Having a faith conversation with old and new friends is as easy as setting the table.
FAITH FEEDS GUIDE TRANSITIONS
The FAITH FEEDS program is designed for individuals who are hungry for opportunities to talk about their faith with others who share it. Participants gather online or in person over coffee or a potluck lunch or dinner and share a conversation using the C21 Center’s downloadable guides.
The FAITH FEEDS GUIDE offers easy, step-by-step materials, including articles and questions, to guide the conversation. It’s as simple as: deciding to host the gathering wherever your community is found, selecting a themed guide, and spreading the word.
All selected articles for this guide have been taken from material produced by the C21 Center.
CONTENTS
Introduction to FAITH FEEDS 2
Conversation Starters/Articles
My Favorite Mistakes by Mary Troxell 3 Questions for Conversation 5
Get Up and Do Not Be Afraid by Karen Kiefer 6 Questions for Conversation 7
Returning to Myself by Kristin E. Heyer 8 Questions for Conversation 10
Gathering and Closing Prayers
MY FAVORITE MISTAKES
By Mary Troxell
I’m of a certain age where you look back and think, “What have I done right? What have I done wrong?” Some of the biggest blessings in my life are as much a result of my mistakes as they are a result of my successes. They say that God draws straight with crooked lines. It’s a more prosaic way of saying what the New Testament says in the Letter to the Romans, which is “We know that all things work for goodforthosewholoveGod”
My first mistake was becoming Catholic I call it a mistake because at the time it just felt like a disaster I was raised in an evangelical church. My parents were very devout. We had very long services which are very joyous and jubilant. There was dancing in the Spirit, praying in tongues, and prophecies. But throughout all of these very intense meetings, I never experienced God. One of the reasons I couldn’t wait to go to college was so that I never had to go tothatchurchagain.
So when I got to college I considered myself an atheist, a Marxist feminist. That was sort of my tag. And so were all my friends. You can imagine: we were very leftwing, very progressive, social activists, and outspoken. In my senior year, I saw my friends sending their resume everywhere looking for a job I realized I was not up to the task So I stayed in the town where I went to college and lived with a couple of my friends I got a slacker job: I worked at a tanningsalon
During that time I read a lot of books, including Dostoevsky. And I realized that I didn’t think communism really spoke to the human condition. The understanding of human nature articulated by Marx wasn’t really tenable. And by reading Nietzsche, I realized that I didn’t have the stomach to be an atheist.
I decided that I was going to apply for jobs in South Florida where I’m from and where the market was better I moved down there, and while I was waiting to get a job, I decided to go to a Catholic church And this is very strange I didn’t go with anybody. I didn’t discuss it. I just went to a Catholic church one Sunday.
By the end of that Mass, I knew that was going to be the most important thing in my life for the rest of my life. It was a transforming experience, like no other experience I’ve ever had. And I was kind of confused, because here I was, with these evangelical parents and these progressive, activist, feminist Marxist friends. And I knew that I had to become Catholic. That’s why Icall it a disaster.
I knew telling my parents would be devastating. In my parents’ church, Catholicism was not considered Christianity So to tell my parents that I was going to become a member of a faith that would impede my salvation was extremely difficult
At this time I had never done anything that displeased my parents. So telling them was brutal. I didn’t know if our relationship would ever be the same. At the same time none of my friends were religious. Nobody had any religious orientation that they practiced at all. None of my professors, from what I knew, were religious. It was such a strange thing to declare that I was going to be a Catholic For a Marxist feminist, Catholicism is about as bad as it is for an evangelical I mean, the Catholic Church is patriarchal and has had a hand in most of the systems of oppression in the Western world
I was afraid that my friends wouldn’t understand me or would think that I joined a cult.
But my relationship with my parents was better after I became a Catholic, because I was so full of joy, so at peace and centered. It was so what I was supposed to do. And once my parents saw that, they began to accept it. It wasn’t overnight. But a couple of years later, they were happy for me. They actually converted to Catholicism about 10 years after Idid.
The same thing happened with my friends Once they saw how much joy and peace it gave me, they were accepting, at least open to hearing what I had to say about it
Mistake number two comes out of those resumes. I went to a college where nobody talked about vocation. The idea was that you graduate with a liberal arts degree and then do something for a living that has nothing to do with what you studied.
So that’s what I did. I got I got a very good job at a bank. The first year I really liked it, because it was like a miniMBA program. I learned a lot, and it was fun. But after the second year, I realized I didn’t like it much. And by the third year, I realized I couldn’t stand it. Now, meanwhile, I kept getting promotions Six years in, I thought this was my life for good Changing your career after six years at that age felt absolutely impossible
I had this best friend from sixth grade named Theresa who sat me down in a sort of intervention and said, “Mary, you’ve become a shadow of yourself. You used to talk about ideas all the time. Now, all you talk about is money. You’re materialistic. You’re shallow. You’re not an interesting person anymore. And you’re not the personthat I love and I’ve loved for all these years ”
And when she said it, I knew she was right I mean, I really knew she was right So I applied to graduate schoolsfor philosophy
I called my brother, who was a philosophy major, and I asked him, “Where do I go to grad school where I can read the books that you read?” He said, “I think Catholic schoolsdo thiskind of philosophy.”
I knew Catholic University was Catholic because of the name. So that’s the only school I applied to because part of me felt like if I get in, I’ll go. And if I don’t get in, I’ll stay at the bank.
And that’s what I mean about being glad it took me six years Because if I’d asked an advisor right out of college where to go to graduate school, they never would have suggested any Catholic school and certainly not Catholic University
And that was the best decision. I couldn’t have gone to a better place. I developed a faith community. I met other people who wanted to talk about their faith and how to integrate it with the rest of their lives. And that was incredibly rich for me. I saw professors who thought that teaching was a vocation. Most of my professors were priests, and they used philosophical texts as a way of helping them to think more carefully about the big questions, about meaning, ethics, integrity, and authenticity. And that was extremely exciting for me.
I fellin love with philosophy all over again
Mary Troxell, Ph.D. is an Associate Professor of the Practice of Philosophy at Boston College
MY FAVORITE MISTAKES
“Above all, trust in the slow work of God.”
—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ
Summary
In her story, Mary Troxell describes two of her “favorite mistakes,” decisions which felt like derailments but which wound up bringing her unexpected joy. Troxell shares about her journey to becoming Catholic and the long and winding road she took to become a professor of philosophy. Ultimately, Troxell concludes that her life is a testament to the truth that God can bring good out of all things
Questions for Conversation
1 Have you ever made a decision which felt like a mistake but which wound up being a blessing?
2.What transitions have you been challenged by in your own life?
3.Pope Francis often says that “God is full of surprises.” Where are surprising places or experiences in which you have found God?
GET UP AND DO NOT BE AFRAID
By Karen Kiefer
Some birthdays arrive with a package of expectations. They test our confidence, our relationships, our achievements, our careers, our health, our fears, and our faith. Such was the year I turnedthirty.
I was very single, after a broken engagement to a man that my mother said “stole four years of my prime.” I was bored with my job, not knowing what was next on my career path. Socially, I was feeling unsteady, lonely even, and I wondered where God was in all of this. I was turning thirty, and I should have had myselfandmylifealittlemoretogether,orsoIthought.
The milestone birthday arrived I was stuck in Monday morning, bumper-to-bumper traffic on my way to work My “chitty-chitty, bang-bang” Toyota Corolla was grousing about the day, too, barelyputteringalonginthesummerheat
Then I looked over to my right and saw a woman about my age inching up next to me in her car She was driving a Range Rover with two children in car seats in the back and an English Sheep Dog riding shotgun For a moment, everything stopped That womanhadeverythingIwanted.Thatwasthebirthdaysnapshot Iwantedformyselfatthirtyyearsold.Iburstintotears.
I got to my office just in time for a birthday phone call from Dad. I shut the door and continued my crying spree. I told Dad the story about the woman with the kids and the dog in the Range Rover. I told him that I was afraid that life was passing me by, andIwassofarawayfromhavinganyofthosethings.
I remember a long silence on the phone. He said, “Maybe your expectationsarealittleoff.”ThenIwentoff.“Dad,whydon’tyou think I’ll get married someday? Don’t you think I’ll have kids, a dog, and a Range Rover?” He went on to say, “Karen, I’m not worried about what God has planned for your life Of course, I think you’ll be married with children one day But I am a little worriedabouttheRangeRover”
My father encouraged me to set my sights on what truly matters, not material possessions, and awaken myself to the gifts God has given me, letting everything flow from there. And most importantly, not to fear the future because change is coming, and I need to be changed by it for the better. “Embrace it,it’syours,”hesaid.
Sometimes our lives are biblical, and we require our own personal transfigurations. And it is with that memory of my long-ago self that I think today of Jesus’ command to the frightened disciples at the Transfiguration, “Get up, and do not be afraid ” My father gave me my own birthday transfiguration, telling me to get up and not be afraid It was a great gift and a chance for me to rediscover the light that lives within Turning thirty wasn’t about me becoming someone else; it was me becoming who I was meant to be With God’s grace, it was a new way for me to encounter love, adversity, fear, or when I wouldgetinthewayofmyownself
It would be eighteen months later that I would meet my husband, now, of thirty-two years running We worked at the same university, but it was at 5:30 p.m. Mass at St. Ignatius Church in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts, where our courtship began. I guess you could say it is where God brought us togetherandwherewewouldlaterbemarried.
Our first car together was an Oldsmobile, not a Range Rover, and a minivan would eventually hold four car seats, one for eachofourfourdaughters.
Years have gone by, and our two oldest daughters are now turning thirty and thirty-one years old. My advice scribbled in their recent birthday cards was, “Get up, and don’t be afraid.”
(Mt 17:7)
Karen Kiefer ‘82 is the director of The Church in the 21 Century Center at Boston College This article originally appeared in the March-April 2026 issue of Living City, published by Focolare Media st
GET UP AND DO NOT BE AFRAID
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
—Theodore Roosevelt
Summary
Karen Kiefer shares how turning thirty brought a wave of unmet expectations, leaving her feeling unsteady and fearful that life was passing her by. She reflects on a milestone birthday conversation with her father, whose wise encouragement reoriented her perspective away from material desires and toward trusting God’s plan for her future She writes that her life became a beautiful testament to Jesus’ command, "Get up, and do not be afraid," as she went on to marry, raise four daughters, and later pass that same message of faith down to them.
Questions for Conversation
1.Have you ever encountered a milestone that caused you to reflect deeply on your life? What did it teach you?
2.Kiefer shares how her dad’s words reoriented her. Who has changed your own perspective on life?
3.Have you ever heard the voice of God speaking to you during a period of transition?
RETURNING TO MYSELF
ByKristinE.Heyer
This time last year, I was holding classes on Zoom every three weeks. Those were the weeks of my chemo infusions, and it was too difficult to teach in person. The unexpected gifts of the past year's cancer journey, though, are also part of my all-toohuman tour, and they've helped me return to myself in some new ways. It's been a season marked by fear waiting for biopsy results, accompanying our two sons, struggling to get help during an allergic reaction to one of my infusions but it's also been a season that has clarified priorities and deepened gratitude
As some of you may know, experiences of comprehensive pain have a way of just stripping you down to essentials There's far fewer distractions from the things that really matter in life far fewer distractions from God's presence.
The first gift of cancer that helped return me to myself amid pain and uncertainty was the gift of community. This past year was a year of rekindling old friendships and allowing myself to be cared for. We were surrounded by offers of help from near and from far; my two sons shaved their heads in solidarity as my hair fell out, [and] people sent pajamas and playlists and more. I think of a friend who cross-stitched a kicking dancer during my surgery with the instructions to “kick it.”
But I was also moved by outreach from people that I don't know as well. One couple from our parish just quietly brought lemon orzo soup and left it in our breezeway week after week after week. We got a really thoughtful card and gift basket from the University of Scranton men's soccer team. And my hairdresser refused to take my payment when she took me down to a pixie preshave, insisting it was a mitzvah.
I've always been more comfortable taking care of other people, whether as a mom or a wife or a mentor or grad director or only child But after three requests, I allowed a doctoral student to kickstart a meal train for us, and I think those meals and rides that people gave me to radiation [and] different procedures allowed friends and colleagues to accompany me in more ways than one.
Beyond his huge support on the home front and his weekly sourdough, my husband Mark’s gallows humor [also] got me through some tough appointments. I think humor has really been essential to this journey. Grounding myself in these concrete signs of love helped not only amid the pain and isolation of treatment, but it also helped return me to myself amid ongoing social pressures, even in the cancer domain.
In another encounter, I was being fitted for a cold cap–a device that lets some patients keep their hair during chemo. This oncology nurse who was decked out in pink scrubs with all these empowering survival logos all over them was very eager for the cold cap. And I decided that I didn't want the cold cap. And she said, “Well, if you're not going to do that, you're going to need to get a prescription for a wig before you leave ” And then I told her that I didn't want that either, and she was very confused and a little annoyed It just struck me that even in the halls of MGH, I would have to deal with pressures of a feminine beauty standard when there are plenty of other indignities with cancer. Laughing about this with friends [and] getting baseball hats and beanies in the mail certainly helped, but the need to return to myself amid treatment persisted.
Another gift came in the form of completely failing at hobbies. I thought that since I had several periods of recovery time, I should try to take up some easy hobbies. It was a bust. I tried various arts and crafts. I tried birdwatching. I would put together a puzzle and then I would wonder why the point was just to break it all up and put it back in the box at the end
In the midst of this, I got an email halfway through chemo from a colleague in New York who didn't know of my diagnosis She was putting together a conference and was worried her panelists were all Western Europeans, and [she asked if I] could help suggest some names of scholars in the area from the Global South to help diversify her panel.
I wrote back a pretty long list of names, but I said [I was] having some difficult side effects from chemo, so I couldn’t look up all of their email addresses for her. She wrote back almost immediately, appalled that I had answered her email, invoking Saint Teresa, the patron of healers of the sick and theologians, and suggested that I stop working and get some rest
That intervention made me realize how much I had missed other aspects of my vocation New hobbies just couldn't compete I think embracing the depth of meaning that I find in my career was really liberating. Certainly, I think it would still be healthy to get some hobbies, and it's important to remember that I'm worthy of rest even in times of health, but what a gift to miss meaningful work and my community of colleagues.
Most of all, living with uncertainty going forward has deepened my dependence on God. It's been a reminder to resist idols of control [and] idols of certainty, which are perennial temptations for perfectionists. It's been a helpful reminder that, like everybody else, I'm only human.
Kristin E. Heyer, Ph.D., holds the Joseph Chair in Theology and is a professor of theological ethics at Boston College
This article is an excerpt of her Agape Latte talk, “Returning to Myself,” on April 23, 2026 at Boston College.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Who should participate in FAITH FEEDS? Anyone who is hungry for opportunities to talk about their faith with others who share it! The program is designed for parishes, schools, other organizations, and/or friend groups
Who should host FAITH FEEDS? Any member of the group who has a heart for bringing people together and facilitating conversations about faith is perfect to host FAITH FEEDS (The host could choose to ask another group member to facilitate.)
Where do I host FAITH FEEDS? You can host a FAITH FEEDS in-person at a location that makes sense for the participants (e g , private home, parish center, local coffee shop, etc.) or virtually through video conference software (e.g., Zoom, Google Meet, etc.). Both versions are effective for conversations and building community If more than 10-12 are participating, we recommend splitting into smaller groups.
When do we host FAITH FEEDS? You should offer a FAITH FEEDS discussion on a day and time that is mutually convenient for your group. The host can help poll the group to figure out what is best. We recommend setting aside one hour for each session.
What is the host’s commitment? The host is responsible for coordinating meeting times, location, and refreshments; sending out an invitation with materials and meeting details (including a video conference link, if online); collecting RSVPs; and determining how many conversation groups to create based on the number of participants (small groups are suggested).
What is the facilitator’s commitment?
The facilitator guides the conversation, asking participants to introduce themselves, sharing the FAITH FEEDS “Recipe for Success,” suggesting which articles and questions to discuss, and encouraging individuals to participate in the conversation as they feel comfortable.
What is the guest’s commitment?
Participants are asked to read the articles that will be discussed and to be open to faith-filled conversation.
What themes are available for FAITH FEEDS conversations? The C21 Center’s website offers a large collection of themed guides (and new guides are always being added). Visit bc.edu/FAITHFEEDS for a complete list of available guides.
Still have more questions?
No problem! Email The C21 Center at church21@bc.edu for more information and guidance. We are here to help you get set up and support you on your journey!
FACILITATOR RESOURCES
SUGGESTED TIMELINE for FAITH FEEDS
Sessions are usually one hour. We recommend the following timeline and activities for facilitators:
Conversation Guidelines
Welcome & Introductions (10 minutes)
Welcome the group and offer an opening prayer
Ask participants to briefly introduce themselves
Share the “Recipe for Success” (ground rules) for the session
Select an article and question from the FAITH FEEDS Guide to start the conversation
Share conversation (40 minutes): Continue to move through questions and other articles as time allows.
RECIPE FOR SUCCESS
Closing & Sending Forth (1o minutes): Leave time at the end for planning the next session, sharing prayer intentions in the group, and offering a closing prayer.
1. Privacy: Keep all shared personal stories and opinions private.
2 Speak from the Heart: Use "I" statements and speak from personal experience
3. Respect: Consider each other's viewpoints without interruption.
4. Listen to Understand: Focus on listening without needing to respond.
5. Be curious: Engage with an open mind and seek greater understanding.
6. Share the Space: Be mindful of speaking time to allow everyone to contribute.
7. Respond: Share when you are comfortable, but feel free to just listen if you prefer.
8. Express Gratitude: Express appreciation for the opportunity to learn from each other.
9. Trust: Lift up the conversation for the greater glory of God. The Holy Spirit will be there to guide.
10. Reflect: Spend a few minutes after the conversation thinking about its impact on your faith journey.
GATHERING PRAYER
Be With Us Today
St.ThomasMore(1478–1535)
Fatherinheaven, youhavegivenusamindtoknowyou, andahearttoloveyou.
Bewithustodayinallthatwedo, sothatyourlightmayshineoutinourlives.
ThroughChristourLord.Amen.
SENDING FORTH PRAYER
Fall in Love
PedroArrupe,SJ (1907-1991)
JosephP.Whelan,S.J.
NothingismorepracticalthanfindingGod, thanfallinginLoveinaquiteabsolute,finalway Whatyouareinlovewith,whatseizesyourimagination, willaffecteverything. Itwilldecidewhatwillgetyououtofbedinthemorning, whatyoudowithyourevenings,howyouspendyourweekends, whatyouread,whomyouknow,whatbreaksyourheart, andwhatamazesyouwithjoyandgratitude. FallinLove,stayinlove,anditwilldecideeverything.Amen.