Love of Self in EU by Jose de la Torre

Love of Self in EU

Jose de la Torre

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people who are at risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high-quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these men, their families, and our collective communities.

While each memoir's text is solely the work of the Author, the images used to create this book's illustrations have been sourced from various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering, and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into fully illustrated books.

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Love of Self in EU Jose de la Torre

The first time I laid eyes on her I thought I had met the love of my life. What surprised

me the most is that she started talking to me. Perhaps I rushed things but I had

just come up on a decent amount of money so I bought the plane ticket anyway. I

honestly wasn't surprised with what happened after I had arrived. Falling in love with

a mere photo on the internet was a bit disappointing but this all quickly dissipated as

reality set in: I was in Europe!

I stood in Milan, Italy with a broken collar bone, a blue/green suitcase and a Swiss Army

backpack wondering what my next step would be. Funny thing about my collar bone. I had

fallen off my bicycle on a gravel road in a forest preserve that was not far from the location

in which I had bought the blue/green luggage from about a week before the trip. For some

reason, I thought it would be a good idea to go bike riding in the middle of nowhere with a

bluetooth speaker blasting while on Facebook Live.

Thinking I was the coolest dude around (most likely I was the only dude around) going

downhill fast enough to want to slow down, I mistakenly used the front brake locking the

wheel and making me flip face first onto the gravel. Luckily, I landed on my shoulder and

not my face. Unluckily, I felt a nasty pop and I knew something was wrong as soon as I

got up off the ground. Hoping no one was a witness to that unfortunate fiasco, I sprang

up and cancelled Facebook Live.

Damn my shoulder hurts… I’m pretty sure it’s broken was all I could think. Driving

myself to the hospital I felt some grinding going on in my shoulder area. When I arrived I

told them what had happened and they just looked at me like I was crazy but they gave

me X-rays anyway. They told me I was fine and that nothing was broken. Nevermind the

grinding feeling and the excruciating pain I felt. I should’ve known better than to believe

them but they’re medical “professionals,” right? I left with a sling, some over the counter

pain meds, and most likely a ridiculous bill that would come in the mail.

Anyway, I should’ve seen this as a bad omen and cancelled my trip but I just felt that

nothing could stop me from meeting this girl. Or so I thought. I must’ve been in too

much pain after the accident because a few days later when I was supposed to board

the airplane to Italy I was bestowed with yet another mishap. Arriving at the airport more

ready than ever to get to my Love, I walked up to the receptionist of the airline I would

be taking and handed her my luggage and flight info.

“Sir, your flight was for yesterday.”

“Excuse me, what did you say?”

Although I had clearly heard her I just needed to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating the words coming out of her mouth.

“You missed your flight, Sir. It was for yesterday.”

But how? None of this made any sense but sure enough I double checked my info and I had indeed missed my flight.

Another sign from the Universe? Most likely, but my ego was so inflated and my pride

was so in the way that I was completely oblivious to them.“Ok, so when’s the next flight

and is there some kind of discount I can get?” About $700 and a headache later, I was

booked to fly to Italy the next day. Determination and excitement were the only things

masking the pain of my shoulder but I didn’t care. I needed to meet this girl. Tomorrow

came much sooner than I expected.

Today I would be taking a plane across thousands of miles of land and an entire ocean

to meet “The Love of My Life.” Or so I thought. Gripping my luggage with sweaty palms,

I got to the airport no later than 2 hours before the flight. There would be no mishaps

today. The rumble of the plane as it lifted definitely added to the sensation of the

butterflies creating a storm in my stomach. It would be fourteen hours to get to Iceland,

where my layover flight was and another five to get to Milan.

A sight I would avidly look for I took the full Moon beaming in the night as a good sign. shower me with her good vibes once a month but I didn’t know she would show up to True Love, not her.” Maybe I’m that night. Maybe she was telling me, “I am your One with me in the sky as close to just crazy. Either way she showed up brighter than ever ing at the Iceland airport but the her as I could ever be. There wasn't anything too excit shown by my constantly sweating anticipation of boarding the flight to Italy was clearly palms and feet.

It was time. Time to get to where I was destined to be with, “The Love of My Life.”

The airport in Italy wasn’t so different from all the other ones I had been to. Huge and

confusing to say the least. Exiting, I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to

get a cab that was also a Mercedes Benz. In retrospect, I suppose I can say that Love

puts a pretty big damper on your thought process so I guess I wasn’t really thinking. I

didn’t have a destination for the driver so I told him to take me to an inexpensive hotel or

hostel.

I kind of felt like telling him to drop me off after the meter started getting to around 40

Euros but it was the middle of the night in a foreign country so I bit my tongue. 60 Euros

later (about $80) I was standing in front of a nice looking building while the Benz sped

off. As I entered I was greeted by an Asian couple that spoke little English but somehow I

managed to get a room for the night despite the language barrier. They gave me the key

to the room and I was directed by the lady.

The room was small and I found out that the walls were paper thin because a minute

or two after I had turned on my bluetooth speaker so I could shower with some tunes,

I heard a knock on the door. I didn’t think it was too loud but apparently that wasn’t the

case with the Asian gentleman telling me to turn it down. Looking back, it most likely was

too loud for 3am. "Oops, my bad" I thought as I felt the blood rush to my face from a bit

of embarrassment.

After my shower I laid in bed feeling refreshed but more than a bit tired from

the two flights. I got on my phone and reserved a rental car for the morning.

“I’ll send her a message when I wake up. It’s way too late right now.” I told

myself as I tried to find a comfortable position on the bed despite my throbbing

shoulder. I predicted a hospital in my near future. Sleep came quickly. Staying

asleep was a bit more difficult because of course my shoulder was killing me.

Nevermind that though…

“Hello. Good Morning :)” was the first text I had sent her. I then proceeded to start my

first day in Milan, Italy.

Exiting the Hotel into the daylight felt like

I was teleported to Renaissance times.

The rustic architecture stood out in the way that I had only seen in movies. Cobblestone

streets as opposed to asphalt back home. The car rental spot was within walking

distance and on the same street that the hotel was on so it took me only a few

minutes to get there. There was a long line in front which made me late when I finally

got to the receptionist.“I have a reservation but the long line made me a bit late.”

I told her.

“Ah yes, I see here. I’m sorry, Sir but your reservation was given to someone else because you were late.” she told me in a heavy Italian accent. “Well, do you have anything available that I can drive?” I asked. Let me check, Sir. One moment please.”

About two hours and 1000 Euros later I was sitting in an Audi convertible that I had for 3 weeks. Something I didn’t doubt would win me points with my love. Speaking of…

I checked my phone to see if she had replied to my message but she hadn’t. Maybe

she’s busy at work. She had told me she worked at a dentist office as a secretary so

it was possible that she had a rush of phone calls or was unable to reply due to some

tedious task that her boss gave her. I wasn’t worried because I had an entire city to

explore in an entirely new country on the other side of the world.

I cruised around the city for a few hours until I was familiar with the main streets. I really felt like I was in a movie now catching glimpses of the superb artwork from the likes of Michelangelo, Leonardo DaVinci, and many other artists of remarkable renown. I couldn't believe it.

Oh Shit, I’m really freakin’ here! I told myself as I found a place to park. All that driving

had taken a toll on me so I googled vegetarian restaurants. Wondering what the food

would be like I chose a place with good reviews. The staff was friendly and the food was

pretty good too. A veggie burger that took up half of an oval platter and huge potato

wedge fries did the trick to refuel me for the journey ahead.

Finishing my meal I once again checked my phone only to find that I still hadn’t receive d

a reply. Hmm, I thought.

“I’m Here :D” was my second message.

I left the restaurant with a full stomach and an appetite for adventure. As I walked

the streets I couldn’t help but feel the great vibe of this new place to me. There were

musicians at the main plazas playing their instruments with precision and perfection. Not

a policeman in sight to tell them to stop or worse.

Being a guitarist myself, I saw promise in this observation. The Cathedrals were so

perfectly crafted that I was almost tempted to go inside. However, I had long boycotted

the Christian/Roman Catholic church for all of the negativity associated with it. I decided

not to go in any of them.

As the day grew later and my legs grew tired I found a bench near a statue of a dude on

a horse. I'm not sure who he was but it seemed like a nice spot to just chill for a bit. I got

on my phone and booked a room at an inexpensive hotel about 10 minutes away from

downtown Milan and just sat to soak up the Old World city. Still no reply though. Huh… I

thought.

I hope she’s ok. I told myself as I started scrolling through Facebook. Funny posts, sad

posts, serious posts. The occasional “woke” post. Nothing out of the ordinary. I put my

phone in my pocket and went to go find the car so I could go back to the hotel.

The sun was setting and everything started turning that gray color that always happens before it leaves the horizon completely.

“Shit, where did I park again?”

Slowly, I started to realize that I had absolutely no idea where I had left the car. This later happened a couple of more times until I thought it a great idea to take a screenshot of the location I had parked before leaving it. Anyway, an hour later I finally found the car before it was completely dark out and headed to the hotel.

Walking into the old but classy looking building that was the hotel, I was greeted by a

heavyset Italian man that seemed cautious of my American Passport. Who knows what

kind of stories he heard about Americans but once I got to talking to him and he saw

how I was, he warmed up to me. He showed me to my room which was a bit bigger than

the last and a bit more old fashioned. I layed in bed wondering about Bianca. That’s her

name. She would use an alias on Facebook.

I decided not to text her anymore until tomorrow. Was she ignoring me? She said she

really wanted to meet me… What’s really going on? All the contemplation led to a light

sleep that ended as soon as I layed on my right side when pain would shoot through my upper body.

Shit I gotta get my shoulder checked out. Those damn American Dr.’s screwed me…

I thought. Now I realize that they weren’t medical professionals but merely people

working at a hospital. Nevermind that.

“Third times a charm.” The saying goes…

“Everything ok?” was the last message I sent.

The next few days consisted of me pretty much exploring Milan from head to toe.

Then I decided to explore some nature and drove to the countryside where the

majestic mountain ranges could be the work of no one but God. The scenery was so

breathtaking I would occasionally stop in the middle of the road somewhere just to take it all in. I also visited a few vineyards with spectacular views of the land.

By now it had dawned on me that Bianca would not be answering my messages, that I had come all this way for someone who might not even be real, that the hopes of meeting the “Love of My Life” had now dwindled to nothing.

How could this silly girl send me off like this and miss an opportunity of a lifetime? Oh

well. was all I could think. I was having the time of my life visiting a strange new land

and making the most of it.

I ended up driving to Florence where I stood before the famous Statue of David

as well as many other masterpieces of art work that I never thought I would get to

witness personally. I thought about visiting Venice, Pisa, and Rome but decided to hold back considering the price of toll roads on the way to Florence, which were about $60 USD.

Once I arrived back in Milan to check out of the hotel that I was staying in I decided to drive north toward Switzerland. I made a pit stop in Como, Italy and that’s where I finally

decided to visit a hospital. Typing my situation on Google Translate and handing it to the receptionist, I waited in the lobby to be attended to. A few hours later the Drs did indeed confirm that I had broken my collarbone. Showing me the x-rays, I couldn't help but

notice the very obvious crack near my shoulder. I was sent on my way with this sort of contraption made of foam tubes meant to keep my shoulder in place.

Stupid American Dr’s. I'm suing those bastards was all I could think after leaving

the hospital. Most likely I wasn’t attended to properly back home because I had no

medical insurance. Luckily for me health care is free in most of Europe so I wouldn’t have to pay for my visit. The only thing I would have to pay for was the CD-ROM containing the x-rays. They would be ready by tomorrow morning.

I proceeded to book a room nearby which ended up being a house that was turned into a

sort of hotel. The family that lived there consisted of an older lady that was most likely the mother of a middle aged lady who was most likely the mother of a younger man about my age. They were all very nice Italian people and despite the language barrier I was able to

communicate with them easily. We had a few laughs and if they didn’t like Americans before, hopefully I had changed their minds. There wasn’t anything too exciting about the small town as I toured it but it was definitely calmer than both Milan and Florence. Which I didn’t mind at all. My mind needed a break from all the hustle and bustle of the hectic cities. After picking up my x-rays I would be heading to Switzerland.

Most of my driving was done with the top down in beautiful October weather with of

course some of my favorite music blasting. You can’t have an open road without the proper soundtrack in my honest opinion. Cruising the mountain sides while the Sun and Wind hit my skin was one of the best feelings I’d ever had. The tunes in my ear were the cherry on top.

Lugano, Switzerland was the town that I settled in after a nice drive. I must admit that

Lugano was my absolute favorite out of all the places I had visited. It’s tucked away between mountains, almost hidden, like a well kept secret. The town consisted of a body of water in between what was the actual town and a wonderful mountain side opposite of it. Walking through it I could only feel that I was stepping right where some ancient prophet stepped

long long ago. There was a small beach where I would spend most of my time at with my feet in the water. Swans and other birds I didn’t recognize occupied the sand and water. One was close enough to touch but when I reached out my hand, all I got was a hiss. Maybe I should have had some bread to give to it.

By the time I got to Lugano I wasn’t 100% tapped out on cash flow, but I was getting close.

So I decided to sleep in the rental as opposed to getting a room which I didn’t mind at all.

The sunrises and sunsets at the small beach were like nothing I’ve seen before. The sun

would literally come out of the side of the highest mountain as opposed to up out of it as expected. Another phenomenon I witnessed was the Moon directly opposite of the Sun in the mornings. Very strange and interesting sights indeed.

After some time in Lugano, my days in Europe were numbered. All the new experiences and places I had been to made me forget why I had even gone in the first place. Oh

yeah, the girl…. I was reminded when I realized that she never replied to me. By that

time I didn’t even care. What I went through to get to her made me see just how silly I

was for thinking that I needed a woman to make me happy. Learning to love myself took a trip across Earth and A LOT of money, but I can honestly say that I will NEVER rely on someone else for my happiness.

Which reminds me of two things.

The first is a quote from one of my favorite philosophers.

rything that leads to happiness depend Plato says, “The man who makes eve living.” n, has adopted the very best plans for upon himself and not upon other (wo)me

The second is a song with the perfect title which is “Only Fools Rush In” by Elvis.

We’re all fools at some point or another throughout our lives. However, learning

from our foolishness is the only way we can become truly wise in our journey called life.

They say the great learn from their mistakes but the greatest love from the mistakes of others. Be the greatest and never forget to love thyself

I Am From Poem Jose de la Torre I am from Earth, It’s where I live.

I am from the sky, It’s from where I fell.

I am from the stars, Among them I was born.

I am from music, It's what I’m made of.

I am from the Sun and the Moon, They’re my spiritual parents.

I am from my Maria & Marcos They’re my physical parents.

I’m from the United States of America, It’s where I grew up.

I’m from the Southside of Chicago, Where I reside but don’t plan on staying the rest of this existence.

I am from the past, stay in the present, And heading toward the future Where I see great things to come.

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