Previously written by David Walliams: the boy in the dress mr stink billionaire boy gangsta granny ratburger demon dentist awful auntie grandpa’s great escape the midnight gang bad dad the ice monster the beast of buckingham palace code name bananas fing slime megamonster
Illustrated in glorious colour:
the world’s worst children the world’s worst children 2 the world’s worst children 3 the world’s worst teachers the world’s worst parents
Also available in picture book: the slightly annoying elephant the first hippo on the moon the queen’s orang-utan the bear who went boo! there’s a snake in my school! boogie bear geronimo the creature choir little monsters
Illustrated by Tony Ross
First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2021 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk HarperCollinsPublishers 1st Floor, Watermarque Building, Ringsend Road Dublin 4, Ireland 1 Text copyright © David Walliams 2021 Illustrations copyright © Tony Ross 2021 Cover illustrations copyright © Tony Ross 2021 Cover lettering of author’s name © Quentin Blake 2010 Cover design copyright © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2021 All rights reserved HB ISBN 978-0-00-826220-4 TPB ISBN 978-0-00-853025-9 PB ISBN 978-0-00-853022-8 David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work respectively. This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library. Printed and bound in the UK using 100% renewable electricity at CPI Group (UK) Ltd Conditions of Sale This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form, binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
This book is produced from independently certified FSC™ paper to ensure responsible forest management. For more information visit: www.harpercollins.co.uk/green
For my wonderful mum, who is also a Gangsta Granny
THA NK-YOUS MASTERS OF DISGUISE:
ANN-JANINE MURTAGH
CHARLIE REDMAYNE
My Executive Publisher
CEO
TONY ROSS
PAUL STEVENS
My Illustrator
My Literary Agent
HARRIET WILSON
KATE BURNS
My Editor
Art Editor
SAMANTHA STEWART
VAL BRATHWAITE
Publishing Manager
Creative Director
ELORINE GRANT
KATE CLARKE
MATTHEW KELLY
Art Director
Art Director
Art Director
SALLY GRIFFIN
GERALDINE STROUD
TANYA HOUGHAM
Designer
My PR Director
Audio Producer
It has been a year since Ben lost his beloved Gangsta Granny, but the legend of The Black Cat lives on!
MEET THE
CHARACTERS
IN THE STORY
MUM By day, Linda works at a nail salon. By night, she is a ballroom-dancing superfan. Her favourite TV show ever is Strictly Stars Dancing. There is one professional dancer she loves above all the rest. His name is Flavio Flavioli and the family home has become a shrine to him. Linda is desperate for her only child, Ben, to forget his plumbing dream and become a ballroom champion just like Flavio.
DAD
BEN Our hero is an ordinary twelve-year-old boy, who has had the most extraordinary adventure. With the help of his granny, in her guise as The Black Cat, he very nearly stole the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London. However, his days as an international jewel thief are over. Ben is now focusing on his big dream: to become a plumber.
Dad works as a security guard at the local supermarket. Pete is not a fast runner – in the past ten years he has only caught one shoplifter, and that was an old man on a Zimmer frame who was escaping with tubs of margarine – but he too loves ballroom dancing. He caught the ballroom bug from his wife, and now the couple rehearse routines all over the house.
RAJ Raj is the most loved store owner in town. He runs the famously messy Raj’s News, but everyone stops by to enjoy his crazy deals and out-of-date sweets. Raj has always been a good friend to Ben – they became closer when Ben lost his granny, and Raj is always there to cheer the boy up with a silly joke or some free chocolate.
MR PARKER Mr Parker is a nosy neighbour. He is a retired major and now runs the local Neighbourhood Watch group, Lower Toddle branch. It is a collection of oldies who have joined forces to keep an eye out for burglars, but Mr Parker uses it as an excuse to spy on everyone. One person he has got his eye on particularly is Ben. The nosy neighbour had been convinced the boy and his granny had stolen the Crown Jewels, but nobody had believed him. Now Mr Parker is out for revenge!
FLAVIO FLAVIOLI Flavio is the heart-throb of the wildly popular TV show Strictly Stars Dancing. The Italian king of the dance floor has a deep-mahogany spray tan, shiny slicked-back hair and the most dazzlingly white teeth you ever did see. He wears brightly coloured all-in-one dance outfits, and so he looks like a boiled sweet in a wrapper.
EDNA Ben met Edna at Granny’s funeral. She is Granny’s cousin. Edna took a shine to Ben, and over the past year they have become friends. The boy pops round every Sunday to Edna’s old folk’s home for tea and cake, a game of Scrabble and a natter about the olden days.
THE LIBRARIAN
THE QUEEN
This lady has worked at the library all her life. She is suspicious about Ben, and whenever he visits the library she has her beady eyes on him.
The Queen needs no introduction. She met Ben and his granny the night they tried to steal HER Crown Jewels from the Tower of London. The Queen was so touched by their special bond that she pardoned the pair on the spot.
BUTLER THE BUTLER
MILLICENT
Mr Butler is the conveniently named butler at Buckingham Palace. Impossibly old, he has loyally served the Queen ever since she was a little girl.
Granny left her mobility scooter to Ben in her will, as she knew he loved it so much. Now he keeps it in the garage.
PC FUDGE Ben and Granny met PC Fudge on the way to steal the Crown Jewels. The policeman stopped them when Granny drove her mobility scooter on the motorway. They managed to fool him, and he ended up giving them a lift to the Tower of London!
THE BLACK CAT
F
A MAP O
Wembley Stadium
The Library
Edna’s Old Folk’s Home R aj’s News
London Zoo
The Park
Hig The
D O N N O L
Ben’s House
R egent’s Park h
Str
eet
The British Museum St Paul’s Cathedral
Hyde Park
M adame Tussauds
Buckingham Palace
Tower Bridge
Westminster Bridge Hammersmith Bridge The Royal Albert Hall
K ew Bridge
Houses of Parliament Vauxhall Bridge
The R iver Thames
K ew
Tower of London
Putney Bridge Chiswick Bridge
SCENES OF THE CRIMES
he
T
Ri
ve
Th r
am
es
PART ONE
RETURN OF THE
CAT
1 A
B E A U T I
F U
A Beautiful Bouquet of B O U Q U E
Cabbages
OF
L
T
C A B B A G E S
“ Cabbages?” came a voice from behind Ben.
The boy was standing by his granny’s headstone in
the churchyard. It had been a year since her passing, and Ben was placing a beautiful bouquet of cabbages there as a tribute. Ben turned round. It was a familiar face. Edna, a cousin of Granny’s. He’d met her at the funeral last Christmas time and they had struck up something of a friendship. Now, once a week, Ben popped round to her old folk’s home to have a chat, often about Granny, and to help with any plumbing problems, which made him super popular with everyone there. 25
Thick glasses that make her eyes go all googly
A Beautiful Bouquet of Cabbages
Mop of grey hair Hearing aid that whistles so loudly it makes everyone around her become deaf
Kindly face
The old lady was holding a single red rose and wearing a sad smile. “Oh! You see, dear, I come here once a week to lay a rose on my late husband’s resting place. Why do you
False teeth Pink cardigan
Used tissue ucked up sleeve
Floral-print dress
Bag of boiled sweets in handbag
Odour of Lavender foot cream
have a bouquet of cabbages?” “For Granny. She loved them so much.” Edna looked wistful. “Oh yes. I do remember the sound they made whenever she came over for tea.” “Cabbages don’t talk!” “No. I mean the sound of your granny’s bottom whoopsies after she’d eaten one. Like…” “A duck quacking!” exclaimed Ben.
Tan tights
“I couldn’t have put it better, dear!”
“QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!”
he
mimicked, trundling along the path, letting out a little
Shopper even when not going shopping
Sensible shoes
quack with each step. The pair burst out laughing. “HA! HA!”
Edna was your textbook old lady. “Oh, hello, Edna,” replied Ben. “What are you
A tear traced a path down his cheek. Ben wasn’t sure if it was a happy tear or a sad tear. Most likely it was a bit of both. Granny’s passing had hit Ben the hardest.
doing here?” 26
27
Gangsta Granny Strikes Again!
A Beautiful Bouquet of Cabbages
Despite the age gap, they were closer than anyone in the
I imagine, at what a kind young man you are growing
family. When she died, Ben felt as if the world would
up to be – looking after me and my plumbing so well.”
stop turning. But it didn’t. It just carried on as normal.
“Granny was a very special lady. She wasn’t your
Ben had everyday things to do, like:
average grandma. She was my…” Ben hesitated. He was about to say
brush his teeth…
Granny”!
go to school… take a bath…
“Your what, dear?” asked Edna.
do his homework… and read PLUMBING WEEKLY. But he always felt the loss. With Granny gone, it was as if a part of him were missing. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” he said, sniffing. Edna pulled her used tissue from her sleeve and dabbed Ben’s face with it. “Because you loved her. Feeling sad is the price you pay for love. And, ooh goodness me, you were the apple of her eye! She
adored you, Ben. Never
stopped talking about you!” The boy gazed up to the sky. “Is Granny looking down on us now?” “I’m sure she is,” replied Edna. “With great pride, 28
“Gangsta
A Beautiful Bouquet of Cabbages
Gangsta Granny Strikes Again!
“Nothing,” muttered Ben. He needed to keep
“MIAOW!”
Granny’s secrets secret. Even from her best friend,
Ben doubled back to stroke the cat, but as quickly
Edna. No one else knew about Granny’s double life as
as it had appeared it disappeared. It leaped up on to the
an international jewel thief, going under the name of
stone wall that circled the graveyard.
The Black Cat. Well, no one else other than Her
Majesty the Queen, who discovered them trying to steal her
Crown Jewels that fateful night at the
Tower of London.
“You were about to tell me something, dear…” “Maybe one day,” replied Ben. “I’ll pop round and see you on Sunday, normal time.” “I’ll get the
Scrabble
out! And don’t forget the
Murray Mints!” “I won’t!” As Ben walked out of the graveyard, Edna smiled and waved goodbye. Then she laid the single red rose down on her late husband’s grave. At that moment, Ben spotted a black
cat
slinking out from behind Granny’s headstone. It moved like a panther. The cat turned, looked straight at the boy and miaowed. 30
Then with one more spring
the creature
was gone.