City Weekly February 9, 2017

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | VOL. 33 N0. 40

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2 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

CWCONTENTS COVER STORY LOVE & SEX 2017

You’re having difficulty breathing, your heart beats faster and blood rushes to unexpected places. That inversion is a real bitch, huh?

15

Sex Issue & e v o T he L

Cover illustration by Jeff Drew

CONTRIBUTOR

4 LETTERS 6 OPINION 8 NEWS 24 A&E 29 DINE 35 CINEMA 37 TRUE TV 38 MUSIC 50 COMMUNITY

BRYAN YOUNG

A&E, p. 27 Behold the professional nerd behind Big Shiny Robot. The writer and filmmaker has “always been excited by the geeky as well as the political,” and says his main area of expertise is Star Wars. Young’s blog (bigshinyrobot.com) celebrates its 10th anniversary this month.

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COMMENTS@CITYWEEKLY.NET @SLCWEEKLY

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Cover story, Jan. 26, “Trumpocalypse Now!”

Why even bother with the paid deniers and front groups who thrive, creating the delay of a false debate? A revenue-neutral carbon fee with a dividend makes enormous sense!

Economists and scientists say it is the best way to create healthy and safe communities. It is not a tax. This way citizens would receive the carbon fees as a monthly check, for example. That would protect us from price spikes in dirty energy. Polluters pay the fees, so it holds fossil fuel corporations responsible for the damages or externalities—they cause hundreds of billions of dollars per year. It would more rapidly limit further pollution than by regulations alone, as happened in Canada with a similar, popular policy. A study by respected non-partisan Regional Economic Modeling, Inc. found the dividends would help to create 2.9 million additional jobs in 20 years, while reducing carbon emissions 50 percent in that time.

To those who reject the science: Perhaps nothing will change your mind. But what have you got against cleaner air, less asthma in our kids, fewer heart attacks and more money (the dividend) in your pockets? To those accepting the science: Any effort to limit the problem of climate trauma is worth it. For example: The cost of sea level rise alone is so great that no effort to prevent it is unwarranted.

Elon Musk said, “So what can you do?

Whenever you have the opportunity, talk to your politicians, ask them to enact a carbon tax. ... Fight the propaganda from the carbon industry.”

JAN FREED

Via cityweekly.net The Red Hanger sounds like the perfect name for a back-alley abortion clinic, but alas it’s taken by a dry cleaning service.

Jokes aside, so far we are taking a step backward in socio-economic issues.

Planned Parenthood may have a dark his-

tory, but its still doing wonders for my girlfriend, and even for myself that going to a regular doctor doesn’t provide. They’re a specialist company that truly can help with family planning, and I am absolutely pro-choice. Imagine your favorite female friend/lover happens to get raped, and then gets pregnant. That bastard child deserves to be safely aborted should the unwilling mother decide so.

CONOR PAPINEAU Via Facebook

Glad I’m not working for CW during this president because I would be so pissed at how misguided everyone there is on Trump. And BTW, all the planets in our solar system are showing major changes and signs of global warming, this is much larger than just our planet.

JENNIFER HIGGINS

Love Karrie. A true Utah hero.

@SHANNONQDUNLOPI Via Instagram

Opinion, Jan. 26, “Jason Jarred”

Thank you for writing this.

It’s going to be near impossible to get the Chaff man out of his seat, with his gerrymandered 100,000 voter excess, but we can hold his feet to the fire and talk about this with anyone who will listen.

Huntsman is a favorite son of Utah, that’s for sure.

RAIN WALLACE Via Facebook

Via Facebook I would prefer to give President Trump a chance before trashing him on social media. Maybe a week or so.

ALLEN REESE Via Facebook

If it is a security threat for a cabinetlevel official to have a private email server, why wait until a presidential campaign year to make a big public issue of it? Should these practices be overseen by the FBI or Department of Justice?

TIM SKOGLUND

JESSI BIGGS

He has done 25 years of damage in five days. Can you imagine what he can do in four years?

Via Facebook

Via Facebook

Via Facebook

There is no hope under a fascist regime.

I love the fact that everyone is starting to see his true colors.

LYNN BAKER

DIANE PERRY

Via Facebook

Nail on the head!

DOUGLAS CONRAD

CHRIS NOONAN

Via Facebook

News, Jan. 26, “Protecting Planned Parenthood”

I think that every woman who marched downtown last week would be more than willing to contribute. They should have taken a collection that day.

SUSAN DUPREE KELLER

Via Facebook He’s a scumbag. He clearly has a vested interest in taking public lands and selling them to the highest bidder.

@WTFISMIKEPLAYIN Via Twitter

He is an embarrassment to our state. I have no idea how he keeps his seat, but it’s time Utah started voting for representa-

Via Facebook

tives who are willing to work for their constituents, instead of working in their own interests.

His ego is bigger than the district boundaries he’s “representing,” which makes him self-serving and ethically bankrupt if it’s not in his interest.

Interviewing him is a nightmare if you’re a woman. Even in the beginning of his career, he was just as dismissive and phony if you called him out on his directives.

ALICIA CICALESE Via Facebook

Call on your readers to contact him and demand he investigate Trump’s conflicts of interest fully and fairly.

@LEXHAMILTON76 Via Twitter

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OPINION

Nazis and Vaginas

Nazis have perhaps made a return. Women are wearing vaginas on their heads. One side screams fake news and the other purports alternative facts. People were hoping for an end to all the madness that 2016 brought—but two months in, it seems to be rolling strong in 2017.

Both sides of the right-left paradigm seem to be yelling past each other more than ever. Righties are calling lefties cucks and lefties are calling righties fascists. There seems to be no room for civil discourse these days. People are instantly reactionary and digress into an angry fit if anyone dares to disagree with them. Even if people don’t yell at you, you can usually depend on them to smugly say “well actually …” then continue to give their version of the facts.

In a day and age where everyone feels the need to express their own personal opinions, there seems to be no end to the potential landmines that you can step on in any sort of conversation. Thing is, it’s extremely easy to offend someone and it’s tempting not to speak to others at all. But you can’t become a loner shut-in, can you?

Before we start, there’s one thing I’d like to request, can we stop calling Trump Hitler? That would make an analytic and peaceful conversation about him and his presidency much easier. Yes, we can discuss whether the wall is a good idea or him scaling back government programs is smart, but first, we need to do away with radical hyperbole.

If you don’t intend on having rational, even-tempered conversation that’s fine too; keep on calling him Hitler.

I really do care about the country, that’s the funny thing. But all this yelling back-and-forth rage just makes me not want to care.

Maybe Trump will destroy America. Maybe he’ll piss off the wrong people and start World War III. But you know what?

America has had a good run, right?

Nearly 250 years.

That’s not too bad, is it? Not as long as other countries … but still, not bad.

Doomsday scenarios aside, I’m actually hopeful for the future. I think Trump’s policies really are going to help middle America (I mean this economically and geographically).

He says he’s going to lower taxes, decrease regulations, get people working again. I don’t actually know enough about economics to make a salient point about this, but, yeah—I think things are going to be good for middle-income America.

Speaking of which, watching the inauguration was truly an eye-opening moment. The people in Trump’s crowd were really… average looking. It looked like the people there had just stepped out of a Walmart. You know, the type of people that are a bit too round and might need the aid of scooters to get around. Trump always complained that they never showed his crowds in the tapings of his rallies; maybe it was for his benefit. Ouch, now I’m feeling mean. Trump truly knows how to talk to the common man.

They don’t call him a populist for nothing.

B Y A N S E L TA N N E R The only part of his speech that I didn’t like was the part that got the most applause. When he said, “We are going to wipe off ISIS from the face of the earth.” I have a feeling he said this to rouse up the crowd, but regardless, I’m not a fan of saber-rattling. I think it was more performance than a statement, but still, I could be wrong.

I mean, as CNN put it, “Trump is doing exactly what he said he would do.”

Finally, a president who has virtues, right? Someone we can hold to their word. Isn’t that what we’ve been looking for?

Someone who doesn’t just give empty campaign promises to get elected? Finally, someone we can depend on!

I feel like I’m endorsing him too much. He’s probably a terrible person. He’s had three different marriages for heaven’s sake. So what if his children love him and stick to him like glue? He’s most likely an awful family man. But for real, those Trumps stick together so much we basically have an aristocracy now; a Trump Dynasty.

Can I be hopeful for the future?

Am I allowed to do this? One side sees a globalist autocracy in the near future and the other sees an impending fascist hegemony. Am I allowed see neither? Am I allowed to be happy? God, what would that be like? People not yelling at each other constantly—that’d be nice.

Maybe that makes me a hopeless, utopian idealist. CW

CAN I BE HOPEFUL FOR THE FUTURE? AM I ALLOWED TO DO THIS?

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Describe your perfect Valentine’s Day. Scott Renshaw: Doesn’t matter what. Only matters with whom.

Andrea Harvey: A romantic, all-expenses-paid trip to Italy with my one true love. We would sip wine while a string quartet accompanies our gondola ride down the beautiful Grand Canal in Venice, then do the whole spaghetti kiss thing from Lady and the Tramp, and finish with a bottle of Champagne and chocolate-dipped strawberries on a blanket underneath the stars, where we would stay up all night just talking about our hopes and dreams. In reality, I’ll be watching The Notebook in my PJs, polishing off a cheap bottle of wine and a frozen pizza, probably while crying to my cat about how lonely I am.

Tyeson Rogers: My wife, myself, a bed and about $3 Million in the bank—that should do the trick.

Sarah Arnoff: Valentine’s Day would be perfect if it weren’t three days after my birthday. Every year my birthday falls on a weekend. It’s the worst. But gorging on post-holiday chocolate from Rite Aid is the best.

Derek Carlisle: Starting the day with a walk through a lumber yard for a spoiling of my olfactory, followed by a coffee at The Rose Establishment to fullfill the tastebuds. An afternoon delight under some aspens, in the mountains with the lil’ lady only to end up at Pallet for the best charcuterie board on the block.

Sierra Sessions: The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return! Love is a many splendored thing!

Love lift us up where we belong! All you need is love! Translation: Binge-watching rom-coms alone for at least nine hours with a Black Box of cabernet and takeout.

Dylan Woolf Harris: Some combination of coffee, a walk through the cemetery, Fiona Apple tracks and a post-coital crossword puzzle. Normal stuff.

Randy Harward: One where expressing love isn’t obligatory because it’s a holiday (with a color scheme and merchandise).

That’s why we have anniversaries—and every other day of the year.

Enrique Limón: This one. I’ll be making good on my Christmas present to my mom by flying her to NYC, where I’ll do my best to treat her like a queen, and together we’ll celebrate my dad’s memory on what would have been their wedding anniversary.

Sometimes being an adult doesn’t suck.

6 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 7

BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

Housing & Population

What’s wrong with this picture?

“Housing shortage looms,” screams a headline in the Deseret News. Housing sales and prices have reached historic highs, but the impact—oh, it could be bad. Prices are going up and there’s just not enough houses, apartments and new construction, a report from the University of Utah’s Kem C. Gardner Policy Institute says. James Woods doesn’t exactly say, “Get to building,” but he implies it, saying you just have to “pull the trigger.” But what happens when consumption outpaces resources? Utah, with the highest birthrate in the nation, is expecting the population to double by 2050. Cities are already taking steps to build for that eventuality. But they don’t take into consideration traffic congestion, air quality, the availability of water and other ecological necessities, of which the Utah Population and Environment Council warns. “Utah is living beyond its ecological means, with consumption of resources exceeding nature’s renewable supply,” it notes.

Utah might be digging itself into an early grave.

Chaffetz Withdraws

While “her emails” may still weigh on little Jason Chaffetz’ mind, he has nonetheless seen the light on public lands. The U.S. representative responded to his constituents—at least those who are hunters and anglers—and withdrew his bill to place federal lands under state control, according to The Washington Post. Some of the 95 comments on the article don’t exactly trust his motives. The Salt Lake Tribune then reported that Chaffetz, ever the spotlight hog, is pondering the wisdom behind seeking a physical exam for presidential candidates. No word on mental health.

Meanwhile, the Trib says he has 43 investigations on his agenda, and not one of them are on Donald Trump.

Constitutional Convention

Repeal and replace. It’s not about health care. It’s not that benign. No, it’s about the whole damned Constitution of the United States. Utah’s Republican Legislature is on track to pass a resolution calling for a “convention of the states,” otherwise known as a Constitutional Convention. You know, it’s because the evil empire of the federal government has just been too heavy-handed, and the state can’t do everything it wants to do—like take over public lands, privatize education and get those lazy poor people off the government dole. This is not a good idea, despite what HJR3 says: “The federal government has ceased to live under a proper interpretation of the Constitution of the United States.” A letter in Arizona’s White Mountain Independent warns that money will take over if 34 approve the call. Those interests will stack the convention with pre-approved delegates who send it back to the already stacked states. Anything goes, and it won’t be good for America.

FIVE SPOT

RANDOM QUESTIONS, SURPRISING ANSWERS

Breakthroughs for LGBTQ rights wouldn’t be possible without those who put themselves on the line, such as author and activist Cleve Jones. A close friend to renowned gay-rights pioneer Harvey Milk—the first openly gay elected officeholder in California who was assassinated in 1978—Jones to this day continues to be a champion for the LGBTQ community.

He will be the keynote speaker for Equality Utah’s annual PAC brunch, which is this Saturday at 10 a.m. at the Red Butte Garden Orangerie.

There has been a lot of progress from LGBTQ rights, what do you see as the next frontier in that movement?

I think our next task is to defend the rights that we’ve won and the advances that we’ve made—the protection against job discrimination and, of course, the right to marry. So far, [President Donald] Trump has not moved to roll anything back but clearly his closest advisors want him to do that.

There are plenty of people who want to fight for change or bolster some of the progress that has been made, but they might not know how to channel some of these feelings. Do you have any advice for people who feel this way?

I think everyone can find a way to contribute. Really, people like to argue about which tactics are the most effective. In my view, they all work. We need to vote. We need to march. We need to write letters to the editor. We need to engage our fellow citizens in conversation. It’s a very critical time in our history.

Speaking of that, we’re going to have a new member of the U.S. Supreme Court. How do you think Judge Neil Gorsuch, if confirmed, will impact LGBTQ rights?

HENRY WALKER

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HITS&MISSES

We might end up with a very conservative Supreme Court for a very long time. If that is the case, then I think we might see a reversal of some of the progress that we’ve made. I think it’s very important for people to speak out against some of these nominations. Not just the Supreme Court, but some of his cabinet nominations. Some of them are quite appalling.

Years ago, you were involved in grass-roots demonstrations. How would you compare that to recent movements, such as the Women’s March?

To me, it is reminiscent of the Vietnam Era. The size of the protests are close to what we saw with the anti-war movement in the late 1960s and early 1970s.

You’re also involved in raising HIV awareness. What are some stigmas that you hope to dispel?

The stigma against HIV and people living with HIV is really a part of the problem of new infections, because young people are very aware of the stigma that makes them less likely to get tested, less likely to speak openly with their peers. So we have to understand that today we have the tools to end HIV through treatment. Treatment equals preventions. HIV-positive people who are being successfully treated can no longer transmit the disease, and HIV-negative people with the one-pill-a-day regimen can prevent themselves from getting the disease.

We know how to do it, but the stigma surrounding the disease is part of our challenge.

What can you tell us about your book When We Rise: My Life in the Movement?

This is the story of my own life within the movement. I’m very pleased with the way people are responding to it. It’s not a history book; it’s a memoir and the partial inspiration for the ABC miniseries of the same name that’s coming out at the end of this month.

Are you looking forward to visiting Utah?

I’ve traveled extensively in Utah with the AIDS Memorial Quilt back in the day, and met many very kind people. I’m looking forward to this visit in Salt Lake City, I have many friends there. And I look forward to returning.

—DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS dwharris@cityweekly.net

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Is there any research on whether the incidence of PTSD has increased over time? Could the stout farm boys who fought in World War II cope with greater stress than modern soldiers, or did we just sweep it under the rug back then?

BY CECIL ADAMS SLUG SIGNORINO

STRAIGHT DOPE PTSD Past —Keith Barkley Every war, WWII included, has scarred its combatants’ psyches. Yet there remain those who look back fondly at the good old days of armed conflict, when iron-nerved men’s men simply shrugged off the tribulations of the battlefield. One might reasonably file such a misty-eyed take under the heading of nostalgia—a term, it so happens, that was coined in the 17th century to describe a mysterious ailment afflicting Swiss soldiers, making it the first medical diagnosis of war’s psychological effects. Many other names would be proposed for this condition over the years before the American Psychiatric Association put it in the books as post-traumatic stress disorder in 1980. The symptoms, though, have remained consistent: PSTD sufferers relive traumatic events, avoid situations that bring them to mind, endure negative feelings about themselves and others and generally feel anxious and keyed-up.

No psych evals were conducted during the Trojan War, of course, but the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs site finds literary antecedents for PTSD symptoms in Homer, Shakespeare, Dickens and Stephen Crane.

And mercenaries from the Alps stationed in the European lowlands had been suffering from bouts of anxiety and insomnia for some time before the Swiss doctor Johannes Hofer named their disorder “nostalgia” in 1688. Apparently stricken with a longing for their far-off homes (often triggered by the melodies of traditional cow-herding songs), these otherwise sturdy fellows supposedly fainted, endured high fevers and stomach pain, and even died. But though physicians now had a name for it, they lacked a cause— maybe the clanging of those infernal cowbells had damaged Swiss brains and eardrums, some suggestedand for treatment they fell back on standard remedies of the pre-ibuprofen era, e.g. leeches and opium.

During our own grisly Civil War, soldiers’ anxiety expressed itself in palpitations and difficulty breathing, a condition dubbed “irritable heart” or “soldier’s heart.” Some researchers, scrambling to find a physical mechanism behind the symptoms, blamed the way the troops wore their knapsacks, while the high-minded saw a spiritual failing—sufferers were seen as oversexed and prone to masturbation. Dr. John Taylor of the Third Missouri Cavalry expressed “contempt” for these soldiers’ “moral turpitude,” saying “gonorrhea and syphilis were not more detestable.” Classified (if not wholly understood) as “Da Costa’s syndrome” after the war, based on 1871 findings by Jacob Mendez Da Costa, the condition was treated with drugs to lower the heart rate.

The term “shell shock” came into use during the Great War, born of the belief that mortar fire had psychologically disoriented the

boys. With unending need for trench fodder, the warring nations simply shipped 65 percent of traumatized men back to the front; the more serious cases received electrotherapy, hypnosis or hydrotherapy—essentially a relaxing shower or bath. The psychological effects of World War I were so widespread that when the sequel arose, military experts hoped to curtail what they called “combat stress reaction” with intense psychological screening of combatants, believing they could ID those most likely to suffer.

They couldn’t. “Battle fatigue” plagued soldiers in World War II. Hard-asses would equate this condition with cowardice or goldbricking, none more notoriously than Gen. George S. Patton, who on two different occasions slapped and browbeat afflicted soldiers for seeking medical care. But the problem was too widespread to ignore—a conservative estimate is that 5 percent of WWII veterans suffered symptoms we’d associate with PTSD, and as late as 2004 there were 25,000 receiving benefits for war’s psychological aftereffects. Stats for Korean War vets are a little harder to come by, but over 30 percent of the veterans who responded to a 2010 Australian study met PTSD criteria, with or without accompanying depression.

By midcentury, the U.S. Army had come around to the idea that—to quote the 1946 film Let There Be Light, John Huston’s armyproduced documentary about the causes and treatment of mental illness during W WII—“every man has his breaking point.”

Still, the psychiatric community struggled with how to conceptualize PTSD. The first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, from 1952, listed the condition as “gross stress reaction”; again, it first appeared under its modern name only in 1980’s DSM-III, in part because of research on veterans returned from a war that wasn’t considered one of the “good” ones.

Thanks to this timing, PTSD will forever be connected with Vietnam vets, and in fact as many as 30 percent of them were diagnosed with symptoms at some point. But the numbers haven’t been much better for American conflicts since—between 15 and 20 percent. And, of course, civilians suffer as well. About 7 or 8 percent of all Americans will have PTSD at some point, though for women the number is closer to 10 percent.

This presumably has less to do with any physiological differences between the sexes than with the greater likelihood of trauma, especially sexual assault, that women face.

There are other kinds of hell than war. n Send questions to Cecil via straightdope.com or write him c/o Chicago Reader, 350 N. Orleans, Chicago 60654.

S NEofW the

Work of a Researcher “Field work is always challenging,” explained Courtney Marneweck of South Africa’s University of KwaZulu-Natal in a recent journal article, but studying the sociology of a white rhino’s dung meant developing a “pattern-recognition algorithm” to figure out “smell profiles” of 150 animals’ feces—after tracking them individually to observe them in the act.

Wrote Marneweck, “I think my record for waiting for a rhino to poo was 7 1/2 hours.” Conclusion: Rhinos use feces to send distinct social signals on genetically compatible herds, mating access and predator dangers. (Or, in the Los Angeles Times clickbait version of the story, rhino dung “has a lot in common with a Facebook post.”)

WEIRD

The Way the World Works Settlement of a class-action lawsuit against a group of dairy co-ops was announced in January with milk producers agreeing to pay $52 million on charges they had conspired to fix the dairy supply for years to get top-dollar prices. Among the producers’ primary tactics, allegedly, was using what the industry calls “herd retirement,” which is retirement only in the sense that 500,000 healthy young cows were slaughtered—just to drive up prices by eliminating otherwise-available milk. The $52 million will be for consumers in 15 states and Washington, D.C.

n In January, the Russian parliament voted 380 to 3 to amend its assault law to allow a spouse one punishment-by-”ticketing” (i.e., not criminal) for domestic violence against his partner— provided the bodily harm was not substantial and that it happens no more than once a year.

Perspective Trader Joe’s has gained popularity among grocery shoppers in large part by having relentlessly sunny employees, but now that the firm has expanded from mellower California to more brusque New York City, it is learning that cheerfulness is harder to find. The company fired Thomas Nagle recently because, though he said he frequently smiled, he was told his smile was insufficiently “genuine,” and, backed by several colleagues, he has filed an unfair labor practice charge (and union organizers have taken notice). The National Labor Relations Board has already ruled (against another employer) that workers cannot be forced to convey that all-important “positive work environment” because they are entitled to have grievances.

The Passing Parade Jersey Shore, Pa. (pop. 4,300), rarely makes the news, thus allowing it to avoid questions about its awkward name (since it is landlocked and 100 miles from New Jersey). In January, local residents were disturbed about the odor of a farm’s prematurely ripening radishes. n Scientists at Spain’s University of Barcelona announced they had reduced the fear of death in some of their 32 research participants by exposing them (using artificial intelligence Oculus Rift headsets) to out-of-body experiences so that they could see and feel themselves “alive” even when they are not actually present.

A News of the Weird Classic (April 2013) Undocumented immigrant Jose Munoz, 25, believed himself an ideal candidate for President Obama’s 2012 initiative for children, in that he had been brought to the United States by his undocumented parents before age 16, had no criminal record, and had graduated from high school (with honors, even). Since graduation, however, he had stayed at his parents’ home in Sheboygan, Wis., jobless, unenterprisingly “vegging,” making it difficult to prove the final requirement of the law: that he had lived continuously in the U.S. since graduation (since just lying around the house leaves no paper trail). After initial frustrations, Munoz finally proved his residency by submitting his Xbox Live records documenting that his computer’s Wisconsin location had been accessing video games, daily, year after year.

Thanks this week to Caroline Lawler and the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 11

Leading Economic Indicator Doughnut lovers have legitimately mused for years how U.S. law could condemn, say, marijuana, yet permit Krispy Kreme to openly sell its seemingly addictive sugary delights on America’s streets. Sonia García, 51, realized a while back that residents of Ciudad Juárez, Mexico, so much needed Krispy Kreme fixes that she earns a handsome living running a black market from El Paso, Texas, bringing in 40 boxes at a time and re-selling from the trunk of her car at a 60 percent markup, pointing out to a Los Angeles

Lamest Criminal Defense Ever Substitute teacher Pete Garcia Hernandez, 49, was arrested in Houston in January and charged with three counts of indecency with a child, involving girls at Looscan Elementary School. The girls had reported earlier that Hernandez had kissed them each on the mouth, but police investigators quoted Hernandez as calling it all an “accident,” that “he was speaking close with them and his tongue accidentally went into their mouth[s].”

| CITY WEEKLY |

n The neonatal intensive care unit of Texas Health Fort Worth disclosed in January that the secret to keeping the most fragile prematurely born babies alive is to quickly stick them into Ziploc freezer bags to create, according to a clinician, a “hot house effect.” It turns out that merely raising the temperature in the delivery room had only marginal effect.

Least Competent Criminals Driver Joshua Concepcion-West, 27, was arrested in Apopka, Fla., with an ingenious license-plate cover that he could raise and lower remotely from his key chain, thus avoiding identification by cameras as he passed through turnpike checkpoints. On Jan. 11 at a $1.25 toll plaza, he had neglected to check his rear-view mirror before lowering the cover—and failed to notice that right behind him was a Florida Highway Patrol car with a trooper watching the whole thing.

Wait, What?

Surgery on a 16-year-old Japanese girl, reported in January by New Scientist, revealed that her ovary contained a miniature skull and brain. Doctors say that finding rogue brain cells in ovaries is not that uncommon, but that an already-organized brain, capable of transmitting electric impulses, is almost unheard-of.

Can’t Possibly Be True Reporting from Mbyo, Rwanda, in January on the success of a “reconciliation” program following the country’s bloody genocidal wars, London’s The Guardian found, for example, Laurencia Niyogira living peacefully and forgivingly alongside neighbor Tasian Nkundiye—even though, 22 years ago, Nkundiye murdered Niyogira’s entire family (except for her and her siblings, left barely alive). Over a 100-day span in 1994, 800,000 ethnic Tutsis were systematically slaughtered by Hutus. A survey by the country’s national unity commission showed that 92 percent of Rwandans have come to accept reconciliation.

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Unclear on the Concept Gary Gibson, 65, of Chiloquin, Ore., admits he is sexually attracted to little girls but never acts on his urges, and therefore, demands that people get off his case. He formed the Association for Sexual Abuse Prevention, campaigning, he says, to keep children safe from other pedophiles whose self-restraint might not match his. Gibson describes himself as a normal, everyday person, married to a British nurse (whom he met via a Christian singles organization), and has three children and 10 grandchildren—none so far molested (though in an interview, London’s The Sun allowed him to explain his side of various edgy events of his life, such as his having moved for a while to the South Pacific, where little girls sometimes played naked).

Times reporter in January that her trafficking has already put one son through engineering school.

(Mexico City now has Krispy Kremes, but apparently the company’s distribution system cannot yet vanquish Sonia García’s car.)

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Wrist-Slapping Rutgers University Athletic Director Pat Hobbs, responding to the NCAA’s announcement of violations against the school’s sports programs (including failure to penalize 16 football players who tested positive for drugs), told the Asbury Park Press in January that he would immediately dismiss from teams any player testing positive for hard drugs—upon the fourth violation (if for marijuana only, upon the fifth).

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

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12 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

NEWS

C O N S E R V AT I O N

The King and I

A razor-beaked icon of the Utah bird conservation movement turns 58.

BY STEPHEN DARK sdark@cityweekly.net @stephenpdark

NIKI CHAN

S

hortly after Helen Dishaw was hired by Salt Lake City’s Tracy Aviary as curator of bird training and education in early 2011, she asked her boss if she could take Andy, the then-52-year-old Andean condor out of his exhibit. In June 2011, on Dishaw’s birthday, she took Andy for his first walk around the 9-acre property. The deeply curious bird, whose natural habitat is South America, walked up to a tree and scrutinized it. At first Dishaw wondered what he was doing, and then it dawned on her: The 29-pound, fully flighted vulture “had never seen a tree before. Those were very emotional moments.”

When he went up to a stand of tulips, she was worried the unusually laidback carrion eater would damage them with his razor-edged beak. “He touched every one of them with his beak, didn’t damage a one,” the 45-year-old says in her Northern English dialect. In the six years she’s worked with him, she says he’s never bitten anyone.

Since that first stroll, Dishaw has accompanied Andy Mondays through Fridays and on holidays along the aviary’s pathways for an hour at a time.

The experience, she says, struck her early on as what it must feel like to have a child. She calls him with treats—quail liver, beef heart slices—which she gives him from a thick-gloved hand.

Tracy Aviary is the only place in the United States where you can walk with a condor. He is its pied piper. Aviary visitors follow him around in small crowds.

Children and adults alike are fascinated by his graceful, lolloping pace, his quizzical gaze and the 9.5-foot wingspan which he occasionally unfolds.

Aviaries seek to educate people about caring for exotic birds and thus create more support and interest in the protection of such birds and their habitats. At first, the aviary used Andy as a marketing tool, offering a stroll with him as a raffle prize for VIPs. But as Dishaw won the bird’s trust, her work with him led to the bird providing not only an intimate, moving encounter with an icon of the South American wild for all ages, but also an ever more powerful tool for conservation.

Whoever would have thought, Dishaw says, she’d have a BFF who’s a condor? “He’s like the love of my life,” she says. “If something happened to him, I

“I want people to love birds as much as I do, so they care enough to make efforts to conserve,” Helen Dishaw says. don’t know what I’d do.”

Condors, she rhapsodizes, are beautiful creatures. They are monogamous, dedicated parents and help the environment by devouring dead animals.

“We should all be so virtuous, right?”

She calls Andy “the quintessential ambassador for his species.” Grandparents bring their grandchildren to see a bird they themselves grew up with.

“That sense of history here is humbling.

He’s been inspiring people longer than we’ve been alive.” So, on March 4 at 11 a.m., the aviary will host a birthday party for 58-year-old Andy.

Dishaw works with 36 birds at the aviary, running shows where they free-fly before audiences. She says she hasn’t lost one yet. “You treat birds the way you’d want to be treated yourself. You make sure everything you do is positive; otherwise, they’ll go. They can chose to fly away.” A recent theory, she explains, is that birds respond best when they have control. “They don’t have all the freedom of wild birds, but they don’t have all the drawbacks, either,” of shrinking habitats, poisonous environments and predators.

Andy was hatched at San Diego Zoo as part of a joint-condor breeding program with Los Angeles Zoo and handreared as a chick. At a year old, the zoo sent Andy to Utah in 1960, where he has remained ever since. Now, birds hatched in such programs are reared through puppets and blinds so they don’t have a “human imprint,” Dishaw says, and can be released into the wild without any human connection.

That visitors to Zion National Park can see California condors in the sky is in part thanks to pioneers such as Andy.

By the late 1980s, there were only 22 California condors—their ranks having

been decimated by pollution, hunting and lead poisoning. A breeding program at the San Diego and L.A. zoos that drew on lessons learned from the condorbreeding program that Andy came from, eventually saw the numbers of California condors bounce back to currently under 500—half of them released into the wild. In 2014, the first condor chick was hatched in Zion National Park. “It’s safe to say, without the Andean condor, there wouldn’t be California condors,” Tracy Executive Director Tim Brown says.

When Brown joined the aviary 13 years ago, the condor lived in what he recalls as “an old monkey cage that had been converted for him.” But moving Andy from the industrial-looking, black chain-link enclosure with its own cave to a new exhibit on the northwest corner of the aviary proved challenging. That cave was all he had known, so to get him to move into the new exhibit with a door that opens into a cave, Dishaw had to sit inside the door with treats of animal offal, until he started feeling comfortable there.

The condor is far from Dishaw’s only responsibility. Brown says she works “magic” with many other birds, citing a hornbill called Zazu that the San Diego Zoo had struggled with. Under Dishaw’s care, Zazu evolved into a key part of Tracy’s show, flying off into a tree when she releases him, then returning at her bidding.

“Back in the day, we used to chase birds all over the place,” Brown says.

“Come on down, dude,” Dishaw calls out on a snowy Tuesday morning in January. The condor hops down several steps from his perch, then ambles out to greet her.

His bald head and white-feather encased neck are reminders that vulture

diet is mainly carrion. They rip open carcasses for the organ meat inside, their bald heads allowing the entrails to fall away. “We joke it’s like jelly donuts— all the good stuff is in the middle,” the handler says. The white ruff of feathers acts as a hoodie for the bird in the cold.

Andy’s curiosity in human spectators is apparent as he approaches a reporter dawdling behind him to briefly investigate before trotting off at Dishaw’s call of, “And, come here.”

Just how rewarding human interactions are for the bird is a matter of speculation. “We as humans get much more out of it,” Brown says. He believes Andy’s quality of life has improved, thanks both to the exhibit, titled “King of the Andes,” and his abiding connection with Dishaw. Andy has close to 8,500 followers on Facebook; the passion for the bird thrills Dishaw. “He’s a vulture, the most vilified and persecuted of species,” she says, and yet he captivates all who encounter him.

Andy purposefully heads over to the golden eagle enclosure, despite several calls from Dishaw to come to heel. The two eagles, Dishaw says, are “his arch nemeses.” Andy stands in front of the enclosure, the golden eagles haughtily glaring at him from their perches.

Dishaw says that for all the information the aviary shares with its visitors, the true value from a conservation perspective of people interacting with a bird like Andy is the emotional connection.

She recalls a family whose 2-year-old called the bird by name and identified him as a, she recalls in her Geordie accent, “And-e-an condor.” It’s that immediacy that she strives for. “I want to see people have a visceral reaction to birds— that’s what changes behavior. Andy is the king of that. People fall in love with him, he gets right into their hearts.” CW

NEWS

The Science of Brewing...

DIVERSITY

Meet the Muslims

Utah Islamic Center’s open-house series answers questions, dispels myths.

I

Maysa Malas-Kergaye offered insights into women’s rights and the use of the hijab.

801-531-8182 / beernut.com www.facebook.com/thebeernut

Beer & Wine brewing supplies

Hours: Sun 10-5pm M-Sat 10am-6:30pm

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 13

MEET THE MUSLIMS Friday, Feb. 10, 7:30 p.m.

Utah Islamic Center 235 W. 9000 South, Sandy 801-255-2212 facebook.com/utislamiccenter

1200 S State St.

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Islamic Center had decided to host the free Meet the Muslims night every Friday. After the ceremony, folks are encouraged to mingle over snacks, tea and hot chocolate.

This latest event started with an invocation, the final of five prayers for the day. Facing toward Mecca, the imam read a Quranic prayer in its original Arabic. Three rows of Islamic men bowed, at times prostrate with their foreheads touching the carpet.

Wishing to clear up misconceptions, Din offered a quick tutorial on Sharia, which means “The Path to Water.” He prefers to think of it as guidance instead of strict law.

“For most Muslims living in the West, it’s the ethics, the morals, the values and how to live our lives,” he said.

Beyond the penal code, Sharia outlines parameters on financial transactions, diet, marriage, cleanliness and a host of other day-to-day behaviors.

Beforehand, Din explained that many of the prophets quoted in the Quran were the same men revered in Jewish and Christian traditions. Speakers then touched on the seven articles of faith, five pillars of Islam, the hijab and women’s rights.

Congregation member Maysa MalasKergaye pushed back against the conception that headwear is a sign of oppression.

“When you see women wearing a scarf, no one forced them to wear it. Definitely not in America—can’t force kids to do anything here,” she said. “Some say women in Islam are oppressed. I say, Islam never oppresses women. If they are oppressed, it’s because of men. Men oppress women. God does not oppress women.”

The Islamic Center ended the program by taking questions from their guests. They covered book recommendations, religious holidays, politics and Islamophobia. But the first question seemed to cut to the core of the evening: What message would you hope the visitors walk away with?

The answer: People are people, they said. CW

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

n Islamic doctrine, God’s faithful follower Abraham had two wives: Sarah and Hagar. And perhaps a pluralmarriage tradition is why, Shuaib Din suggested, he was recently emailed by a polygamist group organizing a march on Capitol Hill.

Din, imam of the Utah Islamic Center, retold this story to a packed room of friendly visitors on Friday night.

“No, we’re not interested in that. You don’t want us to be with you; otherwise, they’re going to think it’s for Sharia law,” he joked.

So started The Islamic Center’s Meet the Muslims event: Insight into the ancient prophets, infused with wit, anecdotes and exposition.

Like many impactful jokes, a sad seed of truth underlies Din’s story.

In this case, he was talking about misunderstandings and fear surrounding his religion. President Donald Trump signed an executive order last month temporarily barring refugees and immigrants from seven predominantly Muslim countries.

Although Trump and his ilk say it’s not a Muslim ban, by pointing to all the Muslim countries that aren’t affected by the measure, opponents think this is mere bluster.

In fact, Trump said early on the campaign trail that he intended to institute a ban on Muslim entry into this country.

Worried the wrong message might be sent after the November election, many in the Salt Lake Valley began rallying around their Muslim neighbors to ensure they felt safe and welcome, Din said.

“They sent flowers and cards and emails and nice voicemail messages saying, ‘We support you. We love you. You are part of our community,’” he said. “And some of them wanted to come visit us. So we thought, why not have a day when they can come?”

They call the event “Meet the Muslims”— a play on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint’s ubiquitous Meet the Mormons campaign. These gatherings allowed non-Muslims to show their support but also learn more about a religion that is often shaped in the news by its most extreme adherents. The first open house was scheduled in November.

The popularity of that evening spurred another, and then another and another. By the time February rolled around, the Utah

ENRIQUE LIMÓN

BY DYLAN WOOLF HARRIS dwharris@cityweekly.net @DylantheHarris

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14 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

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Thousands of people are living on the streets in Utah, struggling to find work and housing. Many suffer from addiction and mental illness, and criminals often take advantage of their misfortune.

Wondering whether Salt Lake City will ever manage the homelessness problem?

Upset by Mayor Jackie Biskupski’s seemingly unilateral decision on shelters?

Give your leaders a piece of your mind at On Our Doorstep: Understanding Utah’s Homelessness Crisis—an audience-driven panel discussion moderated by KUER reporter Whittney Evans.

Panelists include Biskupski and Salt Lake County Mayor Ben McAdams. The City Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801581-6625, Thursday, Feb. 9, 7 p.m., free, http://bit.ly/2l4jTpk

SYMPHONY FUNDRAISER

Take an evening to dress up, enjoy real culture and support the arts. In its 31st year, Salt Lake Symphony’s annual Vienna Ball features dinner, a silent auction and performances by the awardwinning BYU Ballroom Dance Team. You can dance to waltzes and polkas by the Salt Lake Symphony and jazz standards by the Mark Chaney Trio. If you’re not a seasoned ballroom dancer, free lessons are offered at 6:30 p.m. prior to the ball. Black tie is suggested. University of Utah Union Ballroom, 200 South Campus Drive, 800-838-3006, Saturday, Feb. 11, 8 p.m.-midnight, $60, http://bit.ly/2l4w2dW

LECTURE ON AMERICAN WEST

The American West has long been at the center of national debates about the relationship between the environment and the economy. In Losing Eden: An Environmental History of the American West, participants can hear a close examination of the region’s “deep history”—focusing on its unique geography. Indiginous North Americans constantly innovated. New tools, the advent of agriculture, fire- and irrigation-managed environments and extensive trade routes were essential to early survival and success and belie the myth of a pristine, Edenic America discovered by Europeans. Instead, by the time Europeans arrived, native peoples had flourished in the New World for tens of thousands of years, evolving societies ranging from relatively simple hunting and gathering bands to sophisticated, urban metropolises. S.J. Quinney College of Law, University of Utah, 383 S. University St., 801-581-6833, Thursday, Feb. 16, 12:15-1:15 p.m., free, http://bit.ly/2kxGmhh

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

Eight more artists boycotting the 2017 Grammy Awards besides Kanye West, Drake and Justin Bieber:

8. Kanye West (he just wanted to make doubly sure you knew).

7. The Weekdy (The Weeknd’s

oft-overlooked collaborator: “He’d be nothing without me!”).

6.

Madonna (keeping Sunday open in case there’s a last-minute protest march that she can ruin).

5. Meghan Trainor (literally

disappeared from the planet after winning Best New Artist last year).

4.

Kanye West (will also be skipping the 2018, 2019 and 2021 awards, FYI).

3. Green Day (recently deported from the U.S. due to suspicious “British” accents).

2. Insane Clown Posse (Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have standards).

1. The Piano Guys (busy

preparing for upcoming “Rockin’ in Lockup!” tour of Trump internment camps).

| CITY WEEKLY |

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 15

XOXO, —ENRIQUE LIMÓN

app to keep those that choose to sell their love safe (p. 16).

Need some liquid courage to make the first move? Our list of swoon-worthy cocktails (p. 20) is sure to do the trick. Sure, this is the season to ask someone “Be Mine,” but you can also be you and love yourself while you’re at it. Just ask one of our contributors who takes a stand for masturbation (p. 19), while another does it lying down to some locally sourced rhythms (p. 22).

We wrap it up with a list of films guaranteed to either set the mood or squash it all together (p. 23).

We’ll let you choose your own adventure on that one. Look at you, you’re glowing!

So here’s to you, St. Valentine, who I’m sure in his last moments thought to himself, One day, they’ll commemorate my death by selling a heart-shaped box filled with Jack Link’s beef snacks at Walgreens, so this will all be worth it.

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pire rule. Lore says he languished in a damp cell, and before his execution wrote a letter to his jailer’s daughter, signed “Your Valentine.”

Whatever the case might be, and dating back to its roots as a pagan fertility free-for-all bash, mid-February is the time to show that special someone in your life how much you love them by signing your name on a card in a non-eloquent way or rocking a pair or sexy red undies that’ll have you wondering the next day whether it was the polyblend or the encounter itself that gave you a rash.

Still, even those of us jaded by its commercialization can find sweet moments in the Technicolor holiday. People like Misty Aragon and John Beard who, like Rihanna before them, found love in a hopeless place (p. 18). Inside these pages, you’ll also come across the story of a young entrepreneur who sought to create an

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

B

irds do it, bees do it, RMs do it (tisk, tisk), even your parents did it (and that’s why you’re here … eew!) Sex—the nasty, the deed, the dirty-dirty, becoming one (for all you doe-eyed lovebirds out there)—is one of the most sincere, primal, passionate and, if you’re me, sometimes comical human experiences.

In this issue, we take a non-judgmental look into sex in the Beehive. We also celebrate different expressions of love and tie it up (shibari-style) with a big pink Valentine’s bow.

But who was this Valentine we all celebrate?

According to an old book of love stories handed down in my family from generation to generation, **cough, Wikipedia** Saint Valentine of Rome was imprisoned after celebrating nuptials for soldiers who at the time were forbidden to marry. He also ministered to Christians, which was a big no-no during the Roman Em-

e v o L e Th

e u s s I x e S &

New sex worker-developed app seeks to build a database of dangerous clients.

By Stephen Dark

W

hen Salt Lake City transgender sex worker Rebel went to meet a client at a State Street location in October 2016, she had to fight him off in a motel room that had a mattress on the floor, a cover sheet stained with blood and urine, and filth on the walls and floor.

While many rooms in the motel corresponded to similar descriptions, this one, she recalls, was particularly degrading. Rebel, who was profiled in a summer 2016 City Weekly cover story titled “Click Mates,” believes the “date” had been organized by several men who lured sex workers there to rape them. After she left, the man texted her, in total, 114 times, she says.

That experience led her to develop a mobile phone app called Sex Workers Unionized Protection (SWUP), wherein sex workers anonymously upload the contact info of concerning clients, along with descriptions and comments. When a client who’s on the database calls, that call will automatically be flagged, letting the sex worker assess the level of threat identified by others. While 90 percent of the client comments are negative, Rebel also flags clients with whom she had a positive experience, such as “one dude who tipped me $500 for a 20-minute session.”

In sex worker parlance, a “bad date” is an encounter with a client that could result in wasting her time, being threatened, abused or hurt. While there are numerous local, regional and even national bad-date list websites, nonprofit advocacy group Sex Workers Outreach Project’s Katherine Koster says some are behind paywalls and impoverished sex workers can struggle to access computers.

While clients have long posted often disturbingly detailed “reviews” of their encounters with sex workers on various websites, Rebel’s app allows them to turn the tables to some degree, rating clients and warning their peers if they have concerns. Such a list is important because “a lot of people committing violence against sex workers are serial perpetrators, not just a one-shot thing,” Koster says. Rather than report a sexual assault to law enforcement, she says, which might result in her getting arrested, reporting it to a bad date list might prove safer and more effective in terms of warning other sex workers of a potential threat.

Its emergence comes at a time of disquiet for sex workers across the country who, since the sudden shut-down of adult ads on Backpage.com last month, are scrambling for work. This followed the October 2016 arrest of Backpage’s CEO on sextrafficking charges. Several sex workers City Weekly spoke to reported a dramatic drop in their income since the adult section of the site went dark, possibly because clients were uncertain where to look for them. While Rebel’s app leaves Koster excited at the possibilities it offers sex workers to pool information about clients, loss of work because of the Backpage shut-down makes her fear that in the immediate future sex workers will return “to abusive work situations, relationships, back to street-based sex work,” or end up homeless as they are evicted for non-payment of rent.

Rebel says 160 people were using the app from Salt Lake City before she decided to bow to requests from users that it be anonymous, which meant she could no longer keep track of the number of workers. She shows a reporter a few comments submitted to the app about

NIKI CHAN

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16 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

Bad Dates

Rebel, creator of the Sex Workers Unionized Project app

clients. “Time waster, will ask for bareback and want to pay after,” one worker wrote about a client seeking sex without a condom but refusing to provide the agreed amount before the act.

A 24-year-old escort who goes by Lana Del Shay, uploaded a number onto the app belonging to a man who she says offered her $200 for oral sex, then tried to force her to grope his genitals. After she repeatedly demanded “a donation”— language some sex workers use in the belief it will help them avoid arrest—he allegedly pulled out a cop badge and told her, “Now we’re both implicated.” She questioned whether he was law enforcement and eventually he returned her to her hotel.

Advocates for sex workers both nationally, like Koster, and locally welcome the app. Local advocate Gina Salazar regrets it has not been available before. “I wish somebody would have thought about it a long time ago before tons of girls ended up getting hurt, beaten or raped. It’s probably as important as a condom,” she says. “To me, it’s a huge tool for harm reduction.”

While technology in the form of Rebel’s app may prove to be a powerful tool in improving the odds of keeping sex workers safe, the questions that surround Backpage shutting down its adult ads highlight both the boon many say it provided for independent sex workers and what Utah Attorney General’s special investigator Nate Mutter calls its “double-edged sword,” when it came to finding minors enslaved in the sex trade and prosecuting their traffickers.

Rebel says that Backpage “has been nothing but a safety net,” providing regular income with which to support her family. Del Shay concurs. She says she was a homeless 18-year-old addict when she started “dating,” after she was robbed of her shoes and money while sleeping in a park by North Temple. “If it wasn’t for Backpage, I don’t know what I would have done,” she says. She made enough money to get off the street, rent a hotel room and eventually support her grandmother, relatives and her toddler.

Local anti-trafficking advocate Laurin Crossin says as a trafficked woman she preferred the street to meeting a client in a hotel room. “You can see the trick, look into his eyes,” and

based on her instinct she could turn him down or get in his car.

In a hotel room, waiting for a client, there’s very little chance to say no. “It’s so much more dangerous and scarier,” she says.

In the weeks following the shutdown, Rebel and LaShay both report a collapse in their income. “My business has been cut in half,” La Shay says, who, like her counterpart, has had to rely on regulars to keep her going. “The last few days, I’ve been lucky to pay my room.” They both fear sex workers will be forced to turn to the street to work, or to accept offers from a new wave of pimps who reach out to them online, parading pictures of cars and money along with the promise of money if they come to work for them out of state.

Law enforcement has mixed feelings about Backpage.

Mutter says the move is “good for the public; it takes away one piece of the tool that traffickers use to traffic their victims,” particularly minors. At the same time, “it’s almost a negative for law enforcement. One of our main objectives is to get the trafficker, but it’s more important to get the victim out of that situation.” If shutting down drives trafficking further underground, as some predict, he says the fear is they’re not going to be able to rescue as many victims.

Given that the shutdown is only weeks old, he adds “it’s too early to tell” how it will impact investigations and prosecutions.

Salt Lake City Police Department’s Sgt. Mike Burbank, who heads the Organized Crime Unit, says that Backpage amounted “to almost a one-stop shop” for them, given it was where most local “johns” would look for sex workers. Within 15 minutes of his officers realizing it was gone, they found the same postings had been listed elsewhere on the site, such as date-seeking sections (women seeking men) or ads offering therapeutic massage.

Rebel hopes her app will not only gain traction among local and out-of-state workers, but will also lead to more dialogue among sex workers. As the name implies, she would like to see her peers “unionize” in some form. She also wants to see sex work legalized, and along with the move “take control of the industry out of the hands of clients,” she says. “Having a tool like this available will help shift that power.” CW

Photo Credit: Nina Tekwani

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 17

SARAH ARNOFF

Local couple experiences their own brand of fairy-tale romance.

By Dylan Woolf Harris

B

aseball caps and hand-colored pictures adorn the walls of a modest apartment where John Beard and Misty Aragon watch an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants at midvolume.

The upper-floor domicile is Beard’s place, where the recently engaged couple sits on a calm February afternoon.

Aragon rents a room in the same assisted-living facility. It’s probably an atypical setting for a love story.

But if anything else, Beard, 44, and Aragon, 38, demonstrate how unconventional love stories are underpinned with universal experiences.

Their relationship ebbed and rose in a fashion that would be undeniably relatable to many—his first tepid approach, their glee in introducing the other to new hobbies and her being struck speechless with emotion.

Aragon was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in her late teens, she says. She now moves about in a motorized wheelchair. And Beard is inflicted with a flesh-eating bacteria. Both receive disability services; had it been otherwise, their chance meeting and subsequent love might have never been.

Beard’s and Aragon’s story started about three years ago at a rehabilitation center in Millcreek, where Beard had been living.

He had recently woke from a six-week coma, induced because a pathogen had mercilessly attacked his body. The infection was so severe, Beard had to have his right leg amputated. “It basically ate my skin to the bone,” he says.

At this point in his life, Beard says he was regarded as cantankerous and solitary. That would soon change.

On a fortuitous day, he laid eyes on a woman he had never seen before, donning a Chicago Bears sweater. This was one of his favorite football teams, too. Ah ha! A common interest, he thought.

He mosied over to chat her up. She told him she’d been a lifelong Bears fan “because that was my dad’s team.”

More prominent than the sports apparel, Beard spotted a shiny band on her finger. Already in a relationship, he lamented. But maybe not. “If she was taken, I would just be friends. If not, I would see if she was interested,” he recalls. “I would respect her if she had a boyfriend or a husband, but if not, let’s see what happens.” In the coming days, he sent staff out on reconnaissance to gather intelligence.

Aragon thought it odd at first that a staffer was prying into her love life, but she, fiercely independent, replied, “No, no boyfriend. I don’t need one.” When Beard received the news, he was delighted.

The first date (the two disputed whether this was considered a date) took place a month or so later. On this particular day, the facility’s scheduled activity was a trip to Olive Garden, and Beard saw an opportunity to invite Aragon along.

“I’ll join you,” she recalls saying, “but it’s not a date.”

A short disagreement followed because he insisted on paying for the meal, but the two soon after felt the faintest inkling of romance budding while playing trivia.

Eventually, they began pairing off frequently, grabbing a drink at Starbucks, a meal at Iceberg Drive Inn, or catching the sunset from a lawn. A yearlong courtship under their belts, they decided

to date exclusively and two months after that, the two moved into an open room at the facility.

She got some early advice from a roommate: Be careful.

Aragon was confident, despite this being her first serious relationship, that she could sharply navigate it. It helped that, in Beard, the spirit of chivalry is alive. “He is a wonderful gentleman,” she confirms. Logically, he figured, the next step was engagement.

Beard’s commitments made her heart flutter. Never before had she been the entity of unconditional adoration. “My whole life, everybody has made fun of me because I’m a heavy-set person,” she says.

Knowing he couldn’t yet afford a diamond ring, Beard gave her a “promise ring” inset with garnet, Aragon’s birthstone. She says that would have sufficed. Beard wanted to “make it official,” however. By then, his other leg was also amputated and he was nearing the end of his rehabilitation stay.

Last year, he was told he no longer needed skilled nursing services and that he would have to find another place to live. But before he left, he schemed to surprise her with a diamond.

It took about three months to find a place that matched his needs, location and price; eventually he settled on the Avenues Courtyard Assisted Living Community. One day, while visiting his girlfriend,

SARAH ARNOFF

All Odds

Beard secretly slipped an engagement ring on her finger.

Without words, Aragon knew what this meant.

“I couldn’t talk,” she says. “My whole body started shaking.”

A couple of months later, Aragon moved to Avenues Courtyard.

Beard and Aragon don’t have a date set and in fact might never get legally married because of the bureaucratic entangling of marriage and government. At the risk of altering their benefits, the two have decided to delay a wedding until they are confident this won’t bar them from receiving disability subsidies that allow them to pay rent and get medical treatment.

“No matter if I marry him legally or not, I will always be by his side,” she says. CW

Misty Aragon and John Beard are the stars of their own made-in-SLC romance.

SARA ARNOFF

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Against

Master Domain of My Domain In defense of masturbation.

By Ryan Cunningham

M

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 19

was OK—but only if you didn’t have sexual thoughts while you did it. Oddly, I don’t recall a single young soul in Sunday School raising a hand to ask how it was possible to masturbate unsexually. But I do remember thinking to myself, “Challenge accepted, Pastor Chad.”

Public school didn’t offer much useful guidance, either. My high school health class was taught by a wrestling coach called “Flex.” Flex was about as comfortable teaching sex ed as I would feel teaching a hot yoga class—that is to say, not very. His lesson plan involved an oversaturation of verbatim readings from the textbook, meaning Flex literally taught human sexuality “by the book.” Unfortunately, our textbook didn’t dedicate much, if any, space to masturbation. In fact, I would be surprised if the word even earned a spot in the book’s glossary of terms.

While I’m grateful to Pastor Chad and Flex the wrestling coach for their strained insights on personal eroticism, I can’t help but wonder what a more forthright openness could have done to prevent years of shame. What’s more, I worry that little has improved for kids these days. The stigma of self-pleasure still exists in contemporary American society, despite pretty broad acknowledgement of the horny elephant in the room.

Speaking of burdensome societal stigmas, being alone on Valentine’s Day is enough to make anyone feel like a pariah. But just as with masturbation, being single is neither unusual nor unacceptable. There’s nothing inherently wrong with either. So as a means of reclaiming a seemingly spiteful and exclusionary holiday, this year I’d like to propose an alternative custom: If you don’t feel much like going out, stay in. Cook yourself a nice dinner, light some candles, loosen up with a generous glass of merlot and put on some romantic music—perhaps some Alanis unplugged if it suits the mood. And if things are going well enough, I suggest taking you and yours down into the basement and forgetting everything Flex never taught you. CW

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any of us remember our first time.

Maybe you were in the bathroom, and you got curious when you were supposed to be brushing your teeth.

Or maybe you were at your grandparents’ house and stumbled upon an old Sears catalog in the attic.

I’ll divulge my own tawdry circumstances as long as I don’t have to justify them: It was the middle of the night in my parents’ basement, during an encore broadcast of MTV Unplugged featuring Alanis Morissette.

When you think about it, it’s strange that we would remember. Masturbation is a banal activity, but the first time still seems like a monumental revelation. What’s crazy is no one teaches us how to do it—and we figure it out anyway. We need people to teach us almost everything else: reading and writing, walking and talking, even pooping and peeing in toilets takes years of practice. But masturbation? As I remember overhearing a wise woman from the 1990s once say, “You live, you learn.”

Nearly all of us do it, by the way. The Merck Manual Overview of Sexuality estimates 97 percent of men and 80 percent of women masturbate, which means somewhere between zero and 12.5 percent of humans are less ashamed of lying than they are of masturbating. Masturbation, quite simply, is as ubiquitous as sunshine, and to rebuff its existence is to blot out the sun with your free hand.

Culturally, we treat masturbation like an unsightly mole: We know it’s there, but the only polite thing to do is to not talk about it. A lot of that denialism stems from religious attitudes toward sexuality. As a young boy raised in Bible-belt evangelism, my youth pastor taught me once (and only once) that masturbation

Explore Salt Lake

An aphrodisiacal cocktail crawl.

By Darby Doyle

otta love it when science confirms what we’d like to believe anyway: Modern food chemistry asserts that ingredients identified in myth and legend as libido enhancers—while not certified kilt-lifters—were and are exceptionally nutritive nosh. Centuries before eggplant and peach emojis infiltrated our social media streams, vitamin- and mineral-packed foods like fruits, vegetables and eggs from just about every species—from caviar to emu—probably benefitted their consumers with better fertility and overall good health as a result of their consumption. This also held true for the legendary aphrodisiacal qualities of pretty much every creature pulled from the sea, especially zinc-rich oysters (linked to increased testosterone production). Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, beauty and sexuality, and her counterpart in the Roman pantheon, Venus, were both depicted rising naked from the ocean cupped in a seashell, underpinning the eroticism of shellfish. Also on the Top 10 list of Hotto-Trot ingredients? Mint of every stripe.

Even folks in the Dark Ages appreciated the effects of even cursory antimicrobial dental hygiene and the resulting fresh breath as a lead-up to business time.

But we may tend to be a little cynical about love, especially if we’re semi-sober and observing the mating habits of fellow members of our species on a Friday night at our favorite bar. As the Scottish writer Compton Mackenzie opined, “Love makes the world go ’round? Not at all.

Whiskey makes it go ’round twice as fast.”

So, for folks who’d like to have a slightly subtler bar game than ordering a ‘sex on the beach’ or ‘screaming orgasm’ in front of their date, consider these sophisticated options at certifiably swanky spots around town. Bonus? Although there’s no proof behind any of these choices (because, actual science) they all contain ingredients considered to have aphrodisiacal qualities in folklore.

Worth a shot? We think so. Go get ’em tiger … m’row.

Sugar Hood is looking better all the time for dark and dramatic bar spaces brimming with badass style, and The Ruin is a perfect example. Their motto quotes Oscar Wilde, “Work is the curse of the drinking classes,” but we’d also like to credit the ever-witty Wilde with this observation: “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” Owner Amy Leininger and her team of talented drink-slingers have taken at least the uncertainty out of cocktail ordering with a perfect love potion: the MCC. “Grapefruit increases libido, mint is a sexual stimulant and, well, chocolate is simply orgasmic in and of itself,” Leininger says. Tart and sweet with Lunazul tequila blanco, grapefruit, mint and both mole and Aztec chocolate bitters, it’s as gorgeous as it is delicious.

The Parisian Lover

The Bar at Peery Hotel 110 W. 300 South, SLC peeryhotel.com

Staying downtown for a little afternoon delight? The perfect spot to bask in that post-coital glow is a cozy table in the historic Peery Hotel bar. It’s not on the menu, but barman Andrew Andreason will gladly shake up a Parisian Lover, his original brew of vodka, a touch of citrus, raspberry notes from Chambord, a bit of cream, and a nice lingering finish from chocolate liqueur. “It’s got a little bite from the lemon, and evens out with a lovely sweet, fruity endnote,” he says. Even better? You could certainly order two, but it’s really a perfect cocktail to share before heading out for a romantic stroll down Broadway, after wrapping up your night on the town, or getting your strength up for Round 2.

The Wall Buster HSL 418 E. 200 South hslrestaurant.com

Although HSL bar manager Clifton Reagle hates making up names for drinks, this one is pretty apt given it features all kinds of (ahem) energizing ingredients. “Mezcal is a new spirit to many people,” Reagle says, although it has long been considered in old Mexico as an especially potent aphrodisiac. Hell, the agave plant alone is a phallic message writ large on the arid landscape. “I think there’s a romance to mezcal’s flavor and aroma,” he continues, adding that the concoction is a “south-of-theborder take on a French 75.” That cocktail was made famous after WWI and eponymously christened after a particularly potent artillery gun. The Wall Buster features lime, Peychaud’s bitters, smoky mezcal taking the place of traditional gin, a titch of saline and is topped with a bit of sparkling rosé. They’re starting out with a bang with this bold and delicate cocktail that’s all about romance in HSL’s equally swoon-worthy space. It’s an alcohol and atmosphere win-win.

THE RUIN

Venues

The Ruin 1215 Wilmington Ave., Ste. 120 ruinslc.com

DARBY DOYLE

& Sexy

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MCC

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Love

The Baby Maker

DARBY DOYLE

Under Current Bar 279 S. 300 East, SLC undercurrentbar.com

When I told her about my quest, bar director Amy Eldredge said: “The ‘aphrodisiac cocktail experience’ might as well describe our entire business model” [insert wink emoji here].

Bonus points and gold stars to UC for having oysters available any damn time to up the aphrodisiacal ante, and we’re sold, babycakes. At Under Current (and next door restaurant, Current Fish & Oyster, where you’ll definitely need reservations if your plans include dinner), there are plenty of Valentine’s Day-specific treats in store. At the bar, order the frothy and fabulous Baby Maker—a beautifully balanced tart-sweet cocktail made in the tradition of a Fizz. Shaken with muddled strawberries, lime juice, Vermouth blanc, Bols Genever (the original Dutch gin), egg white, cream and simple syrup, it’s a decidedly adult version of a strawberry milkshake. Eldredge has also been working in delicious collaboration with Current’s pastry chef to develop custom-made chocolates featuring boozy ingredients to complement the bar’s cocktail menu. Buy ’em by the box that night. Hell, buy two: one for sharing at the bar, another for breakfast. Nine months from now we’ll be blaming SLC’s population boom squarely on bar staff here.

Sazerac The Rest 331 S. Main, SLC bodega331.com

All that Jazz FINCA 327 W. 200 South fincaslc.com

NATALIE HAMILTON

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 21

NATALIE HAMILTON

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On Saturday, Feb. 11, and Tuesday, Feb. 14, Finca is pulling out all the stops with a six-course dinner that’ll be a thing of gustatory glory: think oysters, charred octopus, roasted lamb, and some seriously sexy vegetarian selections. Start out early in the bar pre-meal, linger after your dinner, or just stop in for cocktails and dessert if you want to cut to the chase. In any case, bar manager Natalie Hamilton and her team will treat you right. She’s designed two romantic cocktails named after classic jazz standards, both of which come with chocolate pairings. “So now you have cocktails, a beginning to your playlist, chocolate, flowers, nuts and almost every spice in the book,” Hamilton says. “Top it off all with my two favorite spirits, actual flames and you’ve got a pretty decent Valentine’s evening.” Oh, Natalie, you had us at chocolate.

Pick either drink, or both. Like most great relationships, they’re even better together than standing alone. CW

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THE REST

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The Rest inevitably ends up on our Top 10 spots for sexy atmosphere in the SLC, and if you’re planning to dine there for V-day, you might want to make those reservations now.

Their cocktail program is equally swank, with modern spins on drinks considered classic for a reason. Case in point: Their Sazerac, boozy with whiskey, stirred up with housemade NOLA-style bitters and a touch of aphrodisiacal anise in the form of absinthe. Want to really up your date’s wow factor? Order the absinthe service for two, where the bartender will set up a traditional French absinthe fountain and give you the 411 on traditional technique for this ancient art of service. Oh la la!

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Dazz Band—“Joystick” CW: Baby, I’m your joystick. I can do anything that you want me to do.

Yeah, yeah.

MAMI: “I love this song! It has so many little sound effects and a great bass line.

There are a lot of buzzpauses. It’s interesting.”

Cutting-edge sex toy turns your mixtapes into O-quakes!

By Randy Harward

M

usic journalism leads you down some interesting roads. One day you discover that the former publicist for Metallica is doing PR for major porn studios and up-and-coming sex toy companies. And then you get an idea.

Have you ever made a mixtape for someone, choosing and sequencing every song in order to convey your desire? What if I told you there’s a device that can help you create a mixtape that actually causes your intended to erupt into O-quakes?

OhMiBod, a company out of New Hampshire, has a line of Bluetooth-enabled sex toys that, paired with your phone or other digital music device, vibrates with your music. Do you realize the implications?

The convenience of using someone else’s words, rhythms and melodies to express your feelings now extends to the bedroom.

You can translate your otherwise useless knowledge of music—the sum of your hipster bullshit—into sexual competence!

Eager to assist in our research, the company sent over a review “unit” of their Freestyle W, a flexible, silicone behemoth that looks like Papa Smurf mated with a cactus. In addition to its musical capabilities, the W has seven programmed vibration patterns, or you can mix and match three speeds and four patterns. Using the music function is easy: You plug a transmitter into your phone, plug some headphones into the transmitter, pair the devices, and press play. It also works remotely, so your partner can control it from a high-back chair up to 25 feet away.

City Weekly sniffed out a Masturbation and Music Interpreter (MAMI) willing to accept a free $130 sex toy, use it according to very detailed instructions (including a hand-picked playlist) and call in the morning to give a report. It was like getting sanctioned strange, albeit with no more contact than it took to hand over a box and email a link to a YouTube playlist. It’s a bit sad, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Enya—“Orinoco Flow” CW: You’re special, girl. You deserve ambience. Relax and let Enya’s cloying, new-agey music sail away and wash over you.

MAMI: “It started vibrating on the commercial for Chips Ahoy! I don’t like the Enya song, so I couldn’t get into it.”

Miss Nina—“Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree” (LDS Primary School Song) CW: Let’s take it up a notch, girl. Look out the window of your mind. Tell me what you see. Yeah, on the tree. Just poppop-poppin’ right before your eyes. Sing along. I’ll join in after a couple lines. We’ll get us a nice round-robin goin’. Yeah, girl. You got a sweet spirit.

MAMI: “How was this supposed to get me hot?! Nothing.

Whatsoever.”

Toby Keith—“Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue” CW: Yee-haw! We been goin’ a whole lot longer than eight seconds—10 … 11 … I’m gonna light up your world like the Fourth of July. Whooooo! Tell me if you can feel the twang.

MAMI: “The Applebee’s commercial had some bass! It started out really boring because there’s not a lot happening in the a cappella part. I replayed the part with the helicopter sounds a few times. No, I did not feel the twang.”

Badfeather—“Sweat” CW: Here we go. Settlin’ into a groove. Feel that descending bass line workin’ its way down to your hips. Feel that marching groove? They’re really in the pocket. Wink.

This song sounds like porno music. What’s your favorite website, tenderoni?

MAMI: “You’re a dork. I listened to the whole song. Very good. My favorite part of the song is where it’s just the drums and bass and keyboards and he’s not singing. It sort of stutters, then has a long, strong vibration a few times in a row. I felt it in my toes.”

Insatiable—“GPC’s” CW: You can’t get enough, can you, skank? You see what I did, there? In ska, the way they dance is called skanking!

MAMI: “I remember dancing to this song at the Zephyr a long time ago. I just figured out that you can turn down the transmitter so you can feel different instruments instead of just the drums and bass.”

Baby Gurl—“American Wet Dream” CW: You wanna get kinky? These guys have no idea how—or even the inclination to—please a woman. But let’s see if music transcends preference.

MAMI: “What, do you mean they’re gay? This song really made the toy vibrate. I don’t like heavy metal, but I liked the swinging feel.”

Led Zeppelin—“Moby Dick” (drum solo only) CW: Skip to the drum solo at 1:07 and just ride it out, sweet thang.

MAMI: “I couldn’t feel it, so I had to play with the transmitter thing and go back to the start. He played for, like, 15 minutes! Sometimes he lost me when he slowed down, but the fast parts and the jazzy parts felt really good. I turned it upside-down so the clitorial stimulator hit me [someplace else].

I might be into drummers now.”

Skrillex—“Bangarang” CW: Oh, damn. It’s hot in here, girl. You got any water?

MAMI: “A lot of this song just felt like the vibrator was on the normal setting, like constant vibration. It felt really good after I turned it down. The wubwub-wub is nice.”

Night Ranger—“Sister Christian” CW: Skip to 2:30 for the guitar solo and big finish! “You’re motorin’! Dundundunh! Dun-duh-duh-dunh!” Did you feel the drama in how the song builds?

MAMI: “I felt the build. The whole song would probably work for me. I might try it on my own time.”

Final Thoughts: Our subject is a fan of the Freestyle W. “It’s soft, but also firm, and it’s not too big,” she says. “I like the replay value of the music setting, but I will like it more when I get to use it by myself. And you should have included a song for afterglow. Ladies like that.” CW

By David Riedel

Moulin Rouge!

E

ventually we die. And the people we love die. And if they don’t die, they disappoint us by electing Donald Trump—BECAUSE THE EMAILS— and make us want to kill ourselves.

The point is love stinks. (Yeah,

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 23

baked melodrama about love and time travel.

People and their ideals of romantic love suck.

An Affair to Remember (1957)—No jokes or yelling at the readership here. An Affair to Remember is undeniably moving and stars pros Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr as Nickie and Terry, two would-be lovers who meet on an ocean liner and promise to reconnect at the top of the Empire State building in six months if their feelings endure. They don’t meet for heartbreaking reasons, and eventually more is revealed. Sleepless in Seattle, a dung-infused stroll down amnesia lane, cribbed the Empire State plot point as homage, but it feels like a rip-off. Besides, who wants to see Meg Ryan fall in love with anyone other than Billy Crystal? Anyspray, they don’t make ’em like this anymore, and really, they didn’t make too many of ’em like this at all.

Moulin Rouge! (2001) and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)— On Feb. 15, Bohemian Brewery is sponsoring the Love Hurts Film Fest at Brewvies Cinema Pub (677 S. 200 West, Salt Lake City) from 7:30-11:30 p.m. (the flicks begin at 8). You must be at least 21 and there are draft specials—yay!

Note: I have nothing negative to express about these films because I’ve seen neither. Audiences seem to love Moulin Rouge! (but they love Transformers movies, too, so make your own assessment). A good friend and fellow film critic I trust ranks Scott Pilgrim vs. the World among his favorite films. Let’s call that a ringing endorsement!

So happy Valentine’s Day, I guess. Here’s hoping we survive until next year. CW

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(Ray Winstone is the absolute worst). How did she ever end up a critics’ darling? Plus, Shirley MacLaine’s character needs a punch in the throat. Barf. I hate this movie. Say it with me: LOVE STINKS. Leaving Las Vegas (1995) —I can’t get hard! Also I’m an alcoholic! I love you, hooker who understands me! There ya go: Capped in 15 words. Leaving Las Vegas (and Internal Affairs) made Mike Figgis a mainstream director for five minutes. Elisabeth Shue is excellent and Nicolas Cage puts his worst actorly impulses to the their best use. None of them ever did work this good again, even if Figgis’ follow-up One Night Stand is a near miss and Shue is better than Piranha 3D deserves.

Valentine’s Day (2010) —Just kidding!

Eff this movie.

The Notebook (2004)—Two assholes (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams) die together. That’s the plot. And seriously, their characters are terrible people. He’s basically a morose stalker (the worst kind of stalker) and she’s a jerk.

Gosling and McAdams age into James Garner and Gena Rowlands, and it makes me angry that James Garner and Gena Rowlands play assholes.

But watching these characters die is kind of poetic after what they put the audience through.

Somewhere in Time (1980) —This movie posits that death is better than living a full life if you can’t be with the person you love. I’ll soldier on with the booze, cigarettes and satanic music, thanks. At least Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour look very, very pretty in this over-

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) —This is not the Jarmuschiest of writer/director Jim Jarmusch’s movies. That honor belongs to The Limits of Control. But OLLA sure has its moments, with silent drives through a decaying city (Detroit), droning music and vampires Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston ruminating on love and despair. Bonus: It’s not a stupid vampire movie. Watch it, or watch Jarmusch’s current release, Paterson, which is a beautiful story about a poet, his wife, his friends and their dog.

My Girl (1991) —If you don’t cry when Macaulay Culkin is bee-stung to death (SPOILER!), you’re a monster. In other news, I’m a monster. This movie is guaranteed to make you hate love because it’s A. bad but 2. thinks it tells an important story about love and friendship. It doesn’t. It’s an insipid movie about insipid kids with Dan Aykroyd as a bumbling father.

Love Story (1970) —Love means never having to say you’re sorry, but the person who wrote that dumb line didn’t drag his date to Love Story. My advice: Apologize profusely to whomever you make watch this maudlin pap.

Somehow Ryan O’Neal had a career throughout the 1970s after this flimsy story was released and became a big hit. Ali MacGraw dies of an unnamed blood disease, by the way (SPOILER HA HA THIS MOVIE IS 47 YEARS OLD). No, really, their characters are dicks.

Terms of Endearment (1983) —I first saw this movie when I was 10. I might be the only person who was rooting for cancer. God, Debra Winger is the second worst actor alive

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Dying Young (1991) —This is the last movie Julia Roberts made before her first selfimposed break from acting. When she came back, she made The Pelican Brief, a piece of garbage from a once-great director, Alan J. Pakula (The Parallax View, All the President’s Men). Anyway, Joel Schumacher, who has a spotty résumé at best, directed Dying Young, in which the main characters (Roberts and Campbell Scott) DO NOT die young. IT’S CALLED DYING YOUNG, DAMN IT. I WANT SOME DEATH. Anyone who willingly watches this barf fest deserves to die young. YEAH, I SAID IT. Truly, Madly, Deeply (1990) —What’s worse than your boyfriend dying young? How about your dead boyfriend returning to you, living in your home and all the while telling you how cold he is? Jamie (Alan Rickman) is the dead boyfriend, and Nina (Juliet Stevenson) is the mourning girlfriend. One night, Jamie shows up as a ghost. And it’s great! Until it isn’t.

He invites over some ghost friends and gradually makes Nina’s life unbearable. The ending is bittersweet, as is the entire film. Writer/director Anthony Minghella moved on to bigger tearjerkers later with The English Patient.

My Bloody Valentine (1981) —This one pops up on nearly every list I make, and beware: It’s 1. a really, really gory horror movie and B. Canadian, so all the actors have absurd accents.

There’s an unrated version available on DVD. And yes, terrible things are done to many cast members’ hearts throughout; it’s gnarly, man.

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The Notebook

LUMIERE PICTURES

Leaving Las Vegas

RECORDED PICTURE CO.

Only Lovers Left Alive

Hopefully you’ll get bent. Then dumped.

After said dumping, you can watch any one of the following 14 movies to take your mind off the fact that you’re a tiny, loathsome person in a world that doesn’t give a shit about you.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Go screw yourself.

each Friday night. And did I forget to buy product X for Valentine’s Day? Because some group of advertisers told me I need to buy it and gift it (that’s a marketing term!) so that I may appropriately express my affection to my partner! Heavens to Betsy, what shall I do?”

FOGWOOD FILMS

Dying Young

yeah.) Love will let you down, and Valentine’s Day is the dumbest reminder ever that we care more about marketing than we do celebrating our loved ones daily.

“Oh, no,” you say. “Not me. I tell my wife each morning I love her and I rub her feet

20TH CENTURY FOX

Love Stinks And then you die.

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24 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

Utah Symphony: Jerry Herman: The Broadway Legacy Name the most prolific composers in Broadway history and inevitably Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim, Lerner & Lowe and Rodgers & Hammerstein quickly come to mind. But let’s not forget another American master: Jerry Herman. Broadway buffs would certainly cite Mack and Mabel, La Cage Aux Folles, Mame and Hello, Dolly! as some of the most successful shows of all time, and the songs they introduced remain among the most memorable entries in the Great American Songbook. Consider this: When Louis Armstrong recorded “Hello Dolly” in 1964, it not only made it to No. 1 on the pop charts, but also knocked The Beatles from the top slot.

Not surprisingly, Herman’s no slouch when it comes to reaping awards and recognition.

He’s one of only two composers to have three of his musicals reach more than 1,500 consecutive Broadway performances. Nominated for five Tony Awards over the course of his career, he’s taken home two. In 2009, he was accorded a Tony Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Theater, and a year later, he was celebrated with the prestigious Kennedy Center Honors.

It’s fitting then that the Utah Symphony, under the baton of conductor Randall Craig Fleischer, should salute Herman’s remarkable legacy. Six vocalists share the stage, offering up heartfelt highlights from Herman’s heyday on the Broadway stage and beyond. (Lee Zimmerman) Utah Symphony: Jerry Herman: The Broadway Legacy @ Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Feb. 10-11, 7:30 p.m., $39$65, utahsymphony.org

FRIDAY 2.10

SATURDAY 2.11

The Sleeping Beauty ballet is a classic: tutus, tiaras and long mime sequences, held together with a touching love story. What else would you expect, after all, from a princess fairy tale?

The Sleeping Beauty showcases depth of talent from the entire company—there are just so many characters. In this version from Artistic Director Adam Sklute created in 2011, there are no less than six fairies: Kindness, Joy, Beauty, Temperament and the evil Carabosse, known as Fairy of Jealousy. Then there are the princess Aurora’s (Sleeping Beauty) suitors: the Princes of the North, South, West and East, each dressed in clothing to signify their origin, and each with a dazzling moment on stage. Though we love seeing the principal dancers, it’s nice to get a good look at the other talent every once in a while.

It’s been almost 130 years since The Sleeping Beauty was first staged, adapted from the 1697 Charles Perrault tale The Sleeping Beauty in the Wood. Tchaikovsky wrote the music and Marius Petipa choreographed the dances; they also famously collaborated on The Nutcracker and Swan Lake. And while February might seem an appropriate month for a revival of this love story, there’s another great reason Ballet West is bringing it to audiences now: This month marks the 80th anniversary of The Sleeping Beauty’s debut in the United States, at the Philadelphia Ballet in February 1937. (Katherine Pioli) Ballet West: The Sleeping Beauty @ Capitol Theater, 50 W. 200 South, 801355-2787, Feb 10-26, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday matinees, 2 p.m., $32-$110, artsaltlake.org

In the land of comedians with news-related shows, Bill Maher’s desk sits on the edge of a massive gorge, where he jetisons everyone in politics while teetering on the brink of falling himself.

HBO audiences see this great balancing act in every season of Real Time with Bill Maher, as he bashes American stupidity on both sides of the aisle. For every person who loves him for creating dialogue about equality and opportunity in a country so fixated on stripping both away, there are just as many who hate his guts for mocking religion and the new administration.

In his most recent monologue on Real Time, Maher opens by saying, “It’s Day 7 in the War on Facts. What the fuck is going on?”—pouring equal amounts of sincerity and empathy into a moment when a good portion of his viewing audience is genuinely scared of what’s to come.

And rather than bowing down to pressure and admitting everything sucks, he pushes on as a liberal (sometimes libertarian) hero to condemn poor decisions, while still playing the role of a comedian by taking jabs at executive orders and assuring everyone things can get better.

Maher regularly performs at sold-out shows in Las Vegas and frequently tours major theaters around the country. He brings his everchanging stand-up routine to Salt Lake City— leaving a crowd that’s likely going to be half pissed at him and half praising his opinions before the evening is done. (Gavin Sheehan) Bill Maher @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Feb. 11, 8 p.m., sold out, broadway-at-the-eccles.com

Ballet West: The Sleeping Beauty

NASA GODDARD SPACE FLIGHT CTR.

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LUKE ISLEY

RENÉE HUANG

FRIDAY 2.10

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, FEBRUARY 9-15

DAVID BECKER

ESSENTIALS

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Bill Maher

WEDNESDAY 2.15

Neil deGrasse Tyson: An Astrophysicist Goes to the Movies Don’t you hate it when some blowhard has to take all the fun out of things like religion (You mean popcorn doesn’t pop on apricot trees?!) and movies? What happened to suspension of disbelief?

Well, if that blowhard—as climate-change deniers and other delusionals like to call him—is astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, it’s actually a good thing. We are dealing with a badass over here, a brilliant man with a knack for making science relatable and an engaging and an edifying way of poking holes in things.

Although he’ll most certainly throw shade at Mormonism during this show, Tyson’s focus is on film in a lecture called An Astrophysicist Goes to the Movies. Did you ever wonder if telephone booth time travel as seen in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure was possible? Or what’s in the Pulp Fiction briefcase? What about the fast-moving, human-liquifying virus like the one in Cabin Fever (i-i-is that a thing?). It’s hard to know if he’ll answer these questions, but one can hope (Tyson does cover at least one of these).

It’s more likely that we’ll hear about sciencefiction films, since NdT’s thing is blasting fiction with facts and grooving on scientific truths. But science applies to everything, so expect Tyson to cover some rather unexpected movies, including an animated family film and a maudlin James Cameron blockbuster, as he demonstrates—to paraphrase a Tyson-centric meme—that people don’t think the movies be like they are, but they do. (Randy Harward) Neil deGrasse Tyson: An Astrophysicist Goes to the Movies @ Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, 7:30 p.m., $150, live-at-the-eccles.com

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big SHINY ROBOT

Doing the Robot

HBO’s Westworld digs into real-world consequences of virtual behavior.

BY BRYAN YOUNG comments@cityweekly.net @swankmotron

S

eeing the end of Game of Thrones on the horizon, HBO greenlit a number of other television series that it hoped to fill that void, and one of them was Westworld.

I’m not sure anyone looked back at Michael Crichton’s 1973 movie and thought it was particularly relevant to today’s culture, but the show-runners have decided to prove us all wrong.

Westworld has a lot to say—and I think the things it has to say about video-game culture and the treatment of artificial intelligence are fascinating.

For those not in the know, the titular Westworld is a theme park where robots (called “hosts”) are put into all manner of situations to create stories for human visitors to participate in. The park experience depends greatly on the interests of the person visiting. Want to bring the kids and go panning for gold and get a sense of wholesome Western life? Westworld has that. Want to go on an indiscriminate spree of murder and rape? Well, it has that, too.

That premise raises an interesting question: Does acting on these impulses in fictional situations—be it a robotic themepark simulation or a video game—cause us to act this way in real life? Or do they offer us a safe space in which to act upon these impulses, see how they feel and then put them back to bed when we return to real life?

It’s a fascinating exploration, but social science has told us that there is no correlation between video games and real-world violence. Would making that violence three-dimensional—and in a way where the verisimilitude is so great that one can’t always tell fact from fiction—increase the chances of violent behavior in the real world? I’m not sure.

It’s enough, though, to ask if Westworld

James Marsden and Evan Rachel Wood in Westworld is simply a work of fiction that plays to cultural stereotypes about gaming and gamers.

Though Crichton himself has been dead for almost a decade, Westworld certainly bears a hallmark of his, and that’s the idea that technology is bad. This is something I don’t agree with, even though I love the work his world-view produces. Jurassic Park is an entire saga warning about delving too deeply into the science that made it possible to clone dinosaurs. In The Andromeda Strain, we were terrified that contact with aliens would kill us all. But Westworld in the absence of Crichton handles this theme better; it struggles with finding that answer as much as we do.

Soon enough, Westworld becomes about bigger, more important things. Yes, the effect of video-game culture on society is something that’s been steadily building over the past three decades, but robots and artificial intelligence raise many more unanswered moral and ethical questions.

These ideas are what the makers of the show seem more eager to explore, and after one season, boy, do they make you think.

Although it doesn’t package the story as tightly as, say, 2015’s Ex Machina, the overall sweep of the first season addresses just as many complex questions. One of the most challenging examples happens in the first episode, and I’m still struggling with it. I don’t particularly like to see rape as a tool of a story under any circumstances, but the use of it here—on a robot who looks like a woman—makes you consider whether there’s a difference in the severity of the crime.

Ultimately, I don’t think there is, but I arrived at that conclusion after agonizing over the idea from the time I first watched the pilot. Just because an object is programmed to act like a woman doesn’t mean it’s OK to treat it like an object. If we treat avatars of women as objects, is that going to contribute to negative consequences in real life? I think so. I don’t think there’s any doubt that features like this in video games, although they might not lead directly to something as horrific as rape, certainly contribute to its culture and objectification of women. Westworld has forced me to reevaluate all of that, and wonder what we should do about such a thing. And I think I’m better for it.

If you can make it past that incident in the first episode, I would say stick with Westworld. It’s chock full of philosophical discussions worth having. CW

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Pioneer Theatre Co.’s Loge Gallery (300 S. 1400 East, pioneertheatre.org) presents collections of work by Utah artists Doug Braithwaite and George Handrahan (Braithwaite’s “Just Down the Street” is pictured) in the joint exhibit Masters at Work: Two Utah Icons Come Together, on display during PTC’s production of Women in Jeopardy! Feb. 10-25.

PERFORMANCE THEATER

Ballet West: The Sleeping Beauty Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South, 801-355-2787, Feb. 10-26, balletwest.org (see p. 24)

CLASSICAL & SYMPHONY

Utah Symphony: Jerry Herman: The Broadway Legacy Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, Feb. 10-11, 7:30 p.m., $39-$65, utahsymphony.org (see p. 24)

COMEDY & IMPROV

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 27

Bill Maher Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 385-468-1010, Feb. 11, 8 p.m., artsaltlake.org (see p. 24) Heather McDonald Wiseguys, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Feb. 10-11, 7 & 9:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com ImprovBroadway 496 N. 900 East, Provo, 909-260-2509, Saturdays, 8 p.m., improvbroadway.com Improv Comedy Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., ogdencomedyloft.com Laughing Stock Improv The Off Broadway Theatre, 272 S. Main, Salt Lake City, 801-355-4628, Fridays & Saturdays, 10 p.m., laughingstock.us Off the Wall Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801-5724144, Saturdays, 10:30 p.m., drapertheatre.org Open-Mic Night Wiseguys SLC, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Wednesdays, 7:30 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Quick Wits Comedy 695 W. Center St., Midvale, 801-824-0523, Saturdays, 10 p.m., qwcomedy.com Random Tangent Comedy Improv Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, 801572-4144, Saturdays, 10 p.m., drapertheatre.org Sasquatch Cowboy The Comedy Loft, 3934 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 435-327-8273, Saturdays, 9:30 p.m., ogdencomedyloft.com Shawn Paulsen Wiseguys, 269 25th St., Ogden, 801-622-5588, Feb. 10-11, 8 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com Steve Soelberg Wiseguys, 194 S. 400 West, Salt Lake City, 801-532-5233, Feb. 14, 7 p.m., wiseguyscomedy.com

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The Comedy of Errors The Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State, 801-957-3322, through Feb. 25, times vary, grandtheatrecompany.com Disney’s The Little Mermaid Draper Historic Theatre, 12366 S. 900 East, Draper, Feb. 10-March 4, 7 p.m.; Feb. 25 matinee, 2 p.m., drapertheatre.org Dogfight Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, 801581-7100, 2 & 7:30 p.m., through Feb. 19, theatre.utah.edu Harbur Gate Salt Lake Acting Co., 168 W. 500 North, 801-363-7522, through March 12, saltlakeactingcompany.org The Importance of Being Earnest Brigham’s Playhouse, 25 N. 300 West, Building C1, Washington, 435-251-8000, through Feb. 18, Thursday-Saturday, 7 p.m.; Saturday matinee, 2 p.m., brighamsplayhouse.com Indiana Bones: Raiders of the Wall Mart Desert Star Playhouse, 4861 S. State, Murray, 801-2662600, through March 18, times vary, desertstar.biz Live Museum Theater Natural History Museum of Utah, 301 Wakara Way, 801-581-6927, through April 15, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., nhmu.utah.edu The Magic Show Utah Children’s Theatre, 3605 S. State, 801-532-6000, through Feb. 25, times vary, uctheatre.org The Marvelous Wonderettes Beverly’s Terrace Plaza Playhouse, 99 E. 4700 South, Washington Terrace, 801-393-0700, through Feb. 11, Friday & Saturday, 7:30 p.m., terraceplayhouse.com The Mountaintop Good Company Theatre, 260 25th St., Ogden, 801-564-0288, Feb. 10-26, FridaySaturday, 8 p.m.; Saturday-Sunday, 4 p.m., goodcotheatre.com Peter and the Starcatchers Hale Center Theater, 225 W. 400 North, Orem, 801-226-8600, Feb. 16-April 8, times vary, haletheater.org Romeo and Juliet Grassroots Shakespeare, The Clubhouse, 850 E. South Temple, Feb. 11, 13 & 14, 7:30 p.m., grassrootsshakespeare.com Women In Jeopardy! Pioneer Theatre Co., 300 S. 1400 East, 801-581-6961, Feb. 11-25, MondayThursday, 7 p.m.; Friday-Saturday, 7:30 p.m., Saturday matinees, 2 p.m., pioneertheatre.org

DANCE

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Victoria Aveyard & Sophie Jordan: The King’s Cage & Rise of Fire The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Feb. 10, 7 p.m., kingsenglish.com Carma B. Sirrine: 10 Secrets For a Happy Marriage: Successful Stories From Real-Life Couples Barnes & Noble, 801-261-4040, 5249 S. State Street, Murray, Feb 11, noon-4 p.m., barnesandnoble.com Steph Jagger: Unbound: A Story of Snow and Self-Discovery The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Feb. 11, 2 p.m., kingsenglish.com Mark Z. Danielewski: The Familiar: Hades The King’s English Bookshop, 1511 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9100, Feb 13, kingsenglish.com

SPECIAL EVENTS FESTIVALS & FAIRS

Tahoe Adventure Film Festival Brewvies Cinema Pub, 677 S. 200 West, Feb. 11, 7 p.m., laketahoefilmfestival.com

TALKS & LECTURES

Neil DeGrasse Tyson: An Astrophysicist Goes to the Movies Eccles Theater, 131 S. Main, 801-355-2787, Feb. 15, 7:30 p.m., live-at-the-eccles.com (see p. 24) Making Room for Wild Critters in Utah Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-0898, Feb. 15, 7 p.m., slcpl.org

VISUAL ART GALLERIES & MUSEUMS

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Amy Caron: Angel Series Corinne & Jack Sweet Library, 455 F St., 801-594-8651, through Feb. 25, slcpl.org Andy White Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Feb. 21, redbuttegarden.org/andy-white Be It Ever So Humble Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 South, West Valley, 801-9655100, through March 1, culturalcelebration.org Benjamin Cook: Allure of the Mountains Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-5948623, through Feb. 28, slcpl.org Bill Reed: Kinda Blue Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-4088, through Feb. 11, artatthemain.com Brent Hale: Creatures of Imagination Art at the Main, 210 E. 400 South, Feb. 13-March 11, artatthemain.com Christopher Boffoli: Food for Thought Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435-6498882, through March 19, kimballartcenter.org Collect Alice Gallery, 617 E. South Temple, 801274-7270, through March 20, heritage.utah.gov Benjamin Cook: Allure of the Mountains Chapman Library, 577 S. 900 West, 801-5948623, through Feb. 28, slcpl.org Bill Reed: Kinda Blue Art at the Main 210 E. 400 South, 801-363-4088, through Feb. 11, artatthemain.com Deborah Hake Brinckerhoff and Dan Toone Phillips Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, 801-3648284, through Feb. 10, phillips-gallery.com

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

Doug Braithwaite and George Handrahan Pioneer Theatre, 300 S 1400 East, 801-581-6961, Feb. 10-25, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., pioneertheatre.org (see p. 27) Ed Bateman Phillips Gallery Dibble Gallery, 444 E. 200 South, 801-364-8284, through Feb. 10, phillips-gallery.com En Plein Air: Levi Jackson and Adam Bateman Rio Gallery, 300 S. Rio Grande St., through March 10, heritage.utah.gov Erin D. Coleman: In the Distance from Here to My Heart SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org Fabricated: Recent works by John O’Connell “A” Gallery, 1321 S. 2100 East, 801-583-4800, through Feb. 28, agalleryonline.com The Future Isn’t What It Used to Be Street + Codec Gallery, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through May 13, free, utahmoca.org Garish Salt Lake City Main Library Canteena, 210 E. 400 South, Level 2, through Feb. 10, slcpl.org H. James Stewart: The Wall Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801-596-5000, through Feb. 24, saltlakearts.org Home!/?: Paintings of Life in Foster Care Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, Ste. 125, 801328-0703, through Feb. 10, accessart.org Howard Brough Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801-596-5000, through Feb. 24, saltlakearts.org Imagining Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through April 15, utahmoca.org John Sproul Finch Lane Gallery, 54 Finch Lane, 801-596-5000, through Feb. 24, saltlakearts.org Jordan Brun: Garish SLC Main Library, Level 2, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 10, slcpl.org Kay Miner Red Butte Garden, 300 Wakara Way, 801-585-0556, through Feb. 26, redbuttegarden.org Lindsay Daniels: Nepal Rises Sprague Library, 2131 S. 1100 East, 801-594-8640, through March 18, slcpl.org Micheal Jensen: Where Is My Mind Salt Lake City Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-594-8680, through March 3, Monday-Saturday, slcpl.org/events Nocona Burgess: The Legendary Plains Modern West Fine Art, 177 E. 200 South, 801355-3383, through Feb. 11, modernwestfineart.com Only God Can Judge Me Utah Museum of Contemporary Art Projects Gallery, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through March 18, utahmoca.org Resiliency: SLC Ronald McDonald House Art Access Gallery, 230 S. 500 West, Ste. 125, 801328-0703, through Feb. 10, accessart.org Rona Pondick & Robert Feintuch: Heads, hands, feet; sleeping, holding, dreaming, dying Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple, 801-328-4201, through July 15, utahmoca.org Thirty-Three: Celebrating 33 Years of the Independent Spirit & Sundance Film Festival Kimball Art Center, 1401 Kearns Blvd., Park City, 435649-8882, through Feb. 12, kimballartcenter.org Vatsala Soni Ranjan: Spirit Animals DayRiverside Library, 1575 W. 1000 North, 801-5948632, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org/events Wayne L. Geary: Topographies SLC Main Library, 210 E. 400 South, 801-524-8200, through Feb. 24, slcpl.org/events World of the Wild Art Show Hogle Zoo, 2600 E. Sunnyside Ave., 801-584-1700, through March 12, Monday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-3:30 p.m., hoglezoo.org

DINE

VALENTINE’S DAY

Courses with Cupid Where to dine in and out on Valentine’s Day.

BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

AUSTIN DIAMOND

S

Tony Caputo’s Cheese Cave

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 29

course dinner tasting menu with optional wine pairings ($40 food; $25 wine) is in order. The menu includes a cheese board for the table, lamb meatballs with shitake and oyster mushroom cream sauce, stuffed zucchini with farmer’s cheese, grilled quail, seared albacore tuna with späetzle, braised beef short rib and chocolate cheesecake with berry sauce.

What could be sexier than a taste of Brazil? Tucanos Brazilian Grill (162 S. 400 West, 801-456-2550, tucanos.com) is the Rio way to the heart for this Valentine’s Day with their special lovers menu and fresh flowers for every table. The $29.95-per-person, all-day menu features Tucanos normal churrasco feast complete with hot and cold buffet, plus special additions like rosemary herbed salmon, roasted rib eye, grilled shrimp and chocolate Brazilian truffle.

My ultimate indulgence would probably be an intimate picnic at home. For that, I’d first raid the cheese cave at Tony Caputo’s Market & Deli (314 W. 300 South, 801-531-8669, caputosdeli.com) for some cave-aged taleggio, forteto boschetto tartufo, testun al barolo and Igor gorgonzola piccante cheeses, plus some of Spain’s incredible Fermín acorn-fed, free-range Ibérico ham and a terrine of Three Little Pigs Mousse Royal. And while I’m there, I’ll pick up a fresh truffle to grate over a helping of bronze-cut pasta from Maestri. Since the chocolate selection at Caputo’s is second to none—housing some 400 different choices—finding the perfect chocolate will be a slam-dunk. Throw in a trip to the wine store for a bottle of Moët & Chandon Rosé Imperial Champagne, Saved “Magic Maker” Rosé, Loveblock Pinot Noir or LaurentPerrier Cuvée Rosé, and Cupid’s arrows will be a-flying. CW

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great place to shop. And, speaking of fresh, at the Oasis Café (151 S. 500 East, 801-3220404, oasiscafeslc.com)—which specializes in fresh, healthy fare—you can get a four-course dinner for $40. Choose from dishes like ahi tartare-stuffed Campari tomato, pan-roasted halibut, seared beef tenderloin and pistachio cheesecake.

From Feb. 11-14, Pago (878 S. 900 East, 801-532-0777, pagoslc.com) features a fivecourse dinner tasting menu for couples ($75 food per-person; wine pairings $42) with options ranging from beet soup, pork belly with strawberries and steak tartare, to honey-ginger glazed duck breast, curried cauliflower and Rioja-poached pasta, all with wines specially selected to pair with each dish.

For a virtual Valentine’s trip to the City of Light (and love), look no further than La St. Valentin à Paris at The Paris (1500 S. 1500 East, 801-486-5585, theparis.net). The “Magnifique” five-course menu ($89.95) offers choices like Thai-spiced Alaskan King crab, grilled Canadian lobster tail, pan-roasted Chilean sea bass, seared Muscovy duck breast, French-style surf and turf and crépes Suzette.

If a jaunt to Italy is more up your alley, enjoy dinner with your love at Stanza Italian Bistro & Wine Bar (454 E. 300 South, 801746-4441, stanzaslc.com). Their Valentine’s feast ($65) includes buttermilk panna cotta, Alaskan King crab with saffron-fennelcitrus sauce, black truffle spaghettini with leek-butter infusion, blood orange with black olive and candied walnut intermezzo, porcini-dusted New York strip loin with Barolo glaze and a special dessert surprise.

This is the first V-Day at Stanza since opening, and operations manager Hillary Merrill promises “great Italian food in a stunning, dramatic setting.”

Over at Trestle Tavern (1513 S. 1500 East, 801-532-3372, trestletavern.com) a four-

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

econd only to Mother’s Day is Valentine’s Day in popularity for dining out. It’s a big deal. So, if you’re planning on cuisine with Cupid, you damn well better book a reservation. Here are some spots that are featuring special menus and prices, as well as some suggestions for hosting your honey at home.

Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any other, one of my true loves is carnitas, and one sure way to my heart is El Cabrito (956 W. 1000 North, 801-363-2645) in Rose Park, where you can pick up a pound of incredible pork carnitas—already cooked and ready to eat—for a mere $6. Or, consider El Día del Amor y la Amistad (the day of love and friendship) fare at Alamexo (268 S. State, 801-779-4747, alamexo.com) from Feb. 14-18, featuring regional Mexican dinner specials.

Chef Andy Morrison at Caffe Niche (779 E. 300 South, 801-433-3380, caffeniche.com) celebrates with a four-course, $45 menu featuring choices like French onion beef tenderloin, lobster sliders and wild mushroom bisque. A little further west, at Current Fish & Oyster (279 E. 300 South, 801-3263474, currentfishandoyster), chef Phelix Gardner’s four-course, $70 dinner offers selections such as whole branzino, beef short rib with lobster croquettes, a seafood tower, oysters on the half-shell, beef tartare, crab cakes and many others. Stay-in seafood lovers would be wise to raid the fresh selection at Aquarius Fish Co. (314 W. 300 South, 801-533-5653, aquariusfish.com) for an inhome seafood extravaganza.

East Liberty Tap House (850 E. 900 South, 801-441-2845, eastlibertytaphouse.com) isn’t exactly on board with Valentine’s Day. With tongue firmly in cheek, they’re throwing a Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.) bash, and a chance to “escape all the mushy-ness around town” with anti-Cupid garlic soup, singleserving desserts and sloppy dishes like lamb and mushroom sandwiches.

Finca (327 W. 200 South, 801-487-0699, fincaslc.com) offers a dine-in option—a six-course dinner ($65 food; $36 wine)—or a take-home tasting menu, which includes paella, for $29-$34 per person (two-person minimum). To stock up on Spanish provisions like bomba rice, jamón, olive oils and smoked pimiento for an at-home fiesta, Liberty Heights Fresh (1290 S. 1100 East, 801-583-7374, libertyheightsfresh.com) is a

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

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30 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

FOOD MATTERS

BY TED SCHEFFLER @critic1

NIKI CHAN

Your love deserves more than 1 day of celebration!

You know how our food makes you feel...

Come Often!!!

LUNCH • DINNER • COCKTAILS

CONTEMPORARY JAPANESE DINING 18 MARKET STREET • 801.519.9595

Spreading the Love

Looking for a delicious, artisan treat for your valentine? Ditch the crappy box of chocolates and look no further than Amour Spreads (amourspreads.com).

It’s marmalade season, and this local company now sells flavors like blood orange rosemary, Meyer lemon rose geranium and ruby red grapefruit. Inventory is running low on out-of-season spreads like marionberry, heirloom satsuma plum, apricot rose, olallieberry and my favorite, pear lavender, so get them while you can. It’ll be a while before those flavors return.

Cooking Class Cuddles

Here’s another fun idea for a romantic gift or an anytime excuse to cook with your special someone. The Salt Lake Culinary Center (2233 S. 300 East, 801464-0113, saltlakeculinarycenter.com) hosts frequent “Date Night” classes “designed for couples who like to put some spice in their cooking.” Upcoming courses include The Ultimate Surf and Turf on Feb. 9, a sushi-making class and Turn Up the Heat on Feb. 10, Playing with Fire! Feb. 11, Some Enchanted Eating on Feb. 16 and Hibachi Steakhouse on Feb. 24. Valentine’s Day at Salt Lake Culinary Center is reconfigured as “Galentine’s” for the Girls Night Out: French Bistro class, where a “modern, sexy menu” is prepared for BGFs to enjoy. The organizers say, “This class will be taught shirtless by a witty, dashing, CrossFit-training, talented chef.”

Award Winning Donuts

705 S. 700 E. | (801) 537-1433

Under-the-Wire V-Day Entrées

We received last-minute info for holiday specials just before press time from SLC POP, which hosts a pre-Valentine’s Day dinner at the Red Moose on Feb. 11 (tickets at slcpop.com). Also, Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar (20 S. 400 West, 801-355-3704, flemingssteakhouse.com) offers a V-Day prix fixe menu from Feb. 10-19. A threecourse menu is featured, starting at $79.95 per guest. Begin the evening with an amuse-bouche and choice of salad, followed by an 8-ounce cut of tender filet mignon, accompanied by either New Zealand Ora King salmon or Australian lobster tail. Round out dinner at Fleming’s with wines by Jean-Charles Boisset and finish on a sweet note with raspberry white chocolate bread pudding.

Quote of the week: “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it had to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”

—Ursula K. Le Guin

Food Matters 411: tscheffler@cityweekly.net

Pick up the NEW issue of Devour Utah

Go to devourutah.com for pick up locations.

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 31

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32 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

BEER, WINE & SPIRITS

A Kiss on the Lips

Try these sensuous cocktails for Valentine’s Day or any time.

BY TED SCHEFFLER tscheffler@cityweekly.net @critic1

V

alentine’s Day is about nothing if not excess and indulgence. On that day each year, we splurge on chocolates, Champagne, gifts and special drinks and dinners to enjoy with our lovers. And so, it’s the perfect excuse to go all-out with sexy and sensuous cocktails—ones that might not improve your aim, but will help Cupid’s. Here are a few good ones, using locally produced booze and bitters when possible.

We don’t normally think of James Bond as a sadsack. But the Vesper cocktail he invents in Casino Royale is actually named for a long-lost love. Kina Lillet isn’t available anymore, but you can substitute Lillet Blanc, along with your favorite gin and vodka. In an ice-filled cocktail shaker, pour 3 ounces of Beehive Distilling Jack

Rabbit Gin, 1 ounce of Rocky Mountain Distilling Kid Curry Vodka or Five Wives Vodka and 1/2 ounce of Lillet Blanc. Shake until ice cold, strain into a Champagne coupe or martini glass and garnish with a lemon slice.

The Hanky Panky is a classic cocktail dating back to 1925, usually credited to Ada “Coley” Coleman, who headed up the American Bar in London’s Savoy Hotel. The original recipe calls for Fernet Branca, but you could substitute a splash of Utah bitters. Here’s the recipe: In a mixing glass with ice, stir together 1 ½ ounces of gin, 1 ½ ounces of sweet vermouth and two dashes of Fernet Branca or Beehive Bitters Spiced Orange Cocktail Bitters. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with an orange twist.

For a drink that flies in the face of pink- and rose-colored libations, try the neon Sex in the Driveway made with Blue Curaçao. It couldn’t be simpler to concoct. In a highball glass filled with crushed ice, pour 1 ounce of peach schnapps, 1 ounce of Blue Curaçao, 2 ounces of Sugar House Distillery Vodka or Silver Rum (your choice) and top it off with Sprite or lemon-lime sparkling water. Stir and garnish with a lemon wheel.

The Moradita—a beet-infused margarita—is most closely associated with New York City’s Gotham Bar & Grill, one of my old haunts. Here’s

DRINK

how it’s made: In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, pour 1 ½ ounces of either jalapeño-infused Dulce Vida tequila or Utah-made Vida Tequila Blanco, and a couple dashes of Bitter Lab Habanero-Lime Bitters, along with 3/4 ounce of lime juice, 3/4 ounce of triple sec and 2 teaspoons of beet purée. Shake well and strain into a Nick & Nora martini glass.

Jeff Faile of Casa Luca in Washington, D.C., created the Il Palio cocktail—an innovative drink that makes use of blood red Campari ice cubes which slowly melt and turn the cocktail from a Manhattan into a Boulevardier. Here’s how to do it: Begin ahead of time by making ice cubes—combine 3/4 ounce of Campari with 2 ounces of water and freeze in a square ice mold. Once frozen, place two Campari ice cubes into a rocks glass and pour 2 ounces of High West Distillery American Prairie Bourbon, 1 ounce of sweet vermouth and a dash of Beehive Bitters Spiced Orange Cocktail Bitters. Garnish with an orange twist and watch the cocktail slowly morph as the Campari ice melts.

From Joe Reiser—formerly of Los Angeles’ nowdefunct Woo Lae Oak restaurant—comes the luscious French Cosmo. It’s as easy to make as it is gorgeous. In an ice-filled shaker or mixing glass, combine 3 ounces of pineapple juice, 1 ½ ounces of your favorite vodka (such as Kid Curry, Five Wives or Sugar House Distillery) and 1/2 ounce of crème de cassis. Strain into a chilled, stemmed glass and garnish with a pineapple slice. Enjoy! CW

Food You Will LOVE

GOODEATS Complete listings at cityweekly.net Featuring dining destinations from buffets and rooms with a view to mom-and-pop joints, chic cuisine and some of our dining critic’s faves.

HSL

Salt Lake City’s HSL is the latest installment from partners Melissa Gray and Meagan Nash, the same proprietors behind Handle in Park City. The concept behind HSL—which has since burst onto the robust downtown dining scene—is to incorporate locally grown and produced food into a dining experience second to none. Choose from savory options like steelhead trout, a beef cheek burger and grilled flap steak. 418 E. 200 South, 801-539-9999, hslrestaurant.com

Mazza

italianvillageslc.com U TA H

O R IGI N A L

S I N C E

1 9 6 8

5370 S. 900 E. MURRAY, UT

Riverhorse on Main

Riverhorse on Main is a pioneering eatery of sorts: Established in 1987, it was one of the first fine-dining restaurants to enter the competitive Park City market. The craftily prepared meals look almost like artwork, and the ultra slick and modern interior is equally impressive. As far as the fare goes, there’s something special about the grilled local rack of lamb, served with cumin-scented couscous, honey, cucumbermint relish and cauliflower. 540 Main, Park City, 435-649-3536, riverhorseparkcity.com

AWARD WINNING INDIAN CUISINE

Tin Angel

Beer & Wine

THE OTHER PLACE

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

MON - SAT 7AM - 11PM SUN 8AM - 10PM 469 EAST 300 SOUTH | 521-6567

Tony Chen and Tina Yu’s sushi restaurant is one of the hottest and bustling establishments in Ogden. The extensive tapas list includes a delicious gyoza plate (pot stickers with sesame-seed vinaigrette), Brussels sprouts and agedashi tofu, to name a few. Not into sharing? The bento boxes are bountiful and beautiful, as are the traditional sushi rolls. The eatery also has a sizable sake and wine list. 210 25th Street, Ogden, 801-622-8662, tonarestaurant.com

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 33

RESTAURANT

Tona

| CITY WEEKLY |

Lunch & Dinner

HOMEMADE SOUP • GREEK SPECIALS GREEK SALADS • HOT OR COLD SANDWICHES KABOBS • PASTA • FISH • STEAKS • CHOPS GREEK PLATTERS & GREEK DESSERTS

INDIAPALACEUTAH.COM 1086 WEST SOUTH JORDAN PARKWAY (10500 S.) #111 | 801.302.0777

Breakfast

OMELETTES | PANCAKES • GREEK SPECIALTIES

Tin Angel integrates a fun, lively ambiance with quality local ingredients and creative dishes, making the perfect atmosphere for first daters. The familyrun restaurant has found the recipe for success with their specialty tapas, such as the Moroccan-spiced shrimp skewer, spiced almonds and gorgonzola, and white-bean hummus. In warm weather, the patio is a great place to take in the neighborhood sights and sounds. 365 W. 400 South, Salt Lake City, 801-328-4155, thetinangel.com

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E

E TO THE GRE M T E K!

G

80 1 . 2 6 6 . 4 1 8 2 / H O U R S : M O N -T H U 11a -11p F R I - S AT 1 1 a - 1 2 a / S U N 3 p - 1 0p

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A

Mazza offers an assortment of Middle Eastern cuisine such as lamb and rice dolaa, musakhan, shawarma and kebabs, delectable baked kafta, maghmoor and much more. Owner Ali Sabbah takes pride in keeping his restaurants authentic, so the food and service is always top-notch. It wouldn’t be complete without the sizable wine list, with bottles from Lebanon, Morocco and Greece. 912 E. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-521-4572; 1515 S. 1500 East, 801-484-9259, mazzacafe.com

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34 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

REVIEW BITES

TED SCHEFFLER

Award Winning Vietnamese Cuisine

A sampler of Ted Scheffler’s reviews

6001 S. State St. Murray | 801-263-8889 cafetrangonline.com

*Gluten-free menu options available

now serving breakfast

Lardo on crostini at Water Witch Water Witch

@

2005 E. 2700 SOUTH, SLC FELDMANSDELI.COM FELDMANSDELI OPEN TUES - SAT TO GO ORDERS: (801) 906-0369

AUTHENTIC GERMAN

CUISINE & MARKET

FEB 11TH FEB 18TH FEB 25TH

Oskar + Julia pat & roy bowtb

The 21-and-over establishment is the creation of three of the most talented and friendly barmen in the Beehive: Scott Gardner, Sean Neves and Matt Pfohl. Rather than an extensive craft or signature cocktail menu, the mixologists here tend to create custom drinks for their clients; it’s truly a “have it your way” speakeasy. It’s diminutive and friendly, with no more than a few seats at the bar, and a single row of tables; 25 people would be a crowd. There’s a turntable where Neves (or whoever happens to be working that night) spins vinyl, no TVs (yay) and a small but appealing bar menu. Tapas include deathly delectable lardo with sea salt and Basque pickled chile peppers called piparras; pork rillette with crostini, cornichons and mustard; sardines; Beltex Meats’ nduja; and cockles in brine. The staff’s encyclopedic knowledge of all things drink is daunting. When I mentioned that one of my favorite rums is Flor de Caña from Nicaragua, Gardner poured me a splash of Wray & Nephew “Overproof” white rum from Kingston, Jamaica, and then what is now my favorite rum on the planet: Plantation Pineapple rum. Reviewed Feb. 2. 163 W. 900 South, Salt Lake City, 801-462-0967, waterwitchbar.com

ALL THE NEWS THAT WON’T FIT IN PRINT

BEST REUBEN AS SEEN ON “ DINERS, DRIVE-INS AND DIVES”

BEST SCHNITZEL with SPAETZLE

BEST SAUSAGES

Siegfried’s Deli Serving Imported Beers & Wine Open M-W 9am-6pm Th-Sat: 9am-9pm

20 W. 200 S. • (801) 355-3891

Long-long-long-read Interviews With Local Bands, Comedians, Artists, Podcasters, Fashionistas And Other Creators Of Cool Stuff Only On Cityweekly.net!

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FILM REVIEW

Simple Poetry

CINEMA

Jim Jarmusch’s Paterson finds the beauty of art in ordinary places.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

A

Adam Driver in Paterson that Paterson carries in his lunchbox to the swooning love poems he dedicates to her (in the poetry written by Ron Padgett), it’s obvious how much she inspires him, and Jarmusch presents a portrait of how art might only be able to blossom in the presence of people who support and encourage it.

Jarmusch’s languorous narratives and droll sense of humor have always left some viewers unmoved, and it’s easy to anticipate people describing Paterson as the kind of movie where “nothing happens.” But even leaving aside some of the surprisingly big laughs here—including a killer punch line involving Paterson’s perpetually askew mailbox—this is a story about the work of artistic creation that gives it as much respect as the blue-collar work of driving a bus. We watch Paterson circling around to work on his poems multiple times, the narration emphasizing his careful choice of each word. There is no limit to where and how art can be created, Paterson reminds us, in a beautiful character study that turns everyday life into its own kind of poetry. CW

PATERSON

| CITY WEEKLY |

BBBB Adam Driver Golshifteh Farihani Rated R

TRY THESE Broken Flowers (2005) Bill Murray Jessica Lange Rated R

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) Tilda Swinton Tom Hiddleston Rated R

While We’re Young (2014) Ben Stiller Adam Driver Rated R

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 35

Dead Man (1995) Johnny Depp Gary Farmer Rated R

| MUSIC | CINEMA | DINING | A&E | NEWS |

conventional dramatic sense, but in a way that’s part of the point. What makes Paterson an artist is that he pays attention; every detail could become a future poem.

Driver conveys that watchfulness in a performance that’s quiet and introspective, but far from deadpan. When he smiles, or breaks into laughter at the overly dramatic profession of love from another man at the bar, there’s an utter genuineness to it; he may be a man of few spoken words, but it’s easy to see the emotion beneath the surface. There’s a level on which his character could come off as a bit of an eccentric, what with his insistence on waking up without an alarm, or refusing to own a cell phone, but Paterson turns those qualities—and the absence of distraction that makes him the kind of person who actually acknowledges the homeless man he encounters on his walk home— into part of what makes him an artist.

Another part is his relationship with Laura, and it’s hard to overstate the level on which Paterson is an absolutely enchanting love story. Laura is herself a creative spirit—bouncing from painting a shower curtain to making cupcakes for the local farmers market to learning to play the guitar—but Jarmusch conveys his lack of judgment through Paterson’s interactions with her. He’s infinitely supportive of his wife’s sparks of inspiration, to the point where you can only get a sense of his real feelings about her Brussels sprouts and cheddar cheese pie by the way he drains a full glass of water after every bite. From the photos of Laura

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

t first glance, Paterson (Adam Driver) is an ordinary guy to an extent that’s almost a cliché, like the platonic form of Ordinary Guy. He gets up every morning, kisses his wife, Laura (Golshifteh Farahani), and sits down to a breakfast of Cheerios eaten out of a juice glass. He goes to work as a bus driver for the New Jersey Transit Authority, carrying a metal lunchpail. At the end of his day, he comes home, takes the dog for a walk and stops in for a beer at his neighborhood bar.

And he writes poetry, kept in a secret notebook that he shares with almost nobody.

For writer and director Jim Jarmusch, there’s no incongruity in the addition of that last fact—and that’s the key to the lowkey gloriousness of Paterson. The movie takes its name both from its protagonist and from his home of Paterson, N.J., which was also the home of celebrated modern American poet William Carlos Williams, making this a perspective on art that feels almost revolutionary in this moment. Creativity, Jarmusch argues, isn’t something that’s just for other people. Inspiration is everywhere, and those who can be inspired are, too.

Jarmusch structures Paterson in a manner that seems designed to emphasize the sameness of Paterson’s days, opening with a caption announcing the day of the week and running through those aforementioned familiar patterns in his routine. Yet that same structure also serves to draw attention to what’s unique about each of those days: a particular conversation Paterson overhears between his passengers; an encounter with a would-be rapper during the evening dog walk; a dramatic confrontation at the bar. Paterson is full of bits and pieces of detail that don’t “pay off” in a

CINEMA CLIPS NEW THIS WEEK MOVIE TIMES AND LOCATIONS AT CITYWEEKLY.NET

2017 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED ANIMATED SHORT FILMS [not yet reviewed] Program featuring the five nominated shorts, plus a few additional animated highlights. Opens Feb. 10 at Tower Theatre. (NR)

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

2017 ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILMS BBB It’s easy to play the “who will win” game when evaluating nominated shorts, understanding that—especially in 2017—subject matter likely plays a much larger role than artistic quality. By that standard, the two relatively frivolous entries are just happy to be there: Timecode, a charming Spanish tale of two parking garage security guards who discover a unique common interest; and La Femme et le TGV, about an eccentric Swiss widow whose long tradition of waving to the passing high-speed train finally yields a response. There’s enough of a social message in Hungarian director Kristof Deak’s Sing—about schoolchildren responding to injustice within their choir—that it’s got a puncher’s chance, even if the climax is telegraphed from the get-go. But it would be wise to put your money on one of the two entries dealing with the plight of immigrants: the earnest but clumsy Silent Nights, about the relationship between a Danish homeless shelter volunteer and a Ghanaian refugee; and Ennemis Intérieurs, a two-hander about an Algerian-born man’s interview for French citizenship that takes a dark turn. Heavy-handed though it may be, it’s hard to ignore the creepy chicken-or-the-egg exploration of suspicion and terrorism.

Opens Feb. 10 at Tower Theatre. (NR)—Scott Renshaw FIFTY SHADES DARKER [not yet reviewed] The B&D adventures of Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) and Christian (Jamie Dornan) continue. Opens Feb. 10 at theaters valleywide. (R)

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I AM NOT YOUR NEGRO BBB.5 So sprawling is director Raoul Peck’s subject matter—nothing less than the history of black people in America—that his uniquely sprawling approach is easy to justify. The ostensible

JOHN WICK CHAPTER 2 [not yet reviewed] Will they never learn to let retired hit man John Wick (Keanu Reeves) stay retired? Opens Feb. 10 at theaters valleywide. (R) THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE BBB.5 The improbably delightful 2014 The LEGO Movie found a brilliant game plan for turning a toy into a film: combining a child’s anarchic sense of play with a savvy adult’s perspective on how goofy yet inspired that play can look from a distance. The LEGO Batman Movie adds another level of self-awareness about the entire recent history of comic-book movies, spinning off The LEGO Movie’s breakout supporting character (again hilariously voiced by Will Arnett) as an emotionally isolated mess facing the latest plot by Joker (Zach Galifianakis). Once again the story is an intellectual property freefor-all, as a cavalcade of villains from the Wicked Witch of the West to Voldemort become part of the climactic battle. And it’s worth an additional star in the rating simply for the sick shade thrown at the DC cinematic universe. Most impressively, it finds a familyfriendly way to make a story out of Batman’s trademark brooding loneliness—and if it’s perhaps not as perfect a complement to the LEGO brand as the original movie’s celebration of unfettered creativity, it’s still plenty inventive enough to make “LEGO Cinematic Universe” feel like a promise instead of a threat. Opens Feb. 10 at theaters valleywide. (PG)—SR

LOVE EVERLASTING [not yet reviewed] A teenager and his mother flee their troubled life for a new start.

Opens Feb. 10 at Megaplex Theatres. (PG)

PATERSON BBBB See review on p. 35. Opens Feb. 10 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (R)

SPECIAL SCREENINGS A BAND CALLED DEATH At Brewvies, Feb. 9, 7:30 p.m. (NR) PATTON At Main Library, Feb. 8, 2 p.m. (NR) VAMPIRES SUCK At Brewvies, Feb. 13, 10 p.m. (PG-13)

CURRENT RELEASES

JULIETA BB.5 Only from the closing credits of Pedro Almodóvar’s feature did I realize it was adapted from Alice Munro short stories—and suddenly my frustration made a lot more sense. Middle-aged Julieta (Emma Suárez) is preparing to move from Madrid when a chance encounter leads her to re-examine her relationship with her estranged daughter, revealed in flashback (with Adriana Ugarte as younger Julieta). The mysteries of Julieta’s various relationships become the meat of the narrative, with Almodóvar providing his singular visual flair. But while the performances and score build the sense that this is a vintage Almodóvar psychodrama, the source material feels profoundly out of step with his style.

Expectations built by an auteur’s work may affect the experience of a new one, but it’s jarring to watch a director seem to be steering a story into being something it isn’t. (R)—SR

RINGS B.5 If you’ve been jonesing for more of the horror saga from The Ring but thought that it needed a lot less of that creepy girl, here’s the movie for you. Once again, somebody has watched the videotape that dooms you to death in seven days—this time, a young woman (Matilda Lutz) trying to save her boyfriend (Alex Roe)—only now there’s more to the backstory of stringy-haired Samara. A potentially interesting initial about a researcher (Johnny Galecki) subjecting students to the curse is abandoned early on, leaving our attractive protagonists to prowl around in dark places. There’s simply none of The Ring’s unsettling visual sensibility, replaced by a final hour built around jump scares from a dog barking and (seriously) an umbrella opening. Forget about a story reinvented for the age of YouTube; Rings takes its cues from Scooby-Doo. (R)—SR

more than just movies at brewvies

| CITY WEEKLY |

36 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

Information is correct at press time. Film release schedules are subject to change.

framework is the text written by author James Baldwin (narrated here by Samuel L. Jackson) as the preliminary notes for a work on the lives of Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers and Malcom X, and Peck sets those brilliant, incendiary words to fascinating archival footage exploring everything from the civil rights movement to portrayals of African-Americans in the media. Yet he also includes fascinating footage of Baldwin himself, in appearances on TV talk shows and at lectures, delivering the same scathing perspective in an uncompromising voice. Most compelling of all, Peck incorporates images from more contemporary events like controversial police violence against African-Americans, making it horrifyingly clear how little has changed in the decades since Baldwin wrote. The combination is a generally thrilling documentary creation that feels like living history, a warning shouted to us

by Baldwin from beyond the grave that “the story of the Negro in America is the story of America; it is not a pretty story.” Opens Feb. 10 at Broadway Centre Cinemas. (NR)—SR

FILM • FOOD • NEIGHBORHOOD BAR SHOWING: FEBRUARY 10TH - FEBRUARY 17TH MONDAY 13TH

FREE!

THE OTHER GUYS (2010)

50 SHADES DARKER

SPLIT

677 S. 200 W. SLC • BREWVIES.COM • 21+ • CALL FOR SCOTTY’S SHOWTIMES & SPIEL @ 355.5500

TRUE

BY B I L L F RO S T @bill_frost

Goodbye, Girls

TV

Oui Peut-être Non

Lena Dunham’s Girls begins the end; the robots return in Humans.

Girls Sunday, Feb. 12 (HBO)

Season Premiere: Yes, Girls creator/star Lena Dunham has made some astoundingly stupid statements on social media—isn’t that what it’s for?—but she’s also cranked out a half-dozen solid seasons of an HBO series, so she’s far more than just a “privileged snowflake.” Season 6 is the last for Girls (though there might be a follow-up movie), and Brooklynites Hannah (Dunham), Marnie (Allison Williams), Shosanna (Zosia Mamet) and Jessa (Jemima Kirke) are totally different, and somehow exactly the same, as they were in the beginning. Girls’ infamously un-glam sex scenes and monologues continue, but it’s Dunham’s nimble comedy writing that deserves the attention—lines like “I don’t give a shit about anything, yet I simultaneously have opinions about everything” are as funny as they are instantly relatable (to some of us writers, anyway).

Humans Monday, Feb. 13 (AMC)

Season Premiere: Before HBO’s Westworld, AMC’s Humans was delving into lifelike-androids-among-us drama in a more understated manner ( four whole episodes passed in Season 1 before someone had sex with a robot). Busy London

You Me Her Tuesday, Feb. 14 (Audience/DirecTV)

Season Premiere: Last year’s surprise polyamory romcom(!) played wacky-to-serious-and-back-again high jinx out over 10 near-perfect episodes that rung comically real.

Then, You Me Her was about an unexpected love triangle between bored Portland couple Jack (Greg Poehler) and Emma (Rachel Blanchard), and free-spirited escort Izzy (Priscilla Faia), and their anxiety over hiding this new relationship, whatever it was, from their friends and family. Now, in Season 2, it’s about going public and, perhaps even harder, dealing with Izzy as a full-time housemate.

The only predictable aspect of You Me Her is that the guy is

Doubt Wednesday, Feb. 15 (CBS)

Series Debut: TV’s latest attempt to make Katherine Heigl a thing is yet another pretty lawyers show—but with a twist!

Attorney Sadie Ellis (Heigl) falls in lust/love with her client, a charismatic doctor (Steven Pasquale) accused of murdering his girlfriend years ago. Did he do it? Can she trust him? Will CBS somehow drag 13 episodes out of this?

Meanwhile, the rest of her law firm (which includes Dulé Hill, Elliott Gould, Dreama Walker and Laverne Cox) are … around. Doubt has all of the sexy banter, perfect hair and designer clothes required of modern legal soaps, but it’s all as empty as a showroom briefcase. Quit dicking around and just get Heigl a Fox comedy (à la The Mick) or somehow back on Grey’s Anatomy, Hollywood.

Listen to Frost Mondays at 8 a.m. on X96 Radio From Hell, and on the TV Tan podcast via Stitcher, iTunes, Google Play and billfrost.tv.

THIS WEEKS RENTAL FEATURE

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 37

Bed: 2 Bath: 1 Sq. Ft.: 490 4185 South Highland Drive, Holladay, 84124

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WITH

going to screw things up, and inadvertent third wheel Jack is right on schedule. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dream Home FIND YOUR NEXT

Girls (HBO)

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Documentary: California party-rockers Eagles of Death Metal were a cult band prior to the November 2015 terrorist attack at a Paris concert that claimed 130 lives—now, they’re a slightly more notorious cult band who, surprisingly, still haven’t been sued by Don Henley of the Eagles proper. Eagles of Death Metal: Nos Amis (Our Friends) isn’t just about the Bataclan Theatre incident and the band’s subsequent return to play for Paris fans; it also explores the decades-long, yin-yang friendship between EODM founders Jesse Hughes and Josh Homme (of Queens of the Stone Age). It’s a sweet, and sometimes harrowing, story with a triumphant conclusion. If Nos Amis inspires some more sales of Eagles of Death Metal’s four excellent, ramshackle rock ’n’ roll records, even better.

couple Joe and Laura (Tom Goodman-Hill and Katherine Parkinson) bought a refurbished “Synth” (a human-like robot servant, Mia, coolly/creepily played by Gemma Chan) who displayed flashes of organic emotion and passiveaggressive tendencies (never, ever buy “refurbished”— eBay 101). What could go wrong? Everything, of course, and now Mia and her like-minded “family” of Synths are loose in the populace with the “consciousness code” (a backdoor switch that could make all Synths “wake up” and toss off their servitude). It’s going to be a looong time before Westworld returns—get some Humans in your life.

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Eagles of Death Metal: Nos Amis Monday, Feb. 13 (HBO)

HOME OF THE

4 SA HBOETE &R

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SATURDAY

Kid Vid

Provo-based music whiz Davey “Vid” Nelson re-examines his roots on Millennials.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

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’ve heard of renaissance men before, and I’m pretty sure I’ve even seen one or two on TV. After chatting via email with Davey “Vid” Nelson, a Provo-based rocker with an old soul, I can now confidently say I’ve actually met one. While many people choose to become musicians, Nelson is the kind of guy who was born to be one.

When he isn’t making mischief and smooth rhymes with Salt Lake City funk/rock/hiphop band Rumble Gums, he’s hard at work recording and producing his own material.

In July, Nelson released Taste Test Pity City, a genre-defying blend of funk, rock and hiphop. It’s the kind of music you might find on the B-side of a Tarantino movie soundtrack— smooth as a midnight drive and sharp as a straight razor. Oh, and the cover features the artist thoughtfully posing in his birthday suit.

“The first album was like the birth of Vid Nelson—hence the nude album cover,” he says.

“It was very experimental, almost childlike in nature.”

This year, he’s celebrating the release of Millennials, his second solo album. While his well-crafted guitar hooks and funky rhythmic bass lines remain the same, Nelson shows a bit of vulnerable introspection on Millennials.

It’s an optimistic album that feels a bit more exposed than the material on his first foray.

While it retains the smooth arrangements he pioneered in Taste Test Pity City, it reflects his growth as a songwriter, packing a lyrical punch that signifies some serious soulsearching on his part. “The second record has gone back to a lot of my roots of blues and rock ’n’ roll,” he says. “It has more of a humble and meaningful expression to it.”

The musical roots of which Nelson speaks took hold early on in his life. “I come from a singing family,” he says. “My mom and my sisters played a lot of piano and sang around the house. I would stay up late singing underneath my covers at full volume—my mom had to come tell me to keep it down quite a bit.” From here, he developed an interest in skateboarding, which helps keep him inspired.

“I think music and skateboarding go hand-inhand,” he muses.

Nelson met Rumble Gums compatriot Chase Cee in high school, where their shared musical interests formed the bedrock for their collaborative partnership. Nelson and Cee recorded Pool Party Paradise, the band’s most recent release, in Cee’s home studio. It’s gleefully chaotic, mostly due to the cosmic resonance that comes from Nelson’s rock and blues influences crashing into Cee’s fixation

on funk and synthesizers.

Like all musicians, the creative process varies when Nelson is working on solo material. “I really enjoy collaborating with others,” he says. “It pulls out other creative sides of me that I may not have found on my own.” When he’s flying solo, Nelson is a bit of a workaholic.

“Writing and recording solo is good because I can work for as long as I want,” he says. “I will go a couple days without sleep, finishing a song.”

When our conversation turns to discussing Nelson’s upcoming show and album release, he takes on a more somber tone as he mentions Damon Dixon, a close friend who recently passed away. “He was a dear friend who was very supportive of me and my passion,” he says. “He had one of the biggest, juiciest hearts that I have ever met and was a fabulous musician himself—I don’t think he saw how beautiful he was. I never got to show him this album before he passed, so this is my way of trying to sing it to him and hope he can hear it in spirit.”

Formal dress is required for the Feb. 11 event, which also features Nelson’s longtime collaborators Shane Romrell on brush drums and John De La Torre on acoustic bass. “It’s going to be a beautiful evening of humble energy,” Nelson says.

With 2017 still in its infancy, he’s moving full-speed ahead. “I plan on having album three done by the end of the summer,” he says. “I’m calling it Hearing Intercourse, and I’m shooting for 10 to 12 tracks.” In addition to his solo material, the musician will reprise his role in Rumble Gums for a few more shows before moving to Nashville in early summer to pursue his career. Wherever he ends up, it’s certain that he’ll do something memorable and unique for those who are compelled to listen. CW

VID NELSON

Saturday, Feb. 11, 9 p.m.

House Concert 313 N. 1030 West, Orem 801-750-5158 Free, 21+ facebook.com/vidnelson/events

KRYSTAL WHITE

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Sunday, Feb. 12, 8 p.m.

The Depot 400 S. West Temple 801-750-5158 $20 presale, $25 day of show 21+ depotslc.com

STARTS 8PM | SAT FEB 11 | BOTH LOCATIONS

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D

awes was never out to defy expectations. Yet, when the band released its debut album North Hills in 2009, they garnered an immediate outpouring of favorable reviews, much of it pinned to the notion that they were championing a revival of the sun-dappled Laurel Canyon sound, the same style that fostered a new generation of fabled folkies—Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne, Neil Young and the like— back in the surreal ’60s.

While Dawes hasn’t necessarily distanced themselves from that vintage description, they haven’t stopped there, either. Over the course of their succeeding albums—Nothing Is Wrong (2011), Stories Don’t End (2013), All Your Favorite Bands and last year’s We’re All Gonna Die—they’ve not only expanded that soft-rock palette, but also etched an identity all their own.

Nevertheless, the quartet couldn’t be faulted if they chose to simply bask in the glow of their accolades. In a telephone interview, Taylor Goldsmith, Dawes’ primary songwriter, insists that the group is intent only on making their music, without regard to money and fame. To wit, they make music for the joy of it, including occasional side projects like the ad hoc outfit The New Basement Tapes (where Goldsmith, Elvis Costello, Rhiannon Giddens, Jim James and Marcus Mumford created a sort-of sequel to the legendary Bob Dylan/The Band Basement Tapes sessions) and Middle Brother (an indie supergroup featuring Deer Tick’s John McCauley and Delta Spirit’s Matthew Vasquez). This, while remaining dedicated to driving Dawes forward.

Currently in the middle of a 50-city tour—their largest to date—Goldsmith says the band is pleased to be playing music live for their fans. It is, along with recording, the thing that makes their efforts worthwhile. “If we were just to record our songs and then leave them alone, it would take away half the fun,” he says. “Bob Dylan said it best: ‘A song doesn’t live until it’s on the

ULTIMATE FIGHTING 208

SAT

Left to right: Wylie Gelber, Griffin and Taylor Goldsmith and Lee Pardini road.’ And, for the kind of music we make, that couldn’t be truer.”

Dawes’ celebratory shows prove that.

There’s a populist appeal that’s shared between Dawes and their followers, and the excitement they generate while playing live is palpable, even on first encounter. “We’ve never been a cool band,” Goldsmith says.

“We’ve never been hip and fashionable.

When you are that kind of band, it can also be intimidating to the fans. We’ve never waited for anyone to get on board and tell us we were hip.” As far as he’s concerned, that’s what has made their relationship with their audience genuine. “The role that we play in people’s lives has been purely about the music, and that makes our dance with them that much more fun and that much easier.”

Dawes has, in a sense, done it their way.

And, despite early accolades, Goldsmith says it hasn’t swayed their future course.

“It was great to have Rolling Stone and The Wall Street Journal respond in such a positive way and champion us the way they did,” he says. “We were lucky that people took notice.”

Goldsmith refers, of course, to what every new band faces: being a small fish in an ocean. “When we set out, four guys from L.A. writing songs about their feelings, it didn’t seem like there was much of a market for that,” he says. But there’s always a market for that sort of thing when the artists can write without affectation, giving themselves to their audience. That’s why the group continues to charm both fans and critics.

But their objective, Goldsmith maintains, is to make the best music they can and keep the same optimistic spirt and enthusiasm they found on North Hills. “We’ve always wanted to be honest and reflect the world we live in, and not necessarily be guided by dreams of headlining huge festivals, or playing for 10,000 people or making a million dollars with a radio hit. That just wouldn’t be the way to go.” CW

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THURSDAY 2.9

The Rock Princess Trio; Bliss Witch; Somebody, Anybody

Sofia Scott emerged from the suburbs of Salt Lake City to fill a niche as a femmale musician and performer, and become a local pioneer in the relatively new genre of trans rock. After appearing solo last fall at the SLC SlutWalk and the Dark Arts Festival, The Rock Princess returns with a trio to rock thrice as hard. She has already shown a prowess with sensually sung dance numbers and a Faith No More tribute, proving that “Pink Is Punk,” as heard on her Soundcloud page. “Dare to be different!” she ebulliently exclaims. Bliss Witch is ’90s-style alternative rock perfect for flying the flannel, and maybe donning your old Docs and blissing out. Formerly known as Stranghers, the similarly ratioed Somebody, Anybody plays peppy pop rock that is far from anonymous. (Brian Staker) Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West, 7 p.m., $6, kilbycourt.com

FRIDAY 2.10

Mike Doughty, Wheatus

You’d figure Mike Doughty could rest on his laurels by now. After all, he’d made his mark with the jazzy alt-rock band Soul Coughing before launching a successful solo career. Yet, some 18 albums later—after battling drug dependency and rejection by his record company—he still challenges himself in ways that suggest

Mike Doughty

he’s not one to follow a formula. His latest album, The Heart Watches While the Brain Burns, finds him capturing an unlikely mix of heartworn emotions and a steady groove, the result of a self-imposed regimen that dictated one new song a week. In 2015, he accomplished a feat that would make even the most ambitious auteur’s head spin—a rock opera called Revelation based on the final book of the Bible and its apocalyptic predictions.

Opener Wheatus, best known for their signature standard “Teenage Dirtbag,” jumpstarts the proceedings with their own take on upstart attitude. (Lee Zimmerman) The State Room, 638 S. State, 8 p.m., $24, 21+, thestateroomslc.com

The Rock Princess jewels is going to this particular show, here’s hoping that RTJ’s bass-heavy battle hymns inspire those present to take some power back. There’s an afterparty at the Metro with The Gaslamp Killer and Trackstar the DJ (info at metromusichall.com).

(Alex Springer) The Complex, 536 W. 100 South, 7 p.m., $26 in advance, $30 day of show, thecomplexslc.com

Run the Jewels

Run the Jewels, The Gaslamp Killer, Gangsta Boo, Nick Hook, Cuz

RACHAEL HURLEY

40 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

BY ALEX SPRINGER, BRIAN STAKER & LEE ZIMMERMAN

ALAN ROY CARRINGTON

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As part of their Run the World Tour, Killer Mike and El-P are coming to town to spit fire and dope.

Hot off the release of their third album Run the Jewels 3 (Run the Jewels, Inc.), the lyrically spellbinding rap duo has been riding a well-deserved wave of critical and popular acclaim. It’s no surprise—there’s something crucial, relevant and empowering about the rhymes on RTJ3. Rappers like these two have always stepped up and called society out on its bullshit and, man, there is a lot of that lately. While I doubt anyone in need of a swift, political kick to the

TIMOTHY SACCENTI

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Live Music

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opal hill drive

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royal bliss w/ tim cord from american hitmen

SATURDAY 2.11 Some events are more than mere musical performances; The Nile Project is an educational experience, sociological sojourn and demonstration of diversity delivered in joyous refrains from harps, lyres and voices. Despite being known as the cradle of civilization, the Nile delta region is immersed in issues over how to distribute scarce water resources. The Nile Project is composed of musicians from all 11 countries along the river who make music in more than 10 languages, in an attempt to educate audiences about these issues in their region, and their relevance to issues in our own locale. Jinja (nileproject.org), their latest release, is their liveliest yet. In a political climate that appears to be clamping down on those from beyond our borders, the Nile Project is refreshing. (BS) Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, 7:30 p.m., $5-$20, kingsburyhall.utah.edu

6PM DOORS FREE EARLY SHOW

FEB 14: WHISKEY VALENTINE’S

2/17

HABI GIRGIS

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SHANGAII V.O. SENSEII

FORKROOT JEFF DILLON

MAJOR TOM & THE MOONBOYS DAISY & THE MOONSHINES COLOR ANIMAL WREN KENNEDY TELEPANTHER DJ NIX BEAT

COMING SOON Feb 18: Crywolf Feb 22: Milemarker Feb 19: Not My President’s Day Feb 23: Otep Feb 20: Billy Strings Feb 24: Mykki Blanco Feb 21: Thundercat

The Bookends, Meander Cat— Valentine’s Day Show

The Bookends own “bookends” are vocalist/keys/guitarist Rick Gerber of Badfeather and singer/songwriter/instrumentalist Gillian Chase of Le Voir. It should be an interesting confluence: Gerber coming from a larger ensemble, mixing classic rock stylings, blues and soul with Chase’s unique brand of indie electronica. They

The Nile Project have shed that stylistic garb for the guise of an acoustic folk duo, and it’s a dynamic one, with both of them possessing strong voices and lyrical pens. Meander Cat is another duo in the same mode, comprised of Lenore McDonough, Jasper Groff and occasionally David Mealey of Stonefed playing acoustic with a tinge of funk. After spending much of the winter in Moab, they’ve meandered northward, and it’s to our good fortune. (BS) The Hog Wallow, 3200 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, 9 p.m., $7, 21+, thehogwallow.com

WEDNESDAY 2.15 Zigga, Shanghaii, V.O. Sensei

I once had the opportunity to peruse Zigga’s (born Zane Dennison) electronic library of music, so I know that anyone attending one of his shows is in for an evening of diversely influenced, locally sourced hip-hop. As a California native who saw the value in Utah’s mushrooming hip-hop scene, Zigga is a bit of a rap pioneer to other members of our local hip-hop community. Shanghaii and V.O. Sensei are a few rising stars within said community, and both of them join Zigga for SLUG Magazine’s monthly Localized show. For those who don’t think that Utah has the hip-hop cred to compete on a national scene, get ready to have your mind changed. (AS) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., free, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

FRIDAY 2.10

CONCERTS & CLUBS

FRANCISCO SANCHEZ

Color Me Badd

If you thought seeing former arena bands in a club like Liquid Joe’s was odd, imagine how a boy band will read on that stage. Color Me Badd—formerly a foursome, now down a member— once played the big venues, too, usually to younger audiences of slobbery little girls. Now it’s gonna be drunken big girls, dusting off old crushes and sensing that, through the fickleness of American pop culture attention spans, that they’re within arm’s reach of requital, while thrilling to CMB’s pickup-line fueled hits “I Wanna Sex You Up,” “All 4 Love” and “I Adore Mi Amor.” Somebody’s gettin’ sexed up tonight, fo’ sho’. (Randy Harward) Liquid Joe’s, 1249 E. 3300 South, 7 p.m., $20 presale, $25 day of show, 21+, liquidjoes.net

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2.15

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FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 43

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A BAR NAMED SUE 3928 S. Highland Drive, SLC, 801-274-5578, Trivia Tues., DJ Wed., Karaoke Thurs.

A BAR NAMED SUE ON STATE 8136 S. State, SLC, 801-566-3222, Karaoke Tues.

ABG’S LIBATION EMPORIUM 190 W. Center St., Provo, 801-373-1200, Live music ALLEGED 205 25th St., Ogden, 801-9900692 AREA 51 451 S. 400 West, SLC, 801-5340819, Karaoke Wed., ‘80s Thurs., DJs Fri. & Sat. THE BAR IN SUGARHOUSE 2168 S. Highland Drive, SLC, 801-485-1232 BAR-X 155 E. 200 South, SLC, 801-3552287 BARBARY COAST 4242 S. State, Murray, 801-265-9889 BIG WILLIE’S 1717 S. Main, SLC, 801-4634996, Karaoke Tues., Live music Sat. THE BAYOU 645 S. State, SLC, 801-9618400, Live music Fri. & Sat. BOURBON HOUSE 19 E. 200 South, SLC, 801-746-1005, Local jazz jam Tues., Karaoke Thurs., Live music Sat., Funk & soul night Sun. BREWSKIS 244 25th St., Ogden, 801394-1713, Live music CHEERS TO YOU 315 S. Main, SLC, 801575-6400 CHEERS TO YOU MIDVALE 7642 S. State, 801-566-0871 CHUCKLE’S LOUNGE 221 W. 900 South, SLC, 801-532-1721 CIRCLE LOUNGE 328 S. State, SLC, 801531-5400, DJs CISERO’S 306 Main, Park City, 435-6496800, Karaoke Thurs., Live music & DJs CLUB 48 16 E. 4800 South, Murray, 801-262-7555 CLUB 90 9065 S. Monroe St., Sandy, 801566-3254, Trivia Mon., Poker Thurs., Live music Fri. & Sat., Live bluegrass Sun. CLUB TRY-ANGLES 251 W. Harvey Milk Blvd., SLC, 801-364-3203, Karaoke Thurs., DJs Fri. & Sat. CLUB X 445 S. 400 West, SLC, 801-9354267, DJs, Live music THE COMPLEX 536 W. 100 South, SLC, 801-528-9197, Live music CRUZRS SALOON 3943 S. Highland Drive, SLC, 801-272-1903, Free pool Wed. & Thurs., Karaoke Fri. & Sat. DAWG POUND 3350 S. State, SLC, 801261-2337, Live music THE DEPOT 400 W. South Temple, SLC, 801-355-5522, Live music DONKEY TAILS CANTINA 136 E. 12300 South, Draper, 801-571-8134. Karaoke Wed.; Live music Tues., Thurs. & Fri; Live DJ Sat. DOWNSTAIRS 625 Main, Park City, 435615-7200, Live music, DJs ELIXIR LOUNGE 6405 S. 3000 East, Holladay, 801-943-1696 THE FALLOUT 625 S. 600 West, SLC, 801-953-6374, Live music THE FILLING STATION 8987 W. 2810 South, Magna, 801-981-8937, Karaoke Thurs.

FLANAGAN’S ON MAIN 438 Main, Park City, 435-649-8600, Trivia Tues., Live music Fri. & Sat. FOX HOLE PUB & GRILL 7078 S. Redwood Road, West Jordan, 801-566-4653, Karaoke, Live music FRANKIE & JOHNNIE’S TAVERN 3 W. 4800 South, Murray, 801-590-9316, Karaoke Tues., Live Music, DJs FUNK ’N DIVE BAR 2550 Washington Blvd., Ogden, 801-621-3483, Live music, Karaoke THE GARAGE 1199 Beck St., SLC, 801521-3904, Live music GRACIE’S 326 S. West Temple, SLC, 801819-7565, Live music, DJs THE GREAT SALTAIR 12408 W. Saltair Drive, Magna, 801-250-6205, Live music THE GREEN PIG PUB 31 E. 400 South, SLC, 801-532-7441, Live music Thurs.-Sat. HABITS 832 E. 3900 South, SLC, 801-268-2228, Poker Mon., Ladies night Tues., ’80s night Wed., Karaoke Thurs., DJs Fri. & Sat. THE HIDEOUT 3424 S. State, SLC, 801-466-2683, Karaoke Thurs., DJs & Live music Fri. & Sat. HIGHLANDER 6194 S. Highland Drive, SLC, 801-277-8251, Karaoke THE HOG WALLOW PUB 3200 E. Big Cottonwood Canyon Road, SLC, 801-7335567, Live music THE HOTEL/CLUB ELEVATE 149 W. 200 South, SLC, 801-478-4310, DJs HUKA BAR & GRILL 151 E. 6100 South, Murray, 801-281-4852, Reggae Tues., DJs Fri. & Sat ICE HAUS 7 E. 4800 South, Murray, 801-266-2127 IN THE VENUE/CLUB SOUND 219 S. 600 West, SLC, 801-359-3219, Live music & DJs JACKALOPE LOUNGE 372 S. State, SLC, 801-359-8054, DJs JAM 751 N. Panther Way, SLC, 801-3828567, Karaoke Tues., Wed. & Sun.; DJs Thurs.-Sat. JOHNNY’S ON SECOND 165 E. 200 South, SLC, 801-746-3334, DJs Tues. & Fri., Karaoke Wed., Live music Sat. KARAMBA 1051 E. 2100 South, SLC, 801-696-0639, DJs KEYS ON MAIN 242 S. Main, SLC, 801363-3638, Karaoke Tues. & Wed., Dueling pianos Thurs.-Sat. KILBY COURT 741 S. Kilby Court (330 West), SLC, 801-364-3538, Live music, all ages THE LEPRECHAUN INN 4700 S. 900 East, Murray, 801-268-3294 LIQUID JOE’S 1249 E. 3300 South, SLC, 801-467-5637, Live music Tues.-Sat. THE LOADING DOCK 445 S. 400 West, SLC, 385-229-4493, Live music, all ages LUCKY 13 135 W. 1300 South, SLC, 801487-4418, Trivia Wed. LUMPY’S DOWNTOWN 145 Pierpont Ave., SLC, 801-883-8714 LUMPY’S HIGHLAND 3000 S. Highland

Drive, SLC, 801-484-5597 THE MADISON 295 W. Center St., Provo, 801-375-9000, Live music, DJs MAXWELL’S EAST COAST EATERY 357 Main, SLC, 801-328-0304, Poker Tues., DJs Fri. & Sat. METRO MUSIC HALL 615 W. 100 South, SLC, 801-520-6067, DJs THE MOOSE LOUNGE 180 W. 400 South, SLC, 801-900-7499, DJs NO NAME SALOON 447 Main, Park City, 435-649-6667 O.P. ROCKWELL 268 Main, Park City, 435-615-7000, Live music PARK CITY LIVE 427 Main, Park City, 435-649-9123, Live music PAT’S BBQ 155 W. Commonwealth Ave., SLC, 801-484-5963, Live music Thurs.-Sat., All ages PIPER DOWN 1492 S. State, SLC, 801468-1492, Poker Mon., Acoustic Tues., Trivia Wed., Bingo Thurs.

POPLAR STREET PUB 242 S. 200 West, SLC, 801-532-2715, Live music Thurs.-Sat. THE RED DOOR 57 W. 200 South, SLC, 801-363-6030, DJs Fri., Live jazz Sat. THE ROYAL 4760 S. 900 East, SLC, 801590-9940, Live music SANDY STATION 8925 Harrison St., Sandy, 801-255-2078, DJs SCALLYWAGS 3040 S. State, SLC, 801-604-0869 SKY 149 W. Pierpont Ave., SLC, 801-8838714, Live music THE SPUR BAR & GRILL 352 Main, Park City, 435-615-1618, Live music THE STATE ROOM 638 S. State, SLC, 800-501-2885, Live music THE STEREO ROOM 521 N. 1200 West, Orem, 714-345-8163, Live music, All ages SUGARHOUSE PUB 1992 S. 1100 East, SLC, 801-413-2857 THE SUN TRAPP 102 S. 600 West, SLC, 385-235-6786 THE TAVERNACLE 201 E. 300 South, SLC, 801-519-8900, Dueling pianos Wed.Sat., Karaoke Sun.-Tues.

TIN ANGEL CAFE 365 W. 400 South, SLC, 801-328-4155, Live music THE URBAN LOUNGE 241 S. 500 East, SLC, 801-746-0557, Live music TWIST 32Exchange Place, SLC 801-3223200, Live music VELOUR 135 N. University Ave., Provo, 801-818-2263, Live music, All ages WASTED SPACE 342 S. State, SLC, 801531-2107, DJs Thurs.-Sat. THE WESTERNER 3360 S. Redwood Road, West Valley City, 801-972-5447, Live music WILLIE’S LOUNGE 1716 S. Main, SLC, 760-828-7351, Trivia Wed., Karaoke Fri.Sun., Live music ZEST KITCHEN & BAR 275 S. 200 West, SLC, 801-433-0589, DJs

CONCERTS & CLUBS

CITY WEEKLY’S HOT LIST FOR THE WEEK

COMPLETE LISTINGS ONLINE @ CITYWEEKLY.NET

THURSDAY 2.9

Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue on State)

LIVE MUSIC

KARAOKE

Chris Orrock and the Lazlos (Gracie’s) Extravision + Nicholas Naioti + Mannequin + Robots Ate My Garden (Velour Live Music Gallery) Jay and the Americans (Egyptian Theatre) Hail Sagan + IMPXVIII + Poonhammer + Late Night Savior (Club X) The Hound Mystic (Metro Music Hall) Mormon Tabernacle Choir (Conference Center) The Rock Princess + Bliss Witch + Somebody, Anybody (Kilby Court) see p. 42 Telluride Meltdown (Corner Store)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Spur Bar & Grill) Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Funkee Boss (Downstairs) Jazz Jam Session (Sugar House Coffee) Therapy Thursdays feat. Ookay (Sky) Reggae Thursday (The Royal)

KARAOKE

Cowboy Karaoke (The Cabin) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge) Live Band Karaoke with TIYB (Club 90)

FRIDAY 2.10 LIVE MUSIC

Karaoke (Cheers to You SLC) Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SATURDAY 2.11 LIVE MUSIC

Gibbs (Kilby Court) Grey Glass + Mmend + Brother (Velour Live Music Gallery) Jay and the Americans (Egyptian Theatre) Joshua James (The Urban Lounge) Mark Owens (The Westerner) The Nile Project (Kingsbury Hall) see p. 43 Portland Cello Project (The State Room) Screen Door Porch (Snowbasin Ski Resort) Vid Nelson (House Concert) see p. 38

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Latu (The Green Pig) Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Live Local Music (A Bar Named Sue on State)

KARAOKE

Karaoke (Willie’s Lounge)

SUNDAY 2.12 LIVE MUSIC

Color Me Badd (Liquid Joe’s) see p. 45 Jay and the Americans (Egyptian Theatre) Joshua James + Grizzly Goat (Velour Live Music Gallery) JT Woodruff + In Her Own Words + Woven in Hiatus + Hazing + Wired for Havoc + Summer Lights (The Loading Dock) Lee Reynolds (The Depot) Mark Owens (The Westerner) Mike Doughty + Wheatus (The State Room) see p. 42 Run the Jewels + The Gaslamp Killer + Spark Master Tape + Cuz (The Complex) see p. 42 Screen Door Porch (Snowbasin Ski Resort) Second Hat + Swans of Never + Westing + Birdwatcher (Kilby Court) Steve’n’Seagulls + Folk Hogan (The Urban Lounge) see p. 47

An Evening With Dawes (The Depot) see p. 40 Gleewood (Snowbasin Ski Resort) Jay and the Americans (Egyptian Theatre) Just Juice (Kilby Court) Portland Cello Project (The State Room)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

The Gladiators feat. Droop Lion + King Hopeton + The Grasshoppers (The Urban Lounge) John Brown’s Body (The State Room) Landlady (Salty Creative) Muna + Lo Moon (Kilby Court)

Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Official Run the Jewels After Party feat. The Gaslamp Killer + Trackstar the DJ (Metro Music Hall)

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE DJ Curtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Red Cup Event feat. DJ Juggy (Downstairs)

KARAOKE

Karaoke w/ DJ Benji (A Bar Named Sue on State) Karaoke (The Tavernacle) Superstar Karaoke w/ DJ Ducky (Club Jam)

MONDAY 2.13 LIVE MUSIC

FRIDAY 2.10

CONCERTS & CLUBS

JAAKO MANNINEN

Steve’n’Seagulls, Folk Hogan

DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Monday Night Jazz Session feat. David Halliday + The JVQ (Gracie’s) Open Blues Jam (The Green Pig) Bingo Karaoke (The Tavernacle)

TUESDAY 2.14 LIVE MUSIC

J. Boog + Jemere Morgan + Jo Mersa Marley (The Depot)

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DJ, OPEN MIC, SESSION, PIANO LOUNGE

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KARAOKE

Karaoke w/ DJ Thom (A Bar Named Sue on State) Karaoke That Doesn’t Suck (Twist) Karaoke w/ Spotlight Entertainment (Keys on Main) Karaoke (The Tavernacle)

WEDNESDAY 2.15 LIVE MUSIC

Amaranthe + Failure Anthem + Citizen Zero + Cypher Sixteen + Smash into Pieces (In the Venue) Starbass + DECAY + Syn.Aesthetic (Metro Music Hall) Zigga + Shanghaii + V.O. Sensei (The Urban Lounge) see p. 43

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DJ Birdman (Twist) DJ Kurtis Strange (Willie’s Lounge) Dueling Pianos (The Tavernacle) Open Mic (Muse Music) Open Mic (Velour Live Music Gallery) Skull Candy Industry Night feat. DJ Brisk (Downstairs)

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KARAOKE

It’s remarkable how little effort it takes to recontextualize arena rock as hillbilly music. It’s as easy as playing the same music on different instruments and maybe adding embellishments like, I dunno, an anvil as percussion. That’s what this Finnish quintet, which takes its name from a has-been action movie star and Utah’s state bird (which tends to drop just as many bombs as Steven Seagal), tends to do on their covers of AC/ DC’s “Thunderstruck” and Metallica’s “Seek and Destroy.” They do, however, flex their interpretive muscles on Pantera’s “Cemetery Gates”—reframed as a polka—and the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage,” to which they give a Cajun-esque makeover. It’s a welcome and interesting and much-needed spin on the played-out bluegrass-of-popular-music shtick. (RH) The Urban Lounge, 241 S. 500 East, 8 p.m., $13 presale, $15 day of show, 21+, theurbanloungeslc.com

Erika & Elli Yagi, Amy Tibbals, Angel Pearson, Stacey Adams, Alicia Swayer, Baily Swingle

46 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

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SHOTS IN THE DARK

Melissa Farr

Kate, Kenzie Pehrson, Jessi Chevalier

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CATCHY

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

| CITY WEEKLY |

FEBRUARY 9, 2017 | 49

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

Last week’s answers

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1. "Lost in Translation" actress, in tabloids 2. It might be idle 3. Like some old lamps 4. Longtime NBC newsman Roger 5. NFL coach with the most career wins 6. Singer Waits 7. Sch. founded by Thomas Jefferson 8. Photographer Goldin 9. Pôrto ____, Brazil

48. Parlor treat 49. Sports page headline grabbers 51. Make sport of 52. "I knew ____ along!"

55. Word of disgust 56. Convent inhabitant 57. Actor Billy ____ Williams 58. Hawaii's Mauna ____ 59. Mideastern heat?

60. Wager

SUDOKU

DOWN

10. Coyolxauhqui worshiper 11. Tiny 12. Blunder 13. Word with milk or sauce 19. Longtime Yankee nickname 21. Sweetie 24. Early afternoon ora 25. Nordic airline 26. Defib expert 27. Ray who built McDonald's into a giant 28. "Hot dog!"

32. It may be embarrassing if it's open 33. "Atlas Shrugged" author Rand 34. Small monetary amts.

35. Camouflaged 36. Vaping need, informally 37. What some dieters do 38. Record producer Davis 39. Fragile fabric made from certain plant fibers 41. You might have a good one after a breakup 42. Witchy woman 43. Dictator Amin 45. Courtroom fig.

46. Pushkin Museum home 47. Makes up (for)

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1. Gave up a seat 6. Bluefin, e.g.

10. Knocks the socks off 14. Slacks material 15. Like the Kia logo 16. Lowest of the low?

17. Republican-turned-Democrat Specter 18. Hall & Oates hit about a dining establishment that excludes women?

20. Hot dog topping 22. College sr.'s test 23. Elvis Presley hit about a film boxer who's serving time?

29. Baseball Hall-of-Famer Mel 30. Anonymous 31. Red or yellow card issuer 33. Bosox division 34. Big product of Kentucky 35. OutKast hit about interjections?

38. One-word (or two-word?) description of the answers to 18-, 23-, 35-, 50- and 55-Across 40. Trash bin on a computer screen, e.g.

41. Mellows out 44. Like some home improvement projects, briefly 45. Traffic report source, often 47. Sch. with a Phoenix campus 50. Marvin Gaye hit about how the Grinch tried to steal Christmas?

53. French connections 54. Singer John and NBA All-Star Brand 55. 50 Cent hit about experiencing a venue that closes at sundown?

61. "Duck Dynasty" network 62. Stage prompts 63. Primordial muck 64. Point on the field?

65. Spot hit by a reflex hammer 66. "Hold it!"

67. "It's nobody ____ business"

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T BEA

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might require extra chalk.

The bags come in real and faux leather, as well as other textiles, and in a wide variety of patterns and colors. They can also do custom, personalized orders.

In addition to chalk bags, the company also offers slim leather wallets to hold a climber’s cash and cards without adding much bulk, as well as clothing accessories like beanies, tank tops, T-shirts, snap-back hats, hoodies and more.

It’s a small operation so far—run only

by Parry and his wife—but it’s growing rapidly. “To me, what makes Montée special is the quality,” Parry says. “Being a

IRENE YEE

Utah brims with opportunities to work out in the great outdoors. If rock climbing is your jam, check out Montée Climb—a locally owned and operated company offering unique, handcrafted climbing gear and accessories.

“Montée started when my wife and I were shopping for some gear and just weren’t excited about the options,” founder and creative director Jason Parry says. “I came home really energized about the idea of starting an outdoor brand and began working on the logo and some product designs.” Now Parry is a jack-of-all-trades, serving as a designer and manufacturer for various products. When things get too hectic, his wife Emily Parry—who runs another business of her own—helps out.

Although they want to expand into a wider range of climbing accessories, Parry initially focused on chalk bags. For the uninitiated, rock climbers use chalk dust on their hands to absorb sweat and other moisture on their skin, thereby increasing friction and improving their grip.

Climbers can clip chalk bags to their belts or harnesses for longer climbs that

premium brand, we don’t have to be so worried about finding the cheapest materials. So when we design a new piece, we can just focus on making the best product we can.”

Parry says they’re grateful for the support they’ve received from customers since the business was founded. “We also sell to an amazing community,” he adds.

“We love hearing feedback from our customers and seeing the photos they post. Their feedback and ideas helps us steer the brand in the right direction.”

If you’ve tried these products before, be sure to let them know what you think.

IRENE YEE

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

IRENE YEE

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50 | FEBRUARY 9, 2017

PHOTO OF THE WEEK BY

At the moment, Montée Climb sells exclusively through their company website and etsy.com, but they’re looking to branch out to local retailers. “So, request us as your local climbing store,” Parry says. They also sometimes appear at local markets, like the recent Salt and Honey Market. You can stay up-to-date on their location by following them on social media. n

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY B Y R O B

B R E Z S N Y

Go to realastrology.com for Rob Brezsny’s expanded weekly audio horoscopes and daily text-message horoscopes.

Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) The time is now, Brave Aquarius. Be audacious about improving the big little things in your life. (That’s not a typo. I did indeed use the term “big little things.”) For example: Seek out or demand more engaging responsibilities. Bring your penetrating questions to sphinx-like authorities. Go in search of more useful riddles. Redesign the daily rhythm to better meet your unique needs. Refuse “necessary” boredom that’s not truly necessary.

Trust what actually works, not what’s merely attractive. Does all that seem too bold and brazen for you to pull off? I assure you that it’s not. You have more clout than you imagine. You also have a growing faith in your own power to make subtle fundamental shifts. (That’s not a typo. I did indeed use the term “subtle fundamental shifts.”)

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) “Love does not at first mean merging, surrendering and uniting with another person,” wrote the poet Rilke, “for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished and still incoherent?” That’s an excellent meditation for you to entertain during the Valentine season, Pisces. You’re in the right frame of mind to think about how you could change and educate yourself so as to get the most out of your intimate alliances. Love “is a high inducement for the individual to ripen,” Rilke said, “to become something, to become a world for the sake of another person.”

(Thanks to Stephen Mitchell for much of this translation.)

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Have you heard the fable about the four blind men who come upon an elephant for the first time? The first man feels the tail and declares that the thing they’ve encountered must be a rope.

The second touches one of the elephant’s legs and says that they are in the presence of a tree. The third strokes the trunk and assumes it’s a snake. Putting his hand on a tusk, the fourth man asserts that it’s a spear. I predict that this fable will not apply to you in the coming weeks, Gemini. You won’t focus on just one aspect of the whole and think it’s the whole. Other people in your sphere might get fooled by shortsightedness, but you will see the big picture.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) I know you haven’t literally been wrestling and wrangling with a sweaty angel. But if I were going to tell a fairy tale about your life lately, I’d be tempted to say this: Your rumble with the sweaty angel is not finished. In fact, the best and holiest part is still to come. But right now you have cosmic permission to take a short break and rest a while. During the lull, ratchet up your determination to learn all you can from your friendly “struggle.” Try to figure out what you’ve been missing about the true nature of the sweaty angel. Vow to become a stronger advocate for yourself and a more rigorous revealer of the wild truth.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Even if you’re not an occult wizard or pagan priestess, I suspect you now have the power to conjure benevolent love spells.

There’s a caveat, however: They will only work if you cast them on yourself. Flinging them at other people would backfire. But if you do accept that limitation, you’ll be able to invoke a big dose of romantic mojo from both your lower depths and your higher self. Inspiration will be abundantly available as you work to reinvigorate your approach to intimacy and togetherness.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Here’s some advice from Scorpio writer Norman Rush: “The main effort of arranging your life should be to progressively reduce the amount of time required to decently maintain yourself so that you can have all the time you want for reading.”

It’s understandable that a language specialist like Rush would make the final word of the previous sentence “reading.” But you might choose a different word. And I invite you to do just that.

The coming weeks will be an excellent time to devotedly carve out more time to do The Most Important Thing in Your Life.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Sixteenth-century Italian painter Titian was renowned for his brilliant use of color. He was also prolific, versatile and influential.

In 2011, one of his paintings sold for $16.9 million. But one of his contemporaries, the incomparable Michelangelo, said that Titian could have been an even greater artist if he had ever mastered the art of drawing. It seems that Titian skipped a step in his early development. Is there any way that your path resembles Titian’s, Sagittarius? Did you neglect to cultivate a basic skill that has subtly (or not so subtly) handicapped your growth ever since? If so, the coming weeks and months will be an excellent time to fix the glitch.

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Our obsessive use of digital devices has diminished our power CANCER (June 21-July 22) to focus. According to a study by Microsoft, the average human For now, at least, your brain is your primary erogenous zone. attention span has shrunk to eight seconds—one second less I suspect it will be generating some of your sexiest thoughts than that of a typical goldfish. I’m guessing, though, that you ever. To be clear, not all of these erupting streams of bliss will Capricorns will buck this trend in the coming weeks. Your ability directly involve the sweet, snaky mysteries of wrapping your to concentrate may be exceptional even by pre-internet stanphysical body around another’s. Some of the erotic pleasure dards. I hope you’ll take opportunity of this fortunate anomaly will come in the form of epiphanies that awaken sleeping parts to get a lot of important work and play done. of your soul. Others might arrive as revelations that chase

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Using a blend of warfare and diplomacy, Napoleon extended French control over much of Western Europe. In 1804, he decided to formalize his growing sovereignty with a coronation ceremony.

He departed from tradition, however. For many centuries, French kings had been crowned by the Pope. But on this occasion, Napoleon took the imperial crown from Pope Pius VII and placed it on his own head. Historian David J. Markham writes that he “was simply symbolizing that he was becoming emperor based on his own merits and the will of the people, not because of some religious consecration.” According to my reading of the astrological omens, Taurus, you have the right to perform a comparable gesture. Don’t wait for some authority to crown you. Crown yourself.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Human beings upload 300 hours of videos to YouTube every minute of every day. Among that swirling flow is a hefty amount of footage devoted exclusively to the amusing behavior of cats.

Researchers estimate there are now more than two million clips of feline shenanigans. Despite the stiff competition, I suspect there’s a much better chance than usual that your cat video will go viral if you upload it in the coming weeks. Why? In general, you Leos now have a sixth sense about how to get noticed. You know what you need to do to express yourself confidently and attract attention—not just in regards to your cats, but anything that’s important to you.

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ARIES (March 21-April 19) Your reputation is in a state of fermentation. Will this process ultimately produce the metaphorical equivalent of fine wine or else something more like pungent cheese? The answer to that question will depend on how much integrity you express as you wield your clout. Be as charismatic as you dare, yes, but always in service to the greater good rather than to self-aggrandizement.

You can accomplish wonders if you are saucy and classy, but you’ll spawn blunders if you’re saucy and bossy.

away months’ worth of confusion. Still others could be creative breakthroughs that liberate you from a form of bondage you’ve wrongly accepted as necessary.

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Poets Corner

LIFE’S A SONG

Little 3 minute blips of intrigue, Screams about life.

About stuff.

What does it matter-a zillion years from now.

Ago...

Beyond the rough.

What you do can’t be undone.

Joy or shame or triumph.

It’s done. It’s done.

NEVER to be undone.

Tiny world.

Now part of the fun.

KENNETT CORBET T Send your poem (max 15 lines), to: Poet’s Corner, City Weekly, 248 South Main Street, SLC, UT 84101 or e-mail to poetscorner@cityweekly.net.

Published entrants receive a $15 value gift from CW. Each entry must include name and mailing address.

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Baristas

Damn those Dams!

One reason I live in Utah is because our landscapes from border to border are freakin’ gorgeous. I also love, love, love the snow and cold temperatures. The more snow, the better. And we are having a record-breaking year, which means I’m happy as hell. But I’m also afraid for many homeowners, renters and landlords because the snow and cold are quiet threats that can cost them mucho dinero when it warms up.

Driving around the capital city, I can see who has upgraded their attic insulation by the amount of snow sitting on their roofs. If your home is properly insulated, the heat shouldn’t be escaping and melting the snow. Insulation is a really inexpensive but valuable upgrade. It’s also a financially and environmentally conscious one because you will use less energy to heat or cool your home.

Property owners should also keep an eye out for icicles. They might look beautiful hanging from the roofs of homes around your neighborhood, but they are an indication of potential big problems down the road. I hope they aren’t hanging from yours because it can mean the water on your roof isn’t draining properly and is probably stuck at the edge of your rain gutters, forming what’s called an ice dam. These ridges of ice can leak into a home and cause damage to walls, ceilings, insulation and other areas when temperatures warm up. As the ice melts, that water will back up behind the ridge and gravity will take over.

Over the years, I’ve seen these ice dams do some pretty awful damage—from ceiling bubbles the size of bathtubs to waterfalls running from the top floor to the basement of a Victorian home. Heaven forbid you return from a trip to find your ceiling has collapsed and your furniture, rugs, T V, gaming system and such are toast.

How do you avoid ice dams? The key is to keep your roof cold. I suggest you hire an energy auditor to read your home or simply figure out where heat loss is happening in your attic so you can fix the leaks. Ask a professional roofer or contractor about adding vents, or install heat cables in a zigzag pattern along the roof ’s edge and inside a gutter or downspout to melt that ice. Damn those dams! n

Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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