City Weekly July 6, 2017

C I T Y W E E K LY . N E T

J U LY 0 6 , 2 0 1 7 | V O L . 3 4 N 0 . 6

17 years into its run as a public park, Gilgal Garden is starting to show its age.

By Dylan Woolf Harris

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2 | JULY 06, 2017

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY NOT-SO-SECRET GARDEN

Three years shy of celebrating two decades as a public park, Gilgal Sculpture Garden shows some notable wear and tear.

Cover photo by Enrique Limón

16

CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 20 A&E 24 DINE 30 CINEMA 33 TRUE TV 34 MUSIC 45 COMMUNITY

ALEX SPRINGER

Dining, p. 24 Springer agrees the term foodie is overused, so per his suggestion, we’ll stick with “gastronaut.”

Armed with a ravenous appetite and perhaps a hollow leg, the Holladay native says the most delectable dish he’s tried is Copper Onion’s duck confit poutine, and is quick to point out it’s “the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth … that is food.”

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SOAP BOX

COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET @SLCWEEKLY

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@SLCWEEKLY

Cover story, June 22, “Locked on Locke” Great article!

BRANDON KELLY Via cityweekly.net Very deserving. Dude does fantastic work.

DREU DAMIAN HUDSON Via Facebook

Great article. Thanks to @Lockedonsports for your tireless dedication to the best franchise in the NBA. @LockedonNetwork is truly remarkable.

@Z_23

Via Twitter Thanks for your hard work. Even if you are on vacation during the draft.

@DJ_HERRM Via Twitter

Definitely dedicated fans to David Locke!

Our family always mutes Jazz TV commentary in favor of his live, action-packed play-by-play on The Zone 97.5 FM. Keep it up. You inspire!

MEGAN HANRAHAN Via cityweekly.net

That was a great article. Thank you for all you do to keep us engaged with the Jazz.

@WESJENKINS3 Via Twitter

That’s when you know you’re big time. #congrats

@BRYNERNINER Via Twitter

Nice profile of earned success.

@CHRISMALLETT Via Twitter

Lucky to have you, Locke. Fun to hear about all the work you put in to get where you are today. Cool to hear about you and your dad. Go Jazz!

@SPENCERDWALSH Via Twitter

You the man, David. Thanks for always bringing it.

@VALENTINEJAMES Via Twitter

That was a fantastic read. I’m truly grateful for all of your hard work. Us Jazz fans are spoiled to have you. Thank you for your passion.

@RIZZOKIZZO Via Twitter

With all of the information available, it’s a great time to be a sports fan. I always enjoy your insight.

@NICHOLASANDERS9 Via Twitter

Great article. Hope you enjoyed your trip.

We’ll be glad to have you back in town.

@KELLENTEW Via Twitter

News, June 22, “A Question of Time”

This article makes it sound like if you end up in prison, the Board of Pardons may just let you rot there for life, which is total bullshit. Even in the rare cases where actual life sentences are handed down, it’s to hardened murderers and serial sex offenders that have no chance of rehabilitation; not white-collar criminals like this guy. The board may need guideline reviews, but these people have to deal with criminals who, most of the time, act like they’re the victims when they get out of prison.

This guy screwed a lot of people out of a lot of money. Where did all that go? Even if he doesn’t have money in the bank, he can’t just tell his victims to go hang. He’s still responsible for giving them back what he took from them. And if he can’t liquidate some assets or something, then maybe a few more years wouldn’t be a bad thing. He fucked over a lot of people; he’s the asshole—not the Board of Pardons and Parole.

BRIAN MOYES Via Facebook

I did 11 years over my matrix, and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t 100 other dudes in there that got it from the board much worse than I did. They do whatever the hell they want to, and the only thing they’re consistent at is being completely inconsistent.

CR HARTLEY Via Facebook

Five Spot, June 22, “New Warden in Town”

Warden [Larry] Benzon was my major in the Peace Officer Standards and Training Academy. He is an amazing man, with tons of life and on the job experience. He is the best man for this job!

BEN STEPHENSON Via cityweekly.net

First day on the job … He’ll be asking to hang them high in a year. ;)

C ROY PITCHER Via Facebook Nice job, Larry.

@DEBBIEMARCOPAD1 Via Twitter It’s absolutely pathetic to claim there is a form of rehabilitation inside those walls!

Sounds like @POTUS wrote that crap.

@MAJIKMORE23 Via Twitter

Citizen Revolt, June 22, “Eat & Greet” I am so revolting! Are you?

BRIAN COBURN Via Facebook

Blog, June 23, “Jill Stein on clean air, Bernie Sanders and the importance of third-party candidates”

I really wanted the Green Party to get 5 percent of the vote in 2016. Since Utah isn’t a swing state, it’s “safe to bring your values into the voting booth” here. And there are plenty of other states where progressives could have helped the Greens without hurting the Dems.

Yet Jill Stein scored just 1 percent, compared to 2.7 percent for Ralph Nader in 2000.

Despite the miserable showing, the Dems still want to blame Green Party voters for Trump. The blame lies with Dem superdelegates, who could have nominated a winning candidate—Bernie Sanders.

RICHARD WARNICK Via cityweekly.net

Blog, June 27, “News study finds SLC drivers to be among worst in nation”

I’m a truck driver that’s driven through 49 states, and now I’m a local driver in Utah. I agree that Utah is the worst. I think about 70 percent of drivers don’t pay attention to anything or care about anyone else besides themselves. It’s like people’s narcissism has transferred over into their driving styles.

KERRY CLARK Via Facebook

I’m a truck driver, too, but I’ll have to rank Phoenix the worst and SLC second. Both cities have similar issues with bad drivers.

TONY ZAVALA

No kidding. Been saying this for years!

@A181RH

Via Twitter If all these dumbassess would get off their freakin’ phones. Just kills me, [I’ll] be driving down I-15, see a driver driving with their knee, texting with both hands, doing 80. I can’t wait to move from here.

TINA MATEJEK Via Facebook

My biggest pet peeve is sitting at a light behind someone staring at their phone and having to tap the horn to get them to go.

Drives me nutty.

JESSICA MADSEN Via Facebook

I’ve only been here for two weeks, and it only took me one day to figure this out.

Green lights are only a suggestion. What?

You’re supposed to go?

LAUREL GIARD Via Facebook

The top two things SLC drivers do every single day: 1. Going really slow in the fast lane; 2. Nobody knows you can turn right on red.

SETH BARON Via Facebook

Via Facebook

Finally, it’s official!

Welcome to Utah, where the only person that matters is … yourself!

Via Facebook

SAMANTHA WALRATH Via Facebook

Well, duh! Utah drivers as a whole are terrible. Biggest hurry to get nowhere.

KATHY SHAFER Via Facebook

Leave a bigger following distance. And stop hopping in others’ barely safe following distance just to get one car ahead. I mean, have some situational awareness. Look ahead and see your passing and cutting-in is futile and [are] unsafe dick moves.

RYAN HANSEN HAMMERFIST Via Facebook

Couldn’t agree more! It’s like they’re all in a race to meet their maker or that it’s OK to drive like a jackhole because Jesus will save them. Moved to SLC a year ago and freeway-driving still makes me nervous.

APRIL HOGUE Via Facebook

ALEJANDRO SUAREZ In keeping with the rest of this state’s “worst of” accolades.

LAURA JANE Via Facebook

Take the Lead

Abraham led his community away from the menace of child sacrifice. Moses led his people out of slavery. Joshua led his people away from landlessness.

Elijah led his people away from entanglement with a foreign government. Amos led his people away from indifference to the plight of the poor. Daniel led his people out of the furnace of religious persecution.

Jesus led his people out of the dungeon of hopelessness. Muhammad led his people away from the violence of female infanticide.

What have you done for your community lately?

ROBERT KIMBALL SHINKOSKEY, Woods Cross

Publisher JOHN SALTAS

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OPINION

Sucks

“(It’s Great to) Suck at Something.”

That headline in The New York Times drew me in like a come-hither look. The April opinion piece by Karen Rinaldi describes an obsessive love of surfing, the sport to which she has devoted the past 15 years. “And yet—I suck at it,” she writes matter-of-factly. “So why continue? Why pursue something I’ll never be good at? Because it’s great to suck at something.”

I don’t much like the slang verb “to suck,” but I am a sucker for paradox. I love the glimmer of insight from between curtains of contradiction. To the paradoxical question of what’s so great about failing, Rinaldi explains: “In the process of trying to attain a few moments of bliss, I experience something else: patience and humility, definitely, but also freedom. Freedom to pursue the futile.”

I am guessing that Rinaldi is younger than I. She is old enough to value patience and humility, but I doubt she is old enough to experience failing eyesight, slowing reflexes, painful knees and muscles gone soft. In combination, these impediments call the dance. You might have the freedom to pursue the futile, but you might have lost the wherewithal the pursuit requires. It is a fact of aging and aging sucks.

Pursuing the futile might also be simply a waste of time.

Take golf, for example. Most of my friends are golfers, and they invite me to join them at Bonneville or Mountain Dell.

But I suck at golf. In my years on the links, the joy of an occasional birdie was doused by the frustration of a thousand double-bogies. I had to admit that golf was unsatisfying. The more I played, the more apparent it became that improving was as unlikely as hitting a 250-yard drive. So I gave it up. It didn’t seem prudent to continue. There were other pastimes where my time and effort could be invested more profitably.

BY JOHN RASMUSON Fly-fishing is one. I am attracted to its aesthetic, which is as much a melding of art and science as is the vinting of pinot noir grapes. Winemakers rely on chemistry as fly-fishermen rely on entomology. A winemaker needs a bloodhound nose; a fly-fisherman, an osprey eye. I love fishing in rivers small enough to wade. I find it to be a cumulative learning experience like mastering the labyrinth of Boston one street at a time. The complexity is challenging, and my fly-fishing mantra is borrowed from Samuel Beckett: “Try again. Fail again.

Fail better.” My skill with a fly rod is middling, but I believe that it will improve if I continue to fail better.

To fail better was a strategy used by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) to develop a robot prototype a decade ago. DARPA, the folks who brought you the internet, offered $1 million to anyone who could build a robot capable of traversing a 130-mile track by itself.

In the first round, every entrant failed. A year later, five succeeded.

Opening itself to failure had the effect of jump-starting DARPA’s development of robot vehicles.

Journalist Malcolm Gladwell is more focused on success than failure in his best-selling book, Outliers. He asserts that 10,000 hours is “the magic number of greatness.” He writes about the Beatles’ countless hours performing in Hamburg clubs in the years before “Love Me Do” made the record charts. He describes Bill Gates’ unlimited access to a mainframe computer beginning in middle school.

Many of Gladwell’s readers took the 10,000-hour rule to mean “practice makes perfect”: Play the guitar for 10,000 hours and you can jam with Eric Clapton. That conclusion overlooks the essentiality of talent, however. If you don’t have talent, no amount of practice is going to make you great. Gladwell’s point is that guitar-playing talent needs thousands of hours of

practice to develop. Point taken. However, I would really like to believe a talent deficit could be offset by some combination of blood, sweat and tears, but examples are as uncommon as a selfless politician. It is easier to name the slugs who stumbled into a lot of money or won an election—or vice versa. In my dotage, I am less attuned to Gladwell’s wisdom than Woody Allen’s. Allen observed: “Showing up is 80 percent of life.”

That life is short is a complicating factor. With the clock running, you have to ask yourself why you would persist in a pastime you know to be dead-end futile. To do so seems illogical and certainly impractical. Rinaldi suggests a couple of reasons. First, self-knowledge: “The onus is on us as individuals to admit to ourselves how much we suck at something.

And then do it anyway. By taking off the pressure of having to excel at or master an activity, we allow ourselves to live in the moment.” Hers is a persuasive point. In the days I played a lot of tennis, I preferred hitting groundstrokes to playing sets. The rhythm of a groundstroke exchange between two players was always more satisfying—dare I say Zen-like?—than keeping score.

Second, Rinaldi thinks an appreciation of how difficult many things are might make us more sympathetic, and by trying and failing, we may become more empathetic. With empathy being degraded by social-media addiction, any intervention is welcome.

I am sympathetic to Rinaldi’s viewpoint but not converted. She fails to convince me that it’s great to suck at something (like golf). It seems like a shortsighted indulgence (searching for balls in the rough) as the days dwindle down. Were the future open-ended, I might feel differently.

But it isn’t. And that really sucks. CW Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU WOULD PERSIST IN A PASTIME YOU KNOW TO BE DEAD-END FUTILE.

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BY KATHARINE BIELE

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

DW HARRIS

HITS&MISSES @kathybiele

Voter Rolls

S ON U W FOLLO RAM G A T INS

KLY

WEE C L S @

Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox knows how to play both ends against the middle, and Utah voters should be grateful. Cox responded to the heavy-handed Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity by agreeing to send the state’s public voter rolls, but without Social Security and driver’s license numbers, according to both daily Utah newspapers. This is all about the specious claim that voter fraud is rampant nationwide, and (like it matters) that Donald Trump won the popular vote. Fox13 reported in 2014 that the now-useless utvoters.com posted all the info obtained via the voter rolls—a public record anyone could buy for about $1,050.

Wisconsin’s election official offered the commission its voter rolls for the $12,500 fee, The Washington Post reported. But even that is devoid of personal information. The concern is that the feds are gathering a list of who people voted for, and the objective is voter suppression. How much will it cost them in Utah, and how much will it cost voters if the feds succeed?

Your Business, Too

Speaking of the public, you might want to find out what’s going on behind your back. The Salt Lake Tribune rated cities for transparency, and the upshot: If you want to know what your elected officials are doing, live in Murray and not in Draper. The Trib even editorialized that you, as a resident and taxpayer, should be particularly interested. Maybe you should tell your so-called representatives that what they’re doing is indeed your business. Draper, for instance, closed part of its council meetings 73 percent of the time. Really? There’s that much to discuss about personnel or real estate? Some commenters called it a church or Republican phenomenon, but it’s really a function of power. The public needs to take it back.

Chaffetz Replacement

Everybody knows little Jason Chaffetz, but what about the people who want his congressional seat?

It’s close to a foregone conclusion that a Republican will win. That means rightwinger and GOP Convention choice Chris Herrod, Provo Mayor John Curtis or the famous Tanner Ainge. Holly Richardson worries that Curtis and Ainge might split the ticket and give Herrod the win. Utah Policy says Ainge might win because of the almighty dollar. But pundits and polls have been wrong a lot lately. And the media is enamored of Ainge and his celebrity status. It’s about his dad Danny and Jazz’ Gordon Hayward—not the issues. The media needs to be careful not to tip the scales toward celebrity. As Drake University’s law professor Anthony J. Gaughan notes, Donald Trump won by garnering “relentless media attention.”

Two years ago, SLC local Alex Hansen quit his day job selling flowers and dedicated himself to co-launching a “cooperative, miniatures, tabletop, fantasy-themed” board game called Middara. He and his high school friend-cum-business partner, Brooklynn Lundberg, ran a successful Kickstarter campaign that snowballed into a full-time gig. Now Hansen, who sketched the characters, calls himself owner/project manager/art director at Succubus Publishing.

Gamers can check out Middara at Salt Lake Gaming Con booth 2502 on Friday and Saturday at the South Towne Expo Center.

Explain the gameplay.

You play the four heroes. And our game is different because it’s like a choose-your-ownadventure. There is a whole narrative that you read through. There are tiles that you set up—they’re called ‘encounters’ in the game. You mix-and-match them to make a level. The campaign is about this princess that gets infected with some parasite. Basically, you’re trying to figure out how to get rid of it. On the quest, you fight all sorts of monsters; in the narrative part, there are decisions that you have to make. Depending on what you do, the game will change.

Who is the game for?

This is a cooperative game. So four dudes will get together, sort of like Dungeons & Dragons, and they’ll play every weekend for the whole campaign. I picture friends getting together with some drinks and having a good time. It will be a lot of fun. It’s marked on the box as 14 and up, [but] a 13-year-old or 12-year-old can play it. There is some language in the book, but it’s not that bad. But because of the complexity of it, a little kid is not going to understand or grasp how much is going on.

How did you fund this project?

Kickstarter is huge for board games right now. They’re coming back in a big way, especially higher-end games with miniatures. So we took out a loan and ran a Kickstarter.

We started in May 2015, and we raised $350,000. Our goal was $30,000, but we did a lot of research before. We didn’t know we were going to raise that much money. When we did, we were, like, ‘Shit, we have to make this game now.’

How did you get into art?

I loved Nickelodeon and Looney Tunes. I would draw Taz and comics. In elementary, I remember my teacher made me teach art class. There was an art section of the day, and she made me do it. So I taught the class how to draw Taz and Marvin the Martian. And my second-grade teacher made me do a poster for her classroom. I never knew I was going to make a board game, but I always liked drawing, and I loved video games and I liked fantasy stuff.

What can people expect from you at the gaming convention?

We’ll be taking pre-orders. We’ll be playing the game. We’ll have all the miniatures out and miniatures from other games. Really, we just want people to come play, see what they think.

—DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS comments@cityweekly.net

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One argument I hear about why Islamist terrorists commit their acts is because the West interfered in their countries. Some examples of this interference I can think of: 1. our support of Israel; 2. the 1991 Gulf War; 3. our interference in the Somali civil war in 1992-’93. As a Westerner born in 1977, these things seemed like ancient history to me by the time of 9/11. If Islamic terrorism is mainly a reaction to imperialistic Western intervention in the Muslim world, was it due to ongoing issues as of 2001, or was Osama bin Laden just trying to settle old scores?

—FlikTheBlue, via the Straight Dope Message Board

No offense, Flik, but you’re asking the wrong question. It’s not what we did to tick off the Islamists. Rather, why did things suddenly get so much worse?

Answer: It’s the fault of those damn old Bolsheviks in the Soviet Union. If their workers’ paradise hadn’t collapsed ignominiously in the late 1980s, we wouldn’t be in this pickle now.

You’re thinking: Cecil, the geezer, can’t get his head out of the Cold War rut.

Not at all. It’s easy to show that the fall of the USSR led directly to the rise of modern Islamist terrorism.

Don’t misunderstand. The Islamic world has its share of legitimate (or anyway comprehensible) beefs with the West. Although it’s silly to trace the whole thing back to the Crusades, in the decades following World War I the victorious allies sliced up what remained of the Ottoman Empire and environs to suit themselves.

To cite some obvious examples: Western interests carved out what became the state of Israel. (Granted, Jews had beefs of their own, but in the zero-sum Middle East you can’t favor one faction without ticking off the rest.) They finagled one-sided oil deals.

They (OK, we) toppled democratically elected leaders in favor of more cooperative types.

So yeah, long before 9/11, lots of people in the Middle East were peeved enough at us to go in for the occasional act of terrorism. But it was, how shall I put this, rational terrorism. Sure, you had Palestinians massacring Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics and Iranian Islamists taking Americans hostage in 1979. But if you weren’t Israeli, or an American abroad, you could tell yourself: Sad, but at least they won’t be coming for me.

For this we can thank the Soviets and evangelical Marxism. Islamic fundamentalism had been a force in the Middle East for a long time. Wahhabism, for example, dates from the 18th century, and the Muslim Brotherhood was founded in 1928. But prior to the USSR’s collapse, it was held in check by Soviet-backed Arab nationalists such as Nasser in Egypt, Qaddafi in Libya, and the Baathists in Syria and Iraq. Often nominally socialist, Arab nationalists relied on the Soviets for arms and other aid.

True, they did this partly on the idea that

BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE Provoked

my enemy’s enemy is my friend. But socialist solidarity wasn’t complete BS. Both the Arab nationalists and the Soviets were secular modernizers ostensibly dedicated to lifting up the masses. Both, for a time, enjoyed popular support. And both often brutally suppressed Islamists—not an approach that builds long-term good will, I acknowledge. But for a while it worked.

Did we lucky Westerners appreciate it?

On the contrary, we did our best to undermine the forces of stability. In the 1980s, the U.S. supported the mujahideen insurgency in Afghanistan against the Sovietbacked regime. The mujahideen were ardent Islamists, as were many of their backers from elsewhere in the Muslim world. Elements of the latter coalesced into Al Qaeda, founded in 1988.

The next year the Berlin Wall came down, symbolically ending the Cold War, a giddy moment for the West. In hindsight we should have thought: Now we’re in for it. With the Soviets out of the picture, the Islamists devoted their full attention to us. Osama did his thing; in retaliation, we launched a war against the Taliban and Al Qaeda, a reasonable enough response in the circumstances, even if we’d given some of these guys their start.

But then what did we do? We overthrew the Baathist (read: secular) government of Iraq, ripping off yet another piece of the Islamist containment structure. Fine, Saddam Hussein was a mass murderer and perhaps not long for this world anyway. But nothing like some old-fashioned Western meddling to make a bad situation worse.

Don’t get me started on the Arab Spring.

Not saying we could have done things much differently, although our dithering in Syria didn’t help. The old-school Arabnationalist regimes having been swept aside or crippled, the field was left to ISIS, with its implacable hostility to all things Western, seemingly a magnet for every malcontent in the Islamic world.

Ah, for the good old days of the Cold War! Sure, we faced the constant threat of nuclear holocaust. But did we ever actually have one? Whereas today you’ve got some random terrorist horror every month. You don’t know what you got till it’s gone. n

Send questions via straightdope.com or write c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

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THE

OCHO

THE LIST OF EIGHT

BY BILL FROST

@Bill _ Frost

CITIZEN REVOLT In a week, you can

CHANGE THE WORLD

FREE CARE FAIR

Worried that tomorrow you might lose your health insurance? Maybe you can’t cover all the costs or find the whole thing too confusing to navigate. Billed as Utah’s largest free health fair, Care Fair—sponsored by the Junior League of Salt Lake City—offers everything from dental exams and immunizations to diabetes screenings and Pap tests.

Translators are available in several languages to help immigrants and refugees. Car seats and bike helmets are going to be distributed, too. No appointments are necessary, but it’s first come, first served. Over its 25 years of operation, the Care Fair has served up to 5,000 people a year. Horizonte Instruction and Training Center, 1234 S. Main, 801-328-1019, Friday, July 7, 9 a.m.-8 p.m.; Saturday, July 8, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., free, jlslc.org/care

BARBECUE WITH SLC CANDIDATES

Eight more health care bills coming after the inevitable failure of the Better Care Reconciliation Act:

8. Future Unmet Care Key Easement Decree.

7. The Soylent Green Initiative.

6.

V.I.P. Get Into Heaven Early Platinum Pass.

5. The Womb to the Tomb Billionaire Boon.

4. Trumpicide®.

3. The Make America Great

Again Classy Cheeseburger Boobs Trucks Very Tremendously Winning Believe Me Act.

2. Not the Hunger Games.

1. The More Gooder Senior Liquidator.

Salt Lake City has a lot of issues with poverty. Homelessness is just one of them. Hunger, education, child care— well, you name it—they’re the same issues everyone has, but they are harder to resolve among those in the lowincome population. Crossroads Urban Center’s Anti-Hunger Action Committee is sponsoring a Meet the Candidates Barbecue where you can ask elected officials and candidates for Salt Lake City Council the tough questions faceto-face, burger-to-burger. You can also meet clients, volunteers and supporters of Crossroads. Four seats are up for election—and two of those are wide open as incumbents aren’t coming back.

Liberty Park, 700 E. 1300 South, 801364-7765, Wednesday, July 12, 5:307:30 p.m., free, bit.ly/2uomUF5

ROAD TRIP FOR ETHIOPIA

You know, Americans have it pretty good. So good, in fact, that you might want to start thinking about those who don’t. The Embracing Hope 2017 Road Trip offers a chance to learn about the Ethiopian mothers struggling to provide for their children and acting as their family’s sole breadwinner. Many have been forced into begging, prostitution and scavenging. The Shannon family is traveling across the U.S. to raise awareness of their plight. And while they are Christians, the event is not a religious one. Café at Capital Church, 1010 E. 700 South, 717-902-9803, Thursday, July 13, 6-7:30 p.m., free/donation suggested, embracinghope.com

—KATHARINE BIELE

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Anthony Duran

NEWS

CRIMINAL REFORM

Roland Pitt

Inmate Blues Lifers at the Utah State Prison find sanctuary through music.

STORY AND PHOTOS BY STEPHEN DARK sdark@cityweekly.net @stephenpdark

V

olunteers from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints funnel through security at the Wasatch facility of the Utah State Prison on a recent Saturday. They are at the low-security wing to attend a recital at its LDS chapel by inmate-members of the Wasatch Music Education Program. The crowd has come to hear their praises literally sung by detainees hardened by decades behind bars.

It’s only through the volunteers being present that prisoners are allowed to use the chapel to learn how to play music, rehearse and perform during their out-of-cell time. Many of them are serving life for sex crimes or murder. Volunteer Janet Henriksen acknowledges their past but chooses to ignore it. “The person that I am working with is very aware of what his crime is,” she says. “I don’t need to know what his crime is; they’re there to try and get past that.”

Convicts and volunteers mix in the pews.

Inmate Ron Kelly introduces the proceedings, thanking the volunteers, including lay clergy, who typically teach family history or hold “firesides”—informal lectures and conversations about Mormon faith.

The 30-song recital, which stretches over three hours, opens with a rendition of “Under the Boardwalk” by men in white smocks with “UDC Inmate” stamped on the back. A few numbers later, Randy Noble sings, “The Gift to Be Simple,” which be-

gins, “It’s the gift to be simple, it’s a gift to be free.” Henriksen says later the hymn is especially moving because it was a statement “about the reality of where they are; what it means to be there.”

The twice-yearly recital sees those housed in Wasatch’s D Block perform covers and original songs. This particular performance has the high-profile imprimatur of Mormon Tabernacle choir conductor Mack Wilberg conducting several numbers.

Wilberg plays down his volunteer role, highlighting the hard work inmates put into giving back to the community, like teaching others to sing and play donated instruments, to crocheting blankets for veterans at the VA emblazoned with F-16s and aircraft carriers. “You’d just die to see what they can create with plastic crochet hooks and donated yarn,” Henriksen says.

The Wasatch Music Education Program was started in October 2006 by seven inmates who organized and conducted the first musical school meeting, prison spokesperson Maria Peterson says. Its current music director is financial planner retiree David Aguirre, who took up the reins after the sudden death from cancer of his predecessor Ken Green. Green was “an excellent musician and a bandleader in the Air Force for many years,” Aguirre says.

“Ken felt if we could give them an opportunity to be productive, they would be better able to face life in prison.” And for those who paroled, “Maybe instead of buying a bottle, they’ll go and buy a guitar.”

Three performers wrote their own songs for the June recital. James Torres penned a Dylanesque number called “Stuck in Tomorrow’s Yesterdays,” while Garrett Witkamp wrote an acoustic piece titled “Hold On,” and Casey Perkins one called “Let It Rain.” The inmate-singer-songwriters, Aguirre says, each have something they wish to impart. “Garrett’s songs usually deal with family, something he would like

to tell his children that he hasn’t been able to,” while Perkins’ songs chart through humility and a quest for “a higher power, something greater than himself that helps him get through life.”

The convicts teach other instruments they’ve, in some cases, learned themselves at the prison. Kelly, the show’s emcee and inmate counterpart to Aguirre, teaches the strings, having learned to play the violin under the tutelage of a fellow prisoner.

Kelly is serving life for killing a 19-year-old woman in 1982. Others, such as classically trained pianist Roland Pitt, brought their years of studying with them to prison. Pitt is serving life for child sex offenses.

“The true character of a man is when you hear other men say, ‘He’s the same on the chapel as on the block,’” Henriksen says, referring to life inside the state prison. However, when occasional discipline issues emerge during rehearsals, volunteers are keenly aware that while inmates will not address them in the chapel for fearing of losing their privileges and access, on the block, violence can result from such disputes. “We are very sheltered from that dark side,” Henriksen says.

Ron Kelly is a key element in keeping the peace between life in the chapel, where he’s been employed by the chaplain as clerk for two years, and the unit where he’s housed. “Ron has so much experience dealing with the inmates, he will oftentimes step in when we have discipline problems,” Aguirre says. But when his unit is on lockdown for issues that do not involve him, Kelly nevertheless can’t attend the music classes. “The music school struggles when he isn’t here,” Aguirre says. “It doesn’t run as smoothly.”

While the majority of the performers are facing long sentences, some of them are set to be released within the next few months to a year. One is Daniel Jerome, who sings White Lion’s “When the Children Cry,” which he dedicates to his oldest daughter.

Afterward, he recalls putting his hand on his ex-wife’s belly when she was pregnant and singing to her. “I love to sing,” he says, wiping tears away. “This is my little piece of heaven.”

Anthony Duran leads a muscular version of Grand Funk Railroad’s classic, “Some Kind of Wonderful.” The one-time Golden Glove fighter says he’s been locked up onand-off since he was 11 years old and did “a lot of time” in max before turning his life around through the prison’s ConQuest drug rehabilitation program.

Introspective, quieter songs dominate the program’s tail-end. Inmate Ron Warren half-sings in a hauntingly plaintive voice, Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight” in memory of his deceased wife.

The recital offers inmates a chance to communicate with the outside world through the prison posting some of their performances online. That way relatives cannot only see them, but also, as Peterson says, know “they’re trying to do something productive with their time.”

Henriksen says that the best part of the recital is watching the inmates smile. “It takes them out of where they are for just a minute.” No more so than the day’s final performer, Pitt. Aguirre calls his prowess behind the ivories “unworldly. His renditions are just stirring—they touch the hardest of inmates.”

Attendees in the chapel pews pay rapt attention as Pitt plays the “Presto Agitato” movement from Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. “It’s stuff I’ve always wanted to get in my fingers,” he later says. As the last notes fade, inmates and volunteers give him a standing ovation. He stands and smiles shyly.

Kelly looks around at his fellow inmates, cohorts and at the volunteers who come to the prison to help these men find some peace, grow a little and give back through music and pauses. “Sometimes living has hope involved,” he says. CW

NEWS Race Chase

POLITICS

A bevy of candidates, including one write-in, aim to fill Chaffetz’ seat.

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And Herbert thinks precedent is on his side. When Florida Republican Joe Scarborough hung up his congressional hat in 2001, his replacement was elected before “Morning Joe” had left office, Herbert noted.

At a KUED monthly news conference, Herbert said his office had been in dialogue with the U.S. Department of Justice and congressional leadership. He also mentioned he spoke personally with Speaker of the House of Representatives Paul Ryan about the replacement election. “We think we are on very solid legal footing,” the governor said.

However, neither Hughes, nor Niederhauser, nor House Minority Leader Brian King—who stood shoulder-to-shoulder with his colleagues after a rare joint HouseSenate meeting—wants to disrupt the election process that is well underway.

That’s good news for former legislator Chris Herrod, who emerged above the thicket of GOP hopefuls at the Republican caucus on June 17. Utah Policy declared his victory an upset, but he’ll still have to contend with two popular challengers: Provo Mayor John Curtis and Tanner Ainge, an attorney and son to basketball legend Danny Ainge. Curtis and Ainge secured their spots on the primary ballot by gathering more than 7,000 signatures.

Republican voters will whittle the field down to one at the Aug. 15 primary.

On the Democratic side, Kathie Allen won her delegates’ votes, beating out two other challengers. Since no other Democratic candidate turned in signatures, her name will appear on the November ballot.

As will IAP candidate Jason Christensen’s, who won his party’s nomination last month.

Libertarian candidate Joe Buchman was the only person to file from his party.

The United Utah Party still is in the process of qualifying as an official political party, but Thomas reiterated that no UUP candidate would be eligible to run in the special election. The party filed suit in federal court on June 21, alleging that the Lieutenant Governor’s Office should have allowed candidate Jim Bennett to run.

Non-party candidates had until mid-June to file for a ballot spot. Sean Whalen of Draper was the only unaffiliated hopeful to file.

If you’ve missed the deadline but still want to be a qualified write-in candidate, you can register with the Lieutenant Governor’s Office until Sept. 8. As of press time, Sandy resident Russell Roesler was the only write-in candidate registered. CW

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

ho the hell cares when exactly Rep. Jason Chaffetz’ congressional seat became vacant, anyway? Sticklers about the letter of the law—that’s who.

If the 3rd Congressional District seat didn’t open until Chaffetz actually left office last week, as some policymakers have argued, then Gov. Gary Herbert disregarded the law when he called on the Lieutenant Governor’s Office to open up candidate filing.

House Speaker Greg Hughes said it succinctly at a June 20 press conference on the Hill: “When you write a letter of intent to resign, you’re not resigning.”

Why does it matter? Because the law stipulates that the governor “shall issue a proclamation calling an election” when a vacancy occurs. Not, as it were, leading up to it.

“We do worry about the definition of ‘a vacancy.’ We do worry that Congressman Chaffetz is more than in his right to change his mind and stay in that seat,” Hughes said at the time.

Standing next to Hughes, Senate President Wayne Niederhauser echoed a “separation of powers” complaint that says the governor should have called a special session to give the Legislature a voice in the process.

“From a [Utah] Senate point of view, we feel very adamant about protecting the authority we have over times, places and manners of all elections,” he said. “That is our prerogative, and I think it’s clear in the Constitution.”

During the 2017 session, legislators tried to hammer out a bill that would have addressed congressional vacancies, but it floundered.

On May 18, Chaffetz announced his departure and circled June 30 as his last day in Congress. Herbert immediately delivered his proclamation, and election filing began the following day. Chaffetz, who split his time between Washington, D.C., and Alpine, said he wanted to spend more time with his family. In the days leading up to his exit, Fox News confirmed rumors that Chaffetz would be hired as a contributor.

But Mark Thomas, election officer at the Lieutenant Governor’s Office, says splitting hairs over whether the law’s verb tense gives his office authority to begin preparing for a replacement election is “silly.”

“I really just think it would be irresponsible to not begin the process of preparing and getting candidates in the queue and ready to go so that voters in the 3rd District are quickly represented,” he says.

Thomas adds that his office decided to act quickly and “piggyback” on the municipal election dates (primary, Aug. 15; general, Nov. 7) to save the state from having to send out separate ballots.

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

BY DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS dwharris@cityweekly.net @dylantheharris

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Save Our 17 years into its run as a public park, Gilgal Garden is starting to show its age.

By Dylan Woolf Harris • dwharris@cityweekly.net

O

ne night in the fall of 1977, University of Utah work-study student Lynn Curt and his pal needed a spot to pound some beer. Curt had moved to town from the Midwest, and his new friend invited him to hang out, as well as check out “a weird place” that he was assured, “‘you’re going to like.’”

Curt says he arrived at the given address and despite the home being boarded up, he knocked on the door. A voice from within called out that Curt would have to come around back.

His friend and others, he soon learned, were squatting there. But the abandoned home wasn’t the beer-drinking destination Curt’s friend had hinted at.

To get to that spot, they snuck past some nearby houses into an overgrown plot in the middle of a neighborhood block at a mischievously late hour. To hear Curt describe it, their destination resembled a scene from gothic lore. The grounds were overrun with scruffy vegetation. Along a side wall, vagrants were sleeping among twiggy tree branches in makeshift structures. But the most memorable features were the stone carvings—solid visages staring blankly in the moonlight.

“It was spooky,” Curt reminisces.

Odd as it sounds, Curt’s early foray into what is now known as the Gilgal Sculpture Garden is not entirely unique. A man strolling through recently remarked that decades ago, he hopped a fence one night into the garden—which sits on a plot of land in the block between 400 and 500 South; 700 and 800 East. The area had completely transformed, he says.

Prior to 2000, it seems Gilgal was for the adventurous—an eerie, verdant secret that you’d consider skulking through on a lark. The relatively unknown treasure was invisible to much of the city, which was growing and morphing around it.

Those secret garden days are long gone. The space appears on “quirky things to see in Utah” lists, including a blurb in a worldwide compendium published by Atlas Obscura. Now a pleasant public park, Gilgal openly welcomes all to marvel at the artistry of Thomas Battersby Child Jr. and Maurice Edmund Brooks. Child, a mason by trade, a devout Mormon by creed and an all-around visionary, was the garden’s architect. Brooks was the sculptor who helped Child realize his concepts by spalling and shaping the rocks with an oxygen acetylene torch.

Child began working on the garden in 1945, and continued until his death in 1963.

The grounds might have remained closed to the public—or, more drastic yet, been lost to land developers— if not for a nonprofit group that calls itself Friends of Gilgal Garden, as well as a local gardening association that has a few overlapping members.

From its inception, Friends of Gilgal Garden’s mission was to preserve the park. (Curt, now a board member, jokingly says he’s serving penance for trespassing into the space as a young man.) The first step in saving the garden as a public park occurred when the Friends formed before the turn of the century— around the time City Weekly ran a November 1999 cover story on the group’s efforts. They organized an ambitious fundraising campaign that was helped by notable locals, including Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch, the Deseret Management Corporation and Salt Lake County.

And the public came through.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Foundation, as well as the George S. and Dolores Doré Eccles Foundation, were among the many donors who helped secure the capital to open up the sui generis garden to the public.

Sphinx!

Images by Enrique Limón • elimon@cityweekly.net

Broken fingers, kept promises

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Today, Friends of Gilgal Garden welcomes donations for gardening projects and to cover the repair costs for damaged statues and stones. The nonprofit’s tax forms indicate the group raised just over $12,000 last fiscal year. The total includes about $5,000 from the county’s Zoo, Arts and Parks (ZAP) budget.

Members don’t actively solicit funds, but co-president Judi Short says visitors who are mesmerized by the stones and statues on occasion slip money to a gardener to put toward the donation rather than send it to the post office box listed in the information box near the tiny park’s entrance. A sizable portion of the funds, she says, goes into beautifying the gardens.

Once a week, volunteer members of the Salt Lake County Master Gardening Association serve as curators of the grounds’ flora. The inclusion of the word “master” in their organization’s title is a touchy subject. Out of habit, perhaps, members continue to use that verbiage, and it’s still on their signs and pamphlets. But officially, due to a splintering from an official Utah State University group, they aren’t supposed to call themselves a master gardeners association, they say.

On a recent Tuesday, five gardeners trimmed spent flower tops—a grooming technique called “deadheading.” Short—who in addition to being co-president of the Friends of Gilgal Garden, is also a member of the gardening association—pruned twisted branches from a buckthorn tree trunk. The tree’s columns looked like haphazardly braided hair.

“There’s stuff like that,” she says, holding up a dry, brittle stick. “It’s deader than a doornail.” When the trunks get too thick with branches, she says, it’s difficult for anything underneath to grow.

In the next week, they’re expecting a shipment of new bark. When spread on the dirt, it inhibits weeds, holds water in and fertilizes the soil as the bark breaks down. The weekly jobs, the gardeners will tell you, are standard; other than recruiting new members, it’s not that difficult of a gig.

Gardening is one thing that this group has mastered, regardless of what they’re called. But caring for and protecting the statues is another beast.

Arguably, the most iconic piece in Gilgal Garden is a sphinx with LDS church founder Joseph Smith’s face.

His resolute mug is positioned under hair fit for an Egyptian deity. His body is animalistic, but roughly shaped and impressionistic. His chest is in the form of a block wall, decorated with five-point stars.

Observers will also notice a crack marring the structure, running through the sphinx’s mouth and continuing across his cheek like a vile knife gash. Another chunk of stone has been crumbling from his shirt collar.

Curt says the Friends of Gilgal have hired a stone restorer in the past to mend the broken bits.

Signs ask visitors not to climb on the statues, though many still do. The park has experienced malicious vandalism, as well.

Take, for example, a piece titled “Malachi.” Its symbolism speaks to a sacred tenet of Mormon faith, depicting the eternal bond families are promised if they act righteously and follow God’s commandments. Inside the mouth of the cave, two hands hang down like stalactites corralling two hearts. In the original piece, one hand was white and the other red, as were the hearts.

Curt says Friends showed up one morning and noticed that the fingers from one of the

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“Can I create a sanctuary or atmosphere in my yard that will shut out the fear and keep one’s mind young and alert to the last, no matter how perilous the times?”

—Thomas Battersby Child Jr. (1888-1963) hands had been broken off. About a week later, the other hand was completely missing.

Fortunately, an original was safe in storage—the only one in existence—and the group hired a sculptor to create a cast and mold two replicas, though they are now both white.

It’s unlikely the fingers will be severed from the new hands, which are made with sturdy, reinforced fiberglass. “You can hit on it with a sledgehammer,” Curt says. “It might come off of the ceiling, but you’re not going to damage it.”

Then there’s the clues—bits of evidence—that people are entering the park after hours, which the Friends try to clean up when they see it. They’ve gathered prayer candles, cleared stacks of rocks, and awakened people sleeping under an awning (officially, the park is open from 8 a.m.-8 p.m. daily, though the main gate is usually unlocked from sunrise to sunset).

One time, Curt says, he made it to the park early in the morning, and was startled to find the sculpted bust of Child’s wife, Bertha, wearing sunglasses placed on her nose.

“The swords [in the Monument to Peace exhibit] have been stolen; we’ve had to replace those,” he adds. “There’s been a couple things busted, but we can get a welder here to fix. Not much graffiti.”

What they're saving

Friends of Gilgal Garden encourages city dwellers to stop by if they haven’t yet. Visitors can see the park’s main attractions in less than 30 minutes, or stay for several hours if they want to delve into the inscriptions.

After entering the park through a 6-foot-high, black wrought-iron fence, a 100-foot treelined walkway leads visitors into the center of the park. But before you get there, an open plot on the right with a newly mulched floor offers benches for rest under leafy trees.

Once inside, visitors around this time of year will notice bushes of pink, white and red roses next to a massive boulder engraved with the word “Gilgal”—a Biblical term said to mean “circle of sacred stones.”

The sphinx is on the right. As you approach, you’ll pass what’s called “The Altar.”

Two items sit on long stone slates, which were gathered from Wayne County. A cylindrical furnace occupies one side, and a huge bowl is on the other.

An imposing structure to the left is known as “Captain of the Lord’s Host.” A giant human figure from the neck down is carved into a vertical stone. The man is holding a sword downward. His head, however, is unaltered rock. When asked whether he had plans to carve it, Child reportedly responded, “No, I intend to leave it as it is, thereby taking advantage of the liberties of modern art,” a Gilgal pamphlet states. “The nature of this monument does not require accuracy … It is sometimes more potent to suggest and cause wonderment than to explain in detail.”

On the back is a plaque with a list of names—including Queen Victoria—who the piece is “dedicated in loving remembrance to.”

If you enter the grassy area to the right past the Smith sphinx, you’ll notice an exhibit east of the willow tree titled “Monument to the Trade.” At the center of the monument is a statue of Child wearing brick pants—a symbol of his Masonic foundation. On the walls that flank him hang tools made of wood and metal. A rocky roof slopes over the scene.

Facing the monument, your back is turned to a mound that contains several pieces; a

cornucopia of unique features. One side has an arrangement of metal hooks and spears and swords called “The Monument to Peace.” Stone body parts are strewn on the back slope and a cricket on another, which is part of a piece titled “The Last Chapter of the Book of Ecclesiastes.”

The east lawn is lined with a vertical key-shaped column, the tallest piece in the park, atop of which is a metal wire Captain Moroni figure, similar to what you’d find standing on the spire of a Mormon temple, blowing a horn.

Next to the key is a boulder archway called “The Monument to the Priesthood.” The keystone is engraved with the letters “AO.” And next to that is a stack of three giant books. The gardeners say Child intended to place a rock globe on the books. A rounded stone that was to become the globe is on the premises as well.

Farther back, two spacious, multi-door bird houses rest on poles jutting skyward.

Not all the art was created by Child and Brooks. Three sculpted eagles, meant to symbolize patriotism, were gathered from a former railroad station, Curt says. The Friends constructed stands for the birds to sit on.

The group has compiled a pamphlet that is free to visitors, which describes the major features at the park and explains their significance.

Recognizing his own oeuvre as strange but alluring, Child was spiritual and serious and he didn’t mind challenging pieces. “You don’t have to agree with me,” reads a quote from him on the Gilgal website. “You may think I am a nut, but I hope I have aroused your thinking and curiosity.”

The work of his partner, Brooks, though more conventional, is also admired around town. He helped sculpt pieces outside the Utah State Capitol, for instance, such as the Mormon Battalion Monument, according to a local anthology titled Utah Art Artists.

For the record

Although the Friends of Gilgal offers a pamphlet that guides visitors through the garden’s main attractions, there isn’t enough room to document each stone and engraving.

For that information, you’d need to talk to Chelsey Zamir, a public historian and recent master’s degree graduate from the University of Utah.

Zamir was contracted to document each floor stone, carving and engraved rock. She measured the dimensions—width, length, height—as best she could, though many of the stones are oddly shaped. Moreover, the carvings that represent body parts, such as the feet and hands on the north face of the park’s prominent mound, have more facets that one could feasibly break down.

“Obviously, some of them are round and others you can’t get around,” she says.

On the more than 70 stepping stones with engraved quotes, Zamir measured the height of the letters in each inscription.

She compiled the data in a spreadsheet, linked a photograph of each rock or structure and drafted a crude, color-coded hand-drawn map, which she says could serve as the framework for a professional version. “I tried my best to document even the pathway stones through the backside of the garden—the paths, the benches and trees.”

Zamir also took note of which stones and sculptures were damaged or worn.

Judi Short

| CITY WEEKLY |

JULY 06, 2017 | 19

“It’s a very peaceful place,” Short says. “Except when they’re building next door.” Fortyfive feet from the fence, a towering apartment complex threatens to block out the western sky. The familiar sounds of construction resonate as she speaks.

Visitors tell the garden club that they want to see the features they’d read about online. Or they want to return to a place they remembered experiencing during their youth. Or they simply want solitude—a quick escape from the city without the need to drive long distances.

On a June afternoon, as the temperature creeps oppressively close to triple digits, the park is empty, save for two bodies. A lithe man does sit-ups on the grassy west quarters, while another lies face-down on a sleeping bag spread out on the cement under a covered carport. Nearby construction has paused on this day—for this moment, at least. There are no clouds to provide respite from the sun and no hint of a breeze. The park is hot and still.

Like the man on the lawn, the Joseph Smith sphinx basks in the unrelenting heat.

Motivated by nothing other than preserving the slice of Utah quirk for future generations, Friends of Gilgal Garden hope the features will withstand the elements.

“Anything we can preserve and maintain for the future is a good idea,” Zamir says, adding, “There was a time when the garden almost got demolished. People worked really hard to maintain it and keep it alive.” CW

Eighteen years ago, Curt sat in a coffee shop, perusing a copy of City Weekly. He stopped at the cover story, which detailed the Friends of Gilgal Garden’s push to preserve a quirky park. It struck him as he read that this space, Gilgal, was the very place he snuck into years ago, a spot he hadn’t thought about much since. “As I looked at the cover, I thought this all looks familiar, and it brought back memories,” he says.

At that time, neighbors were concerned that the property would be incorporated into a new commercial or residential zone, and then developed.

Friends of Gilgal Garden organized at a time when the fate of the park was up in the air.

In those days, the property owners, the Fetzers, weren’t sure what to do with the land. Maintaining the strange garden had become burdensome, and strangers who snuck in at night posed liability concerns. As the Fetzers aged, and they continued to pay property taxes, they looked into selling. Gary Fetzer determined the family

Solitude

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Early threats

would hold off putting the property on the market in order to give the Friends a chance to help raise enough funds.

“It’s got some unique things about it,” he was quoted as saying in CW. “But, like anything else, is the public willing to pay for it?”

The vision was to treat the park as a museum, where groups could host events and discuss art.

Not long after reading the article—as the city prepared to acquire the land for park space—Curt, a surveyor, was tasked with delineating the boundary and mapping its features. “There were so many property line issues and different deeds that it turned out to be a quite complex project,” he recalls. The city swapped pieces of land with neighbors.

“This went on for a long time, and there are still two properties that could do a boundary-line agreement with the city to better fit the park’s occupation,” he says. “I would like to see that happen as our intent is to get a conservation easement put over the garden and add a layer of protection to the property. This contiguous boundary is required for that to happen.”

The Salt Lake City Parks & Public Lands Department mows the grass, but general upkeep is mostly in the hands of the Friends and gardeners. There are some in the group, Short says, who think the city should allocate more resources for the park.

Before it switched ownership, Fetzer warned about public-private complications.

“We wanted to preserve it, not destroy it. But it either needs to be 100 percent public or 100 percent private, or it won’t work,” he said at the time.

Curt says transferring stewardship to a conservancy group would clear up any questions of responsibility.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

The erosion is especially evident on well-trodden floor stones, as well as the main sculptures, which despite signs forbidding climbing, sometimes are props for impromptu photoshoots.

Zamir says it’s difficult to determine whether the cracks in the stones are from wearand-tear wrought by visitors, or merely a symptom of weather and time. In any event, she says, it’s best to preserve the statues while they’re in relatively good shape.

In her research, Zamir broke down the features into three categories: sculptures and bigger structures (~18), floor stones (~70), and stones that stood out of the ground (~32).

She also attempted to cite the sources for all the engravings, which she says was the “easiest part” of the project with the aid of Google and lds.org.

Some of the words on two of the larger stones have already faded, however. Zamir was able to track down the quotes, but she can’t be certain that Child recorded them on the rock verbatim.

“He did misspell some words, as you’re likely to do,” she says. He also modified quotes on occasion.

She estimates that she put in about eight hours a week, starting mid-January and wrapped up the project in June. Now it’s up to the folks running Gilgal Garden to determine what they do with her information.

Friends of Gilgal Garden member Lisa Thompson says the documentation will be invaluable if any of the art in the garden is further damaged, and it will help the organization preserve the pieces for decades to come.

“To do this, we need an accurate inventory of all the elements in the garden and their current condition,” she says via email. “Over the decades since Thomas Child created the garden, some of the lettering on the paving stones has started to erode away and become difficult to read. Some of the paving stones have cracked. Vandals occasionally damage or remove pieces from the garden.

“The extensive photos, measurements and records of the lettering on each stone Chelsey compiled this spring will help Friends of Gilgal Garden identify pieces at risk and plan for appropriate preservation projects,” Thompson continues.

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20 | JULY 06, 2017

Daniel Mont-Eton: Homeward The 2016-17 season marks University of Utah alum Daniel Mont-Eton’s first with RirieWoodbury Dance Co., after spending the past five years working in his native Colorado and New York City, while also producing work in Montana and Idaho. It’s not surprising then that, after such a peripatetic period of time, Mont-Eton would find himself considering the concept of “home” in his work.

“I’ve been moving constantly, and have never felt truly grounded in a location,” he says in an email interview. “I kept searching for what feels like home. When I moved back to Salt Lake City last summer, after accepting the position with Ririe-Woodbury, I finally started feeling the ground underneath my feet. But even in feeling grounded, that true sense of home is everelusive. I’ve come to realize it is not a concrete place, but an abstract thought.”

Homeward is a world-premiere of an original work choreographed by Mont-Eton, in collaboration with dancers Amy Falls and Samantha Matsukawa. The modern dance piece finds him exploring various concepts of home—as a memory, as a person, as a routine, as a body or as a feeling. But as often happens with creative work, Mont-Eton found that the process generated more questions than answers.

“In defining home and digging deeper into the meaning of what we were doing,” he says, “we started to discover that we were chasing something nonexistent. So in a sense, we became lost on this journey home … wherever that may be.”

(Scott Renshaw) Daniel Mont-Eton: Homeward @ Rose Wagner Center Studio Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, July 7-8, 7:30 p.m., $10, artsaltlake.org

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

MINDY TUCKER

ABDIEL IBARRA

DAT NGUYEN

FRIDAY 7/7

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, JULY 6-12, 2017

COURTESY SLC PUBLIC LIBRARY

ESSENTIALS

the

FRIDAY 7/7

SATURDAY 7/8

SUNDAY 7/9

Joshua Perkins came a little late to the hip-hop scene. It was 1999 when a VHS tape of a “legit” break-dancing battle pulled his interest away from roller-blading and toward the more creative pursuit of hip-hop dance. It was also, he concedes, a great way to meet girls.

Now, Perkins is in his mid-30s and still dancing. “I can’t do some of the athletic stuff I used to do,” he says, “but I would still beat my younger self in a battle because there are so many ways to be creative. Breaking is about style and personality.”

To spread his passion, Perkins started The Bboy Federation in 2009. Now a nonprofit with Perkins serving as executive director, the organization teaches street-style dance, promoting it as an art form for people of all ages, as well as a tool for self-expression and empowerment.

Through the group’s annual stage performance, They Reminisce—the fourth incarnation takes place this weekend—the Bboys are able to reach out to a wider audience and share their skills and their message with the Salt Lake City community.

They Reminisce features a Hip-Hop 101 crash course with dance, DJs and little history lesson.

This time around, seven choreographers have created new pieces that span movement styles from the 1980s and ’90s—breaking, popping, house, locking and new jack swing. Come an hour before each show to catch the pre-performance cypher (improvisational jam dance) and try out your own moves alongside troupe members.

(Katherine Pioli) The Bboy Federation: They Reminisce @ Rose Wagner Center Jeanné Wagner Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, 801-355-2787, July 7, 7:30 p.m., July 8, 4:30 & 7:30 p.m., $15, artsaltlake.org

One of the Salt Lake City Public Library’s treasures is its unique, massive catalogue of zines: small, independent, self-published periodicals, often devoted to intimate looks at subcultures like punk and feminism that most mainstream publishers wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole.

That collection was started 20 years ago by former librarians Julie Bartel and Brooke Young to augment and increase the diversity of the periodical section. Today, the library contains one of the largest zine archives in the country. While the library continues to show its respect for that creative form, zine-lovers can get a first-hand look at the ninth annual Alt Press Fest.

This year’s iteration is bigger than ever, expanding to multiple floors to encompass growing demand. The afternoon includes zine-making workshops, local artists showcasing their work and various print-making events.

Tommy Hamby, the library’s adult services coordinator, says the event provides not only a fun, vibrant atmosphere, but serves as a tribute to the alternative press in an age when more and more publishers are consolidating. “Zines are really important because they provide outsider voices and perspectives not really represented in media,” he says. “There are interesting, weird, awesome people who do this work.”

In conjunction with the fest, the library hosts a discussion with zine creator, DIYer and former SLC resident Alex Wrekk. The talk focuses on Brainscan, a 20-year-old renowned personal zine about her life in Portland, Ore., five copies of which are available at the library. (Kylee Ehmann) Alt Press Fest @ Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, July 9, noon-4 p.m., free; Alex Wrekk discussion, Level 4 Conference Room, July 6, 7 p.m., free, slcpl.org

When comedian Hari Kondabolu performed in Salt Lake City in August 2016, he was visiting for the first time. It’s fair to say that he was happy enough with his findings that he was keen to return.

“I’d heard about the great counterculture of SLC,” Kondabolu says via email, “and I certainly saw that at my show. I was surprised by the number of people who shared my values and frustrations and humor.”

Those values and frustrations are inextricable from his humor, as Kondabolu is unafraid to put his progressive politics on display. From his work with W. Kamau Bell on the podcast Politically Re-Active to his own comedy CD releases like Mainstream American Comic, Kondabolu pokes into uncomfortable areas like the way people respond to the Black Lives Matter movement, or the surge of racism and hate crimes in the age of Trump. As he noted in a May 2017 appearance on A Prairie Home Companion, “Somehow, over the last several months, people now think George W. Bush was a good president. … But I get what’s happening: Compared to now, it looks good. It’s like if you lost your leg and said, ‘Man I miss gangrene!’” He’s also savvy enough to know that people at his shows are likely to be on his wavelength; in that same Prairie Home Companion show, he responded to a round of applause over his thoughts on immigrants by saying, “Thank you, choir.”

Kondabolu might have been pleasantly surprised at finding so many members of that choir here in Utah, but it’s also plenty of caustically funny fun to be part of it. (SR) Hari Kondabolu @ Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, July 9, 7:30 p.m., $15, wiseguyscomedy.com

The Bboy Federation: They Reminisce

Alt Press Fest

Hari Kondabolu

Games On

Salt Lake Gaming Con brings gamers of all types together.

BY BRYAN YOUNG comments@cityweekly.net @swankmotron

W

comic books and other nerdy creations are represented by 3-D figures, and players have their heroic avatars battle each other, making use of the characters’ unique abilities. If it sounds like something you’d be interested in, Salt Lake Gaming Con can hook you up. “While I love video games,” Williams continues, “it isn’t quite the same as sitting across the table from someone, trying to be a few moves ahead and outthink them.”

Williams points to companies that have a presence at the show to help with that exposure. “Last year, [Fantasy Flight Games] had a lot of video gamers that came out and were able to try a game that a lot of them had never seen before. On the flip side,” he adds, “Microsoft brought in quite the virtual reality set up. People who had never tried VR were able to try it for the first time.”

Salt Lake Gaming Con is run by Salt Lake Comic Con, so in addition to live gaming, the program includes celebrity guests and panels that can help you improve your skills—ranging from tabletops to roleplaying. Whatever “gaming” means to you, you’ll find it represented here—but don’t miss your chance to discover that it can mean a different kind of gaming as well. CW

SALT LAKE GAMING CON

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South Towne Expo Center 9575 S. State, Sandy Friday, July 7, 10 a.m.-midnight Saturday, July 8, 9 a.m.-10 p.m. $5-$90 saltlakegamingcon.com

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JULY 06, 2017 | 21

hen you think of the word “gaming,” there are a few different places your mind can take you—and they might not seem to belong in the same conversation. For some, they drift right to the world of digital: video games, computers or online roleplaying. Others think of the analog: board games, cards, war games or penand-paper roleplaying.

Since these two schools of gaming are so different, they each have unique needs and requirements—and, often a different following. In response, when Salt Lake Gaming Con makes its way to the South Towne Expo Center this weekend, the exhibit hall will be divided in thirds, with tabletop games on one end, video games on the other and a vendor floor acting as the “no man’s land” between.

According to Jake Williams, one of the Gaming Con organizers, the division between these two types of gamers is more blurred than it might initially seem, and the convention represents that. “Most tabletop gamers play some type of video game, and most households have some type of gaming console in their home,” Williams says, “but we want to provide more than that. We work with a lot of different communities to help have content for everyone.”

In an effort to bridge the gap, Williams says that Salt Con (a local board gamefocused convention) has provided a library of 700 of their board games for attendees to play for free. Additionally, Fantasy Flight Games, a top manufacturer of games—including the Star Wars board- and roleplaying games—is ready to run tabletop demos.

On the other side of the exhibit hall, companies like PlayStation and Microsoft offer similar experiences for those wanting a taste of the digital side. Want to try something a bit more physically challenging? There’s a life-sized Mario Kart track, as well as a giant Nerf gun battle, to simulate the thrill of first-person shooters.

Williams is no stranger to either style of gaming, and his interest in conventions stems from his status as a professional gamer. “As a kid, I grew up in the arcades playing Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat,” he recalls. “However, a few years ago I won a HeroClix World Championship. I then became sponsored, and was able to travel the U.S. to see other gaming conventions.”

HeroClix is sort of the tabletop equivalent of a fighting game like Street Fighter. Your favorite characters from

big SHINY ROBOT

WENDI KLEIN

A&E

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22 | JULY 06, 2017

moreESSENTIALS

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The abstract landscapes of J. Vehar Evanoff—at times suggesting an upside-down world of redrock vistas shimmering in water—are on display in the exhibition Submerged Reflection at Modern West Fine Art (177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, modernwestfineart.com) through July 15.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

1776 Center Point Legacy Theatre, 525 N. 400 West, Centerville, 801-298-1302, through July 15, Monday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m., centerpointtheatre.org The 3 Amigos Desert Star Theatre, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-266-2600, through Aug 19, times vary, desertstar.biz As You Like It Engelstad Shakespeare Theatre, 200 W. College Ave., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 7, times vary, bard.org Cabaret Egyptian Theatre, 328 Main, Park City, 435-649-9371, through July 23, Thursday-Saturday, 8 p.m.; Sunday, 6 p.m., egyptiantheatrecompany.org Disney’s Tarzan Hale Center Theater Orem, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, through Aug. 5, Monday-Saturday, times vary, haletheater.org Guys and Dolls Randall L. Jones Theatre, 300 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 1, times vary, bard.org Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat Hale Center Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Drive, West Valley City, 801-984-9000, through Aug. 12, times vary, hct.org Madama Butterfly Ellen Eccles Theater, 43 S. Main, Logan, 800-262-0074, July 7-Aug. 8, artsaltlake.org A Midsummer Night’s Dream Randall L. Jones Theatre, 300 W. Center St., Cedar City, 453-5867878, through Oct. 21, times vary, bard.org Newsies Tuacahn Amphitheatre, 1100 Tuacahn Drive, Ivins, 435-652-3200, through Oct. 18, tuacahn.org A Night at the Imperial Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, 801-355-4628, through July 29, Friday, Saturday & Monday, 7:30 p.m., theobt.org Rex Utah Theatre, 18 W. Center St., Logan, 800262-0074, through Aug. 7, artsaltlake.org Romeo and Juliet Engelstad Shakespeare Theatre, 200 W. College Ave., Cedar City, 435586-7878, through Sept. 9, times vary, bard.org Saturday’s Voyeur Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through Aug. 27, times vary, saltlakeactingcompany.org

Seussical The Musical Eccles Theatre, 131 S. Main, 385-468-1010, through Aug. 7, dates and times vary, artsaltlake.org Shakespeare in Love Engelstad Shakespeare Theatre, 200 W. College Ave., Cedar City, 435586-7878, through Sept. 8, times vary, bard.org Shrek the Musical Tuacahn Amphitheatre, 1100 Tuacahn, Ivins, 435-652-3300, through Oct. 20, dates and times vary, tuacahn.org Treasure Island Randall L. Jones Theatre 300 W. Center St., Cedar City, 435-586-7878, through Sept. 2, times vary, bard.org

DANCE

Bboy Federation: They Reminisce Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, 801-3552787, July 7-8, 7:30 p.m.; matinee July 8, 4:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 20) Daniel Mont-Eton: Homeward Rose Wagner Center Studio Theatre, 138 W. 300 South, 801355-2787, July 7-8, 7:30 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 20)

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

A Night at Bach’s Coffeehouse St. Mary’s Church, 1505 White Pine Canyon Road, Park City, 801-355-2787, July 12, 8 p.m., utahsymphony.org Utah Symphony: Patti Austin Sings Ella Fitzgerald Snow Park Amphitheater, 2250 Deer Valley Drive, Park City, 801-355-2787, July 7, 7:30 p.m., utahsymphony.org West Valley Symphony Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, 801-965-5100, July 10, 7:30 p.m., culturalcelebration.org

COMEDY & IMPROV

Aaron Woodall Wiseguys Ogden, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, July 7-8, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Hari Kondabolu Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, July 9, 7:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com (see p. 20) Nick Thune Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, July 7-8, 7 & 9:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Open-Mic Night Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, 801-532-5233, Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com

moreESSENTIALS

LITERATURE AUTHOR APPEARANCES

Chris Riley: The Sinking of the Angie Piper Barnes and Noble, 7517 Plaza Center Drive, West Jordan, 801-282-1324, July 6, 4 p.m., barnesandnoble.com David Mealing: Soul of the World The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-4849100, July 7, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Kathy Shorr: Shot The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, July 6, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Michael Wallis: Best Land Under Heaven: The Donner Party in the Age of Manifest Destiny The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, July 8, 2 p.m., kingsenglish.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FESTIVALS & FAIRS

FARMERS MARKETS

RACING

Midnight Drag Bash Rocky Mountain Raceways, 6555 W. 2100 South, 385-352-3991, July 8, 7 p.m., rmrracing.com Summit ET Series Rocky Mountain Raceways, 6555 W. 2100 South, 385-352-3991, July 7, 4:30 p.m., rmrracing.com

JULY 06, 2017 | 23

All-State Utah High School Art Show Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through July 29, slcpl.org All of Us Beasts Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, through July 7, heritage.utah.gov Anthony Siciliano, Desarae Lee: Phenomenal Allegories Art Access, 230 S. 500 West, 801328-0703, through July 14, accessart.org Avenues Open Studies: Works by Local Artists Corinne and Jack Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801-594-8651, through Aug. 19, slcpl.org Christopher Lynn: Misplaced Wall SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through July 19, slcpl.org

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GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

VISUAL ART

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

9th West Farmers Market International Peace Garden, 1000 S. 900 West, through Oct. 29, Sundays, 10 a.m.-2 p.m., 9thwestfarmersmarket.org Downtown Farmers Market Pioneer Park, 350 W. 300 South, through Oct. 28, 8 a.m.-2 p.m., slcfarmersmarket.org Provo Farmers Market Pioneer Park, 500 W. Center St., Provo, through Oct. 28, 9 a.m.-2 p.m., provofarmersmarket.com Sugar House Farmers Market Fairmont Park, 1040 E. Sugarmont Drive, through Oct. 25, Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m., sugarhousefarmersmarket.org

Cordell Taylor Phillips Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, 801-364-8284, through July 14, phillips-gallery.com Corinne Humphrey: Tao of Rudy: Essential Dogma for Everyday Joy Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Aug. 7, slcpl.org Hadley Rampton Phillips Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, 801-364-8284, through July 14, phillips-gallery.com I Am I Mestizo Institute of Culture & Arts 631 W. North Temple, Ste. 700, through July 7, facebook.com/mestizoarts INK Urban Arts Gallery, 137 S. Rio Grande St., 801230-0820, through July 30, urbanartsgallery.org International Art Quilt Invitational Brigham City Museum, 24 N. 300 West, 435-226-1439, through Aug. 31, brighamcitymuseum.org Joanna Johannesen: Reflections of My Soul Anderson-Foothill Library, 1135 S. 2100 East, 801-594-8611, through July 20, slcpl.org John Vehar-Evanoff Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801-355-3383, through July 15, modernwestfineart.com Joseph Cipro: Cosmic Musings Gallery 814, 814 E. 100 South, 801-533-0204, through July 31 Julie van der Wekken: Shadows & Reflections Day-Riverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801594-8632, through July 15, slcpl.org Linda Marion Art Exhibit Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through July 16, redbuttegarden.org Linnie Brown: Maps of Insufficient Clarity Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-5965000, through Aug. 4, saltlakearts.org Masterworks of Western American Art David Dee Fine Arts, 1709 E. 1300 South, 801-583-8143, through Aug. 31, daviddeefinearts.com Michael Ryan Handley: Sublimation UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Sept. 9, utahmoca.org Naomi Marine: Sleepwalking Sprague Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through Aug. 26, slcpl.org Nathan Florence: In a Common Act of Magic Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801-3553383, through July 15, modernwestfineart.com Richard Serra: Prints Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., 435-649-8882, through Aug. 20, kimballartcenter.org Safe and Sound UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Sept. 23, utahmoca.org Sandy Williams Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-4088, through July 16, artatthemain.com Scott Filipiak Finch Lane Gallery, 1340 E. 100 South, 801-596-5000, through Aug. 4, saltlakearts.org Scott Horsley: I Learned it from Watching You UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 15, utahmoca.org Traveling Out West: Going Places, Seeing Things: Photography by Alex Kravtsov and Nadia Dolzhenko Marmalade Library, 280 W. 500 North, 801-594-8680, through July 7, slcpl.org Willow Skye-Biggs: Tastes Like Mandy UMOCA, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through Aug. 12, utahmoca.org UMOCA Art Truck Discovery Gateway Children’s Museum, 444 W. 100 South, 801-328-4201, July 8, 2-4 p.m., utahmoca.org UMOCA Art Truck Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-328-420, July 12, 11 a.m.-noon, utahmoca.org Woman/Women The Leonardo, 209 E. 500 South, 801-531-9800, through Aug. 31, theleonardo.org

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Alt Press Fest Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, July 8, noon-4 p.m., slcpl.org (see p. 20) Farmington Festival Days through July 8, times and locations vary, farmington.utah.gov Millcreek Arts Festival Historic Baldwin Radio Factory, 3474 S. 2300 East, July 8, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.

Salt Lake Gaming Con South Towne Expo Center, 9575 S. State, Sandy, July 7-8, saltlakegamingcon.com (see p. 21)

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STEVEN VARGO

DINE

Battle of the Garlic Burgers

24 | JULY 06, 2017

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There’s a reason Utah is home to zero vampires.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

Chef-inspired, Locally Sourced

Gourmet

Burgers

Summer Patio OPEN

100+ Beers

Award

Winning Wine Open 7 days a week.

206 S. West Temple ˜ 801.890.5155 ˜ fatjacksut.com

G

oogle hard enough, and you’ll come to the conclusion that garlic burgers made their pungent splash onto Utah’s culinary scene in the 1970s. Around that time, Helen Chlepas opened the Cotton Bottom Inn and remembered an on-the-go Greek treat consisting of hot buttered garlic bread. The move proved to be a stroke of genius and a legend was born. Almost half a century later, the humble and punchy garlic burger is as synonymous with the Beehive State as fry sauce, green Jell-O and bad driving.

But, how do you spot a good one? For starters, it should be filled with character, have a bite where you’d least expect it and be completely unapologetic for its lack of decorum.

Perhaps this is why it has become a hallmark at some of the Salt Lake Valley’s finest dives. Our smackdown sample population on this first go—SLC’s Busy Bee Bar & Grill and the aforementioned jewel of Holladay— both advertise their garlic burgers as the “best in town,” but whose offering is truly deserving of the title? Despite the looming threat of pointed comments and hate mail (not to mention severe garlic breath), it was a question I decided to answer.

The OG Cotton Bottom (6200 Holladay Blvd., 801-273-9830, cottonbottominn.com) has the reputation advantage—most “best burger” lists I’ve come across have at least given the place an honorable mention—so that’s where I decided to start. Right off the bat, it’s tough to beat the bar’s location.

It’s nestled in a cluster of trees, sharing the same outdoorsy ambiance and cool mountain air as its more upscale homies Franck’s and Tuscany, plus my first visit just happened to take place on the definition of

Cotton Bottom Inn’s famous garlic burger a beautiful evening. The wife and I split a burger, since they’re gigantic (also, it was our first one of the evening). At $8, the move represented a perfectly viable (and way cheap) dinner for two.

Surprisingly, this iteration eschews the traditional roundness that one would expect from a burger. It’s served on a square, toasted bun, which is sliced in half to give it the feeling of eating a hero sandwich.

The smell is spectacular—a grilled burger dripping with roasted garlic and butter goes perfectly with a summer night. The patties are juicy and flavorful, and I’m a bit of a sucker for burgers topped with a ton of finely shredded lettuce and onion. I was worried the mighty garlic would overpower the supporting characters, but it was subtle enough to share the spotlight.

My initial thought at first bite: This one is gonna be tough to beat.

In contrast to the Wasatch foothills, our second stop, Busy Bee Bar & Grill (2115 S. State, 801-466-0950) calls metro SLC home. It’s got more of a bar vibe than the inn, and their menu is a bit broader in selection as well, including their signature French dip & Swiss and a solid gyro ($8.25 each). Though there are a few burgers that I’d love to go back for (I got your number, “El Diablo”), I was here for a garlic one, so I begrudgingly stuck to the plan. Visually, it shares some traits with its Cotton Bottom counterpart: It’s about the same size, and it’s served on two thick pieces of garlicky Texas toast (also making it square). Committing to the bit, subbing a bun for garlic bread was a nice touch—it’s crispy, buttery and elevates the overall garlic flavor.

Decisions, decisions. I admit that going into this, I thought Cotton Bottom would be a shoo-in, but Busy Bee isn’t messing around, either. The verdict? After much deliberation, and a shot or two of Mylanta, Cotton Bottom takes the prize. Garlic burgers are about the only thing they serve here, so they’ve had years to get the formula right. That’s not to say Busy Bee didn’t put up one hell of a fight.

For a truly Utah experience, ditch the corporate drive-thru and check out either of these fine establishments. Just make sure bring a few breath mints along. CW

Welcome Baby!

Kaito Benjamin Beltran

LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

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AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

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DEREK CARLISLE

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TO CURB YOUR HUNGER!

Current Fish & Oyster Fest Eats

If you weren’t able to experience the Eat Drink SLC Event at Tracy Aviary (see Food Matters, June 29), you’ve only missed the tip of the Salt Lake Food & Wine Fest iceberg. The Salt Lake Area Restaurant Association presents this summer series of events July 6-11, all designed to introduce local residents to restaurants they might never have visited previously, learn about wine or meet some of the folks behind SLC’s finest food and drinks. More than a dozen individual opportunities fill out the calendar of events, including progressive food and beverage walks in the 15th & 15th neighborhood featuring Mazza, Trestle Tavern and Caputo’s (July 10); or 300 South & 300 East including Stanza, Current and Gourmandise the Bakery (July 11). Visit the Eccles Theater’s Encore Bistro for lunch with special live music performance (July 8), or experience wine education classes at Finca, Manoli’s or The Cliff Dining Pub (all July 7). Each event has separate admission cost, ranging from $35-$100 per person; visit saltlakefoodandwinefest.com to see which one gets your mouth watering.

Farmers Market Season

The SLC Downtown Farmers Market (slcfarmersmarket.org) has already kicked off its 2017 season, but many more places to by fresh local produce and other locally made creations are joining in the coming weeks. The Wasatch Front Farmers Market at West Jordan’s Gardner Village (1100 W. 7800 South, wasatchfrontfarmersmarket.org) opens for summer business on July 8, from 9 a.m.-1 p.m., featuring more than 50 vendors and artisans. The Utah Farm Bureau sponsors markets in Murray Park (296 E. Murray Park Way) and South Jordan (10695 S. Redwood Road) starting July 28 and Aug. 5, respectively, featuring growers only and no crafts; visit utahfarmbureau.org for more info.

For tips on additional locations near you—from Logan to St. George—visit utahsown.org/markets.

Quote of the Week: “The biggest thing you can do is understand that every time you’re going to the grocery store, you’re voting with your dollars. Support your farmers market. Support local food.

Really learn to cook.”

—Alice Waters Send tips to: comments@cityweekly.net

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Hoppers Grill & Brewing Co. Around since 1996, Hoppers (801-566-0424, hoppersbrewpub.com) is the oldest Midvale brewery. Cranking out award-winning beers from its high-traffic corner at 890 E. Fort Union Blvd., it was originally conceived by the Sizzling Platter Corp.—owners of restaurant franchises like Sizzler, Little Caesars and Red Robin. The cozy brewpub quickly found its niche as an alternative watering hole in response to the glut of national chains that engulfed the area. Driving the brewery’s creative direction is brewmaster Donovan Steele, who started as an assistant brewer in 2003 and rose to head brewer four years later.

Since his takeover, Steele has won 19 out of the brewery’s 36 medals—including three gold and a bronze at Denver’s Great American Beer Festival. The establishment’s most award-winning beer is Steele’s This Is the Pilsener—a light German-inspired lager that is always on the menu.

Bohemian Brewery Throughout the late-’90s, a number of failed breweries tried to make a run of it in the location where Bohemian (94 E. 7200 South, 801566-5474, bohemianbrewery.com) currently sits. The iconic log chalet was once the home of such breweries as Ganter, Brook Haven and Avalanche. It wasn’t until Joe Petras, a Czech immigrant, brought his Old World European beer-making techniques to Midvale that the spot finally thrived. Petras, who was once a brewer at the globally famous Plzeňský Prazdroj (the folks behind Pilsner Urquell), decided Utahns were thirsty for his old-school brews, and it turns out he was right. Bohemian’s fleet enjoyed wide success as the brewery concentrated on making just four beers under the time-honored mantra “quality over quantity.” Petras passed away in 2012, but his vision lives on as Bohemian’s new guard continues the tradition of making lagers the European way, just like Joe preferred.

2 Row Brewing Sometimes people forget that operating a brewery is expensive. Even in Utah, beer is big business and “making it,” even on a small scale, means acquiring a sizable property to house all of your equipment. The brewhouse, fermentation vessels, refrigeration and storage cost a lot of moolah, rent notwithstanding. When you’re looking at spending your life savings, municipal fringes often become homebase. The owners of 2 Row (6856 S. 300 West, 801-987-8663, 2rowbrewing.com) had to prioritize beer over location and it turns out the move paid off, with the tiny industrial-area brewery quickly reaching cult status. In just two years, 2 Row’s IPAs have taken the SLC market by storm. Of the 20 beers currently made by owner and brewer Brian Coleman, 14 contain an intense hop profile that’s kept a steady stream of customers coming back, again and again.

So break away from the norm. These off-the-beatenpath breweries are worth your time and sheckles, and have you covered with a symphony of styles—from golden ales to German Zoiglbier. Cheers! CW

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

MIKE RIEDEL

W

ith the explosion of new breweries hitting the Salt Lake City area, it’s easy to forget there are others serving up suds outside the metro confines and doing it well.

Midvale, it turns out, is a perfect example of a thriving beer district. Living up to its “in the middle of everything” slogan, its central location in Salt Lake County—along with the proximity of its centric breweries—make it a no-brainer for the beer enthusiast wanting to explore new flavors and get out of their ho-hum drinking ruts. If you’re looking to try something new or revisit a few places that might have fallen off your radar, Midvale’s new Brewery Mile awaits.

MIKE RIEDEL

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

MIKE RIEDEL

For exciting new brews, look no further than Midvale.

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SALT LAKES ORIGINAL!

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Staff here run a tight but friendly ship at this immaculate, modern breakfast and lunch spot. The madeto-order omelets are sensational and the panini and wraps are equally appealing. But the best-kept secret is probably the housemade chile verde. Ask nicely, and the chef will smother your eggs, toast or anything else you order with some of that first-class chile. At lunchtime, the burgers are also top-notch. They get their baked goods, produce and meat fresh from local vendors, to boot. 3084 E. 3300 South, Salt Lake City, 801485-1134, millcreekcafeandeggworks.com

Millie’s Burgers

There are no frills or fuss at this Sugar House eatery—just tasty burgers and more than 30 different shakes. Their frosty treats are literally over the top, and the burgers are a throwback to the days of momand-pop diners where the patties actually tasted like beef. The fries are made from hand-cut potatoes, and the fried zucchini sticks are beyond addictive. The affordable prices and fast service are just an added bonus at this little slice of Americana. 2092 S. 1000 East, Salt Lake City, 801-466-6043, facebook.com/milliesburgers

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Caffeine junkies unite: You can get your daily fix of mochas, lattes and espressos at The People’s Coffee, burrowed in downtown Salt Lake City. The walls are adorned with stimulating photographs of coffee foam and tables filled with interesting novels, yet it’s the staff that’s most refreshing, serving a smile along with a tasty cup of joe. Accompanying the personable crew, engaging jazz music fills the café on select nights. The space is perfect for those late study sessions, as it stays open till 8 p.m. every day. 221 E. 300 South, Salt Lake City, 801906-8761, facebook.com/thepeoplescoffee

Apollo Burger

The local chain opened its first location on Salt Lake City’s North Temple back in 1984. Since then, the company has grown to include a dozen locations around the state, as far away as St. George. Of course, the classic Apollo burger is the main draw here. But there’s much more to the experience than just the burgers, like the Philly cheesesteak, barbecue beef, Reuben, Greek gyro, chicken souvlaki, corn dog, tuna melt and more. Or, if you’re on a health kick, get one of their hearty salads. Oh, and you’ll definitely want to order the baklava for dessert. Multiple locations, apolloburgersonline.com

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REVIEW BITES A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

Beltex’s display case

Beltex Meats

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Beltex is the only butcher shop I’ve ever encountered with a bookcase and sofa. In that regard, it’s quite nouveau, with more eye-appeal than the typical meat market. Owner Philip Grubisa believes in traditional ways of butchering and curing meats, beginning with utilizing the entire animal. “At the end of the day, our waste baskets are very light,” he says; as virtually every part of the animal is used. Stuff that might not be quite fit for human consumption is turned into gourmet dog treats, or donated to the nearby Tracy Aviary to feed vultures and other animals. In addition to sought-after cuts—such as center-cut pork chops and rib-eye steaks—Grubisa and his staff are educating consumers to appreciate lesser-known ones like beef gooseneck (from the bottom round) and products such as pork butter. They also source everything regionally, including animals from producers like Christiansen Farms and Pleasant Creek Ranch for whole-animal butchery. Not only is the quality of the locally raised animals of the highest order, but according to Grubisa, it’s also much more cost effective to buy and butcher an entire hog, for example, than to purchase boxes of chops, sausages, hams, bacon, etc. In addition to its wide range of meat products, Beltex also sells excellent ramen and other types of broth, plus gourmet sandwiches on Saturdays. But don’t dilly-dally—they sell out quickly.

Reviewed June 1. 511 E. 900 South, 801-532-2641, beltexmeats.com

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Free Press Isn’t Free

FILM REVIEW

Schoolyard Fight

Spider-Man: Homecoming brings a welcome focus on a 15-year-old hero.

S

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SONY PICTURES/MARVEL STUDIOS

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

O B O R Y N I H S G BI

T!

News from the geeks. what’s new in comics, games, movies and beyond.

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CINEMA

tipulated: Nobody needs another Spider-Man movie. The jokes about multiple reboots of the web-slinger are all valid, and even keeping in mind the admirable restraint in Spider-Man: Homecoming of not revisiting the most familiar material—no radioactive spider, no death of Uncle Ben, no J. Jonah Jameson, no redheaded Mary Jane—it’s understandable that we’re all a bit weary of this character.

There are, though, a few layers of meaning buried in the title Spider-Man: Homecoming suggesting why, if we did need another Spider-Man movie, we should be glad we got this one. It’s certainly a nod to Spider-Man returning to the fold of the wider Marvel Cinematic Universe, connected to this incarnation’s popular debut appearance in last year’s Captain America: Civil War. Most literally, it’s a reference to a dance at the Queens high school of Peter Parker (Tom Holland). But connected to that is a reminder that this character is a 15-year-old kid, with the typical problems of a 15-yearold kid in addition to the ones he encounters while fighting super-villains. Director Jon Watts gets back to the fundamental story of a teen coming-of-age as a superhero, and it’s a welcome approach.

Watts kicks off that sensibility by efficiently reminding us of Peter’s adventure during Civil War’s Berlin battle through Peter’s selfie videos; if this kid is a teenager, he’s a teenager of his time, compulsively documenting his life. After those events, however, Peter finds himself adrift: He wants to be the kind of hero who saves the world with The Avengers, but while he awaits mentor Tony Stark’s (Robert Downey Jr.) phone call that never comes, he’s left foiling bicycle thefts and giving directions to nice little old ladies as their

friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. When he discovers a network of criminals selling powerful weapons—led by the mechanicalwinged Vulture (Michael Keaton)—Peter wants to jump in to help, even as Stark warns him to stay in his inexperienced lane.

The context of Peter Parker as a highschool nerd permeates Homecoming, as Watts aims for a vibe with more than a few nods to 1980s John Hughes comedies.

A couple of key scenes are scored not to contemporary hits, but to vintage tunes by The English Beat and A Flock of Seagulls.

A scene from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off makes a cameo appearance in a sequence where Spider-Man races through multiple suburban backyards. Even the supporting cast of misfits—from Peter’s best friend, Ned (Jacob Batalon), who learns of Peter’s secret identity, to anti-social Michelle (Zendaya) and her spin on Ally Sheedy in Breakfast Club—and checked-out teachers feels familiar, although considerably more diverse than Hughes’ movies.

This is also a comic-book movie, of course, and Watts understands how to make this story work in that idiom, too. It might not be possible for anyone to match the freewheeling kineticism Sam Raimi brought to the original Spider-Man trilogy, but Watts finds considerably more exuberance in his choreography than Marc Webb dribbled onto the Andrew Garfield-led Amazing Spider-Man movies. This is the chatty, trash-talky Spider-Man of the comics, and while the big final set piece does get a bit too frantic and busy to absorb fully, Watts shows enough chops to make it

Tom Holland in Spider-Man: Homecoming

easy to forget that his big résumé item before this was the indie thriller Cop Car—a movie where the only similarity to this one might be young people in over their heads.

Yet that small connecting point—the idea of being asked to grow up too fast— proves to be crucial. As fun and frisky as this movie is—including a post-credits tag scene that is easily the best one the Marvel Universe films have delivered to date—everything is anchored by Holland’s engaging performance, full of equal parts eagerness and insecurity. It’s a perfectly Peter Parker moment when, during a school trip, the girl he has a crush on (Laura Harrier) invites him to hang out in the pool, but Peter has to make a choice to follow a lead on the bad guys. The adolescent tug-of-war between the carefree life of a kid and the moral choices of an adult are everywhere here, making for a rich narrative beyond the fights and explosions. If Spider-Man is going to be with us for a while, let it be a Spider-Man whose high-flying exploits are complicated by a friend who reminds him, “But we have a Spanish quiz.” CW

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING

BBB.5 Tom Holland Michael Keaton Robert Downey Jr. PG-13

TRY THESE

exclusively on cityweekly.net

Spider-Man (2002) Tobey Maguire Willem Dafoe PG-13

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) Andrew Garfield Emma Stone PG-13

Cop Car (2015) Kevin Bacon James FreedsonJackson R

Captain America: Civil War (2016) Chris Evans Robert Downey Jr. PG-13

CINEMA CLIPS MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

NEW THIS WEEK Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

THE EXCEPTION [not yet reviewed] A German soldier (Jai Courtney) falls for a Jewish woman (Lily James) at the outset of World War II. Opens July 7 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)

THE BEGUILED BBB Pheromones hang heavy in the humid Southern air in Sofia Coppola’s adaptation of Thomas Cullinan’s novel. In 1864 Virginia, as the Civil War rages, the few remaining residents of a girls school—led by headmistress Miss Farnsworth (Nicole Kidman)—are thrown into turmoil when they take in wounded Union soldier John McBurney (Colin Farrell), whom they find near the school grounds; slow-burn sexual tension ensues.

Coppola employs Philippe Le Sourd’s candlelit cinematography to evoke both seduction and menace, but she also notably (and controversially) eliminates the non-white characters from Cullinan’s narrative. While that choice allows her to focus on women in wartime, it also flattens the context of the world where these women operate on a different level of subservience to white men. It’s left to the uniformly strong performances and Coppola’s perfectly languid pacing to fill in the blanks. (R)—SR CARS 3 B.5 Cars 2 erred in making Mater the tow truck the main character and emphasizing tired espionage capering over jokes; Cars 3 replaces those mistakes with different ones. The accursed Mater is hardly around at all in this existential drama about aging racer Lightning McQueen’s (Owen Wilson) career being threatened by a faster rookie (Armie Hammer), so he reluctantly teams up with a perky trainer (Cristela Alonzo) to get back to basics and confront mortality. Whee! Vrooom! The Toy Story trilogy got pretty grim, too, but it also included humor and established a convincing reality for its characters. Cars 3 is nearly devoid of comedy, follows no internal logic and, apart from a fun sequence at a demolition derby, isn’t much to look at. This isn’t for kids; it’s for NASCAR-loving adults who enjoy generic stories when they involve talking cars. (G)—Eric D. Snider DESPICABLE ME 3 B.5 Good luck to anyone trying to synopsize this thing, which is less a movie than five(-ish) shorts pasted together. First,

JULY 06, 2017 | 31

BARBARELLA At Tower Theatre, July 7-8, 11 p.m.; July 9, noon. (PG)

BABY DRIVER BB.5 Edgar Wright loves nodding to genre cinema, but he never before seemed to be playing copycat. This sloppy wet kiss to ’70s exploitation heist thrillers—with Ansel Elgort as a getaway car driver named Baby, in over his head—opens with a blissed-out 20 minutes, including Baby bopping down the street to “Harlem Shuffle” as though the city itself had become part of his personal music video. But as many goofy bits of business and quirky characters as Wright packs into Baby Driver, there’s an overall sense that he’s running his homage through a Quentin Tarantino filter: a soundtrack lousy with vintage chestnuts; loquacious criminals; and abrupt bursts of violence.

It’s a frustrating thing to find such a gifted filmmaker taking on an idea where he seems to be saying, “Somebody else already did this before, and better.” (R)—SR

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SPECIAL SCREENINGS

CURRENT RELEASES

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING BBB.5 See review on p. 30. Opens July 7 at theaters valleywide.

(PG-13)

NUTS! At Rose Wagner Center, July 12, 7 p.m., with director Penny Lane.

(NR)

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THE JOURNEY BB This true-with-enormous-liberties-taken story about the plot to resolve the Northern Irish Troubles—between Catholics, led by Sinn Féin’s Martin McGuinness (Colm Meaney), and Protestant Loyalists, led by the Democratic Unionist Party’s Ian Paisley (Timpthy Spall)—would be great if it had a better story and characterizations. Though Meaney is quite good playing McGuinness as Meaney-ish, Spall seems as if he’s acting in a different, more dramatic film, doing a full-on impersonation that comes off heavy-handed and forced. It doesn’t help that the plot—about these opposing leaders stuck in a minivan as they travel to catch a flight from Edinburgh to Belfast—has enough contrivance to make a Three’s Company episode seem organic. If the leaders aren’t hounded by bad weather, their car is colliding with a deer, or running out of gas. It’s endless, and Meaney’s good humor can only do so much when Spall’s gruffness sucks the life from the room. Colin Bateman’s script is so-so, and director Nick Hamm doesn’t have a handle on his actors—especially Tony Stephens, who plays former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair as if he runs a private school full of wacky adolescents. Opens July 7 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—David Riedel

NOVA: VIKINGS UNEARTHED At Main Library, July 11, 7 p.m. (NR)

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THE BIG SICK BBB.5 This uniquely charming tale is being described as a “romantic comedy,” and perhaps, in the broadest possible sense, it is—but it’s more accurate to think of it as a richly affecting relationship comedy. That’s because the romantic relationship—between struggling stand-up comedian Kumail Nanjiani (playing himself) and his future wife, Emily (Zoe Kazan), written by the two actors and based on their actual courtship—is a relatively small portion of the story, especially once Emily develops a serious medical condition that puts her in a coma. Even better material emerges in Kumail’s interactions with Emily’s parents (a predictably wonderful Holly Hunter and startlingly great Ray Romano), and conflicts with his own first-generation Pakistani-American parents (Anupam Kher and Zenobia Shroff), who expect him to follow Pakistani tradition with an arranged marriage. Every one of the relationships feels complex, fully realized and honest, with Nanjiani delivering a strong performance as he tries to find his own place between two worlds. It’s funny, yes, and occasionally even romantic. More significantly, though, it always feels heartfelt and true, recognizing how often a love story is never as simple as “boy meets girl.” Opens July 7 at theaters valleywide.

(R)—Scott Renshaw

THE NATURAL At Main Library, July 12, 2 p.m. (PG)

CINEMA CLIPS

because the movie isn’t really about whatever Lee learns about himself; it’s more about the audience learning how great it is to watch Sam Elliott play himself. (R)—SR

Gru (Steve Carell) and wife Lucy (Kristen Wiig) are fired from villain-fighting duty for their inability to stop former child-star bad guy Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker). Then Gru discovers he has a twin brother. But also Lucy also is trying to stepparenthood, and little Agnes wants to catch a unicorn, and the Minions are in prison, etc. It moves at a bouncy pace, with a couple of amusing sight gags, but it just feels like there was a release date on the schedule, so every spare idea anyone had about these characters went into a bowl, and out came this brand deposit. As the Minions themselves might say, “[incomprehensible babble that is supposed to be amusing].” (PG)—SR

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT B Much of what you might hear makes it sound more watchable than it is. Stanley Tucci hamming it up as Merlin the wizard?

A World War II flashback where Transformers help the Allies defeat Hitler? Yes, that’s all here in the fifth chapter of Michael Bay’s franchise, but whatever you’re imagining, it’s dumber, clumsier and more exasperating than that. This time, Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) and cohorts must stop the bad alien robots from getting the magic staff of power. The descendants of King Arthur’s knights are somehow involved (as explained by chief expositor Anthony Hopkins), as is a gorgeous English historian (Laura Haddock). The film quickly devolves into undifferentiated shooting, yelling and exploding, and the robots never seem like anything other than CGI creations, especially compared to their automobile forms. And Tucci’s only in the first five minutes! (PG-13)—EDS

32 | JULY 06, 2017

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THE HERO BBB Sam Elliott owns a formulaic story playing Lee Hayden, an iconic Western actor now spending most of his time stoned or working as a voice-over pitchman. When he gets a likely terminal cancer diagnosis, he shakes up his life, including a relationship with a young woman (Laura Prepon) and looking to make amends with his estranged daughter (Krysten Ritter). The role was tailor-made for Elliott by co-writer/director Brett Haley, and the actor also shows a sweet emotional range, selling the obvious subtext in a blockbuster role for which he’s being considered. If the relationship with Prepon feels icky and forced—and the third act conflict between them particularly low-stakes—it’s only

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COOLEST SUMMER ADVENTURES!

In Salvation (series debut, Wednesday, July 12, CBS), MIT student Liam (Charlie Rowe) discovers that an asteroid is six months away from colliding with Earth, and teams up with this T V season’s cliché of choice, a tech billionaire (Santiago Cabrera) and the U.S. government to save the planet! But, after a lead-in hour of Big Brother, who’s feeling charitable about humanity? Any way: The guv’ment has its own shadow contingency plan, and who can blame them when Liam does shit like hiring an improbably gorgeous young sci-fi writer (Jacqueline Byers) as a theorist while ignoring the lessons of Armageddon, Deep Impact and Night of the Comet? At least Neil deGrasse Tyson—as himself!—is here to help. CW

One of Utah’s

The Bold Type (Freeform)

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legend of a young William Shakespeare as he arrives in the “punk-rock theatre scene of 16th century London.” Gahhh.

TNT is having a decent summer with rough-and-tumble dramas Animal Kingdom and Claws; the foptastic Will feels off-brand, to say the least (which no one does here, like, ever). Sure, it’s filmed gorgeously, but lead Laurie Davidson appears to have answered a casting call that read “a younger Bradley Cooper, minus personality, charm and beard potential.”

Staging your sexy millennial drama at a magazine— you know, those glossy-paper dinosaurs found in dentist offices and Jiffy Lube waiting rooms—in 2017 makes about as much sense as publishing an actual magazine in 2017.

The Bold Type (series debut, Tuesday, July 11, Freeform) is wishful thinking on the part of Hearst Magazines boss Joanna Coles, who’s listed as an executive producer on this inconsequential perfume insert of a show. Standard-issue Freeform models Jane, Kat and Sutton are making their way in the glam world of Scarlet magazine, exploring the youngadult Big Four of “sexuality, identity, love and fashion.”

Fashion? There’ll never be a series about an alt-weekly.

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ndy Samberg’s 2015 mockumentary 7 Days in Hell was all about tennis and ridiculous wigs; his latest sports-doc send-up, Tour de Pharmacy (movie, Saturday, July 8, HBO), is all about cycling and ridiculous wigs, so at least he’s consistent. Set in 1982, “a dark and fictitious time in cycling history,” the film chronicles a doping scandal within a Tour de France-ish cycling competition, getting weird with game array of guest stars: Orlando Bloom, Freddie Highmore, Jeff Goldblum, Danny Glover, Julia Ormond, Dolph Lundgren, James Marsden, Kevin Bacon, Will Forte, Maya Rudolph, Mike Tyson, J.J. Abrams and, of course, Lance Armstrong. Not all of it works, but there’s so much, it hardly matters.

National Geographic already covered this three years ago with its The ’90s: The Last Great Decade miniseries, but leave it to a failing Fake News outlet to rip it off: The Nineties (series debut, Sunday, July 9, CNN) is an eightpart series about the glory years of flannel, Clintons and Zima (at least two have staged a viable comeback), with the first two hours focused not on politics, racial unrest or tech advances, but … television? Great, let’s rehash Friends, Frasier and The Sopranos (which premiered in 1999, so it barely counts) from the decade when I began writing about the tube for an indifferent audience—and nothing’s changed in the age of Peak TV. Yeah, I made this about me—deal with it!

Adult Swim continues to answer the nagging question “Where’s Season 3 of Rick & Morty?!” with “Dunno, but here’s another shitty new cartoon.” The setup for Apollo Gauntlet (series debut, Sunday, July 9, Adult Swim) sounds promising: When Earth cop Paul Cassidy is transported to a “futuristic medieval”(?) world by the diabolical-ifmisleadingly named Dr. Benign, he decides to dole out local justice his way with the help of a magical suit and a pair of talking gauntlets. Unfortunately, Apollo Gauntlet is just another badly drawn stoner ’toon that’s not even up to the standard of its ironic low-bar inspiration, He-Man—and it’s certainly no Axe Cop, the gold standard of animated lawmen.

After the sad, quiet failure of Still Star-Crossed, no network is going to be dumb enough to launch another new Shakespearean dramedy, right? Ha! Modernized period piece Will (series debut, Monday, July 10, TNT) juices the

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Why Iron Maiden is, as Bill & Ted said, excellent!

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n a pivotal scene from the 1989 time-travel comedy Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Bill S. Preston, Esq. (Alex Winter) and Ted “Theodore” Logan (Keanu Reeves) find themselves face-to-face with many “royal ugly dudes.” After a pregnant pause, one R.U.G. orders the guards to put the two doofuses in “the iron maiden.” Naturally, he means the medieval torture and execution device that encloses someone in a spike-filled cabinet. Not realizing their predicament, Bill and Ted believe they’re about to join one of the greatest metal bands of all time. Their response, “Iron Maiden … excellent!” is not only one of the best catch-phrases of ’80s film, but also one of the most succinct and accurate appraisals of the English heavy metal band.

By Bill and Ted’s simpleton reasoning, heavy metal is excellent because it’s heavy, loud and badass; therefore, the same applies to Iron Maiden. And if Iron Maiden is excellence, then excellence itself is Iron Maiden. That’s some sound, fallacy-free logic. But if you’re having a hard time wrapping your head around it, here are some reasons that the band is most triumphant: Punk and Metal Cred Although Maiden is a heavy metal legend, some early critics asserted that the band’s first two full-length albums, Iron Maiden (1980) and Killers (1981—both on EMI/Capitol), displayed a heavy punk-rock influence. The band begged to differ, but that didn’t dissuade punks from getting into them—which is why you sometimes see Iron Maiden patches among the Dead Kennedys and T.S.O.L. ones on those studded leather jackets. Also, there’s no denying original singer Paul Di’Anno’s vocals were raw and rough compared to Bruce Dickinson’s operatic majesty, and Dave Murray and Adrian Smith’s guitar playing was wonderfully sloppy on those albums. That’s punk enough.

Eddie!

The band’s use of horrific imagery blew up the bloomers of so many Cold War-era puritans. Since they couldn’t be bothered to actually read the lyrics, they resorted to hysterical histrionics, unfairly maligning the band (and perhaps dozens of other rock groups) as Satan worshippers. The band’s skeletal mascot Eddie (originally “Eddie the Head”), with his baleful grin, is on countless album covers, Tshirts, posters and stickers—not to mention immortalized in textbook doodles and restroom graffiti. His ubiquity, and the fact that he was depicted on the cover of The Number of the Beast (1982) pulling Beelzebub’s puppet strings, didn’t help. The album cover sent Jerry Falwell Sr.’s Moral Majority’s heads a-spinning and they tried to, as they say online, “Kill it with fire!” burning copies of the band’s albums. It, uh, backfired, only increasing awareness of the band.

They’re Ed-ucational Maiden had the last laugh when bassist and songwriter Steve Harris revealed that the hair-raising imagery of songs like “The Number of the Beast” and “Children of the Damned” was simply a consequence of his horror film fandom, whereas songs like “Run to the Hills” are in fact about mass murder—but inspired by historical events like the Wounded Knee Massacre and the Charge of the Light Brigade. Harris, you see, is also a history buff, but the band has songs about Greek myths (“Flight of Icarus”) and nuclear brinkmanship (“2 Minutes to

JOHN MCMURTRIE

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MUSIC

Iron Maiden Midnight”), too. So if detractors were going to blame the band for corrupting young minds with blood ’n’ guts ’n’ boogeymen, they’d have to acknowledge Maiden probably helped enlighten others.

Fly the Metal Skies Bruce Dickinson is a pilot. But he didn’t get his license just so he could take groupies up for a mile-high action like some hot-andbothered Icarus. The dude flew passenger jets for the now-defunct Astraeus Airlines. Yes, that means you might have been flown over oceans by the singer from Iron Maiden—and lived to tell the tale, if only you’d known. When the band is on tour, Dickinson flies them around in their own Boeing 747 called Ed Force One. It’s simultaneously badass and Saturday-morning cool, like Scooby and the gang cruising around in the Mystery Machine.

Three Lead Guitarists When Adrian Smith left the band in 1990, they welcomed Janick Gers into the fold as Dave Murray’s counterpart. When Smith returned nine years later, Gers remained in the band, forming a three-headed heavy metal hydra. They weren’t the first band to have a trio of six-stringers (Skynyrd!), but the sight and sound of three ace players made Maiden an even mightier presence.

The Music No band makes it through four decades without delivering the real goods—tunes that get you pumping your fists in the air, singing along, playing air guitar, genuflecting and spitting superlatives in their honor. Iron Maiden’s 16 studio albums aren’t necessarily all gilded platters of excellence, but they all show a group of guys not content to be a simple rock band—or rely on a rote catalog.

From the 1979 debut EP The Soundhouse Tapes (Hard Rock) through last year’s The Book of Souls (Parlophone/Sanctuary/BMG), Iron Maiden has delivered heady, high-concept music and epic stage shows to their fans. You can recite a litany of reasons explaining the band’s greatness, but some things really do look better when reduced to simplest terms. Iron Maiden? Excellent. CW

IRON MAIDEN

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2 Y DBA EERAL!

BY RANDY HARWARD

SATURDAY 7/8

Some artists are so good at hype. Industrial maestro Raymond Watts—otherwise known as <Pig> or PIG or P.I.G. or <PÎG>— has made a lot of music over the years, whether on his own or with noteworthy genre peers KMFDM and Genesis P-Orridge in experimental collective Psychic TV. On his Facebook page, Watts describes his music as “Filmic, bourbon-soaked, bloody soundscapes, menacing vocals, crunchy guitar, unlikely samples, the funk and the punk, orchestral imposition, sex, drugs and every hole’s a goal. From the sublime to the deeply disturbing, <Pig> provides the soundtrack to the movie that you’d talk about in hushed, unsteady voices.”

But wait, there’s more! “Harder than hard rock, stompier than industrial, you probably don’t know you’ve already heard the Lord of Lard. Have a taste.” Every word of that is spot-on: Once you hear Watts, you’ll never forget him. Metro Music Hall, 615 W. 100 South, 8 p.m., $15-$30, 21+, metromusichall.com

Tiger Army, The Delta Brothers, The Limit Club

So much psychobilly and horrorpunk revolves around ’50s greaser culture, using monsters as metaphors for the rebellious roadracers with their hotrods, switchblades and pomade-slick hair—all on the prowl for your wholesome daughters.

The hybrid of rockabilly, punk and metal— with its snarling guitars, sputtering upright bass and drums like pistons— couldn’t be a better sonic context for the imagery. On Tiger Army’s fifth album V (Rise, 2016), singer-guitarist Nick 13 takes the trio into a new decade: the 1960s.

It’s not an exercise in deadly nightshade flower power, though. Tiger Army is still the same mad, bad, dangerous-to-know band, playing fast and ferociously; they’re just now taking cues from cats like Roy Orbison and Dion on tracks like “I Am the Moth” and “Prisoner of the Night,” respectively. The galloping rhythm of the former and cool-as-ice piano of the latter really add depth to the ever conflicted, more-complicated-than-he-looks greaser caricature—not to mention psychobilly, a formula few dare to tinker with. The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 8 p.m., $23 presale, $28 day of show, all ages, thecomplexslc.com

RAYMOND WATTS

<Pig>, Julien-K, Ghostfeeder, Beverly Manor

TUESDAYWEDNESDAY 7/11-12 Donny & Marie Osmond

Oh, the shame. How could we—OK, I— overlook one of the summer’s hottest shows in that cover story a couple of weeks ago? I’m almost serious. As a young’n, my mom used to turn on the Donny & Marie variety show for me, insisting that I loved it. So I believed her, and consumed episode after episode of D&M in their loud outfits and gleaming vanilla smiles, performing songs by KC and the Sunshine Band, Paul McCartney and Wings and even Osmond originals like the utterly batshit rocker “Crazy Horses.” In between, they’d do comedy bits, sometimes with guest stars like the late, great comedian Paul Lynde or Dirk Benedict (“Faceman” from The A-Team). But mostly, I had a thing for Snow White, and Marie looked just like her. Watching old clips now, the duo comes off sublimely cheesy, and I love me some cheese. That’s why I just might attend one of these shows: What’s more delicious than a memory lane burrito with extra queso? Not much, especially since cheese only gets better with age. (Check out the video for Marie’s single from last year, “Music Is Medicine” and see for yourself.) Fun fact: As a greenhorn music journalist 15 years ago, I challenged Donny to a fight. He accepted. But you know how that stuff goes: His people couldn’t get through to my people who didn’t exist, so our exhibition pugilism never happened. He’s lucky. I’m pretty good at head-butts. Sandy Amphitheater, 1245 E. 9400 South, 8 p.m., $55-$95, sandyarts.com/sandy-amphitheater

<Pig>

WEDNESDAY 7/12 Michelle Moonshine Trio

You’ve no doubt seen Michelle Gomez, aka Michelle Moonshine, booked at tons of venues around town for solo gigs and with the Michelle Moonshine Trio (which is sometimes a quartet). Chalk those frequent gigs up to Gomez’ top-shelf country-ish songs. If you haven’t had the pleasure, go to michellemoonshine.bandcamp.com and stream her five-track Hell Bent EP. Here’s bettin’ you let the virtual platter play all the way through. Her voice is warm, engaging and convincingly weary, making

Donny & Marie Osmond

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Lark & Spur: An Evening in Paris

Excellence in the Community’s Jeff Whiteley is a good guy. All year long, he busts his hump booking and promoting his weekly free concert series at the Gallivan Center (and other local venues), which features the city’s best jazz, blues, soul and world music artists. It’s no wonder, then, that there’s virtually no web presence for his own band, Lark & Spur—he’s too busy looking out for other local musi-

Lark & Spur’s Jeff Whiteley

Michelle Moonshine Trio

cians. Lark & Spur, however, is the OG of Excellence. “These are the musicians that got Excellence in the Community started 11-and-a-half years and 475 concerts ago,” Whiteley tells City Weekly via email. “We started as street musicians in Paris.” That explains these shows, where the band recreates the ambience of the storied city with a set of French songs performed on two guitars, mandolin, accordion, upright bass and piano, with three-part harmony vocals to boot. Note that the first one takes place on Wednesday evening—not the usual Thursday. Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main, July 12, 7:30 p.m., free, all ages; Holladay City Hall Park, 45704580 S. 2300 East, July 14, 8 p.m., all ages, excellenceconcerts.org

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SUNDAY 7/9

CONCERTS & CLUBS

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Charlie Parr, Doctor Barber, Branson Anderson

THURSDAY 7/6 LIVE MUSIC

Anoraak + Typefunk + Devareaux (Metro Music Hall) Brit Floyd (Maverik Center) Crook & The Bluff + Tarot Death Card + SELFMYTH (Urban Lounge) Joe McQueen Quartet (Garage on Beck) Kenny Wayne Shepherd Band + Sammy Brue (Red Butte Garden) Naughty Professor + Smiling Souls (O.P. Rockwell) Necrowolf + Bestial Karnage + Silence of the Mortuary + Yeti (The Loading Dock) Reggae Thursday, feat. Animo Cruz + Thicker Than Thieves (The Royal) Train + O.A.R. + Natasha Bedingfield (Usana Amphitheatre)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Juggy (Bourbon House)

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SAT 7.8 • BEACH PARTY W/ FLASH & FLARE SUN 7.9 • CHARLIE PARR

Many musicians claim to relish the roots, finding inspiration in the traditional trappings of authentic Americana. Charlie Parr takes that task seriously, due in part to the small-town, Midwestern environs where he was raised and still remains, and as a result of the music he heard at home. It was his father’s record collection that initially introduced him to Lightnin’ Hopkins, Woody Guthrie, Lead Belly and Charley Patton. Consequently, authenticity has never been an issue, but rather a cause. A restless troubadour, Parr’s sound combines blues, folk and country in songs inhabited by eccentric characters, heartfelt sentiments and frayed reflections.

Relying solely on acoustic guitar, Dobro and banjo, he eschews the need for accoutrements or contemporary trappings.

Thirteen albums into his career—the newest is Stumpjumper (Red House, 2015)—he still plays a few hundred gigs a year, sharing his working-class wisdom and a continued commitment to his cause. (Lee Zimmerman) Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 7 p.m., $12 presale, $14 day of show, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

illoom (Urban Lounge) Eryn Woods (The Ice Haüs) Folk Hogan + Hectic Hobo (Funk ’n’ Dive) House Brothers (Outlaw Saloon) Iron Maiden + Ghost (Usana Amphitheatre) see p. 34 Logic + Big Lenbo (The Great Saltair) L.O.L. (Club 90) NSPS + Jazz Jaguars (Urban Lounge) Phora (The Complex) Ponder the Albatross (Piper Down Pub) Sego + Grey Glass + Pinguin Mofex (Provo Rooftop Concert Series) Spatwa (The Spur) This Wild Life + Dryjacket + A Will Away (Kilby Court) Tony Holiday & The Velvetones (Brewskis)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

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KARAOKE

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SATURDAY 7/8 LIVE MUSIC

Après Ski (The Cabin) Beach Party + Flash & Flare (Urban Lounge) Bruce Music (Park City Base Area) Downright Citizens (Canyons Village Stage) Deer Valley Music Festival feat. The Beach Boys + The Utah Symphony

THU 7.06 • ANORAAK 7/12• SO MANY WIZARDS 7/13• SLUG LOCALIZED 7/14• TOM BENNETT 7/14• NITE JEWEL 7/15• MICHELLE BRANCH 7/17• JARED & THE MILL

DOCTOR BARBER, BRANSON ANDERSON

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TUESDAY 7/11 LIVE MUSIC

Donny & Marie (Sandy Amphitheater) see p. 36 Las Piñas + Officer Jenny + Peach Dream + Opaline (Urban Lounge) Riley McDonald (The Spur) Steve Auerbach (Legacy Village)

Cabin Fever & Miss DJ Lux (The Cabin) Open Jazz Jam (Bourbon House) Open Mic (The Wall at BYU) 12 Stones + Late Night Savior + Riddled With (Club X)

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SUNDAY 7/9 LIVE MUSIC

Dueling Pianos (The Spur Bar and Grill) DJ Curtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Red Cup Event w/ DJ Juggy (Downstairs)

LIVE MUSIC

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(Snow Park Amphitheater) Driftwood (O.P. Rockwell) Gang of Gamblers (Johnny’s on Second) House Brothers (Outlaw Saloon) The Backwards Piano Man (Sandy Amphitheater) Josaleigh Pollett + Fort Defiance + Goose Chase + Taylor Ross Wilson (Funk ’n’ Dive) Joy Spring Band (Sugar House Coffee) Kilby Court’s 18th Anniversary feat.

Madge + DeelanZ (Kilby Court) L.O.L. (Club 90) The Mindless + Life Has a Way + Suburban Hell Kill (The Ice Haüs) The Mystic + Second Hat + Fired Pilots (Kilby Court) The Pour (The Spur) <Pig> + Julien-K + Ghostfeeder + Beverly Manor (Metro Music Hall) see p. 36 Sego (Alleged) Sidecar Judy (Pioneer Park) Spazmatics (Liquid Joe’s) Tiger Army + The Delta Bombers + The Limit Club (The Complex) see p. 36

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42 | JULY 06, 2017

THURSDAYS

Nestled among a Jiffy Lube, the withering husk of a dead Kmart, a gestating chain drugstore and an undeveloped, sun-bleached field, Club Rendezvous fits its name. If you weren’t looking for it, you’d probably never notice the place. Which makes it a great escape; somewhere to duck out and vent the pressure of life. Tonight provides a bonus diversion: the club’s weekly “Rendezvous Ringer Slingers” horseshoes tournament. As Huey Lewis & the News plays overhead, Charlie Clark tells City Weekly it’s been happening here for nearly 20 years—he’s been running it with his girlfriend Vickey for the past five. Outside in the club’s spacious backyard, more than two dozen players await Clark and his Crown Royal bag full of numbered poker chips used to form blind-draw, two-player teams in the double-elimination tourneys. They compete for cash payouts (paying down to third place) based on the sum of their $5 entry fees. But from the competitors’ beery, familial banter, you wouldn’t know there’s money on the line. In fact, this is more like a cookout than a competition. As seriffed metal U-shapes fly and land with sandy thuds and metallic rings, Rendezvous’ cook Gina grills chicken and hotdogs for five bucks a plate.

With the sun setting behind tall trees, the scene is a Southwestern version of Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville paradise. When the competition ends around 10 p.m., the players will linger, shooting pool and the proverbial shit until they part and pledge to meet again next week.

(Randy Harward) Club Rendezvous, 4100 S. 1900 West, 7 p.m., $5 (with optional $1 “Ring it Rich” side game), 21+, 801-935-4134

CHECK OUT ALL OF OUR UPCOMING EVENTS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET/EVENTS

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ALTERNATIVE PRESS FEST

© 2017

MIKE

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Way too uptight 2. Igloo, essentially 3. Ben & Jerry’s alternative 4. Clear the tables 5. Lincoln Center institution 6. It seeks pledges annually 7. Body part to lend or bend 8. Six-Day War weapon 9. ____ Moines

51. ____-Rooter 52. Singer Lambert 53. Anti-apartheid activist Steve 54. Barely manages, with “out” 55. A little progress, idiomatically 57. Dines on 58. Wrath 59. Narc’s org.

60. Portrait overlooking Tiananmen Square

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

10. Prenatal procedures, informally 11. Dracula’s creator 12. Oscar winner for “Dallas Buyers Club” 13. Sistine Chapel depiction 18. Sunup 22. “Stars and Stripes Forever” composer 23. Hand ball?

24. The Equality State: Abbr.

25. Sound before a blessing 26. Miss Daisy’s driver in “Driving Miss Daisy” 27. Seize (from) 28. From now on 29. What a gofer is sent on 30. In the open 31. iPod Mini successor 32. Has debts 36. “Lost” actor Jeff 37. “You can say that again!”

39. Perlman of “Cheers” 42. Some colas, familiarly 45. Magical dusters 46. “Clair de ____” 47. Key of Bach’s most famous Mass 50. Begged

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Paid ____ to society 6. Ongoing dispute 10. Fit for the job 14. “Ob-vi-ous-ly!”

15. Demolish 16. Sitcom equine of the ‘60s 17. “Strangers With Candy” actress 19. Silver of fivethirtyeight.com 20. TV exec Moonves 21. It’s stretched out in yoga class 22. Original “American Idol” judge with Randy and Paula 23. Not many 24. Cries at a Wild West show 27. Her 1991 Super Bowl rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” became a Billboard Top 40 hit 32. Magnetite and bauxite 33. Totally rules 34. Fallopian tube travelers 35. Achieved great success 38. Listen 40. Top-left button on most keyboards 41. Liqueur which means “bitter” in Italian 43. Knight in shining armor 44. TV host who once explored running for “the president of the United States of South Carolina” 48. Wicked ones 49. Thurman of “Pulp Fiction” 50. Authorized substitute 52. Singer DiFranco 53. River bottom 56. Actress Loughlin of “90210” 57. Bug ... or what’s found in 17-, 27- and 44-Across 61. Suffix with bachelor 62. Zone 63. Like some wine casks 64. Homer Simpson outbursts 65. Line of jeans?

66. Rod in a henhouse

SUDOKU

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44 | JULY 06, 2017

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

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B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

It’s prime time for you to break through any inhibitions you might have about accessing and expressing your passion. To help you in this righteous cause, I’ve assembled a batch of words you should be ready to use with frequency and sweet abandon. Consider writing at least part of this list on your forearm with a felt-tip pen every morning so it’s always close at hand: enamored, piqued, enchanted, stirred, roused, enthused, delighted, animated, elevated, thrilled, captivated, turned-on, enthralled, exuberant, fired up, awakened.

and anxious about this assignment. Approach it with humorous self-correction and you’ll ensure that all goes well.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Unless you were raised by a pack of feral raccoons or a fundamentalist cult, now is a perfect time to dive in to your second childhood. Is there a toy you wanted as a kid but never got? Buy it for yourself now! What were the delicious foods you craved back then? Eat them! Where were the special places you loved? Go there, or to spots that remind you of them. Who were the people you were excited to be with? Talk with them. Actions like these will get you geared up for a full-scale immersion in innocent eagerness. And that would be just the right medicine for your soul.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

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What I wish for you, Taurus, is toasted ice cream and secrets in plain sight and a sacred twist of humorous purity. I would love Here’s your riddle: What unscratchable itch drives you half-crazy? for you to experience a powerful surrender and a calm climax But you’re secretly glad it drives you half-crazy, because you know and a sweeping vision of a small but pithy clue. I very much hope your half-craziness will eventually lead you to an experience or that you will get to take a big trip to an intimate turning point resource that will relieve the itch. Here’s your prophecy: Sometime that’s not too far away. I pray you will find or create a barrier soon, scratching the unscratchable itch will lead you to the experi- that draws people together instead of keeping them apart. ence or resource that will finally relieve the itch. Here’s your homework: Prepare yourself emotionally to fully receive and welcome GEMINI (May 21-June 20) the new experience or resource. Make sure you’re not so addicted to In Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hatches an Egg, an elephant assumes the scratching the unscratchable itch that you fail to take advantage of duty of sitting on a bird’s egg, committed to keeping it warm until the healing it’s bringing you. hatching time. The nest is located high in a tree, which makes the undertaking even more incongruous. By the climax of the tale, SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Horton has had to persist in his loyal service through a number The best way to go forward is to go backward; the path to the of challenges. But all ends well, and there’s an added bonus: The bright future requires a shadowy regression. Put another way, you creature that’s born is miraculously part-bird, part-elephant. should return to the roots of a triumph in order to find a hidden I see similarities between this story and your life right now, flaw that might eventually threaten to undo your success. Correct Gemini. The duty you’re carrying out doesn’t come naturally, and that flaw now and you’ll make it unnecessary for karmic repercus- you’re not even sure you’re doing it right. But if you keep at it till sions to undermine you later. But please don’t get all solemn-faced it’s completed, you’ll earn a surprising reward.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Your dog’s home away from home

| COMMUNITY |

In 2003, the American Film Institute announced the creation of a new prize to honor acting talent. Dubbed the Charlton Heston Award, it was designed to be handed out periodically to luminaries who have distinguished themselves over the course of long careers.

The first recipient of the award was, oddly enough, Charlton Heston himself, born under the sign of Libra. I hope you’re inspired by this story to wipe away any false modesty you might be suffering from.

The astrological omens suggest it’s a favorable moment to create a big new award named after you and bestow it upon yourself. As part of the festivities, tell yourself about what makes you special, amazing and valuable.

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Are you familiar with the psychological concepts of anima and animus? You’re in the midst of being intoxicated by one of those creatures from inner space. Though you might not be fully conscious of it, you women are experiencing a mystical marriage with an imaginal character that personifies all that’s masculine in your psyche. You men are going through the analogous process with a female figure within you. I believe this is true no matter what LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) your sexual orientation is. While this awesome psychological event Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons, says that a great might be fun, educational and even ecstatic, it could also be confusturning point in his early years came when his Scoutmaster ing to your relationships with real people. Don’t expect them to act told him he was the worst Boy Scout in history. While this like or live up to the very real fantasy you’re communing with. might have demoralized other teenagers, it energized Groening.

“Well, somebody’s got to be the worst,” he triumphantly told AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) the Scoutmaster. And then, “instead of the earth opening up As a recovering save-the-world addict, I have felt compasand swallowing me, instead of the flames of hell fire licking at sionate skepticism towards my fellow junkies who are still in my knees—nothing happened. And I was free.” I suspect you the throes of their obsession. But recently, I’ve discovered that might soon be blessed with a comparable liberation, Leo. Maybe just as a small minority of alcoholics can safely take a drink you’ll be released from having to live up to an expectation you now and then, so can a few save-the-world-aholics actually shouldn’t even live up to. Or maybe you’ll be criticized in a way save the world a little bit at a time without getting strung-out. that will motivate your drive for excellence for years to come.

With that as a disclaimer, Aquarius, I’m letting you know that the cosmos has authorized you to pursue your own brand of VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) fanatical idealism in the coming weeks. To keep yourself honNineteen of my readers who work in the advertising industry signed est, make fun of your zealotry every now and then. a petition requesting that I stop badmouthing their field. “Without advertising,” they testified, “life itself would be impossible.” In PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) response, I agreed to attend their re-education seminar. There, The potential breakthrough I foresee for you is a rare species of under their tutelage, I came to acknowledge that everything we joy. It’s a gritty, hard-earned pleasure that will spawn beautiful do can be construed as a kind of advertising. Each of us is engaged questions you’ll be glad to have awakened. It’s a surprising in a mostly unconscious campaign to promote our unique way of departure from your usual approach to feeling good that will looking at and being in the world. Realizing the truth, I now feel expand your understanding of what happiness means. Here’s no reservations about urging you Virgos to take advantage of the one way to ensure that it will visit you in all of its glory: Situate current astrological omens. They suggest that you can and should yourself between the fabulous contradictions in your life and be aggressive and ingenious about marketing yourself, your ideas say, “Squeeze me, tease me, please me.” and your products.

| COMMUNITY | | CITYWEEKLY.NET |

46 | JULY 06, 2017

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Bad Drivers

I wonder if Donald Trump drives anything but a golf cart. I’ve never seen a photo of him behind the wheel of a car, but then again, I don’t remember seeing any president driving and waving in my lifetime. As far as I know, the first U.S. president to ride in a car was William McKinley, who hopped aboard a steam-powered auto called the Stanley Steamer back in 1899. In those days, they were made by hand and not on assembly lines, so they represented the ultimate luxury. It’s estimated that in 1909 Utah’s 370,000 residents owned only 873 cars and trucks.

Jump ahead to 2017, and the Larry H. Miller group owns and operates just more than 60 car dealerships across Utah and six other states. According to the Federal Highway Administration, a total of 2,229,193 motor vehicles were registered in this state in 2015.

That’s a high number, especially given that the Utah Transit Authority’s most recent stats from January 2017 say the UTA serves more than 80 percent of the state’s population.

I take Trax because I live in the “free fare zone.” The fact that it offsets my carbon footprint is the ultimate bonus—as a real estate broker, I pretty much drive around all day for a living. And, not to toot my own horn, but I’m a great driver—I’ve never caused an accident and, luckily, have only been in one minor mishap when someone rear-ended my car.

Unfortunately, I do see accidents every day and my cop friends tell me that most of them are caused by people texting and not paying attention to the road.

A recent report by online insurance marketplace QuoteWizard confirms that New Yorkers are notorious for honking their horns; Los Angeles drivers are more prone to road rage than the rest of the country; and Portlanders are famously slow and polite. They weighed statistics from 75 of the largest U.S. cities as far as accidents, speeding tickets, DUIs and other citations and, as City Weekly recently reported in a blog post, found that Salt Lake City drivers are the second-worst. The study also found that we have the second-highest rate of speeding tickets in the country. That’s only salt in the wound after the same company dubbed Utah drivers in general as the worst in the nation earlier this year. My own personal experience indicates that Utahns are probably No. 1 in making left-hand turns from the far right-hand lane and having more people in a vehicle than there are seatbelts.

Utahns still have a lot to boast about—at a national level and otherwise—but stats are stats. So, how do we combat this latest slap in the face? Easy: Get off your phone when you’re behind the wheel, be mindful of others around you and for God’s sake, use your turn-signal! n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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S NEofW the

Playing the Hits Weird news is forever, but this is my last “News of the Weird” column, as I am now exhausted after almost 30 years in the racket. In this final edition, I remember a few of my favorites. My deep thanks to Andrews McMeel Syndication and to readers, who started me up and kept me going. Y’all take care of yourselves.

—Chuck Shepherd

WEIRD

n (1995) Chesapeake, Va., inmate Robert Lee Brock filed a $5-million lawsuit against Robert Lee Brock—accusing himself of violating his religious beliefs and his civil rights by getting himself drunk enough that he could not avoid various criminal behaviors. He wrote: “I want to pay myself five million dollars [for this breach of rights], but ask the state to pay it in my behalf since I can’t work and am a ward of the state.” In April, the lawsuit was dismissed. n (2002) The Lane brothers of New York, Mr. Winner Lane, 44, and Mr. Loser Lane, 41, (their actual birth names) were profiled in a July Newsday report—made more interesting by the fact that Loser is successful (a police detective in the South Bronx) and Winner is not (a history of petty crimes). A sister said she believes her parents selected “Winner” because their late father was a big baseball fan and “Loser” just to complete the pairing. n (1996) A pre-trial hearing was scheduled for Lamar, Mo., on Joyce Lehr’s lawsuit against the county for injuries suffered in a 1993 fall in the icy, unplowed parking lot of the local high school. The Carthage Press reported that Lehr claimed damage to nearly everything in her body. According to her petition: “All the bones, organs, muscles, tendons, tissues, nerves, veins, arteries, ligaments … discs, cartilages and the joints of her body were fractured, broken, ruptured, punctured, compressed, dislocated, separated, bruised, contused, narrowed, abrased, lacerated, burned, cut, torn, wrenched, swollen, strained, sprained, inflamed and infected.”

PIONEERS

n (2001) A child pornography investigation in Minneapolis turned up 1,000 suspect images on the office computer of a 58-yearold University of Minnesota classics professor—named Richard Pervo.

n (1993) In May, Elk River, Minn., landlord Todd Plaisted reported that his tenant Kenneth Lane had fled the area, abandoning his rented farmhouse and leaving behind at least 400 tons of used carpeting, at least 10,000 plastic windows from Northwest Airlines planes and rooms full of sofas, mattresses and washing machines, among other things. Lane told townspeople he ran a “recycling” company, but there was no evidence of sales. A deputy sheriff driving by the farmhouse the year before saw Lane burying carpeting with a tractor and said Lane merely muttered, “I don’t know what to say. You got me. I can’t even make up an excuse.”

Babs De Lay

Broker/Owner 801-201-8824 babs@urbanutah.com www.urbanutah.com

Selling homes for 33 years in the Land of Zion

Julie “Bella” Hall

Realtor 801-784-8618 bella@urbanutah.com

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n (1990) An FBI investigation into interstate trafficking by diaper fetishists resulted in the arrests of five men belonging to an organization called the Diaper Pail Foundation, which has a letterhead and publishes a newsletter and information exchange for members. A Madison, Wis., man, arrested in April for possession of child pornography, was found inside a van taking pictures of a child relieving himself. The man had offered service to the child’s parents as a toilet trainer. n (1992) The Philadelphia Inquirer reported in June on the local “Silent Meeting Club,” consisting of several people who gather at various spots around town and make it a point not to speak to each other. Founder John Hudak said his inspiration was his observation that people often feel obligated to talk when they really have nothing to say, such as at parties, and wondered how nice it would be “to have a group of people where you wouldn’t have to talk.” n (1991) In May, Maxcy Dean Filer, 60, of Compton, Calif., finally passed the California Bar exam. He graduated from law school in 1966, but had failed the exam in each of his previous 47 tries. n (2004) The New York Times reported in February on a Wash., D.C., man whose love of music led him, in the 1960s, to meticulously hand make and hand-paint facsimile record album covers of his fantasized music, complete with imagined lyric sheets and liner notes (with some of the albums even shrink-wrapped), and, even more incredibly, to hand make cardboard facsimiles of actual grooved discs to put inside them. “Mingering Mike,” whom a reporter and two hobbyists tracked down (but who declined to be identified in print), also made real music, on tapes, using his and friends’ voices to simulate instruments. His 38 imagined albums were discovered at a flea market after Mike defaulted on storage-locker fees, and the hobbyists who found them said they were so exactingly done that a major museum would soon feature them. n (1999) From a May police report in The Messenger (Madisonville, Ky.), concerning two trucks being driven strangely on a rural road: A man would drive one truck 100 yards, stop, walk back to a second truck, drive it 100 yards beyond the first truck, stop, walk back to the first truck, drive it 100 yards beyond the second truck, and so on. According to police, the man’s brother was passed out drunk in one of the trucks, so the man was driving both trucks home. But the success of such a scheme is better imagined if the driving brother has a high blood-alcohol reading, too—which was the case.

n (1998) On the day before Good Friday, reported the Los Angeles Times, Dr. Ernesto A. Moshe Montgomery consecrated the Shrine of the Weeping Shirley MacLaine in a room in the Beta Israel Temple in Los Angeles. Inspired by an image he said he had while riding in the actress’ private jet, Montgomery said a subsequent large photograph of him with MacLaine was

n (1988) And, from the very first “News of the Weird” column came good ol’ Hal Warden, the Tennessee 16-year-old who was married at 15 and granted a divorce from his wife, 13. Hal had previously been married at age 12 to a 14-year-old (and fathered children with both), but the first wife divorced Hal because, as she told the judge, “He was acting like a 10-year-old.”

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n (1999) Commissioners in Florida’s Seminole County and Manatee County passed ordinances regulating public nudity by requiring women to cover at least 25 percent of the area of their breasts and at least 33 percent of the buttocks, with detailed instructions as to the points from which each coverage must be measured. Refresher for law enforcement: The lateral area of a cone is pi (times) r (times) s where r=radius and s=slant height; for the surface area of a sphere, it’s pi (times) r (squared), and, alas, for a flat surface, it’s length times width.

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n (1994) The New York Daily News reported in April on a cellblock fight between murderers Colin Ferguson and Joel Rifkin at the Nassau County jail. Reportedly, Ferguson (convicted of six race-related murders on the Long Island Rail Road in 1993) was using a telephone and told Rifkin (a serial killer serving 203 years for nine murders) to be quiet. According to the Daily News source, Ferguson told Rifkin, “I wiped out six devils, and you only killed women.” Rifkin allegedly responded, “Yeah, but I had more victims.” Ferguson then allegedly ended the brief incident by punching Rifkin in the mouth.

“observed shedding tears,” which had inspired prayers and testimony of miraculous healings.

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n (2002) From time to time, “News of the Weird” reported on the fluctuating value of the late Italian artist Piero Manzoni’s personal feces, which he canned in 1961, 30 grams at a time in 90 tins, as art objects (though, over the years, 45 have reportedly exploded). Their price to collectors has varied—from a low of about $28,000 for a tin in 1998 to a high of $75,000 in 1993.

In June 2002, the Tate Gallery in London excitedly announced it had purchased tin No. 004 for about $38,000. The price of 30 grams of gold in 2002 was a little over $300.

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

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