City of Dreams: Through the Beholders' Eyes

CITY OF DREAMS: THROUGH THE BEHOLDERS’ EYES North Lawndale and Beyond

"Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter."

- African Proverb

In collaboration with:

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people experiencing, navigating and surviving complex traumas in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved

LION SPEAKS

and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants strengthen self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

City of Dreams is the culminating work from ConTextos’ 2024 summer internship born out of the One Summer Chicago program. The youth featured in this compilation undertook this journey of self-reflection and subsequent creation through ConTextos’ Authors Circle. All stories matter. And every human being has stories to tell. The pages of this compilation are full of a few of them.

The writing in this compilation reveals the complex truths of powerful and beautiful Chicago youth transcending the narratives assigned to them. The works in this book are raw, real, and revealing. We invite you to behold and hold space for the inner workings of youth who are the face of the future.

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What you are about to read is candid, insightful and most importantly authentic, just to name a few. Over the course of the summer, ConTextos was met with an amazing opportunity to provide youth in our city with a six week paid internship here at our organization. Trust me when I say this to you: this experience has been nothing short of extraordinary.

INTRODUCTION

Our interns engaged in Authors Circle, social-emotional learning sessions, and a series of workshops that included photography, music production, painting, and mental health discussions.

Our interns also learned about the daily workings and many different elements of a nonprofit organization. The interns planned and hosted their own local open mic and engaged in community outreach, as well as mapping, identifying, and engaging with local partners who we can connect with in the future. They built community with each other and worked together each and every day expanding their comfort zones, being brave, asking for help, offering support and keeping an open mind all while seeking diverse perspectives and I must say that having the opportunity to share space with them was a privilege for me.

I’m really excited and grateful for this cohort and everything they’ve accomplished in the present as well as what they will accomplish in the future.

Everyone came into this internship as strangers to one another. Now they’re concluding this journey with fresh friendships that were crafted organically.

Bonds were built, experiences were shared and meaningful conversations took place that inspired them to write what you are holding in your hands right now.

The willingness to challenge existing narratives and share their stories in such a unique way speaks volumes to what is possible for the youth in Chicago when spaces where they can explore possibilities, be themselves and understand that their voices are not only heard but valued are accessible to them.

On behalf of this wonderful cohort of ConTextos interns and myself, we hope you enjoy reading this publication.

Trevor Lester Community Advocate & Authors Circle Facilitator 6

Dear Reader,

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the insights and minds of the next generation of young adults. 11 youth members from all walks of life were given a chance to enter a program where they had to choose vulnerability. They had to choose themselves—to show up in a space that some had never experienced before. Choose to be in a space of strangers and welcome each individual into their reality. This was a space of integrity, motivation, determination, pain, healing and growth.

In the beginning some of these young adults felt invisible, unheard, or as if their voice didn’t matter. Throughout this process they had the chance to know they are seen, understand that the voiceless always have a voice, and the importance of telling your own story versus allowing someone to tell your story for you.

Over the past few weeks, each of these young adults have grown in tremendous ways. There are now smiles where there once were frowns. We have confidence in areas it once lacked. They understand and know the power they hold and the power of their tongue. We speak life where it once wasn’t made.

To every intern and now Author: I am so proud and astonished at your hard work, dedication, and your passion to want to learn, to be willing to be helped, and to pave a way for the next ones that come after you. Congratulations, you are now a Published Author. Be proud of your writing, be proud of the work you have done. Use this experience and skills you have learned and apply them to your present and future! Remember that you hold all the power! The sky's the limit and once you choose yourself, there’s no stopping you.

Love, Kali Rose Project Manager & Authors Circle Facilitator

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CITY OF DREAMS: THROUGH THE BEHOLDERS’ EYES TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION ACE BRIANA ELYSS JADA JAMARI

6 11 16 20 24 27

JEREMIAH JULIUS JUSTIN MALIK NYKEMMA SAV

29 32 36 39 42 45

ACE

LOVE ME RIGHT, LOVE ME NOT.

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6 WORD MEMOIRS

ACE Shout out to the real ones Too understanding in this misunderstood reality Say something, please just say something

Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so quiet Because I’m not spoken to

SINCE YOU ASKED

Because Momma taught me that I should speak when spoken to Because anything other than that is talking back Because I can't express myself Because what I feel don't matter Because I grew up believing that Because I let people take advantage Because I saw my opinion as a problem Because I said no and they still penetrated Because I’m just a body Because body don't have emotion it just gets plumper and looks pretty Because I’m not even real Because I’m quiet Because I hate myself Because I chose to believe what momma said Because momma said speak when spoken to 12

IN RESPONSE TO “LETTER WITH NO ADDRESS”

NORMS NOT NORMAL

ACE I was 12 years old, paranoid whenever I was traveling to places because men just can't take no for an answer. Now I’m 18 and they still can't.

Having to watch kids that aren't yours at 11 because your sister chose to be a teen instead of a Mom. Having to suffer in silence as your mental illness forms because your parents think that expressing yourself is talking back.

I relate to this story because my dad wasn't there for me either, but he was in my life. I felt what the author said to my core and my entire being when he said that “5 years of knowing you and not talking was way worse than than the 16 years of not knowing you at all.”

There are times where I wished I never met my Dad, where I wished my momma didn't tell me about all the horrible things he’s done to her because it fuels my rage for him even more.

The only time he was there was when he used the concept of fear to have control over me and my Mother.

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The way you take time to admire everything about my physical Because the way i see myself… your overwhelming love for it makes me feel cynical

DON’T STARE TOO LONG

I know for you my body dysmorphia is not logical I know for myself I’m critical But please baby… don't stare too long.

I’m afraid. Afraid you’re gonna see what I see.

Please don't be over me. The way you treat me like royalty The fact that you kiss all over my body is beyond me because deep inside I feel ugly.

Don't stare too long…

I'm apologetic. Apologetic for the way your smile falls when I point out all my flaws And how I think the way I'm built is against the law, but the way you speak about me is so detailed it unhinges my jaw so beautiful it should be written on walls.

But don't stare too long…

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ACE

DON’T STARE TOO LONG (CONT.)

ACE

I try to in the mirror but all fails and I'm in my room again. Crying because I dont think it’ll ever end. Are they lying to me? My family, my friends? No… they wouldn't lie to me like that, and you… I know you'll always have my back.

So maybe I should just believe you don't have anything up-under your sleeve and that’ll relieve me of all my insecurities. Maybe somewhere deep inside I have that ability.

So you can keep staring and I’ll keep sharing my life story and the reasons why I'm so loving but can’t love myself fully.

But there will always be a voice in my head pleading… Please baby, don't stare too long.

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BRIANA

I’M OUTSTANDING SO I STAND OUT.

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6 WORD MEMOIRS

BRIANA

What is given should be earned Celebrate every day like a birthday Good comes to those who wait

I am from the midwest of it all From cornfields and Lake Michigan

I AM FROM

I am from Michigan City, Indiana I am from the country, but not the canty The only place where corn is grown all year round I am from Tara and Cynthia And from love and indecisiveness I'm from goofiness And from prejudices I'm from higher power, whoever that may be I'm from Elgin, Illinois From granny that's it I am from the path of changes

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MISJUDGED

COMMUNITY DIVIDE

BRIANA

I believe the divide in the black community is not normal or natural. I believe if we bonded together we would be too strong as a whole and that is why there are so many plans to keep us divided.

Example: Light/Dark, Man/Woman There is trauma in our blood and we as people need to be aware enough to control those traumas or suppress them.

I have been judged my whole life by my sisters for my music taste, hearing the term “White People Music” when I just wanted to listen to upbeat and happy music.

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BRIANA

WHERE I’M GOING

I'm going to make a way and break generational curses to start a healthy family And create a new standard to live the happiest life.

But to do this I have to heal. I have to look in the mirror.

I'm going to be aware of my faults and correct myself when I’m wrong I'm going to show up and show out, show support to those in need, be healthy and happy That way I can fulfill my goal I'm going to surprise those who have doubt by prospering and flourishing As long as I keep swimming I'm going to make a way

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ELLYSS

NEVER A BURDEN, ONLY A BLESSING.

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ELLYSS

6 WORD MEMOIRS

When in doubt, turn to God If it's calling, you answer it Actions are temporary, feelings are forever Be yourself even if it's scary If they wanted to, they would You can’t see faith is key Don't be immature. Have that conversation

DEAR YOUNGER SELF

Change your attitude, change your life

You've done all you needed to do. You created a foundation for your future I’m so proud of you.

I love all your faults and your tears - they made you strong And they made you sure You are beautiful. You didn't know it then but you feel it now You've helped me grow Don't ever change, even though you never can For everything you are has made me everything I am

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ELLYSS

Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I'm so anxious Because I need to look perfect when I go to school Because my stomach hurts every time I wake up

SINCE Y0U ASKED

Because my daily routine is important to me Because I want to grow my relationship with God but can't stop sinning Because my best is never good enough Because I feel as though I am carrying the weight of my family on my shoulders Because I feel like I will never find love Because I am only better to the female eye Because I love people too hard and I'm too forgiving Because I've never had a death in my family and I don't know how grief will affect me Because I constantly want more for myself Because I constantly feel the need to put on a brave face Because I constantly have to smile when I feel a waterfall behind my eyes Because I constantly have to be a leader even when I don't know the way sometimes

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MISJUDGED

NORMS NOT NORMAL

ELLYSS

Something that isn’t normal in society is how black women are the most disrespected people.

There are so many positive black role models, yet people still disrespect black women every day. Rappers such as Sexy Redd and Cardi B have reclaimed their bodies and agency, yet they are seen as ghetto rather than revolutionary. With people like Kamala Harris and Michelle Obama, you would think that people would realize that black women are at the top of the fray. People constantly feel threatened by our intelligence, wittiness and humor while being leaders, but what they don't realize is that those are the very things that make us the best leaders.

I often feel like my personality is misjudged. People sometimes think that I am mad, angry or intimidating but really I am just guarded with my feelings.

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JADA

CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE, CHANGE THE WORLD.

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6 WORD MEMOIRS

JADA Blue comes in many different shades.

Creativity is a double edge sword.

Well since you asked, I’ll tell you why I’m so hopeful.

SINCE YOU ASKED

Because the world has enough darkness Because forever is not forever Even when it feels like forever Because it is free Because it is contagious Because it helps Because the world keeps spinning with or without you Because it's better than believing in the statistics Because it's better than feeling nothing Because life doesn’t give much back Because it’s the nothing that contrast the bad Because you are what you attract

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DEAR YOUNGER SELF

JADA You focused on surviving, not thriving You took every attack head on Your heart and soul got battered and bruised But you still don't ___

I’m going to be the conductor to the person that changes the world

WHERE I’M GOING

To write the manuscript on how to be a good person and have unconditioned unconditional love I’m going to teach people how to accept the past and change the future I’m going to create adult fairytales with real messages I’m going to bring magic back to the world and create a ripple effect that becomes someone’s miracle But even though I know where I’m going, I have to know how to get there I’m going to accept the imperfections rather than finding perfection in them I’m going to take time for myself I’m going to create the balance I can’t seem to find I’m going to follow through with my workout plan I’m going to love myself the way I love the future I’m creating 26

JAMARI

KEEP SUPPORTERS CLOSE, BUT HATERS CLOSER. LEARN TO TEACH, TEACH TO LEARN.

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NORMS NOT NORMAL

WHAT I’VE WANTED

JAMARI

I’ve always wanted to be a content creator. Something I always wanted to see is me and my people become successful.

I’ve always wanted to go to Las Vegas.

A change I would like to see in this world is less violence.

Something that isn't normal is being able to have access to guns like it's nothing. I remember growing up from liking to play video games to liking being in shootouts. When I got around the wrong people, it wasn't nothing nobody could tell me right or wrong.

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JEREMIAH LOVE ME, HATE ME, I’M ME.

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SINCE YOU ASKED

6 WORD MEMOIRS

JEREMIAH

The past the past. Still survive Woo wop the bam I won

Because I’ve never seen my Mom and Dad together Because my brother went to jail and it forced me to be the man of the house at 12 years old Because I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6 Because I used to play shame shame shame now I’m throwing gang sign with my hands Because nobody taught me how to love that's why that's based on my heart Because this is the story behind my name

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ROLE MODEL

NORMS NOT NORMAL

JEREMIAH

Something that isn't normal in my personal life is my block, because these days I would cry if I'm on the block alone due to my close friends passing away or being in jail. This is why I cherish life so much. Because my friends died on the same blocks we used to play on as kids.

I feel that it is really important for young men to have a positive male figure in their life that's present because they can teach the importance of leadership, be a role model, a mentor and much more for that young man.

If no one is in the household to provide that, it's easy to turn to the streets for that guidance and usually it comes from the wrong people.

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JULIUS

PRIDE IS NOT WORTH DYING OVER.

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HOW I KNEW

HOW YOU COMING, KID?

6 WWORD MEMOIRS

JULIUS Every shot you don't take gone Family is not blood, it’s love Position is key, it's coming vibe

Hyc kid? I see you surpassed one of the many goals you got. You did it.

Hyc kid? You not halfway done, but you’re getting there, keep going.

You only 16, you good, don't stop.

How I knew, I knew because at a very young age I had to go through it. The streets are not the way. I hope someone reads this and understands it.

Have you ever wanted to do something and your Mom said no? Maybe you should hear her out. I wish I had listened, had known that, but I didn't.

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SINCE YOU ASKED

JULIUS

Hey, how are you doing? I saw you looking all sad and upset. What's wrong?

Well since you asked there's a lot wrong like people who are suffering from drug abuse that fills the streets or the amount of black killings out here or even how everyone wants to be labeled as a gangster then their Mom is missing her kid, or even while you’re walking down the street keeping your head down your Mom can miss you.

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WHERE I’M GOING

WHERE I’M FROM

JULIUS

I’m from the dirt, I’m from not having nothing I’m from Chicago where people think you can’t walk to the park without getting shot I'm from Chicago where if there's not a dealer on the corner it's some kind of store I’m from where you if you go outside you have to look behind you I’m also from the home of the Bulls I’m from a place where everyone wants to be from I’m from the home city of the greats Windy

I’m going to keep my promises and go to the military, go and meet new people and do new things.

I’m going to do that because the person I want to be go out in the field and come back With many scars and wounds but to do that I have to thug it out these last two years.

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JUSTIN

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WHEREI’M GOING

WHAT I WANT

JUSTIN

I want to go to an island or something or to a NBA finals game or the Superbowl I want to go to a resort I want to see people change and be better than what they are I hope I leave behind, something big like a good image

I am going to be great and travel places to meet new people And try new things I'm going to be successful and be rich, have everything I'm going to give effort and do my best.

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WHERE I’M FROM

JUSTIN

I am from the westside of Chicago I am from my Mama and Grandad From being outside with friends And from patience and tough love I am from don’t be trusting everybody you be around And from watch around you I am from the creator of the universe I am from Chicago

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MALIK

FORGET THE PAST, REMEMBER THE LESSON.

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6 WORD MEMOIRS

MALIK Don't force pieces that don't fit We’re going to make it. Watch.

THINGS I CAN TAKE

I can take staying home I can take playing the game rather than going out I can take staying with my brothers I can take playing basketball all day I can take just having a long conversation with my brothers I can take always being busy I can take barely having free time I can take the overthinking I can take not sleeping because I'm getting work done I can take input on things I can take everyone coming to me with their problems I can take the high expectations I can take the pressure

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SINCE YOU ASKED

I’m going to a nice place just to think

MARK ON THE WORLD

Since you asked I'll tell you why I'm so happy

WHERE I’M GOING

MALIK

Because I want to be able to walk into the room and change the energy Because I want to be able to make everybody smile Because I want to be the reason you have a good day Because I want to be there for you and make you smile when you’re going through something Because I want to be the light in your dark path Because I want you to call on me when it gets hard

I'm going to a place where everybody wants to do good and help each other I'm going to Hawaii to see the nice view and the water I'm going to travel the world and play a big part in the world

I want to leave this world with a great time where everybody can work together to make the world a better place and be someone that the youth can look up to as an example of what they can do.

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NYKEMMA

BLACK IS THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT. DO I HAVE ENOUGH TIME YET?

42

NORMS NOT NORMAL (TO MY DAUGHTER NY’LAH KIORA BRAY)

LOVE IS EVERYWHERE

NYKEMMA

Love is everywhere…

Live for the moment not, for the future. This means tomorrow is not promised so live life to the fullest (YOLO)

This world/society normalizes everything, weird behavior, name calling, drug abuse.

Mental health and the gang wars from all over. I feel like the new generation don't stand a chance. The world is already set up to fail them like it failed us. I now have a child and I promise to work hard and try my best to protect my black little girl from the harm that the world brings us black Women.

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REFLECTIONS

STRONG

RECONNECTION

NYKEMMA I don't want to rekindle with anyone because I’m at peace. Life is better with you finding out that you can't control everything, so let it go. I’m at that stage in my life. If it's meant to be it will happen and come back but I'm not forcing it. Life is too short right now to be mad or envious of somebody and that's why I don't miss anyone. People are full of shit sometimes lol I have a baby now and I’m trying to do my best for us.

I am strong, I am powerful, I will be the best for my child, financial problems not a worry.

Haters ignore your reflection of me. We can do it. Anything you want to accomplish you can do it!

Failure is the best way to success. You learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

I don't see nobody but me. Who am I gonna lose to?

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SAV

TREASURE THE ONES YOU LOVE MOST.

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EVERYTHING IS LIFE

SINCE YOU ASKED

6 WORD MEMOIRS

SAV Support can last a life time Life turned its back on me

Mom, since you asked, I’ll tell you why I'm so angry Because you left me when I knew you wasn't ready Because I wanna talk one more time Because I can't call you when I need you Because we can’t smoke and watch TV no more Because I can't show my face without someone bringing you up Because I don't have anyone to tell how I feel Because you told me you’d never leave

Don't give up because the next person don’t think you’re good enough.

Always believe in yourself never give up on your dreams. Leave your past behind and make a better future.

Make your dreams become a reality.

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WHERE I’M FROM

SAV

I'm from the land of hope I'm from the land of dreams and wonders I’m from my Mother’s heart and thoughts I'm from a rough neighborhood, but also from a good place I'm from a strong bond and good times I'm from experience and kindness I'm from Chicago, but also from Roseland I’m from my Grandma’s house I am going to keep my promise to my Mom And work on myself to go to school

WHERE I’M GOING

Try different things I'm going to make it matter And finish what I started Get a job that I like Date the one who is right for me Live my life the best way I can But to do that I have to take things step by step I'm going to do good on my word and finish the goals I started By putting more effort into myself Into school, into my work And find out what can make me better I'm going to do music and study And do the best I can I'm going to make it happen

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To learn more about our work and read memoirs and other compilations written by our Authors, visit: www.contextos.org Find us on social media: @contextoschi

Front cover image and book design by Killian Harris Author Portraits by Dimitri Hepburn

2024