BEVERLEY TURNER

LEARNING FROM LOCKDOWN

Research from the Institute for Fiscal Studies has confirmed what we already knew: lockdown was a slamdown for working women. For every three uninterrupted paid hours worked by men, we managed one. But even that seems unlikely – a whole hour uninterrupted by refereeing a sibling fight, rustling up lunch or hanging out a wash?! Impossible.

Cast your mind back to the 22nd March when Boris Johnson gravely announced that we must stay at home to stay alive. It was surreal and slightly scary: was this virus hanging about in the air, waiting to pounce outside Co-op? Were we about to be hit by a ‘Day of The Triffids’ style apocalypse that would leave our children free to raise each other on a diet of Wotsits and Fortnite? (They wish). But there was also the thrill of being forced to slow-down. And boy, did we need to… ‘I’m sorry, Mr Prime Minister, did you just say that I can’t do the school run twice a day? Did you say that I can’t sit on sweltering poolside balconies four times a week? Are you absolutely sure that I don’t have to work as well as overseeing multiple playdates, netball matches, birthday parties and afterschool-clubs whilst also mentally juggling who needs a snack, are gym kits packed and have I left a child at a bus stop somewhere? Oh, if you insist PM!...

Of course, at that point the grip of homeschooling, the anxiety of earning a living and the sheer bloody exasperation of being locked up with only our families for three months had not yet hit. That tsunami was around the corner along with unavailable shopping deliveries, filthy houses and the genuine stress that our elderly loved ones might become ill – or die. What looked like a little staycation morphed into a coachtrip into the bowels of hell, especially for mothers.

This has been unlike any event in modern times and as we tentatively unfurl back into the real world, we parents are left wondering what we learnt: good and bad. I confirmed my own suspicion that alcohol at 6pm certainly does take the edge of a tough day (in the long run, my liver may not agree) and I discovered that I had been flittering away hundreds of pounds on coffees, snacks and eating-out that I really didn’t need. I now have a thermos and a willingness to make my sandwiches in the morning. I will try to maintain that frugality. Wish me luck.

The relationship between me, my partner and my three children wholeheartedly benefitted from enforced confinement. Disagreements could be truly settled, not ignored as one of us ran out of the door to an appointment. Talking over family meals at least twice a day engendered many laughs and a much greater willingness to listen to each other. Kids need our time. And as hard as that is to accept when we are dashing about, it is the one single ingredient which helps our offspring grow healthy and happy.

And let’s be honest, ladies, if it wasn’t for the technology nannies (Playstation, iPads, TV, mobile phones), we wouldn’t have made it through the day. Most kids gorged on screens and yet, balanced by daily fresh air and home cooked meals thanks to a lack of eating out, they appear largely unharmed. And shall we talk about housework? I didn’t need a gym during lockdown as I took on the 1950’s housewife training regime of laundry, gardening, hoovering, mopping and bed-making; flopping into bed exhausted (and a bit pissed) every single night feeling as though I’d run the two bridges. T

he same Fiscal Institute study discovered that mums did 1.7 more hours of housework per day than dads. And even in households where dad was furloughed and mum carried on working, both parents did the same housework! This is not ok. But it’s a complicated psychological and emotional battle in many houses where we women want it to look ‘nice’ while blokes often shrug that it’s ‘fine’ and ask if it really matters if the floor is mopped. I’m dealing in stereotypes here but that’s a stereotype for a reason…My own teenage son was recruited into the cleaning schedule at our house and when asked to clean the bath looked utterly bemused: “Why would you do that? You’re just going to put water in it.” So, as we come up for air and loosen the seals on our family units, I for one, will endeavour to make sure that the bonds which grew from each other’s company don’t fray.

If the PM won’t insist on family time, we mothers will have to. And hopefully dads will be on board – with a willingness to share the load.

BEVERLEY TURNER is the founder of The Happy Birth Club, ante-natal and post-natal classes in Chiswick. thehappybirthclub.co.uk