The Time it all Fell Down by Enrique Rafael Rosa II (Rico)

The Time it all Fell Down

Enrique Rafael Rosa II (Rico)

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

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The Time it all Fell Down Enrique Rafael Rosa II (Rico)

Writing this piece is hard for me even today. I’ve never really talked to myself about how I feel about the outcome but ConTextos is giving me this chance to not only share me and my family's story but they are giving me the chance to have this conversation within myself to ultimately face these emotions I’ve felt and feel about the situation with Kiel. So bare with me along this journey. The time period was the end of the summer of 2013. I took a plea deal of 4 years at 50% and was shipped to the Northern Receiving Center (NRC) to then be shipped out to Southwestern in East St. Louis IL which is a “Super Minimum” as we would call it. It was a joint that gave a day credit of good time for one day of being incarcerated which is a blessing for people that are trying to cut down their time and make it home before their projected out date.

I arrived down to Southwestern by the end of August 2013 with an inmate number and with seven months county time accredited to me. Potentially with 17 months left to do, but with the good time I am eligible to receive from Southwestern, I could cut that 17 months in half. But unfortunately I wouldn’t see another day of good time due to a situation with me and a couple of friends horse

playing and one of their shoulders breaks and the people involved ultimately sent to segregation and shipped to a new joint/prison. So part of the disciplinary decision is that I will be transferred to a medium prison which is Shawnee Correctional Facility. Which happens to be the 2nd farthest prison from Chicago, IL next to Vienna prison, which both are not far from the border of Kentucky. I know this may bring questions of what it has to do with my son and family but again honor me with your patience as we walk down memory lane.

To get back to it, I’m now housed in Shawnee prison where I enrolled into the GED program. I’ve never graduated high school so I can receive a similar form of good time by going to school and receiving my GED. The time frame now is about October 2013 and unbeknownst to me at the time a woman named Laura Hudson, who we call “LA,” had a boy on March 12, 2013. He was born about two months after I was originally locked up for the case I was now sitting in Shawnee for. At this time I’m ignorant of his birth, his existence and even the potential of him being my son. Now just to give a little background on LA and me and why I would be oblivious about Kiel or me being his father.

Me and LA are from Humboldt Park. She is originally from Cabrini Green but moved to the other side which is the California to Western side. I’m from Crystal & Spaulding. She happened to move to my side on Evergreen and Spaulding in which me and my people started hanging on that corner and would see her going back and forth so I shot my shot (which means I tried to get her). Long story short I got her and we started messing around but not exclusively. Now LA is older than me and at the time I was about 16/17. So during this time messing around, I impregnated her but not to my knowledge. And LA's reaction to her being pregnant was to disappear and not come around anymore. I really don’t know where she went.

So fast forward back to October 2013 with my transfer to Shawnee. I’m in school getting ready to complete my second good time contract. Which is for every 90 days completed at school I receive 45 days removed from the time I have left to serve. So everything is going smooth until about February 2014. I’m sitting in my cell during shift change and the C/O on duty comes to my cell after count time and tells me to pack it up, that I’m being moved to the receiving unit to be

shipped back to NRC for a court writ. Now to my knowledge at the time, the only time you go back North after taking time is either your case is back into court or you’re being charged with a new case.

So the flood of emotions hit me like Ray Lewis coming in through the line clean untouched on a blitz. Fear was the prominent emotion and at the forefront. Fear of the unknown. Fear of did something I do come back and bite me in my ass.

Another emotion would have to be anxiety. I felt I was on the last leg of my sentence and now the door seemed open to having to do more time. Shook my world it's safe to say. So as I’m finishing up packing my property, the dayroom begins. So I take my stuff to the front of the tier and proceeded to the core area to ask the 1 million question running through my mind. As I ask different ℅’s no one has an answer for any question I have, except that I’m going North. So the time comes for me to go to the receiving building so I can be shipped out the next morning.

When I make it to receiving I’m continuing to ask and again no answers for me.

The next morning I’m shipped out. Which means it’s a long bus ride handcuffed in a blue box which is waist chains and hands cuffed in a left hand on top facing down up and right hand on bottom facing up locked into position waist high.

Seated on hard benches with no window view and since we’re coming North instead of going South the drivers of the bus prefer classic rock music stations. If you’re not into classic rock, the ride can be torture but after being South in Southern prisons you tend to get use to it because they don’t have hip-hop/rap music stations. Or they frequencies don’t reach the prisons. So after a long ass 6 hour plus bus ride I make it to NRC.

So there my questions continue and luckily a C/O has an answer for me. He says yea and tells me I have a case at the Juvenile and Family Center. So this comes all the way from left field because at this time I’m 19 and all my juvenile cases are closed and the only thing I know for them to come no matter what is murder so I’m thinking like what the fuck but I know it’s not that. The C/O looked into it and came and asked did I have kids and I’m like no. He said well somebody saying you do.

So of course this moment I’m relieved because it’s nothing criminal but very curious because I don’t recall having any kids. So my court date comes around and I’m driving to the juvenile center and I meet the lady that will be my representation for this case. She introduces herself and then proceeds to ask me questions, specifically do I know a woman by the name of Laura Hudson. I answer yea I do. She said that Laura had a son on March 12, 2013 and has given my name as a potential father. I was shocked and was like wait… What?

The brick wall in the room seemed to cave in. The cuffs around my wrist seemed to tighten. Another surge of emotions then weighed upon me. I felt surprise, confusion, regret, and honestly a small speck of happiness. My representation then asked was there a possible chance that I could be the father. And I answered yes and I then began to ask why was I being called so late if he was born last year. I had all type of questions going through my mind, (Like who has him?

Why am I being brought to court for him? What is going on?) My rep then told me I had been the last name on the list that Laura had given of the potential fathers. Now this is fair because she didn’t know my real name. So now I know

one of my homies must have told her. She then proceeded to ask if I would be open to take a paternity test. I said yes of course. So we went to court and I was introduced to the judge and we put in for me to be DNA tested the spring of 2014.

So with that request put in I now transition into the early phases of the case. That would entail getting background on me. Also getting background on my family as well.

So when a case is brought to the court concerning a child, and that child is in custody of the state that child receives a case worker. So yeah that’s the other reason I’ve been called to court, is Laura doesn’t have custody of Kiel. So now entering stage right is Beth Longman. Now I use the technique of saying stage right because things with Beth is a carnival and play since the start of us meeting one another. After court I go back up to the holding cell to wait for my representation and Ms. Beth to come and speak with me. They arrive and we go back to the same room I was in earlier. Initially meeting Beth she seemed sympathetic and encouraging. I express multiple times that if Kiel is indeed my son I would embrace gaining custody and taking care of him because he would be

my responsibility.She nods in agreement and reassures me that if I’m the father things will go smoothly and will all work out. She didn’t explain that everything will have to go through her, this was her response to me asking if my mother could visit with Kiel. I learned that he was being fostered with a foster family that was also fostering his sister, Asia. She when I ask about my moms being able to visit she said she will look into it and see what she can do. I then ask what could be wrong with him visiting my mother? In which Beth says “I have to make sure it would be in Kiel’s best interest.” BOOM!

Little did I know at the time but that sentence would be the forefront of every answer to the majority of my questions and requests of Beth Longman. With those 11 words the case worker has absolute power. This is a vessel used by caseworkers to traverse into the gray area of family politics. As I would find out later about those 11 words, they are a soothing lullaby to lull the judge into approving any action that the caseworker initiated. So I finish the conversation with Beth and the lady representing me and am driven back to NRC. So from that day forward I stay in contact with Beth through letters to stay updated about

anything going on about Kiel. To which I learned through my mother that she has been allowed to have visitation with Kiel. That was an uplift and blessing for me & my family. But of course there’s a catch. The visitation has to happen at the juvenile center under the supervision of Beth. Which makes sense due to me being the father has not been determined yet.

So while all this is going on I’ve been transferred from NRC back to Shawnee. I then get sent North again for another court date which just was another status update until the results came in. In which they did. And I got a letter in the mail that I was indeed the father. So happy wouldn’t be the right word to describe how I felt. More like elated. As court days continue to pass & go, on July 17, 2014, the day after my 20th birthday, I catch a staff assault ticket due to me getting into a physical altercation with a C/O. The consequences for this is an emergency next day shipment to Menard Correctional Center, a maximum security prison, a new charge brought against me and losing 6 months good time credit. That means I now have an outdate of June 2015 instead of December 2014.

This situation also had a longer lasting effect than just losing good time and being charged with a new case.It would hinder my chances of getting custody of Kiel if he was indeed my seed. So I’m now housed in Menard in North II on 4 gallery in cell 4. I remember being nervous as hell. All the boogyman stories you’ve ever heard about prisons were cycling through my head. I was in max now. It was so loud on the gallery cause 2 gallery was right beneath us. I was in a one man cell two days after my birthday, alone, nervous, anxious and juzt dazed that within a blink of an eye, everything changed.

So time passes day by day. I have 6 months to serve in segregation as another consequence. In which I was moved upstairs to 6 gallery cell 22 behind the door.

Just because I have to do more time in which I cop out/take a deal on the charges brought against fighting the C/O doesn’t mean that the case with my son stops or pause it continues to move forward. Sitting in seg I continuously write Beth on updates on my son. I also begin to write letters to him and ask Beth to read them to him. Not sure if she ever did that or not. I sadly had to let her know that my outdate was pushed back because of my situation at Shawnee. And this is where

the games begin.Beth is now reducing the visitation with my mother and Kiel, which happens to be his blood grandmother. And when I asked why I get those 11 words for an answer. “I have to ensure it is the best interest for Kiel.” And the foster parents are uncomfortable with the visitation. So wait you telling me that the foster parents have more say so than the father and are chosen to retain custody because the court deems it necessary even though the blood family is present and pushing for custody of their son, grandson, great grandson, great,great grandson, nephew, cousin and so on.

Ironic isn’t it, that most minority men have the stigma of not wanting to step up to their responsibility but here are two that want to embrace their responsibility and the charge of being fathers. Oh yea I say two because at court my son’s sister Asia’s father is fighting for his rights as well. We want to be fathers to our children but as of that point in time the court says nope.It’s really perplexing that this court system and caseworkers are in the lives of the children a small amount of time but can make decisions that will affect the children and their families forever.

They manage to create a shadow that will follow the children the rest of their lives. They have plagued the children’s minds with questions of Why? How? What if? That they could potentially never be able to answer. So back to the events that are transpiring at this time. I’m sent back North for another court date but this court date will be dramatically different from others. When I arrive at the juvenile center I’m pulled into the room again to talk to Beth and the lady that represents me and she says Beth has a request of me.

So I listen and this is where Beth requests that I waive and give up my parental rights so that the foster parents may adopt Kiel. With all the conviction in me I decline! She then tried to explain why and honestly I stopped listening. All I kept saying in my head was no, no, no! She then says the foster parents want to adopt Asia and Kiel and they promise this and that in which my answer is still no. This obviously pisses Beth off so again visitation with his paternal grandmother is decreased and shortened. And then I ask Beth a question that Asia’s father told me to ask.

Why hasn’t Kiel been brought down to visit me? She hesitated and then here we go again, she said it would not have been in Kiel’s best interest to travel so long by car to come and see me. So my son ever getting a chance to even meet me is left up to the caseworker. The power they possess can alter even something as small as magnificent as a child meeting their biological parent. The damage that is caused can never be undone but the healing from the damage should be encouraged and applied not just the dead end choice of ignoring the tree from which a child comes from.

But to move things along, the case moves along, and I end up at trial. I have to go through two trials before a decision is made for my custodial/parental rights regarding Kiel. The 1st trial is what is called a Fitness to be a Parent trial. Where evidence is given to either prove or disprove that a person is fit to be a parent.

And the second trial is the Parental Right trial in which the judge goes over the material and decides if a person’s parental rights should be terminated.

During the trials my family is present and the judge inquires of Beth why Kiel

was not housed with his grandparents after finding me to be the father. To which she answered that it would not have been in the best interest of Kiel to remove him from the family he has been with since birth and also the family that is also in custody of his sister. The judge I guess agreed because he just moved things along. As the proceedings continue, the judge asked have I seen or met Kiel and after I say no he asks Beth why I haven’t met him. She answers the same answer told to me earlier: it would not be in Kiel’s best interest to sit in a car that long of a drive. To which again I guess the judge agreed and continued along.

Ironic that the judge presiding over the case accepts the judgments and decisions of Beth. So fast forwarding I lose both trials. And not only me but Kiel’s sister Asia’s father is next to me going through the same thing. I leave the courtroom with so many emotions. Anger stands above all, but there is bitterness, hatred, a sense of failure, and regret. I have a son here on this earth that I've been stripped of my responsibility to raise, an amazing boy into a magnificent man to give something positive to the world. This is what I wish for to this day. I’ve appealed the decision in which I was denied.

Now I have little to no communication with my son. He now has 3 little sisters from me, Malaiyah Yvelisse Rosa, My’Kayla Yvenisse Rosa, and Melody Yvelinna Rosa. He also has 2 other sisters from his mom Asia and Mia. The last time his three sisters or me have heard from him or his adoptive parents was last Christmas when me and my wife, Yvette, bought him a PS5, but I miss Kiel and want him home with me. So I can go to his sporting events, teach him how to play video games. And when he gets older or old enough, teach him about girls. But I’m not sure if that will ever happen. It may take forever. I just wish with every fiber of my being that forever is not a long time.

Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so regretful and ashamed…

Kiel, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so regretful and ashamed…

B/C I failed you as a father B/C Your mom can’t hug you or give you a kiss or talk to you one day B/C I can’t throw a football to you or teach you jumpshot B/C I let you down B/C I want to make up for the let downs, but don’t know where to start B/C you’re getting older and I’m continuing to miss birthdays B/C I’m back in jail B/C Malaiyah asks for her brother all the time B/C I’ve made sitar mistakes with your sisters B/C I’m knowing you will possibly hate me and it's all my fault!

B/C You were my responsibility & I’m not doing so great.

B/C I want you to do better but make the same mistakes B/C I miss you everyday but don’t know how to fix everything.

Where I am going Where I am going is a question I’ve pondered for some time.

I guess to answer that question I have to start with where I’m at.

Im stuck in a revolving cycle of thoughts and actions, with the want To do something different, yet positive for family, friends, and Black and brown boys citywide.

With wishes to expand my horizon and see things of old Possibly the seven wonders that have graced this world.

To arrive in Paris, Egypt, or maybe even China.

To be able to walk the great wall, or traverse the sands that lead to the Pyramids of Giza, or put myself in the company of the tower beloved so much by the french.

Submerged in the desires to be free Freedom from the flaws that burden Man. Freedom from this cage I’m in during the here and now.

A pinnacle I’ve set is to better thy self In ways of learning and building the mind, by working the body to Eradicate fatigue and pain of my Temple.

Hope that starting with I, the world will have permission to do the same To love not hate, to build not destroy, to nuture not neglect.

To instill these principles in future generations to come For the Kiel’s, Malaiyah’s, My’Kayla’s, and Melody’s of tomorrow Who I pray will be better than I. So to answer where I am going, I say to that….

I am going deep with in myself to effect everything I Want and want to see in this life and future

Enrique Rafael Rosa II (Rico) I Am From I am from Crystal Block from Kedzie to Spaulding.

From the playground across the street, And the closed laundromat on the corner.

I am from a block of Lord’s amongst King’s.

I am from the flower garden and the lagoon during summertime, The variety of colors with two bison guarding the entrance Across the way, a large pond with fish to catch.

I'm from Tafanesamekeya Davis-Rosa and Enrique Rosa Sr. From Puerto Rican parades and bandera bandera, And from helping out family as much as you can.

I’m from blood is thicker than water, And from get from over there, you're too smart for that.

I’m from Church on Sundays with great granddad Being the pastor.’

I’m from Humboldt Park.

From arroz con gandules and fried chicken.

From Taffy and Fito.

I am from my black is excellence and I am Boricua.

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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