It Would Be My Honor

It Would Be My Honor J.Brown

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people who are at risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high-quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these men, their families, and our collective communities.

While each memoir's text is solely the work of the Author, the images used to create this book's illustrations have been sourced from various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering, and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into fully illustrated books.

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It Would Be My Honor Jade Brown

I would say it’s 9, 10 o’clock at night. I instantly went into my thoughts, contemplating how my actions will not only affect me. I’m going to be a father any day now. In life, it’s the same fight everyday, just a different round.

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le dd u ll p .” ma own s d he o t back t ted lay oin et’s p L ”I it? tired. s i t ha n, I’m W eo ay? t b Com a h g. , “W othin g in n say ain’t p at eu ok , “Th w d e Sh replie ” . e up et ?” Sh g , at ay . b t’s th . . ha ay “B ay, w , id “B I sa like, I’m

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Ab o wa ut 5s th 10 mid e a min ute mb n i g clo the ht, bu ulanc s late my s, p e. T r, I t it w roo fiance ampe seem he am alke d e m. r b s t d eve I re o pu , soc like ulan in m ym t r m c k y f on e s, b ore e her thin lan ver. didn’ other , “G g a mber her t cl the k ’s lr I m r dam andm ight? y gra othes ets, a gathe take m room ” n , r n a db u S e na t a aby d my ch tim o loo mb , we a he as dmot nd I k h h ula bo k s nce ut t ed u er be elped wipe on’s e to g out t s he i s o n dia et ,w he out g th h the ave t ree q woke r dow ith h per b to us windo h is . re. a u I th e bab estio sayin n the bab g, an It wa w. Th s yo er oug g, “ sta d ns y.” ht s My with Wh irs a il an pack hours e d er e n o g om a eth randm ut us e y’a d thro baby d it w fter l i ing l r t lo u wa other eplyin goin? gh th tion. h sw gt e li rep I W told o h v ron l g, b ied, “ the fi at’s w ing aby Aww rst o ron g? .W n w ell, , no e. I to Is con won ld gra der tula tion s.

Her contractions started coming sooner than anticipated, and I was feeling useless. It was hurting me to watch her go through so much pain. She reached 10 cm and the Dr. told her to push once she feel the contraction and then to rest and breathe once they’ve gone away. The procedure didn’t last long at all, and once I seen the head of my son, the Dr. yanked the rest of his body out. The Dr. then asked did I want to cut the umbilical cord? And at that moment I felt royal. I replied to the Dr. and said, “It would be my honor.” I cut the umbilical cord. It felt a lil weird. The nurses then took my son, cleaned him up and placed him in his Mother’s arms. She was so happy. I was even happier she wasn’t acting like a mad woman.

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As we all exited the ambulance, the EMT’s lead us into the hospital. We were greeted by the nice staff of RNs, LPNs, EMTs and doctors. Their warm smiles and gestures made my nervousness ease. A nurse led me and the mother of my child to a room where the first step of the pregnancy had been taken place. They took the mother of my child and strapped her up to all types of things. Then the nurse asked us, “Do you remember if you have a primary doctor?” Me and the mother of my child replied in unison, “Yes, we do.

Her name is Dr. Sullivan.” Then the nurse asked “Where were you goin’ for appointments? Where was your primary doctor located?” We both replied, “PCC, the one on Lake and Loriel.” The nurse said, “Alright, you’all sit tight. A doctor will be with you’all shortly.” She left us in our thoughts. The doctor arrived way quicker than I expected. His greeting was warm and comfortable. I remember him going through the options of pain medicine she, my fiance, could use to help with the pregnancy.

be d to l u wo ving of ling s he o pe nd a us re m ll ty ha he w d s ld e to e w to a , an rn, e l o p o h d w w k u co s b n o a c g a n e, s k r ba ein e w n i ic et u he ild b rinc d l g P e m nd kin y ch my in a oo il pa ck, n h of m unt r a he e b ega ther nd d a te cam ey b mo 6, c e o e . l t th se Dr m ll th ot e e g o a nc th ro ec e fia ter, her . I r e sh y M s la e ot tion nc .

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an he t, t ou c u ,y so rse thing u n y the ng an g in oi urs not d c as re e w g the h in r. S he stand m fro ou ay g, “Y w a in ain t say p the e ou of m e om rsing s u k too was c e v en ld’ ou e ev c sh dI he out, s i I w tors c do out!” t ge

I then went downstairs to the cafeteria after following the instructions that were given to me. I was so hungry I didn’t have any strength. The sweet aroma of italian beefs, chicken, pizza, to name a few of the large selection the cafeteria had to offer. I scanned the room with lust, like a fat kid who loves cakes. Me and the mother of my child love italian beef, so I almost ran to the beef stand. I got two italian beef slightly dipped with hot peppers, and cheese. I also got a order of fries with nacho cheese on them, and two sprites. I often always over do my part. I got crab, and shrimp salad and made my way back upstairs to my family after I paid for our food.

ed ss e gu he . I sk t e y t s a s hir n to y no ed your t as ega c. M ask for w t d b nd he nd e an ared a e s c d A d, e oo her n?” ttitu and f a , the om w ur so my ions d t o o n e ll o es g rr me the isin up qu s u c d o d hil o an cum icke d yo c r t e p k y g ci f m vin we child ly as o o r s n y the ere m Wa f m he o o o r? e m e w refe ther re. S h t w e o p m, d us he e m ’t th o ro ol d s th sn he rse t s di left, I wa t o u e e er p t e N mp urs t lik u n a h c k . T t p the e a ac t b , too Wha en “Sh i h e , “ g ad rvin ild, d w said ?” m I I ta ch an m ce as s my up, me. ble n o r O e w of e h p it ar r sh the to fl ng w her mo gan wro hat’s be at’s . W s wh tion op

t ka t c o s kn d la s a an w wa le, ho re dd n he mi ns o T , e. rst ctio u fi ru iss s e t hi inst h t u s ed nd p e u d v ea , a ga I d ned nd d a an I sig m, y t e wa a th g te th on n o a s wr tific ple e r p i e th it th c ith n g r w in bi ak he tles t as th t bot I w wi all ied in m pl ack ck s e r b a ild me g b h n y c e ca bru m s o t. f r r o Nu als ea e e e o h ot . Th urs ad t m or N h e e Th e do . Th son th me my na uch m

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Aft e had r a we let to sh ek, m y o m buy y son w her son w a a ac l ar s eave, car s s abl et ea b eat and ut bef t bef o go or ho it b ore et n I m e we c me, b u ot b ade a a s n tak t befo ea e c re dam ene h n th I to im. No we co ld u ing w els myse I wa ld eve s e.” n lf, a nd startin do th the g to at th mo the think e nur se r of t my hey w s told a chi ld, sn’t t us we “I’m ryin abo g to ut t o

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en ev se w u no eca and k I b , se tion eart ke ion. u h ma ct ca ec be perf my till rea out , a th is I s ife r n l e fo Son ugh erve e wi i n s iv so I str . My tho t de ut m a e n, e ven n’ bo r m s y m toke to nd e doe ry a s i e ing , a on sto at th sam ryth uch acti no d s e t an tha ev so m ery re i l be. , s v e l y i all ut in ily life on e . Th s wi n y y m o y s a a iti .B a m or nd me el. F act e re y st alw o th s m nd nc ove od mp e u ys l le m ey i are is i rst a m a d th h o fi es alw ter r d. T an se ily v u m l m t o l il a a e oo o on e w a b y bl isd bec d. F S h w y e o y , M fail to b r is m are stor s G e I y if ave the the this sid I h Mo es, tell , be his stak e to hem i m hos ing t I c lud inc

My son and me being a father has changed me so much for the better. I know that I have to be there and be productive. I don’t run to the streets anymore, I think before I act, talk, or move, and most importantly can’t no one, or the streets trick like they want me around.

I know that my son and his mother love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly. And the feeling that I get from them is only when I’m with them. I’m not Jade anymore. I’m Jaden’s father. I’m trying to be a better father and person everyday, and I’m not confused or undecided about anything about my family and what needs to be done.

Jade Brown I am from 1st of the month checks.

From Mike’s and Pelle Pelle’s.

I am from the yellow house with the “N” on it.

Traffic, crowded, and too many arguments.

I am from the thorn bush in our backyard, That’s equipped with knives instead of thorns.

I’m from gambling and hooping at La Follette Park, Where niggas might start shooting.

From “I can be whatever I put my mind to” and hanging out all night.

I’m from good genes and Cadillacs.

I’m from west suburban, me and my son.

Peach cobbler and banana pudding.

From “you gon be just like your cousins, and them.”

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