints circa 1915 to take up residence in the Joseph Smith farm in Palmyra, N.Y.—where local antagonism toward Mormons remains high. In theory, the narrative arc involves Willard learning to set aside his pugilistic predilections to learn a catch-more-flies-with-honey approach, but writer-director T.C. Christensen skimps on providing Willard with enough of a clearly-defined personality. There’s stronger material surrounding Rebecca—thanks to Hubert’s winning performance—and the difficulties of their oldest daughter making friends, providing genuine emotion in their isolation. Christensen mounts a gorgeous production, but would have found a stronger foundation in a story that wrestled more honestly with why communities hate—and then maybe love—the “other.” (PG)—SR THE LION KING BB What if Disney had never released the hand-drawn The Lion King in 1994, and this story were appearing now for the first time, in photorealistic CGI? Director Jon Favreau’s version is an impressive technical achievement, delivering a virtually identical story of exiled lion prince Simba (Donald Glover) and his usurping uncle Scar (Chiwetel Ejiofor). But while some vocal performances and comic beats are slight improvements, the so-authentic-you’reafraid-it-might-trample-you elephant in the room is that these characters are designed primarily to look real, not to create characters. There’s no idiosyncratic personality in these faces, no way to see the joy in songs like “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.” The Lion King is hardly a sacred text, but while this version can make animals look more real, it can’t make them more alive. (PG)—SR MIDSOMMAR BBB In the wake of a family tragedy, Dani (Florence Pugh) accompanies her boyfriend (Jack Reynor) and his friends on a research trip to a Swedish pagan commune, which is preparing to conduct midsummer rituals. Some of those rituals turn deeply disturbing, though writer-director Ari Aster leavens some of them with mordant humor. But while the burn is a bit too slow over nearly 150 minutes, Aster delivers more than a re-hash of The Wicker Man. In part it’s a way-too-obvious story of a disintegrating romantic relationship, though Pugh captures something awkwardly honest in Dani’s apologetic emotional fragility. It’s much

better at juxtaposing a belief system based on natural life cycles with anxieties of modernity and the attraction of finding real connection. These characters find themselves in a scary world, but maybe not as scary as the one they call home. (R)—SR

ONCE UPON A TIME … IN HOLLYWOOD BBBB Quentin Tarantino enters the world of 1969 Hollywood to tell the tale of fading TV star Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), his longtime stunt double/personal assistant Cliff (Brad Pitt), and Rick’s new next-door neighbor, rising starlet Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie). The looming spectre of the Manson Family murders hangs over the narrative, but not enough to blunt the comedic force of the performances by DiCaprio and a never-better Pitt.

But this feels like far more than a nodding recognition that all things must pass, or a simple valentine to the days of celluloid and studio back lots. It’s Tarantino’s most complicated statement yet on his love of filmed stories. Yeah, people read them in dangerous ways, and yeah, the business can crush you. It’s also miraculous when everything comes together, and when you can somehow imagine worlds much better than this one. (R)—SR

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME BBB Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is just a 16-year-old kid, so how do you balance Spider-Man’s fate-of-the-world duties with having fun? Director Jon Watts wrestles with that question, as Peter’s school trip to Europe turns into a meeting with otherdimensional warrior Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal) to stop powerful elementals. Holland remains a winningly awkward presence as a nice guy trying to figure out if he should put getting the girl (Zendaya’s MJ) ahead of saving the world. The action sequences ultimately lean into generic spectacle, and it gets even clunkier with topical notions about how to respond to demagoguery. This is, however, pretty satisfying when it leans into human comedy.

Peter Parker understands his great power and great responsibility, but we just want to see him have fun. (PG-13)—SR

SWORD OF TRUST BBB.5 Writer-director Lynn Shelton gets masterful work from Marc Maron as Mel, the owner of an Alabama pawn shop where a pair of patrons (Jillian Bell and Michaela Watkins) bring in an inherited sword that is believed by Southern conspiracy theorists to prove that the Confederacy won the Civil War. Shelton and co-writer Mike O’Brien flit around the edges of what happens when online crackpots coalesce into communities, though that material always feels tangential to the character beats. And while the supporting cast all gets to do funny work, Maron continues to evolve into an actor of multiple shades while playing a guy who would like to rewrite some of his own history. There’s a lot of hilarious riffing going on, and while the plot might only provide a loose armature, Maron gives it all a soulful center. (R)—SR

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LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Let’s check in with our psychic journalist, LoveMancer, who’s standing by with a live report from inside your imagination.

What’s happening, LoveMancer? “Well, Rob, the enchanting creature on whose thoughts I’ve been eavesdropping has slipped into an intriguing frontier. This place seems to be a hot zone where love and healing interact intensely. My guess is that being here will lead our hero to breakthrough surges of love that result in deep healing, or deep healing that leads to breakthrough surges of love—probably both.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): How many handcuffs are there in the world? Millions. Yet there are far fewer different keys than that to open all those handcuffs. In fact, in many countries, there’s a standard universal key that works to open most handcuffs. In this spirit, and in accordance with current astrological omens, I’m designating August as Free Yourself from Your Metaphorical Handcuffs Month. It’s never as complicated or difficult as you might imagine to unlock your metaphorical handcuffs; and for the foreseeable future it will be even less complicated and difficult than usual for you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Virgo figure skater Scott Hamilton won an Olympic gold medal and four World Championships. He was a star who got inducted into the United States Olympic Hall of Fame and made a lot of money after he turned professional. “I calculated once how many times I fell during my skating career—41,600 times,” he testified in his autobiography. “But here’s the funny thing: I also got up 41,600 times. That’s the muscle you have to build in your psyche—the one that reminds you to just get up.” In accordance with current astrological omens, Virgo, I’ll be cheering you on as you strengthen that muscle in your psyche during the coming weeks.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): People who sneak a gaze into your laboratory might be unnerved by what they see. You know and I know that your daring experiments are in service to the ultimate good, but that might not be obvious to those who understand you incompletely. So perhaps you should post a sign outside your lab that reads, “Please don’t leap to premature conclusions! My in-progress projects might seem inexplicable to the uninitiated!” Or maybe you should just close all your curtains and lock the door until your future handiwork is more presentable. P.S. There might be allies who can provide useful feedback about your explorations. I call them the wounded healers.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Dear Diary: Last night my Aries friend dragged me to the Karaoke Bowling Alley and Sushi Bar. I was deeply skeptical.

The place sounded tacky. But after being there for 20 minutes, I had to admit that I was having a fantastic time. And it just got better and more fun as the night wore on. I’m sure I made a fool of myself when I did my bowling ball imitation, but I can live with that. At one point I was juggling a bowling pin, a rather large piece of sweet potato tempura and my own shoe while singing Led Zeppelin’s “Kashmir”—and I don’t even know how to juggle. I have to admit that this sequence of events was typical of my adventures with Aries folks. I suppose I should learn to trust that they will lead me to where I don’t know I want to go.”

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In his poem “Wild Oats,” poet W. S. Merwin provided a message that’s in perfect alignment with your current astrological needs: “I needed my mistakes in their own order to get me here.” He was not being ironic in saying that; he was not making a lame attempt to excuse his errors; he was not struggling to make himself feel better for the inconvenience caused by his wrong turns. No! He understood that the apparent flubs and miscues he had committed were essential in creating his successful life. I invite you to reinterpret your own past using his perspective.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sagittarian poet Aracelis Girmay writes, “How ramshackle, how brilliant, how haphazardly & strangely rendered we are.

Gloriously, fantastically mixed & monstered. We exist as phantom, monster, miracle, each a theme park all one’s own.” Of course that’s always true about every one of us. But it will be extraordinarily true about you in the coming weeks. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you will be at the peak of your ability to express what’s most idiosyncratic and essential about your unique array of talents and specialties.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Even if you’re an ambidextrous, multi-gendered, neurologically diverse, Phoenician-Romanian Gemini with a fetish for pink duct tape and an affinity for ideas that no one has ever thought of, you will eventually find your sweet spot, your power niche and your dream sanctuary. I promise. Same for the rest of you Geminis, too. It might take a while. But I beg you to have faith that you will eventually tune in to the homing beacon of the mother lode that’s just right for you.

P.S.: Important clues and signs should be arriving soon.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): What would a normal, boring astrologer tell you at a time like now? Maybe something like this: “More of other people’s money and resources can be at your disposal if you emanate sincerity and avoid being manipulative. If you want to negotiate vibrant compromises, pay extra attention to good timing and the right setting. Devote special care and sensitivity to all matters affecting your close alliances and productive partnerships.” As you know, Cancerian, I’m not a normal, boring astrologer, so I wouldn’t typically say something like what I just said. But I felt it was my duty to do so because right now you need simple, basic, no-frills advice.

I promise I’ll resume with my cryptic, lyrical oracles next time.

45. Most in need of water 46. Question following "Oh, yeah?!"

48. Tender spots 50. Cinderella's horses, after midnight 53. Personal ad "looking for" 54. Q key neighbor 55. Director Van Sant 56. ____ diligence 57. A/C stat

Last week’s answers

AUGUST 1, 2019 | 45

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Sometime soon I suspect you will arrive at a crossroads in your relationship with love and sex—as well as your fantasies about love and sex. In front of you: a hearty cosmic joke that would mutate your expectations and expand your savvy. Behind you: an alluring but perhaps confusing call toward an unknown future. To your left: the prospect of a dreamy adventure that might be only half-imaginary. To your right: the possibility of living out a slightly bent fairy tale version of romantic catharsis.

I’m not here to tell you what you should do, Capricorn. My task is simply to help you identify the options.

7. Queue after Q 8. Debbie Downer of Michigan politics fame 9. Actor Willis 10. Best Picture winner based on events of 1979-80 11. Low-quality newspaper 12. Waze way, briefly 13. Granola grain 21. Pill bug or wood louse 22. Playground game 25. Bookcase place 26. Debbie Downer of "Fame" fame 27. Word after Beverly Hills or South Beach 28. Blunders 31. Tax ____ 33. Jazz great Anita 35. George Ferris, for the Ferris wheel 36. "____ Lama Ding Dong" (1961 hit) 37. 2001 Israel Prize winner DOWN 38. Home of Sky Tower, 1. They're tossed up before they're made the tallest free-standing 2. Jason who played Lucius Malfoy structure in the Southern 3. Debbie Downer of Blondie fame Hemisphere 4. Took in 40. Mao's successor 5. Debbie Downer of "Singin' in the Rain" fame 43. "____ the ramparts ..."

6. Easily-blamed alter ego

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide,” wrote psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. I think that description fits many people born under the sign of the Scorpio, not just Scorpio artists. Knowing how important and necessary this dilemma can be for you, I would never glibly advise you to always favor candid, straightforward communication over protective, strategic hiding. But I recommend you do that in the coming weeks. Being candid and straightforward will serve you well.

1. Galileo Galilei Airport city 5. ____ Lingus (carrier to Dublin) 8. Fast-food chain founded by Italian immigrants 14. "Oh, really?"

15. Walgreens rival 16. Typos and such 17. Billy of "Titanic" 18. ____ for tat 19. Bit of wisdom 20. Make a sharp turn 21. Not online, briefly 22. Carne asada holder 23. Quickest tennis point 24. Prescribed time 26. POTUS #34 29. Any of the Baltic states, once: Abbr.

30. Upstate SUNY campus site 31. Where a supervillain schemes 32. Joins for a ride 34. "The Princess Bride" director 36. Decorate anew 38. Facets 39. Scour, say 40. Call before a snap 41. Name repeated in a nursery rhyme 42. "I give you my permission" 44. Waze ways, briefly 47. "____ suggestions?"

48. Tiptoe past 49. "____ you insane?"

50. Tie up, as a ship 51. Moon landing craft, for short 52. Claiborne of fashion 53. This year's starlet 56. LGBT activist Savage 57. Huffed and puffed 58. Lit 59. Card game inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame in 2018 60. "Sax on the Beach" musician John 61. Think about only one thing 62. One of eight Eng. kings 63. "Do ____ others as ..."

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): What’s the story of your life? Psychologist James Hillman said that in order to thrive, you need to develop a clear vision of that story. How do you do that? Hillman advised you to ask yourself this question: “How can I assemble the pieces of my life into a coherent plot?” And why is this effort to decode your biography so important? Because your soul’s health requires you to cultivate curiosity and excitement about the big picture of your destiny. If you hope to respond with intelligence to the questions and challenges that each new day brings, you must be steadily nourished with an expansive understanding of why you are here on earth. I bring these ideas to your attention, Libra, because the coming weeks will be an excellent time to illuminate and deepen and embellish your conception of your life story.

ACROSS

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

DEBBIE

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

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According to the National Weather Service, the hottest temperature recorded in Utah was in St. George where it hit 117 degrees on July 5, 1985. It’s been a doozy lately in Utah with the heat, but hey, there’s no global warming, right? (Not!) The hottest temperature ever recorded on earth was 134.1 degrees in 1913 in Death Valley, Calif., according to the World Meteorological Organization. We like to say in Utah that we have a dry heat. It’s more tolerable than high temperatures combined with high humidity like the much of the country has been suffering through.

If you’re a renter, your landlord does not have to provide you with air conditioning.

If your lease says you do get central air, a swamp cooler or a window unit and it breaks down, the landlord has to repair it.

Much of Europe right now is experiencing a heat wave the likes of which have not been seen before, and people in places like Paris don’t normally own anything other than a fan to keep them cool during the summer months. I remember being in Portland a few years ago where it’s also uncommon to stay in a place with air conditioning.

We stripped down to our bare skin, threw a wet bath towel over us and laid like stiff boards on a night where it was in the high 80s. This is how the ancient Egyptians used to stay cool at night, for real. You can also freeze small towels or wash cloths to put on your feet at night in bed—the slow melt and evaporation will feel really nice.

What can you do to stay cool when you don’t have any kind of air conditioning?

Certainly, find water! Stay hydrated and take a cool shower or bath, find a lake or a pool and float or swim. Better yet, find friends who have a boat and offer to pay for the gas to get you all out on the water for a day. Google DIY air conditioners. They might not be pretty, but there are some great ideas out there to keep a room cool.

Sadly, President Donald Trump’s tariffs are now beginning to take a toll on not just our economy, but on the items we get from China. Sheet metal (for air ducts) and air conditioners of all types have been hit with 10-25% increases from last year. Now, more than ever is the time to price shop if you’re going to invest in a cooling system for your home. Also, if you’re building a home, putting on a new roof, or planning an addition, don’t put on dark or black shingles. Light colored roofing materials will keep your home much cooler. Consider heat-blocking curtains or blinds on west-facing windows.

If you don’t have the money and are simply renting, get the aluminum foil out and put it up in your windows. Looks ratty, but you’ll be grateful when that heat doesn’t get into your home. n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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WEIRD

Excuuuuuuse Me! Clay County (Missouri) Sheriff’s officers didn’t have to put their tracking skills to much use as they searched for a fugitive in early July near Liberty, Mo., according to Fox2. The unnamed man, who was wanted for possession of a controlled substance, gave himself away by loudly passing gas in his hiding spot. Deputies noted on Facebook: “If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a (poop emoji) day.”

Least Competent Criminal In Shawnee, Okla., Brandon Killian, 29, was already in trouble for brutally beating Jarric Carolina in a June brawl. But as he sat in custody, he told an officer that his face was injured from being “first socked” during the fight. When the officer left the room to get a camera, Killian, who was being recorded, punched himself multiple times in the face (strangely using one hand to propel the other fist into his cheek). Now his charges include preparing false evidence, KFOR reported. “Lying to the police and creating a false report will not be tolerated,” warned District Attorney Allan Grubb. Killian is currently serving time in the Oklahoma County Jail for a separate drug court violation.

Awesome!

A kindly grandfather, who just wanted to treat nurses at Warrington Hospital in Cheshire, England, for the good care given to a relative, unwittingly gave them a red velvet cake laced with cannabis on May 27. According to Sky News, the man got the cake from his grandson’s 18th birthday party and presented it to staff at the hospital. An unnamed staff member said three or four of the nurses were “off their faces” afterward, and another noted how “relaxed” they were. Cheshire police destroyed what remained of the cake after the incident.

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Oops!

Pool maintenance workers in Boca Raton, Fla., were interrupted on July 5 when one of them was shot in the leg with a pellet gun.

“I heard him scream at the top of his lungs,” homeowner E-Lyn Bryan told WPTV, “and he had blood coming out of his leg and he was shot by the hunter.” Police responding to the shooting said someone hired to kill iguanas in the neighborhood shot the pool boy instead. “If neighbors are gonna be like the Wild West and shoot at everything, someone is gonna get killed,” Bryan said. It was unclear whether the shooter was caught or charged. n Michael Tam, 40, of Tower, Minn., is in fair condition after a freak accident on July 6. Tam was attempting to move a 12-by16-foot wooden cabin at Daisy Bay Resort “when the structure fell off the jacks, trapping him underneath,” St. Louis County Sheriff’s officials said. According to City Pages, a building of this size might weigh about 6,500 pounds. Tam was taken to a Duluth hospital; no details were reported about his condition.

Ewwww Jung Soon Wypcha, 66, took retail competition to a new level in Indian Shores, Fla., in June, where over several days she sabotaged Lu Lu’s Ice Cream shop, located next door to her Indian Shores Food Mart. The two shops share a bathroom, and starting on June 17, video showed Wypcha 1. used the bathroom with the door open and didn’t wash her hands, then went to the ice cream freezer and put her hands into the containers; 2. picked her nose, then put her hands into the containers; 3. spit into the containers. Wypcha’s piece de resistance took place on June 22, when she urinated into an ice cream bucket, then dumped the bucket in a sink where ice cream utensils and bowls are washed. Lu Lu’s owner Paul Chiulli told the Tampa Bay Times that Wypcha ruined $2,000 worth of ice cream and forced his shop to close for five days. She was charged with criminal mischief and tampering with consumer products, both felonies.

Crime Report In late May, an inmate at Buena Vista Correctional Facility in Buena Vista, Colo., tipped off officials that an employee there was bringing drugs into the prison. On July 2, the Department of Corrections nabbed their man: Trevor Martineau, 27—a corrections officer. According to KDVR, officials found a burrito with a plastic bag sticking out of the end in Martineau’s lunch box. The bag contained “roughly 91 grams of meth, 26 grams of heroin and 46 strips of suboxone,” along with other items. Martineau reportedly said he was paid $1,000 to pick up the drugs, and officials located $960 at his home. Martineau was charged with first-degree introduction of contraband and three charges of unlawful possession of a controlled substance. He also lost his job.

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Blast From the Past A plumber renovating the former Centralia High School in Centralia, Ill., unearthed a 75-year-old trove of memories in late June. Inside a bathroom wall heat vent, he discovered 15 women’s wallets, all from students at the school in the mid1940s. The cash was missing, but photographs, IDs and other materials were still in the billfolds. “War is ending,” said Seth Baltzell, pastor of the City Hope Church, which is converting the building. “So there are lots of things like pictures of soldiers.”

Baltzell posted pictures of the wallets on Facebook, and relatives of 89-year-old Betty June Sissom of Chesterfield, Mo., saw them. “I remember I lost my wallet,” Sissom told KSDK. “Oh

Inexplicable On the afternoon of July 7, Timothy Smith, 24, and his fiancee returned to their new home in Gresham, Ore., to find things not quite right. They noted items out of place, others that didn’t belong to them, a mirror ripped out of a bathroom and holes kicked in bedroom walls. Then they found a cat (wearing a green cashmere shirt belonging to Smith’s chihuahua) hiding in a crawl space, The Oregonian reported, and called police. Fifteen minutes later, officers emerged from the house with Ryan Bishop, 38, wearing the woman’s Christmas onesie. Smith told reporters the man had broken into the home and settled right in, eating a cupcake, making coffee, smoking Smith’s weed, playing video games and collecting a clean, warm onesie out of the dryer. Bishop was charged with first-degree burglary, first-degree criminal mischief and third-degree theft. Smith is seeking a home for the cat. His fiancee declined the return of her onesie.

RIVER RUNNERS

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Bird Brain Ted Richards of Bristol, England, isn’t your run-of-the-mill bird lover. He admires parrots so much that he has had his face tattooed with feathers and his eyes colored with tattoo ink, risking blindness. HuffPost reported that Richards, who goes by Ted Parrotman, also had his ears removed, which has impaired his hearing. “Parrots only got little holes anyways, so I had them cut off,” he said. “I didn’t think about the complications, you know?

Because if you looked at negative all the time, you’d never do anything.” Well said, Parrotman. Well said.

my goodness, look at the boy’s pictures I have ... They took all the money, huh?”

Sorry, Betty.

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News You Can Use Car rental companies in Japan began noticing last summer that some customers were putting very few miles on their vehicles, so they conducted surveys to find out what renters are using the cars for, reported The Asahi Shimbun, and discovered that one in eight renters were using cars for something besides transportation, to wit: napping (most popular activity), talking on the phone, eating lunch, watching TV, putting on Halloween costumes and doing stretches said to reduce the size of their face.

One respondent said she uses rented cars to store bags and other belongings because coin-operated lockers are sometimes all in use. Renting is cheap in Japan, costing only a few hundred yen (several dollars).

BY T HE EDITO R S AT A ND RE WS M cMEEL

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