Goodbyes"

by Mx. Carl Deakins

One of the most difficult things to accept is the lack of control over what people remember you by. For one, you have little control over memory itself. For another we aren’t gods, part of what should bring humility is that we have no idea what others think about us - except maybe the outlines of an icebergbrought in by rumors and anecdotal utterances.

Recently I visited my middle school for reasons. . . I went to a school for students with learning disabilities. I knew of Church Farm School, because many of my best friends from that school ended up attending Church Farm School. There is a certain affinity between that school and CFS. Each school has a fairly clear purpose at their inceptions, to serve communities of students who may not have been served well elsewhere. This is what makes each place a tentative haven, but also what makes the forlorn promise feel ever the more crushing when continually breached.

Much like CFS, there is a subtle and not so subtle way students can easily become sorted into good students and bad students. Unlike CFS, I don’t think the school culture was so rigid about these perceived categories. Maybe I say that as a person who always had the purported luxury of being seen as a good kid-or whatever. . . Still, I wonder if “good kid” means deference and servility to authority. Should I consider my moniker of being a “good kid” a point of shame?