Living In Chicago by Nell A.K.A. Turn-Up

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

In Collaboration With:

Living in Chicago "Nell" AKA Turn Up

I was born on June 13th at Michael Reese Hospital. My mother went into labor with me and during labor. We both flatlined. Our hearts stopped for approximately 30min.

They resuscitated me first then my mother. The doctor told my mother that I hadn't received enough oxygen to the brain so I was going to have problems. My mother was always over protective of me because she knew I was always going to have problems with a disability.

I remember when I was 4 and living in the projects called New Town. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. I lived with all of them including my mother.

Living in the projects was hard for me just to go outside and play at the playground, because the older guys were always killing each other. My mom didn't let her kids go outside because of this. Until one day she let the kids play in front of the project building.

I was playing on top of a green box and some boys came through shooting. I jumped off of the box and hit my head and split my ear. I had to go to the hospital and receive 5-10 stitches. Ever since the violence in the neighborhood started, my mother wouldn't let us go outside until she moved to a better neighborhood.

When I turned 5 my mom moved the family to Roseland, 112th and Wentworth, also known as the wild 100s. She thought that was a better environment to raise her kids. She moved us out of the projects, but that's when things got serious for my 3 brothers.

My mom was a hard worker. She had 2 jobs to support herself and her 5 kids. My mother’s oldest Son, who was 16 at the time, was the one making sure we made it on time to school and got home safe from school. My sister who was 14 at the time handled the cooking and cleaning before momma came home from work.

My other brothers had a lot of free time on their hands to hang out with other kids in the neighborhood. They began to become affiliated with gangs. When my mom found out her other children were affiliated with gangs, she moved me in with my grandmama in a neighborhood called Marquette, also known as South Englewood.

On 62nd and Rockwell is where I spent most of my childhood. Until I moved back in with my mom in the 100s. My mom had moved on a different block in Roseland, 108th and State.

That's when I started to affiliate with gang members at a young age. My older siblings didn't want me in a gang so they always kept me in sports. But I always looked up to my older siblings who were affiliated with gang members. When I was around 9 years old, my mom moved to 63rd and Talman, around the corner from my grandma's house.

When I was 10 I saw my mom's god brother Lucky get shot in the back of his head during the day in the summer. That's when I saw my first dead body. It traumatized me for the rest of my Life.

I looked up to Lucky as a big uncle so I grew up with a lot of anger inside of me. I began to get more involved in the streets at a young age. At that time my siblings were deep in the streets seeking revenge for uncle Lucky. My oldest brother got into serious trouble with the police. My mother moved back to the hundreds during that time. My oldest brother was in trouble with the law and people in the neighborhood. That's why we moved.

Moving back to the Roseland community wasn’t working. It wasn’t nothing new to me because I was familiar with the neighborhood already. Moving back was when I was pulled more into the streets and got more in trouble at school. I went to Lavizzo and that's when I began getting into trouble with boys in the neighborhood. I didn’t really have a lot of friends going to school so I was missing school because I was getting into it with a lot of boys at school. One day I went to school and brought a gun to the school to protect myself. Ever since that day I kept bringing a gun with me everyday to school.

I used to put it in an old lady’s flowerpot who lived across the street from school. Until one day one of my favorite teachers Mrs. Shine saw me after school because I thought I was going to get caught. From that point on I was going to school without protection.

One day after school I fought a boy 1 on 1 and when I began winning the fight they jumped me. I had it in my mind if I had the gun I would’ve killed them. I was happy I didnt bring the gun because I would’ve been charged with a murder at a young age. I went to school and dealt with it until one day one of the young boys at the school shot at me. That’s when I began bringing a gun back to school everyday.

Some days I was missing school going to the trap house ditching school. One day I didn't go to school and was with 3 of my friends. And we walked to a gas station and saw a group of boys who shot at us and that's when things heated up between another group of kids in the neighborhood. There was a lot of violence in the Roseland community. The police in the neighborhood began harassing me. They raided my home and started putting charges on me. That’s when I went to the Audy home for the first time and stayed for a few months and eventually came home on house arrest.

When I got off house arrest my mom and brothers signed me up for football camp to keep me off the streets but that didn't last for long.

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One day in the summer, me and my cousins signed up for basketball in the community to try and change our lives and stay in sports. After basketball, we signed up for football. After football we signed up for baseball. But I was better at football than other sports. I stayed consistent with football. My team was the Buccaneers. This was 7th and 8th grade. We won a championship that year.

Back then I had football dreams. I wanted to play football in high school and college. I had dreams of going to the NFL. But none of that happened because I got distracted after the football season.

Hanging with the same friends got me back in the streets. That and I started smoking weed, hustling, and ditching school again. But my momma always kept pushing me to do better, so I went back to school for my 8th grade year. I was still fighting the same boys at school. I couldn’t go to any other school at this time. But I always wanted to graduate school to make my mom proud.

I went to school every day. My 8th grade teacher Mr. Johnson encouraged me to come to school every day. This teacher was a great man. He knew about my problems in and outside of school. He even took me back and forth to school. Some weekends he took me to get a haircut. He even took me out to eat with some of my classmates from school. 2008—I will never forget the year I graduated from grammar school.

That year Mr. Johnson quit his job to pursue another job at another school. But he promised me he’d be at the graduation. 2008 June 13th, on my birthday, I graduated. I had friends, family, and others at the graduation ceremony.

I couldn’t believe I graduated. I was shocked when they called my name. The feeling of happiness overwhelmed me. I began crying and I will never forget the song they were playing, “Never Could of Made It.” The only thing I thought of was God, my mom, Mr. Johnson, and everyone who supported me.

I looked at the crowd that was clapping. I noticed some of the same boys I fought were clapping for me. I looked around and saw everyone except Mr. Johnson. At the end of graduation I walked out the doors and heard someone say, “You did it. You graduated.”

It was Mr. Johnson.

He had graduation and birthday balloons for me, as well as 100 dollars. I started crying again. I hugged Mr. Johnson. This was the last time I saw Mr. Johnson. Later on that day at the grammar school I was at the park with friends and girls. I was celebrating, smoking weed and a girl snatched my diploma.

I pushed her and her sister hit me with a stick. I went down the street to my home and saw my decorations being put up by my mom and sister. I told my mom and sister what happened at the park. My sister went back to the park and fought one of the girls trying to get the diploma back, but it was too late.

The girl ripped up my diploma and threw it in the air. I got mad. I wanted to jump in and help my sister but I didn't. Later on that day the girls came to my house with their dad and the police. They said we jumped them, but the police found out the truth.

Everything was okay at the end of the summer.

Later that year I was at the park and saw the girl and her sister. The girl came up to me and apologized saying she liked me. Ever since then we have been cool. Freshman year in high school I went to Gage Park. I will never forget what happened in the first week of school. One day 4 people were shot in front of the school. Then there was a big group fight. People thought I was involved so they kicked me out my 1st week of school.

That's when I went to Corliss High school and some of the same boys I fought in grammar school went there. There were a lot of big fights in that school.

I started to get suspended a lot. Every time I went to school for my education, I always ran across the same boys and the fights continued. Because of all the fights, Corliss kicked me out for a semester, and I went to an alternative school temporarily. Then I went back to Corliss. When I went back I started playing sports like basketball. I did better in school and got my credits to be a sophomore. During the summer I began to hang with the same guys from the block. I was smoking and selling weed getting into a lot of trouble. When it was time for me to go back to school I didn't want to because I was deep in the streets. I started ditching school soon after it began. My mom kept telling me to go to school because she didn't want me in the streets anymore. I started going to school, but it was hard because I had to keep fighting in school sophomore year.

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I went back to get my education and I will never forget the last time I dropped out. My mom kept telling me to go back for my last year. I called my Dean, Darnell Pow. He told me he had to talk to the principal because I was almost the age limit. He called me back two weeks later. He told me to be at school the following week and not to miss a day of school. I was on the list to graduate in June. I will never forget, this was around my 21st birthday. I couldn’t believe I lived to see 21 because of all the violence. I cried and thanked God. I just had my first child. My daughter Janel. I was also excited about the fact that I was going to graduate a few days after my birthday. The day of my graduation I was so proud of myself. My mom and teacher were also proud of me too.

When I walked across the stage to get my diploma, it felt like deja vu to me because they played the same song they played at my 8th grade graduation ("Never Could of Made It"). That's when I told myself I did it again, then I gave my diploma to my mom.

My mom said a joke about the old diploma I had gotten in 8th grade and that I was going to keep this one. The only thing I could think about was that I never gave up, that I finished high school.

As I’m writing this book about my life, I feel good about myself even though I'm going through hard times now. I just know everything will be okay in the end, and if it's not okay, then it's not the end. For anybody reading this book, never forget whatever you go through, never give up. Always remember that God got us. Always and Forever.

Darnell

I am from the southside of Chicago.

From downtown and 95th redline.

I am from a big house, 4th house off the corner.

I am from water, drinkable I’m from momma and daddy.

From softball, and from kindness.

I’m from handsome, and from tall.

I’m from Christianity.

I’m from Micheal Reese.

From chicken,macaroni, sprite, strawberry soda From Grandad, sunny, stepdad Rick, cousin Muggy.

I am from love and hate.

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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