Can’t Define My Truths by Javonte Daniels

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expanding the voices and sharing personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the healing process of drafting, revising, and publishing memoirs, participants develop selfreflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

With support from Chicago CRED, ConTextos works with New Mount Pilgrim MB Church’s MAAFA Redemption Project. MAAFA’s mission is to significantly improve the quality of life for young men of color and their families on West Garfield Park providing dormitory-style residential support, workforce training, personal/spiritual-development, and a host of wrap-around social services. The embedded ConTextos Authors Circle provides a synergistic space of reflection, connection and healing growth as authors continue to forge new life chapters.

The powerful memoirs from the 2021-2022 MAAFA Author Circle complicate myopic, monolithic narratives and include an array of Sankofa Stories, transformative experiences and vibrant insights of young men on the West Side of Chicago.

I am from the Westside, Black and Milds 2 for 1.

From turkey and ham.

I am from the projects, where it’s big buildings.

Too small, broken pipes, nasty.

I am from the leaves that grow between people’s houses.

I’m from family reunions and good hearted people.

From Shenise and JB RIP.

I’m from the forgiven and family.

From a hard head make a soft ass.

I’m from a Christian family, Grandma saying reading the Bible.

I’m from Chicago, born at Saint Mary Hospital.

Chicken and Macaroni From the family of a lot of stories To tell everytime we get together.

A memoir is a personal narrative that shares reflections, insights and transformative experiences of an author’s life journey.

I was really bad my childhood years. Maybe, I can say I didn’t start getting bad until I got about in 3rd grade. It’s not that I was getting mistreated at home or anything, it’s just that I had an anger problem. Nobody could really tell me what to do, but my mother.

I been popular all my life. Everybody liked me as a kid even though I was bad, I had respect for most. By 6th grade, I had a car. I had it for a month straight until the police took it and locked me up. I stayed into fights because I didn’t like people who thought they was tougher than me. Also, I always been loved by many, I really just didn’t take any bullshit from people.

What I miss from my childhood is my friends. It really hurt me that they got kilt at a very young age. They still had a whole life ahead of them; one of them had kids. It just hurts my heart to see us young generation leaving so soon with a whole life still ahead. It’s so much stuff to do besides gang bang. We can do different things, like travel the world, see different things. We dying too young. I always ask God to keep me covered with the blood of Jesus in this cruel world we living in. I just pray that I live to see my kids have kids. Please God.

I’m trying to better myself. I barely come outside anymore, when I do it be with my girlfriend, going to school or going to work. Not to kick it like I used to do. I used to be outside everyday doing nothing, but making myself a target, instead of trying to do better things. I also try to stay away from negative people who always have something to say when you tell them something good. Them the types of people you have to keep out of your life, and stay far away from. I’m trying to get closer to my family because at the end of the day, that’s who really got you.

When I look back on my life, and everything I have been through I am not the same Javonte I was back then. If nobody else sees the difference in me, I see it in myself. Only thing that’s hard is my anger.

I’m trying to work on that because I can get mad very fast, but everything else is good. I go to work, school, and come home. I barely hang out anymore. I can’t keep doing the same thing over, and over again, lots of death. You’re only getting older.

Things I think about.

Final Thought I’m actually gone write about yesterday, Lord knows I have been going through it the whole week. So, yesterday I decided to go to Bible study. So I get there, the pastor, it wasn’t the pastor of the actual church, it was a guest pastor that preached yesterday. So he get up there, get to preaching. I didn’t understand, or let me say the Word wasn’t getting through to me yet. So, then out of nowhere he started really preaching.

He started snapping and it’s like everything he was saying, it’s like he was talking about me. Usually, I don’t even pay attention when I’m in the church, but I needed the Word because I been stressed out the past week. Everybody been just getting on my nerves. Make me bugged up, but now I’m cool.

Sankofa is a word from the Ghanian Twi language meaning “Go back and get it.” “Sankofa teaches us that we must go back to our roots in order to move forward. That is, we should reach back and gather the best of what our past has to teach us, so that we can achieve our full potential as we move forward. Whatever we have lost, forgotten, forgone or been stripped of can be reclaimed, revived, preserved and perpetuated.”* *UIC African American Studies Department

I really miss my grandma. I lost my grandma when I was about 4, I think she died in 2005. It hurt me so bad, I was right there when my mother came downstairs and said, “Ma ma.” She didn’t answer, so she went in her room. I tried to move her, I saw that she was gone. I have never seen my mother so hurt.

She still be down around mothers day because my grandma gone. I remember asking “Ma, is she coming back?” When I saw the people bringing her out. My momma said, ”No baby.” I had started crying my eyes out because I knew I would never get the chance, hug, kiss, etc because she gone.

I’m from the Westside of Chicago.

I have been living here almost all my whole life.

I mean I don’t like it as much, But this is what I have to deal with as of right now.

Where I’m going, who knows but God… I pray He takes me somewhere good and peaceful.

Away from all the drama Meaning not dying or anything Away from all this killing going on.

I mean people kill everywhere, but it’s just too much killing everywhere.

Besides all the killing that’s going on.

I still manage to keep pushing myself to get out Chicago Go better myself somewhere.