City Weekly May 28, 2020

C I T Y W E E K LY . N E T

BEST OF

UTAH Body & Mind PART 2

Readers choose their best doctors, medical institutions, wellness practitioners and more

M AY 2 8 , 2 0 2 0 | V O L . 3 7

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CONTENTS COVER STORY

BEST OF UTAH BODY & MIND PART 2 Readers choose their best doctors, medical institutions, wellness practitioners and more

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Cover illustration

by Benjavisa Ruangvaree

5 PRIVATE EYE 8 A&E 10 DINE 22 MUSIC 28 CINEMA 29 COMMUNITY

2 | MAY 28, 2020

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OPINION

Check out weekly columns Smart Bomb and Taking a Gander at cityweekly.net. facebook.com/slcweekly

DINE

Go to cityweekly.net for local restaurants serving you

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STAY INFORMED! Want to know the latest on coronavirus? Get off Facebook and check out these three online resources: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019 World Health Organization: who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019 Utah Coronavirus Task Force: coronavirus.utah.gov

STAFF Publisher PETE SALTAS Executive Editor JOHN SALTAS News Editor JERRE WROBLE Arts & Entertainment Editor SCOTT RENSHAW Music Editor ERIN MOORE Copy Desk KARA RHODES Contributors KATHARINE BIELE, ROB BREZSNY, CAROLYN CAMPBELL, BABS DE LAY, SAMANTHA HERZOG, MIKE RIEDEL,

MAYA SILVER, ALEX SPRINGER, MEGAN WAGSTAFF Production Art Director DEREK CARLISLE Graphic Artists SOFIA CIFUENTES, CHELSEA NEIDER Circulation Circulation Manager ERIC GRANATO

Business/Office Technical Director BRYAN MANNOS Developer BRYAN BALE Display Advertising 801-716-1777 National Advertising VMG Advertising 888-278-9866

Salt Lake City Weekly is published every Thursday by Copperfield Publishing Inc. We are an independent publication dedicated to alternative news and news sources, that also serves as a comprehensive entertainment guide. 15,000 copies of Salt Lake City Weekly are available free of charge at more than 1,800 locations along the Wasatch Front. Limit one copy per reader. Additional copies of the paper can be purchased for $1 (Best of Utah and other special issues, $5) payable to Salt Lake City Weekly in advance. No person, without expressed permission of Copperfield Publishing Inc., may take more than one copy of any Salt Lake City Weekly issue. No portion of this oublication may be reproduced in whole or part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the written permission of the publisher. Third-class postage paid at Midvale, UT. Delivery might take up to one full week. All rights reserved.

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ALEX SPRINGER

SOAP BOX Hells, yes. The chicken tikka masala is amazing, but the Bhinda’s Special is my go-to. @DEVINHYPNOSIS via Twitter

John Saltas’ “Die, Utah, Die” column Alex Springer’s Curry Pizza review

I think @ DevinHypnosis has been raving about this place for years. @SPRYUTE via Twitter

I totally agree with John Saltas’ position on the DABC’s decision to eliminate “boutique” liquors from their selection. It’s obvious they have no clue how to run an alcohol business and are willing to undermine the very fine distilleries and breweries we have in this state.

@SLCWEEKLY

Those of us who have developed a nice collection of whiskies, vodkas, rums, wines, etc., are going to be left SOL. Thanks for supporting all of us responsible drinkers.

MIKE FELDMAN Murray Thanks, John! We need as much voice [as possible] on this issue!

JEREMY FORD via cityweekly.net These laws are a joke! @FASHIONPASTRYCHEF via Instagram

@CITYWEEKLY

Utah liquor stores need diversity to help our economy grow. @BRIANNEHADLEY via Instagram Utah’s DABC needs to get out of the liquor business altogether.

Allow the retail grocery stores to stock their shelves with the liquor that used to be in the state-run liquor outlets and whatever else might be of interest to Utahns that imbibe.

That’s what states do that allow adults to be adults. Utah’s stingy approach to selling liquor is simply beyond ridiculous.

Peace, John, and good

@SLCWEEKLY

article.

DONAL THE APOSTATE via cityweekly.net

Alex Springer’s May 14 Sagato Bakery review

On my list of places to try. @CRAFTYSHANNON via Instagram I loved their fish and chips as well as the cheesecake!

CHRISTINE BRADLEY via Facebook Sound off across our social-media channels as well as on cityweekly. net for a chance to be featured in this section.

THE BOX

Which fictional family would you want to be part of?

Mary Nickles, KUTV-2 news co-anchor

I’ve got to say the Belchers from Bob’s Burgers. Stable—but weird, funny, loud and hardworking—they solve things together. Also horribly “punny,” and I love that! I’d like to be a foster sister to Tina, Gene and Louise. “I Mint to Do That” burger, comes with mint relish.

Mikey Saltas

Being in the Tony Soprano “sanitation” business doesn’t seem so bad right now.

Terri Patsuris

The Cunninghams (Happy Days).

Kelly Boyce

Rick and Morty. Science and adventures are cool.

Paula Saltas

The Brady Bunch, if only to have a simple life for one month with a built-in housekeeper and cook, even though, deep down, we really are the Bundys (not Ted Bundy) of Married ... With Children.

Scott Renshaw

Maybe right now The Addams Family.

Seems like they wouldn’t be bothered by a horrible pandemic.

Patty Pecora

The Jetsons, so I can have a robot to clean and cook.

Andrea Paras

The Parent ’Hood. Full of crazy people who all love one another. Just like my family.

Derek Carlisle

Ed O’Neill as a dad, a mom who loves smoking while making salads and a sister that gets Anthrax to stop by for a session. As long as I get to be Bud’s older brother, give me a “Whoa, Bundy!”

Michael Zenger

I bet Jabba the Hutt came from an interesting family unit.

Tyson Enniss

The Skywalkers. I would be genetically predisposed to a high midi-chlorian count. May the force be with you!

Megan Wagstaff

I’d want to be a part of the Belcher family from Bob’s Burgers. 1. All the kids go to the Wagstaff school, 2. Free burgers and fries for life (not to mention I’d get to help name the burger special of the day—something I know I’d be exceptionally good at), 3. I would give my “dad’s” nemesis, Jimmy Pesto, a run for his money with my homemade pasta skills, 4. Pretty sure I could help Tina up her erotic friend fiction game, and 5. Louise and I would scheme our way to become the kingpins of the Wonder Wharf.

PRIVATE EY Last-Standing Hypocrites

@johnsaltas

Not quite, because in time, we smokers were shamed into not smoking around people who didn’t appreciate smoke wafting in their general direction. When it was determined that such smoke could harm them, governments at every level stepped in to regulate smoking in public places. It was one thing to make someone else’s clothes smell bad, but it was something else to think your cigarette killed a waitress or bartender. We remaining smokers were soon relegated to second-class citizens. Deservedly, in retrospect.

I quit smoking more than a decade ago. I’m sure it’s my inner cranky old man, but watching those aforementioned yahoos complain about losing their freedoms because they have to wear a mask in order to have a sit-down meal or cocktail is sweet tea for me. I get a kick out of watching them whine. I acted like that, too, years ago. It’s cathartic.

I feel about them the same way nonsmokers felt about me: If you want to light up with your buddies, go ahead—just stay away from people. Do not pass go. Remain in your cave.

We got zero pony points for nicotine addiction. We were pariahs. Today’s “unmasked,” though, are another breed.

There’s no evidence at all that wearing a mask causes anything but remarkably harmless tan lines. No freedoms are lost. I never heard of a smoker pulling out a rifle and marching on a statehouse protesting his right to smoke a stogie. Yet these anti-maskers scream and holler as if everything the characters that John Wayne played in the movies is at stake.

So, if that “sorta” prominent Utahn asked to meet me for a drink today, we’d mask up, and we’d meet at an appropriately sized table. Back then, however, we just sidled up and started drinking. I was smoking. My host suffered through it. No harm, no foul, I guess, as that person is still alive and kicking.

Soon enough, we got to the crux of the meeting: I was asked, “Would you run for governor?” That was stunning. I let that person know I’m a shitty administrator, I didn’t even win class

president, I’ve never held public office, I have no regard for most elected officials, I’m a poor listener and I’m a Democrat.

“Yes, we know,” I was told. “But you’re the last-standing Democrat.” What a system.

My answer was a very quick “No!” and I’ve rarely shared the last-standing Democrat story. However, in my May 21 column, I wrote how it’s imperative that our next governor wake up to the mess that Utah has made of the entire liquor system, how the state is killing its vaunted golden goose moneybag. How it’s hurting small and innovative business and business investment. How it’s killing any reason for an industry or business to relocate to Utah.

In so doing, I named the Republican candidates, but referred to Chris Peterson, the Democratic candidate for governor, only as the “last-standing Democrat.” Within hours of the column going online, I got an email from Peterson who rightfully took umbrage at not being properly named. My personal joke wasn’t funny to him, and he laid out his case that he is the only candidate who will support the Utah liquor business, especially as it comes to delisting locally produced liquor products.

So, there you have it. If you don’t want to be the laststanding COVID-19 mask-wearing drinking Democrat, give Chris Peterson a look. The other guys are too busy trying to get President Trump to ask them to dance to pay attention to the other half of Utah anyway. Give it some time.

How do they sleep? Soon enough, Trump will drive one or more of those candidates to be reborn ethically, morally and patriotically. They’ll say they were with God and country all along, just in a different way. If they don’t, the rest of us can all sip a drink through our masks and laugh at the folly of those men, tanking their values, and know they represent the last-standing hypocrites. CW Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

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Sometime in my unmemorable past, probably 20 years ago or so, a person I’ll just describe as “sorta” prominent called and asked if I could meet for a drink. Well, yeah! I’ll wander back to that invitation here in a minute, but at the time, meeting for a drink was a thing. It was why you went out, and the company you were with was secondary. Today, I think it’s the other way around. For some reason not understood by me, people like to be around people these days. Never mind that we can’t do that very effectively due to coronavirus self-policing, but it does seem that prior to coronavirus, people met more to be social with each other rather than to pound down a few and have a cigarette.

I suppose that’s a good thing. However, I can validate that drinking made the jokes funnier and the faces more pleasant to look at. For certain, going out was more fun when smoking was in vogue. Sure, in the end, we finally became self-aware enough that we could admit to being rude assholes, but while the party lasted, smokers enjoyed a certain sense of empowerment because we were exercising our freedom to kill ourselves while also looking very, very debonair.

For decades, our diminishing, merry band of smokers held onto the combo of Sinatra cool and war-zone camaraderie.

In that regard, I understand how all those mouth-breathing yahoos who won’t wear coronavirus masks feel. They feel like they have every right to assholery and by God, if they catch the virus—no different than smokers defying a cancerous lung—that’s tough, and that’s their right, right?

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HITS&MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE @kathybiele

Fear or Frenzy

The U.S. Constitution is alive and well—in the minds of people who’ve never read it or, like the Bible, take it out of context. This COVID-19 pandemic isn’t the first time the Constitution has been cited as a reason to ignore the rights and lives of others. Enter Kaysville Mayor Katie Witt and her delightsome opening of her city park for a protest concert. “The Constitution’s your permit,” the Standard-Examiner quotes her as saying. You know, the freedom of assembly. It should be noted the Kaysville City Council is pushing back against the mayor and presumptive loser in her campaign for Congress.

Organizers have also withdrawn their request to gather. But Mayor “T-Witt” parrots the freedom-thinkers’ mantra: “Are you going to choose fear or freedom?” There are limits to all constitutional rights. “Examples of laws which limit freedom of assembly are found in various riot acts, unlawful assembly laws and ordinances prohibiting the blocking of sidewalks,” USLegal.com explains. But as to the fear point—it’s not fear for yourself, but respect for others.

Education Watchdogs

CITIZEN REV LT IN A WEEK, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

RENTAL PROTEST

As the COVID-19 pandemic stretches on, tenants, homeowners and small businesses suffer exponentially.

More than 37 million people have lost their jobs and the numbers keep climbing. “We are in the worst depression since the 1930s, and it’s getting worse,” say organizers of Salt Lake City’s Cancel the Rents Car Caravan. “As a result of the economic crisis, at least 30 percent of renters will be unable to pay their rent on June 1. No one should lose their housing for any reason in this crisis! The rents and mortgages must be canceled!” Governments have deferred rents, but that has proven to be less than helpful because people still aren’t back at work. Join this nationwide protest, also happening in Provo and Cedar City. Decorate your car at 11 a.m. Washington Square, 451 S. State, SLC, 801-508-4371, Saturday, May 30, 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m., free. https://bit.ly/3bQ1VQx

All Powerful State of Utah

WINNERS & LOSERS

MAY 28, 2020 | 7

—KATHARINE BIELE Send tips to revolt@cityweekly.net

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Most of us are at home right now, but someday soon, we’ll be coming out, ready to compete—or not.

Scott Galloway, a New York University professor and bestselling author, will talk about the aftermath of the pandemic and how it will affect you and everything you know and plan for. At Post-Corona: Winners & Losers, you’ll hear how Apple, Amazon, Facebook and Google will come out of the crisis; how retail, media, healthcare and education will be impacted; why some firms are hiring and growing; and how to navigate unexpected opportunities.

Virtual, Thursday, June 4, 12-1 p.m., free. https://bit.ly/3gawfZE

Here’s how the country works.

The federal government takes no responsibility for anything, the states take it all, and local governments are at the mercy of their states. Got it? That’s how it played out with the rural town of Bluff and its attempt to stay at a high-risk level during the virus outbreak. “It is a small, rural community of 262 residents, the majority of whom fall within the definition of ‘senior,’” the mayor wrote in a request to Gov. Gary Herbert. Bluff residents also interact with the Navajo Nation, with one of the worst outbreaks in the country. The Deseret News reported on the terse and tone-deaf response from Adj. Gen. Jefferson Burton, the Utah Department of Health’s acting executive director, who denied the high-risk designation, leaving it to local residents and businesses to develop their own precautionary strategies.

Why? Because the state knows best.

Get your head wrapped around those wonky financial statements before it’s too late at Understanding Financial Statements to Manage Your Business, part of a finance series sponsored by the Women’s Resource Center. Especially if you’re a small business owner—and a woman—it’s time to understand what you’re up against in a world where finances are anything but dependable. “This interactive training will provide an explanation and understanding of the key financial statements that need to be understood in order to be successful in your business,” organizers say. Virtual, Thursday, May 28, 3-4 p.m., free. https://bit.ly/2LN93CK

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UNDERSTANDING FINANCIAL STATEMENTS

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Is Chris Jones of KUTV-2 News the only reporter interested in education anymore? Sure, there’s a pandemic going on, but there is more to this story than the fact that kids are out of school. Let’s give the Deseret News some props, too, for noting that the state school board is recommending some $382 million in budget cuts to schools because, you know, lawmakers want to save money there while pouring it into the Inland Port. But Jones has been following Utah’s 138 public charter schools, a few of which are raking in the taxpayer dollars despite their financial and academic issues. It comes down to the process, said state board member Carol Lear, who disputes how and why the board allows low-performing schools to expand. If you’re going to throw money at education, why not do it wisely? We are 51st in per-pupil funding and facing revising school rooms and education to ensure the kids’ safety—all with $382 million less.

been sharing ideas as far as our prevention plans and mitigation plans, in addition to what it’s going to be like without fans and how can we best portray that energy when you play inside an empty stadium.”

Prater acknowledged that it will also be a unique experience for the competitors, who— despite being in noisy vehicles—are going to be dealing with the unique dynamic of empty venues. “Motorcycles obviously are loud, but our fans can get louder,” he says. “It’s going to be interesting to see what kind of energy they feed off of. We’ve never done it before; it’s uncharted territory.” (Scott Renshaw)

Though the warm and sunny weather tells us that summer is just around the corner, it’s definitely harder to get in the spirit of the season this year. So many of the events that Utahns typically enjoy as the gateway to summer—including cultural festivals like Living Traditions, farmer’s markets and a wide range of street fairs—have been forced to cancel as a result of the pandemic. For plenty of organizations, the challenge has been coming up with safe, virtual variations on the events that people love and look forward to.

South Jordan City has moved its annual Summerfest online the week of June 1-6 with a wide range of events for all ages. Enjoy a historical quest through South Jordan using a GooseChase app, sign up to participate in the chalk art competition, or participate in a virtual 5K along the Jordan River Trail. There’s even a parade, with the twist that the floats stay in one place so cars can drive by safely and enjoy them. Visit sjc.utah.gov/sojo-summerfest/ for more events and details.

likely to be something for you. Learn the fundamentals of launching a fiction project with the two-part Getting Started With Creative Writing (June 2 & June 9). Would-be screenwriters can learn the basics of the form from screenwriter Tami Anderson (June 13 & June 20). Or you can explore the issues that matter to you via Flash Fiction: Writing for Change (July 7). Classes are free, though registration is required. Visit slcc.edu/cwc for more options and information. (SR)

City Library Summer Super Challenge

If you’d like your virtual summer event to support a worthy cause, check out Crossroads Urban Center’s 10th annual Beer, Blues & Brats Benefit. The originally-scheduled April live event moves online May 30, inviting folks to bring their own favorite food and beverage to appreciate performances by JT Draper and Jehiah Bray, along with locally-sourced silent auction items and optional games. Virtual tickets are $5, available through Givesmart.com (https://e.givesmart.com/events/hlL/), to help provide food and clothing to the many individuals and families facing financial hardship at this time. (SR)

Every summer, library systems around the country launch summer reading programs, with a focus largely on encouraging school-age kids to keep their noses in some books while the school year is on hiatus. A time of social distancing has certainly had its impact on community spaces like public libraries— most locations still remain closed to walk-in patrons— but that doesn’t mean libraries can’t continue the work of offering incentives for reading, even through this unusual summer.

The Salt Lake City Library system launches its “Imagine Your Story” Super Summer Challenge on June 1, with patrons able to sign up at slcpl. org/supersummer. Four different levels—Babies & Toddlers, Kids, Teens and Adults—offer activities that you can complete at home, plus tracking your reading throughout the summer via Beanstack. Completion prizes are available for various levels—including free books or bookstore gift certificates—plus a grand-prize sweepstakes at the end of the summer, all of which will be distributed when libraries

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South Jordan Virtual Summerfest / Beer, Blues & Brats Benefit

It became something of a jokey cliché during the coronavirus stayat-home era that folks were going to have time to create all kinds of great art, using historical examples like Shakespeare and King Lear as—depending on your point of view—either evidence of the possibility, or way too high a bar. And while plenty of folks were simply doing everything they could not to go stir-crazy during this time, it’s possible that adding the pressure of writing the Great American Novel to surviving a massive public health emergency was just a little bit daunting for most folks.

That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t take this opportunity either to scratch that itch at writing that you’ve had for a while, or work at improving the skills you’ve already begun nurturing. The Community Writing Center—a resource of Salt Lake Community College—is continuing its mission of supporting writers of all ability levels by moving its popular seminars and lessons to a virtual model to accommodate the time of social distancing.

And it doesn’t matter what kind of writing you’re interested, because there’s

MELISSA-HELQUIST

FELD ENTERTAINMENT

Let’s face it: We miss sports.

As professional and collegiate sports faced schedule disruptions throughout the spring, we’ve lost that buzz of excitement that comes from watching high-level competition.

And while many organizations still wrestle with the logistics of resuming competition in our current circumstances, at least one organization will be bringing live competition back to Rice-Eccles Stadium this week—even if it’s without a live audience.

On May 31, the Monster Energy Supercross Championship returns to action, with motorcycle racing that will be broadcast on NBC networks. According to Dave Prater, Senior Director of Operation for Two-Wheels at Feld Entertainment, the organization has instituted rigorous safety guidelines for participating competitors, crew members and staff, even as they face the challenging economics of holding events without spectators. “It’s been refreshing how the sports industry as a whole, not just the mostorsports industry, have come together,” Prater says.

“We have multiple contacts across multiple leagues and stadiums, and we’ve all

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

Community Writing Center Virtual Workshops

Monster Energy Supercross

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ESSENTIALS

the

ENTERTAINMENT PICKS, MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2020

re-open. You can even get a 20% discount on FanX Salt Lake tickets just for signing up.

While devoted readers have missed libraries a lot over the past two-and-a-half months, they’re still a vital part of the community.

Salt Lake City and Salt Lake County Library locations recently began appointment-only curbside service for distributing books that patrons place on hold electronically, and hope to re-open branches to walk-in service later this summer. However you’ve been spending your quarantine time, keep your reading rolling through the summer by signing up and supporting library services. (SR)

A&E

Back to (Funny) Business

Local comedians talk about getting back on stage after the pandemic pause.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

I

Travis Tate, Steve Soelberg, Jeff Dye and Bryce Prescott perform at Wiseguys on May 15 to perform at all is something all of the comedians feel, especially with the realization that colleagues in many other cities are not yet getting this opportunity. “I would say I’m pretty fortunate I’m living in a state that’s doing so well,” Gold says.

“I have friends in L.A. and New York who would probably slap me if they heard me complaining.”

And while no one knows how long we will be dealing with measures that limit crowd size and present other performing challenges, there’s a general sense of optimism toward a future that resembles what the comedians saw during those performances back in March. “There will be a time when those events are going to happen again,” Soelberg says. “And it’s going to be huge, because we’re social animals. You can’t deny that we’re a bunch of happy monkeys who want to hang out together.” CW

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the rust of not performing in front of an audience for two months. There was also the adjustment of playing to a room that— because of the social-distancing and other safety measures in place—offered a very different crowd dynamic than one that is ideal for live comedy.

“There are people wearing masks and laughing behind masks,” Soelberg says.

“We had like 80 people, with everybody spread out as much as they can. So it was weird, because you felt like you were playing to 30 tiny groups.”

“That energy doesn’t hit you as much as a regular show,” Tate says. “Spreading everybody out, the laughs were coming from everywhere. … [But] I would much rather have smaller crowds for a year than nothing for a year. I look at the glass as half-full, that there is a crowd in there.”

That sense of gratitude for being able

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

t feels like a hundred years ago, but local stand-up comedians remember it was only March when they were performing in front of large audiences, and able to find laughs in this strange new concept called coronavirus. “I had shows in Ohio [in early March],” recalls comedian Steve Soelberg, “and I remember joking with them, asking the audience, ‘Are you guys afraid of this coronavirus thing?’ And they were like, ‘No.’” “I did a show at Wiseguys [on March 11],” says comedian Travis Tate, “and by the time I got off the stage, the NBA season was suspended and Tom Hanks had COVID-19.

It was this weird 24-hour period when everything changed.”

As was the case for performing artists of all kinds, professional lives changed almost overnight for stand-up comedians.

Locally, Wiseguys Comedy’s three locations all closed, and while the downtown Salt Lake City and Ogden location reopened in early May—with a wide range of measures in place to insure the safety of staff, audience members and performers—the intervening two months left many comedians wondering what would come next.

For many of them, what came next was an attempt at doing streaming comedy shows—a stopgap measure that comedians

viewed as a shabby substitute for performing in front of a live audience. “It was just comics who would kind of shuffle into the clubs, everyone separated and wearing masks, hand-sanitizing a ton,” Soelberg says. “Those were just used to keep us sane a bit. When you’re used to performing and you just can’t, it’s like having your water turned off.”

“It was almost like going through the motions, like practicing your jokes while driving,” Tate says. “The other comics in the room are just as nervous. Everyone there has heard their jokes, we were all trying to come up with new material. It was very nerve-wracking.”

Comedian Andy Gold referred to doing comedy remotely as the equivalent of “airguitar.” “I said to myself, ‘Well at least I get to say the jokes out loud, and hear the beats,’” he says. “But the beats in my opinion don’t mean diddly squat without an audience.”

Despite the fact that the streaming shows weren’t ideal for the performers themselves, all of them noted that audiences were grateful that they were helping provide laughs during a difficult time. “People were very kind and receptive,” Soelberg says. “I’d hear things like, ‘I know you can’t hear us laughing, but we are, thank you so much.’ … We’ve all been wanting laughs so much, to let go.”

“Every Zoom show I’ve done, I’ve walked away saying, ‘Holy shit, that sucked,’” Gold adds. “But the messages I get afterward are ‘thank you, I really enjoyed it.’”

As difficult as it was playing to no audience, there was still some hesitation on the part of the comedians to getting back on stage once Wiseguys reopened. “I’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid pretty hard about the severity of the virus,” Gold says. “I’ve been sufficiently frightened. But we [Utah] are doing a little bit better than other places. Wiseguys is run by somebody I know and trust, and they’re taking what seems to be sensible precautions. I feel like it’s being done in the safest possible way.”

Once the comedians were able to get back in front of audiences in early May, they’ve found themselves with an adjustment process. For some, it was simply shaking off

COURTESY WISEGUYS COMEDY

THEATER

| CITY WEEKLY |

MAY 28, 2020 | 9

ALEX SPRINGER

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

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10 | MAY 28, 2020

Bulgogi Buzz

Bumblebee’s brings Korean and American cuisine to new heights

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

O

ver the past few years, we’ve seen a significant spike in the number of Korean restaurants opening up along the Wasatch Front. It’s an exciting development—partly just because Korean food is fantastic, but also because it makes me grateful for the established Korean places that laid the groundwork for this significant bulgogi boom. Among the old guard is Bumblebee’s (multiple locations, bumblebeesbbq.wixsite.com), which has been serving a delicious combination of American and Korean comfort food since 2014. It was here that I first learned how burgers, onion rings and nachos could be perfectly combined with kimchi, spicy mayo and bulgogi for a cuisine all its own.

When you take a moment to think about American and Korean cuisines, there are more similarities than differences.

Bulgogi or any other form of Korean barbecue draws from the same foundation of marinated, slow-cooked meat that makes American barbecue culture tick. Barbecuing as a culinary practice is only a hop away from the grill, which is why barbecue and burgers

have always gone well with one another. Korean barbecue is also known for slathering your taste buds in gochujang or similar smoky-sweet sauces that give proteins their trademark unctuousness. The practice of sauce creation and marinades alone is enough to bridge the culinary gap between American and Korean food.

This is precisely where

Bumblebee’s has set up shop. They make a pulled pork sandwich ($6.99) that can stand proudly against the offerings of any local barbecue joint; it’s roasted to sweet perfection.

They’ve also taken a crack at adding bulgogi or spicy pork to the formula for a traditional Philly cheesesteak sandwich—known as the K-Philly— complete with grilled onions, peppers and melted mozzarella cheese, hit with a bit of spicy mayo and sriracha. It’s a fantastic mash-up of some of the world’s finest sandwich flavors. The cabbage, carrot and sriracha heat give it a banh mi vibe, and the combo of grilled peppers, onions and melted cheese give it a true Philly feel.

Emboldened by their ability to whip up some American classics with Korean flavors, Bumblebee’s has invented some truly memorable burgers. The x-factor to their burger-creation process is kimchi, the classic, spicy fermented cabbage that is a go-to condiment in Korean cuisine. The Mr. Kim ($6.99), for example, is a cheeseburger with lettuce, onion and tomato that gets hit with a fried egg, kimchi, spicy mayo and sriracha. It’s a huge roster of toppings, but they’re divided so evenly between Korean and American flavors that you get a near-perfect balance. If you’re not a fan of heat, then this one isn’t going to do

you any favors, but those who don’t mind a burger that bites back a bit will absolutely love it.

If you find yourself in the former group, a good way to experience the Korean/American fusion that Bumblebee’s is known for is the katsu chicken sandwich ($6.99). It’s your basic fried chicken sandwich, but the bird is prepared katsu-style— flattened and breaded with panko breadcrumbs for an extra crispy finish. Of course, you’re not limited to these tasty sandwiches. Bumblebee’s has a few colossal burgers like the Heart Stopper ($6.99) with bacon, bleu cheese and onion rings, or the Twisted Ranch ($6.99) which adds pepper jack cheese and barbecue sauce.

I will always love the Korean variations on burgers and cheesesteak sandwiches, but I think Bumblebee’s creativity truly shines with their side dishes. The K-Pop Fries ($8.99) are a meal in and of themselves, pure heaven for anyone who gets all misty over a basket of loaded fries in any capacity. A bed of golden fries is topped with your choice of protein—bulgogi, spicy pork, spicy chicken or all three of you can’t decide—and doused in sriracha and spicy mayo. Fries harmonize well with the other flavors, and diving into a giant plate of these with a fork is a true pleasure.

The kimchi rice balls ($3.50) are another ingenious invention that makes good use of the deep fryer.

They start with a starchy, spicy combo of rice and kimchi that get battered and fried before they’re hit with the MVP combo of spicy mayo and sriracha. The result takes its cues from state fairs and Korean street food, and it’s so damn good that it should be illegal—crispy on the outside, chewy and a little crunchy on the inside while all those different spicy notes tickle your tongue. At under four bucks a pop, it’s also way too easy to purchase three or four orders and completely debauch oneself on these bits of fried excellence.

Though both Korean and American purists can get something traditional for each cuisine, Bumblebee’s ability to merge the comfort foods of both countries makes it worth a visit. The way kimchi ramps up a burger’s natural flavors, and the way mozzarella cheese melts with bulgogi in just the right way, are beautiful things—and we have Bumblebee’s to thank for building that bridge for us. CW

AT A GLANCE

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Best bet: Introduce yourself to Mr. Kim Can’t miss: The K-Pop fries

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BACK BURNER

BY ALEX SPRINGER @captainspringer

Serving Time Café Closes

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Serving Time Café (14072 Pony Express Rd.)—the cheekily-named roadside diner staffed by inmates from the Utah State Prison—closed its doors during the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic, and the Department of Corrections has decided to permanently shutter the establishment. The decision was made due to ongoing safety concerns surrounding COVID-19, and thus far there are no plans to reopen in the future.

Though it’s easy to see the logic behind the decision to close the restaurant’s doors, it’s sad to know that one more resource for prison inmates to learn a marketable skill and earn a bit of money while serving their prison sentences is gone for good. Serving Time—and the people who kept it running—were unsung heroes of the criminal justice system, and its presence will be missed.

DINE-IN!

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Elevo Closes

Porch (11274 Kestrel Rise Rd. G, South Jordan, 801679-1066, porchutah.com) owner Jen Gilroy recently announced that Elevo (565 E. 2100 South), her most recent venture, will also be permanently closing due to the COVID-19 pandemic. During its run, Elevo specialized in small bites, pastries and wine, all of which was curated and cultivated by Gilroy’s eclectic taste and attention to detail. Gilroy is also known for her work with Meditrina (which closed its doors in late 2019), and she’s been a huge influence on Utah’s restaurant scene. Those still hungry for Gilroy’s particular flair for cooking and presentation can still check out Porch in the Daybreak area, which will continue to offer curbside pickup and delivery.

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COMFORT FOOD, WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST!

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Kin Sen Opens

Amid these restaurant closures, we’re happy to welcome Kin Sen Asian Noodle House (365 W. 400 South, 385-528-3939, kinsennoodlebar.com) to Salt Lake. From the looks of their menu, Kin Sen is shaping up to be a one-stop shop for all your Asian-inspired noodle needs. From Thai boat noodles and Vietnamese pho to ramen and yakisoba, this place should have you covered. It’s the latest project of the team behind Salt Lake’s successful Ekamai Thai restaurants, which have set the bar fairly high for this new venture. Personally, I’m excited to try the bamee shrimp wonton noodle soup—which pairs honey barbecue pork and shrimp wontons with Chinese noodles in a savory broth—and the pumpkin custard.

Quote of the Week: “Good food and good eating is all about risk.” –Anthony Bourdain

Call your order in for curbside delivery!

801-355-3425 878 E 900 S

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

T

So I was a little apprehensive about swilling a beer full of hot, burp-inducing gourds.

The nose is heavy on the cucumber, which has a serious fresh perfume about it, almost like a summer salad. Lemon and lime swirls around as well, with yogurt rounding out the aroma, The taste is much more subtle on the cucumber, but tastes as fresh in the mouth as it does in the nose. I can’t help but think it’s artificial, but I’ve been assured it’s the real deal. The lemon-lime flavors remind me of fresh tonic water— dry and slightly bitter—with a sourdough finish. The beer is light and effervescent on the palate, with fine and bubbly carbonation like soda. The effect is quite refreshing, and the light body does indeed make it crushable (and without the hot burps).

Quarantine Desirability Rating: As cloistering beers go, this one dips into the basement. I mean, the last thing you want from a 5.0 percent Rapunzel beer is to have it open the doors to the tower to show how beautiful the world outside is. This beer is like rappelling down those long golden locks and into a Sid and Marty Krofft Saturday morning mind-bender—less Lidsville and more Land of the Lost.

You’ll find Kiitos’ Cucumber Tart at the brewery. If you have a cat, you might want to drink it while he/she is occupied, because cats and cucumbers are not a pretty pair. Saltfire is gaining a fast reputation as a prime player in the sour beer game, so hit the brewery soon for a bottle of Fate Bell. As always, cheers! CW

NOW SERVING CURB-SIDE & THROUGH GRUB HUB

IRON TED T BIRDH RELLISES , OU CAGE SES, ORNA S & MENT S

CRAF

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here are a couple of things in life that make me wince a little: tequila and cucumbers. I don’t hate them; they just tend to not agree with me. So imagine my surprise when these nemeses showed up in two brand-new beers.

Saltfire Fate Bell: This is part of the Mobius Trip series that focuses on barrelaged, sour-driven beers. It was aged in Sotol barrels, which—if you’re not familiar with Sotol—is a non-agave spirit that has many of the flavor qualities of tequila and mezcal, but absolutely isn’t. Before I tried Fate Bell, the opportunity to sample some Sotol presented itself; luckily, it was very instrumental in dissecting all of the unique flavors present.

MIKE RIEDEL

Two crazy beers’ unique ingredients versus one anxious beer nerd.

The aroma suggests lime very clearly, along with some oak and what comes across as tequila. It’s also quite earthy, more so than most tequilas or mezcals that I’ve tried. If they can match the flavor to the aroma this will be a winner, so let’s see.

It’s definitely tart—very tart, like margarita tart. There’s also just a touch of sweetness from the malt. From there, the barrel kicks in with big, oaky flavors that are chewy with mellow vanilla notes. There are some tannins present, possibly from the wood, but it comes across more like Granny Smith apple peel. There’s a slight sodium bite that comes from the salt addition, which actually helps to mellow the assertive tartness. The lingering lime is very nice, and the barrel adds a ton of Sotol, making a very unique-tasting sour.

Quarantine Desirability Rating: I’d have to rate this one as a master-class cloistering beer. After my initial session with a single bottle of this 7.5 percent sour, I was able to construct a pillow fort, the likes of which Rome has never seen. No stupid girls allowed—just me and my super-pooch, Henry. To be fair, he kinda bankrolled the entire project, so I kinda had to let him in.

Kiitos Cucumber Tart: I love a fresh cucumber. Slice them into spears, salt them up and go to town? It’s a wonderful thing. However, over the last couple of years, they seem to be less kind to me, lighting me up like a lightsaber after nibbling the smallest chip.

MIKE RIEDEL

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BEST OF

UTAH

Part 2

Body & Mind

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C

| CITY WEEKLY |

MAY 28, 2020 | 15

ity Weekly’s Best of Utah Body & Mind—now in its third year—was published as a digital edition as a coronavirus pandemic brought an illness known as COVID-19 into our collective lives. Since the pursuit of optimal health is perhaps our best defense against a highly contagious virus with no cure or vaccine, this content is particularly relevant right now.

We bring you Part 2 of our previously published e-edition this week, featuring the results of a poll voted upon by 2,000 City Weekly readers in late December 2019, highlighting more than 80 categories.

In Part 1—published on May 21—we kicked off with institutions and professionals that readers declared to be “the best,” naming a variety of hospitals, clinics, doctors, dentists, nurses, psychiatrists and more.

This week, we highlight alternative modes of healing with categories for chiropractors, naturopaths, herbalists, acupuncturists and others.

And, as we cautiously return to our “normal” lives, we are also spotlighting favorite gyms, rec centers, boot-camp classes, aerobics instructors, fitness programs, climbing walls and wellness companies. Finally, we added a handful of “staff” picks for good measure.

It’s our hope that you’ll utilize this publication as a resource in the months ahead as we strive to recover from the personal and societal effects of COVID-19. Please thank—make that congratulate—those who’ve earned a Best of Utah nod this year.

If this virus has taught us anything, it’s that those who offer their skills, guidance and compassion as healers during challenging times such as these are most certainly a bridge over troubled waters. We salute you all!

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Readers choose their best doctors, medical institutions, wellness practitioners and more

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16 | MAY 28, 2020

Best Acupuncture Clinic Flow Acupuncture

Best Acupuncturist/ Doctor of Chinese Medicine Amanda Valenti, Valenti Acupuncture It’s nice to receive medical treatment from a practitioner who understands you. Someone who won’t judge you when you tell them your attempt to launch your first cliff at the ski resort didn’t go as planned. And someone who gets that you need to get back on the trail as soon as possible for your own sanity. Amanda Valenti, MSTOM LAc, is that practitioner. Not only is she extensively trained and experienced in acupuncture, cupping, electrostimulation, herbal medicine and more traditional Oriental treatments, but she’s also a climber, yogi, hiker and snowboarder who focuses on sports-related injuries and rehab.

Valenti also specializes in women’s health, autoimmune disorders and cancer patients, and offers discounted student pricing. (Maya Silver) 1760 S. 1100 East, Ste. 3, SLC, 435-315-2616, ValentiAcupuncture.com

Best Ayurveda Practitioner Maria Radloff, Mariyurveda As a former graphic designer working insane hours in Phoenix, Maria Radloff may seem like an unlikely suspect as a practitioner of an ancient Indian medicine. But it’s that hectic pace of life that turned Radloff on to the healing system of Ayurveda—and helps her “get” her patients who are suffering from the effects of a stressful lifestyle. The consultations at Mariyurveda consider nothing in isolation.

Radloff’s holistic approach takes into account lifestyle, diet, health goals and more to write an Ayurvedic prescription involving everything from food choices and herbs to yoga and meditation. Radloff offers special packages for athletes and also provides group and private ashtanga vinyasa yoga instruction to complement the Ayurvedic approach. (Maya Silver) 369 E. 900 South, Ste. 135, SLC, 480-600-3765, Mariyurveda.com

COURTESY OF ELEVATION CHIROPRACTIC CENTER

With a graduate degree from one of the leading U.S. schools in her field (the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine) and studies in China and Thailand, owner Melissa Zappa, LAc, specializes in pain relief, digestive issues, sports medicine as well as injuries experienced by performing artists. Certified in oncology acupuncture, Zappa also practices at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. Flow also offers dry needling, a treatment intended to alleviate tense or tight muscles—very helpful for sports-related injuries so common in Utah. Her patients describe her as approachable and passionate with a “warm and inviting studio,” and have testified to positive results in treating conditions ranging from sciatica to stress-related digestive issues. (Maya Silver) 50 S. 600 E., Suite 2B, SLC, 385-242-0649, FlowAcupuncture.org

ELEVATION CHIROPRACTIC CENTER

Best Kinesiology/ Biofeedback Practitioner Shawn Postma, Cameron Wellness Center One of the refrains of the patients of Shawn Postma is that he is able to solve previously unsolvable issues with a combination of compassion, intuition and specialized experience. Many of us can relate to the frustration of experiencing a few mysterious symptoms with no answer to be found from a primary care doctor. That’s why having a resource in the wellness community like Postma is invaluable. As a naturopathic physician who takes a holistic approach to treatment, Postma specializes in treating chronic fatigue, anxiety, cancer and several other conditions and illnesses. Postma is also trained in biofeedback therapy, monitoring bodily functions like breathing and heart rate to help you make subtle changes to your body and reduce pain or other symptoms. (Maya Silver) 1945 S. 1100 East, Ste. 100, SLC, 801-486-4226, CameronLifeSpa.com

Best Chiropractors Elevation Chiropractic Center Elevation’s methodical approach to chiropractic care starts with an X-ray and thermographic scan for a careful understanding of your alignment issues. The adjustment itself is gentle with no popping or twisting, and it focuses on the entire spine—not just problem areas—for longer lasting results. Dr. Matt Jackson, who’s honed his practice through studies in Utah, Texas and Mississippi, specializes in upper cervical care, which impacts the entire rest of the spine. As the top two vertebrae—the Atlas and Axis—are the most mobile spine segments, they are also prone to injury or misalignment. Each session ends with a 20-minute rest to facilitate faster healing. Dr. Jackson also regularly sees children. (Maya Silver) 515 E. 4500 South, Ste. G230, SLC, 385-743-8833, ElevationCenterUtah.com

Best Dietitian/ Nutritionist Savannah Lavenstein, Evergreen Healing Having healed her own longtime eating disorder through clinical treatment and a post-treatment recovery journey, Savannah Lavenstein is an in-house nutritional counselor who now focuses on disordered eating and eating disorders. She focuses less on what you’re eating, and more on why. She also works with clients with goals to release weight, create sustainable eating styles for medical conditions, and heal bodyimage issues. She leads experiential meals, bodysignaling meditations and mindful eating practices.

(Carolyn Campbell) 1760 S. 1100 East, Ste. 3, SLC, 719-510-0401, TheLittleWellnessPlace.com

Best Herbalist Josh Williams, Greenthread Herbs Josh Williams has been a devotee of plant medicine and nature spirituality for more than two decades. As the owner of Greenthread Herbs Apothecary & Workshop, Williams works with tea as a method of utilizing plant medicine and as a practice of self-care. He is known locally for his custom tea blends and herbal formulations that are created for each client to address their individual natures and personal wellness goals.

He also oversees many herb-related classes. (CC) 376 E. Fourth Ave., SLC, 801-918-2824, GreenthreadHerbs.com

Best Natural Health Store Dave’s Health and Nutrition Dave’s Health and Nutrition is a locally owned supplement market focused on promoting health, healing and holistic living through education and empowerment. Dave’s offers Utah’s largest selection of homeopathic products. A variety of practitioners at

Dave’s Health are ready to help clients succeed in pursuing health goals through options such as nutritional consultations, energy work, aura readings, craniosacral massage, chiropractic, acupuncture, life coaching, lymphatic drainage massage and trigger point massage. (CC) 880 E. 3900 South, SLC, 801-268-3000; 1817 W. 9000 South, West Jordan, 801-446-0499; DavesHealth.com

Best Day Spa/ Wellness Center The Kura Door The word “spa” is an acronym for the Latin “saludis per aqua” or “health through water.”

The Kura Door’s ofuro baths include organic botanicals such as mineral-rich magnesium salts that are infused within the water of a traditional Japanese ofuro soaking tub. A tea service accompanies the bath. “In Japan, the bath serves as the path to well-being for body and soul,” says Ali Kulmer, co-owner.

“In order to stay happy and healthy, a relaxed body and mind is very important.” (CC) 1136 E. Third Ave., SLC, 801-364-.2400, TheKuraDoor.com

Best Integrative Medicine Practice Utah Natural Medicine Utah Natural Medicine offers naturopathic medicine and acupuncture. Their practitioners seek to find and address the cause of disease while viewing the body as an integrated network of systems affecting one another. They use evidence-based practices and protocols along with centuries-old natural therapies. The foundations of health are addressed through diet and lifestyle strategies while using customized nutrients, herbs and, when indicated, pharmaceuticals to help each patient achieve their goals. (CC) 242 S. 400 East, Ste. 2609, SLC, 801-363-8824, UtahNaturalMedicine.com

COURTESY OF UTAH NATURAL MEDICINE

UTAH NATURAL MEDICINE

Joesephine Lawrence, CHT

Todd Cameron, NMD

Loooook at this pocket watch as I swing it slowly back and forth before your eyes. You are getting sleeeepy, verrrry sleeeepy. That may have been how hypnotists were portrayed in old-time movies—not what a hypnotherapist is like today. Practitioners help clients get into trance-like states to use their subconscious mind to change bad habits, sleep better, improve communications in relationships and much more. Lawrence puts you to sleep (“hypno” comes from the Greek word meaning sleep) so you can travel around your inner brain and discover what’s unplugged, mis-wired and needing repair. Clients can lose weight, stop smoking and ease pain, stress and anxiety if they can get to the state of hypnosis. From all reviews, Ms. Lawrence is the real deal. One client posted they stopped smoking after one session. Been searching for clarity in your life? This is worth a try!

(Babs De Lay) Hypnoclarity, 1007 E. 900 South, SLC, 801-215-9262, HypnoClaritySLC.com

This doctor has quite the resume to earn the Best Naturopath title. He’s started working at Primary Children’s Hospital and the University of Utah, then in home health and then launched the first search-and-rescue team in Island Park, Idaho. He realized early on that traditional Western medicine did not align with his spiritual core nor was it the only answer for the many chronic issues he saw every day in his practice.

Dr. Cameron started one of the first alternative medical clinics in Utah which now offers IV therapy, bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, prolotherapy, neural therapy, botanical medicine and nutrient therapy. Dr. Cameron could even be called the godfather of natural medicine in Utah because of the many people he’s healed and saved from pain with his historic principles and a belief that the soul can’t be defined by charts and pills. (BDL) Cameron Wellness Clinic, 1945 S. 1100 East, Ste. 100, SLC, 801-486-4226, CameronLifeSpa.com

Best Massage Therapist Brianna Clark, LMT

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The obvious joke here is that Betty already knows she won this vote, right? The selfdescribed psychic intuitive offers readings and teaches classes to help people learn about their “soul team.” You’ll often find her engaged in deep conversation at Dancing Cranes in Sugar House or at one of her SoulWorks Psychic and Holistic Fairs giving insight and guidance to seekers. She also holds workshops on how to connect with angels and spirit guides. Wouldn’t it be nice to know who’s got your spiritual back? She will support you, guide or direct you but she’s firm that she will not “carry” you on your journey. One client commented, “She sits in calmness watching you discover that your life is so much more than the cocoon that has wrapped itself around your heart.” If you can’t connect with her at Dancing Cranes, you can get counseling from her over the phone. (BDL) 801-815-0588, BettyPegues.com

There are so many kinds of massage available in Utah now: Swedish, hot stone, aromatherapy, deep tissue, sports, trigger point, reflexology, shiatsu, prenatal, couples and others. A good massage therapist, no matter their specialty, is worth their weight in bitcoin. They should be able to read your body with their hands as if a blind person were reading holy scriptures in Braille. Clark is not just about treating her clients but educating them through her blog. She specializes in an integrated approach to pain relief in medical massage and corrective exercise. The staff has earned more than 150 five-star reviews on Google for their healing methods and knowledge. Clark herself has been practicing since 2008 and found her passion for it after recovering from an auto accident years ago that left her in intense pain. Her healing journey combined a massage-school education with courses at the University of Utah that turned her into a trainer and therapist extraordinaire. (BDL) The Anatomy of Wellness, 4609 S. 2300 East, Ste. 202, Holladay, 801-879-9962, TheAnatomyOfWellness.com

� the art floral

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Best Naturopath

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Best Hypnotherapist

Get Well Soon

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18 | MAY 28, 2020

Best Circuit Training

ONYX POLE AND AERIAL FITNESS STUDIO

COURTESY ONYX POLE AND AERIAL FITNESS STUDIO

F45

Best Weight Loss Clinic Total Health and Fitness It’s hard to lose weight and keep it off unless you get yourself an ideal mix of nutrition and exercise. The people here customize everything for their clients to ensure their success, from meal plans to fitness programs. Best of all, for those who don’t live near one of their locations, they offer online programs and remote consultations! No more excuses for living in Goshen and not having a neighborhood gym/spa. You can go online and get your program and be held accountable from week to week by your nutritionist and personal trainer. They will figure out your body composition/type and the best exercise plan with plenty of resistance and cardio training. They even have recipes so you don’t get bored with eating the same calories every day. If you own a business and want healthier employees, consider creating a corporate wellness program for your people, from the delivery drivers and secretaries all the way to the CEO. (BDL) Multiple locations in Draper, Centerville and Pleasant Grove, TotalHealthAndFitness.com

Best Aerial Silks Classes Onyx Pole and Aerial Fitness Studio Silks are all the rage. It’s not just a Cirque du Soleil or Burning Man thing—it’s a viable art form and exercise option. It’s also known as aerial contortion, ribbons, tissues or tissu. Basically, you hang from the ceiling or a pole on long pieces of fabric known as hammock silks from which you swing, climb, drop and spin. It’s beautiful to watch and aweinspiring for those who can see a performance because it takes amazing strength and agility to do the tricks. If you’ve never seen someone dance with silks, drop by during one of 10 different kinds of classes, from beginners to advanced, kids to the newly popular Pole-Esque (burlesque meets silks).

There are also hooping options which you may have seen on American’s Got Talent. This is where people hang and swing/spin on a big steel hula hoop. There are a dozen instructors to train and

keep you safe, whether it’s learning silks, pole, hand balancing, pole-ography, belly dancing, flexibility and/or hoop options. (BDL) 8385 S. Allen St., Ste. 114, Sandy, 801-652-9575, DanceSaltLake.com

Best Barre Fitness/ Best Aerobics Class Instructor The Bar Method More women than men know about the barre method of exercise, because more little girls took ballet classes than little boys. That “bar” attached to a wall in a dance studio is known as the “barre,” and the exercise and fitness classes that have developed from this simple wall attachment is the new popular way to socialize and buff up. Basically, the routines and reps are based on ballet-inspired dance steps and are intensely focused on improving core strength with a side benefit being better flexibility. They describe their method as one that “uses your own body weight, the ballet barre and a few props to create a transformative workout resulting in long, lean, sculpted muscles.” The owner, Carrie Goodwin, took her first bar method class in 2008 from founder, Burr Leonard, in San Francisco. She says it challenged her mind and her physical limits, and she wanted to share it with women in her own Utah community. She has even challenged her daughters to do the same. Goodwin believes that “a woman’s passion, dedication and hard work can change the world.” (BDL) 1057 E. 2100. South, SLC, 801-485-4227, TheBarMethod.com

Best Bootcamp Fit to Recover Fit to Recover was founded in 2013 by a drug and alcohol addict hoping to make a difference in not just his life but the lives of others who are on the journey to recovery. Imagine having an addiction problem and successfully giving up those substances of choice.

You might have problems socializing with folks who do drink or engage in recreational drugs. A small group of friends got together in sobriety and created a safe space for exercise and fellowship. They’d

meet Saturdays to jog in Sugar House Park. After time, the OGs gathered friends and community who agreed that exercise, nutrition, creative expression and community service were keys to keeping sober.

Almost a decade later, this group sees hundreds of sober people coming through their doors each week seeking their fitness classes in kettlebells, circuit training and cardio. During warm weather, their bootcamp returns to Sugar House Park for classes.

There is also relaxing “recovery yoga” instruction to encourage mental and physical harmony, team sports in volleyball and softball and now indoor soccer. You don’t have to be great at any sport or fit as a fiddle— just sober and wanting an exercise community to work out with … and play with. (BDL) 789 W. 1390 South, SLC, 801-410-8988, Fit2Recover.org

Best Boxing Club/ Kickboxing & Best Spin Classes Rebel House This fitness studio is new to downtown, offering three types of classes for either boxing, yoga or spin. Yeah, so what’s different about that from what other gyms offer? Start with neon lights and quality electronic dance music. Then add 45 minutes of sweat dripping off your nose from your Rebel Ride or your Rebel Riot of boxing to bring that heartbeat up. Don’t have gloves? You can rent them for $2 and get wraps for your hands for $7 that are reusable the next time you want to punch a bag. They sell a variety of memberships to cater to clients’ needs. This place is not for casual spirits who want to go to the gym and ride the bike while watching Ellen. It’s the place you see on Ellen when she complains about her live Peloton instructor—it’s fun but super serious. Clients here are called “rebels” and the instructors will take their clients through a ride (indoor rhythm-based cycling class), a riot (boxing-based workout) or a rehab music-driven power flow or restorative yoga.

They say they can burn 300 to 900 calories off you in a 45-minute workout if you’re willing to do the work.

And you better not be late because you must make reservations for several of the classes, and you’ll lose your spot if you’re a no-show. (BDL) 320 W. 200 South, SLC, 801-718-7448, Rebel-House.com

F45 is a global fitness community franchise that specializes in a type of training that builds and sculpts lean, mean human machines by unifying muscle groups in your body with cardio and resistance training. The gym is unique in that it has a blue track where clients stand behind a line and watch trainers do specific exercises or use weights before you warm up. Then you get the 45-minute workout of your life with either F45TV or F45FM media. The “F” in F45 stands for “functional” and consists of high-intensity interval training with circuit training and functional exercises. The “45,” of course, is the length of the class and includes warm-up, instruction, a rotation of all the different stations and rest time. You won’t ever do the same routine twice at F45 as the workout changes daily.

The instructors get great reviews and the training names of the classes inspire fun (“Angry Bird,” “Miami Nights”). The franchise is a business model for people who are passionate (some say obsessed) with health and fitness. Find that tribe, and the rest will follow. (BDL) Multiple locations, F45training.com

Best RockClimbing Wall The Front Climbing Club There are many claims as to the inventor of the first indoor rock-climbing wall/structure. Wikipedia says the first wall was created in 1964 by a University of Leeds P.E. lecturer. He inserted pieces of rock into a corridor wall. Schurman Rock in Seattle is believed to be the first artificial climbing structure in the U.S., constructed in 1939. It’s hard to believe that in a land full of gorgeous mountains, lots of folks want to climb indoors, but for the past two decades, The Front Climbing Club has proven it’s a thing. Here, you can train to climb big rocks and mountains year-round in a 30,000-square-feet safe and climate-controlled environment. Better yet, when you’re done with a class on bouldering and rope climbing or a session with a trainer, you can go to their Mexican-inspired restaurant on the third floor and have yourself a fat burrito, a salad and cerveza! Or head to the sauna and relax, or take one of 40 yoga classes offered each week. It’s a super hip place for live music in the summers, wild climbing competitions and even movie nights. Look for men’s and women’s climbing as an event at the Tokyo Summer Olympics—a first for the games!

(BDL) 1470 S. 400 West, SLC, 801-466-7625, FrontSLC.com

Best Senior Fitness Programs Age Performance Getting old isn’t fun. Every morning, you wake up with a new inflamed joint that you never even knew about. Your muscles hurt and you’re just damned slower. Age Performance has a philosophy that “Most chronic illnesses and limitations associated with age have nothing to do with age but rather inactivity.” How many studies do you have to read to understand that movement and exercise will lengthen your life and enhances its quality as well?

They also believe some people may exercise but aren’t doing the right moves and may be harming themselves instead. AP estimates that as we age, “We lose around 1.5% of our strength per year after the age of 50, and we lose 3% of our power or our ability to move quickly every year after the age of 50!” The staff wants you to know you can feel much younger and better by understanding that exercise

moves for sparring or self-defense. You can drop in to any of their 23 classes as they are taught in one-hour blocks. Once you complete all 23 classes, you move towards earning your belt—if a belt is your goal. (BDL) 2120 S. 700 East, SLC, 801-997-1455, GJJUt.com

PEAK|45

Girls on the Run Utah

COURTESY OF PEAK|45

Gymnastics Training Center If you have a flexible and energetic human in your household who dreams of Olympic gold someday or simply loves running and tumbling on mats or hanging from rings or parallel bars, GTC is just the place! There are many kids gyms in Utah for those under 5 or 6 years old. But GTC offers fun and exercise even for pre-schoolers (starting at 9 months of age with parents in class) and offers a myriad of gymnastics to those in elementary school as well as tweens and teens. The gym has the staff to ensure there’s a 1 to 4 ratio of supervision. They pride themselves on staying current on the latest schools of thought for young athletes under the guidelines of the USGA. One parent commented about his 4-year-old daughter’s first class, saying, “I was very concerned that a full hour would be too long for a class, but she was fully engaged the whole time. She came home with all her wiggles out!” GTC offers kids classes with training on bars, vault, floor, tumbling and beam. As students move up in skill levels, they can try out for the Team Training program and join competitive teams. You might want to sign up now.

(BDL) 1470 E. 3300 South, SLC, 801-433-0801, UtahGTC.com

SLC Strength and Conditioning

Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Jiu Jitsu is a Japanese system of unarmed combat and physical training. It’s like Judo (also unarmed combat) but does not focus on tripping or throwing opponents to the ground. The Brazilian form focuses on grappling with particular emphasis on ground fighting and was originally created by several Japanese masters. There are martial arts studios all over Utah that teach taekwondo, karate and MMA (mixed martial arts) but Gracie has risen to the top because their classes are relevant with purpose and are great for the entire family.

First, there are classes for growing children to help them develop coordination, mental strength and increase social skills. Their ‘Bullyproof’ for kids (ages 5-12) is great pro-active training as is ‘Women Empowered’ for female students. The Gracie family has been teaching for three generations and love beginners as well as students attempting to reach the highest skill levels. Are you worried that you’ll panic if you’re attacked and would like to have some basic defense moves? The Gracie teaches proper techniques for self-defense in real-world situations so that what you learn on the mat can stay with you the rest of your life. They believe the key is learning proven self-defense techniques in a safe and supportive environment that encourages discipline and empowerment. There are 23 different selfdefense classes that will teach the 36 most useful Brazilian Jiu Jitsu moves out of the 600 possible

Scott White, Personal Training Zone Certified Tai Chi and Qi Gong Instructor and owner of Personal Training Zone, Scott White is passionate about health and fitness. With nearly 30 years of experience, Scott combines both Eastern and Western approaches to well-being and says, “I want to empower you to be healthy and fit because you choose to be healthy and fit—no other reason creates lasting success.”

Scott teaches Tai Chi and Qi Gong weekly at various locations, see website for schedule and details. (Megan Wagstaff) 4010 S. 2700 East, Holladay, 801-566-5964, PTZFitness.com

Best Pilates Studio Peak|45 Looking for a low-impact workout with highly noticeable results? Look no further than downtown’s Peak|45. Utilizing the Lagree Megaformer Method, owner Kristen Kenney says, “As a former D1 athlete, it is the only exercise that allows me to get a high intensity butt kicking workout without any joint pain. In under an hour I feel stronger, healthier and happier.” With a motto of “better sore than sorry,” each workout is designed to be effective and efficient, increasing cardio and muscular endurance. (MW) 250 E. Broadway, No. 250, SLC, 385-645-7325, Peak-45.com

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This gym seems a bit cheeky in their ads: “We provide an experience unlike any other in the athletic industry, allowing our clients the freedom to come to a professional exercise facility and have choices of group fitness classes, personal training or utilizing the gym on their own time.” Are they different? Yes, because they offer classes and hone skill sets in Olympic lifting and its variations, suspension training, plyometric movement with an emphasis on injury prevention, full body strength, core strength, functional movement, joint stability, bone health and nutrition. Once you join, you

Best Martial Arts School

Best Tai Chi/Qi Gong Instructor

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Best Interval Training

receive a full-body assessment followed by an intro course on movement and lifting (yes, there’s a lot of grunting involved). Then, you are free to practice and work on your goals. The staff will track your progress and adjust your program where needed as you progress. Certainly, without staff engagement you could lose interest or even injure yourself.

That’s why the staff is required to maintain high standards and must have at least a bachelor’s degree with advanced certifications to coach you. They don’t encourage competition between members but want the best outcome for you and hope you will get it by listening to your body as you progress in the programs. (BDL) 3232 Highland Drive, SLC, 801-810-0373, SLCStregthAndConditioning.com

This nonprofit’s goal (which it certainly achieves) is to inspire girls to be joyful, healthy and confident by using a fun, experience-based curriculum surrounding running. The group started in 2007 with 30 girls from Mountain View and Rowland Hall school. This year, they hope to reach 1,900 girls throughout Utah with their programs that include dynamic discussions, activities and running games. It’s a 10-week program where girls in grades 3 to 8 gain skills that should give them a lifetime appreciation for health and fitness. There is also a service project and a 5K celebratory event for “graduation.” Mind you, this isn’t the Girl Scouts, but in ways, it’s similar. Through running activities, the adults hope to teach girls to have confidence in themselves, build character, care for others and make personal connections in a world of cell phones.

They also have two-day camps during the summer months including Girls Have Heart (which focuses on emotions) and Girls Have Power (with an emphasis on friendship). The program is under an international umbrella and was established in 1996 with 13 girls

by Mary Barker who starred in the movie Apple Pie. The Utah nonprofit serves Box Elder, Cache, Davis, Morgan, Salt Lake, Summit, Tooele, Utah, Wasatch and Weber counties. (BDL) 1625 Foothill Drive, SLC, 801-477-0467, GirlsOnTheRunUtah.org

Best Gymnastics Training

The Winner School is a family-owned and -operated activity center for children 2-18 that’s operated with the philosophy that every child is a winner. They offer pre-school, after-school and camp programs that teach dance, basketball and karate. Above all, Mr. J, as he’s known, is a karate master. Originally from New Zealand, he’s been teaching the martial art for more than 20 years and holds a third-degree black belt in American Kenpo Karate. To add to that training, he’s won Man of the Year more than seven times in the Excel Karate League (EKL). So basically, you’ve got an instructor that knows his stuff and is happy to share his training with students ranging from beginners to those on their way to a black belt. Over the years, the school and Mr. J have added some Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and forms with 10 different weapon sets for their competitive tournament teams. The Winner School itself has been voted one of the best pre-schools in the state with a one-of-a-kind 14,000-square-feet facility designed to provide quality instruction. The school hosts the Art with Heart charity dance concert that raises money for Shriners Hospitals and has given over $600,000 to the nonprofit over the years. This is a school and an instructor with heart and skill.

(BDL) The Winner School, 6120 S. 2075 East, SLC, 801-278-2500, TheWinnerSchool.com

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Best Kids Fitness Programs

Jerry Johnson

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is medicine. For example, cartilage doesn’t have it own blood supply and without movement, your joints seize up and you lose range of motion. Given those facts, they create a personalized training plan customized to meet your needs whether you have arthritis, cancer, depression, Parkinson’s, osteoporosis, diabetes, dementia or have suffered a stroke. Certainly, by going for one-on-one, couple or group training you will achieve better balance and mobility. They have gentle stretch yoga, too.

And unlike any other gym or training facility here in Utah, they offer special in-home training for those who can’t leave their home due to injury or illness. Brava! (BDL) 1291 S. 1100 East, Ste. 202, SLC, 801-467-6554, AgePerformance.com

Best Martial Arts Instructor

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20 | MAY 28, 2020

KIMBERLY PRESTON, ACROYOGA

Best Public Recreation Center

Best Water Aerobics Classes

Best Yoga Instructor

Frank Young, Fit to Recover

Cottonwood Heights Recreation Center

Steiner Aquatic Center

Sarah Betts, Seek Studio

Frank is the lead fitness trainer at Fit to Recover, a nonprofit gym and community center dedicated to people in recovery from substance misuse. “FTR is more than a gym ... we are a community built on a foundation of safety and connection,” he says. Frank was recently awarded the Utah Recovery Ambassador Award in September 2019. Frank coaches at the gym nearly every day; drop by to try your first class free. (MW) 789 W. 1390 South, SLC, 801-410-8988, Fit2Recover.org

If you’re someone who gets bored with the same old exercise routine, maybe it’s time for a membership at Cottonwood Heights Rec Center. With a total of seven pools, a three-tiered dive tank, an Olympicsize ice arena, a basketball gymnasium, an indoor walking track, six racquetball courts, three Pickleball courts and several fitness rooms—plus on-site childcare—the workout possibilities are nearly endless. Plus, family memberships mean everyone can stay healthy and active together. (MW) 7500 S. 2700 East, Cottonwood Heights, 801-943-3190, CottonwoodHeights.com

You know you’ve always wanted to try a water aerobics class. Take your pick from four different offerings at Steiner Aquatic Center. In fact, at just $7 a pop, why not try them all? Struggling with joint issues or coming off a recent ski injury? Sign up for the Low Impact class. Looking for a challenge? Deep Water Aerobics might be the right choice. Prefer to keep your feet on the ground (er, bottom of the pool), Shallow Water Aerobics are a popular pick, or spice it up with Aqua Zumba Fitness. (MW) 645 Guardsman Way, SLC, 385-468-1925, SLCO.org

Co-founder of Seek Studio, Sarah Betts teaches Vinyasa-style yoga among five different formats, from slow and restorative to high energy and upbeat (paired with her motivational playlist du jour). Sarah opened Seek in 2017 with her partner Alex Zuhl.

Certified at Be Luminous Yoga, she also holds a master’s degree in Holistic Nutrition and has been teaching yoga since 2013.

(MW) 1790 S. 1100 East, SLC, 385-355-4830, SeekStudioSLC.com

Best Pole Fitness

Best Ski/Snowboard School

Best Tennis Instruction

Best Yoga Studio

Salt Lake Tennis and Health Club

You may have found yourself driving along 300 South and noticed people sauntering along Broadway, yoga mat tucked under one arm. Perhaps you wondered, “What hot and trendy yoga studio are they headed to?”

Answer: Literally, a hot one. Salt Lake Power Yoga, or SLPY, specializes in Baptiste-style heated power yoga classes for all levels. On a budget? Try the CommUNITY class, taught by newly certified yoga instructors, for just $7. (MW) 250 E. 300 South, Ste. 200, SLC, 801-4689642, SaltLakePowerYoga.com

Best Personal Trainer

Onyx Pole and Aerial Studio Whether you’ve always dreamed of running off to join the circus or were recently inspired to channel your inner J Lo after the Superbowl halftime show, Onyx Pole and Aerial Studio is equipped to help you spin, swirl and swing with style. Guys, you’re welcome to test your skills, too. Members sing praises like, “Best thing I’ve ever done for myself,” “I’ve never felt more welcome,” and “So much more fun than the normal gym.” Memberships and passes start as low as $45/month. (MW) 8385 Allen St., Ste. 114, Sandy, 801-6529575, DanceSaltLake.com

Best Private Gym SLC Strength and Conditioning Finding a workout to fit your style is no sweat at SLC Strength and Conditioning. From group classes to private training, open gym hours to youth programs, gym members can access personalized programs tailored to achieve individual goals using fitness methodology typically reserved for high-level, professional athletes. All programs have a strong emphasis on injury prevention, full body strength, weight maintenance/loss and nutrition. (MW) 3232 Highland Drive, Millcreek, 801-8100373, SLCStrenghtAndConditioning.com

Brighton Resort Known for its family vibe, Brighton Resort not only offers free lift passes to kids 10 and under, it’s also the best place to teach your littles how to shred.

Kids as young as three can participate in ski and snowboard lessons, on-site rentals are available, and the instructors are arguably the most patient and passionate you’ll find anywhere. Hit the powder stashes in Hidden Canyon and Rock Garden while the kiddos get the hang of “pizza” and “french fry” skies on Explorer and Lower Majestic. (MW) 8302 S. Brighton Loop Road, Brighton, 801-532-4731, BrightonResort.com

Best Community Swimming Pool Steiner Aquatic Center Summers at Steiner Aquatic Center see plenty of pre-teens attempting gainers off the high dive and moms and tots attending early morning swimming lessons. But regardless of the season, Steiner is the best place to swim some laps and channel your inner Michael Phelps. Regardless of the day or time, there are always lanes partitioned off to practice your butterfly and backstroke in the indoor and seasonal outdoor Olympic-size pools. (MW) 645 Guardsman Way, SLC, 385-468-1925, SLCO.org

Maybe you’re a tennis pro trying to perfect your finishing stroke; maybe you’re a newbie who doesn’t even know how to hold a racquet. Either way, you’re welcome at Salt Lake Tennis and Health Club. From beginner lessons to 90-minute coaching clinics, the tennis pros here offer affordable options for all skill levels. Enjoy up to 14 indoor/outdoor courts, and in summer months, you’ll love-love cooling off with a quick dip in the pool after a match. (MW) 2471 S. 1700 East, SLC, 801-487-3206, SaltLakeTennisAndHealth.com

Best Weight Training Instruction Fit to Recover

FTR Fitness class might be more aptly named “Saved by the (Kettle)Bell”. Part gym, part community center, Fit to Recover focuses on strength training and sobriety for all fitness levels and recovery levels.

FTR Fitness is a mix of weight lifting and circuit training taught daily by Best of Utah Body & Mind winner Frank Young (best personal trainer) and other trainers, as part of a broader initiative that focuses on whole-body wellness via nutrition, community and creative arts. (MW) 789 W. 1390 South, SLC, 801-410-8988, Fit2Recover.org

Salt Lake Power Yoga

Best Yoga Teacher Training Salt Lake Power Yoga There are many reasons to become a yoga teacher. Maybe you’re looking for a side hustle, making a full-on career change or just looking to deepen your practice.

Whatever the reason, there aren’t many studios as good as Salt Lake Power Yoga when it comes to getting certified. Their 200-hour Yoga Alliance School goes beyond asanas, anatomy and sequencing, educating on topics like leadership, philanthropy, goal setting and business building. (MW) 250 E. 300 South, Ste. 200, SLC, 801-4689642, SaltLakePowerYoga.com

COURTESY KIMBERLY PRESTON YOGA

COURTESY OF SALT LAKE POWER YOGA

SALT LAKE POWER YOGA

STAFF PICKS Best Pharmacy

SALT LAKE TENNIS AND HEALTH CLUB

Best AcroYoga Classes Kimberly Preston, AcroYoga

Ian Acker, Fit to Recover Fit to Recover owner Ian Acker knows the struggle of addiction and recovery. After completing outpatient treatment in 2012, he was counting on exercise as an integral part of his sobriety. He started running every Saturday at Sugar House Park with a small group of friends; today, over 350 people in recovery regularly workout at Fit to Recover. Says one

Best Reiki Practitioner Lizz Schofield Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction, relaxation and healing that’s administered by a “laying on of hands.” A reiki practitioner taps into life force energy and offers it to those who need an infusion of it to combat stress or illness.

Those who provide reiki treatments and those who teach it (called reiki masters) are very aware of how thoughts, words and actions help or hinder wellness. On her Facebook page, Lizz Shofield lists herself as “Mother, Reiki Master Instructor, Life Coach, Consultant, Photographer, Dancer, Healer, Heathen.” Someone with those wide-ranging credentials must know a great deal about people and what makes them tick. She’s also well known in the community for her fitness instruction in the pole-dancing world. If you’re looking for a “handson” experience with a reiki professional who is intuitive, divinely led and nonjudgmental, this is your healer. (BDL) 801-949-7122, LunaFemme.net, PixieLizz@gmail.com

Best Birth Center Birth Journey Midwifery Melissa Mayo, CPM, LDEM, is the head midwife at Birth Journey. Her own children were born into the hands of midwives, and the care she received at that time inspired her to pursue birth work.

She trained first as a childbirth educator, then as a doula, then became certified as a lactation consultant. She studied as a midwife through an apprenticeship program in Alaska, becoming certified in 1992, and moved to Utah in 2001 where she’s continued her practice. Mayo believes in offering women a choice to have an out-ofhospital birth. To that end, Birth Journey offers prenatal care, diagnostic testing, ultrasound, labor and delivery, water birth, postpartum care, newborn care, lactation services and more.

Those wishing to use Birth Journey’s spacious birth center have access to a birthing tub and a queen bed for resting in during labor. The center is now state licensed which helps with insurance reimbursement. They also offer a mobile care unit that travels all over the Salt Lake Valley to offer services in the home. (JW) 5107 S. 900 East, Ste. 140, Murray, 801-5908980, BirthJourneyMidwifery.com

Best Spalike Colonoscopy

A full-service medical spa, services at Spa Trouvé range from laser hair removal to Coolsculpting, hydrofacials to Botox and Dysport injections.

Founder and CEO Courtney Anderson is a consummate business owner who not only tirelessly researches products and services but works with her staff to ensure client satisfaction.

Wave goodbye to your forehead lines, glabellar lines, crow’s feet, bunny lines, lipstick lines, marionette lines and chin dimpling. And say hello to the silken skin of your teens, minus the acne. A membership program helps keep the procedures affordable. With locations in Orem, Highland, Draper and Salt Lake, Spa Trouvé is making the world a less wrinkly place, one beauty treatment at a time. (JW) Multiple locations, SpaTrouve.com

Best CranioSacral Therapy Sarah Jensen Craniosacral therapy relieves compression in the bones of the head, the sacrum (the triangular bone in the lower back) and the spinal column.

This noninvasive massage uses gentle pressure on the head, neck and back to help normalize the flow of cerebrospinal fluid in the central nervous system. Removing blockages from the flow enhances the body’s healing ability. Sarah Jensen’s expertise as a therapeutic massage therapist informs her craniosacral technique. One client described her experience thusly: “I felt so incredibly relaxed afterwards,” she said, “like I was a wet noodle.” It might be good to arrange for a ride home afterward so you can hang on to the feeling.(JW) 385-549-9366

Best Spa Day on the Cheap Healing Mountain Massage School

2020 Readers Write In

MAY 28, 2020 | 21

We get it. Life is stressful and money is tight, but there’s no reason to carry your burdens around with you when Salt Lake is a hub for so many wonderful massage schools. Healing Mountain Massage School is a downtown institution that prides itself on its small class sizes and its diverse massage offerings that include Swedish, Deep Muscular, Japanese Full Body Shiatsu, Craniosacral Therapy, Lymphatic Drainage, Prenatal, Abhyanga, Lomi Lomi, Myofascial Release, Shirodhara, Acupressure Facial and a Detoxifing Herbal Body Wrap. Don’t know what half of those techniques entail? Why not experience a new one each weekend. In addition, there add-ons such as Foot Spa Packages, Salt and Honey Scrubs and more. And the best part is, for you, the recipient, a 50-minute student session starts at $30 and goes up modestly from there. It’s body work for the working man and woman, a true perk to life in Beehive. (JW) 363 S. 500 East, Suite 210, SLC, 801-355-6300; 1636 S. State St., Orem, 801-655-5200; 297 N. Cove Drive, Cedar City, 435-586-8222; HealingMountain.edu

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Warm blankets and a mountain view! Who would guess you’re here for a colonoscopy of all things?

You won’t really even remember it, either, as they gently administer medication that leads to a wonderful deep sleep, certainly welcome after a night of too many laxatives. Their state-of-art endoscopy center offers quality gastroenterology care including colonoscopy screenings and both upper and lower endoscopy procedures. This private facility keeps your personal and medical information protected and confidential. The compassionate and caring staff makes the whole business of what’s going on with your colon interesting rather than gross. You’ll probably be a convert as you walk out the door, chanting along with the staff as they bid you farewell: “Eat more

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member, “I am nearly five months sober, and more fit than I have been in my life, and I owe that to Ian. I have done the work, but Ian paved the way.” (MW) 789 W. 1390 South, SLC, 801-410-8988, Fit2Recover.org

It’s nice to know your pharmacist wants to help you feel better, right? Instead of rolling their eyes at you after you’ve stood in line for an hour begging for a refill like some David Copperfield’s Oliver Twist character, “Please, sir, may I have some more?” this group cares. Pharmacists have been around since the ancient Greeks and Egyptians, often being the only healers available to the common people. The Jolley family owns three of the four pharmacies in Greater Salt Lake, including two in Salt Lake City, one in Sandy and in West Jordan. Elder brother Dean runs the 11th East store, little brother Bryce runs 1300 South, a third cousin operates the Redwood Road location and the one in Sandy was sold out of family. Compounding pharmacies are old school because they make and blend medicines there for patients, doses and concoctions that have been ordered by medical professionals that aren’t commercially available on shelves or through manufacturers. They hand mix and blend hormones and other prescriptions including topical creams, capsules, lozenges and suppositories. (BDL) Multiple locations, JolleysPharmacy.com

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What’s AcroYoga, you ask? Well, if you’ve ever played airplane with your kids (or as a kid), you’ve already done it. Part acrobatics, part partner yoga, part healing art, AcroYoga is playful and fun—even more so when taught by Kimberly Preston, a leader in the Salt Lake AcroYoga community and co-founder of the Salt Lake AcroYogis group. Visit her website to book private and semi-private sessions or workshops. Kimberly is also a Thai Yoga Massage practitioner. (MW) KimberlyPrestonYoga.com

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Bandcamp or Bust Catch up with new music by local arts on Bandcamp’s day.

BY ERIN MOORE music@cityweekly.net @errands_

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or the past few months, Bandcamp has been doing its part to help small artists gain back some of the income lost from canceled tours and shows by waiving fees for 24-hours at the beginning of each month. Salt Lake City has its own share of impacted local artists who use the platform to showcase and sell their music to fans, local and non-local alike. Below are a few artists who have released work in recent months, and who deserve your attention. That’s not to say, of course, that you shouldn’t take the time to dig through the dozens and dozens more that are available.

Feel free to browse back on our coverage of local acts over the past few months to help jog your memory. Recall your favorite live local show from last year, and track that artist down on Bandcamp. Chances are, they’re there and need your support. Hop on bandcamp.com on June 1 to support our locals. Be sure to get online early, as so many folks have been flooding the site, the longer you wait, the more it might lag. So don’t lag yourself!

1. Eichlers - Scene Kids (Feb 1, 2020)

eichlers.bandcamp.com The SLC punk and emo scene is a tuff and ruff one, but when combined with the emo trap stylings popular on the Internet over the last few years? Well, then the locals who make up our little corner of that world are unstoppable. After Eichlers (Russ Wood, also of Breakfast in Silence) became infatuated with the beat-filled world of emo trap—which combines the emo sensibilities and somber guitar parts of the punk off-shoot genre with the hazy beats of trap—they found there were too many beats to work with, and so opened them up to friends in the scene who could take the instrumentals and do with them what they would. That became the aptly titled Scene Kids, a compilation of works by the closeknit community, including names like Picnics At Soap Rock, Aureoles and Portal to the God Damn Blood Dimension, with mastering by dream-pop expert Kamree.

Ranging from the melodic to the charmingly abrasive, this collaborative gem is not to be missed.

2. Cap’n Obvi - her majesty in end times (April 25, 2020)

capnobvi.bandcamp.com Reclusive and underground local artist Skyler Bush—aka Cap’n Obvi, former member of SLC’s now-defunct but well-loved noisy slacker rock four-piece Chalk—has quietly been putting out scraps of lo-fi, post-punk goodness since 2018 as a solo act. Although the lack of a full band has prevented them from playing sets, they’re still well worth paying attention to. With the April release of their third album, the appropriately titled her majesty in end times, Cap’n Obvi seems to be coming out of their self-made fuzzy shell a bit, with guitar parts carried by more clarity than usual, and a dark glittering, compelling jangle that marks much good post-punk.

Vocals are more present too, carrying some attitude that propels it beyond mere noise album status. Any post-punk aficionados will appreciate what Cap’n Obvi has achieved here, and should look forward to more in the future.

3. Josaleigh Pollett - No Woman Is The Sea (March 12, 2020)

josaleighpollett.bandcamp.com An experimentalist with all the classic roots to keep her music from flying away from her, Josaleigh Pollett has been making a name for herself locally for more than a decade.

Ranging in the past from the folksy—twee of 2009’s Body of Water to 2012’s countrytinged Salt and finally to the soft-spoken indie-folk of 2017’s Strangers, Pollett has found a way to consolidate her inclinations into near indie-pop perfection on her lat-

est album. No Woman Is The Sea features strong production, linking the old with the new—the new being spirited keyboard work and more upbeat movement than usual.

It makes for a Pollett record like none before and, dare I say, a stronger one. Songs like “Weightless” and “Body” are wells of gentle-yet-compelling melancholy, while the single “Craigslistless” is a melodic spot of sunshine that evokes like-minded indie darlings such as Madeline Kinney. Pollett has got something good here—the kind of work that will turn up something new at each listen.

4. Peachy Fingernail - Radishes (May 1, 2020)

peachyfingernail.bandcamp.com If it’s comfort you crave during these wacky times, then settle into the 20-track debut by Peachy Fingernail’s Polly Llewellyn. A set

by Peachy Fingernail at the Twilite Lounge once almost lulled me into a sweet doze, which isn’t a mark against her. Her music, played with the use of looped guitar parts, feels like the warmest of hands holding your own, and yet contains enough points of interest and funky parts (“Turkey Vulture Girl”) to keep any listener intrigued.

Half the tracks are very short, playfully cycling through riffs like those on “Uncanny/ Older.” What could feel lackadaisical is kept aloft by tiny, endearing plucks that sound like they’re indeed done by a fingernail, and kept serious by a lingering feeling of only-partly gloomy introspection. As it rotates between the dark and the light, the album addresses loss, the fragility of family and somewhere in there, the importance of one’s own life. A special album by an interesting new local talent, this is one to let wash over you on some quiet day. CW

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Park City Institute Presents Locals Live

The emphasis on local performers in our local music sphere is, despite the circumstances, uplifting and refreshing. The Park City Institute, for their part, saw the importance of new avenues for local artists even before all this started. Locals Live, which is now launching mid-COVID, is a localsonly event meant to uplift and provide new stages to artists on the Wasatch Front and Back. Now, with those artists needing support more than ever, they’re soldiering on with the idea, reformatting it to an Internetfriendly platform. After kicking off with home sets from Small House Strings on May 16 and Mary Beth Maziarz on May 23, they’re following it up with a performance from The Take 5 Jazz Quartet on May 30.

“We wanted to highlight local artists with the same high-quality technical performances that our patrons have come to expect,” Executive Director Ari Ioannides says of the program, which hopes to eventually make use of normal venues for the streaming performances. Whether they can do that soon or not, though, there will be more line-ups to come, so if you need something to make your Saturday feel like a Saturday, tune into the Facebook live-stream or their YouTube channel to view the set. Visit facebook.com/ parkcityinstitute for more info and updates.

At Long Last: Palace of Buddies

The best locals are never only in one place at once, and that’s true for Palace of Buddies, an SLC band that’s been around forever.

Made-up of Tim Myers and Nick Foster and

Take 5 Jazz Quartet their distinct methods of looping and triggering song-parts to make their duo-hood sound like much more, Palace of Buddies hasn’t been particularly active in the years since their 2011 release Summertimes. The new, quar-released album, Idle Tremors, came out in May, after years of the prolific pair splitting time between projects like Foster’s Carl Cassette, It Foot, It Ears and Salt Lake Electric Ensemble, and Myers’s own project Famous Relatives. “We took a long unintended break from recording,” Myers says. “We played many shows in between that time, started writing new material and even spent time on the road. I think that some of the lag was due to other musical endeavors we both pursued and the ever-growing complications of life.” This was the year they intended to tie up the loose strings on the long-gestating album, and the pandemic hitting only gave them more urgency to master the record and get to vinyl pressing. Myers says, “We felt like it would be a perfect time to release a digital version while people had time to listen, and were possibly looking for something new to listen to.” The result is in line with the rest of their work, but with a thoughtfulness in each song that Myers attributes to just taking more time—proving that waiting for the right moment can make all the difference. Stream Idle Tremors on Spotify or Bandcamp at palaceofbuddies.bandcamp. com, and look out for future post-COVID show dates.

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While American Fork’s Fork Fest has been pushed to Sept. 5 this year instead of its usual mid-summer date, they’re going on with the show by moving into the historic Harrington School in American Fork. While the 117-year old building awaits its full renovation to become The Harrington Center for the Arts, the 20-years-abandoned building— which is registered as a historic landmark— has made the perfect backdrop for a series of live-stream events throughout May organized by the Fork Fest folks. The event series started out with local artist Ryan Innes— recently featured on NBC’s singing competition show Songland—on May 9, followed by famed local folk artist Joshua James on May 16 and local band Book on Tape Worm on May 23. The final date of the line-up is a little more on the up-and-coming side, but has really got something going. Springvillebased artist Emma Hardyman (aka Little Moon), who has probably the most highpitched and angelic voice in the whole state, was recently featured with a slew of collaborators (some of Utah County’s most prolific, including producer Bly Wallentine) on NPR’s Best of 2020 Tiny Desk Contest Entries.

The submitted video is a well-produced collage of socially-distanced video clips of all the instrumentalists, with Hardyman’s voice the glue connecting them. This will be one stunner not to miss, and no doubt she, like Innes and James, will transform the cold, abandoned space of The Harrington into something warm and humble. Find past performances posted on The Harrington Center for the Arts YouTube page, and don’t miss Little Moon at 7 p.m. on Saturday, May 30.

Find updates at facebook.com/ForkFest or at harringtoncenter.org.

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Whether S&S owners knew they were filling two gaps in the local “going-out” scene or not when they came up with their latest solution to presenting music live is unclear—but they just might have. That is, if their 999 Ride-esque Concert Cruise concept actually takes off. An attempt to solve the predicament of no summer shows happening at their number of venues, the Concert Cruise pairs socially-distanced music sets (in the same vein as The 8eat1ful5 sets going on outside E3 Modern every Sunday night lately) with the movement of group bike rides for a rather roguish response to our pandemic world. Venue Media Manager Nic Smith said before the launch of the first Cruise, “This is meant to be a regular show—or as regular as possible, given the circumstances.

It doesn’t make sense for our venues to be open right now, so we believe we have found a new way to make an enjoyable live music event possible, while still respecting health and safety measures. We are hoping this is a great experience not only for us, but for the artists and everyone who attends as well.”

It must have been, considering their May 16 launch event sold out, despite S&S underselling it below their target “capacity” of groups

MICHAEL JAMES MORGAN

Just in time for another one of Bandcamp’s waived-fees days (see feature, p. 22)—which they’ve been doing on the first of every month since quar stalled the profits of the music industry—here’s another great resource for digging into all things local, and especially small-time folks who need support now more than ever. Swoody Records is a treasure-trove of local goods, featuring albums by the likes of Secret Abilities (the

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Swoody Records Bandcamp Page Screenshot

project of label-owner David S. Abegg), Fisch Loops and Whisperhawk among many others. Besides offering the typical album or EP by a single band or artist, the label takes inspiration from songwriting traditions or happenings of the past, which are often expressed via big grab-bags of compilations.

One of them, That Guy At The Party, is a compilation of covers in the style of “that guy (or gal) at the party that brings their guitar and plays all the hits no matter how well they know them.” Another, dated back to 2013 titled The Song Poem Project vol. 1, features poems-turned-songs written and swapped between artists from Utah and beyond. I was delighted upon browsing to find my friend Nate Housely featured on two songs, who has played as PTO around SLC on-and-off for several years. That’s the thing about big archives of music like this—it’s not just music, but a collection of art by the people you might know in everyday life, just down the block. Swoody is still busy releasing new stuff during quarantine, including the home-recorded Exposure

by Elaine Frances and the March-released Broken Hearts Association by Whisperhawk.

Take some time to browse swoodyrecords. bandcamp.com and maybe purchase some downloads, cassettes or other merch from the label on Bandcamp’s next waived fee day, June 1.

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of 12 distanced riders. Those who attended stopped at locations around the city to see 10- to 15-minute-long sets before moving along, at a distance from the bands and each other. The event costs $30, with participating local artists (Daytime Lover, Dad Bod, 90s TV, Static Replica, Midnight Palm, Tyke James, First Daze, Mitochondria and Marny Proudfit among them) getting a cut. However, despite this positive opportunity for artists, there still remains the question of safety and sustainability. The hunger to see live music is clearly evident, but even with a strictly controlled environment of masked-bike riding between sets and distance between viewers and performers, the event could still feel unsafe for some.

Those who do feel comfortable can keep an eye out for their upcoming Cruises—which will likely sell up to their capacity—on Instagram @ sartainandsaunders.

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Sweet Music

The High Note delivers the kind of slick Hollywood entertainment we’ve been missing.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

FOCUS FEATURES

T

here’s something more than slightly meta about The High Note, a slick, glossy entertainment that’s about the world of slick, glossy entertainment.

But it’s also coming to us at a time when we might be ready to appreciate slick, glossy entertainment more by virtue of its absence from our lives. While you can certainly find many quality independent dramas and thought-provoking documentaries among the new streaming releases on virtual cinema platforms, sometimes you get hungry for the pleasures of Hollywood craftsmanship.

That is by no means a faint-praisedamning swipe at this story about Maggie Sherwood (Dakota Johnson), who is working on three years as personal assistant to legendary R&B singer Grace Davis (Tracee Ellis Ross). While Grace is heading into the “considering a residency at a Vegas casino” phase of her career, Maggie is trying to figure out how to advance her aspirations at being a music producer. When Maggie meets David (Kelvin Harrison, Jr.), a talented singer/songwriter who seems content with playing bar mitzvahs and grocery store parking lots, she sees her chance at a breakthrough—provided she can squeeze any additional hours into Grace’s demands on her time.

The two central relationships—between Maggie and Grace, and between Maggie and David—share more-or-less equal billing, and first-time screenwriter Flora Greeson provides a solid foundation for the performances to build on. Johnson gets a great role as Maggie, conveying the sheer joy that music brings to her, and that she’s a genu-

ine fan of Grace’s work, rather than simply seeing her as a career stepping stone. Ross brings something softer and more thoughtful to Grace beyond being a high-maintenance aging diva, particularly as the singer wrestles with the realization that being over 40 and African-American in the music industry isn’t generally a pathway to ongoing popular relevance. The dynamic between the two women echoes that of director Nisha Ganatra’s previous feature, Late Night, with the added buzz of Grace trusting Maggie even as she envies someone who’s young and white, and who couldn’t understand what Grace faced reaching the top in the first place.

You get even more buzz, though, from the scenes between Johnson and Harrison, who have an absolutely phenomenal on-screen chemistry. It’s not always easy for a movie to nail an attraction between two people built on a clear mutual respect for one another’s talents, but The High Note satisfies as a romantic dramedy because every moment Johnson and Harrison share crackles with that heat. It’s hard to overstate the fun

SLC

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Dakota Johnson and Tracee Ellis Ross in The High Note

just end up feeling forced. This is the kind of movie that works best when it’s feeling effortless, which is why it’s so perfect that in one of the early sequences capturing Grace on tour with her lavish stage show, Ganatra cuts back and forth between the shows themselves and the rehearsals and sound checks that precede those shows. A slick, glossy entertainment only ends up looking slick and glossy after a lot of people put in a lot of hard work to make it look that way, all so that we can smile with simple pleasure. CW

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that comes from watching enough romantic friction in a movie that you might walk away a little bit pregnant.

And while The High Note gets the big stuff right, it also gets lots of little stuff right, too. The supporting cast is filled with performers doing terrific work—Ice Cube as Grace’s long-time manager; Zoë Chao as Maggie’s roommate; June Diane Raphael as Grace’s ditzy sort-of-housekeeper—and nailing all their best lines. The world of the movie has an internal logic to it, like the fact that we see Maggie’s roommate wearing a Grace Davis T-shirt, because of course she has access to them. There’s even something great about the attention to detail in a scene where Maggie takes out of her wireless earbuds to share with Grace what song she’s listening to, then when a conversation ensues, Maggie has to remember to take out the other earbud as well.

It is kind of a bummer that The High Note loses its footing somewhat in the third act after such a strong start. The general narrative arc is unsurprising, which isn’t a huge problem, but some of the plot developments

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Audio horoscopes also available by phone at 877-873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

ARIES (March 21-April 19) “The best of my nature reveals itself in play, and play is sacred,” wrote the feisty Aries author Karen Blixen, who sometimes used the pen name Isak Dinesen. The attitude described in that statement helps illuminate the meaning of another one of her famous quotations: “I do not think that I could ever really love a woman who had not, at one time or another, been up on a broomstick.” In my interpretation of this humorous remark, Blixen referred to the fact that she had a strong preference for witchy women with rascally magical ways. I bring this to your attention, Aries, because I’m inviting you to cultivate a Blixenlike streak of sacred play and sly magic in the coming days.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Taurus music legend Willie Nelson has played the same guitar since 1969. He calls it “my horse,” and named it after Trigger, a famous horse in Hollywood films. Although Nelson still loves the tones that come from his instrument, it’s neither sleek nor elegant. It’s bruised with multiple stains and has a jagged gash near its sound hole. Some Tauruses want their useful things to be fine and beautiful, but not Willie. Having said that, I wonder if maybe he will finally change guitars sometime soon. For you Bulls, the coming months will be time to consider trading in an old horse for a new one.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) “The less you fear, the more power you will have,” says the rapper known as 50 Cent. I agree with him. If you can dissolve even, say, 25 percent of your fear, your ability to do what you want will rise significantly, as will your influence and clout. But here’s the major riddle: How exactly can you dissolve your fear? My answers to that question would require far more room than I have in this horoscope. But here’s the really good news, Leo: In the coming weeks, you will naturally have an abundance of good insights about to dissolve your own fear. Trust what your intuition tells you. And be receptive to clues that serendipity brings you.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Writing some Chinese characters can be quite demanding. To make “biáng,” for example, which is used in the name for a certain kind of noodle, you must draw 58 separate strokes.

This is a good metaphor for exactly what you should avoid in the coming weeks: spending too much time and devoting too much thought and getting wrapped up in too much complexity about trivial matters. Your focus should instead be on simple, bold approaches that encourage you to be crisp and decisive.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Singer-songwriter Jill Scott is strongly committed to her creative process. She tells us, “I was once making a burger for myself at my boyfriend’s house and a lyric started pouring out and I had to catch it, so I ran to another room to write it down, but then the kitchen caught fire. His cabinets were charred, and he was furious. But it was worth it for a song.” My perspective: Scott’s level of devotion to the muse is too intense for my tastes. Personally, I would have taken the burger off the stove before fleeing the scene to record my good idea. What about you, Aquarius? According to my analysis, you’re in a phase when creative ideas should flow even better than usual. Pay close attention. Be prepared to capture as much of that potentially life-altering stuff as possible.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) To protect ourselves and others from the pandemic, most of us have been spending more time than usual at home—often engaged in what amounts to enforced relaxation. For some of us, that has been a problem. But I’m going to propose that it will be the opposite of a problem for you in the next three weeks. In my astrological opinion, your words to live by will be this counsel from author and philosopher Mike Dooley: “What if it was your downtime, your lounging-in-bed-too-long time, that made possible your greatest achievements? Would they still make you feel guilty? Or would you allow yourself to enjoy them?”

MAY 28, 2020 | 29

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) For his film Parasite, Virgo filmmaker Bong Joon-ho received Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Director and Best Original Screenplay. In his natal horoscope, Joon-ho has Pluto conjunct his sun in Virgo, and during the time Parasite began to score major success, Saturn and Pluto were making a favorable transit to that powerful point in his chart. I’m expecting the next six months to be a time when you can make significant progress toward your own version of a Joon-ho style achievement. In what part of your life is that most likely to happen? Focus on it. Feed it. Love it.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) “Wherever I am, let me never forget to distinguish want from need,” vows author Barbara Kingsolver. “Let me be a good animal,” she adds. That would be a stirring prayer to keep simmering at the forefront of your awareness in the next six weeks.

According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you’ll be getting clear signals about the differences between your wants and needs. You will also discover effective strategies about how to satisfy them both in the post-pandemic world, and fine intuitions about which one to prioritize at any particular time.

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CANCER (June 21-July 22) When Lewis Carroll’s fictional heroine Alice visits the underground realm known as Wonderland, she encounters two odd men named Tweedledee and Tweedledum. The latter tells her, “You know very well you’re not real.” He implies that Alice is merely a character in the dream of a man who’s asleep nearby. This upsets her. “I am real!” she protests and breaks into tears. Tweedledum presses on, insisting she’s just a phantom. Alice summons her courageous wisdom and thinks to herself, “I know they’re talking nonsense, and it’s foolish to cry about it.” I suspect you Cancerians may have to deal with people and influences that give you messages akin to those of Tweedledum. If that happens, be like Alice.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Scorpio comedian John Cleese does solo work, but many of his successful films, albums, stage shows and TV programs have arisen from joining forces with other comedians. “When you collaborate with someone else on something creative,” he testifies, “you get to places that you would never get to on your own.” I propose you make this your temporary motto, Scorpio. Whatever line of work or play you’re in, the coming weeks will offer opportunities to start getting involved in sterling synergies and symbioses.

To overcome the potential limitations of social distancing, make creative use of Zoom and other online video conferencing.

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20) I’ve got a message for you, courtesy of poet Lisel Mueller. I think her wisdom can help you thrive in the coming weeks. She writes, “The past pushed away, the future left unimagined, for the sake of the glorious, difficult, passionate present.” Of course, it’s always helpful for us to liberate ourselves from the oppressive thoughts of what once was in the past and what might be in the future. But it’ll be especially valuable for you to claim that superpower in the coming weeks. To the degree that you do, the present will be more glorious and passionate and not so difficult.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to seek out, seduce and attract luck. To inspire you in this holy task, I’ll provide a prayer written by Hoodoo conjurer Stephanie Rose Bird: “O sweet luck, I call your name. Luck with force and power to make change, walk with me and talk through me. With your help, all that can and should be will be!” If there are further invocations you’d like to add to hers, Libra, please do. The best way to ensure that good fortune will stream into your life is to have fun as you draw it to you.

© 2020

SMALL MINDED

BY DAVID LEVINSON WILK

ACROSS

1. Winter Olympics item 2. Stroke gently 3. Triage sites, briefly 4. Like some humor 5. Katy Perry’s “I Kissed ____” 6. Fix, as laces 7. Bette’s “Divine” nickname 8. “Gangnam Style” rapper 9. Sounds of understanding 10. Fist bump 11. French bathroom fixture 12. “Rumour Has It” singer 13. Spelling of “Beverly Hills, 90210” 18. “However ...”

19. Tarbell and Wells 22. Triglyceride, e.g.

23. Cara of “Fame” 24. Boris Johnson, for one

G

Investing 101

25. Smart ____ 26. Idle 27. Steakhouse order 28. Mr. of detective fiction 31. He lost to Ike twice 32. “Bye!” 33. Barnes & Noble’s NYSE symbol, aptly 34. Clint’s costar in “The Bridges of Madison County” 35. 1974 bestseller “Zen and the ___ Motorcycle Maintenance” 36. Simple step 38. Editor’s “Never mind that change” 39. Hunter’s garb, for short 43. Not just think 45. Swim events 46. Butterfingered 47. Band together 48. “The Fisher King” Oscar winner Mercedes 49. Five-time Super Bowl starter John 50. Les : French :: ____ : Italian 51. 1957 war movie

title river 54. “At Seventeen” singer Janis 55. Big Apple airport code 56. On the ____ (fleeing) 57. It pays the Bills 58. Sportage maker 59. Place for a stay 60. Squeeze (out)

Last week’s answers

No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

DOWN

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Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers 1 to 9.

1. Pour forth 5. Piece of protective wear for 57-Down players 11. Vampire ____ 14. NBA coach Steve 15. Performer with a fan 16. Declaration just before a kiss 17. Small-minded children’s song character?

20. “Exodus” author 21. Kosher ____ 22. Small-minded Jodie Foster film?

28. Joan of art 29. Arcing tennis hits 30. “Otello” and “Pagliacci” 33. Texan politico O’Rourke 34. Goat cry 37. Small-minded NPR music event?

40. Tribute of a sort 41. “Sounds like a plan!”

42. In the vicinity of 43. Danny of “White Christmas” 44. “Butt out,” briefly 45. Small-minded leisure activity?

51. Vegas numbers game 52. Of no value 53. Small-minded nursery rhyme character?

61. Org. for Nadal and Federer 62. Annual mystery writer’s award 63. Squealer 64. Suffix with novel or Nobel 65. To wit 66. Shipping route

SUDOKU

| COMMUNITY | | CITYWEEKLY.NET |

30 | MAY 28, 2020

CROSSWORD PUZZLE

You may have been thinking of buying a home because mortgage interest rates are at all-time lows, hovering at 3% per year.

This is terrific for the real estate market for what is one of the largest economic pieces to a healthy national financial recovery. But what if you’re not in the real estate market and just trying to make a good investment on your savings?

What interest are you getting on your savings account right now? The annual percentage rate (APR) quoted from First America Credit Union is 0.10%. If you want to invest in a money market by depositing up to $4,999.99, the APR is 0.15% and for $5,000$9,999, it’s 0.30%. For example, if you deposit $5,000 into a savings account and then contribute $100 per month at 0.15%, you’ll earn a whopping $8.32 at the end of a year on your investment. Hell, you could hold a virtual yard sale or sell some clothes at Uptown Cheapskate that would net you more than that savings account ever will!

The Federal Reserve (aka the Fed) is the central bank of the United States. Known as the bank for all the banks in the country, it helps economic growth and keeps inflation in check by controlling interest rates. When banks need to borrow money, they go to the Fed. Depending on what the Fed charges, the bank wanting money will then determine what it will charge its customers for home loans, car loans and credit cards. When the economy isn’t doing well, the Fed will typically lower interest rates to help jumpstart a sluggish economy. Conversely, when the economy is growing too fast, the Fed will raise lending rates to banks.

Right now, the Fed may be moving to charge below zero interest rates, which would be a negative interest rate. That would be like if our Fed changed its lending rate from 0.1% to –0.1%. In 2016, Japan adopted this negative interest rate policy to generate economic growth but that has proven to be a dismal failure for what had been the world’s second largest economy. This doesn’t bode well for our country as the coronavirus pandemic has triggered severe economic distress with substantial unemployment numbers and predictions for massive business bankruptcies and permanent business closings.

How do you make money then if the world is in crisis and our economy sucks? Buying stocks, bonds or annuities are risky for the uneducated investor, especially during a recession. Look hard at buying a primary residence or an investment property. Sure, I’m a Realtor, and I’m biased, but when property values are going up at say 10% a year, that’s something to analyze and investigate deeply. A $350,000 home in two years could be worth $424,000 given inflation. That’s a gain of $74,000. Maybe you should be in the real estate market? n Content is prepared expressly for Community and is not endorsed by City Weekly staff.

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n Joseph Todd Kowalczyk, 20, tweeted at the FBI on May 10, threatening that he had “10 bombs ready to go off ... in my basement ... come get me you guys have till 8 before I make this city in my own little hell #forwaco.” The FBI determined the tweet came from a mobile home park in Clinton Township, Michigan, according to The Detroit News, and officers showed up at Kowalczyk’s home the next day, where he explained that he was “testing the government” and was upset that they had not responded more promptly. He told agents he had no weapons and would not make any more threatening tweets, but as the day wore on, Kowalczyk taunted the FBI in further posts, disparaging the agency and police for their slow response. On May 12, he was arrested and charged with transmitting a threat to injure, which is punishable by up to five years in prison.

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Paying the Price Restaurants in West Plains, Missouri, endured a social media storm in early May after a customer posted a photo of a receipt that included a “Covid 19 Surcharge.” But the restaurants pushed back, according to KY3. “It’s not a tax. It’s basically just a small percentage to cover all of our extra expenses,” said Bootleggers BBQ owner Brian Staack. Kiko Japanese Steakhouse manager Sarah Sherwood said prices on most items have doubled, and Ozark Cafe co-owner Heather Hughes confirmed: “Every day there’s something else (food suppliers) can’t get or the prices have gone up exorbitantly.” The restaurateurs say it’s easier to add the 5% surcharge than constantly change the menus, and they’ve been upfront with customers, using signs and notes in their menus. While the initial response was surprise, Sherwood says the community has “really come together to support the local businesses.”

Florida A Mother’s Day bouquet became a weapon during an altercation in Pinellas County, Florida, early on May 11. Sandra Kay Webb, 32, allegedly became angry with her husband because he bought flowers for her children to give her for Mother’s Day. The Smoking Gun reported that Webb threw the bouquet at her husband and hit him with it, then spit on him. Webb was charged with domestic battery; she admitted throwing the flowers, but denied the spitting.

Send weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

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| COMMUNITY |

Recent Alarming Headline In Clocolan, Free State Province, South Africa, where the nowseven-week-long lockdown includes a ban on buying or selling alcoholic beverages, thieves broke into the Rest in Peace funeral parlor and made off with 4 gallons of exhumation liquid, the Daily Mail reported on May 12. The fluid, used to preserve body parts that have been exhumed, is 97% alcohol, police spokesperson Brigadier Motansi Makhele said, and the burglars had to break through roller blinds and into a locked steel cabinet to get to the liquid. A forensic officer predicted: “If the thieves drink that liquid without watering it right down, then they will drop dead themselves!”

Inexplicable In 2006, Armin Meiwes, now 58, was convicted of killing, dismembering and slowly eating Bernd Brandes, 43, over a number of months in Rotenburg, Germany, but today, the man who advertised himself as a “friendly and polite” cannibal, goes for “walks around town” with a police escort and wearing sunglasses and a cap to disguise himself. Meiwes had advertised in 2001 on a website called The Cannibal Cafe for “a well-built 18- to 30-year-old to be slaughtered and then consumed,” and Brandes answered the ad. At trial, Meiwes told the court he had always dreamed of having a younger brother “to be a part of me” and thought cannibalism would be a way to satisfy that obses-

sion. Two officers accompany Meiwes on his outings, reports the Daily Mail, and he is described by his keepers as a “friendly, outgoing, polite” prisoner who is helpful to others, attends church services and works in the prison laundry.

Questionable Judgment n Curtis L. Fish, 48, arrested and charged with kidnapping and raping a woman on New Year’s Day in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, was released when the COVID-19 crisis erupted in jails, according to PennLive.com. On May 12, police responding to reports that Fish tried to break into the Crossroads Tavern in Hilltown Township attempted to Taser Fish, but he fled to his home nearby, where he set off and aimed fireworks at a SWAT team before his house suddenly caught fire. “Fireworks outside and fireworks inside,” said tavern owner Mike Mrozinski. “So, I believe that’s what lit the house on fire.” A body thought to be Fish’s was found inside. Mrozinski said Fish, whom he had known for 16 years, was “not the same guy I had known him to be” before the rape charges.

| CITYWEEKLY.NET |

Sign of the Times In South America, some families of people who have died of COVID-19 have had to wait days for a coffin, either because of the short supply or because they were unable to afford one, the Associated Press reported on May 8. In response, ABC Displays, a Colombian advertising company, has developed a cardboard hospital bed with metal railings that can be converted into a coffin. The beds can hold a weight of 330 pounds and will cost about $85 each, company manager Rodolfo Gomez said. He plans to donate 10 beds and hopes to receive orders for more from emergency clinics that might run short on beds.

Not Men From Outer Space People in Washington’s Puget Sound were startled on the evening of May 6 by a brilliant streak of light across the sky followed three minutes later by a loud explosion. “Huge boom that shook the house. It was the loudest boom I’ve ever heard,” one witness in Brier reported, according to KOMO. The American Meteor Society investigated the many reports it fielded and determined the noise came from an exploding meteor entering Earth’s atmosphere. The meteor may have been part of the annual Eta Aquarid meteor shower, which occurs when Earth moves through the remnants of Halley’s comet.

Bright Ideas Restaurants have adapted to local lockdowns with curbside and drive-thru services, so it’s no surprise that other businesses are following suit. Minx Gentlemen’s Club in Virginia Beach, Virginia, is offering drive-thru pole dances and other entertainment in a makeshift outdoor space, according to The Sun. Dancers were showered with bills or grabbed their tips using a trash picker to reach into vehicles as patrons enjoyed the performances from the safety of their cars. Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, Little Darlings is offering completely nude drive-up strip teases.

“Guests can drive up to the front door, and we’re going to have dancers separated by the 6-foot separation rule, and (customers) can enjoy a totally nude show right from the seat of their car,” a Little Darlings spokesperson told KSNV.

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