City Weekly March 21, 2019

C I T Y W E E K LY. N E T

Foilies 2019

Recognizing the year’s worst in government transparency.

MARCH 21, 2019 | VOL. 35

N0. 43

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CWCONTENTS COVER STORY FOILED AGAIN!

Government transparency?

What government transparency?

Nothing to see here.

Cover illustration by Hugh D’Andrade hughillustration.com

14

CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 12 NEWS 17 A&E 22 DINE 26 MUSIC 35 CINEMA 37 COMMUNITY

DAVE MAASS

Cover story “Each year, the community of watchdogs leveraging public records laws grows— on the local, national and international levels,” Maass, senior investigative researcher with the Electronic Frontier Foundation, says. “The Foilies allows me to reach out to that community for camaraderie and commiseration.”

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET

News, March 7, “Legislative Hangover”

Stronger beer was killed by our local breweries!

Very, very sad state of affairs in Utah brewing when you get the breweries opposed to actually legislating for stronger beer! Shaking my damn head.

RYAN CAGGIANO Via Facebook Give me a break, don’t blame our local brewers.

They didn’t even have a voice in this. Blame our backwards state legislators and the Mormon church. Our alcohol laws are being made by people who have never had a drop of alcohol in their lives.

JASON BERNSTON Via Facebook Yeah, right.

FELINA LAZALDE Via Facebook Well, that’s unfortunate.

I was really looking forward to going out and getting a normal beer on tap in this state like a regular adult. I’ve always supported our local brewers first, but this has me secondguessing that loyalty. Anyone know who the four of 29 members of Utah Brewers Guild are who support-

ed the bill? I’ll be spending my money with them first.

Budweiser and Coors aren’t their competition.

If they think the differentiator between Coors and a local craft beer is just alcohol content, they better do more market research. I suspect the Coors-buying market segment is driven mostly by price point and has little brand loyalty.

Obviously the Legislature didn’t need much of an excuse to kill this bill, and the Utah Brewers Guild handed it to them on a platter. I love Utah, but it really disappoints me sometimes.

Now when can I start running red lights after 90 seconds? Waiting for Trax at the signal by our house is really annoying. *sigh* DANA WILSON Via Facebook

Online News Post, March 11, “Back that Ash Up”

I can’t understand how districts get away with gag orders, they violate the First Amendment.

LARA M. GALE Via Facebook In Bountiful. Where there is a Catholic Church and school (St. Olaf’s) … does she live only in her ward environment? This is an

educator! Educate yourself to your environs and learn how most others live! Forty days until Easter! Mardi Gras! Holy Week! Good Friday! Easter Sunday services!

MARGUERITE MARCEAU HENDERSON Via Facebook How most others live? I’ve seen people smudge their forehead maybe on TV or in a movie … but I’ve not seen it live, certainly not “most people” do this (never seen it live, even in highly Catholic countries—Philippines, Mexico, Peru—maybe was just there at the wrong time, who knows) Not saying the kid doesn’t have a right to do it, but some of us really don’t care or pay attention to the details of religious customs—and it’s not just Mormons … I’m an atheist.

DAVID TAYLOR Via Facebook David Taylor: Your indifference does not apply in this case! Think of this boy who was embarrassed and humiliated in front of his classmates! Your opinion is a non issue! Think of others!

MARGUERITE MARCEAU HENDERSON Via Facebook Utah is one big cloistered community. @EYESAYS Via Twitter

@SLCWEEKLY

@CITYWEEKLY

Teacher: Wash your face.

There’s dirt on your forehead.

Student: It’s ash for Ash Wednesday. It’s a Catholic holiday and this is part of the ceremony. I’m supposed to keep it all day.

Teacher: Oh. OK. Sorry, I didn’t know.

End of conversation.

Simple. She may not have known what it represented initially, but I’m sure the student told her. Not only that but she shouldn’t tell a student to wash anything off his face unless it is a bad word or something. Religion aside, you should be able to sport a cross on your face any day for any reason.

BRITTNEY HEMINGWAY Via Facebook The student did tell her exactly what it was for. This article seemed to whitewash the incident a bit. It was not just some innocent mistake, she knew it was a religious thing.

DAVE INDUSTRIE Via Facebook The question of what religion is this teacher and what is her background becomes very relevant and this is her defense. @FAITHINFR33DOM Via Twitter I find it hard to believe that this teacher had nev-

er seen the mark before— and that she didn’t just ask the child what it was for, instead of ordering him to remove it.

SUE BRENNAN Via Facebook The entire press conference was a joke, I watched it, the teacher spoke and did not sound sincere, she sounded like she was forced to be there. The rest of the others parading up to the podium, trying to make it sound like everyone involved was a victim. The only victim was the little boy, and this just

proved, even more, the total lack of tolerance!

RUSTY CARROLL Via Facebook

Her apology is bullshit.

[The student] says he told her what it was on his forehead and she still made him remove it. @KORYDS Via Twitter

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OPINION Herbert: A Failure of the Public Trust

Democracy: We learned about it early, and our teachers explained it in great detail—how the executive, legislative and judicial arms of the federal government provide the necessary safeguards to ensure that the grand dreams of the founding fathers would “not perish from the land.”

But, alas, you only thought you knew what it meant.

Through—what can only be—changes to accepted definitions in Webster’s Dictionary (or attributing our democracy to the Founding Fathers’ senile ramblings), our political system is being stolen, right out from under our noses.

What do Gov. Gavin Newsom (California), Gov. Gary Herbert (Utah), Gov. Rick Snyder (Michigan), and Donald Trump (POTUS) have in common? (No, this isn’t another funny riddle.) If you’re thinking the answer is “nice smiles and charming personalities,” that’s not at all what I had in mind. If you guessed “utter disrespect for the will of the people,” you’re spot-on.

For Newsom, it’s his direct conflict with the people’s vote on capital punishment. He’s issued an executive-ordered reprieve to the 700-plus prisoners on California’s death row, and he’s made it crystal clear that the death penalty will soon be an anachronism.

It really doesn’t matter that many view Newsom as a man with a moral mission, nor does it matter that punishment of such finality should not be left to the whim of local

BY MICHAEL S. ROBINSON SR. voters. The issue needs to be decided on a national level.

It’s obviously high time that the Supreme Court review the morality of killing. When you throw in the unfair, often racially inspired, application of the death penalty, it is clear: Something needs to be fixed.

As an opponent of the death penalty, I have no problem seeing Newsom’s point of view. At the same time, his rhetoric and his actions—both completed and intended—imperil the concept of democracy. California put the death penalty to a vote twice in the past six years, including fast-tracking the appeals process, and its people made the decision to let the law stand. Now, Newsom has invalidated the vote, putting his own wishes before the democratic principles.

There’s a fundamental question here: Does a governor’s personal conscience trump the voices of his constituents?

Snyder similarly crossed the line when he and his Michigan legislature ignored the express will of the voters to raise the minimum wage to $12 per hour by 2022. In an interesting twist, the voter-initiated legislation was short circuited before the election—essentially reassuring voters that an appropriate bill would indeed be passed.

It was nothing but a cheap bait-and-switch. Voters lost their democratic mandate, and Snyder and his business cronies in the legislature passed a completely different law, mandating a minimum wage of $12.05 by the year 2030. When adjusted for inflation, Michigan’s minimumwage earners would actually make less than what they’re presently earning, but it made businesses exceedingly happy, to say the least. Snyder’s actions give new meaning to the words, “an enemy of the people.”

I think most Americans view their governors as cute, cuddly creatures that make you smile—more figureheads

than possessing the palpable power to rule. But what we’re seeing now is the emboldening of the executive branches of government, starting with the Orange-Raccoon-despot who roams the White House halls, searching for his PlayStation joystick, while he thinks of new ways to afflict the American people and hide his legendary bad behavior.

Well, Herbert might be absolutely adorable, and he might have an endearing and engaging smile. But he, too, suffers from what happens to all the apples in a barrel when there’s one at the top that’s putrid and spoiled.

Emboldened by Trump’s belief that the executive branch is entitled to make unilateral decisions, Herbert has decided that the people’s will is meaningless. In a series of contrary-to-the-vote decisions—i.e., medical cannabis, Medicaid expansion, and his recent move to criminalize the parental decision for terminating Down Syndrome pregnancies—Herbert has shown his true colors. Our democracy belongs to him—not us.

In flaunting the decisions of Utah voters, Herbert has undermined the very principles of democracy that make our nation and our state great. He has miserably failed to fulfill his oath to serve the people.

Unfortunately, Herbert seems totally clueless—oblivious to the purpose of his office. Oh, yes, he has a nice smile and personality, but he swore, on the Bible, to uphold democracy. And has failed to do so. Instead he has kowtowed to people who lack reverence for the rule of law and, who see no harm in forcing the will of a few upon the majority. CW

The author is a former Vietnam-era Army assistant public information officer. He resides in Riverton with his wife, Carol, and one mongrel dog. Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

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MARCH 21, 2019 | 7

CITIZEN REV LT IN ONE WEEK, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

TRUTH ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE

So you don’t think climate change is a thing and that “real” scientists know the truth? Come hear a real scientist as she speaks to the truth and exposes the lies behind the dialogue. Brenda Ekwurzel, an internationally renowned senior climate scientist from the Union of Concerned Scientists in Washington, D.C., does her best to educate you on the crisis we face at Climate Change: The Reality, The Solutions. It’s not all doom and gloom.

She presents achievable solutions, as well. No, just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean that Earth isn’t warming. Join her to find out more in this era of #fakenews.

The presentation is followed with a Q&A. Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, Thursday, March 21, 3:15 p.m., free/reserve seating via eliselazar@xmission.com, bit.ly/2CiAakM.

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LEGISLATIVE WRAPS

Don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. Yes, the Legislature has adjourned, but there’s more coming. Find out the good and the bad legislation from this latest session at any number of legislative recaps. Start with the League of Women Voters’ Legislative Wrap-up, with a panel of activists as they talk about citizen initiatives, hate crimes and clean air bills. You can join the Y WCA at their 2019 Legislative Recap Breakfast where they talk about their priorities and how to move forward. LW V: St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 261 S. 900 East, Thursday, March 21, 6-8 p.m., free, bit.ly/2F2XQKG. Y WCA: 322 E. 300 South, Wednesday, March 27, 8-9:30 a.m., $15/members free, bit.ly/2UBRwjO.

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Fix your roof today!

It looks like many women think, yeah, the feminists of yesteryear solved all our problems and there’s no inequality now.

Wrong. Join a panel of experts—professors and a Utah state senator—to hear about the Gender Wage Gap: (In) Equality in Utah. If you’re a woman, don’t you want to make the same money as a man in your position? The most recent U.S. Census data put Utah at the bottom—tied with Louisiana—for the widest wage gap in the nation. That means a woman earns 70 cents for every dollar a man makes. What can you do about it?

It could be your choice. Hinckley Caucus Room (Gardner Commons) 260 S. Central Campus Drive, Ste. 2018, 801-581-8501, Monday, March 25, noon-1 p.m., free, bit.ly/2Hmh3KH.

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It’s official. Our legislators are idiots. We won’t go into all the strong-arming around citizen initiatives, except to give you a few examples from the Deseret News.

Rep. Norm Thurston, R-Provo, wants to make sure voters know what the initiative is and can remove their names from the petition. And signers’ names will be posted online. So much for privacy. And wait. Do we require voters to know exactly what they’re voting on? Is there some kind of test? Well, it’s obvious that legislators think the voters are stupid. Rep. Brad Daw, R-Orem, complained that the initiatives took legislators by surprise and would have liked time to negotiate.

This, of course, just shows that he didn’t listen to his constituents before they were forced into a cumbersome, lengthy and near-impossible ballot initiative effort.

Were they not loud enough?

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Sometimes humor just doesn’t cut it. Congressman Rob Bishop, a former speaker of the Utah House and American history teacher, has long been known for his acerbic wit. It wasn’t until he left his position as a lobbyist that his rightwing cred became abundantly clear. Now, as the apparent congressman-for-life, Bishop has taken his anti-environmental stance to an extreme. Except for one time last year. As chair of the House Natural Resources Committee, he moved forward two funding bills for parks, land and water conservation. But wait. Here comes the Green New Deal. He hates it. Here’s what he told The Washington Post: “And you think the Green New Deal is going to kill you?” the reporter asked. “Killing would be positive if you implement everything the Green New Deal actually wants to,” Bishop replied. This was all about a comment relating the idea to genocide. Funny, huh?

Breathe Cleaner

If you’re a positive person, you might be buoyed by actions to clean Utah’s air. Four hundred or so hearty and active students skipped school to rally at the Capitol for clean air. You know, it’s their lives they’re talking about. Well, the governor asked for $100 million toward the effort. But our esteemed legislators didn’t see the crisis, and allotted $28.8 million instead.

There were some good things, like letting some communities work with the big kahuna Rocky Mountain Power toward 100 percent renewable energy by 2030. Of course, it will cost the customer big time.

There was some movement on scofflaw idlers, and the carbon tax bill was sent to study. And everyone rejoiced because it was something instead of nothing. Still, we have depleted uranium, gravel pits and the amazing polluting Inland Port.

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BLM proposed leases in southeastern Utah tick off environmentalists, Native American tribes.

BY DARIA BACHMANN comments@cityweekly.net

T

he Bureau of Land Management’s plan to sell more than 217,000 acres of oil and gas leases in southeastern Utah doesn’t sit well with environmental groups and Native American tribes who say that the area has a high cultural and archaeological value.

Less than three business days after the end of the partial government shutdown in January, BLM announced a plan to auction off 156 oil and gas lease parcels in Utah on March 25 and 26, including those in the Four Corners region. Some of the proposed parcels are near Bears Ears, Hovenweep and Canyons of the Ancients national monuments.

Ashley Soltysiak, director of Utah Sierra Club, says that the dialogue between BLM and environmental groups has been “severely lacking.”

“Few environmentally sensitive areas have been removed from the BLM’s chopping block, despite our numerous calls for a review,” Soltysiak wrote in an email. “Additionally, despite many attempts to contact the agency during the government shutdown, advocates were unable to obtain any clarity in regard to the upcoming March lease sale.”

The proposed leases threaten historical and cultural artifacts and will “fragment and destroy” some of Utah’s most iconic landscapes, Soltysiak added.

Ryan Sutherland, public affairs specialist at BLM Utah, says that the agency responds to all “substantive comments and protests” to the lease sale documents. Those responses are posted with the National Environmental Policy Act (NEPA) documents on BLM’s ePlanning website.

“As we work in support of American energy independence, we will continue to carefully consider all nominated parcels to determine if they are appropriate for leasing in conformance with the appropriate land-use plan and other environmental laws and regulations,” Sutherland said in a statement.

“The BLM Utah will continue to conduct the appropriate level of environmental review before offering any leases for potential oil and gas development.”

BLM just concluded the protest period for the March lease sale. Groups involved in the early comment period could protest leasing decisions to the Utah BLM state director, who has an obligation to respond to those protests.

Public Antecedents

Over the past year, BLM has leased more than 112,000 acres in the Four Corners region, riddling one of the densest accumulations of cultural resources in the country with oil and gas leases, according to a Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance news release.

Landon Newell, staff attorney for the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, says the bureau has “failed to analyze” the cumulative impacts of oil and gas leasing to the cul-

NEWS

PUBLIC LANDS

KEN LUND

Leasing Utah Away

tural and archaeological resources in the area during the two sales last year and for the upcoming sale.

“The list is quite long of things that they’ve failed to consider, and that’s a pretty significant omission not just because of the remarkable and unique nature of this area, but [because] it’s also a very fragile ecosystem,” Newell says. “Once destroyed, these cultural resources are gone forever. It’s not something that we can bring back.”

The National Park Service, BLM’s sister agency, has written to the bureau before the March 2018 and March 2019 lease sales asking them not to lease parcels on the doorstep of Hovenweep National Monument. BLM has not deferred any parcels in response to these concerns.

When asked about why BLM decided to proceed with leasing parcels near Hovenweep National Monument despite receiving requests to defer sales after 2018 leases, Sutherland says the agency “carefully reviews each parcel, consults with tribes and cultural resource experts, and involves the public as part of our environmental review process and responsibilities under the National Historic Preservation Act.” Every parcel leased includes a Cultural Resource Protection and Threatened and Endangered Species Act Stipulation, Sutherland says.

The stipulations authorize BLM to modify and disapprove development proposals that could result in impacts to cultural resources that cannot be successfully avoided, minimized or mitigated. Following leasing, BLM conducts additional environmental reviews of proposals for exploration and development and must approve them before ground disturbing activities can occur.

“This means that the BLM has the authority to protect, mitigate, or move them off the lease if determined that we cannot protect the resources,” Sutherland says. “Strong stipulations like this give us confidence that we can protect the cultural resources entrusted under our care.”

According to Sutherland, in regards to leasing near Hovenweep National Monument, BLM has the responsibility to analyze proposed lease parcels identified as available for leasing under the applicable resource management plans.

“As part of this process, the BLM has worked closely with the National Park Service during previous sales, and will continue to coordinate with them, as well as other agency partners and stakeholders, regarding potential impacts of leasing,” Sutherland notes.

In response to BLM’s notice of the March 2019 sale, the All Pueblo Council of Governors and Pueblo of Acoma have requested that BLM defer selling leases in the area until the agency conducts a thorough cultural resources review of the region, according to SUWA. The Hopi Tribe has previously called for the same review. BLM has not deferred any parcels in response to these concerns.

BLM also plans to lease nearly 100 parcels in eastern Utah’s Uinta Basin and Book Cliffs region, which the Environmental Protection Agency recently designated in “nonattainment” of national air quality standards for ozone. The Uinta Basin already suffers from some of the worst air quality in the nation.

Sutherland says the act of leasing would not result in direct impacts to air quality.

“Lease stipulations and notices are applied to leases when they are issued to notify the operator of what they would be required to do and what they could potentially be required to do at the Applications for Permit to Drill [ADP] stage,” he explains. “This allows the potential lessee at the time of bidding on

The National Park Service, BLM’s sister agency, has written to the bureau before the scheduled lease sales asking them not to lease parcels on the doorstep of Hovenweep National Monument. the parcel what the range of requirements they can expect when they exercise their lease rights.”

All federal actions on BLM managed lands must comply with General Conformity Rules under the Clean Air Act to demonstrate that federal actions conform to state or federal implementation plans to clean the air, Sutherland says.

Sutherland points out neither the Environmental Protection Agency nor the Utah Department of Environmental Quality—the regulatory authorities responsible for compliance with the Clean Air Act—objected to the proposed lease terms nor requested that additional mitigation measures be added.

Utah’s Surplus of Public Lands Leases

The Beehive State has a surplus of BLMmanaged lands that are under lease but not in development, with only 45 percent of its total leased lands in production.

Approximately 2.5 million acres of federal public land in Utah were leased for oil and gas development at the close of BLM’s 2017 fiscal year—the last year in which BLM has provided statistics. At the same time, oil and gas companies had less than 1.2 million acres of those leased lands in production.

Newell says those figures show “there is absolutely no need to rush forward with more gas and oil leasing.”

“There’s no demand for it, and all it really does is promotes speculation where these small operators come in and they acquire leads which lock up public land for at least 10year periods for their minimum prices, [for] $2 an acre or less,” Newell says. “Once these lands are leased, it keeps the door open for development, and that’s really the big risk.”

The number of acres leased for oil and gas development has decreased substantially from the highs seen in the 1980s. Currently, there are approximately 2.3 million acres leased in Utah, compared to 4.7 million in 2008, and the high of 19.7 million acres under lease in 1984. The oil and gas industry on public lands in Utah contributed $2.6 billion in total economic output in the fiscal year 2017.

“However, not all lands that are leased on federal lands become developed,” Sutherland says. “Leasing enables companies to secure rights to mineral resources before investing in geophysical testing and other kinds of exploratory techniques to determine

first, if resources are present, and second, if development is economically feasible.”

In San Juan County, home of the proposed leases for March 2019, “nearly nothing” is happening on the development front, Newell says. “In the last five years, there have been less than seven wells drilled in all of San Juan County. It’s not an area that’s on any serious oil and gas operator’s radar, so there is no return for selling off public lands at rock bottom prices.”

The Trump administration’s claim that it could create jobs in these areas and San Juan County promoting fossil fuel development “really has nothing to do with reality, it’s more based in politics and animosity toward conservation and land protection,” Newell says.

Once the lease is issued, BLM does not have a legal authority to prohibit development on that lease, Newell notes. The agency can only make minor modifications to the proposed development.

“There’s a hope among certain state leaders and federal representatives that the next energy boom is coming to this part of Utah.

That’s really not the case,” he says.

In early February, Advocates for the West filed a lawsuit in Federal District Court for the Southern Region of Utah on behalf of Friends of Cedar Mesa, an environmental organization based in Bluff, saying that the proposed oil and gas leases pose a threat to tens of thousands of archaeological sites in the region.

The lawsuit challenges the oil and gas lease sales that occurred in March 2018. The areas in dispute are located between Canyons of the Ancients National Monument in Colorado and the former boundaries of the Bears Ears National Monument in Utah.

Soltysiak says if the Trump administration continues the same energy dominance policy across the West, the long-term consequences are going to be “grave.”

“They will translate to a loss of many of Utah’s and America’s most prized national treasures, threatening our National Monuments, National Parks, tribal sovereignty, and the health of our communities and economies,” Soltysiak finalizes. “The agency has been extremely lax in allowing for bids in critically sensitive areas, areas whose intrinsic value and cultural resources may soon be lost forever.” CW

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The Foilies 2019 COURTESY NATIONAL SECURITY COUNSELORS

Recognizing the year’s worst in government transparency.

By Electronic Frontier Foundation comments@cityweekly.net

T

he cause of government transparency finally broke through to the popular zeitgeist this year. It wasn’t an investigative journalism exposé or a civil rights lawsuit that did it, but a lighthearted sitcom about a Taiwanese American family set in Orlando, Fla., in the late 1990s.

In a January episode of ABC’s “Fresh Off the Boat,” the Huang family’s two youngest children— overachievers Evan and Emery—decide if they sprint on all their homework, they’ll have time to plan their father’s birthday party.

“Like the time we knocked out two English papers, a science experiment and built the White House out of sugar cubes,” Evan says. “It opened up our Sunday for filing Freedom of Information requests.”

“They may not have figured out who shot JFK,” Emery adds. “But we will.”

The eldest child, teenage slacker Eddie, concludes with a sage nod, “You know, once in a while, it’s good to know nerds.”

Amen to that. Around the world, nerds of all ages are using laws like the United States’ Freedom of Information Act (and state-level equivalent laws) to pry free secrets and expose the inner workings of our democracy. Each year in March, open-government advocates celebrate these heroes during Sunshine Week, an advocacy campaign on transparency.

But the journalists and researchers who rely on these important measures every day can’t help but smirk at the boys’ scripted innocence. Too often, government officials will devise novel and outrageous ways to reject requests for information or otherwise stymie the public’s right to know. Even today—20 years after the events set in the episode—the White House continues to withhold key documents from the Kennedy assassination files.

Since 2015, the Electronic Frontier Foundation (a nonprofit that advocates for free speech, privacy and government transparency in the digital age) has published The Foilies to recognize the bad actors who attempted to thwart the quests for truth of today’s Evans and Emerys. With these tongue-incheek awards, we call out attempts to block transparency, retaliation against those who exercise their rights to information, and the most ridiculous examples of incompetence by government officials who handle these public records.

The Corporate Eclipse Award: Google, Amazon and Facebook Sunshine laws? Tech giants think they can just blot those out with secretive contracts. But two nonprofit groups—Working Partnerships and the First Amendment Coalition—are fighting this practice in California by suing the city of San Jose over an agreement with Google that prevents city officials from sharing the public impacts of development deals, circumventing the California Public Records Act. Google’s proposed San Jose campus is poised to have a major effect on the city’s infrastructure, Bloomberg reported. Yet, according to the organization’s lawsuit, records analyzing issues of public importance such as traffic impacts and environmental compliance were among the sorts of discussions Google demanded be made private under their non-disclosure agreements.

And it’s not just Google using these tactics. An agreement between Amazon and Virginia includes a provision that the state will give the corporate giant—which is placing a major campus in the state—a heads-up when anyone files a public records request asking for information about them.

The Columbia Journalism Review reported Facebook has also used this increasingly common strategy for companies to keep cities quiet and the public in the dark about major construction projects.

The Unnecessary Box Set Award: Central Intelligence Agency After suing the CIA to get access to information about President Donald Trump’s classified briefings, Kel McClanahan of National Security Counselors was expecting the agency to send over eight agreed-upon documents.

What he was not expecting was for the files— each between three and nine pages—to be spread out across six separate CD-ROMs, each burned within minutes of each other, making for perhaps the most unnecessary box set in the history of the compact disc.

What makes this “extra silly,” McClanahan said, is that the CIA has previously complained about how burdensome and costly fulfilling requests can be. Yet the CIA could have easily combined several requests onto the same disc and saved themselves some time and resources. After all, a standard CDROM can hold 700 MB, and all of the files took only 304 KB of space.

The (Harlem) Shaky Grounds for Redaction Award: FCC After repealing the Open Internet Order and ending net neutrality, Federal Communications Commission Chairman Ajit Pai doubled down on his efforts to ruin online culture. He released a cringe-inducing YouTube video titled “7 Things You Can Still Do on the Internet After Net Neutrality“ that featured his own rendition of the infamous “Harlem Shake” meme. (For the uninitiated, the meme is characterized by one person subtly dancing in a room of people to Baauer’s track “Harlem Shake.” Then the bass drops and the crowd goes nuts, often with many people in costumes.)

Muckrock editor JPat Brown filed a Freedom of Information Act request for emails related to the video, but the FCC rejected the request, claiming the communications were protected “deliberative” records.

Brown appealed the decision, and the FCC responded by releasing all the email headers, while redacting the contents, claiming that anything more would cause “foreseeable harm.” Brown did not relent, and a year later the FCC capitulated and released the unredacted emails.

“So, what did these emails contain that was so potentially damaging that it was worth risking a potential FOIA lawsuit over?” Brown writes. “Pai was curious when it was going live, and the FCC wanted to maintain a veto power over the video if they didn’t like it.” The most ridiculous redaction of all was a tiny black box in an email from the FCC media director. Once removed, all that was revealed was a single word: “OK.”

Unreliable Narrator Award: Trump, the Dept. of Justice and U.S. District Court Judges

When Trump tweets attacks about the intelligence community, transparency groups and journalists often file FOIA requests (and subsequently lawsuits) seeking the documents that underpin his claims. The question that often comes up: Do Trump’s smartphone rants break the seal of secrecy on confidential programs?

The answer seems to be no. Multiple judges have sided with Justice Department lawyers, concluding that his Twitter disclosures do not mean that the government has to confirm or deny whether records about those activities exist.

In a FOIA case seeking documents that would show whether Trump is under investigation, U.S. District Judge Amy Berman Jackson said that the president’s tweets to that effect are “speculation.”

Similarly, in a FOIA suit to get more information about the widely publicized dossier of potential ties between Trump and Russia, U.S. District Judge Amit Mehta said that the president’s statements are political rather than “assertions of pure fact.”

And so, whether Trump actually knows what he’s talking about remains an open question.

The Cross-Contamination Award: Stanford Law Professor Daniel Ho

One of the benefits of public records laws is they allow almost anyone—regardless of legal acumen— to force government agencies to be more transparent, usually without having to file a lawsuit.

But in Washington, filing a public records request can put the requester at legal risk of being named in a lawsuit should someone else not want the records to be made public.

This is what happened to Sarah Schacht, a Seattle-based open government advocate and consultant. For years Schacht has used public records to advocate for better food safety rules in King County, an effort that led to the adoption

The whole episode doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in Seattle officials’ ability to do basic math, comply with the public records law or protect sensitive information.

The Preemptive Shredding Award: Inglewood Police Department

DAILY CALLER

In defiance of the law enforcement lobby, California legislators passed a law (SB 1421) requiring police and sheriffs to disclose officer misconduct records in response to California Public Records Act requests. These documents, often contained in personnel files, had historically been untouchable by members of the public and the press.

Almost immediately, police unions across the Golden State began to launch lawsuits to undermine these new transparency measures. But the Inglewood Police Department takes the prize for its efforts to evade scrutiny. Mere weeks before the law took effect on Jan. 1, 2019, the agency began destroying records that were set to become publicly available.

“This premise that there was an intent to beat the clock is ridiculous,” Inglewood Mayor James T. Butts Jr. told the LA Times in defending the purge.

We imagine Butts would find it equally ridiculous to suggest that the fact he had also been a cop for more than 30 years, including serving in Inglewood and later as police chief of Santa Monica, might have factored into his support for the destruction of records.

The What the Swat?

Award: Nova Scotia and Halifax Law Enforcement One Wednesday morning in April, 15 Halifax police officers raided the home of a teenage boy and his family. “They read us our rights and told us not to talk,” his mother would later tell CBC. “They rifled through everything. They turned over mattresses, they took drawers and emptied out drawers, they went through personal papers, pictures. It was totally devastating and traumatic.”

You might well wonder, what was the Jack Bauer-class threat to geo-political stability? Nothing at all: The Canadian teen had just downloaded a host of public records from openly available URLs on a government website.

At the heart of the ordeal was some seriously terrible security practices by Nova Scotia officials.

The website created to host the province’s public records was designed in such a way that every request and response had a nearly identical URL and placed no technical restrictions on the public’s ability to access any of the requests. This meant that regular public records requests and individuals’ requests to access government files about them, which included private information, were all stored together and available on the internet for anyone, including Google’s webcrawler, to access. All that was necessary was changing a number identifying the request at the end of the URL. What Nova Scotian officials should have done upon learning about leaks in their own public records website’s problems was apologize to the public, thank the teen who found these gaping holes in their digital security practices, and implement

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ProPublica reporter Jessica Huseman has been digging deep into the child welfare system and what happens when child abuse results in death. While following up on a series of strangulations, she requested a copy of a case file from the St. Joseph County Superior Court in Indiana. Apparently, the clerk on the other end simply took the entire file and ran everything through a scanner. The problem was that the file contained a CD-ROM, and that’s not how CD-ROMs work. “Well this is the first time this had happened,” Huseman posted to Twitter, along with the blotchy black-and-white image of the top of the disc. “They scanned a CD as part of my FOI and didn’t give me its contents. Cool cool.”

When self-described transparency advocate and civic hacker Matt Chapman sent his request to Seattle seeking the email metadata from all city email addresses (from/to/BCC addresses, time, date, etc), he expected some pushback, because it does sound like an incredible amount of data to wrangle.

Seattle’s response: All the data can be yours for a measly $33 million. Officials estimated that it would take 320 years worth of staff time to review the roughly 32 million emails responsive to Chapman’s request. Oh, and they estimated charging an additional $21,600 for storage costs associated with the records. The fee request is the second highest in the history of The Foilies (the Department of Defense won in 2016 for estimating it would take $660 million to produce records on a particular computer forensic tool).

Then the city did something entirely unexpected: It revisited the fee estimate and determined that the first batch of records would cost only $1.25 to process. We get it—math is hard.

But wait—that’s not all. After paying for the batches of records with a series of $1.25 checks, Chapman received more than he ever bargained for. Rather than disclosing just the metadata for all 32 million emails, Seattle had given him the first 256 characters of every email. Those snippets included passwords, credit card numbers and other personally identifying information.

What followed was a series of conversations between Chapman, Seattle’s lawyers, and the city’s IT folks to ensure he’d deleted the records and that the city hadn’t just breached its own data via a public records request.

Ultimately, Seattle officials in January 2018 began sending the data to Chapman once more, this time without the actual content of email messages.

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In 2016, the Traditionalist Worker Party (TWP), an infamous neo-Nazi group, staged a demonstration at the California State Capitol. Counter-protesters fiercely opposed the demonstration, and the scene soon descended into chaos, leaving multiple people injured. When the dust settled, a member of the public (disclosure: also a co-author of this piece) filed a California Public Records Act request to obtain a copy of the permit the white nationalist group filed for its rally. The California Highway Patrol rejected the request for this normally available document, claiming it was related to a criminal investigation.

Two years later, evidence emerged during criminal proceedings that a CHP detective used the public records request as a bargaining chip in a phone call with the TWP protest leader, who was initially reluctant to provide information. The officer told him how the request might reveal his name. “We don’t have a reason to … uh … deny [the request],” the officer said, according a transcript of the call.

Bartering with Extremists Award: California Highway Patrol

Outrageous Fee Request of the Year: City of Seattle

The Scanner Darkly Award: St. Joseph (Indiana) County Superior Court

As tech companies experiment with autonomous vehicles on public roadways, reporters are keeping tabs on how often these cars are involved in collisions. That’s why The Information’s Matt Drange has been filing records requests for the crash data held by state agencies. Some government departments have started claiming that every line of the dataset is its own individual record and subject to a copy fee. Our winner, the Michigan State Police, proposed to charge Drange a 25-cent fee for each of a 1.9 million-line dataset, plus $20 for a thumbdrive, for a grand total of $485,645.24, with half of it due up front. Runners-up that quoted similar line-by-line charges include the Indiana State Police ($346,000) and the North Carolina Department of Transportation ($82,000). Meanwhile, Florida’s government released its detailed dataset at no charge at all.

But once the organizer decided to cooperate, the officer responded, “I’m gonna suggest that we hold that or redact your name or something … uh … until this thing gets resolved.” In light of these new facts, the First Amendment Coalition filed a new request for the same document. It, too, was denied.

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The Cash for Crash Award: Michigan State Police

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of food safety placards found in restaurants in the region.

After Schacht filed another round of requests with the county health department, she received a legal threat in November 2018 from Stanford Law School Professor Daniel Ho’s attorney threatening to sue her unless she abandoned her request. Apparently, Ho has been working with the health department to study the new food safety and placard regulations. He had written draft studies that he shared with the health department, making them public records.

Ho’s threat amounted to an effort to intimidate Schacht from receiving public records, probably because he had not formally published his studies first. Regardless of motive, the threat was an awful look. But even when faced with the threat, Schacht refused to abandon her request.

Fortunately, the lawsuit never materialized, and Schacht was able to receive the records. Although Ho’s threats made him look like a bully, the real bad actor in this scenario is Washington’s public records law. The state’s top court has interpreted the law to require parties seeking to stop agencies from releasing records (sometimes called reverseFOIA suits) to also sue the original requester along with the government agency.

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ment, they found that the content under the redactions was still there and readable. They broke the story of how the school denied the shooter therapeutic services and alternative education accommodations, but then uploaded the school board’s report with working redactions.

Rather than simply do better with double-checking their redactions next time, the school board struck back at the newspaper. They petitioned the court to hold the newspaper in contempt and to prevent anyone from reporting on the legally obtained information. Although the local judge didn’t issue a fine, she lambasted the paper and threatened to dictate exactly what the paper could report about the case in the future (which is itself an unconstitutional prior restraint).

The Wrong Way to Plug a Leak Award: City of Greenfield, Calif.

proper restrictions to protect people’s private information. They didn’t do any of that, and instead sought to improperly bring the force of Canada’s criminal hacking law down on the very person who brought the problem to light.

The whole episode—which thankfully ended with the government dropping the charges—was a chilling example of how officials will often overreact and blame innocent third parties when trying to cover up for their own failings. This horror show just happened to involve public records. Do better, Canada.

The Intern Art Project Award: Vermont Gov. Phil Scott Seattle isn’t the only city to stumble in response to Matt Chapman’s public records requests for email metadata. The Vermont governor’s office also wins for its scissor-and-glue approach to releasing electronic information.

Rather than export the email information as a spreadsheet, the Vermont governor’s office told Chapman it had five interns (three of whom were unpaid) working six hours each, literally “cutting and pasting the emails from paper copies.” Next thing Chapman knew, he had a 43-page hodgepodge collage of email headers correlating with one day’s worth of messages. The governor’s attorney told Chapman it would cost $1,200 to process three more days’ worth of emails.

Chapman pushed back and provided his own instructions on exporting the data using a computer and not, you know, scissors and glue. Sure enough, he received a 5,500-line spreadsheet a couple weeks later at no charge.

The Least Transparent Employer Award: Department of Justice In the last few years, we’ve seen some great resignation letters from public servants, ranging from Defense Secretary James Mattis telling Trump “It’s not me, it’s you” to former Attorney General Jeff Sessions‘ forced resignation.

But the Trump DOJ seems to have had enough of the tradition and has now determined that U.S. attorney resignation letters are private in their entirety and cannot be released under the Freedom of Information Act. Of course, civil servants should have their private information protected by their employer, but that’s precisely what redactions should be used to protect.

Past administrations have released resignation letters that are critical of executive branch leaders. The change in policy raises the question: What are departing U.S. Attorneys now saying that the government wants to hide?

The Clawback Award: The Broward County (Florida) School Board After the tragic Parkland shooting, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel went to court to force the Broward County School Board to hand over documents detailing the shooter’s education and disciplinary record.

A judge agreed and ordered the release, as long as sensitive information was redacted.

But when reporters copied and pasted the file into another docu-

The Monterey County Weekly unexpectedly found itself in court after the city of Greenfield, Calif., sued to keep the newspaper from publishing documents about the surprising termination of its city manager.

When the paper asked the interim city manager for the complaint the outgoing city manager filed after his termination, it got nothing but crickets. But then, an envelope containing details of a potential city political scandal appeared on the doorstep of one of the paper’s columnists.

The weekly reached out to the city for comment and began preparing for its normal Wednesday print deadline. Then, the morning of publication, the paper got a call saying that they were due in court. The city sued to block publication of the documents, to have the documents returned and to have the paper reveal the identity of the leaker.

Attorney Kelly Aviles gave everyone a fast lesson in the First Amendment, pointing out that the paper had every right to publish.

The judge ruled in the paper’s favor, and the city ended up paying all of the weekly’s attorney fees.

If it Looks like a Duck Award: Brigham Young University Police Brigham Young University’s Police Department is certified by the state,* has the powers of the state, but says that they’re not actually a part of government for purposes of the Utah transparency law.

After The Salt Lake Tribune exposed that the university punished survivors of sexual assault for coming forward and reporting, the paper tried to get records of communications between the police department and the school’s federally required sexual assault coordinator. BYU pushed back, saying that the police department is not subject to Utah’s Government Records Access and Management Act because the police department is privately funded.

This actually turns out to be a trickier legal question than you’d expect. BYU itself isn’t covered by the state law because it is a private school. But the university police force was created by an act of the Utah Legislature, and the law covers entities “established by the government to carry out the public’s business.” Investigating crime and arresting people seems like the public’s business.

Last summer, a judge ruled that the police department is clearly a state agency, but the issue is now on appeal at the Utah Supreme Court. The Legislature, meanwhile, passed a bill toward the end of its session that says BYU’s police department would have to disclose the records because the bill clarifies that a private university’s police department is considered a government entity. Sometime this year we should learn if the police are a part of the government or not. *Because BYU police failed to comply with state law, and was not responsive to an internal investigation, the Utah Office of Public Safety notified the department on Feb. 20 that the BYU police department will be stripped of its certification on Sept. 1, 2019. The university police also plan to appeal this decision.

The Insecure Security Check Award: U.S. Postal Service Congressional elections can turn ugly, but the opponent of newly elected U.S. Rep. Abigail Spanberger got a boost when the U.S. Postal Service released Spanberger’s entire personnel file, including her security clearance application, without redaction of highly sensitive personal information.

When a third party requests a person’s federal employment file without the employee’s permission, the government agency normally releases only a bare-bones record of employment dates, according to a Postal Service spokesperson. But somehow Rep. Spanberger wasn’t afforded these protections, and the Postal Service has poten-

tially made this mistake in a “small number” of other cases this year.

Security clearance applications (Form SF-86) are supposed to be analyzed and investigated by the FBI, raising questions about how the FOIA officer got the information in the first place. The Postal Service has apologized for the mistake, which they say is human error, but maybe security clearance applications should be kept just as secure as the state secrets the clearance is meant to protect.

The Foilies were compiled by Electronic Frontier Foundation senior investigative researcher Dave Maass, staff attorney Aaron Mackey, Frank Stanton Fellow Camille Fischer and activist Hayley Tsukayama.

Illustrations by EFF art director Hugh D’Andrade. For more info visit eff.org

BONUS ROUND! The GRAMA Drama Award: Brady Eames and the City of Logan Utah resident Brady Eames’ penchant for seeking out government records led one city to change how it handles requests, and one county to update its code.

“I would describe myself as a watchdog,” Eames told Logan’s Herald Journal in September. “I could probably work for a newspaper.”

Between July 2017 and fall 2018, Eames submitted 127 Government Records Access and Management Act (GRAMA) requests to the city of Logan, appealed to the mayor 19 times and appealed to the State Records Committee three times. All three appeals to the committee—the last step usually taken before taking the request to court—were denied.

GRAMA requests are similar to federal FOIA requests; But for state and city records, and there’s no limit to how many times residents can submit requests. However, in the case of Eames, he was sending the same inquiry to multiple city employees, duplicating work others might have already started. As a result, the city established a centralized process where all GRAMA requests would be filtered.

Logan city attorney Kymber Housley tells City Weekly that Eames has since slowed down from his peak a year ago, though they did just receive another request from him “two to three weeks ago.”

“He would send multiple requests to multiple employees,” Housley says. “By centralizing the process, at least we’re not duplicating his efforts.”

Eames’ inquiries weren’t just directed to Logan. Later in September 2018, the Cache County Council had to update its code to reflect new crime and theft insurance guidelines. Previously, it used surety bonds, used to ensure elected officials would faithfully execute their duties. Reason for the update? Eames requested copies of the bonds that no longer existed, according to The Herald Journal. When reached for comment by City Weekly, Eames says he’s still submitting requests around the state as part of his investigation into “the offenses against the administration of government.” CW —Ray Howze

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, MARCH 21-27, 2019

KAREN KNOTTS

TRACY TUCKER

AUGUST MILLER

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

ERIN SUMMERILL

ESSENTIALS

the

Whatever else is mentioned as far as Jason Alexander’s multifaceted career is concerned, most people will associate him with his Seinfeld alter ego, the explosive yet befuddled George Costanza.

As much as any of the other cast members on that iconic sitcom—Kramer, Ellen or even Jerry himself—the Costanza character gave that show its unpredictable appeal. For 10 years, his contributions to this “show about nothing” left an indelible impression; the list of honors and awards Alexander garnered, including Emmy nominations, nods from the Screen Actors Guild and American Comedy Awards, clearly confirm that standing.

Alexander later admitted that the cast voted to end the show in part because prolonging it might have doomed their destinies. “You play an iconic character on a TV series, your career is done,” he told the Archive of American Television in a filmed interview. “Continuing it would become a self-defeating prophecy. We would have to contribute to our own eventual demise as actors.”

The Costanza curse could have proved potent, yet while his subsequent series Listen Up was sadly short-lived, Alexander’s talents as an actor, singer, dancer, writer, director, producer, instructor, voice-over artist, magician and, yes, even poker player clearly demonstrate his incredible diversity.

His performance at Utah Valley University provides additional proof, as he leads the Symphony Orchestra in a rousing rendition of some favorite Broadway hits. While he’ll forever be identified with Seinfield’s madcap menagerie, it’s clear his abilities extend well beyond. (LZ) Jason Alexander with UVU Symphony Orchestra @ UVU NCPA Smith Theatre, 800 W. University Parkway, Orem, 801863-8797, March 25, 7:30 p.m., $15-$45, uvu.edu/events

Despite the title’s indecent implication, Tied up in Knotts! with comedian Karen Knotts is anything but scandalous. Running in theaters across the United States for more than 10 years, this onewoman comedy show is not only a loving tribute to the work and life of the star’s father—actor Don Knotts—but also a family-friendly journey of laughter.

Growing up in Hollywood as the daughter of beloved actor Knotts, who is well-known as a comedian and an actor on The Andy Griffith Show, Karen has a rich vein of history to mine.

With a loaded acting résumé that includes regional theater with her dad, roles on television and in movies and a popular stand-up routine, her engaging show has been hailed by L.A. Comedy Awards as the “Funniest One Woman Show.”

Billed as “a daughter’s tribute to a funny and terrific dad,” Karen’s show fuses a behindthe-scenes peek of life with her famous father with comedic bits for a show she describes as a “docu-comedy.” Karen says, “When my father passed away in February 2006, I wanted to pay tribute to him in the way I knew him best: as an amazing, loving dad … in Tied Up in Knotts!, I try to capture the essence of Don, the man, because I always thought he was the funniest when he was just being himself.” Guests are treated to a live version of this father-daughter love story, with Karen’s unique blend of improvisation, music and comedy creating appeal for an audience of all ages. (Colette A. Finney) Karen Knotts: Tied up in Knotts! @ Covey Center, 425 W. Center St., Provo, 801-8527007, March 25, 7 p.m., $15-$18, karenknotts.com

Local author Ally Condie’s new young-adult novel, The Last Voyage of Poe Blythe, is an adventure story that goes beyond the confines of the genre by asking its readers to get comfortable with anger, pain and love. The book follows 17-yearold Poe Blythe as she captains a mining ship in search of gold, deals with a traitor in her midst and romance in the air, and struggles for vengeance against those who took everything from her years before.

Condie says that although Poe’s desire for revenge powers much of the novel, that’s not the only emotion she explores. “I’m interested in rage and revenge because I think the other side of the coin is love and loss. Sometimes the greatest things in our lives hurt so much to lose that we find anger a therapeutic focus,” Condie says.

“I wanted to explore that. What happens when you suffer inconceivable loss? What does grief look like? How do we keep living with it, and find hope? At its heart, this book is a love story.”

Condie reads from the novel and signs copies pre-ordered from The King’s English Bookshop.

Orders can be placed by either calling the store or ordering online. The reading portion of the event is free and open to the public, sponsored by The King’s English and hosted at the Provo City Library. Condie says that she has deep connections with these local literary mainstays, and she feels fortunate to receive their ongoing support for her books. (Kylee Ehmann) Ally Condie: The Last Voyage of Poe Blythe @ Provo City Library, 550 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-484-9100, March 26, 7 p.m., free, kingsenglish.com

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You don’t have to be a rocket scientist or astronomer to realize that emotion and motivation at times place men and women in two distinctly different worlds. They don’t travel in parallel orbits, either. In fact, the two worlds often collide.

That was the premise of John Gray’s best-selling book, which tried to explain the sometimes conflicting psyches of males and females and how they affect relationships.

Not surprisingly, those duelling sensibilities made great fodder for an off-Broadway play.

A combination of a one-man monologue and not-so-standard stand-up, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus elicits plenty of laughter from audiences that nod knowingly. They easily relate to this revelation on relationships, venting their emotions in the process.

The story is told from the viewpoint of a man (Ryan Drummond, pictured) who initially rejected the book’s advice but changed his opinion after meeting its author. He then shares what he’s learned through firsthand experience, offering advice of his own in intimate detail.

The play’s success capitalizes on the popularity of Gray’s book, which remained perched at the top of The New York Times’ best-seller list for 121 weeks. The show has been described as “a great recipe for a night out: a little storytelling blended with some comedy and a dash of sage wisdom from the book.”

Perhaps it’s best summed up by a line from the show. Its aim is to achieve “less nagging, more shagging.” Sounds like a plan. (Lee Zimmerman) Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus—Live! @ Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, March 23, 4 & 8 p.m., $50, artsaltlake.org

Ally Condie: The Last Voyage of Poe Blythe

| CITY WEEKLY |

TUESDAY 3/26

Karen Knotts: Tied Up in Knotts!

MONDAY 3/25

Jason Alexander with UVU Symphony Orchestra

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

MONDAY 3/25

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus—Live!

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

SATURDAY 3/23

Oquirrh West Revival

A small company re-launches with the help of a big-name choreographer.

BY KATHERINE PIOLI comments@cityweekly.net

I

t was May 2017 when Oquirrh West Project held their first dancer auditions. The company—the brainchild of Artistic Director Alyssa Fujimoto and Associate Director Sharlee Peay—came together quickly, and by August of that same year, they held the company’s premiere performance at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center. Soon after, they began planning their next concert and their second season. But round two didn’t exactly go as planned. In a September 2017 post on their Facebook page, Oquirrh West Project wrote, “Due to unforeseen circumstances we are sad to announce we will be postponing our next season. … We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.”

“There are a lot of challenges facing new, small dance companies,” Fujimoto explains during a phone interview. “The biggest challenge for any company, of course, is funding. We would like to someday be a non-profit, but at this point we are essentially self-funded.”

Money, however, was not Oquirrh’s main hang-up during their second season. The problem (and the joy) was babies. “Our particular challenge that year was that me and Sharlee, and two of our dancers, got pregnant. You can do it all at once, but for us, it made sense to wait,” Fujimoto says.

Now, Oquirrh West Project is finally ready for their revival concert on Friday, March 22, at the Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center. It’s been worth the wait. In addition to some new dancers (previous members of SALT Contemporary Dance, SALT II

NOW

and Odyssey Dance Theatre) Oquirrh has a lineup of new choreography by Fujimoto, Peay, Logan McGill and Myles Woolstenhulme (the company’s former guest artist and choreographer). But the real gem of this show is the Oquirrh West premiere of Hello, My Name Is Ree, a brand new piece created for the company by award-winning choreographer Ching Ching Wong.

Wong is a national name in dance, sought after both for her work as a dancer and increasingly for her work as a choreographer.

In 2010, she joined the highly regarded Portland, Ore.-based modern dance company NW Dance Project (she has since left to pursue independent work). In 2015, she received the Princess Grace Award for emerging artistic talent. And the following year, she was recognized by Dance Magazine as one of 25 young artists to watch. In their praise of Wong, Dance Magazine wrote, “Control and abandon are difficult for any dancer to navigate, but NW Dance Project’s Ching Ching Wong masters both in a single movement.”

“It means so much to have her here working with us,” Fujimoto says. “Wong has already made a name for herself. We are a young company that is still making our mark.”

The match came about toward the end of last year, when Wong was in town performing in the fall concert with SALT Contemporary Dance. Oquirrh’s assistant director Peay had worked with Wong in the past. “It was actually Wong who reached out to us,” Fujimoto says. “That was really exciting.

She was intrigued by what we were starting. She is very giving and really wants to see us be successful.”

The company had two weeks with Wong.

During that short time, she worked with the dancers, teaching them to look inside and pull inspiration and ideas from themselves. Then she molded these movements into her own style and fed them back to the dancers.

Fujimoto says that in watching Wong work, she saw the innovative young choreographer always pushing the dancers to the next level, challenging them to match her vision. Fujimoto describes Wong’s movement as strong and liberating. “Hello, My Name Is Ree is different than anything

OPEN!

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SHARLEE PEAY

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18 | MARCH 21, 2019

DANCE

else we have created before,” Fujimoto says. “That is exactly what we love about the piece. It’s unique in its flavor and the way it delivers its message about rebirth, renewal and the journey of accepting all that life has to offer.”

Like most young Utah dancers, Fujimoto grew up on a diet of jazz and ballet at a studio that prepared little girls for competition stages. Later, studying dance at BYUIdaho, she explored contemporary dance and choreography. Most of the dancers with Oquirrh West Project, she says, followed much the same path: from children’s studio to dance degrees from BYU or UVU. Then came that tricky place after college.

“It’s difficult as adult artists to find opportunities for training post college,” Fujimoto says. “Most dancers aren’t ready to step into a full company from the start, but if you don’t have that opportunity then you tend to get lost. With nowhere to go, the training

Oquirrh West Project dancers Sydney Garcia (left) and Danielle Eaton

and learning and expressing stops.”

Oquirrh West Project fills that gap, Fujimoto says. And with choreographers like Wong giving their attention and expertise to this new creative enterprise, chances are that this company—and also its dancers, whatever they choose to do next— are ready to keep pushing dance to new heights. CW

OQUIRRH WEST PROJECT

Friday, March 22, 7:30 p.m.

Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center 138 W. 300 South 801-355-2787 $18, recommended for ages 8 and up artsaltlake.org

moreESSENTIALS

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

A Gallery (1321 S. 2100 East, 801-583-4300, agalleryonline.com) presents a solo exhibition of oil-on-canvas landscape studies by Nicolas Coley (“Water Moves Beneath Us No. 26” is pictured), through April 20.

THEATER

AUTHOR APPEARANCES

| MARCH 21, 2019 | 19

Jacqueline Osherow: My Lookalike at the Krishna Temple The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, March 21, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Rosalyn Eves: Winter War Awakening Provo City Library, 550 N. University Ave., March 21, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Young Adult Author Panel Viridian Event Center, 8030 S. 1825 West, West Jordan, March 21, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Working Dog: Graduate Student Reading Series Finch Lane Gallery, 54 S. Finch Lane, March 21, 7 p.m., utah.edu/events Bob Woodward: Fear: Trump in the White House Sundance Resort, 8841 N. Alpine Loop Road, Sundance, March 23, noon, sundanceresort.com Ally Condie: The Last Voyage of Poe Blythe Provo City Library, 550 N. University Ave., March 26, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com (see p. 17)

| CITY WEEKLY |

Children’s Dance Theater: The Dancing Man Tanner Dance, 1721 E. Campus Center Drive, March 22, 7:30 p.m.; March 23, 2 p.m., tannerdance.utah.edu Kalaadvaya: An Evening of Hindustani Music and Bharatanatyam Dance Leona Wagner Black Box Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, March 23, 7 p.m., nityanritya.com Modern Senior Dance Concert Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, Ste. 106, March 21, 5:30 p.m.; March 22-23, 7:30 p.m., tickets.utah.edu Oquirrh West Project Jeanne Wagner Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, March 22, 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 18)

LITERATURE

DANCE

Bert Kreischer Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, March 21-22, 7 & 9:45 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Jay Whittaker Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., March 22-23, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Jordan Makin Wiseguys West Jordan, 3763 W. Center Park Drive, March 22-23, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Karen Knotts: Tied Up in Knotts Covey Center, 425 W. Center St., Provo, March 25, 7 p.m., karenknotts.com (see p. 17) Open Mic Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Wednesdays, 7 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Russell Peters Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, March 23-24, times vary, wiseguyscomedy.com Stand-Up Comedy Velour Live Music Gallery, 135 N. University Ave., Provo, March 21, 7 p.m., velourlive.com Magic Show: Circus of the Strange The Art Factory, 110 S. Rio Grande St., March 27, 7 p.m., eliascaress.com

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

An American in Paris Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through April 6, hct.org An Evening With Two Awful Men Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, through April 7, planbtheatre.org Gloria Good Company Theatre, 2404 S. Wall Ave., Ogden, through March 24, goodcotheatre.com Hedwig and the Angry Inch An Other Theater Co., 1200 Towne Centre Blvd., Provo, through March 23, anothertheatercompany.com Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, March 23, 4 & 8 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 17) Newsies Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 W. 400 North, through April 20, haletheater.org Steel Magnolias Hale Centre Theatre, 9900 S. Monroe St., Sandy, through June 1, hct.org To Kill a Mockingbird Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, through April 6, grandtheatrecompany.com Urinetown Terrace Plaza Playhouse, 99 E. 4700 South, Ogden, through April 5, Monday, Friday & Saturday, 7:30 p.m., terraceplayhouse.com Willy Wonka The Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, through March 30, theziegfeldtheater.com

COMEDY & IMPROV

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

PERFORMANCE

American West Symphony & Piano Area Soloists Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, March 23, 7:30 p.m., tickets.utah.edu Brown Bag Organ Recital First United Methodist Church, 203 S. 200 East, Wednesdays at noon, firstmethodistslc.wordpress.com Chamber Music Society of SLC & Minetti Quartet Libby Gardner Hall, 1375 E. Presidents Circle, March 25, 7:30 p.m., tickets.utah.edu Chamber Orchestra Ogden: Fairy Tales Come Alive in Music Peery’s Egyptian Theater, 2415 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, March 23, 7:30 p.m., egyptiantheaterogden.com Festive Overture: A UVU Musical Celebration UVU NCPA Smith Theatre, 800 W. University Parkway, Orem, March 27-28, 7:30 p.m., uvu.edu/events Jason Alexander in Concert with UVU Symphony Orchestra UVU NCPA Smith Theatre, 800 W. University Parkway, Orem, March 25, 7:30 p.m., uvu.edu/events (see p. 17) Utah Symphony: Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 Val A. Browning Center, 1901 University Circle, Ogden, March 21, 7:30 p.m.; Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, March 22, 7:30 p.m.; March 23, 7 p.m., utahsymphony.org

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20 | MARCH 21, 2019

SPECIAL EVENTS FARMERS MARKET

Winter Market Rio Grande Depot, 270 S. Rio Grande St., through April 20, Saturdays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org

FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Spring Beer Fest Ogden Union Station, 2501 S. Wall Ave., March 23, 5-9 p.m., ogdendowntownalliance.com Cosplay Bar Crawl Downtown SLC, March 24, noon-5:30 p.m., cityweekly.net

LGBTQ

Greg Prince: Gay Rights and the Mormon Church Marriott Library, 295 S. Campus Drive, March 25, 7 p.m., equalityutah.org Queer Food Festival Publik Coffee Roasters Downtown, 975 S. West Temple, March 23, 7-10 p.m., utahpridecenter.org Spring Slut—A QTPOC Party By Us For All feat. JordiRoc, Marina Marqueza, Pho3nix Child and Laura Lov Gold Blood Collective, 1526 S. State, March 23, 7 p.m., bit.ly/springslut

TALKS & LECTURES

Carlos Maza: Queering the Blank Slate: Media, Politics, and Trump Westminster College, 1840 S. 1300 East, March 21, 7 p.m., westminstercollege.edu Bil Lepp: Chaos Doesn’t Happen By Itself Viridian Event Center, 8030 S. 1825 West, West Jordan, March 25, 7 p.m., timpfest.org Adam Giannelli: Stutterfied: Poems and Prose on Stuttering Tanner Irish Humanities Building, 215 S. Central Campus Drive, March 26, noon, utah.edu/events

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

Art Elevated Urban Arts Gallery, 116 S. Rio Grande St., through March 31, urbanartsgallery.org Bill Reed: Emotionscapes Local Colors of Utah Gallery, 1054 E. 2100 South, through April 16, localcolorsart.com Bonnie Susec & Susan Beck: Landscapes Calm and Desperate Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through May 3, artsandmuseums.utah.gov For the Love of Fiber Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley City,

through April 24, culturalcelebration.org Heidi Jensen: Sit Comfortably in a Darkened Room and Think of Nothing UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through May 4, utahmoca.org The International Tolerance Project Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through June 23, umfa.utah.edu Jim Frazer: Glyphs Finch Lane Gallery, 54 S. Finch Lane, through April 12, saltlakearts.org John Sproul: An Underness of Being Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, through April 26, slcpl.org Kallie Hancock: Spectacles Finch Lane Gallery, 54 S. Finch Lane, through April 12, saltlakearts.org Lenka Clayton: Under These Conditions UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through May 11, utahmoca.org Life During Wartime Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, through April 12, accessart.org Mary Pusey: Moab en Plein Air Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, through April 13, slcpl.org Maynard Dixon: High Desert David Dee Fine Arts, 1709 E. 1300 South, through April 5, daviddeefinearts.com Mike Simi: Gettin’ By UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through May 11, utahmoca.org Nicholas Coley A Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, through April 20, agalleryonline.com (see p. 19) The Race to Promontory: The Transcontinental Railroad and the American West Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through May 26, umfa.utah.edu salt 14: Yang Yongliang Utah Museum of Fine Arts, 410 Campus Center Drive, through June 2, umfa.utah.edu Shady Acres UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, through May 25, utahmoca.org Sounds of Silk Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley, through April 8, culturalcelebration.org Transcontinental: People, Place, Impact Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande, through June 16, artsandmuseums.utah.gov Utah Arts Alliance: Dreamscapes Utah Arts Alliance, 116 S. Rio Grande St., through April 15, utaharts.org Wasatch Camera Club: Lovely As A Tree Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, through April 7, redbuttegarden.org Wendy Wischer & Jeffrey Moore: Displacing Vibrations Nox Contemporary Gallery, 440 S. 400 West, through April 5, bit.ly/noxcontemporary

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GRAND OPENING SOUTH SALT LAKE CITY LOCATION

801-969-6666

123 S. State Orem, Utah 84058

801-960-9669

Lunch Buffet: $8.95 Adults, $4.95 Kids, Mon-Fri 11am-3:30pm Dinner Buffet: $12.95 Adults, $7.75 Kids, Mon-Fri 3:30pm-9:30pm Saturday, Sunday & Holidays $12.95 All Day / Take-Out: Lunch $4.75/lb Dinner $6.25/lb

MARCH 21, 2019 | 21

Hours: M-Thurs 11am-9:30pm, Fri & Sat 11am-10pm, Sunday 11am-9pm

| CITY WEEKLY |

801-905-1186

5668 S. Redwood Rd. Taylorsville, Ut 84123

3620 S. State Street SLC, Utah 84115

THREE LOCATIONS!

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3 6 2 0

ALEX SPRINGER

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22 | MARCH 21, 2019

DIY Delicious

SoSL’s Ejo Korean BBQ is hands-on yum.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

W

hile the concept of cooking food right on your tabletop isn’t new by any stretch, it does place a certain degree of responsibility on patrons used to having all the cooking done in the back of the house. You can’t go into a place like Ejo Korean BBQ (633 E. 3300 South, 801-474-0047, ejokoreanbbq.com) and later complain about it on Yelp—if you didn’t like the experience, then you did something wrong.

Knowing that, make sure you hit up Ejo with a group of people who are interested in having a good time with their meal— things could go south very quickly with people who regularly imbibe at the font of hater-ade.

The space has cleverly merged the Korean traditions of tableside cooking and serving a series of small dishes with the American tradition of the all-you-can-eat buffet ($14.99 for lunch; $24.99 for dinner).

It’s a combination that works very well and offers diners a breadth of Korean staples to choose from. Each table at Ejo

is equipped with a flat-top grill that the staff activates once you’ve committed to the buffet.

From there, you order generous portions of prepared meat that arrive like marbled works of art—it’s almost a shame to slap the thinly shaved slices of angus brisket on the grill after they’ve been arranged like rose petals on a plate.

For those who aren’t in the market for the DIY experience, Ejo’s buffet comes with several pre-cooked options. Their tofu soup with seafood is fantastic, and it’s only one of their many tasty soup options. The buffet also comes with a salad bar of sorts—more on that later—which contains more than enough food to make a good meal. Outside of the buffet option, Ejo offers a $9.99 lunch special—here you can get all your favorite Korean meals for a helluva good price.

The selection of grill-it-yourself proteins consists primarily of brisket and pork belly, both of which are available unseasoned or prepared with different marinades. The bulgogi, for example, consists of thin slices of brisket marinated in a sweet and savory soy sauce, and the pork belly can be served with a red wine marinade. Both options impart their respective flavors to the meat while grilling, but the unseasoned options let diners take full advantage of the salad bar filled with smaller side dishes called banchan.

In addition to fried rice and glassy noodled japchae, the buffet salad bar includes different types of kimchi and the vastly underappreciated

gamja jorim, cooked potatoes marinated in a sweet soy sauce glaze. It concludes with a raw bar of cabbage, onions and peppers that you can grill alongside your meat for some flavor tweaking. The unexpected star of the salad bar is a condiment called ssamjang, a magical blend of soybean paste, hot pepper paste, garlic, onion, honey and sesame seeds, which became the go-to dipping sauce for everything on my plate. It’s primarily savory, almost nutty, but then the hot pepper paste smacks the back of your throat.

The flavors come together around a slight sweetness, and I can’t think of a food it wouldn’t complement.

With a full plate of japchae, kimchi and gamja jorim, I awaited my first plates of meat. I went with the unseasoned brisket, the red wine pork belly and the pre-grilled daeji bulgogi, which is pork simmered up in a spicy soy glaze. Anyone who understands the satisfying sizzle when slices of protein first hit a grill or has basked in the warm promise that exists within the heady aromas created while cooking will find solace at Ejo. I found that nibbling on japchae and banchan while carefully grilling brisket and pork belly to perfection

created a new level of engagement and interactivity to the whole dining process.

It’s easy for dining out to become a passive experience—we order, we wait, we eat, we leave—but the Korean barbecue doesn’t let that happen. Diners share the cooking process and experiment with all the different flavor combinations at hand together, making Ejo an ideal place to visit with a few friends.

It also speaks to why Korean food has been this way forever. This is a cuisine that was made to be shared and enjoyed together, and it’s easy to get lost dipping into each plate to try new pairings and daring each other to try something outside our comfort zones. Dining is always more fun sitting around a table with a group and sharing the experience from grill to meal, but eating at a place like Ejo makes that process much more accessible. CW

AT A GLANCE

Open: Monday-Friday, 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m. and 5-9 p.m.; Saturday, 11:30 a.m.-9 p.m.

Best bet: Get as much of that brisket as you can Can’t miss: Let the ssamjang be your guide

the

BACK BURNER

BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Beer, Cheese and Chocolate

Three local food powerhouses—Uinta Brewery, Beehive Cheese and The Chocolate Conspiracy—join forces for a beer, cheese and chocolate tasting event. The hosts provide a total of five beers, cheeses and chocolates for attendees to sample, and Uinta Brewery has collaborated with The Chocolate Conspiracy on a new beer to be unveiled at the event. Word is that it will be of the golden cream ale variety and infused with organic cacao nibs, courtesy of The Chocolate Conspiracy.

The event is at Uinta Brewing Co. (1722 S. Fremont Drive, 801-467-0909, uintabrewing.com) on Saturday, March 23, from 7 to 9 p.m., and tickets are available via Eventbrite.

Hot-Pot Class

A

U TA H

ORIGINAL

SINCE

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Meet Your Maker Winners

Salsitas Mendoza and Trail Truffles were recently added to the list of local products featured at Whole Foods stores throughout Utah. The two companies were recognized as part of the Meet Your Maker event, which Utah’s Own organized to raise the profile of local producers. As of now, fans of Salsitas Mendoza can find their variety of homemade salsas at all four Utah locations of Whole Foods, and Trail Truffles will be featured in Whole Foods locations across the Rocky Mountain region coming soon. This year, Utah’s Own and Meet Your Maker will focus on local farms and produce. For more information, check out utahsown.org.

Quote of the Week: “Talk doesn’t cook rice.”

—Chinese proverb Back Burner tips: comments@cityweekly.net

ears

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AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

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The Chinese tradition of hot-pot dining dates back several hundred years, and is one of the most enjoyable communal eating experiences around. For those unfamiliar with this age-old tradition, Ocean Mart in Sandy (115 W. 9000 South, 801-255-1118) hosts a class that covers the preparation basics. Attendees learn how to prepare a flavorful broth used to cook a variety of meat and veggies, along with a few dipping sauces. The class takes place on Tuesday, March 26, from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m., and includes everything you need to get started. Tickets are $25 and available via Eventbrite.

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24 | MARCH 21, 2019

ALL YOU CAN EAT

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Hipster Brews

These beers set themselves apart in style and looks.

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

P

turbid as Utah Lake, but far more enjoyable to drink. With a bright goldenrod appearance, the hazy ale releases a cotton-white head to cap the beer with a billowing froth.

Strong citrus and herb aromatics leap into the nose. Grapefruit peels, orange pith and a strong grassy aroma then latch on, with the tersest of bready yeast as a backdrop. Similarly, the taste of dry cracker and bread is cut short by the onslaught of grapefruit and grass. Those flavors create a strong arm that wards off anything maltfocused except for grain and hay. Instead, the taste finishes with the peels and piths of citrus fruits and a light spicy taste of peppercorn.

Overall: This pale ale is far too bitter to be considered a cloudy-and-sweet New England-influenced IPA. It carries a champagne-like texture that springs the ale from the tongue and ushers in a quick dryness, allowing for a respectable rate of drinkability and refreshment without becoming too harsh or bite-y at 4 percent ABV. It’s available at Hopkins Brewing Co. on draft.

Truth be told, most brewers get a kick out of pushing the envelope with beers like these; artistry shows itself in many ways and our local breweries are keenly aware that while trends fade, well-made beer is forever. As always, cheers! CW

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

eople have been trying to set themselves apart since the first teenage cave-dwellers braided their hair just to piss off the older hominids. Hipsters are the newest designation we have created for people who are trying way too hard to be different. Christ, I grew up in the ’80s, and some of our parents are still reeling from Boy George’s androgyny. Today’s hipster doesn’t just yearn for a unique personal appearance; they also prefer a less-than-traditional vibe from their beer. I found a couple of serious hipster beers this week. They’re obnoxious to look at but sweet at heart.

Strap Tank Brewery Cosmic Fog: When my beer slinger plopped the glass in front of me, I thought I was tripping balls. The magical ale was a swirling storm

of purple-and-pink hues combined with pearl essence and glitter. I looked around at the others who had ordered it, too. The one thing we all had in common was that none of us were drinking it; we were all mesmerized by this psychedelic-unicorn concoction. The aroma here is vaguely redolent of berries, with lactic acid sourness and slight notes of lemon. It keeps the core of the style while bringing in pleasant fruit aromas. The flavor begins highly sour, with notes of tart raspberries mingling with lactic sourness and lemon. The finish is tart, lending notes of unripened berries, yogurt and hoppy citrus. The aftertaste has some grainy, cracker-like wheat malt.

Overall: The visual spectacle be damned!

This beer is a very nicely fruited Berliner Weisse that’s true to style. The mouthfeel is light bodied and puckering with high, effervescent carbonation. This is a fantastic brew that layers on the berries to create a tart, crisp, refreshing beer. This 4 percent ABV option is available at Strap Tank on draft.

Hopkins Brewing Co. Hipster AF: Brewers have spent the better part of the last two centuries trying to make the clearest, most brilliant beers possible without sacrificing flavor. It’s not just about clarity, but artistic pride. Hell, it’s no easy task to strip all of the coffee color from a coffee beer and blow the customer’s mind. Our second hipster beer—which even acknowledges its youth appeal in the name—is as

MIKE RIEDEL

BEER NERD

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18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

MARCH 21, 2019 | 25

LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

| CITY WEEKLY |

Contemporary Japanese Dining

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26 | MARCH 21, 2019

CONCERT PREVIEW

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Utah Symphony’s Unwound casual concert series makes its debut.

BY NICK McGREGOR music@cityweekly.net @mcgregornick

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t’s not that people don’t like classical music,” Los Angeles Philharmonic Music Director Gustavo Dudamel told The Guardian in 2010. “It’s that they don’t have the chance to understand and to experience it.” This quote encapsulates the challenge that one of the world’s most revered art forms faces as it tries to reach a broader audience. Here at home, the Utah Symphony tries to rectify the situation on Saturday, March 23, when its Unwound casual concert series debuts.

With a shorter run time, pre- and post-concert interactions and amplified visual elements, the program’s first installment, featuring Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 and an abridged version of Andrew Norman’s composition Play, presents a new opportunity for the Utah Symphony. “The idea is to deconstruct the taboos of the classical music concert-going experience,” Jeff Counts, Utah Symphony general manager and Unwound host, says. “The trappings of the concert are what we’re trying to dismantle and rebuild in a new way.”

Unwound’s informal nature reflects a growing trend in the classical music community: the song may remain the same, but the manner in which audiences absorb that song changes to reflect our more experiential modern society. Counts emphasizes the fact that “the music’s going to be just as great and the orchestra’s going to be in top form, like always.” But, he adds, “We want the lobby to be part of the experience.” Jimmy Martin from GeekShow Podcast hosts a trivia night in Abravanel Hall’s first tier room from 5:45 to 6:30 p.m. before the concert, beer is served at a cash bar and the principal performers of the evening stick around after the performance for a casual Q&A. “What we mean by ‘casual’ in this setting is really social,” Counts says. “We want people to interact with each other and with the musicians, and talking about what they just heard and saw. The timing for this kind of thing has always been right; I don’t know that now is any better than 10 years ago or 10 years from now. We’re just finally getting our heads around this as a concept. We’re really excited to bring it to audiences, and I hope it has a long, long life.

I don’t think this’ll ever not be a great addition to our offerings.”

During Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2, Thierry Fischer, Utah Symphony’s conductor and music director, leads the orchestra with guest pianist Alexander Gavrylyuk. Although Rachmaninoff first wrote the concerto during a low point in his career, it eventually grew to become one of the classical repertoire’s most popular pieces.

“We’re excited to present this very famous concerto in a new way,” Counts says. “The video element will show [the pianist’s] hands while he works, and we’re really hoping to put that risk and reward of what it takes to be a classical musician on display for the audience.”

After an intermission, the show concludes with Utah Symphony Composer-in-Association Andrew Norman leading the orchestra in a performance of Play, a cycle of pieces he wrote over the course of several years that explore the idea of choice, chance, free will and control. “[Play] is about how technology has rewired our brains and changed the ways we express ourselves,” Norman says of the piece. “[It’s] about the blurring boundaries of reality in the internet age, the murky grounds where video games and drone warfare meet, for

The Utah Symphony in rehearsal instance, or where cyber-bullying and real-world violence converge.”

Counts believes such a dual-pronged performance is perfect for today’s open-minded listeners. “It’s an example of the traditional and the new,” he says of the Rachmaninoff-Norman pairing. “I don’t want to say non-traditional because Andrew’s music is certainly written in the traditional vein for a full orchestra. It’s meant to display the same emotional complexity of anything that Rachmaninoff wrote. What’s different is that it’s new; Andrew’s music is written in a language that’s very contemporary, and he’s still alive and can talk to audiences about it, which is exciting. It was important to us to juxtapose the old and the new in this sort of innovative way.”

The incubation period for Unwound pushed the envelope, as well. Counts says the planning stretched across a full year, which represents a quick turnaround in the classical world; symphonies often plan two to three years out and treat the rollout of new performances with extreme care. While the March 23 edition of Unwound is the only one on the calendar so far, Counts says planning is already underway for 2020. “I hope we do it for 10-15 years,” he adds. “I think the idea of highlighting the visual aspect of what orchestras do is really fun, and I hope that has a long life here.”

That “here” is just as important for the Utah Symphony, which has called Abravanel Hall home since 1979. “Abravanel Hall works best simply because it’s our home,” Counts says. “It’s where the symphony rehearses. It’s where they sound their best. It was acoustically built for us. We want the orchestra to be in its purest place. To do that, we need to be in our space.” It’s the lobby, Counts adds, that will allow Unwound to truly stretch its legs. “Abravanel Hall’s lobby is gorgeous,” he says. “It’s the right size—it feels intimate but it’s also got enough space for people to mill around and talk to each other.”

Opening the door is the key to Unwound. It’s the other parts of the classical music concert that can be intimidating, Counts says: “What to wear, when to clap, how to behave … We’re stripping away all those things so that people can respond to this in any way they like.” Counts believes the members of the symphony themselves are just as excited about the new potential, too. “They want new people to experience what they do,” Counts says. “If providing a new door to better listening brings in people who haven’t experienced our art before, that’s a plus. Any time we get new fans, new followers and new supporters, the orchestra is fully on board with that.” CW

UNWOUND W/ UTAH SYMPHONY

Saturday, March 23, 7 p.m.

Abravanel Hall 123 W. South Temple 801-533-6683 $10-$69, all ages utahsymphony.org

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FRIDAY 3/22

The Suffers, Memphis McCool

Although The Suffers could be considered a throwback to old-school soul, the multi-ethnic Houston-based band also combines rock, reggae, rap and hip-hop on their latest album, the appropriately named Everything Here.

This dynamic eight-piece ensemble has been making music since 2011, and though Everything Here is only their second album, they’ve toured extensively, accumulating a steady stream of

The Suffers

prestigious awards and making some highly touted television appearances as well. Kam Franklin’s riveting vocals and the infusion of brass behind her enhance The Suffers’ depth and delivery, making it little wonder they’ve become modern festival favorites. Clearly, they’re beyond suffering at this point, though their handle does carry a relevant reference.

It’s taken from a 1978 Jamaican film of the same name, and during an appearance on The Daily Show, Franklin remarked, “In that film, the artists are actually the sufferers.

The major labels aren’t doing what they could be doing to make sure they get their justdeserved things. I feel like, as artists, we’ve been working for so long with no real reward or attention until recently.” Seems somewhat bittersweet, but given The Suffers’ savvy sensibilities, there was never any real doubt that this band is on the fast track toward stardom. Suffer no more, The Suffers. We’re psyched to see you. (Lee Zimmerman) The State Room, 638 S. State, 9 p.m., $17, 21+, thestateroompresents.com

Sarah Shook & The Disarmers, Them Coulee Boys

Different people have different things to say about Sarah Shook, a North Carolina firebrand producing some of the fiercest country rock in the world. In 2017, when Bloodshot Record rereleased Shook and her band The Disarmers’ 2015 debut Sidelong, Rolling Stone hailed the “nonconforming spitfire” and her combination of “sneering punk-rock autonomy” and “brutal classic country honesty.” Many outlets

Delicate Steve tromped right into stereotypical waters, however, portraying Shook as “so authentic you can picture her propped up in the doorway of her single-wide, curlers in her hair, ratty bathrobe flapping loose, cigarette dangling from the corner of her mouth, half-empty bottle of whiskey clutched tightly to her breast.”

(Thanks, No Depression.) In truth, Shook is much more than that: a mother and avid LGBTQ and safe space activist who channels her rage into action on new album Years, which moves away from the older dire straits of “Nothin’ Feels Right But Doin’ Wrong” and “Misery Without Company” toward the more hopeful outlook of “Good as Gold” and “What it Takes.” Of course, Shook is still “Damned if I Do” on Years, learning all the “New Ways to Fail.” As she says of the new album, which matches the psych-rock rumble of Ty Segall with the honky-tonk tears of Merle Haggard, “This record is about finding a way through exhaustion, betrayal, hangover after hangover, upper after downer after upper, fight after never-ending fight. It’s about picking yourself up and dusting yourself off after years of being trampled and beaten down, jutting your chin out, head high, after they’ve done their worst, and saying, ‘Still here.’” Look for Sarah Shook & The Disarmers to light it up and tear it down for the après-ski crowd. (NM) O.P. Rockwell, 268 Main, Park City, 9 p.m., $15, 21+, shows.oprockwell.com

Sarah Shook & The Disarmers

JOHN GESSNER

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Steve Marion makes predominantly instrumental music that somehow speaks with unmatched soul. He’s a guitar-playing whiz whose technical chops are unmatched in the indie-rock world—see his recording contributions with everyone from Amen Dunes to Kanye West to Paul Simon as proof.

But there’s a wild, almost-primitive energy that courses through the compositions Marion makes under the name Delicate Steve. Vibrations emanate from his axe with Frampton-esque allure; hipster snark is presented then skewered a la Mac DeMarco, one of Delicate Steve’s frequent collaborators and touring mates. His fourth LP, 2017’s This Is Steve, tried to demystify the aura of invincible creativity that Marion had built around himself, but on 2019’s Till I Burn Up, he veers back toward the freaky, abstract terra firma from which his instrumental meditations originally sprang. Citing the early transformative work of Dr. John and Iggy Pop as inspiration, Delicate Steve says in a news release for Till I Burn Up that he’s happy being a cult artist: “There is a confidence that comes with abandoning the idea of wanting to create something that everyone might like to check out.” Don’t miss the opportunity to watch him wring emotion out of his six string in Kilby Court’s intimate environs. (Nick McGregor) Kilby Court, 741 S. Kilby Court, 7 p.m., $13 presale; $15 day of show, all ages, kilbycourt.com

ELEANOR PETRY

3/21 Exotic burgers! THURSDAY Delicate Steve, Thick Paint

DANIEL JACKSON

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3.21 MORGAN SNOW

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3.23 STONEFED

Do you ever have your mind absolutely blown when you discover someone is Mormon? If you haven’t guessed already, the founders of Low, Alan Sparhawk and his partner Mimi Parker, are both members of the peculiar faith; Sparhawk has some tenuous Utah roots, too.

Perhaps that’s why they’re playing at a venue with a deep local heritage, Provo’s Velour, instead of a bigger Salt Lake City club. Or perhaps it’s because Low’s style—haunting harmonies and soft, fuzzy, expansive sonic landscapes that veer into distorted hisses and crackles—is uniquely suited to a smaller venue, one where the audience can listen in hushed, rapturous silence. And, if you listen closely, you can hear the language of Mormonism seeping into the music, like the lyrics of “Murderer,” from the band’s 2007 album Drums and Guns, which alludes to the Book of Mormon story in which Nephi murders a king, Laban, when commanded by God: “One more thing I’ll ask you, Lord/ You may need a murderer/ Someone to do your dirty work.” The band’s spirituality is subtle, however, and has mass appeal. Last year, Sparhawk told NPR that he and Parker are interested in grappling with the big life questions: “I think our music a lot of the time struggles with, ‘Who am I? What is truth? What is the correct path when you don’t really understand what it should be?’” The band’s most recent album, 2018’s Double Negative, takes fragments of answers gleaned during a politically tumultuous two years and splices them together, resulting in a triumphant, yearning masterpiece of a record that rises and ruptures, the harmonies gliding and joining within a cacophony of noise.

(Naomi Clegg) Velour Live Music Gallery, 135 N. University Ave., Provo, 8 p.m., $22 advance; $25 day of show, all ages, velourlive.com

MONDAY 3/25

Black Moth Super Rainbow, Steve Hauschildt, High Tides

The long-running experimental electronic band Black Moth Super Rainbow is back with a darkly euphoric album, Panic Blooms, its first full-length in six years. BMSR is a curious group. Led by reclusive frontman Tobacco, who uses a vocoder to mask his voice and

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3.27 MATT HOPPER AND THE ROMAN CANDLES

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Low

Low

convey a sense of flat, dead-eyed detachment, the other members of the Pittsburgh-based collective have names such as Iffernaut, Pony Diver and STV SLV. They generally prefer to stay shrouded in darkness while performing and wear masks when they’re feeling extra mysterious, providing them with semianonymity and doubtless feeding into their cult-like following. On Panic Blooms, BMSR once again tip-toes the line between abstract noisemaking and melodic songwriting, using vintage analog instruments to produce a mix of paranoia-inducing blips and bleeps and warm, immersive sounds that aren’t quite organic. It’s like hearing whales mournfully calling across the ocean—then realizing the whales are cyborgs. Like all BSMR records, Panic Blooms has its poppy moments, but they’re gone as soon as your toe starts tapping, replaced by woozy swells of sinistersounding synthesizer and Tobacco’s warped vocal melodies. The evening promises to be an absolute riot of drum machines and synths, as BSMR brings along Chicago-based electronic musician and Emeralds alumnus Steve Hauschildt, a composer of beautiful synthetic soundscapes, and hazy synth duo High Tides.

(Howard Hardee) Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 8 p.m. $17 presale; $20 day of show, 21+, metromusichall.com

DANIEL GILL

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SATURDAY 3/23

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TUESDAY 3/26

CONCERTS & CLUBS

CORINNE SHIAVONE

Deafheaven, Baroness, Zeal & Ardor

THURSDAY 3/21 LIVE MUSIC

Delicate Steve + Thick Paint (Kilby Court) see p. 28 Donna Missal + Samia (Soundwell) Howard Jones Trio feat. Nick Beggs + Robin Boult (Eccles Theater) Kris Angelis (Lake Effect) Morgan Snow (Hog Wallow Pub) Moves Collective (Gracie’s) Mt. Joy + Wilderado (Urban Lounge) Ripe + Waker + Simply B (The Complex) Street Jesus + Cumbia Night (Garage on Beck) Sweet Spirit + The Black Tapes + Reptaliens + Go Fever (Metro Music Hall) Vincent Draper & The Culls (Rye) Walter Trout + Tony Holiday (Commonwealth Room)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Dueling Pianos: South & Jordan (Tavernacle) Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Dusty Grooves All Vinyl DJ (Twist) Hot Noise + Guest DJ (The Red Door) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) RE:FINE (Downstairs)

Synthpop + Darkwave + Industrial + Goth w/ DJ Camille (Area 51) Therapy Thursdays feat. Shia San (Sky)

KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ DJ Kevin (Area 51) Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke Night (Tinwell) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck w/ Mikey Danger (Chakra Lounge) Live Band Karaoke (Club 90)

FRIDAY 3/22 LIVE MUSIC

Ashberry Jam (Harp and Hound) The Bright Light Social Hour + Kolars + Alex Lilly + Eldren (Urban Lounge) Bad Bad Hats + The Ophelias (Kilby Court) Boyz II Men (Park City Live) Catch Fish (Handle Bar) Christ Bender and Fastback (Deer Valley Resort) Fetty Wap (Sky) Fox Brothers Band (The Westerner) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Metal Gods (Liquid Joe’s)

Now that the 2010s are almost in the rearview, it’s safe to say that Deafheaven (pictured) will go down as one of the decade’s most important metal acts. Founded in 2010, the San Francisco group practically blew the scene apart in 2013 with Sunbather, which blended pummeling black metal aggression with spacey shoegaze and dreamy post-rock melodies.

Sunbather—and Deafheaven as a band—continues to sharply divide fans and critics, but at this point one would be hard-pressed to deny their popularity and impact on the genre. Currently on tour in support of their newest release, 2018’s Ordinary Corrupt Human Love, Deafheaven brings their intense, eardrum-annihilating live show to Metro Music Hall on a coheadline bill with Baroness, a Georgia-based sludge metal band whose 2015 album Purple found itself on many critics’ year-end lists despite a December release date. Baroness’ recent album announcement has many fans itching to hear some as-yet-unreleased songs performed live, as well. Also playing are Zeal & Ardor, whose own singular blend of black metal and traditional blues and soul music has been making waves recently. (Nic Renshaw) Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 6:30 p.m., $28 presale; $30 day of show, 21+, metromusichall.com

mewithoutYou + Tigers Jaw + Teddy Roberts & The Mouth (The Complex) Mike Rogers (Silver Lake Lodge) Muddlepuddle (State Road Tavern) N-U-endo (Club 90) Ressaca De Carnaval Com Compadre Washington (Vertigo) Riding Gravity + Jonny Utah (Ice Haüs) Sarah Shook & The Disarmers + Them Coulee Boys (O.P. Rockwell) see p. 28 Spot & Waldo (Outlaw Saloon) The Suffers + Memphis McCool (The State Room) see p. 28 Tony Holiday (The Yes Hell) Tony Oros + Swantourage (Lake Effect) Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats + Graveyard (Metro Music Hall) Veil of Maya + The Intervals (The Depot) The Waldron Brothers (Gold Blood Collective) Whiskey Rebellion (The Spur) Whisky Fish (Brewskis) Will Baxter Band (The Bayou)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

All-Request Gothic + Industrial + EBM + and Dark Wave w/ DJ Vision (Area 51) Dance Music (Chakra Lounge) DJ Chaseone2 (Lake Effect)

DJ Juggy (Bourbon House) DJ Sneeky Long (Twist) DJ Stario (Downstairs) Dueling Pianos feat. Troy & Jules feat Dave & JC (Tavernacle) Funkin’ Friday w/ DJ Rude Boy & Bad Boy Brian (Johnny’s on Second) Funky Friday w/ DJ Godina (Gracie’s) Hot Noise (The Red Door) New Wave ’80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) Top 40 All-Request w/ DJ Wees (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Areaoke w/ DJ Kevin (Area 51) Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY 3/23 LIVE MUSIC

Adventure Club + Riot Ten + Dirt Monkey + Tyana + Yakz (The Complex) Birds of Chicago (Eccles Center, Park City) Blaqk Audio + Silent Rival (Urban Lounge) Carnage the Executioner (The Royal) Cass McCombs + Sam Evian (The State Room) Changing Lanes Experience (Canyons Village)

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HOG WALLOW PUB

NICK McGREGOR

BAR FLY

Che Zuro (Harp and Hound) Chris Bender and Fastback (Deer Valley Resort) Desert Oceans + Dawnlit + Emma Park (Ice Haüs) Dirty Revival (O.P. Rockwell) Don Diablo (Park City Live) Droeloe (Soundwell) Foreign Air + Honors (Kilby Court) Fox Brothers Band (The Westerner) James Bay + Noah Kahan (The Union Event Center) Jamie Drake (Park City Mountain Village ) Joy Spring Band (Sugar House Coffee) Lil’ Baby + City Girls + Jordan Hollywood + Marlo + Blueface (The Great Saltair) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue) Live Trio (The Red Door) Liz Phair (Metro Music Hall) Los Hellcaminos (The Spur) Low (Velour Live Music Gallery) see p. 30 The Mix (The Bayou) Marina (Gold Blood Collective) Matt Calder + Matthew & The Hope (Lake Effect) Metal Dogs (Brewskis) N-U-endo (Club 90) Slaughter (Dejoria Center) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) A RELAXED GENTLEMAN’S CLUB DA I LY L U N C H S P E C I A L S POOL, FOOSBALL & GAMES

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I’m embarrassed to admit it took me almost two years to make my maiden visit to Hog Wallow Pub. But, boy, was this Big Cottonwood Canyon haunt worth the wait. Rocking up for happy hour on a recent Tuesday, I found a $6 mini pitcher special—and RoHa Brewing’s tasty Red Ale on the rotating tap. The log cabin décor was impressive: a true ski lodge feel, even in the Cottonwood Heights suburbs, studded with year-round Christmas decorations, faded old paintings, funky tchotchkes and enough beer signs to inspire neon dreams for years. The food was equally astounding. My partner and I ordered a French dip and a special Chili Frito Burger, which sent us off into sandwich heaven.

After we ate, we sampled a few different whiskeys, all at incredibly affordable prices: Templeton Rye for $7, High West American Prairie for $10, and Bulleitt Rye for a measly $5.50. But it was the Hog Wallow staff that really set this experience apart. The ID scanner working the door asked us how our day was (and genuinely cared); Gabe, our waiter, was incredibly attentive, grabbing our food order quickly so he could put it in before the party of 12 that arrived right before us. While cashing out one customer, the bartender called behind her, “Say hi to your dad for me!” It’s that kind of warm, friendly atmosphere that sets Hog Wallow Pub apart—and the cozy patio, which, when the weather finally warms up, provides the perfect respite from the dim lights inside. The view into Big Cottonwood Canyon with the historic Old Mill ruin looming ominously in the distance is to die for, as well. And don’t even get me started on the bar’s overstuffed music calendar, which runs Wednesday through Monday each week and includes a diverse range of Salt Lake Valley’s best pickers, grinners and rock ’n’ rollers.

The question isn’t if I’ll return to Hog Wallow Pub—it’s when, and how often. (Nick McGregor) 3200 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, 801-733-5567, thehogwallow.com

Spot & Waldo (Outlaw Saloon) The Swinging Lights (Garage on Beck) Twiddle + Iya Terra (Commonwealth Room) Unwound w/ Utah Symphony (Abravanel Hall) see p. 26 Wolfheart + Children of Bodom + Swallow the Sun + Hollow Cry (Metro Music Hall)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

ABBA Mania (Urban Lounge) Dance Music (Chakra Lounge) DJ Brisk (Downstairs) DJ Handsome Hands (Bourbon House) DJ Latu (The Green Pig) DJ Mr. Ramirez (Lake Effect) DJ Soul Pause (Twist) Gothic + Industrial + Dark ’80s w/ DJ Courtney (Area 51) Dueling Pianos feat. Troy, Drew & Mike feat. JC (Tavernacle) Oh Snap! feat. DJ Juggy & Brisk (The Depot) Scandalous Saturdays w/ DJ Logik (Lumpy’s Highland) Sky Saturdays w/ DJ Kyle Flesch (Sky) Top 40 + EDM + Alternative w/ DJ Twitch (Area 51)

KARAOKE

Areaoke DJ Kevin (Area 51) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ B-Rad (Club 90)

SUNDAY 3/24 LIVE MUSIC

Con Brio + Dirty Revival (The State Room) Live Bluegrass (Club 90) Nappy Roots + Rhyme Time (Metro Music Hall) Nathan Spenser Revue (Garage on Beck) Patrick Ryan (The Spur) Quiet Oaks + Ugly Boys + Martian Cult (Urban Lounge)

Ric Wilson + David Moon + Rahz (Kilby Court)

TUESDAY 3/26

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

LIVE MUSIC

Karaoke (Tavernacle) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue)

Amanda Johnson (Lake Effect) Baroness + Deafheaven + Zeal & Ardor (Metro Music Hall) see p. 32 Boyce Avenue + Jeff LeBlanc (The Complex) Brian Koviak (The Spur) Brothers Osborne (Union Event Center) The Driver Era (Kilby Court) Whiskerman + Matt Hopper & The Roman Candles + Morgan Snow (Urban Lounge)

MONDAY 3/25

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Spur) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Sunday Night Bluegrass Jam w/ Nick Greco & Blues on First (Gracie’s)

KARAOKE

LIVE MUSIC

Amanda Johnson (The Spur) Austin Lucas + Nick Passey (Rye) Black Moth Super Rainbow + Steve Hauschildt + High Tides (Metro Music Hall) see p. 30 Mat Kerekes + Jetty Bones + Jacob Sigman (Kilby Court) Quinn XCII + Ashe + Christian French (The Complex) SLUG Localized feat. Sonnets + Savage Daughters + Portal to the God Damn Blood Dimension (Urban Lounge) Veronica Swift + Benny Green Trio (Capitol Theatre) Will Baxter Band (Lake Effect)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Industry Night Mondays w/ DJ Juggy (Trails) Monday Night Blues & More Jam hosted by Robby’s Blues Explosion (Hog Wallow Pub) Monday Night Open Jazz Session w/ David Halliday & The JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam w/ West Temple Taildraggers (The Green Pig) Open Mic (The Cabin)

Groove Tuesdays (Johnny’s on Second) Locals Lounge (The Cabin) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU) Open Mic Night (The Royal) Tuesday Night Bluegrass Jam w/ Pixie & The Partygrass Boys (Gracie’s) Tuesday Night Jazz (Alibi)

WEDNESDAY 3/27 LIVE MUSIC

Copeland + From Indian Lakes + Many Rooms (Urban Lounge) Jim Fish (Lake Effect) Live Jazz (Club 90) Sydnie Keddington (The Spur)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE Dark NRG w/ DJ Nyx (Area 51) Dueling Pianos (Tavernacle) Energi Wednesdays feat. 12th Planet (Sky) Open Mic (Velour) Roaring Wednesdays: Swing Dance Lessons (Prohibition) Top 40 All-Request w/ DJ Wees (Area 51) VJ Birdman on the Big Screen (Twist)

FILM REVIEW

50/50

CINEMA

Gloria Bell retells a rare story of an older woman’s life.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

A24 FILMS

M

Julianne Moore in Gloria Bell of Gloria’s DNA to emphasize that people who have aged beyond the body type of their glory years still have desires, and that those relationships can be just as real and profound.

In keeping with the choices he makes throughout the film, Lelio ends Gloria Bell on exactly the same scene as Gloria: With Gloria herself dancing to a song that’s actually a more obvious needle drop than “Alone Again, Naturally.” It serves as the same perfect punctuation mark for what the heroine has come to realize about herself, yet there’s a bit of ferocity missing from the way Moore takes control of the dance floor. As satisfying as this story is in centering the emotional journey of a woman “of a certain age,” it’s also interesting to see a variation in which that woman isn’t letting loose quite as much frustration— perhaps at the reality that she can so rarely see women like herself in movies. CW

Springtime at

Glover Nursery

GLORIA BELL

| CITY WEEKLY |

BBB Julianne Moore John Turturro Michael Cera R

PAIRS WITH Gloria (2013) Paulina García Sergio Hernández R

Still Alice (2014) Julianne Moore Alec Baldwin PG-13

A Fantastic Woman (2017) Daniela Vega Francisco Reyes R

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| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

that Gloria has to listen to friends singing “Alone Again, Naturally,” Gloria Bell effectively establishes how Gloria feels the pressure not to be alone again, naturally.

Moore brings to that character a different quality than García did. While the Chilean Gloria had a prickly personality that made every one of her relationships feel like a potential challenge, Moore’s version is softer, more genuinely uncertain as to the kind of life she wants for herself. It’s a side that pays off even more richly when Moore’s Gloria decides to stand up for what she really wants—and doesn’t want—for herself, yet it also makes the character a bit less complicated. There’s never a sense in Gloria Bell that its protagonist has to become a different kind of person—she simply has to understand the kind of person she already is.

There’s also a seemingly small but pretty consequential difference in the way Gloria Bell uses physicality and sensuality. Both versions of the story involve sex scenes between Gloria and her boyfriend, yet the Chilean Gloria isn’t shy about showing us the less-than-perfect bodies of the people involved, both the folds and curves of García’s body and the ample belly of Sergio Hernández as the Turturro counterpart.

It’s certainly not a problem that Moore is more lithe than García, but this telling for American audiences feels more timid about nudity. It seemed like a fundamental part

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

ovies like Gloria Bell—focused on the lives and experiences of 50-something women—don’t come along very often. In fact, they’re infrequent enough that it’s tempting to wonder whether the last one wasn’t … well, the last time writer and director Sebastián Lelio told this exact same story. Lelio’s 2013 Chilean feature Gloria introduced the story of a divorced woman named Gloria as played

by Paulina García, who won a Best Actress award at the Berlin Film Festival for her performance. So considering that Lelio has opted to turn his English-language remake into virtually a scene-for-scene recreation of the original, it’s fascinating to note what changes when the primary difference is the actors.

It’s a pretty solid start to cast Oscar-winner Julianne Moore as Gloria Bell, who still appears to be getting comfortable with her life more than a decade post-divorce and after her two children (Michael Cera and Caren Pistorius) have emptied the nest.

She spends days trying out activities like yoga and laughter therapy, and her nights at “mature singles” events at dance clubs, boogieing to the hits of her youth. At one such night she meets Arnold (John Turturro), a fellow divorcé, and the two strike up a relationship that becomes serious with surprising speed.

Lelio builds a mountain of rich thematic material into the basic framework of this narrative. There’s a great recurring bit involving a neighbor’s cat that keeps finding its way into Gloria’s apartment, a perpetual reminder of the lonely cat lady she sees herself on the verge of becoming. And Lelio keeps dropping reminders of looming mortality into Gloria’s path: a conversation with her aging mother (Holland Taylor) about how quickly time marches; a street performer’s skeleton marionette; a diagnosis of glaucoma that means she’ll be using prescription eyedrops for the rest of her life. As obvious a needle drop as it might be

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

| NEWS | A&E | DINING | CINEMA | MUSIC |

| CITY WEEKLY |

36 | MARCH 21, 2019

CINEMA CLIPS

story is prepared to support. Opens March 22 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)—Scott Renshaw

MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

SPECIAL SCREENINGS

NEW THIS WEEK

IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK At Park City Film Series, March 22-23, 8 p.m.; March 24, 6 p.m. (R)

Film release schedules are subject to change. Reviews online at cityweekly.net

THE MARTIAN At Main Library, March 26, 7 p.m. (PG-13)

GLORIA BELL BBB See review on p. 35. Opens March 22 at theaters valleywide. (R)

CURRENT RELEASES

US [not yet reviewed] Jordan Peele’s Get Out follow-up, about a family terrorized by doppelgangers. Opens March 22 at theaters valleywide. (R) THE WEDDING GUEST BB Dev Patel nails the slow burn in writer and director Michael Winterbottom’s thriller; the real problem is how slowly the rest of the movie around him burns. Patel plays a mysterious character called Jay who travels from England to Pakistan, ostensibly for a wedding, but purchases of items like duct tape and guns hint at his plan to abduct the bride-to-be, Samira (Radhika Apte). The details behind the abduction unfold gradually over the course of the next hour, with the relationship between Jay and Samira getting complicated in a variety of ways. But they just aren’t interesting enough to justify a narrative that gets stuck in a loop of “drive somewhere, check in at hotel under assumed name, make a phone call, maybe obtain new false ID, drive to next place”—all with plenty of footage of exotic local color. It’s especially frustrating when Winterbottom seems to be building to a shift in the dynamic between his two main characters that simply never comes. The enigmatic intensity Patel brings to his character deserves a payoff more substantial than this wispy

CAPTAIN MARVEL BB Indie drama/episodic TV veterans Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck attempt to humanize a cosmic-level Marvel hero: a powerful woman called Vers (Brie Larson) who lost her memory and is now serving as a soldier for the intergalactic Kree empire, fighting shape-shifting Skrulls. Initially, there’s an impressive efficiency in structuring the story as a mystery of identity, allowing us to dive right into the action. Unfortunately, Boden and Fleck aren’t up to the task of the action sequences, and even their theoretical strength as directors of actors comes up short. Larson generally seems adrift between the grinning self-confidence of her past self and the stolidness of a warrior lost in space and time. She’s a powerful, resilient role model in a movie that wrestles unsuccessfully with the tension between basic humanity and cosmic laserblasts. (PG-13)—SR CAPTIVE STATE BBB A few missteps and the whole thing could have become a campy laughingstock, but director Rupert Wyatt (Rise of the Planet of the Apes) defies his cheap budget with a docudrama style that thrusts us into the urgency of the situation. Nine years after Earth surrendered to alien invaders aided by law enforcement, members of the anti-alien resistance are viewed as terrorist insurgents. John Goodman plays a dutiful federal agent trying

to find the cell of resistance fighters that his young acquaintance, Gabriel (Moonlight’s Ashton Sanders), is affiliated with. While the plot features shocking moments, the thoughtful screenplay isn’t built on twists or pyrotechnics, but on the machinations of both sides of this war. Parallels to real-world propagandists and their collaborators are clear without being heavy-handed. It’s a bit long, but Wyatt’s earnest intensity generally had me hooked.

(PG-13)—Eric D. Snider EVERYBODY KNOWS BB In Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi’s first Spanish-language film, Laura (Penélope Cruz) visits her small Spanish village for her sister’s wedding, encountering extended family and friends, including local winemaker Paco (Javier Bardem). It’s a bit tricky keeping track of how everyone is related, but we do see that deep interconnections between all these people make them reliant on one another for favors big and small in unquestioning ways. But after the wedding sequence early on, Everybody Knows takes a turn it never recovers from. Farhadi indulges in more “plot” this time around than he has before, but he flounders with the stuff of a melodramatic thriller. He attempts to meld potboiler with his usual slow-burning humanistic drama, but there’s little space for either cinematic impulse to be satisfied. His mystery undermines the humanity, and his humanity undermines the mystery. (R)— MaryAnn Johanson FIVE FEET APART BB.5 It’s 2019’s tragic romance, about adolescents falling in love while dying prettily; the malady this time is—spins wheel of misfortune—cystic fibrosis. When 17-year-old Stella (Haley Lu Richardson) meets hospital-cute, floppy-haired bad boy, sensitive artist and fellow CF patient Will (Cole Sprouse), it’s doomed romance at first sight: They cannot touch because of the high probability of cross-infecting each other’s susceptible lungs.

They must remain 5 feet apart—though it really should be 6 feet—and their decision to “take back a foot” from the disease

is rather reckless, especially since the movie hopes to engage in valuable awareness-raising about cystic fibrosis (which it certainly does). Still, as tragic-teen romances go, this one is inoffensive enough, and Richardson in particular is thoroughly charming. Someday, a teen girl might not even need to be dying to warrant her own movie. (PG-13)—MAJ RUBEN BRANDT, COLLECTOR BBB The animated feature debut from Milorad Krstic bursts out of the screen like a surrealist psychological thriller crossed with Ocean’s Eleven. Art therapist Ruben Brandt (Iván Kamarás) tries to address his vivid nightmares about great artworks by having those works stolen by his patients, who also happen to be thieves.

The heists themselves might be little more than an afterthought, but Krstic proves to have a deft touch as a choreographer of animated action. The real draw, though, is his wildly inventive approach to illustration, with characters stylized as cubist creations and shots dense with background detail. It would have been nice to have a narrative as engaging as the aesthetics, but this movie reminds us there are an infinite number of ways to use the unique properties of animation in service of a story. (R)—SR WONDER PARK B In this goopy pile of trash from a third-tier animation studio, a girl named June (voiced by Brianna Denski) has invented an imaginary theme park with her mom (Jennifer Garner), pretending it’s run by her stuffed animals. But when Mom falls ill, June stops playing pretend, which is disastrous for the park’s inhabitants. Via magic or something, June finds herself in a declining Wonderland, with the animals struggling to prevent the park from being dismantled by an army of Peanut plush toys from the gift shop. Unsurprisingly, a story set in a pretend place with low stakes and no real-world consequences yields unsatisfying results. The threats are nebulous, the objectives unclear and there’s no wit or cleverness in the light-hearted shenanigans. It exists mainly to set up an upcoming Nickelodeon TV series—and it shows. (PG)—EDS

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): During the coming weeks, everything that needs to happen will indeed happen only if you surprise yourself on a regular basis. So I hope you will place yourself in unpredictable situations where you won’t be able to rely on well-rehearsed responses. I trust you will regard innocence and curiosity and spontaneity as your superpowers. Your willingness to change your mind won’t be a mark of weakness but rather a sign of strength.

was a military officer and engineer for the Soviet army. His specialty was disarming explosive devices before they detonated.

Over the course of his career, he defused an estimated 50,000 bombs and mines. Let’s make him your patron saint for the coming weeks. Why? Because I suspect you will be able to summon a metaphorical version of his power: an extraordinary capacity to keep volatile situations from blowing up. You’ll be a virtuoso at waging peace and preventing strife.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In the animated kids’ film Over the Hedge, 10 talking animals come upon a massive, towering hedge they’ve never seen. The friendly group consists of a skunk, red squirrel, box turtle, two opossums and five porcupines. The hedge perplexes and mystifies them. It makes them nervous. There’s nothing comparable to it in their previous experience. One of the porcupines says she would be less afraid of it if she just knew what it was called, whereupon the red squirrel suggests that from now on they refer to it as “Steve.” After that, they all feel better. I recommend that you borrow their strategy in the coming weeks. If a Big Unknown arrives in your vicinity, dub it “Steve” or “Betty.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): There was a time, less than a century ago, when pink was considered a masculine color and blue a feminine hue. In previous eras, many European men sported long hair, wore high heels, and favored clothes with floral patterns. Franklin D. Roosevelt, one of America’s most prominent 20th-century presidents, sometimes wore skirts and feather-bedecked hats as a child.

With these facts as your keystone, and in accordance with astrological omens, I encourage you to experiment with your own gender expressions in the coming weeks. It’s prime time to have fun with the way you interpret what it means to be a man or woman—or any other gender you might consider yourself to be.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I urge you to locate a metaphorical or very literal door that will give you access to a place that affords you more freedom and healing and support. Maybe you already know about the existence of this door—or maybe it’s not yet on your radar. Here’s advice from Clarissa Pinkola Éstes that might help. “If you have a deep scar, that is a door,” she writes. “If you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much that you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to estimates by population experts, about 109 billion humans have been born on planet Earth over the millennia.

And yet I’m quite sure that not a single one of those other individuals has been anything like you. You are absolutely unique, an unmatched treasure, a one-of-a-kind creation with your own special blend of qualities. And in my prophetic view, you’re ready to fully acknowledge and celebrate these facts on a higher octave than ever before. It’s high time for you to own your deepest authenticity; to work with extra devotion to express your soul’s code; to unabashedly claim your idiosyncratic genius.

mother just served us nachos" 42. Bullfighters 44. Nicks on albums 45. Come through slowly 47. Response to a pledge drive request 48. The sun, for one 50. Nonsense word repeated before "oxen free" 51. Uma's role in "The Producers" 52. Path 53. Jungle chest-beater

DOWN

1. Office gizmo 2. Agenda starter 3. "The Breakfast Club" actor 4. Pack rat 5. Film directors Fritz and Walter 6. '30s migrant

Last week’s answers

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MARCH 21, 2019 | 37

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): We don’t know as much about European history between the sixth and ninth centuries as we do about other eras. Compared to the times that preceded and followed it, cultural and literary energies were low. Fewer records were kept. Governments were weaker and commerce was less vigorous. But historians don’t like to use the term “Dark Ages” to name that period because it brought many important developments and activities, such as improvements in farming techniques. So in some ways, “Lost Ages” might be a more apropos descriptor. Now let’s turn our attention to a metaphorically comparable phase of your own past, Capricorn: an era that’s a bit fuzzy in your memory; a phase about which your understanding is incomplete. I suspect that the coming weeks will be an excellent time to revisit that part of LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “When you want happiness, what are you wanting?” asks your life and see what new evidence and insights you can mine. aphorist Olivia Dresher. The repeat of an event that made you feel good in the past? A sweet adventure you’ve thought AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): about but never actually experienced? Here’s a third possibility. Why do some American libraries ban certain books, ensuring Maybe happiness is a state you could feel no matter what your they’re unavailable to local readers? The reasons might be because circumstances are; maybe you could learn how to relax into life they feature profanity or include references to sex, drug use, exactly as it is, and feel glad about your destiny wherever it takes the occult, atheism and unusual political viewpoints. Marjane you. In my opinion, Leo, that third approach to happiness will be Satrapi’s Persepolis is one of the most frequently censored books. Others are Maya Angelou’s I Know Why the Caged Bird especially natural for you to foster in the coming weeks.

Sings; Beloved, by Toni Morrison; and The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini. In my astrological opinion, these are exactly the kinds of VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): There are old traditions in many cultures that pay special attention books you should especially seek out in the coming weeks. In fact, to the first brick or stone that is laid in the earth to initiate the con- I suggest you commune with a variety of art and ideas and influstruction of a future building. It’s called a cornerstone or foundation ences that are controversial, provocative and intriguing. stone. All further work to create the new structure refers back to this original building block and depends on it. I’m pleased to inform PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): you that now is a favorable phase to put your own metaphorical cor- At the age of 97, Piscean cartoonist Al Jaffee is still creating nerstone in place, Virgo. You’re ready to begin erecting a structure new material for the satirical Mad magazine, where he has or system that will serve you for years to come. Be sure you select worked since 1964. There was one 63-year stretch when his comic stylings appeared in all but one of Mad’s monthly issues. I the right place for it, as well as the best building materials. nominate him to be your role model during the next four weeks.

It’s a favorable time for you to access and express a high degree LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Born under the sign of Libra, Ivan Kharchenko (1918–1989) of tenacity, stamina and consistency.

1. Stays off the grid, say 8. ____-Caps (candy) 11. Misbehaving 14. On the line 15. J's value in Words With Friends 16. Man's name that's an investment spelled backward 17. "You can be sure" 18. "____ day now ..."

19. Calligraphy tool 20. Means of escape preferred by those born in the '60s and '70s?

23. Holds dear 24. "No way, José" 25. Limo-riding sorts 28. Cabinet dept. since 1977 29. ____ school 30. Got ready for the camera 31. Ian Frazier's "On the ____" 32. Pear variety 33. Big blood vessels 34. Song-and-dance man preferred by those born in the '80s and early '90s?

36. Age, and not try to hide it 39. Supermodel Sastre 40. Fitting 43. Live in a studio 44. '60s civil rights org.

45. City where you can view Edvard Munch's "The Scream" 46. 12 cc, maybe 47. "Believe ____ Not!" 48. Achieve great success 49. Sensual area preferred by those born in the mid-to-late '90s and early 2000s?

52. Used to be 54. "Facilities," informally 55. Tailor, at times 56. Cartoon seller of Squishees 57. 56, in old Rome 58. Words before fame or after lay 59. "Sure is!"

60. "____-haw!"

61. It will hold your horses

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Musician Carole Kaye is the most famous bass guitarist you’ve never heard of. Over the course of five decades, she has plied her soulful talents on more than 10,000 recordings, including gems by Frank Zappa, Stevie Wonder, Frank Sinatra, Simon and Garfunkel, and the Beach Boys. Twenty-seven-time Grammy winner Quincy Jones has testified that Kaye has written “some of the most beautiful themes I’ve ever heard in my life” and that she “could do anything and leave men in the dust.” I trust this horoscope will expand the number of people who appreciate her. I also hope you’ll be inspired to become more active in spreading the word about the gifts that you have to offer the world. It’s high time to make sure that people know more of the beautiful truth about you.

7. Milk maid?

8. Decline to recline?

9. "Buffalo Stance" singer Cherry 10. Shade of black 11. Martin Luther King Jr., for one 12. Sister Sledge's "We ____ Family" 13. Cacophony 21. Drop by, say 22. ____-billed woodpecker 26. Fairy tale "lump" 27. Vietnam War protest grp.

29. Little horse on the prairie?

30. Capitol insiders 32. What a koala really isn't 33. Trump portrayer Baldwin 34. Pam of "Jackie Brown" 35. Make gradual inroads 36. Quetzalcoatl, e.g.

37. Singer whose name sounds like a cry of dismay 38. Gets ready to hit the road 40. "In my opinion ..."

41. Subject of the mnemonic "My very eager

ACROSS

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

B R E Z S N Y

GEN

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Many large cities in the United State have specific cultural neighborhoods that have developed over the years, like San Francisco’s Chinatown; India Square in Jersey City, N.J.; Little Odessa in Brooklyn, N.Y.; Little Saigon in San Diego, Calif., and Koreatown in Dallas, Texas. Salt Lake used to have Japantown on 100 South between 200 and 300 West and Greektown, which surrounded the Holy Trinity Cathedral on 300 South and 300 West. All that’s left of those two neighborhoods are churches and some associated properties.

Recently, I received a call from a member of the Greek community who said they anticipate major parking problems at this fall’s annual Greek Festival. If you haven’t driven around the Pioneer Park neighborhood in the last few months, you wouldn’t have seen the residential high-rise going up that’s slapped almost onto the back of Tony Caputo’s Market & Deli or noticed that Pierpont Avenue is blocked off for construction.

Also, the parking lot just south of the Crane Building on 200 South and 300 West is full of construction vehicles as is the parking lot across the street where the Greek Fest sets up an inflatable bounce house and kids’ slide. I suggested organizers work closely with UTA and educate festival-goers on how easy it is to ride the bus and Trax.

The Holy Trinity and the other Greek Church, Prophet Elias, and local developers are discussing how to generate income for the cathedral from its land holdings and how to creatively reinvigorate the old Greektown neighborhood with updated housing, retail and office spaces. Among the dozen or so pieces of real estate the church owns are the parking lot by the Crane Building, the pay parking lot north of the cathedral and the La France apartment complex.

The La France apartments are row houses built in 1905 before the cathedral was finished in 1923. They are a total retro heaven of run-down low-income housing and were built to last with high-quality brick construction and hardwood features. Just about every artist I’ve ever known has spent time there. There are porches on each little attached house, and neighbors sit in the summer and talk to people coming and going on Wayne Court and hold parties and festivals of their own. It’s a pretty groovy place, and tenants never ever want to give up their leases. Sadly, La France’s owners haven’t had the funds to renovate the row houses and a wrecking ball might be their fate. There’s no decision yet as to what the future holds for old Greektown, but the ghosts and history of the neighborhood will always remain. n

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An unfortunately named woman, Johna Martinez-Meth, 46, of Clearlake, Calif., was sentenced on Feb. 21 for involuntary manslaughter stemming from a delivery she made to Adrian Sepulveda, an inmate at California Medical Facility in Vacaville, in May 2018. Sepulveda, who died on May 28, 2018, was serving a life sentence for second-degree murder when MartinezMeth visited him; an autopsy showed that shortly after her visit, Sepulveda had swallowed multiple balloons filled with methamphetamine, Fox News reported. A subsequent search of Martinez-Meth’s home uncovered meth and balloons. She pleaded guilty to the charges and will serve two years.

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their security system. “I knew my neighbors had cameras, and I thought I was going to make the ordinary extraordinary and dress up in the panda suit,” the unnamed man told CBS 58.

Apparently he has also picked his daughter up at school and met her at the bus stop in the suit (pandas are her favorite animal).

WEIRD

Legal Shenanigans San Juan County (Washington) Sheriff Ron Krebs is on the hot seat after Superior Court Judge Kathryn Loring accidentally discovered a disturbing video. On Jan. 31, Loring was sitting at the desk of the court administrator when she noticed video from a courthouse camera on the computer screen. As she watched, the camera panned and zoomed in on the jury box and counsel tables—settling on Juror No. 3’s notes and a legal pad belonging to Public Defender Colleen Kenimond—right in the middle of a misdemeanor assault and trespassing trial for Lopez Island resident Dustin Schible. According to The Seattle Times, Loring alerted Superior Court Judge Donald Eaton to the video, and Eaton dismissed the charges against Schible, citing government misconduct. Krebs, who controls the cameras, said he was concerned about the defendant, who had threatened to stab a Lopez Island grocer. He claimed he didn’t pass on anything he saw with the camera, and County Prosecutor Randall Gaylord said no one in his office received any information from Krebs. “We are independently elected officials,” Gaylord said, distancing himself from Krebs.

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Least-Competent Criminal In the category of Unnecessarily Calling Attention to Your Criminal Self, Trinidad J. Garcia, 26, of Forest Lake, Minn., wins the gold. On March 1, as Garcia motored his BMW north on snow-slick I-35, police say he fired a stolen gun, without provocation, into the passenger door of a pickup truck that was passing him on the left. The Minneapolis Star Tribune reported he then veered into the median ditch. A state trooper was close by and stopped. Garcia, who had stuffed the loaded gun in his front pocket, was arrested; in his car, officers found a shoebox with $11,481 in cash. He was charged with second-degree assault, drive-by shooting and being a felon in possession of a firearm.

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Bright Ideas The long, harsh winter must be getting to folks in Muskego, Wis. To wit: Police were called to a home on Feb. 22 after “a big teddy bear” was reported to be at a neighbor’s front door. As it turned out, the human-sized panda—not native to the Badger State— was a 48-year-old man who had been asked to check on the dogs and thought it would be funny to prank his neighbors through

n Judith Streng and her son, Rod, traveled to Iceland in February, where they visited Diamond Beach, in Jokulsarlon.

The tourist attraction features huge chunks of ice that have broken off a nearby glacier. The Texas grandma saw other visitors having their pictures taken on a beached iceberg that was shaped like a throne, so she climbed aboard for her turn. That’s when a “sneaker wave” swept in and took Streng out into the lagoon.

“A very large wave came in and kind of made the throne kind of rock,” she told ABC News. Streng was rescued by a boater, Randy Lacount of Florida, who happened to be nearby when she drifted away from shore. “You know I always wanted to be queen,” Streng said. “That was my chance.”

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The Continuing Crisis Attorneys in Maryville, Tenn., are debating the merits of a felony case brought against Howard Matthew Webb, 31, after he—proceed with caution here—dipped his testicles in a takeout container of salsa that his companion was delivering along with Mexican food. As the two ferried the food on Jan. 12, Webb took his boys for a swim while he recorded the act, and the driver laughed and said, “This is what you get when you give an 89-cent tip for an almost 30-minute drive.” Webb is heard saying, “Oh, oh, it feels so good.” The video made it to Facebook, and Webb was arrested on Feb. 22 for “adulteration of foods, liquids or pharmaceuticals,” a Class C felony. But three local attorneys told the Knoxville News Sentinel that they don’t think the charge holds up. “It’s doubtful under these facts, no matter how outrageous, that this criminal offense could be proven,” said attorney Gregory P. Isaacs. “It appears salsa man may have committed an act for which the legislature has not yet contemplated the absurdity of.”

n Neighbors of Michal Prasek, 33, of Zdechov, Czech Republic, were rightly concerned about the animals living on his property.

In 2016, Prasek bought a full-grown lion, and two years later he added a lioness for breeding purposes. He built enclosures for them, defying government regulations, and would not allow authorities onto his property to investigate. BBC News reported on March 5 that Prasek’s project had met a tragic end: He was discovered by his father in the lion’s cage, mauled to death. The father said the cage had been locked from the inside. Police who were called to the scene killed the two lions in order to reach Prasek’s body. Presumably grasping for a silver lining, Zdechov Mayor Tomas Kocourek commented: “Today’s incident will perhaps finally help to resolve this long-term problem.” Cold, dude.

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