Alone Without My Love

“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.”

The Soy Autor writing process was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program launched at Cook County Jail with young men awaiting trial for violent offenses. Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, the Authors’ Circle develops reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, conflict resolution and positive self-projection.

In collaboration with:

Cook County Sheriff’s Office

Alone Without My Love Carlos Tapia

I remember waking up that morning we first met. I called my boy Xavier asking him if he was trying to chill he said he was down.

He asked if he could bring a couple of people, I said, “Yeah, bro, just come through.”

He came with some friends and you. I wasn’t expeccng you to come with him.

I was feeling nervous because I found you aaraccve. You looked cute to me.

The temperature in my body was raising as we kept making eye contact.

While the days passed, you were on my mind. We had hung out a couple more mes.

I remember the day I hit you up to hang out. Except this me, I went to pick you up with my boy Rocky.

We rode around the city in the Buick Park Avenue. I was driving , he was passenger and you were in the backseat.

When I was done with that I walked downstairs to return my calls. I had several missed calls from my boy, Rocky. I called him back to find out my good friend, Taz had just got shot and killed in front of his grandmother’s house.

I went from being around all my loved ones, filled with happiness, to being empty and so lonely. You were right next to me, but I couldn’t think, feel, or even talk. It tore me up so bad inside, I couldn’t even cry at the me.

I was brought to my new home two weeks later, Cook County Jail. I never felt so alone in my life. Shit was hiing me so hard as the weeks went by in the dog pound I am now living in. Every day that passes the loneliness hits harder and harder. As I look out the window of my cage, all I can think is...

I miss you so much, baby girl. Sorry I lee you by your lonely, but just know I love you with all my heart, Pricila!!!!

I am from the television.

From bleach and fabuloso.

I am from the dogs and kids running around,

loud, active, and welcoming.

I am from Oak and Pine trees,

leaves and pine cones all on the ground.

I’m from cook outs and glasses,

from Roger and Emma.

I’m from the family who argues a lot and then relaxes in silence after.

From “friends don’t exist” and “only the family first.”

I’m from Catholic parents who go to church every Sunday.

I’m from Chicago, IL and Mexico.

pozole, chile rellenos.

From the brother who is a success.

The hard-working family

family pictures on the living room wall,

pictures that hold beautiful family moments.