Becoming The Man I Need To Be by Vernal Brown

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expanding the voices and sharing personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the healing process of drafting, revising, and publishing memoirs, participants develop selfreflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

With support from Chicago CRED, ConTextos works with New Mount Pilgrim MB Church’s MAAFA Redemption Project. MAAFA’s mission is to significantly improve the quality of life for young men of color and their families on West Garfield Park providing dormitory-style residential support, workforce training, personal/spiritual-development, and a host of wrap-around social services. The embedded ConTextos Authors Circle provides a synergistic space of reflection, connection and healing growth as authors continue to forge new life chapters.

The powerful memoirs from the 2021-2022 MAAFA Author Circle complicate myopic, monolithic narratives and include an array of Sankofa Stories, transformative experiences and vibrant insights of young men on the West Side of Chicago.

I am from Chicago, Illinois From the Good city and the Bulls.

I am from the 12 bedroom house With my cousin, and brothers and sisters.

I am from Cops and Robbers, Hide and go seek.

I’m from loving and good, From Vernal and Iona.

I’m from the loving and hardworking family.

I’m from Chiraq.

I’m from Outwest I like to eat Home-Run inn pizzas.

I love to spend time with my kids, Chuck E cheese our play dates.

Wish it could be a family tradition on Sundays, them my babies.

I’m from Where you Got to Stand Up. Can’t be soft out here, Gotta stand tough.

I’m from Boys to Men. I hope my family understands, I’m working to become a better man.

A memoir is a personal narrative that shares reflections, insights and transformative experiences of an author’s life journey.

When I was little my Mom and Dad took care of me. Daddy had his own car shop in Bolingbrook. My sister still manages the business. It’s a family business. I’m going to own a business like my father.

My children are counting on me. I feel good today. God gave me the strength to get up, and go to work, for my son and baby girl to call me, for them to get the new Vans that came out Monday. So, you know me I told them Yes. So, now I gotta go get it for them, bet I do. If not, I’m getting the Air Max but if that’s what they want, that’s what they’ll get. Both of my older kids play basketball. I buy my son shoes. I take him to eat at Home Run Inn. He likes to go to TGIFriday’s, too. I take my son out on the weekends. It feels good to take care of them.

My ex girl, she was a mess up in my life. She always used to tell me about what she used to have. That’s why I said she was a mess up, but at the end of the day, I love her too. She had my son.

When I met the love of my life, my son’s mom, I was on the bus on my way to work. I asked her, what she on? She told me, On her way to work. I ask her, “Can I buy you some food.” and she said,”Yes, that’s cool.” That’s how we got into talking. I call her my boo thang. She was my everything, she used to let me see her car while she was at work. I used to go to school in her car.

When I got the call when I was about to come home from jail. I got the call from my mom. My aunt beat cancer, I used to go over to her house when I was a little boy. I was 12 years old on the bus, all alone not worried. Put it in God’s hands. She used to come get me from school when I was in the 3rd grade. At the end, I will never forget what she said. It feels good to know she pulled through. She is my everything, her and my OG. I love them a lot, I will go to the moon and back. Amen, God is good all the time.

I’ve changed a lot. I’m not out there negative no more not on the block.. I be around positive people. Change was hard, but I did it. I was baptized in November 2021. My cousin was scared to come into the church. He stood outside, waited for me for 2 hours in the middle of the night. He calls me a lame all the time. Before I would have punched him in his face. Now I tell him I don’t care what he says. I have changed.

My Auntie is in a better place. She changed her life. So did my Mama. So did I. Autie stopped smoking and playing cards, Mama stopped doing drugs. My Auntie and Mama own their own house and everything. My Auntie is doing good now. She is beating cancer. She’s been on dialysis. She’s fighting cancer. I talk to her on the phone all the time and she is proud of me.

When I got the job at the MAAFA house, I felt the good spirit, good motivation to move for my life. Learn a good word of good, take good trips all over the world, see new people and new faces. Meet good people, there is good people out there that have things you don’t have that can get you where you need to be in life.

People you need to know, to see, to give in and back to the needs of people.

There is no telling what I’d be doing right now, if I didn’t have this job. I’d be out there hustling. MAAFA brings me a job and money and also peace and love. I go to church every Sunday. I get the Word of God every day, 2-3 hours a day. Now I wake up at 6:44 am every morning.

When I walk in the doors in the Maafa job, I was up for the job and the Word that was said, God is good, all the time. It’s more to life than what they are giving us.

God works in mysterious ways. He is so good to me.

Sankofa is a word from the Ghanian Twi language meaning “Go back and get it.” “Sankofa teaches us that we must go back to our roots in order to move forward. That is, we should reach back and gather the best of what our past has to teach us, so that we can achieve our full potential as we move forward. Whatever we have lost, forgotten, forgone or been stripped of can be reclaimed, revived, preserved and perpetuated.”* *UIC African American Studies Department

When I had my kids, I looked at life different. I started moving differently, looking at things a certain way, being around positive people. I just want to see my kids grow up, and go to college. Not only that, I would like my kids to make me a grandfather so I can take them on trips like I used to do when I had them at Walt Disney World.

I would like to take them to Africa. All across the world, places I’ve never been to.

My Mom and Dad used to take us on trips all the time. That’s the reason why I want to be there with my children.

Moral of the story, I came up in a house where everybody wanted us to have a good job. My Mom was a nurse, and my dad was a mechanic. I just want for my kids to be better than me. I will also like to take them to football games, basketball games, and baseball games.

I just want to make a lot of money, and move my family out of this state. I just need to start my own company, and get me a couple of workers that’s loyal to me.

Someone I can trust. I know I can trust my mom, and my little sister. I know they won’t let me down that’s why I said I can trust my little sister, and mom. My little sister got three masters, she beyond smart.

I know where I’m going, building a car shop in the future.

I’m gone excel at it and I want to move to Brooklyn, And open my own car shop so that Black Folks come in.

My pops had his own shop for 10 years.

He used to have 5 to 6 employees working for him.

His mechanical shop specializes in regular car work and selling cars.

He used to take me along with him on some of his work jobs.

If I have some extra money, I’m going to get my own laundromat too.

That’s going to be my legacy I’m leaving behind for my kids.

I will have workers, maybe 3 to 4 at the most.

I will have a vending machine connected to the company.

I will also invest in property, build generational wealth for my family.

My kids are my everything.

I have 1 girl and 3 boys.

My girl is 12 and my boys are 11, 6, and 5.

My daughter is a straight A student who does cheerleading, while my boys play basketball.

Proud father I am to say.