A Message: Life As We Know It

Everardo Garnica

“Until the lion writes his own story, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.”

The Soy Autor writing process was developed in collaboration with young affected by violence in El Salvador. In 2017, this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated.Through the process of drafting, revising, illustrating and publishing memoirs, the Authors’ Circle participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie, and positive self-projection to create new life narratives.

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A Message: Life As We Know It Everardo Garnica

In the Beginning…

We are born as infants, preparing ourselves for Infinity. With a powerful start, we are curious, about all things. We’re eager to learn and explore this adventure called “Life.” Life has its ups and its downs, it’s a never ending quest.But as life goes on, we connnue to find the answers to our quessons.

Thus we look forward to growth and embracing our future endeavors. With that, we shall not stress over where the light may lead us, but rather, we beeer ourselves in any and all scenarios of which this promising life throws at us. I am ssll learning and I am in process…

It was May 25th, 2015, the release date of my imprisonment from Centralia Correccons. The days leading up to that moment, I was really excited. I told myself I would never come back because I have a family that loves me and wants me to do right.

I couldn’t wait to get out and move forward with my life. My kids and my girl were waiing for me to arrive as I touched down. I was gone for 10 months, not a long me, but long enough to realize what I have in the outside world.

I had taken the train to Union Staaon in downtown Chicago. I gave my dad the heads up to pick me up in front of Union Staaon at 9am. I waited out front, but I didn’t see him, so I called him on a payphone. Luckily, I had money to make that call.

I lee the joint with about 20 dollars and some change. As I called his phone it went straight to voicemail. Now I was geeng nervous. How will I get home? I connnued calling him, but to no avail. About 30 minutes later, I saw him inside Union Staaon.

He was with my girl, Angel. I was very happy, but acted shy. It felt good hugging the mother of my kids. When my dad hugged me, he looked with a smile and said, “Man you look big.” I looked at him and smiled from ear to ear and said, “Yeah, I’ve been working out my whole bid.”

Then I focused back on the mother of my children, her facial expression was full of happiness and joy.

I could tell that she was nervous when she saw me. We were both beaming. I was on top of the world. I was reunited with my family. AAer all the hugs we started to look for my father’s car, it took us an hour to ďŹ nd it.

So many things were on our minds.

We found the car. I immediately suggested we find something to eat.

“Man, I’m red of all that gas staaons food from the joint. I want some real food.”

We ended up somewhere west of Chicago where we found a cheese burger joint. We spent half an hour eaang then I told my dad I received one year of parole and two months of house arrest and I had to go to a halfway house. We lee to find the place.

I went to go ring the doorbell and the manager answered the door. He seemed like a real cool guy. He explained the rules of being in a halfway house, then my Dad and girl lee. I went to the manager to sign some paperwork to register then he started to tell me a liile bit about his life, like being in the slammer for a quarter century. There were so many things to learn and I was open.

The next day I went to the corner store with the manager. I remember buying four loose squares, 2 honey buns and 2 strawberry Arizona’s and a gallon of O.J.

Walking back there were many people staring at me on the street and in cars passing by. I didn’t feel safe. My manager nooced that too. So, once we got to the halfway house he told me to not go outside.

“Tell me or the other guys to go for you.”

I was sscking out like a sore thumb. A Laano male in a African American “hood” with a big cross taaooed on his face. I was a bit concerned.

Luckily, my parole oďŹƒcer came the next day and so did my dad and my girl. We had a meeeng so I could relocate with my father at his place. My P.O. agreed it was too dangerous for me at the halfway house. In just two days, I lee the halfway house to be closer to my kids and my girl.

I stayed with my dad for two months while on house arrest. I was also placed on electronic monitoring during this me, but I was grateful for it all because staying with my dad allowed me to see my kids all the me. Angel lived near, with her mother and our children.

I was finally seeing my kids! I could do nothing but smile, hug them and squeeze them. Seeing all my kids for the first me in 10 months gave me complete joy. It was an amazing feeling, but to see our baby that was only 3 months old, that was unbelievable. I wasn’t there during the birth. I needed to make up me.

During the two months of house arrest, Angel and I had our days.

Whenever she got mad or angry with me, she would talk down to me about being locked up. She would say unimaginable things about my me in the joint. I knew my me being away hurt her too, so I never allowed her darts to get to me.

Soon, I was off house arrest and I moved back with my girl and the kids. I had the same rouune every day; waking up every morning, geeng the hair grease, rubber bands, hair barreees and the flat iron. Angel and I would get the kids ready for school. I was always the one taking the kids to school. It was walking distance, it was never a problem. I would always pick them up as well. I was dedicated.

Angel made it easy though, especially with her cooking. She is an awesome cook. Her fried chicken, buuery mashed potatoes, or mac and cheese made me happy. I was delighted when she cooked. I was happy with how she fed me and our children.

Everything was going well. When my P.O. visited me he said, “You need to complete drug treatment, anger management and take rouune drops. Stay focused and stay out of trouble.”

I gave him my word.

Though as tension increased between me and Angel, temptaaon got the best of me. I hadn’t gooen high in like 13 months and I slipped, looking for a way to relax. It happened, no blunts, no cigareee paper, just me alone, in the bathroom, weed and a glass pipe. I took two hits. I was nervous and excited at the same me. I slowly started to feel the effects of it. Next thing I knew I was high off my mind.

I had a regreeul feeling about it, but that flew out of the window. Now, I had a smile glued on my face. Crazy thoughts were running through my mind My thoughts went from my me in the joint, spending me with my family and other stuff that I couldn’t even explain.

My mind was just racing and had no finish line. AAer that day I started to smoke around twice a week, but the next month it increased. I wanted to smoke damn near everyday.

Things became more difficult between me and Angel.

She began to leave at six in the evening and didn’t return home unnl midnight. I was like, “WTF!” She wasn’t working during that me. I didn’t know what was going on. I was home with the kids.

AAer 9 months I realized I had to face the human struggles of being a father to my kids and keeping up with a dysfuncconal relaaonship with Angel. Things went down the wrong road real fast.

I couldn’t take the way she mistreated me.

Did she forget about me?

I have a heart too.

Why is this distance coming between us?

The night I waited up for her, she never came. I know she was frustrated about my prison me, but it can’t be too late to say I was wrong.

From homies to best friends, we formed an unbreakable bond. It was hard to walk away from each other. In the past when we said our goodnights, it only made us anncipate being together the next me.

Even though she came with a package, I accepted her child as a gii to me.

Then we had a child of our own. Now she had a friend to play with. In me our family got bigger to where God blessed us with a total of 5 kids.

As my frustraaons and distance with Angel increased, I made more mistakes. My mind was crossing into the unknown, into the abyss. Then the worst happened. I got locked up. I was only out for 10 months. Now I’m fighhng the case of my life.

I’ve been leeng people down for a long me. Many of my family and friends have gooen hurt because I was too weak or to afraid and when it was my turn to deliver I’d just stand there like a liile helpless child. If only I was stronger and if I don’t do anything now I’m going to lose them all, but I know, deep down in my heart I will come out of this.

I’m man enough to admit I was wrong on so many levels by not giving Angel what she needed, but my heart was shaaered too. Now all I have is

me to consider my choices. I’ve been in Cook County Jail for over a year now. The pain of me returning back felt so bad inside.

Telling myself, “No not again!”

“How did this happen?”

“No!”

I even thought about killing myself. I wanted to end all the pain inside. I was hanging on for dear life. I was in the belly of the beast.

I was in a dark place.

I slowly had to nourish my light, strengthen my soul and follow my heart. But even I can beat the inevitable.

God got me. I have a good judge and a good public defender. I hope everything in the future turns out well for me.

Now, I am improving myself. All I do is study, workout and eat. I am having a hard me, but I am learning to stay strong.

I want to dedicate this book to the Greatest happiness of my life, My Kids. I love you with all my heart and with all my soul. Since the day of your birth, you maaer the most to me for you are my beloved treasures. For the day that I ďŹ rst laid eyes on you, you brought tears to my eyes. For you are greatly and wonderfully made, and it is my desire to lavish my love on you, simply because you are my children and I am your father.

I love you with an everlassng love, and I will never stop doing good for you. I want to show you great and marvelous things. I have carried you close to my heart since the day you were born. You mean the ennre world to me and I will always stay close to you. But even in my absence I will be gone at this point of your lives. I will return soon, I am sorry I lee. I may be distant, but my thoughts towards you are countless as the sand on the seashores. JayLa, Heaven, Everardo, Ja’Marco and Jeremiah can you ever forgive me?

Here is my quesson to you dear reader, will you fall or will you rise?

In a world like this, anything goes.

Good luck to you.

You are gonna need it.

God be with you!

I am from Love and dedication.

I am from steak tortas and rib tips.

I am from Chi-heights from Corner stores And coming out at night to see who is the toughest.

I am from the tree of knowledge from the branches of Good and Evil.

I am from Cookouts and family movie nights.

I’m from carnitas and hot tamales.

I am from Maricela and Jose Garnica.

I’m from October 5,1990.

I am a Libra for my scales like to lean back and forth.

From having a good heart and being a fun, crazy dad.

I’m from Kingdom Halls to Christianity To a loyal, humble servant of God. I’m from America and Mayan Warriors.