Bible Study Source for Women Magazine, Issue 10

Issue 10 • Winter 2022

B I B L E

S T U D Y

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inside this issue: Ruth Chou Simons on

REPLACING STRIVING with Grace

THE FLIRTATION

EXPERIMENT WHEN WILL THINGS GET

Back to Normal ?

God’s Love

O V E R CO M E S F E A R

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BY RUTH CHOU SIMONS

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LETTER to our READERS

Dear Women’s Ministry Leader, Welcome to our 10th issue of Bible Study Source magazine. We’re glad you’re here!

Our calling is to help you fulfill your calling, as you lead and disciple the women in your church, helping them engage God’s Word and grow in their walk with Jesus.

There are so many great Bible studies out there. Finding the right one for your group can be daunting. Our hope is that this magazine will help you get to know some of our Bible study teachers, and find the perfect study for your group in these pages.

Did you know you can try any of our studies before you buy them? Our YouTube channel is full of first sessions you can watch for free, to see if the study content and teacher is right for you and your group. You can preview first sessions at YouTube.com/HarperChristianResources. Follow our channel to be notified every time we post a new session!

Our team of ministry experts is here to help, too. If you’re not sure what you need, or want help finding a study, you can chat with us online at ChurchSource.com or give us a call at 800-727-3480. We’d love to connect with you.

In Him,

Beth Murphy Director, HarperChristian Resources P.S. We’re giving away two FREE Bible studies! Get access to the full study guide and all six sessions of You Belong, by Candace Payne, a fun and insightful study on what Scripture says about who we are and whose we are. Plus, get the study guide and all five sessions of What’s Next, a study from pastor Chris Hodges on how to take your relationship with Jesus to the next level. These free studies will only be available until 3/30/22, so sign up today at HarperChristianResouces.com!

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Have you ever read the familiar verse, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10) and wondered: Well, how, then do I manage my chaotic life, my disobedient children, or that project at work that my boss expects me to complete if I want to receive a promotion. Does “cease striving” (as the New American Standard translation reads) mean that I just take a day off, and stop trying to do my best?

How do weary Christ-followers live in the reality of a demanding world? If God desires that I trust him, and cease striving, what does that really mean?

If you’ve spent any time in the epistles—letters written by disciples in the New Testament—you may have noticed a pattern. In conveying important instructions, exhortations, and reminders to the young churches learning to live out their faith as a community, these letters all began with clear reminders of biblical truth … clear reminders of who God is and who they are in Christ, because of God’s grace.

The reader would’ve already known the gospel, but Paul, for example, who wrote the letter to the Colossians, waited to give instructions on how to do the Christian life until after he realigned the reader with the truth of Christ and redemption. Why? Why was it so important for him to repeat himself, to restate what should’ve been obvious and already known?

Well, I think because we so easily forget who we belong to, forget who our Father is, forget what he’s done for us. Because we get out of alignment and so easily turn to striving in our own strength in order to face the demands of our everyday lives.

ace Replaces Striving The epistle writers reminded us of all these things because it’s easy to fall back into a pattern of striving for grace rather than striving in grace. You see, without being firmly planted in the truths of God’s redemption and our identity in him, we’d easily wander into trying to succeed in the Christian life by my own means, rather than God’s. When God says for us to “be still and know that [He] is God,” it’s not because he desires for us to do nothing, but because he’s created us to do all things from the overflow of a life that knows God as Rescuer, Redeemer, and Trustworthy King.

So when we read in Colossians 2:6–7 (ESV): “Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.”

Striving in our own strength is, in essence: straining and anxiously toiling to achieve or secure what we don’t truly trust God to provide.

… we know that the “therefore” points back to all that we remember about what God has done for us.

I love imagining Paul as he wrote this letter, pausing after all the glorious truths he’s written—about who we once were as sinners and how the grace of God rescues us—and he gets to this part of the letter and he’s asking himself, “So what? So what do I

want my readers to grasp in response to all this good news?”

He chooses the words, “so walk in Him.” He doesn’t say, “so, feel good about yourself.” “so, give yourself a break!” “so, just relax.”

No, he tells us to actively live and go forth as we believe.

He tells believers to strive IN GRACE. Striving in our own strength is, in essence: straining and anxiously toiling to achieve or secure what we don’t truly trust God to provide.

As a recovering striver myself, I can appreciate the distinction Paul makes here. Striving out of scarcity, fear, self-preservation, and distrust of God’s purposes for your life is not the same as striving from the grace that frees us.

One works frantically to be enough, the other works restfully knowing we’re not enough for the tasks only God can do through us.

What kind of good works are we freed then to do from a place of grace? Well, Paul’s about to tell them in Colossians 3:12-15 (ESV): “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the

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Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”

Sounds similar to the fruit of the Spirit Paul teaches to the churches in Galatia in Galatians 5:22 (NIV), which says: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

God’s grace through Christ relieved us of the burden of sin, and our continual striving to perform our way to acceptance in Him. This newfound freedom that measures us by Christ’s perfect righteousness and not our own merit is the same freedom that we now use to serve others.

We aren’t saved by good works. We are saved to good works in love. We can strive in grace.

In the same way that an apple tree will never bear oranges, even if you were to dangle some from its branches, so it is that a self-striving person—no matter how gifted or kind—will never bear the fruit of genuine good works in Christ if not rooted in grace.

Grace replaces striving with abiding.

Friend, if you, too, are a recovering self-striver who is discovering how to strive in grace rather than your own strength, hear Jesus’s invitation to me and to you:

“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me” John 15:4 (NKJV).

Friend, grace replaces striving with abiding. Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. You can “cease striving” today, because of Christ—because of grace. When we consider all that he’s done to rescue us from sin and brokenness, we don’t dare try and produce through striving; instead, we overflow in praise and thanksgiving … and strive in grace.

Ruth Chou SIMONS RUTH CHOU SIMONS is a bestselling and award-winning author of several books and Bible study curricula. She is an artist, entrepreneur, and speaker who uses each of these platforms to spiritually sow the Word of God into people’s hearts. Through her online shoppe at GraceLaced.com and her social media community, Simons shares her journey of God’s grace intersecting daily life with word and art. Ruth and her husband, Troy, are grateful parents to six boys–their greatest adventure.

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Find freedom from the never-ending quest for approval and affirmation by learning how to accept the undeserved gift of grace from a merciful God.

WHEN STRIVINGS CEASE Replacing the Gospel of Self-Improvement with the Gospel of Life-Transforming Grace

by Ruth Chou Simons

This study guide has everything you need for a full Bible study experience, including: • The study guide itself—with warm-up, group discussion and personal reflection questions, video notes, and a leader's guide.

• An individual access code to stream all six video sessions online (you don’t need a DVD).

Six 18-minute sessions Free streaming included with study guide

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Why is the divine road that leads to God’s perfect plan for our lives so often paved with difficulties?

THE HARD GOOD Showing Up When You Want to Shut Down

by Lisa Whittle The Hard Good is a six-session video Bible study based in 1 Samuel. It will help you find God's true purpose for your life—a study in becoming the person God uniquely created you to be. With counsel from Scripture, which speaks into relevant and universal issues that touch each one of us, The Hard Good inspires and motivates you to discover the growth you have long desired as you search for your purpose in God’s perfect plan.

Six 15-minute sessions Free streaming included with study guide

Lisa WHITTLE

LISA WHITTLE is the author of eight books and a sought-after Bible teacher.

A pastor’s daughter and longtime ministry leader in issues relevant to the church, Lisa is the founder of Ministry Strong and the popular Jesus over Everything podcast. Her love runs deep to see people pursue Jesus for life, grow deep roots of faith, and walk strong in the midst of a world that so often seems to have gone crazy. Lisa has done master’s work in marriage and family counseling and is the cofounder of Called Creatives. She and her family live in North Carolina.

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Love, in which their win is your win, can be a part of your future. _ Lisa Whittle

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WE AREN’T SUPPOSED T O B E this L O N E LY In a world that’s both more connected and more isolating than ever before, we’re often tempted to do life alone, whether because we’re so busy or because relationships feel risky and hard.

In the Find Your People video Bible study, bestselling author Jennie Allen looks at the original community in Genesis, the Trinity, and the creation of people to see what God had planned for us all along.

Drawing on fascinating insights from science and history, timeless biblical truth, and vulnerable stories from her own life, Jennie helps us discover exactly how to dive into the deep end and experience the full wonder of deep, connected relationships.

FIND YOUR PEOPLE

Jennie Allen is a Bible teacher, author, and the founder and visionary of IF:Gathering.

Building Deep Community in a Lonley World

by Jennie Allen

Seven 13-minute sessions Free streaming included with study guide

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God’s Love

OVERCOMES FEAR

by Wendy Blight

“Perfect love drives out fear.”

—1 John 4:18a

F

ear held me captive for over a decade after my encounter with an armed masked man hiding in my apartment. I couldn’t escape its horrific hold. Perhaps you’ve been there.

The victim of gripping, paralyzing fear.

The dictionary defines fear: "a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined."

Did you catch the words describing "threat”? Real or imagined.

Fear often arises in the form of a condition … something bad might happen. It’s the "what if." My plane might crash. My mammogram might reveal cancer. I might lose my job. My child might get kidnapped. We might not be able to pay our bills.

Most of the time, our “conditional might” has no basis in reality.

It finds its roots in our past, a news story, or a scene from our favorite show. It looms large in our imaginations and eventually activates a state of heightened fear and anxiety.

WHETHER WE FEAR THE KNOWN OR THE UNKNOWN, FEAR IS A THIEF. A thief who steals our joy, our peace, our sleep, our contentment. Who is this thief? His name is Satan. Jesus tells us, he comes to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10 NIV).

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Peter tells us he “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8 NIV).

What kind of thoughts and fears does the enemy use to steal, kill and destroy?

I asked some friends to share their thoughts and fears.

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’ll never find anyone to love me.”

“I won’t get into the college I want.”

"My husband is having an affair.”

“I’ll never find a job.”

“Losing my baby.”

“I’m not a good parent; I’ve messed up and it’s too late to repair the damage.”

“Rejection.”

“The empty nest.”

Did you find any of your fears? I did.

Fears are inescapable because we have an enemy who pounces on our places of insecurity and magnifies them.

IT’S WHAT WE DO WITH THOSE FEARS THAT MATTERS. God, through His Word, speaks Truth into our fears:

SCRIPTURE PROVIDES A PROCESS TO COMBAT AND OVERCOME OUR FEARS. Step One Know and believe God loves you and wants only the best for you.

Step Two Recognize and confess your fear.

Step Three Identify a biblical truth to combat and overcome that fear and then pray and declare that truth over your heart and mind.

I want to make something clear. Step One is the key to unlocking the other three. Before we can move forward in overcoming fear, we need to know and believe God loves us.

So, as we close, spend time with these three questions and God’s answers to those questions.

DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOD’S BELOVED CHILD? “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are …”

(1 John 3:1 NIV).

“God is love … There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:16-18a, NIV)

DO YOU KNOW GOD LOVES YOU ETERNALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY?

“God did not give us a cowardly spirit but a powerful, loving, and disciplined spirit.” (2 Timothy 1:7, The Voice)

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV).

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

(Isaiah 41:10 NIV) Our challenge: To believe these truths so deeply that we not only combat fear but also overcome it!

“… neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 3:38-39 NIV). continued on page 12

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DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOD’S JOY AND DELIGHT? “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing” (Zephaniah 3:17 ESV).

If you answered “yes,” great!

If you answered. “I’m not sure” or “no,” how can you gain confidence and assurance God loves you and that His love and His Word are the key to overcoming fear? Spend time in God’s Word getting to know His heart and His character. Take the verses we’ve studied above on God’s love and fear.

Pray and declare them over your heart and mind.

Friend, truly I say to you, without truth reigning and ruling over us, we are vulnerable to the enemy.

We’ll be easily swayed by his lies that God doesn’t love us and that we will always and forever be held captive by fear.

But when we walk in God’s love and work in partnership with Him to overcome our fears, we’re bolder and braver, able to believe God for what we’ve been studying and learning about God, His love and our status as a beloved child of God. If you’re desperate for more of God’s precious presence, His overcoming power and lavish love, meet me in the pages of my newest Bible Study, “1 John: Walking in the fullness of God’s love.”

It’s for every child of God who craves to truly understand, walk confidently in and live out God’s unconditional, extravagant, lavish love. Because, God’s love truly does change everything!

Wendy BLIGHT WENDY BLIGHT is a member of the Proverbs 31 Ministries' First 5 Writing Team. She is a national speaker, Bible teacher, attorney, and author. Wendy's favorite place to be is at home in Charlotte, North Carolina writing and enjoying time with her husband, Monty, and their two children, Lauren and Bo.

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1 JOHN Walking in the Fullness of God’s Love

by Wendy Blight

LESSONS FROM THE LETTER OF 1 JOHN: UNDERSTAND THE FULLNESS OF GOD’S LOVE AND HOW IT’S MEANT TO BE LIVED OUT. More than any other New Testament writer, John wrote about love.

He was one of Jesus’ closest disciples, and his first letter is both challenging and comforting—but, ultimately, it’s about living out (and living into) God’s unconditional, extravagant, lavish love.

In this Bible study, Wendy Blight walks you through 1 John, taking you deeper into an understanding of God’s love and what that love means for you, daily.

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READY TO RECEIVE A

FROM GOD? R E V E L AT I O N Extravagant Hope

by Margaret Feinberg

What if God is saving the best for last?

Of all the books of the Bible, Revelation is the one that people seem to be the most afraid to study. Well, FEAR no more! With recent world events, there's no better time to dive into an enticing read. Revelation is a book that brings us hope. Yes, hope!

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What book of the Bible do you turn to for wisdom about the situation you find yourself in? Where do you go for words of comfort when you’re feeling overwhelmed, lost, or frustrated in life?

EPHESIANS Head Held High

by Lori Wilhite

Ephesians was written to remind us who we are. It's about refamiliarizing ourselves with our identities in Christ so that we don't have to live under the crushing weight of heartache and disappointment. In his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul gives us beautiful insight into the Lord's redemptive power.

ROMANS Live with Clarity

by Jada Edwards

Romans shows us the power of the gospel to bring clarity to everyday life through faith in Christ. By diving into this beautiful book, you'll discover the great gifts of the gospel—the forgiveness of sin, the removal of guilt, the promise of salvation, the wonder of grace, the strength of forgiveness, the power of the resurrection, and the guide for walking with greater clarity through life.

G A L AT I A N S Accepted & Free

by Jada Edwards

Have you ever experienced a moment when you felt unaccepted?

In Galatians: Accepted and Free, Jada Edwards shows why it’s so important to know—in the deepest recesses of your soul—that you are wholly and fully accepted in Christ, by Christ, and through Christ. From your birth, God has called and chosen you—yes, you!

The Beautiful Word Bible Study series makes the Bible come alive in such a way that you know where to turn no matter where you find yourself on your spiritual journey. Featuring celebrated authors and teachers, each guide is a creative and illuminating journey through a book of the Bible.

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When will things get

BACK TO NORMAL?

by Laura Story

W

hen you think of the word “normal”, what comes to mind? Is it the ideal you aspired to in middle school, trying desperately to fit in with the cool kids? Is it the outcome you hope for from every medical exam? Or maybe it’s how you described your life before x, y, or z happened to you; whatever it was that moved you from the manageable, predictable life you lived to your present state. We’re often left wondering, “when will things get back to normal?”

I remember the first time I asked that question. My first year of marriage was fairly normal on most accounts. Martin and I had done our premarital counseling and learned how to balance a joint checking account and how to respond to each other with grace and kindness every time one of us left dirty socks on the floor. We had a wonderful plan for what our new life together would look like. But as we entered year two, Martin’s strange health issues led to multiple doctor’s appointments and then, ultimately, to a rather serious diagnosis: a brain tumor.

We were left asking, “when will things get back to normal?”

We were fine with a short-term detour, but as our days in the hospital turned to months, we began to sense that the detour may actually be the road. And once we began to experience the breadth of the damage the tumor had done and the lifelong disability Martin was most likely facing, we were at a loss.

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I don’t share this story to depress you. Hopefully, by the end of this article, you will feel encouraged, and maybe even hopeful. Because the truths Martin and I learned back then, and are still learning today, are lifelong truths.

THE FIRST TRUTH IS ONE WE LEARNED ABOUT OURSELVES: WE LEARNED THAT WE WERE CREATED FOR NORMAL. That’s why

we crave it! From the beginning of Genesis, we read a story about a man and a woman in a garden, enjoying fellowship with God and all the peace and stability that came along with that. For anyone who loves a good routine, whether it’s a favorite morning ritual or a dependable restaurant that always makes your sandwich just the way you like it, we can trace that desire back to Eden. We were made for sturdiness, for stability and for safety. In many ways, that’s why life itself can be so hard. That’s why we are shaken by the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one or the severing of a relationship. We weren’t necessarily fashioned to withstand the fractures, losses or breaks that life throws our way. But that certainly doesn’t mean that we have no hope in this present life.

WHICH LEADS ME TO THE SECOND TRUTH: WE DON’T HAVE TO PLACE OUR HOPE IN GOD RETURNING OUR LIVES TO NORMAL; WE CAN SIMPLY PLACE OUR HOPE IN GOD. It wasn’t very long

after the rift of sin, the great mistake that altered normal this side of heaven, that God made a plan to restore our

stability and security. But he didn’t just stop there. Not only did he make a way for us to spend eternity somewhere that is more stable and secure than this world, He gave us Himself for the in-between. He gave us Himself, whose character, nature, and promises are faithful and secure. Our hearts no longer have to look to circumstances to bring us peace. We can look to the person of Jesus.

You may be thinking right now, “Great, Laura. But what does this actually look like in real life?” I’m so glad you asked!

What do we do with the truth that we were created for a normal that is lost? We grieve that loss. We grieve the loss of normal.

Rather than pretending that we are fine just because we are Christians, give yourself the freedom to feel sad and disappointed with the brokenness around us.

One of my favorite passages of the Bible is Psalm 13. I love that God allowed such a vulnerable lament to exist in His holy canon of Scripture. As David asks such questions that echo our own doubts and fears, it gives us license to do the same: “How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (NIV).

Rather than staying in a state of despair, our second truth points us to our hope in the midst of the mess. When we place our hope in God rather than the return of normal, we maintain a hope that this world cannot take from us. But it takes more than just wishful thinking; it takes actively setting our minds on the things of God rather than the things of this world. After David laments for a few verses in Psalm 13, he ends his prayer by making some critical heart choices: “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me” (Psalm 13:5-6 NIV).

It didn’t take me long into our brain injury journey to realize that there are things in my life I cannot control.

And I’m often tempted to dwell on what I can’t fix, rather than to focus on what I can change. To put it another way, you can’t always choose what you walk through, but you can always choose how you walk through what you walk through. Make sense? This is what David is doing at the end of Psalm 13. David chooses to trust God. David chooses to rejoice, even when it feels like God is hiding from him.

And lastly, David chooses to sing, not based on his understanding or agreement with his current situation, but solely based on God’s track record of faithfulness that David has seen both in his own life and from generation to generation.

When we place our hope in God rather than the return of normal, we maintain a hope that this world cannot take from us.

I used to think that facing trials as a Christian meant always wearing a happy face, and always being ready with a reassuring answer for exactly why God might allow whatever hard thing someone is struggling with. But the more I get to know Jesus through His Word, the more I realize that sometimes He simply weeps with those who weep, rather than immediately offering the “right” answer. He allows us to mourn, agreeing with all creation that things are not as they should be. In your area of struggle or sadness, have you been honest with God about your frustration? Have you been honest with others about your grief?

So, what normal has left you? What normal is God actively calling you to step out of? Will we respond in fear, or in faith? Will we believe that the God who claims to do exceedingly more than we can think or ask (Eph. 3:20) may have greater plans that what we can understand in this chaotic moment? God, give us the faith to trust that in the wake of unprecedented change and loss, you desire to do an unprecedented work, in us and through us, for your glory.

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You can’t always choose what you walk through, but you can always choose how you walk through it.

L AU R A

S T ORY

UNTETHER FROM YOUR SENSE OF “NORMAL” AND FALL INTO THE ABUNDANT LIFE GOD INTENDS

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S O LO N G , N O R M A L Living and Loving the Free Fall of Faith

BibleStudySource.com/ SoLongNormal

by Laura Story The So Long, Normal five-session video study guide (streaming included) walks your group through the process of leaving behind the idols of comfort, caution, and routine so you can live strong and well—even when life takes an unwelcome turn.

Six 21-minute sessions • Free streaming included with study guide

Laura STORY LAURA STORY is a wife, mother, songwriter, worship leader, author, artist, and Bible teacher. She is the bestselling author of books and Bible studies, has a master of theological studies and a doctorate in worship studies, and has served as a worship leader at Perimeter Church in Atlanta since 2005. Her greatest joy is being a wife to Martin and mother to Josie, Ben, Griffin, and Timothy.

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The Flirtation Experiment

by Phylicia Masonheimer

I grew up at the height of purity culture. Books

about purity, dating, courtship, and modesty were everywhere; I read them all. I was part of a girls’ group that went through these books and quickly learned that flirtation, among purity culture trespasses, was one of the greatest.

Flirtation is sinful because it is inherently deceitful (or so was taught). I took this assumption into my dating relationships post-high school, but found it hard to shake after marriage, too. I struggled with awkwardness and shame for my outgoing personality. I felt silly and uncomfortable expressing feelings to my husband. And I found myself asking: “Is what I was taught about flirtation and pursuit biblical at all?”

The flirtation described to me in my girls’ group was framed as seduction and enticement. To flirt was to show inauthentic interest. In other words, flirty girls were self-interested and noncommittal. But what if this isn’t the heart of flirtation at all? When we look at relationships—particularly those in a western context—we usually use fun conversations, mysterious glances, engaging laughter, and little touches to say, “I like you.

I want to spend time with you.” Most dating relationships and marriages begin with these little gestures, and the best way to describe them is flirtation.

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The Biblical Case for Flirtation The Bible doesn’t speak directly to flirtation, which is why we have to start with a definition. If we define flirting as deceitful, inauthentic, selfish seduction, we can find verses to support that point. But if flirtation can be genuine, pure, and healthy, the Bible might speak to it in ways we didn’t expect. That’s what I discovered when I dug into it myself.

I began my study of flirtation as a mom to two small children.

My husband, Josh, worked long hours and we were so, so busy.

We felt more like coworkers than covenant partners! Inspired by a movie one night, I decided to do a 30-day “experiment” of flirting with my husband—a little each day. But before I got there, I had to do some serious heartwork on my purity culture baggage. I began by looking at what Scripture said about female pursuit.

That’s right—I started my study of flirting by asking the question, “Can women pursue men?” Maybe the answer feels obvious to you. For me, there was some untangling of Scripture’s truth from legalistic narratives. As I followed the threads of Scripture in 1 Corinthians 7 (“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” 7:3 NIV) and Song of Solomon 7 (“Come, my

beloved, let us go out into the fields.” 7:11 ESV) it became clear: Scripture never advises against a pursuing woman! Women whose sexual desires are honored (1 Cor. 7), who pursue with intention (Song 7), and whose bold faithfulness is attractive to men (Ruth, Abigail in 1 Sam. 25) are found throughout the biblical account. In the words of the Bible I found a freeing truth different from the teachings of that girls’ group: Pursuit is not a sin. Expressing interest, cultivating mystery, feeling sexy and confident with your husband—these things are not the property of the secular world. They can be part of Christian marriage, too.

My Flirtation Experiment Inspired by Scripture’s freedom, I made a list of thirty “flirtations”. I began trying them out on Josh. They were simple —just a little extra effort to express my affection, interest, and attraction to him. I was nervous and uncomfortable at first; would he notice I was acting different? Would it be weird?

All the self-conscious thoughts crossed my mind.

Cultivating a happy marriage doesn’t happen by accident.

But by day five I was amazed at the difference—not in him, but in me! I felt more confident. I felt more attractive to Josh. But I also felt like I had a newfound freedom to invest in my marriage in fun, playful and creative ways. Josh wasn’t complaining either, though he didn’t know exactly what I was up to!

Other days I made silly jokes or scheduled a surprise date night.

Rather than wait for him to plan things, for him to initiate, for him to show interest, I took the initiative. Would I have liked him to think of it all on his own? Definitely. But rather than wait around and hope he read my mind, I took action. Little by little those action steps added up to a more fulfilling marriage for us both.

One Spark at a Time A flirtation experiment isn’t intended for abusive or unhealthy marriages. There is much more to be addressed in those circumstances and professional help is advisable. But in the average, healthy, Christian marriage, there are seasons when things feel … Mundane. Repetitive. Ordinary. Ordinary is good; it’s where real life happens. And I want my real life, my real marriage, to be filled with joy! In my effort to celebrate the holiness of marriage, I don’t want to forget the happiness of it.

Cultivating a happy marriage doesn’t happen by accident, though. And while it definitely takes two, I’ve learned I can only control one person in the relationship: myself. That’s why there is empowerment in Scripture’s truth about female pursuit.

The flirtation experiment started out as a fun way to re-engage with my husband. Now it’s almost like a little secret between me and the Lord. He approves of my desire to be desired and how I express that, flirtatiously, with my husband! His Word shows my value and teaches me to value the man to whom I’m committed. I have to think God smiles upon a marriage made happier, made holier, made warmer—one tiny spark at a time.

My experiments ranged from an extra long kiss before work to a handwritten note detailing ten things I admired about him.

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ENCOURAGING UNITY WITH A FUN AND LIGHTHEARTED APPROACH The Flirtation Experiment allows the wife who wants romance, passion, and heart connection to take action.

T H E F L I R TAT I O N E X P E R I M E N T Putting Magic, Mystery, and Spark Into Your Everyday Marriage

by Lisa Jacobson and Phylicia Masonheimer This experiment is for every woman in every stage of life who wants more than to read about what worked for someone else. Find deeper passion, connection, truth and love in your relationship. All the while, chronicle your experiments, the results, and have space for your husband to respond as well.

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LISA JACOBSON is an author, podcaster, and the founder of Club31Women.com, an online community of Christian women authors who write on marriage, home, family, and faith. Lisa and her husband, Matt, also cohost the Faithful Life podcast. They live in the Pacific Northwest where they have enjoyed raising their eight children.

PHYLICIA MASONHEIMER is a national bestselling author, speaker, and host of the Verity Podcast. Her blog, Every Woman a Theologian, teaches Christians how to know what they believe and live it boldly. She lives in northern Michigan with her husband and three children.

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