Creators of the Future: Short Memoirs by ConTextos Authors Behind Walls

CREATORS OF THE FUTURE SHORT MEMOIRS BY CONTEXTOS AUTHORS BEHIND WALLS

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people experiencing, navigating, surviving complex traumas in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising, and publishing memoirs, participants strengthen self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

Speaking Our Truths is a compilation of memoirs from high school students of Englewood Stem High School. Through the CPS initiative WITT, We’re in This Together, ConTextos partnered with the ESHS learning community to provide meaningful supports, connections and opportunities for young people navigating multiple pandemics in the spring of 2021 in Chicago.

The memoirs in this compilation harness the power of complex truths and lift up important, authentic voices. Our thanks to everyone who made this journey possible: Chicago Public Schools, ESHS leadership team, the brave and talented authors.

May Speaking Our Truths complicate narratives and embolden the vision of vibrant futures for young people of ESHS and all generations near and far in Chicago..

In collaboration with

Table Of Contents Introduction ………………………………………………..… 1 Daryl Williams …………………………………………..…... 3 LeRoy Lewis ……………………………………………....…. 9 Matt ……………………………………………………..…… 13 Danny Martinez ………………………………..…………... 17 Sean Shelton …………………………………………….….. 27 Taboo ………………………………………………………... 31 Anthony Haynes …………………………………………... 37 Sir Rober Earl I ……………………………………….…….. 45 M. Jorgensen ………………………………………….….…. 55 Mason Mageo ………………………………………….…… 63 Justin “King” Payne ……………………………………..… 71 Derrick D. Smith ………………………………………….... 83 A. Zamora …………………………………………………... 89 Irell Dickens ……………………………………..………….. 91

INTRODUCTION When ConTextos first launched Authors Circles in Division X of Cook County Department of Corrections in February 2017, each participant took risks--as humans, as colleagues and as writers pioneering new possibilities. Together we entered the unknown to co-create a space where we each revealed our complex humanity through intense dialogue, radical vulnerability, deep reflection and authentic collaboration. In Authors Circle, the path toward publishing one’s personal memoir is both a singular and collective journey. The Authors’ first Publication Celebration, when they hold their published memoirs in their hands for the first time and present them to family, friends and the world, is a powerful pivot point.

Alum Circle is a space which affords Authors an opportunity to pursue in-depth reading, deep reflection and thoughtful writing where their individual voices are honed, shared and celebrated.

Memoir writing is at the heart of a ConTextos circle. In AlumCircle, Authors are encouraged to play with the form: from essays and epistoles (letters) to poetry. What makes memoir, memoir, is the specificity of one’s experience and the attendant exploration of individual moments.

Writers become Authors through the sharing of their work in publication. Although each entry of this third Alum Circle Compilation possesses a distinct Author voice, the compilation as a whole is centered around the theme of Freedom. African American author Ralph Ellison once wrote “when I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” The kind of writing that Alum Authors do in circle, the kind of writing that leans so bravely into Author Circle values, such as Be Brave, Be Candid, and Embrace Your Truth, can indeed be a vehicle for self-exploration. This compilation is testament to that. Freedom, whatever meaning one ascribes to it, is hard won and elusive under the best of circumstances. This is exponentially so when grappling with the very notion of it from behind walls. The pieces in Creators of the Future provide a window into this struggle, this triumph. Toni Morrison wrote that “if you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” Turn the page and read for yourselves some of that weight lifted.

It is our hope that the reader values these works as much as the Alum Authors value their ongoing journey of staying engaged and connected as they author/create the future.

Peace and Blessings, dr.moore

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DARYL WILLIAMS 3

Freedom to me is to fly Freedom is to see beyond walls Have my body, not my spirit -Daryl Williams

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Free your mind, body, and spirit.

-Daryl Williams

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Malcolm X Daryl Williams

In 1965, when Malcolm X wrote about being treated equal as human beings, he mentioned “by any means necessary.” I believe when he said that he meant that he was willing to die for what he believed in. Around this time there was a lot of injustice going on. People of Color were being mistreated and there were people like Malcolm who were fed up and ready to take action.

Malcolm wanted to make a statement with this quote. He was ready to fight mentally and physically. He knew by saying what he did that violence would be the possible outcome, but he was ready to accept whatever consequences came with it.

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Sinner’s Prayer Daryl Williams

Dear Lord, teach me to accept the things I cannot change.

Teach me to love where there is hatred, to shine where there is darkness, to have courage when I’m afraid. Teach me to have wisdom when I lack knowledge. I am not perfect; this I admit.

Show me ways to strengthen my flaws. Shower me with your glory. May I dwell in the house of the Lord forever whenever my name is called. Amen.

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LEROY LEWIS 9

I Am Going LeRoy Lewis

I am going to the South To search for peace.

I am going to relax and do me.

And look back at my Family tree.

Call on my uncles and aunties And cousins to meet the Rest of my family.

I am going to climb a tree to make My swing, To feel like the birds.

To feel like I’m flying Free.

Stand tall, never think small Move around to know you’re free.

Hug a tree and sail to the sea Because I’m free.

I hold my arms Open up wide, Hugging everybody, Calling them family, Adding them to the Family tree.

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Freedom is a word of tease Stop, drop, and run to stay free I should’ve fled and stayed free -LeRoy Lewis

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MATT 13

I Am Going Matt

I am going where I will be led, Not where I want or someone said I should be going or avoiding, For reasons that are true to them But not to me. That-- that is how I’ll free My body, mind, and soul, for this life and what lies beyond. Reconquer fear And pain and self-defeating anger, Know what’s truly good And what speaks of danger.

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Worries imprison like no other cage -Matt

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Waiting for something, making others happen Loved the hard, squandered the easy In the midst of unwritten stories Infinity is less than six words Can one tell a never-ending story?

Each moment is life’s very greatest In my dreams, I travel far

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-Matt

DANNY MARTINEZ 17

Where I Am Going Danny Martinez

I always wanted to travel. I’ve seen many places in magazines, TV, and movies, and I’m tired of just glancing at them through the media. I’d like to witness firsthand different cultures and their way of life. I’d like to firsthand see many cool and historic buildings and sites. I’d like to explore mountains and famous parks. I’d like to be able to say I’ve visited each of the seven continents.

I always wanted to see outside of Chicago. Born and raised here, Chicago is all I know. I always hear people talking about great places outside of Chicago and they all sound interesting. Take Las Vegas for example. It looks and sounds like paradise, but I have yet to experience it.

If I could go anywhere in the world, I’d like to go to South America. Often visually neglected when people think and hear of “America,” I’d like to see and explore the Southside. Different people, beautiful women, different culture, and environment, and probably good food.

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I’m looking forward most to getting out of jail. I’ve been sitting in jail for eight years still waiting on the outcome. What many people fail to realize is that jail usually affects more than one person. My family, friends, and our relationship have all been affected in one way or another. Whether it’s been not being able to hug and kiss or calling only during dictated hours, jail has been my worst nightmare. I just want to get past this, have kids, and live and enjoy a happy life.

A goal that I have for myself is to ultimately be successful.

Success for me is very broad and many people define it by a variety of standards. To me success for me will be first out of jail.

After that being financially stable, able to work when I want to work and not because I need to. As a provider for my family, I will start having peace of mind, not having to worry about food, rent, shelter, or other worries.

A change I’d like to see in the world is for all the killing to stop.

Most killings are committed over petty issues and disagreements. Take here in Chicago for instance. Just saying words can lead to someone being killed. Literally words. People have very little patience, don’t fistfight, and choose to solve most problems with a gun. It’s all senseless and outrageous especially when an innocent victim like a child gets caught in the crossfire.

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The legacy I’d like to leave behind is that I was a good man who’d help anyone. Each day I strive to live with integrity and compassion. There’s already so many bad things going on in this world. Why not be good?

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Impossible to I’m possible.

My story.

-Danny Martinez

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The journey of a thousand steps A new course, a new trail When the steel doors open again Watch out. The plane is landing.

You do, we do, I do The pleasant taste of fresh air A treasure hunt inside a wasteland Make me wanna yell out loud

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-Danny Martinez

Freedom Danny Martinez

Close your eyes and count to 10. Better yet, in my case, count to 8. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Now open your eyes and realize that you will never get those 8 seconds back.

I was never the top student in math class, but I always excelled.

Algebra, Trigonometry, Geometry, and even Calculus are all classes I’ve taken and passed. One day life handed me a math exam of her own. I passed. All of my answers were right, with the exception of one. The question I got wrong was “What is freedom?” At the time I was puzzled. I thought freedom was more so a socially philosophical question and not a question to come up on a math exam. Either way, I took my time and wrote my answer down. Zero. You see, on average there are 365 days in a year. I have unfortunately wasted 8 years in jail for a crime I did not commit. Which in short answer form gave me the answer of 0. Out of those lonely 2,920 days, 0 days is the amount of days I should have spent in jail for something I did not do.

Thus, I would be enjoying my freedom.

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But again, my answer was marked incorrect, so I double checked my work. I added all the good times and memories I enjoyed with my family and friends, subtracted the hurt, shock, shame, and embarrassment I felt the day I got arrested, and divided into the amount of relationships affected since my incarceration. That produced frustration with a fractional remainder of pain over suffering multiplied by the absolute fact that I am innocent giving me the final number of zero days that I should have spent in jail.

Freedom for me is both physical and mental. Physically, you should be able to do whatever you want to do legally, as long as you do not infringe on others. Mentally, it is a pure state of mind. Being relaxed, at peace, and not in bondage with toxic emotions such as anger and envy.

Freedom is what I had 8 years ago. The luxury to go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted, family, friends, women, money, and happiness. Now that I am in jail I wouldn’t necessarily say my freedom has been completely taken away but it has been severely impacted. Most of the time I am in the same place every day with little opportunity to go elsewhere. My family, friends, and women fluctuate, support-wise. I’m forced to be dependent on others for money and I experience depression

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more than I experience happiness. False captivity is what I have been enduring for the past 8 years. I’ve tried to maintain my sense of freedom by establishing a personal routine and staying connected with the outside world mostly over the phone or video visitations.

Father Time is a real tough guy. He’s been tough on me since I was born. He’s been doing time with me. Seeing him sometimes, Times can be good. At different points, his alter ego shows up and Times can be bad. Either way, I am dealing with him.

Once this whole ordeal is over with, Freedom to me will be enjoying life reunited with family and friends. I found the lady of my dreams, starting a family, and creating a legacy. Also, I would partake in inhaling all the legalized therapeutic herbal remedies as I can to help with my adjustment back in society.

The land of the free. Innocent until proven guilty. All punchlines to bad jokes. My life will forever be tainted because I was graded based on false information. I was labelled terrible names for something I didn’t do. Just like the math exam I was given, there is an error in the answer key. The metrics for keeping an innocent man in jail is poor at best, and ultimately

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wrong. Freedom should not be a double standard, an illusion, or a myth. It should be a reality and a guarantee, especially for those of us who are innocent.

On average, you see, there are 365 days in a year. I have unfortunately wasted 8 years in jail for a crime I did not commit.

2,920 days fighting for my freedom. 70,080 hours trying to prove my innocence. 4,204,800 minutes away from my family and friends. So, those precious 8 seconds you spent counting in the beginning that you will never get back, realize that I have been counting for 252,288,000 seconds. Precious time I will never get back. All for something I did not do.

I did the math. Now, it’s your turn.

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SEAN SHELTON 27

Where I’m Going Sean Shelton

I’m going to be The face of the NBA. To win more rings than Bill Russell.

I am going to see The face of God. I am going to travel Into outer space To see other planets.

I am going to wake up to see My wife Karrueche Tran every morning.

To watch our kids grow up.

I am going to never Spend another second in jail.

I am going to see all Races treated equal And fair.

I am going to be well-known, As a good hearted Person.

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Learn from this experience.

Stay free.

-Sean Shelton 29

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TABOO 31

I Am Going Taboo

I am going to be a famous, rich comedian, With fame and riches, With TV shows and movie screens.

Hollywood hoes from A to B. Flying first class over the Atlantic Trying to get to the pyramids That’s hidden near the Red Sea. I can hear my ancestors all over the world Telling me that Italy is the place to be, Seeing mountains and canals That take people’s breath away.

Enjoying my vacay with the family I made, Watching the kids and wife act an ass.

I am going to create a legacy That will always stand.

My kids will never have to worry.

I am going to leave behind donations to charities And a simple message: Black people stand up and be proud.

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Keep hope, keep peace, keep faith

-Taboo

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Black lives matter. Fight back brothers Every thing happens for a reason Stay strong, stay Black, stay safe Sleepless nights, cold sweat, jail cell -Taboo

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Freedom Taboo

Freedom is the source of happiness. Freedom is not anger, or hate, or oppression. Freedom is that late night cruise with the boys on the e-way. Freedom is not opposition, or violence, or guns. Freedom is that feeling you get when the bell rings and summer begins. Freedom is not perfect, but a teacher that constantly gives lessons. Freedom is a parent’s enduring love.

Freedom is not an abusive relationship. Freedom is forgiveness, love, and compassion. Freedom is never having to say sorry.

Freedom is not laws or a promise from a politician. Freedom is not war or killing. Freedom is not rulers, kings, pharaohs, or dictators alike. Freedom is everyone having a chance to not only survive but to succeed. Freedom is the true pursuit of happiness. Freedom is life, love, and liberty. Freedom is that first kiss.

Freedom is not a broken heart. Freedom is black, white, yellow, brown, purple and green. Freedom is unity. Freedom is equality.

Freedom is not just an idea or concept. Freedom is not tangible but always within reach. Freedom is not a social status, craving, or addiction. Freedom has no monetary value. Freedom is priceless. Freedom is a state of mind. Freedom needs to be

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Red and it’s sister and brother, White and Blue. Freedom is not forgetting a horrible past, but learning from it and moving forward in the most productive way possible. Freedom is not making the same mistakes over and over again. Freedom does not have a single identity or a lame definition because freedom is everything. Freedom is not where we are at as a society, but if we all change lenses we can act on our wrongs to put them right. Freedom is available to you no matter where you are or what you’ve done. Freedom is always a choice. Freedom may not be free but it is the pinnacle of fulfillment.

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ANTHONY HAYNES 37

Where I’m Going Anthony Haynes

If ion know where I’m coming from, Where would I go?

Many obstacles occur in life That point me in the direction of which way to go, The right thing to do or even think.

Being careful of how I choose friends That eventually can turn to enemies Brought a thought of the purpose.

The purpose being to live life, meet people, Experience and learn from personalities To mold my character.

Fickle thoughts point in the direction Of some place far away from here Where positive minds Reject negativity, competition, and foolishness.

But where would that place be?

Definitely not where I’m headed.

Yes, I’ve been there before.

So my character and personality Is in a pursuit.

To prevail.

Not where I have been, But where I’m going.

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There’s lots of beauty in pain

-Anthony Haynes

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Hard head makes a soft ass Nothing comes to sleepers but dreams In dice games, sometimes you crap Life’s like dice games: you crap My life, walk in these shoes To love life is to suffer -Anthony Haynes

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Mourn Me Anthony Haynes

Life has a way of deceiving me. Just as I think I’ve got it all figured out, something happens, fickleness assails. It’s dark and uncertain in this abomination. It (Freedom) feels elusive.

Affliction and frets devastatingly lay heavy on my mind as I pursue freedom. Crowded around detainees, sometimes I inherit problems. Irritation leads to bickering and quarrels, so I’m always battered and surrounded by troubles, red watery eyes, and dejected faces.

My family mourns knowing I’m in an intense situation, so the pressure of everyday living crowds out their happiness. How long will they mourn for me? I’m still praying for better days behind these four walls. Consistent court continuances extends my confinement, not to mention how daunting it is that deputies with power abuse their authority.

As I toss and turn in my sleep at night, visions of freedom, of fresh air, of sunlight, of beautiful women, of the life I once had

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are back again until the flush of a toilet takes away the freedom I dreamed of. Anticipation fills the air, ready to tell the one who reigns over my case that my patience is running thin. Only to hear, “Have patience,” which requires waiting. Prosecutors manipulate and maneuver, grasping for power to keep me in custody. I am cognizant of the next 30 days until I again approach the one who reigns, bangs the gavel, and says, “Indictment dismissed.”

Hopefully he mourns for me too.

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Life Tribulations Anthony Haynes

Trapped in this body, ups and downs came and went. Tribulations that I have no control over that lead to failure, like a deadly flood carrying away all I’ve gained and accomplished.

Imagine burning sulfur falling from the sky or walking on hot coals. That is like this painful situation. I only hope the bad will lighten up as I move forward, but I can’t muster the energy to rebel and defeat this tribulation.

Dealing with manipulation, bickering, and weariness, it’s hard to develop courage and strength to scatter this tribulation into broken pieces of pottery. Not knowing which way to turn or go, I’m lost on this road. My destination is perplexing. Like a curveball coming in at 90 miles an hour. My freedom changes unexpectedly. It’s robbing my energy and perspective, which lacks in my confidence, abilities, and the choices I make. All this leaving me stuck in a bottomless pit of resentment. Turning back the hands of time is impossible, knowing my trials are permanent. The only escape is to free my soul. My life’s tribulations have taken their toll.

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SIR ROBERT EARL I 45

Where I’m Going Sir Robert Earl I

I want to be accepted as a person who believes and follows God. I want to see the Love and Life of God, Without I’s and Trust Him with my physical heart.

To know what’s His purpose for my life and what’s his cause, Believing I will “be” and do what He wanted me to do.

Through all adversities, living as if my prayers have come True.

My goal is to become free From all adversaries, adversities, manipulations, confusion, Strife, hurt, hate, evils, diseases, viruses That have incarcerated my thought process To feel & know-To enjoy peace, trust, and walk in Truth.

That has allowed me to surrender to God To manifest a future I am not comfortable with claiming.

My true goal is to be free from all incarceration: Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, As well as physically.

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I am going to a place where we never need words like: No more hate. Fuck you. You make me sick.

I hate you. I wish you were never born.

You’re worthless. You’re a stupid fuck!

Why did you do that?

I made a mistake. Poor. Lower class.

I didn’t mean to do that.

I’m sorry.

You’re guilty.

Nigga, Honkey, sucker, fag, gimp, Bitch.

I want to go to a place where there are motivational words like: Yes! You can do it. Think it, we’ll make it.

We will help you. You’re getting better. You’re great. I adore you.

We will be great. You are wonderful.

We’re going to make it. We are grateful to have you.

I love you, always.

I trust you. I’m proud of you.

We are so proud of you.

You’re right. You’re doing good.

You’re going to be a success.

You’re smart.

You’re equal. We’re equal.

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You’re free! We are all FREE! That was just the right thing to say. You make me happy.

It’s the American way. We love America. You’re an American.

There aren’t any colors because we are all colorful people.

Americans.

We act on this land as all FREE MEN/WOMEN. We have overcome the Evil and have become One Nation Under God, Equal and Together. Forever an American.

The Land of the Free is now here for you and me.

I am going to be FREE!

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What else did you teach me?

-Sir Robert Earl I 49

Patience, Dedication, Love, Freedom, Equality, “America!”

When’s it going to be over?

On Freedom’s Road, don’t turn back Why only certain crimes get time?

I’m going against their worn record On Freedom’s Road, keep on going Never a criminal, just born black Don’t convict me. Just help me.

Need help, not a life sentence.

What is equality? Is it white?

Do all I know. I’m American.

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-Sir Robert Earl I

I Am

Sir Robert Earl I I am alive I am a family member.

I am a citizen.

I am a brother, friend, confidant, a dad, Godly.

I am a businessman, a chief.

I am smart, a lover, a partner, a son, a husband.

I am different, new, American, equal.

I am a partaker of His divine nature.

I am more than just a man because God is my Father.

I am feeling these persuasive, manipulative, hypnotizing, hateful, prejudiced, abusive authority bruises with & without physical infliction in this state.

These are States I do not agree to receive or dare to ponder or fight.

I am more than a picture, case number, chattel, or story told by persons and oppressors trying to make me believe I’m a stupid Nigga, strange, or that I’m a mark, a clown, a lamb, a fag, a goofey, or a bitch.

Those are hateful, degrading, hurtful, belittling words designed

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and used to weaken and to reprogram minds so modern day slave masters can prosper.

I am conscious of this reality.

My future has been manifested through Love, Justice, Equality, Trust, Togetherness and Truth no matter the fabricated brainwashed statement of “evidence.”

I am a citizen of America, tis my right to demand and receive equality of laws, rights, privileges, and immunities, too.

Because hate has no stay in reality.

It’s an emotion clouding judgement, weakening and wrongfully changing the Future for me and you.

I am Love & Happiness.

I am for us.

I am elected, all eternity to enjoy life through & through, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

I am a Black Man.

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America Sir Robert Earl I

It’s solid, negative, depressing, cold, hateful, strong, possessive, greedy, selfish, manipulative, alive. It changes you to its way.

This sickens me. As long as I’ve been here, it has shown racism, prejudiceness, and lovelessness. It is a dream snatcher, a life taker & belief changer.

I’ve learned to change your understanding & believe differently. See I read; I hope in manifesting ways to be freed from this box, this state of torture. This concealment, these four walls, are draining my life’s energy. Is it because I expect equality? Is it because I dream and yearn for better? Hope for better? Knowing one day it just has to be better for us all.

Equality. Freedom. This space disrespects & degrades me without a mouth. This space hurts me without a gun, a knife, arms, brown heart, mouths, or hands. It takes from me things I knew never could be taken, like the act of caring about what happens next in this reality. Fear of the worst or even trusting in the Law or County officials to not be biased because of my

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gender, education, ethnicity, economic status, wealth, or religion. This space, place and state bounds me to servitude-physically, mentally, emotionally without being duly convicted.

Was I ever innocent? Was I really always guilty? How? That’s what this space, this cell system, this society has shown me. I think I can’t really be an American Citizen. If I am, why didn’t America protect me from this feeling of hatred and instead show me how Equality felt. The action of the Law that aggressively and unjustly tried to make me believe I can be incarcerated, convicted, sentenced and locked up without any physical evidence.

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M. JORGENSEN 55

Where I’m Going M. Jorgensen

I am going back to the beginning To right my wrongs.

Turn right instead of left, To love, let love, and forgive, Instantly, consistently, and constantly.

I am going to be better, am better, And no one or thing can stop me.

I am going to a negative place To be happy, stay positive, and prosper Beyond any reasonable thought imaginable.

I am going to rewrite my future, Because I will Never forget that “tomorrow is a new day.”

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Suffocating with the fear of life

-M. Jorgensen

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The template for life is love If I could again, I wouldn’t Jail is a four letter word Bring forth justice, not just shit Proportionality between crime and punishment: nonexistent Twenty-five years for a car accident Fear and Loathing in CCDOC Jail Between the sheets with new horizons Lemons are better than the bologna The Absolute of everything is Nothing

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If ignorance is bliss, stupify me What’s beyond is not behind us Morally corrupt because they said so Under the gun and still breathing Tomorrow’s not always a new day A heart filled with intangible treasures The tattoo in my heart aches Can’t get away from myself

-M. Jorgensen

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Chicago M. Jorgensen

Chicago not quite the city of sin, until we’re checking or when summer checks in.

Where everyday life becomes a gamble just to step out da house.

The city where you might not wanna get caught shootin’ out the side ya mouth.

Diversity is windy here just like the streets, where as a community we’re split down the middle.

When hate’s taught while you’re this little.

Every race, every creed, every color.

Chicago, the city where no one loves thy brother.

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The Absolute of Everything M. Jorgensen

Freedom is the absolute of everything and at the very same moment it can be nothing at all. It’s not just an idea or simple concept. At times you can feel it, taste it, see it, and other times it’s intangible, uncontainable, unbelievable, and underestimated.

Freedom is that cool water in between your toes near a warm beach on a hot summer day.

Freedom is laughing, and crying, and excitement and empathy, and it’s not.

Freedom is that bell ringing after the last day of school the moment right before summer vacation.

Freedom is love but it’s never hate.

Freedom is that first kiss from that person you thought would never say two words to you ever.

Freedom is Black, White, Brown, yellow, green, blue, and purple.

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Freedom needs to be Red and its brother and sister, White and Blue.

Freedom is the opposite of oppression.

Freedom is not holding back and being held back.

Freedom is serenity and bliss.

Freedom is always present, always within reach.

But, the question is, Will you grasp it?

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MASON MAGEO 63

Where I’m Going Mason Mageo

I am going to a place where I have already arrived of love, peace, bliss, wisdom and understanding.

I am going to drive down PCH and pull over by the edge of the cliff and enjoy the view of the Pacific as well as the sun and sky.

I am going to tha peak of the Himalayas.

I am going to dinner on stars with my ancestors, to view tha full moon glow and the stars shine.

I’m going to a Sade performance of Pearls and feel the chills when she sings hallelujah.

I am going to a place where all negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings cannot grab my heart.

I am going to a place outside of my body where there ain’t no human thoughts.

I am going to enjoy giving love and receiving it from my loved ones.

I am going to the islands,

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living with my beautiful soulmate, listening to my music, eating my favorite foods and living full of love.

I am liberated from problems & pain along with the solution to solve and heal.

I am united with the spirit.

This poem is dedicated to Cassandra Jordan, Betty Brown, Sipopo Taufa’asau, Carolyn Shelton, Andrew Zamora, Sr. and Sydney Handcox. Ashe.

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Be tha light, do yo part.

-Mason Mageo

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Freedom is Mageo ridin’ inna Wraith Truly knowing eliminates need for faith Freedom is power, cultivate your chi Freedom is internal imagination the key Look inward for keys to freedom Let love live to be free Body lockd up, mind stays free.

Flesh is mortal, eternal is heart

-Mason Mageo

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Freedom?

Mason Mageo

Nat Turner, Malcolm X and Fred Hampton had their own ideas of freedom. They were killed for imposing their ideas of freedom on the masses, with a slight exception for Nat Turner. To me true freedom begins in the mind of the individual. Freedom is a state of being. It’s internal more than external. Mental more than physical. It begins in the mind before it transforms into physical reality. Some may be physically free but mentally imprisoned. You kan have all your bills paid, seeing the person of your dreams riding with a hunned thou inna 2021 wraith with a million in tha safe in your Newport “Beach House,” but mentally you all fucked up.

Freedom is using your power to consciously silence your inner demons of anger, sorrow, doubt, fear, shame and hatred.

Freedom is living everyday with Peace, Love, Happiness and Gratitude at the top of my mind. Freedom is the feeling I got when I forgave my mother. It’s tha feeling I get when I express gratitude and appreciation to my loved ones for the love they give me. Freedom is letting Love, Peace, Joy, Happiness and Positivity vibrate through me and all around me. Freedom is

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being available to help others discover their inner power to silence their inner demons and release their own power of true freedom. Freedom is unleashing your power to forgive, power to love, power to create and power to heal. If each of us was to begin our inner journey to freedom, the external or physical freedoms we all want would then come to fruition, such as having healthy & respectful relationships with our neighbors and within our community. Not having to look out for Law enforcement agencies thru every mirror and window while driving. All the street gangs in Amerika uniting and ending all wars against each other. Turning jails and prisons into true mental health rehabilitation centers to help heal mental well-being of those in need. All our bills being paid. All our refrigerators and pantries full of tasty food. All of life’s necessities available to all and not just tha rich.

Some of these ideas of freedom mentioned are literally unimaginable to most people in Amerika and throughout the world. Life for many is filled with so much trauma, suffering and negative emotions that many kannot even imagine a life with the freedoms just mentioned. I don’t believe every human will achieve freedom; changing our physical situations will not bring us true freedom. It will help, but until we overcome the biggest threat, the internal demons that constantly kill us off individually daily, we have no chance at turning this Hell in

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North America to a Heaven. Our external living conditions are all programmed towards capturing our minds. Yes, the physical incarceration is an abomination but it is a small percentage compared to all those free who everyday vibrate negative frequencies out in the Universe. Our minds are controlled by external realities. When we are able to silence the distractions and open our true powers of love, creation, healing and understanding you will get to look at true freedom. I am mentally free.

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JUSTIN “KING” PAYNE 71

I’m Goin

Justin “King” Payne I’m goin’ back, I’m goin’ forward.

I’m gone continue livin & lovin life.

Nothings gone stop me.

I’m goin’ back to go forward, And learn more from life’s mistakes.

To see thru the black sludge of lies, And power thru with truth.

The deception, written in loves blood, Drippin’ from a smiling snarl.

As the ol’ folks say, “I’m goin’ thru . . .”

Thru major shit if you only knew. I’m locked In a box full of invisible things -- 18 hours in a Cage. I’m goin’ from two men in a Bathroom -- can’t shit in peace, to all the peace I Need to shit freely. I’m goin’ from locked in a box To Gone With the Wind.

The box that held me captive, Scattered like chaff in that very wind.

Never to be remembered, never to be forgotten.

Goin’ here, goin’ there, goin’

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Er’where. To see the dismantling of our oppressive systems.

To watch bricks fall, like leaves on a dyin’ tree.

My people no longer Strange Fruit, Hanging. . . . suspended in time.

Lives at a stand-still.

I’m goin’ to peace, joy, love & laughter. I’m Goin’ away from misery, fear, depression & anger.

Right now I’m going’ thru, But ultimately, I’m goin’ HOME.

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Black, Beautiful, Bold, Dignified and Free.

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Shall not fail, Will not fail.

What really does freedom look like?

Know Your Place, Take Your Place.

Will take verbal abuse for food.

Facade of Freedom for every man.

In a box fulla Invisible Things.

What’s the value of my color?

Freedom: The voluntary lie of Amerikkka!

Freedom really ain’t free no more!

Are you fighting for EVERYONE’S Freedom?

Welcome to being Black in Amerikkka!

Never to be remembered, nor Forgotten.

Affirmations in me disturb your defamations

-Justin “King” Payne

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Welcome to Being Black in Amerikkka Justin “King” Payne

I’m stuck in a land that lose us in jail cells. Death sentence for drivin’ while Black. No medical, dead on arrival -- Say her name. Sandra Bland.

A place that got my people in a choke hold physically, mentally, financially. I can’t breathe. Eric Gardner.

When I got out the hood and live good, I got blown down.

Skittles, Arizona Tea, and a hoodie. My life stolen.

Trevon Martin. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong skin color.

See even when I do right n work my ass off I’m still a bullet cushin. For my daughter no mo’ strolla pushin. No mo laughs n giggles wit my daughter cause right in front of her I was slaughtered. But white cops don’t go to jail. I’m just another dead nigga. Philando Castile Mentally unstable and clearly unable to grasp the reality of life.

I turned around, and you gunned me down. Aimed at the target on my back, 16 shots rang out. How many bullets it take to stop

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a man walkin away from you. Take a minute to peep da scene.

It’s what Amerikkka is all about. Red, white, and blue lights dance over the lifeless Black body as the police empty the clip.

I’m walkin away, don’t shoot. Laquan McDonald.

They protested by kneeling for the national anthem. So to spit in Black America’s face, you kneeled on my neck for 9 minutes, 29 seconds . . . 9 minutes . . . 29 seconds. The penance for a fake $20: Death. You beat & brutalized me inside a police car before your final act. For 9 minutes, 29 seconds people pleaded for you to not kill me, to help me, to get me help . . . But for 9 minutes, 29 seconds, you publicly lynched me, a slow agonizing death.

I suffered for 9 minutes, 29 seconds. My last words: “Please, I can’t breathe . . . Everything hurts.” George Floyd.

I served my Country with honor & distinction, only to be thrown to the wayside: used & forgotten. With a fragile mental state, I was left to cope with being stateside on my own. Who knew sacrificing for my Country would mean being murdered by the very ones I fought to protect . . . PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome or Police Triggers Sentence Death. Angelo Quinto I was only protecting myself cause see, to be Black in

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Amerikkka is to be forced to learn how to protect yoself & stay alive in a Country that again & again fails to protect us. The moment you arrived, you gunned me down. My back towards you, my face to the true assailants, you stole my life. Only 16 years old . . . you stole my entire life from me. I was only protecting myself . . . you were supposed to help me.

Ma’Khia Bryant I wish I was seen for who I was, but in Amerikka, I was only seen as a nigger running from a crime. I was yanked out my body, murdered, thrown deeper in a class of unprotected people. I felt the whiplash of living in a country where people white people - are suspicious of my Blackness. A lynching party was deployed to kill an innocent me. I was killed for jogging thru my own neighborhood. Ahmaud Arbrey Asleep on my couch, my door exploded in. I never even had the chance to react. You were intruders: vile, vicious & malignant.

Allegedly there for my boyfriend, with guns blazing, he was protecting home . . . protecting me. But you did it anyway . . .

Pop-pop, there’s my life. Gone. Breonna Taylor I was only 13, a kid: lost, stolen, confused. A product of my environment . . . I mean “What else did you teach me?” What do

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you do when confronted with a 90 pound, 13 year old running away from you? What do you do when he turns around with his hands raised? Obviously in Amerikkka, you shoot him in the chest. You stole my life. I was only 13. Did you consider I’m misguided. Adam Toledo

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The Yearning Justin “King” Payne

There’s somethin missin in my life. Every wakin moment I think of it. I replay memories of us over and over again in my head.

Us speedin down interstate 10, weavin thru traffic, only to be seen as a black and yellow blur. The warm winter nights out on the balcony watchin the magnificence of God as He wraps the South in its night blanket. The shimmer of the water, the sky changin hues of red and pink over the lake until darkness covers and the stars peek out.

I know I’ve mistreated you and took you for granted, never apologizing and still too ashamed to do it now. In my sleep, you rush to me, enveloping me in a powerful embrace. But soon as I wake, you’re gone. I’m haunted by the memories of what was and what could have been. The small things in life that we tend not to remember are burst shots in the theater of my mind: pumpin gas, grocery store runs, payin bills, goin to work - hearin the joy of children laughing.

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Oftentimes I wonder if the things of old will ever be anew. Do you smell the same, will your caress of my head be just as I remember? Our most painful memory haunts me as well: your grip, your pull, your fight for me as I was stripped away from you. Now I only see your face thru a glass, pain filled eyes over a rushing waterfall. Hast thou forsaken me? While you’re so close, so close, I can see you, but to reach out. . . .

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Where I’m Going Derrick D. Smith

I am going back to my roots, Back to the dirty South.

Good Southern living, with family reunions and big cookouts.

I am going to create a place where I can see my grandchildren grow.

Where all my family and friends can always come together.

I am going to travel from the Atlantic coast, Southern states to the Pacific coast.

I am going to every state where I have family and friends that I haven’t seen in many years.

I am going to be free.

I am going to get back to my son.

Get all my children together, young and old.

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We are going to Disney World.

I am going to build a Bonanza, raising livestock and farming, growing all kinds of food.

I am going to do my best to help all my people by creating jobs and homes.

My oldest son once told me that I was a living legend.

I am going to make it true by leaving all my descendants something I never had, A family home on a peace of real estate that will stay in my family for generations to come.

An Empire.

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My faith alone sets me free.

-Derrick D. Smith 86

I read, I write, I’m free.

Eyes open, the understanding I share.

Lost everything to learn about freedom.

Locked up, but asleep, I’m free.

My weakness has set me free.

Loyalty is the sons of power.

-Derrick D. Smith

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Freedom Derrick D. Smith

Ridin’ High, on the highway.

I just got off work, Friday afternoon.

I am making it to the crib, My bags already packed, I say I am going home.

But am I? I don’t know Because when I get there in a week I’ll be saying the same thing.

I am going home, When I am Free.

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A. ZAMORA

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What’s Freedom A. Zamora

What’s Freedom?

They give us guns & tell us we don’t need ‘em cuz its whites in blue killing blacks & browns got us dropping like leaves in the winter Season What’s Freedom?

Let’s lead ‘em to a new life where the sun’s bright where we’re here for the youth if they need us What’s Freedom?

Do you see ‘em all shackled up in DOC’s like the State about to breed ‘em What’s Freedom?

When you gone a while but you still smile makes it hard for them to read ‘em What’s Freedom?

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IRELL DICKENS 91

Where I’m Going Irell Dickens

I am going beyond my thoughts and ideas I am going to a place I didn’t know exists, To explore and travel.

Seeing things that were invisible to the eye.

I am going in a new direction, A new path and route to discover a new road.

I am going forward and never backwards.

I am going to utilize my knowledge and wisdom.

I would like to see the senseless violence end, And people and communities come together In unity. To help one another.

I want my legacy to be my children Carrying on a business or empire I started to enhance I started to advance For my family, especially for our future So they wouldn’t have to depend on no one But themselves.

I’m going through it, But I’m going to get over it.

I’m going to keep going Till I can’t go no more.

In due time, I’m going home.

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Freedom in My Car Irell Dickens

Being able to be free mentally despite our circumstances is a blessing because never can they have our brain. Body yeah, but not our minds, not our integrity. Sometimes I wake up and I am still in here, whereas in my dream, everything was perfect to the point I wish my dreams were my reality and my reality can be a bad nightmare that’s there for a split second. I’m free when I write as well because that puts me in a peaceful place because it brings and places me in a whole nother world. Paradise I would say.

I always felt free driving my car which was a Pontiac Grand Prix Supercharger, all black with tinted windows. Listening to music, smoking, cruising around doing what I want, going where I want, peeping out the scenery as I drive past people, stores, criminal activity, drug activity, kids playing, violence. Really getting a chance to feel the breeze with my window cracked so my car won’t be smoked out. Getting pulled over is not an option, especially since I’m bogus, even with license, registration, and car insurance.

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When I listen to music it calms me, soothes me, and takes my mind away. It also gives me peace of mind, freedom. The ordeal I’m in now, when I’m angry or frustrated, I close my eyes and think of the past because my best memories are from the past. To this day, I’m incarcerated, but I’m still free. Even though it could be worse, God forbid, it’s getting better. Freedom is something I’ll never let go and will always be my aim and goal.

I realize that freedom is the best gift you can have, along with living.

Freedom is a blessing.

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The ride makes me feel good The family is my only priority Money is music to my ears I never saw time stuck before The last is always never first If I had one wish--Freedom I never lose. Win or learn.

All my struggles strengthen my beliefs My family is my entire heart Wised up when I grew up Love and loyalty makes us family Always get up; Never give up

-Irell Dickens

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The cheapest thing in life--Love

-Irell Dickens

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