Perfect Timing by Marcus Starkey

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

In Collaboration With:

Perfect Timing Marcus "Preach" Starkey

Coming from a poverty stricken environment and family with little ambition . . . No motivation and no positive direction. It's kind of hard to believe better days gone come when the recent days, months, years and hours have been hopeless. I grew with the same chances and choices that the AVERAGE inmate and deceased had! Dead-or-InJail. The local park which almost every parent thought was a peaceful safe haven for kids was actually the Devil's Playground. As a kid I heard and saw everything a kid should have never been exposed to.

That Playground stole Innocence. Behind those colorful swings were private fighting rings. Rings that boasted the winner's confidence as well as stole it. That Playground molded certain individuals to become Victims of society or suspects to society. That pretty Playground created victims to the Oppression System. As a kid I saw the Evil at parks only an observant kid would notice. The Wood Chucks hid condoms, needles, liquor bottles and Tears. Those rest benches held more gossip talks than reality shows!

Topics of liquor, sex, who’s poorer, violence, rap and fashion.

As a Kid watching TV communities and family I knew my life was different! I knew I was born different. That Park is where the majority of kids lost virginities, became drug users, Drug dealers, Villains and Heroes. That Park personally showed me the power of peer pressure and manipulation. One of my close friends had little support and No Parent Protection, viewing him from my current mind state. I would say he was a Private Brave kid but that Playground showed his timid scared thoughts. I SAW him cower because he had NO sibling to defend him. He Held a gun for Acceptance and Split half a dollar burger when he hasn't ate in days

As a Kid, I wanted Different. Early on I realized it wasn't the Park; it was the people who visited the Park! They were the ones who brought Destruction. I knew I was different because I wanted better, to be better and present better. I know how saying you’re different is a huge statement but this is how it came to Be.

Ever since I could remember: I felt my words and presence were Medication to Those who lived in fear, Fear of not being Accepted. Fear of becoming a people pleaser regardless of who gets hurt. No matter who did what or who thought such and such was cool. I never indulged in those Sins. Things a little white lie (Burned) my tongue and stealing a freeze pop would fill me with Guilt even after escaping, seeing Homeless people. At a young age brought unspeakable empathy. I gave my last, hoping I helped ease a burden. I always put myself in other’s shoes because if I was scared I would want Someone to protect me, if I was hungry to feed me. And if lost with lies guide me through truth.

From ages 1-26 yrs old, I had no Father, Support, Guidance, Family, Love or Protection! Well from the age 1-26 that’s what I thought until I realized there's always been an invisible hand wrapped around me. At the age of 9 when I was hungry that lady who saw me and fed me was sent by my Father. At the age of 10, I prayed in a back room closet for my Father, and You were beside me. When I was 11 years old, at 11o'clock PM standing at a bus stop you sent Angels to offer Safe rides! As long as I remember you Held me in your Hand.

At the age of 13 years old when bullets started flying and I moved my head just in time to see the bar in front of me get smashed, I realized you were there. When I was 15 years old Homeless, Hungry And Confused, you directed me in a Church and placed me in the third or fourth side row. You brought me within earshot to receive your Words. I don't know what they were. I just remember me Standing and Clapping afterwards.

When it was time to tithe, I gave my last 10 dollars.

That 10 dollars was a Week's worth of Food and school bus fare. 12 packs of ramen noodles and 2 50 Cent bags of chips with the remaining 5 dollars as bus fare. Thinking you Needed it, I gave my Last. For two weeks I went to School as regular, not expecting anything miraculous to happen, just going. It was three weeks until school ended for Summer break and I was Nervous. Nervous because without School I would be Hungry!

At that time School was my Only Caregiver.

I basically went for gym room Dice Games hoping I Win 20 dollars or More, but mainly for the lunch. Then times I fell Short and Depended on the Devil you Always Found Ways to Provide and Correct me. Three Weeks shy of Summer You blessed me with a 1 dollar a day Cricket Phone on which came a call from my aunt! A Call that Changed my life. It was a man claiming a program had a job for me. After agreeing to meet, I sat that whole bus ride anxious and humble. Anxious because I had a Chance to possibly earn 50 dollars but Humble because most people in my environment normally sell broken Promises. When I arrived and saw the white F-150 waiting for my Arrival, I remained Humble. After two hours conversing and signing papers, I officially had a Job! It was cleaning a Boxing Gym. That Gym taught me Self-Discipline, Anger Management and Other Skills besides Boxing. Within a year of working, I forgot your words and became Arrogant!

One morning I was headed to help my mother and the police Emerged from an alley and placed drugs on me. I sat for 5 months for a crack case I had No Knowledge of. I lost my job, failed senior year and got released on probation with no home. So I rode trains until they got cleared then I'd take a nap. The Present Moments I felt Cursed but now I see you were there. That Crack Case showed me a Glimpse of a Future in jail, while that train nap showed a Glimpse of loneliness. You showed a Glimpse of no Support and a Glimpse of your Support. You Always blessed me with Gifts to Read Books and People. I failed when I under looked what you showed me. I failed when I didn't listen to you. You showed me my Enemies in that Life Changing Experience. The two males I was with on the day of my arrest turned out to be very important in my thinking!

After 5 months of being Detained, I got released and decided to go to one of my friend's' house. In the morning I saw one of the males I got arrested with and he caught me up to speed about the latest details. Saying the day of my arrest the police came back and raided two houses I knew nothing about. Before leaving, that male told me to lie and say I haven't seen him and if anyone ask what happened say he didn't tell me Anything.

Turns out he was with the Police offering Information. The other guy later turned out to offer my little brother money to harm me! God removed me. He knew my Enemies came with smiling Faces. Some came with Breasts and Hips.

Time after time I failed but God picked me up saying, "Pay Attention!" Which I didn’t . . . Jail Visits always ended with me losing Someone. Odee, Tenerance, GooD, WAYNe, H-K, Los, Kevo, Rose, Troy and Others. Jail seems his Talking place! He showed I slept with the Devil. Through removing me,he showed his Protection, Love, Grace And Mercy. This temporary Jail Curse exposed my Invisible Enemies who were portrayed as Friends and Family. Coming Home in 2019 from Prison, I hit the ground running! I was Destined to create change and be a Voice for the Young, Hungry, Forgotten, Cold, Lost and Blind. Three weeks after being Home I got blessed with a Job, and after 10 months Working, I received a Mentor and Advocate to help with my Goals. My Deepest Desires were to help others.

That Playground taught me a lot. My Life Coach encouraged me to Speak, Speak for the Voiceless, Manipulated, Scared and Hopeless. I learned My Truth WAS Medication. I learned being me was Easier than being what others wanted me to be. God Molded me for the Upcoming Events. I spoke to Others about Ending Beefs, Helping Schools and Bringing Resources to Our communities. Jail is where I discovered hidden Strengths And Skills. I was able to Speak from Experience. MY Father Disciplined me with the ROD.

In 2020 ,after recovering from a broken Childhood, Police Injustice and Other life Changing Events, I started a Lawn Care business, a business I saw awesome profits from. A Family member convinced me to stray and I got an arrest which destroyed my credentials. God showed Early I couldn’t mix evil with Good. He disciplined me with the rod. Driving down the snowy roads I came across 4 kids of various ages, all under 15 years old, barely six feet away, I noticed they had on shorts and one had flip flops.

Immediately stopping, I asked concerned Questions. I left my phone number and demanded they send me their sizes which I dropped off over fifteen pairs of shoes.

God put me in a position to Give with my Only request to the young being to always Work, Don't Steal and Please Pay it Forward. 2020 Christmas Day was a Curse to my Daughter, but a blessing to Miguel and his family. After spending 3000 for my Kids and relatives' gifts, I was prepared to receive the Many I Love You's and Thank You's. But Mostly I was prepared to receive Hugs and Kisses from My Daughter. Hugs And kisses for buying things she thought I refused. Call after call saying, "Daddy, Where you At? I'm ready!" Heading to get her from her Mother's I saw A truck Flipped Over. Getting out the car and running across the Expressway, I came to see a male hanging from the backseat Upside Down with his safety belt Still Attached.

Hearing people Yell “Miguel Miguel," I kneeled down and said, "Miguel, Don't Die. We Need You. Your Family Needs You." Looking in his eyes I SAW Pain And Felt an aura of Giving Up. I yelled a loud whisper, Encouraging him to keep fighting. The world needs you, while saying his clout rate would go up because Death Couldn't Stop Him. His blue eyes rolled Slow like tired Slot Machines. Head looked Heavy on A Weak neck and tongue flapped every 20 seconds. I assumed Death would Claim him in my presence. I Felt Scared! My pops stood on my side saying, "Come On boy! The police on their way." I heard him but I didn't Care. Someone Needed me, Someone Needed Help.

He didn't Deserve to Die. I didn't Deserve to witness his death. Come On Son, I got Drugz on me. I kept hearing my pops cry.

All I could do is gaze at Miguel while blood dripped from his head. I silently prayed at the scene. "Blink bro. Show me you ain’t gone quit! Show me." A black slow direct blink confirmed he knew I was with him. "Okay Bro, Okay. Yeah! Guys like you is Motivation. After you recover you better wear yo Bruises like Prada. The Battle Wounds only Warriors got." That Playground taught me to never leave someone behind.

After 10 more keep fighting rants, Medical help arrived.

Pulling up to my daughter’s I went inside to greet and explain what took so long. My Daughter's Mother Stood. Red eyes! Yelling "Fuck You, She Ain’t About to be Around No Other "bitch," Speaking about my Son's Mother. "You Could leave." "Noo!!!!" A year Old girly whiney voice cried, "Noo MAh, please let me go with my daddy, I wanna open my presents. Please Mah." "Naw, Fuck him, He don't Care about us. Tell her you got a New family! Fuck You And yo bitch ass son. I Hope he Die." Through all the help I've been doing, I failed to consult my daughter's Mother. Driving away, my Daughter stood inside the window waving goodbye with tears in her eyes. Since Jan 12, 2013, it's always been me and her. From the womb I been present. So my daughter knew I was a great Father. She knew her mother was only mad at herself for not being in my corner at my lowest.

That Playground taught me Never make Excuses for Others’ Actions. Regardless of the Band or History. Certain people gone choose they personal Gain and present Happiness Over y’all Long term Goals. I watched others lose Everything chasing Others’ Approval. I've gained a lot Chasing GOD’S Approval. Show me your Friends and I'll know about You! That Playground Taught me When to Let Go.

Times I sit with blank eyes thinking about how I was raised and tears would secretly burn my face. Some nights I lay in this cell/casket and cry. The Park taught me to never pity myself so I rarely think about my present. I think about my kids. I cry about not trying hard enough, not being able to protect them or provide. I fought for everyone, now I’m forced to watch my Princess and Prince fight without me. That Playground taught me to Stand up and Accept my Turn. As a MAN I’m fully accepting my turn. It’s my turn to step down from my past and step up to my kids’ future! I vowed not to spread falsehood. I vowed to leave here a MAN.

I denounced a Gang life because I refuse to be absent. I refuse for my daughter to call someone else to do my job. July 14, 2022, Magic shaved my head, beard and eyebrows.

I sacrificed my image. Some people openly laughed while others silently. I didn’t care! I don’t give a fuck. My kids need who I’m becoming not who I thought I was. Kids with fathers are laughing at my kids saying,“Your father is a JailBird.” My kids are getting laughed at because they receive no gifts. They shoes and clothes old or whatever they may lack. As I man, I rather be a joke with them. I’m the Bum. I’m the Blind Man who refused to see his father's love and protection. My kids will not be Blind and this book will guarantee it.

Like Jesus had his disciples who wrote their curses and Blessings!, I’m writing mine.

2021 I prayed for God to show me my enemies and he removed me. I prayed for maturity and life charges eventually got placed on me. That Playground taught me to speak the truth… and this Jail and Era needs the truth. This jail is full of adult kids who are still trapped with Playground dreams.

MY Truth is that I’m scared, lost and confused. MY Truth is I don’t know how to be a MAN. My Truth is I don’t know what I claim to know. MY Truth is I’m broker than the average big timer who wear the latest denims and drive the fastest car. MY Truth is I like Peace more than Chaos. MY Truth is I’m not a murderer. MY Truth is I want a wife not a typical Baby Momma, Bitch or Prostitute. MY Biggest Truth is I’m not ready to leave my cell because I'm not who my kids need.

You positioned me to Speak when it’s needed, Feed when hungry and Protect those who can’t protect themselves. You saved me so I can Save others! I was there for them and you were here for me. You removed me when I asked for you to remove my enemies. I was my biggest enemy and you’re showing me you’re my best friend, supporter and Father. I ask not to remove your hand. Let me suffer a little longer. I’ll be what the World needs, my kids need but most importantly what you Need.

That Playground taught me to pay attention. As well as Clap no matter if you’re Losing or Winning. Because there’s always Tomorrow.

Marcus "Preach" Starkey I Am From I am from “773,” “312,” “708.”

From pumping gas and basketball hustle papers.

I am from early morning breakfast that wasn't cooked for me.

I am from rain, heat, and snow; concrete jungle.

I’m from Bundy and Jon Doe. From my brothers' keeper, stronger together, divided we fall, And from one eat, all eat.

I’m from stack or starve, And from you lead leaders.

I’m from God made it happen.

I’m from Michael Reese Hospital.

From chili and ramen noodles, Remy and family stories.

From Maino betraying our bond, Lil C stepping up to his potential.

I am from disappointment, confusion, love, hate, attachment, and glory.

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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