Extract from The Fowl Twins by Eoin Colfer (and starring Artemis Fowl!)

video had been shot in Artemis’s own office before take-off, so the picture was of the highest quality, though distorted somewhat by the curved wall.

Artemis was no longer a child prodigy, having put his teen years behind him. He was now a young genius destined to change not just Earth but other worlds too. He was sitting in his beloved Eames office chair 215 wearing a lab coat buttoned up to his throat. As usual, his brow was knotted in a frown as he wrestled with some puzzle or other. In one of his rare interviews,09/04/2019 1ST_9780008321410_FOWLTWINS.indd 215 Artemis had revealed to Time magazine, in his Man of the Year piece, that through meditation he had succeeded in harnessing his subconscious so that he could more efficiently work on projects while he slept, which, as the interviewer pointed out, subverted the entire point of meditation.

But, on-screen, Artemis’s frown lines softened and he revealed a side of himself reserved for a very select few. His expression could almost be described as fond.

‘Myles and Beckett,’ he said. ‘My brothers.’

The twins responded as though they were part of a conversation.

‘Greetings from Earth, Dr Fowl,’ said Myles, using Artemis’s title, which had been earned three times over – at Trinity, UCLA and, more recently, MIT, for astrophysics.

‘Hey, Arty,’ said Beckett, ever more casual than either of his brothers. In fact, he was the only one to refer to their parents as Mum and Dad, as opposed to Artemis’s 216

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over – at Trinity, UCLA and, more recently, MIT, for astrophysics.

‘Hey, Arty,’ said Beckett, ever more casual than either of his brothers. In fact, he was the only one to refer to their parents as Mum and Dad, as opposed to Artemis’s Mother and Father and Myles’s occasional Latin versions, Mater and Pater.

216 Artemis’s smile widened as though he had heard the greetings; in reality, he had probably just anticipated them.

‘This erstwhile hidden video has been unlocked 1ST_9780008321410_FOWLTWINS.indd 216 09/04/2019 because NANNI’s facial-recognition software has scanned the features of a fairy,’ explained the eldest Fowl brother. ‘Not a representation, but an actual fairy, which means that you have made contact with one of the People. In this case, a –’ the video paused for a split second and NANNI inserted a scan of Lazuli’s head – ‘pixel,’ continued Artemis. ‘How marvellous. I myself have never met a pixel.’

‘Her name is Lazuli, Arty,’ said Beckett. ‘Like the precious stone.’

‘Semiprecious,’ said Myles, for the sake of accuracy.

‘I could talk for hours about fairies and their magics,’ said Artemis. ‘But in the interest of possible urgency, I will curtail my lecture . . .’

‘That’s a relief,’ muttered Myles to Beckett. ‘You know how Artemis can jabber on.’

Even Lazuli, who had only properly met Myles Fowl some hours previously, knew irony when she heard it, even in a foreign language.

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‘That’s a relief,’ muttered Myles to Beckett. ‘You know how Artemis can jabber on.’

Even Lazuli, who had only properly met Myles Fowl some hours previously, knew irony when she heard it, even in a foreign language.

‘All I will tell you now is what you absolutely need to know,’ continued Artemis. ‘And you need to know 217 that those stories I told you about the Fairy People are true. Every word. It is imperative that you trust the fairy folk. The Fowls have long been friends to 1ST_9780008321410_FOWLTWINS.indd 217 09/04/2019 the People.’ Artemis clasped his hands together in imitation of a handshake. ‘Fowl and fairy, friends forever.’

‘Also, sharing is caring,’ said Beckett.

‘So, if a fairy needs assistance, it is your duty to provide it.’

‘We’re already doing that, Artemis,’ said Myles. Then: ‘Honestly, if this is the short version—’ ‘Also, it is vital that you are aware of another fact,’ said Artemis. ‘Some years ago, you were both possessed by the ghosts of dead fairies, so it is possible that a remnant of magic lingers in your systems. This magic could theoretically manifest itself in any number of ways.’

Beckett froze as if he’d been fossilised, his eyes wide.

‘Did Artemis just say we’re superheroes?’ he breathed after a stunned moment.

‘It could be nothing,’ said Artemis. ‘And you’re certainly not any kind of superheroes, but if anything 218

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Beckett froze as if he’d been fossilised, his eyes wide.

‘Did Artemis just say we’re superheroes?’ he breathed after a stunned moment.

‘It could be nothing,’ said Artemis. ‘And you’re certainly not any kind of superheroes, but if anything strange happens keep an account of it, and then try to re-create the manifestation under laboratory 218 conditions.’

Beckett decided that the only word he would take from that sentence would be superheroes.

1ST_9780008321410_FOWLTWINS.indd 218 09/04/2019 ‘I knew it!’ he said. ‘We’re superheroes. And we already have a team name: the Regrettables.’

‘Your plan of action,’ continued Artemis, ‘should be to get the fairy and yourselves somewhere safe, and then study the rest of the videos in this unlocked folder at your leisure, as the information contained therein will doubtless save your lives.’

‘Therein?’’ Myles said with a snort. ‘Where are we?

Medieval England?’

On-screen, a blocky shadow grew an arm and beckoned. And Lazuli saw that what she had assumed to be an enormous cabinet was actually an enormous human.

That must be the famous Butler, she realised. The human who could best a troll. A regular-size troll.

‘Coming, Butler,’ said Artemis, then he leaned in close to the camera so his pale face filled the screen.

‘The Red Planet beckons, brothers,’ he said. ‘I must be away. Take care of yourselves and your new friend.

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human who could best a troll. A regular-size troll.

‘Coming, Butler,’ said Artemis, then he leaned in close to the camera so his pale face filled the screen.

‘The Red Planet beckons, brothers,’ he said. ‘I must be away. Take care of yourselves and your new friend.

And get a message to me as soon as you can, because I do worry.’

219 Myles rolled his eyes. ‘Artemis is so emotional.’

‘If history has taught us anything,’ said Artemis, ‘it is that Earth always needs saving, and it is usually 1ST_9780008321410_FOWLTWINS.indd 219 09/04/2019 a Fowl who saves it. This might very well be your turn.’

‘We can do it, Arty,’ said Beckett. ‘The Regrettables save the day.’

‘I know you can do it,’ concluded Artemis. ‘Goodbye and good luck.’

‘Goodbye, Doctor,’ said Myles. ‘And good luck to you.’

The video disappeared, leaving just the Fowl OX system logo on the windscreen.

‘Well,’ said Myles brightly, ‘that was long-winded.

But Artemis was correct in that our first order of business is to get somewhere safe.’

‘No,’ said Lazuli, pulling the troll from inside her green tunic. ‘First we need to release this poor troll.’

‘About that,’ said Myles. ‘When we do release the troll, how calm is he likely to be?’

‘Calm?’ said Lazuli. ‘Trolls are not known for their calm, but we might be able to restrain him, between 220

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