The Road To Redemption by Deon McCollum

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expanding the voices and sharing personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the healing process of drafting, revising, and publishing memoirs, participants develop selfreflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

With support from Chicago CRED, ConTextos works with New Mount Pilgrim MB Church’s MAAFA Redemption Project. MAAFA’s mission is to significantly improve the quality of life for young men of color and their families on West Garfield Park providing dormitory-style residential support, workforce training, personal/spiritual-development, and a host of wrap-around social services. The embedded ConTextos Authors Circle provides a synergistic space of reflection, connection and healing growth as authors continue to forge new life chapters.

The powerful memoirs from the 2021-2022 MAAFA Author Circle complicate myopic, monolithic narratives and include an array of Sankofa Stories, transformative experiences and vibrant insights of young men on the West Side of Chicago.

I am from patience and dedication.

From Uncle Remus and Taste Buds I am from the Manor Projects on 18th and Kostner, Violent, Silent, may seem inviting.

I am from the tallest rose in the garden.

I’m the rose that grows from concrete.

I’m from cornbread and black beans, From Florence and Clifton.

I’m from the observing and the listening.

From respect your elders, And a hard head makes a soft ass.

I’m from the Christ of God, Where the word of faith got power with it.

I’m from Cook County Hospital.

Chicken, ham and greens.

From the strong family with strong ambitions.

I come from Florence Hudson, The backbone of our family.

She is like an angel walking on earth.

A memoir is a personal narrative that shares reflections, insights and transformative experiences of an author’s life journey.

Let me start off by telling y’all my life story as I was growing up. First off, I started off living good to bad in a blink of an eye because my mother was taking care of us, doing good. I had everything I wanted until I was 14, and found out my mom was on drugs and she lost everything. At this time, I had 4 brothers and 2 sisters. I was the oldest boy, and had a sister older than me. She was the first girl, but back to my story. I got sent to the streets to take care of my family, I mean like my brothers were looking up to me; so I went and got introduced to the drug game, and how they was making money. I fell in love with it cause it helped me bring food to the table, and provide for my brother, but that wasn’t a good thing cause bad things came with selling drugs like getting robbed, and getting chased by the police.

And my brother was looking up to me like it was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t. Until you go to jail, sit in there with nobody to call, or to rely on. So, once I knew how the system worked, things started changing. I wanted to go back to school, and get a job and do better with my life, but that didn’t work because I was happy with what I was doing. Until I went to jail when I was 15, I went to juvenile prison for kids my age. At that point, I thought I was big and bad because I was in jail, that wasn’t the point though. The point is I started living life in that mindset, that I don’t give a fuck about going to jail, and whatever come with it. So, after I got out of jail it’s like I went right back to the block because that was something I was doing, and plus my friends and girls was around. So, it was like “Okay” to do this and that, you get girls attention, what I mean by that is buying clothes, shoes, and having money in my pocket, just having fun and living the street life.

So, when I was 17 I dropped out of high school because I got caught up in gangbanging which I couldn’t go to school, or the opps was gone get me, or do some to me. So one day I was standing on the block with my brother, and we was hustling together, and just vibing until the police grabbed both of us and handcuffed us to the gate. Then, they went to searching for the drugs and I was nervous cause they was looking in the area I put the drugs at, but they came back with a whole bunch of heroin, and that’s like 10 packs which wasn’t mine, or my brothers. So, me and my brother like that’s not ours and they wasn’t trying to hear that. They told us one of us is going to jail for it. Outta nowhere my brother started crying cause we was about to go to jail.

But me being the big brother I am, I told them to put it on me cause I wanted my brother to be home, and just tell my mother I’m locked up, but I was scared cause I knew I was finna be sitting for a min. So, this was my first time experience “The big boy jail.” It was nerve wrecking cause I know I was gon run into gangbangers who got some to prove and different people attitudes, and all that. But once I got settled in, and seen how everything was working, older people start coming to me, asking me different questions about where I am from, and what my case was about and everything. At this time, I found out in jail that my baby mother was pregnant.

When I heard that, my mindset started to change, so I started to go to church in jail and everything like plus I didn’t have nobody to count on but myself. So, when I got on house arrest my life started to change. What I thought, but it was right back to the same thing, but I was going to school and doing good, but still in the streets because I was thinking about how I’m gone provide for my brothers and knowing that I’m finna have a child, so things was hard on me. Didn’t have nobody in my corner, so it felt like I wasn’t loved by nobody but myself, so I did what I had to do, which was to make a way to provide for my brothers and sisters, any means necessary.

So I was going to this program called Daily Report. It was like school, but you on house arrest and take drops, and around police officers which was called Investigators, and we was on curfew 7 to 7 like we was kids. Their job was to make sure we was on track and doing the right thing. But I was doing good in there until I got tired of it and it wasn’t working for me, so I was in and out of jail for three years, cause that’s how long they had me on house arrest until I had my time in.

So, I say around May 20, 2017 around this time I’m like 25. I took three years max in the state prison, which was dressing in and out cause I had my time in already.

But I was scared cause I had to take this ride to see how prison looked and the experience of it while I was in there. When I touched down in front of Stateville’s gates and walked inside the system, I was nervous cause it was my first time. I was hearing stories about prison, all the murders and rapes in there. It had me shook a little bit, but in my mind I knew I wasn’t finna be here long. So, it’s lunch time and they gave me a sandwich and a milk, which was the nastiest sandwich I ever heard of and skim milk which I never drink. So, right there in my mind I’m like, “This is not where I want to spend the rest of my life, doing or being here.” Later that night, they was finishing my paperwork to be released to go home. So as I’m waiting patiently, I see people I know from everywhere telling me, “Shorty, stay out of here, and don’t come back,” and that’s where my mindset was at when I went home, to never come back to jail.

So when I got home I started to change the way I was living. So, that’s when I met the MAAFA group which changed my life a “Little bit” cause I started to stop being on the block to working on 9-5. So, I was doing the program. I liked it cause it was helping me provide for my brothers and sister, and I wasn’t going to jail anymore. I started to change the people around me and started having a different mindset with life.

In conclusion, this is just the beginning of a long story which has a lot more to go. As I get older, I just maintain and believe in the man above. I will be okay because I still got a lot to learn in life and I’m only gone get better if I just continue to work on myself and my family. But as of now with providing for my brothers and sister, we all in a good position and we can come to each other and ask for anything that we need. As of today, my brothers and sisters are in a good position. Like for example one of my brothers called me around 12am, and if my brothers call at that time, it’s a problem. But I picked up the phone. He asked me, “Bro, you got some money on you.” I’m like, “Yeah.” So he say, “Can I borrow 150 to get out of a situation.” Soon he said that I instantly gave it to him cause I know how shit used to be. Now I see how my life has changed after going through so much in my life.

Sankofa is a word from the Ghanian Twi language meaning “Go back and get it.” “Sankofa teaches us that we must go back to our roots in order to move forward. That is, we should reach back and gather the best of what our past has to teach us, so that we can achieve our full potential as we move forward. Whatever we have lost, forgotten, forgone or been stripped of can be reclaimed, revived, preserved and perpetuated.”* *UIC African American Studies Department

I got my wisdom, honesty and love from two loved ones I lost to gun violence, my little brother Caprice aka CP and my big cuz/ brother Shawnboo aka SB. Now, these the two that I did everything with. I was teaching and learning as days go by.

First off, I want to talk about little brother Caprice, who lost his life to gun violence at the age of 16. What I miss about him is his happiness and joy. Everytime you seen my brother, he was happy and always had a smile on his face that will brighten your day up if you was feeling down or anything. My Brother was like my bestfriend because he was the youngest of five brothers and three sisters. The way I was coming up I was into streets and all of that.

He wanted to be apart of all that, but me being a big brother, I told him, “Finish school and you can start hanging with me.” That was my exact words to him. So, he graduated eighth grade. He thought he was so big, so he asked me and my cousin Shawnboo one day can he hang with us. My cousin was like yea, so we were enjoying the night. I will never forget this day, my little brother asked to get off the liquor with me. I told him he wasn’t ready yet but I gave it to him. I say about ten minutes later he started throwing up and everything. So I’m laughing at him telling him, “told yo wasn’t ready.”

Then after that, he started being with me everyday if he can. After he came from school he came straight to my house to kick it with me, smoking and playing the game. Just having a good time. So, one day around Aug 17, 2015 I got a call saying my brother had got shot, but they didn’t tell me where though. So I got to the hospital, I see my brothers and sisters running up to me crying all sad and stuff. So I asked, “Where he get shot at?” and they told me he got shot in the head three times, and I broke down crying in tears like I was washing my face.

It hurted me knowing that I didn’t get the chance to say my last goodbyes to him, and I love him. So that hurt me deep, and until this day I still think about him as if he was here because like I said he was my bestfriend, and we was together everyday. I didn’t know how to take that in, him getting shot three times in the head at the age of 16. His life was just beginning and some devil came and took it away from him which made me upset, angry, and ready to kill over my brother.

Now my cousin/ brother was my backbone. When I say that I mean when I did something, he was always there to protect me through anything, it didn’t matter if I was wrong or right. He really taught me everything I knew, because at the time my daddy wasn’t in my life at the time, so my cousin stepped-up as being my father and I respected him for that. What he had taught me was always take care of your children, and family no matter what. That stuck with me through my lifestyle as I was growing up, but let’s get to the excitement about my cousin.

He was a loving and caring person. He loved his family and would do anything for them at the time if he had it or not, but he taught me alot, but I never listened until he passed away. I wish I would of showed him the person I am today. I know he would be proud of me.

But now that he’s dead, it hit me hard cause I know I would have been with him cause I’m always with him no matter what he was like, my right hand man to me. And everyday that goes by I think so much of him, wishing he was still here. But I know he’s with me because I got in my heart that he’s here. So everytime I think about doing something bad, he pops up in my head and asks “Is this the right thing to do?” So I go back in my right mind then everything be going peaceful for me. But I miss my cousin so much. It’s crazy because sometimes I don’t want to be here, but I know he wouldn’t want that from me.

So thinking about him makes me stay focused. But if I can have one last moment with my brother CP and my cousin Shawnboo again, I would tell them how I feel. I would tell them I love them because I didn’t get that chance to tell them that. And I would tell them how I changed my crowd, my ways and am doing better than I was.

I will love it!!! So with that being said, this is the people I care for most and I will do anything for no matter what it is. 100%!!! Actually they really inspired me to keep going in life and not give up on myself everytime I’m feeling lost or confused.

I know where I been and I know where I am heading.

That being said, I wanted to be an NBA player, a businessman and a chef.

Where I been is the streets, jail, Being misled.

I struggle everyday to find where I’m going.

I wanted to see different things, like take a trip to Africa and Jamaica, because I want to see where I really come from And learn more about our culture.

I’ve been working hard to make that happen for me.

I’m going in a new direction of life.

Looking forward to changing my life around for the better of myself, kids and family.

I’m going to keep going until I feel that I met my needs in life. and to help one another, The goal I set for myself is to not do the things I did last year, the mistakes I made.

I would like to see the senseless violence end.

All my people just come together like it was in 2012.

I want my legacy to be my children.

Turning people’s lives around, Making better choices and helping one another to do better.

With that being said, I’m actually living for the better of my kids and myself.

So that’s “Where I’m Going.”