Focus by T Cornell

Ty’shun

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

Focus Ty’shun

I was born on September 14, 2000 on the Southside of Chicago in the Auburn Gresham area where it was hard walking here and there. Living under a roof with both parents who worked hard to get up to make sure I had everything I needed. But the neighborhood is what changed me, changed my way of thinking a lot.

Sitting here thinking when am I gon see a million dollars playing video games not doing anything with my life. When I was about six years old, I was watching TV and there it was, football. Seeing Reggie Bush, running the ball, and there it was, my goal to be like him running watching thousands of fans yelling my name.

The worst thing that ever happened was seeing my brothers drinking and doing drugs.

It made me think differently. About nine years old there I was riding bikes running outside fighting my best friend. We used to play with these little toy guns we buy from the corner store. That’s when my thinking was moving in a whole different direction.

By 2010 is when I got into playing ball in the field, where the projects used to be. It was called Ida B Wells in the Bronzeville area. I was 10 at the time, music was becoming more popping. The focus was just different. Every time I’d come home I’ll forget I had homework because I’ll go listen to some music or go play ball.

During the time in 2010, standing outside was more like standing in a Battlefield. Too much was going on, shooting everywhere. When the street lights came on it was time to go in. At that time I was seeing myself as an image of who I was, not having so many goals trying so hard not to choose something wrong.

The life I chose was playing ball. When I first saw a ball I realized how much I loved the game. From about nine years old up to 10 years old I remember playing in the backyard to going to school. Being Introduced to a coach who asked me to come play, and found out my friends play.

One thing I remember was getting a helmet and shoulder pads. It felt like an accomplishment. I worked so hard when I was practicing. I would always get called in to run the ball. I was running so fast people would love me.

When I ran my first play I thought to myself I am going to be someone. I felt like if I come to play hard every day I could be the starting running back. But my hardest part about playing is not having my father there to see me play.

Coming home after practices, I mean he would yell at me because my room wasn’t clean. But when it was, he still would not let me go no matter if my grades were good. We always had an argument.

It was a time where I’ll go to school and do something bad. He wouldn’t make me quit the team, but there was pros and cons for do’s and don’t. I was thinking if he would hear me and understand why I do the stuff I do, since I was younger.

As I got older, I remember the same people who kept me out of trouble got in trouble.

What I saw is what I wanted, the nice cars, the drugs, the guns, the women. As soon as I saw that, I was thinking life must be easy when you’ve got things like that. Life must be easy because you have no one to talk to you the way they do.

I was going outside so much in my neighborhood with my friend on the block. I saw life was easy for him. He was showing me money and playing with guns. I thought it was cool. Why? Because the stuff that came with it. That’s when I stopped playing ball 14 years ago??? Who I was before I changed too quickly.

Well there’s me, a young kid who grew up in a rough area who had goals to become a pro football player, but living in a city where it was hard crossing the street or leaving the house. December 8, 2022 was the day I went into the system.

This all started on September 14, 2000 when I was born. Growing up life was going very well for me until I realized the gangs were in my area. That’s when I noticed it’s hard for me to learn. I was going to Westcott Elementary school where Chance The Rapper went. Right across the street from a high school that was known for its talent for basketball. Leaving home to go to School was fun. Why? Because it was a getaway.

I was actually learning things. Not only that after school was the best because it had math and reading, and a whole lot of resources that you can learn from, even had a cooking class. I mean I was learning how to cook and eat healthy at a young age, eating fruit I’ve never tasted before. I mean sportsmanship was like teamwork. It all started when I was working getting things done like my folks told me to and don’t be a class clown. I didn’t listen but I learned.

One day a coach came to me and said you should come play with us. I said cool.

Something in my mind was telling me that “you grow up watching football, why not play?” So when I went to try out, I noticed short people like me were getting looked at like I didn’t fit for the team. Then I began to play to get a feel for it and boom someone hit me so hard to the point where I felt like fighting, but I realized this isn't football.

Once practice was over going home I had things that needed to be done and that was the hardest part for me. It was homework, from cleaning my room, to the bathroom. It all had to be done at 10 PM. One thing I learned that whoopings taught me to sit and learn, but living in the household whoopings made me think about not doing certain things again. But when I came home from school after having a bad day clowning up in class, I get home and my parent wasn’t trying to hear anything I had to say. Instead pull something out and beat me.

It had me thinking about fighting other people at school, but they did not understand that the whoopings caused me to act that way and I wasn’t trying to be. Living in the hood was hard seeing police everywhere. Still trying to go out but parents wouldn’t let me, I still did it anyway. Losing my mind running out trying to make a name because I thought I was cool. I realized all things are difficult before they are easy.

Then there it was me going outside hanging out with friends playing ball in the street right then and there I knew that being out was perfect. Until it was time for me to wake up. I didn’t really want to go to school. That's when things started falling apart with my life. But my goal was to be a businessman or go into the Navy. But having all this stuff on my mind was hard focusing on females hanging with the wrong people.

It all happened in 2011, when things in the city was getting worse. Born and raised on the South side of Chicago I grew up with five brothers and three sisters. I am the third youngest in my family, but only two live with me and both of them are on my mom’s side.

Most times my oldest will come join us sometime. Things were hard at the time, but we all managed to come together.

One thing about growing up most times you hear people say a hard head makes a soft ass. Why? Because me being the shortest in my family and at my school, I’ll get tried every time because of my height. Whenever I got in trouble, it’s like I’ll never listen to what people have to say because words were words. Most of the time I’d fall asleep in class and won’t wake up. When school let out, I’ll go to do some stuff that’ll get me in trouble.

The goals I had was to be in the army or be a firefighter. Why? Because I seen cars and houses being on fire and people like my uncle who fought for this country come home and still be able to pay for himself to go to college for free.

I don’t like to follow the crowd, I like to lead the crowd and become a king over the crowd. So I had to stop doing and following the wrong things to be what I want to be in life.

Me and my friend AJ would always do stuff together like ride bikes and fight all the time when things didn’t go our way. So me and AJ as we became more close to each other, we were like brothers. Because we lived on the same block, we both would go to each other’s house every day and hang out.

I remember when he showed me his older brother's guns,I was shocked. I thought this dude was crazy. Not even that but took his mom's money. I am like damn bro you rich he is like “Nah this something I took from my peoples.” So all this time my homie stole from his people there. There was a time when he would sometimes tell me, “the hoes love this bro.” I’m like how, for real? He said, “yeah man, take this to school everyone gonna love you then”.

I remember going home asking my old man for some money, I mean his money 20s or 50s or 100s, just so I can see if he will work. Don’t get me wrong. It worked until all of it was gone. AJ was always like a brother to me. Most of the bad stuff I learned or good came from him or my big brother. I mean even when we had played basketball in his backyard, one on one, this dude was cold. Even staying outside late at night on July 4th. Yeah, I said it, July 4th fireworks.

We would sometimes buy a box of fireworks from our neighbor across from the alley.

Summertime with him was like family until we got older things changed and I mean very fast. He would be so far gone his own people couldn’t tell him what to do. Come 2015, I started to see his arm and stuff like walking around the neighborhood looking at me all weird like I was his enemy or something. When I was about 20 or 21 I was leaving the house to go pick up some food, just so happen to see him, an old timer or would say OG. Then he asked for a ride. As we drive off and go around the corner, he said you know your boys shot himself. It was a sadness in his voice. I said who? He said AJ. Right then and there I started moving different as we get to the house.

One thing he told me and I learned from it till this day, don’t commit a crime if you can’t take what’s behind these walls. Not only it hurts others, but also yourself as well. I learn there’s better ways to leave because the enemy comes in two different ways. They can either take you out right away or install you out. So I chose to go to college years later. Because good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.

Life kind of changed me Entering an HBCU College majoring in business. I mean seeing so many Black people come together, beautiful women, even the Greek stood strong together LOL. In my mind I used to think they were a gang because of how deep they were. It's like everyone is counted for. But during the time we visited, I chose Miles College in Birmingham, Alabama, or most people would call it “B-Ham”.

Me, my mother and two of my brothers drove 10 hours 30 minutes and in a Tahoe. drove but not that far, from Chicago to the south, stopping in the country seeing nothing but cornfields. It was a peace of mind. Stopping at different gas stations was fun because to me I’ve never seen this many horses and nice people that people say were so-called racist. As the drive went on when I stopped I never seen gas prices so low. I mean 20 or 40 bucks will fill up your car. The stuff I didn’t understand was trailer homes, but the price was right down south if you had the money.

But still having the Chicago wild mindset, I used to look at things differently. So knowing me, someone was telling me how sweet people are down here, but you never wanna bite the hand that feed you or not get down on someone. So I had to change my mindset. Romans: 12-2 be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. My college homey name was Steve. I mean he was going into church a lot. He taught me a lot about where to go and not to go. This dude was like my brother from the south. He even drove me around just to get some fresh air. He’s from the country (Alabama) and me from a big city (Chicago). We met on the first day moving in and hanging during class and after class. We had the best college life drinking, partying, going to the clubs at night, picking up friends, and getting something to eat.

So a year goes by, I went back to the city to find a job to help me finish school. But having bills to pay and making sure my mom's are straight was difficult to balance. I was working hard even if it meant I had to travel far to get to work. I wanted to change my surroundings so I was around older people who were giving me games on how to buy a house on my own instead of depending on someone else to provide for me.

I learned to grow as a man, to mature, and to have more respect. I was getting up early everyday because the world is big and the Southwest showed me that flying from state to state But the sky's the true limit. So before you judge me, sit down and learn from me before you can even look at me crazy.

Put your feet in my shoes, rise from a king and a queen and make the right choices for me.

Things are not the way they used to be, so stop judging and start loving because once upon a time you were my age. Just because a person is in a D.O.C. uniform doesn't mean it's over.

Life mistakes repeat only if you look back but you didn’t learn. So challenge your thinking.

May peace be with us all.

Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely - Auguste Rodin Doubt comes in at the window when inquiry is denied at the door - Benjamin Jowett

THE END

Ty’shun I Am From I am from choppers in the air, gunshots everywhere When walking to school don’t be a fool I am from what you see is what you do Don’t be a monkey see monkey do I am from staying outside when the streetlights coming on I am from when it rains it pour But have no money to fund for stores and school I am from when you cut green, you get green I am from watch what you say bullet will spray I am from out south where you pack it up and go down south I am from 80 degree weather and guns out I am from going to school in heavy snow I’m from you wake up late You getting ice water thrown on you I am from you act up in school No football practice for you I am from Gresham, Southside From JJ Fish or Jerk Villa I am from be humble and stay calm And watch who you hang around

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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