Volume 5 - 2017 - The Brown Lady

Vol. 5 • 2017

The Brown Lady

2017

Published by:

Honors College Student Association Creative Writing Club Printed by the Wm. A. Krueger School of Graphic Communications

Welcome Welcome to the 5th edition of The Brown Lady, an academic and creative magazine that proudly features some of the finest work created by students at Chowan University over the past year! I invite you to examine and appreciate the impressive variety of outstanding writing in this issue.

You’ll first encounter three fascinating academic essays created by recent Chowan graduates.

Ieshia Clark first offers an intriguing exploration of how mothers singing to premature infants may help them heal. Samantha Pulliam shares her analysis of the feminist symbolism in a famous late 19th-century short story, Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper.” And Rachel Clark discusses the implications of her research into athletes’ attitudes toward their coaches and how the coach’s gender shapes such opinions.

Following these essays, you’ll encounter a striking collection of visual art. The captivating black and white photography of Giovanni McGlone bookends the section, including his unexpectedly beautiful image of the everyday, “We’ve Got Mail,” as well as two images that present unusual and thought-provoking perspectives, “Split Ends” and “The Tortoise and the Dare.” These stark images are balanced out by an explosion of color, especially in Necole Watson’s painting “A Tribe Called Quest Tribute” as well as Rebeccah Noll’s stunning nature photographs “Together but Not Together” and “Patience Pays Off.” We’re also delighted to highlight two strong examples of digital art, Shelby Barlowe’s complex and provocative image “One in a Million” and our cover photograph this year, Jessica Pyle’s charming image of youth, “Walking Tall.” Rounding out this outstanding collection, Quanita Beattie gives us an enchanting, over-the-shoulder glimpse in “A Hebrew Woman,” and Brie Wakefield honors a classmate gone too soon in “Gone but NOT Forgotten.”

In the second half of this year’s issue, you’ll discover a wealth of creativity across a number of genres. Brandi Burgess opens the section with both a celebration and a lament of where she’s from in “Hampton Primer.” Whitney Parker explores different facets of relationships in three works: her short story “The Secrets We Don’t Want to Tell” focuses on a couple dealing with a dark past; the poem “Peace” signals the bitter end of a relationship; and the sweet short play “I Love You” shows a loving relationship in a unique setting: over the phone. Amber Pennix scolds an evil man in the poem “Oh, Charmer.” Giselle Colón and GermaNa Farrior explore two very different states of mind, with Colón portraying someone who is deeply troubled in her poem “Fatal Mind” and Farrior depicting the achievement of personal peace in her story “Be Still.” The final two poems, Samantha Pulliam’s “Bigger Than You” and Jon Robert Stewart’s “My Guardian Angel,” reveal poignant attempts to move forward after tragic life events. Louise Brady and Lajeffrica Smith tell two inspiring stories of personal growth in “All Alone” and “Reminiscing,” respectively. Finally, closing out this year’s issue are two brief but deeply meaningful stories about love. Zoë Beale’s “Her Written Word” captures a moment of transition for a couple in love while Amber Pennix’s “Short Story” relates the charming beginning of a lifelong relationship.

On behalf of this year’s editorial board, I invite you to explore each of these exceptional works.

I hope you are as proud of these talented students as we are. Enjoy…and, as always, be sure to congratulate this year’s contributors!

Dr. Tim Hayes Editor-in-Chief

Editorial Board Timothy Hayes Assistant Professor of English Editor-in-Chief

Jessica Vallejos Creative Writing Club English

David Ballew Associate Professor of History

Melissa M. Hernandez Honors College Student Association History

Jennifer Raha Newhouse Assistant Professor of Creative Writing Danny B. Moore Professor of History

Danielle N. Young Honors College Student Association Elementary Education

Rachel R. Phillips Assistant Professor of Psychology

Jessica L. Staley Honors College Student Association Social Studies Education

Jennifer Groves Newton Assistant Professor of Graphic Communications

Deja Christopher Creative Writing Club Biology

R. Lauren Rodil Assistant Director of Printing Production

Whitney Parker Assistant to the Editor Humanities Studies

Angelique’ G. Jackson Assistant to the Editor English

Table of Contents Academic Essays Rhythm N’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants

by Ieshia Clark . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Trapped in the Wallpaper

by Samantha Pulliam . .

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The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities

by Rachel Clark. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

Visual Art We’ve Got Mail by Giovanni McGlone. . . . . . . . . . . 28 A Tribe Called Quest Tribute by Necole Watson. . . . . . . . 29 Together but Not Together by Rebeccah Noll . . . . . . . . . 30 Patience Pays Off by Rebeccah Noll. . . . . . . . . . . . 31 One in a Million by Shelby Barlowe. . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Walking Tall [featured on cover] by Jessica Pyle . . . . . . . . 33 The Hebrew Woman by Quanita Beattie. . . . . . . . . . . 34 Gone But NOT Forgotten by Brie Wakefield . . . . . . . . . 35 Split Ends by Giovanni McGlone. . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 The Tortoise and the Dare by Giovanni McGlone . .

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Table of Contents Creative Works Hampton Primer by Brandi Burgess . . . . . . . . . . . .

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The Secrets We Don’t Want to Tell by Whitney Parker . .

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Fatal Mind by Giselle Colón. .

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Oh, Charmer by Amber Pennix . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Peace by Whitney Parker. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 Be Still by GermaNa Farrior . .

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Bigger Than You by Samantha Pulliam. . . . . . . . . . .

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My Guardian Angel by Jon Robert Stewart. . . . . . . . . . 50 All Alone by Louise Brady. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Reminiscing by Lajeffrica Smith. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53 I Love You by Whitney Parker. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56 Her Written Word by Zoë Beale . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 Short Story by Amber Pennix. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Academic Essays Rhythm N’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants

Ieshia Clark. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Trapped in the Wallpaper

Samantha Pulliam. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches Characteristics and Abilities

Rachel Clark . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

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Rhythm N’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark

ABSTRACT According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), 1 in every 10 infants born in the United States in 2014 was premature (Russell et al., 2007). Neonatal intensive care units (NICUs), where premature infants are kept during their hospitalization, can be very abrasive environments with little to no physical contact between the infant and the parents. I hypothesized that live singing would cause greater physiological and behavioral responses in preterm infants than recorded music.

I tested my hypothesis by analyzing peer-reviewed primary literature articles. Two of those articles addressed live maternal speech and singing and the effects that they can have on the vital signs, feeding, and sleep patterns of premature infants. The remaining two articles discussed the aspect of using recorded music, vocals, or instrumentation while in the presence of the mother but without physical contact between mother and child. The results showed that live music or sounds influenced physiological responses and improved feeding behavior and sucking patterns. The results also showed that maternal presence does not have to be physical to cause variation in the infant’s physiological and behavioral responses, but, in some cases, there is no significant benefit to live singing in the NICU. The results of my study mostly supported my hypothesis that singing increases physiological and behavioral responses in preterm infants.

INTRODUCTION The CDC states that 1 in every 10 births in the United States during 2014 was preterm. Infants are considered preterm or premature if they are born at 37 weeks or less of gestation (Russell et al., 2007). Premature infancy is the primary reason for neonatal mortality and is the main source of pediatric illness and disability. In 2010, there were 675,744 premature infancies in the United States, making it one of the top ten countries for preterm births (Russell et al., 2007; Blencowe et al., 2012). The majority of all live-birth hospitalizations are a result of low birthweight or premature infants, who require a stay in the NICU or a special care nursery (SCN) (Russell et al., 2007).

The purpose of this research is to consider the possibility of decreasing the hospitalization length of preterm infants in the NICU while increasing the stability of their physiological and behavioral responses using music therapy.

Complementary therapies, such as music therapy, are being implemented in NICUs in order to possibly decrease the length of the infant’s hospitalization (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014). The American Music Therapy Association defines music therapy as “a recognized healthcare profession that uses music to address physical, emotional, cognitive, and social needs of individuals of all ages” (Avers et al., 2007, p. 1). When it comes to pediatrics, music therapy becomes most beneficial at 28 weeks of gestation, when the variance in sounds can be detected and vocalizations from recordings have been shown to affect heart rate (HR), respiratory rate, and oxygen saturation, reduce pain responses, and increase feeding in preterm infants (Filippa et al., 2013). NICUs can provide a harsh environment with little to no physical contact between the infant and the parents. By using music therapy, parents can create a more conducive healing environment for their baby (Filippa et al., 2013). The concerns and necessities addressed by using music therapy in the NICU include potential interruption in neurological development due to overstimulation, weight gain, oxygen 8

Rhythm n’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark saturation levels, development of the suck-swallow-breathe reflex that allows infants to bottle-feed, aiding in parent-infant bonding, and increasing the infant’s ability to self-regulate. In essence, music therapy can be used to regulate homeostasis in premature infants while simultaneously covering the ambient sounds of the environment, soothing the infants, and exposing the infants to auditory stimuli that promote neurological development (Alipour et al., 2013).

When infants are hospitalized, parents sometimes struggle with the unfamiliarity of the NICU environment and find it challenging when trying to bond with their infant. But simple parent training in musical interventions can provide an opportunity for a more familial presence during the stay of preterm infants in the NICU (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014). Recorded music therapy interventions can use a plethora of devices to replicate rhythms. Those devices can include pacifier-activated music players (PAM), common or culturally significant lullabies on CD, ambient soundtracks, or any other device that can play back melodies or rhythms (Loewy et al., 2013; Chorna et al., 2014). Live music therapy interventions used in NICUs can include parent-sung lullabies, the Remo Ocean disc (an instrument that simulates the sound of the womb), the gato box (an instrument that simulates a heartbeat), or any other live instrumentation or vocalization (Loewy et al., 2013). Whether it be live or recorded lullabies that cause the rhythms to become entrained with the infant’s vital signs, there will be some impact on the physiological and behavioral responses of the infants. Those responses include quiet alert and sleep states, nonnutritive sucking, feeding/calorie intake, oxygen saturation, respiration, and HR in premature infants (Loewy et al., 2013; Dearn & Shoemark, 2014; Filippa et al., 2013). I hypothesized that live singing in the NICU would cause greater physiological and behavioral responses in preterm infants than recorded music.

METHOD My hypothesis was tested by the analysis of peer-reviewed primary literature articles. My research began with the initial search terms “music therapy and infants” using Google Scholar. That search yielded an abundance of articles. The search was then refined by year to exclude anything written before 2010 and, in doing so, the theme of the articles narrowed to premature infants and music therapy in the NICU. Upon discovering correlations between music therapy and preterm infants in my searches, my research became focused in that direction.

Using the Hawk Hunt and Science Direct databases, a search was conducted using the terms “music therapy and premature infants and physiological responses.” From the database searches, two primary literature articles were selected for review, “Live maternal speech and singing have beneficial effects on hospitalized preterm infants” (Filippa et al.) and “The Effect of Maternal Presence on Premature Infant Response to Recorded Music” (Dearn & Shoemark). Filippa et al.

(2013) used live music and vocalizations to try to influence the physiological functions and stability of the premature infant’s vital signs. Dearn and Shoemark (2014), on the other hand, used recorded music and the presence of the mother to influence the physiological and behavioral responses of the infants. After both papers were consulted, a search was conducted using Hawk Hunt, Science Direct, and PubMed databases for scholarly articles that had possibly used both approaches. The search terms used were “live singing and recorded music effects on preterm infants.” The search yielded many results but none that concentrated on both approaches, so a choice was made to analyze peer-reviewed primary literature articles comparatively. In subsequent database searches, the wording was refined to “live singing in the NICU” and “recorded music in the NICU” separately.

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Rhythm n’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark These searches yielded two more articles, “Does a Mother Singing to her Premature Baby Affect Feeding in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit?” (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld) and “The Effects of Music Therapy on Vital Signs, Feeding, and Sleep in Premature Infants” (Loewy et al.). These two papers, in combination with the aforementioned, were then analyzed comparatively.

RESULTS Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006 Extensive research has been conducted in regard to music therapy and infants, but the majority of those studies have used recorded music. The purpose of this study was to research the effects of mothers’ singing on the NICU environment and the infants present in the NICU. Blumenfeld and Eisenfeld hypothesized that singing during infant feeding times would affect infants’ caloric intake (2006).

For this study, the researchers selected 11 infants, six boys and five girls, who were just beginning to feed on their own, along with their mothers. The mothers were instructed to sing to their babies during two feedings for two consecutive days. They were told to log the songs they sang and evaluate each feeding (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006). The researchers recorded the infants’ heart and respiration rates, duration of feeding, and volume of fluid taken orally. Blumenfeld and Eisenfeld (2006) compared the data that were collected from the controlled feedings with no singing to those collected during the feedings with singing. The data showed that there was no significant difference in oral intake from the infants; therefore, there was no increase in caloric intake (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006). Additionally, there was no difference detected in duration of feedings, nor was there a difference in HR or respiration. During the study, mothers recorded their own subjective ratings, and, according to those ratings, there was no overall difference in the quality of the feedings (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006). There were no harmful effects evident based upon this research, but there is evidence that there should be further investigation into using live interactive music in the NICU (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006).

Loewy et al., 2013 Analysis of prior studies suggested that recorded music, parent vocalizations, and live lullabies can increase O2 saturation, nonnutritive sucking, and weight gain in premature infants (Loewy et al., 2013). Most studies that address premature infants and music therapy use clinically stable premature infants, but, for the purposes of this study, the researchers used infants that were diagnosed with respiratory distress syndrome (a breathing disorder in newborns caused by immature lungs), small for gestational age (SGA), and clinical sepsis (detection of infection and inflammatory response) (Loewy et al., 2013). Rhythm (heart beat), audible breath sounds, and lullabies picked by the parents have been said to affect physiological responses in infants, including heart and respiratory rates, O2 saturation levels, and developmental function (sleep, feeding behavior, and weight gain in preterm infants) (Loewy et al., 2013).

Loewy et al. (2013) hypothesized that live instrumentation via the Remo Ocean disc and the gato box, in syncopation with the infant’s breathing, would improve the vital signs of preterm infants who were at least 32 weeks upon entry into the study. A total of 272 premature infants in eleven NICUs aged 32 weeks or older with respiratory distress syndrome, clinical sepsis, and/or SGA were chosen for the study. Researchers exposed the infants to three interventions (musical sessions) per 10

Rhythm n’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark week for a two-week period. Data was collected for both physiological and developmental responses (sleep, feeding behavior, and weight gain) before, during, and after the musical sessions or control (no music) (Loewy et al., 2013). The data collected suggested that, during the live music sessions, there were changes in HR, with HR being lower during the lullaby and rhythm sessions. Sucking behavior showed differences with rhythm sound sessions (Loewy et al., 2013). The synchronized breath sounds led to a lower HR after the sessions and differences in sleep patterns, while caloric intake and sucking behavior were higher with lullabies chosen by the parents. This study concluded that tunes chosen by the parents and prepared live rhythm and breath sounds can improve quiet alert and sleep states, suck response, and oxygen saturation in preterm infants (Loewy et al., 2013).

Filippa et al., 2013 The care of hospitalized premature infants can be tainted by the overabundance of auditory stimuli, which influence the physiological functions and the stability of their vital signs. This study focused on the evidence that live maternal vocalization played a valuable role in increasing oxygen saturation levels, reducing the occurrence of critical events and inducing quiet alert states in premature infants (Filippa et al., 2013). The purpose of this research was to examine the effects of live maternal vocalizations on the physiological constraints of premature infants in the NICU. Researchers hypothesized that, for their experiment, the vocalizations of the mothers would cause a variance in the behavioral levels of premature infants. To test this hypothesis, 18 mothers with premature but medically stable infants ranging from 32–38 weeks and 1270–1890 g in weight at the time of testing were selected to undergo a six-day experiment (Filippa et al., 2013). Throughout the six-day period, infants were exposed to maternal speaking, maternal singing, and no vocal stimuli (control) within their individual incubators. During three non-consecutive test days, the mothers were instructed to speak for five minutes and sing for five minutes to their infant. Baseline data on the infants was collected over three non-consecutive days for ten minutes each day as well.

The sessions were recorded and occurred around 1:00 and 2:00 P.M. between feedings, and the cameras were adjusted to see both the mother and the face and torso of the infants (Filippa et al., 2013). The mothers were allowed to choose their own topic and style for their vocalizations. The only rule was that they could not touch the infants. In order to lessen the ambient noises within the nursery, the door was kept closed during the recording sessions (Filippa et al., 2013).

The results of the experiment showed that the HR from the baseline measures was significantly lower than the HR in both singing and speaking stimulation times, but there was no distinguishable difference in the HR between maternal speech and maternal singing (Filippa et al., 2013). The oxygen saturation measure showed a significant difference across all three situations; the baseline was lower than during singing or speaking, but there was no discernible difference between maternal speech and maternal singing. The researchers had to consider the fact that the stimulus condition lasted 30 minutes whereas the baseline was 40 minutes, but the baseline measures contained proportionally higher instances of medically critical events than maternal speaking and singing (Filippa et al., 2013). The researchers concluded that the reconnection to the mother’s voice can significantly impact preterm infants. Exposure to maternal vocalizations, both singing and speaking, demonstrated beneficial effects on the infant’s physiological responses, such as O2 saturation levels, number of critical events (hypoxemia: O2 saturation < 80% and/or bradycardia: HR < 80 beats per minute), and prevalence of calm alert state.

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Rhythm nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark Dearn & Shoemark, 2014 Familiarity with the music through repetition and maternal contact could lead to enhanced infant regulation, even in the absence of the mother (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014). The authors of the article assumed that, like with kangaroo care and music therapy or parental singing, the infants would experience improvements in blood pressure and respiration. The purpose of this article was to explore the effects that the motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s presence would have on the physiological and behavioral responses of premature infants while simultaneously being exposed to recorded music (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014).

The researchers hypothesized that infantsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; physiological and behavioral responses would be influenced either negatively or positively by the presence of the mother while being exposed to the recorded music. The final group consisted of 24 infants divided into two groups of 12; one group was the experimental group, and one was the control group (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014).

The experiment was conducted with infants that were born at 28 weeks or less gestation but were 32 weeks or older at the beginning of the experiment. In the experimental group, mothers were allowed to be present for the first 12 minutes, while the mothers in the control group were not allowed to be present throughout the entire process. The infants were exposed to six minutes of alternating sound, one being recorded lullaby music and the other just ambient sounds (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014). For a 30-minute time span, data measuring HR, O2 saturation, and behavioral state was collected. Within the 30-minute time frame, the mothers in the experimental group were allowed to be present for the first 12 minutes, during which music was played for six minutes and off for six minutes, while the control group mothers were instructed to leave prior to the data collection set-up (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014).

The results of this study showed no noticeable infant response to recorded music, so no correlation could be drawn between maternal presence and physiological or behavioral responses by the infants over time. However, during the testing of the experimental group, there was higher oxygen saturation within the infants than during the absence of the mothers and less time spent in quiet sleep after the mothers were instructed to leave, but this finding was of no importance to the experiment (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014). Due to there being no discernible infant response to music, the hypothesis could not be rejected or supported, but the presence of the mothers did considerably increase oxygen saturation for infants in the experimental group. The experiment also revealed a sudden decrease in oxygen saturation and less time spent in quiet sleep when mothers departed that suggest the infants are aware of maternal presence at a basic sensory level (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014).

DISCUSSION Live music did not greatly affect the measured physiological and behavioral responses of hospitalized preterm infants, but my hypothesis was supported. When compared to recorded music, live music caused greater positive physiological responses and increase in behavioral development.

Recorded music had no significant effect on the tested physiological and behavioral responses.

Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006 There is a lot of speculation about the effects of music on the physiological and behavioral responses of infants. In this experiment, there were many aspects that could not be controlled by the 12

Rhythm nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark researchers, leading to variability in the data. The difficulty started with recruiting participants for the experiment, with only 20% of the initial participants following through with their commitment.

There was also a small window of time in which the study could be conducted, as the infants involved had to have begun oral feeding but were not yet able to reach their feeding goals (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006). Although there were difficulties, there were some unexpected positive effects that presented themselves with the introduction of live music into the NICU. The parents and caregivers of the premature infants in the NICU that witnessed the study all began singing to the infants and reported subjective positive effects of singing during feeding.

In the future, there should be a larger sample group, possibly including NICUs in more than one location to increase the number of participants that follow through with their participation in the study without apprehension. In conclusion, the data did not support my hypothesis, but there was no indication of any harmful effects, and, with further study, the use of live music in the NICU could prove to be beneficial to the parents, caregivers, and the infants (Blumenfeld & Eisenfeld, 2006).

Loewy et al., 2013 In the study conducted by Loewy et al. (2013), the researchers focused on live music entrained to the infantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s vitals. Results from the study were collected in daily flow sheet data totaling 84,592 entries across 11 sites during a two-year process. This study suggests that live music, when distributed in an organized manner and using entrained sounds and lullabies provided by a music therapist under observation, could help the premature infant to self-regulate (Loewy et al., 2013). My hypothesis that the physiological and behavioral responses of a premature infant would be greater when exposed to live music versus recorded music was supported by this study.

This research recognized the significance of the voice and live singing on the behavioral and physiological response of premature infants. These data confirm the significant influence that parental lullabies can have and the impact of live rhythm and preferred melody in enhancing the infantâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s physiological responses. For instance, live lullabies showed a greater effect on vital signs, including a sustained quiet alert state with the lullaby. In addition, the HR decreased, but the activity level increased (Loewy et al., 2013). The gato box affected HR as well as sucking and feeding behaviors. The ocean disc induced quiet alert state and increased O2 saturation during and after the intervention. Respiratory rate is the most difficult to influence, as infant breathing patterns are reactive and sporadic.

In future studies, researchers should analyze and group the impact of the various elements of music therapy interventions that can efficiently encourage self-regulation. Parents that wish to participate in live music therapy should be required to go through orientation and protocols administered and monitored by certified musical therapists. In conclusion, the data supported my hypothesis, with there being some variances in both physiological and behavioral responses.

Filippa et al., 2013 Live maternal speech and singing to hospitalized preterm infants has beneficial effects on infants.

In this study, they looked into increased HR and increased instances of quiet alert state. The study was conducted in opposition to those using recorded music, which reported decreased HR after exposure. This addresses my hypothesis that live music would cause greater physiological and behavioral responses than recorded music.

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Rhythm n’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark In the study, there was a response in HR to both the mother’s voice and to familiar or unfamiliar melodies. They also observed behavioral changes with the increase and stability of quiet alert states in those infants exposed to live maternal vocalizations. Though the effects were shown to be beneficial, there was differentiation in whether the mother was speaking or singing.

Further research can be conducted to see if the style and quality of the maternal vocalizations could account for the differential effects on the behavioral reactions and the lack of overlap with the physiological factors (Filippa et al., 2013). In conclusion, the data supported my hypothesis, because there were differential effects on preterm infants at the behavioral level but there was no discernible difference between live singing and speaking (Filippa et al., 2013).

Dearn & Shoemark, 2014 The study conducted by Dearn and Shoemark (2014) showed no noteworthy difference in infant response to recorded music in the SCN. Perhaps the lack of response was due to the infants’ inability to differentiate between the music and the ambient sound of the environment, including the voices of staff and visitors in the NICU. It is also possible that the infants were physiologically and behaviorally stable, giving less room for improvement (Dearn & Shoemark, 2014).

Adverse findings of this study have given this investigation the ability to be used as a starting point when looking into the effect of maternal presence on the premature infant’s physiological and behavioral response. Even with null findings, the bedside presence of mothers led to higher O2 saturation for infants in the experimental group.

Further research could be used to calculate the proper sound intensity levels at which the music stimulus should be played so that the newborn can detect it without it being overstimulating. In conclusion, the data supported my hypothesis, because there was no discernible effect on the infants’ physiological or behavioral responses when exposed to recorded music. Even though there was no significant effect on the premature infants in the NICU provoked by recorded music, the presence of the mother, as would be required for live music interventions, did affect the infants.

In my hypothesis, I stated that I thought live music would have a greater impact on the infants’ physiological and behavioral responses. Overall, my hypothesis was supported by these articles.

Parents with hospitalized preterm infants should make an effort to vocalize to them, whether it be speaking, singing, or humming. When this activity is accompanied by physical contact, infants’ physiological responses become more stabilized and their behavioral responses develop healthy patterns.

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Rhythm n’ Baby: The Effect of Music Therapy on the Autonomic Nervous System of Premature Infants Ieshia Clark

References

Alipour, Zahra, Narges Eskandari, Hoda A. Tehran, Seyed K. Eshagh Hossaini, Sareh Sangri.

2013. Effects of Music on Physiological and Behavioral Responses of Premature Infants: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, 19: 128-132.

Arnon, Shmuel, Anat Shapsa, Liat Forman, Rivka Regev, Sofia Bauer, Ita Litmanovitz, Tzipora Dolfin. 2006. Live Music Is Beneficial to Preterm Infants in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Environment. Birth, 33 (2): 131-136.

Avers, Laura, Ambika Mathur, Deepak Kamat. 2007. Music Therapy in Pediatrics. Clinical Pediatrics, 46 (7): 575-579.

Blencowe, Hannah, Simon Cousens, Mikkel Z. Oestergaard, Doris Chou, Ann-Beth Moller, Rajesh Narwal, Alma Adler, Claudia V. Garcia, Sara Rohde, Lale Say, Joy E. Lawn. 2012. National, Regional, and Worldwide Estimates of Preterm Birth Rates in the Year 2010 with Time Trends Since 1990 for Selected Countries: A Systematic Analysis and Implications. The Lancet, 379 (9832): 2162–2172.

Blumenfeld, Hugh, Leonard Eisenfeld. 2006. Does a Mother Singing to Her Premature Baby Affect Feeding in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit? Clinical Pediatrics, 45: 65-70.

Chorna, Olena D., James C. Slaughter, Lulu Wang, Ann R. Stark, Nathalie L. Maitre. 2014. A Pacifier-Activated Music Player with Mother’s Voice Improves Oral Feeding in Preterm Infants.

Pediatrics, 133 (3): 462-468.

Dearn, Trish, Helen Shoemark. 2014. The Effect of Maternal Presence on Premature Infant Response to Recorded Music. Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic and Neonatal Nursing, 43 (3): 341-350.

Filippa, Manuela, Emmanuel Devouche, Cesare Arioni, Michel Imberty, Maya Gratier. 2013. Live Maternal Speech and Singing Have Beneficial Effects on Hospitalized Preterm Infants. Acta Paediatrica, 102: 1017-1020.

Loewy, Joanne, Kristen Stewart, Ann-Marie Dassier, Aimee Telsey, Peter Homel. 2013. The Effects of Music Therapy on Vital Signs, Feeding, and Sleep in Premature Infants. Pediatrics, 131 (5): 903-918.

Russell, Rebecca B, Nancy S. Green, Claudia A. Steiner, Susan Meikle, Jennifer L. Howse, Karalee Poschman, Todd Dias, Lisa Potetz, Michael J. Davidoff, Karla Damus, Joann R. Petrini.

2007. Cost of Hospitalization for Preterm and Low Birth Weight Infants in the United States.

Pediatrics, 120 (1): e1-e9.

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Trapped in the Wallpaper Samantha Pulliam When Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s short story “The Yellow Wallpaper” (1892) first appeared, readers compared it to the Gothic or horror stories like Edgar Allan Poe was writing, but she had a different agenda. Readers speculated that critic and editor William Dean Howells saw her feminist agenda when he commented the story was “too terribly good to be printed” (Shumaker 588). In years to come, the story was more widely seen as pro-feminist and a comment on the expected role of women. Gilman uses not only plot but also more subtle symbolism throughout the story to further the point. The symbols in “The Yellow Wallpaper,” which range from the wallpaper to her actual insanity, show that, beyond being a Gothic story, Gilman is addressing women’s repression by men in Victorian society.

Before taking a look at the symbols Gilman uses, let’s first consider the story’s plot. The narrator and her husband, John, temporarily move into a house in the country. The reason for this move is because the narrator is ill after just giving birth. Her doctor and her husband, who is also a doctor, demand that she remain on bed rest. The narrator is isolated from everyone else, and, no matter how much she protests, her husband is insistent that she stay upstairs in a room with yellow, patterned wallpaper. She is not allowed to write or do anything else she enjoys. This story is told in epistolary form; it reads like her diary that she must sneak to write in. As the story progresses, the narrator’s sanity slips further away and, ultimately, the story ends with her crawling around the room over a fainted John, having gone insane from her captivity. This story came from an experience Gilman had with Dr. Silas Weir Mitchell and his “rest cure” (Gilman 665). He prescribed her total bed rest, and she thought it would make her crazy to just stay in bed. She sent him a copy of this story after writing it.

The wallpaper in the room is symbolic of the condition of women in a male-dominated society.

Women were almost completely submissive to their husbands and had little choice but to take their word and obey. Since the doctor and her husband tell her she is not allowed to do anything, she is left to study the pattern in the wallpaper. She cannot figure out what the pattern is, so she makes one up. She sees something like eyes watching her and lines that look like the bars on her own bedroom window. As her mental state changes, she sees a woman trapped in the bars, and the narrator wants to set her free by tearing off the wallpaper. This is symbolic of wanting to free women from the men who oppressed them. She says about the trapped woman that “she is all the time trying to climb through. But nobody could climb through that pattern–it strangles so” (Gilman 675). The woman cannot free herself, because the trap is too dangerous. She needs help from the narrator, from another woman. The narrator sees the woman as trapped while she herself feels trapped by her doctor and husband. Gilman takes it a step further when she writes that the narrator sees herself as the trapped woman. She is trapped because of the rest cure she is prescribed by the doctor as a result of her postpartum depression. The woman trapped in the wallpaper is also symbolic of the split self of the narrator (Quawas 46). She is both the obedient wife and the woman who wants a fair diagnosis from her doctor. The narrator struggles to balance these two halves of herself, and the result is insanity. Janice Haney-Peritz says, “By identifying with this other woman, the writer effects her liberation from disease into health and thereby finds that she has entered a new space” (121). While it can be said that she is insane at the story’s close, by freeing the woman trapped in the wallpaper, she is freeing herself.

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Trapped in the Wallpaper Samantha Pulliam The color of the wallpaper itself is also symbolic. Unattended corpses turn yellow.

She also mentions a yellow smell that is not just confined to the room she lives in. The narrator writes about the smell, It creeps all over the house. I find it hovering in the dining-room, skulking in the parlor, hiding in the hall, lying in wait for me on the stairs.

It gets into my hair.

Even when I go to ride, if I turn my head suddenly and surprise it—there is that smell!

Such a peculiar odor, too! I have spent hours in trying to analyze it, to find what it smelled like.

It is not bad—at first, and very gentle, but quite the subtlest, most enduring odor I ever met. (Gilman 674) Women being treated as inferior beings by men is something that permeates all of society, and this odor is representative of that. It is not just confined to her husband and doctor. Gilman describes the odor as “hiding” and “lying in wait” to give the odor a sinister quality. It does not just fill the house, it creeps. The smell travels outside of the house. Even on the rare occasions that she is free from her room, she is still aware of the oppression she faces. It follows her everywhere. Her analysis of the smell speaks to the fact that this oppression is not so blatant. She and other women must look closely to see it. She also begins to see yellow smudges on the other women’s clothes.

These women are living with them to make sure she does not do anything she is not supposed to. By having the yellow on them, it means they are women who do men’s bidding. They help keep women oppressed rather than fight for equality alongside them. The narrator often feels like Jennie, a woman who helps John look after her, is closely allied with John rather than with her.

The narrator writes, “The fact is I am getting a little afraid of John. He seems very queer sometimes, and even Jennie has an inexplicable look” (Gilman 673). Her mistrust of John carries over to her feelings about Jennie. She sees them as a team working against her.

Another symbol present in the story is the bed in the room where the narrator is confined, which symbolizes man’s sexual domination over women. The bed was the only furniture in the house when the family arrived, and it is the only thing there when they leave. The narrator spends her time on the “great immovable bed–it is nailed down” and studies the pattern of the wallpaper (Gilman 670). A possible interpretation of this bolted-down bed is that sexual domination is a constant in society. As the narrator crawls around and around the room, the circular path she takes always ends at the bed. She also mentions that the legs of the bed are gnawed and scratched up. It is not clear when or how the bed became this way. After saying that everything has been taken but the bed, she says, “I quite enjoy this room, now it is bare again. [...] This bedstead is fairly gnawed” (Gilman 676). If she is the one that gnawed the bed, it could symbolize her need to set herself free from this sexual domination. She spent her entire time in the house wanting to be in another room, and it is possible she was previously trying to get the bed to move.

John is also determined to keep the narrator in this room with the bed that will not move. He comes up with excuses for her not to move downstairs. When his wife asks to move to another 17

Trapped in the Wallpaper Samantha Pulliam room, John becomes very patronizing. The narrator says, “he took me in his arms and called me a blessed little goose” (Gilman 668). John uses this childlike moniker to refer to his wife and makes her feel as if she is being silly by requesting to change rooms. The narrator plays into this by submitting to him. She says, “I would not be so silly as to make him uncomfortable just for a whim” (Gilman 668). She puts aside her wishes in case they might inconvenience him. She stays in this room with the stationary bed. The discussion about the bed reveals a submission that is more than sexual. It is total.

Another symbol is made apparent when the narrator sees creeping women outside her window and says she even creeps sometimes. This creeping implies sneaking and keeping things hidden from others. This creeping is symbolic of the secret lives women lead that men do not know about. It is the things they do and keep hidden from men. For the narrator, it is her writing. When she first sees the woman trapped in the wallpaper, she says the woman is creeping. The narrator eventually says that she is the woman in the wallpaper. According to Conrad Shumaker, the trapped woman is “a projection of her feelings about herself” (596). In the end, she is left creeping around the room.

She is free from the wallpaper but does not leave the room. She “gained her freedom, but that is true only in a very limited sense” (Shumaker 598). The only thing the narrator has been able to accomplish is to get the woman, or herself, out of the wallpaper. She cannot or will not leave the room she has been confined to. The narrator has made progress, but there is still some way to go.

She is not partaking in the rest cure, but that is not the only thing that holds women down. She no longer has to creep in private, but she can only show this creeping to John. When her husband comes into the room, he is able to see that she creeps. He sees the real her rather than the woman she created for him.

The narrator’s own insanity is also symbolic of her knowledge of the inequality between men and women in Victorian society. This rest cure is not something that was just prescribed to one woman. This treatment was very commonly given to women in this time. Dr. Silas Weir Mitchell gave it, not only to Gilman herself but also to many other women. Beyond the rest cure, women were expected to be submissive and not express opinions contrary to those of their husbands. The more insane she becomes, the more aware the narrator is of her suffering as a woman. Rula Quawas says her insanity is “a form of rebellion against the medical practices and the political policies that have kept women out of professions, denied them their political rights, and kept them under male control in the family and the state” (41). She cannot and will not conform to what her husband wants her to be.

Gilman “wrote not to create literature but to improve the world” (Gilman 665). While the first readers of Gilman’s story only saw it as a story of a woman gone mad, it was later appreciated for its true purpose. Growing tensions regarding women’s equality brought a new generation and, with that, a new perspective to the story. Looking back, “The Yellow Wallpaper” was a forerunner of future feminist literature. Gilman was attacking and bringing to light the inequality between men and women when it came to medical treatment. This can be further applied to other areas where women were still oppressed in the years to come, be it in the home or in the workforce. This story is also important to the feminist conversation because it was written by a woman. Being a woman, Gilman can provide an insight into the plight of women that no one else can. A man would not be aware or totally in tune with what was going on. “The Yellow Wallpaper” is key to understanding the inequality of the sexes in its time as well as in the following decades.

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Trapped in the Wallpaper Samantha Pulliam

Works Cited Gilman, Charlotte Perkins. “The Yellow Wallpaper.” Anthology of American Literature: Vol. 2. Ed. George McMichael. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall, 2001. 663-67. Print.

Haney-Peritz, Janice. “Monumental Feminism And Literature’s Ancetral House: Another Look At ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’.” Women’s Studies: An Interdisciplinary Journal 12.2 (1986): 113-128.

Web. Quawas, Rula. “A New Women’s Journey Into Insanity: Descent and Return In The Yellow Wallpaper.” AUMLA: Journal of the Australasian Universities Language and Literature Association 105. (2006): 35-53. Print.

Shumaker, Conrad. “‘Too Terribly Good To Be Printed’: Charlotte Gilman’s ‘The Yellow Wallpaper’.”

American Literature: A Journal Of Literary History, Criticism, And Bibliography 57.4 (1985): 588599. Web.

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The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark

Abstract The purpose of this study was to look at which characteristics of coaches are deemed most desirable by athletes and to compare how coaches are perceived by athletes based upon the most desirable characteristics and the coach’s gender. Participants consisted of student athletes from the men’s basketball, women’s basketball, cross country, golf, soccer, tennis, softball, and baseball teams at a small private college in North Carolina. The participants were asked to complete a 5-point Likert scale survey on characteristics of coaches and competency rating of coaches based on a control and independent biography about hypothetical coaches. Through a repeated measures ANOVA and a 2 x 2 factorial repeated measures ANOVA, it was found that there was a slight significant difference for the preference of male coaches over female coaches regardless of the desirable characteristics the coaches held. The coaches’ gender and the characteristics they held also contributed to how a coach was perceived, although there was no relationship between the two variables.

Introduction Many women in the area of athletics, both coaches and athletes at the high school or collegiate level, face challenging situations and find that they cannot surpass certain levels or ranks. This can be known as a “glass ceiling” phenomenon, which is when a particular group (in this case, women) has difficulties exceeding certain levels within their desired field. This may come in the form of gender biases from athletes, administrators, and peers on coaches or potential coaches. In the past, female coaches have often experienced negative attitudes from athletes (Habif, Van Raalte, & Cornelius, 2001). To determine athlete attitudes and preferences for coaches of specific genders, Habif et al. conducted a two-part study.

First, they recruited 139 participants who competed in the National Collegiate Athletics Association (NCAA) on Division III basketball teams. Of those teams, 34% of the head coaches were female and 66% were male. They concluded that there was no significant gender difference in athletes’ attitudes toward female coaches, but there was a significant difference in the preference for a male coach as opposed to a female coach based on a multivariate analysis of variance (MANOVA).

In the second part of the study, 129 athletes who competed in NCAA Division III volleyball participated. Similar to the first study, there was no significant difference found in the attitudes of the athletes toward female coaches, but, in contrast to the first study, it was found that there was also no significant difference in the preference for a head coach of a specific gender. Habif and colleagues’ reasoning for these findings is that basketball is a masculine sport. It is dominated by male athletes and coaches. Because of this, it may be seen as normative to have or want to have a male head coach for basketball. On the other hand, volleyball tends to be a more gender-diverse sport with increased opportunities to work with coaches of the opposite gender. Habif et al. Concluded that athletes who have a greater opportunity to be coached by or work with the opposite gender may have less of a gender preference for a head coach.

Considering the mixed results of Habif et al., and taking into consideration the glass ceiling effect and how male and female coaches are perceived, one must look behind the scenes of the sports to their social contexts (Habif et al., 2001). In the administrative system of athletics, the “good 20

The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark old boys club” can be an enormous obstacle to overcome for women trying to get into coaching careers (Lovett & Lowry, 1994; Knoppers, 1989).

Lovett and Lowry (1994) conducted a study investigating the glass ceiling and administrative equality towards women and how women’s roles in coaching have decreased over the years in high schools as well as colleges. Lovett and Lowry proposed that there is a male dominance in principal and athletic director positions that make employment decisions for schools. They conducted a study with two types of administrative structure. One was a two-person structure (principal and athletic director), and the other was a three-person structure (one principal and two athletic directors). Out of the sample group of high schools in Texas, 87% of the systems had a two-person structure, of which 90% was an all-male model. That left only 13% of the school systems with a three-person structure, and of that 13%, 38% of all structures had an all-male model. Results from this study found that the majority of the models would hire to match the gender of their athletic director.

The only exception was in schools with a female principal and a male athletic director, but only 8% of the schools tested had a female principal and a male athletic director. Interestingly, it was found that the three-person structure (male principal, male and female athletic director) had the greatest number of women coaches hired, although only 13% of schools in Texas have a threeperson structure. Lovett and Lowry concluded that there is effectiveness in all-female based principal and athletic director departments and that the gender of the coaches tended to replicate that of the athletic director in the structure.

When an educational organization is looking into hiring a new coach, it was found in Lovett and Lowry’s (1994) study that there seems to be a practice of hiring coaches of the same gender as those making hiring decisions. That is, males are more likely to hire other males and females to hire other females. This poses the question: do the athletes have a bias or preference for a coach of a certain gender?

Barber (1998) found a partial support for significant differences between the perceived competence of male and female coaches. Barber hypothesized that women emphasized self-referenced factors in coaching (i.e., athlete improvement, coaching skill improvement) whereas men emphasized external sources (i.e., administrative and peer approval, physical outcomes of competitions). Importantly, it was found that men did not place a significant amount of importance on the external sources, such as administrative support, and rather ranked higher in teaching sports skills. These findings for men being rated higher in competency levels of game strategy and technique may be because a particular sport is male dominant; therefore, androcentric ideals and beliefs may be rooted into the culture of the sport (Fasting & Gertrud, 2000). In relation to how a coach is perceived before hiring, Myers, Beauchamp, and Chase (2010) found that athletes’ satisfaction levels with their head coach have a strong correlation with how they perceive their coaches’ abilities. These abilities include being able to alter an athlete’s mood and skills with instruction and interaction during practice. These results correlate to a similar study conducted by Manley, Greenlees, Thelwell, and Smith (2010).

Manley et al. (2010) found that the reputation of a coach plays a key factor in athletes’ perceptions of potential coaches. For instance, coaches with successful reputations were found to have a significantly higher level of perceived competence than those with unsuccessful reputations.

Manley et al. also looked into whether the gender of coaches coupled with their reputation influenced athletes on their initial assessments of a potential coach. They hypothesized that female coaches would be perceived as significantly less competent in initial competency expectations.

This hypothesis was partially supported. Men scored significantly higher in their abilities for game 21

The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark strategy and technique, whereas women scored significantly higher in their abilities to motivate athletes and build upon their character.

Other studies have found that coaches are able to influence the amount of task cohesion on a team through augmenting training and instruction, social support, and democratic behavior when approaching the team (Gardner, Shields, Bredemeier, & Bostrom, 1996). Gardner et al. (1996) concluded coaches were able to remind the team of the common shared goal for the athletes as well as the coaching staff in order to encourage cohesion. The study was conducted on a group of softball and baseball players and found that there was a significant gender difference in the way softball and baseball players perceived the leadership of their coaches. Males tended to identify with autocratic behavior, whereas females identified with instruction and training, democratic behavior, and positive feedback. Interestingly, a significant difference was found between the genders in task cohesion. In addition, they found that softball players had greater task cohesion than baseball players.

They concluded that a possible explanation for this finding is that females tend to have an emphasis on social interactions and relationships as well as interdependence (Gardner et al., 1996; Gilligan, 1982).

In relation to team cohesion, female athletes tend to prefer more social support from male coaches compared to female coaches (Riemer & Toon, 2001). Reimer and Toon explained that female coaches who coach female athletes have similar ways of communicating and social support.

In contrast, male coaches do not tend to show as much social support, thus female athletes may search for more social support in a male coach because it is lacking compared to having a female coach.

Fasting and Pfister (2000) also discussed preferences toward having a male or female coach, particularly in the sport of women’s soccer. Overall, they found that there was an increase in participation in women and coaching, but men were still preferred as coaches over women. Fasting and Pfister proposed that the reason why men tend to be preferred as coaches over women is because it may be embedded in the culture of the sport as a male dominant sport, thus making it inherently difficult for women to gain a credible foothold.

The purpose of the present study is to extend previous research in examining male and female athletes to determine what characteristics are considered desirable in a coach and if gender affects perceived competency of a coach, regardless of the presence or absence of desirable characteristics.

The reason for exploring this topic is to determine if there are gender differences in the way coaches are perceived, even if they possess identical desirable coaching characteristics. Based on previous research, several hypotheses were made: Hypothesis 1: the characteristics deemed most desirable will be reinforcement of good play and effort, organization, instruction, and coaches being able to control their emotions. Hypothesis 2: there will be a significant difference in the athletes’ preference for male coaches over female coaches, regardless of the presence or absence of the desirable characteristic qualities. Hypothesis 3: there will be an interaction between the male and female coaches and the desirable characteristics that they exhibit. These hypotheses will be addressed through a series of repeated measures and factorial ANOVAs, to determine if the hypotheses are supported.

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The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark

Method Participants The participants in this study consisted of male and female athletes at a small private NCAA Division II school in northern North Carolina. Participants were recruited via email with the permission of the coaches. One hundred and ten subjects were initially used in the study, but four of the survey packets used had to be dismissed from the research on account of incorrect completion.

Thus, the results are based on the responses of 106 student athletes from the men’s (n = 67) and women’s (n = 39): basketball (n = 27), golf (n = 10), soccer (n = 20), tennis (n = 15), softball (n = 16), and baseball (n = 25) teams. Of the participants, 56.2% were Caucasian, 22.9% African American, 9.5% Latin American, 3.8% Asian American, 1% Native American, and 6.7% other. Additionally, 32.4% were freshmen, 25.7% sophomores, 28.6% juniors, and 12.4% were seniors. The ages of the participants ranged from 18-23 years old (M = 19.72; SD = 1.337). There was no incentive given for participation, and all American Psychological Association (APA) guidelines were followed.

Measures Desirable/Non-desirable characteristics. To determine which coach characteristics were most desirable, the Desirable Characteristics Survey (DCS) was created using definitions from Reddy, Babu, and Kidane (2013). The participants then ranked questions on a 5-point Likert scale, With 1 indicating that a characteristic was not important and 5 indicating a very important characteristic. Participants responded to 12 behavioral category questions, which included “A coach giving positive feedback, verbal or nonverbal, is important?” and “A coach failing to respond to good performances is?”

Perceived Competency. To assess differences in competency ratings between genders, four coach mini-biographies were provided for evaluation. The mini biographies were created using results from Manley et al. (2010) After reading the biography, participants rated the coach on the competency level survey (CLS) for the coach’s coaching potential; on 5-point Likert scale (1 being low competency and 5 being high competency). Higher scores indicated higher competency levels for the particular coach.

Each participant received a packet containing biographies of a male coach with desirable and non-desirable characteristics as well as a female coach with desirable and non-desirable characteristics.

Packets also included a demographic survey to obtain age, gender, and ethnicity. To account for possible priming and order effects, the demographics questionnaire was counterbalanced and the coach characteristics were randomized across participants.

Procedures Student athletes were recruited via email once permission was obtained from the coach to contact them. Those who consented to participate completed the surveys. The surveys were given to the men’s basketball, women’s basketball, golf, soccer, tennis, softball, and baseball teams. The participants were asked to complete the paper survey packet for a study being conducted on campus.

Participants completed the surveys anonymously in a classroom on campus during a scheduled meeting time. If the survey questions were unclear, the participants asked the survey administrator to clarify. Although there was no time limit, most surveys were completed in less than 30 minutes.

Depending on the survey packet participants received, they began by answering the demographic

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The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark section of the survey. This included questions inquiring about their race, gender, age, and sport. If they did not receive a packet with the demographic section first, they then started with the DCS. Once the DCS was completed, they were instructed to read a mini-biography of a coach and then complete the CLS. They repeated this three other times with the different versions of the coaches provided. When all the surveys were completed, the athletes stayed for a short debriefing and were thanked for their participation before leaving.

Results To test the first hypothesis, a repeated measures ANOVA with post-hoc pairwise comparison and Bonferroni corrections was used to determine which characteristics athletes found to be most desirable for a coach to possess. Results revealed a significant difference in characteristic ratings (F(11, 1100) = 55.820, p < 0.001, Partial η2 = 0.358). Reinforcement (M = 4.43), organization (M = 4.79), emotional control (M = 4.54), and instruction (M = 4.79) were rated positively, whereas showing hostility toward an athlete (M = 2.76) and giving a negative response to an athlete after a mistake (M = 3.18) were found to be the least desirable characteristics a coach could possess.

A 2 (coach gender) x 2 (coach characteristics) factorial repeated measures ANOVA was used to examine participant ratings of coach competency based on the provided biographies. Results revealed a main effect for gender and for characteristics. For the gender main effect (F(1, 105) = 6.986, p = 0.009, Partial η2 = 0.062), male coaches were rated significantly higher than female coaches (Mm = 3.542, Mf= 3.373). The characteristics main effect also revealed a significant difference (F(1, 105) = 313.884, p < 0.001, Partial η2 = 0.749). Participants rated coaches with the hypothesized desirable characteristics more favorably than those with undesirable characteristics (M, SD). Although there were significant differences in both of the main effects, there was not a significant interaction (F(1, 105) = 0.859, p = 0.356, Partial η2 = 0.008).

Discussion The purpose of this study was to extend previous research and to examine which characteristics athletes found desirable in coaches and to determine if gender played a role in the perceived competency of a coach, regardless of the presence of the desirable characteristics. The first hypothesis that the characteristics deemed most desirable would be reinforcement of good play and effort, communication, organization, and coaches controlling their emotions was supported by the results.

When comparing the hypothesized characteristics to the other undesirable characteristics, it was found that instruction, whether after a player mistake or in-game strategies or techniques, was the most preferred characteristic.

The second hypothesis, which stated that there would be a significant difference in the preference for a male coach over a female coach, was also supported. Participants did rank male coaches higher than female coaches in perceived competency. However, although significant, the differences between male and female coach ratings were small, as was the effect size. This suggests that the differences may not be meaningful.

Finally, the third hypothesis stated that there would be an interaction between the gender of the coaches and their coaching characteristics; this was not supported in the results. Despite there being significant differences in both of the main effects, there was no interaction. Perceptions of a coach’s competency were impacted by the gender of the coach as well as the characteristics or style of the 24

The Effect of Gender on Athletesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Perceptions of Their Coachesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark coaches, but there was no relationship or interaction between these two variables. Thus, the study showed that athletes respond similarly to particular coach characteristics regardless of the gender of the coach.

The current findings have significant implications for coaches or potential coaches, because they demonstrate the effectiveness of certain coaching behaviors/characteristics. By looking at effective coaching characteristics, coaches have the ability and opportunity to re-evaluate their own coaching styles or characteristics and apply, or adjust, them to their own practices and game behaviors.

In addition, it also allows coaches to estimate how they may be perceived by their own athletes through characteristics they possess.

Future research should continue to investigate gender differences and equality in a relatively male-dominated field (Fasting & Pfister, 2000; Lovett & Lowry, 1994). In particular, future research should focus on factors including coaching experience, total years of coaching, experience playing the sport they coach, and gender bias and its effect on the perceived competency of a coach.

Limitations of this particular study were the sample sizes and survey technique. Attending a small, private university while being a full-time student athlete made it difficult to acquire a large and adequate sample size. In addition, the survey technique could have been reviewed and manicured more and delivered to candidates with greater accuracy and consistency.

This studyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aim was to look at gender biases among coaches through the perception of athletes to determine which characteristics are found to be most desirable in coaches and examine their perceived competency based on those characteristics. Coach characteristics (such as offering instruction and reinforcement) were found to strongly impact perceptions of coach competency. Coach gender also impacted competency ratings, but the effect was quite small. This can be promising for women in coaching and athletics, because the effect size was small, and, in the near future, this significant difference may be reduced to no significant difference between the genders. Gender equality should be strived for in the field of athletics in order to achieve optimal performances from not only the coaches but their athletes as well.

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The Effect of Gender on Athletes’ Perceptions of Their Coaches’ Characteristics and Abilities Rachel Clark References Barber, H. (1998). Examining gender differences in sources and levels of perceived competence in interscholastic coaches. The Sports Psychologist, 12, 237-252.

Fasting, K., & Pfister, G. (2000). Female and male coaches in the eyes of elite women soccer players.

European Physical Education Review, 6(1), 91-110. doi: 10.1177/1356336X000061001 Gardner, D. E., Light Shields, D. L., Light Bredemeier, B. J., & Bostrom, A. (1996). The relationship between perceived coaching behaviors and team cohesion among baseball and softball players.

The Sport Psychologist, 10, 367-383.

Habif, S., Van Raalte, J. L., & Cornelius, A. (2001). Athletes’ attitudes toward and preferences for male and female coaches. Women in Sport & Physical Activity Journal, 10(1), 73-88. http://search. proquest.com/docview/230705668?accountid=10098 Lovett, D. J., & Lowry C. D. (1994). “Good old boys” and “good old girls” clubs: Myth or reality?

Journal of Sport Management, 8(1), 27-35.

Manley, A. J., Greenlees, I. A., Thelwell, R. C., & Smith, M. J., (2010). Athletes’ use of reputation and gender information when forming initial expectancies of coaches. International Journal of Sports Science & Coaching, 5(4), 517-532.

Myers, N. D., Beauchamp, M. R., & Chase, M. A. (2011). Coaching competency and satisfaction with the coach: A multi-level structural equation model. Journal of Sports Sciences, 29(4), 411422. doi: 10.1080/02640414.2010.538710 Reddy, C., Babu, S. M., & Kidnae, W. W. (2013). The effect of coaching behavior on player’s satisfaction in the case of Ethiopian soccer players: Review of literature. International Journal of Social Science & Interdisciplinary Research, 2(1), 106-117.

Riemer, A. H., & Toon, K. (2001). Leadership and satisfaction in tennis: Examination of congruence, gender, and ability. Research Quarterly for Exercise and Sport, 72(3), 243-256.

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Visual Art Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Got Mail

Giovanni McGlone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28

A Tribe Called Quest Tribute

Necole Watson. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Together but Not Together

Rebeccah Noll . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

Patience Pays Off

Rebeccah Noll . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

One in a Million

Shelby Barlowe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

Walking Tall

Jessica Pyle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33

The Hebrew Woman

Quantia Beattie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

Gone But NOT Forgotten

Brie Wakefield . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35

Split Ends

Giovanni McGlone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36

The Tortoise and the Dare

Giovanni McGlone. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37 27

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve Got Mail Giovanni McGlone Photography

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A Tribe Called Quest Tribute Necole Watson Painting

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Together but Not Together Rebeccah Noll Photography

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Patience Pays Off Rebeccah Noll Photography

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One in a Million Shelby Barlowe Digital Media

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Walking Tall Jessica Pyle Digital Media Featured on cover

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The Hebrew Woman Quanita Beattie Photography

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Gone But NOT Forgotten Brie Wakefield Photography

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Split Ends Giovanni McGlone Photography

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The Tortoise and the Dare Giovanni McGlone Photography

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Creative Works Hampton Primer

Brandi Burgess. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

The Secrets We Don’t Want to Tell

Whitney Parker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Fatal Mind

Giselle Colón . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Oh, Charmer

Amber Pennix. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

Peace

Whitney Parker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

Be Still

GermaNa Farrior. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

Bigger Than You

Samantha Pulliam. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

My Guardian Angel

Jon Robert Stewart. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

All Alone

Louise Brady. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51

Reminiscing

Lajeffrica Smith. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53

I Love You

Whitney Parker . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 56

Her Written Word

Zoë Beale. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

Short Story

Amber Pennix. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60

39

Hampton Primer Brandi Burgess

Where I live, I am very fortunate. We live in a two-story house with three cars in a safe neighborhood. I would put emphasis on safe. We can leave our doors unlocked and easily walk outside when it is dark. If you continue to the left, you will see more nice houses, shops, parks, and a community college. Go to the right, and you’ll see the major road where everything is. There’s the mall, all the restaurants, and bright flashy signs. If you continue to go right, you might want to start locking your car doors.

I suggest you do not go out there when it is dark, and, if you do, stay in the car. If you are going to someone’s house, quickly go in the house and lock the door behind you. Fair warning: you will hear gunshots. You will see young men on the corner selling drugs and the drug addicts not too far behind. Where I’m from, it’s not unusual to hear of murder on the news, and it’s someone you went to high school with. Where I’m from, it’s cooler to act like you’re from the “hood” than that safe, boring neighborhood you are actually from. Guns and drugs are flashed on social media like prizes. Where I’m from, you’re nervous all the time that you might end up being shot. It happened to me. I was shot. I was the least expected victim, because I was from the “rich neighborhood.” In the end, it doesn’t matter: bullets have no name on them.

40

The Secrets We Don’t Want to Tell Whitney Parker “Morgan, if you don’t leave now, you’re going to run into all that Atlanta traffic while picking up Mason,” says Tasha, the assistant manager of So Chic.

“I know, I know. I just want to make sure these packages are ready to go for the online sales,” says Morgan.

“Girl, go get Mason. I got this,” says Tasha.

“You’re right. See you tomorrow! Make sure you lock up,” says Morgan.

Morgan Lassiter is one of the most successful businesswomen in Atlanta, Georgia. She owns two clothing stores, a hair salon, and a beauty supply store. With all the many hats she wears, she still has time for her son Mason, who has been accepted to a prestigious preschool, and her successful stockbroker husband Kavon. On the outside, she has the perfect life: money, a loving husband, and her legacy, Mason. Just like any other person, she has her secrets, and they are all about to come out, whether she likes it or not.

As Morgan is driving to pick up Mason, she gets an unknown phone call. Normally, she doesn’t answer blocked numbers or numbers she doesn’t recognize, but, for some reason, something is telling her to answer.

“Hello, this is Morgan. Who am I speaking with?” she says in her most professional voice.

“Daaaang, Sasha. It’s like that now?” says the deep voice on the other end of the phone.

Right at that moment, Morgan knows exactly who it is. Buster! Buster was her mother’s pimp of a boyfriend who pimped her mother out and got her addicted to drugs. She hasn’t heard from Buster since she ran away from him almost fifteen years ago. Her heart drops to her stomach, and the tears begin to flood her eyes so that she can barely see the road. So many things are running through her mind.

“You didn’t think I would find you, did you, Sasha? And who is Morgan?” says Buster.

Morgan tries to speak, but her throat begins to tingle as the tears finally drop from her eyes.

Hearing Buster’s voice not only terrifies Morgan, but it makes her want to get to Mason even faster, knowing what Buster is capable of. She wipes her face as she begins to speed past every car that’s in front of her and starts to speak back to Buster. Nervously, she talks.

“Wha wha what do you want, Buster?” She hasn’t stuttered in years—that’s how she knows she isn’t completely over what happened. She has never wanted a conversation to be over as much as she does right now.

“You know what I want, Sasha! Don’t play with me!” Buster grows angry.

“I don’t live that life anymore, Buster. Leave me alone, or I will call the police! How did you even get out? Where did you get my number from?!”

Morgan never yelled or spoke to Buster like that before, but she needs answers and fast. The one person she moved from Texas to Georgia to get away from is haunting her all over again. What is a girl to do? As she makes it to the babysitter’s, she smiles as she goes inside to get Mason, as if nothing is wrong. She puts him in his car seat, kisses his forehead, and gives him his snack. The conversation continues.

41

The Secrets We Don’t Want to Tell Whitney Parker “Who do you think you talking to?! That rich man must’ve knocked you upside your head and made you lose your mind, thinking it’s okay to talk to me like that!” says Buster.

“Buster, I don’t have time for this. What do you want from me?” Morgan says, softly, so that Mason won’t hear, yet stern, so Buster will know she is serious.

Although she knows Buster like the back of her hand, she really can’t wrap her brain around the fact that he is on the other end of the phone. She begins to race home, but, as always, she runs into traffic.

“Look, Sasha. You thought you got outta the game by running out on me. You so stupid. You really thought you was going to get rid of me, didn’t you? You know you can’t get rid of me.

Especially since you still owe me money–” “Owe you money?!” Morgan interrupts.

“I’m talking! You shut up and listen!” Buster yells yet again. And Morgan goes silent.

“Now, as I was saying before, you lost your mind again. You owe me money, and it’s time to pay up. I want $50,000 in my possession by the end of the night. I know where you live, so I suggest you act right. Put the money in a bag, put it in the bushes to the right of the front door, and we won’t have any problems. You got me? Good,” and he hangs up.

Morgan looks up into her mirror, and she sees the best thing that has ever happened to her: Mason, smiling back at her with the biggest grin and Cheetos all over his face. She knows she has to give Buster the money to protect her family and to keep her secret unknown. So, she then texts Kavon to tell him that she has Mason and that she has a run to make and asks him to start dinner. He texts back quickly, saying, “Sure thing, be safe love you”. She repeats “Be safe” over and over in her head. Kavon doesn’t know how much those two words really mean to her right now. She is able to get to the bank in time to make her withdrawal from her petty cash account, so Kavon won’t notice, and gets a bag from the store to put it all in. Morgan and Mason make it safely, physically, and Morgan puts the bag of money in the bush just as Buster instructed her.

Morgan walks in to Kavon cooking dinner and somehow becomes relaxed and at ease. The Lassiters continue with their nightly routine as if nothing is wrong.

Around 3 A.M., Morgan wakes up, and all she can think about is that bag in the bushes. She checks on Mason on her way outside to check the bush, and, luckily, he is sound asleep. As she gets to the door, so many emotions run through her mind. With all the courage she can find within, she opens the door. Although it’s freezing outside and she doesn’t have any shoes on, she checks the bush, and the bag is gone. She sighs in relief and goes back into the house. Walking back upstairs, Morgan can’t help but feel sad that she has to hide this from Kavon. She gets in bed and just stares at him as he sleeps. She wakes him up and begins to tell him everything. Absolutely everything.

She tells it all, from the very beginning all the way to her checking the bush. She cries as she tells the story, and Kavon holds her and listens to the whole thing.

And he says, “Baby, I knew all about Buster.”

“What do you mean you knew all about Buster?” Morgan says.

“Before Mason was born, I had the pleasure of meeting a woman named Diane.”

“My mother?! Where did you see her?! How?!” Morgan interrupts.

42

“Yes, honey, let me finish.”

The Secrets We Don’t Want to Tell Whitney Parker Morgan lets him continue.

“I was walking out of the house, and she was just sitting on the front step. I asked her how I could help her, and she said she was looking for Sasha. I told her no one lived here by that name, and she explained that she was told that her daughter lived here, and she described you to a T. I brought her in the house, gave her some food, and we talked. By the end of the conversation, she agreed to let me check her into rehab, and that’s where she’s been.”

“You knew all of this, and you’re still here?” Morgan asks.

“Yes, because I love you. Just promise me you’ll never keep anything else from me,” Kavon says, as he kisses her cheek. ”I promise. I love you, too,” Morgan says, as she hugs him tightly.

Morgan and Kavon lie back down in bed for a peaceful night of sleep. But little do they know that tomorrow still holds more secrets.

43

Fatal Mind Giselle Colón

How can something so vital fail so easily?

My mind is slipping away— melting and pouring out from my cold desert eyes.

What horrid art the mind can perform.

Illusions and apparitions surround me, suffocating thoughts that are puppeteers to my emotions.

I watch them dance around uncontrollably, getting jumbled in their own strings.

I can’t help the sickness that mocks me.

I drag it around with me as if I should be proud of the weight it bears.

Self-accomplishment is a dangerous poison.

It leads you to becoming a judgmental tyrant.

Pride is an annoyance and a nuisance.

Isolated music sessions are essential.

Melodies help to ease the shame, to mask the sorrow.

The anguish crashes down on my chest heavy with grief, leaving me gasping for some form of relief.

Some may show pity, and some simply have no care for my well-being.

Even still, both are unwanted.

44

Oh, Charmer Amber Pennix

Oh, Charmer.

The things you say have people fooled.

Your intellect and looks are used as tools to keep us blind to what’s really used.

Make them smile and laugh.

Get them to give their last dime just for a chance to continue down your destructive path.

You live in denial.

Bamboozle people.

They give, you receive, then you flee.

Just to get another fix.

Just to get another hit.

After a while, you come down from your cloud, realizing the feeling was a lie.

Not everything’s fun or fine.

Now you have to gather coins to fix the damage you’ve done, but you don’t have enough change to your name… you feel ashamed.

Time to turn on Mr. Charmer so he can get another hit– trick people into believing there’s nothing wrong with him.

Oh, Charmer.

Oh, Charmer.

Why can’t you see?

Life is more than you’ve cracked it up to be.

Oh, Charmer.

What about your family and kids?

Responsibilities forgotten because of the secret you hide to keep you on cloud 9 floating above your priorities and your past.

Nothing serious; it’s all a laugh.

45

Peace Whitney Parker

I would say peace and love, but forget love, I don’t have peace.

I would say it’s been real, but it’s always been fake, so peace.

I would say talk to you later, but I know you wouldn’t respond.

I would say adios, but you wouldn’t even understand, so peace.

I would say I love you, but how can I, when there was no love?

I would say I just can’t let you go, but you’ve been gone, so peace.

So, take this as my walking away from it all in complete silence.

Trust me. I promise I won’t look for you to follow me, so peace.

46

Be Still GermaNa Farrior Why can’t I find peace? Is there something that I’m missing? Of course there is. The internal battle raged on as she struggled to get out of bed. Her head throbbed, another migraine. Her phone buzzed, more emails. She sighed, not knowing what to do next. Her workload continued to pile up and began to weigh on her spirits. Her alarm continued to blare. Numb to the sounds surrounding her, she got dressed, grabbed her bag, and left the room in shambles. There was so much to do, and she didn’t have time to herself to do it.

Her friends didn’t notice; no one did. She walked past a group of them, succeeding in remaining unseen. She sighed heavily, knowing not where her strength would come from next. The sky appeared to be painted, the trees photoshopped, the clouds effortlessly etched in the serene blue.

Today is a beautiful day; why do I feel everything and anything less? Her body took the lead, guiding her which way she should go next.

She found herself sitting by the lake. The geese swam across the undisturbed surface, followed by their young. Lying back and resting her head on nature’s bedpost, she pondered if there would ever be a day when she would be graced with the opportunity of becoming a mother, a good one.

If there would be someone who would love her the way it was described in novels, not expressed through closed fists and tainted truths. Her revelation made her uncomfortable, the perceived truth disheartening. This spot won’t do.

Her time was up. She stood and stretched her limbs, onward to find her next destination.

Passing broken bottles, cigarette butts, and condom wrappers, she trudged on, stopping only to catch her breath. Slowing her breathing, she was able to hear almost everything around her, except not quite. She continued on. Slipping on a stone she did not see, she lost her balance. Throwing out her hand to catch herself on a neighboring tree, she drew blood.

Taking a look at her hand, she looked to see if the inflicted wound needed to be addressed. Her blood spiraled around her wrist, trickling down to the earth’s carpeted floor. She took off the light jacket she was wearing and applied pressure. Seeing she wasn’t going to die from it, she kept on.

Crossing the highway, she approached a field. Here. She sat down in the bleachers, as the sun beamed down on her bronzed cheek. Talk to me. Words bubbled in her throat, but nothing was released. She had been putting this off for so long, in fear of being vulnerable and human. I don’t want to go there today. You don’t have to, just talk to me. Giving in, she took out a black, leather-bound book. She opened it to its empty contents. Her senses broadened as she took in her surroundings and began to write.

The clouds, the way they cruise across the sky, the trees, the natural formation in which they are aligned. The sun, which beams on the right side of my face, it’s warm, your warmth. The moon she looks over me, looming luna. The sky is clear, the day is perfect. The voices, the slamming door, the bird that sings your song. The field I gaze at while nestled on the bench. All of this was yours to create, yours to love. I feel like you’ve created this day for me alone, but I know it’s not so. There are others who you love as you love me.

Pausing, she looked around, watching the gentle breeze dance between the blades of grass. She looked overhead and saw the soaring hawks gliding with their strong and taut wings, dividing the air. A feeling of serenity overcame her, and understanding flooded her features.

47

Be Still GermaNa Farrior Father, have I found my refuge, my solitude, my place of true comfort where nothing else resides?

Where you are free with me and alone? My senses are heightened, I want you to speak. You have been speaking, you say? Thank you for showing me better ways to listen. Can I lie here with you?

Resting in your arms, dwelling in the presence of your strength, mercy, compassion. Forgive me, lest I forget God. You are my Alpha and Omega. There is no inâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;between, no other beginning or ending. Use me how you will. I am yours, rightfully so.

God, I thank you for showing me how to be still.

48

Bigger Than You Samantha Pulliam

Tell me it’s no big deal.

Tell me how men can control themselves but in the same breath say my shirt is too tight or I was leading him on, being too nice.

Tell me that saying “no” when you don’t want gum is not the same thing when he’s pulling on your jeans because, like a falling tree, no one was around to hear you cry.

Tell me that I’m not telling the truth because the bruises on my thighs and my silent tears were all too real— He saw them, too.

I am sorry that I will not wear the word “victim” like a nametag because, as little as I am, I am bigger than six letters.

I am bigger than a man who claims he can’t tell the difference between “no, stop” and “don’t stop,” bigger than the scorching showers I take when I think about his hands— Bigger than you.

Tell me that he is not the monster in my closet, but why do their voices sound the same?

Tell me how, when I’m laughing with my friends, that I am too carefree to be hurting.

I’m sorry I’m not crumpled like plants with no sunlight.

I’m sorry my seams are not split open enough for you to see my insides, but, sometimes, I like to pretend that he was admiring my necklace and nothing below it and the reason my hands shake when I see him is because I’m cold.

49

My Guardian Angel Jon Robert Stewart

I screamed for my dad as I walked through the door just like every day.

And, with no reply, I walked up the stairs, but little did I know what I was about to see would remain a complete mystery.

I opened the bedroom door and instantly fell to the floor.

The chair was knocked over, and a rope was tied to the ceiling fan.

There hung my old man….

A cold shiver went down my back, and I started to cry.

I then managed to crawl to the edge of my parents’ bed, where a note lay which said, “Dear sin from within, I gave in, I can’t believe I let you win.

Family, I watched this world turn into a disaster, and all I could hear was this constant laughter.

I was lost, and I was alone, and I just couldn’t hold on.

But now I’m done and forever gone.”

This wasn’t in my worst fears, and now all you could see was my tears.

In a blink of an eye he was there; In a blink of an eye he was gone.

Little did my dad know, now I was lost and alone.

I was weak but found the strength to stand on my own two feet.

And there I said, “Dear sin from within, I can’t let you win, no, I will not give in.

Dad, you may be gone, but you don’t know what you have begun.

I may not be able to fix this disaster, but I promise I will stop that constant laughter.”

In loving memory of my Father, Daniel “Robbie” Stewart, March 31, 1969-February 4, 2014

50

All Alone Louise Brady

Staring at the box cutter in my hand. Thinking about how easy it would be to leave this crappy world. To leave a place where everyone thinks you are invisible and worthless. When you reach out for help from your family, and they don’t listen, because they think you are going through a phase. Every time I cut myself, I would think of the reason why I started.

My parents never got along, and they didn’t know how to act like they were the adults. They would use me as a telephone: “Tell your mom this” or “Tell your dad I still love him.” They would fight through me and make me feel like I was the reason they split up. I would get blamed for everything, and there would be no end to the drama. When my dad decided to move out, I had the choice either to go with him or to stay with my mom. So, whoever I chose, one person was going to be unhappy with my decision. When I chose to live with my dad, my older sister blamed me a lot for my mother’s unhappiness. She would tell me I made the wrong choice and that I should have stayed at home and not with my father. She had a lot of anger towards my father because he was not her real father and I still have my father in my life. When I would go to my mom’s, she would ask me all the time, “Did your father talk about me?” “Did your father say he loved me?”

This would happen every time I would go to stay with her on the weekend. I would dread going to her house because I hated to be in the middle of their drama. I shouldn’t have had to deal with the love life of my parents. I felt like the only way to end the pain was to cut myself. I would have angry red lines all over my right arm.

Every time I would cut against my arm, I would feel some of the pressure leave my body. I wore long sleeve shirts all the time to cover up the marks so no one would know. It was not until one day when I was at my sister Sonya’s house that she asked me about those red lines on my arm.

I wouldn’t tell her the truth. I told her it was nothing, and then she called our older sister. It was then that I told them I was cutting myself because of how my parents were acting. They told me that I needed to stop harming myself. I told them that it was hard because it made me feel better and I knew nothing more. They told me that I should go and find a counselor who could help me get through my problems with cutting. So, I found a local counselor named Michael D. Mr. Michael helped me out a lot. I would meet with him twice a week after school. He helped me get over the anger I felt towards my mother and father. He also talked to both of my parents and opened their eyes to how they were hurting me and my mental health. With him as my counselor, I was able to get over my cutting, and I was able to pass all of my classes in school. He helped me get on a better track in my life. Mr. Michael was the type of person where you didn’t complain to him about the small things or the things that were not going to help you get better. If he didn’t like the way I was explaining something, or if I was not open with him, he could tell. He would then say, “If you can’t be upfront with me, what is the point of us sitting here talking then?” I think him being so hard on me was the reason why I stopped cutting.

Since then, I am more open and honest about everything I feel. The way I view myself is different. I feel like more of a person, and I can stand on my own two feet without help. Even though my parents still act like children, and they still try to treat me like a telephone, I know now to just tell them, if you want to talk to her/him, go do it yourself. I ask them, “Are you not tired of talking about the same thing over and over for eight years?” Once I made my boundaries clear 51

All Alone Louise Brady to them, they seemed to understand that, if they kept doing this, I would walk away from them both. I think they needed that wake-up call to see that the way they were acting was not normal.

I then decided that I wanted something to remind me to never harm myself again. So, I have a tattoo on my right wrist with a star. It is to remind me that I am a star that is always soaring above in the sky. It is also in that certain place because that is where I cut myself the most. To this day, I still have times when I feel like it would be easier to end it all and start cutting again. But then I look at my tattoo and wonder why I would want to cut up a star. Then it would not be able to soar through the sky. It would be a fallen star, and how can people enjoy a fallen star?

52

Reminiscing Lajeffrica Smith

Needles. So many needles. Marks left on my smooth brown skin by the sharp pinch of those needles. Bitter taste of pills filling my mouth every morning, to prevent kidney failure from happening. Insulin has continually been inserted throughout my body for eighteen years now, so that I could live a life of knowing. Having to go to doctor’s appointments five times every month; being told every day what I could and couldn’t do. Constantly made an outcast because I was different from everyone else. You see, I’m a diabetic, and it’s time I finally accepted that.

I can’t believe I’m in college now. I have essays back to back, yet I still find myself having a little time to reminisce about certain moments in my life, when things seemed to be harder than they are now. Those moments are ones I will never forget. ~ “Lajeffrica! Lajeffrica!” my mother yells. “Come out from underneath that table right now!”

I’m three years old and running from the needle.

“Lajeffrica, please come out,” I hear the doctor say in a calm manner. “If you do not take this medicine, you will not be able to live. You do want to live, right?”

I look up at the doctor’s concerned face and reply in a shaky tone, “Yes.” My mom lifts me up and sets my tiny three-year-old body on top of the patient’s bed. My eyes slowly begin to water, for I know what is about to happen. My mother puts her caring hand on top of my small, trembling hand, as if she is trying to shield me from it all.

“Lajeffrica, everything is going to be okay. You will get the hang of it in no time,” she says, while giving me a reassuring smile.

“Okay. Ready. Here it comes, on three. One–two–three,” says the doctor.

I feel the sharp pinch of the needle pierce through the tender layers of my brown skin. This is the first encounter I’ve ever had with the needle, and I hate every second of it.

As my mother and I leave the doctor’s office and walk outside, I find myself looking up towards the sky. I watch as the colors change from a bright blue to a dark grey. Deep in my mind I think to myself: will my life be exactly like that? Will it transform from a bright blue filled with light into a dimmed, dark grey? Can I survive this illness? I am only three, after all.

My mother lifts me up in her arms and looks deeply into my hazel brown eyes.

“Lajeffrica, you aren’t alone in this. Remember you and I both share the same illness. We can both look after each other, okay.”

“Okay,” I say.

She then puts me in my car seat, and we drive away. “Okay” seems like the only thing I can say.

53

Reminisching Lajeffrica Smith ~ “Lajeffrica! Can you hear me? Lajeffrica, please drink the juice!”

Is that my mom’s voice? Whose voice is that?

I’m eleven years old now and already trying to commit suicide. I’m still trying to accept the fact that I’m a diabetic. I’m still trying to accept the fact that I will always be different from everyone else. I hate myself and the people in the world. I want it all to go away; I want to go away. I’m just so tired of being sad and ostracized because of who I am. I’m tired of my mom yelling at me whenever I don’t get something right. I’m fed up with my father for constantly showing up, starting pointless arguments with my mom every night, and then leaving. I wish he would show up once just for me. I desperately need someone to pull me out of the darkness and push me into the light, because every day I can slowly feel my body rotting away on the inside. I didn’t want to make a suicide attempt, but I’m tired of that crater that decided to form itself in the depths of my already aching heart. I figured if I disappeared from the world, there would be no more pain, and everyone else would be happier.

Today, a girl had called me stupid and refused to let me play a soccer game with everyone else. One of my teachers had yelled at me and called me incompetent, all because I couldn’t keep up with the rest of the class. And, to top it all off, someone who I considered my friend turned out to be someone completely different. She had stabbed me in the back, leaving me completely dumbfounded by it all; I would have never seen it coming, not even from a mile away. I really wanted to trust her—I wanted to trust people—but, instead, I had found myself here, on this cold, wet floor, covered in sweet, spilled orange juice.

I had come home from school, gone straight to my room, overdosed on my insulin, and then quietly sat on my bed, in the dark, waiting patiently for the effects of the insulin to kick in.

“Lajeffrica! Can you hear me? Please, God, help me!” screams my mom.

Slob slowly oozes from the side of my mouth, while my limp body shakes wildly in my mother’s strong arms. I can feel more of the sweet orange juice quickly sliding down my throat, and the pinch of a sharp glucagon needle being stabbed into my upper thigh. My body stops shaking and becomes completely still.

“Lajeffrica, can you hear me?” my mother calmly asks again.

My eyes slowly open. “Mom, where am I? Why am I covered in juice?”

“Why am I still alive?” is the real question.

“What is the meaning of all this, Lajeffrica? This has never happened to you before! You know how to control your low blood sugars better than I do! So, why has this happened?”

I watch as the tears stream down my mother’s face. Seeing what state of mind she is in, I can’t possibly tell her the real reason, why I chose that suicidal route. I just can’t do it.

“Answer me, Lajeffrica!”

54

Reminisching Lajeffrica Smith “I’m sorry, mom. It won’t happen again. I’ll make sure that I take better care of myself.”

The tears continue to stream down her puzzled face. She pulls my cold, weakened body next to hers and hugs me tightly. I can hear her heartbeat racing rapidly inside her chest.

“Remember, we’re in this together, Lajeffrica, always and forever,” she says. ~ The fire burns brightly, sending the smoky ashes upward into the night sky. Laughter surrounds me, and happiness has filled the crater that once dwelled inside the depths of my once aching heart.

I’m sixteen years old now and at a camp for people just like me. I’m learning how to cope with being a diabetic. I’m learning how to open up to others and not hate so much what I don’t have but instead appreciate what I actually do have: life.

“Hey, Lajeffrica, come dance with us; this is a bonfire, after all. We’re supposed to be having fun!” says one of the campers named Diamond. “Why are you sitting over there by yourself?”

“Oh, sorry, Diamond. I guess I got lost in the fire’s embers without realizing it.”

“That’s cool, now come get lost in this music. The night is young, and so are you. We are both diabetics, and we are both treated differently out in the real world, but here, we’re normal.”

I give Diamond a smile and, for just a moment, look up at the night sky. I let the moon’s light caress the side of my face while the stars shine brightly. Everything is so beautiful.

“Come on girl, let’s go!”

Diamond yanks me up from my spot on the bricks and pulls me into the music. I feel the beat and different rhythms from the music start to climb up my legs, surface onto my arms, and sink into my heart. I feel as if I am one with the music. My arms fly into the air, my head bobs up and down, my hips swing from side to side, and my feet steadily rock to the beat.

“Get it, girl! Now, that’s how you enjoy life! Let the music move you, and forget everything else!” yells Diamond.

I laugh at Diamond’s remarks and say, “I think I will.” ~ All my life, I have gone through struggles on top of more struggles. I’ve had to learn how to deal with being a diabetic—deal with being ostracized—deal with being different. And I’ve had to deal with knowing that this disease is never going to go away. I’m twenty years old now, and I have successfully finished high school, received my diploma, and am now officially in college living a life of my own. And I’m doing the best that I can to take better care of myself, so that I can keep on living and pursuing my goals in life. This is who I am—and I proudly accept it all.

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I Love You Whitney Parker

Characters Geneva, 23, Author Bryson, 25, Architect Setting Over the phone Geneva is in her home in Virginia Bryson is in his home in Georgia Time The present. 3 A.M. (Bryson calls Geneva once he realizes he has fallen asleep without hearing her voice; she answers.)

GENEVA (straining her eyes to see her phone): Hey, baby.

BRYSON: What’s up?

GENEVA: Nothing. How was your day?

BRYSON (releasing a huge yawn): It was pretty busy, but that’s cool. Did you look at bus tickets today?

GENEVA (sits up in the bed): Yeah, but I just need to find a way to the station and, if I pay for the ticket, I’m not going to have money to give to whoever takes me to the station. Plus, I have to plan around their schedule.

BRYSON: You act like I can’t pay for your ticket. How much is it?

GENEVA (puts the phone on speaker phone and looks up the exact price): It’s $60.57 for the round trip.

And you know I don’t like it when you pay all the time. We talked about this already. I’m not— BRYSON: Geneva. I want to pay for your ticket because I want to see you— GENEVA: But you paid the last time, Bryson! I don’t want you to feel like you have to spend money on me all the time. You already send me gifts. The least I can do is pay for my own ticket to see you.

BRYSON (taking a deep breath): Geneva, you aren’t listening to me, I— GENEVA: I am listening. You want to always pay for everything. I’m not your ex, Bryson. I’m not like her! I have my own money, and I don’t need you to tell me how and when to spend it.

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BRYSON: See, that’s how I know you’re not listening to me. Nobody said you were my ex. With her, it was expected for me to pay all the time. But with you, you don’t expect it, and that makes me want to buy you the world, to be honest. You try so hard to please me, when you don’t even notice that you do that already. Just let me do this, baby.

I Love You Whitney Parker GENEVA (slipping back under the covers): I understand all that, but... (pause) How about I pay for the ticket, and you pay for the gas?

BRYSON: Come on, Geneva.

GENEVA: What?! I’m taking baby steps here.

BRYSON: You’re right. I just have to get used to not having to support someone else all the time.

I promise I will try to take a step back and let you take care of me the way you want. So, with that being said, find out how much the person wants for gas, and I will pay for that.

GENEVA: Babe, you don’t know how much those words mean to me, but that sounds like a plan.

BRYSON: Good. (small pause as they both find something else to say) So...umm... (in his seductive voice) what you got on?

GENEVA (laughing): Boy, get out of here; it’s almost 4:00, and you have to be up in a few hours.

BRYSON: I know, I know. Let’s go to sleep then.

GENEVA (grabs the teddy bear behind her): Okay, come on.

BRYSON (sleepy voice): I miss you.

GENEVA: I miss you, too. I like cuddling through the phone, but I wish I was there.

BRYSON: I wish you were, too.

GENEVA: I have to tell you something.

(BRYSON is asleep.)

GENEVA: Bae. BRYSON: Hmm? GENEVA: Did you hear me?

BRYSON: Mmm hmm.

GENEVA: What did I say, then?

BRYSON: Bae. GENEVA (laughs): I said something before that.

(BRYSON is once again asleep.)

GENEVA: Bryson?

(BRYSON lets out a soft snore.)

GENEVA (laughs and puts her phone on the pillow next to her): I love you.

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Her Written Word Zoë Beale

“We need to talk,” she said somberly.

My stomach did a flip and then dropped to my feet. I went over and sat beside her. She turned to face me. “I am not going back to school.”

“That’s crazy,” I laughed. “You have to go back.”

She stared at me, and I realized she was serious. “I’m not going back.”

I stood up and felt like I left my stomach on the chair. “This...this is so stupid. You put two years into this, and you’re just going to leave? Drop out and do what? What are you going to do?”

She held out her hands and looked around. “She left me the shop. I can get the money from the house, and I can move in here, and then I’ll have money for rent and stuff. You know, at least for awhile, until business picks up.”

I was pacing. “So you’ll have the shop, and a place to stay, and what about me? What are we going to do? You’re just going to leave me?”

“No,” she said, standing up and taking my hand. “You can move in here.”

“Oh, so because you quit school, I should quit, too? Just so that we can live here together?

That’s your plan?”

She was quiet, and her mouth opened and then closed. I sighed, laughing at how stupid her reasoning was. “I can’t believe you would even suggest that. What am I going to do here right now? I have half a degree; I can’t just start over.”

“You could transfer,” she whispered. “There are online classes.”

“Yeah, so all of the money that I wasted to get a degree so far is just gone? Just because you want to jump ship and work in a flower shop? Do you realize how stupid this sounds?”

She looked down at the ground. “I don’t want to lose the shop.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t want to lose you, but I’m not going to throw my life away to please you.”

This launched us down a long list of all of our problems. Every instance that had built up over the last two years. Every time I had ignored her, gone out without her and forgot to text, played video games instead of picking up on subtle hints that she wanted to do something together, and I called her out on her being clingy and needy and hating my friends and living in a bubble of ignorance and never wanting to have real conversations. She cried and screamed, and I yelled and looked away so I wouldn’t have to see her face.

We were quiet for a long time. Like, for at least half an hour, we sat there in silence on opposite walls, thinking and processing it all. Silence is so weird. It’s like, your whole life is falling apart and, somehow, everything else is carrying on as normal. In our silence, the sounds of the world carrying on rang in my ears.

“I don’t want to break up,” she whispered across the room. Her voice was so small, and it seemed so significant in the quiet. She got up, walked over to me, and slid down the wall so we were beside each other. I couldn’t look at her, though. She took my hand and squeezed it.

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Her Written Word Zoë Beale “I want to stay together,” she said quietly, “but I don’t want to make you miserable. So, if you want to stay at school, we can do a little distance, and if you don’t want to...” Her sentence trailed off as she wiped her eyes.

I squeezed her hand back and stared at the wall. “We’ve never really been apart like that.”

“I know,” she said, putting her hand on my cheek and pulling my face to look at hers. “We can do it, though. It’ll be easy.”

I put my arm around her and pulled her into my lap, as we wrapped our bodies around each other as close as we could. Even though she was in my arms, I felt like I was losing her, and I couldn’t help but cry.

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Short Story Amber Pennix

I’m late. Again. I hurry to put on my work uniform and run out the door of my crappy apartment and almost fall down my front steps. Of course. As I’m heading to my hellhole of a job, I try to put on my bowtie and speed walk at the same time. And then I notice something coming towards me as I’m looking down and adjusting my tie. I only manage to look up for a split second before I see. A box? BANG! Me and this mysterious walking box collide and crash to the ground in the middle of the sidewalk. “Ouch,” I mutter to myself, rubbing my behind. I look up and see that behind that walking box is its puppet master. A girl. A beautiful one at that. A really beautiful one. The way the sun is shining on her curly hair makes it seem as if she has a halo.

“Wow!” Wait, did I say that out loud? Am I staring at her? Oh, gosh.

“Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry,” she squeaked, putting her tiny hands over her mouth in embarrassment.

“The box was too tall for me, and too heavy, and it was slipping, which is why I was walking so fast,” she says really quickly.

I chuckle. “It’s alright. I wasn’t paying any attention myself.”

“MOVE!!!” I hear someone yell from behind me. Before I can turn my head around fully, some man in running gear sprints and jumps over me and the box. The angel in front of me squeaks and moves hurriedly out of the way before she can get trampled by the aggressive jogging man.

“Wow, he could’ve said excuse me,” she says out loud, as she stands herself up. I’m still on the ground. I begin to get up, wipe my pants, and adjust my backpack.

“That’s New York for you,” I say, with a smirk.

I then notice the U-Haul truck behind her full of more boxes, including smaller ones she should have been carrying in the first place. But I am oddly grateful for this large box getting in my way.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” I ask, noticing how small she is. Which is rare for me to see, considering I’m not tall myself. I’m what some would call a “grown little man.” Unfortunate, but true.

“Oh, no. I’m moving here from Virginia,” she says, while attempting to pick up her oversized box.

“Wait, let me help you with that,” I offer, taking the large box from her tiny fingers. Why do I offer to help? I don’t know, considering I’m now 30 minutes late for work. Greeeaaaattttt, I think in my head.

“Thank you so much. I really appreciate it,” she says genuinely, with a sweet smile on her face that almost makes me drop her box of whatever is in here.

“My building is right here, Building C,” she says, pointing behind me. I turn around and walk a few steps to her building. She directs me to her apartment. It seems as if most of her things are moved in already. She walks me to her room.

“You can put the box right here on my bed,” she directs, pointing to her large bed. I set her box down.

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Short Story Amber Pennix “That box was pretty heavy. I don’t know why you were trying to carry it by yourself—it’s twice the size of you,” I say playfully. She smiles and looks away in a shy way.

“It’s a box full of all my comics,” she says, almost embarrassed.

“You like comics?” I ask, wide eyed. As a heavy comic book fan, this makes me excited and confused. Why confused? Because she looks like she would be on the cover of a magazine, not reading comic books.

“May I see?” I ask, slowly reaching for the flap at the top of the box.

“Yeah, sure,” she says, gesturing her hands for me to open the box. And when I do, I see every comic book I’ve ever loved in my life.

“Are you okay?” she asks me, looking slightly concerned. I hadn’t realized I had been muttering to myself “Oh, my God,” about a billion times, over and over.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that I love comics as well, and these are all my favorites,” I say, still looking down and flipping through the comics. “I don’t even have this many.” I chuckle.

She laughs. “This isn’t even half of my collection,” she says with a smile. “All the rest of my boxes are pretty much just comics, too,” she says, shyly playing with her fingers. I look up at her in shock and in awe of her beauty and her awesome comic collection. She looks up at me and smiles a sweet smile. I’m hooked.

That was the day I met my future wife. And lost my job for being too late.

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Contributors Shelby Barlowe is a senior Graphic Communications major.

ZoĂŤ Beale is a junior Graphic Communications major. She is a Leadership Scholar, a member of the Alpha Chi Honor Society and Rotaract Club, and President of the VISION Club. She has been writing since she was thirteen. Her literary idol is Kevin Wilson.

Quanita Beattie graduated with a degree in Psychology in 2016. A kindergarten teacher, she loves to sing and lead dance parties with her students to Christian rap music.

Louise Brady is a sophomore Social Studies Education major.

Brandi Burgess is a sophomore Psychology major. She is a member of the Poetry Club and the Psi Chi Honor Society.

Ieshia Clark graduated with a degree in Biology in 2016.

Rachel Clark graduated with a degree in Psychology in 2016.

Giselle ColĂłn is a freshman Studio Art major.

GermaNa Farrior is a junior English major with a concentration in Creative Writing and a minor in Studio Art. A native of Burgaw, North Carolina, she is inspired to take the Burgaw sense of community wherever she goes because there are big changes happening through small people.

Giovanni McGlone is a freshman Graphic Design major.

Rebeccah Noll is a senior Graphic Communications major.

Whitney Parker is a junior Humanities Studies major. She has presented her work at the Chowan University Student Research Conference. She enjoys writing short stories for her book club and spending time with her dog, Ramses.

Amber Pennix is a senior English major.

Samantha Pulliam graduated with a degree in English in 2016. She is lucky her books, yarn, and video games have not buried her.

Jessica Pyle is a junior Graphic Communications major.

Lajeffrica Smith is a junior English major with a minor in Biology. A native of Fernandina Beach, Florida, she loves to read and write during her spare time. She enjoys making people smile and feel good about themselves.

Jon Robert Stewart is a senior Business Administration major.

Brie Wakefield is a freshman Criminal Justice major.

Necole Watson graduated with a degree in Graphic Design with a minor in Studio Art in 2016. She enjoys exploring the years when each artwork was developed.

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See the Brown Lady online: www.chowan.edu/BrownLady

Cover Photo “Walking Tall” Jessica Pyle