Zelyonka
“It’s the same everywhere, in every hospital. If you have money, you are a human. If not, you’re a bug, nobody needs you.” Tamara, (58)
I finished school and entered a distance learning department at one of the Ukrainian institutes. I finished my first year, but then my mother turned very sick, and I was forced to drop out and get a job. My mother died soon after, I was 19 then. I got a job, then I met a man with whom I lived for 15 years. He died of a heart attack. We didn’t have children. I buried him. After about two years I met another man but we didn’t get married. I used to work in the canteen at the Kharkiv machine-building plant “Svet Shahtera”. We spent 16 years together, but then he also got sick, he had throat cancer. He was in the hospital for more than a year. I lived with him in a civil partnership. He had a grown-up daughter and granddaughter. They lived separately, but were registered as residents in my husband’s apartment. I couldn’t be registered in his apartment, because it was a small housing space, which limits the number of people allowed to be registered; so I was left without a residence permit. Later, I broke my leg I had an open fracture. I had a broken leg, but still needed to do some housework. One day, I was cooking something when suddenly a saucepan of boiling water fell over my bad leg and burnt it. At that time, I was working as a yard-keeper, but after all this happened to my leg, a scald and a fracture, I walked on crutches and couldn’t work as a yard-keeper anymore. I had to retire. I sat at my husband’s bed-side as he was ill, he suffered the whole year and then died. His daughter kicked me out of the house, as I wasn’t registered there. They needed the apartment, because the granddaughter of my husband was a student at the institute and they needed to pay for her studies. They decided to sell the apartment in order to pay for her education. I was nobody for them, and they politely asked me to go away. So I did and left without a roof over my head. Who wants to shelter a stranger? I felt so bad, my blood pressure jumped, I lost consciousness and was taken to the hospital. I was discharged, and then I lost consciousness again and again, then I was taken to this place. I am here, but I will not be able to stay in this hospital for a long time. Speaking about our hospitals, if you don’t have money to buy medicine, then nobody will treat you. They brought in one sick man, but they just nursed him without any treatment. No money, no relatives, no help, and you will lie there sick to the last. It’s the same everywhere, in every hospital. If you have money, you are a human, if not – you are a bug, nobody needs you. I need money to buy medicine, to buy some bread, because there is no bread here. It’s all about money, for example, if I am disabled, I need somehow to earn money. But who will hire a disabled person? Now even healthy people are thrown out of work. Nobody needs you. All these two years I have spent in hospital, at first having a spinal fracture, now with high pressure, it jumps up to 160/180; I feel dizzy. Not much is good in this life. The winter is at hand, and all I want is to just make it through the winter, and survive somehow until the pension, to receive my pension - two years left till pension.
Tamara, (58) Hospital 31, Kharkiv November, 2013
I think that when I receive my pension, I will be able to settle somewhere, to rent a nook, maybe find some simple work, just sitting and doing something. Now there are many kinds of cooperatives, private businesses where people put together boxes, something like that. If there will be money, there will be everything: medicine, food, and your own nook.
Gogola Street Situated in the centre of Kharkiv, is home to a daily outdoor food service provide by Depaul Ukraine homeless charity. In the abscence of government services, the project feeds over 100 people a day. In a year, more than 1,500 unique individuals will receive free soup, bread and medical attention.
Claudia - Gogola Street, Kharkiv Claudia has no recollection of her past. November, 2013
My name is Maksym and I was born in Kharkiv. When I was a child, I lived on Heroev Truda street with my grandmother, mother and uncle. We lived there until I was 8, then we moved to Severnaya Saltovka 4. When my grandmother passed away, my mother sent me to the orphanage. Together with my uncle she sold the apartment and moved away. I finished my education in the orphanage, but I was still registered in that apartment. After I started to work as a loader, I spent 10 years there working for the owner. But then he decided to fire me, as I demanded a good salary due to my long-term work there. In our country you’ll never be fairly appreciated for your good work. I came here because I am at a dead end. I don’t have my passport, because the police took it away to check the documents when I left the orphanage and then never returned it to me. My mother gave me up in childhood, my father even earlier. I was an unwanted child; he left me for no reason. I also heard he left five other families - there is no sense, he is not my father. As for my future plans I aim to earn some money, buy an apartment. But certainly it’s almost impossible with the level of our salaries and honesty of our people. Even if you save money and put it in the bank, you can be caught in a cheat’s net. As I said already, it’s hard to get away from this hole or rather, not hard it’s impossible. You can only survive among others who love to be at the bottom of the heap. That’s why in this country I don’t really have serious goals in my life, I’m sure about that. My entire life I tried to work, to land on my feet, tried as hard as I could. But neither proper work nor efforts are much appreciated here. You can put all your efforts for someone, but instead you will get nothing. There is no sense even to try to fight in this country, to strive for something. Help is not stable, today you can have it, but tomorrow…this help is temporary. Nobody will buy you a house and say: “Have a good life, you’re a great guy”. Nobody cares for anyone in our country. They can demonstrate their help on TV, for example, giving a house to a mother of a large family, but in reality it’s only for the reports. Everyone here lives on their own. Nobody cares; it was the same in the orphanage. The only thing they say: if you make an effort, if you want something in your life, you will achieve it. But not in Ukraine.
Cross - Heriov Truda, Kharkiv Engraved with the word ‘Love’. November, 2013
When I get my passport, I want to be officially employed. I don’t want to just sit and do nothing. I’ve gotten used to struggle, so I’ll get there little by little. I have my health, energy and hands, so I don’t complain. I don’t have any bad habits that pull me to the bottom, I never have. I decided for myself the only thing that isolates me from society is that I don’t have an apartment. I don’t think that I’m someone who needs help from the rehabilitation center or something else; I’m an absolutely normal man, absolutely. But by some quirk of fate I just don’t have an apartment. In our country it’s very difficult to start from point zero. You can only go down the dishonest path, like many people do. The cheapest apartment costs $30,000 and with my salary, around 150-200 hryvnias a day.
For how long would I need to save money for an apartment? You can count. Well, I could save money, but I don’t have stable work. Today I have a job, 3 days and it’s finished. Then again I sit and look for a job, look, look, shovel the ground like a mole, but again nothing. I don’t have friends as such, because all those friends smoke, drink and lead an unhealthy lifestyle; we have little in common. Except for the people who come from church, I like to speak with normal people who are balanced, calm and have a normal mentality, communicate thoughts clearly and want something from their lives; I can speak with them. So far I don’t have friends, but I hope to find some. I’ve started going to church, so maybe I will find some. Actually, maybe they are already there, but I’ve lived without God for a long time, so I don’t know if people are honest there or not. But now I am at the stage of discovering something new, so maybe I will find some normal people in the church, with whom I would like to interact. If I will find such people, maybe I will devote my life to God. I am trying to select a church that will stand the test of time and reveal normal people, who don’t want to exploit you for whatever reasons because I am done with exploitation. Today everything is OK; this day will be well spent, I am going to church. Who knows how my life will change in a year? At least I know what I won’t do, what I shouldn’t - I will not hit dirt bottom and come down to this, let’s say, unspiritual communication.We’ll see how life turns out.
Some homeless walk the streets all night to stay alive, others gather around fire pits on the periphery of the city, using alcohol and drugs; moving on in the morning. One teenaged boy told us his story: waking up on fire with third degree burns on half his body. The Ukrainian government provides free health services to all, yet many hospital policies, do not accept the homeless and refuse to help.
Burn Pits Saltovka district, Kharkiv October, 2013
Pietro, (57) Community in Dialogue Rehabilitation Center, Odessa November, 2013 I was born in 1957 in Zhytomyr region. I moved to Odessa in 1984. I was given a house based on encouragement of youth resettlement to villages. So I got a house, settled down and worked as a driver for two years. Then my son and daughter were born, I lived there about ten years. Then I got a job as a general labourer, which is when I started to drink, 100, 200 or 300 ml. Before nobody paid any attention, you could drink if you wanted to, if not, then you didn’t. I started to drink more, and more and more. I even went to jail for fifteen days, maybe ten times. We had scandals at home. When I was drunk, I became impetuous and unstable and started to “restore the order”. Everything was wrong, one time my wife didn’t stand the right way, another she didn’t prepare food properly, then she didn’t serve the plate properly, etc. It lasted for ten years.
Even the government and authorities didn’t pay much attention. It’s easier to control people who are drunk, they are indifferent. If he works or not, drinks, goes to work, receives money or not, drinks again, and so it continues this way. When the Soviet Union collapsed, communities started to emerge, to help such people to manage the situation. I am going to finish this program no matter how hard it will be. Being in this community, I strive for returning back to life, real life to respect people, and for people to respect me. To love and respect my children and wife, to mend our relationships, and go back to my family and live a new life.
The children were small, so when I was coming home drunk, my wife would take the children and go to the neighbours or her sisters. I’d come home, see that nobody was home and fall asleep; only then would they come back home. This continued until my son was 27 and my daughter was 23. Then one day, I arrived home drunk, when I woke up the next day, I saw all my things on the street. They didn’t let me in. I rented a house and lived there alone for two years. I lost my job. Then I worked as a security guard, I remember well my first day. I received my salary, came to Odessa and started to drink, and in the end I didn’t remember anything. I spent 1 day near Privoz, 1 day near the railway station and I left with nothing, without money, without everything. Before rehab, I was indifferent to the world. The main task was to find a drink; home was aside. Drink and sleep, drink and sleep and nothing else. I’ve been here only three months, thus I am more like a junior. If something is not in its place, it’s disorder. The same with the kitchen, the toilet, the wardrobe and bedroom; everything must be in order. All clothes must be packed like an Egyptian pyramid - on the bottom wider, then tighter, tighter, tighter until the top. At home it was different. Here, you must make the bed or hold a towel accurately. I check everything and everyone who makes a mistake. Before dinner, lunch or breakfast we stand up and correct all the mistakes. And only then we can eat. After dinner they give us two cigarettes each, ask if all the mistakes have been corrected and only then allow us to smoke. When I lived in Zhytomyr region I was single. I didn’t drink so much until the marriage. When I was 22-23, we received a salary. I had one friend-colleague from the village Gulianka. I was from Kryvotyn. He offered to buy a bottle and have a drink, I agreed. Then one salary, then the second and third - from that moment, as the phrase goes, I became friends with alcohol; I was 27 then. In the Soviet period we drunk, worked, nobody controlled us. Drink – drink, don’t drink – don’t drink. When my wife complained, the police inspector would come and sort out the issue.
Kharkiv, Eastern Ukraine. October, 2013 A man makes a bed for himself, inbetween a recycling point and one of the only homeless shelters in Kharkiv. The hostel did provide the man with a bed but were forced to return him to the streets due to his unwillingness to comply with alcohol and hygiene policies, which disrupted the other residents.
“Honestly, there is no way to change something in this country, no matter how hard you try.
Slava, (57)
What we have is only corruption and greediness. It’s ineradicable and will always remain. ”
Slava - Vasyliev Viacheslav Albertovych (57) Mira Street, Kharkiv Homeless Shelter October, 2013
I was born and raised in Kharkiv city. In 1964 I started school and I finished in 1972. I started to work in a factory, then joined the army, then returned to work. After, I got married and my son and daughter were born. I lived great and my wife was wonderful. After some time my son died, my daughter lost her life and then my wife passed away. I cannot describe shortly everything I lived through when I sat at my wife’s bedside. I lost everything that people call happiness. Afterwards I remained alone and I couldn’t stand it. I had so many debts, because the treatment was very expensive. I decided to sell the apartment in order to pay off the debts. But I was robbed; they just grabbed my apartment and took everything. At the present time, I live here at 102 Mira Street (hostel). It is the only place in Kharkiv where you can stay overnight. If I was told even four months ago that I would be in such a situation and place, I would never believe it. I had my business, family and life. I had everything, and now I have nothing. Sometimes I ask myself what is the sense of my life, is there anybody who needs me? No. Nobody needs me. If you do not pave your own path, nobody will do it for you. It’s the same here. You look through the window, it’s sunny and you want to reach the sun but you can’t. The same is here. I can’t find a job, because I am 57. Three years left before pension. Living such a life it is very likely that I will not see it.
There are no guarantees. For example, if you help someone, transfer some money or food? Where is the guarantee that it will reach its destination? No guarantees, not at all. I don’t speak about this institution; I speak about all institutions that transfer a material assistance. It just disappears on the way. And if something arrives, it’s just a small piece of it. For me now, in order to find a good job, with a salary of at least $100 a month, I need to pay near $500. I don’t have this money and I never will - such a life. I had a decent and normal life. Now my life is not only broken, but broken into pieces. And how to reassemble it now, I don’t know. We eat here what we can get. If you help someone to carry heavy bags or clean something up, maybe you’ll get Mivina (noodle soup) or 5 - 10 hryvnias - its our life. If you are unemployed, you are nobody. If you try to get a job in this district; people will ask for your home address. When you say this address, they just push you out the way, and won’t hire you. Despite the fact that you come sober, well dressed and clean, they say no. We are outcasts, like lepers. All doors are closed before me. I didn’t notice it before, I didn’t understand what closed doors meant; I simply entered. But now all doors are closed, no matter how I will ask, how I will speak to people. There is no result. Either you don’t match or you’re too old.
I have only two ways out of this situation: first, is just to leave this place, this country, but I don’t have any money. Second – to kill myself.
There are a lot of people here with destroyed lives. Different situations: some were left without an apartment; some broke their lives themselves.
We live here like a pack of wolves, understand? It may seem that this pack is at one, but in the end everyone defends only his/her own interests. Everyone survives how he can. If one man comes into big money, for example, he will not look at me, at you, at her. He has his own life, his own interests, his own circle of friends who stand equal with him, who are rich, have their own business.
One guy lives with me in this room. Currently he’s writing a book. He wrote not only one book but many and now he wants to publish one. This book will be a bestseller, if it could be published. It’s about the truth that is happening in our country, in Ukraine.
The lower classes don’t count for anything. Those deputies who sit in the Rada (Ukrainian parliment), they don’t think about people at all. They just decide and then write something, but they are not interested, and never were, in how people live; how they exist. If one of our Ukrainian deputies tried to survive just one month on my pension or salary, then he will understand how hard it is. And if he doesn’t know, how can he decide? All the laws are for them, not for us, just for them. Honestly speaking, there is no way to change something in this country, no matter how hard you try. If you were appointed as Prime Minister or President, you will have many advisors around you, who throw sand in the wheels. They carry the face of your friends, but at the same time they will be against you. That’s why, in order to change something in our country, we should appoint only newborn children to all positions. So they will grow together, and start over everything together. And only then some changes are possible. What we have is only corruption and greediness. It’s ineradicable and will always remain.
Now he needs to make his passport, as without it he cannot publish his book. Someone wants to purchase his book for 50,000 UAH ($4,500). Everything he wrote; in order to take away his author’s rights. But he doesn’t want this he wants to publish it himself. This is our country. There are so many different people here. But life broke every one and made them fierce, all are so fierce, because here everyone is not only half-hungry, but starving.
“They only survive by what their ex-neighbours are giving them. They live in the entrance of a block of flats, they spread a duvet on the floor and sleep there for a night. That’s how he carries on living. Once he used to own a flat there, but it had been taken away from him because of some kind of debt. The bank took everything from him and left him with no means of existence and the government is doing nothing to improve his situation.” Aleksander, (46)
I was born in Kavaratskaya region. I was one of six children and I also had a twin brother. My mother gave up my twin brother and me to the orphanage and we lost all contact with her. After the orphanage I spent seven years in boarding school and then I was studying for one year in one of the colleges in Kharkov. After that I did time in jail. Since 1983 till today I was in jail for twenty-six years and four months. I came out a year ago and sent to a reintegration center. I had five convictions in total, well to be more precise six. Four of them were for theft and robbery. To make it clear, I was a thief, I was also young at that time so most of it was because of foolishness, which turned into twenty-four years of prison. Nevertheless I have no regrets whatsoever, cause if I had not been in prison for the first or second time, I would have simply ended up my life in the earth. I did not just learn a lot while in prison, but also found self-realization in the sphere I see as my future, I mean in literature. So to regret all this is stupid and I see my future prospects in the brightest colours. I do not rely on anybody’s help, as for all those twenty something years, I had been surviving all because of my own strength and will power. The current place I am living, I know it is only temporary due to my documents, which will be ready before the New Year. As soon as get the papers, I am going to have a meeting with the publishers and sign the contract for the publication of my first book. After, I will be moving straight away to my own flat, as the publishers have promised an advance, so I can rent a flat for at least half a year. As you can see my current place is not good for my writing. I have all my literature books in those three boxes above here and this table is made of books, as I have no place to store them. The editor was impressed that without a proper education (I received elementary school in prison) I managed to develop my own style and can make the reader, Ukrainian, understand the prison topic I am writing about. Which is not easy, as prison is never a favorite or healthy interest or subject for society, as most of the time the information and knowledge of what is happening behind the bars is not true or adequate.
Aleksander (46) Mira Street, Kharkiv Homeless Shelter - October, 2013
I have been observing our Ukrainian nation and its changes for the last year and comparing it to twenty years ago, during the Soviet period. I have visited many places in Ukraine not just Kharkov, so I am talking about the Ukrainian nation as a whole, not just one person or place. What I am most surprised about are how Ukrainian citizens have become more cynical. I can understand that all this cynicism comes from the hardship of everyday life that Ukrainian people are faced with. Everyone is doing their best to provide for themselves and their families and in doing so is becoming not interested in politics and the problems within the government and society. But to tell the truth he has never really been very politically active. Maybe in the western part of Ukraine, as questions of independence are not only discussed within the government. Years of independence have fed this cynicism in people. Crises, problems with work, abuse of power and unskillful governing at the top created the problems the simple man has to fight against and all this hardship has killed the kindness and goodness in people initially brought up in them. This cynicism, this not understanding or unwillingness to see what is happening around you and to respond correctly, I always compare to what it used to be. I always observe this picture, when homeless and beggars have been asking for help and money, I see the people just walking past them and not giving or caring for them. I remember in the Soviet period, there were homeless as well. I also saw them in the early 90’s, when I was out of prison for a couple of months, when the Soviet Union collapsed and Ukraine was building its independence. But I cannot remember that even then people would not give some money, 10 kopecks, to those in need. I believe a man, who is begging for some money, deserves to be given some. I do not see kindness and compassion in people to others’ miseries and misfortunes anymore. That kind of cynicism I am talking about is the one that is the foundation of people’s ignorance to the world out there. These are not just empty words as I follow the news and I’m familiar with the facts. Why, for example, are there so many family dramas in our country nowadays? There were not so many during the Soviet Union, I am sure there were not. Why? Because of this everyday struggle for surviving, fight for a better life, holding on to this last piece of bread, all of it is shaping one’s behavior and mentality. There is no more place for kindness and compassion anymore. That’s one of the features I have noticed for the last year. I am not going to write about the whole country, but will base my knowledge on single characters and their fates. For example, some of my characters will be based on people who live in here, the people who are homeless, with no family, the people “with no motherland and with no flag”, as we say. I will write about people, with no means for self-existence. In one case it is because of alcohol, in another it is drugs. It also can be due to one’s carelessness for his future. As for the rest: it is disabled and ill people, people who lost their social connections because of some misfortune or bad luck. For example, it could be that his house or flat got burnt down, or he lost money because of some banks or financial manipulation or crises. Again, our government does not care about these people and they are left to their misfortunes on their own. I can see that happening and I am not talking about people here in this center. I see these people out there in the center of Kharkov.
They only survive by what their ex neighbors are giving them, they live in the entrance of a block of flats, they spread a duvet on the floor and sleep there for a night. That’s how he carries on living; and once he used to own a flat there, which had been taken away from him because of some kind of debt. The bank took everything from him and left him with no means of existence and the government is doing nothing to improve his situation. Everyone realizes that he got into this trouble because of the government because of its criminal incompetence. Yet the government ignores the criminal activity of the bank, which leads to this man’s misfortune; some sort of credit or interest rates for the last 20 years, which creates the debt and the man ends up in the street. There are many examples like this all over the country. As for media coverage, we have 3 TV channels, which tend to speculate about these problems and people who end up living on the edge of the abyss. They speculate by showing reportage about this person and his misfortune and trying to get a reaction in terms of some help for this human being. Ok, they might help one or two people, but what about the whole situation all over the country?! There are tens of thousands of cases of people living on the edge! I have one acquaintance, I met him last summer and I reacted to his misfortunes. We had a conversation, when he was a bit drunk, but nevertheless he could explain himself and talk about his poor life. I was so touched by his story, that once a week I pay him a visit and give him 20 or 30 Rubles when I can and a bottle of vodka. Why? Because that man is an alcoholic and alcohol is the only reason that he is still alive and can exist somehow. For him this 100 grams is the stimulus to his life. He has no interest in life at all, cause of his grief, which he could not fight against and this grief became the end of him. His wife divorced him, their child died because of misconduct by the authorities who did not send his child for a cure in time. What I am trying to say, that I was so touched by his situation, that I visit him once a week. I also understand that there are many people like him in Kharkov and it is impossible to help everyone. I am not trying to say that out of pity I should help him to build a house or help him find a place in a retirement home, so he could have 3 meals a day and a bed. Nobody, not even the government can help in the end of the day, but the authorities must at least take part and show their concern. And because of that, in this center there would have been living not only forty but a hundred people. And those sixty people, who are sleeping in the street as we talk, are in need precisely in this center. But the center cannot accept them at the moment. Why? Again, because of this criminal negligence, as the laws have been created but not followed in practice. I do not want to talk about myself, but I rely only on my own strength and not the government. Without a shadow of a doubt! I have seen it all for the last twenty years. I have been to the most horrible prisons out there. I have just been released from one of the worst in Ukraine. Three of the worst prisons in Ukraine: the most terrible is the 25th, here, in Kharkov, the second worst is the 81st in Vinnitsa and the third worst of all is Krivoi Rog. Those are the worst places for a man who knows what prison is. So, yeah, I came out of the worst one of them all. I came out healthy, thank God, with a head full of wonderful thoughts. But of course I have lost something there in terms of moral issues. That shit hole left its footprint on me in some way…
My name is Anton and I was born in an orphanage. I spent three years there and after I was transferred to school. The school “Green Grove” is situated on the outskirts of Kharkiv, I studied there till I turned 16. After school we were sent to college where we obtained our trade: I am a bricklayer. As it happens, I was excluded because in the dormitory I was beaten up. I was taken to the hospital with concussion and a fractured jaw. The men who beat me up were punished and I was compensated for the losses. I don’t drink, but sometimes I think about revenge. Well, I try not to think about that, because most of the time I spend in church. As church says, you must forgive. I try to keep the commandments, to live this way.
Ukraine is not a poor country and Ukraine never gives up. I heard in the news that Ukraine aims to join the EU. We support Ukraine’s integration into the EU, but if Ukraine doesn’t help itself and deal with everything inside the country, then the EU will not help, the EU will just put its own order.
In 2008 I found my parents, I visited them hoping they would accept me, but as the phrase goes “I’m sorry, but”...my mother didn’t accept me, she refused me, she said that she wasn’t my mother. But I came with documents she had signed. I was very upset, I wanted to get drunk, but I didn’t. Instead I abused God for all that happened, then I apologized before God.
I want to see Ukraine rising from its knees and moving on. If there are patriots in Ukraine, they will support Ukraine with both hands. It’s how the original Cossacks did it, they fought for Ukraine, stood for it as a matter of honor. I want the same, to be a hero and not to see Ukraine like an old woman on her hands and knees. Ukraine is young, only 21 years old. Everything depends on us. If we want something, we will do it, if not, then unfortunately the EU can only partially help.
On Sundays, I go to church where I have friends, who help me with clothes or money. In general, I can say that if it wasn’t for God, I don’t know where I would be? Homeless on the street, but it seems like God chose a different way for me. I don’t stop, I move all the time. Movement is my life. If I will not move, I will stop and everything will be lost. Most of the time I spend with my friends from church because my former friends betrayed me. They only demand something from me and although I appreciate they don’t work or study, they need to cope by themselves. Life is not about demanding something of someone. I understand that it’s better to give, not ask. I did it before but now I’ve decided that I need to earn money for myself, support myself. I didn’t abandon my friends; I understand that friends are forever. So I try to keep in touch with them, but not to give them money. I told them: they have a home, mother and father who should support them. Who am I? I’m a wanderer in this life, I have to support myself. Otherwise I will just sit in the underground asking for money - they understood me. So now I mostly maintain contact with the church. It’s not because they help me, it’s because I feel myself better there and I know what I’m looking for, what I’m striving for, what I live for and what the meaning of my life is - to achieve stability. I want to wish all the children like me not to give up, to stay strong, to talk to God and everything will be alright. Through God and with God, I wish them not to be upset, but to help others, run high and give other people advice. I think I also have the desire to help people such as me in the future, and if with the will of God, I will do that.
Catholic Icon Night Shelter, Kharkiv November, 2013
I don’t want to imitate others, I want to grow and be myself. I do not look at someone and think he has something I don’t; I believe I can also achieve it. I want to work, to make money, to have everything they do, and be proud that I made it myself, everything else will be added, I won’t give up. I can only give up if it becomes very very difficult and nothing works out. But I don’t think about that now, for me to give up is the end, its degradation. I don’t tend to give up, I want to find my mother again and even if she will not accept me, I am ready to forgive her. I am ready to take a new step towards her.
Our people understand why our Ukrainians leave the country. I can say the truth, I am a fan of Ukraine, I am proud that Ukraine lives independently for 21 years, and I grew up with Ukraine. I am a patriot of my country. I don’t want to leave Ukraine regardless of what is going on. There is chaos everywhere in the world; disorders are everywhere.
Similar to many stories of survival, Luibov lives with her daughter in a tunnel. The state does not control access to the underground network of hot water pipes, which supplies the local area. After the Soviet Union collapsed, the changing government struggled to handle the social and economic damage; political breakdown would cause to peoples’ lives. With increases in orphanage numbers and an ineffective social support system: hatches, stairwells and fruit cellars became populated with children and adults trying to escape troubled home life.
Luibov, (63) Heriov Truda district, Kkarkiv October, 2013
“...although I am young, I’ve seen a lot during the last 25 years, more than a 50 year old man.
Stas, (25)
I’ve seen so many things in my life, I don’t have anymore tears. I can smile, but there is a pain always in my soul.”
Stas (25) Gogola Street, Kharkiv November, 2013
I was in one gang…and we all… how to say… we were vagabonds, 15 years old. So we were walking on the street, looking for food the best we could. So that’s how we learned about Gogola. We were living in basements and hatches; not that we were all homeless, some just had difficult families, with alcoholic Mothers or with no money at home; they were forced to be on the street. So we were on the street, near 40 people, a lot of people. Over time some of us turned to God. I went blind; I can’t see well, I am registered in the 2nd category of visually impaired. Some of the others are married or something else, but the majority of them served time in jail or are drug addicts, or even died because the street can’t teach you something good. Although I think that if we hadn’t had this place to go, over half of us would be even worse. Good that it happened this way; we were only looking for food. We washed cars, went to Kyiv a few times, were trying to emigrate, we went to Poland, Czech Republic, even to Uzbekistan. We visited so many places, all we could get to. Only until the moment when immigration police sent us back to Ukraine. We also liked to travel all over Ukraine; we went to Feodosiia, Kerch, everywhere. Whilst travelling, we looked for food and places to stay. We tried to rent apartments, but it was rarely successful because nobody wanted to house so many people. We only had one boss; he kept and controlled all the cash. But now I have grown up, I have two children, and soon I’ll have a third. I have a girlfriend, in fact a wife. When I lived on the streets, we were fighting a lot and stuff. But as the phrase goes, a head doesn’t forgive blows. I did Thai boxing, did all this stuff with bricks and bottles, fighting on the blocks. That’s how I lost my eyesight. When I had a 100% vision, I had a list of jobs that was as long as half a book. When I lost my vision, this list became only two lines long. In other words, there is only a very small amount of places where I can find work. My mother lived high, she was very rich, but when she broke up with my father she started to drink heavily and when she started to drink, all was lost; all her kiosks, everything she earnt money for. We had three apartments, then we had to move to a communal apartment, then we lost our flat. When our grandmother died she left a one-room flat, which is where we live now. My mom went blind because of vodka, but she continues to drink up to this day. I had many friends, but as the Ukrainian saying goes “it’s scary when your friends aren’t yours anymore”. All my friends that got to the top of the tree, they forgot everything. Some went to jail, and others did something else. So that’s it, no friends. I’ve made new friends, but they are not the same as before, those you can trust. I receive a small pension, it’s like, 100 euro, and so you may understand. In other words 1000 UAH, it’s a minimal pension. For now though, I know that everything is not lost, I’m still young and everything is ahead of me. I’ve been to many places, I’ve discovered the world, of course, in the limits of where I was allowed to go. I’ve met many people with low, middle and high incomes and I could say that not all people look down their noses at others. There are people who feel themselves equal no matter if they are with rich or poor people. Our Kharkiv, well… I saw something about America; you can compare our Kharkiv with Brooklyn. I heard that in Brooklyn at least one person with gunshot wounds checks into hospital everyday. In America, banditism is flourishing, also drug addiction, there are rappers and hooligans everywhere. It’s the same in Kharkiv. So why is it so difficult to survive in Kharkiv? Because even if one person falls below the average level, he gets into the same Brooklyn, but in Kharkiv. I went to school; I have two higher education degrees. We have many people holding diplomas with honors, many teachers who studied at the MIIR, at the Institute of International Relations and now they scavenge. Many stupid people have Mercedes yet smart people, who could even be saviors of the world or discover something, collect empty bottles.
As for myself, the most important thing is to see well. This life is not for me and I will achieve this one hundred per cent. I don’t think I should eat side by side with these people. I am still ashamed and embarrassed to eat from the glass. I grew up in an intelligent family where I got used to eating from the plate. It doesn’t matter what dish I eat from but to be able to eat with my family and not need to come here for food; to live normally is the most important thing for me. I don’t mean having a lot of dollars, just enough to live on. My neighbor comes from Germany, she is Jewish. When she arrived from Germany she told me that our city Kharkiv, and Ukraine in general, is a city of ruins. Our houses are ruins and we are called homeless people. It’s about how they live, and how we live. I’m indifferent to what we are called. What I want is to see all us not looking down at each other. According to my own statistics: 35% of people offer their hand, not a helping hand, but in subways asking for help. I wish people offered their hand of support to each other. I know very well biology, geography and chemistry; I made an experiment with my teacher. If you divide a flock of birds, they’ll die, if you divide a shoal of fish, they’ll be eaten, if you divide a group of microbes, they’ll also die because they are unable to help each other. But when people come together, they can help each other. One man will never be able to sow an entire field to feed everyone. But if everyone will only look at his own pocket or hide something behind his back… There are good people though. For example in winter I was pushing a car stalled in the snow that couldn’t get out of a pothole. I was pushing the cheapest Russian car and the driver offered me 50-100 hryvnias (UAH) for help. Whereas when I’ve pushed a Jeep, Hummer or Mercedes, drivers look out their window and throw me 50 kopeck. It’s all about our rich people. Here, a person who drives a Mercedes, Hummer or some kind of Jeep is considered to be rich. Yet they are so greedy that they only throw a few coins, which doesn’t get you much. People who have Zhiguli, Deviatka or Niva, in other words our Kharkiv cars that cost 10, 50, 100 times less then foreign cars, give twenty to thirty times more then those people. I don’t want this; I wish that all people help each other. So now we understand the richest person is the greediest. A person, who has millions behind his back, is only greedy and wants more and more. But why do you need more when you, your children and children of your children will be able to live well on this money? It’s the same with our (now former) president Yanukovych. People say that his son has some of most expensive cars in the world. He leaves $1000 - $3000 tips at restaurants just for the waiter to bring him a glass of wine. He drinks champagne that costs thousands of dollars. He has birthday parties for as much as several million dollars, he invites high hosts, such as, Snegurochkas (Ice-princess) and singers for New Year parties. At the same time our pensioners are starving. Although I am young, I’ve seen a lot during the last 25 years, more than a 50 year old man. I’ve seen so many things in my life, I don’t have anymore tears. I can smile, but there is a pain always in my soul. When my mother lost everything because of vodka, I lived in a hatch with some boys and girls. I was trying to read the prayer “Our Father” before going to bed, everybody laughed at me like I was a fool, but I prayed anyway. One day everybody was taken by the police and here in Ukraine the police beat so bad. Yes, no matter what you were arrested for, they will beat you the worst way here, and not only beat, but also break bones, give electric shocks, stab. They can just conduct themselves like the Gestapo in order to force a person to sign an indictment no matter if this person committed the crime or not. The police just need to close the case, and when they cannot find a criminal they just pin it on someone in order to cover up someone else. They particularly do it with the disadvantaged who are not protected and don’t have relatives to help. So they took everyone from the hatch, but I stayed. I stayed because I prayed to God every night.
“In 1995 my family did me wrong; they kicked me out onto the streets and sold the flat.
Arkardiy, (57)
They did not need me any more, that’s how I became homeless.”
Arkardiy (57) Community in Dialogue Rehabilitation Center, Odessa November, 2013
I am a Romanian by nationality, I was born in Storozhynets, Bucovina (Romania), close to the Ukrainian border. I was living with my Mum but I do not remember my Dad. I was living with her till 1966 and then she left for Tashkent. When there was an earthquake in Tashkent, she came back with a man, who became my stepfather. Two of them brought me up. I have two step sisters as well. I spent my youth helping my mother with domestic chores and looking after the children. Yeah, that’s how it was and then prison in 1978. After I came out, I was living together with my family, but the relationship wasn’t good. I remember that I had become a stranger since my stepdad appeared, but I kept on living with them even though I was not at home much. I was staying at my friends most of the time and did not miss home at all. I’m a street kid, I’m from the streets and I am used to it. Then prison again, where I met new people with a different life and different rules. In 1995 my family did me wrong; they kicked me out onto the streets and sold the flat. They did not need me any more, that’s how I became homeless. In winter, when it became very cold and I was frozen, I tried to get back into prison; there were no centres like this one in those days, so at first I was sleeping in the cellars. The police told me: commit a crime and we will arrest you and send you to prison, otherwise we cannot help you, nor with a flat or even a place in a hostel. As for my family, I did not want to make amends with them. The sisters are so full of themselves; they are rich, have there own businesses and shops. They don’t consider me as their brother anymore. In total, I spent 26 years in prison; in and out. I am used to being in prison, cause here, society does not accept you as a human being. People don’t trust you any more after you have been to prison and maybe they are right. Some people who have known me for a long time think that prison changed me, I think they are wrong, as I am still the same, the way I have always been. There is an area in Storozhynets, where everyone knows me; people I grew up with and spent my childhood. Their grandchildren knew that I was homeless and sleeping rough, so they made a place for me in a boiler-house that provided heating for the whole area. We used to hang out there and they would come and visit me after school. They were smoking and drinking beer, but not vodka. I was thinking where they got the money, as they smoked expensive cigarettes that cost 10 hryvnia. Their parents became suspicious and were asking me why I was spending time with them. I remember there was one girl called Inona, but we called her Nona, she was 13 years old. The oldest among them was a boy, 18 years old. The boys didn’t go to the army, as their parents paid them off. I met a nun Galinka and priest Mikola when I was begging for some change next to the church. I didn’t want to go back to prison anymore, as I wanted to die being a free man. I explained to sister Galinka, she invited me to their center, similar to this one but for children. They fed me and washed my clothes, and would also treat my illnesses and take me to hospital. The youth center had beds on the first floor, and some games, such as table football and tennis. Galinka would ask me where I was staying and I would answer that I was living in a boiler-house, where local kids would look after me.
I remember Galinka came over to visit me when I was with the kids. We were talking about how school was and what they had been up too. The kids were real mischiefs! Once they phoned the school on their mobile phones and told them there was a bomb, another time they smashed the school windows. I’d tell them not to do it, as their parents would have to pay. The teachers would come to see me and accuse me that it was my bad influence! I would tell them that the kids’ parents should be looking after them and be responsible for them. So sister Galinka came, I was with the kids in the street, some of them repairing a bicycle, some smoking. She brought some presents for them such as biscuits and sweets. The kids thanked her a lot. She also invited them to the center, which they did sometimes; they would take the guitar and play and sing songs. That’s how I got to know sister Galinka. One day she asked me if I wanted to go to Odessa, where they had a special center I could stay at. I did not have anywhere to stay; if I was staying somewhere people would tell me to leave. Sometimes, I would even put a mattress on the street, with a bottle of vodka and sausage, so I could sleep. I was getting angry with people telling me I couldn’t stay here or there. I would ask them, where can I stay? I even thought to ask the authorities how it happened that my parents and stepsisters had sold the flat so I ended up on the streets? But I didn’t want to go to court, as I thought that could be a risk for my mother’s health. I decided for myself that I would rather be on my own and sleep wherever I could. I was walking around Odessa thinking where shall I go next? Before I used to hop freight trains and once went to Simferopol, I even managed to get to Moldova - there are some memories there. I have been to Irkutsk, Krasnoyarsk, visited Taiga and wandered around there for a while. Saratov, Kharkov, Dnepropetrovsk, Cherkasov, Odessa, Ismail, Reni, I have been all over Ukraine and walked to many places. So it is, life took me around, I cannot stay in one place, you know. I get itchy feet, get up and I am gone. As for a place to stay and sleep; I always find one. But now I am fine and my life is rather good. I can wash myself, not like before, when I didn’t wash for months. I remember sister Galina would treat my bad feet that were so bad. Only because of people like them and centers like this I do not feel any pressure on me. I do not feel like I am in prison and that anybody is ordering me around. In here, there are their own rules; it’s like in the Bible, there are 10 commandments, you have to follow. At first I did not really understand, but now I can see that if I want to change my life style I have to compromise and little by little rid myself of my old habits. I have also realised that I cannot change straight away, it’s bullshit. Only step by step, little by little with God’s will, I will sort my life. And if I manage to do that, I will be very happy that at least at the end of my life, I can be a little bit happy.
Vitiya, (21) Depaul Ukraine Day Center for Street Youth, Kharkiv October, 2013
My name is Vitiya. I live in Ukraine, in Kharkiv city. Previously, I lived in the village and had some hardships everyday, so I started to run away from home when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I lived on the street and at the railway station, which lasted 5 or 6 years. I studied in the orphanage, then I was put in a shelter for minors. My father is divorced. Before he lived with my mother, then he got divorced and I stayed with him. He didn’t pay me enough attention, so I spent most of the time with my grandmother. When I was 13 he got married again and 3 or 4 years after that I started to run away from home. I ran from my mothers to the railway station or some place else. Then my mother died in 2006. I don’t remember anything else. I don’t remember, moreover it was a long while ago. I just want to forget those days. It was too difficult. When I was at home, it was absolutely impossible to live there. My father considered it for the better, but I don’t know for whom. It wasn’t better for me. My life wasn’t normal there, as well as the conditions. That’s why I told him that I was going to leave home, and I went to the railway station and started to live there like normal simple people live, but only without a roof and housing. I want just to live a normal quiet life, like I do now. I want to forget my father and never think about him.