3 Little Ones and Hope by Dexter Johnson

3 Little Ones and Hope

Dexter Johnson

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people who are at risk of, victims of or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high-quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017, ConTextos has collaborated with the Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narrative about violence and peace-building, and help author a hopeful future for these men, their families, and our collective communities.

While each memoir's text is solely the work of the Author, the images used to create this book's illustrations have been sourced from various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering, and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into fully illustrated books.

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3 Little Ones And Hope Dexter Johnson

from the night before.

It was a sunny morning. I woke up with a bad hangover . I jumped, and said out As I sit there in bed, there is a loud knocking at the door .” As I snatch the door open, loud,”Who the fuck is knocking on my door that loud blamed myself, and my there are 4 officers at my front door! That is the day I and my brother Daniel just hit babymama for what happened. The night before, me needed the money at the time. a big lick, we split it down the middle. I was happy, I so me and bro went really Later that night, we noticed it was getting dark outside, quick to get some new clothes and shoes.

After that, we went to off the top barbershop on 7th and Broadway to get our

haircut. While we was there, we brought some bootleg CD’s and movies. Once I

jumped in the car, I get a call on my cell from one of the guys named BC. He wanted

to go out tonight to the Sports Page. It be jumping in that bar, all of the women be

in that bar. I told my brother, he said,”Let’s Go!” We call up all the guys and women

friends, we have to let them know everybody going to be meeting up at Sports Page

tonight. Everyone said, ok they going to meet us there.

It’s 2 hours later, everyone is having a great time, dancing, getting drunk, and

smoking weed. Some of my friends was doing a little yayo, I did not judge them

at all. It was the last call for drinks they said on the mic, the DJ knew me because

me and my bro went to Sports Page every saturday night, the DJ got on the

mic and tells everyone,”Y'all already know the after is at KG crib, just follow the

traffic. Once the DJ said that, my whole mood changed, game time mode.

“I know all the women going to be at my crib.” All that is going through my

mind, how many woman I am going to try and fuck. I popped like 5 X-pills already, been buying drinks for everyone all night and drinking myself. Once

I made it to my crib with my bro and the traffic, I looked like,”Damn bro.” It was so many cars on my block it did not make sense! I had people parking in my grass in the front lawn, and in the backyard and down the street on both sides of the street.

Once I jumped out of my rental, I go through my front door, my babymama was at the crib already. I went to set everything up, I had to set the radios up. That is what I did after parties, DJing. Once I got everyone having a great time listening to music, dancing, playing cards, and rolling dice. My Babymama is having a good time also.

She is in the living room sitting on the sofa, drunk as hell. Once I see

my Babymama drunk as hell, I see this nice red bone that has been

peeping me out all night. So I go, and started talking to her, my brother

comes up to me and he ask me, “Nigga Is you crazy,” talking to shorty

with my babymama in there? I told him,”She is drunk.” I told my

brother I am going to get shorty, and I needed him to keep an eye out

for me, and make sure my Babymama does not come looking for me,

he said,”Ok.”

I tell shorty to meet me in the bathroom, she said,”Ok.” Once I make it to the

bathroom, I went to the mirror to make sure I am still looking fly as hell. I pulled

my hair brush out of my back pocket, making sure my waves good. Out of

nowhere I hear a soft tap on the door. To play things off I said,”Who that, I am

using the bathroom.” The next thing, I hear a soft sweet voice, she said,”It’s me.”

I get excited, and open the door to let her in. Once I closed the door, and locked

it by the door knob, I was all over her then I jumped at a loud banging at the

door, that scared the shit out of me.

I did not want to get caught with shorty by my bm. I hear my brother's voice,”Who

in here,” followed by a loud boom, the door bust open. My Babymama caught me

and shorty in the bathroom. At that moment, I was like,”Fuck.” Thinking to myself

like,”Bro knew I was in the bathroom with shorty.” I’m like,”Damn she caught me.”

She immediately turned into attack mode. She beat the hell out of shorty, while

calling me every name in the book. While she was doing that, shorty ran out the

bathroom. That’s when I turned into attack mode also. I ran out of the bathroom

angry as hell, looking for my brother. Once I was able to locate him on the porch,

it was on. I was so mad, I wasn't thinking anything at all, but revenge. The party

had died down, and everybody went home. I went to bed with my Babymama, we

made up and fell asleep.

Back to the officers banging on my door. I jumped out of bed and went to the

front door, and snatched it open. There were 4 officers standing at my door. I

froze, then the fear came to me that I am going to get locked up. They say,”We

are looking for Dexter Johnson.” And I said,” That is me.” The next thing I

remember,”You are under arrest.” I said,”For what?!” “Agg. Domestic Battery.” I

said,”I don’t remember anything.” They said,”For attacking your brother.”

I’m thinking to myself like ”Damn bro I can’t believe you went, and told the police,

he could of got his lick back. He knew I was on probation at the time. After they

took off to jail, it was a month later. After getting out the shower, I went to the

microwave to make a hot cup of coffee. Once I was done, I went in the dayroom

to have a seat with the fellas, and talking to them. As I turned my head around, I

noticed the news is on.

So I turn around to pay attention to the news. As I am looking at the headline

news, I stop and froze myself. I am saying to myself, ”I know that ain’t my

Babymama face on the news.” As I realized what’s on the news, I turned around

and told everyone,”Shut the hell up, I need to hear the news, that is my Bm they

talking about.” As everyone lowered their voices, the news was saying that she

left my kids in the cars by themselves.

It was the month of June, 105 degrees outside, and left all the car windows up! I

was so pissed, they also mentioned she was locked up for doing that. The only

thing that is going on in my mind is,”Are my kids ok? I can’t believe she did that

shit!” As I am hearing them say all this, I am getting so mad that I am literally

about to explode to the roof. I turned around, and noticed the phone was open.

I ran to the phone, and called her father and asked him,” He said the same thing

the news was saying, so I asked him,”Where are my kids?” He tells me,”DCFS

has them.”

I break down crying when he said that because I didn’t want my kids in the system. I

grew up in the system, so I know how it is. I am so pissed, and helpless at the same

time cause I am in jail. He tells me he will have her out in 2 days, I said,”Okay.” Once

I get to the second day, I called the phone and asked her,”What happened?” and

why did she leave my kids in the car by themselves. You know what she tells me?

She went to the store by herself, and took the kids with her to buy some clothes for

my kids.

This is what really blew my mind. I asked her why did she leave my

kids by themselves, she tells me she did not want to wake them up! So she left them sleep ing in the car. I wanted to jump through the phone, and do something to her. I can’t believe this lady just told me this shit, and that is the day I lost all respect for her as a woma n, and as a mother.

She wasn’t shit to me anymore. Since she did that shit, my kids was in DCFS. So while I was still fighting my case against my bro, I go back and forth to DCFS court for my kids.

DCFS tells my Bm she has to get a job, and go to parenting class es, and prove to them she can take care of my kids by herself. It’s September 2014, a little over a year now, and my kids are still in the system!

I asked my Babymama is she doing everything DCFS told her to do to get my kids

back? She tells me,”Yes.” Finally, I am downstate at boot camp. At this time, I am

still going back, and forth to court for my kids, I go to court. Pre-trial for termination

of rights for both parents. I remember the state's attorney talked so bad about me

being an unfit parent because of my background, and they used my case I was

locked up for against my bro, and used I was locked up. I was so angry hearing this

shit, they talked like they knew me which they did not at all. I was a great father to

my kids. The State's Attorney did not have anything else they could use against me,

but that.

PAGE 16

Bm heard the state's attorney say that my I en wh is this l, tria in are we ile wh So I been locked up to get the kids ile wh do to her told FS DC g thin any was not doing t, t out of my Bm. If I would’ve known tha shi the p sla and up, p jum to d nte wa I back! come . The Judge set a month court date to my family could of got my kids for me back.

PAGE 17 I can’t forget, it was in January 2015 to find out the decision the judge made, I was

out of boot camp and home now. As Judge Green made her decision, I zoned out,

praying I don’t lose rights of my kids. Out of nowhere the judge says,”Both parents

has lost their rights of their children.” As I am hearing this, I passed out. Once I

came back to conscious, and realized what happened I broke down. I lost all the

rights of my 3 kids. I have been so cold ever since that day.

I think about my kids every second of the day, I miss them so much. Dexter Jr.

is 10 years old, my son Omarion is 9 years old, and my little girl Samiyah is 7

years old. I haven’t seen my kids in 7 years now. I miss them, good times I used

to have with my kids, playing with them, watching t.v. with them, and playing in

the park. I miss hugging my kids, kissing my kids, putting them to sleep in my

home, and being a good father.

Never have I missed my kids so much. The reason this drives me crazy so much,

out of 9 kids I have, those kids was staying in my house. I was working, paying

bills, buying clothes for them, and paying for food and toys for them. Not my

Bm. I was making sure they didn’t need for anything. By me getting locked up for

what I did, changed my life forever. That is when I met my best friend Yayo, if you

don’t know what that means, powder coke.

January 2015, I just had a huge argument with my last 2 kids' mothers. I was

telling her I miss my other kids so much, she was thinking I was loving my other

kids more than the ones I have by her. I could not talk to her about them at all.

She was getting in her feelings at the time. She was pregnant with my second

son at the time, so her emotions was everywhere. I could not take that shit

anymore, I had to get out of the house with her.

I went on a long walk, my plan was to walk to get things off my mind. I was so depressed at the time. As I was walking, it was no snow outside at all, the sun was out, I walked past a bad ass white girl with a nice body on her, I started talking to her. Once I knew I had her, I brought her a drink.

It took me later on in life to figure out that she really did get my ass. While we were at her crib drinking, she put some yayo on the table, and she did a line of yayo. I am sitting on the sofa next to her, I ask her,”How does that make you feel?” She tells me,”It gets stuff off of your mind.” I told her I wanted to try some, she asked me if I ever done it before? I told her, “No.” She tells me she did not want to fuck my life up, I did not know what she meant until now. I told her, “My life already fucked up.” I went over to the table, got a dollar bill, rolled it up, and did a few lines of yayo.

I sat there for a few seconds. The next thing I feel like I am on cloud nine, this is the best feeling I ever had in my life! Ever since my first time getting high, I have been chasing the feeling of the first time. Everything went downhill for me.

From that day on, I’m in and out of jail because of my drug use thing to chase that high. I filled my nose to make sure I got high every second of the day. I was given so

many chances by judges and my family, I had drug court and did not finish it, in and out of drug rehabs, catching new cases because of my drug use thing to not feel the hurt, and pain of my kids getting taken away from me.

2019, I let my drug use get the best of me. God put me in cook county jail now for a reason, it could be a good, or bad reason, but God slowed me down.

I was out there going wild, doing all types of shit I don’t supposed to be doing, I could be dead now instead of telling yall my story.

I pray to God whatever time I do get that I don’t go back to my best friend, Yayo. It’s one thing I know for sure, I am an addict and will be an addict for the rest of my life.

I have a new circle of friends now. I am not going back to jail when I do come home. I will have a great plan when I do touch down. My circle of friends will be all positive, I will not have any negative people around me.

I am taking a fatherhood class here. I am learning ways to communicate to my kids and how to understand them. I love the class a lot, these are skills I will be able to use. I am proud of myself today. I realize I have to do better for myself first then I can help my kids. You have to be able to help yourself first before you are able to help other people. I just pray that when my kids do turn 18 years old they come back looking for their father.

This was not supposed to happen to me, I have a lot of time to get my mind back right. I don’t want to have yayo come back in my life!

I have a new way of life, put God first. I have 9 kids to live for.

Thank you so much Lord for changing me forever.

I Am From Poem Dexter Johnson I am from the West side of Chicago From Group homes and Jail systems I am from the home of a drug addict A mother who still loved her kids regardless of drug use I am from shining shoes at the age 10 at shine king Washing cars at 11, just to put money in my pockets I’m from a down south family and hussing genes From Helen Johnson and Tommie Reed I’m from the sleeping on the hard floor with blankets and sheets just to get a good rest of sleep From standing on the corner selling drugs and calling Mike Jones coming up the one way I’m from Baptist side of my family I’m from Chicago, IL I love fried chicken and catfish, with a big cup of Kool Aid From the Johnson and Webster family I love all my kids, the same way I am a man determined to be a great father, this is who I am.

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