Truth and Transformation: Stories from the men of Chicago CRED.

TRUTH &

TRANSFORMATION STORIES FROM THE MEN OF CHICAGO CRED

"Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter."

- African Proverb

In collaboration with:

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people experiencing, navigating, surviving complex traumas in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, and publishing

LION SPEAKS

memoirs, participants strengthen self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

Truth & Transformation: Stories from the Men of Chicago Cred grows out of the micro-community built by the participants of CRED’s program in South Hub 2. The men present in this compilation undertook this journey of selfreflection and subsequent creation through ConTextos’ Authors Circle. All stories matter. And every human being has stories to tell. The pages of this compilation are full of some of them.

The writing in this compilation reveals the complex truths of powerful and beautiful Black men from Chicago’s South Side. There are existing narratives about who these men are and about the places they call home. The pages that follow complicate those narratives as only those who reside here can.

Read on and listen. The times, the writing, the men, require that of you.

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This special compilation of stories, thoughts, expressions, and opinions showcases a deep dive into self reflection and honesty within these young black men who represent various neighborhoods in Chicago as well as themselves in a very unique manner.

This publication is simply the byproduct of an incredible journey that began in

INTRODUCTION

September 2023 in partnership with Chicago CRED. Over the course of three months the cohort met once a week To create a brave space where everyone felt heard, valued and empowered to share their experiences. We also practiced and stayed true to something we call author circle values which is a list of values we use as motivation to anchor the space as we grow with one another things such as being candid, offering support, asking for help and expanding your comfort zone just to name a few.

I had the pleasure of facilitating this great cohort in which we learned so much not only about ourselves but each other as well. So I encourage you to not just read this amazing book but to never underestimate the power of sharing your story.

Trevor Lester, Alumni Advocate & Authors Circle Facilitator 6

TRUTH AND TRANSFORMATION

TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION AARON H. AARON W. ANTOINE BOOGIEMAN E. ISIAH JEWAUN JORDAN JOSIAH J. LAW NATE PETE PRINCEMULA999 SIAH SUNNO

6 11 13 17 22 26 31 33 37 41 43 48 50 54 59 63

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AARON H.

SINCE YOU ASKED

AARON H.

Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I been so distant from society.

It’s because of the choices I made a few years back .

Because everyday is a battle.

13

AARON W.

“LEARN TO LIVE NOT JUST SURVIVE.”

6 WORD MEMOIR

AARON W. “PROPER PREPARATION PREVENTS PISS POOR PERFORMANCE.”

NOT NORMAL

AARON H.

Something that's normal to me now that wasn't in the past is using drugs as a way to cope with the pain that I've been through, hearing gunshots coming from a block or two over from where I was, and also taking risks with my freedom on the line.

16

SINCE YOU ASKED

AARON H.

Since you asked I’ll tell you why I think the way I do.

Because I have nobody to fall back on.

Because this is the way I make it home every night.

Because this is how I survive mentally and physically.

Because this is how I'm going to turn dust into diamonds.

Because this is how I plan to change peoples lives.

Because this is how I’m going to change the way my little cousins and the younger guys think.

Because I can possibly change the way my peers and older people think.

17

Antoine

“ONLY WANTING TO TAKE PAIN AWAY .”

6 WORD MEMOIR

ANTOINE “BUT I AM UNSURE HOW TO.”

ANTOINE

I am from 75th and Kingstone, Terror Town.

From Lake Shore Drive and Rainbow Beach.

I AM FROM

I am from the Dearborn Projects.

I am from the Japanese garden, The Hyde Park football field.

I’m from Ty and Mr. Precise.

From Chicago CRED, And from football and track and field.

I’m from “Don’t let the street lights catch you.”

And from “Bullets ain’t got no name.”

I’m from Greater Omega on 79th.

I’m from Chicago, the city.

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ANTOINE

I'm from the east side 75th & Kingston From the trenches in the concrete jungle

I AM FROM 2

I am from my mom’s house with my siblings I am from 6 piece and mild sauce and a pizza puff with fries I’m from my Mom and Dad From hooping in the cage on Stony And from 63rd St beach I'm from the struggle and land of hustle to make it And from where bullets ain’t got no name I'm from the brotherhood of change I'm from Chicago (The City) From street fights and Coca Cola The pride

21

PERSONAL REFLECTION

ANTOINE

Went out, stayed out, put out. Because I wasn’t there, I’m put out of there.

Dad died, mom left, streets screwed me, dazed and in pain, starts with rain.

Leaving is harder than living, able to come and go as the wind blows but still as a leaf on a tree. Hot in the kitchen but off the stove. No time to think, I only can sleep. No friends, no love, no loyalty. Darkness, pain, fear, hopelessness, abandoned. To survive is to not go without. To struggle is to survive. High as a tree top’s peak, low as the valley’s depth. Deprived, but not off stride. The light will always shine thru the darkest time it takes to make the efforts great. When the ships sail the waters calm, rising from the east to rest in the west.

22

BoogieMan

“STAY THE COURSE IT’S GONE WORK.”

BOOGIEMAN

6 WORD MEMOIR

"BE SMOOTH AND JUST LISTEN."

NOT NORMAL

BOOGIEMAN

Just growing up in my life watching my mother get abused and mistreated by an alcoholic father is something that isn't normal, but I have gotten used to it. Also, my current living situation living in the hood hearing gunshots isn't normal, but I've just gotten used to it.

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BOOGIEMAN

I am from Chicago Lawn, From noodles and PB and J sandwiches and nachos.

I AM FROM

I am from sleeping on the floor at Granny’s crib.

I am from mud and rocks.

From Killaman in the Field and 32s in the alley.

I’m from the Tinks.

From Saturdays at Ford City and Best Buy shopping.

And from Harold’s and Sunday soul foods.

I’m from not depending on nobody but you.

And from where they love you one minute, But hate you the next.

I’m from “Stay down until you come up.”

I’m from the heart of the trenches.

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E.

“THEY CAN’T TAKE US ALL TOGETHER .”

E.

6 WORD MEMOIR

"PUT UP MONEY FOR YOUR KIDS."

NOT NORMAL

E.

Something I've gotten used to that’s not normal is sometimes overthinking things. I got used to doing everything wrong to the point that when I'm doing the right thing, I act like I'm doing something bad, but I'm really doing something right.

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E.

I AM FROM

I’m from Chicago where it ain’t safe at, Where I'm from, you had to be outside to have a name.

Where I'm from, you had to do what you had to do just to make it.

Where I'm from, you gotta be on point just to stay alive.

Where I'm from, you gotta keep a gun.

Where I’m from, you gotta take care of your kids.

Where I'm from, you either sell that shit or you doing that shit.

Where I’m from, we sell food and buy food.

Where I’m from, we Hq.

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SINCE YOU ASKED

E.

Since you asked, I'll tell you why I love money.

Without money, they treat you like shit.

Without money, you can't take care of your kids.

Without money, you can't pay your rent.

Without money, you really can't do shit.

Without money, they treat you like you don't mean shit.

But I will never sell my soul for no amount of money.

32

Isiah

“STAY THE COURSE IT’S GONE WORK.”

ISIAH

I AM FROM

I am from the Low End to the hunnits, From the buildings and blocks with the fiends.

I am from the original Flamin Hot with cheese mild sauce and plenty of weed.

I am from concrete jungle and all night hustle, Bad ass kids blowing shells instead of bubbles.

I’m from the footwork era with Phat Farm leathers.

I’m from ain't no city better.

35

Jawuan

“HAPPINESS IS FOR THOSE WHO CARE.”

JAWUAN

5 WORD MEMOIR

"KEEP HOPE TO KEEP SANE."

JAWUAN

I am from the city where they show no love.

From the outside and blocks that tote them glocks.

I AM FROM

I am from 063, two blocks east of Racine.

That’s the deen.

I am from 064, 065, 066, four blocks All still the deen block.

Trying to stop the violence, but niggas still get popped.

I’m from the city where shells have no name, no shame.

Show no pain.

From the block where the shorties selling glocks.

And from the county where you can’t count on noone.

I’m from Ogden Park where we had all the thots sliding to the slot.

And from the city of the Chi, where it’s cold as shit.

38

SINCE YOU ASKED

JAWUAN

Since you asked I’ll tell you why days are getting shorter.

Because I feel time does not exist.

Let me show you how there are 24 hours in a day.

Then why does the clock restart at 12am to 12pm?

Time is just used to keep up with the time you come into the world.

And the time when you leave this world.

Just so you know there are 48 hours in a day.

39

Jordan

“THE TEARS THAT'S SHED CARRIES PURPOSE.”

JORDAN

6 WORD MEMOIR

"MAKE EVERY BREATH COUNT, THEY’RE LIMITED."

JAWUAN

I am from 87th street From where the brothers throw the five no i'm not OLC I am from good za, c cooking, drug dealing swisher sweet

I AM FROM

I am from out of space with sun cuz everybody catching heat Glocks with switches dirty chicks .223s from ARPs I'm From Davon and Jamaria From basketball tournaments everyday And from motivation, and dedication cuz we had to make a way I'm From carry yo gun up in the winter or get left when its cold And from stay a child forever you'll hate it when you get old I'm from you do good by me i'll do some good by you I'm from idk i forgot what hospital but forget the haters too From lean, hennessy dusse whatever From Jordan, Coretta, Juice and Loretta I am from this shit don't feel good but i hope it get better

42

BEATING THE ODDS

JAWUAN

Through shots ringing, Life's trials and mental fights, I made it to see 21.

Don't know if i lived as rowdy as others, but to get somewhere is better than to get nowhere. You’ll never be anything hanging with them and we all grow massively into men.

Although the milestones may not be as good as those who are higher, what's better than a man with the heart and mind of the warrior that's still fighting. If the sky’s the limit, why is there a space above it?

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Josiah

“HOW THE JUDGE GONE JUDGE ME .”

JOSIAH

6 WORD MEMOIR

"LEARN TO LIVE NOT JUST SURVIVE."

LAW

“YOUR MIND IS YOUR GREATEST WEAPON.”

LAW

6 WORD MEMOIR

"DON'T FORGET TO LIVE YOUR LIFE."

LAW

One thing that I feel isn't normal is how much of a forgiving heart I have.

NOT NORMAL

I've experienced multiple deaths of friends and family throughout the past 8 years. With these losses, I turned into a person that thrives on making others happy or doing my best to brighten up their day while neglecting my own mental and physical health. I'm growing up dealing with the loss of my father and to add things on I recently lost my older brother to gun violence on the 4th of July. On top of that I may or may not have a baby on the way.

I let my pain and loneliness dictate my relationships and ultimately it's ruining my soul in the process. All of these things are on my head everyday, and sometimes it overloads because the thoughts get too loud in my head.

I can sometimes isolate myself and disassociate myself from my reality.

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LAW

I am from the southeast side of Chicago.

From roller skating I am from betrayal and redemption.

I AM FROM

I am from the trenches, 63rd street beach.

I'm from Ralos and Tiffany.

From Sox 35th And from the rink on 87th.

I'm from McDowell Elementary And from St. Francis.

I'm from Baptism.

I'm from Chicago.

From burgers, From munchie.

I am from Pride.

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SINCE YOU ASKED

LAW

Since you asked, I’ll tell you why I'm so shocked.

Because why do things happen so fast?

Because why do things come to an end?

Because the memories live on.

Because legends never die

50

NATE

“PROGRESS TO WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH .”

NATE

I am from the streets of Hell.

I AM FROM

From real and fake.

I am from my mama’s love. Project Baby.

I am from the heart of love and no trust.

I’m from Chicago and violence.

From blocks you die from if you don’t get it together.

And from where focus is spiritual.

I’m from “Stay blessed and humble.”

And from “Watch the company you keep.”

I’m from black eyed peas and cornbread.

I’m from where if you ain’t on your shit, they look at you differently.

53

Pete

“I GET POWER FROM THE SUN.”

PETE

6 WORD MEMOIR

"I LOVE MYSELF, THANKS TO GOD."

PETE

I am from Chiraq, from hot sauce and noodles.

I am from 16 floor project buildings and nice neighborhoods.

I am from cold summers and hot winters,

I AM FROM

The weather was bipolar.

I'm from celebrity rappers and card crackers.

From video shoots to real shootings, And from loyalty, honor and respect.

I'm from stay out of trouble, And go get some money.

I'm from wins and losses.

I'm from no mercy and Mercy hospital.

From Thanksgiving soul food, From members and nations.

I am from hatred and love.

I am from Chiraq.

56

SINCE YOU ASKED

PETE

Since you asked me, I’ll tell you why I’m so sad.

Because of all the pain…

Because of all the sadness…

Because of all the trauma…

Because things were out of my control…

Because I was alone…

Because I had nowhere to go…

Since you asked. I’ll tell you why I’m happy.

Because my faith in God saved me.

57

PrinceMula999

“TO BE ON TIME, BE EARLY.”

PRINCEMULA999

6 WORD MEMOIR

"STAY FOCUSED ON GOALS, YOU’LL SUCCEED."

NOT NORMAL

PRINCEMULA999

Something I've gotten used to that isn't normal is hearing gunshots.

Someone can start shooting and I don't even react because unless it's near my people I won't duck, run or anything. I may get upset but that's just something I normalized that isn't normal.

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PRINCEMULA999 I am from the East Side of Chicago, 79th and Stony Island to Rainbow Beach.

I grew up hearing shots going off multiple times a day, then the streets talking.

So by the next day, I would know what happened and why. At the time, I started to become a product of my environment. I wanted to hang outside with the older people and indulge in illegal activities. I was around the age of fourteen. Really, I can say twelve to fourteen I got interested in guns, drugs, and more. I even got my first tattoo at the age of fourteen when my

I AM FROM

grandmother died. I got a tattoo that spelled out “Granny” with a heart surrounding it. But by the age of twenty, I started thinking about how I could be in movies and also making music.

When my mind was made up I started to change, starting with the way I dressed and treated people. I came from standing on every corner from Stony Island to Jeffery and a few more, smoking and starting fights with people for no reason. Just there all day. I would walk over to the store, then back. I was just on the corner. Then I started staying in the house a lot and started to travel. I even moved to Seattle, Washington with my dad for about a year, and every time I left Chicago for a while then came back, I noticed nothing changed. I would come back on a better path with more knowledge, and I would see people that are still doing the same thing standing around. In my eyes, they were waiting to die. Where I’m from, you can’t stand around due to the miscellaneous shots going off. I was protected at the time I would be there. That’s my story of where I’m from.

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SINCE YOU ASKED

PRINCEMULA999

Since you asked, I am who I am because I slowed myself down and focused. I paid attention to life and people in life. I learned how to detect and sense a person’s mood, if they’re lying or telling the truth. I learned that if you give off good energy, you will receive it. You will receive what you give off.

Next I focused on myself. I learned myself and how to be myself instead of reflecting off my family and environment. I avoid negative energy. I use the power of the pause. I am focused on doing good in life. That’s why I am who I am. Through all the bad, I still find the good in life.

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Siah

“MORE MONEY, MORE PROBLEMS, STAY HUMBLE.”

SIAH

6 WORD MEMOIR

"FAKE LOVE WORSE THAN REAL HATE."

NOT NORMAL

SIAH

Something I've gotten used to that wasn't normal in the past for me is being on the right track. I say this because I've been in and out of jail, I've shot at people, had people shoot at me, and overall just haven't made the best decisions. Now I'm focused on moving my life in the right direction by restoring my faith as a Muslim, by becoming a traveling man, giving back to my community and learning from my past mistakes.

66

SIAH

I am from the Holy city From my real brothers and structure

I AM FROM

I am from the Mil where the millionaires at I am from that block with a lot of vultures and shiesters I’m from King lo my (blood brother) and Sosa (my day 1) From Making money and From cooling with the bosses I’m from a hard head make a soft ass and from if you can huh you can hear I’m from Allah the most grateful and the most merciful I’m from 16th & Millard From fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and sweet potatoes From the mob I am from being grateful because where I'm from to still be here today is a blessing.

67

Sunno

“STAY DOWN UNTIL YOU COME UP.”

SUNNO

6 WORD MEMOIR

"BE YOURSELF OR YOU WILL STARVE."

SUNNO NOT NORMAL People's loyalty and counting on them to be there for you.

NOT NORMAL I don’t think it's right Because people don’t care Because when it comes down to it, they gone use it again, plus you.

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To learn more about our work, read memoirs, and other compilations written by our Authors visit: www.contextos.org Find us on social media: @contextoschi

Front cover image by Naimah Thomas

Book design by Naimah Thomas

2023